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keikakudori · 2 years

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Hollowfication was nothing but Aizen throwing a temper tantrum-

While it was cold and calculated, he did it because Shinji a) grew suspicious of him for no reason other then 'intuition' and the lack of evidence pissed him off, even if it was true b) Stopped being interested in him and that was an ego hit, that he wasn't going to accept

He now pretends that it had other reasons to pretend he's flawless (like getting rid of suspicion- lol Kyoraku suspected him too, or teaching Gin 'a lesson' to not get too attached to people) but indeed it was just a temper tantrum

well, first off, i wouldn't call what aizen did a 'temper tantrum'.

you have to remember that aizen had been following the research which he likely found in the daireishokairo archives after it'd been put there by kisuke and we don't know when kisuke himself did that research; what we do know is that kisuke found it first and led aizen to it, in my opinion.

and because this was at a time when aizen was trying to see what could be accomplished with the hogyoku he had made, since while there was research to study but it likely didn't say anything of what it could do, he had to find out for himself. yes, aizen speaks of how there are limitations to a shinigami's potential to ichigo but he himself also says later, to ichigo, that what he said on sokyoku hill may indeed have been lies. personally, i think it was very much a mix of falsehoods and truth together that aizen gave to ichigo on that day. which were truths and which were falsehoods is up for the reader to decide and i know what i think about those moments.

additionally, aizen did what he did to shinji for many reasons; but to be fair, i think whoever wound up going out there that night was going to fall into that trap. it didn't matter who went out there; they were going to wind up being changed either way. would aizen have found some way to do it to shinji later if he hadn't been there on that evening? perhaps he would have. he could've done it in broad daylight and no one would have known because of his kanzen saimin. aizen's very good, but he's not that good. shinji and the rest wound up there on that night by simple chance, nothing more and nothing less. aizen didn't tell yamamoto "i want these specific individuals out there" and he didn't influence those choices whatsoever in the least.

he definitely wasn't pulling a loki there, though that would've been intriguing if he had.

but shinji never lost interest in aizen; aizen himself says that shinji perpetually kept him close whilst simultaneously remaining purposefully at arm's length from him and there's a very strong suggestion in the words that aizen did try to get close to shinji, repeatedly so for that matter. there was no lack of interest here. it was, simply, that shinji did not treat aizen the way aizen clearly once wanted him to. spite is a very powerful motivator. it was something that aizen obviously accepted but it was also obviously a very bitter pill for aizen to have to swallow when it comes down to it.

and kyoraku never suspected aizen; that's the whole thing with aizen. no one ever suspected him except for shinji. and we know from shinji's own words that even he didn't have any idea of what aizen was up to. shinji demands to aizen "what the hell is this" on the night that aizen is busy pulling off the experiment. shunsui's own little bit of suspicion is obviously dismissed and he obviously didn't follow through on it either.

also, there was no lesson in there for gin; what aizen did to shinji was absolutely and deeply personal. aizen and shinji had a very strange intimacy while they were captain and lieutenant, and for all of shinji's suspicions where aizen was concerned? they still had a closeness. gin was free to take what impressions he wanted from what happened ( and boy, cas and i have talked about that before, of what gin thought about the night of the divorce. ) but aizen wasn't exactly teaching him a lesson on that night. everything about that night was aimed at whoever wound up showing themselves. it was only chance that shinji showed up as part of the team that were responding to the disappearances of kensei and mashiro's reiatsu.

so no, this wasn't a tantrum.

what aizen did was extremely coldly precise and logical and driven in the name of research where his own hogyoku was concerned. it is terrifying because it was so cold and precise but also because it was so indiscriminate. it didn't matter who showed up that night; whoever arrived was going to be subjected to the hollowification. it was just sheer bad luck that yamamoto made the choices he did for who was to go out there to investigate. a perfect storm of coincidences and nothing more.

if we're talking aizen throwing a tantrum -- then this isn't it.

#anonymous

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littleeyesofpallas · 2 years

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Feeling too lazy to just dive right into it here and now, but I might aggregate and poke around old Mizuiro appearances in Bleach later.

There was a brief time I can recall during the early Arrancar Arc where people pointed out that while Keigo and Tatsuki and Karin were all coming into their spiritual awareness Mizuiro was suspiciously present for all of it, yet totally unresponsive, even as he tagged along when meeting up with Urahara as the gang left for Hueco Mundo. And some people had suspected that it wasn't that he wasn't gaining spiritual awareness like the others, but that he was already spiritually aware from the start and was playing it cool. This line of thinking obviously died off while the arc was taking forever and even the Visored hadn't been heard from for hundreds of chapters...

At the time some people had pitched the super out of left field theory that if Mizuiro was someone who was already spirit aware, but apparently not a part of any of the existing factions; that is to say not just not soul society proper, and not the arrancar, but not the visored, and not Urahara's team either.... then maybe he was being planted as foreshadowing for some later twist... and so some people tossed around the idea that he was some sort of emissary or spy from Hell, as it's very existence was a similarly unaddressed loose end. (And this was also well before the Hell Arc movie happened.)

This idea that he was some form of other faction of spirit being also played into the joke early in the series where Ichigo warned Rukia that Mizuiro was something of a lady killer, to which Mizuiro protested he's only into older women. At the time it was funny because Rukia was of course over 100 years old. But wouldn't it be funny if Mizuiro knew the whole time and he'd been older himself from the start.

And it was a crackpot theory that went nowhere for years...

But then there was the really weird scene at the end, in between phases of the Aizen fight, where Aizen finally gets to Karakura proper, and while the handful of humans left awake are freaking out... Mizuiro just super casually chucks a pipe bomb at Aizen???? And we never see or hear anything about what was up with that?

And even though it doesn't clarify anything else prior, there's also the chapter where Shunsui visits the kids to give them the stupid spirit tickets that Kubo never followed up on (yes yes I know Narita came up with his own explanation for it, but I really don't care about the LNs even what few bits of them did manage to develop the lore half decently) and Mizuiro is kind of noticeably way too on top of what's going on with Soul Society's drama, both in general and compared to the other kids.

I don't know that there is or ever was really anything behind all these random disjointed little ominous details, but on a certain level it does seem like Kubo was aware of the general idea and leaning into it. And just in general Kubo was a little notorious, not just for his many(often halfassed) twists but also for his apparent awareness of his fans active theorizing on Japanese forums and social media. To the point where there were definitely suspicions that he was just taking whatever fan theory was popular at present and working it in for brownie points to help boost his ratings. (it's where some people suspected he got the 0th espada from, the Shiba Isshin twist, the Ichigo being a Quincy, the Ryuuken/Isshin/Masaki love triangle, Isshin being 10th Captain, Yachiru being Zaraki's sword spirit, and a handful of others I can't recall but that I definitely remember the uproar of "i called it!"s around during serialization.)

Anyway, was thinking about the potential of new Bleach content, if Kubo ever actually delivers on this Hell Jaws Arc thing, and was thinking, wouldn't it be funny if he came back to the Mizuiro thing after all these years? And maybe I should lay some groundwork for it while I have the chance.... But I'll be honest, even just reviewing it here I realize there's really probably nothing more for me to dig up even if I do go to the trouble of digging up every scene he was in.

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bleachbleachbleach · 3 years

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HELLO.

I just wanted to say that I love, love, love your tags on that character/tool post a lot! Some of my favorite shows/books involve characters that can't keep it together and just barely make it to the end of the story or make it there in an "inconvenient way" and tbh I find that usually the narratives that follow these characters don't really work away from them either--the narrative is just usually more questioning instead of fully formed.

Like, 'what if/how would', y'know? There's less of a clear meaning and more just 'what if they hadn't done that. what if they had done that. what if all that meant nothing. what if that struggle was all there was'.

But oh boy, when they DO work away from the narrative. *chefs kiss*

I mean, most of my favorite Bleach characters are narrative nightmares who either hinder or cut off lines of theme in the story entirely. And, in general, I think there are A LOT of characters in shonen--a genre known for very long narratives that can't possibly complete every thought but also can't just abandon all those characters introduced ESPECIALLY the fan favorites or personal favorites--work in the way you described.

Tbh i think your tags really highlight why so many ppl get drawn to these characters/why they're so fun to play with in fanfiction.

If you have more to add or more thoughts about this you want to lay down I am here, eagerly awaiting and ready to pick them up.

Also, who do you think in Bleach is the most fun characters who sort of drop kicked the story, in your opinion? Who's the one you like the most? And who's the one you dislike the most?

[For posterity the referenced post is this one.]

Aww, thank you! That’s really lovely to hear. I was anxious about even putting it in tags because I don’t think I presently have the capacity to explain it well—and even if I did might still sound bananas to many. Or at least the bit about negotiating with characters and how *they* feel about being subjects in stories. Because as much as that really is my practice saying it out loud takes me back to like… FFN in 2003 where every store was prefaced by extensive chat-form back-and-forths between the fic author and their character "musies" and that is not something I think fandom would benefit from bringing back in force, hahaha. But anyway.

Here’s the part where I disappoint because I don’t think I actually know Bleach well enough to speak to it in this context. WHICH SOUNDS DUMB EVEN AS I TYPE IT BECAUSE LOL WTF IS THE NAME OF THIS BLOG WE ARE CHARLATANS AND POSERS FOR CLAIMING AS OUR NAMESAKE NOT ONE BLEACH BUT THREE BLEACHES but truly, my experience of Bleach has a shallow depth of field. I feel like I have weirdly intimate knowledge of some severe rabbit holes but a non-existent to uneasy sense of the gestalt.

Like idek man, in my "slow re-read where I am actually paying attention" Ichigo hasn’t even met Byakuya and Renji yet. ToT

I'm gonna put this behind a cut because it spidered all over the place, but in summary:

characters and their capacity to produce narrative failure

the charm of longform serialized series and their invitations to imagine stuff

me attempting to talk about Hitsugaya and feeling a fool, as usual

I guess in general terms, I’m really interested in characters and their capacity to produce narrative failure. Not failure as in 'bad' but failure as in things that break form or are circuitous or are actively detrimental to a narrative arc. All my strongest examples of what I’m thinking of are from a different fandom and therefore not relevant to this blog, alas. By comparison I think anyone in Bleach can keep it together better than the characters that are immediately coming to mind, lol. But I think this idea dovetails often with trauma narratives, or depression narratives, because these things are often… non-narrative? Like, there’s no fourth or fifth for minor fall or major lift. Sometimes it’s the same thing over and over again, or maybe nothing. Maybe it’s the exact same self-sabotage narrative dictates could have been avoided. Maybe it’s some act that emanates forth but cannot be explained because it cannot be explained and will never be explained. That’s a version of what I’m talking about, in any case, though not the only version.

Your note about longform shounen definitely resonates with me, too. In my mind I don’t like long things and I prefer series that are more self-contained but whenever I have ever landed in a long-term fandom, with a piece of media I felt obliged to carve out chunks of my life for, and to interact with at that level of creative fannishness, it’s always been something stupid long and serialized by the seat of its pants. I know plot holes or dropped threads bother a lot of people (makes total sense, don’t get me wrong) but I find these things incredibly attractive. I see them as invitations to join in the fun. Especially when it’s so much a part of the form and genre to have this, as you said, lack of real expectation that every thread will be followed to its conclusion (or that it would be worthwhile to do so) and every thought completed.

There’s this piece by David Grann that was published in The New Yorker in 2004 that I really love that speaks to part of this idea, albeit in terms of fictional universes versus fictional characters. But Grann is talking about Sherlock Holmes (Doyle original) and the ways that Sherlockians would like, approach apparent lapses in narrative and then solve them according to the established rules of the universe. I just love that. There’s also the line, "Never had so much been written by so many for so few," which LOL if that ain’t fandom I don’t know what is!!

I feel like I’m actually talking about three distinct but related facets of these thoughts in this post, except all at once and without clear transition, uhhhhh.

Gah, I am broken and now can ONLY think of examples from my not-Bleach fandom, but to try a different tack and add yet another facet to this already funhouse-mirror post, my various attempts to write Hitsugaya often feel like they come up against a version of this. I think Hitsugaya has aggressive side character energy, and I find it difficult to make him the center of a story and have it feel right to me. He feels different to me than writing other minor characters, where they can be the center of their own stories even if their story is not the main story. Like, two of my fave characters in my other fandom have literally like… three lines in 350+ episodes and it feels easier to imagine THEM at the center of their story and I think what it comes down to is that Hitsugaya probably prefers what he not be written. And when he does become more narrative I think he’d prefer that none of it was happening in the fist place. But at the same time he always seems to be…around??? whether there is really a good reason for him to be present or not. XD So while, say, he and Bartleby "would prefer not to" (because THAT'S what this post needs, a Melville reference), Bartleby actually opts out and Hitsugaya out here volunteering.

He also often feels non-narrative to me because he feels very declarative, if that makes sense? Like, the coming-to-decisions or coming-to-realizations parts of existence happen pretty quick, or are approached perfunctorily. I feel like I find narrative in the "coming" part of that equation and instead Hitsugaya will be like, well, I’ve already done that part without you, and/or plan to do that part in the future and it will still be without you, the audience. Anyway, here’s the determination I’ve made, here’s what I’m going to do, and here begins the long and probably tedious process of my doing that thing (off 2 go train in a cave for a bit). I don’t think he actually believes the world is that simple, Tab A into Slot B, but I do think he’s already made that assessment and can see coming to terms with that as a horizon, if that makes sense. So even if he doesn’t know the answer to something, or is completely at a loss of what to do (what to say to Hinamori? how to productively address the number Aizen’s done on him) there’s still not necessarily a story there. Maybe the answer is you grind, and it is repetitive and boring. Maybe you just hold things. There’s not even the act of learning how to hold things, necessarily, just the practice of doing so.

Wow, that probably doesn’t sound good! I feel like I need to suffix this with the assurance that Hitsugaya is my absolute runaway character in the whole series and this was true 15 years ago and it is still true now (truer, even) and everything I just said are reasons why I love him.

#i feel like this is one of those 'well.... that sure was a Post' situations #and i will have to try to articulate this better in the future #probably multiple times #ideally with concrete explicated examples for the sake of clarity lol #but please take this as an invitation to talk about YOUR read of Bleach/Bleach characters and/or elaborate on your also excellent tags

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blackhole-imagines · 5 years

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His Combatant (Grimmjow x Reader)

This is a story i put a lot of work into, its on my Wattpad as well. I placed the link at the bottom so no one thinks I stole this story.

It’s kind of weird it has kind of lives me castle/mythology vibes, but I still really like it.

It’s about a Fraccion who was under Harribel, but due to her overconfidence in her abilities she was transferred.

Now that I think abt it it’s kind of out of character bc Harribel would never give one of her girls up but whatever let’s just pretend Lmao

Ch. 1

Hueco Mundo was very different than what an outsider may think. Hollows were savages; yes, but there was a whole intricate system that outsiders knew nothing of. As the beast became stronger it became more intelligent, so it is only natural that there is some order going on outside of Las Noches. Las Noches however, was much more complex. The Arrancars and Espadas didn't just roam around aimlessly through the castle halls. They have jobs, errands to run, friends. Some are better at socializing than others, but that is more than okay.

The Espadas are assigned castles inside of Las Noches. These castles didn't just house the Espada and Fraccion, but other arrancars as well. The Arrancars are each assigned a castle where they will be living and working. Naturally these Arrancars are commanded by the respective Espada of that certain castle. The castles weren't anything like the fairy tail ones, the were the typical white buildings of Las Noches with gold details on the outside. The castles were built so that they surrounded the main castle, Aizens castle. The buildings were ordered clock wise, so the First Espadas castle was in between the second and tenth Espada's. They never touched, the buildings, everything was spaced out so that no one was breathing down each other's necks. It prevented conflict.

There was a girl who had just finished patrolling the castle boarders. She was no ordinary Arrancar, she was one of the Fraccion. One of the more skilled out of the bunch. She belonged to Harribel: the third. Patrol was a crucial part of living in Las Noches. There wasn't anything like a civil war but it was pivatal to always have a look out. This castle was the only one ran by a female Arrancar, and some have tried to take that as an opportunity to attack. Other times they had to watch out for refugees. Many have taken refuge in the third's castle looking to escape the more ruthless Espada. At the moment they were at full capacity and could no longer take anyone in.

Announcing her entrance with a knock, she entered the third's quarters. Lady Harribel was seated by a small table and seemed to be filling out some paperwork. As the girl approached her rightful Espada, she descended on her knees. Harribel gave her a brief nod and allowed her to speak. "Lady Harribel, the northern and eastern boarders are quiet. Apache should be returning from her patrol duties soon". "Rise ___" She did as she was asked and quickly got on her two feet. "We need to talk" Harribel announced. The Fraccion nodded slowly becoming anxious.

Lady third scribbled one last thing on the document she was working on and placed her her pen down. Harribel's normally sharp eyes seemed softer today and it bothered the girl even more. She felt something was wrong the minute she stepped foot in this room.

"As of today" she paused "you will no longer be one of my Fraccion". Her breath caught in her throat, she was silent, in shock. Her thoughts ran amok in her head; did she do something wrong? Had she upset lady Harribel? Was she not strong enough? No, she knew none of those justified lady Harribel's reasoning. Not once had the Espada lifted her gaze from her now former Fraccion.

"So what now? You're demoting me to the bottom of the food chain?" She asked with a slight pitch of sharpness in her tone. Harribel noticed right away and stood up, the ex-subordinate quickly lowered her head. "You will retain your title as a Fraccion, just not mine". "Then who's" She implored. "Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez" there was a pause, she did not want to hear that name. He was one of the three most ruthless Espada's in Las Noches. The amount of Arrancar that had dragged their bruised and beaten bodies here, bleeding in order to escape, the sexta sickened her. "But lady Hallibel why? I'm the strongest of your fraccion, there in no reason for me to be sent to that brute. You've seen what he's done to who make him mad" her voice held frustration and desperation "then don't make him mad".

Her hands were balled in a fist, drops of red falling onto the white floor. Tears had threatened to escape her eyes, but she held it in. "____" she paused her voice much softer this time "this is precisely why I'm doing this, you're too confident in your abilities. It's not a bad thing, but you need a challenge, a reason to always be on your guard and this is it". The salty liquid broke trough and cascaded down her red cheeks. "You shouldn't be so trusting and comfortable around your environment, you never know when someone will come for you. Lord Aizen and I talked about this, it was either Nnoitra, Szayelaporro, or Grimmjow. I would never give you to the 5th, and the 8th was out of the question." She had parted her lips to respond, but nothing came out.

Harribel released a long breath "this will be good for you, pack a bag and be at the 6th gate by dusk" after nodding her head she made her way to the door "lady Harribel... may I visit" she questioned "Only if he allows". She bit her lip in frustration and quickly made her way out. She took the long way to her room, intaking every inch of her home. She didn't want to leave. As much as she hated to admit, she was scared. Injuries she had seen, had patched up that was made by the sixth, he was merciless. She had only been in Grimmjow's presence a handful of times and none of them were pleasant. The last time she had seen him she made sure to never see him again. She was mistaken.

Thinking about it made her body shiver. She will never forget that day. There was an Arrancar she had spotted while on patrol, he was dragging his body through the sand because one of his legs was blown off. She rushed to his rescue because at the time they were taking in refugees. It all happened so fast, one minute she was running and the next she saw blue and white in front of her. All she heard was a scream and the man was dead. The sexta's body had covered hers from the blood that gushed out of the mans body. Grimmjow turned towards her wearing a cynical smirk that she would never forget.

Entering her room had brought her back to reality. She walked over to her closet and began packing necessities. When she had finished she sat on her bed and pondered. She couldn't wrap her head around it, lady Harribel was right. She had become less attentive and more trusting, but it was no reason to send her away. When the sky became pink she got up and went on her merry way. To get to Grimmjow's castle she couldn't walk around to get to it, not unless she wanted to be fired at by cero's. Her new home was located almost across her old one. She had to go through Aizen's castle, his castle was connected to all the others.

The skies were now grey and she stood outside of the 6th gate awaiting her escort. The man who had come to pick her up introduced himself as Shawlong, he was tall, skinny, and carried himself with honor . She admired that in individuals, his hollow mask was very different than hers. His resembled a hat that had a spike to its right side and it covered his left eye. Hers resembled a forehead crown that had a sharp end that reached in between her eyes.

Unlike the thirds castle that was lively and full of life, this one was dead. There hadn't been a single other arrancar in sight. "Where is everyone?" She looked at Shawlong for an answer. "Many of our arrancar do not know how to behave around lord Grimmjow, so they die. Others flee to other castles" nodding her head she kept silent. "You mustn't be scared, lord Grimmjow detests fear" he paused "but he has good intentions" she scoffed, but kept her mouth shut.

Shawlong showed her to her room, it was different from her previous room. It was simpler, she didn't hate it. "I'll come find you when our lord returns, you may wander the hall if you wish. Do not go into the room with the double doors, unless you intend to die" that quickly caught her attention, she knew where not to go to. After Shawlong left she began placing her things down. The room was surprisingly clean, it surprised her that they kept up with their cleanliness due to the lack of inhabitants. She walked over to the large mirror in the corner of the room and began examining herself. Turning her body in different directions just to check herself out. She had the standard hakamas on, her top was a white long sleeve bodysuit. With a deep breath she undid the black sash around her waist, pants sliding to the floor. The rest of her clothes soon followed, she tossed them in a bin she assumed is where laundry went. Her nude frame walked across the room and entered the bathroom. She started her shower and planned to go to bed right after.

#grimmjow imagine #grimmjow #grimmjow headcanon #grimmjow x reader #grimmjow reader #anime #story #bleach imagine #bleach headcanon #bleach

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keikakudori · 2 years

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Before he passed out, Hirako Shinji considered the possibility that he would not wake up. He had watched this thing grow inside Sousuke; a heavier shadow around his eyes, or a darker, muskier scent about his nape. He had always recognized a predator, no matter how soft and cuddly their cub. But at some point, too soon, he had under him a full grown wolf. He had expected blood lust. He expected something darker and feral under the obedient guise. He expected those teeth and claws to turn... any day now. Any day...

Or perhaps it had already happened.

When he woke, and his eyes focused on the smudge of red delicately split upon the slices of apple... the first thing he thought of was how dangerous. How dangerous it was for beasts to reach maturity, for it to become aware of the young, for it to start wanting to lead.

He knew Sousuke made decisions without him. He knew Sousuke followed him when he wasn't invited, poked around where he shouldn't, and asked questions that were better left unsaid. He scolded some, allowed some, and pretended to be blind to some -- an imprecise game to setting out a fishing line, waiting for it to snag on something; waiting for Sousuke to slip up, and show Shinji what he was made of.

Then came Gin. Ichimaru Gin, the prodigy. A blip of disturbance on the water, shaking loose the wire that had been wrung tighter and tighter between them. Shinji had to admit that he liked new blood, that every quarter when new recruits streamed in, he couldn't help but feel the excitement in his bones like cherry blossoms. He remembered bringing a whole branch of plum tree blossoms to Sousuke in one of these elated moods, as March was just giving way to April, and the newly posted assignments for young Shinigami made him want to forget whatever disagreement there had been between him and Sousuke. He could even forget, for a second, his vigilance; pretended for just one moment that all was well in the Fifth, that Aizen Sousuke was his trusted fukutaichou, that they would go on to lead and nurture their squad members as an example of a fine-tuned union...

Until the red shattered such idle illusion. The red came always too soon he could dream of the plum blossoms blown off the treetop by a gust of angry wind before the cherry blossoms could come in, landing in a pool of still water turning it into blood.

He should've said something then. When he was informed that their (former) Third seat had been removed in a trial of combat after attacking their new recruit, in what was possibly a fit of jealousy or arrogance. He knew then. When he looked into Sousuke's face -- his oh so very dutiful fukutaichou with sharp razor teeth hiding under his softly outlined face -- he knew that the dead man's fate was sealed too long ago, on the very day his hand touched the molten sunlight of Shinji's hair. Such blatant and lazy infraction, he could've easily handled it himself. And he did. But not soon enough before Aizen Sousuke could catch a glimpse of the offense. So a man's fate was sealed. He died never knowing that Shinji likely saved his life on that day many moons ago. Yet such rescue could only be temporary, and every day afterwards was borrowed time for the man until...

He should've said something. Shinji remembered his fingers tensed when he was asked to weigh in on the legality of the combat. He could've said something then... And yet. Doing so would've likely implicated Gin. At the time he could only imagine the new recruit being an ill-fated pawn in Aizen's evolving game of chess. How certain was he anyway? What evidence did he have of Aizen's culpability? What could he prove? Was it worth it to drag the kid into this whirlwind of their cat and mouse, fox and hound...?

So his fists relaxed. So he chose silence. So he chose regret.

But not yet. Not until. And not for a few more years.

"What time is it...?" Time was yet fluid now, hadn't solidified into this cutting thing to flay them to the bones. He sat up, wincing at the muscle tension in his abdomen. "Yer not spending yer hours on the clock just sittin' here cuttin' fruits fer me..."

He looked at the red bunnies coming into shape in Aizen Sousuke's hands. Such random and seemingly childish thing to do for his smart, handsome, upstanding fukutaichou. He remembered the last moment before he lost consciousness, looking into those burgundy eyes... Sousuke caught him, then?

"Ya didn't ditch Gin with th' whole Division just fer this, did'cha? Or is it an excuse to show off to th' cute ladies at the Fourth~?" He picked up a slice, resting the bunny on his palm carefully. The thinly sliced red peel felt fragile between his fingers. The fruit itself was cold, but something of it felt warm. Perhaps it was the brush with death, or the weakness after mortal injury... Hirako Shinji found his conviction wavered in the small gesture of some decorated healthy snacks. He had watched these changes happening in Aizen Sousuke, something dark and somber expanding like his growing shoulders, of which Shinji was ever wary. But then there was this. These, small, bright and joyous things like the golden flesh peeking out from under the sliced up peel -- fragrant and full of light and promise.

Had he been wrong about Sousuke? Had it truly been an unexpected and reckless dare that led to the fatal encounter between his former and current Third seat? Was Sousuke's nonchalance not justified? Had Sousuke's rage, after all, not been to protect him? Had Sousuke not saved him when he had the perfect chance to leave him for dead? Did Sousuke not catch him when it counted?

Could he had been wrong about Aizen Sousuke?

"I feel fine. Don't worry yer pretty lil' head 'bout me." He reached over, putting his apple free hand on top of the brunette's head and gave it a light ruffle. Hirako Shinji popped the slice of bunny-shaped apple into his mouth. The skin broke crisply under his teeth; sweet, tender flavor coated his tongue like honey. " -- Ya caught me, didn't ya."

How he wished he could be wrong.

ask prior

the possibility of shinji not waking again had been there, it was true. he had not been awake to see it, to see those eyes of melting brown sharpen for just a second as aizen's hand had hovered over his throat as if debating tearing it out. for just that moment, that one instance, aizen had weighed that within himself. he was not a man unfamiliar with murder but what held his hand was something else; something that could have been named sentimentality. or, perhaps, another emotion which had begun to pall within him, growing twisted and darkened from the lack of what he wished for ever so much. darkness had been creeping in around the edges for a long time now, a darkness birthed from his growing desperation at the understanding that he could not, in any capacity, manage to make this man let his walls down and LET HIM IN.

it had grown galling, this confinement, a thing which had made him feel more and more the need to try and break those walls down. patient chipping at them had not done as well and he had grown bolder these last few years, bolder in many ways. it was not always his wrists that wore those imprints now. but still he would allow the shackles of those bruises to weigh him down, keep him there, hold him simply by their weight. if he rubbed at them from time to time when no one was looking, then that was alright.

he had managed this long but nearly a hundred years with no change no matter what he did -- ah, how it tore at aizen in its own way. did hirako shinji remain willfully indifferent to what his neglect of aizen was doing to the younger man?

yet -- it had changed, recently, in recent months. aizen had changed.

the change could be pinpointed to a singular source; the new third seat of the gobantai whom aizen had willingly taken under his wing. a youth by the name of ichimaru gin, a child who had wrecked all of the previous records of the academy in how fast he had gone through the requisite six years of curriculum in but twelve months. an amazing thing, perhaps alarming to some. aizen had been quiet on his own time there, had halved it, but there had been the war time efforts as well. no one had finished a full six years in his time, as far as he thought of it. how many of those classmates still lived? he didn't know. he had no idea of who remained but that did not matter for a new source of interest had come into his life. a child who aizen would smile at when they three filled the office, would praise his quick wit and sharp observations. as if perhaps he was not a predator after all. whatever shinji thought, one thing was clear; aizen had become fond of this young man who'd stormed into their division not so very long ago.

there was something about their new third seat that called to aizen, an understanding between the two of them that went unspoken: rukongai's survivors always understood one another. shinji would not understand that sensation and that feeling coming as he did from a family established within the seireitei itself. how could he ever hope to understand what aizen and gin were able to comprehend about one another in that unspoken way. the rukongai's mark was strong, both of them bearing those marks of the rattle-bone fight for survival. how could the blonde ever know what it was like to have to fight tooth and nail to survive in the nastier districts of the rukongai? aizen had understood when he'd heard the number; sixty-fourth. he had but only recently spoken of the one he had come from to gin. an eightieth. a miracle that he had survived an eightieth, wasn't it? he hadn't said that but he knew gin would understand. why wouldn't he? they understood one another and they knew the laws of that savage place. the weak are protected or the weak are killed; there is no other way for it to be.

they understood one another and there was more than that to it as well, at least on aizen's behalf. he had never understood what had been missing. not until this boy had arrived at the fifth. oh, yes -- kaname knew that he wasn't as prim and proper as he comported himself to be, but ... it wasn't the same. the other shinigami all but worshiped him as a god and aizen could see how brittle and fragile the man was. the barest trace of anything approaching irritation would send him into a frenzy of apologetic fervor. no it wasn't the same at all and so many others merely took him in at face value. even hiyori, a friend he'd never anticipated having, was sharp and brusque without ever knowing the truth of him. kaname, hiyori, others he knew -- ... no. they didn't see him. for kaname he was a savior. for hirako shinji, he was a source of suspicion. for hiyori and the rest, he was but a hard-working fukutaichou who seemed undervalued at times. none of them knew him. none of them understood and he himself had not known what was lacking until that meeting underneath the sickle-thin moon that had hung in the sky, not until there had been a penetrating flash of blue.

and aizen sousuke had gloried in the revelation of what it meant, at last, WHAT IT MEANT TO BE SEEN AND UNDERSTOOD.

but he did remember those plum blossoms, the mood of the older man that day oddly infectious and delightful; he had placed them in water, had sought to see if he could transplant the branch to part of the grounds and if it would survive. he had done his best and it had done so. it had survived and aizen was diligent about attending to it as he was about the paperwork which would fill his desk. but there was, too, those times when he did what he was not supposed to. if he sometimes forged his captain's lazy scrawl of a signature upon paperwork that wasn't truly important in regards to logistical resources, then that didn't matter too much. for all of the suspicion that was leveled towards him by the older man, even if it was not spoken aloud, aizen found it strange that shinji would trust him with this much in return. strange -- but gratifying. and he had done as much as he could for so long now to try and show the older man that his trust was not misplaced. that he was truly loyal to him and more.

how he had tried and tried until he had begun to understand that nothing he did would ever be good enough. he had tried -- and it had never worked. and thus that darkness, something which flickered in his eyes, something that could make him sharper, a little cruel. hirako shinji had seen it on that day when aizen had walked in upon that situation, his eyes going flat and sharp as he had focused in on the third seat. the old man had signed his own death warrant on that day. never had aizen been sure if he had been deliberate or not in ensuring that he would walk in on it, as if to proclaim that shinji might indeed be touched by those hands. or perhaps it had been to irk him. whatever had happened, he had smoothly and deftly turned him towards that courtyard and had FED HIM to ichimaru gin; he had removed the problem with ease and had seen the boy's skill for himself. how pleased he had been.

how did you find our third seat?

no good at all! wasn't even worth my time.

i see. nothing pleases me more than to hear that.

a boy that was allowed to follow around behind the man who wore the wooden badge of fukutaichou, trotting along on those smaller legs to keep pace with the longer strides of the brunet. a boy whom aizen had defended gently when he had stated of what had been wrought. and how those brown eyes had remained focused in on shinji, sharp for once. yet he had seemed to gentle around the youth, had seemed to turn to him as if ready to teach him. and if there was indeed a fight of cat and mouse, it was unseen so far. perhaps it was. was he the hound or was he the fox? cunning and sly, it was likely best to call him the fox. a quick thing he was, sharp and swift. so he had been forcing that contentment in himself as time had gone by. the chain still held him and the collar still was on his neck. for now, aizen sousuke's fangs and claws were muzzled and blunted. but he still saw the way that the older man would look at him at times.

wondering. suspicious. calculating.

nothing at all like eyes of piercing blue that had cut him to the quick and made him willing and almost eager to keep the new inheritor of their third seat around.

his hand moved out after setting the knife down to put a large hand upon shinji's shoulder when he saw him trying to sit up, the warmth of palm and fingers left to soak through the fabric the blonde was draped in. ❝ stop. i don't think that your body will appreciate it if you sit up just yet and i imagine that you'll be asking for painkillers if you try to do that too soon. ❞ with the hands that had held knife and apple, he moved to gather a few more pillows to help prop the older man up rather than allow him to sit up and possibly tug on the sore body even as he heard the comment about the fruit. a smile flickered to his lips as he arranged the last couple of them and then moved to once more take his seat and the apple in hand, starting work on another slice and putting the apple down to carefully work on the almost childish thing he was doing.

the cuts were made along the back of the slice and then the knife moved, sliding under that taut skin to remove it and leave the ears standing up just a bit on display, done with careful efficiency while he listened to the older man speaking up while his mouth twitched again into another of those quick smiles.

❝ i think i charmed them enough into being willing to let me remain here and watch over you. besides, gin has things well in hand. i made sure of that before i left to come keep an eye on you; if nothing else, he can turn to the junior officers for help if need be while i'm not there. ❞ he said it calmly enough but perhaps it might raise an eyebrow. so young but the faith that aizen expressed so simply was pointed. the faith he had in the new third seat -- what would hirako shinji make of that? what would he make of the young fukutaichou that heeled so faithfully after him? what would he make of aizen sousuke expressing such sentiments? a predator could indeed be a predator -- but what was to be said of one that willingly acted so tame for the hand which held his leash?

but he didn't expect the ruffle to his hair, the thick brown strands parting easily for those fingers that could wrench him into obedience. he knew what their tugging felt like, what meant keep going or stop or just like that --- he knew all of those subtle and nonverbal signs that the older man had taught him over the years. aizen had been an eager pupil, hadn't he? of course he had. he'd done everything he could to make this man see him. to let him in. he had worked hard. he had friends, of course, people he would smile with, laugh with. true, aizen didn't tend to go out drinking with those people, but he would always beg off of such things. the ruffle was -- ... was warm to him, leaving him to blink a few times as he glanced up to shinji, his hand half lifting as if to straighten up that shaggy mop from where it'd surely been left at least a little disheveled by the gesture. but, ah -- the fruit juice so instead his hand lowered again and whatever darkness was there was gone as he gazed at his captain with surprise and something quietly fonder in his eyes before they dropped again.

❝ ... yes, ❞ he said softly. ❝ i did catch you. i've always been there to catch you, haven't i? to protect your back? ❞

( why can't you trust me--? why can't you just, for once, trust me--? why can't you ever LET ME IN? why can't you see me--? why can't you---? )

❝ you may feel fine now, but i imagine that's the painkillers doing their job. besides, i don't feel like getting a lecture from unohana-taichou if you decide to try making your way out of the fourth too soon. ❞

which was a bit rich coming from him; aizen was a terrible patient. he always worked on escaping as soon as he could. but if he wanted to escape his captain -- surely he could've left shinji as he was. surely the older man would understand that. he had woken up, after all. and the ruffle to his hair brought another feeling to him --- a strange understanding. an understanding that made him want to squirm in the seat he sat in now.

( ... i cannot kill you. not now. for all of your indifference towards me, for all of the suspicion you level at me without just cause, i cannot. i cannot. why do you do this to me? what have i ever done to you? why can't you let me in? why can't you see me?

all i want is for you to see me. all i want is for you to-- )

shame--? regret? whatever it was, he found his eyes going back to his hands before he worked on finishing off making those apple slices as decorative as they were, two more being set down on the plate once he was done with them and nudging it a bit closer so shinji would not have to reach so far as his eyes remained on his hands for another moment, shoulders slumped a trifle and making them seem not so broad as they were becoming.

❝ ... you scared me, ❞ he finally said. ❝ i know how tough you are, hirako-taichou, how strong -- but you scared me. why wouldn't i have caught you? i've always been there at your back, haven't i? i thought --... i thought, just for ... until the medic arrived ... i thought that maybe... ❞

his voice trailed off and his head bowed a bit more.

❝ ... i am glad you are awake, ❞ he said very softly over the noise of the machines that counted out the biological feedback of the older man's pulse and more. ❝ ... very glad that you are awake. i ... ❞

what else was he supposed to say?

#anonymous #shinji ask;#verse: fukutaichou tag;#okay so aizen's just going through a few things here yeah #just a few things and he's got to take some time to process #y'know ---- as you do when you debate things like this #yeah he'll get over it maybe eventually perhaps #( spoiler alert: he does not )

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