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#im dealing with bigger things but they all look at me like wow... can't believe she didn't come to the meeting
midwestgender · 2 months
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anyone else have recurring dreams where they perform self-surgery on a healthy organ with the plan of just taking it out for a little while but then you realize you are incapable of putting it back in and theres nothing you can do theresnothingyoucandotheresnothingyoucandotheresnothingyoucando
#they are literally so anxiety inducing and harrowing its horrible#my first ones were about teeth#then i had them about my brain#one of the brain ones i had i chopped it into nicely sliced pieces and then left it alone with the plan of just#taking a break from my brain#and then putting it back in piece by piece#and then i came back and my friends dog was eating it LOL#and then i just had one the other night where i had a mysterious organ in my leg that#was a 'bladder' but it wasn't my bladder it was in my leg#i'm pretty sure my brain based this mysterious organ off of a fish bladder#anyways i took it out and went swimming and held it in the water#and then i got out and i was traversing some combination between my highschool and my old church#trying to find materials to perform self surgery again to put it back in#but i just got into a thought spiral in that one thinking about how i didn't know how to put it back in#and i couldn't reattach it and i was essentially fucked lol??#and as this is happening my whole high school swim team is meeting in a room and im supposed to be there but#im dealing with bigger things but they all look at me like wow... can't believe she didn't come to the meeting#and after awhile of that i woke up LOL#its crazy im always so grateful it was a dream lol because i get so immersed#and ill be like guess im the stupidest person ever#it reminds me actually a lot of the feeling i got after my suicide attempt which i am not suicidal at all right now so its odd
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I'm. The new covers, op. The new covers. Gosh. Both of them hold so much symbolism. And technically they both are canon, they are both original ideas that could perfectly be valid. Horikoshi simply found something better. But anyways, I'm going to go ahead and ramble about it because Im- Op, prepare for a long ask! Hope you like it!
So!
On the one where Katsuki's the one in the picture, he's not on his knees like he is in the other two covers. Instead, he has his face down, body forward, one hand on one leg, the other one holding out for something...He's bowing. Bowing in Japanese culture is a pretty big deal. Hes not just tilting his head a bit, his head and body are on full on commitment.
Such a tilted bow means a LOT, specially from THIS guy, Mr dont let anyone walk in front of me. Even more when hes not just bowing, but accepting such an open display of given help, Mr shonen anime lone wolf. Accepting something he always has trouble admitting to. Accepting the past, accepting the wrongs. Accepting Izukus help means so much, and that's what these three covers have in common.
His hand is sctretching out. He's ready to say yes to that hand out in the air.
(Ps. I wonder if he's watching his own reflection on the water in this panel, as well?)
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Hes in middle of the picture with those childhood friend at the back, which means audience. It means letting people see what hes done, what he's sorry for. He is being open and exposed and vulnerable. That's no fighting stance.
Remember guys, in case you haven't noticed before, Horikoshi puts lots of metaphorical value in his manga and on his covers. Sometimes you've got to dig in deep and think to get the bigger picture. And in this case, the bigger picture screams regret and wanting to make things right from the start.
This cover occurs in the past, at the moment where everything started, and Katsuki fully remembers this. Katwuki has thought of this, is thinking about this. He's had eye bags for gods sake, he's clearly troubled by all of what it means.
These three covers are the visual explanation of what's going on inside Katsuki's head, because this is clearly focused on him and his perspective.
(Ps. Rivers symbolise the massage of time. If that doesnt add to everything else, I dont know what to tell you.)
So! Next!
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Wow, if this isnt one of my favourite things ever. Okay. Christ.
I have two options here. Scratch that, three options. Scream into the void, scream into this post, or actually make a good presentation of my inner turmoil. I'll have to go by the third option. (Haha. Just like horikoshi did. Dont # me, I'm funny in my head.)
This cover melted my insides, froze them all over, and hit me with them like a hammer.
I know they're kids, but let me get this straight-so kids seriously look at their friends with these looks in their eyes and think "ah, yes. This is my very good friend. This gentle smile and kind look I'm giving him as if he was my whole world? Well, hes just a very good friend."
I looked at my childhood crush this way, I dont know what to tell you.
Anyway, let's actually jump to the information at hand.
This panel seems like it's making a reference to what Katsuki wishes could have been. And if that's not absolutely soul-crushing...this cover is Katsuki's feelings, guys. These are probably his very thoughts. This scene has gone through Katsuki's head at some point.
We've got Izuku in his stuck up pose all over again, in just an awkward angle. It's like katsuki isnt looking AT this katsuki right now, but at the spot where the actual past Katsuki, at some point, was. As if this Isuku is frozen in time. Dont believe too much in this paragraph, I still have my doubts about that, but I feel it's a possibility. Izukus eyes seem to be focused on the water, while Katsuki is just the tiniest bit back, reaching for Izukus hand. And gosh.
I dont think I've ever seen older NOR child Katsuki have this look plasted into his face before. He's...sheepish. Kindly, awkwardly sheepish. No hate, no anger, no shame, no nothing. His face is clear and sweet and has this "Whoops. You got me. But thanks." kind of expression on.
The hand behind his head, just the tiniest but embarassed? That little smile? It's all so soft.
Rambling about softness though- I really liked the hand scene in this particular panel. If you close up your view, you realise that theres no effort to pull anyone out of nowhere. In this panel, they are simply holding hands in frozen time for no purpose at all.
Katsuki has his hand around Izuku...simply holding there.
Again, because the angle is awkward, it's kind of messy, but you get the point.
It's all simply beautiful. Horikoshi clean likes give me life.
And lastly. The actual cover.
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I screeched so hard when I saw this. My first instinct when seeing this for the first time was to straight up go trigger happy fingers and write about it to my friends. Christ.
Everything is so...SOft. horikoshi made a good decision by mixing both previous drawings in one. We have parts of the two covers in one, which is amazing. In this one, Katsuki isnt alone, as Izuku's there too. But we dont have the audience either. Probably because the main focus on this panel is no one else except them two.
Again, Katsuki looks like he's bowing, but instead of looking all the way down, he's in the middle. Not looking at Izuku nor looking at the ground, like it shows in the previous covers. Instead, Horikoshi found a middle ground. He's looking at his hand. At the gesture.
Hes not holding hands quite yet, but his hand is there. At arms reach. Not close enough but there. Wanting.
Theres so much regret and again, softness.
Again, like you Op said a bit bad, the angle is off here. This is present Katsuki remembering his past. The angle is off because this Izuku isnt holding out for our Katsuki. This is a memory. A wish. Katsuki's wish.
(Ps. Izukus trousers drenched in the rivers water. This detail was so nice. It's a subtle action that describes Izukus characterization so much. Izuku went in the river with Katsuki in mind, not caring if he got his clothes soaked in the process too. For Izuku, only Katsuki was there. And for Katsuki, only Izuku is.
As a plus, I can't believe the cover of this is literally called Bakugou Katsuki rising. They named the entire thing after that one chapter. Actually, I very much, totally believe it. It's the moment so many people have been waiting for, after all. The moment so many scenes have been amounting for, little by little.
*dreamy sigh*
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this little thing, I had to get it out of my system and dont want to bother my dear friends anymore than needed.
Have a good day, OP! I'll stay updated!
You kinda just...took my heart and curb stomped it, not gonna lie. Your observations are so beautiful and so accurate. The sketch with little Bakugou taking Izuku’s hand is so...raw, and yeah, that expression is definitely one of love. Those eyes, the way he is HOLDING Izuku’s hand, not TAKING it. He isn’t taking it to stand up, he is literally just...holding it. 
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That isn’t the way you take someone’s hand when you’re trying to pull yourself up. It’s an awkward angle and just...wouldn’t work right. No, he is literally just holding his hand, and that’s exactly what Bakugou wishes he did all that time ago. He wishes that he not only took Deku’s hand, but held onto it. Held it as if it were something precious, something to be cared for and protected. 
These are Bakugou’s true feelings expressed in these drawings, and I think Horikoshi released them on purpose, to show us more of what he wanted Bakugou to be feelings through all of this. Since after all, we know that Bakugou expresses himself in action, not so much words. And because Horikoshi is an absolute genius, he thought to give us these other glimpses in how he feels through these actions. 
And the other sketch with him bowing his body to Izuku, and the way the log looks like it’s on his back with his ‘friends’ on top of it. 
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The pressure of needing to be the coolest, the strongest, the best. Those kids put that kind of pressure on him, even if they never realized it. They encouraged his behavior and fed his ego, and it never allowed him to see how he was wrong. But now he is realizing it, and he is bowing himself in light of that acknowledgement. He is lowering his head and putting his pride away, so he can get back what he lost all those years ago; the opportunity to take Izuku’s hand.
To take the hand of the only one of those kids that ever loved him unconditionally. Who never pressured him or expected him to be invincible. Who saw all of his flaws and was completely prepared to support him despite all of it. The only one. 
I’m just a mess over all of this, and I am so incredibly thankful to Horikoshi for creating this beautiful relationship. AND IN A SHOUNEN MANGA, NONETHELESS!!  
Thank you friend, for your beautiful thoughts. I think they’re spot on, and I am so emotional all over again because of this. 
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