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hiraunia · 3 months

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With the final chapter of TCWKTM by @crinklytinfoil upcoming I have decided to celebrate with more doodles. YAY!

(Did I say upcoming, I meant release. Apperently I posted this 3 minutes after the last chapter updated)

I don't know why I have decided that Shrike always wears those night vision goggles(?) now but they look cool at least(GOD I LOVE THEM).

I think I've finally gotten a hang of Dani's hairstyle for my design which is a blessing because in order from the easiest to hardest hair texture to draw is Coily>Straight>Locs>Wavy>Braids>Curly with a jump of times 4 from braids to curly(My hubris for giving Cyan short curly hair has and will continue to keep biting me in the ass).

Speaking of Cyan, I've also updated him. He always has eye bags now cause he feels tired now, more so than the start of the fic at least. Since, unless I've missed something, he's still wearing Black's suit I felt I should make it a part of his outfit. One of the issues I was having when I drew him though was that we still call him Cyan but he wasn't wearing cyan anymore which is an issue when I read the story but when I drew him it just felt odd. My solution to that hangup of mine was to keep the suit and belt black’s but give him the gloves and boots so there's at least some cyan still on him since I don't think it was ever stated that Johnny cut those off, there wouldn't be a reason to and they would fit him better than Johnny's anyways. He also isn’t wearing his backpack thing or helmet(not that I ever drew anyone with theirs anyways) since I figured they probably lost it or some shit. In this pic no one is wearing theirs but that’s just because I wanted them to look like they were chilling, Cyan straight up doesn’t have his.

Funnily enough this is the one that took the least amount of time to make, I started it yesterday and finished it like now though I do attribute that to a stroke of sudden inspiration that I was able to draw in my sketchbook so honestly most of the work was the coloring.

Drawing these guys just kinda being silly is so fun it's unfair, especially Purple. This man has done so much bullshit, I should shoot him on sight but the moment I pick up my pen he appears, the motherfucker! A pretty fun aspect of these purple are, as you can see, he's using Grey's skin. While I'm pretty sure in the story he looks the exact same I figured it would be more fun for drawing purposes to mix the two of them together to create some distinction rather than just drawing Grey with a purple suit.

My design for Grey had him as average height but more stout(at least comparatively for my artstyle) while Purple was a little more scrawny and tall which worked well for what I wanted to do. His bangs are center parted when Grey's bangs are gathered in the center. Also I drew their expressions differently, when it's Purple I draw his more bitter/sour, I decided that most of his expressions are squinty and tend to furrow the brows while Grey's are more, I'm not sure how to put it, genuine?

As you can probably tell I really enjoy trying to come up with the character's designs myself but I know when to throw in the towel and admit someone did better than me. I tried to come up with a design for Olive/Finch myself but I just could not come up with one I liked even equally let alone more than @krysmcscience 's design. They really captured their energy well so I’m just using theirs.

Ayy, I drew my take on good old Johnny boy. I think I did a pretty good job making him look older without him becoming a mass of wrinkles.

Drawing Flayer's ship was pretty fun, I've been trying to draw backgrounds and objects more so it was good practice. We obviously don't know what it actually looks like yet other than it is made of flesh and metal so I definitely had to just make shit up. For these bitches sake I hope it's bigger than what I designed because it is going to suck otherwise. Just as I'm typing this I kinda already wanna redesign it though.

I went for something more simple based of the premise that ships are complicated and difficult to make; the whole thing is kinda supposed to look like the flesh is doing a lot of the work to keep it together to compensate for a lack of technical knowledge and skill but just now I remembered that Flayer was the head of the mechanics so she almost certainly has more than enough knowledge and experience to make a good ship on her own even without the flesh. Oh well, I can redesign it when we learn more. I'm keeping its face though, the face was a completely but incredibly happy accident.

Also, I find it interesting that the Imposter’s missions are usually about them destroying biomechanical technology but one of Flayer's named imposter abilities is to use her genetic material to create machinery that fuses artificial and organic material.

Bounus Doodles!

I'm pretty sure these were all drawn sometime before the new year but they were all I had and I didn't want to post one image of doodles so enjoy them now.

While I am still proud of Brown and Devon making out I think my favorite doodle here is Cyan and his judgmental ass face. Why is he staring at Finch like, he is not in any position to but judging like that.

I also borrowed Kry's designs for Red and Umber, I couldn't help myself for Umber, it was just too perfect!

Not sure how I feel about my take on Skeld!White(Finnegan I CANT-). I'm not sure if it's just I'm so used to seeing Kry's design that anything else feels weird or just that I made him too baby faced and princessy. I tend to draw men that are very pretty and feminine so I think I went overboard when I tried my hand since he was usually described similar to how I would normally design a man.

#among us #fanart #the crewmate who knew too much #crinklytinfoil #hirart #hirantalkstoomuch #Wait why do the colors look so much better on my phone than my monitor?#My computer is so fucked up its not even funny

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blahblahblah3333 · 6 years

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A viral fanart post inspired a cosplay project that feels right out of the pages of an Austenesque novel.

Though the Venn Diagram of Jane Austen fans and Star Wars fans might have a small overlap, both fandoms eagerly discussed a collection of fan art. The drawings are a mashup of Star Wars characters in Regency costumes. Rey is the badass heroine in an Empire-waist-style gown, complete with a lovely saber (that someone actually made IRL!). Poe and Finn are military chums, and we can only imagine how often they trade jackets.

While we all love fanart, there’s another level of appreciation for people who can take that art into the real world. Two cosplayers were so inspired by the artwork that they made the costumes and had a photo shoot.

Lyn Adams (Kylo Ren) and Elendrial Alastair (Hux) put together a Regency Kyle and Hux that is absolutely brilliant. We got to ask them some questions about the project.

Tell me why you were inspired to do this Star Wars/Regency costume. Lyn: When ‘The Force Awakens’ came out, I absolutely loved it. Especially the character Kylo Ren. I had seen the Regency fanart by The Real Mcgee, and liked it very much. However, I was never very good at historical costumes. Inspired or authentic. My friend [Elendriel] said if the artist ever made a Hux art, that she fully intended to make it, and that I would -have- to make the Kylo Ren to go with her. The Hux art was released, and immediately I knew, ‘Well, I guess I am making this now!’

Elendriel: I was looking up reference photos for General Hux and accidentally stumbled upon The Real McGee’s gorgeous artwork on Tumblr. I messaged her to get permission to make it and worked with her on the details I couldn’t see in the image. I love replicating detailed pieces and this art was stunning. I wanted to challenge myself to see if I could do it.

How long did it take to get together? Lyn: The coat itself only took a day. I literally locked myself in the sewing room and didn’t come out until I had a finished coat (save for adding the buttons). It was a project that simply fell into place perfectly. I had no issues fitting the pattern, adjusting it, or putting it together. The vest took a bit longer, since I was fully modifying a men’s vest, and added all the top stitching as well.

Oddly enough, the hardest aspect was finding good buttons for the coat/vest. I wanted something that said “Kylo Ren” but not too obvious. I ended up finding vintage buttons on etsy which had a basket weave texture, and painted them black to go with the coat. I also had to be reasonable with materials, since this would be worn in the south during summer, I avoided heavy fabrics and wool. I also took liberties with the lower portion, so the coat is far from historically accurate, but still had the feel of the fanart.

Elendriel: It took a few months to put together. Mostly researching and working out the patterns before I actually sat down and sewed it all together.

What has the response been? Lyn: Overall positive. The funniest moment came when I posted a progress photo of the coat. My hair was much shorter, and I had many tell me I looked like Darcy from ‘Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies.’ They weren’t wrong. People really enjoy the take on the character and art, both online and at events.

Elendriel: It’s honestly been incredible and more than I could have ever imagined. People really seem to love it and it makes me feel good as a costumer that I was able to bring this art to life.

Do you do other cosplay? What got you into it? Lyn: I’ve been costuming/cosplaying for 16 years now. I started with anime and video games, but now specifically stick to Star Wars. From time to time I’ll dress from tv shows (‘Riverdale’, ‘Stranger Things’), but for construction aspects, its almost entirely Star Wars.

I got into cosplay through a friend years ago, who told me about a convention in town and how people dressed up for it. I loved dressing up for Halloween, so tried it out. I got hooked!

Elendriel: I actually do a lot of different cosplay! TV shows, movies, some anime, videogames, you name it. I attended a Harry Potter convention in 2002, met some amazing and talented individuals who I now call some of my best friends and it went from there.

What are other costumes you’ve done? Lyn: Too many to really list. My most popular ones are Kylo Ren (TFA), Anakin Skywalker (‘Clone Wars’), Tina Goldstein (‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’), Bill Weasley (‘Harry Potter’), and various characters from Doctor Who.

Elendriel: I wouldn’t be able to name all of them, I think I’ve made around 500 over the years. Some of my favorites though are General Hux, Loki from ‘The Avengers,’ Ronan from ‘Guardians of the Galaxy,’ the Winter Soldier from ‘Captain America: TWS’ and Midna from Twilight Princess. Those are some of the most difficult ones I made, but the ones I love the most, where I feel I was able to truly bring the characters to life.

What’s your favorite part of the Star Wars fandom? Lyn: As of late I’d say it would be the creativity within the fans. The art people come up with, the costumes, the crossovers. With Star Wars coming back, it’s really hit a creative spark within the people and I love seeing what it produces.

Elendriel: Getting to meet so many amazing people from around the world, talking theories and ideas on-line and then sometimes even being able to meet up finally in person at events like Star Wars Celebration. This fandom bring together people of all ages, from young kids to adults, and it’s fantastic. There’s some Star Wars for everyone.

Are you into Jane Austen or the Regency era? What do you enjoy about that? Lyn: Honestly, I’ve not been much into historical or Regency era. Namely as none of those close to me are, so finding that jump to get into it myself hasn’t been there. I am always willing to try anything to see if I enjoy it, but sadly its one thing I just haven’t gotten around to.

Elendriel: I love Jane Austen and I think the part I love most is that her books are about people, sometimes just like you and I, but set in a different period. It makes them relevant even now.

If you could make a story to go with your mashup, what would it be? Lyn: For most original designs or mashups, I do like to give a backstory to the concept. It helps whenever taking photos, or putting your mind into the right set to portray what you have created. With the Regency Kylo/Hux, we did throw out a basic idea to work with when shooting together. It was a bit fan service, but it helped add an emotional level to the images.

Elendriel: Lyn and I created a small backstory for these two just to help with when we did the photoshoots, but overall I’d say Hux, in this era, would have been in a position of power and what he wore displayed that. It was very regal.

Any other mashups you think would be fun? Lyn: I’m a fan of the ‘what if’ mashups. What if Ben Solo didn’t go bad? What if this was in modern times and not a galaxy far far away? I’ve done a few versions of Kylo like that.

Elendriel: I love doing mashups and there are so many out there, but one that I think ended up being a favorite as well was when a friend and I did a mashup of Sailor Moon and Star Wars, so we had Sailor Starkiller (Hux) and Sailor Kylo Ren. Mashups are some of my favorites because you don’t have to follow any strict guidelines. You can just be creative and have fun!

Want more info on these two?

Lyn Adams can be found on Instagram @kylo_lyn and Facebook at Fallyn Angel.

Elendrial Alastair can be found on Instagram @elendriel_alastair and Facebook at Elendrial.

The Force is strong with this Regency cosplay A viral fanart post inspired a cosplay project that feels right out of the pages of an Austenesque novel.

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ireflectaut · 3 years

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Post Five

This week I looked back on my research and explored techniques through emulating Kay Neilsen and Quentin Blake.

I knew that emulating Kay Neilsen’s ‘In The Midst of the Gloomy Thick Wood’ (Thompson, 1914, In The Midst of the Gloomy Thick Wood) would be challenging but I underestimated the time it would take me to even attempt to capture the general idea of the work. This painting took me over 30 hours to make and as you can see, I am not even close to the essence of the original work. That being said, I think I learnt a huge amount in the process. (see image 1 & 2)

I started with a simple outline of the work in which I would fill in with watercolour, Nielsens favourite medium. Neilsen also used ink which I couldn’t get at the time which is one of the things that went wrong; Nielsen used water colour for the general colour but detailed the illustration with fine use of ink; but since I didn’t have ink to use, I tried to troubleshoot by using watercolour pencil for the details but the pencils were too thick and not pigmented enough so didn’t come through effectively. (see image 3)

I then decided to change my medium to oil paint and a thin brush; this way I could attempt to include much more effective detail. I’m glad that I went with paint, but this posed its own problems; I couldn’t get quite the same texture in the trees as I was able to with watercolor as the paint was very thick, so layers were hard to achieve and easily looked clumsy. My first try to texturize and include the different shades in the trunks of the trees was in the middle light green trunk in image 4, which ended up looking too clunky, especially compared to Nielsen’s delicate hand. I decided to try and find a way to do this technique without building up too much paint, and tried actually mixing the colors on the page – I put a darker green in places and a lighter green opposite and then blended on the page (see the light green trunk on the far right). This worked well but still didn’t seem to come close to Nielsens effect. I then tried to use much less paint and used the brush to thin it out and feather it to the right to create shading which worked much better, as you can see in the darker trunk on the left of the clumsy light green one. This I realized was ok but still wasn’t in the same tone as Nielsens, and when I looked even closer at the original, I realized that a lot of the shading was done by adding tiny light and dark dots to the trunks, so I decided to try a technique of painting a block base color (which was good as it didn’t ruin my brush as much as the feathering technique, and was easier to get straight lines)(see the second trunk in from the left) and then adding dark and light dots to shade. I used this technique for the rest of the trunks that weren’t filled in already.

My next challenge was dotting in a way that was effective; Nielsen’s dots were incredibly tiny, and this was hard to emulate in a time sensitive manor. The large dots in image 5 were made by the watercolour pencils and as I said before, were much too large.

I then, quickly running out of time at this point, tried a more time savvy technique of painting small but physically tall dots (getting as much paint in the small dot as possible) and then used these as a basis to paint more dots with instead of having to go back to my pallet for every dot. I then fanned my brush out slightly so the individual hairs could be used to paint individual dots. This turned out much too messy and not defined enough. (see the middle left trunk in image 6)

I realized at this stage that I was growing frustrated and anxious about how much time I was spending on this painting and how behind it was making me. I decided that I needed a break for the rest of the day and would come back to it tomorrow. This made an integral difference in clearing my mind and making me be able to assess what I needed to do and how to do it effectively. I studied the original painting, was much more careful with the brush, and was able to create tiny patterns of dots which was my most successful attempt so far. I finished the rest of the trees with this method. (see image 7, 8 & 9.) As I was now a week behind, I made the sacrifice of only doing black dots instead of different shades of dots. This was upsetting but was what had to happen so I could move on with my project.

The detailing in the branch and leaves were another thing I had to figure out. For the larger bushy part (see image 10), I tried shading in the background with the feathering technique and the other technique I used in the trunks of blending paint on the page itself. I then added small branch details on top to create definition; my problem here was that I was well out of time and couldn’t perfect the details as I would have liked to, so it came out a bit clumsy.

On the smaller branches (see image 11) I changed my technique accordingly and was finer with my hand and created a more convincing effect by creating a gradient of dark green to light green, and using minimum amounts of paint in order to leave tiny white parts of the paper visible to create more texture and detail with minimum amount of time. I was also very careful with the brush to create tiny branches and leaf details that I think worked as well as I could have done. This was much more effective that the bigger bushy part in the previous image which I used too much paint in and left the branch and leaf details too undefined.

Painting the woman in the illustration (see image 12) took the least time and was the easiest, but still definitely lacks detail. The woman in the original is lankier which was an error in my original drawing, and in Nielsens she seems dirtier, expressing more of a feeling and mood of lostness. I got the skin tone wrong – she is much paler in Nielsens version, and the hair had more texture than in mine. At this point I knew it was time to move on and that I wouldn’t be able to re-do the character, but overall I still think she looks ok and I’m happy that I got the general shape wrong and didn’t waste time repainting.

Overall, I am extremely proud of my dedication and for trying my absolute hardest in re-creating this illustration. I learnt a huge amount about technique and am proud that I was committed to changing my techniques if they weren't working, and I wasn’t afraid to experiment. It took so many hours and overall was not particularly successful in capturing Nielsens skills, but it was worthwhile as an exercise in dedication and resourcefulness. This type of illustration is incredibly beautiful but doesn’t make sense for the timeframe of my children's book, however if I choose to work with paint I will have a lot of techniques that I practiced in this work that may be helpful in finding my own style.

I emulated a few of my favorite Quentin Blake illustrations. Blakes style is much more forgiving and time effective, while still being a fantastic example of creating mood, tone, and emotive imagery. I love the childish nature that his illustrations provoke and found it fun and expressive to recreate some of his works, especially as a lifelong fan of his work. I played around with mediums of pen and pencil first to grasp the shapes and details of his works (see image 13), and wasn’t surprised that although they look like messy or easily done drawings, they still take a lot of time and precision. I liked the black and white images that I did and made sure to include not only people, but Blakes famous animals as well. I struggled mostly with proportions of the characters bodies; it was easy to make them too short, but after assessing this I was able to readjust my perspective and make sure I was elongating the limbs like Blake does, unless the image called for a shorter frame.

Another illustration that I struggled with was the dog (see image 13); I found it very difficult to sketch him in the right amount of exaggerated realism, but after many uses of my rubber, I was able to get the drawing to a point I was happy with and that evoked Blakes style.

I then freestyled with shape and color, (see image 14) starting with the character in the middle which is more of Blakes style, and finishing with a more abstract face of a man upsidedown in the top left corner. I found working with watercolor pencil very effective and the simple nature of it meant that I saved a great deal of time while still recreating many images and being able to explore the medium myself. I found it enjoyable and relatively easy to shade using the pencils as well, which is a great way of creating depth and background in the drawings.

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coldinternet-blog · 7 years

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To Anyone Contemplating Suicide.

I have to start by saying I'm sorry you're reading this, for you’d only be reading if the title caught you somehow. Be it a friend or family, or even yourself, past or present emotions, no matter the circumstance, I am sorry. No one on this planet deserves the emotions and feelings, the deep dark thoughts of wanting to die. I wouldn't dare wish it upon my worst enemies.

I am aware that apologies and sympathy do nothing to help, and the usual, “don't do it” is even less accommodating to your current mind set if you are in fact thinking about hurting yourself, in small or serious ways.

I am not here to judge or call out for help. I am not here to change you. I just wish I had known some things before my attempt.

Now, as a person who has struggled throughout their life with sadness, mental illness and just the over-whelming-ness that is an unhinged mind, from a young age I hurt myself. Not for any reason other than to hurt physically, to draw the pain away from inside.

For emotional pain, is a monster compared to the mouse of physical pain.

“sticks and stones will break your bones” they’d say, as if believing the words that they said “would never hurt me” didn't torture more than a broken bone. I always hated that line. Bones heal. Given time any physical damage you could do to me could heal, and pass, but a scar you can’t see, a scar inside me hurts more and more each day you allow me to believe it. Anyway...

I don't know why all people self harm; this is just me. But as time went on, things got worse and worse, of course. And the pain inside me became too much, and you just want it to stop no matter what.

No matter what.

No matter how.

Now I had made childish attempts before, not surprising as I was only a child. Still confused by what I felt, no body helped me to understand, and of course they did not work.

I would have had better Luck using an elaborate tool with which to kill the road runner.

So I was careful, and I planned.

As you probably know, google is not the easiest way to find a way to successful kill yourself, because all you will find are people, who have never felt the way you do, saying don't do it. And honestly, what do they know. They don't feel what you feel. They're blind.

SO of course, I googled in the way of a paranoid person, “can this kill you? how much will make you overdose and die” etc. etc.

I eventually came across a weight to mg formula of the active ingredient in a strong sleeping pill which I will not name. I calculated how many I'd need for it to work, and set out purchasing tablets from scattered chemists (as they take your details).

Once I had finished, I kept the box of stashed pills near my bed, id look at them for weeks, but not take them, I didn't need to yet. it was a comfort just to know I could, if I had to. having them by was, well, as if I could take my life into my own hands. “I say what happens. I say when.” it was a safety net in a sorts to my life, that allowed me to feel protected from the bad thoughts and feelings, but alas, time passes and facades fall.

The night I had decided to take them, I was not distraught. I was calm. I actually felt, a form of happy. My time was over, and the suffering can stop now. I'm going to fall asleep and this pain, this sadness will be turned off like a switch, along with me. and that was ok.

I remember, I wrote a very abrupt letter in markers on my mirror, saying

“I was told to do what makes me happy even if it hurts others. To make my decision and rip it off like a band aid. This is all that makes me happy. This is all that makes me ok. I’m sorry. I love you _ALL_. I don't want to hurt you. I hope one day you can forgive my selfishness. I’m Sorry. I need to stop hurting. I am finally Free. I am finally at Peace.”

I laid down in my bed, popped the pills from the blister packet and laid them out in piles of 5 to take as gulps. I was ready, and I took them all, about 250 pills.

now, in the time I had waited to take them, I did not realize I had gained weight, so of course, my calculation was off, and clearly by this story being told, I did not succeed.

But I will tell you this, not to scare you into not doing it, not to offend anyone, not for attention, I just wish I had known before my attempt. and something I hope helps someone out there.

I slowly felt myself die. SLOWLY. as in second by second as thought they felt like hours upon hours. you go numb. physically numb, from your fingers and toes, to your hands and feet, to your arms and legs to all over. You feel nothing, and oh how I would've swapped that nothingness for all the broken bones in the world.

Then, after what feels like hours of being unable to gasp for air, you throw up foam, everywhere uncontrollably, shaking and convulsing. You start being unable to hear. You hear things that aren't there, you don't hear your fathers’ panicked questions as he is rushing you to the hospital. Your thoughts begin to go missing, mid sentence, mid idea, you lose it. you can’t focus, you can’t think, you can’t decide or talk or make anything happen in your head, like you're trapped in a foggy mess of blurry incoherent words.

Then the eyes go. first its laggy and blurry. you look at things move and its slow and jagged like an overlay of images, and shaky. then the corners and outskirts go dark.

Finally, as warned by the research, the hallucinations start. we had arrived at the hospital. All I wanted was to have my dad near me, and suddenly all the nurses were my dad, and as soon as I got a good look at them I realized it wasn’t. back and forth back and forth, where is my dad where is he. no one responds, as if I arrived alone. Probably the worst one experienced that night, was the spiders, crawling out of my skin like tiny little hair thin bugs, but growing and growing, to the size of my hand, covering my body, my skin, my face, you feel the small hairy feet through the numbness. its horrifying, and no one can make it end.

After that I don't remember much.

The Doctors told me I began to have seizures and was heavily sedated, given an anti drug to counter the sleeping pills, and after my heart was stabilized it was monitored.

I felt myself die.

Now I’m not a religious person, and this isn't to offend anyone, this is just my experience of death. Mind you, before this I had been to church, I had prayed, I was a good person and lived my life by trying to do what is best by others, I don't believe that I have ever done things that are evil or cruel or bad in my life. But this was a hell I had never encountered description of, and honesty, no description can capture the nightmare that inhabits this state.

It was an overwhelming nothingness. No sound, no touch, not even black stretching forever, just, nothing. There was no Flash of fond memories or a play back of my life, no bright light, no voice, no fire. Nothing.

To be quite honest, I tried to remember. While I was in this void, I tried to comfort myself with my memories, but there was nothing, as if I had no memories, as if they never existed in the first place. No thought could last or even be conjured.

I simply spent what felt like an eternity stuck, unable to breathe, unable to move, unable to hear, see, feel ANYTHING. surrounded by nothing but my feelings. all I felt was the sadness id felt that drove me to this, and it was the most powerful it had ever been.

I had always imagined death to be like an on off switch, but it wasn't. the last thing I felt in my heart, followed me to this place, and clung to me like tar. And without the memory of my fathers reassuring voice, or the smell of my mother’s perfume when she hugs you to comfort you, not the taste of your favorite food or the texture of your comforting blanket on your skin. nothing.

You are alone. You are stuck with your sadness and your regret and no one is pulling you out.

And the hardest thing to describe was that even though it did eventually end, for I am here now, the feeling was eternal, as though it surpassed time itself.

That’s the last I remember.

I woke up a few days later in the ICU, but was still apparently very out of it from the medication, so I only started to become aware a few days after that. I had also lost a lot of memory from the seizures.

This was about a year ago.

And now here I am. I still feel that sadness, I still feel trapped and every day I put on a smiling mask, and do what I have to to make the minutes pass until tomorrow, rinse and repeat.

Sometimes things get better, not always, not at the moment.

I guess what the point of telling this large story is, is that...

Its not how you think it is.

This is just one aspect, I haven't even delved into what my family has confided in me about the experience, nor any of the other parts of it.

This is simply what I felt, what I experienced.

It doesn't end when you die. it follows you.

You cannot escape what you are feeling by dying, be it sadness, anger, anxiety, fucked up decision, dead end lifestyle, whatever the reason is, even the utter pointlessness of life. None of the answers or solutions are found in death. Death does not stop these feelings; death does not stop the problems. It does not switch everything off. It does not bring you peace.

Death is eternal. Death brings with it the pain you feel now.

You cannot escape your pain though death, as it only magnifies.

I’m not here to talk bullshit out my ass, because I still have days I want to die. All I can say is wait it out, it won't help, it makes everything worse and it is not the decision. Get help, its there and eventually, it does help.

If you don't take anything away from this, just please take this:

Time passes, and feelings do with it. Pain passes, just let yourself let it.

- Yours Faithfully, Alexa.

#story #suicide #lifestory #dontdie #wisdom #sadness #sad #depression #contemplatingsuicide #help #helpme #longstory #truestory #long

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