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the-knife-consumer · 10 months

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"Yona was just added bc Nintendo wants people to stop shipping sidlink!" Literally what the hell are you talking about

#yes nintendo is homophobic. no they do not give a singular shit about what their fanbase does??? what are you talking abouuuutttt #they literally dont care what people do as long as they get money??? like what #listen im upset abt yona having so many unanswered questions. mainly she came from another zora's domain #meaning she came from outside of hyrule. so that leads to a lot of questions.#but howww do you come to the conclusion that she was just added as a 'no homo' indicator #dont even get me started on the people genuinely unironically calling this queerbaiting. what are you onnnnnnn #'and oh but sidon said he used to see her as a sister! so its gross and wrong!' sidon literally thought out loud to links face abt how #had things been different and link had gotten married to mipha he would be his BROTHER IN LAW. SAID THAT OUT LOUD TO HIS FACE. so shh #imo. yona was added for one 'ohh wow exciting new character look at this' and two. as a way for sidon's trauma to be acknowledged #bc it was veeery briefely shown in botw. for like. a singular second if you snuck up on him at mipha's statue #but yona's defining scene in totk was her forcing sidon to confront that he wasn't being himself because of that trauma. and that #he needed to let go of the fear around it. if only temporary. because his people needed him.#so tbh?? sheis very important to the plot. she new mipha. admired her. knows why sidon still struggles with this and #how difficult and frightening everything becomes when he views the world through the lens of 'what if i lose someone again'#like. they added yona for his struggles to be spelled out to the audience even further #so to just boil her down to 'ewww woman gets in the way of my gaybies 😡😡😡'. hello. did you play the game.#do you even know who these characters are. quick gimme ten facts about sidons character that you didnt make up for shipping purposes.pronto

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yaoianime · 1 month

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Soon im rly gonna do it

#🕸️#sui mention #< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are #like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however #every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day #it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a #wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach #into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i #cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening #almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not #only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is #to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being #or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in #coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe #its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont #hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am #im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf #its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will #i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to #do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks #thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me

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dashiellqvverty · 6 months

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another thing about "autistic girls being bamboozled into transitioning" is like are we not famously resistant to change???? like speaking for myself at least i have known i am transmasc for like 8 or 9 years now and while there have been other barriers to accessing HRT it has always been something i'm very unsure and hesitant about, largely because i am so terrified of permanent change!!!! like idk it comes from ableism as well as transphobia bc you have to think autistic ppl are stupid and cant think for themselves to think like this but its like. many autistic people are going to be some of the most likely to be EXTRA hesitant and wait and think and plan and stuff before medically transitioning

#not that EVERYONE doesnt put a lot of thought into it bc everyone realizes its a massive decision ofc #but like the people who are FAMOUSLY BAD WITH CHANGE arent just taking hrt on a whim #idk i think about this a lot bc there ARE reasons i dont want to go on T like its not what i want for myself idk #i was gonna say for my presentation but thats not true it IS what i want for my presentation. to an extent.#like i want to look like a boy on the outside so i can dress fem and look like a boy!!!!!#but i DONT want my voice to change for example #like even though i wouldnt mind being perceived OUTWARDLY with a deeper voice #i dont want my voice to CHANGE idk #and i am working on recognizing that a lot of this just straight up is about fear! and if that stops me from doing it then okay #i think if i ID'd more As A Man then T would be more important to me #but i dont have a lot of dysphoria around my body in that way idk how to explain it #its entirely about how im seen by others now how i physically exist in the world as Myself #and i dont want to do something that is such a huge change and scary to me. if its primarily for the benefit of others #maybe it would make me happier idk! i do want surgeries. top surgery or a reduction. and a hysterectomy.#which is also scary but i still feel like i want to do it more than T lmao #ANYWAY #r.txt

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squishious · 1 month

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list of my grievances in the tags bc this has been the most miserable week ever and the only person i could conceivably complain to is also going through it

#starting strong with at least 2 midterms/papers due every fucking day except monday #moving on to daylight savings happening when i am already sleep deprived as fuck #and then university wide power and internet outage <3 #also general malaise and sad vy the time we reach halfway through the week #fucking evil [redacted] midterm #where i study my ass of and flop so bad #in a truly unifixable way i fear #was supposed to be my fun class to goddammit #and its so fucking windy today which i actually hate #gale wind warnibg = cannot sit outside in the sun and forget abt wverything #THEN #i go to cafe for a pick me up and fi ish bibliography #and the internet will not connect no matter what i do #AND #friend is coming to visit me tmrw but its actually just to pic up an ikon pass and she isnt even gonna hang out for a bit #no fault of her own but #its annyoninh on top of all this :(#genuinly the grade thibg is fucking with me so much i had to have done TERRIBLY to go from a 100 to what i have noe #and i thought i did bad but like. not thag bad #anyways i simply want to curl up into a ball and ignore everything for a couple days but ! i cannot #bc paper due tonight and exam tmrw and then saturday i have to go see my brothers performance which #notmally would be rlly fun #but after this week i want to dissapear for a day #and then sunday rehearsal #and then wednesday midtemr again ! fuck me !!#and then friday quiz but at least its onlinr #and then stayrday holi then break which like fun but also means going home #and im already miserable #so not twlling anyone abt grade flop And generally being home = ultra misesable????#squish speaks

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linoguy · 11 months

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i like that they view the songs and performance as one because again, the reason im here to begin with is because i wanted to watch cool dancing that fit my taste and they did the trick, and then i loved their music so v much. but i do wish they viewed their music as stand alone too <3 they have intense and intricate dances that they're not gonna be able to do once they hit their later years (if they're still together) so its like -.- look out for our own backs boys, pls

#theres certain songs of theirs that i Have to dance to when they come on so in that sense i too view them as one but BUT!!!!!!!! music is #music. you won't always get to hear it live. some bands sound great live but suck in the studio that's just how things can be and vice vers #i fear that a lot of kpop doesn't think long term in the sense of musical longevity. they're looking for the next big song to make money of #of and i understand that's how the industry runs but! wouldn't you like to be able to listen to your own stuff as a group later on and thin #'we had a really solid discography. let me put this on'#things should be able to live on even outside of their context in my opinion and i hope they're considering that #i guess which was my concern for 5 star being a summer album rather than a For Us album #but honestly with this intro vid im actually feeling more confident about how homey it feels? like they're playing on home turf with this #album if they know it might not go down well with some fans. they know exactly the risk they're taking and they can do it because its an #album for them and for the fans #longwinded much.........................#<3

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magnoliamyrrh · 1 year

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i think that whole "never felt safe growing up and most of my life" thing did real damage to my psyche lmao

#......... whole damn childhood of not feeling safe. i think... the one place i can even think of where i was truly comfortable was my aunts #house. and id see her rarely and not get to stay w her that often/long...#.... apart from that?.... just constant fucking fear and wanting to escape and be left alone #... when i got older like middle high college id feel somewhat safe at friends houses. but i always dreaded having to go home #when i lived at college was... the first time i actually lived somewhere where i felt kinda safe and at home. but my parents made sure to #remind me that it wasnt my actual home lmaoo and that they could take it away at any moment #just like how after we moved from romania i had to hear all the time. while i was stuck in a foreign country as a kid. that my room isnt my #own nothing is my own i owe them everything privacy wasnt allowed etc etc #...... after college i lived w my partner in the ghetto. like shots outside 7+ times a day sorta ghetto. i literally felt safer and more #comfortable and vibing and chill than i did at home with my parents?? lmaoo jfc i actually miss it #apart from that... probably the second time i was in the psych ward lol #and after i come back from romania its gonna be months again of having to stay alone w my stepfather whose like. weirdly sexually attracted #to me and loud and agressive and it just. triggers me so fucking much. god. i hate all this. i hate all this #twenty two fucking years of knowing little else than fucking fear and loneliness. i just. want. to feel safe.#for fucking once #so often i just wanna curl up in a borrow and never come out. thats all i want. im so tired. im so tired of this

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genetic-emancipation · 4 months

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i love being queer but in a weird way. thats it. send tweet

#thats my thought of this evening #queer #non binary #enby #im out here using xenogenders and neopronouns and having a name hoard #god stays in heaven because he fears me in particular #/j about the last one but yk #xenogender #neopronouns #i spent the past like 6 years in a very defined queer “box” so its been. really weird be able to like.. have fun with gender and all that #what's really helped is making friends who stray outside of the “typical” labels and spit in the face of the gender binary. thats been fun #shout out to you guys. thanks for teaching me that gender and sexuality can be a fun time and NOT a miserable experience <3 #anyways why am i rambling in the tags of a tumblr post at 11:34 pm. goodnight.#(i am not going to bed)

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nomaishuttle · 5 months

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now heres the thing is my rule is i have to live on my own for a year before im allowed to get a pet but also consider what if i had a little friend .

#in my heart i want a wawa so badly it hurts but alsoooo i worry quite a bit bc like. i work full time... so el wawa would be at home alone a #lot and one thing about the beautiful adorable majestic chihuahua is they have to pee every 3-4 hours. so i would have to have some way to #let them out OR keep them outside while im at work but another thing is 1. apartments dont generally have backyards #2. chihuahuas get cold very easily .... i could do some ssort of doggy daycare but i fear that would be expensive .... and i hate pee pads #and would prefer not 2 use them so i dont rly have much optionn 😭 but i want a chihuahua so badly.#but ALSO. a kitty cat.... i love cats i think theyre really quite sweetsies and also i think they could handle living in an apartment bette #esp since famously cats use the bathroom indoors. u may know.#so... i could potentially get a kitty..... but also i dont want to get one until im absolutely positive i could take good care of it and i #feel like i could esp now that ive got a system that works so well 4 motivating me to do my daily tasks yk. and also i think if i had my ow #apartment id feel a lot safer just like. being up and around the apartment so thatd be good... but also pets r expensive. but also the apt #i just applied to is rly quite cheap (like 1050 a month) its income restricted but i qualify by like a lot LMAO... n this would be perfect #bc 1050 is likee. not even a full paycheck i could pay rent with 1 paycheck and still have like 150 left over and then my other paycheck fo #the month is fully mine... so i could save up lots #+ wsg is included in the rent whichhh is insane. adn the apartment is cute and Trust . alarm bells were going off a bit bc i was like maybe #this is too good to be true we all remember the 800$ scam incident. but its a verified listing and i checked the propertymanagers and theyr #legit... its even got a washer and dryer IN UNIT and also a fitness center which is good bc i wanna try n start doing more cardio...#IT EVEN HAS A FIREPLACE i dont particularly need a fireplace but its cool 2 have one i could make smores right in my very own living room #AND ITS NOT A STUDIO its a 1 br...#grahhh i rly rly rly want ittt ik i prolly wont get it but :[

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nature-played-a-trick-on-me · 8 months

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I'm like 2-3 disappointments away from becoming a very difficult person to deal with

#therapy please please please #please #im becoming so cynical #i have symptoms interfering with all my basic daily life things #and actual proper therapy has been non existent so far #and it's so tempting to just start acting out and tell everyone to fuck off and leave me be #just give up on everything #i cannot even go for walks to calm down because it's dark outside and i fear assault #i cannot go to the park to read bc i fear assault #i cannot calm down in my apartment because there's too much noise from outside #im terrified of therapy and it likely being another disappointment/failure and nonsensical treatment w/o treatment plan #terrified of having to bring up my worst memories to potentially no avail #and even if i end up getting effective therapy. it will not be fun #and the support i have (i have an apartment in a building w an office w '24/7' staff bc im unable to cope alone)... well....#theyre not doing what theyre supposed to do #they have a whole file on me including a crisis(prevention)plan and they just dont. dont look at it.#even when i am obviously distressed #and then i get told to 'read a book or listen to some music'#while i am reaching out to them because i CANNOT calm down on my own #like im not reaching out unnecessarily #and then i get told to sort myself out when im alrsdy like hello i cannot help myself feel better now #it's maddening like the whole purpose of being here is the support that im NOT receiving rn.#then id be better of in a normal independent apartment in a quiet neighbourhood fr.

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orcelito · 1 year

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I do love how every single piece of writing I've done has been copy-pasted from discacc. As in I figured out the document formatting I wanted to do, forgot what it was, and have just copy pasted bits of text from one doc to another when starting smth new. Not necessarily copying from discacc every time, but it was the first.

All my fics lead back to discacc

#speculation nation #it's that kind of thing where like. when i first was posting to ao3 i didnt know how the formatting would go #and i did the double space by just double spacing. except it was even more dramatic on ao3 #so i had to figure out the exact line spacing to have. & some other stuff i dont remember #and rather than struggle through getting it how i like it again. i just copy paste bits.#the thing im working on now had a line copied from Sentido #Sentido had a line copied from uhh. i wanna say Libero a due #and then of course ladue was copied from discacc #it's all connected! and it all leads back to discacc.#even if im not working on it rn it's still my darling baby. giant baby. i will always love it.#anyways im gonna try to get working on the vashwood time travel rn #im sitting outside and the weather is sooo nice. a little chilly but im sitting in the sun. it balances out.#sitting on the bridge above the river. theres currently not many people. just the occasional passerby.#it's peaceful! and thus the perfect environment for writing Chaos and Fear #there are DUCKS. what a beautiful day.

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lesbiten · 1 year

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in my brute forcing my fear of the ocean by playing subnautica and simply telling myself im not scared era

#every time i spawn into a new game my first thought is 'WHOA! HAS THE LIFEPOD ALWAYS BEEN THAT CLOSE TO THE AURORA???'#the answer is yeah #AND i always forget its at the angle its at. towards the back end #the aurora still freaks me out i havent fully decided if im facing THAT fear #that one is more like instant panic attack #for the things that are exclusively in the aurora i might use console commands for #like i dont think theres enough prawn suit fragments outside the aurora to build it so maybe that #pretty sure you can build a cyclops with fragments that arent near the aurora #I DID TAKE SMALL STEPS! i found one of those big wrecks and i was able to go near it and get stuff from it without having a panic attack #which i def was not able to do even with the smaller wrecks before #simon says

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rucow · 1 year

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had a horrible experience just now and im trying to calm down :') might watch LND or something just to distract myself from having a panic attack

#delete later #i jumped in front of a car to grab a cat that was trying to cross the street #she was collared #she still crossed . slowly. after i walked away. she made it to the other side safely but i cant deal with this anymore #it was my first time going outside in TWO MONTHS i hate cars and cities so much i hate it all #sorry for venting here but my life is genuinely ruined by city life and by cars and i dread going outside ever again #i go outside a few times a year thats it. i cant even handle that much.the stress the fear of knowing i might witness Something bad..i cant #im going to be like the phantom and be a hermit and never go outside ever again :')#im crying rn but ill put my phone away and try to calm down :') uhgh

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kiilonova · 1 year

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to be honest im so sick of being poor and friendless and sick here ive felt myself turning into a worse person bc of it and i just want to live a beautiful life with people who understand me but i cant even get off the ground for second

#cro vent #and i have it pretty good. i am still taken care of and get to do things i want to do #its just that i spend 90%+ of my time in my apartment with only the internet for interaction and our internet has been getting worse lately #i just want to be allowed to go outside without being wracked with guilt and fear #i even braved going to the psychiatrist for it. but i dont even have the opportunity to leave the house #let alone make actual friends here. not in this pandemic especially #bc im not gonna make friends with someone whos not still wearing masks #but that just leads to me being isolated and bitter

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bunnyb34r · 11 months

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Bleugh gotta go shower before I can lay down to nap but dont have the energy/motivation to get up and do that

#i gotta wash my hair thats why im like ugggggh i cant go another day without washing it and i had my hair down so it's yucky with outside™️#germs which is also why i have to shower in general bc my germaphobic ass will not even sit on my bed without at LEAST changing my #clothes out from my outside™️ clothes #i literally have to lay a beach towel down on my bed before im allowed to sit on my bed sgdggddg usually after work i dont #sit on my bed until i shower but if i have therapy or other phone call i have to sit THERE but i am GRUBBY feeling #ive had many a therapists try to help me with this and uh we managed almost all my most disabling ocd symptoms but my germaphobia is still #prominent (i wipe not only the handle of shopping carts but the top of the sides bc thats where people also grab it so ew and i wipe the #plastic seat flaps bc um accidents happen... diapers get full... ect... anyway i use one for work so... and my dermatilomania #or however you spell that and my trichotillomania but those are bc i dont want to get those fixed sggdgdgd i need the dopamine okay??)#anyways germs. and i wont let mom touch shared food when she comes home until she washes her hands bc gross things like chex mix and chips #and my current dr is like well thats reasonable i guess. i mean you should work on it emotionally but it is a compulsion/fear rooted in #a valid thought especially in the pandemic #marquilla

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gazelessmenagerie · 1 year

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Where can we learn more about Sachipa?

( It’s not much and its pretty much only DBZ AU but here. if it wasn’t already read. I can’t say I have much more just bc I’m still trying to figure out his entire shtick bc this was all just a mishmash of me playing through the story of xenoverse 2 and I had the funny idea to try and bring my OC, Gabriel Na’ashdoitsoh into it. )

( He was originally just a fandomless oc I made up back in 2012 and I just kept dabbling with him without really committing to his story or anything. But upon looking at a painting in my home, i got inspired to make him a personification of the universe with his dust manipulation abilities. *mary sue cringe fanfare* )

( I never got much further than that bc idk what story to give him but he’s been hanging around at the edges till I just decided to try and do some dbz au bc xenoverse was easy to work into and I thought him being a Saiyan would be funny and sad bc of how his personality is to avoid fights up till he can’t afford to anymore. Granted, he doesn’t have nearly as much power in that way as he does being the Universe in creation and destruction. )

#|| Tag: OOC #( i need to revamp his og blog tbh bc I've somewhat expanded on his story but jfc idk how people can just write shit. )#( I barely have like 4 oc's and I only truly /developed/ Gabe/Sachipa the most. in the loosest quotations. )#( I just don't know what to do or how to make them seem interesting without being bland or just feeling like they're copying off something )#( or just. idk. its hard to say why it's difficult for me. )#( but yeh. i want my oc's to have the same amount of work I put for my other muses but its hard as fuck )#( its like trying to shift gears when my brain only wants to stick to one out of fear of misremebering or not knowing how X muse responds to #( Y event/muse. bc it never occured to me and I just ??????? brain turns off. or there's misunderstandings. )#( I just dont talk about them unless I'm asked and even then. its hard bc I dont know what to do with them outside of basic things. )#( im happy other people can just make things up on the fly and write spectacularly. im just not one of them alfsjgng )#( idk its really wierd with oc's dude. but yeah. thats my spiel for the moment. thx for coming to my dumbass tedtalk )#( im going to go hide in my hole now )

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gayspock · 2 years

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sigh i wanna start exercisingmore bc i feel -_- not getting movement in but its like theres nothing i can even do right now.. :(

#Egg.txt #its so.ooo..... sniff sniff. (looks shy)#i could just go on walks i guess..... i dont know. i dont have any energy and i feel so anxious taking time like that when i still have #stuff to do like it feels like such a waste of freaking time #i wish i could jsut do. at home workouts again but i dont have anywhere to do them D:#my room isnt big enough. i cant even fit a normal mat on the floor. i wouldnt have any space unless i wanted to break everything #i cant afford gym memberships either #and even if i could i . sighh... i dont wanna be tht guy but -_- issues ... & general other autism problems too with the gym but #i wish i was like confident to run outside but im so scared of being harassed #and thats not. an irrational fear either.#like ... at all.#its irritating when ppl say ''no one cares! and the ones that do dont matter' like its a nice sentiment in theory but uhm.. when it comes #to stuff like that... uhmm in ym experience the ones who dont matter dont seem to care and dont stop... LOL.#all of this not to mention other general physical issues i had from my weight yo-yoing so badly... h.#i jjust feel freaking trapped -_- caged aninal #.

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