The sunbearer trials, by Aiden Thomas

3.5 stars

This is more of a discussion than solely a review, and does feature some spoilers :

I was really excited for this, but found myself a bit disappointed by the end.

It takes place in a fantasy world heavily inspired by Mexico. It all sounds pretty Aztec to me,the gods mentioned and all that but it's not particularly mentioned anywhere, and all the copy solely reads 'mexican-inspired'

It’s a mix of modern society and ancient stuff, there’s gods and demigods running around, there’s an academy for heroes and every ten years something called the sunbearer trials happens where a demigod child is killed by another so they can ‘charge the sun’ and keep the bad guy in his cage.

Tw: violence, bullying, manipulation, world-ending mistakes

It’s clearly another take on the hunger games and other similar stuff.  Only no one here is supposed to be killed till the end. 

The main character is teo, a trans boy who has wings he’s ashamed of, and who feels underappreciated due to his mother being a second-rate god which means he’s not seen as particularly important or good enough to be a hero. 

Still, he and his best friend are called to participate in the sunbearer trials, and he spends the whole time being unsure of it all and just trying to keep everyone he loves from dying.

It’s a good premise, and it’s entertaining, but it constantly feels like the worldbuilding is lacking. 

A thing i don’t like is when the characters, for whom this is all supposed to be their normal, don’t know what they are doing. It’s a lazy form of exposition  I find.

And teo is constantly confused about everything.

They say that the trials go back a long time, that it’s a great honour to participate, to kill, to die, 

But no one shows it. 

Everyone acts like theyre afraid of it ashamed of it.

Even the career heroes that are supposed to be trained for it since birth.

Now, i don’t read  a lot of YA, cause i tend to find the teens annoying as fuck.

Which is probably part of why I had issues with this book. 

Yes a lot is teens being teens

And i also have issues cause i tend to find them toothless.

Too often they feature kids who are afraid to do anything bad. 

Like they sneak out once and its a huge deal and of course they never do drugs or drink alcohol or engage in another common risk-seeking behaviour, so it lets them be bratty teens as long as they don’t do anything teens do?

It feels very puritanical, and it’s boring. 

this is about a deadly race, with many obstacles and chances to hurt or get hurt.

but dont worry, everyone will have a miraculous escape! Plot armour for everyone!

it cant be like youre wrapping both the protagonists and readers in a little bubble where nothing bad ever happens and they never need to see anything that could be potentially dangerous

 the danger has to be real.

you truly don’t know if they’ll survive, and how

this doesnt mean it has to be some grimdark everyone can die the future is hopeless thing

thg works because it is willing to go that far, it says your faves are in dangers and means it. nobody gets out unscathed.

In thg the danger is real, and the worldbuilding is incredibly detailed. Even though katniss who is confused like 90% of the time is the pov character.

It doesnt feel like someone is pausing and explaining everything every 5 minutes.

derry girls is a good example of where they do show dangerous things, it is political, but it is all filtered though the lens of girls who dont know better, and you feel that.

rick riordan’s catalogue also shows this well.  it has kids in trouble, it has danger, it deals with Issues, and so on. 

The main problem with this is that it doesn’t feel real. 

From the beginning, you know things aren’t gonna go according to plan.

You’re surrounded by danger but nothing bad is actually going to happen. 

and theres the ‘the sacrifice is an honour but we all know its wrong’ and the way the approach it , like being sad about it.

their sacrifice is supposed to “charge the stones” and “keep monsters at bay”

But it’s never explained. Why? Why must it happen this way? What does it mean?  No one can challenge it, it is just the way it is but it is not explained either.

Why the trials? Why can’t people volunteer? 

if this is their religion, the way its been done for thousands of year why are they sad and umcomfortable to talk about it? 

like, i feel like at least some people should be going like crazy over them, offer them gifts asks for blessings hell they should be like tell me your stories your wishes your goals so we may complete them for you

like, honour them properly? not this “killing people is a shame but it must be done and instead of facing it we are just kind of awkward about it”

In a way, it feels like it is using modern morals to tell a story where those morals simply don’t work. They don’t apply. 

I expect complicated feelings sure, but it is more like ‘it sucks let’s sweep it under the rug’

There’s a whole subplot of Teo having a sister he never knew cause years earlier, she was sacrificed. And his mum never talked about it.

That sounds a lot like shame and fear.

Tributes in the actual hunger games where treated better. People knew they were pawns being sacrificed, and that it was awful, but they also knew there was nothing they could do. 

Why isn’t there a memorial somewhere honouring the sacrifices?  

If they don’t like it, have they tried doing something else? 

There’s this episode of SNW where they also have child sacrifices, and they approach it way better. They also talk about they have to or the whole planet dies, and how they’ve tried to search for other ways and haven’t found any. 

So now they face it head on. They do a whole festival they do their best for the chosen ones, and so on. They know it’s an awful thing to do but they don’t hide it. They don’t look away in shame.

And the way shame is constantly everywhere in this story feels weird. 

The have the MC and his friends look back into the archives and besides discovering he had a sister nothing much is said of it. There was a moment right there for them to learn of the history and heritage of why and how it is done and…nothing.  Completely missed opportunity. 

like, the character often feels like theyre being faced with all of it for the first time, rather than actually growing up with it, what happens if someone is chosen and doesnt want to compete? do they become the sacrifice ? has anyone ever tried?  have people died doing this shit? what does the process actually entails??

For example,HDM goes into a lot of detail as to the origin the why the motivations and so on.

That’s why i think the worldbuilding feels lacking. The whole foundation of the story is less than great. 

What does it mean for this civilization to have this? To grow like this? 

what kind of place is it? how does this masquerade change the world? 

but i feel like a lot of ‘our world but slightly to the left’ don’t take the time to ponder the winder ramifications.

or you could do growing up thinking it was wonderful for everyone involved ,theres luxury and rewards, everyone wants to be chosen and then oh shit its actually dystopic af and ppl have been lied to.

someone slowly becoming aware of the horrors

and this goes slightly over there ‘oh no someone has to die, i dont want anyone to day, last time i was a kid mum didnt even let me watch’ or ‘oh actually the heroes i admire have really tough life’ but it just sort of waves as it goes past, not even bothering to detour 

i feel like the premise is great, a whole country, how does it all work?, and they even go on a tour, but we dont get to see much, a lot of good things are mentioned, only in passing.

I don’t know if it’s really the sort of thing that can be improved in a sequel, although maybe with new characters who can bring in a different pov it might be possible.

So that’s why i feel the story loses steam.

I admittedly don’t know a lot about mesoamerican human sacrifices, but i don’t think shame was the prevailing emotion.

It just doesn’t make sense.

It’s a shame cause i was excited about it, i wanna support latino books and you don’t get a lot of fantasy based on latinamerican folklore, but even wanting to hype it up it still felt a bit flat.

I guess it’s a bit like ‘i had this cool idea so i’m gonna sketch some stuff around it to support it’ and never quite getting around it to filling it in.

Like, teo,the MC is trans. This is quickly mentioned as ‘everyone was fine with it’, and i think there might be a mention of a genderfluid god?

But beside that everything is the same. Another trans kid wears a binder. They take testosterone, it’s just like in our world. 

Or how Teo is the son of a bird god, he can talk to birds, which we barely see him do, and he has freaking wings.

Which he doesn’t know how to use.

Cause apparently he was ashamed of them so his guardians just let him hide them?  What? get that kid a therapist of something what the hell. 

And the whole reason he is ashamed is simply cause he found them too girly.

That’s like saying oh my legs are too ugly i don’t wanna use them. And your parents just being like ok here’s a wheelchair?

Maybe there’s more to it but it’s never explained so that’s the impression i get, like it’s such a big handicap!

And he spends the whole time complaining he isn’t allowed to go to hero school! Is someone stopping him from training? No, i’m sure his mother’s palace has a gym, and he could’ve gotten tutors, he could’ve been using his wings the entire time.

Maybe it’s too judgmental of me, but it seems  incredibly foolish, and i wish we had more talk about it. Rather than him going “oh i dont want to” or “i don’t like it”

I think it’s a good rec for anyone who likes hp, pjo, thg, or hdm, but i don’t think it is as strong as any of those.

PAIN OF BEING IN LOVE

Part 2

Chris Evan's x Reader

@jtargaryen18 30 days of chris 2020

summary: following the news of Chris's engagement you find your way back down memory lane . To the finding and first crack in your love for Chris that would only lead to the current pain you are in

The part couple of hours have been a blur ever since Lisa had announced that Chris was getting married to his actress girl friend ,Minka . You feel like your mind was somewhere as your body floated around not releasing what was going on , feeling numb . You dont know how or when but you laid on your bed under the covers in the pitch black . Finally letting the tears fall . You knew this day would come , but it doesnt stop the pain , the constant stabbing in your chest . You always knew loving Chris was bad for you , but you did it anyway, you still do . And you know deep down no matter what the future holds for you or who you have in your life you will love Chris . And you will always love the joy and pain he brings into your life , without anyone knowing, well apart from Scott now . And you know no one , ever , future ,past , present will have the same effect on you as those blue eyes do . You will always love chris , different love no one could ever be able to beat or match or even go higher But you kept it a secret long enough and it will always be . It's not like you expect somewhere down the line you two might end up together, that was never gonna happen . His to good for you , and his sees you as a sister . An Minka is perfect for him in every way . You are happy for him truly getting the life he has always wanted . But that doesnt stop the pain. You cant help but remember to the day you realised you love him and how he could never be yours , you never would allow it .

+++++++++++++++

Flashback

'The dickhead , errrrrrr knew it was too good to be true , I bet his getting a proper kick out of it ' 14 year old you was standing outside the cinema. The movie you were ment to be seeing playing, probably half way through now . Your date never turned put and to be honest your not that disappointed, he seem like an asshole anyway . Your just annoyed he probably thinks it's fun and thinks your crying. (You wouldnt allow your self to cry over something so pathetic in your eyes ) But you can't help on single tear roll down your cheek , this was ment to be your first date . You didnt want to go , you wasnt interested, but Scott kept pushing you to give it a shot. At least one lesson was learnt , dont listen to Scott but it's a lesson you already knew all to well .

To make things worst Scott wasnt picking up his phone . Probably to busy was something stuiped as always . Once you called him the 10th time you started to become stressed . How was you gonna get home ? You felt more teare escape due to the stress .

Scrolling though your contacts you came across Chris . You held your thumb over the name of awhile debating whether to call him or not . He was Scott's older brother ,you didnt want to make a fool of your self and seem like a little girl who cant look after her self but at the same time he said he you ever needed him he was one phone call away .

So that's what you did . With your phone now up to your ear you waited to see if he would answer. 'Hes probably busy with his new girlfriend '

But to your surprise he answered

"Hello "

"Hi " your voice cracked and tears began to run down your cheek at the sound of his voice.

"Y/n are you okay ?" You could hear the panic in his voice , you just let out a loud hiccup as your tried not to cry "... tell me where you are I'll come and get you "

"But ... a... arnt you .u busy ?"

"I'm never to busy for you . Now where are you ?" He demand as you heard on the phone and loud slam you could only assume a door and a seconde later you heard his car engine.

"Umm Chris it's fine, I should of called "

"Sweetheart tell me where you are ,or I swear I'll look on every street in Boston. "

"Umm but "

"Y/n " he warned

"I'm at the cinema 15 minutes away from your and Scott's "

"Okay I'll be there in 5 " he ended the call .

How can he be here in 5 , its 15 minutes away . Unless he is going to speed . He better not. Maybe he already knew where I was . Oh who iam kidding his nee girlfriend probably leaves 5 minutes away .

And with that you waited ,not much else you could do . Your tears died down . Still feel stuipid of crying over something or someone or somewhere you didnt even want to be

As if in a blink of an eye a battered dirt coloured trunk pulled up in front of you . The windows rolled down to show a very conserndier Chris showing lines on his youthful face as he frownd . "Get in " he muttered by in a tone that was not to be argued with . So you step forward hesitant at first but then you remember you did call him . As as you open the car door and I one footed jump into the truck , shuting the door behind you placing your bag in front of you , inbetween your feet as you fiddled with the seat belt .

"So ... " he began " why are stranded at the cinema "

"I was... um "

' Why am so nervous '

"I was ment to be on a date ..." it was then you final met Chris eyes that showed a flash if emotion as if he was almost hurt at the thought of you on a date . But it was probably because you interrupted his own . But you still felt a need to explain as if to avoid hurting his feelings.

"He ..he stood me up.. its not like I even wanted to go it was all Scots idea ." To quickly finished quite nervous as if you did something wronge .

Chris raised an eyebrow "Scotts ha ?" You nodded

"I tried calling him but he didnt pick up "

"So you called me ?" You nodded " so why was you crying if you didnt even want to be on the date ?"

"I was not!" You never like showing your emotions it made you feel weak and you are anything but weak .

"I heard you on the pho..." he chucked trying to lighten the mood

"I was just stress I didn't know how I was gonna get home "

"Well iam here now "

"So can you take me home ?" You questioned

"No !" You were shocked by his sudden answer.

"What ?"

"I'm not taking you home, not yet anyway " he said with his sights smirk .

"So where ?"

"Surprise!" He said starting the engine

"But ... but dont you have to get back to your girlfriend?"

"Pfff girlfriend?" He looked confused.

"Yeah Scott said you had a girlfriend "

"You shouldn't listen to Scott "

"I know that " you giggled now looking out the widow watching the world pass away. Unaware of certain blue eyes keep glancing at you with a smile only for you .

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

" you didn't have to do this you know " said while manching on your fries in a dinner Chris brought you to .

" I did !" He agreed with a mouth full of his burger ." I couldn't make you go home with a frown " he said with his mouth. You blush at his words but disgusted by his manners .

Throughing a scrunched up napkin you giggled playfully " dont speak you your mouth full "

He raised an eyebrow and smirked a little sorry .

"Why do you care anyway , why do this just to make me smile " you giggled certainly in a better mood , his blue eyes stared into your in awe and a quite mutter you just about heard " if only you knew " but you swear you heard him wrong some you moved on to your next question . As those also familiar butterflys return to your stomach when ever your around Chris .

" So is that your job to make me smile " you ask while putting another frie or two in your mouth .

"Among other thing "

"Like ..?" Your curiosity getting the better of you .

" Give me the punks name ? " he glared at you but still in a soft manner as if to tell you his anger wasnt towards you

" what ?"

" the idiot who stood you up I want his name " he demanded as if a man on a misson .

"Why? "

"Because he made a mistake standing you up "

"And whys that ?"

Because he stood up the best girl in Boston, I know I wouldnt if I was him" the last part came out a bit shaky and quite .

"It doesn't matter anyway " you felt the butterflies raise to your chest as your heart began to faster .

"Because it does "

You couldn't argue anymore , abit scared by his tone you gave him the boys name . But you were still under the spell of his blue eyes . And it was at that moment everything your mother said as a child when you ask about love , princess and prince, clicked in your head . She expain how the flurry feeling never goes away as their around, how theirs a smile on your face always. And how their a feeling. A feeling only there can make you feel . It was at this moment you realised

Holy shit I'm in love with Chris

As you stared at those blue eyes surrounding a 17 year old Chris you knew you always had a little crush on him . You were pretty sure half of the girls in school did . But it never accrued to you just how far those feelings ran .

"Why do you care ?" You titled your head .

"Because your Scotte best friend " he smirked with yet another mout h full of his burger. You giggled at his terrible manners .knowing full well he was doing it because he knew it annoyed you .

And it was in this moment you knew

'He will never be your y/n and keep it that way to keep both Scott and Chris in your life '

You put on a small smile , as the first crack appeared on you new found love for Chris that will forever be on you heart . If only you knew it would be the first of many. Leading to the one big hole you feel currently. But that's the pain of being in love

Vent session 4/26/20

A couple things. First, the not so serious. 

I’ve been living with my parents for a little over a year now since the second year of my boyfriend’s ST program basically makes it impossible to work while doing the program. We decided to move our in with our parents to save money (especially since there’s no way I could support us and our two dogs on my own.) My parents are fine. They’re not perfect but they’re fine. I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older though just how different I am from a lot of my family. My parents are definitely products of their time. They dont believe in therapy. I go to therapy. I’ve gone to therapy since I was a freshman in college (When I could go without them paying for it/knowing about it) I’ve recently started Trauma counseling, trying EMDR to process past traumas and maybe stop some of my more toxic/ bad habits and the cycle of abuse. (my current relationship isn’t abusive but I’m scared that I may make it toxic because thats really all i’ve known or if it fails I’ll go back to the cycle)  

I myself have had quite a few traumatic events happen in my life. In the last few years I’ve become pretty open about my mental health, hoping that it might help others (so no one will feel the way I felt, like I was alone etc) I think a lot of my family would benefit from therapy, as now that I am so open, sometimes my family will share their stories. My parents, like I said don’t believe in therapy, and now they also believe they are too old to be fixed. Especially my mom. Which, for me, is really saddening. My mom, when overwhelmed, will hit herself in the head. Which can make it hard to talk to her about anything serious because she also takes a lot of things super personally (and I cant blame her for that. I’m sensitive AF) and it sucks that she feels she, or her inner peace, is worth it at this point. I’ve found a lot of my family just doesn’t really seem to want to better themselves and would rather just say “This is how I am, take it or leave it” 

It’s exhausting to be around people who are in that sort of mindset when you’re working very hard to be better. Trying to be happy, get my anxiety/depression/PTSD under control, process traumas....

Also. some of my traumas happened in the house, or when I was teen living here. SO, sometimes just being in this house is a struggle. Being back in this room where my ex-wife tried to kick me out and pushed me to a breaking point. Being in this room where I found out my ex-wife kissed someone else while they were deployed and decided they didnt want to be with me anymore. Being in this house where I broke down shattered, screaming and crying for the world to stop spinning, and my ex-wife yelled at me, belittled me, harassed me so much over the phone I had to get my parents involved so she wouldnt speak to me again. In this house where I had to hide so much of myself, had to pretend so many things didnt happen....Its really hard being here. especially in this time of super stress, being in Quarantine and a Pandemic due to COVID-19. 

and to add on top of that, my mother has started trying to inch me out. My grandma is supposed to move in when I move out. I guess my grandma is hounding her, so in turn, she’s hounding me. Even after I have explained that COVID has messed with my boyfriends program, and my planned summer vacation. Originally he was supposed to be done in June, and we had a FL trip planned in Sept, so we’d move out after our FL trip, to save money, and hopefully not stress the dogs out. (moving to a new place and then all of a sudden your parents are gone for 8 days might be a little much for our pups). Depending on when he started, and how much money I saved, and if my coworker would be moving in with us we could possibly move in August, gives the dogs a month to adjust to their new surroundings before we would move. BUT, now....he may have to do a summer term, to make up for the lack of ST time in ORs at different hospitals, which means he wouldn’t start working in June, he may, depending on how they do their summer term, not be done with his program till July or August...and obviously he needs to work, for at least a month or two before we could move. also, we don’t know if we’ll be able to travel to FL in September, THere isnt really a point in going if Disneyworld and Universal aren’t open/fully functioning. soooo....a lot is up in the air. The added stress of my mom constantly asking when I’ll be moving out is not helping my stress level at all. It’s irking me more than I thought. I didn’t want to admit quite how much it bothers me. oi. 

Secondly, 

probably a month ago now...or a couple weeks I’m not sure (time is hard right now ya’ll) our dogs started fighting. Very suddenly. We’ve had Carbon since September 2018. Frank (Jake’s dog) and Carbon have never fought till this point. I’m not sure what changed because they both have lived with me (Frank and one of Jake’s parents’ dog dont get along, so he had to live with me) the entire time I’ve lived at my parents house...It seemed like we were making progress, we were able to have them out in the same room without any trouble for a few days recently. (previously we had been crating one, and switching them out about every 4 hours if we were both home) They do fine on walks together. they seemed to be doing okay, but then another fight happened a day or two ago...Jake’s suggestion is to remain living separate. I’ll move in with my co-worker, he’ll either move out on his own or with a roommate with Frank. 

to backtrack, Carbon is a almost 2 year old pit/lab mix. He was a rescue, I got him when he was 5 months old. He’s fairly mellow for his age, but he is 2, he’s young and playful. Frank is a 6/7 year old potato dog (he’s short, a little long and has a round/barrelesque body, supposedly a chihuahua, pug, staffy mix. He isn’t fat either, its solid mass. He’s older and grumpy. so maybe he just snapped at Carbon’s youthful shenanigans.  They both are very much daddy’s boys. they may have fought over his attention (now that they see him more, he has been basically quarantining at my house ) it’s kind of impossible to know. 

I don’t like the idea of living apart. I’m needy. Plus, for a majority of our relationship we have lived together already. Jake is not only my boyfriend but also my bestfriend. I’m very physically affectionate, and Jake kind of sucks at texting...Also, I’m worried that our schedules wont line up. I work M-Thurs 6:30 am to 5pm. his ST schedule could have him working 12 hour days, he could have to work on my days off. having him spend the night once a week is not enough for me, if I can help it, most of this year that’s all I’ve been getting and its been awful (Quarantine has changed that but, thats special circumstances) We already were only supposed to live apart while he was finishing his program, and now we may need to live apart another year...or more...for the rest of Frank’s life, unless Carbon passes suddenly I guess...thats a long time. I get that he doesnt want to crate them “forever” if we lived together. and if we wanted to go on a trip, we’d need specific people to help us, to be sure no fights ensued or whatever, if someone gets bit...it’s over. I understand that...it might not be fair to “crate and rotate” them for however long we need to and neither of us is giving up their dog....I thought maybe if we could get a big enough space maybe it wouldnt be so bad. we could kind of section them off away from each other...(this past year its been me and the 2 dogs in like maaaaaybe 500sq ft) but finding that might be difficult in our price range...especially since we’ll be renting and probably moving to Portland (which is expensive) it’s causing a lot of stress for me...my anxiety is causing me to overthink. Like. is this somehow a sign that we shouldnt be together? He and I got together before i was even officially divorced (granted he was supposed to just be a confidence boost, not actually a legit relationship..but we fucked up and fell in love) and he has broken up with twice over our three years...the second time really wasnt necessary because he was trying to take care of me, to not cause me to be miserable during his second year of school when he knew I wouldnt be able to see him much and that I am needy, but we ended up doing what I had suggested...which is what we are doing now..being together but living apart. sigh. I don’t know. It’s a lot going on right now. I’m not a fan....everything is super stressful as is...and now all this too...oi oi oi. sigh. it’ll work out somehow...right?

and introduction.

meet elijah.

hey guys! im lina! im 18 and im in the cst timezone. im currently a freshman in college and ive also been rping for like 6 years now ( i started on the neopets chat boards. if thats not an embarrassing fun fact idk what is ) but i havent rped since this summer since school was and still is kicking my ass. im really into musical theater, marvel & dc, and disney! i also used to be a lifeguard at a great wolf lodge for 2 years so if u want any funny stories about stupid children, or even just wanna be friends, lmk! im also SUPER sorry this intro is so late. i was gonna do it yesterday but then my friends wanted to hang and it kinda went downhill from there. im actually posting this like 20 min before i have a lab practical so i wont be able to reply until late tonight, but like this post to plot or anything!

some fun facts abt elijah:

he was adopted when he was around 3-4? he was abandoned and left on the back of a merchant cart headed to corona, where he was then discovered and then put into the local orphanage since no one was sure where he came from or who left him. all he had was a stuffed bear (named wooly), a basket of water and fruits to eat, and a letter that explained that:

his name was elijah

he was 2 (born on february 28th)

his parents couldnt care for him, so they hoped he would be found by a kind soul who could either take care of and love him, or else get him to someone who could

they loved him and only left him in the hopes that he would have a better life

he lived in the orphanage for almost 2 years and the few months before the 2nd anniversary of his arrival, rapunzel & eugene visited the orphanage that eugene grew up in and fell in love w/ eli, promptly adopting him soon after. he barely remembers anything about his abandonment and time in the orphanage, but always wanted to find his birth parents and let them know how he turned out. he kept the bear and basket in his room but carries the letter around with him in his wallet wherever he goes.

his full name is elijah frederic fitzherbert. he was given the middle name frederic in honor of his grandfather.

but, he much rather prefers eli. doesnt mind formalities but insists on people who know him to call him by his nickname. except he HATES being called “highness” bc he thinks it sounds stupid. he wont get upset per se if u keep referring to him as “your highness” but he will get annoyed

he very much wants to fulfill his role as “corona’s golden boy” by contributing back to his people. he worries for the kingdom more than he worries for himself and is always trying to prove that he is worthy of being a prince rather than just some random kid who got lucky enough to get adopted. most of his days are spent doing modest favors and helping out the townspeople or visiting the villages surrounding the kingdom.

when he’s in the castle you can almost always find him in the kitchen! boi loves to bake and cook. he loves the way food can bring joy to everyone. he often makes goods to give to the townspeople or the kids at the orphanage, where he volunteers at least every 2 weeks when hes not busy w prince stuff.

has an acute fear of disappointment. he feels so much pressure to prove his worth that came from growing up thinking if he did anything wrong he’d be sent back to orphanage, esp since his parents had another child. they wouldn’t want or need him anymore. he mostly got over this when he broke a vase when he was 12 and tried to run away from home, except he fell out the tree that he used to climb out his window and broke his leg lmao. his parents assured him that no matter what he did they would still love him and never abandon him, and his dad also taught him how to climb trees and roofs without dying (much to his mom’s chagrin). even tho hes pretty much over it, it kinda lingers subconsciously. thus, he overcompensates in everything he does and gets overly anxious about small problems

growing up he thought the stories that his dad told him about his past were so cool, despite the fact that he would almost always only hear those stories when he was being taught lessons of what he shouldnt do. he used to run around pretending to be flynn rider and his dad played along, planning play heists for them to do together (think scott & cassie in that one scene from ant man and the wasp) but they stopped when eli hit that age where he thought it was embarrassing to play w his dad. but, it really helped him bond w eugene and help him work on his coordination bc eli is CLUMSY AF

eli legit trips over nothing at least twice a day.

he bonded w his mom through art tho, which eventually turned into aesthetic desserts and meals! thats another reason why he loves baking and cooking so much.

when his 1st sibling was born when he was 5 at first he was jealous. he didnt get much attention at the orphanage due to the fact that there were so many kids and he was just starting to get used to the idea of having parents didnt have tons of kids always trying to win their affection and attention. he thought having a little sibling was the worst thing in the world and would hide from his parents bc if they couldnt find him they couldnt send him away. he hated his sibling.

until he met them. the second he saw their chubby face he was hooked. he swore that he would do anything and everything for them. and that continued when his parents adopted his other siblings as well. he absolutely adores them and acts like the protective older bro role

thankfully, with such a large age gap eli never rlly had to go through any of those petty squabbles that siblings usually have. he was always pretty protective of them tho and would fight when he thought they were being reckless and dumb out of his own fear that if they got hurt he would be an awful big brother (again, fear of disappointment)

he loves to travel bc his mom would always take him to these extravagant kingdoms and on these amazing sightseeing trips

this boy is hopeless when it comes to love. i can imagine lots of ppl liking him on top of all the ppl throwing themselves at him bc royal, but him being completely oblivious and thinking that no one likes him.

he had rlly bad ADD as a kid but its gotten better as hes grown. he still occasionally struggles w executive functioning tho and always gets rlly frustrated when he cant focus or remember

like i said earlier, clumsy af. no coordination. the only athletic ability he ever had was horse riding and running

that said he has a horse named may (short for mayonnaise. dont ask

he likes music a lot. prob learned piano at a young age

he probably is at the party bc royals? idk

EDIT: although (currently) unknown to eli, his true birth mother is maleficent. when eli was 2, his birth father took him away from her and had her suppress eli’s natural born powers. his father realized he was unfit to care for him, so he was the one who abandoned eli.

wanted connections!!

obv his parents and siblings? i mean cmon

one ( or both???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) of his birth parents!!!!! they dont have to know that eli is their son or mayb they do and are too scared to tell him, but being trapped together will eventually make it revealed

childhood friends! people he met when he traveled w his mom or met at royal social functions? i rlly also want friends that he would hang w at all the royal galas and stuff and they would go do dumb stuff like look sneak out and look for secret passages of make bets of who could dump more crab cakes into the stuffy duchess’ purse when she wasnt looking

people who know him solely through his family

someone who likes eli and eli legit has no clue, no matter how much they flirt and drop hints

people who hate eli! or even just dislike him, which makes him upset bc he doesnt like the idea that there are ppl who dont like him in the world. mayb bc sometimes he gets super highstrung when things arent going how they should b and he like lashed out at them once or something. maybe they hate his parents and on principle hate him. idk

someone who was w eli in the orphanage

past relationships? i feel like hes never rlly had a bad breakup tho, its just that they prob just didnt work out. hes also bi so they can b any gender. hes still looking for his otp

idk, legit anything. send me those plots man

Just Say His Name Part 1

So this happened to me now for a third time, you think i would have learned my lesson. I wrote a whole lot of this story and the draft didnt save so now i must write this all over again. I may make this 3 parts im not sure yet. If you enjoyed my story please like and reblog!!!  This is based off of an old english myth!

Warning: Some language, Smut will be coming soon, some mention of Domestic Violence but very small. If alot of people like this story i will keep writing! I wanted to see how this one turned out. 

The vibrations of the train were making my eyes close even more. It has been a long ride and i have almost made it to London. Its about a two and a half hour long train ride. It was just me and Rory my cat on this journey. I am coming from Paris, i went to school there and lived with my family. A couple of days ago my parents got an letter saying that they had an urgent  meeting with some Aurors downtown. After said meeting they were told they needed to go on a trip with more Aurors out of the country. I was of course not able to attend. My mother was talking to my Aunt on the phone, my cousin Lilly attends Hogwarts. They were very excited and offered for me to stay with them while they were away. This is unfortunately a two year mission. Going in my bag i looked back at my ticket to remind myself where i am going so i dont miss my stop. Kings Cross Station Platform 9 and 3 Quarters. I sigh as i lean my head on the window. 

“Kings Cross Station next! ETA 5 minutes.” The train conductor yells as he goes through the train cars. I take a glance at Rory who is sleeping next to me. 

“Well Rory it looks like we arent in Paris anymore.” It is our third year LIlly and i, I am very excited about the next two years but also very excited. The train comes to a halt and the Whistle blows. I gather everything and  Rory. The train conductor puts my luggage on my cart and tips his hat. He leaves me alone and surrounded by people. Lots of people hurrying to catch their trains, whistles blowing and lots of carts. Frantically,i start looking for Lilly or my Aunt. 

“(Y,N)!” Sighing in relief i turn around to see my Aunt, Uncle and Lilly standing with a sign that says Welcome to London. I push my cart towards them and run to give them all a hug. “Its so nice to see you dear!” My Uncle takes my cart and they lead me to the car. 

“Its so nice to see you all too!”We all get to the car and start driving to their house. “Thank you again for taking me in, mum and dad really appreciate it.” 

“Of course! We are all very excited!”

“My friends are also very excited to meet you. They are the ones i take to you on the phone about,”

“Ah, yes Peter, Sirius, Remus and oh yeah how could i forget James.” Her parents laugh. Lilly blushes. The Car takes a turn on the next street. In the Yard you see 4 boys and a girl hanging out in the yard. I was assuming they were waiting for Lilly to get home. The car turned into long driveway and we all exited the car. A kind of tall boy with glass ran to Lilly and gave her a hug, 

“Lilly pop how are you my darling?” Her face turns red with embarrassment. 

“Ah, you must be James.” He smiles and shakes my hand. The rest of the group caught up with James, they all hugged Lilly.

“(Y/N), this is James, Peter, Sirius, Alice and Remus.” I wave

“Its so nice to meet all of you, Lilly has told me so much about you all. More about James than anyone.” James high fives Sirius meanwhile Lilly punches me on the arm. “Ow, asshole.” My Uncle gets my bags as we walk up the driveway. Her house was lovely, all brick house with a wrap around porch. Inside was just as grand as the outside. When walking inside there is a formal sitting area and formal dinning room. I followed everyone to the main living room area. It was a very  large space and the kitchen was in it as well. “Lilly what is that amazing smell?” 

“That my dear is my famous Chocolate Chip Cookies. Im reheating them for you all. Lilly why dont you go show (Y,N) her new room. The reset of you may go outside and play Quidditch-” 

“Yes!” Sirius and James cheered. 

“Without breaking anything please.” The group left to go to the backyard, Remus was the last to leave, he looked at me softly before heading out back. After he left i had the weirdest feeling i have never felt before. I barely knew this boy yet i longed for him to come back. I was drawn to him. I shook it off and headed upstairs to my new room. The room was nice, it had light blue walls, and a fluffy white rug in the middle of the room. I had a bed, desk, and bookshelf. I hugged Lilly. She was surprised at first then hugged me back. She understood that this was really hard for me not being with my parents. I was still waiting for an owl to come to let me know they made it ok. My cat Rory seemed to bed doing ok as well. Sleeping in a tall cat tree right by the window so he can watch the cars drive by. We went back downstairs and walked to the back porch. Lilly ran up to the group excited to play.

“Come on Remus how many times have you read that book?” Sirius yelled

“This happens to be my favorite book, and at least i can read better than you.” Remus smirked

“At least i can read better.” Sirius mocked. 

I was never a fan of sports and i have never played Quidditch. I was standing near a table and chairs on the porch where Remus was sitting. I took a glance without him noticing at the book he was reading. 

“To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further.-” i quoted 

“ There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.”  Remus finished the quote. “Thats right.” He smiles up at me. He gestures me to sit down. When i sit by him i feel heavy, Im so drawn to him. “Im assuming you read, and you have great taste in books.” I smile and push a piece of hair behind my ear but it falls again. This time Remus puts it behind my ear and it stays in place. All i think when i look at him is just how bad i want to jump him. “(Y/N)? You ok?” I zone back in. 

“Yeah sorry, what were you saying.” He laughed and continued.

“Whats your favorite book.?” I bit my lip to think, I have never really had an absolute favorite. 

“Well your holding one of them and Pride and Prejudice.” 

“Thats not a bad book either. What else do you like to do for fun?” I bit my lip again, i have no idea who this boy is and yet im so nervous around him. “Did you notice that you bit your lip when you are thinking.” I blush in embarrassment. Before i was going to say something he interrupted. “I think its adorable.” Im sure my face was super red now.

“Hey (Y,N) Do you want to- why is your face so read?” Remus chuckles as he leans back and continues his book. I look towards him, he winks at me then continues to read. 

“Its just hot out here. I am not a huge fan of sports but i will for sure watch,” Lilly shrugged and went to go play. The picked teams, they were now up in the air playing. Sirius had the ball the passed it to James. James threw it in the hoop but the ball landed near one of Lilly’s moms flower pots. The pot went into many different pieces. Everyone in the air and on ground were silent. 

“Please Merlin she didnt hear.”

“James and Sirius!” My Aunt yells. 

“We will go clean it up.” Everyone laughs, 

“Is there a time when they dont break something?” 

“Almost every time they break something dear, however this time it was just a flower pot and not our window.” My Aunt explained as she put the cookies on the table. “Last time they broke my window and James’s parents payed for a new one. Ive never seen James so terrified, Remus had the pleasure of watching that one unfold.” Remus chuckled and shook his head.

“What did Sirius’s parents say.” She paused as she placed a pitcher of Lemonade on the table. “Ok we dont talk about his parents, got it.” 

“Mrs. Evans is not of fan of his parents. Sirius hasnt been back home since the summer going into his second year. James’s family took him in.” I looked over at Sirius with a sad look. He was pushing James to the ground laughing. He looked so happy though. Coming from a horrible household you think he would be an asshole. “I know what your thinking, he is upset about his family but at the same time he found a better family here. Hes a nice boy.” Remus looked back up at her. She got the hint, winked and went inside. 

“That was an interesting look you gave her.” He smirked

“I just dont think hes your type.” I raised my eyebrow at him. This boy dont even know me. But whats weird is that hes right. 

“Oh really well whats my type?” 

“You date nice boys, well you started dating a type like Sirius but it didnt go well. Now you arent really looking right now nervous how the next boy will be.” He was right but it brought back memories i didnt need. I stood up, went inside and slammed the porch door. Aunt tried to stop me but i was already half way up the stairs. I think Remus means well but what he doesnt know is my last relationship ended with me in the hospital and being a werewolf for the rest of my life.

@thenaturaldisaster@th3maraud3rsmap @rougerazors @rainandhotchocolate

📂

there’s a gas leak that leads to a huge explosion at the hospital you work at… ft a worried buckbuck

TSB masterlistTSB Extras: Drabbles/Headcanons/Music

sorry,  im a huge grey’s anatomy fan lmao. i live for medical dramas and disasters on said dramas

- it’s a relatively normal day. the sun is out, it’s a little chilly but that’s to be expected. You have a 7am-7pm shift in the ER today and you’re looking forward to it

- you even manage to find time to do your make up a little bit before work. just mascara, concealer and a little bronzer. for some warmth on your face. you pack mira’s lunch for daycare and leave a little post it on the fridge: ‘bye  babies, stay warm and I will see you soon’ with a little heart next to your name

- bucky’s already up while you’re grabbing your own lunch and chomping on a banana. he’s rubbed the sleep out of his face but his voice is still groggy- ‘morning, darling’ he mumbles in your ear before kissing your hair

- seeing you in your official, navy blue scrubs with your name embroidered on the left side definitely gets him hot and bothered. you look so sexy and authoritative in your scrubs. you had caught him staring at you the first few times when he had seen you in scrubs (you had just gone back to work at the hospital from the clinic). he would blush adorably every time you caught him and you coyly said ‘oh, mr. barnes I didn’t know you were into that’

-  ‘hey, gimme a proper kiss’- you coax him and end up making out with him by the kitchen island for a few minutes. you pull away and look at your phone, yelping when you realize you’re running late

- you’re already out of the door when you say goodbye to him and tell him you’ll text him

- bucky likes staying at home while you work. he knows that it’s not exactly “traditional”, but he thinks it should be. you were a badass, working and taking care of mira when he wasn’t around. he thinks maybe you have some sort of super soldier serum

- he usually reads when you’re at work. goes grocery shopping. hangs out at the compound. works out. walks around the city with Mira. sometimes he picks her up early from daycare just because he misses her so much

- you insist on daycare because you want her to interact with kids her age, but all bucky wants to do is spend all his time with her. learning about everything he had missed when he was gone. what things excited her, what things she didn’t like, what made her blue eyes that were so alike to his own blue eyes spark up 

- bucky thinks nothing of it when you stop answering his texts. after all, you’ve stopped answering his texts abruptly before when you’ve been at work. he goes to the tower after steve and sam text him to hang out with some pizza and beers. he has missed them, too

-it’s always the days you never expect. the days that start out perfectly normal, as usual. nothing about this day led you to believe that anything would remotely go wrong. but of course, the universe is tempted. one of the many oxygen tanks in the oxygen supply area had blown up, setting off a chain reaction. and of course it was one of the oxygen tank supply areas in the ER

- nobody in the waiting area had been injured. but some of your residents were knocked off their feet, and slammed into walls. your main concern were the patients in your ER. as the attending, you have a responsibility to them and to your staff

- there is smoke everywhere, flames are licking along the walls of the ER and your hands begin to tremble. but this is no time for indecisiveness or unsureness. your patients are starting to become hysterical and you and the remaining nurses, residents, technicians, physical/occupational/speech therapists all look at you. you take a deep breath, adjust your glasses and start redirecting traffic

- you call 911, which feels somewhat ironic to you. you’re starting to sweat and the bright orange and red of flames is starting to surround you. you benignly think to yourself that the fire looks quite pretty before tearing your eyes away. you call the necessary hospital staff members, screeching at them that your fuckin’ ER is on fire and if they don’t find another hospital to redirect your patients to in the next two minutes, you’ll set them on fire as well

- you instruct your staff to get as many patients out as they can with whatever monitors they need. you do your best to calm your patients, telling them that they’re going to be redirected to another hospital

- you manage to get every single person out and far away. ambulances have arrived and are currently escorting patients out. the fire trucks are yet to come

- but one of your patients stops you frantically. she’s hysterically crying- she can’t find her son, and her son is terrified of fire. and you remember her son- he had been playing with his toys in her patient room 

- your heart sinks, blood pounding in your ears and it only takes you a second to sprint back into your ER, on a mission to find the missing boy

- the guys are absent-mindedly watching tv, flipping through channels. suddenly a ‘breaking news’ announcement interrupts whatever they’re watching and bucky’s lungs certainly fail him because your hospital, your ER is on fuckin’ fire

- steve is shaking him, already springing into action but bucky can’t move. his lungs feel like they’re filled of ash and his legs won’t work. sam snaps at him and bucky looks at him

- ‘stop it. don’t think the worst, barnes. let’s go, let’s go find her.’ steve says he’ll go get mira from daycare, and bucky and sam rush off to the hospital. bucky’s legs are restless and sam is quiet. anxiety is radiating off of bucky

- bucky’s mind is going a million miles a minute. he can’t- how could your ER be on fire? he tries his best not to think the worst- that you’re dead-charred-in ashes, buried under the hospital. he really tries, but he can’t- he can’t stop. he can’t stop thinking about potentially living without you, about mira not having a mother. he doesn’t realize that he’s shaking, that tears are coming out of his eyes

- he is so scared.

- the ER is completely engulfed in flames by this point. the ceiling is starting to come down and you have to be mindful. you scream for the boy, scream his name and suddenly you hear him screaming back

- he’s stuck. he’s pinned to the wall by one of the med carts, a code cart and an x-ray machine at the back of the er. there is no time for this, and yet you don’t even think about sprinting towards him

- the boy looks horrified. hell, you would be too, if you werent so pumped full of adrenaline. the boy is hysterically sobbing and you try, you really try to reassure him- ‘hey, come on, it’s okay, i’ve got you. we’re- we’re going to get out of here- and you’ll be okay. i’m gonna get you out, alright?” he calms down a little at your soothing voice and you finally, finally manage to pull all the machinery off of him. he runs into your arms and you take his hand- “listen to me, we have to be fast okay, can you be fast for me, kiddo? your mama is waiting for you, alright?”

- he nods at you and squeeze his hand. you tell him to run in front of you- if anyone’s getting stuck it’s not him. you take a breath- 5 seconds of courage- and make a run for it. you’re almost successful too. he’s right there, right at the exit…

- and you’re right here. the ceiling has collapsed completely in front of you. you can’t get through. you could laugh, really, because this was obviously going to happen right?

- the boy looks at you, panicking

‘get outta here, kid. your mom’s waiting- she’s waiting for you. just tell-tell the firefighters when they come…”

- you’re starting to feel dizzy and have to shake your head to center yourself. the kid’s gone already and you think this is how you might possibly die.

- you hadn’t even told bucky you loved him. you hadn’t told mira you loved her.

- sam and bucky split up, searching for you and helping where they can. but neither of them can find you and bucky’s panic is rising. bucky sees the boy run out of the ER, soot on his clothes and he’s heaving for air. the boy seems to recognize bucky because he’s running up to him, arms flailing

“mr. winter soldier sir, there’s a doctor in there- she came back for me- she’s stuck in there-”

- and bucky already knows it’s you. he doesn’t even answer the kid before he’s sprinting into the ER after you

- the fire and flames surrounding the ER remind him of when him and steve encountered the red skull all those decades ago. his mind is sharp, precise, looking only for you. assessing any possible direction you could be in. despite his panic, he is sure in his movements

- then, he sees you, on the ground, coughing up a storm. your eyes are squeezed shut, trying to crawl your way out. you must be dead right? that’s the only explanation for how in the hell bucky is standing in front of you, scooping you in his arms

 - you don’t even have a moment to process what’s happening. all you can do is grip his shirt as he carries you out. youre on the verge of passing out. you cough heavily once the fresh air enters your lungs. bucky sits you down on one of the stretchers once one of the EMTs makes their way over to the two of you

- bucky’s hands are cupping your face. you feel delirious- he’s talking to you, his pretty lips moving but it’s taking you a few moments to recognize what he’s saying. there is soot all over your scrubs, your arms and your face and you’re still coughing. he wants to cry, he really does

- because he thought he lost you, for a split second. for a split second, his entire world darkened, and he can’t bare it. and you have the audacity to grin up at him

- he doesnt even have words for you. only tears. he squeezes you tightly to him, hands touching you to make sure that you are real

- and then you promptly pass out. the EMT’s shoo bucky away and he feels a little less numb. because he’ll always be there to save you

- you wake up in a hospital bed. you’ve forgotten how much it sucks being a patient. a scratchy groan escapes you and you feel a weight next to you. you look to your left- it’s bucky, fast asleep with his head on the bed next to you

“buck,” you scratch at his scalp lightly, “baby. bucky. baby, wake up.”

He jolts awake, eyes red and settling on you

- “c’mere, get into bed with me, baby,” you offer him and move over. he looks like he wants to cry and he scrambles in next to you, tucking you into his side gingerly

“You okay, baby?” you ask. you know how scared he gets when it comes to you. your hands circle his arm

- “I thought- I thought…” bucky looks you in the eye, “I thought I was gonna find you dead. i thought you were dead. I-I- thought-” he buries his head into your neck, arm wrapping around your waist tightly.

“I know baby. I know,” You coo, “Mira’s with Steve?” bucky nods into your neck.

“There was a boy in the er- he was stuck… the firefighters weren’t there yet. i just- i know it was reckless but… I had to.” you tell him softly.

“I know, princess. The kid found me, that’s how I knew you were in there. I just knew.”

“Guess we should both apply to be firefighters, huh?” you try getting him to crack a smile but his face is stony.

“Don’t joke. You scared the shit out of me- I thought you were dead- I thought- I-what was I gonna tell Mira?” His eyes are glassy and wet and your own smile falls off your face. 

“oh, sweetheart, come here. i love you,” you murmur- you can feel his tears against your neck, “I love you so much. you’re always saving me, you know that?”

bucky wants to say that no, it’s you who saved him, but you continue to murmur to him how much you love him and he feels his heart begin to slow.

sorry for all the grammar errors lol this is super rough

Send “📂“ for a random yet completely useless headcanon I have

Confessions of a location free maverick - it's over!

Confessions of a location free maverick – it’s over! How the Pretend Cat and the Pet Rock are changing the landscape of my life. I find it deeply ironic and bizarre how I can go from travelling the world with ridiculously minimal belongings (even minimal for miss LIVE LIGHT, LIVE LARGE over here) and living mostly out of a suitcase for the past 2.5 years … to buying Tupperware, water containers, dishcloths, coffee plunger, bins and gasp of all gasps, kitty food – because I suddenly find myself with a “pretend” cat and a huge pet rock! Neither of which will fit in my suitcase, which can mean only one thing – a little home again.

Chances are you might have some insight into my motto, my life work and how I have been gallivanting around the world to speak, run writing retreats, masterminds and work with the YPO? And laze on beaches of course! Yet with this lifestyle comes the highest of global highs and the lowest of lonely lows.

Every decision we make has consequences on all sides. There is really no such thing as a decision that doesn’t have pro’s and con’s. That’s delusional. It’s just about choosing the ones that you most prefer, that bring you more joy and meaning, isn’t it? It’s not that any decision is better than any other one. And decisions are never usually forever are they? We get to choose and re-decide further down the line, whether about how we think or what we own, to what we do in the world and where we live.

I have been living with the consequence of choosing to have no home for the recent past. It’s a feeling of deliriousness combined with displacement. Sometimes it is truly a joyful experience, easy to broadcast on Instagram pics, carefully curated into an authentic feed, or a hopefully motivational post and pics of exotic food whilst lounging by the sea. New spaces, places and delights at every corner. Yet it’s not ALL wild, laugh-inducing adventures and Pollyanna playtime.

It’s also the polar opposite – sometimes a scary, wide open world knowing no one, needing to constantly be wondering where the next pit stop is, can I convert enough ZAR into USD to survive a northern currency, where will my work call me to (from Lagos, to Dubai to San Francisco), other people’s reactions to being “homeless” when I say I am #locationfree. Yes, but where is your home, Kate?

I have personally found that whilst my senses are constantly being awoken and titivated, it’s simultaneously a tad grueling on my body and takes me longer to adjust to new surroundings to feel totally integrated. I have stayed in the best of 5* hotels, to revolting homes I housesat (that really should have been a three week, massively paid declutter job). I do find it easy to feel at home in someone else’s space, but have become way more susceptible to the energy of the house and how it impacts me. So it has been in short, the past 2.5 years have been a profoundly intriguing, enlightening time.

Being a #locationfree maverick naturally takes some toll on my committed relationship with ENP and yet also provides us both with space to really miss each other. Even when I do make Lesvos, the world renowned Lesbian pilgrimage island, (where the 10th muse and lyrical poetess Sappho was born), my destination of choice. He doesnt batt an eyelid- and that tells you everything about him! Friends delight in my pics, tales and gifts, but also beg to know when I’m coming “home” – I remind them I don’t call SA ‘HOME’ anymore. You know how when you speak to people in the UK (yes Mum, that’s you!) and they bleat on about the weather? Well, pretty much every time I speak to a dear friend they cannot help themselves but ask, “so when are you in SA again”? I have done my best to implore them to not say when are you coming “home”. Or even when are you BACK. Those words imply it will suck me back into its clutches, and SA honestly is no longer home. It’s a beautiful and complex place that for many decades was my home, where I still work and see ENP and my friends. I have awesome clients there and … it is simply no longer my home! I am being called north again, and have been for the past 4 years, ever since I first traveled to the USA. So, I typically say I am simply where I am right now and thank God for the likes of Skype, Whatsapp and Zoom.

At the start of this process of packing up my home in JHB, I always knew I would be location free for a year at least; then after a year had flown by I had no desire for it to be any different; my travel trajectory was as delicious and busy for the year ahead, so I just kept at it. Living with 90% of my belongings with me, three boxes in storage and traveling to places MOSTLY in summer or the shoulder spring and autumn to obliterate the need for huge bulky clothes.

But towards the end of last year, even though I am in a beautiful, committed relationship to a man who just adores and trusts me to live my life with no betrayal to us, and vice versa, I found myself feeling somewhat lonely (whilst meeting new people everyday), restless (whilst constantly moving), bored (even though I see and experience more in day that some do in a year) and just a tad unsettled (yet this was my very own choosing wasn’t it?)

The irony of this insight is never lost on me.

Enter a pretend cat and bit pet rock!

It is not about needing to be in ONE PLACE forever; I am not that type. I have gypsy energy in my very DNA, and love traveling just so much. But after not having anywhere other than my heart and body to call “home” for 2.5 years, I was starting to inch towards the idea of a little space I could “claim” as my own. ENP is unraveling his life in SA too, and these global swallows need a new nest/s.

I remember the day I was housesitting the most GLORIOUS home right on the San Francisco bay, in Pointe Richmond and having this feeling of being so blessed by the beautiful home I find myself in whilst I travel, but I suddenly had this overwhelming longing to have a space for me. A space where I might be able to leave a costume and a pen, maybe even my art. A space I could imprint myself on. It was a little bit of a surprise. It also took the natural transition of my 50th Birthday in April this year to shift me into this next phase. I needed to close out some big commitments before I had the space for this phase.

So the logical heartwarming place for my first little space in the northern hemisphere was Greece. I am even toying with the idea of buying a home, but am rather just putting my feelers out this year. Getting to understand the lay of the land. What is it like to have another little base and how does that impact my life and me again? And others around me? And so, in the gorgeous, remote and truly authentic Greek village called Skala Eressos that I have been visiting for the past 3 years (with writers on our retreats), a space where I have built a community and with one of the most beautiful beaches in all of Greece, I found myself negotiating a contract for a light airy apartment for a year. A year!

  Confession #1: It IS totally glorious to say I have a place I can call home EVEN though I will also “rent” it out to visitors, friends and colleagues. I have the coolest pet rock (see below) – my nan used to paint rocks so this is highly divine for me – but yikes, it’s a biggun, and will never fit into a case, so I guess I am destined to stay a while. See pic of beautiful rock complete with my name! It all came about when I asked my landlady if she had any door stoppers, a huge grin erupted on her face and she said she had a rock half painted, and she would complete it for me. All my favourite colours, the coolest of flamingos and my names emblazoned across it, lest I forget where I am.

  Confession #2: Having a kitty on my bed again makes me deeply joyful. When my beautiful landlady said yes I could claim her little apartment as mine, she said I was an angel for her, but the truth is she is an angel for me. Letting me love her kitty, bringing me oregano bouquets, painting me my very own pet rock as a doorstop so I don’t wake the whole village when I sneak out to write my morning pages on the verandah, lending me a bike, fixing stuff I ask to be fixed and just being delightful – along with FANTASTIC English.

  Confession #3: I am startlingly amused by just how insanely fast I wanted to buy “STUFF” Not a lot of stuff, for sure, but it is still amusing. And I want my Nan’s hand-made patchwork quilt here on my bed – NEXT TRIP! Unless you are coming to visit and will bring it with? And how Mum gifted me the most exquisite handmade, olive wood TAVLI – Backgammon set! Oh, the joys of a little place for STUFF!

  Confession #4: I am plotting my return here – my coming BACK HOME. I have already started inviting friends here, seeing as I never pulled it off for my 50th  earlier this year– 51 seems just as fabulous a time to gather on an island! Perhaps I can also entice my Mum to visit a second time with the pretend promise to eat more meals at home to stretch the budget.

  Confession #5: I fell off my bike and swore like a trooper – because my sundress was hitched around my thighs and I got stuck as I hurled myself towards the pavement. It was a “boy” bike with a big crossbar and so as my huge, white sun hat flew off my head when going down the hill, I panicked and tried to slam on breaks to run after my hat before it picked up pace across the fields, never to be seen again. I just couldn’t extrapolate my legs and dress in time and got caught up in a heap. Tears welled, words flowed and I cannot tell you the relief after I had embarrassing walked my bike home with a bleeding toe and bruised ego, grease filled legs and finally turned the corner and saw “My home”.

  Confession #6: Kitty food is now on my shopping list again. And I have a pet brush. Everyone laughed at me when I said I wanted one, but I found it in the Euro shop, and this kitty just LOVES being fussed over! Every now and then it feels like a betrayal to my beloved Stripey, but Nikos is my “pretend cat”. He is not really mine; I know that – just that we get to love each other furiously when I am here. When I told Ms. S that I was letting Nikos, the #gingersnap cat sleep on my bed, she nearly fell off her own feet. You are crazy Kate Emmerson. And yes I am, but when I walked home last night after devouring the most delicious “orange pie” oozing with syrup and a creamy cappuccino to wash it down, my heart did a little skip when I saw Nikos waiting for me at the end of the road – a bit out of his usual comfort zone. My Greek is shocking, so I speak to him in English, (other than a strong reprimand of OCHE when he wants to get agro) and we ambled off down the road side-by–side, ready for a little cuddle.

  Confession #7: Yes. I miss you, ENP. Every day! But you are in Russia at the world cup with all your Argentinian lads, doing what you love to do, and that makes me happy! Enough said we will entwine again in a few weeks when in the same country again.

  Confession #8: I deeply love that my office of choice, Gialos on the platea,  has exceptionally kind owners, friendly kitties and the most heavenly view on the planet! Along with great coffee, conversation and a way to observe this little village and all its folk – from Drug dealer, to prostitute to writers, foreigners who return year after year after and the  locals getting ready for thier work day. A great place for writers to simply sit and observe…

With love from me, to you, from Skala Eressos and my new “home” –  for now x

(And yes, I will be IN South Africa for August and September for work :) )

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Morning pages ….

Confessions of a location free maverick – it’s over! was originally published on Kate Emmerson - The Quick Shift Deva

EDH Zacharias Smith (any admin ❤)

HelloAnonymous!   Zacharias Smith by Esther

What doestheir bedroom look like?  Zacharias Bedroom is painted in a dark yellow-ish colour,not because of his House, but his mum. (he could choose between yellow andbeige) he has an old wardrobe and desk made of dark wood and a cheap-lookingIKEA bed. the are some books, but they look as if they weren’t read in a longtime

2.  Do they have any daily rituals? no, he doesn’t, except for makinghis bed right after getting up 3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often? He playsQuidditch in the hufflepuff team,and trains for it thrice a week. He did playsoccer in a team when he was a kid, but stopped after going to Hogwarts.

4. What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy? Hewould get in, claim a hob and try to make some porridge while the people whowere in the kitchen are like super fricking annoyed because they are actuallypreparing something edible (his porridge is not)for dinner and need that hob 5.  Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.) His policy is: if ican walk around, its fine ( wich leads to piles of clothing in the corners ofthe room because he doesn’t have to walk around there) He also doesnt vacuum oranything wich leads to his mum and dad always being like super annoyed because you can’t just have this much dust in yourroom ,boy 6.  Eating habits and sample daily menu He actually wouldn’t have aeating schedule or even proper meals if it wouldn’t be for his parents orhogwarts. If he’s on his own his meals are crisps, takeaways and chocolate. 7.  Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time Hereally enjoys wasting time by napping or trying to enchant stuff and he lovesit. he does it 24/7 and isn’t even stopped by approaching examns. 8.  Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging  9.  Makeup? no 10.  Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such? He doesn’t have any (im trying to subtly avoid the fact that my vocabulary isn’t big enough to include words like Neurose and that im too tired to google)

11. Intellectual pursuits? He tries to get every release of the magic startime, a magazine talking about astronomy

12. Favorite book genre? he actually doesn’t read so much, but if ,he’s

all in for graphic novels

13. Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general? he’s straight, but generally accepts lgbtqa+ people. From time to time he does get a bit too interested in peoples sexual orientation (like constant asking people if they’re straight) 14. Physical abnormalities?  (Both visible and not, includinginjuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.) he hasan allergie against peanuts ( he ate a whole pack of party peanuts when he wasfour and nearly died of the consequences)15. Biggest and smallest short term goal?His smallest short term goal is to get Justin flinch-fletchley to eat aberty botts bean, his biggest to get his mother to allow him to paint his room

16. Biggest and smallest long term goal?His smallest long term Goal is a firebolt, his biggest to pass allN.E.W.T.S as the best of his class

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dressHis style is always changing and developing, but always comfy. he doesn’tlike to wear suits but really enjoys wearing sweaters, sweaatpants,jeans andother normal muggle stuff. when he discovers robes with small quidditch playerson them at madam malkins, he’s head over heels.

18. Favorite beverage? He actually really enjoys sparkling water with somehibiscus syrup and hes devastated when he discovers that Hogwarts doesn’t haveit. He then started begging his mum to send some wich lead to the wholehufflepuff table being obsessed with it within two weeks.19. What do they think about before falling asleep at night? He likes torepeat the day in his head, concluding the events, thinking about the newestgossip and trying to remember that spell from earlier in class.20.  Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them? He didhave the normal muggle chidhood ilnesses such as hay fever, scarlet fever andchicken pox, but also dragon pox, wich lead to him being in st. mungos for sixweeks.21.  Turn-ons? Turn-offs? His biggest turn on may be when girls puttheir hair in a bun and a few strands of hair are still falling in their faceand neck. He also looks for inelligence and loyalty. His turn offs are anythingPink, when people ask too many questions and when his potential partners havenot even a trace of self esteem22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what wouldhappen? a mess. Zach would start drawing things he knows, like hisfavourite singer, decide that  it looksrubbish and start another thing. in the end the paper is completly covered inhalf finished scribbles, lyrics and patterns.23.  How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganizationmanifest in their everyday life?he is reaaally unorganized and constantly loses his quills or homework. theteachers are slowly losing their nerves because he forgets so much.

24.  Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they evencare about intellectual pursuits at all?He’s really good at astronomy wich is why he tries his best to become bestof his class. oter subjects such as dada or care of magical creatures don’tmean so much to him.

25.How do they see themselves 5 years from today?He sees himself in five years exactly the same as now. he thinks hes reallygood the way he is, and that he doesnt need to improve, wich leads tostagnation and unfriendliness

26.  Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans ifthings don’t workout?After school he wants to follow his dad by becoming a healer in st mungos.He wants to marry and have children and a small cottage in cork.

27. What is their biggest regret?That he joined the DA. he originally intended to find out more about CedricDiggorys death, but when he failed, he joined anyways in hope to find out oneday. He may’ve learned a few practical things that year, but all in all heregretted his descision.

28.  Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?their best friends are the boys from the dorm, his worst enemy is probsvoldy

29. Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What dothey do?) He tries to save him and his stuff, other peoples belonging aresecond, their lives come after his.

30.  Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family membersuddenly dies) He would barricade himself in the dorm room and cry forthree days straight, letting no one in, not even the other boys living there.31. Most prized possession?His grandmothers Teapot ( she gave it to him when she died and he nevercared for anything else as much as for this teapot)

32. Thoughts on material possessions in general?I think , that he actually thimks of all of his possesions as his preciosthimgs and is very protective.

33. Concept of home and family?  Helives with his dad (wizard) and mum (muggle) in a small cottage near Belfast.he has no siblings but sees the neighbours kids as such. he grew up in a lovingand nice environment (wich didnt stop him from shitting on harry in book 5)34.  Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to‘TMI’?)He likes to have his own things private but is himself the gossip queen ofall. he always knows everything about everyone and tries to get tosecret/private information at any cost

35.  What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?He really likes making maps of the Stars in astronomy but doesn’t see anysense in it.

36.  What makes them feel guilty?that he didn’t fight in the battle of hogwarts

37.  Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?Actually a good mix of both, with dash more of emotional decision-making

38.  Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality? A type B personality

39.  What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?The hot chocolate that his mum always makes when he feels down.

40.  Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex?Neither?He does have a superiorty complex and is sure of his opinions as the betterones.

41.  How misanthropic are they? A bit. a teeny, tiny bit so smal, that you can’t even see it.         Just kidding.

42.  Hobbies?Quidditch and mapping the night sky in astronomy

43.  How far did they get in formal education? What are their views onformal education vs self-education?He visits the Hogwarts wizarding school in great britain and thinks thatformal eductaion is far better than self-education

44.  Religion?He is an Atheist and believes in nothing but Magic

45.  Superstitions or views on the occult? Because he’s a wizard and actuallyhad lessons in divination, he believes in it as Magic and is sure that itexists

46.  Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds? He doesask directly and without shame about what interests him, even when the Questioncould be very awkward or even triggering for the asked person.47. If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal? Independence.He wants a girlfriend who knows what she wants and is sure of her actions, butat the same time gives him advice, answers honestly and gossips a lot.48. How do they express love? by asking about things that might interestthe other person, offering his jacket,giving them a whole bottle of hibiscussyrup without any reason. he tries to be subtle about it, but everyone knows.49. If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting stylelike? HIT IT! HIT IT! HIT IT! HIT! HIT! he would just try to hit anythingand doesn’t have any technique50. Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not? He is terrified ofdying since he saw his Grandmother pass away. He gives his best to stay away from anything deadly

Submitted by Anonymous:

Hi i know this is long but plz post i wanna know what people think

I want to talk about Louis for a second and why I hate people comparing him to Harry. Harry does not have a long term gf, he does not have a child. He does not have 5-6 younger siblings to take care of.  Louis has ten times the responsibility in a single month than harry has had in his whole life. And this isnt really a diss at harry, its just true ? but what do people focus on ? numbers, streams, charts. Louis has to juggle his career with an insane amount of responsibility, his priority isnt getting his songs to #1, like it was Harry's for his pussy eating song. And this is NOT a pity post. ITs not me pitying Louis for his situation, Its just true honestly. 

Also, Harry's image was always supported the most by management. He didnt do half the work that louis did with the songwriting, but he just got handed the most solos bc management loved him. He gets handed things, he gets babied, Louis himself said "harry will never have to struggle w that" when talking about struggling to get songwriters to take him seriously even though he literally wrote the most songs. "He never really loses, Harry" -Louis

But i kind of have a theory about Harry 'losing':

About Harry always attaching himself to families and people in relationships.. does anyone think sometimes in a weird way Harry somehow has the most and the least in comparison to the other 1D boys ? Like yes he has the most commercial success, but the other guys (except Niall) have long term girlfriends and children and little siblings to look after in louis' case. Obv not everyone wants a gf and a child which is so valid (although harry has said that he does). But also, the rest four of them alll have connections and friends beyond the people who they work for or who work for them. Louis has his school friends, idk about Liam but he doesnt seem attached to the people he works with like Harry is, Niall has his friends from ireland and in the music industry, Harry's best friends are his manager and his guitarist, and again, nothing wrong with that, but like isnt it interesting how the closest people in his life are the people who are reliant on him for a job or who make money off of him in some way. I dont know every detail about his life and could be completely wrong, but everyone always makes it out to be that harry is the one ot3 and z must be jealous of. If i were Harry however, Id be jealous of them- the people who have families and deep connections and friendships beyond money. Sometimes I feel like the 1D boys were the last people (other than family) in harry's lives who werent yes men around him. After the split, he surrounded himself with only yes men. 

An example of this is how there was a scene in a 1D thing where harry takes his pants off and its funny bc the rest of the boys take the piss out of him and slap his ass or something bc theyre friends. Theyre not trying to kiss up to harry. Theres a scene in the FL docu where harry (for some weird reason) takes his pants off, and the surrounding people (including mitch) just look away and laugh awkwardly, his supposed 'best friends' are never going to take the piss out of him like the 1D boys did bc theyre yes men reliant on him for money. 

Maybe the truth was that Harry didnt gain everything when 1D split up. He gained a lot of commercial success, but what if the truth is that he lost the last threads that were keeping him tied to the ground, what if the truth is that he lost everything that day, and it was his own doing ? Bit dramatic but just a bit of a conspiracy i was thinking about, and maybe it would explain why he attaches himself to families and couples. He just.. never grew up. He never had to grow up. He never had to face the true downfalls of the industry, he just kept climbing and climbing. It wasnt just hard work, it was luck. Harry has had an insane amount of luck on his side and thats undeniable. 

Harry Styles is the epitome of  "he’s not rich because hes nice, hes nice BECAUSE he’s rich"

-

Hi,

Just my two cents: Harry wasn’t pushed by management. If Modest Management promoted Harry, it was because Syco and Sony wanted it that way. The email leak was from Sony, not Syco and not Modest.

I think it’s always important to look at business structure and power hierarchy. Structurally, power and money will dictate outcome.

Harry isn’t powerful enough to determine who comes out of 1D being a star. It’s not “good luck.”

Luck has nothing to do with this. All 5 were talented, charismatic, engaging. Success depends on corporate engineering.

Not understanding the hierarchy and trajectory of corporate power is the fundamental flaw to how fans see this band’s dynamic.

And maybe Harry didn’t gain friends because that’s not in the corporate plan. Sony does what it does to make money— if that includes tanking the other boys, so be it. Harry does what he needs to do to make money for Sony.

But also, to your point. Harry does not have a strong enough character to choose family and friends. He could have chosen both— nothing prohibited him from chasing success and maintaining ties, except his own ambitions and insecurity. He chose. May the fallout rain down on him in spades

Character headcanons: the whole mighty nein?

oh damn aight babe lets get started

Jester

1: sexuality headcanon

my girl is bisexual, no question.

2: otp

beaujes ftw, of course. i just... i feel like Jester can lean on Beau a lot, and that’s important.

3: brotp

honestly Jester has such a good relationship with the whole entire team, i cant believe how much she is the heart of the entire team. i would say my favorite dynamic is... jester and fjord. they just have some real cute moments, and they really try and support each other.

4: notp

i dont really have any notps? i mean... i cant really see her with caleb, i guess, which is a thing some people like? but im very much a chill person.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Jester used to make little gifts for her mom, but she kind of had to make do with the things she had access to, so it was a lot of drawings and playing pranks she thinks will make her mom smile.

Also, Marion still has every single one of the drawings Jester ever gave her.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

Dick jokes.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

hmmm... i dont get much from Jes, honestly. i would say... oh wait gods i just remembered that conversation with Beau about relationships and how theyre not like the books they read oh my poor baby Jester ishfgufkd.lg8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon roll

Caleb

1: sexuality headcanon

i am personally real into asexual and panromantic Caleb.

2: otp

i dont particularly ship Caleb with anyone? but if i had to say... maybe with Essek? or Caduceus? but Caleb is v much the kind of person who needs solid family relationships more than romantic ones.

3: brotp

Caleb and Nott are the og, obvi.

4: notp

Caleb and Beau, for sure my dudes. they are Empire Siblings, platonic forever.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

i dont remember if its said where he got the name from but ive decided just now he got the name Caleb Widogast from a porn book. it was a minor character and he’s mostly just praying that Jester will never run into the book he took it from.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

depression and trauma, babey

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

when he was having that conversation with Beau and they were just literally talking circles around each other and not getting anywhere with it. also any time where he starts talking about how he’s a shitty person.8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

problematic fave, for suresies

Caduceus

1: sexuality headcanon

he is a big and soft and gentle gay man.

2: otp

Caduceus x peace, Caduceus x support, Caduceus x not dying ever again please

also i like Caduceus and Fjord

3: brotp

i really want Cads to connect more with the others, yknow? i feel like hes doing a lot of supporting them and not getting a lot of support. i liked that moment he had with the Gentleman, i would love if that got more time but i doubt it.

i would say... Cads and Jester? i feel like they both do that thing where they don’t lean on others as much as they could and so they should lean on each other.

4: notp

i dont think i honestly have one for Cads. i mean, him and anyone who would hurt him. dont let anyone hurt the boy. he needs protection.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

i think part of why he hasnt scried on his family is partially worry about just not being able to see them, but also partially worry that theyre fine out there. theyre fine and doing good work and they just havent come back, havent checked in on him or the Grove, and he’s just as scared to see that as he is to see that theyre not okay at all.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

low int, has trouble paying attention, big mood.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

i... honestly cant really think of a moment? he has always done his best and i love him.8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon roll

Nott

1: sexuality headcanon

i... i feel like. she has straight woman energy? but i dont like that so as far as im concerned she’s bisexual.

2: otp

Nott and Yeza. rhino sex potions, learning how to change and grow together, and that entire moment when they’re reunited and Yeza is just happy she’s alive no matter what she looks like.

3: brotp

listen Nott and Caleb are the og, but Nott and Jester are the detective duo and as far as im concerned, thats what matters most.

4: notp

mmmmmmmmmm idk does anyone ship nott and caduceus? thats a notp for me, i just decided that just now.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Nott hasn’t spoken to her brothers in a very long time, and in fact actively avoids it when given the chance.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

“they turned me into everything i thought was”. always thinking of yourself as Less. and also being a gross goblin.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

knowing she had a crush on caleb lmao not gonna lie8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

problematic fave

Beau

1: sexuality headcanon

lesbian

2: otp

BeauJes, my dudes. “i could be her beacon” was a powerful phrase. and also beauyasha is still very very good content.

3: brotp

Beau and Fjord. captain and first mate. teacher and student. i honestly think Fjord was one of the first people to really give Beau a chance to grow as a person and she grabbed it with both hands and worked so hard at it, and Fjord was there for it. 

4: notp

beau and any guy. she’s a lesbian, ya’ll. come on.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

beau doesnt like yellow because one time she had to wear a yellow dress to a party and she spilled something on it and got yelled at for the stain and she’s a bitter one who doesnt let things go so now she just doesnt wear yellow, and prefers dark colors.

cant get yelled at for stains if no one can see them!

6: one way in which I relate to this character

socially awkward! yes.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

mmmm socially awkward, again8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

i feel. like. she cant be a cinnamon roll but shes also.   not entirely a problematic fave? more problematic fave than cinnamon roll, but not really either.

Yasha

1: sexuality headcanon

she is a Lesbian who was very much in love with her wife, as most lesbians are.

2: otp

Yasha x forgiveness, Yasha x happiness, Yasha x freedom

also beauyasha is always good. and so is yasha and jester? get yasha a blue girlfriend who will reassure her that things are okay.

3: brotp

Yasha and Molly were, obvi, amazing together. maybe its bc of them that i also want to see more of Cads and Yasha. 

i just feel like the low int bros could be fun.

4: notp

ummmm i guess. i cant see molly and yasha in a romantic way at all?

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

on yasha and zuala’s wedding day, they had to do it in secret, so they couldnt really decorate or celebrate much. but what they did do was pick flowers and put them everywhere. so that even if they couldnt show their love to their tribe, they could still be surrounded by colors and life and beauty.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

Says Dumb Things, Loves Girls So Much, Needs A Break

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

listen i am anticipating a lot of awkward apologizing and guilt and idk if this counts as second hand embarrassment but im deffo gonna be crying so8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon roll and i will fight anyone who says otherwise

Fjord

1: sexuality headcanon

thinking about it... im real into demi Fjord. 

2: otp

Fjord x Eldritch Blaaaast

forreal tho i dont heavily ship him with anything. him and Cads are cute, tho.

3: brotp

i know i already said this for beau but really the captain first mate dynamic is so so good.

i also like him and nott. green drowning victims! bickering! also actually being ride or die for each other but like you would never tell them that!

4: notp

mmmmm him and avantika i guess

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

a lot of the reason Fjord is so good at accents is bc, as a kid, he would try and mimic other people’s voices. he thought it would get them to stop looking at him like a half-orc. it didnt work, but now he can p much copy anyone’s voice so that’s handy!

6: one way in which I relate to this character

just doesnt know whats going on, assumes someone who says wise words must be the smartest person ever, feels like deadweight if they dont have something special they can do

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

this is legit the hardest question for every character my dudes uhhhhh oh gods the whole thing with avantika was killer so i guess when he has to fake it but also doesnt know what the hells going on at the same time.8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon... roll? i mean... he did also almost unleash a many eyed eldritch snake tho......... so....

send me a character or anything really

Team USA's Winter Olympics highlights and lowlights: our writers' verdicts

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/team-usas-winter-olympics-highlights-and-lowlights-our-writers-verdicts/

Team USA's Winter Olympics highlights and lowlights: our writers' verdicts

From Chloe Kims gold to Elizabeth Swaneys slouch towards glory, Guardian writers on the big stories from Pyeongchang

Best US performance at the Olympics

No American woman had ever won an Olympic medal in cross country until Jessie Diggins overtook Sweden and Norway on the final lap to win the team sprint freestyle alongside Kikkan Randall. The bubbly 26-year-old from Minnesota, who spends her downtime learning hip-hop dance routines from YouTube tutorials, suffered near-miss after near-miss early on in Pyeongchang when she finished in the top six but off the podium in her first four events, missing bronze by 3.3 seconds in the 10km freestyle. Nevertheless, she persisted. For her efforts and ebullience Diggins was chosen to carry the flag into the closing ceremony by her USA team-mates. BAG

John Shusters name was synonymous with failure on the biggest stage. It was always unfair. He had a good record in World Championship competition, and if anyone in the USA couldve outperformed him, he wouldnt have been in the Olympics. Americans have short attention spans, and we only notice the Olympics, where he has twice flopped as a skip. After a 2-4 start in Pyeongchang, every game was a must-win. He reeled off a long succession of clutch shots over the course of several days. A 4-5 record wouldve been fine. He, and his team, won gold. BD

The womens hockey teams win over Canada was the most exciting moment for the American delegation. It had been 20 years since the team had won gold, forever frustrated by the mighty Canadian team. And while this group seemed to have a better chance at gold going into these Games, the thought of actually beating Canada in the final sounded too daunting to imagine. Then they did and in one of the greatest Olympic hockey games too. LC

Jocelyne Lamoureux-Davidson. Hockey may be the ultimate team sport, but Lamoureux-Davidsons individual effort on her shootout goal to help finally push the US past Canada set her apart. A day after the US win, I was at a hockey rink and saw a group of young boys trying and failing to replicate the female stars puck wizardry. The US will likely have to go through Canada again in four years, but Lamoureux-Davidsons goal in Pyeongchang will live on forever. DG

Biggest US disappointment

Madison Hubell and Zachary Donohue encapsulate the feelings of many US skaters in Pyeongchang. Photograph: Jean Catuffe/Getty Images

None of the US womens figure skating contingent Bradie Tennell (who finished ninth), Mirai Nagasu (10th) and Karen Chen (11th) skated cleanly in any of their six programs in the singles competition, where an American woman failed to finish in the top six for the first time at any Olympics since World War II. As Alina Zagitova became the second-youngest Olympic gold medalist in figure skating history after Tara Lipinski, the heady days of American dominance embodied by Lipinski, Michelle Kwan, Sasha Cohen and Sarah Hughes never felt more distant. (And that was before the normally whip-smart Nagasus bizarre post-competition remarks, which shes been walking back since.) BAG

The disappointment was spread almost evenly, from speedskating to biathlon, but the biggest had to be figure skating. They were just good enough in the team event, and Mirai Nagasu in particular was exceptional. But after that, too many things went wrong. The highlights were Nathan Chens free skate and the Shibutanis free dance, along with beautiful but not highly scored skates from Adam Rippon. The lowlights: all three women had major issues with their individual performances, two of the ice dance duos faltered in the free skate, and Chen dug too deep a hole for himself in the short program. BD

Figure skating overshadows everything else at the Winter Olympics and the US traditionally does well in this sport. At least until this year. While there were a few bright spots for the American team Nathan Chens comeback and team and ice dancing bronzes the overall performance was poor, especially for the US women who have often been the countrys biggest Olympic stars. Pyeongchang showed how far American figure skating has fallen behind the rest of the world. LC

Things quickly fell apart for US figure skating after getting bronze in the team event and no number of Adam Rippon interviews could save it. The question for US figure skating is, considering the intense training required by very young athletes to excel in the sport, is it worth whats required to get back to the medal stand in 2022? DG

Star of the Games

Marit Bjoergen displayed her brilliance in Pyeongchang. Photograph: Odd Andersen/AFP/Getty Images

The only correct answer is Ester Ledeck, the winter sports polymath from the Czech Republic whose golds in alpine skiings super-G (in one of the biggest Olympic upsets ever) and snowboardings parallel giant slalom (as the prohibitive favorite) gave her an unprecedented ski-snowboarding double and made her only the third athlete ever to win individual Winter Games medals in different sports and the first in 86 years. Greatest athlete on the planet? The 22-year-old is no doubt in the discussion. BAG

Norwegian cross-country skier Marit Bjoergen already had 10 Olympic medals from four Olympics. Thats a remarkable career, but it wasnt enough for her. At age 37, she took five more, finishing her Olympic career with a rout of nearly two minutes in the 30km classical. She is the Michael Phelps of the Winter Games, holding the career record with 15 medals. BD

While Norway dominated the Olympics and should be celebrated as the star of the Games, we must pay tribute to the US mens curling team. The memory of five unathletic men with brooms in their hands will be burned in many minds for years to come. America is about to have its curling craze. A sport that has brought giggles for years will now spawn news clubs and a new generation of young American curlers looking for their own Olympic glory without having to lift a weight. LC

Chloe Kims father emigrated to the United States. And the 17-year old snowboarding superstar loves breakfast sandwiches so much she tweeted about them in the middle of her work day. Tens of millions of Americans can relate to at least one, if not both of those experiences. What we cant relate to is her ability to fly in the half pipe. But her talent, youth and personality means she will be the biggest name in US winter sports heading to 2022. DG

Villain of the Games

Elizabeth Swaney wends her way towards a very average performance. Photograph: Kin Cheung/AP

My personal villain was Soohorang. (Dont even get me started.) But a more universal choice would have to be the weather, which made a mockery of organizers attempts to schedule the alpine skiing competition by squeezing it on both ends of the calendar. As a result Mikaela Shiffrins much-hyped bid for history in five events was truncated to three. Her results in those races speak for themselves first in the giant slalom, fourth in the slalom and second in the alpine combined and by no sane metric could Shiffrins Olympics be considered a disappointment, even if the fourth-place finish did come in the discipline shes dominated since Sochi. But there will always persist a sense of what if surrounding Shiffrins fortnight in the Taebaek mountains. Who knows what records might have fallen had only the weather complied? BAG

Italian biathlete Dominik Windisch surely couldnt believe his luck in the mixed relay when Germanys Arnd Peiffer missed four shots, leaving the door open for Italy to take a medal. Windisch and Peiffer battled for the third spot all through the last lap. Windisch had a slight edge heading into the finishing straight, where lanes are marked and skiers are supposed to remain within them. Windisch and Peiffer each picked a lane just before the markers. But Windisch suddenly moved in front and cut him off. Peiffer practically had to stop and change lanes, finishing 0.3 seconds behind Windisch. The jury ruled the move legal. Bild saw it differently, with the headline: Italien foult sich zu Biathlon-Bronze (Italy fouls its way to biathlon bronze). BD

Wasnt Russia supposed to have been banned from these Olympics for manipulating thousands of doping tests for its athletes before and during the 2014 Sochi Games? And yet more than 170 Russian athletes were allowed to compete in Pyeongchang under the vague title of Olympic Athletes from Russia. There was even a Russian House, even if it wasnt allowed to use that name. Whats a ban if it isnt really a ban? LC

Weve all had the conversation about which Olympic sport we could most easily participate in without any training. Maybe its one of the people who sweeps in curling. Or the guy in doubles luge who doesnt steer the sled. But thats all its supposed to be: a conversation. Elizabeth Swaney actually did it in competition. Swaney loopholed her way into a spot in the skiing halfpipe for Hungary and then cautiously coasted down the course. Its not what the Olympics is supposed to be about. The Olympics are supposed to be about corruption and blood doping. Im sorry, I mean the best athletes in the world. DG

The USs performance at the Games was

Without diminishing the efforts and commitment of the individual athletes themselves, its hard to characterize the collective outcome as anything but a disappointment. The 23 overall medals won fell short of the USOCs target goal of 37 medals and baseline of 25. And only 11 of those 23 came in sports that were on the program at the Calgary Olympics in 1988, when the United States hit rock bottom with six to prompt an overhaul of the entire winter sports infrastructure. The downward trends in two sports where the United States has traditionally thrived, speed skating and figure skating, showed no signs of reversing. And this was without a full-strength Russian side in the mix. Let the inquest begin. BAG

Erratic. Also unlucky in the case of Alpine skiing, where the rescheduling hurt Mikaela Shiffrins quest to win a ton of medals, but she still wound up with a gold and a silver. In biathlon and speedskating, the USA had a strong 2017 season but fell off sharply this season. Its not that the squad is considerably worse across the board, but theyre missing some of the rainmakers theyve had in the past. In 2010, the USA had three athletes Bode Miller, Johnny Spillane and Apolo Ohno win three medals each. This year, the only multimedalists were Shiffrin, snowboarder Jamie Anderson and the ice-dancing Shib Sibs, each with two. But nine gold medals and 23 in total arent bad, and the breakthroughs in cross-country skiing and curling, along with the womens hockey thriller, will be replayed on NBC for decades to come. BD

Sometimes the obsession over medals can cloud perceptions of what the Olympics is supposed to be about. But the US was expected to win more than 23 medals, especially after taking 28 and 37 in the last two Winter Games. There were great performances like Chloe Kim in the halfpipe, yet overall the American team fell far short of their goals. Especially disappointing were the figure skating and speed skating teams. LC

Just good enough. The US finished fourth in gold medals in fourth in total medals, far back of Donald Trumps beloved Norway, but Team USAs big successes Chloe Kim, the US womens ice hockey gold, Team Shusters upset curling gold (I believe one or two people called it the Miracurl On Ice) meant that a narrative of underperformance could never really stick. DG

One improvement for the Beijing Games

This marked the United States lowest medal haul since the 1998 Nagano Games, when they finished sixth in total medals with 13, the same below-average placement their eight medals earned in Sapporo 1972. Thats worrisome when you consider Beijing will be the third of three straight Olympics in the far east after Pyeongchang and the 2020 Summer Games in Tokyo. Theres always going to be a drop-off when you compete halfway the world, but lets just hope the USOC makes headway on whatever distance-based issues they can identify that are holding the team back. BAG

For organizers: start the Alpine skiing events before the opening ceremony so weather postponements wont compress the schedule so badly. For those who arent directly involved: get NHL players back in the Olympics. BD

Not only are cities finding it expensive to host Olympics but fans cant seem to afford the tickets. The everlasting image of Pyeongchang was event after event performed in front of empty stands. Its a lot to expect people from all over the world to spend thousands to come to the Olympics. Too often, the Games are held in places where locals cant afford to buy seats. In 2008 many Beijing residents were priced out of events being held in their neighborhoods: the IOC has to find a way to make tickets affordable otherwise they are just producing a television show before empty audiences. LC

None. In four years, I think well all be happy enough if the world is still in good enough shape for the Olympics to take place. DG

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

SILVER LININGS Rising above the Storm by YASMIN MOGAHED

Location : Masjid Wilayah Persekutuan, Malaysia Time : 6pm - 10.30pm *May this ilm benefit us all insyaAllah. *copying must put the credit. tq 1. Navigating through a storm - it's not just about keeping us from drowning - but also to use the storm to thrive - to become better, to be stronger - to grow through trials - so you are more prepared for the next storm. 2. Life is not perfect - some people see trials negatively but actually it is positive - while life is not perfectly good but realise that life is also not perfectly bad - What it means is when something is wrong, it's not all bad. 3. Many people have the tendency to focus only on what went wrong that we are missing what is good. There was this image about a boy who smiled ear to ear with one slice of cake. And there is another image of a boy crying with whole cake because one slice of the cake is missing. It all depends on what you focus on. 4. Innama'al 'usri yusro. For one hardship there are many eases. No one is ever tested in everything. Allah gives many other eases when there is one hardship. 5. It's all about focus. Whatever you focus on, it will grow. If you are thankful Allah will increase you. If you focus on what you don't have and the negativity, it will surround you and grow even more. 6. So be careful about what you choose as your focal point. 7. When you go to a creation with empty (nothing) inside, you expect to be filled. You will be like beggars. 8. Most people are irritated by beggars. Begging will turn people away from you. Stop going to creation empty. Go to Allah empty. 9. Why do bad things happen to good people ? - actually bad things never happen to good people. - The matter of the believer is amazing, everything that happened to him is good. (Hadith) - It depends on how you interprete good and bad - This concept empowers you because no one has the ability to harm you because you see good in everything (do not mistaken this with not doing anything to correct wrongs) 10. 99% of the time we interpret good or bad through the lense of dunya. - Qarun had so much wealth. He was so wealthy that the key to his wealth was wealth. - He love to show off and people wanted to be rich like him - some people advised him to be grateful but he said I got this from a knowledge in me. - He was destroyed, swallowed by the earth. - Wealth was actually bad for him. - Those people who earlier wished they have what he had later said thank goodness we didnt have what he had 11. Things are not always what it seems. Refer the story of Musa and Khidir a.s in surah Al Kahfi. Few things that khidir a.s did seems like bad things which actually are good. 12. It maybe you hate something, but it's good for you. Maybe you love something but it's bad for you. Allah knows and you dont. (Quran) 13. Sometimes we are like a child who wants to hold on to the knife. When the knife is taken away, a child threw tantrum not knowing that the knife that was taken away from him is good for him. 14. Do not get it wrong. If someone is mistreating you, you should do something about it, take action to stop it. Sabr is not being passive. Sabr includes actions. Part of worship is taking action against injustice. But you do not despair over decree of Allah. That is Sabr. 15. How can you tell the difference btwn a test and punishment ? The answer is easy. What was your response ? Did the event / incidence bring you closer to Allah or further away from Allah. 16. Refuge to stay strong - How solid is my inner refuge ? - How do you build the inner refuge ? - By building brick by brick to prepare you for refuge.  17. A believer may feel sad, experience pain but a believer never lose hope. It is ok to feel sad but dont despair, do not lose hope on Allah swt. 18. The way to heal is not to suppress it. A lot of culture teach that if you are in pain, just stop crying. Just use a bandage to cover it. You know what happened when you just cover the gunshot wound. It will get infected and worse till it has to be amputated. 19. Sadness actually is not from syaitan. But despair is. Pretending that you are not sad will not make the problem go away. We must acknowledge the pain.  Then turn to Allah on that pain with hope. Nabi yunus a.s. never lose hope. We should always have hope in the mercy of Allah. 20. There is a difference btwn hearing a concept and living a concept. All what we have discussed above is a concept. You need to live with it and apply it. 21. So how do we apply this? - If you want to be able to thrive from the storm, build your refuge every other day before the storm come. - How? 3 things : 1. *Solat* - solat is like oxygen. You will die if you don't have oxygen. The same for your soul. Without solat your soul will die. - Allah prescribed solat at a specific time because He knows we need it. 2. *Azkar* - Rasulullah s.a.w always read du'a in every motion of his life / before doing anything. These du'as are not statement of the tongue, but statement of the heart. - It is living my dunya life but my heart continue to connect with Allah. - Islam is practiced within our mundane life. You are always feeding the heart if you do this. - We are always in a battlefield with the unseen enemy - syaitan - who only want you to suffer. His only goal is to destroy you. When you turn away from remembrance of Allah which is your armour, this enemy will come and become your advisor. When he whispered we thought it was our idea. This enemy doesnt take a day off. That's why collection of duas from rasulullah s.a.w are called fortress of muslims (hisnul muslim). Apps - My duaa. Prophet muhammad saw has du'a for everything in life. 📌There are so many azkar you can make. But this few azkar *you can't live without* to shut the door from syaitan : - morning azkar - evening azkar - before sleep - before eat - when you enter your house - intimacy - bathroom 📌azkar to open doors to goodness : (a) la haula wala quwwata illa billah (b) istighfar (sayyidul istighfar) (c) doa nabi yunus - لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين When we have a problem we focus too much on the problem that we forget to find the keys to open door. Azkar is the key. Always keep your heart in constant communication with Allah 3. *Quran* You must have a constant relationship with the book of Allah 💪🏻If you hold down to these 3 things you will never drown and you will be protected from the unseen enemy. 22. How to combat pride / arrogance : - realise that there is no good except from Allah - realise that Allah can take it away to humble you. He can take you to the floor in split second. - never feel you are better than someone else. When you are advising, remember your own flaws and istighfar. Give advise but always remember your own flaws when you do that 23. There are 3 responses when you have a test : (1) Anger - anger with the decree of Allah (why me). We are all human, sometimes we respond this way. When we did, make istighfar and ask Allah to make it easy for you to have patience (2) Patience - Patience does not mean you are being passive and do not take action as explained earlier. It means you are not complaining about the decree of Allah. Rewards of sabr is purification of sin. (Nabi ayyub never stop making du'a to Allah) (3) Redha - contentment. Redha is higher than sabar. Redha is when u see beyond the trial and accept it in gratitude. Reward of redha is your status is elevated by Allah. Some people act like a baby taking an injection when faced with difficulty. All they see is pain. This is anger. Some people act like a teenager taking an injcetion, they still feel the pain but they dont complain to the doc because they understand. This is sabar Few people act like an adult who took an injection by thanking the doc for that. He truly understand that the injection is to save his life. He is so happy and grateful to the doc for the injection. This is redha. 24. Allah said we will surely be tested. (2:155-156) 25. When you are wronged, you dont consider forgiveness because someone deserve or not deserve your forgiveness. You forgive because you want forgiveness of Allah (24: 22) 26. Remember when you are dealing with creations, you are actually dealing with Allah. Dealing with creations with good is actually an act of worship. Dont separate it. 27. The way i treat people is the same as how Allah would treat me. 28. Forgiveness is about me, not about the other person. Forgiveness is about us wanting forgiveness from Allah for ourselves. 29. Being good to people and forgiveness is actually a fast track to the mercy and aid of Allah in all trials that you face.  30. To help a brother in need is more beloved to the Prophet s.a.w. than to do iktikaf in Masjid anNabawi for days. (Hadith) 31. When you remember that everything belongs to Allah, you will act differently upon facing any calamity. 32. Building this refuge / fortress can never be put off because you will never know when your time will end. 33. Whatever fill your heart in your life will come out at the time of your death. - There are people who cant say laa ilaa hailla Allah during their last moment even when the whole family surround them and teach / remind them of the words. There are reports, some even utter numbers, lyrics, calculations. -Be very careful about how you live your life. Only people who have Allah at the centre of their life will be able to say Allah on their tongue during the last second of their life.