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bienmoreau · 6 years

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The Dork Reads Lightning-struck Heart: Charpters 1-6

It has begun! @lio-zehel & @glitterghost this is basically just the notes i made on my phone as I went so sorry for the total lack of rhyme or reason to it or much referral back to the actual text for context XD

Gary. The gay hornless unicorn who snorts sparkles out his nose

The introductory villain asking politely if he can get back to monologging his story.

Why the casual bestiality. Like. I probably should have see it coming from the gay talking unicorn. but still..

Also so far this feels very very like one of the tripper episodes of The Magicians.. not that that’s a bad thing.. just odd the read.

The waviest.

Chapter 2. Please don’t make my nipples explode.

So much swearing.

Aaaww caring parents.

....And pink pointy shoes. Because why not.

“I like your shoes.”

“Thank you little one. I made them [...] I like your face”

“Thank you big one. My parents made it when they got married. I was a honeymoon baby. Whatever that means”

DOES HE HAVE AN OFF SWITCH JFC!??

Aww SUPER SUPPORTIVE PARENTS and a pink shoed wizard (who will be very violent if crossed)

JFC sam is so bossy.

She checked me over that I wasn’t injured before she injured me.

He thinks I’m wicked awesome and I’m the future kings wizard. And then I will curse you both so hard you will have extra fingers coming out of your faces.

And damn supportive parents. Making sure their idiot child will look his best for his crush.

Aww brutal.

“That’s rough buddy.” At the whole prince / Knight situation.

Yes. You are being an awkward asshole

But dw you’re definitely not as big an asshole as Justin.

Oh my god. This has been going on for 47 minutes.

I swear he says the wants to touch people with his mouth way too frequently

These chapter names are so disconcerting

Needless to say I looked like a HIGH END prostitute (is that.. is that the look you go for for a royal feast)

I’m like an advertisement for circumcision. ...........um..

I could make it look like an accident.. I’ve done it before.

He looked like he should own several brothels.. and now the outfit suddenly fits the situation...

Why. Why would wink at the king? Why.

Wtffffff why is the king flirting with Gary. This is so weird.

Gay unicorn @ the literal King: “You look like a walking daddy fetish”

WHY!?

“YAAAAAAAAAAAY”

JFC WHY. WHY WOULD HE DO THAT. WTF I HATE IT. I HATE THIS. WHY. HORRIBLE. HORRIFIC.

OH SON OF A BITCH WTF. WHY KING MAN WHY. NOT COOL AT ALL. OH GOD THIS IS SO FUKING AWKWARD. I HATE IT. I HATE IT WITH SO MUCH OF MY BEING THIS IS NOT OKAY.

(Someone in the audience said “yaaaaaaaay” and started slow clapping). I hate it.

“Your flower gonna get eaten”. why?

Aaaahhhh!!!! “Simple. I’m asexual” YES THEN ACE WIZARD FOR THE WIN!

Ummm... there’s not mpreg in these books is there... like.. there’s not right?

The totally bizarre aggressive confidence sam has is genuinely terrifying

Omfg. Why would he advertise like that!?

Okay but. So like I’m annoyed and worried because I’m pretty sure y’all are fans of Justin (and idk probably ship him with Sam). And like I’m only a couple chapters in but I like Ryan. And idk why I haven’t see any of you mention him. So like wtf is he going to do to reverse all this set up? Like it totally reads as/feels mutual.

Like. What’s gonna happen? ‘Cause it’s making me nervous.

You’re adorable with your angry glitter.

—

Now. Tell me more about myself.

Ryan would laugh and I would laugh while I withered on the inside. Is probably one of the realist things I’ve ever read.

This book is like a completely inexplicable info dump. Like we’ve had almost no world building but there’s is so much happening all the time. Every other sentence has so much going on it’s like effort to actually fully comprehend the intended take away.

“Your segway was clunky and I am embarrassed for you.”

I love how sarcastic everyone is. It’s so much fun

So. Much. Confidence.

“Who was Todd trying to intimidate?”

Really Sam? REALLY?

Ryan is so protective.

Silence.

“Sweet gods”

JFC sam.

J. F. C. Sam!

Poor Todd. Poor poor Todd. Sweet boy.

DONT FUKIN PAT HIS DICK SAM!

Also why the weird gender switches when they’re talking abt marriage?

JUST BE QUIET SAM!

JUST SHUUUSHHHHH!

Awww Ryan knows his allergies.

(Also. Brutal allergies. Duck and blueberries are both lovely.)

Poor Todd.

also why does Todd keep repeating blueberries?

Ryan is definitely enjoying this fiasco at least a little bit.

The waiter practically ran away. “I like him. Very quick service”

PHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“the tip of your sword is poking me [...] you’re getting it all over me.”

And of course. What this car crash of a date really needed was dark wizards. Of course. At least it means Sam might not talk more

- “I like your eyebrows”

Okay. Never mind that then.

“I didn’t accidentally cast an invisibility spell on the walk over”

K but. Like. Ryan is smitten right?

“Nice? That’s not a ringing endorsement.”

“I like your ears.”

“Everyone has ears sam”

Poor Sam. What an obtuse fool.

Did he just talk his way out of a fight by accident?

Oh maybe not..

Ayy he’s a badass fool

I really enjoy how the magic is written/written about. It’s got a really nice feel to it as a magic ‘system’

Also like.. bruh.. it is not painfully obvious the Ryan is his anchor/cornerstone?

It was all gonna be fine.

IT WAS NOT FINE!

#the dork reads tlsh #the dork reads #random chatter

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