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wordsandshawn · 7 years

Text

Six Months

Requested: Hi I was wondering if you could write an imagine where management has Shawn date a celebrity instead of y/n. Thanks

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~~~

That’s it then. Apparently two years meant nothing to him when it meant everything to you. How could he just pretend like two years of your lives never happened? How could he just move on like that?

As your finger hovers over the mousepad of your macbook, you know you should exit out of this website. You know you should stop looking at these pictures of your ex hand-in-hand with new girl that isn’t you, but you can’t. That’s the thing about dating a celebrity that you never considered before dating Shawn, that once you break up, you’ll see pictures of him all over the internet when you’re not even looking for them. And when he gets into a new relationship, especially if that new relationship is with a “cute, young up and coming actress who’s making her own waves in the industry and dating Shawn Mendes on top of that,” people actually talk about it, and there is no escaping it.

Your friend looks up at you across the table you were supposed to be studying at. “You’re doing it again, aren’t you, y/n?” She asks.

“Doing what?” You question, quickly closing the page and trying to act innocent.

“Looking at pictures of them. It’s written all over your face.” You curse yourself for being so transparent that she doesn’t even have to see your screen to know what was on it. “Don’t torture yourself by looking at those pictures.” She tells you, “Just try to ignore it as best as you can.”

That’s her advice, and you love her and appreciate her trying to help, but she’s not helping. You’re tortured whether you look at the pictures or not because it’s all stuck in your mind no matter what you do to try and forget or not think about it all. “But he just moved on. It’s only been six months, Kara, we were together for two years. I haven’t even looked at a boy seriously since Shawn. I can’t.”

“And maybe that’s the problem. You need to start looking at other boys. There are so many around here,” She says, actually motioning around the coffee shop you’re seated in on your university’s campus. “If you’d just give some of them a chance.”

But none of them are Shawn, you think to yourself, but know better than to say it out loud. At first it was fine to be hung up on Shawn. Your friends were all understanding and didn’t mind listening to you talk about him, cry about him and be sad about him because its only natural after a breakup, especially one following a two year relationship. You and Shawn mutually broke up because he was too busy and couldn’t be around because of his career, and the long distance had just become too much for both of you. You still deeply loved him, and up until a few days ago, you had clung to the hope that he had felt the same. You ended the relationship because it was becoming too hard and maybe the timing just wasn’t right. But now that it has been six months, it isn’t exactly okay for you to still be hung up on him, and your friends have already grown tired of hearing you talk about him.

Yes, six months is probably the appropriate time to wait after a breakup before getting into a new relationship, but for you, it sure doesn’t feel like that. These have been some of the roughest six months of your life without Shawn, and you hate to admit that he’s still the one you call when you’re drunk. Even though he hasn’t drunk dialed you since you broke up, he almost always picks up when you do. He picks up and he tells you that you’re not a mess, and he misses you too, and it will be okay.

He thinks you won’t remember it in the morning, but for some reason, you always do. And when you wake up, you can convince yourself it was all a dream until you check your recent calls and see his name there along with the length of the call showing that he actually did answer and stay on the line, often for a significant amount of time until he’s talked you down from your mountain of emotions and let you cry the tears necessary for you to be able to fall asleep. You don’t tell your friends this, they’ll think you’re crazy and making up stories, and they’d of course tell you to stop drunk dialing him. Sometimes you get drunk just so you have an excuse to call and pray he answers. Strange enough, you don’t ever recall him telling you to stop calling, even when he’s in another county and busy or you’re waking him up in the in the middle of the night. You never talk when you’re sober, and he never calls when he’s drunk. He could have easily blocked your phone calls, seeing as you only ever call him drunk, or he could have just ignored your calls, but he hasn’t. Not yet, at least. But maybe now that he has a new girl, all of that will change.

Who are you even kidding? He has a new girl, and everything already has changed. Truthfully, it should have from the moment you broke up, but you were still clinging to the past and the way his existence had become your security. You should know by now that he isn’t your person anymore. He isn’t the one who is going to be there for you, even though he’s the only one you want, now and ever, but you can’t admit that.

“Alright, that’s it.” Your friend says from across the table, noticing you were too lost in thought to even have a conversation with her at the moment. “We’re going out tonight.”

“It’s a Tuesday.” You respond immediately.

“You’re right. No going out, lets just get drunk instead.” She responds decidedly.

As much as that seems like a good idea, you very quickly decide that it isn’t. If you get drunk, you’ll just call Shawn, and the idea of him not picking up, or even worse finally telling you to quit calling him, would destroy you. And you know that. Especially seeing as you’re already emotional about all of this.

You and four of your best girl friends are sitting around your best friend’s apartment. You had decided that you wouldn’t get drunk, but you’d consume just enough alcohol so that you’d feel good, but still have your wits about you. And that’s exactly what you did. It was nice. And you thought you had successfully done what you went there to do, which is forget about Shawn. It wasn’t until you were walking from your friends apartment back to your own that you were hit with missing Shawn like crazy. The feeling wasn’t unfamiliar, but you hated how familiar it was. You had this feeling so many times when you were dating because Shawn was rarely even able to be in the same country as you, but since you broke up, the type of missing him has certainly changed. And this type of missing him has become even more familiar than the other type of missing him that you thought you knew so well.

Before you could even really process what you were doing, your fingers were already clicking on the contact that had been called a countless number of times before. It rings three times, and you convince yourself that this time he isn’t going to pick up. “Hello,” His voice shakes you to the very core. You weren’t expecting it, almost. This is probably the most sober you’ve ever been when calling Shawn since you broke up, so you don’t even know why you’re calling.

“This was a mistake.” You speak your thoughts aloud.

“I missed your voice.” He tells you, ignoring your statement all together.

That sentence alone thoroughly confuses you. He’s moved on. He’s dating another girl. They’re on vacation together in Hawaii right now. You saw all the pictures of them prancing the beach together. Him picking her up in the waves, kissing waist deep in the water, walking the beach hand in hand, you saw all those pictures, more than once probably. He looked so in love, so captivated by her, and the feeling was obviously reciprocated. You had seen all the pictures and read all of the articles. She was a better fit for him anyway. She was an actress. Her career already solid for being only eighteen. She knows what she’s doing and she knows her way around the business. She is so much better suited for him and his life now. You know that, you know that she is better for him than you could ever be, and that might be what hurts you the most.

“What?” Is all you can think to say.

“I said, I missed your voice. And I’m glad you called.” His smooth and steady voice comes across so confident. His confidence was one of the things you loved about him from the first moment you met him. He was confident and he knew who he was, even at only sixteen. That is hard to find in sixteen year olds, more than that, it wasn’t at all a cockiness, it was just quiet confidence.

“No,” You tell him, already getting emotional at this. He wasn’t supposed to say that. He was supposed to tell you to stop calling. He was supposed to hang up. He was supposed to set you free, he’d already moved on, now you should too. “You aren’t supposed to say things like that, not anymore.” You practically whisper through the phone, but he manages to hear you anyway.

“Why not? It’s true.” He doesn’t know what he’s doing to you, or does he?

“You have a new girlfriend, that’s why not.” Is the only thing you can think to respond, as you put your key into your lock, opening the door to your apartment.

His laugh comes through the phone, catching you by surprise. You don’t know what you expected him to do, but it wasn’t this. “Emma and I are not dating.” He tells, you and immediately you’re confused. How could he say that. Slamming the door behind you, you make your way to the couch. You just need to sit down right now. “Andrew and everyone thought I needed a girlfriend,” He explains, “And I just wasn’t ready I guess, so I wouldn’t go out with anyone they tried to set me up with.” You can almost hear an underlying message in his words, but you can’t be sure if he’s saying what you think he is. “So finally they made me date Emma for publicity.”

Those words make you feel like an entire weight has been lifted off of your shoulders and you exhale a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “I’m not over you, y/n.” His voice comes through your phone.

“Shawn,” You start, suddenly feeling completely sober.

He speaks again before you have the chance to. “I know that it didn’t work, but I don’t think we tried hard enough. If these last six months have taught me anything it’s that you’re worth everything. And I don’t care how hard it is or how many sacrifices I have to make or how many times I have to fly straight through the night, it’s you I want to be with, y/n.”

“I still love you.” You respond, not knowing what else to say to convey how you felt about everything he said.

“I love you. I’ll always love you, I know that now. I’m coming to see you. I’ll book a flight out tomorrow. We can talk.” He says, and there is no question in his voice. “It might be a little complicated with Emma, because management has a whole plan for that ‘relationship’, but I don’t care. The whole time we’ve been here in Hawaii, pretending to be in love, I’ve only been missing you and wishing you were the one here with me.” He tells you, and you can hear the honesty in his voice. The words had rushed out of him so quickly, almost like he had been waiting to say that to you.

You don’t know how you survived the last six months without Shawn, with only 2am drunken conversations to keep you going. But now you know that you don’t want to have to say goodbye to him, you don’t want to move on. Hearing that he hasn’t actually moved on provided so much relief for you, you could almost jump for joy. You don’t want to ever have to live without him again. And you don’t want to have to get drunk to have an excuse to call the one boy who could remind you who you are and make sure your world wouldn’t fall apart, every single time you needed him to.

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