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ngl scrolling through twitter just makes me feel kinda lonely now & i'm reeeally tempted to go back to being more social on here instead

I miss the person I was a year ago. two years ago. more social. happier. doing more creatively.

MAG 85 - Upon the Stair

Everytime I tell people who know me pretty well I LOVED Pearl from Steven Universe as a child it’s so humiliating bc they’re always like oh of COURSE you did . I bet you loved her thing with rose quartz didn’t you and I have to admit Rosepearl was an integral part me building an understanding of queerness and they’re like that makes SO much sense. I cannot keep doing this

📓🖊️

I, Like Every Brony in the Modern Day It Seems, Really Like Vylet Pony But IMO Her Work Lacks That Same Punch Shit Like Cats Millionaire or SGaP Had. It's Not That Its More Fandom Based, Plenty of SGaP and Cats Millie Was That Too But It Just Feels More Disconnected From the Characters AND Specific Fandom Interpretations, It's Too General to Really Hook Me the Same Way

Just saw the video and commentary you posted around the poverty cosplaying and I just want to add that there used to be a different place in Arkansas that did a similar thing, sorta. It was through a charity organization that shifted focus so they no longer run the program, but they used to have a "global village" where people would get assigned different regions of the world to live in by lottery with a couple key differences. First, they used actual names of actual countries and provided actual information about the country/culture. Secondly, it wasn't for mission training but instead was meant to be an educational tool to help middle school and high school students to consider how existing in different global and socio-economic circumstances change your decision making etc. and in depth discussion and educational activities were facilitated frequently. I went there as part of an overnight high school trip and while in retrospect the "poverty cosplaying" does give me the ick I still feel like that particular program was informative. Mostly I'm shook that two distinct programs like this exist in AR? I've literally never heard of the Harding one from the video until now and went on a Google deep dive to see if they were connected in some way, but not that I can tell. Anyway, no deep thoughts really, just thought it was super interesting/weird.

There is something in the water over there in Arkansas man lol. I can never learn just some normal fact about AR, it's always something weird.

I totally understand wanting to create more empathy for those who live in poverty, especially in teenagers who are in a really formative years of their lives. And it's one thing to replicate conditions in your immediate area which you are intimately familiar with, but I just can't get on board with play-acting poverty in different areas of the world. I just think about how I'd feel if some religious group in another country tried to replicate my life experience for shock value.

Even replicating the conditions semi-well can't replicate the actual stakes faced by the people they're cosplaying. You can't replicate the stress of a single mother working 2 jobs and supporting 3 kids in a one-room house, you can't replicate the stress of food insecurity and legitimately being worried about when your next meal will be, etc etc. And something about pretending to do them when you can just go back to normal life at any time just feels disrespectful in a way I can't really articulate.

Idk if people get something from it that's great and I do get the thinking behind the one you described at least, I'm mostly still ranting about the first camp lol. I don't have any doubt that some of the people running the camp you went to had good intentions (the other one though I'm really not sure based on the town names) I just have a lot of mixed experience in Christian missionary culture where poverty is treated voyeuristically which is just definitely the vibe I got from the first camp.

anyone else feel like this also what is it. what is wrong

it's so fucking weird and uncomfortable to me to make personal art and share it with others. like hello stranger, here is my whole heart and you can think Whaateeeverrr you want about it and i'm going to pretend like i'm unbothered

i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard

realised recently i will not be able to convert for. well. i dont know when. but not right now. im somewhat at peace with it but i'm also furious. devastated. lots of other shit.

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

Rebel Moon on Netflix is sooooooo soso bad guys 😂 like at least there’s space Charlie Hunnam with a Scottish accent and sometimes the main character has a flashback where she has a better haircut AND there’s a sibling duo who have the best costumes in the movie but the story? The script? The movie structure? Cohesiveness? Absolutely terrible. And there’s still 45 minutes left

my biggest meta tinfoil hat conspiracy is that george did a hard pivot between book 2 and book 3 bc the massive shift between them in terms of plot direction is actually wild to me and idk how more people don't point it out

just realising I won't have silly meowing conversations with the cat anymore, or scritch her stupid lil head, or be greeted by her and let her in when I come home from work late at night, or give her food when she loudly demands it.

damn. lots of things to get used to.