#ignore the weird scar placement it was the best I could do | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bathboysblog · 10 months

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im so normal about this au. so normal, in fact, that i wanted to draw Sugarplum in it. mob au, Doc and Robbie all belong to @clownsuu!

Sugarplum isnt built for the mob life lol. shes an aquatic predator, sure, but she has a strong hate for guns and firearms. theyre loud, hot, and bust out her eardrums. which is ironic, considering shes best friends with Robbie.

but anyhow, some lore! remember when i said in these old ass hcs that Sugarplum's body has a cleaner in it (since she lives in large bodies of water), making sure her cotton insides dont get moldy? and how that translates into a paralyzing venom? well, because of that, she pairs up with Doctor Stone and Robbie! Wally wants Doc to look more into the venom to see if they can make a new drug out of it, one that only their mob would have access to. basically monopolizing on it, selling it for high prices in small amounts. if not that, then at least Julie will have a new poison to play around with. since Sugarplum cant fight in the mob, shes basically a lab rat (that Stone has almost lost some fingers to for being snappy).

and a note on the placements of Sugarplum's scars: she has her stitches across her jaw and wrists. she tried to fight back with her sharp teeth/claws, and it didnt go too well. she also lost stinger privileges on the puffy skirt (both for shocking people and being impractical indoors), so she only has the base of her outfit in this au. ALSO also, Sugarplum doesnt have eyelids here either! during the fight (and her eye being ripped out), there was a lot of painful tears, and the skin of her eyelid burned out from the venom. she has just enough skin to keep the eyeball in, and by some miracle (cough cough Home), she hasnt gone blind.

since ive come to learn that Tumblr doesnt like long posts, this one will be for the relationship chart rant. hopefully, if art block doesnt FUCK me, ill post some doodles of her!

Sugarplum -> Robbie: ill admit, this entire idea came from me talking to this fan made ai. i thought the two would hate each other, but their relationship was surprisingly cute? Sugarplum is still learning social behaviors and speech, which lead to some funny moments between the two, shown below (i changed 'chipmunk' to 'shrimp' because, yk, aquatic puppet).

they mean everything to me.

but anyways.

Sugarplum admires Robbie and the kinship they have. she doesnt know much about money, or drugs, or the mob in general. and even if Robbie is... not the best person to take after, Sugarplum still looks up to him. she thinks hes really good at making jokes (something shes still learning to do), is very cool for going out and doing 'mob business', and probably thinks he knows a lot more than he actually does (she takes a lot of his bragging at face value). Sugarplum has very vague contact to the main mob, so its mostly her and Robbie bugging the Doc. shes slightly afraid of his strength, or when he gets too rowdy. but one nip from her teeth and hes out like a light (the only time the base is peaceful).

Robbie -> Sugarplum: the base isnt so lonely anymore! he took Sugarplum under his wing, and took it upon himself to teach her the wonders of society! he thinks her blunt jokes are so bad, theyre funny, and her constant questions makes him feel really smart. Robbie wishes she would leave the base to see him in action, so he could really show off! still, he has respect for her dealing with all the lab tests Stone does, and is slightly afraid of her creepy nature (the venom in her gums doesnt help either). a small part of him is weary of her loyalty to the mob from how cold she is towards Sally and Barnaby, but he tries to ignore it for the sake of having a friend. and also, since i have no self control, he has a slight puppy crush for her. its mostly due to all of her praise and the attention she gives him, but Robbie also finds Sugarplum to be generally sweet, if not a bit weird. theyre def besties though.

Sugarplum -> Doctor Stone: mean old man!!! Sugarplum doesnt like him, and thinks hes far too grumpy to be any pleasant company. he must have a very miserable and sad life. they tolerate one another though, since they have to work together in order to run tests on her venom (neither of them want to fuck around and find out with Wally). she tries to ask him questions like she does with Robbie, but he gets too snappy. so Sugarplum gets snappy back! with her teeth! safe to say, they both tone it down around one another.

Doctor Stone -> Sugarplum: sees her as a feral animal with rabies. a raccoon that youre watching in your trashcan, that youre pretty sure is foaming at the mouth, but your too scared to say 'shoo!' he does have a smudge of respect for her, since shes quiet and complies with instructions, but other than that, he sicks her onto Robbie. he does have an interest in her venom though, which is why he hasnt complained to Wally to have her transferred. their interactions are very straight forward. the tests are ran in silence, and theyd much rather be doing other things than spending time with one another.

Sugarplum -> Home: Sugarplum used to live in the wild, so she has a sixth sense for danger, which includes when a larger predator is stalking her. shes very aware that somethings watching, that theres something unnatural about the mobs loyalty and their power. she just doesnt know where its coming from. the most shes interacted with Home is hissing to the air for him to go away, but thats it. if they ever did meet, she would be feral. Sugarplum doesnt fear death, and she refuses to submit to anyones control. shes given him the nickname of 'leech' for his eyes constantly sticking around her.

Home -> Sugarplum: i have this base hc with any of their interactions that something went wrong when creating Sugarplum, and thats why shes so animalistic. Home sees her as a failure of creature, one that needed a bit more time in the oven to be complete. her awareness is concerning, and he makes sure to keep an extra close eye on her to make sure she doesnt go snooping (like Frank cough cough). the second she gets bold, her memory gets wiped. he keeps her with Stone and Rob to make sure she doesnt rub off on the rest of the mob. (spspspsp, i also made a Mob Home ai that you can talk to here, for anyone thats interested)

Sugarplum -> Frank: she had a bad opinion on him first, seeing him as a mini Stone, and for the longest time, she avoided him. but since she and Stone work so close together, Frank got desperate and nearly begged her to talk to Stone for him. that was a turning point in their relationship, and the more they spoke, the more she saw that they were fighting for the same cause. Sugarplum is afraid of breaking the rules, but she does make Stones job harder by being stubborn if he ignores Frank. she holds a high respect for Frank, and wishes him the best as he looks for answers. secretly, she hopes he gets a breakthrough, no matter what the cost may be.

Frank -> Sugarplum: again, for the longest time, their only connection to one another was Doc. Doc spoke about Sugarplum like she was an animal, and Frank thought she was a more feral version of Sally. but, when he had nowhere else to turn, when Doc ignored him and he hit a dead end, the two met in person. Frank thinks that Sugarplum is one of the few people who can sway Doc's opinions (since the two have to work together. if Sugarplum doesnt comply, shes going to drag both of them under Wally's wrath). Frank wishes Sugarplum would help him (he could sure use the support), but understands her hesitance. still, hes very thankful for the help she provides behind the scenes. he also finds her to be generally creepy, but tries to take the time out of his day to correct whatever Robbie has 'taught' her ('and you believed that moron?').

Sugarplum -> Julie: mixed emotions. Sugarplum does like Julie's presence. shes a very optimistic and excitable person, which easily rubs off on Sugarplum. but, Sugarplum is very distrusting of modern medicine, especially since Julie proudly displays her obsession with poisons. because of that distrust, Sugarplum keeps her distance. Sugarplum sees her as a poisonous bug you cant let touch you.

Julie -> Sugarplum: wants her venom soooo bad. why does Stone get to have all of the fun! if Julie had a weekend with Sugarplum, she could make a new drug in no time! Julie does find Sugarplum to be a bit creepy at times, but she always scurries away before Julie can get the needle out! rats :/

Sugarplum -> Howdy: is very uncomfortable around him. she thinks something is VERY wrong with Howdy from how much of a mindless servant he is, and sees him as a walking zombie (the gore movies Robbie shows her doesnt help much). Howdy freaks her out, and she doesnt see him as a living person. when they visit the mob, her time is mostly spent with Poppy while Robbie sticks to the bar.

Howdy -> Sugarplum: doesnt have much of an opinion on her. shes a quiet girl, awfully squeamish, and she isnt at the bar long enough for them to have any real interactions. he does have a small drop of pity that she has to deal with Robbie all day, though, other than that, he doesnt have much to say.

Sugarplum -> Wally: a mix of terror and discomfort. Wally always has an ulterior motive behind his words, he always has a plan and can read people like an open book. Sugarplum cant keep up with it all, and she finds their interactions to be very stressful. Wally is the main reason that shes afraid to rebel against the mob, and she may have villainized Wally more than their interactions had warranted. she has a longing to be back with nature, but doesnt want to give her family in the mob up. shes terrified of Wally finding out, and the fact that she doesnt know what he knows only adds onto the paranoia.

Wally -> Sugarplum: lends a lot of trust to Sugarplum. not because shes earned it (like Howdy), but because shes so easy to read, he isnt worried about her rebelling. Sugarplum is well behaved, polite, and easily scared back into place. he sees her more as a mouse than a predator, and doesnt understand why Home watches her so closely. Wally just doesnt like how Frank and her have become buddy-buddy. and YES, there is a SPECK of pink (theyre my main ship in og canon, i had to). wrapping back to the hc of 'Sugarplum needs more time in the oven', Wally sees her as a more... aware being, than the rest of the mob. she isnt bold enough to be a threat, but just enough to stand out. the pink isnt so much 'love' as it is 'interest'. he thinks Home has a higher purpose for her, which is why hes so weary of Frank and Sugarplums kinship. he also misinterprets Sugarplum's honesty as friendship, and thinks the two of them are good friends.

Sugarplum -> Barnaby: doesnt dislike him as much as Sally, but Barn isnt even close to the friendship her and Robbie have. she doesnt like how gun happy Barnaby is, nor the strong smell of his cigs. he overwhelms a lot of her senses, and hes very pushy. two and two dont mix, so she avoids him. thankfully, Barnaby is more excited to see Robbie than he is Sugarplum, letting her slip away.

Barnaby -> Sugarplum: has Wally's view of seeing her as a mouse, and thinks the girl should live a little! come on, guns aint so bad! fire-crackers are bright and colorful, theyre exciting! he doesnt get how Robbie and Sugarplum are so close, and finds her to be pretty boring. hes more excited to see Robbie, which keeps him distracted. if anything, Barn finds her creepy, and since shes so nip happy, he doesnt push her. he doesnt know what the venom does, and if Wally's interested in it, doesnt want to find out either.

Sugarplum -> Sally: hates Sally. not as much as she hates Home, but she refuses to meet with her when they visit the mob. Sally is erratic, loud, and too much of a loose screw for Sugarplum to handle. shes the most energetic, and the most overwhelming. it also doesnt help that shes so... bright, like a sun. the sounds of explosives terrify Sugarplum, and Sally is too impulsive for her to feel safe around. Robbie, you deal with it.

Sally -> Sugarplum: thinks Sugarplum is too prissy! come on, Wally aint gonna shoot you dead if you break a few rules! have some fun, live a little, join their trio! but, no matter how hard Sally looks around the base, Sugarplum is nowhere to be seen. so, she shrugs her shoulders, and goes to hang out with Robbie instead. when the two are forced to be around each other, its very tense. Sugarplum glares at her a lot, a 'dont try anything' stare, which is a bit unerring. she also shares Barnaby's fears of the venom, not knowing anything about how it works. maybe just a bit more, since Sugarplum is so standoffish around her.

Sugarplum -> Eddie: doesnt have much of an opinion on Eddie. their exchanges are brief and friendly. hes the most normal of the mob members, something Sugarplum appreciates, and hes a very caring person. but, just like Howdy, theres that underlying discomfort nagging at the pit of Sugarplums stomach. shes friendly, but wont go out of her way to talk to Eddie. shes mostly there to sign for Doc's pick-ups. though, for the sake of Frank's sanity, she keeps a close eye on him when he does visit the base, just to keep him safe.

Eddie -> Sugarplum: shes... well, creepy. Sugarplum creeps him out. she has a staring problem, her voice is flat and monotone, and her wide eyes dont help. but, Sugarplum refuses to be around Sally, and Sally takes the short time to say hi to Robbie. so, Eddie sucks it up, and tries to be as friendly as he can. and hey, he hasnt lost a finger yet! he must be doing something right. Sugarplum also follows him a lot whenever he visits the base, but thats fine! this is fine!

Sugarplum -> Poppy: doesnt know it, but Sugarplum has a MAJOR crush on Poppy. even if Poppy doesnt act like it, Sugarplum feels a sense of belonging from the two being animals. Sugarplum admires how gentle and nurturing Poppy is, and tries her best to look small around her, trying not to scare her. she wishes Poppy wouldnt stress so much, and wishes they saw each other more often. Sugarplum leaves little trinkets in front of Poppy's door when she doesnt answer, like pebbles or coins. birds like those, right?

Poppy -> Sugarplum: very nervous around Sugarplum. Sugarplum is a predator, and its hard to ignore her sharp teeth and glowing fangs. shes very scared for Sugarplum to touch her without heavy gloves, but appreciates the room Sugarplum gives for her to breathe. the little gifts make her feel seen, and she often sews the rips in Sugarplums clothes from her claws. the two find comfortable peace in one another. but, sadly, it never lasts long.

thank you for listening to my goober rants! a gift for those who have scrolled this far!

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is-that-another-soulmate-au · 4 years

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Zukka Soulmate AU part 6

@mypureessence

@chaoticidiott

@ari-shipping-stuff

@knightedbot

@idkhowbutimgayer

@swampy-beans

@angrylittleintrovert

"I'll see you after the war prince Zuko" Jee said while leaving with Zhao

"Traitor" Zuko snipped at him with an angry stare, how could he just leave? He honestly saw him as a friend at that point, not that he ever had a good Idea of friends.

Jee just gave him a sad look and whispered "I'm sorry."

Once left on the boat with just him and his Uncle Zuko felt panicked. He paced back and forth on the ships deck until Iroh pulled him into a hug "don't panic too much Prince zuko, you'll dry out your scar. Say, why don't we go for a short walk together? Perhaps we could find some native flowers along the way"

"I dont want to go for a walk" Zuko pouted "Im going to sleep, dont be out too late, I hope to leave by dawn"

"Do you remember your sailing training?"

"Of course uncle, I went over it every morning with the captain"

Iroh gave him a nod and was off on his walk. Zuko looked towards the moon, it was getting close to a full moon. Maybe he's watching the same moon right now. He flushed at the thought and shook his head before heading to bed.

So they were at the northpole now? Of course he knew they were traveling to find Katara a wonderbending master. Given that there were none in the south pole. That's weird isn't it? Of course the firenation had done something to get the advantage over them but what happened to all the waterbenders? That village did seem rather... small? Why was Sokka the only warrior there? Perhaps the warriors left with what few benders they probably had?

Thinking back to the day he first saw Sokka he remembered only the glare from the boy with war paint covering half his face. He hated him, clearly he did, of course he did, why wouldn't he? What was Zuko but a traitor to his own nation and an enemy to every other nation. He only had one option right? He had to capture Aang and bring him back to his father. That was the only way he'd ever get his fathers love back and he knew that... didn't he? If he knew that then why was it so tempting to take Katara up on her offer to join them, why was he so tempted to try with Sokka?

A sound outside his room brought him out of his train of thought with a start. "Uncle?" With no response he went on the defense, stalking down the hall outside his room. He held a firebending position, ready to defend himself at any given moment.

When he reached the captains room he looked around at the map. A screech from outside caught his attention and he looked up to see that parrot from the pirates he screwed over. "No" it flew off and he heard explosions go off only managing to encase himself with fire as protection a split second before it reached him.

Screaming he flew out the window, gaining a few cuts and scrapes before falling into the water several feet away from his ship. When he came up for air he stayed low and hid behind another ship. The timing was fairly obvious, those pirates were sent by Zhao to kill him.

Meanwhile at the northpole Sokka was laying down on his cozy fur bed ready for sleep when he felt his whole body heat up and pain on his right eye and cheek. "Sokka?" Katara said from the doorway "oh my gods what did he do now?"

Sokka brought his hand up to his cheek and lifted it away to reveal blood just before he had the breath knocked out of him for a good few seconds. Gasping for air once it was flowing again he looked up at her "I..."

"Look you dont have to admit anything but I think someone just tried to kill Zuko... or maybe they succeeded..."

"What? No, he's indestructible, he probably got away and fell or something" He hopes... wait... why would he hope that? Zuko is a prick, he doesn't care if he dies or not.

"For both of your sakes I hope he survived" Katara said, reaching to her necklace

"You never did tell us how you gor that back... did you?" Sokka narrowed his eyes

Katara gave a shy smile "well, I told Aang... guess I forgot to tell you, my bad... Zuko gave it back actually."

"What?" Sokka's shock was more than clear in his voice

"Oh dont sound so shocked Sokka, when the pirates attacked he gave the necklace to me before tying me up and... he actually was the one to give me back the scroll and cut the string... called it a favor and told me to get lost though" she gave a shrug "here, let me help you with those cuts, maybe it'll help him too"

Sokka smiled at her and closed his eyes when she reached him with that glowing water. The sting of the cut was soothed by the cold water almost instantly. "Thank you Katara"

"No problem, now get to sleep so you can get back to wooing the princess tomorrow" she teased

"I am not wooing her, I'm just... I like her okay? And she doesn't have a soulmate but she likes me... or at least I hope she does... I just want to make her happy while I'm here." He paused "I cant be her forever abviously" he gestured to his scar "but I can at least be there for her now right? I think that would be enough to make her happy for a short while" Katara gave a knowing look and juat nodded before Aang came back

"Pakku trained you longer today huh? Early tomorrow we're doing one on one?"

"Yeah, he wanted to make sure I didn't have any distractions" Aang rolled his eyes "and yeah, one on one's are tomorrow, you're gonna kick their butts"

Back on a firenation ship away from the found family and heading towards Ice and cold Zuko was harboring with Iroh on Zhao's ship "you didn't have to do this" he whispered to his uncle while sliding the front cover of his helmet off

"No son of mine is going to stow away on a ship without some back up" wait... son?

"Son?" Zuko asked in a stuttered whisper

Iroh gave a soft chuckle "sorry, I misspoke dear nephew... anyhow, do you have a plan?"

"Im working on it" Zuko slid his cover back on and averted his eyes "When will we reach the pole?"

"By late evening tomorrow.. hide out in the life boat docks, nobody checks those besides me and Jee"

And thats just what he did, resting between the barrels surrounded by ropes and oars. That night Jee managed to slip in to check on him. "Prince" he heard Jee call out to which he sturred and snapped his fingers to alert him to where he was "ah, prince, I came here to give you this"

Jee held out the hair ribbon that had fallen from his hair when he fell out of the ship. "Thank you Jee, I guess I should wear it somewhere else for now"

"Your neck would be best, though that would be more of a placement for a betrothal necklace in their culture so I suggest you wear it around wither your wrist or ankle"

"Betrothal? Like engagement or marraige?.is that what Katara wore? I thought she was fourteen.."

"Yes, that is what she wore, though I feel it was probably passed down in her family and likely does not symbolize engagement." Jee spoke softly while Zuko lifted his sleeve for Jee to tie the ribbon around his forearm

"They've been through alot, I just hope it doesn't mean something too terribly important since I gave it back to her"

"You what?" Jee said as he finished tying the ribbon and pulled down Zuko's sleeve

"Hah, yeah, I wanted to do something... nice I guess..."

"Are you coming around for him" Jee wiggled his eyebrows at Zuko with a grin

"Oh my Agni, shut uuuup" he shoved Jee who only laughed

"Y'know... you remind me alot of my younger brother... before he well.. yeah, the war isn't nice to anyone" Jee gave a small sigh

"How do I remind you of him?"

"Oh you know, stubborn, dramatic, gloomy," Zuko glared at him but Jee only chuckled "and a heart of gold covered in dust laid there by others"

That statement stayed with him the entire time he was breaking into the northpole. A heart of gold. His mind echoed as he came out of the water to find the seal turtle cove. Covered in dust. Rang out as he leapt into the next tunnel. "Laid there by others" he gasped out once he resurfaced in the icetunnel.

He let out a small breath of fire and looked out over the village he was now in. This village would be attacked come sunrise. He only had a small amount of time to rest and get his bearings before then.

He had to find Sokka... no.. no he had to find Aang, though he hoped Sokka was safe with his sister.

Why was he here, what was he doing here? He was here for the avatar... but he couldnt stop thinking about Sokka and his bright blue eyes and his quick thinking. He couldnt help but think about how this would likely hurt him.

He gave a sigh before standing... there was something warm calling him. Not so much calling, but... pulling. He wasn't about to ignore it so he walked towards the heat, but made sure to keep out of sight.

The cold was bitter but not unwelcome... he could live here if he had to right attire. "Look princess, you don't have to have a soulmate to find love" was that... Sokka? He hid behind the wall and peered around it to look at him

"I know that Sokka, but we both know you're already chosen for someone. I appreciate you helping me feel loved while I was here but he will need you" the princess spoke and Sokka looked out away from her

"I know.. but I doubt he'd ever even choose me over his stupid honor" he looked back to her "is it bad to say that I like him? I mean, Yue, Ive always hated my scar, its just so... terrible, you know? But on him?"

Sokka gave a sigh "its not so bad... I mean his eyes Yue, they're so.... so gold its like they're glowing, he's beautiful Yue... but not only that he's strong... and I... I just rambled didn't I?"

Yue laughed "you did" she placed her hand on his unscarred cheek "but that is alright, perhaps Zuko will be able to listen to you ramble on after the war"

Zuko's face was practically boiling at this point, he had to get out of there and find Aang. That is exactly what he did. He found the oasis and spotted Aang and Katara. Wow, so thats what a calm avatar glow is? Nice to not have it detroying your fucking ship.

How he managed to get Aang tied up and in a cave is between him and a specific waterbender who could and would kill him but he'd never actually kill her. No amount of money could convince him to actually kill someone. But here he was with Aang waking up and giving him not a scared or angry look, just a... disappointed look.

"Really?" The airbender said with irritation.

Zuko sighed and just untied the rope and handed it to Aang "yeah yeah, I know, again right? Just tie me up and leave me here"

Aang certainly tied him up but he also tossed him onto the back of Appa when he landed and flicked Sokka's nose so he'd feel it. "I said leave me" he pouted

"And I didnt agree to it" Aang chirped and landed at the lead for Appa

"You didnt even say anything to it"

"Exactly now shut up and accept the help flippy"

"Flippy? Where did that come from?"

Aang just turned to him and then back to where he was steering Appa "You know where"

"Whatever" he pouted and turned away from them.

Watching the scene with Zhao, his uncle and the trio plus Yue play out Zuko worked on untying himself and luckily Sokka left his machete on the saddle and he was able to utilize that because dang were those knots good.

He ran after where he knew Zhao would flee and gave chase as soon as he spotted him. Throwing a fire blast at him and watching his face turn from defense to confusion to shock was amusing. "You? Impossible!"

"You tried to have me killed!" He screamed out as he landed on the ice beside Zhao

"Of course I did, youre the blue spirit, a traitor to the firenation!" The fight went on

"I had no choice!" Zuko cried out

"You could have chosen to accept your failure! Maybe then you could have lived!"

"Why would I want to live knowing a man who's biggest threat was a fucking fish beat me when I can easily break through his supposedly impenetrable fort and steal a twelve year old right from under his nose!" Zuko taunted with a laugh

"Because then you might have a chance to see your father one last time!" Zhao taunted back while jumping to the bridge

Zuko gave a shout and swept a fire circle under Zhao's feet and sent him to the ground "I dont want to see that bastard again unless he's six feet under when he loses to the avatar"

"So you are joining them?" Zhao growled out.

"No. I'm just accepting what needs to happen." He didnt manage to make his final blow because the water spirit swallowed up Zhao who refused his helping hand when offered.

The trek to Iroh and Jee at the small raft was easier than the journey in. He sat cross legged on the edge, just simply watching the waters "uncle... can you cut my hair?"

Iroh turned to him "of course Zuko... might I ask why?"

"Because I'm not on the side of fire anymore"

Iroh gave a small sigh but nodded "let me cut my hair with you? I've been waiting for you to decide this for some time" And so Zuko and Iro shed their high hairstyles, watching the hair float away.

"Are you planning on reaching out to young Sokka soon?" Jee asked with a small smile

"No, I just want to sleep"

"Then you should rest prince Zuko," a gentle but firm hand was placed on Zuko's shoulder "a man needs his rest" Zuko looked at Iroh who had placed his hand there and then to Jee who jusf nodded

"Okay" was all he said before laying down on the raft and drifting to sleep.

#avatar the last airbender #avatar: the last airbender #prince zuko #atla zuko #zuko #atla sokka #sokka #zukka #i will die on my endless soulmate au hill #soulmate alternate universe #soulmates #RayMakesSoulmates

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smndragon · 3 years

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hi!! hope you're doing well. may i please request a reading? my placements are scorpio sun (9h), cancer moon (5h), and aqua rising. thank you in advance 🤍

I'll try and do all these by tonight so here we go! Hm, Scorpio sun, Cancer moon, and Aquarius rising. I see a girl with a long braid immediately off the bat. She looks like she's somewhat doing ballet (this has become a recent theme in my readings lol along with dancing) i feel like you may have had a nice childhood somewhere along those lines. You enjoyed it because your parents didn't constrict you to much. Either that or completely opposite, I'm getting mixed stuff sorry.

The sign that reaches most is the Scorpio sun, it takes the form of its most known large Scorpion. Its huge enough to be bigger than an elephant, black and rigid she'll covers it's body. When I feel it it comforts me. Unexplainable companionship. The Scorpion loves it's hosts as much as they can, and at times can be huge dogs when wanted up. This is kinda of the feeling I get from them. Many dots sparkle and decorate it's shell, seems as if the paint of the clouds had fallen on its back and left a pattern. The color is a bright white or brown, from what I read brown isn't a god aura but this one is perfect fine don't worry! The scorpion doesn't have an exact home. It travels the body as it pleases. The grounds are so dark they could pull you I by a minute stare. When my foot touches it, it feels like water. The Scorpio sun tells me I shouldn't go too far deep into it (my phone is messing up please let me get through this💃🕺) the darkness of the pools tell me you have had deep thoughts. They gave darkened your waters and left you dyed in a way. Those times may be over soon or even now. Either that or future wise they will happen. The reflections in the waters tell me your last lives have gone through much prejudice form others. Tears cascade down the face of a boy, holding his hands up to his face to show a scarred and blurred out image. I hug the Scorpio sun closer as if to forget the memory. "Mother" "mommy" the little boy cries for his mother but no one comes. A darker theme than intended with Thai reading. He seems as if he's done something he will regret or will do something. Pain has stained him, imprints of his dried tears. He has wide eyes, glistening and bright, dots upon dots of white and shines are hidden in them. (I feel so weird cause my body is holding his face and he looks so cute but this is a bad timing) I feel like he's comforted by this action though. Climbing up to the scorpions back with me. Holding my shirt tight. We've been here for what seems like years. This boy needs a mother. I feel it somehow manifested the Scorpio sun and possible Aquarius ascendent. Every trace of him lost on the earth is left imprinted in the waters of the ground, and the specks on the Scorpion. Now that I look around it seems all this around us has a piece of him. He's out so much into this world the zodiacs live in. I feel bad for him In a way. The Scorpio sun is only a guide front what I see, there's nothing but friendship to find in this domain. Maybe a loss of belonging at times throughout your life. The need to impress people became so great at some point it consumed you, I don't think it was for a long period though.

The Cancer moon is secretive, tactical, and guarding. Feels as if coming into contact with an archer. Now held high and determined look on their face. Long hair and silly eyes. Long lashes that could very well make any anime lover fall. (Weird- but go of ig) trees and high tops cover the area. A never ending forest of fun and travel where it's due in the sky. Tall pillars of housing sometimes left empty. The more I see it it becomes some kind of anime story lord. "brother" and stuff like that came from the archer's mouth, taking the kid and his hand. He seems worried and relieved. But then asks "how or why did you leave your assigned area" we were once at the hip now at the chest and shoulders of the host. A path of some sort. Was the boy supposed to stay there? If that was his brother why would he want him there though. I don't think he wanted him to. I think it was a form of protection. The whole Village of people live inside the host. Possible conscience? You think like a butterfly in a trap sometimes. "Where do I go?" "What do I do?" Looking back and forth for answers and ideas. The archer is your guard. Defending the sanction of your beloved forest. Families and loved ones all around. They work hard to keep the dark waters at bay. White clothing covers each person. I don't know what more I can get here but I believe the Cancer moon is your friend to the end. Protecting everyone isn't easy, sometimes it kins you so much it takes over completely.

The Scorpio sun needs to stay back here I believe. I may need it later but not now.

Lastly, we approach the Aquarius ascendent. A cold domain, filled with chains and air. Cold and thick enough to cut someone's skin when commanded. The Aquarius has no form but a vessel. An iron one with bolt and sweat work. It's not locked up I believe. Either protected or exiled in a way? It may have made the shell itself to protect it's form and stars. When it opens it shows the constellation, dark colors and idealized purple and blues. The stars feel like gumballs. As if I could pop one in and chew it. There's not much here but we'll see. Possible medical issues younger or older, the child at the beginning could have been a sibling or family member of not you. I feel you closed some parts off to people, it's not bad you just seem to be so kind it hurts your Aquarius at times.

Over all, I didn't do well enough in trading so let's see. I see cold soups, prepared dinners, family gathering, people moving and being together, joy on the outside. As if a movie of good times is on the screen. Your Cancer moon is so skilled it sometimes seems different to other people, a chance of people calling you things at times but not fairly much. With the Aquarius ascendant there's probably even more of that.

Characteristics: possible beauty marks on the face, or stomach. Your hair is either very tangled or very soft and parted often. Soft features that are turned hard by the Aquarius ascendants natural nature and the Cancer moons calculating look. They work a lot together sometimes, they seem so similar to me. Possible skinny looks, you may feel too skinny at times? Either that or there's something with body image. Your smile is dim but soft, people like seeing it because it makes them think of the sweetest sugars and things. Possible likeness for long clothes and big clothing? Your idols are your comfort often? I see a need to get taller in a way either 4'11-5'5 or 5'6 vague ik but that's why I got.

Soulmate and love wise: you will definitely meet them sometime when you feel most down, vending machines and cold drinks. They smile first. Wanting to seem nice to you. They are definitely soft at first and they love you greatly. There may be cheating somewhere though. Can't determine if you see each other again. They love your neck and being able to hold it in there hands or kiss it anytime. (Ughhhhh) if you're already with them or someone ignore.

Don't worry about this reading it isn't bad at all, it just seems more complicated than seems. You are amazing and lal your dreams will come true later on, some may seem long gone now but don't worry. People are always here for you, and with the gifted mind you have all you need is motivation and freedom to do so.

That's all I got ask for more anytime I think I missed some things.

Houses: (forgot lol sorry) with Scorpio in the 9th I feel it's both beneficial and not? It's based on religion and philosophy from what I know. Having Scorpio here creates partial problems with your own identity on the outside or truly and the one that you were expected to be. Having Scorpio here helps with the fact it adds more character in my opinion? It's vague but basically I feel there's more layers here than any other signs. Scorpio is a mover and motivator for the best of it's host, looks, thoughts, opinions. People often pay attention to Scorpios so having it as your sun makes things more difficult as your own thoughts may be fought against by others.

Having your Cancer in the 5th house is fairly well I believe that house is based around children and family. Having it there creates wide opportunities for both life paths and for people to enter your life somehow. Through family or relationships. I know the 11th house is more suited for that but it still works in favour.

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a-doq · 5 years

Text

lion king thinkpiece under the cut:

hoo boy lmao. i honestly really wanted to enjoy it! i wanted to have a fun time! the lion king is one of my favorite movies of all time. one of my earliest memories is watching it obsessively at home. it was my family’s first VHS. i got the platinum edition dvd as a birthday gift from my family when i was younger. i’ve seen the broadway musical. i’ve seen the movie several times before in theaters during re-releases. i had a fucking lion king themed sleeping bag, sweater, tool bucket, watch, computer game, pajama set, and christmas ornament.

so anyway this movie sucked. and that really sucks because the lion king means so much to me! i tried to enjoy it as much as i could. but by the end i was honestly bored and sick of it and just wanted to leave the theater and do something else.

i’m going to go scene-by-scene here and explain my biggest thoughts (so “spoiler” warning i guess lmao):

circle of life: whatever it was fine. instead of starting out with a loud yell and then the screen fades in from black, in this version there’s a static shot of the landscape that holds for like ~5 seconds before the sun starts to rise and THEN the yell starts. the first thing that honestly popped into my mind was “this reminds me of the teletubbies opening sequence” LMAO

Scar’s intro: new scar is mostly fine. the actor is clearly trying his very best and i appreciate that. it’s tough to take it seriously because it’s basically an ugly-ass CGI lion walking around talking about being evil and it kills my suspension of disbelief a bit. john oliver is annoying as FUCK as zazu which is super disappointing. obviously zazu was supposed to be annoying in the original too but he was also formal, respectful, neurotic, and caring. in this version he’s given some more dialogue that makes him sound like a complete dickhead at all times. james earl jones constantly sounds like he’s out of breath and is going to keel over. THAT in particular is super jarring because i know all of mufasa’s lines and delivery by heart and it just emphasizes how inferior this version is.

young simba: voice is fine. definitely upped the cute factor. BUT they also changed his character to be... stupider? and it honestly makes his character annoying. simba shouldn’t be annyoing! in the original simba KNEW that the elephant graveyard was dangerous but explored it anyways because he was immature. in this one he doesn’t even know that the elephant graveyard is dangerous because he’s stupid. he ignores what people tell him straight to his face and just acts like a dipshit.

stampede: ya lol. ragdoll mufasa is unintentionally hilarious. idk if any of y’all have seen the leaked recording but yes it’s just as bad. also, the point of mufasa’s death scene is that it’s simba’s first experience with death. in the original, when simba is tugging on mufasa’s ear to get him to wake up, you get the sense that simba doesn’t really understand what death is. in this version, he just lightly taps mufasa’s forehead, then immediately assumes he’s dead, and just accepts it?? ALSO, the cinematography of the stampede scene is weird. in the animated film, as soon as the stampede starts, the lighting and background transform from bright and sunny into extremely dusty, so that you can’t discern left vs right. in this version it’s STILL LEFT BRIGHT AND SUNNY WHILE SIMBA AND MUFASA ARE FIGHTING FOR THEIR LIVES which is like... fucking WHY. there’s a few jumpscare-esque action moments of mufasa getting the shit beaten out of him by the stampede which i actually liked and thought added to the tension of the scene.

timon and pumbaa: overstay their welcome, yet ironically are the only emotional magnets in the second half of the movie. i hope y’all enjoyed the hakuna matata excerpt that was released by disney, because that’s the only emotion you’re going to get out of donald glover in this entire movie. EXTREMELY important scenes to simba’s character are completely cut out and replaced with nothing:

-simba collapsing on a cliff in mourning after talking about his father living on in the stars

-simba pacing and talking to himself about why going back would be pointless, then screaming at the sky “you said you’d always be there for me” and crying

-rafiki whacking simba over the head, and teaching him that the past can hurt, but it’s important to learn from it.

-simba cornering scar, telling him that he’s a murderer and that he doesn’t deserve to live after what he’s done

also, all the emotional scenes that they DID leave intact feel hollow. not only do the characters not show any facial emotions (which has been bitched to death on the internet), but they literally DO NOT MOVE THEIR BODIES AT ALLLL. for the ENTIRE second half of the movie the characters are either just standing there or running in order to change scenes. the scene with mufasa’s ghost? simba just stood there THE ENTIRE TIME AND LITERALLY DID NOT MOVE. no shots of him gazing up at the sky, no shots of him running through the field after his father. the whole thing is just shot-reverse-shot. but because they didn’t bother to animate mufasa in the sky (it’s literally just james earl jones’s voice with a few shots of lightning), it just looks like simba is standing there, having a conversation with the fucking sky, like he’s having a schizophrenic episode. when simba returns to the pride lands, they didn’t even bother to animate his head looking around at the destruction. when mufasa dies, they didn’t even bother to animate his ears going back, or his body crouching, or his fur bristling, or his tail tucking under his legs... he just STANDS THERE while the voice actor is “crying” and it’s so awkward lmao.

miscellaneous nitpicks:

-the movie is REALLY fucking quiet. it might’ve just been my theater, and i know that kid’s movies are played at a lower volume so as not to damage their hearing, but this was just abnormally low. i had a hard time even hearing the music half the time.

-the entire movie is very dark and unsaturated. “i just can’t wait to be king” is the most colorful the movie looks. everything after that is ugly

-pride rock looks extremely... short? and not tall at all? it looks like 10 feet tall at most. it doesn’t feel majestic at all. it just feels like some boulder.

-”he lives in you” wasn’t included in the movie even though it was released in the soundtrack... why? fucking why? the placement of that song in the musical is excellent and greatly enhances the story. but whatever i guess! gotta make room for a 30 second excerpt of beyonce’s song.

-there a weird scene included in the movie, where, instead of rafiki learning that simba’s alive through the wind, a literal tuft of simba’s mane falls out, is carried by the wind, GETS EATEN BY A GIRAFFE AND THEN COMES OUT IN A BALL OF SHIT, WHICH IS THEN ROLLED AROUND BY A DUNG BEETLE??? WHICH RAFIKI THEN USES TO LEARN THAT SIMBA IS ALIVE. and the whole thing lasts for like 4 minutes??? what the fuck??

-simba and rafiki exchange like 3 lines of dialogue max lol

-kids will be bored. by about 3/4 of the way through the movie all of the kids in my theater collectively stopped giving a shit and were just wrestling with each other on the floor

so yah. if you want to see a version of the lion king with all of the melodrama systematically stripped away for some reason, with all of the unique cinematography from the original replaced with shot-reverse-shot, watch this lazy remake.

at least my girlfriend’s seat was broken so the ticket guy gave us a free voucher to see another movie together in the future.

#i gave it a chance and tried to judge it fairly

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amortentiando · 7 years

Text

Black Dog

1975 - Fifth year

Remus was anxious.

But this was no longer news. For the past few weeks he had felt like this, every day that passedby towards the end of his vacation he was a little more nervous, and for no reason. It was already his fifth year at Hogwarts, and for four he hadn’t needed to hide his biggest secret from his best friends anymore, so he was no longer worried about what would happen during the school year. After some time he finally stopped focusing on the issue of being anxious and start to look for the reason for it.

However, it was only standing near his parents on the platform of the Hogwarts Express, watching his friend James approach that he understood why. He felt a faint twinge of disappointment, almost imperceptible, in the bottom of his stomach as he realized that, unexpectedly, Sirius Black was not with James. Remus ignored the feeling, determined to think about it later, and hugged the excited friend before him that he had not seen for almost three months.

“Hey, Lupin!” James slammed his back before pulling away. “Mr. Lupin, Mrs. Lupin.” James greeted the boy’s parents, and then moved out of the way so the Lupin’s could greet his parents as well.

“Fleamont, Euphemia, it’s good to see you.” Lyall shook hands with both of them.

Not only did their parents know each other well, but they had also heard a lot about each other’s children. It had been five years since James, Sirius, Remus and Peter became best friends, and Remus also spent a week at the Potter’s in the beginning of July when his parents went to travel, which had been the last time he had seen James. But even at that time Sirius wasn’t there, which meant that Lupin had not seen Sirius since the end of classes. And there’s the reason for the anxiety, his subconscious replied in his head without a second thought.

As the parents greeted each other, James looked around briefly.

“I thought Peter was already here.”

“I think he’s already on the train, keeping us a seat. It leaves in five minutes.” Remus remarked as he looked at his watch. Then he looked at James, trying to appear detached. “And Sirius…? I thought he’d come with you as usual. Wasn’t he always in your house for the last two weeks of summer?”

“Yeah, but apparently things are different this year.” James pursed his lips, suddenly looking more solemn and Remus stared at him, confused. “His parents, they’re watching him closely or something. In fact I don’t know the full story. I haven’t seen him since last month, and he’s been sending some weird letters. Very short ones, and without any details. It’s like they’re reading what he writes, you know?”

Lupin frowned as he nodded, suddenly feeling worried about his friend. They all knew well that his family were not kind people.

"In the last letter I sent him he just said he wasn’t going to come with us, because Walburga wanted to go to the school to talk to Dumbledore, so …” James shrugged. “I think we’ll meet him there.”

Remus tried not to make it very obvious his disappointment, but he couldn’t stop it from showing on his face. It was so weird; He had never felt like this before. What had changed in him?

Suddenly James glanced at the door and started, and Remus looked over his shoulder at the place where his friend was looking, already imagining he would see Lily’s red hair fly by as she got on the train, and that’s exactly what he saw.

“Mom, dad, it’s time to go!” “He clapped his hands together and Remus couldn’t help but laugh at his friend’s desperation, though he tried to disguise it. He watched James briefly hug his parents and then did the same with his, hearing them wish him a good school year as they hugged each other.

“See you at Christmas,” Remus replied, grinning, before picking up his trunk and following James, who hurried ahead of him, waving back at Fleamont and Euphemia Potter as best as he could.

James was hurrying down the aisle of the train, peeking unobtrusively at each compartment in search of Lily, and in the meantime Remus followed behind him,watching and wondering when would be a good time to tell him that she was in the Prefect’s wagon. But before he could tell James that they found Peter keeping an empty compartment for the three of them, and James got in reluctantly.

“Hello!” He hugged James briefly and high fived Remus watching the two newcomers stuff their suitcases into the compartments overhead. “Where’s Sirius?” Peter asked.

“It sounds like he’s going with his parents straight to Hogwarts.” Remus let Peter know the situation, briefly telling him what James had said.

“You don’t think she found out, do you?” Pettigrew asked nervously, to the two friends seated in front of him.

“I haven’t thought about it.” James bit his lip, and Remus grimaced.

“I highly doubt it. As unscrupulous as Sirius is, he wouldn’t try to turn into a dog in a house where he lives with his intolerant and …”

“Crazy?”

“Family… To say the least.” James agreed to Peter’s placement.

“But on the other hand, if he transformed unintentionally …?” Remus thought aloud, giving voice to his concern.

“Nah, no chance mate.” James shook his head. “Believe me, there’s no way. It’s so hard the first time. Last week I was able, with diificulty, to stay twenty minutes in the form of the deer. But it takes a tremendous effort, you don’t simply sneeze and become an animal.”

Peter agreed with his friend.

"Though I’ve been noticing that it’s getting easier with time. I managed to change and come back yesterday without losing my clothes” - he pointed at Lupin. "With that trick you taught me.”

“Great. Your parents would soon notice that you’re running out of decent clothes if you don’t take care of that part, trust me.” Remus showed the patched jacket he was wearing with a faint smile.

“Well, getting back to business …” James called Sirius’ subject back, and they spent the next few minutes rambling on what might have happened to the Black family.

A few hours later the trolley witch appeared, and James bought cauldron cakes and licorice wands for the three of them. Now he and Peter were talking about Quidditch while Remus was already engrossed in a book about runes he had begun reading at the end of his vacation. He was so absorbed in the book he barely realized how long it had been, until the door to the compartment opened and Lily Evans put half her body in, glancing briefly around before looking back at him.

“Ah, there you are. Why aren’t you dressed?”

Ignoring the coughing fit James was trying to disguise, Remus smiled at her.

"Is everything alright, Lily?”

“Everything’s good.” She glared at James for a moment, then looked back at Remus more sympathetically. “And with you? how was the vacation? I saw you got injured again.“ She pointed at his cheek, indicating to a new scar on Remus’ face.

"Sorry. I completely forgot about the rounds. I’m going to put on the uniform now, and I’ll meet you right away.”

“No problem. I’ve been through the first carriage, and everything is in order. Come to the Prefect’s compartment later, it’s a lot of fun there.” She smiled, and after giving James another hard look, closed the door and left.

“Wow.” Lupin glanced at his friend at his side, half amused and half impressed. "Thirty seconds, and you didn’t say any bullshit.”

“Because he was choking,” Peter commented, and Remus laughed.

“Still, congratulations Prongs. I’m proud. Maybe you’ll learn to be more mature with her this year.”

“Wait until I can talk again …!” James commented, still hoarse, having to clear his throat a few more times.

Lupin shook his head and smiled. He got up, put his book down, and took out his wand and his uniform from his case. Before he left the compartment he pointed his wand at his friend and said,

“Anapneo.”

James felt better immediately.

The train arrived at it’s destination when it was already dark. Remus helped the new students safely disembark and find Hagrid at the edge of the lake, where the canoes were waiting for them, and then joined his two friends and the rest of the Gryffindor students as they drove to the castle separately.

“What…?” Peter pointed at Frank Longbottom, who two carriages to the right, was raising an apple in the air that was being devoured by something invisible. “Is that normal?!”

“They’re the thestrals who pull the carriages. They’re invisible.”

“How do you know that?” Peter looked at Lupin confused, who just shrugged and looked around at all the students boarding. The carriage carrying the three of them and two other Hufflepuff girls began to walk and Remus could feel Sirius’ absence in the small compartment.

The Sorting Hat ceremony seemed to take forever because they were so hungry.

"Few students for Gryffindor this year.”

"Yeah, but Ravenclaw won several people.” Lupin nodded. “That’s nice.”

"A lot of people graduate this year, too,” James said, looking around at the older students in the room. Peter agreed, but Remus could only look around hoping to find Sirius somewhere. Regulus was sitting at the Slytherin table talking to a boy, but Lupin did not remember seeing him on the train either, which meant Sirius must be there! Where was he, then?!

Dinner was served, and despite how hungry Remus was, his throat felt constricted with nerves as he found he couldn’t bring himself to eat. He waited patiently until everyone was properly fed and Dumbledore gave the welcome speech and the beginning of the school year announcements. Then he got up and followed Lily to the front of the line where they helped the Head boy take the new students safely out of the room.

As they walked, down the first-floor staircase and toward the front door came a tall, pale woman in dark robes with curly black hair that bore a striking resemblance to her eldest son, but she had dry, stiff eyes, different from his. As they briefly passed over Remus he got a nasty feeling. Walburga Black had a serious and unpleasant quality, as if she had been annoyed, and was definitely not a woman to be contradicted.

Lupin looked back and exchanged a glance with James, who was farther away.

Finally they came to the Portrait of the Fat Lady, and after giving the password everyone entered, one by one, first the youngest and then the older ones. Remus did not expect to see Sirius somewhere in the Gryffindor common room, but even so, not seeing him was as frustrating asit had been previously in the day.

“He must be up there.” James said, already heading for the stairs, and the two friends agreed and followed.

Remus went further, imagining the worst. Imagining that his friend was not there, that his cruel mother had taken him out of school, that she had discovered that he had become an Animagus because of Remus. Maybe she had discovered that he was the friend of a half-breed werewolf and that he was simply the complete opposite of everything the Black family treasured in one of its members,and that perhaps it was his friends fault. Maybe it was Remus’s fault.

He was already thinking about how to talk to Regulus the next day to ask where Sirius was, and how he could help take his friend out of a house where he was psychologically abused and mistreated, but neither Remus nor his family would have an active voice against one of the world’s oldest wizarding families…

His thoughts were cut off as the three entered the bedroom, and James uttered an exclamation at the same time as Peter gasped.

Remus came into the room and came across a huge black dog sitting on the bed, wagging his tail at them. The boy standing in the door could not help but push the door closed with a thump, enjoying the immense and wonderful sense of relief he felt at that very moment when he saw Sirius there, waiting for them with a big smile - that could be seen even in his canine form, with his white teeth glittering at them and his eyes that were also smiling bright.

“Padfoot,” was all Lupin managed to say through a sigh, which was cut off as the dog jumped out of bed and ran up to him pushing him across the chest and knocking him to the floor of the bedroom.

Remus laughed and closed his eyes, expecting a lick on the face that did not come. When his body hit the floor he felt the weight on him change in intensity and the hair and canine paws turn into skin and fingers. He opened his eyes, only to find Sirius’ face inches from his staring at him with the same smile still on his face and his black hair falling between them, his hands resting on his chest. Sirius took a moment to realize that he had changed, looking rather confused. He looked at his own hands touching Lupin’s chest and shook his head.

“Oops. My bad.”

Remus felt an urge that went through his body like an electric shock. He held that impulse automatically, but at the same moment he wondered what he would have done if he hadn’t held it back. Something in his mind whispered back to him, the answer making his heart skip a beat as he stared at Sirius’ lips, just then Sirius got off the top of him and offered a hand to help him stand.

Lupin took Black’s hand and got to his feet. James cleared his throat behind Sirius, and they both looked at the James who had his arms crossed, but a smirk on his face that made Remus blush.

“Hello to you too, you filthy mutt.”

Sirius let out a satisfied laugh and hugged James willingly. Meanwhile, Remus went to his bed trying to disguise everything he had felt two seconds ago and started to unpack. But when he exchanged a brief glance with Peter, who had a little smile on his face, he realised that it was no use hiding what was written all over his face.

Credit to @nineandthreequarterrs and @sherlatetothemoriparty for helping me with the translation!

#mine #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #marauders #hogwarts

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lizzieraindrops · 7 years

Text

sally grissom

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts , @podcastmecaptain , and @lizzieraindrops

all three of the aformentioned dorks are responsible for the hijinks found in this post. @lizzieraindrops especially for this one

click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates! ALSO: things aren’t always showing up in the tags, so your most reliable bet is the aforementioned masterpost.

this is one of many individualized advanced PLACEMENT works, for stories of each character involved. we each wrote the story that we each post, with input from the others.

IMPORTANT NOTE: sally is deliberately written as aroace (aromantic and asexual) for the purposes of this au, but this particular individual representation of this orientation may not look quite like what you’re expecting. please see the separate post i made discussing why that is for further information.

sally grissom grew up on a farm in iowa in a town even smaller than point-of-exile, trying to construct rube goldberg machines out of cornstalks and accidentally starting more than one crop circle conspiracy theory

she got moved up a grade way back in second because she’s really bright, so not only is she Younger than everyone, she is even Smoller

literally always the scrawniest tiniest in class

she didn’t really get along with most of the kids, they thought she was weird and tended to ignore her

which was not fun but still preferable to active bullying, although she wonders sometimes if the only reason it didn’t escalate was because she was good at keeping to herself and out of the way

she actually enjoys her own company over that of most people, but she definitely gets lonely, too

but there was one girl who actually asked sally why she was eating raisins on tortilla chips instead of laughing at her

and actually tried the raisin-laden chip sally offered her and pronounced it “not bad,” even though she never tried it again

she became sally’s absolute best friend

and sally felt like she had everything she really needed

tiny sally never really thought much about boys, or girls, or dating, or anything

she’s always been more preoccupied by just existing. it’s a complicated but exciting business, existence, even and perhaps especially when you’re small, and just look at all the other things that be out here existing in the world, it’s incredible

science and especially the field of physics appealed to her from a very young age, because at heart and in the right hands, it’s the pursuit of understanding, tiny piece by tiny piece, how the existing world works at a very deep level, and she finds that incredibly satisfying

she’s always been pretty happy and fulfilled by just bopping along doing her own thing as she moves through the world

but she got increasingly uneasy as she got older and everyone around her started obsessing about things she found relatively uninteresting compared to the miracles of the workings of the universe, and looked at her like there was something wrong with her when she said so

eventually she learned to deflect attention when people asked who she had a crush on or who she thought was cute

because she didn’t have an answer, and she knew that not having an answer was the Wrong answer, because it’s a witch hunt question. if you don't answer it Properly, you're hiding something, and your accuser definitely knows what it is better than you do

she just wanted to tinker with her projects and learn about the world and spend her time with her best friend who was so near and dear to her, why was everyone talking about kissing and sex and ??? expecting her to Do something about it, whether she wanted to or not

“why on earth would i want to kiss a boy when i could be hanging out with you and wiring more LEDs onto my halloween costume. I’m gonna look badass this year”

this friend, she was sally’s everything, and that was never a problem

until everything and everyone changed around her

(even her)

(long before she lost her, sally knew she was losing her to whatever inexorable forces were changing everything and she could neither understand it nor stop it)

and then, sally had to move to colorado the summer before 8th grade, relocating for one of her parents’ jobs

and everything was gone

no; sally was gone. and she wasn’t going to be able to go back.

she was dropped into the point-of-exile school system just too late to get to know the current batch of junior high kids, and too early to make a fresh start of it going into high school along with everyone else

and then, of course, she had to have an identity crisis right then, on top of the stress of relocation

sally had to really rethink things after The Move, because although she tried so hard to maintain contact, she lost touch with her best friend, and it shattered her heart. and she knew she wasn’t Supposed to have this much of a broken heart over something like that, but that didn’t make the shards any smoother. actually, it only made it hurt worse, because she didn’t feel like she could tell anyone

she had to wonder, was she actually gay? had she been in love with her the whole time without knowing? sally might not Get people a lot of the time, but she knew that girls were only supposed to feel like this about boys they wanted to kiss, not their best friends. was this what people meant about crushes and all?? but she didn’t want any of that gross romantic stuff, either. was she just lonely? or did classic hyperfocus sally just plain care too much? she didn’t know. she didn’t know.

this prompted a whole lot of questioning and self-exploration

she spent much of her time online, at first, when she got to colorado

like, more than usual

sally has always been a meme trash internet junkie

she stayed in her little bedroom with the blinds half-shuttered until she started finding words that made sense

she learned that asexuality was a Thing and identified strongly with it right off the bat and has never looked back

aromanticism also made a Lot of sense to her and she knows she’s somewhere (enthusiastic handwavey gestures) there on that spectrum, too

she also learned a lot about other LGBT stuff during this intensive research period because parts of that Also made sense

the jury’s still out on whether she was gay for her friend or not, and probably always will be, but that’s okay

because she started realizing that it was okay for the the most important relationships in her life to Not look like what people expected them to, and that she could do anything she wanted to and didn’t have to do anything she didn't

and at some point during the summer before she starts high school, esther roberts walked up to her with a slightly manic grin, looking like she was gonna befriend her or die trying

sallys instinct when esther marches up to her is to ignore and avoid, but esther is a sharp girl whose opening move is to compliment the star trek t-shirt that you can barely see under sally's oversized flannel

(sally loves overlarge floppy clothes)

because of that sally decides to give her a chance

even though she’d really just like to be left alone to try and sort herself out

anyway, sally ends up getting dragged to lunch with her and jack and anthony

and anthony’s like “for heaven’s sake esther will you stop strongarming random strangers into coming to lunch with you, i bet she doesn’t even know trigonometry”

and sally's like “fuck you i’m going straight into calculus in the fall”

and anthony perks up his ears and is like !!!!!!! friend!!!!!!!!!! MATH FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!

and esther’s like “she looked like a nerd, i thought she might like to hang out with you losers”

and jack’s like “hey!!” but anthony doesn’t even notice bc he’s already started talking to sally about math

and slowly, sally realizes how not-straight all her new friends are and she just. feels so comfortable, without so many expectations

sally and esther have a special Bond abt queer stuff. it’s harder for sally to talk about things like that with anthony even though he becomes her best friend in the whole world

(perhaps because he’s her best friend in the whole world, and she has trouble reconciling her current reality with the old sally grissom who had never lost one)

for a long, long time, esther is the Only person who knows about the girl from iowa

because esther’s a girl who likes girls and it’s a lot less scary to tell her that sally might-have-liked-a-girl-once but isn’t sure and may never be

and she cries because she wants definitive answers, she wants something that makes sense, but this time she may never get it. this, she, is an experiment that will probably never have enough data to draw any kind of conclusion.

but esther tells her it’s okay either way. it’s okay if she did and it’s okay if she didn’t.

and sally gradually realizes it’s okay to be uncertain. it’s okay to exist blurred across the lines of what people expect and outside the boxes of what makes sense. hell, maybe it’s okay for what’s outside the boxes to make more sense than what’s in them. isn’t heisenberg’s uncertainty principle necessary to understanding quantum mechanics?

and slowly,

slowly

that old wound finally starts healing, though it leaves a scar

and the question becomes less and less pressing, with time

later, in high school, sally and esther meet down by the garden shed at school whenever they need to Talk about things

nothing calms sally down like the feeling of sitting down cross-legged on a solid-but-squishy spare bag of Miracle Gro

once, someone started teasing about them going to the shed to mess around and sally kicked a watering can in frustration and accidentally sent it through a window and got detention for destroying school property

but esther ended up in detention with her because she chased down whoever was making fun of them

and kicked their ass

sally runs back into the shed because of the double embarrassment of the accusation and the watering can mishap

(esther later teases sally kindly with jokes about going back into the closet/shed)

one time the science beans are chilling in the lab one afternoon and jack and esther are playing dilemma at the bench next to anthony, who is finishing up his lab writeup

quentin is dozing on the couch with an open manila folder over his face

sally is somehow sitting cross-legged on a lab stool, eating her way through a tin of anchovies that she’s individually wrapping in steamed spinach and then devouring with gusto

and jack is sure he’s about to beat esther at cards but she suddenly pulls the rug out from under him with an unexpected play and beats him

“goddamit esther, how do you always do this, do you keep a fricken ace up your sleeve just to fuck with me”

and esther just makes three seconds’ worth of eye contact with sally in dead silence, not moving because if she moves she’ll start laughing

and sally, who has been agonizing over coming out to the rest of the gang as ace for awhile now but hasn’t been able to figure out how to do it,

suddenly blurts “i don’t wanna be in anyone’s pants OR sleeves”

esther fucking loses it

quentin peers out from under his folder, bemused as to why the two girls are laughing their asses off

once she stops cackling, sally really awkwardly gives ace and aro 101 explanations with help from esther

quentin’s the only one who’s already familiar with asexuality and aromanticism already and he perks up because hey! i know this!

but they all take it really well

jack’s like “wow yeah, that really sounds like you”

anthony notices that sally’s fidgeting and stimming way more than usual and says “oh, sally, you were really nervous about this, weren’t you”

she just kinda nods, not looking at anyone and rocking a little on her stool

“come here, you”

he goes and wraps her in a great big soft bear hug and she nuzzles against him

“it’s okay, you’re okay, you’re good, we love you, i love you”

sally’s definitely sniffling a little

at one point during her junior year, sally finds herself dozing off in a pile on the couch between anthony and esther toward the end of a movie night. she briefly wakes up all the way and freaks out a little because this is, so intimate

and she’s used to people expecting that to mean something More that she doesn’t and something Less than she does

but then

she realizes

that it’s okay if she loves her friends more than anything else in the world, and it's okay if it's a little weird, and it's okay if other people don't get how that works and how powerful it is, because her people get it

she's not too much; she's not too little

she sighs snuggles down into the pile and passes the fuck out, because that realization drew a lot of poison out of her

and she sleeps

and for the first time in a long time, she feels safe not only with her friends, but with her self.

#ars PLACEMENT #ars paradoxica #sally grissom #lizzie taking up space #lizzie's adventures in writing

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chasingchescaroberto-blog · 6 years

Text

Day 47

Dont read read this if you aren’t on your own and you can’t call me afterwards. We’ll need to speak. I love you, I’m sorry if it’s a lot to handle.

You want to know everything and this is my heart I’m about to pour out. The story of me, before all of this stuff happend I was similar to how I am now I suppose. It’s been a a long journey but I really feel that I am where I need to be. What I think you need to understand first of all is that the first two girls who I really was ever with fucked me over. I was cheated on, I was emotionally ruined by both of them. After that I became quite against the idea of relationships because I was hurt essientally, I hated the way that felt and didn’t ever want to be in a position where someone could do that to me again. So following that I just tried to sleep with anyone really, this is before Uni btw. There was no love in my life just lust and disregard. Then you came along. I resisted us. I remember saying to you, if we go out then one of two things happen, we marry or we break up, that’s the only outcomes of this. I said break ups hurt and wouldn’t want to feel like that again. So as the months went by my resisted faded. I let your love in and I gave you mine in return. I was happy again.

Then came Euan. Just like I will never understand the pain I have put you through. You will never understand what I felt like. I never said to you that I blamed myself for him dying, apart from when I was drunk I guess. Following that I found the dead body. Now I know at the time I seemed ok, but our relationship was doing really well and I was enjoying it. I would never have been able to cope if I hadn’t spent so many nights with you. I didn’t tell you this at the time, I didn’t say I feel like I’m lost at sea, I just don’t like to cry. But I guess looking back I should have. In this year my auntie almost died on the operating table and I was assaulted at work, but men don’t worry they just get on with it, that’s what we’re told, so that what I did.

This is where the escapism was born out of, I just wanted to escape how I was feeling, and being travelling I saw as a way to do that. There was no goal, just to escape. Around this time you asked me ‘where’s this relationship going’ and all of a sudden I was terrified. I no longer had control of anything. I was scared that if we didn’t work out I couldn’t take it, I couldn’t take any more pain. So after Sziget I just withdrew myself, I used America as a way to create distance and tried to make you hate me. I thought it’s good if she hates me, because she will block me out. I know this is all so stupid btw but I wasn’t me.

Then third year began, we hugged on the corner and we cried. Without dealing with any of my issues I begged you to take me back. But then my third placement started and it was so hard and so tiring. I was so anxious all the time because I was convinced I wasn’t good enough. I thought if I fail this everyone will hate me. This is where the self confidence and self neglect really started. I ignored all of our issues from the past and tried to move on without dealing with them. I didn’t want to leave the house really. Every day I was jumping straight to the worse case scenario, thinking something in my life is going to go wrong. This time I broke us up to protect myself and you again. I said goodbye at your bedroom door, I didn’t want to leave that day either, I had just convinced myself that it was what we needed. Through everything I have spoken about so far I had not been emotionally stable for a long period at any point, so many highs, too many lows.

Now the end of Uni was coming, I was fucking terrified of what was going to happen next, our relationship had gotten worse. I showed myself no attention, I showed you no attention. You were the only one who could have changed my mind but I never opened my mouth and spoke. I just ignored my feelings and carried on scraping through the end of the year. I saw you on the last day in tears. I couldn’t figure out how we could make thing better again while I felt like this. I lay in the my bed in my bare and empty room, that’s when I had hit my lowest. I sent you that text, the worse thing I had ever done and went into the bathroom. I sat in the shower for what felt like hours. I felt so alone but that’s how I wanted to feel, I don’t know why it had come to this but I did feel like I was letting you free. What saved me really was Ed coming back, he pulled me through. I made it home and started to rebuild.

Now I know I missed out the part where I slept with her. But I can’t stress enough how cold and unpleasant that was. I just wanted to escape all my guilt, I thought it could help. I felt nothing and still don’t towards that person. They are gone from my life and it’s always going to be that way. It won’t be a shadow that looms over us.

I was doing a lot better and actually started to feel like I could achieve something again. I got a well paid job and sorted somewhere to live. I was still thinking about you every day, but I hadn’t sorted myself out completely. We connected again because of the playlist but in truth I wasn’t ready. As soon as I moved there was so much going on, I couldn’t piece things together with us. I wasn’t over the pain and I don’t think either of us were. I shouldn’t have started things before the move, but I was so scared you would drift too far and end up moving on falling in love and I would lose you forever. I was incredibly selfish. I hadn’t decided what I was going to do when you made my mind up for me. You texted me and I could tell I had broken you again, I stared at that text for three days or so. Now I was just heartbroken as I’m sure you were too. But what it triggerd in me was a need to change. I was never going back to the version of myself I hated. I started trying in all aspects of my life, and it’s paid off in such a big way. I looked back at everything and decided what I wanted. I wanted love, with honesty, with someone I was best friends with, with someone who I could share all what I have achieved and what I want to achieve with me. To get this I knew I needed to improve everything, this is why is started the gym and the guitar, the change In diet. I tried to become the person I want to be. 5 months of no contact allowed me to get my emotions reset, the only thing left was the playlist and you had stopped adding to it. I was and always have been in love with you. I pictured our reunion every day, but I was scared of even trying to reach out to you. Because the rejection could send me back to a dark place. Then we spoke again, and I have made the agreement with myself. This the final chapter of this story, I will do all I can for the person I share my with to be you. Because to me you are perfect, not just the way you look, through to the soul you are everything that is pure and beautiful to me. I’m sorry for everything but I’m not sorry that I’ve always loved you.

Now I am open, completely vulnerable. I have given up the control I always crave, I have let everything in to try and show you that you have all of me. You have my heart. What’s weird is that even though I am anxious about what you are thinking every day, terrified that I won’t feel your touch again, I am at peace. I know this is what I want. That is satisfying, I have come this far and I have found the answer to why I want with my life. An adventure with the person I love the most, I want to share everything with you, take us to the edge of the world and back, back to our cosy house. I close my eyes and I can see my ideal future.

I know this might all have seemed so negative but that is because I have explained the downside of my life during this period. I don’t look back and think what a shit time we had. I have some of the best days of my life with you. I just want everything that goes from now to be fun and natural. I am free of my past self, ‘mean Jack’ he’s gone. I won’t ever mistreat a woman I am with ever again, I won’t do anything I think would hurt you. Scars still need to heal, but I know I can nurse your heart back to health. We will be better than we ever were before, because now you have me 100% commited, no emotions pulling me down, no guilt of lost friends, just me. Now I am better than any version of me that you have known. You make me so happy and I just want I fill my life with that happiness. I haven’t seen you in 2 months and my love just grows anyway. For me everything is different now, but there a two sides to this story. Just as sad as each other’s. I just pray that I’m not too late, that too much damage has been done.

You wanted to know, now you do. I know you are going to be upset reading this. But understand none of this was your fault, I don’t think you will blame yourself but I want to make that clear. I take full responsibility for my actions, you didn’t deserve what I have done to us. Just pleas let me show you how perfect life can be, if you take my hand I won’t make you regret it.

From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. I will never break this promise, that I will ever do any of this shit to you again. I know myself too well to let it happen. I’m In love you Jessica Robertshaw, and I always will be

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