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hellowkatey · 3 years

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I refuse to believe the droid that blew up under tech's ass didn't cause more damage

3.9k words ~ depictions of violence ~ ao3 ~ a little whump for your troubles

"They're using live rounds!" Hunter hisses, and Tech's blood runs cold. Live rounds? The Kaminoans have never resorted to training with live rounds within the simulation chamber. Even at a low power, live rounds have 62% chance of causing extensive damage to the room's durasteel construction, as opposed to the 21% chance with stuns. That does not even account for the monetary loss if a soldier were to lose their life or require medical attention. All in all, it's a horribly irresponsible training tactic. Something has changed. But why? Tech does not have an answer for that.

He looks at Hunter and Echo crouched behind the barrier next to him. "Get Wrecker," Hunter commands, the flurry of bright red blaster shots zooming overhead. "We'll cover you."

Tech offers a single nod in confirmation and eyes the distance to his fallen brother. With cover from both Hunter and Echo, and if he approaches from the opposite side of his barrier, he should have a relatively high chance of success. Assuming he can keep his head down, of course.

Tech makes his way to the barrier closer to Wrecker without issue.

"Wrecker, are you alright?" He asks, his anxiety quelling at the sight of his brother crawling toward him. The shot did not seem to fully penetrate his armor, which is good news. Tech runs out to meet him, grabbing Wrecker by the shoulder to help him get out of the line of fire.

Just in time it seems. One of the trigger-happy droids notices their movement and leaves a trail of carbon scoring in their wake.

Tech and Wrecker collapse against a barrier just as Hunter, Echo, and Crosshair fall back from their previous positions. He can see them approximately eight meters away. Too far to hear any orders without Hunter alerting the droids to their potential plan.

Suddenly their barrier is getting pounded by blasters. The training droids have discovered their hiding place and are firing without mercy. Smoke from the live rounds curl from the other side of the barrier, fogging up Tech's goggles and filling the air with the horrendous scent of burnt plastoid.

Or perhaps that is the smell of Wrecker's melted chest plate. Difficult to tell. Tech is quickly inching toward overstimulation from the deafening shots, heavy footsteps, and smell of smoke assaulting his senses..

He peers around the corner of their hiding space to get an idea of how close the droids are when a shot slams against the corner— far too close to comfort. He recoils just in time, but the heat of the shot still warms the skin between his helmet and blacks. There seems to be no clear break as the line of their attackers moves forward. He and Wrecker are stuck unless the others can help.

A whistle cuts through the sounds of battle. Tech and Wrecker look at their sergeant who waits for their attention before going through a serious of hand signals.

Split up. Cover. Draw fire. Distract and manual take down. Reprogram. Tech nods along, recognizing this particular sequence.

"Oh!" Wrecker exclaims, collapsing dramatically from his crouched position. "I hate hand signals."

"Perhaps if you memorized them," Tech offers, though he knows there is no chance in hell that will ever happen.

"Why don't you memorize them?"

"I have." Tech is more surprised that Wrecker assumed he hadn't. "What we did on Felucia."

Wrecker is on his feet in an instant. "Why didn't you just say that?" He throws a thumbs up to Hunter and the others— the only hand signal they can ever trust Wrecker to remember— and crouches his way to the outskirts of the chamber.

Tech watches as Hunter and Crosshair lay down cover fire, splitting up to spread the attention of the droids. And Echo assumes his ARC trooper role of running head-on into the action. As the droids shoot at his quick run, Wrecker runs up from behind, tackling one of the training droids to the ground with a satisfied laugh.

Also in typical ARC trooper fashion, Echo jumps onto the back of the other droid as though it's an angry rancor he's attempting to ride. And the droid bucks as any rancor would-- until Echo slams his scomp link into its neck, deactivating it all together.

Now it's reprogramming time. Tech runs to meet them, catching Wrecker's eager arm as it moves to punch the fallen droid again.

"Reprogramming this thing will be pointless if you crush it."

Wrecker seems disappointed, but he resists the urge to wreck. "You better be right about this."

Tech ignores the doubt and gets to work in the droid's circuit board. He works as quickly as possible, acutely aware that Hunter and Crosshair are undoubtedly being swarmed by this point.

"Hurry up," Wrecker warns. It is a statement more of worry for their brothers than a critique of Tech's programming speed. With a quick glance at his vambrace monitor, he slams the circuit board shut.

"Done. Let him go."

Wrecker and Echo back off just as the other droids launch a new attack at the site of their droid field surgery. They run for cover. Tech, on the other hand, situates himself on the shoulders of his new pet droid.

If Echo is the rancor rider, then he is the rancor tamer in this analogy.

The droid stands at its full height, nearly throwing Tech off on the way up, but he manages to press his thighs against its head to balance his weight. Shots from the other droids are whizzing past him in growing frequency. He is an easy target at this height and visibility. He needs to work quickly.

Taking control of the droid's weapons, he fires the live rounds back at the combatant droids. While their training blasters were useless against the thick durasteel plated training droids— as they were meant to be in a simulation— the live rounds actually do sufficient damage. He breezes past Echo and Wrecker's battle stations. Instructs his droid to punch the other droids that managed to get past his initial rain of fire. And as he weakens their defenses his brothers move in with vibroblades, perfectly placed stun shots, and raw strength.

A little bit of pride swells in his chest. The tides appear to be turning in their favor. If they can keep up this pace, their outcome will be favorable.

With his vantage point, Tech spots a droid sneaking up on Wrecker, who is otherwise occupied by beating another droid into submission.

"Wrecker, look alive," he warns. Wrecker lets out a sound of confusion before whirring around to find his next victim. It only takes an impressive suplex and Echo jabbing the droid in the neck for the danger to be adverted. But a new danger has begun to emerge.

Warning signs start flashing across Tech's vambrace screen. His rewriting job had to be hasty, which means he did not get the chance to secure every single circuit. His rush may prove to be their downfall as the connection flickers in and out. The droid sways beneath him and he fights to remain on its shoulders.

"I can't sustain the connection," he says through grit teeth. But with two more enemies stalking toward him he has no choice but to hope he can hold on through the end. His droid manages a weak strike against one of the attacking bots, and a few point blank shots in the face of the other. The connection suddenly re-establishes with full strength, and he grins with glee.

But his success is only temporary. His ride jolts backward as a droid from the upper tier manages to shoot right though its chest— right into the main circuitboard, Tech realizes with dismay. He can't do anything but watch as the droid gets hit a few more times and explodes beneath him. The surge of the blast sends Tech flying backward with much more force than would have been a problem had he simply fallen off the droid. His body hits the ground back-first, ripping the air from his lungs. And then he bounces. When he hits it again, the back of his head slams into the durasteel floor and his vision swims with black dots. Tech tries to blink through the cloudiness of his vision, barely aware of somebody yelling his name through the ringing in his ears.

Everything suddenly hurts. The back of his legs are hot and the smell of burnt plastoid is even more putrid than earlier. Considering how long the droid had been engaging in active battle, and the numerous shots straight to the power source... the heat of combustion had to have been fairly significant. Perhaps even sufficient enough to melt his armor, he realizes with a deep groan.

"Tech!" his name reaches him this time. A little clearer. Definitely Wrecker. He tries to lift his head but only succeeds in lobbing it to the side. But it's enough to see Wrecker crouched a few meters away. "Hold tight, buddy."

Tech can see the consistent shower of blaster shots still thick in the air. It is a full-on battlefield tucked within the confines of Kamino's training facility.

"I'm..." he starts to say, attempting to assure Wrecker that he's okay, but even the act of raising his arm and head is enough to send a jolt of pain down his back and limbs. His vision blurs again and he suddenly is whipped by exhaustion. His adrenaline has finally dropped off and it is pulling him down with it. Tech collapses back on to the ground, letting out a shaky sigh. "...not going anywhere."

He wants to help. But he runs the numbers in his head even as the aura of a migraine starts to dance before his eyes. With the number of droids and taking into account their individual firepower abilities paired with handicaps that come from limited programming and movement, Tech calculates that they have a 46% chance of success without his help.

They've won on lesser odds.

And when he takes into consideration the alternate scenario of him pushing through his current injuries and attempting to aid them in completing the simulation, their chance of success actually reduces to 41%. He knows his presence would distract the rest of his squad, or introduce a number of uncertain variables he is too tired to take into account at the moment.

Well, the math does not lie, he thinks, and lets his eyes flutter shut.

Wrecker watches Tech's body go limp and he seriously considers running at that last droid and tearing its head clean off with his bare hands. His youngest brother mutters something he can't really hear— whatever it is, his voice is pinched with pain. Not a good sign.

This needs to end now.

As though Crosshair was reading his mind, the sniper appears out of nowhere with his rifle at the ready. (Sometimes Wrecker wonders if he really can read minds. It wouldn't surprise him.)

"Wrecker, knife!" he yells. He has no idea what Cross is gonna do, but he unsheathes his knife and throws it in the air with a backspin. Crosshair shoots and strikes his knife mid-air, sending it blade first straight between the eyes of the last droid.

"Wow," he says in amazement.

There's a moment of quiet after the droid falls. Wrecker stands at his full height, still in awe that Cross managed to actually get that shot! He knows his brother's aim is impressive but wow— sometimes it's just next level.

Wrecker suddenly remembers Tech still lying next to the burnt leftovers of his pet droid. He and Echo rush to his side. Though Tech has pushed himself to a sitting position, Wrecker has enough experience with explosives and getting too close to them to notice how his brother refuses to let the back of his legs touch anything. On top of if, he saw the way his head bounced against the floor. Wrecker's no medic, but he knows a solid hit to the noggin when he sees one. Tech's usually sharp eyes are unfocused. The smears of carbon scoring across the lenses aren't helping, so he tries to wipe it away with his gloves. He only succeeds in making the smearing worse, but what worries him more is that his younger brother didn't react like he usually does when anyone tries to touch his goggles. Usually he jerks away, insists he can fix them himself. But now he's just... staring at nothing. It sends a spike of worry through Wrecker's large body.

As they attempt to pull him to his feet, he glances down at the state of Tech's armor. A shutter runs up his spine.

It's not good. He can't tell if the red that is dripping down Tech's boots and onto the floor is from his melted armor or blood... neither is a good sigh. And as soon as he and Echo get Tech to his feet, he immediately starts swaying to the side. Wrecker catches him under the arms, hearing a low hiss of pain and wondering if he should let him lie back again.

"Tech, are you okay?" Hunter asks as he and Crosshair make it to their position.

Tech's reply is very not-Tech like. A low groan. Not a single word. But he shifts his weight to his feet and gently pulls out of Wrecker's grasp to stand on his own.

"Techy you don't have to--"

"We're being watched," Crosshair interrupts. Wrecker looks up and realizes that Tarkin guy and Lama Su are still watching from the viewing gallery.

A part of him is glad they can't see the death stare on his face for shooting live rounds— live rounds!— at them.

Another part of him wants to give them a piece of his mind.

But as they disappear from sight, it becomes very obvious that Tech was only standing for their benefit. This time, his knees buckle and he falls forward. Hunter and Crosshair both lunge to catch him.

"He's out," Hunter says as they gently lower him to the ground. Now the overhead lights shine down on Tech's back and all of them freeze.

"Shit," Crosshair curses. The explosion melted his armor for sure. But what concerns them all is the mess of raw skin and melted blacks behind his knees and at his ankles. "Where the hell is medical?"

For some reason, when Tech awoke he expected to be staring at the ceiling of a med tent. It is a natural association to make in his newly conscious state. He suffered an injury due to an explosion, which is usually a scenario that is only possible in an active battlefield situation.

Hence, why seeing the sterile white ceiling of the Kamino ceiling sent him into a momentary panic. Did they cart me straight back to Kamino from the battlefield? Am I that injured? Does this mean I am being decommissioned?

He begins to try and sit up, but strong hands press down on his chest. It takes a few rounds of blinking to clear the tears that have welled up in his eyes. Echo and Crosshair stand on either side of his bed. Still in their armor. Both wide-eyed and looking quite exhausted as they attempt to calm him.

"Breathe, Tech," Echo says, demonstrating by drawing in his own large breath and slowly releasing it through his pursed lips. Tech imitates him until the tightness in his chest subsides. And he remembers.

A simulation. We were doing a training exercise. I was sitting atop the shoulders of a droid and... the droid combusted.

Right. Suddenly the numbness in his legs and the dull bite of a waning migraine make sense.

"Did we win at least?" Tech asks, looking between Crosshair and Echo.

"You don't remember?" The sniper asks carefully.

Tech remembers falling. A white hot pain. And then a lot of yelling and a lot of darkness.

"My current memory of the end of the exercise seems to be a bit... murky."

Echo and Crosshair exchange glances.

"We destroyed all the droids," Echo says finally.

"Wrecker was pleased about that part," the sniper mutters.

"So we won then. That's good." Both of them are silent for a long moment. Long enough that Tech replays their conversation up to that point wondering if he said something incorrect. From his point of view, there has been nothing that would offend either of them. So why they are acting so strange is beyond his understanding, unless they are withholding other context from while he was unconscious. "...isn't it?"

Finally Crosshair clears his throat. "None of us would consider you getting blown up a mission success, Tech."

"Well, technically, I didn't blow up, the droid—"

"Technically, nothing," Crosshair snaps at him. Echo glares at the sniper but doesn't exactly try to correct his outburst. "Either way, you got hurt."

Oh. So they are worried about his condition. For the first time since he's woken up, Tech cranes his head to look down at himself. He's in a thin, medical gown. No wonder he was feeling a bit of a draft. His bare legs are completely wrapped in thick bacta strips. That explains the numbness as well.

"How... bad?"

"Not as bad as it looks," Echo admits. "Mostly second-degree burns on your legs with a few small spots of third degree burns. No concussion and no grafts needed. Doc said after this round of bacta they'll rewrap and we can take you back to the barracks. It'll just feel like you have a bad sunburn for a few days."

That's good news at least. He does feel much better. Not in terrible pain like before, though Tech suspects the IV in his arm might have something to do with that.

"You passed out after the simulation," Crosshair says with a haunted stare.

"From the pain, I assume?"

"Also from the adrenaline dump." Echo shrugs. "We all came out of that with shaky legs."

"Speak for yourself," Crosshair mutters but Echo ignores him.

"None of us expected to fight for our lives today."

All of them can agree on that. Speaking of fighting for their lives, Tech realizes it's just the three of them. He looks to the beds at his left and right and find that they're empty. The memory of watching Wrecker's body crumble after getting shot flashes through Tech's mind and he tries to sit up again. This time Crosshair presses his hand against his back and helps him up.

"Where's Wrecker and Hunter? Are they alright?"

"Wrecker also had a burn on his chest, but they discharged him already. Hunter is with him," Echo smiles. "I think Wrecker said something about being hungry."

"Well, we didn't get much of a meal before this," Crosshair says bitterly.

Tech finally relaxes back into the pillow. His brothers are all safe, he's going to be discharged soon, and they completed their training exercise. It's a much better outcome than he expected from waking up in the med wing.

After his bacta is changed, Echo helps him into a fresh pair of blacks while Crosshair grabs his armor. The shirt is no problem, but the tight-fitting pants prove to be a more difficult feat.

"Maybe we can go get you a looser pair," Echo suggests as Tech has to literally bite down on his own lip to distract himself from the discomfort. Even with the barrier of bandages, the thick material feels scratchy against his sensitive skin. So bad that shivers run up his spine and he begins to feel a little nauseous.

"No," Tech pushes Echo's hand away. Honestly, the very thought of the pants having to peel back down his leg is worse than the idea of keeping them on. "I'll adjust." Echo seems hesitant but he doesn't fight him further. Tech gets his armor on-- sans the pieces that were melted in the explosion, of course. Those will require a trip to the armory to replace. (But he is not exactly jumping at the idea of restraining his swollen legs right now, anyway.)

"Ready?" Crosshair asks, though his facial expression looks as though he won't believe a word that comes out of Tech's mouth no matter what.

"Indeed."

They walk slowly back to the barracks, taking the long route to pick up Hunter and Wrecker from the caf. For the first few corridors, the scratchy feeling is agonizing. He has to walk with stiff legs to avoid bending his knees too much. It earns him his fair share of strange looks from the regs that pass, though they usually look at him like he was some sort of abomination, so it doesn't bother him. (Tech hypothesizes it has something to do with his goggles and how they stick out of his helmet. Makes him look quite different from even his own squad.)

But as they reach the caf, the stinging has begun to fade. His body is adjusting, as he predicted. The pain receptors in his legs are finally recognizing that it isn't a stimulus worth the trouble to continue griping about. He manages to bend his knees just enough that his stiffness isn't so obvious, more of a limp.

Wrecker's joyful tone rings out as soon as they grow near to the cafeteria. The largest of their brothers appears around the corner, his face brightening as he breaks into a run. "Tech!" Echo and Crosshair are quick to jump in and stop him from body slamming Tech.

"Easy, Wrecker, you know better than any of us how it feels to get blown up," Crosshair says before stepping aside for Wrecker to pull Tech into a bear hug. He sees Cross glance at Echo and then smirk. "Well, maybe that's not true. Echo here might have us all beat."

The former ARC trooper rolls his eyes. "Very funny."

Wrecker releases Tech. Somehow without aggravating his burns too badly. He is glad he opted to wear his helmet instead of carrying it. The mask hides his wince as pain shoots up his legs when Wrecker drops him back on the floor. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

"As am I," he replies sheepishly. They start to make their way back toward their barracks. "Though I hardly blew up, it was merely a droid overheating."

"Did it have smoke and fire?" Wrecker asks.

"Minimal, but yes."

"Did it make a boom sound?"

"Well I'm not sure I would classify--"

"And did you get thrown really hard and burn your butt off?"

Tech sighs. "Perhaps."

Wrecker shrugs with a smug grin, looking around at the others. "You may be the expert on most things, Tech, but I know explosions. And that sounds a lot like an explosion to me."

Crosshair chuckles, his face in its usual sneer as he pats Tech's shoulder pauldron.

"It's alright," Echo whispers to him as Wrecker starts a loud tangent about getting shot at. "Means you get to be a part of the Got Blown Up Club. Meetings are bimonthly."

Not exactly a club Tech expected to be joining at a battle simulation. But then again, when do things ever go right for their squad in normal circumstances? He is curious to see what justification they had for such an irresponsible stunt. Tech has a sinking feeling Tarkin and Echo's claim that he hates clones has something to do with it.

#newly inducted member of the got blown up club #im a posting fiend right now apparently #not quite late night posting hours but close #the bad batch #tech #echo #wrecker #crosshair #hunter #tech whump #Kate writes #the bad batch b-side #1x01 aftermath

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supernova1us · 4 years

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My top 10 issues with bionicle G1

clearly based on my recent posts im on a heavy bionicle kick right now. will be posting more bionicle top 10 lists within the next few days. These are numbered but there is no specific order or ranking.

1. Breaking focus away from the toa mata/nuva. I get that the lore and story needed to be expanded, I get that. Lore is what makes a great series. Still, for being the main franchise characters and fabled heroes, I think too much focus was pulled away from them to the other teams, especially the toa metru, which leads me to my next one.

2. “Web of Shadows” as the 3rd movie. As I said, while seeing the expanded history of the turaga as toa was great and fun, I think it was a huge mistake focusing 2 films on them. to much time spent on past events rather than present ones. It could have possibly been another prequel to the beginning of the series when the mata arrive or, if held off for a year, best should have focused on the matoran becoming the toa inika and fighting the piraka to free the toa nuva and get the mask of life. Though it wouldn’t have been seamless, given all that happens after, it would have been a much better lead in to the beginning of “The Legend Reborn”. One good thing it did was give us roodakas amazing on-screen design.

3. Takanuva feeling irrelevant. It may not necessarily be true, given the other adventures he had, but to me he felt pushed aside and not as big a deal as he was originally presented to be. I feel like he should have been a permanent part of the toa nuva after his introduction. This also leads into my next point

4. The golden armor being made for tahu. I really really didn’t like the extra focus put on tahu over the rest of the mata/nuva. It just really struck me the wrong way. I feel like, with the special circumstances and hype build around him, as he was also included with the allstars line, it should have been takanuva that donned the golden armor. It would have been very poetic as he previously defeated teridax and now was also aiding in doing it again.

5. Constant changes of mask/body designs. I get that they need new looks and figures to sell the toys but story-wise, it was kinda off putting and jarring that the main characters always looked different. Especially the mata/nuva in my opinion. If they had their karda nui upgrades but with their regular nuva masks it would have felt better to me. Bionicle is hardly the only franchise to be guilty of this but I feel when your characters change appearance so much they become harder to identify with or get attached to.

6. Killing makuta Krika. A fan favorite, a cool design and clearly the most complex written makuta. It just felt like such a waste to kill him off in the series.

7. The evolution of makuta in the series. I have many mixed feelings about the changes to both makuta teridax and the makuta race over the series. There are pros and cons all over. The expanding of the lore is great and exciting and interesting depth but in some ways I also feel it diminished the threat and mystery in some ways. Makuta went from a spirit/god, to a fiend/warlord to just some persistent presence to just an ambitious member of a race of similar beings then to a god again. Much like the toa changes, constantly changing of teridax felt like it kinda diminished the character in some ways while also expanding him. It’s all very complicated and I’m still unsure about my feelings about it. It is scary to have and enemy being an ever present force, but also it felt weak that he never had a consistent form or look, hell we never even had an original look for him(the one we thought it was was just his shadow titan form made from the bodies of nidhiki, kreka and nihvawk)

8. Upgrading the matoran design. I loved the original “tohunga” appearance of the matoran so much and thought it was so much more interesting. The feats and progression they had in the series, I think, would have been much more amazing and fulfilling coming from the apparently small and frail villagers. Again, I just loved the original design so much more and it felt to stand out and special in the early years and I wish it had remained.

9. Killing Nidhiki. I just feel, like krika, he had so much potential as a character if kept alive in the series. A rouge former toa, now a mutated monster with the dark hunters. It just seemed like another missed opportunity.

10. Eliminating romance in the matoran universe. I’m not saying be a vital point or a big deal but it felt kinda a cop out. Other non-human fictional races that don’t reproduce, like transformers, have displayed romantic feeling which just feel like an eventuality in some interactions. I think it would have been a good world building method to see a few instances that we could see. Hewkii/macku forever!

Honorable mention: ditching the idea of turning ahkmou into a toa of shadow.

#bionicle #top 10 list

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wcifts4cc · 5 years

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Whar skirt plz halp

Hey superwoman, me and a few others have had trouble finding this skirt (on the right) from this link. Can you help out some poor pathetic cc fiends?

https://heijou.tumblr.com/post/185726747570/heijou-matilda-top-this-top-took-waay-longer

photo credit: @heijou

OK SO I NEED EVERYONE TO LISTEN UP. i could put this all under the cut but im not gonna. the amount of time and sweat and people that went in to finding the skirt on the right is, astonishing. it’s a long story and i need a fika so to make it “short”: @gladlypants asked wcif the skirt over at discord. i said: hold on. cut to a couple of hours later and, nothing. glad asked the poster for wcif but they didn’t know and couldn’t look. so i continued my search. “sims 4 skirt”, “sims 4 pencil skirt”, “sims 4 cc print pencil skirt”, nothing but wrong items. @thesimsblues then suggested adding designer skirt, so i tried that. nothing. i checked every creator that do designer stuff and, nothing. i found a dress made by rusty nails with a similar looking “fabric” called valentino, but no skirt on the site either. i asked my new friendos over at @s4ccfaves and @whirliko also suggested designer so i searched for real life valentino skirts, and after a lot of buts and ifs and maybes and tears and D A Y S, i found the real skirt. for reference:

Valentino Enchanted Wonderland Leather And Suede Midi Skirt. Awesome, we now had the name of the designer and the name of the skirt. now all that was left to do was to find who made it a sims 4 cc item. kate then managed to find out it was greenapple18r, which i had already checked the graveyard for but nothing. i tried finding a link that wasn’t dead but, i could find one. i tried to figure out what the .package file would be called but, nothing. in comes @budgie2budgie saying, and i quote: “i have it guys ;P”. mind you, at this point it had been several days of checking 400+ swatches of various skirts that looked similar. apparently, @xldkx had shared a folder with greenapple18r reuploads at the discord AND the creator was cool with sharing of the stuff as long as proper credit is given. hERE IS THE SKIRT. im getting a fika now bye.

#wcif #submission #wcifts4cc #gladlypants #valentino #greenapple18r #brand

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huntypastellance · 5 years

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Yeah, We’re talking about this now.

If you’ve been in the she1thdom for a while now & have followed popular she1th accounts, you’ll have noticed them occasionally posting something.....weird.

Posts vaguely complaining about a certain unnamed person who seems to despise the she1th fandom, use it for profit & doing all sorts of unsavory things behind the scenes in private DMs & discord servers.....

That person is Lee CA (Glossolalia on ao3), writer of those 2 fics that have invaded every she1th fan’s dash at some point in time (”Alien Sex Fiend” & “Picosecond”).

He’s the Cassandra Clare of the VLD fandom if CC had been caught being a creep & not just being a manipulative egotistical plagiarist obsessed with marketing.

Lee CA is about as much of a she1th fan as the infamous anti klanced is -- they ONLY care about it as a tool to boost their own popularity & will spend endless amounts of time bashing she1thers.

There’s a lot of posts about his whole sexual exploitation of naive minors & the whole thing blew up late February of 2019, but We’re here to talk about Lee’s entire history. (Notes: there will be some sources, but a lot of this is really old stuff or stuff only mentioned in private servers, so they’ve been lost to the sands of time or are just things heard through the grapevine.)

To preface all of this: NOBODY saw any of this coming. At worst, Lee was a narcissistic plagiarist high off the fumes of his own success, but his attitude at no point gave off any signs that he would exploit minors in that way. (Exploiting them for profit, though - that’s basically his whole shtick).

Lee was/is a very popular writer in the she1thdom (with fandom picking up the fanon “Shiro calls Keith ‘cherrybomb’” from his fics) & would charge professional rates for his works on his patreon, raking in around $1300 to $1600 PER MONTH for almost 2 YEARS on she1th fics alone (that isn’t counting his commissions either: he charges $125 for a 5000 word fic, $150 for a fic with porn). If he doesn’t hit his goal of $1600 a month, well, that’s clearly YOUR problem for not sponsoring him enough, not his.

Yeah, sure you could save $25 for the porn-free version, but reading a Lee work without any smut is like trying to eat a bowl of nails without any milk in it.

And then he would bitch & moan in DMs to other she1th creators about how “disgustingly underpaid he was”, “how ungrateful [she1th fans] are” or whine in she1th discords until his sympathizers ponied up enough money to pay him for another commission. Hell, he even admitted to MANY she1thers that he didn’t care about she1th, he didn’t like she1th & he was FURIOUS that how DARE not all his she1th fans were eager to throw their money at his original works (which forced him to go back to writing for she1th, even though he literally quit his dayjob to write fanfics full-time).

“Gruelingly underpaid” is apparently “professional rates for writing” so maybe Lee’s making a statement about the writing industry. Or maybe he’s just a dick.

As an ex-supporter of his patreon, We can tell you just how horrible his tiers are. And how tiring his whole gimmick of “I’m that edgy she1th writer! Sex workers! Drugs! Alcoholism! Cheating! Keith & Shiro hating each other but having sex! Christianity is evil & homophobic! -obligatory mention of Gucci because I’m trying to insert subliminal messages in my works to get my readers to buy me stuff!-” quickly got.

Essentially you’d have to pay $10 per month to see anything that wasn’t basically stuff you’d see on his twitter feed or tumblr. (”Pay me $5 a month & I’ll post my notes & let you know what I’m up to!”).

You also had to pay for updates to his she1th fic “Picosecond” if you wanted him to update at a speed faster than “1 chapter every 2-3 months” -- which is already stupid since it’s his fic, but if you’re unlucky & you “didn’t pay him enough”, he’d mention it on the post update that it’s YOUR fault that this chapter wasn’t longer*!

But it’s totally fine, because he said it in a joking tone & so that makes it okay to throw shade at his commissioner like that~!

*minor issue but he artificially inflates his own word count by waxing on about the scenery or filling the chapter with long monologues, so he was ripping people off even more while shilling how “deep” he was

Lee later threw a fit again about how ungrateful, uncaring & cruel the she1thdom was. Why? Because his newest fic about witch!Keith, paladin!Shiro & the cursed tree with crying baby heads for fruit didn’t get over 100 kudos within the span of three days.

And if you were a new fan to she1th & wanted fic recs? He’ll literally just rec his own fics & only his own fics! (Despite having connections to basically every she1th fic writer in the fandom).

Calling Lee a narcissist is a bit of an understatement.

He was also caught plagiarizing another she1ther’s band fic. And, key point here:

The original fic was posted for free on ao3.

Lee’s version was patreon-only until he posted it to ao3 (after ignoring his patreon subscribers who were like “hey what the fuck, i’ve read this before”).

You had to PAY to read Lee’s version (& this is just a personal opinion, but do you think you’d want to pay for a passionless uncaring version of the same fic? His whole disdain towards VLD & She1th leaks out all over his writing, but he’s so good at marketing his stuff that people don’t really notice it - they just think he’s being “dark & edgy”).

He then claimed to have no prior knowledge of the fic only for people to dig up his ao3 account & find out that not only had he bookmarked the original fic, but he had also kudosed it. (Yes, he’s deleted that bookmark by now. Can’t delete the kudos though!)

Lee tried to spin the whole thing as “fighting for the freedom to write whatever you want” just like how he tried to spin his condescending tweets about the Hanakotoba zine’s selection process as “rewarding those who worked hard at their writing” like it wasn’t just a blatant “im only picking me, my friends & popular folks & calling them the best the fandom has to offer” cash grab.

He eventually took down the fic but not before loudly insisting that he was in the right. The other author just wanted the drama to be over with so the entire incident was settled & forgotten without much fanfare.

And then someone spoke up & mentioned that Lee had begged for nudes from underaged fans. And a whole storm of threads poured forth, many of Lee’s whiteknights vanished into the wind & the she1th blogs who had been vaguing about him for years finally gave up on him (you can only avoid someone so much if they’re that popular & basically in every single she1th event promo & whatnot).

Essentially, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Or is it?

In the grand scheme of things, this hasn’t really changed much for Lee. People did write to his publisher, Oni Press, (as Lee was working on Dream Daddy with them) & while there was a response, there hasn’t been much information as to how it concluded.

His patreon follower count did drop quite a bit, but Lee still has many fans who will willingly throw tons of money at him. (Besides, he was already losing followers after VLD ended - tons of people lost interest in both the canon & in fan content).

So yeah, things haven’t really changed that much for Lee other than some people now refusing to support him financially or make art based on his works.

Twitter threads & posts about the whole incident:

http://archive.fo/HxI0H

http://archive.fo/N1thM

http://archive.fo/caVOs

http://archive.fo/YjBA5

http://archive.fo/2GgnG

http://archive.fo/454Ww

http://archive.fo/50f9A

http://archive.fo/EhBIQ

Fail-fandom threads about Lee CA’s attitude towards his own fans & his semi-illegal patreon (illegal in the sense that he never discloses on his account that he’s writing VLD fanfics for money):

https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/265625.html?thread=1492373401#cmt1492373401

http://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/264405.html?thread=1485573845#cmt1485

https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/321513.html?thread=1844915433#cmt1844915433

Lee CA’s plagiarism of another author:

http://archive.fo/TM25C

http://archive.fo/ioMRF

http://archive.fo/3kymS

http://archive.fo/yw6io

#vld discourse #voltron discourse #she1th #shaladin discourse #LPL

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kob131 · 5 years

Note

What do you feel about the post about Vic mignogna by ultraericthered

https://ultraericthered.tumblr.com/post/183990672385/im-sick-of-the-rangers-spamming-vics-tag-with

Let’s break this down.

Vic is absolutely guilty of inappropriate behavior, misconduct, sexual harassment, and possibly (just possibly) sexual assault towards others. This has been established by his pattern of behavior for years. Monica and the others are being entirely honest in their stories and the allegations are very likely honest as well. How this is even in question, I have no idea, but it upsets and disturbs me that there are so many who are quick to jump to Vic’s defense while simultaneously vilifying his opponents and accusers (and possibly victims).

A, He hasn’t been proven guilty of exual harassment OR assault and inapporiate behavior means nothing.

And B. yeah, no. Monica has been lying via omission for months now, refusing to give ANY details on any incidents DESPITE the fact that those details are REQUIRED to convict him. And before you say she’s scared: she’s openly threatened vic supporters with legal action. Over asking her for info. That is not the behavior of an innocent person.

Oh and C. NOTHING came to light about Vic for MONTHS. The ProJared shit started and ended in the same month.

What gives credibility to the side of Monica Rial, Jamie Marchi, Jamie McGonnigal, Marzgurl, etc. is that not only do their words and allegations line up with accounts of Vic’s skeevy behavior towards fans and women that have been going around the internet for YEARS (It’s honestly astonishing just how far back some of this goes), but how many other VAs, people actually in the industry who might’ve worked alongside Vic and would be there to witness his actions, have come out in Vic’s defense? Can’t really think of much. Meanwhile, how many have been coming out in support of the alleged victims? Quite a handful, even J. Michael Tatum, himself a victim of sexual assault in the past. Apparently, Vic being a primadona and a skeevy womanizing creeper has been an open secret in the VA industry since forever.

And of these guys:

Monica has evaded legal action and refused to give details NECESSARY to convict him

Marzgurl has sactively ENOCURAGE VIOLENCE

And Jamie has been proven to bully people into dropping Vic from cons.

As for the ‘accounts”: they’re eitehr anonyomous accounts, too old to prove...or taken out of context of the people involed.

And by the way. how many famous people probably came out and said ‘that guy’s a commie’ back during the Red Scare? People coming out to help doesn’t MEAN anything without proof. People in the wrong can still come out in droves. And if that doesn’t convince: does that mean rape victims who don’t have public support while their rapists DO are the ones in the wrong then? Same logic of ‘One party has more public support than the other, therefore they’re right.’

What’s damning on Vic’s side of things? Well not only was a thorough investigation into the sexual harassment allegations conducted during the time of the Broly movie’s production prior to Funimation’s decision to lay Vic off (something his fans don’t even seem to realize happened) -

You mean the one where they didn’t give any info and was probably a ‘cut off the controversial figure for profit’ decision?

- but Vic’s response to the whole situation has…just not been how I think an absolutely innocent man getting his career and livelihood threatened by accusation of things he absolutely never did and would never do would respond. Vic’s been pretty sincere and professional throughout this and I give him props for that, but his “defenses” against the allegations have always been along the lines of “I remember things differently” or “I didn’t realize she felt that way - I thought that thing we had was consensual and mutual.” Of course he’s not going to recall those incidents as being ones where he committed sex offenses because he did not see his actions as being such when he committed them. He fails to recognize how and why his behavior is so wrong. He doesn’t knowingly think of himself as a sex fiend and harasser when he acts that way - he really thinks he’s being nice (backed up by the allegation where he repeatedly asked his victim to “let me be sweet to you.”). But those moments were not consensual. The girls and women he touched or romanced were not comfortable with it.-

And Monica has threatened legal action and Marzgurl thretaened PHYSICAL VIOLENCE.

You wanna judge this based on public reaction? Show me where Vic threatens anyone who questions him.

What his intentions were at the time don’t matter when put next against how his victims internalized his actions and how they were made to feel -

No, intentions DO matter. That’s why ‘self defense’ and ‘murder’ are different concepts.

And on top of that, look at how Monica Rial worded her own account:

This, by contrast, is Vic’s wording of his side of things. He “got lazy.” He’s “a work in progress like everyone else.” And my personal favorite: “Voice actors are no different from you: we’re bozos. We’re all dumb humans just trying to do our best.” The emotions are sincere, but the words are unrefined and a bit try-hard in trying to paint a sympathetic image of himself.

And Monica, by your own standards, is trying to appeal to basic human empathy to trick people into believing her. Thing is, Vic is consistent in his actions. Monica has acted contradictory MANY times.

And what’s damning on the side of Vic’s fans and defenders? Well, I could not help but notice that they can be found all over Youtube, hive of the Far Right that it’s become-

Strike 1.

I also could not help but notice that whenever I clicked a video made for supporting Vic and tearing down his opposition and accusers (who, again, could very well be his victims), it was literally ALWAYS a dude speaking.

Strike 2.

It was always some man speaking in defense of this other man who he probably doesn’t even personally know in a situation he wasn’t there to experience and knows next to shit about, and demonizing “waamen” that he also doesn’t personally know. And in all of this, I have not once seen any valid reasoning for why Vic absolutely must be innocent of the allegations made against him other than “he’s a super popular, charming, beloved VA” and “he seems like such a nice guy”. It’s frankly quite terrifying that the immediate default for these people is to stand with the popular, prolific, powerful man (and I don’t want to be an SJW here, but that Vic is handsome, white, straight/cis, and Christian might be a huge part of it

Strike 3-

Not only is this gonna EMBOLDEN the assholes on Vic’s side-

But Monica’s defenders (like YOU) have focused on gender and bullshit instead of anything FACTUAL. You act like anyone whose accused of sexual assault is IMMEDIATELY guilty if the accuser is a woman and teh accused is a man. Never mind how most of these accusations come down to simple miscommunication between the parties and nevermind how if a guy tries coming to the police about being raped, it’s likely HE’LL be arrested. Let alone what happens if the woman gets pregnant and can sue for child support...even if she committed STATUTORY RAPE.

Oh, and Vic’s italian and that culture is very touchy feely. So guess what? You’re racist by your own logic.

and denounce the women who come forward to accuse him as being liars because this is exactly why women who are victimized by men of such power and popularity tend to NOT come forward with stories of their victimization immediately after it happens. Yes, anyone is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, but that doesn’t mean the accusers should be denounced as liars and demonized for daring to mess with the man - they ought to be shown support and respect IF in the case what they say is true and they really were hurt by that man. If they’re proven liars beyond any doubt, THEN they can be given well deserved scorn. But brushing them off beforehand is Not OK. Especially if it’s with conspiracy theories about how this is some big coordinated feminist effort to tear down a great man and destroy his livelihood, or it’s a retaliation from yaoi fangirls who hate that Vic dares to be anti-yaoi and Conservative in regards to gay people.

And yet you condemn Vic before he is proven to be lying.

Sorry, either condemn yourself or be better.

These assclowns have also constantly resorted to the defense of “Oh, hugging other people and kissing them in places not on the lips totes isn’t sexual harassment”. Totally ignoring the little details of the girls getting the hugs typically being total strangers to Vic outside of being fans of his work who are thus underage girls being touched by a grown man who has absolutely no relation to them, that he might have done the same with female co-workers behind the scenes, and that he has done these things on a whim, without the recipient’s consent and without paying any mind to how it might make them feel.

Also ignoring if they give consent like that time someone tried portraying Vic touching a supposedly underage girl only to BACKFIRE as the womana spoke out in defense of the man.

This has been a consistent pattern of behavior with him,

Consistently unproven.

and allegedly, he’s justified it with saying “silence gives consent.” Like a girl or woman absolutely has to verbally say “no” or tell him outright that he’s making them feel uncomfortable for it to be considered wrong and unwarranted. Basically “a lack of a No makes it a Yes.” I can’t begin to describe how gross that is.

So Vic has to be a fucking MINDREADER or else.

Great to know, especially considering how my own condition would make this shit damn near impossible to see.

The worst part is how these IStandWithVic cultists demonize Monica Rial. A woman who, by her own admission, was a victim of rape as a teenager.

Says the man who demonizes Vic.

A woman who has shown nothing but emotional and intellectual honesty and kindness on social media, who has acknowledged that even Vic and his fans don’t deserve to be harassed and hurt, to the point of stating this:

https://twitter.com/Rialisms/status/1095156641543192576

Funny how she says this TWO DAYS LATER than your picture.

But she’s both painted as a vicious liar who’s out to destroy a good, innocent man’s life and career, and is ALWAYS being written off by these dudes as just “the VA for Bulma.” As though she’s had no other notable roles in her long career of voice acting aside from that one character (as opposed to the oh-so talented, versatile and legendary star that is Vic). As though that character has had only one English VA. As though Monica just plain doesn’t matter when put next to a fellow VA in the industry who happens to be a handsome white, straight/cis, Christian male.

Keep being a bigoted douchebag, I can hear the alt RIght cumming.

And as though Monica had any feasible reason to lie about her experiences with Vic and assassinate his character on social media.

*points at you and your blind defense of her*

the pro-Vic crowd seems to think she’s greedy or jealous or just resentful towards Vic as a person, and is out to get him so that she can get money or respect or more roles or petty revenge or whatever.

Literally change ‘vic’ to ‘monica and that’d describe you.

But if that were really the case, how does that account for the friends and family who support her claims? How does it account for the fellow VAs (Jamie Marchi, Jamie McGonnigal, J. Micahel Tatum, Josh Grelle, Justin Briner, Daman Mills) who’ve all supported her claims and have said “Yeah, Vic’s been like that forever.

‘Get social brownie points’

How does it account for the fans and congoers who have been sharing their stories of uncomfortable experiences and encounters they’ve had with Vic FOR YEARS?

‘Stories’ are not truth.

The deck is NOT stacked in Vic’s favor here, so “he’s successful, popular, funny, friendly, charming, talented and a classic VA who’s so well loved in the anime community” is NOT going to cut it as an assumption of his innocence or a defense for his character.

No, that’s the legal system that says ‘innocent until proven guilty.’

He needs to be held accountable for his misdemeanors against people who gave no consent to being touched, hugged, kissed, stalked, romanced, or squicked out by him.

And yet Monica threatening legal action and Marzgurl making THREATS OF VIOLENCE? A-Ok.

It’s a Michael Jackson type of situation - even if he’s NOT done the things he’s being accused of, that does NOT make his creepy behavior towards underage fangirls excusable or alright.

Funny thing about Micheal Jackson-

The accusations, when you actually pay attention, are complete bullshit. Events don’t line up, accounts vary wildly, facts contradict stories. And yet he STILL suffered until the day he died and BEYOND. So thanks for remindidng why, as much as I hate Yellow Flash, Hero Hei and Nick Riekta-

You idiots are the worse evil.

Tl;dr: I shall from now on be referring to this VA as “Vic Cosby Mignogna.” ‘Cause even if he’s not guilty of the heinous shit that Bill Cosby is guilty of, his case is still all too eerily similar.

#IStandWithMonica

So does that mean if I call Monica ‘Monikkka’- She’s a KKK member now?

Oh wait, you wouldn’t give two shits if the places were reversed would you? For your cry of ‘I’m not an SJW!’- You sure do sound like the fucking strawman it represents.

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morefuns · 5 years

Text

━ ✧ ( freya mavor, 23, she/her ) did you hear about loretta ‘lo’ dickens’ new record ? it’s totally bitchin' ! apparently people who have interviewed her say they’re really ambitious & resilient, but they can be sort of disruptive & blunt if you catch her at a bad time. gingham print, coffee fueled all-nighters, the rhinestone covered nail at the end of a middle finger salute. *dolly parton vc!!

howdy folks !! i know i’m super late to the game here because my work schedule today & the next couple days is whack BUT you can call me spencer or sb, i use they/them pronouns, broadcasting from the cst time zone in the american southeast ( because, of course i would be with a dolly vc afvsgbsdfv ) && i’m here to introduce you to my country music child star that’s breaking her way into the mainstream music scene !! if you’d like to plot w her, feel free to go ahead and jump into my ims or give this a like and i’ll come to yours !! this will probably inevitably get way longer than necessary so feel free to just skip to the tldr version lmao

𝔹 𝔸 𝕊 𝕀 ℂ 𝕊

♡ name: loretta rose dickens ♡ nicknames: lorie ( to her parents ), itty ( to childhood friends ), lo ( to the rest of the world ) ♡ age: twenty-three ♡ date of birth: july 31 ( yes, she’s a love crazed leo what’s new ) ♡ place of birth: sevierville, tennessee ♡ accent: southern american, specifically appalachian ♡ gender: cisgender woman ♡ pronouns: she / her / hers

𝔹 𝔸 ℂ 𝕂 𝔾 ℝ 𝕆 𝕌 ℕ 𝔻

♡ loretta rose dickens was born the youngest of six children in the smokey mountains of east tennessee. to say she was the apple of her parents’ eyes would have been an understatement. despite the fact that her father’s career as a coal miner didn’t provide them with the highest income, they made the best of the life they had, and her parents always did whatever they could to give the children the whole world. ♡ lo first discovered her love for music in church. from the moment she was able, she sang along to every song from her seat in the worn down pews. until she was old enough to join the choir, then everyone was singing along with her. she was a natural, and was doted on by all the other members for her talents. ♡ while her passion for music never waned, it never occurred to lo that it could be a career. but soon enough her parents and their friends were encouraging her to perform more publicly than just the church. by the age of eleven, lo was featured on a number of local tv programs and radio shows, and by twelve she and her mother were signing contracts to record her first few singles. suddenly, she was being played on country music radio stations across the country. it was all uphill from there; suddenly she was a teenager and going a few hours away to nashville once a week to record music while she finished school. after graduating, she moved to nashville full time, and lived there for a couple of years before bigger opportunities had her packing up and taking the cross-country trip to los angeles. ♡ since her move to la, lo has been experimenting with her music a bit outside of the country bubble. these days, most of her tunes have more pop-sounding melodies, but she never forgets to add her own southern twist. her aesthetic and music mixes elements of classic country with the gaudy, over-the-top elements that characterize the era. ( the “ it takes a lot of money to look this cheap ” dolly quote is the most lo thing ever ok ) ♡ her music hasn’t been the only thing that has changed in recent years, though. just as she mixes styles with her music, her once virtuous country girl image has been tainted with the growing sex appeal she conveys, and she had become much more outspoken and short with interviewers and critics. that’s not to mention that she’s been caught being promiscuous with a number of other stars, as well as been seen partying maybe just a little too hard. older followers of lo and more conservative country music fans ─ who make up a considerable portion of her audience ─ are alarmed ( some even outraged ) by what seems to be a spark of rebellion coming from the once pure child star.

ℙ 𝔼 ℝ 𝕊 𝕆 ℕ 𝔸 𝕃 𝕀 𝕋 𝕐

♡ to begin, lo is super outspoken and blunt. not to say she’s unnecessarily mean, because she’s not, but she isn’t afraid to tell it how it is. especially if it’s about something she cares a lot about. ♡ she also ( generally ) is a do no harm but take no shit kind of person. she’s not gonna go out of her way to be malicious but she will not stand for bullshit. she will shut that down quick. this is one of the things that’s got her put into that ‘at risk’ category, because she has gotten snippy with a bunch of reporters, especially for asking sexist questions. she ain’t gonna have it ok. ♡ a love addict ─ she wants to love, wants to be loved, wants to be involved with love. similarly, she is the biggest flirt you’ll ever meet, and has a promiscuous streak going. not good at relationships, because in the fews she’s been in she always ended up cheating. just generally a boy crazy mess. ♡ so so so ambitious and passionate. if you tell her she can’t do something, she’ll do it just to prove you wrong. demands to be taken seriously. ♡ can be argumentative for that same reason ^ always always always wants to be right. could luck getting her to concede in a fight. ♡ loves contradictions in everything, which is a good thing because she is one tbh.

𝕋 𝕃 𝔻 ℝ ;

♡ lo was a child star on the country music scene for a while before she started dipping her toe into pop-y sounds and moved to la. now she’s kind of in the midst of a post-child star rebellious phase ( think 2012 miley but slightly less loud abt it and minus the cultural appropriation ). that along with her being more outspoken about her views on feminism and other social issues upset the conservative country fans that made up a large part of her ongoing audience, which is why she’s considered ‘at risk’. really just wants to have fun and be young tbh. huge flirt, kinda boy crazy. mixes very strong and intentional sex appeal with the classic virtuous southern girl image. would die 4 her gang.

𝕎 𝔸 ℕ 𝕋 𝔼 𝔻 ℂ 𝕆 ℕ ℕ 𝔼 ℂ 𝕋 𝕀 𝕆 ℕ 𝕊

♡ best fiends forever ─ best friends who are super close but also have a habit of stirring up trouble together. probably a little bit infamous in the media for being mischievous together. could be more than one character, even; i’m always down for a badass girl gang. ♡ can’t stay true ─ messy exes, maybe on again / off again, who were together but both of them seemed to always have trouble staying faithful to one another. ( potential for another on again / off again spell if you want and it works ─ but definitely not necessary !! ) ♡ featuring . . . ─ someone who she collaborates with creatively often !! could be another performer or group, a writer, really any role that would fit could be fun !! ♡ literally anything else ( friends, enemies, role models, anything & everything ) !! if you have ideas shoot them my way or we can brainstorm !!

#this is..... so late but here we go #no proof reading we die like men #1986.intro

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t0sshii · 7 years

Text

5-10-17

so i decided to write this post because i’ve been having some things on my mind and i haven’t really been able to get them off my chest

ok let’s backtrack to the beginning of college--last year. i really thought once i hit college it would be a fresh start. i can change who i was. because i didn’t like who i was in high school. too quiet. too shy. awkward when not around friends. i wanted to be like one of my childhood friends. she’s my opposite. outgoing. extra-friendly. everyone she meets loves her instantly.. smart. me? pretty forgettable. introverted. if you meet me the first time, chances are i’ll have to reintroduce myself the second time because i was so quiet the first time.

but freshman year was literally one of the loneliest times in my life. sure, it was great in the beginning: i was roommates with one of my friends from high school and wooo i started dating my boyfriend. it was pretty awesome. i thought i was becoming this new and improved person who had fun and went out to do shit my parents would never let me do back home.

i don’t know what changed? my roommate got new friends and suddenly i realized im the same person i was in high school. i’m not blaming her for making friends, though that’s great. i was honestly glad for her she didn’t have just me to hang out with. not gonna lie, i’m pretty boring. but when she introduced me to these new friends, i become very quiet. awkward. extra boring. uncomfortable. and yeah, that was me in high school whenever i wasn’t with my friends. even if i have a friend there, if i don’t know anyone else, i’m like a fish out of water. i don’t know what to say. my roommate became friends with the people around us in the building and it was pretty awesome for her. me? same old same old. no friends other than my roommate, my boyfriend, and my best friend back home. great.

but yeah, felt extremely alone. i talked to literally no one outside of class. i wanted to hang out with people, but i never went out unless i was invited. or spoke unless i was spoken to. but you know. those never happened because no one knew who i was? it was a bad cycle.

and i felt so lonely i cried on my pasta in the cafeteria and had to run to the church and cry by myself.....more than once.

fast forward to spring semester. i don’t know what changed? i started hanging out with our neighbors since they were the same major as me. i had a class with someone who later became one of my close friends. and i feel really bad for this, but i got so excited, i started to spend more time with them than my roommate. distance between us grew and then i found myself being a fish out of water in my own room. did some very regrettable things and i ended my freshman year as someone i didn’t want to be. and i still haven’t talked to my old roommate about what happened? but apparently everything seems fine? we still talk and say hello. but not as close as we were before. i miss her though.

honestly, without her, my boyfriend, and my friend back home i would have cried in church by myself a lot more than i did.

fall semester of sophomore year. yay. new slate. new roommate, had a great conversation with my old one, starting clinicals, group of friends. it’s going to be awesome. it was. i had all of my classes with one of my friends and it was great. we got closer. and i really felt like i was coming out of my shell. my relationship has been great. my coworkers are pretty cool and it’s fun hanging out with them after staff meetings. sure, i liked my alone time. that’s never going to change, but i really felt like i was becoming a person i want to be. i made friends with a few people in my clinical group. laughed a lot. didn’t cry because i was lonely once. i’m very grateful to my friend because she made me comfortable enough to be more myself. end of fall semester, i was definitely happier.

these are just brief summaries so i can get to the present lol

and now this semester. i had clinicals with my friend and my roommate which was awesome. honestly, i wouldn’t be as open without them. i became closer with my roommate too because we had all our classes together. relationship is still awesome (he still makes me happy. butterflies still there. ew gross. ok stop being cheesy). i can say “hi” to a lot more people than i did freshman year that’s for sure.

but i feel like i’m becoming the person i was freshman year again. i’m starting to rely on my roommate, my boyfriend, and my friend back home (who i literally text all times of the day) for my needed doses of human interaction. like night skype with my boyfriend is what i look forward too.

the above things themselves aren’t bad. in fact, they’re great! it’s nice to have supports to fall back on and people who are there for you. and people who love you. and i’m really lucky they’re in my life.

but idk. i feel like i should be hanging out with more people, too? like work more on becoming this super outgoing person that i want to be? but i really just want to stay in bed and do nothing all the fucking time. and it’s so annoying because there’s one part of me that wants to leave and go out and have fun and live like every single day. and then there’s the other part that wants to say no to invites, stay indoors, cuddle my stuffed sloth, lie down, and stay that way. what’s wrong with me haha

but yeah. friends have other friends. but me? still keep within the friend group and work group. sure, i talk to some other people, but it’s like acquaintance talk? i don’t know. i thought i was changing. but i guess i’m not. i don’t really even go out anymore except for fridays with my roommate--which are fun, i look forward to them. she’s a great person to be around and we laugh a lot together.

should be fine right? i have friends at least. i love my roommate. i love my boyfriend. i can’t wait to go home to hang out with my fiends back home. so what’s the problem? why do i still feel lonely sometimes? i shouldn’t. i reaaaallllyyyyy shouldn’t.

i’m becoming a fish out of water again. and it sucks. so much. because someone told me that they wish people got to know me more because i’m actually? pretty? cool? i guess? i wish more people got to know me more too. but clinicals is over and i feel like i’m missing out on my chance for some really good friends in that group because i need years to fucking open up or whatever. i just feel like i’m missing out because i still can’t hold a conversation and i have this tendency to overthink my conversations after they happen.

and i’m scared of having to start all over again with a new group. and this time no friends to use as an anchor. and i know it shouldn’t even be a problem because i’m going to clinicals to learn. still. the anxiety is there.

i just want to be one of those people who smile a lot and can have a conversation with literally anyone and can meet new people and not have to mentally prepare conversations in their head.

none of this made sense my bad. i can’t put my feelings into words really well--still tryna figure out how to describe how i’m feeling? still have more to say so look forward (or not?) to more posts. honestly, i think i just sound like a little baby who makes a big deal out of nothing.

i guess we all go through rough patches. to quote heathers: “if you were happy all the time, you wouldn’t be human. you’d be a gameshow host.”

but yeah. other than that. semester’s been great. HESI got me fucked up though. idk.

i know i don’t really sound happy in this post, but actually am. like in this point in my life i’d rate my happiness like.... 7/10. this stuff is mostly late night thoughts, or back of my mind thinking i try to suppress. like don’t worry about me, guys. other than this stuff i’m fine :)

p.s. i'm very thankful my boyfriend, roommates (old and current), and my friends back home, and friends here for keeping me (somewhat?) sane and laughing. cause i forget negativity when i’m with them.

#meri speaks #i don't know?#i don't know how to sort out feelings #my feelings are a mess and i dont know why?#why am i like this #ugh #frustrating myself #honestly #i'm just trash really

0 notes

goldenponcho · 7 years

Text

Battle for Neverland Chapter 2

Yeah, so I said I was gonna post this one chapter after another, and so far, all I’ve posted was the first, so I’m gonna go ahead and queue up the rest I have so far.

Here’s chapter 1 if you haven’t read it.

Next chapter

"Tink stumbled a bit as she emerged from the other side of the portal, "Phew!! Peter, I told you this wasn't a good i-"

She stopped in mid sentence when she realized she wasn't in the Underground House. Tink was familiar with every inch of the Never-Forest, but nothing in her direct line of vision outside the hollow tree she was now standing in was at all recognizable. "Wh-! What kind of cheap dust is this?!!" she yanked the sack from her belt, scrunching her nose with a glare, "What good is it if it just takes me to wherever it happens to fancy?!" She crossed her arms with a stomp, fuming for a moment, then sighed, "Well… at least I won't have to listen to that horrible singing anymore," she said fluttering from the portal, and onto a nearby tree branch, "so much for my nap, though..." She examined her surroundings from her new position. Tall maples and evergreens shaded the fern-covered forest floor, and a recently fallen oak rested across a patch of saplings to her left, the small trees straining to hold the large trunk. To a human, the rainbow of flowers scattered along the forest floor and the sunbeams shining through the brances might have seemed beautiful, but to a fairy, it was nothing to be awed over. Not when there was Neverland to compare it to.

That's when she noticed a faint buzzing that quickly grew louder, and she stumbled backward, landing solidly on her backside as a large, fuzzy bee landed on the bark surrounding the hollowed out hole. Its wings buzzed in short bursts as it seemed to regard Tink with interest. Tink slowly gazed toward the top of her head at the small flower she wore as a hat.

“Nooo...n-n-n-n-n!” she grabbed the petals and pulled it down further over her head, “This isn't your flower! It's mine!” She hovered backward as the curious insect pawed at her, before finally flying up and over it. “Phew!” she turned with a sigh of relief until she realized that an entire swarm was patrolling the area and only feet above her hung a massive hive.

“Eep!” She dodged two that went for her as soon as they noticed her, and she buzzed away quickly. It was a good thing bees were such awkward, slow fliers.

“Well I'm not getting back in there anytime soon.” She made some significant distance from the hive before finally landing on a branch to scan the area.

Ferns, pine cones, poison ivy... “Ooo!” she peered closer to a few trees over at the base of a sapling where a lush patch of silver sage covered the forest floor. After making sure the coast was clear of any more flying creatures that might take an interest in her, she fluttered down from her perch.

She ran her fingers over the silky leaves and sat before pausing, “...I probably shouldn't...” But the woolly leaves were so soft against her skin, and the thought of such a comfortable sleep made her yawn. “Well...if I can't get back to the Underground House, I might as well just snooze for a bit here,” she nestled comfortably into the soft leaves with another yawn, “The portal will be just where I left it when I get back.” ~*~*~*~ "En garde, fiend!!" Peter slashed at Nibs with his wooden sword, barely missing the Lost Boy's head. Wendy caught herself staring at the fireplace, and quickly looked up to where the Lost Boys were squabbling, "Tink's been gone for a very long time, Peter," she reminded him, breaking the thread from one of Michael's socks she had just finished mending. Peter turned to her, parrying an attack from Slightly in the same motion, "Tink... Now that you mention it, I haven't seen her since this morning. Where has she gone to, anyway?" Wendy rolled her eyes with a deep sigh, "She went to help you pull your prank, Peter!" "Oh! That's right!!” Peter side-stepped a charging Curly, and the boy landed face first on the dusty floor. "She's probably just making sure Hook's soup is extra disgusting." "I slightly doubt that, Peter," Slightly spoke up as he darted at him again with his wooden sword, "Tink was more than slightly sleepy. She really wanted to get it over with and get to bed." "Oh, she'll be fine!" Peter insisted, casually knocking Slightly over after dodging his attack, "She can fly, and the pirates can't. What could possibly happen?!" ~*~*~*~*~

Faint voices interrupted the tranquil sounds of the forest, and Tink was slowly pulled from what had probably been the most sound three hours of sleep she had gotten in a good while. She stretched with a contented sigh before registering that there were others nearby.

Whoever these creatures were had no problem with the whole forest knowing they were there. She shook her head; definitely humans...

Tink flitted a few yards further to a dogwood that lined the edge of a small clearing, where five humans, adults, two males and three females, sat around the beginnings of a small bonfire, one of the boys having a rough go of lighting the tinder.

“Sheezus, Ethan! You're gonna bust a vessel if you keep doin' that!”

This Ethan looked at the girl who had said that from over...some sort of manuscript it seemed, making a show of scraping the flint comically fast.

“Ethan! Stop being an effing goober, and get that fire lit!” another girl, who was unpacking a long, cylindrical bag of poles and what looked to be brightly colored canvas.

“And Susannah! Get off your butt and help!”

The blond girl with the “manuscript” rolled her eyes, reaching for a knapsack near her feet and beginning to unpack half-hazardly as she continued her reading.

“Come on, Lindsay...” the other boy pleaded, “we can pitch the tent later. The priority right now should be dinner.”

The blond scoffed, “Yeah, since SOME-body didn't wanna stop and get somethin' on the way...”

Lindsay squinted with a huff, and dropped the bag of sticks, “Fine! You guys managed to get the food, right?”

Another two girls, loaded with about as many bags as they could possibly carry, made their way into the clearing.

“Emma?!”

“Yeah! Got it! Got it!” one in a knit hat raised three small, white sacks.

“Guess it's PB and J tonight...” said the last one, who had a strange, blond streak in her otherwise mousy hair. She smirked toward Ethan.

“Almost got it, Riley!” exclaimed Ethan, filing away at the flint, no sparks to be seen.

“Ethan...” the other boy placed a hand dramatically on Ethan's shoulder with a whisper, “It's time to stop.”

The boy sighed, drooping his head, “Another day, perhaps...”

Emma waved two jars in his direction, tossing one to Riley, and they all gathered around to make their sandwiches.

Humans, Tink laughed to herself, hopeless as always.

Once they had settled in with their meals, their conversation continued.

“Jared Leto's hot,” the blond lifted her strange manuscript directly to her face.

“Ew! He's a douche, Susannah...” Lindsay wrinkled her nose before taking a bite from her sandwich.

“Yeah, but he's still hot,” she finally looked up from her reading, “I met 'im back in March, ya know! Right at the end of my internship; they paid for the trip and everything. Didn't get to interview him myself, but...”

“That's still pretty impressive,” Grant, the other boy, replied, “All I did for my internship was take pictures of babies and old people. I never realized how similar they were til then...”

“Have to change any diapers?” Riley asked, looking up from a small book she seemed to have been writing in.

Grant shook his head, “It was a close call a couple of times, but no. At least my work there got me a job, though.”

“Oh! Ya'll heard about Lindsay's new job, right?” asked Susannah with a grin, finally closing whatever it was she had been reading.

“Oh, yeah!” Emma, spoke up, “Where'd you say it was at?”

“Pathway Center, a psychiatrist office in Berkeley Lake,” Lindsay straightened up in her chair, “I didn't have much competition. My mom's office works with the company a lot. She put in a good word.”

“Wish I had those kinds of connections,” Emma said with wide eyes, “I think I'll be stuck in insurance my whole life.”

Lindsay shrugged, “It's all about who you know.”

Tink propped her head up with her hand, stifling a yawn with the other. Tin spoons and tonics, human's were boring!

“So, Riley...”

The girl almost jumped as Susannah addressed her.

“What'chu up to these days? You always had a lotta' talent in school.”

“Eh...” Riley closed her book, placing it back in her lap, “Nothing much, I...I'm actually looking for something else right now.”

The answer apparently wasn't enough for Lindsay, “Yeah, but what are you doing now?”

Riley fidgeted a bit, “I, um...I work in a warehouse.”

“Ah,” her tone was as short as her reply.

The others nodded with no commentary, and Riley's eyes shifted between them expecting someone to say something before continuing.

“It's, uh...ya know, a lot of walking and lifting,” she picked at a frayed tab on her book, “It's good exercise, but it's...pretty soul crushing...”

A few nods, and a couple “yeah's” preceded a few seconds of silence, which Susannah attempted to end.

“Sooo any prospects, then?”

Tink stumbled a bit as she emerged from the other side of the portal, "Phew!! Peter, I told you this wasn't a good i-"

"Wh-! What kind of cheap dust is this?!!" she yanked the sack from her belt, scrunching her nose with a glare, "What good is it if it just takes me to wherever it happens to fancy?!"

She crossed her arms with a stomp, fuming for a moment, then sighed, "Well… at least I won't have to listen to that horrible singing anymore," she said fluttering from the portal, and onto a nearby tree branch, "so much for my nap, though..."

She examined her surroundings from her new position. Tall maples and evergreens shaded the fern-covered forest floor, and a recently fallen oak rested across a patch of saplings to her left, the small trees straining to hold the large trunk. To a human, the rainbow of flowers scattered along the forest floor and the sunbeams shining through the brances might have seemed beautiful, but to a fairy, it was nothing to be awed over. Not when there was Neverland to compare it to.

“Eep!” She dodged two that went for her as soon as they noticed her, and she buzzed away quickly. It was a good thing bees were such awkward, slow fliers.

“Well I'm not getting back in there anytime soon.” She made some significant distance from the hive before finally landing on a branch to scan the area.

~*~*~*~

"En garde, fiend!!"

Peter slashed at Nibs with his wooden sword, barely missing the Lost Boy's head.

Wendy caught herself staring at the fireplace, and quickly looked up to where the Lost Boys were squabbling, "Tink's been gone for a very long time, Peter," she reminded him, breaking the thread from one of Michael's socks she had just finished mending.

Peter turned to her, parrying an attack from Slightly in the same motion, "Tink... Now that you mention it, I haven't seen her since this morning. Where has she gone to, anyway?"

Wendy rolled her eyes with a deep sigh, "She went to help you pull your prank, Peter!"

"Oh! That's right!!” Peter side-stepped a charging Curly, and the boy landed face first on the dusty floor. "She's probably just making sure Hook's soup is extra disgusting."

"I slightly doubt that, Peter," Slightly spoke up as he darted at him again with his wooden sword, "Tink was more than slightly sleepy. She really wanted to get it over with and get to bed."

"Oh, she'll be fine!" Peter insisted, casually knocking Slightly over after dodging his attack, "She can fly, and the pirates can't. What could possibly happen?!"

~*~*~*~*~

Whoever these creatures were had no problem with the whole forest knowing they were there. She shook her head; definitely humans...

“Sheezus, Ethan! You're gonna bust a vessel if you keep doin' that!”

This Ethan looked at the girl who had said that from over...some sort of manuscript it seemed, making a show of scraping the flint comically fast.

“Ethan! Stop being an effing goober, and get that fire lit!” another girl, who was unpacking a long, cylindrical bag of poles and what looked to be brightly colored canvas.

“And Susannah! Get off your butt and help!”

The blond girl with the “manuscript” rolled her eyes, reaching for a knapsack near her feet and beginning to unpack half-hazardly as she continued her reading.

“Come on, Lindsay...” the other boy pleaded, “we can pitch the tent later. The priority right now should be dinner.”

The blond scoffed, “Yeah, since SOME-body didn't wanna stop and get somethin' on the way...”

Lindsay squinted with a huff, and dropped the bag of sticks, “Fine! You guys managed to get the food, right?”

Another two girls, loaded with about as many bags as they could possibly carry, made their way into the clearing.

“Emma?!”

“Yeah! Got it! Got it!” one in a knit hat raised three small, white sacks.

“Guess it's PB and J tonight...” said the last one, who had a strange, blond streak in her otherwise mousy hair. She smirked toward Ethan.

“Almost got it, Riley!” exclaimed Ethan, filing away at the flint, no sparks to be seen.

“Ethan...” the other boy placed a hand dramatically on Ethan's shoulder with a whisper, “It's time to stop.”

The boy sighed, drooping his head, “Another day, perhaps...”

Emma waved two jars in his direction, tossing one to Riley, and they all gathered around to make their sandwiches.

Humans, Tink laughed to herself, hopeless as always.

Once they had settled in with their meals, their conversation continued.

“Jared Leto's hot,” the blond lifted her strange manuscript directly to her face.

“Ew, Susie!! He's a douche..." Lindsay wrinkled her nose before taking a bite from her sandwich.

“That's still pretty impressive,” Grant, the other boy, replied, “All I did for my internship was take pictures of babies and old people. I never realized how similar they were til then...”

“Have to change any diapers?” Riley asked, looking up from a small book she seemed to have been writing in.

Grant shook his head, “It was a close call a couple of times, but no. At least my work there got me a job, though.”

“Oh! Ya'll heard about Lindsay's new job, right?” asked Susannah with a grin, finally closing whatever it was she had been reading.

“Oh, yeah!” Emma, spoke up, “Where'd you say it was at?”

“Wish I had those kinds of connections,” Emma said with wide eyes, “I think I'll be stuck in insurance my whole life.”

Lindsay shrugged, “It's all about who you know.”

Tink propped her head up with her hand, stifling a yawn with the other. Tin spoons and tonics, human's were boring!

“So, Riley...”

The girl almost jumped as Susannah addressed her, "What'chu up to these days? You always had a lotta' talent in school."

“Eh...Riley closed her book, placing it back in her lap, “Nothing much, I...I'm actually looking for something else right now.”

"Oh..." she nodded knowingly, "Gotcha."

Lindsay, however, persisted, "Yeah, but what are you doing now?”

Riley crossed her legs, her grounded foot bouncing quickly, “I, um...I work in a warehouse...nothing fancy."

“Ah,” her tone was as short as her reply, and the others nodded with no commentary.

Riley's eyes shifted between them expecting someone to say something before continuing. "It's, uh...ya know, a lot of walking and lifting,” she picked at a frayed tab on her book, “It's good exercise, but it's...pretty soul crushing...”

A few nods, and a couple “yeah's” preceded a few seconds of silence, which Susannah attempted to end.

“Sooo any prospects, then?”

Riley shrugged, “I've had a couple interviews. Concept art jobs, book companies looking for illustrators..." Her eyes shifted, "And I've been thinking about freelancing...”

Recognizing the awkwardness, Emma quickly picked up the conversation, “Well, you'll definitely find something. You're work is great!”

“Maybe going back to school would help,” all eyes turned to Lindsay, “I mean...there's just not a lot of profit in art, not unless you're really lucky.”

Most of the group seemed uneasy at this point, and Riley seemed to be biting her lip.

She gasped, “What about nursing...something medical! Ya know, saving lives; that would be really good for you.”

Now there was dead silence, and Susannah massaged her temple with a strained look.

Ethan, not one to notice an awkward situation, gave a snort of laughter, "Oh, yeah, a nurse named Riley Blade! That'll go over real well with the patients..." he pulled his shirt to his mouth as if speaking into a clip on mic, "Uuh...Nurse Blade to the biopsy room,please? Nurse Blade?! We're gonna need a leg amputated over here, stat!!"

Grant gave Ethan a punch in the arm, and Riley chuckled dryly, hoping the quip had derailed the conversation. She was afforded no such luck.

"No, I really think something like that might be more fulfilling for you," Lindsay nodded with wide eyes, "My mom has a lot of great contacts she could hook you up with. Knows the best schools too."

Riley cleared her throat with a curt nod, “Sure.” She tapped her nails quickly on her book, before straightening herself, “Oh! Um...I just realized I left something in my car.” She stood picking up a small sack and shoving her book inside, “I'll be right back.”

Susannah mouthed something toward Lindsay with a glare, and finally Riley was out of earshot. “The HELL was that?!”

“What?!” Lindsay cocked her head, genuinely confused.

“Are you trying to upset 'er?!”

“NO!”

“Well how do you expect her to react?” Grant shook his head, “Trying to bring up her mom...”

“UH!” her mouth hung open at the accusation, “I didn't bring her up!!”

“Uh! Ya kinda did,” Susannah retorted with crossed arms.

“Oh!” Lindsay crossed her arms as well, “So I guess I can't say anything around her anymore... She's been like this for over a year. When is she gonna snap out of it?!”

“Lindsay...” Emma shook her head with the shrug of a shoulder, “you don't just 'snap out' of something like that. She lost her mother.”

“Well, we can't walk on eggshells forever!”

Tink shook her head. Humans were so dramatic; always a squabble...

That's when Tinkerbell's keen ears picked up a light snap, and turning her head from her position in the trees, she could see Riley leaning against an oak.

~*~*~*~

Riley wiped her eyes before approaching her friends again, “Think I'm gonna head down the trail and find the waterfall. It shouldn't be far.”

The others were startled by her sudden appearance, but nodded, getting the hint that she wanted to go alone. “Alright, let us know how the water is,” Susannah said with a smile.

She was soon pacing through the forest, dodging a few spider webs that had been built recently enough for no one to have broken through them yet. She should have known it would turn out like this. She had thought she was in a good enough place to enjoy a trip with her friends, but it just wasn't happening. She dreaded the coming night. She still had the occasional difficulty with sleep, and she was certain she would be wide awake tonight.

She had never been very close to or even overtly fond of Lindsay. Part of her wanted to be angry with her. Was she really so dense as to not think maybe suggesting that saving peoples lives would suddenly cure her of grief just might be unwanted advice in her situation?

She stumbled over a protruding rock, catching herself on a tree. Taking pause, she gripped the branch so hard the bark made imprints on her palms.

Lindsay was right, though; she was getting nowhere. Art school had been a waste of her time, and now she was stuck at a job she was drastically overqualified for, barely making a living wage and hating it every day. And then her mother got sick...

Her thoughts were interrupted when pushed aside the tree branch that had been obstructing her path. There, not fifty yards ahead was an exceptionally large black bear. She took a long silent breath, backing away slowly. But it had seen her, and unfortunately it was curious.

“Woah! WOAH! BACK!!” she glanced around as she tried to remain calm. If she ran, it would run after her.

It sniffed the air with a grunt, still advancing.

“GIT!! GO ON!!!” she stomped her foot toward it, causing it to flinch back, but not for long. This bear obviously wasn't the least bit afraid of people. Her eyes shifted desperately again.

There, just through the saplings, she could see a massive tree with a large, dark hollow. Just big enough for her to fit into and be clear of the bear's reach. She calmly but quickly edged toward it. She almost fell backwards as the bear reared back to knock her over, but she narrowly evaded and caught herself, before finally wedging herself into the trunk of the tree.

The bear clawed at the bark of the tree, and that was when she remembered the granola bars in her backpack. Almost ripping the zipper open, she scooped out a hand full and tossed it out where the bear made quick work of tearing them open and gobbling them down. But it wasn't satisfied. Riley thought, as it sniffed toward her, that it still thought she had more, but as it reared back again, and leaned it's forepaws against the tree trunk, she realized that it was after something else.

She heard the buzzing before she actually saw the large, gray hive just above her.

“Ooooh! NononononoNONO!!” she tried to back further into the hole. However, it didn't shield her from the angry bees now swarming around the crevice as the bear tore into the hive, unfazed.

She squeezed herself downward, trying not to make too much noise as she felt the first stings. She would have been better off with the bear. Receiving several more stings, she forced herself further down.

And then she fell backward...

She rubbed the back of her head and neck, momentarily forgetting about the painful stings, and when she finally got a grip on her spinning vision, she noticed the open cabinet at her feet. Her eyes shifted back and forth, too dumbfounded to move. Had she fallen out of there? Pots and pans covered a counter top above her, and piles of potatoes and other vegetables were scattered over the wood floor.

She stood slowly. Had there been a house built into the tree? Surely she would have noticed. Maybe she was underground. But how could someone have gotten away with building all this under a public hiking trail? Absent mindedly looking over the old cast iron stove, she tried to sort things out in her head. She had to be unconscious; she had to have been stung so many times she had passed out. Or died...

She removed the lid to a pot that sat over one of the eyes and immediately regretted it. She gagged on the noxious odor, and stumbled backwards in a coughing fit, nearly tripping over a barrel.

"Oh, no...caugh caugh caugh...that is not for eating!" she carefully avoided stepping on any wayward food stuffs with a bit of difficulty.

No, this didn't feel like a dream. She felt so clear headed, everything was so detailed. She quickly decided she should get out of the room before someone caught her or, assuming she wasn't already dead, died of the fumes. She slowly cracked open the door, wincing as it creaked a bit louder than she would have liked, and found that it went to a long hallway. Like the kitchen, everything was wood, the ceiling, the floors, the walls, and she slowly began to realize that the entire structure was swaying. A ship?

As she neared the other end of the hallway, she could make out an opening in the ceiling that shone a beam of light from outside, illuminating the wooden ladder below it. She could hear the sound of waves as she neared the opening and crept slowly to the foot of the steps, hoping to take a look at what or who was on deck, but all she could make out was the mainmast and a bit of rigging.

Just as she had taken her first step up the stairs, she almost lost her footing when a small, pinkish light zipped past her and out the hatchway. She quickly caught her breath, but when she directed her sight back to the hatchway, she froze. She stared face to face at a dark skinned boy, no older than about fifteen or sixteen, both of them frozen in their spot.

Riley struggled to speak, to give some explanation for her presence, but she wasn't given a chance. Just as she noticed the skull and crossbones flag that flew at the top of the mainmast, a rather rough looking man appeared beside the boy, and without pause alerted the others.

"Ahoy!! Stowaway!!!"

Riley's stomach leapt into her mouth, her legs taking over and propelling her back toward the galley as fast as they could carry her.

"There's a stowaway on board, maties!!" she could hear the man from behind her, "Hurry, ya dogs!"

She heard the rumble of footsteps in the hallway and tripped over several pots and pans and vegetable piles before diving into the cabinet. But instead of finding herself back inside the bee-infested tree trunk, she hit her head on the wooden back panel.

"What?!!" she squeaked, "Where's the hole?!!!"

Having no time to panic, she quickly pulled the door closed and huddled up in the corner. How many poor decisions could she make in an evening? One way or another, she was dead for sure.

The bi-fold door slammed open against the wall, and several pairs of footsteps could be heard storming into the room.

"Yeh see 'em, maties?' said one deep voice.

"No… I should say they're hiding here somewhere," said a higher pitched voice.

"Come out, come out, wherever yeh be!" came an Irish accented voice. This voice echoed as he had apparently picked up one of the many pots and was calling into it.

Riley covered her mouth and nose with one hand and attempted to calm her breathing. After several seconds of silence, she thought they may have given up. But that fleeting hope was replaced with fear as the door to her cabinet swung open.

#peter pan and the pirates #battle for neverland #peter pan #captain hook #fanfiction

0 notes

harmonizedheroine · 7 years

Text

Winter2017

I. Confused - Jan2

Here I am, sitting at the mesmerizing cliffs of dover pretending that I am making decisions that are worthwhile, writing words that I thought could offer me solace. It is my last year here and I fear that there is no clarity near, like I will always be drowning in the same relentless cycle of malcontent.

It’s almost choking me at this point, the thickness of the grime from that past year inching up towards my cranium, threatening to fill up my brain with its thoughtless dark.

But, at the stroke of midnight all of that passed. The silent orb of brightness escaped the shadows and caressed my face… “You’re so beautiful.” I melt under rays of endless summer that promise me joy, joy and nothing more.

I remember, there was a cloudy shine awaiting me outside, but I shouldn’t have left. What if I missed it. The chance, the opportunity, the perfect one.

But, there’s a whole year. A whole year to figure out how I can near my inevitable bliss because I know one day I can reach it. I can achieve happiness and I am willing to persevere whatever obstacles I must in order to do so.

“This is my year,” they all say each year. But, I mean it. This is the year that I take control of my life because fate is passing. I have to do something because if I don’t, who will?

So, this is me…and these are the ramblings of a mad woman. I can’t wait to spend the next year with you and I hope this post grows as long as….the Nile River.

II. Ability - Jan5

I want to be able to…

reach the moon with only the help of one balloon,

break through the walls with a single push…pop,

make my childhood last as long as infinity

time and record the blissful surrender into calamity

witness the dark and passionate affair with a soul that of Dorian’s

worry even the smallest person passing me by

capture the attention of an untamed lion with a gaze

because god only knows what I’d be without you.

III. Weirdo - Jan7

Dude, so apparently it’s #wastemytime2k17 because I have been scammed, yet again. Honestly, it would have been dope if Joanne the Scammer herself had scammed me, but alas...t’was not. So, basically, Nate is over which is a rough situation for me to be in, having had liked him and spent a lot of time with him for several months. I still have his bracelet. He gave me literally $170 worth of Vans and I can’t return a pair because I wore it BUT I plan on returning the other pair because it just feels wrong.

He literally ripped my heart out. I drove to Megan’s after I made up a very smooth excuse that my mom needed me home. It was 2am. It made sense. I just didn’t wanna cry in front him...So, I just dipped. Like...it was just a boozy night. What the heckaroons, 2017 is MY year. People have to stop trying to ruin my year. But, you see, that only ruined my week. I’ll get over it. No one is worth my year. And, in the coming months, I will forget all about it and him. I just need a little bit of time!

Donald Glover’s Weirdo is one of the best one-hour stand-up’s I’ve ever seen. It is insanely funny and I love Donald Glover because he is an absolute gem. It totally repaired my night. And I found out that I’m the bomb. Like what an L for Nate. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I mean...he doesn’t like Kanye which is like fine whatever I guess I get it. But, then he said he doesn’t like Frank Ocean because he’s too mainstream. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THEN. Also, he’s not into Star Wars??? I was shook.

I found out several things from my time with Nathan. If a boy says he doesn’t like the major things that I like....AKA FRANK FREAKING OCEAN (like who doesn’t like him), then that means that something is up. I also learned that I can be like really nice sometimes or...you know what I’m saying? Like I can be really really nice when people are really really nice to me. Reciprocation was a big takeaway word from this lesson. I honestly think that it ended because cuffing szn has officially concluded. Onto living life to the fullest. This is my year. And I can’t wait to makeout with cute college boys at parties again (haha kidding, but at the same time let me LIVE, mom).

IV. Quirky - Jan11

frick

frickity

frack goes the click clack

goon

fiend

shoots patoots

any form of the word baboon

baboon

baboonery

to be continued….

V. Takeaway - Jan12

I figured from a few posts ago that I learned something or, you know, a lesson from each of the boys that I’ve spent time with, whether short or long or recurring like Megan Fox on New Girl...it’s all a struggle. But, let’s take it from the start!

Ben - Cool cat. All I can take away from this is that we were both fetuses and it was the longest relationship that I’ve ever been in (1 year I think??), yet it wasn’t even one lol. But, he’s the bomb and we’re still really good friends. I guess I can take away from this that exes CAN be besties.

Nick - My on-and-off boyfriend. We’re currently off, obviously, and hopefully forever. I learned from this kiddo that I love funny guys, they’re the best. I was really sad to see junior Nick turn into a douchebag compared to the Nick I knew just a few years before. I learned that I don’t deserved to be cheated on and that boys can be boozy. It was just ratchet. And I’m dope. Also, friends with benefits works only in the rarest of occasions and please don’t enter that sort of relationship with you EX. Bad idea, buddy.

Ethan - He spent more time with video games then paying attention to me. Obviously, the lesson here is that that is completely dumb and I’m dope. Except, it also showed that drummers are my kryptonite (reference one of my two biggest high school crushes: Matthew Butler). But, yeah, I love video games and I can totally play and actually enjoy that shit because...they’re dope. But, it was just boozy.

Ted - Okay, this is the first boy to take me out on dates and it was literally so adorable and I loved how much effort he put into things because he liked me. We went to the city and the zoo and you know all of this cute shit. But, it was supposed to be casual. He was perfect and amazing, but it was destined to end. I learned that you can’t make someone like you. The whole time, I thought that he would maybe realize that he would want to actually be with me. FALSE. But, it’s okay. Because I still enjoyed my time with him.

Yash - Yeah, it was fun. But, I hate boys that love drama. I know he kept saying that he hates drama, but I literally told one person about Yash and he flipped shit and it wasn’t cute. Also, after a while, he stopped being all cute and nice. Not cute. I learned that assholes are never fun, to not take people’s shit, and that I deserve like waaay better lol.

Nate - He was absolutely too nice to me and he treated me fantastically. Totally sweet and caring and compassionate and kind. But, that can only amount to so much. That could only come to be so much, though, you know? From my last post about him, I could say that I learned liking a few of my major likes like Frank Ocean are kind of important. I want to talk to someone about everything, even like intellectual stuff. He was absolutely too good to me, but in the end I wasn’t enough. Which is okay because I’m enough for myself. I learned that nice guys definitely don’t finish last, that I’m a great girlfriend, and that I deserved someone who goes to the third floor (future me: I hope you remember what this means lol. I DESERVE SOMEONE WHO GOES TO THE THIRD FREAKING FLOOR, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR.

VI. Enough - Jan14

IM SORRY FOR ALL OF THE RELATIONSHIP POSTS... my love life is boozy and I promise to fill this szn-long post with more fulfilling and relevant life stories and shiz because this relationship drama is getting boring.

my relationships have all ended with one word in mind looming over me for weeks on end afterwards: enough.

i feel like i’m never enough. i get that boys like me, maybe even a lot do/could. but they never like me enough. i just want someone to care about me enough to not cheat and actively tell themselves that they would never cheat because…in all honesty, i think i’m a fairly good person. it’s not like im an awful girlfriend or even an awful person. you know…i get that people can “like” me, but they just don’t like me enough…enough to want to keep me in a real relationship, to try. because i try. i always try and lose myself to trying to make people happy, whether it’s with relationships or even just my friendships. i always exert all of my energy and find none of it reciprocated. and i guess im not really complaining, it just sucks you know?

all starts with nick. im not enough for him to stay loyal (these hoes aint loyal). for ted, i wasn’t enough for him to keep once northwestern started. for yash i wasnt enough for him to not eventually treat me like trash, straight up. for nate, i wasn’t enough to put his faith in, until college and maybe even further.

like i hate getting my hopes up, waiting for something that would never happen, and just trying so hard to care about people who couldn’t even…i dont know. its just…im tired. im so so tired and so discouraged and boys keep treating me like trash and ugh.

it might sound dumb or whatever, but i feel like i deserve more than this at least. because im enough for myself and that’s for sure. so if im not enough for other people, then that’s on them. seriously.

what just tears me apart is the whole nate thing right now. like yeah for sure im talking to danny right now and he’s an absolute dreamboat, but the whole nate situation still manages to upset me, you know? like he’s literally pretending that i don’t exist. it’s like we don’t know eachother. and he doesn’t wanna date me because college. well yeah, but that’s in 7-8 months. Also…I’m not the type of person to cheat or leave someone as soon as I see the first cute person at college. I feel like I would care more than that. rough. yet another case to validate the fact that nothing ever goes.

so here i am now, going back to my fall go-to of “casual” things with people. because i don’t want to cry over a guy again. freaking 2017 is my year. im over it. lmao. sorry i just needed to rant, please don’t read this :/

VI. Scammed - Jan20

There has been an update.

I’ve been informed by Megan and Max, two excellent sources, that I was, in fact, scammed by Nathaniel. So, it turns out that he kind of used me to see if he could get over Corey. Throughout the two-three months, I was actually just part of a social, personal-discovery-esque experiment. A lab rat, of sorts. Which is absolutely bogus, in my humble opinion.

So, right after he broke things off with me, he goes straight to Corey, pours his heart out to her, says he still loves her, and they kiss. Fast forward to him bringing her to the opening night of my show, the school musical which he damn well knew I was in. I didn’t know about the whole “Still In Love With Corey” thing at the time, so I freaked out to Megan and was super down about what I was hypothesizing was them being back together.

So quick for him to jump the boat. Anyways, after that, I heard that Corey told him she doesn’t want to be in a relationship again. Sucks for Nate, truly. And I really have 0% desire to be petty about this and talk about how karma had it coming for him. Because I don’t believe that.

Out of all people, I would understand very well the situation he was in. To like someone, but still be in love with the last one. I think I was just super unlucky to be caught in the crossfire of something happening. It’s kind of like Ross’ girlfriends throughout the show. Everyone knew he would end up with Rachel because he always loved Rachel and those poor girls in between were just unlucky people caught in the crossfire. Yeah, he liked them. But, Rachel was always the one. I’m not Nate’s Rachel and that is absolutely fine with me.

If I think about it, in the long run, it wouldn’t have worked either. He doesn’t know anything about politics and I love talking about politics. He hates Frank Ocean, Chance the Rapper, Kanye, and literally just everyone that I like but listens to heavy metal all the time because it has amazing drums YET he doesn’t like rock and alternative rock because???? He doesn’t go to the third floor. And he’s not planning to go to college and I am. I want someone who can care about me, make me laugh, and who I can talk to about anything. And it just wasn’t there with Nate.

(also, megan and max said it wouldn’t have worked out anyways because he’s a virgo and i’m an aquarius. sounds like bullshit, but i read up on it and it all was so real so i guess that theory checks out)

What I’m really just upset about is that I had to be the pawn in this. I wish I was just left out, that I never had my feelings hurt. You know what? I actually take that back. I wish that he told me the truth when he broke it off. You know? “I really like you, but I think I’m still in love with Corey and I’d hate to hurt you while I’m still confused and going through this,” would have been a lovely approach at breaking it to me. I wish you told me this BEFORE I wasn’t New Years hanging out with you :/ Well, whatever. New year, new me (minus Nate!)

VII. Questioning - Jan22

I just don’t know where I stand in the world right now.

I’m sitting here, on my couch, crying more than I have in a long time because I am so afraid that my parents won’t love me no matter what.

I was born into a faith, a life which was chosen and destined for me. Roman Catholicism would be my religion and that was the final word. As I grew up, with the influence of my environment and the people that I’ve come across throughout my years, I’ve slowly but surely come closer to finding who I am. And, with that, comes doubt. For a really long time now I’ve had so much doubt in my religion and so many questions and...it strikes me. What is the purpose of it all? I understand the reach it has for certain people; I understand the bond and importance of this religion and its impact on so many lives. But, I just don’t know if I believe in it all. I mean, of course, I think I do. But, was I just conditioned to think that way? Is this all the culmination of my whole life being surrounded and pushed into this lifestyle? I’m so lost and have so many questions.

Less than twenty minutes ago, I asked my parents if I could skip church this week to study. I have so much homework because of the musical and I still have a shift pretty soon. Of course, my dad freaks out.

I understand that I have amazing parents who are completely not strict on me at all and I am so thankful for my freedom that’s been allotted to me. But, what struck me was when I almost made my dad cry when I said that I feel no spiritual connection in going to church anymore. “This isn’t how we raised you,” he said, voice painfully cracking. He walked away to get some water. I just didn’t know what to say. Because it was true. It was the full disclosure: I don’t understand why church is important for me to prove my faith. Why is there more importance placed on this one hour of the week then actively trying to spend time with me or get to know me.

I want my parents to know me: know what music I like and how much I love it, know my political views and why and just take time to understand instead of debate against it. I want to have dinner with my parents again because I just have not been home this entire year. I study so hard and I just...I’m missing part of myself to this.

What struck me during my tear-driven talk with my parents was when my dad said something about “non-negotiable” and I was hurt. “Religion is non-negotiable?” I’ve known for years now that I wasn’t planning on attending church in college, but I’ve never said it out loud.

I think that before you further your spiritual connection at things like church and mass, you have to establish your connections here on Earth. Show activism in your connections to people, show you care, and strengthen that before you try and “prove” it in a setting like church. I think that one hour does not define you and that you can be a fantastic person and Christian without it. I think I want to work on being a better person first. Of course, Catholicism helps in matters of after-life...faith of a world after this one. But, how can that work of there’s not importance placed on the life we have now?

There is nothing more that I value than what my parents think of me and I never want to disappoint them-- one could argue that that is my first priority. But, it comes at a price because I find myself sacrificing who I am to serve this false facade, giving them the perfect image of the daughter that they raised the “right way”...

I’m still lost and don’t really know where I stand on this. I don’t know. And I don’t think I have to have all the answers, at least not yet.

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