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gold-dust-angel · 1 year

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Hmm so it turns out many people consider Ava a bad protagonist and find her annoying??? And that the show is slow??? And that it endorses disability erasure???

I hardly ever fall in love with main leads especially 'the chosen one' types and yet Ava was so easy to get behind and even relatable and I love her so much. And god I wish the show was even slower and it had more episodes like I wanted to see the dynamics between the sisters in depth, Ava and Bea's relationship progressing, little lost moments, their quiet times, their training sessions, them joking around and being normal idk. It still went by too fast?

And I might be wrong here but to me it wasn't disability erasure. Ava's disability is very much a part of her throughout. It's why she spends half the season running away because she hasn't lived yet. It's why she can't give up the halo either. It's why she can't drain the halo too much or can't fight as good as other warrior nuns (minus not being trained yet of course). It's her deepest fear. And it is so fundamental to her and Bea's relationship too like Bea touching her after that fight with Crimson, Bea reassuring her, Bea understanding her fears and hesitance....her disability is a very much constant presence throughout the narrative even though under the surface and ahhhhh I want to scream so bad rn.

I'm straight up not having a good day today and then finding out about these shitty opinions about this beloved sunshine of a character—

Are people allowed to have opinions I don't agree with? Yes.

Do I want to hit them on the head with a stick despite? Also Yes.

Now I'm wondering am I biased because I've read way too many fics and post analysis' and therefore see more depth than there was? Does it even matter?

#do I even need an answer to that last question?#don't mind me #i'm uselessly ranting because I'm sad #my opinions define my love for any media #others opinions can go to hell #ava silva is beloved #bea's darling baby #bea i love you too #sister beatrice #ava silva #save warrior nun #warrior nun #avatrice #ava x beatrice

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liminal-space-lesbian · 8 months

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Mommy Issues

Pairing: Enid Sinclair x Wednesday Addams

Summary: Wednesday rants about her mother being overbearing, and Enid can't stand to listen to it for another moment. After all, Enid would give anything for a mother who loved her.

Warnings: Mommy issues, jealousy, angst, panic attack maybe??

Words: 1,395

This was also inspired by pixels.on.a.screen on insta btw (go thank them by liking their art)

Enid could never understand how Wednesday would get so irritatated with her mother. The ravenette would always complain about Morticia being "overbearing" or in her words, " stifling of her morbid creativity". Enid watched during parent's day when Wednesday shied away from her mothers touch, the way Wednesday glared as Morticia asked how school was going. She felt her heart clench in her chest when Wednesday rolled her eyes as Morticia said she was proud of Wednesday for winning the Poe Cup.

Enid avoided Wednesday for a bit after parents day, just because she was so upset. She couldn't decide if she was sad or angry, and she settled on the fact she was mostly jealous. She couldn't fathom how Wednesday could take such a thing as a mothers love for granted. Enid would give anything for her mother to simply accept her, let alone love her.

So now, as she sat on her bed gritting her teeth and clawing a pillow to shreds between her claws as Wednesday complained she couldn't help but feel that same burn of envy.

"I don't understand why she has to contact me via crystal ball every weekend. She doesn't need to know everything about my time here at Nevermore. The whole point of going to this stone and cobwebbed prison of a school was to get away from my family for a while." Wednesday ranted in a sharp tone as she covered her crystal ball with the maroon colored cloth. She let out a huff as she turned to her typewriter and put a new page in angrily.

"I mean, you'd think she was worried I'd disappear on her or something. She knows I'm more than capable of taking care of myself, at this point her weekly checkups are getting insulting." Wednesday continued, her tone biting and cold. Enid couldn't keep silent anymore, her jaw aching from how hard she was clenching it.

"Well at least your mom cares, Wednesday!" She shouted before she could stop herself, causing Wednesday to turn to her in surprise, before a heavy glare settled on Wednesday's brow.

"Caring and overbearing go hand in hand." The shorter girl deadpanned in an unimpressed tone and Enid felt that green monster tearing at her chest.

"How can you say that?" Enid nearly cried, her voice cracking as she stood up and strode over to the tape line separating their respective halves of the room. "I would give anything to have a mother that cared enough to even ask how I was doing!" Enid's chest heaved as she felt a familiar burn in her sinuses, the pillow between her hands shedding fluff all over the floor now.

"At least your mom loves you!"

The silence in the room was deafening. And there it was, the tears streaming down her face as she uselessly wiped them away. Sad hiccups escaped her lips as she tried to bite back her sobs. Wednesday simply stared at her with an unreadable look on her face. Her eyes were widened slightly in surprise, and Enid thought she could see a hint of uncertainty in her gaze.

"I would do anything to have a mom like yours." Enid sobs helplessly, wiping her tears angrily. She could hear her mothers voice in her head already. 'Why do you cry over everything? Enid, you're too sensitive. You need to toughen up.'

"My mom doesn't even know the names of my friends! She doesn't even care if I have any friends! She's- she's so obsessed with this idea of me being perfect that she doesn't even care about me!" Enid sobs uselessly, her knees feeling weak as her chest heaves. She can't understand it. It's not fair. How come her mother doesn't love her, even though she tries so hard, and Wednesday's mom is so unconditional in her love that even when Wednesday is an absolute prick to her, she still tells her she loves her anyways.

"Enid..." Wednesday's voice is so gentle that it simply makes Enid sob harder. She feels Wednesday's hands on her own more than she can see them, since the tears have blurred her vision. Wednesday gently takes the torn pillow from her grasp and replaces it with her own hands, soft and cool against Enid's skin. Wednesday is always cold, and it's a bit unnerving how much she feels like a walking corpse. In this moment however, it is incredibly grounding.

"Enid, take deep breaths, okay?" Wednesday murmurs gently, and Enid realizes she had been hyperventilating. Enid sobs and gasps for breath, shaking her head. She couldn't catch her breath. She felt like she'd never stop crying.

"Here, breathe with me." The ravenette offered, guiding Enid's hand to rest on her chest, right over her steadily beating heart. She began taking slow deep breaths, encouraging Enid to follow her lead. It took a while, but Wednesday was ever patient with her, and soon her gasping sobs subsided into sad little hiccups.

"There go you." Wednesday whispers as she gently wipes the tears from Enid's face. Enid meets her gaze and nearly bursts into tears again at how Wednesday looks at her. Her brown eyes are so incredibly soft and sad as she gazes at Enid, her eyebrows furrowed in concern. Her bottom lip juts out ever so slightly in a pout as she brushes Enid's hair out of her face.

"Good job." The shorter girl says softly, placing a kiss on Enid's forehead before gently guiding her back to her bed. She sits Enid down and carefully positions herself leaning back against Enid's many colorful pillows. She then opens her arms and Enid instantly collapses into her girlfriends arms, burrowing into the inevitable comfort she offers.

"I'm sorry my complaining was upsetting you, I didn't know..." Wednesday says quietly, sounding contemplative as she rubs Enid's back. "I didn't really think of it like that. My mother gets on my nerves sometimes but I didn't even consider how it is to have a mother that doesn't care at all. I'm... sorry for being insensitive with my rants around you. I'll... try to be better next time." Wednesday speaks slowly, as if she is choosing her words carefully. Enid melts, tears welling in her eyes again at Wednesday's gentleness with her.

"It's okay... It's not your fault. You should feel comfortable enough to talk to me about those types of things. I just get so jealous sometimes. It's not fair that my mother doesn't love me. I don't know why, or where I went wrong... I try so hard." Enid blubbers, her voice getting choked up as more tears stream down her face. Wednesday's hand on her back presses her closer into her body.

"Enid, I need you to listen to me very carefully." Wednesday says in a tight voice, a tone Enid has rarely heard from her. The blond shifts so her chin is resting on Wednesday's chest so she can look up at her face questioningly.

"Don't you ever- for even a single moment- wonder if there is something wrong with you. Your mother being unable to love you properly has nothing to do with you, it is simply her own unresolved issues and poor parenting tactics. You are perfect cara mia, don't you ever think anything other than that." Wednesday's voice wavers with emotion as she stares down at Enid with so much intensity it makes goosebumps rise on her skin.

Wednesday reaches up and wipes away Enid's fresh wave of tears, her hands warming the longer they linger on the werewolves flushed skin. Enid scoots up higher so she can press a kiss to Wednesday's lips before tucking her head into her neck, sniffling as Wednesday hugs her tightly.

"Thank you." Enid murmurs, feeling so overwhelmed with love that she wants to squirm. She's never known a love as intense or as unconditional as Wednesday's, and she's forever grateful for it. As she curls into the ravenette more, growing tired from the intensity of her crying session she smiles.

Sure Enid may not have her mother, but she knows she will always have Wednesday. The pain and the emptiness where maternal love should be will always linger, but for the first time it feels like she can cope with it. So long as she has Wednesday by her side.

"I love you, Wednesday."

"I love you too, Enid"

a/n Enid's mommy issues need to be explored more tbh

#wednesday addams #enid sinclair #wednesday addams x enid sinclair #enid sinclair x wednesday addams #wenclair #wednesday tv series #wednesday x enid #enid x wednesday #wednesday netflix #wednesday 2022

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x9937552 · 1 year

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Tuesday, November 29

It's always one of the coldest days of the year. I turned 26.

Since yesterday, I thought about last year, and how I had worked, rebuffing the meaning of that day so I wouldn't feel sad about its insignificance. But I remember feeling miserable anyway. After working the mid shift, I got a couple of freebies (and I lost my debit card somehow throughout that process), and sobbed like a child in my bathroom- feeling so pathetic because of my uneventful life, and wanting so badly to die right then and there.

I had abandoned my plans to hang out with my only friend (the other one had forgotten about my birthday, and so did my mom). My other friend finally wished me a happy birthday, minorly apologizing for forgetting. This year she said nothing.

Honestly, today wasn't so bad. I didn't go to work, (and I only felt slightly guilty, but less so than the other days that I have called out) I finally renewed my driver's license, and I didn't focus on anything negative, and I didn't express how much I was pushing away how dissatisfied I was about this whole day (really, my whole life) while hanging out with my friend for the rest of the day.

26. 26 and a virgin. Newly wrinkled and many first-steps uselessly repeated. It's never lessons, it's always muddy, sticky, tangled hair stuck in a drain that keeps collecting. I know that if I think about it long enough, it destroys me. Knowing it's too late for me to go after my dreams, to seek comfort and pleasure from and with other people (because how can I speak with language I've never learned?) grounds me from more disappointment. The only remedy I have for that is vomiting it all out as I binge drink. I know it's bad, but I haven't been drinking as much as I was a couple of months ago (shortly and shamefully after he left). I even have nightmares where I'm drinking and driving. It's my biggest fear- total loss of control.

I don't blame her. It's not like I was a good friend to her anyway. I don't care as much anymore. I could have ranted to my friend (the only one who always spends my birthdays with me, because everyone else is busy), but I brushed it off when she asked me if the other friend had wished me a happy birthday. I know I deserve every abandonment.

I'm tired of analyzing people's actions, their reactions, their logic. I'm just going to let people do what they want to do, and I won't fight anyone to treat me better, or worry about doing the same unto them as they to me. I'm just going to worry about what I can control, small as it may be. I don't have the luxury of enjoying many things, so I'll enjoy the few that I can hold. I know now that I'm never going to get what I want- and I don't think I really, really want anything anymore.

#birthday #happy bithday to me

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swallowthewhale · 4 years

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Can you write something where Caitlin gets badly hurt and Cisco comes back after being away for a long time and not being in contact with her? I'm still depressed.

It’s only been a year… better late than never! 😬

Read on AO3

I miss you, I need you, I want you, come back

Things had started out okay. Cisco and Caitlin got lunch on weekends, and met for coffee, and had movie nights. He texted her when he saw a cute puppy in the park, and she called him to rant about the new anti-women’s health laws sweeping the country. They were still best friends.

When Cisco started Ramon Industries, Caitlin went to the launch party, she cheered for him when he gave his speech, she made polite conversation with his girlfriend, and she went to Star Labs afterwards to let out her frustration in the pipeline. The texts, and lunch dates, and movie nights started to vanish. Caitlin found herself calling him for the third time in a week only to get his voicemail yet again. He emailed every once in a while, always with apologies and excuses. Caitlin went to his wedding and barely got to talk to him. She stopped trying.

Barry and Iris seemed just as hurt and frustrated, but whenever Barry started to vent in the cortex, Iris would lay a hand on his arm with a glance toward Caitlin, who would be staring tight-lipped at her computer screen, and he would stop. They don’t talk about Cisco anymore, and Caitlin throws herself into being Killer Frost in order to fill the aching hole in her life.

Barry is still out in the field, having run back after bringing Caitlin into the med bay. Iris stands over her, chewing worriedly on her thumb as she scans Caitlin’s vitals.

Caitlin coughs, hand pressed over the wound in her side. “I’ll be fine, Iris.”

Iris glares at her. “I don’t think you can stitch yourself up again,” she snaps. “You nearly died last time we tried that.”

Caitlin inhales shakily, reaching for another gauze pad. “I can just turn into Frost.”

Iris gently slaps her hand aside, getting the gauze herself and pressing it to Caitlin’s stomach. “It’s not working, though, is it?”

Caitlin grimaces. “It will work.”

Iris sighs and backs away. “I’ll be right back.” She closes the door to the med bay behind her and picks up her phone from the table, staring at it indecisively for a long moment. Then she makes up her mind and dials. “It’s Caitlin,” she says when he answers.

It’s been two years since Iris saw Cisco last, and he looks much the same. Hair brushing his shoulders, tanned skin, geeky t-shirt. Except now there are lines around his eyes and a desperation Iris hasn’t seen in a long time. She’s only seen this look on his face once before, when they were in much the same situation as they are now.

“Where is she?” Cisco asks.

Iris points to the med back, but stops him before he can rush in. “I didn’t tell her I called you.”

Cisco doesn’t seem to understand the implications of this, because he turns deathly white under his tan when he opens the door and Caitlin flatly tells him to get out.

He seems hurt and baffled, and Iris sits wearily in the cortex to explain exactly what things have been like in Star Labs for the past few years.

“You don’t understand,” Iris says, as gently as she can manage, given how angry at Cisco she is herself. “You left her alone. She’s been throwing herself into danger unnecessarily every day because she’s got nothing to live for anymore.”

Cisco’s mouth opens and closes uselessly for a second before he says, “But she has you and Barry.”

“And we love her,” Iris says patiently. “But it’s not the same.”

Iris leaves Cisco to stew and goes to check on Caitlin.

“Is he gone?” Caitlin asks immediately.

Iris shakes her head. “Let me look at that.”

It’s a mess, still bleeding sluggishly.

“You need to have that looked at,” Iris says.

“I looked at it,” Caitlin protests. “It doesn’t need stitches.”

Iris nearly rolls her eyes. “Just let him help,” she orders. “He owes it to you.”

Iris had expected Caitlin to bristle and argue, but she slumps down, defeated. A little too easily, Iris thinks, which probably means she’s hurt more than she’s admitting.

Iris waves Cisco in. He approaches slowly and Caitlin lifts her hands so he can look at the cut, but she keeps her own gaze locked on the wall.

“I have something that can help,” Cisco finally says, replacing the gauze. “I can go get it.”

Iris eyes him warily. “What is it?”

“Some new tech I’ve been working on,” Cisco says quietly. “Better than stitches. I’ll be right back.”

Iris opens her mouth to argue, but the door is already closing behind him. She sighs instead and sits next to the cot. “You okay?”

“Why did you call him?” Caitlin asks, and oh boy, Iris can already hear the tears building. Caitlin doesn’t cry often. It’s terrifying when she does.

“Who else was I supposed to call? 9-1-1?”

“Maybe that would’ve been better,” Caitlin mutters.

“I don’t think it’s me you’re angry at,” Iris says gently, and Caitlin droops.

“No,” she says, finally meeting Iris’s eyes. “Why now? Why after so long?”

Iris smooths Caitlin’s hair back. “I don’t know why he disappeared on you, but I know he still cares about you. He came, didn’t he?”

“Because you asked him to,” Caitlin replies bitterly.

“No,” Iris says. “All I had to say was that you were hurt and he was already halfway here.”

Caitlin looks away, her eyes are starting to glaze over, and Iris is worried she’s about to pass out when Cisco comes back in the room. He got back suspiciously quickly, but Caitlin doesn’t seem to notice. She’s even looking at Cisco, in a way that Iris wonders if she even knows he’s really there.

Cisco moves with a practiced ease he didn’t used to have, pulling the gauze away and pressing a small, rectangular piece of stainless steel against Caitlin’s side. The bottom glows with a faint blue light while Cisco presses buttons on the screen. They wait for a few minutes, the only sound in the room the steady beeping of Caitlin’s heart monitor and her shallow breathing. Then the blue light clicks off and Cisco pulls the device away, sealing it in a plastic biohazard bag and setting it aside. He wets some fresh gauze and cleans away the blood on Caitlin’s stomach, revealing a pink, puckered scar where the gash was, almost perfectly parallel to Caitlin’s old scar where she was hit with shrapnel years ago.

He tapes a square piece of gauze over the scar and backs away slowly. “It’ll be tender for a few days. Just keep it clean and you’ll be all good.”

Iris can’t really tell if he’s talking to her or Caitlin, who’s watching him with wide, sad eyes. He’s not looking at either of them, and all of his confidence from earlier is gone. He’s fiddling with the latex gloves he just took off, looking down at his hands. Iris edges out of the room as quietly as possible, hoping that they’ll finally talk.

“I’m sorry,” Cisco says, still not looking directly at Caitlin. “I shouldn’t have disappeared on you like that.”

Caitlin blinks at him slowly. “Then why did you?”

He sighs and tosses the gloves in the garbage, perching on the edge of the chair next to the cot. “I was worried,” he admits, “that if I spent too much time with any of you that I would be tempted to come back. And I didn’t want to come back to Star Labs.”

“Are you happy?” Caitlin asks.

Cisco looks away. “No, not really.”

Caitlin reaches out a hand. “Then come home.”

Cisco frowns miserably. “I don’t know where home is anymore.”

She slips her hand into his. “It’s wherever you’re happy.”

#killervibe #killervibe fanfic #killervibe fanfiction #cisco x caitlin #the flash fanfiction #found this in my unfinished pile #sorry I forgot about it #published as found in my docs #so forgive any errors #fanfic #risa writes #anonymous #preguntame

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