#i've been intensely sick since yesterday and have just started to feel better - around the same time yuzuki posted her rita plushies | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

official-megumin · 9 months

Note

Hey, I saw your recent post about how you're struggling. I know you don't know me, but I just want to tell you that you're not alone. There's a lot you said you're struggling with that I've gone through as well. I understand. I want you to have some solidarity, even if it's just because a stranger chose to share a piece of their story with you.

When I went off to college, things were fine at first. I went through my first semester with flying colors. Second semester started the same, but deteriorated quickly. I fell behind on homework, so I didn't understand what was happening in class, so I stopped going to class as much, and this spiraled until I stopped going to class all together. I spent most of a semester either in bed or *shudders* on League of Legends, only leaving my dorm to eat at the dining halls. When I failed all my classes, I was invited to never return. It was very much a dark place to be, and I can only hope that you're not stuck in as bad of a mental space as I was.

Of course, I don't know the full severity of your mental health, and I don't expect to either. I'm sharing this next bit of wisdom in fear of the worst, in fear that it's as severe as mine was: Find a reason, any reason, to stick around, and latch onto that. For me, that was my cat. I saw a meme once where the poster shared they were only sticking around cause their pet wouldn't understand why they were missing, and why they never returned home. Point is, the reason doesn't have to be something grandiose. No matter how trivial a reason may seem, like not ever tasting ice cream again, or not being able to see a new season of an anime, or even just cause of a meme, it's always a valid reason to not give it all up. Find what that reason is for you, and latch on tight.

I'm sure you've heard "things will get better," a million times, and I understand just how hard it is to believe, especially when depression takes hold. Instead, know that no feeling is final, and there will always be a tomorrow. Your mental state does not define you, and there will always be time for it to change.

Take care.

thank you so much for the taking the time to respond.

I'm no longer a student, I haven't been for years. But back when I did go to school, I also started off with near perfect attendence(granted I couldn't keep up even at the start) but as time passed and my mental health worsened, I started not completing homework and just staying home from time to time. I did end graduating, but only barely. And without covid and a hospitalisation that stopped me from going to exams, I wouldn't have passed at all.

Since then, I've been on sick leave. And it's been over 3 years by now, first year I spent just trying to get the doctors to listen to me telling them something was wrong. And in the process I tried to end my life a time or two and I was admitted to the hospital 3 times.

End the end I came in telling them about my experience with "Hearing voices" really it was just my alters, but still I was granted 2 years of intense therapy.

Now those years are over and I still haven't really improved much, my depression is as bad as ever, so is my BDD.

The only thing that has improved is my social anxiety. Which I am thankful for. But really it's not enough of a change to really make a difference.

Luckily I have grown older and wiser over these past 3 years, I haven't tried to kill myself for over 2 years for once(apart from one time this week where I was very close to attempting it) and I have learned the importance of having something to keep you going just like you said yourself.

I'm not really good at talking about this sorta thing, but when you sent this ask yesterday. You did it at the perfect time, I was very very unhappy when I saw it, and it cheered me up a lot.

I know that it to you probably didn't seem like that big a thing to do. But it was, it genuinely was.

I'm also really sorry if I caused you any sort of worry, my intention with that post wasn't to ask for help really. I think at least.

But more to show that there is more to my life, and to so many other trans people out there than just happiness. And that it's not a failure to not be happy all the time, even if it seems like everyone around you is doing great. That was what I was trying to do.

I hope you have a good day, and a good rest of your week. And that you feel like you made even just a tiny difference in the world.

I hope you feel like you have the strength to help others, as well as other people may feel inspired to reach out to others whom they feel could use a hand.

The world needs more light in these dark times, and honestly this interaction with you has been a highlight, thank you

7 notes · View notes

strawberry-stories · 2 months

Text

Prompt: You wish to know what others feel about you. As you gain the ability to feel others' emotions, you gave a heartbreaking challenge. You must navigate a world filled with intense feelings, learning to distinguish your own emotions from those of others. This journey tests your resilience and teaches you the true depth of empathy.

I only wrote the first part of this, but I'd quite like to continue it, to see how the character learns to deal with their power.

Emotional Echoes

Please, let me know what others think about me! I can't go another day spiralling and breaking down when someone looks angry, or I say something wrong. I can't handle this anymore. Please, God, Magic, Universe, anything! Help me not to depend on my own twisted interpretation of other people's emotions.

All I want is to know what they actually think of me. It's nothing bad, right? I mean, they all hate me, but knowing that is better than not knowing and watching them all sneer at me in disgust and pretend to be my friends? I'm stupid. I'm an idiot. They don't hate me. I'm putting words in their mouths, and turning them into monsters that they truly are not. I bet they hate me for that. For turning them into cruel villains.

I should go to sleep. It'll all feel better in the morning.

———

It's morning now. I feel better than I did. Not good, still, but I can see that my breakdown last night was an overreaction. Nobody hates me. Nobody thinks strongly enough about me to hate me. I'm just there, window dressing of the world.

I get dressed, grabbing a hoodie and some jeans, before trudging into the bathroom, bleary-eyed to go to the toilet. I should brush my teeth and wash my face. I'm in the bathroom. It's convenient. It's easy. There are no real barriers to this basic self care.

I go downstairs to breakfast.

My mum is in the kitchen, and a wave of love washes over me. I'm here! It says. I love you! It says.

"Breakfast's on the table" she says, passing through to give me a kiss on the head before leaving for work. I have to eat alone this morning. She's out to work earlier and earlier nowadays, making sure that we have enough to pay for the house and the car and her ever growing record collections, since the man she married left her last year. I don't blame him. It's hard being married when your new wife has such a messed up kid. It's okay though, because even just being with her for a moment warms my heart, the wave of love filling me with joy.

The sound of the alarm wakes me from my daydream, reminding me that the bus will be outside my house in just a few minutes. Shaking my head, dropping back into my body, I frantically rush around the house for my shoes, my coat, my half-done homework, and my all-important phone, before running out of the house to the bus stop, only just remembering to lock the door.

The bus arrives.

And with it, as I sit on my usual seat, comes the full force of 40 hormonal teens, shouting and joking and singing. And feeling. My heart races, and I start to sweat. I love the girl next to me. I hate the girl next to me. She's my best friend. My dad died yesterday. I'm so excited for today! I wish I wasn't here. I feel sick. I'm going to cry. I squeak an excuse me, as I pass through the throngs of teenagers, and push past the boy getting on to run away. Away as far as I can get from all of this emotional noise. I run until I can't any more.

Taking stock of myself, I find that other than a racing heart and aching muscles, I can't feel anything like what I was feeling on that bus. The field I ran to is in the middle of nowhere and I am safe. I'm scared, I think. What happened to make me feel the emotions of an entire bus? And what can I do to make sure it never happens again.

I walk home, and do some of the work I would've done. That's a lie. It's been a hard day. I deserve to do something I enjoy. I lie on my bed for a bit, scrolling through videos and pictures, not looking at any of them. It's been 4 hours. I've done nothing. I need to get some work done, if I'm not going to do something fun. I want to get homework done. It's been 2 more hours.

One thing I do know though, is I can't leave the house. If that's what happened from just the bus, I can't go to school. I can't. I don't know what could have caused it, other than the desperate prayer I made last night, but I know that I can't leave the house if it's making me feel other people's emotions. In small doses, it's okay, I suppose. It was nice feeling what I now realise was my mum's love for me. It's nice knowing that she loves me. But I can't have any more than that. I'm not used to that much emotion.

I guess I'll just have to stay alone. I know my friends will hate me for leaving them, but that's the price I must pay to deal with this curse. How could I have ever thought it could be a gift?

#fortelling #my writing #cw self loathing

0 notes

abcdosaka · 6 months

Text

the life update 2.0

the unformatted stream of consciousness edition

i started working on monday. it's alright, been connecting with ppl, not being overly shy but i'm still adjusting to actually working 8 hours straight bc i've been doing legit nothing for 5 months straight. the people at my workplace are nice enough especially the ladies like there's one who i was lowkey scared of bc she kinda has a rbf and just looks so girlboss and professional but i messaged her and we talked and she's actually really nice :) anyway i've had enough work experience being the new guy and onboarding online that i'm not as scared as i would've been + i already know people at this company so i can kinda show my worth from the start

i got my period on friday and i was fucked up yesterday and today from cramps/headache so i got barely anything done so i need to do some work tmr cry T_T i need to remember work is not school i can't just procrastinate everything and i should actually work during and only during work hours. i give myself a pass though bc friday was just awful. also i was supposed to learn python before i started working but i didn't but idk feel like i can wing it there. i already know r and i learned java in highschool so it might actually be a breeze not to toot my own horn but i'm like pretty smart so

it feels like my pms (except its not really pre- more like first/second day of period) symptoms are getting worse the older i get. sometimes the symptoms are okay but more of them are just awful than not. i get really nasty headaches and intense fatigue for one, really bad cramps, joint pain and lower back pain, sometimes my boobs swell up and are really tender (compared to the normal level of tender), i'm either very irritable or sad, i feel like i can't eat and i'm bloated or gassy, i'm like constipated but i also need to shit all the time. like i cannot focus with these conditions. i couldn't this week bc its legit my first week lmao but i might start taking sick days for really bad periods. also maybe bc i took a walk before i started work but my allergies were REALLY bad all day

idk if it's my body aging (which is crazy bc i'm not even 23) or if it's bc i don't exercise as much as i should but idk i still do, like yes i do sit on my ass a LOT but i use the exercise bike a couple times a week and i lift a little bit (not as much as i used to). i haven't been able to go swimming in a while bc i think i had a uti (i didn't bother going to the doctor bc i've gotten 2 in like the last year and i hate taking antibiotics so i was like man lets just wait this out) and now i'm on my period. but other than that i swim pretty frequently.

the only issue w me is i'm a homebody but thats just bc i have almost no friends in my city lmao. esp since n has moved. (i kinda wanna call her but idk our in person chats are always so much better than calls like slight tangent but i can never hear her on the phone lmao)

honestly not mad at it like. did we only talk to each other out of circumstance? i think it's just a fact of life that most of our friends are borne from necessity at work school etc but once that ends only a few of them, maybe 1 or 2, will really stick around. but still like most ppl from uni i just don't think i'll ever talk to again and i wonder if that should matter to me or not. ngl sometimes the loneliness hits me but i don't think i've really lost my social skills in fact i think i've gotten a lot better compared to this time last year like sept 2022 - april 2023 was just a downward spiral for my social skills everything was so hard and my anxiety was prob the worst it had ever been and i wasn't very forgiving of myself. maybe bc i spend a lot of time at home but also i just don't really have a hard time talking to randos on games or in shops or whatever now. idk maybe i give less of a shit now or maybe my solitude is making my ego rise like it tends to.

i heard that was a thing, like if you spend too much time alone your sense of self becomes insanely inflated or deflated there is no middle ground. kinda facts like people are weird

but anyways i feel, for the most part, pretty chill these days. i think i could stand up for myself better now vs in the past. i texted sp again to say like "we should make plans" but i set up the last plan and like i drove her home last time too and we met at this kinda lame plaza bc she had an errand nearby so if she doesn't start the convo this time then i legit can't be arsed like i'll never talk to her again bc i'm gonna return the same effort i get. in fairness she told me that work is really exhausting for her and her commute is ridiculous like she lives by fucking farmland and has to take public transit everywhere bc she doesn't have a car. but we've never been close and i don't think our sense of humour or what we're interested in is all that similar so i get why she's not feelin it honestly me neither. no hard feelings but i will drop her tho.

holy shit this post is loooonggg. i'm not even done writing about shit but i think thats it for the life stuff so i'll make a new one

0 notes

wydguk · 3 years

Text

exile - kth

pairing: taehyung x reader (ft. namjoon x reader)

genre: angst, tae and y/n are exes

warnings: really angsty.... there are arguments and screaming matches in here... sort of toxic relationship? they're bad at communication

word count: 3.4k

summary: it took you five whole minutes to pack the entirety of your relationship with taehyung and to leave.

note: I'M BACK!! namjoon has like one line in this i'm so sorry T.T there's like zero fluff. like absolutely no fluff. and chaeyoung makes an appearance in this! it's up to you if u wanna picture park chaeyoung (rosé) as chae or son chaeyoung from twice as chae lol.

ALSO! this is based on taylor swift and bon iver's song exile on the folklore album! i do not own the song or the lyrics in any way, shape or form.

i can see you standing, honey

with his arms around your body

taehyung walks out of the store, scrolling through his phone. his day is just as mundane as it was yesterday and will be tomorrow. it’s been mundane since he last saw you.

his feet suddenly come to a stop when he hears your laugh ahead of him, but he shakes his head, reprimanding himself for thinking about you again. he’s about to continue his way down the street when he hears you laughing again and he looks away from his phone to see you laughing in someone else's arms.

he blinks. once, twice.

you’re there. you’re really there. he can hear his heart pounding in his ears and falling to his feet and jumping up into his throat all at once at the mere sight of you. you seem to notice him too, eyes widening before looking up at whoever you’re with. only then does taehyung register the fact that you’re not alone — you’re with someone else while he still wonders what went wrong every night before he sleeps.

you look happy. pure, genuine happiness is written in your eyes. the stranger’s arms are wrapped around you as you avoid taehyung’s eyes, continuing down the street as you listen to what your partner is saying. taehyung feels sick to his stomach.

laughin', but the joke's not funny at all

“you know, i’ve been thinking about removing my spine. i feel like it’s only holding me back!”

as you walk closer towards taehyung, he can hear the joke the other man is making.

you let out another laugh just as you walk right past him and he frowns. that is one of the worst jokes taehyung has ever heard and you laughed at it like it’s one of the best. which is misleading, considering the fact that taehyung used to tell you jokes all the time. his jokes were definitely funny. how have your standards gotten so low?

he lets out a breath he didn’t even realise he’d been holding, but this only allows him to smell your perfume, and it’s still the same perfume he’d given you on your last birthday.

your last birthday is probably the last time he really felt content. whole.

to pack us up and leave me with it

and it took you five whole minutes

holdin' all this love out here in the hall

taehyung doesn’t like to think of you because in spite of all the good memories, your last argument still ricochets in his head. withstanding the shouts and crashes is impossible when all he wants is to remember you laying in his arms, sharing a tub of ice cream.

three weeks after your birthday, you and taehyung sit at the dining table in silence, staring down intensely at your food. you haven’t fought since the week after your birthday, when you threw insults at each other just because the other couldn’t keep up with chores, or call to say they were okay. taehyung still thinks about the way you shouted at him.

“i don’t remember why i ever wanted to be with you!”

taehyung exhales, running a hand through his hair. “you don’t mean that, y/n. you’re just upse-”

“upset? yeah, i am upset. why shouldn’t i be? am i the one making mistakes? no! it’s you. it’s all you, taehyung!” you yell. “you have some nerve, taehyung.”

“so now it’s my fault? everything is my fault, because you’ve been the perfect girlfriend this whole time. you haven’t made a single mistake, and you have nothing to own up to, because you’re just so, so perfect, aren’t you, y/n?” taehyung is breathless and his blood is boiling.

“shut up! i don’t care. talk to me when you’re mature enough to own up to your mistakes.” you walk off and slam the bedroom door, leaving taehyung speechless. “real mature, y/n! go ahead, keep slamming the doors like it makes you any more mature.”

taehyung is jolted back into the present when he hears you set your fork down onto your plate. “tae, are you going to finish that? i’m about to wash the dishes,” you speak quietly, standing up to go to the kitchen. “i’ll wash it myself,” he replies, and he watches you enter the kitchen without a word.

he follows you in after a few minutes, where you’ve just finished washing your own dishes. instead of leaving, you lean against the island counter and he looks back at you. “i think we need to talk, tae.”

taehyung lets out a low chuckle as he looks down at the sink. “go ahead,” he’d already seen this coming, but now that it’s here, he doesn’t know how to act.

you’re silent. only when taehyung faces you do you speak. “i think we should break up,” you start. “i know,” he replies. “is this okay with you?” you reach out for his hand but he runs it through his hair before you get the chance to.

“y/n, you don’t have to stay if you’re not happy. regardless if i’m okay with it or not, i can’t just ask you to stay for my sake.” he sighs. he’s handling this better than he thought.

“thank you, taehyung.” you’re crying, but you wipe away your tears before they can fall. “i’ll… i’ll go soon.” you don’t look at him because you if you do, you know you’ll be crying your eyes out and convincing yourself to stay.

taehyung sits on the couch and stares straight ahead at the television screen, which is playing an action movie he has no intention to pay any mind to. all he can focus on is the sound of you shuffling around behind him, packing everything you own into your suitcase. he thinks about how easy it is for you to pack up the entirety of your relationship in a few minutes.

“tae?” you call out, standing by the door. his heart shatters when he realizes this is probably the last time he’ll see you in a long time. he gets off the couch and takes in your face, capturing your visage into his memory one last time. when you reach out for his hand, he doesn’t avoid it again. he won’t be able to do this again.

“i love you,” he whispers. “i love you too,” you look down at your intertwined hands before walking out and closing the door, leaving all the love behind with taehyung.

if you’ve thought about him since then, you won’t admit it, and he doesn’t know it.

i think i've seen this film before

and i didn't like the ending

taehyung refuses to think about the breakup again. he hates the way it ended.

you're not my homeland anymore

so what am i defending now?

taehyung watches you walk farther and farther away from him, and all he wants to do is reach out for you. he wants to rip you away from that stranger and feel you in his arms again, feel your warm hand in his.

but you’re not his anymore, and he let you go all those months ago. he has no reason to feel this way. the green eyed monster shouldn’t be clawing away at his rational thoughts, yet still taehyung’s feet are begging to let him run after you and make you his again. he wants to return things back to the way they were, to the pure love you had for each other.

he has no reason to feel this way.

you were my town, now i'm in exile, seein' you out

when did things change? you were his home and his heart. it’s been months and he still doesn’t understand.

i can see you starin', honey

like he's just your understudy

you’re laughing at another one of namjoon’s jokes when you feel someone’s eyes on you, their stare heavy. when you look ahead, it’s taehyung. the same taehyung who you left alone in his apartment all those months ago. the same taehyung you laid with in bed every night. the same taehyung whose shirt you spilt coffee all over, and the same taehyung you met at the museum all those years ago.

it’s taehyung.

your eyes widen and you turn away as quicker than you can blink, muttering underneath your breath. “it’s my ex.” namjoon’s grip around you tightens. sneaking a glance at taehyung again, you can see how his eyes are unblinking. it’s not written on his face or in his body language, but from his eyes alone you can already tell how he feels about namjoon.

there is nothing violent or scary about his stare, but it’s almost arrogant. he looks at namjoon like he’s just a temporary replacement despite the fact that you both know you’re never getting back together.

like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

taehyung isn’t a violent person. he’s the type of person to calmly talk things out, the type of person to break up a fight. he’d never even hurt a fly. once, you watched as he picked up a spider and let it crawl across the balcony railing while you shrieked from inside.

so it’s shocking when you watch as his hands twitch and his jaw clenches. taehyung’s definitely protective, but what does he have to protect now? why does he look like he’s about to pummel namjoon into the ground? he agreed to let you go.

second, third, and hundredth chances

balancin' on breaking branches

you gave him so many chances. so many opportunities to apologize.

but did he? no.

those eyes add insult to injury

he probably thinks you got over him quicker than you did. in fact, it took you weeks that bled into months to get over him. there were numerous occasions where you considered knocking on his door and taking it all back, but you never could. it drained you emotionally just thinking about it.

“he made you so happy, y/n,” chaeyoung says as she tries to shake you out of your trance. “just text him or something.” giving up, she flops down next to you on the bed, snatching the tub of ice cream out of your hands.

you groan, shoving your face deeper into the pillow. “he hurt me so bad, chae. i don’t know if i can just forget about it all just to go back to him,” you sit up and let her feed a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth.

“you don’t have to date him again, dummy. it’d still be a good idea for you to get some closure at the very least, right?” you hate how chaeyoung is always right, especially when it comes to these situations. “i don’t want closure.” you state grumpily. “i’m just gonna stay here with you every day and cry about how much i miss him.”

“if you’re gonna do that at least buy your own ice cream…” she hums, and you grin at her before eating another spoonful.

you don’t like the way he’s looking at namjoon. it only rubs in the fact that he’s being jealous when he has no right to be.

it’s completely unfair.

i'm not your problem anymore

so who am i offending now?

before you broke up, he was always complaining about the little things you would or wouldn’t do, nitpicking at the simplest of details. in time, you got used to his nagging and he got used to your habits. even now, in your head, you still hear his voice reminding you to do this and not to do that.

his friends didn’t seem to like you all that much, so you tended to stay home whenever taehyung invited you to spend the night out with his friends. although he’d always frowned whenever you turned him down, he’d brush it off and leave you alone to your sleepless nights waiting up for him.

“text me next time if you’re coming home late, okay?” you whisper as you look at his fluttering eyelashes under the covers.

“i will,” he mumbles sleepily before drifting off, arms tightly wrapped around you.

he never remembered to text you.

it’s foolish of him to look at you like that. he looks agitated and offended and sad all at once but what could you do? he wasn’t yours and you weren’t his to take care of anymore.

i think i've seen this film before

so i'm leaving out the side door

you hate the way he’s making you feel in only a few short seconds, so you look up at namjoon again and laugh at whatever joke he’s making again. it took you this long to get over taehyung and you weren’t going to throw it all away just because you’ve seen him again.

so step right out, there is no amount

of crying i can do for you

when taehyung arrives home, the first thing he does when he gets into his bed is cry. he’s always been alarmingly good at suppressing his emotions but seeing you again after so long has taken its toll on him.

he hasn’t cried like this in a while, but it hurts just as much as the last time.

two hours later, taehyung stares up at the ceiling when he suddenly feels the urge to text you. before he knows it, his fingers are typing away uncontrollably and pressing the send button. instead of reading what he sent you, he sets his phone down on his bedside table and falls asleep.

when you arrive home that night, you check your notifications and choke on your spit when you see that taehyung has sent you a message. “chae,” you call out, throwing yourself onto the couch. humming, she comes out of her room. “taehyung texted me.”

her eyes bulge out as she throws herself onto you and pulls your phone out of your grasp. “no way!” she yells, standing up and raising her hands up to her mouth. “you’re kidding me!”

“don’t get too excited!” you laugh, sitting up straight. “he just wants to meet for coffee. it’s no big deal!”

“no big deal? y/n, you haven’t spoken since you broke up!” she lets out a breath, placing her hands on her hips. “he has some god-level timing. right when you and namjoon start going out? unbelievable.”

you reach for your phone, almost tumbling off the couch when chaeyoung pretends she's not returning it to you. begrudgingly sighing, she throws the phone into your lap and cuddles into your side and continues her earlier humming. "it doesn't matter if namjoon asked me out or not. there's going to be nothing romantic about our meetup. we're just gonna talk about whatever he wants to talk about and that's it!" you decide. if you keep repeating it to yourself in your head like a mantra you might start to believe it.

"isn't it strange though? how he's texting you out of nowhere after months and months? he's thinking about you, y/n!" chaeyoung giggles.

"well," you start. "i did see him earlier today while i was out on my date with namjoon…" chaeyoung whips her head around to look at you, shock written all over her face. "y/n, you're joking," squealing, she flails her legs around giddily. "you guys are meant to be. nsmjoon won't mind. he'll understand when he sees you two together."

"chae!" you whine. it would be devastating to break namjoon's heart after how good he's been to you. "i can't break his heart like that, he's done nothing wrong! he's a perfectly sweet guy and he really does care about me."

"are we talking about taehyung or namjoon?" chaeyoung teases, a smirk on her lips.

"chae…" you groan.

"fine, fine! i'll stop. but you have to meet him for that coffee. it's going to be the best coffee meeting you'll ever have in your life. i can feel it in my bones."

you hate how you hope she's right.

never being the patient type, your leg bounces restlessly as you wait for taehyung at your table. the coffees you bought for the two of you are still steaming hot when you look up to the sound of the door bells jingling and lock eyes with taehyung, who gives you a sheepish smile.

"hey," he starts. sliding into the chair opposite you. "you didn't have to get me this," he motions toward the coffee.

pushing his cup closer towards him, you shake your head, a tight-lipped smile plastered across your face. "it's nothing," you reply. "so why did you want to meet me here?"

unbeknownst to namjoon, you didn't cancel your plans with him because you had a supposed dentist appointment. if you told him you were going to meet taehyung he surely would've stood guard outside your door to prevent you from leaving while chae would lecture him on letting you make your own decisions.

it was easier this way.

"i just figured we haven't talked in a while. what's up with you? how's it going?" he says. you narrow your eyes at him and take a sip of your coffee. "what reason do we have to talk? we're not in each other's lives anymore." you decide. setting down your cup, your fingers lightly drum against the table, and you watch as his face drops and his eyebrows furrow.

"maybe if you didn't walk out on us we'd still be in each other's lives," he mutters. "w-what?" you gasp, taken aback. "you let me go! i asked you and you said it was fine. would you rather have us both unhappy but still in a relationship?"

leaning back, he sighs. "i was happy, y/n. you-"

"but not happy enough! not the natural happiness that wasn't always on the edge of turning sour. didn't you notice, taehyung? all this time, we've always walked a very thin line." you rant, your feelings getting the best of you. "i didn't and i don't want you to settle for the bare minimum, lo- taehyung." your heart stutters when you almost let his old pet name slip, his eyes meeting yours, unblinking.

taehyung stares at you for a moment. "and how did you know, y/n? that i wasn't happy? that i wasn't content or whole in our relationship?" you pause, throat constricting. "yea, i let you go. but i didn't want to. not for a single second did i ever consider willingly letting you slip away from me. but what could i do? you still left, i had to let you because i knew you'd be happier. but ypu, you didn't even hear me out, and you never gave a warning sign."

"i gave so many signs!" you protest. "i-"

"and i was just supposed to catch on? you couldn't even say it straight to my face?" he's unrelenting, eyes burning holes into your soul. he's angry and he's hurting and you know it's partially your fault. maybe even wholly. "all this time, i never learned to read your mind." he scoffs.

"yea, i guess you never learned to read my mind. and i'm sorry i expected that much from you! but you never turned things around. you didn't try to figure out what was going wrong and if we could mend it." you sputter, and you feel your cheeks starting to heat up.

"i'm saying! you never gave a warning sign. what could i do?" you've never seen taehyung look so small and defeated, and your heart aches in your chest. all you want to do is take him into your arms and tell him everything will be alright.

yet you can't. maybe all those months ago you could've. and you thought you had moved on and you thought he had too, but it's become glaringly obvious that none of you have.

"tae…" his eyes widen and he blinks at you. "taehyung! taehyung. i should go…" you murmur. taking his hand, you study the lines on his palm and the divots on his knuckles and let out a watery smile.

"you always do," he replicates your smile and watches as you stand up. "i love you."

"i love you too," you whisper.

when you walk away, you half expect him to chase after you and beg for you to stay, but you know it's too selfish of you to want it.

when you walk away, he half expects you to turn around like they always do in the movies, but he knows your pride always gets the best of you.

you've both seen this film before, and neither of you liked the ending.

note: very unedited and also this was a bitch to re-stylize on tumblr. thank you very much for reading! like or reblog if you enjoyed it and feel free to tell me what u think :) my asks and my dms are always open!

#btsghostie #taehyung angst #taehyung x reader #taehyung fic #taehyung scenario #bts taehyung #bts fic #bts angst #bts #bts scenario #taehyung oneshot #f: exile #c: the songfics

50 notes · View notes