#if u knew me then no u didn't | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fivemoresunflowers · 19 days

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sometimes i remember that i legitimately carried the same 10-20 books around every single day from 4th-8th grade. there was not a moment that i was not gripping some poor tortured book's spine, just to prevent the possiblity of having to talk to people.

and then i remember that my elementary/middle school friend, who went to a different high school than me, actually asked if i still did that to this day.

after that, i remember that means there are people walking around who went to middle school with me and haven't seen me since and think i still use books as a security blanket.

#shudder #awful awful awful #middle school memories #cringe #if u knew me then no u didn't #somebody lied to her several times #social anxiety #to the point of social paralysis

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inkskinned · 10 months

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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

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d0llh0use-of-h0rr0rz · 1 year

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If I had the chance to time travel back to 2020 and meet my past self I'd just fucking slap him

#if u knew me then no u didn't #scream.txt

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a2zillustration · 3 months

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I carried this thing for MONTHS with the EXPRESS PURPOSE of putting Raphael in it (knowing full well Larian wouldn't let me do that, mechanically) and I had one major miscalculation.

[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]

[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]

#Ok I'm gonna ramble in the tags about all this get ready:#I KNEW Larian wouldn't let me actually pull this off but I PROMISE you that stupid flask sat in my inventory since the moment I grabbed it #WAITING for when I could write this little bit about putting Raphael in it #I even threw it at him in the fight with a 30% hit chance and it succeeded so I considered that Larian giving me permission to say it workd #But as I was reading up on it again when I was sketching this I saw the bit about native planes and I cried LMAO. But it's dnd-#so I rewrote is as it would've happened in a game. U kno.#Also I have been waiting to use that fox line for SO LONG bc of Croissant's dad being a fox-like fey creature #So much backstory that's slotted in PERFECTLY with the BG3 narrative #Anyway absolutely wild that we managed to take out this ancient powerful devil - and on the first try!#Lae'zel with a potion of speed did WORK. Gale came in clutch with hold monster. Astarion gave Raph stage fright. Croissant made him dance #(I'm pretty sure he just doesn't have a dance animation in ascended form lol)#Hope didn't even need to use divine intervention - this party is terrifying #Croissant hated him but in the end I loved Raphael I see why all you people like him #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #act III spoilers #house of hope #croissant adventures #tav #raphael #lae'zel #iron flask #comics #ALSO shoutouts to you if you both noticed and knew which worthikids animation I borrowed the expression in panel 5 from

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thejacketscloset · 4 months

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Do u think Kratos was sad when atreus started doing things (like climbing and getting up on tall ledges) by himself....

i don't think he would admit it outwardly but i think he would hesitate for a moment if Atreus was suddenly climbing up ahead of him instead of clambering onto his back.

Atreus would ask if he's coming, and Kratos would grumble, or not even say anything at all and follow. But suddenly climbing doesn't feel right. He feels too light, and it's all so strange. He doesn't have the words for it - can't bring himself to accept the persistent feeling of melancholy as they make it attop the ledge they were scaling.

"Did you see me? I climb pretty fast huh!"

Atreus is celebrating, proud of himself, he doesn't need to rely on his father anymore.

He doesn't need to rely on his father anymore.

Kratos can only bring himself to nod at his boy, he hopes he hasn't given away his internal turmoil.

He knows there will be many more times like this to come. He knows one day, Atreus won't need his help at all. Will he be ready?

#im emotional over them #was in SHAMBLES when i booted up ragnorok and Atreus started climbing by himself #the way this game potrays parenthood.#yeah it made me get it.#I knew I didn't want kids for a while but also knowing that if you have kids. AT ONE POINT THEY JUST DONT NEED U ANYMORE??#AWFUL #i could never I'd be too emotional #god of war #gow #gow ragnarok #gow 4 #kratos #atreus #gow kratos #gow atreus

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beeduoo · 29 days

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wonderful

#there is a ranboo that goes withthis but i didn't like how he was looking imma restart from scratch tmrw😭😭#ctubbo #michael beloved #ctubbo fanart #Guys you have no idea what i went through today like it wa fucking crazy i need to share this #so i went to the mall after school right and im going home at like 8 on the train with my friend bc i was supposed to be picked up ay her #stop right but then im told to just go to my stop and take the bus and im like ok sure but the problem is my phone is on SEVEN PERCENT and w #hen i get to the stop my moms like u have money for the bus right and im like ueah and i check and i have NO MONEY #BUT I DIDNT TELL HER ANUTHING BC I DIDNT WANT HER TI GET MAD BC I KNEW SHE WOUDKNT WANT ME TO WALK ALL THE WAY HOME AT NIGHT (FOURTY BLOCKS #So im like ok im getting on the bus now my phone is on four percent i have to WALK HOME allll that way and there's this crazy ass upward hi #ll that's like ten blocks long ITS NOT EVEN THAT BAD but like my mom thinks im on the bus so im trying to speed walk as fast as i can and i #RAWDOGGED it too because MU PHONE WAS GOING TO IDE!!!!#I made it home at two percent U guys i was so proud of myself thank u for listening #IM SO MAD IT WOUKDVE BEEN OKAY IF I WASNT IN A RUSH And also if i had music uggghhh Whatever #I bought this really cute skirt at garage hold on let me find it #lexi pleated skort color Navy blue ITS SOOOO CUTE got some new leg warmers too yesss....#I NEED TO DOWNLOAD THE TRANSIT APP i woukdve been able to attach my apple pay and buy the stupid ticket if my phonewasnnt #too dead to do al that...#Guys always make sure u carry cash with yiu goodbye

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chronicowboy · 4 months

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manifesting a s7 bi buck confirmation where the 118 are on a call and the victim/their friend/Random Civilian is getting annoyed makes a comment aimed at buck & eddie about "straight white men" and they both look offended then eddie says "do I look white???" and buck's like "do I look straight???"

how the others react (if at all) is tbc at this stage

i'm a sucker for inappropriate whisper arguments in the Absolute Worst of Situations so now all i'm seeing is eddie whipping around to buck when he says it with the widest doe eyes any human being has ever achieved and oblivious little buck waving the vic/friend/civilian off like "it's fine, could happen to anyone, you know" and then eddie's like "uh, yeah, it did, you're not straight?" and then it's like for the GA oh no are they going to do a kind of internalised homophobia arc for eddie where he re-examines his entire friendship with buck after finding out he likes men and yes he is going to re-examine his entire friendship with buck after finding out he likes men but it'll be the opposite of internalised homophobia (externalised homoeroticism)

#sami answers #very attached to their little whisper argument ive created in my head as hen and chim try to treat the patient #eddie: you're not straight?#buck: no??#eddie: since when?#buck: since always eddie? i know you know how gay people work #eddie: but. natalia? taylor? ali? abby? oh my god you weren't like punishing yourself for being gay with them were you?#buck: no wtf eddie. you were there when i was explaining bisexuality to chris the other day. when i came out to him u know #eddie: im pretty sure id remember you coming out to my son buck #buck: why are you being so weird about this #eddie: because im your best friend!#buck: what and it's freaking you out that i like men?#eddie: NO! i'm freaked out that i didn't know. did you not think you could tell me 🥺#buck: I THOUGHT YOU KNEW #and bobby's just live slugging it over in the corner like 'should i intervene or are they going to come to some realisations rn'

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kveom · 4 months

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@svtsource carat revival 2024: Picking Favourites and Fights

↳ Bias: DK | insp.

#seventeen #svt #caratrevival24 #dokyeom #dk #seokmin #i tried #yayayayayayayay look at me go!!#i now have (almost) 3 sets for the prompts 😭 where is this motivation coming from #and i finished this one in just oneeee!!!!!! day!!!!!#thank u carat revival 😫#i didn't really know where i was going with this set but i've wanted to use that set as insp for so long #so i knew i wanted to do that #and then i'm always ALWAYS thinking about that dk quote #and then have also been thinking of doing a dk as tumblr tags set but it's hard bc freaking tumblr #only gives you like 5 tags from old sets now #stuff you tumblr #so yeah it's kind of just a mix of all my ideas and thoughts lol #i think it turned out alright!!#almost didn't get there because of the colouring but hey just chuck on a b&w gradient and it's all good

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bluewlnteroses · 9 months

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i just keep thinking about harley getting to know the truth about why peter is alone and finding out why people don't remember him and for a moment thinking he's glad he got to meet him after everything went down and immediately feel guilt and shame because its not fair peter went through so much pain and had to leave everyone he knew behind but,,,, just thinking about meeting each other before and getting to know peter and then completely forget him makes his feel sick

#but harley my baby you did #there was another crying teenager at the funeral that knew exactly what you were feeling in that moment #you just don't remember him #i feel like the world could have ended right there and peter wouldn't have notice #theres a blank space since the moment tony died until weeks after the funeral so can u blame him for not remembering harley?#they met in one of the worst days of each other's life #i just can't stop thinking about them realizing they met before and being absolutely devastated on how close they were to losing each other #because yes they met they talked and acknowledge their bond with tony but they were grieving #they talked for a couple of minutes but they didn't keep in contact they didn't become friends just like that #but now they can't possibly think about not being in each other's life #and to think they were close to lose that without even realizing it..#ugh im sad don't pay attention to me #once again i do NOT care about the english language so dont bother i know there might be typos #harley keener #parkner #but platonic parkner works just fine too

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kevindavidday · 3 months

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literally cannot stop thinking about the foxes growing up to be helpful adults especially the monsters because like with the upperclassmen and even with nicky its slightly more expected as compared to the twinyards, kevin and neil

not by my own definition but by the perception people have of them in canon - the selfish, hotheaded or largely indifferent to everyone except their own affairs type of people

but aaron chose to become a doctor and i think of him seeing mothers give up their kids at birth and of people constantly loving and losing and how possible it is for him to be known as a kind doctor - someone who would sit with a man who lost his wife or a mother who's lost her child, someone who would do coffee runs for his colleagues and give flowers to recovering patients (and maybe katelyn bought them the first time but he could repeat the gesture, yknow? he's got a good learning curve)

im thinking of kevin making sure that a portion of his hefty income goes to actual genuine charities and for work against human trafficking and child abuse because what's he going to do with this much money? particularly after amalia is born he would be so much more careful if he ever sees kids or teenagers in parking lots and senses some imminent danger

not just that but kevin keeping an eye out for his fans or any signing events he has where he sees something unfair happen and steps in or asks security to step in immediately i feel like for him its still difficult to put himself on the forefront of a threatening situation unlike andreil but he does his best to try and to listen to the kids that come and rant to him about exy to entertain them with his genuine smiles

idk just the idea of the monsters being so very human and recognizing humanity in others is something that can be so personal

#the more i see the 'andreil moved in and got two cats they're living the life' type of posts its making me think #about how the monsters all did eventually settle down #life did not end when they were teenagers they made it out of that hellish period to a timeline where they #have responsibility over themselves their actions can make an impact and in small subtle ways they can see that #they know how much it would have mattered if someone had been there with them during their tough times #they know better than anyone how insane it is to have someone help u it feels smthn like how neil does whenever the foxes are kind to him #and why would he reserve that to himself? they didn't know him and their kindness knew no bounds how could he not pay it forward?#they would make wymack proud #aftg #tfc #kevin day #aaron minyard #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #kevaaron

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lilacjunimo · 14 days

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saw someone on twitter imply that one king of queens promo photo would be tech and phee and so now we have this