btw sometimes i'm pubby

(colors mine, base is Corrie Zodori's Big Fuzzy Base)

Collection of bg3 sketches I've been nibbling at over the month. teehee

parents be like "my daughter turned out completely fine!!" your son whines like a dog when he jerks off

don't think I'm not still deep in the episode 7 brainrot. because OH BOY AM I

(also one more extremely, obnoxiously self-referential thing, I'm -- I'm so sorry)

I can’t believe I went through all of Season 2 assuming Nina was the stand-in for Crowley when you actually pay attention it’s so CLEAR that she’s Aziraphale. I was tricked by her spiky, sarcastic, cynical outer shell and lulled into a false sense of security by Maggie’s bubbly optimism and wholesome goodness, because on the surface they reflect the ineffable husbands perfectly, in their personalities, their aesthetics, even many of their actions and morals. but not, and this is the real key, when it comes to their “relationship”. but those first impressions really had me damn fooled. 

I missed the blatantness of Nina’s “we’re just friends. actually we’re not friends. we barely know each other.” the same thing Aziraphale said in season 1.  the way he still struggles to quantify their friendship when Nina asks. Nina’s sarcasm when Crowley asks about rain and awnings because it worked for him (we all know it LMAO). hell, that whole convo the girls have in the rain is so AziraCrow (“I know. I’m not your type” “...You have no idea” hits so much harder the second time, help meeeee.) “Lindsay” maybe being symbolic of Heaven and Aziraphale’s toxic relationship with them and their abuse? (the handwritten text messages in red pen make me think of angry notes on paperwork, anyone else?) because Crowley has never actually cared about what Hell thinks of him, just not getting into trouble (or him or Aziraphale getting hurt). Maggie is always chasing Nina. NINA NEVER GOES IN THE RECORD STORE. Just like Crowley always goes to the bookstore, to Aziraphale, Zira NEVER WENT TO THE FLAT (apart from The Swap but that doesn’t count imo). Crowley has always chased Zira, not the other way around. Always there to rescue him, always going to him for company, always relying on their shared connection, always US. OUR SIDE. All through season one, he comes to Zira every time to work together, never trying to work alongside Hell in any way that isn’t to save their skins or Earth, while Zira hides things from Crowley because he STILL thinks Heaven is ultimately good and will do the right thing if he can just show them. fix it from the inside. 

Maggie working up the courage to finally say something, to put herself out there, while Nina is utterly oblivious and then when she does realise Maggie has feelings, becoming standoffish, putting up that barrier, fighting it, denying it, ITS SO CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE IN THAT ORDER. the way I was fooled into thinking Nina’s trust issues are Crowley because he does have trust issues ofc he does BUT Crowley has ALWAYS TRUSTED AZIRAPHALE. has always relied on him. has always been hurt when Aziraphale doesn’t immediately reciprocate the way he expects (the holy water request, the bandstand, the “off in the stars” etc). he’s always the one putting himself forward. Aziraphale has always been the one to second guess everything, to fight their connection, their similarities, their friendship. the girls really made me think it was going to be okay when they sat Crowley down, even as my inner sirens were going haywire about Metatron interfering, they were telling Crowley he just needs to open up and it’ll all work out BUT HE’S ALREADY AT THAT POINT. he may not say it, and by gosh is that part of their damn problem, but he’s always SHOWN IT. he’s not Nina who needs time to heal and recover from her broken trust, he’s always been Maggie believing it doesn’t matter, they’ll end up together in the end anyway AND I WALKED RIGHT INTO THE TRAP THAT THIS MEANT THEY WERE GOING TO BE OKAYYYYYYYYYYY

I guess I’ll talk about this here

since this is where I post the weird shit for no one and everyone to read. Fair warning, this gets a little weird?

I finally re-unlocked my silly little brain hack to being happy. And I did that with another silly little brain hack: Gaslighting!

I was just doin my thing when I felt one of The Bad Feelings coming on. So I stopped and said to myself, do I really feel that way? And I didn’t give an answer, but I stopped feeling that way. And I was like cool! And then I was reminded of the one time I was able to actually feel good all day long for once.

It was inventory time at store I was working at. The week before I worked a few overnight shifts to prepare topstock for the count. Very fulfilling work, I could just focus on getting everything in perfect order and not worry about having to interact with people. But of course my sleep got fucked up. I got three days off afterwards to recover. I did not recover.

Then we had inventory. I was beyond tired. I felt like dogshit. But as I was lying in bed after my first shift back, I had just recently started to get into the idea of puppy play then, and I was thinking about it and noticing how good it made me feel. And I got the idea...

The next day, I was still dog-tired. But whenever some negative rumination would start bubbling up, I would immediately silence it with a “Yeah, but I’m puppy!” in my head. And I just had the slightest stupidest grin on my face the whole day. I was like wow! maybe this could change my life and I will never have any problems again because I will simply just brute force happiness by essentially microdosing horniness.

I wasn’t able to do it the next day. I was just too tired. And things only got worse. The next week I don’t know how I managed to get to work because I spent the entire time in bed. The thought of getting out of bed and facing the world in any capacity was horribly overwhelming. I ate practically nothing for several days in a row until I was insanely nauseous from hunger, almost passed out twice trying to get to the kitchen, and then vomited what I had managed to eat afterwards. My mom took me to a mental hospital the next day because she didn’t know what to do with me. They didn’t admit me.

And I didn’t feel not-tired enough to do that again. Those good feelings, along with everything else, became too intense to play with. Frankly I lost a bit of the level of interest in that specific kink. But I’ve been chasing that ability.

So, faced with sudden unexpected emotional stability today, I decided to give it another try. It was a little awkward at first, and still is, but hey, it’s working. There’s much more to unravel, and I hesitate to think it will actually be the panacea I want it to be, but I’m glad to feel like I’m on the right path again! 

goddd every time i see his waist and hips and thighs and ass i can't fucking control myself i need to breed him breed him breed him breed him breed him until all of his holes are stuffed and leaking and he's whining and squirming and moaning and and and

A werewolf boyfriend giving you a quick kiss while he steals a couple fries off your plate is the same as a dog doing tricks for table scraps you cannot change my mind.

the disaster-puppyfication of Anthony J. Crowley

It’s not lost on me that when someone talks about how “Beyoncé is overrated” or that she’s “not that talented” I’m supposed to respect other people’s music opinions, but if I say Taylor Swift’s music isn’t my style or I don’t care for her that much it’s like I said the most heinous thing in the world and I don’t support other women.

Hear me out: somno but the dom is the one who's asleep?? Like a very tired mommy sleeping in a lot and a really impatient pet that can't control their instincts? They see her ass poking out of the sheets and can't help rubbing their needy parts on it. They moan softly as they start humping it slowly and gently as not to wake her up, but soon get too desperate, need to feel more. They slide it inside her and start moving gently, whimpering, mumbling "please please please." By then she wakes up, but doesn't do anything except smiling at her adorable needy pet. "Does it feel good baby?" she says in a sleepy voice, letting them know she's awake. They can't look her in the eye out of embarrassment, but can't stop either so they end up fucking and falling back asleep together 🩷

Wyll sketches now!

It's been a joy practicing digital painting on my BG3 sketches and I'm getting closer to figuring out a painting style I enjoy consistently.

Not the Bodyguard moved to tears seeing Emelie’s movie lol.

Episode 43 Part 10

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Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, Season 4, Season 5

Ep 41, Ep 42, Ep 44, Ep 45, Ep 46, Ep 47

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Those eyes...