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#i'm still so surprised by how young bj looks
haunted-desert · 5 months
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GREEN DAY - DILEMMA
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female-buckets · 2 years
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I'd also say to the anon about whether CT would have done it - even if they did, I would still be annoyed by it 🤷‍♀️ its not that its the aces specifically, it's that it's being done at all. For me anyway. It's just that the aces players are also bigger names than the CT ones, and so the issue is getting laughed off - does that happen for AT and BJ?
That's a great point. It's just about the fact that players missed games at all. It's unthinkable. It's a huge departure from how USAB has operated for the last 25 years.
It seems like the people who are laughing it off don't understand the point of FIBA. It's a lot more than just a basketball competition. It's international diplomacy. When you get named to the national team, you're a representative of the US government. And that job is way more important than your job as a basketball player.
Everyone jokes that USAB could win these tournaments with twelve rookies. But would the US government send 12 rookies to represent them at a UN conference? No. They would only send their best. On the women's side, USAB commits to fielding their most talented players at every international event. Top talent may not always be necessary to win. But it is necessary as a gesture of diplomatic respect.
When Chelsea Gray, Kelsey Plum, and A'ja Wilson prioritized a parade over the world cup, that was a diplomatic failure. When they made that decision, they made USAB look very disrespectful on an international stage. The message they sent to Belgium and Puerto Rico is "you don't deserve our best." As representatives of the US government, they decided Puerto Rico was not important enough. This is an attitude that Puerto Rico is very used to getting from the US, especially right now. But it's disheartening to see this attitude repeated at the FIBA level.
I'm not surprised that three young athletes made an undiplomatic choice. But I'm shocked that USAB went along with it. And the result is an open display of American exceptionalism at an international event. American exceptionalism is an attitude that will always hinder the global growth of women's sports. And there should be no place for that attitude at USAB.
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thebreakfastgenie · 2 years
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Hawkeye has moments of ego where surgery is concerned, where he'll talk about being the best, or when he says "if they look like stitches they aren't mine," but he also shows a surprising amount of humility. He says he wants to be god, in a way that acknowledges he knows he's not and the his limitations bother him. He tells Mulcahy sometimes he can do things in surgery he isn't really good enough to do. He's often the one to step in and say "we've done all we can," like in Death Takes a Holiday. He doesn't want to do the spinal surgery in Bug Out because it's not his specialty, but he does it anyway because no one at the 4077th is better qualified and the patient can't wait or be transferred somewhere else.
He's also usually pretty good at recognizing when someone else is better suited to an operation than he is, like when he says BJ should do the gastrectomy because he's at least read about it, and I think there's another episode where he has BJ do a cesarean on a local woman because he's done one the most recently. He's also the least bothered by the young surgeon in The Young and the Restless. It does get to him, which is confirmed when he tells BJ he wants to study the medical journal when he's done, but he's notably more mature about it than Charles and even BJ.
When he does talk about being the best, it's usually true. He insists on taking all the chest cases in Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde because at that point he is the only thoracic surgeon at the 4077th. They all know that, too, which is part of why Henry lets him keep operating even though Hawkeye is going against orders. Before Charles shows up, Hawkeye is objectively the best surgeon in the camp, and even after Charles shows up Hawkeye is still better in some ways. So the ego he does show is mostly justified. I also think some level of ego is normal and necessary for a surgeon. A good surgeon has to be incredibly confident in their abilities. So while Hawkeye does have an ego, he's also very aware.
All of this makes his comments in GFA incredibly striking. BJ is a good surgeon, maybe a great one, but Hawkeye is better, and everyone knows that and is comfortable with it, but it's not something Hawkeye would normally throw at him. "I'm talking about the best surgeon you'll ever see" is so angry. And the way he says "I'm a doctor, I put people back together" and disparages Sidney's work and basically the entire field of psychiatry is also a departure from how he usually sees it. Hawkeye has previously always displayed a respect for what Sidney does and seen him as a more-or-less equal colleague. He's usually the one to suggest a psychiatric consult for a patient and we see him react to people like Frank and Flagg dismissing psychiatry and mental illness.
It all comes together to show Hawkeye's mental state in GFA as "I know better. I know best. Everyone else is wrong and they are doing something to me." It's paranoia. It's simultaneously easy to see why his behavior would go in this direction (there is an existing level of ego there) and still pretty shocking because the difference is so marked.
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serenevenene · 3 years
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Gentle
Okkotsu Yuuta x Fem!Reader
DNI if you are a MINOR or TRIGGERED BY DARK CONTENT
Kinktober 2021 - Day 2
His heart lurched when he noticed the ring on your finger. Okkotsu is aged up.
Quirofilia (hand kink), Body worship, Softdom!Reader, BJ if you squint, HJ, super vanilla
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"You're wearing it," said Yuuta as he gently took your hand in his.
You were extra observant when it came to him. You always saw the sadness that was behind his smile, the trauma behind his eyes. You had been drawn to his mystery when you first met, eager to learn more about him. But even after being with him for so many years, even after helping him through his trauma, how could that deep sadness return in his eyes when he looked at the ring he gave you.
"Why..." you started, cupping his cheek in your palm, "Do you look so sad?"
Yuuta's dark brown eyes met yours. His dark eye circles made him look tired, but you knew he was well rested.
"I guess...it reminds me of her."
Of course. It always had something to do with Rika - his childhood crush that had passed away when he was young. You couldn't blame Yuuta, but you couldn't help but feel inadequate in comparison to her.
"You know, Yuuta," you said, trying your hardest to not sound annoyed, "I agreed to wear the ring because we wanted a symbol of our feelings for each other."
Yuuta's expression changed to a look of confusion.
"But you know me - you know how I am. If you think I'm going to let you make me a replacement for her--"
"You're wrong," he interjected. The firmness of his tone caught you off-guard. "I wouldn't do that to you. You and Rika are two separate people, and both precious to me in different ways."
What Yuuta did next surprised you even more.
"If you're unconvinced, I'll change your mind," he said, pinning you down on the bed.
Yuuta straddled you, pulling your hands to his mouth. He kissed the ring, then kissed your knuckles. He let them go only to lean down to kiss your mouth, which resisted him at first. After all, you were still pouting. You could tell he was holding back a chuckle, which only irritated you more.
Yuuta found his way to the hollow of your neck, nipping, sucking and kissing you there. You should've know better than to think you'd win against his advances when he already knew where all your weak spots were.
"I love your neck and how it's perfectly shaped for me to nuzzle you here."
Your hands glided your fingers firmly down his back, melting under his caresses. He noticed you relax in his embrace and was relieved you had given in.
"Mmnnnh," you whined. Your hands found his shoulders and pulled him closer to you.
Yuuta kissed you again, the kiss only intensifying as your hands shifted again to cup his cheeks. You let go of his face when he broke the kiss to straddle you again.
"I love how dangerous your mouth is. When you talk...and when you do...other things."
You both chuckled. He took one of your hands back, kissing your palm with a wet mouth before placing it back on his cheek.
"These hands are mine."
You could see the outline of his hardened member through the fabric of his pants. You pushed him off you, and you set yourself between his legs.
"And this dick is mine." You unzipped his pants and pulled down his boxers, freeing his hardening length. Precum was leaking from the tip. You took his dick in your hands, lightly caressing it up and down. He hissed, a pained expression on his face.
You spread his pre over his shaft before placing your lips around his tip. You heard Yuuta hold his breath. You licked around his tip before dipping your head down. The way he tensed against you made your pussy quiver. You slid back up, making a popping sound as your lips released his length from their grip. The look on Yuuta's face was a like watching a battle between emotions: there was confusion, irritation, and an animalistic lust on his face. Your fingers found your clit.
"Oh, you're not getting off in this mouth today," you said as your ring-adorned hand pumped his length. He watched as your hand glided up and down, your saliva and his pre working as a lube. He was getting harder and harder.
How did you know when to tighten your grip? How did you know the pace he liked most? Did you always pay so much attention to him? He closed his eyes. He could feel the curve of the ring sliding up and down his length. Your fingers - the same ones he had kissed - were now milking him for what he was worth.
"Tell me when you cum, baby," you say with a smile on your face. The way his body slouched, the way his arms struggled to prop himself up on the bed had your pussy pulsing. Even if you slipped your fingers into your pussy, it wouldn't be enough. You wanted him.
"I'm c-," his voice broke, "I'm cumming!"
He grunted as his hips bucked against your hand. Hot white fluid erupting from his dick onto you hand and chest. He fell back against the bed, panting heavily. You laid down next to him. He had one eye open as he recovered from his orgasm, and it watched as you collected his cum with your hands only to reach down your pussy and smear the fluids inside your walls.
It was rare for gentle Yuuta to curse, and yet you heard him whisper, "Oh, fuck."
The moment Yuuta could get his dick up again, you mounted him. After flipping your hair over one shoulder, you started bobbing your hips up and down his incredible length, trying to get him to hit that spot that you like.
"You like this, baby? Tell me."
"I like it, Y/N," he panted, his hands wrapping around your hips. "I love everything about you."
Fuck. You had to admit that you liked being praised by him. You liked that he was focusing on the present and not the past. His hands slid down to the front of your thighs, "I love these thick thighs, I love these strong calves, I love your cute feet."
You found the angle you wanted and you threw your head back in pleasure as you sped up.
"Oh-, Y/N, that's good. Hahh-," Yuuta moaned, his hips instinctively pushing upwards against you.
"Oh, fuck! Yuuta!" you moaned, letting gravity push you down on his hard cock. One final thrust, one final hit to your spot had you yelling in pleasure. He let you come down from you high, rolling your body against him slowly. Once you caught your breath, he pulled himself upwards to a seated position. Your legs wrapped around his waist, your release spilling out onto the sheets below.
The hand with the ring was cupping his cheek again. Yuuta took it in his own hand and brought it to his lips to kiss it. Then he rested his head at the hollow of your neck.
He whispered gently, "I'm sorry but...we're not done yet."
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I don't know if you've received a rec request like this before, but I was wondering if you know of any fics where Sherlock is oblivious to his good looks or actively in denial about them. I read one once where he was the ugly duckling and didn't realize how handsome he was and John was dumbstruck and committed to convincing Sherlock he is handsome. I guess I'm looking for that low-self-esteem-but-John-makes-him-feel-handsome kind of vibe lol Thanks for any and all help you can provide!
Hey Lovely!!
Ahhh you know, I can’t really recall any beyond a few fics I’ve recently read:
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SHERLOCK HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Linger by queenoftrivia (E, 4,879 w., 1 Ch. || Lingerie, Fluff and Smut, BJ / HJ, Switchlock, Sherlock in Lingerie, Come Play, Dirty Talk, Anal Fingering, Anal/Oral, Implied Shower Sex, Neck Kissing) – Sherlock decides to surprise John after a somewhat stressful day at work.
Welcome Home, John by slashscribe (G, 5,504 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Awkwardness, Stabbed Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Panic Attack (Sherlock), Self Esteem Issues, Love Confessions, First Kiss) – When John moves back to 221B, he thinks he’s the broken one, but after a while, it becomes clear that he might not be correct.
All the Flavours, Cherry and More by cwb (E, 6,274 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Lip Gloss, Lingerie, Birthday Presents, Insecure Sherlock) – Sherlock feels a blush rising to touch his cheeks, more sensual than uncomfortable now that he knows John isn't disgusted by him. No, John is responding exactly the way he had hoped.
On the Losing Side by missselene (E, 8,210 w., 1 Ch. || Anal / Oral, First Kiss / Time, Angst, Misunderstandings, Mild Dub Con / Drunk John) – After Mary's death, John moves back into Baker Street, but is still upset at the loss of his wife and child. Eventually, he and Sherlock stumble into a sort of relationship, but it's more physical than anything and they don't talk about it. They especially don't talk during sex. If they are going to have sex, Sherlock notices the signs hours beforehand, and he prepares carefully. The lights are off, they're under the covers, he prepares himself using lots of lube so he can make it feel as much like a woman as he can, and he doesn't let himself make any noise so that, if John wishes, he can pretend that he's still with Mary.
For you, there's only me by shock_blanket (E, 19,557 w., 7 Ch. || Jealous Idiots, Virgin Sherlock, UST/RST, Pining, Miscommunication, First Kiss / Time, Insecure Sherlock, Masturbation) – Sherlock realizes he has fallen in love with John, but believes he is unlovable. Cue lots of pining and jealousy on Sherlock's part, followed by our favorite cuddly marksman making it all better. Because for Sherlock, there's only John.
A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.
Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Case Fic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage, Angst, Anal, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Spas / Massages, Shampoo, Jealousy, Fake Relationship) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.
The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series
Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.
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I KNOW that I’ve missed so much more... like probably at least 50 in my bookmarks alone, so PLEASE add them all here, Lovelies!! I’ll retag fics as I re-read them.
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shannygoatgruff · 4 years
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Grown & SeXY - Chapter 2
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Header made by the talented @flowers-in-your-hayr​
For @youbloodymadgenius​​ for your 400 Followers Writing Challenge.  Congrats on your success!
Genre:  Romance/Comedy
Pairing:  Modern Ivar x Mature OC
Warning: Language/mild angst/Sexual content
Rating: M
Summary: A relationship between Generations X & Y will help this XX & XY learn a lot about themselves, each other, and love.  Cougar/cub relationships aren’t always just about a midlife crisis and arm candy.
A/N:  I got the concept for this story from a conversation I was having with @youbloodymadgenius​​.  I hope I do it justice.  This story is for you!
Chapter 2
Biiiiiitch!  Where have you been?  I’ve been IMing you but you been ducking me like I’m the IRS. Shit, I’m surprised we talking now - you mad at me or something?  Did somebody tell you that they heard some shit about you from me?  Because they were fucking lying. I wouldn’t do that. You know I don’t like all that gossip shit and I'm not one to put all people's business out on Front Street, like that.
So, girl, I need to holler at you about something right quick. What the hell is up with the non-disclosure agreement I sent you? Cause I damn sure didn’t get a signed copy back in my mailbox. Now, maybe I’m the slow bitch in the class, but it seems to me that there are a few more people in on our private meeting than just us, like we had previously discussed. 
Now, I’m not saying that you said something, but I know I sure as hell didn’t. So, if I was over here keeping my sexy ass mouth shut  (cause that how a bitch do) and you haven't said shit either, then who the fuck else is talking? You know, I bet it was probably those same bitches that were running around saying that they heard that I was talking shit about you. I tell you, people today ain't about shit. Well, fuck them.
Just so you know, I didn't call you to try to check you or anything. I called to try to catch you up on this grown and sexy shit cause bitch you are hella behind. Okay...I told you about how Marisol was at the club and met this fine ass little young boy at the bar, who turned out to be her high school BFF’s little brother, right? Did I tell you about how Marisol’s son and King Ding-A-Ling hate each other or how they met up at a party at his daddy’s house? Shit bitch, what do you know? I feel like I’m starting this shit all over at the beginning, again! Seriously hooker, keep up because before I can get into this shit, I have to set the scene. 
So, you need all the dirt on Ivar’s family so moving forward you know what the fuck I’m talking about when I just start dropping shit on you like Pearl Harbor.  Believe me, hon-ty when I tell you, these motherfuckers got some Telenovela, Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal type shit with them. 
Alright now, let me start with his parents. You ever see a really attractive man and you figure, his daddy must have been cute when he was younger? Well, that’s Ivar’s daddy, Mr. Ragnar Lothbrok – or as I like to call him, Dick Daddy Yo.  
Now, child, Dick Daddy is fine as a motherfucker. And, I’m not talking regular run-of-the-mill attractive for a man in his late 50s – early 60s, who was probably knocking down everything back in the day, type of fine, either. No Queen - I’m talking, this motherfucker could get it TODAY, immediately, right now, if he asked for it. Shit, bitch, quiet as kept, he wouldn’t even have to ask. All he would have to do is set those baby blue eyes in my direction, and I would hand him the drawers.
So, back in the day, when they still lived in Norway, Dick Daddy married this total dime piece named Lagertha. When I tell you she was a bad bitch, I mean she was a Bad Bitch!  Shit, she still bad to this day thirty-some years later.  She was built, blond and beautiful, plus that bitch could box. I don’t know what kind of thug shit they taught her over there in the old country where they came from, but this broad was like Ronda Rousey out there in those Kattegat streets.  
Anyhoo, when Lagertha and Ragnar got married, she found out that Ragnar had that Super D and she knew she wasn't going to be able to keep all that good dick to herself because he liked to sling it all over town. So she told him to go do his dirt, but he better brings his fine ass home to her every night. Of course, he was all like, cool, he could have a dime piece at home and get cutty on the side…alright, bet!  
Well, honey, next thing you know, he gets hooked up with this fatal attraction type, funny looking broad named, Aslaug. Girl, Aslaug gets dickmatized and follows Ragnar around like a puppy, and the next thing you know he had to figure out how to bring a whole ass side-chick home to his dime piece wife. He must of came back with some shit like, “Baby, you know that girl Aslaug can cook and she’ll do that thing that you don’t like to do…you know cause she a freak…so really, it’s a win-win for us both.”  
So, I figure dude’s dick must have been dipped in platinum, because Lagertha was like, “Whatever, Dick Daddy,” cause the next thing you know all three of them are living together and these two bitches were sister-wives.  
Chile! But, here’s where the shit gets juicy!  Ooh, girl! The whole time Ragnar was out there in them streets, Lagertha’s sexy ass was knocking over his brother, Rollo, and word around the campfire is, one of them kids ain’t really Ragnar’s…biiiiiitttttttch! I can't make this shit up!
So anyway, by the time all those damn babies came all 50/11 of them moved here to that big blue house at the end of Greenwich, you know the one with the big ass fence front and the nice pool? The one that the young people always have all the parties at...yeah, that one well, that’s where they still live.  
Now onto the kids. Honey, Ragnar has five maybe six kids that he’s claiming. I'm sure it's more out there, but I'm telling you about the ones I know about. First, you got the two he has with Lagertha; that’s Bjorn, and Gyda (that’s if don’t think Bjorn is Rollo’s son).  But what the hell, I’ll take “Let’s Pretend That Bjorn Is Ragnar’s Kid” for $200, Alex…  
So, Bjorn is the oldest of all of the kids. And what can I say about BJ?  BJ is fucking…girl, he’s just fucking. He’s fucking any and everything. That man. Jesus jumped up.  He’s about 6’3”, 250lbs, muscular, blond, these piercing blue eyes. This smile…strong jawline. He has these hands, right? These hands that you know could just grip you right up under your ass cheeks and hold you up against a wall, and these arms…gurl, make me want to faint like a white woman! Hmm.  
BJ reminds me of Ragnar. Hell, all those kids remind me of him in some way, but Bjorn oozes sex like Ragnar. I don’t know what it is, but watch your uterus around him. If you stand too close to BJ, your pussy is liable to jump in his back pocket and you won’t even notice that it’s gone.  
BJ has a shit-ton of kids though and has been married like 150 times. I don’t know what it is, but he finds these blonde women, fucks them, marries them, has 20 babies with, and then gets divorced. He’s a shitty husband, but I bet you he’s a fire ass lay. 
Then there’s Gyda, we call her Da-Da. She’s just beautiful. Whew. She got those looks from both of her parents.  It is honestly painful to look at her. She’s the charming side of Ragnar. The side that’ll have you naked and buying her ass a house and a car before the waiter finishes taking your order on the first date.  It’s a good thing she’s a nice person because if she was an evil bitch, there’s no telling what she would be up to. She’s another tall one, with blonde hair and blue eyes. But, she’s built like her mother. This bitch looks like she needs to be holding a fundraiser where she’s wearing clear heels, in a strip club, called Twerking For Jesus or some shit.
Now, if those two gorgeous kids weren’t enough to make everyone else in the world jealous of how good the D and the seed were from Ragnar, he had to go and spread it around some more with that weird bitch, Aslaug. They have four boys; Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar. I don’t know how those boys ended up being so fine because Aslaug’s ass is not what I would call attractive. But, they got Ragnar’s genes and miracles never cease to amaze me.  
All, but one, of them can get it any day.    
Let’s start with Ubbe. It’s a long story, I don’t remember the particulars, but he’s known around the way as, Weebae. I can’t remember if it’s because he was small when as a baby, or because he used to cry all the damn time.  But, whatever the case, if you hear a motherfucker asking for Weebae, they talking about Ubbe. Anyway, Wee is Ragnar’s twin. That child looks like Ragnar just spit him out on the street, only I don’t know where in the fuck he got his personality, cause Ragnar ain’t that fucking nice and Aslaug is a fucking cunt.  
Have you ever met somebody that’s so damn nice, that they seem like a bitch ass?  Like they are just softer than a motherfucker? Somebody that constantly lets people run over the top of him all the damn time and you just want to be like, yo you’s a giant whore! Well, that’s Wee. If he wasn’t so damn sexy, I would be like you soft, brah…get your punk ass away from me. But seeing as how fine he is, I’m like…bring your sensitive ass over here and let me make it all better, with your sexy self. Cause, you know, Mama loves the sensitive ones.
Who’s next? Oh, yeah, the next one is Hvitserk. I know it’s a fucked up name, but no one calls him that. They call him Boobie. Why do you ask? Because Boobie loves titties. I swear that boy was trying to get everybody to breastfeed him since he was born. The bigger a woman's boobs, the more Boobie is into her. But he's such a freaking cutie pie! He doesn’t look like Ragnar to me, but he reminds me of him in that way where as long as he can fuck and eat, he doesn’t give a fuck about much else. He’s the type that never has the same job or girlfriend for too long. He just goes with the flow and stays around until he gets bored.  
Now Boobie favors Ragnar but not as much as some of the other kids.  He’s got this cute baby face, with this sandy blonde hair and these pretty green eyes, like Aslaug.  When you see him, you just want to pinch his cheeks on his face and his ass.  And because he seems like such a little lost puppy, you just want to take him home, and take care of him…maybe tie him up to your bed and ride his ass like he’s Budweiser Clysdale in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, too.     
Then there’s Sigurd…oh, Siggy. I call him, Brother Useless. He got all of Aslaug’s genes. It must be hard to look like Sigurd when you are born into that family. To be below average looking when you have extraordinarily attractive siblings, how does one go one with life?  By being a giant dick, that’s how.  Siggy fucking sucks donkey balls. He irks my fucking life. Siggy and I have history, outside of this little tale, and believe me he’s a dick in those stories, too.  
Anyway, he looks just like his mama with facial hair.  It’s really quite unfortunate. He reminds me of one of those Muppets off of the Dark Crystal. When I first found out that he was one of Ragnar’s sons, my first response was, I know you fucking lying! They should have just thrown the whole damn child away. See, Ragnar, that’s what happens when you go slumming with a funny looking chick…you get a funny looking kid with a fucked up personality.  God don't like ugly...
But He redeemed your good name with Lil' Man. Oh, my sweet Ivar.  This boy looks nothing like either of his parents but is the total embodiment of his father. Ivar is sexy. No, let me rephrase that for the bitches in the back...I said, IVAR IS SEXY. Bitch, I don’t know if there is even a word to describe the level of attractiveness this little bastard has. I don’t know if it’s that life-altering smile, or the dark hair and pale blue eyes. Shit, it could be that intense stare he has or those arms…or it could be that chest or maybe it’s that ass that you just want to bite and those lips that make you just want to sit on his face. Whatever it is about him, that boy makes you tingle in the most unladylike of places.  
Now, when Ivar was born, something was wrong with him and he needed an operation. He was fine afterward, but Aslaug’s dramatical ass was acting like he was on his damn death bed and treated him like he was Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable. So, naturally, he grew up spoiled as shit. So now, this child don’t know how to do shit. He thinks everybody supposed to hand him everything, just because he’s cute.  
Honey, short of my number and panties, he gonna have to work for everything else like everybody else.  But see, you can’t tell fine, muscular, spoiled ass, motherfuckers, with beautiful eyes, killer smiles, nice hair, and that smell good all the fucking time that they’re not special. Oh, no, because they will try to prove you wrong. At least he finished college and doesn’t have any kids. But if his ass would get a job…Sorry, I’m skipping ahead.  
Okay, so you have the background on the family.  Now check out how this shit went down...
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Being in the Lothbrok house brought back a ton of memories for Soli. She had spent a good part of her adolescence there with her best friend, Gyda.  The two of them had countless sleepovers, movie marathons, and of course their love of all the teenage heartthrobs of the 80s and 90s. Teen Bop, Tiger Beat, and 17 Magazines fed their obsessions for Kirk Cameron, Corey Haim, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and Mario Lopez. I was always a Joey Lawerence girl myself, but that’s neither here nor there.
That was until that one time the two of them got into this huge fight over who was going to marry Justin Timberlake. But then Bjorn told them that he thought Ryan Philippe was the same person and the girls realized that they did look a lot alike. So, Soli took JT and Gyda took Ryan, and they all lived happily ever after.  
As she accepted the glass of champagne from the tray, Soli looked around the hallway leading out to the patio. It was amazing how different the house looked now. Since the remodel nothing was where she had remembered. The living room used to be to the left of the hallway, and there had been a large formal dining room to the right. They also used to have a huge kitchen right behind the dining room and then the family room sat just behind there, with the entrance to the back yard. It was always a good-sized house, but the way it was cut up, with these weird doorways and walls in the most awkward of places, it always felt cramped, especially with so many people living there.  
But this? The open concept floor plan, no walls to obstruct the view...spacious, huge windows, lots of sunlight...it was gorgeous! Lothbrok Designs, LLC did one hell of a job. Everything from the floor plan to the decor was beautiful. Maybe Soli could get them to hook her up discount and do some work around her house.
“Hey there! I thought I saw you,” Gyda smiled walking over to Marisol with her arms out. “Oh Sonni, you look so good! I still can’t get over how you haven’t aged a bit. And girl, that body!”  
Soli spun around in a circle to give her friend the full view. Even she had to admit, the off the shoulder, floral printed, Boho, maxi-dress looked damn good on her. Especially the way the soft pink color played with the beautiful warm tones in her toffee-colored skin. And honey, she was rocking this split that came all the up the front of the dress to the bodice, that would have been showing all of the church's business if it wasn't for that little white chiffon underdress thing. Honey...forty where? She was a banger and she knew it. “Well, you know forty is new twenty. I didn’t get to do my twenties right because I had Mani, but now I'm single and I'm ready to mingle! And you, Diva…”
“Well, thanks. You know...I get it from my Mama." Gyda did a little shimmy and laughed. "Thank you so much for coming. It’s so good to have you back in town. I know my parents are excited to see you again.” She looked around the room and waved at a guest who was walking by, “Everyone was excited that you said you were coming.”  
Everyone? Why did Gyda say it like that? Soli was excited to catch up with the family, too, but damn. Soli knew that little cutie Ivar was going to be there, but that was nothing. A little innocent eye flirting at the bar a couple of weeks ago didn't mean anything. She hadn't seen or thought of that boy since. And she wasn't thinking about him today...well, not that much, anyway.
“Da-Da,” A gorgeous older blond man came up to Gyda and placed a soft kiss on the side of her head, before turning his attention to Soli. “No, you can’t be…Marisol Peña? The young lady I saw as much as my daughter growing up?” Ragnar walked over to Soli and wrapped her in a warm hug.
Soli chuckled and shook her head when she felt his hands linger at her waist a second longer than they should have. “Oh, Mr. Lothbrok,” Soli she patted him lightly on the chest taking a half step back to take in that beautiful smile, “Oh, it’s been too long. You still look good.” She smiled, feeling his hands slowly move down her side to now rest on her hips.
“And you still are as beautiful as ever,” he said leaning in toward her to talk to her. He had always had this strange way articulating certain words and sometimes he would get uncomfortably close when he would talk to people. Gyda used to get embarrassed because her father would get all up on her friends when he spoke to them, but Marisol always thought it was kind of sexy the way he would breathe on her when he talked.  
She felt herself being hypnotized momentarily by all that sexy, but she quickly regained her senses. “Mr. Lothbrok,” she tutted keeping a careful eye on him as he slowly walked around her in a circle with a sly grin on his face, “I see you're still as smooth as ever.” 
It was fluid the way Ragnar brushed his face next to Soli’s ear to whisper in his sexy accent, making the tendrils of hair tickle her neck, “Ragnar.”  
"Ragnar," she giggled. He was still a DILF, even after all these years.
“Ragnar?”  A feminine voice called causing everyone to turn toward a tall strawberry-blonde in flowing green empire dress standing at the patio door, “Come, lunch is ready and we will have cake.” For as tall and thin as she was the dress did nothing for her. A hottie like Lagertha could have pulled it off, but not her. Although, the navy blue and dark green embroidery did accentuate the red in her hair and her green eyes.    
Soli’s eyes widened as she turned to Gyda, devastated. “Is that Aslaug?” she whispered.  As they all began walking through the house toward the backyard she found herself laughing at the expression on Gyda's face. “Bitch, shut up.” Oh, they had so much to catch up on. 
Judging by how good Aslaug looked, she had had some work done. She was still funny looking, but she looked a whole hell of a lot better than she did when Soli knew her.  
Time seemed to fly by for Soli as she sat in backyard eating, laughing, and drinking with her childhood friend. She had forgotten how much she missed Gyda. But being with her and the family, it felt like they never missed a beat.  She even sat at the table reserved for Ragnar's kids and had no problem catching up with each one of them. Oh, the gossip she found out about sitting there.
For example, Weebae was married to BJ's ex-wife, Torvi, who left BJ with four children and is now having a baby with Bae. And you know the crazy thing is all of them are still talking like nothing ever happened? Or how about this, apparently something happened between Siggy and Ivar - no one is talking about what it is yet, but the two of them don't talk. They can be sitting at the same table and won't utter two words to each other. And did you know that none of the brothers knew why Soli and Gyda fell out all those years ago? I know, but that ain’t my place to say, so done tucked that one way down deep in my bra, honey. All I know is I could write a whole other story about this damn family’s shenanigans alone!  
“Man, I wish I could remember that!” Siggy laughed throwing his napkin on his plate.  “I would have loved to see the look on Bae’s face!” He gently nudged his brother’s arm as he continued to make fun of him.  
Ubbe shook his head and lowered his eyes as the stain of blush colored his cheeks, “I can’t believe that was you,” he said to Soli, “I remember running through the house naked, but I never remembered why.”  
Soli smiled around her glass of wine, trying her best to ignore the incredibly attractive younger man sitting next to her. "I remember why. I remember that little birthmark on your ass, too."
Gyda laughed putting the last of her spoonful of cake in her mouth. “Oooh, Beege, do you remember that time we were playing Van Damme and you ended up in the emergency room?” 
Bjorn rolled his eyes and tried to cover his brow with his hand, “Of course I remember!  How could I forget?” He started rubbing his inner thigh at the memory.  He looked around the table at all of his brothers’ faces who were rapted with excitement, smiles already plastered on their faces, dying to hear the story.  “So, I might have been about 13, Da-Da and Soli might have been around 11 or so. Anyway, we used to always watch Daddy's Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. I was obsessed - he was a total bad-ass to me. We had no business watching them because they were rated R and too violent for us to be watching, but we didn't care. And after the movies, we always would play Van Damme and act out our own scenes but do all the karate moves we just saw.”
“But, he always thought he automatically got to be Van Damme because he was a boy, and he always tried to make me the stupid female sidekick. I wanted to be the badass female Van Damme, ya know?" Soli said rolling her eyes.
“Wait, where was Da-Da?”  Ubbe asked.
“I always wanted to be the bad guy,” Gyda shrugged, “What? It was fun.”  
"Yeah, we used to whip her ass, "Soli laughed, “So, this one day BJ and I got in this big argument about who should get to be Van Damme in our reenactment. Of course, he thought he should be because he’s a boy, and I said that I should be because I could do the split. You remember the splits he used to do, right?” She looked around the table and watched everyone nod.
That is, all except one, “No…he’s the guy with that show on HULU now, right?” Ivar asked, turning in his chair so that his outstretch leg brushed Soli’s shin under the table. “He used to do action movies?”
Rolling her eyes at the absurdity of the question, Soli reached into her small clutch bag and pulled out her phone. “I keep forgetting you’re a child. Of course, you don’t know anything about Jean-Claude Van Damme.  When were you born, like 6 months ago?” She quickly found a picture of the Van Damme split online and handed her phone to Ivar. 
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“So, in the movie Double Impact, he did the split when he had his legs on these chairs and his pelvis was suspended between them…I knew I could do it. I had been taking gymnastics since I was six. But BJ, thought because he was a boy he was naturally superior.”
“Oh God, Beege…what happened?” Hvitserk asked popping open another beer.
“The chairs moved, man.” Bjorn said sadly, “Daddy had to take me to the hospital.  My nuts twisted; sprained my dick.” He tried to hold back his laugh but listening to how funny his brothers found his childhood misfortune made Bjorn laugh, too. “Never played Van Damme again.”
“And you never bet against me again, that’s for sure.” Soli felt Ivar’s hand brush against the side of hers and when she turned to face him he was handing back her phone. She noticed that when he leaned over toward her that the first two buttons of his classic white button-down shirt were undone, exposing his thick neck, and collarbone to her. Would it be rude if she tried to get a peek down his shirt? She didn't think so. What was rude was him smelling like a clean ocean breeze or wearing that damn white shirt against his tanned skin. 
Ivar put the phone in her open palm and closed his hand around hers. The hint of a smile started with one corner of his mouth and as his tongue darted out of his mouth and started worrying the bottom corner of the lip. 
“So, um…you can do that split, huh?” There it was. That come sit on my face smile. She had to watch out for this little bastard.
“Yep and  I can do it on a handstand,” she whispered back, and winked at him, pursing her lips to keep herself from smiling. God, this kid was so damn cute, but she shouldn't be flirting with him, even if it was who she was by nature. He was too young. It was too wrong. He was too sexy. She hadn’t had sex in a very long time.  This was tricky. She knew the family.  He had muscles. “Close your mouth there, Baby Ivey.” She patted his shoulder feeling the striations under her fingertips. That was another thing, she had to stop touching him!
“Hey Mom,” Soli’s son, Mani walked over to the table she was sitting at wearing a nice pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. She had made him promise to drop by for a minute, just to say hi to some of her childhood friends before he went to a party of his own. The things he did for that woman.  
“There’s my Baby Boy!” Soli said, standing up. “Mani, I want you to meet my second family when I was growing up. This was my best friend, Gyda, and her brothers Bjorn, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar.” She gestured her hand to each person as she said their names. “Everyone, this is my son, Miguel.”  
Ivar smiled and stood up, offering his hand to shake, “I remember you from school. Cartoon Boy, right?”
Mani’s posture stiffened and his warm brown eyes hardened almost instantly, “I don’t remember Jock Strap.” Mani had hated Ivar since they were in high school. Even as a teenager he thought Ivar Raganarsson was a dick. He was an entitled asshole who thought the world owed him something. He had walked around that school like he was the shit and because Mani was younger, smaller and didn’t play sports, Ivar just fucking sucked toward him. He never bullied him, but he always acted like Mani was beneath him.  
Well, fuck Ivar and his big ass beaver teeth smile…got on his fucking nerves. Mani turned his attention to the rest of the table. “It was nice to meet all of you, but I have another engagement. I just stopped by to drop something off to my mom.” 
“Excuse me,” Soli said getting up from the table. She was ready to punch Mani in the throat. She had specifically told him that when he came to the house not to say anything insulting to Ivar. And if she had to listen to one more minute of how much Mani hated Ivar she was going to scream. Since she told him about that first time seeing him at the bar all she had heard was how much of an asshole Ivar had been in high school and how he stole the lead in the school play Mani’s sophomore year. Did she care? Not at all. Mani was 22 years old now and he was still holding a grudge about something that happened when he was 15.  
She walked back into the house with her son following him to the front door. The fake she was forcing was hurting her face. “What the fuck was that, Mani?”
“You see him with that Fuck Boy Ricky hairstyle? I swear Mom, he’s a total Dickbag.” Mani rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, “And you're friends with his people? That's a whole new level of douchery, even for you, Mom.”  
“Oh my, God…I’m not. Not right now.” She got on her tiptoes to kiss her son on the cheek. “Have fun tonight. I love you.”
“I’m telling you, watch that fucktard.”
"Get out," Soli pushed her son out of the door and sighed. This was reason number 4,037 why she never dated. Mani hated and had something to say about everyone. Not saying that she wanted to date Ivar or anything, but just saying that Mani had a problem with every male that she was even friendly with. It was hopeless. Her ex-husband was going to be the last man she’d ever have sex with.  Oh, the humanity of it all...
Soli walked back to the family table with a fresh glass of wine and sat back with a smile as she watched the siblings pose for their family photos.  The pictures were going to be gorgeous - they were a beautiful family. There were so many photos being taken, too. There were poses of Ragnar, both his wives, all of his children, and grandchildren. Even the photos of the divisions of the families were beautiful. But the most captivating thing to Soli was that Ivar was the photographer.  
He was so patient and genuinely seemed to be having a good time doing it.  He was a natural. He laughed as he directed his family and smiled a huge, smile with every picture he took. He was engaging and extremely creative. Looking at him, she would have never have guessed he had an artistic side to him. When Soli realized that she had a full-blown smile on her face watching Ivar and not the family she shook her head and grabbed her phone for a distraction. 
Taking a sip of wine, she checked her text messages and almost choked. There as only one missed message and it was from a number that she didn't recognize. He must have called himself on her phone to get her number. 
She couldn't stop the big ass smile from spreading across her face as she read:
‘Splits and handstands?  I💓 gymnastics! ~ Baby Ivey’
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So, girl, that’s what happened with that. Don’t worry, we are about to get into the good shit, I promise. I'm telling this story honey and bitch I'm building suspense.  
I'll talk to you later girl. And next time, I ping you, answer your girl. Don’t be screening me like I’m that dude at the club that you trying to get rid of.  
Chapter 1
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icameheretowinry · 4 years
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So, as someone who also loves MASH (watched it in syndication and bought the whole series on DVD), so you have like a top 5 favorite episode or moments? If so, what are they? And how did you feel about the finale? I have been told that my dad did not like the finale and some old family friends also said it wasn't... Good. Me? I'm conflicted. I do see the pros and cons of what happens but you might be the only generational peer I know. So your opinion means a lot to me.
Wow! I was not expecting this ask, but I’m so glad you sent it. To be honest, it’s been a couple years since I sat down and rewatched the whole series chronologically, but I think I remember it enough to answer your question. (That, and I went through each episode summary to jog my memory.) 
I decided to go with my top 5 favorite episodes. (Specific moments just felt too… specific?) These opinions have definitely changed over the years, and they may change when I watch the show again, but for now, they’re as follows: 
Season 1, Episode 17: Sometimes You Hear The Bullet
This was the first episode I remember seeing Hawkeye vulnerable. Some later episodes with Sidney attempt to dive into his mind when strange reactions arise, but they always felt a bit forced in my opinion. This episode, on the other hand, was simple, yet devastating. Colonel Blake’s quote sums it up perfectly: “There are certain rules about a war. Rule number one is that young men die. And rule number two is, doctors can’t change rule number one.” This episode really sets the tone for the whole series. There’s going to be a lot of humor, but we’re not going to let you forget where these characters are. 
Season 4, Episode 18: Hawkeye
This episode was masterfully written. Hawkeye gets in an accident, and then must talk constantly to the Korean family who takes him in, in order to stay conscious. It’s the only episode of a sit-com I can recall is entirely a monologue, yet it never feels boring. Hawkeye’s character is at the forefront with his humor, but always in the background is his intelligence and concern for his wellbeing. It’s an episode that truly showcases both sides of his character in a way that is both natural, and funny enough, entertaining. 
Season 4, Episode 24: The Interview
I must say that the atmosphere of this show is always perfect, but this episode was especially so. Shot in black and white, it really doesn’t feel like anyone is truly acting when the journalist interviews the cast of characters from the 4077th. It seems like it’s more of a documentary segment than an episode of a military sit-com. As someone who comes from a journalistic background, I now appreciate the unique writing in this episode more so than I did when I was young. MASH was all about unique episode formats, and this is one of its best examples. 
Season 9, Episode 5: Death Takes A Holiday
I’m not a crier, but this episode did it for me. As funny and serious about political/societal issues as this show was (many of which are still very relevant today), sometimes, things were just supposed to be sad, because that’s the way things were. The moment Hawkeye stood up and changed the hands of the clock, I lost it. It’s a gesture that speaks more than any dialogue in the episode, but it completely broke my heart. Mike Farrell’s writing/directing talent really showed in this episode. 
Season 11, Episode 5: Who Knew?
Like the first episode I mentioned, this is another where the audience gets a “surprising” amount of humility, vulnerability, and honesty out of Hawkeye. It’s a heartbreaking realization to some that someone could be so rich on the inside, yet never share it. Not judging others based on many circumstances is a theme upheld throughout the show, but this is really the first episode where it forces the 4077th to look at themselves a little more closely. As it turns out, someone they perceived as distant, was actually in awe of their work, and unfathomably kind. Just a little shy. Hawkeye admits that’s he’s like her, but openly shares with those he cares about just how much so. It doesn’t feel forced, cheesy, or weighted. It feels like honesty, showing through the wisecracks. 
Honorable Mentions:
Season 1 Episode 2: To Market, To Market
Season 3 Episode 5: O.R.
Season 3 Episode 11: Adam’s Ribs
Season 4 Episode 4: The Late Captain Pierce
Season 6 Episode 7: In Love And War
Season 6 Episode 15: The Smell Of Music
Season 7 Episode 10: Point Of View
Season 7 Episode 20: CAVE
Season 8 Episode 11: Life Time
I know a lot of these episodes are more serious or deviant from the normal structure, but I just want to stay that I love all the humor, but these are moments that stick out to me. 
The Finale: 
To be honest, the first time I saw the finale as an adult (about 4 years ago), I thought it was perfect. In retrospect, maybe as someone older, more cynical, more critical, more observant, or more of whatever else, I do see its flaws. Hawkeye’s breakdown is described but never shown. Hawkeye is belligerent, as was his character, but it seems overdone. BJ’s grand goodbye also came across as very cheesy. 
However, I love the idea that Hawkeye finally hit his breaking point, because it was a long time coming. It could’ve been executed so much better, but the lead up to it was FLAWLESS. I just wish the aftermath was better. BJ and Hawkeye were close, and shared many vulnerable moments, but I think leaving it at a huge and wave would’ve been best. (Even though the message looked good to viewers.) 
In short, I’m also conflicted about the finale. I think there are aspects of it that could’ve been done better, and some that were incredible. But ultimately, there’s a reason 106 million people tuned in to watch it. This show had a special place in a lot of people’s hearts, so no matter how the writers chose to end it, I think that’s the most important thing, that it meant something to people. 
Ngl, I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t get emotional every time I watched that “goodbye” fade away with the iconic series music. 
I really hope this answered your question(s), and that I did this masterpiece of a show some justice. 
THANK YOU for this ask! 
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