Madison and Brent met a couple at the gym, Eden and Tyler! + going out for dinner, overcoming fears of unfulfilled dreams and... a unexpected ending...

+bonus pics!

But Madi rhymes with Baddie so she put Grim Reaper in his place and saved her man! 💅

[SIDE ORDER]

tw// slight blood and body horror

not sure if it could classify like it but im adding a warning just in case

Speedrun agent 8 for side order release

I remember mentioning in my instagram when posting for valentine's that i would be back when side order drops, i mostly meant it as kind of a joke since i had some drawing to post. i did not expect that to actually become true lol.

Im definitly staying up tonight (not like i could sleep these past days anyway)

It felt kinda nice drawing some splatoon stuff again, last time was in like december, wich were just doodles, and technically yesterday but that was me making a kirby x splatoon crossover so it doesnt count, so actually last time i did an actual finished drawing for splatoon was the fuzzy neo in november.

Im really hyped up for this, i have played basically just one roguelike in my life (candies n' curses, its fun you should play it too) so i dont have much experience in the genere, but its okay! tho having to restart from floor 1 makes me a bit nervous, wich is funny cuz in candies and curses i also had to restart from floor one yet i kept trying so im not really sure why im worrying, tho it did take me months just to finish the main story in that game, and i want to experience the entierity of side order as blind as i can, maybe thats why. but i managed to avoid magolor epilogue spoilers for a year this might not be that bad.

here's an inverted version i did just for fun.

Aight now i need to talk about the actual drawing, honestly i just sketched something quick with a vague idea of agent 8 with coral growing from them. the real struggle was the background, the colors werent looking nice togheter, it was hard to see what was going on etc, and in the end i decided it would be cool to add images for texture, and that saved it. i used the images from side order's teaser trailer, superimposed over the background and ink. and then i decided to add the side order text to add something, i originally drew some color chips but they looked off in there so i got rid of em

also version without text

btw my birthday is next monday (sobbing rn) this is the third time nintendo releases stuff around my birthday, im so lucky lol

I hope y'all have a nice day

Jambuhbye! :3

So I’m doing a Stealth Pacifist run of Cyberpunk 2077 by mistake 🤦‍♂️

I finally started playing it about a month ago and the first tutorial mission has an optional objective of completing it stealthily.  There’s a part that teaches you how to knock out an enemy without killing them and how to hide a body so you don’t alert anyone else passing by.  Great for learning the mechanics of the game, horrible for me cuz I read “optional” in video games as “mandatory”.  I did the best that I could, restarted the mission when someone saw me, and eventually did the whole thing w/o anyone being the wiser which felt great ...but I couldn’t stop doing it!

It was partly the challenge of it that I liked (I love puzzle games way more than shoot-’em-ups) and the whole world seemed so depressing and overly violent that I couldn’t bring myself to shoot people that weren’t attacking me first so.. I just kept doing it.

My rules are:

No killing anyone (if another character kills someone that’s fine but my character cannot kill anyone outright).

Killing Drones/Robots are ok (mainly cuz you can’t choke them out and there’s one part of the early storyline where it’s mandatory or you instantly die).

No weapons unless ABSOLUTELY necessary (there are non-lethal weapons in the game but I haven’t had to use them yet.  I do keep them in my inventory just in case I can’t progress otherwise).

No one can be alerted to my presence unless it’s 100% unavoidable  (Certain boss fights mainly.  Yes if any minion or camera sees me, I reload a save).

No damage dealing “Non-Leathal” Quickhacks (sort of like spells) unless ABSOLUTELY necessary (I don’t really see how putting someone on fire, poisoning, or electrocuting someone is totally non-lethal so I just stick to the blindness and deception type of Quickhacks.  My goal is to do no damage if possible ...but I will use them if I really have to.  It has only happened twice because I had no other options to defeat a boss who already knew I was there stroyline-wise.  I did check the bodies afterwards and they were still breathing and moving around a bit on the ground so technically still alive, just singed).

Fights started out SO slow because of my lack of abilities.  I only had enough RAM (it’s like MP) to ...cast(?) one Quickhack at a time before having to wait for everything to refresh.  Then there was all the sneaking, lugging bodies around to hide them all, not to mention all the reloading of save files.  My first fight against a large group of people that would have probably taken someone coming in guns blazing only a couple of minutes to do took me like half an hour of delicate work.  Not a fast way to level up. Now though with the amount of RAM and Quickhacks at my disposal and experience under my belt I can sneak in, disable all the cameras and turrets as I send a cascade of temporary blindness through a group of people, choking them out one by one, while also restarting a sniper’s brain from a distance making him pass out, and wiping the memories of anyone standing by the sniper that might have seen seen him randomly fall over.... all at the same time before creeping up to their location before they remember what’s going on.  I don’t even bother hiding bodies anymore, no one’s left around to see the mass of alive-and-perfectly-healthy bodies I leave in my wake.  I’ve become a wave of electrical systems shutting down, brain fog, and people falling unconscious that sweeps through an area.  I’ve even done a few missions where I never knocked out or even Quickhacked anyone at all.  I snuck in, got the information I needed to download, and snuck out w/o a trace... but I can’t level up that way so I won’t be doing that again till I’m max level (Really looking forward to this actually). I’m currently lv25 w/ a Street Cred of 45 (both max at 50).  Am I crazy for doing this, yes.  Can I beat the game this way, 🤷‍♂️ so far so good.  Would I recommend playing it this way, absolutely not but I’m having fun. I like to think of in-game reasons for things and I take the reason my street cred is so high is cuz I’ve become this urban legend of a guy you can hire that only a couple of people have actually seen.  Multiple occurrences of a group of people waking up all piled up in a restroom and no one knew how they got there, their entire place ransacked and their hostage missing would definitely lead to some stories and word of mouth. There’s so much more I want to say about the game but I’ll leave it for another post.

Hello!! This is my 2nd ask.. I just wanted a Scenario when Hisoka is being Saved by a extremely Powerful Woman who has a very cold Appearance... This Woman saved him during the fight of Chrollo.. Sorry for my Second Ask.. I'm just really loved him.. By the way I'm very satisfied on your blogs😊😊😊😊😘😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️❤️

TELL ME WHY I FORGOT I WROTE THIS A COUPLE DAYS AGO???? LIKE FR THIS WAS DONE ON THURSDAY- talk about forgetfulness 🧍🏻‍♀️

Some things that I added cuz creative liberty and all that jazz: y/n is apart of the main four (well it’s five now on my blog ig), I just love found family ok. Also it gives her depth and a decent reason how she knows Hisoka. Her nen ability was based off of my favorite six of crows character, Nina Zenik (who i also probably based her personality off of)

Also fair warning I can barley understand Nen and how is works whenever it’s explained so yeah here is me bullsh*ting it 🧍🏻‍♀️ I tried for y’all though...

Hisoka x fem!reader

TW: Hisoka being Hisoka, mentions of blood and gore (not that much but still), really this is pretty tame compaired to a lot of things on this app, y/n has strong opinions

Why did she have to get tangled up with this clown yet again? No amount of money is worth dealing with this.

At least she had the intuition to view the fight from her room at Heaven’s arena. From the looks of this the two fighters completely disregarded the sanctity of common courtesy as they brought the audience in their petty quarrel. 

Men and their egos.

The hypocrisy of the situation never ceased to amaze her.

He’s mad that Hisoka sold out the troupe and had a hand in the death of their members? Really? After they probably done far worse? 

She watched up on the screen as the audience members began flying towards the aforementioned clown, internally jerking back as Hisoka’s arm was completely severed.

Just like his fight with Kastro.

But it wasn’t like his fight against Kastro. This was a fight against the leader of the Phantom Troupe and this Chrollo guy….he was no joke. At least in his fight against Kastro it was like a game in his favor. Here though, he was the prey and this Chrollo guy seems vengeful. 

As she focuses on the magician, the situation seemed to hit Hisoka.

It was all incredibly dramatic.

And incredibly stupid.

A huge explosion erupted. Bodies piled up. Chrollo’s the last man standing. 

Hisoka is dead.

Hisoka is dead.

Hisoka is dead.

The words chant in her head like a sour requiem. A feeling of dread washes over her psyche. A wave, a panic arises. Her body moves involuntarily and she runs out the door towards the arena. Once she’s there she stills and takes a breath.

Stop being dramatic….This situation is exactly why he asked you to be here.

As a manipulator she could control a person’s hearts. If she was ever caught in a fight she could practically stop an opponent and give them an artificial cardiac arrest, not that she couldn’t fight her way out without her ability. With this ability she was also able to slow someone's heart rate, either calming them or putting them to sleep. The downside of it was that she had to be within a fifteen foot radius of whoever she’s using it on and there needs to have been a point of contact with the other person within an hour's time frame. 

Aura is all around the body you see, and the core of it is the heart. If it was any other organ, like the brain for example, without a modifier like needles, her nen ability would not be possible. Call it her individuality complex, but something about modifiers made her equate it to people like Illumi Zoldyck. It left a bad taste in her mouth. 

There also was a chance that if she overexerted herself, say stopping more than 3 peoples hearts at a time, she could overwork her heart rate and die. Then again, there are downsides to everything. 

Really it was an ability she was particularly proud of. Well she did develop her nen faster than the others. When she showed Gon and Killua her ability they started bombarding her with endless questions. Though there wasn’t a name for it yet. Leorio and his ever present doctor knowledge just kept spewing out heart-related medical terms.

Cardiac is a good name though. 

God. She really missed her friends.

At least you get to see Kurapika when this is all over.

Back to the matter at hand. Hisoka is dead and before he died he asked her to restart his heart to bring him back to life. After much harassment from him against her and her friends, she was bound to say no, however fifty-million jenny is fifty million jenny. A bag is a bag, could you blame her?

Schooling her face she enters the ‘arena’, if you could call it that. The place was completely decimated. The ceiling was ready to crumble completely. Dead bodies littered the entire room. The iron smell of blood wafed up her nose, cringing internally.  In the middle lies Hisoka, face mauled, a missing nose, and several severed limbs. 

Geez, it's like he wants to make her job difficult. 

Peering over to the entrance on the other side she spots a certain pink-haired spider. Machi stands above Hisoka as she uses her nen stitches to put his limbs back together. 

Oh so this is his plan.

She takes no precaution in disguising herself through Zetsu, as she pulls her face into a stony exterior. It works as the pink-haired woman senses her presence and turns up in arms towards her. 

“You” Machi spits out.

“Me” she says mockingly.

“What are you doing here.”

Pointing to the man himself, “The clown wanted me to restart his heart,” sauntering over to where Hisoka’s body laid there, “a fail-safe, if you will.” 

Machi rolls her eyes, “I thought a goodie-goodie like you wouldn’t help a guy like him?”

Shrugging her shoulders she walks up to the spider and brushes Machi’s hair behind her ears, “Fifty-million jenny is fifty million jenny.”

Machi doesn’t say anything. Paying no mind the girl kneels down to the magenta magician. His face, once handsome, now bashed and torn up. She wouldn’t admit it to him but she felt a small pang in her heart at the sight of him. 

You shouldn’t feel bad. He’s the cause of his own ruination. 

Placing both hands on his chest she feels for signs of where his heart is. Once finding it she focuses her aura into her hands and into his heart. Raising her connected hands once she pushes down roughly, in turn restarting his heart. Hopefully he still had some blood flow still lingering in the brain. 

It took a minute but after a while of pumping his heart herself she felt his breath even, indicating that he would be fine on his own for now. In a moment of relief she watched his eyes flutter open. 

His eyes focused, slightly dazed and disoriented, but surprised that he is seeing at all. Still he sees her towering over him, as icy as fresh fallen snow. Her expression is blank, devoid of any hatred or fondness. Still she’s ethereal like this. Light shrouded her like a halo, as if she was an angel of death. For a moment he thought he had died and entered a Heaven he did not deserve. 

What a welcome sight <3, he thought.

Machi looked at the pair stunned. So that’s what her nen ability is. Chrollo isn’t going to be happy about this. Slipping past the pair, she left the room to tell her boss about this new development. 

“What a coincidence Y/N, I didn’t know you cared about me this much,” his signature smirk marring his face. She watches as he fills his gapping nose with bungee gum and covers it with his texture surprise. 

Vain as usual.

She scowls at him, “I care about your wallet,” saying it as coldly as possible. 

“Ouch that hurts~” 

“You literally just died.” 

“So now your concerned, hmm~” 

Rolling her eyes she asked, “Well, I hope you learned something from this experience.” Raising her hand she checks his pulse, “What are you going to do about Chrollo and his gaggle of arachne?” 

“This was a sort of wake up call so to say~,” he sits up moving closer to her face, eyes darting towards her petaled lips. He reaches over to caress her face, but she swats his hand and glares, “From now on I won’t give my opponents a choice when and where we fight, it makes things more...interesting.” The magician reveals at the thought. 

Oh how magnificent our fight will be, Y/N

“As for the troupe, I plan on hunting them down,” he moves closer to her ear and then whispers, like a promise between two lovers, “one. by. one.” 

Leaning back to see her cold exterior crumble was a sight to see. Her eyes, wide and shocked, looked like a doe in headlights. Her mouth, deliciously agape, felt tempting to touch. There he was, powerful and sadistic Hisoka, toying with whether he should worship the woman in front of him or break her. 

Decision, decisions. 

“Either way I’m going to need someone to rip their hearts out with.” 

Oh~, this is where the fun begins <3

What I’m Up To

Taking a brief pause from my fantasy screenplay to talk a bit about what I’m playing/reading/listening to these days.

VIDYA GAMES

Cities: Skylines- Still working on my shithole city in all its glory. San Cruz has expanded to over 100k residents and in the past week I’ve built a level 3 park, extensive monorail system, and even extensive helicopter pickup lines. It’s still a terrible place to live, but it’s also fun to grapple with the challenges of a desert map. 

Yakuza 0- I’m gonna post this take here, since we’re not on twitter and I’m safe from the mobs- Yakuza 0 is the experience everyone promised me Witcher 3 would be. Thrilling combat, a fascinating game world, and lovely, meaningful side quests. If this sounds like I’m digging at Witcher 3, I promise I’m not. I personally didn’t enjoy that game. But obviously, many, many people did and would disagree with my critiques. That’s totally fine! I’m just saying I’m enjoying Yakuza 0 for merits similar to what I’ve heard in connection with the Witcher franchise- and I could also see people having similar gripes, too! I’ve been on a well documented single player drought over the past couple months. Yakuza 0 finally broke me out of that, and it’s been a thrill. Getting out of the COD grind cycle has been a joy. This is a lovely experience that rewards curiosity by sparking yet more curiosity. I can’t wait to see how it continues to open up. Expect my Twitter account to go on about this for a while.

Mario 64- I have 8 stars! I’m told I have like, 113 more to go, a number which makes me groan.  So far, Mario 64 has felt like an obligation that is occasionally fun. It’s very dated, but it has the DNA that would go on to make later games like Odyssey an absolute joy.  Games like these feel more like an exercise in filling in my gamer history gaps than they do labors of love. Like most retro games, I have a hard time getting into Mario 64 for longer than 20 minutes at a time. So this will likely be a long-running project.

Star Wars: Squadrons- I probably should have known better, but I picked this game up ‘cuz the reviews were decent and the price felt right. Good news is that in the couple of hours I’ve spent with it, the gameplay is mostly solid and the graphics are beautifully rendered. It feels like both Rogue Squadron AND X-Wing, which is a hell of an accomplishment. Bad news is several of the missions appear to be badly broken, requiring numerous restarts. The game is generous with checkpoints, so it’s not a huge deal, but it is annoying. Hopefully they patch that stuff. I also haven’t tried multiplayer yet. None of my friends have bit on picking this up, so I’m not sure when or if it will happen. Assuming I can power through the hammy story, I’ll at least finish the campaign sometime down the line, even if I can’t be bothered to care how any of this fits into the larger world of Star Wars.

Warzone- Still doing that Season 6 thing! Subways have been mostly a disappointment for me so far, and the new marksman rifle has made the current meta a veritable hell for anyone with underdeveloped quick scoping skills, but I still get a couple matches in every day.

ANIME

God of High School- To say God of High School moves fast is an understatement. True to form, it sprinted its way through the finale. It’s got some lovely sequences, and I can’t wait to get my hands on the OST, but beyond a couple of choice battles, it didn’t leave a strong impression on me. I’m glad I saw it, but I’m not thirsting for a new season.

Dragon Ball- I switched over to the English dub of this show. I don’t usually do that, but I was struggling to keep my attention. I think in a way it helped? The English dub actors are far more cartoonish and silly, which really plays to the absurd animation and story turns. I’m on S1E13, and the first summoning of the dragon just happened. I won’t spoil except to say...this show has a deeply specific sense of humor, and I’m starting to dig it?

Fire Force- Season 2 is finally taking off for me. I’m on ep 14, and the focus has shifted over to the mysterious Joker. The battles have been compelling, as have been the mysteries placed by his storyline. I was struggling with feeling invested in S2 thus far, but the past few ep’s have reminded me of why I found this show special in the first place- when it gets serious and stays focused, it’s one of the tightest active shonen stories.

Manga

I’ve been on a bit of a manga break lately. Today I did take time with another chapter of Fruits Basket, which continues to be a lovely delight. I also recently received Master Edition copies of both Fairy Tail and Berserk. This week, my goal is to finish both Fruits Basket and my latest volumes of One Piece so I can dive into my new Master Editions.

Music

I haven’t had much change in my music tastes lately. I’ve been listening to a lot of Kompany and other dubstep artists, mostly ‘cuz I find the deep bass and variety of sounds soothing to me while I’m writing and zoning out during sessions of Cities: Skylines. I also enjoy its tempo while I’m running. Anything that helps the time pass, really.

Tabletop Games

I played 6 hours of DND this weekend. It was mostly a free-form improv session where I let the players do basically anything they wanted to within the gameworld we established during The Lost Mines of Phandelver. It was very heavy on roleplay, without a single instance of combat. While I was personally exhausted after the session, the players expressed that they had a very good time. We’ll be looking to finish up what they started in a bonus session for October!

Wrastlin!

My WWF Discord group just finished 1999 King of the Ring. Mr. Ass won! One of our folks actually got her bracket right. I had predicted Kane winning, so I was obviously out of luck on that. In the last RAW, Stone Cold Steve Austin just won the Heavy Weight Title from the Undertaker in an unlikely win! We’ll see how long that stint lasts...

Streams

I tried streaming from my personal Twitch using a schedule last week!

It...had mixed results.

My Warzone streams were my most popular, which is funny, ‘cuz I’m not that good at Warzone. My least popular were my Dungeon of the Endless and Yakuza 0 streams, which is not a big surprise. Those games aren’t that fun to watch.

I wanted to do the schedule as a an attempt to see if I could get a small audience or find some new meaning in games I was working through by presenting them as content.

I found the answer to both was more or less “not really”.

And that’s okay!

I also learned streaming, even just for an hour a night, is hard work. We should all be kinder to our content creators and in awe of the friends we have who do it even when on one is watching. Content creation is so unforgiving. Maybe if I stuck with it longer I’d have found my niche, but honestly, I just enjoy games for the games, and turning them into content just isn’t my speed. 

I’ve been doing the whole SpriteClub thing per usual. I’m a paid subscriber now! And I even am on a greeting basis with some folks. That’s been really cool. We had debuts this weekend too, where creators submit new fighters. The system matches them with other fighters to determine ratings. It’s a lot of fun, and the event always has this festival atmosphere to it. 

I’ve also been watching a lot of streams from the gals over at hololive-EN. Specifically, I’ve been watching Gawr Gura, Amelia Watson and Mori Calliope. It’s become nightly viewing in my household. I’ll save the debate on V-Tubers for a different place, suffice to say I have enjoyed the games they’ve presented and the personalities they’ve developed, and I think the success they’ve found is well earned. There are some talented folks behind these projects, and I find the streams to be relaxing, enjoyable, and at hours I can actually tune in for.

Personal News

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty down. This can be easily correlated with the shift in temperature, for sure. I know a lot of people really dig fall, and I used to be a SPOOKY SEASON guy myself, but as I get older, fall has shifted into this period of mourning as I recognize the shortening days and the coming winter, which has always played hell with my body.

I’ve been struggling with a number of phantom symptoms that seem to pop up this time of year- bad digestion, terrible sleep (likely resulting from mild apnea), fatigue and heart palpitations. In turn, my mental health has been seriously flagging. 

At the suggestion of my therapist, I’ve started up a new vitamin regimen including a multivitamin and magnesium. I’ve also focused on finding potassium enriched foods and have cut back significantly on my drinking and caffeine. So far, this has actually resulted in me gaining weight ‘cuz I’ve been indulging in a lot of sugar as a coping mechanism, but I’m working through getting back to a healthy place where I can both track my intake but also be content with where I’m at. Right now I’m doing my best to try and fight the urge to become a Nap Guy. 

Last week I took several naps, even on my off days, and I’ve had a hard time sustaining my energy throughout the day, so I’m doing a better job of getting the sleep my body asks for while also structuring my day with more purpose so I’m left with less time just lying around wondering what to do.

Last week I broke my personal best for a 5K, breaking 24 minutes. For today’s run, I plan to try and break my 7:30 time on my mile run to the gym. 

For weights, I’ve gotten into a rhythm of 3 times a week, with Mondays and Fridays focusing on my core exercises- presses and curls, with Wednesdays focusing on pulls that are centered on working out my back, as well as bodyweight exercises such as dips and pull ups. This variation has given my limbs more time to heal up, which is welcome. Now if only I could be kinder to my body AFTER the gym, I might see some actual progress!

Work continues to be what it is. I’m at 30 hours now, which continues to be a huge positive. I don’t think I could keep at it with 40 hours. Change is a constant, and they seem to find new ways to make our jobs more convoluted every day. I have a quarterly review coming up with my new supervisor, but I have a feeling it won’t be nearly so traumatic as the last one, as I’ve done a good job of straightening up and flying right.

As I get more distance from August, I’m starting to recognize it- the events of my workplace disasters, my unplanned vacation, my off the rails spending and drinking- for what it was- it was a breakdown. And I’m still recovering from it. I was deeply unwell, and I took on some trauma- some of it wasn’t stuff I was looking for, some of it was stuff I brought on myself. I’m working through it. I wish I could say things like therapy have made a huge difference, but frankly, most of the work comes from stuff like this, where I’m just writing and being transparent with myself. That’s where I find the most healing work happens.

I still have a lot of my social media muted. When I need news, it typically filters through into my Discord, or Yahoo dings my phone or I see it on my Facebook feed. It’s fair to say that lately it’s felt like everything just Happens So Much.

I feel for my friends who are directly impacted- by the election, by the supreme court, by...just, everything. It all makes my own personal journey and endeavors feel...deeply small. At the same time, I just don’t have the emotional capacity required to house this perpetual crowd of events or constantly process everything in real time. I’m not sure when, if ever, I will have that again. I struggle to read ANYTHING- even friendly sites like Defector or The Discourse, without feeling an immense downswing.

I don’t know what the answer is. I wish I could just gut up and stay constantly plugged in for the sake of pals who might need to openly hash this out or draw attention to their causes or needs, but based on the past few months, I’m not sure I can take care of myself, let alone others. As I often tell close friends, my priorities these days are this small and in this order- Stay Healthy, Stay Kind, Stay Employed, Stay Productive- anything that goes right beyond that feels like a bonus in 2020.

At any rate, thanks for reading the update, y’all!

I’ll try and post these more regularly. I just wanted to check in with everyone and let y’all know how everything is going these days. Stuff like this helps me keep honest, as lately I’ve had a hard time sussing out what my direction is these days. Stay safe and well, and hit me up with what you’re up to, when you find a moment!

Nikki my fallout queen please help me. I’m playing it on Xbox one and I have never dealt with mods before but I saw that the main screen now has like, add-ons and downloads and stuff. Anyways how do mods work? And do you have any that you recommend? Basically I don’t want to fuck up the game (or my console) and I’m worried about using them

Ahhh I just started playing with mods so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt. To get them you just click on “Mods.” And then when you find one you like you click on a mod and there’s an option to download them. They download themselves but the trouble comes when you have multiple ones. There’s apparently this thing called “load order” and basically you have to place some above the others or they’ll conflict with each other and it can fuck up your game (I’ve had to restart a couple times because my game just..broke lmao)

so if you have a lot of progress on a save I’d definitely back it up or avoid using mods on that one until you’re sure they work together (I have a “test character” I use for that purpose.

you can look up load order guides for consoles but honestly it confuses the heck out of me. On PC you can just download something that organizes your mod load order for you.. which dear god i wish consoles had it. They don’t though so you gotta do it manually.

basically ALWAYS read the entire description of a mod. sometimes certain mods won’t work with others and the creator will list them so you can avoid conflict. Sometimes they’ll tell you where the mod needs to be in the load order. Also it’s just important so you know what you’re getting into. I still haven’t figured out my load order. Rip. I just crash occasionally and deal with it but I want it fixed eventually.

I definitely recommend watching videos and reading guides on mods and load order for console because I’m new to this too.

as for recommendations. These aren’t all the mods I have and have tried but ones I think are the best Ones I have and I know for the most part don’t cause issues. I’ll list more in another post if you guys want? Or review them I guess heh

Fallout 4 unofficial patch (it’ll place itself where it needs to be which is at the top because it’s a Master File) it fixes 100’s of bugs Bethesda missed. It’s small and doesn’t conflict with anything really and doesn’t effect performance. You’ll probably forget you even have it installed.

Full Dialogue Interface: if you don’t like the original dialogue system this is wonderful. You know how in the vanilla (original) game the options are paraphrased? Like “sarcastic” and it doesn’t tell you what you’re going to say? This fixes that and tells you exactly what you’ll say. I love love it. One time I accidentally called Nick garbage because of the old system and I was deeply distraught lmao.

Everyone’s Best Friend. This lets you travel with a companion and Dogmeat at the same time. So apparently originally Bethesda meant to let Dogmeat travel with you AND a companion but it was scrapped last minute. The remnants of it are still presented in the game (dogmeat isn’t effected by live and love perks, lower health, the companions have dialogue and affinity reactions to you healing Dogmeat, etc) anyway I’ve never had any problems with this one and it’s just super fun. Also more carry weight (good for farming positive affinity too because healing him makes most companions happy. Excluding Strong and X6 who dislike it.)

SKK scrapper. If you do a lot of building this is a must have tbh lmao. I don’t think I could play without it now. Basically it automatically scraps your junk and there’s several options. It appears on a little holotape in your misc inventory and you can control it from there. It’s really easy and really useful. Sadly it doesn’t scrap weapons or armor though. You still gotta do that manually.

All Settlements Expanded: it makes your build area a lot bigger. There are alternate options for specific settlements if you don’t want to expand them all. I really like how the creator expanded a lot of them to water sources if possible cuz than I can make the big water purifiers lol.

Place Anywhere: it does just what it says. You can place objects just about anywhere. Inside things. In the air. Wherever. However I have noticed that since installing it some areas seem to have a glitch and I ironically can’t place things on them…like a bed because it goes right into the floor and doesn’t allow me to place things ON the floor. I can’t be positive this is Place Anywhere but I can’t think of anything else that would cause it. It’s not too big of a deal and so far I’ve only seen it happen in a couple of areas. I mostly ignore it and place stuff elsewhere but it might be a dealbreaker for some. Personally I think it’s worth a few glitches

Better Stores and Better Stores far harbor addition: gives you better options for stores. It also adds some really cool stuff for your settlements. You can buy Brahmin, guard mongrels, guard dogs, guard wolves, rad rabbits, rad chickens (I love these), radstags as livestock, mirelurk livestock…the Brahmin don’t seem to stick to their troughs like the vanilla game Brahmin though?

craftable ammo. I really like how balanced/lore friendly this is with the game. It doesn’t feel like cheating or “not immersive” because you need perks that make sense for different types of ammo (ex: nuclear physicist for nukes) and you need the materials to make it (and the materials make sense) It’s just really useful I think and should have been put in the original game.

Craftable Cats. It comes with a bunch of new cat colors and fur patterns. Calicos, orange tabbies, tuxedo, etc. you need one empty milk bottle to craft one. I’m just happy to see more variation.

k9 harness: tactical body armor and backpack for dogmeat: it’s super cute and can add a lot of carry weight for Dogmeat which is really useful.

Simple Settlers (mortal edition) I really love his one. It adds more varied settlers (so you don’t see the same faces over and over again) and also names them which I think is an awesome touch. You have the choice between a mortal and immortal addition depending on whether or not you want your settlers to be able to die.

Icebreaker Settlements: adds over 400 lines of new dialogue for settlers. Also has some other tweaks. Make sure to read the mod but its nothing too big.

Settlement Limits slashed: gets rid of your build limit!

there are more and I may have forgotten some since I’m not home at the moment x)

oh! Quick addition: enhanced blood textures: if you’re like me and want more gore to your game. (It just makes the blood better looking and adds some more)

Creatures Such As We

A quick little story to those who didn’t ask for this, ie all my followers and mutuals.

Since I sold my Xbox and my PC has croaked out, I am stuck with mobile gaming on my iPad 4 (which sucks kinda cuz it’s 7 years old and all good games are incompatible with it). Recently, the App Store recommended to me a choose-your-own-adventure book app called “Creatures Such As We”, a novel where your choices affect the outcome.

Basically you make your own character (I’d like to point out this game’s openness to represent cuz you have the option of being either a cis male/female or trans male/female and since it has a romance element it also has representation for bi ppl) who’s a tour guide on a recreational facility on the moon. It opens with your character playing a game titled “Creatures Such As We” where he’s struggling to find a “good ending” where the protagonist can save both the world and their love interest, something they fail to accomplish despite several replays (no it isn’t a telltale game they’re playing). After that frustration, they are told their next tour is the dev team to that game they play. Now basically the romance part comes in with which developer you choose to bond with. Here’s the list:

Andres, the average white guy, a bit of a pretentious asshole. Sardi, and Indian girl who’s a self absorbed asshole. Ren, a Chinese girl who’s a harshly critical asshole (do you see where I’m getting at here?). Grant, a stereotypical rich white guy (and asshole). James, pretty chill guy, a bit annoying (idk what his ethnicity is). And finally Diana, an American dreamer (the one really nice person in this group) with her head always thinking up the wildest stories and she’s the lead writer, basically the person you nag about the ending to that game.

So your first impressions have a strong effect on how these people will see you. You can either give them a strictly professional greeting or act casual and nice. (It is at this point I realize that I’m going into a full on summary but I honestly can’t be fucked to change it) So you give a thorough tour of the place (Grant’s sick so he’s throwing up until you send his sorry ass to med bay) and let them sleep in their quarters for this week long stay. It is also at this point I realize that all your character does in their spare time is work out and play video games. Anyways, your character decided to restart the Creatures game from the beginning, where basically you kinda familiarize yourself with the protagonist and their love interest. Then, you again reach the ending and the inevadability of Elegy’s (the love interest) death. The next morning at breakfast your character chooses who to sit with aka start a friendship with. I chose Diana cuz practically everyone else is an asshole and I’m curious about that game. I’m told that yes, there is in fact a rigged ending on the comment of the idea that for some people to survive others must suffer (in this case Elegy has to sacrifice herself in order to save the protagonist and the world). You talk about how there are moments where sometimes, people can survive without suffering and (I’m not gonna detail the rest of the convo cuz it boils down to she’s flattered by your idea cuz of a recent business merger of her company meaning she suffers under more intense scheduling and idea restrictions for the benefit of the CEOs). So then there’s the tour where you take the devs to the Lunar surface in space suits. To sum it up, Diana has a panic attacked and almost breaks her suit and suffocates until you take her back to the facility and calm her down (this is where the romance REALLY kicks in even though your boss and her boss would hate this). So basically for the next day my character snuck off and hung out with Diana and then had to go back to touring duties. Next day, SURPRISE SURPRISE THERES A REASON THE MOON IS COVERED IN HOLES GUESS WHAT OUTER SPACE DECIDES TO RAIN DOWN SUM DEATH. So a meteor shower happens and leaves a mile wide crater between the facility and the Evac shuttles. So your director, afraid to have a bad reviews cuz he failed to activate the asteroid defence, tells your character to lie and blackmails you into doing it. So then I take the devs into the space suits and try to get them past the crater. Of course, Diana falls in and you have the choice to either leave her as protocol dictates, or save her and get fired. What did I choose? If it ain’t obvious you’re a heartless bastard (and yes I AM being hypocritical by saying that). So I brought her to the shuttles, meteor shower is over and I’m told I’m fired until Diana takes the blame by saying her curious mind fiddled with systems. You get your kid to keep, you’re not allowed to even tell Diana goodbye as she leaves for Earth and you’re left heartbroken and with a rigged video game. No matter how many times I replayed I that section, I’d reach that outcome. It would be a different ending, but my character would still lose Diana. And that’s the end…

Actually it isn’t. Author basically asks if I enjoyed the story, and I said I did cuz I didn’t mind the ending too much, I’m thrown into the Epilogue. What happens? I got an email from Diana with a file for a “patch” she convinced the devs to make to Creatures, and I got the Alpha. What was the patch? I got an extra option in the end. Before Elegy turns herself into a black hole targeting the main antagonist, the protagonist gives her a hug and a kiss to stop her from killing herself, and with the guards knocked out they destroy the military base and save the world and live happily ever after. Then, you are basically given a list of things to change, and this turned out to be a LOOONG epilogue. My character managed to get the director who blackmailed him fired. Diana becomes the head developer and writer to a new game based on her friendship with my character. My character resigns his job and moved back to Earth, getting help from Diana to physically get used to the natural environment and starting a relationship with her and gets a job as one of her writers in the new game. The end.

No doubt there is one question on everyone’s mind. Why say all this? Well, to be honest I actually PREFERRED the base ending without the Epilogue. I felt like the Epilogue was unnecessary closure, after a five hour playthrough drove into my head the whole idea that some things you can’t change, a lesson that is actually harshly relevant in my current life, something I had to apply to my current relationships with the people I know and care about. The pre epilogue story was kind of my own personal closure, the idea that I just need to move on in order to survive, even if I do have to suffer to some extent. I can understand why the author put it in. Under normal circumstances I would have loved the fact that there was a happy ending. So yeah. There’s just a little peak about my weekend and the sort of impact a choose your own adventure book has on me. Hope I didn’t bore you too much.

Window Pain (Outro) - J. Cole | While technically a hopeful coda,

Cole has emerged this decade as one of the US’s finest rappers. He’s a confident lyricist with an ear for a hip-pop hook, a willingness to address difficult subjects and an ability to weave compelling stories through his music, creating what he and his many, many fans (including Barack Obama) refer to as his ‘Cole World’. Cole’s Dreamville Festival is slated to feature local music, food, art and culture inside the City of Oaks’ Dorothea Dix Park on September 15. The festival will include up-and-coming artists as well as local acts. No lineup has been announced, but the rhyme slingers’ roster is expected to surface within the next few weeks. K.O.D. magnifies Cole's current status as a deliberate outsider, well versed in pop music's machinations even as he refuses to take part in them. His righteous, substance-over-style image is enormously appealing – when K.O.D. dropped on April 20th, it broke Apple Music's 24-hour streaming record. But he remains a divisive figure, with some critics loudly deriding him for his production choices and, uh, his lyrical reliance on bodily functions. The rapper takes an excursus on what has been his dependencies over the years, starting from adolescence ("I smoke the drug and I run through my vein, I think it's working, it's the numbin the pain", from the title track ). Physical and psychological addiction from different types of drugs, from marijuana to Lean, known in rap culture as purple drank, syrup mixed with alcohol, which caused the pharmaceutical company to withdraw it from the market due to the wide spread ("Sipped so much Actavis, I convinced Actavis that they should pay me ", again from KOD). Today, J. Cole says more and unveils, still via Twitter, the cover of this next record and at the same time his playlist. On this one, we can see the rapper represented in the guise of a king and the phrase "This album is in no way intended to glorify addiction." (The intention of this album is in no way to glorify drug addiction). Indeed, under the cape of the king, we can see several children that we imagine taking drugs. The video is not available on YouTube! One night When me and my mom was about to go to bed All the doors was locked Then when I had fell asleep My mom had heard three gun shots It was to my cousin, his name was Rod The one that came to pick me up He had been shot right through the face, right in the neck And he got shot right in the stomach I put my hand to the sky, I sing Grateful for the blessings you bring Thank you for the ones I love Forgive me for the times I was Down and confused, I know What I reap is what I will sow Once again I find myself Back with you from my hell All I ever wanted was to hear them bitches holler back Get some money plus respect and now look, I got all of that All I wanna do is see my granny on the other side All I wanna do is kill the man that made my momma cry All I wanna do is touch a platinum plaque and celebrate All I wanna do is keep my niggas out the yellow tape All I wanna do is see my granny on the other side All I wanna do is kill the man that made my momma cry J.Cole Right now I'm starin' out the window of my Range and contemplating, am I sane? Have I sacrificed for fame? My occupation's on my brain Thought that I could change it all if I had change But the niggas that I came up with way back is still the same I be tryna give 'em game like Santa did when Christmas came They be listenin' but it's clear to me they did not hear a thing It go in one ear and out the other like a bullet out the muzzle of a pistol shot by brothers standin' point-blank range Niggas bang in the Ville, I always thought that shit was strange How you claim blood or cuz when that was just a LA thing? I don't mean no disrespect towards your set, no, I'm just sayin' That it seem like for acceptance niggas will do anything Niggas will rep any gang, niggas will bust any head Niggas will risk everything, point him out and then he dead Shootin' up where his granny live, "blaow, blaow!", his granny duck He don't give a fuck, he's on Henny and Xanny'd up Blowin' Tammy up, bitch, when you gon' give them panties up? He gon' plant a seed, but best believe he ain't man enough Just because yo' dick can spray semen, it don't mean that you ready to let go of yo' childish ways The results are deadly Because that child will suffer and that's what can most affect me The little girl I met this past summer said, "Don't forget me" I won't forget you, how could I with all you went through? A bullet hit yo' cousin in Temple while he was with you And while you was talkin', I was tearin' up, where's the tissue? If you was my sister then I would kiss you and tell you that I'm sorry for the pain you had to live through I know I'm blessed because yo' stress is realer than anything I done been through I put my hand to the sky, I sing Grateful for the blessings you bring Thank you for the ones I love Forgive me for the times I was Down and confused, I know What I reap is what I will sow Once again I find myself Back with you from my hell All I ever wanted was to hear them bitches holler back Get some money plus respect and now look, I got all of that All I wanna do is see my granny on the other side All I wanna do is kill the man that made my momma cry All I wanna do is touch a platinum plaque and celebrate All I wanna do is keep my niggas out the yellow tape All I wanna do is see my granny on the other side All I wanna do is kill the man that made my momma cry It's not that big Well at least, um God had saved him 'cause he still alive So why do y'all think that bad stuff happen? Like why can't the world just be all nice things? Because God is tryna, um Warn-warn us or teach us a lesson that we need to learn Or He's tryna warn us of He's comin' back to, um, see us and take us home and redo the world He's comin' back to, um, have us be His children and for us to see Him for the first time so we can rejoice with Him and have our time And after we do that, He's gonna restart the world K.O.D Choose wisely! No sooner said than a few minutes ago "K.O.D." (short for "Kids On Drugs") appeared in full length on all current streaming platforms. Twelve tracks include the new Longplayer and comes without feature guests (not to be surprised: Kill Edward is an alter ego by J. Cole). If you like, you can listen to "Kids On Drugs" here in full length. Tweets by JColeNC Read the full article

Letters #8

So I was not going to write for a while. I’d unofficially decided to take a break and just experience. But today my friends seemed down and in need of something uplifting. Since I first discovered my love for words at a period in my life when I was down, in pain, and in dire need of upliftment and consolation, I decided to try to do for them what no one could ever seem to do for me, something which I have learnt over time to solely depend on my self, to strive to look within for - reassurance. Of my friends to whom this is ultimately dedicated, only one is sure to read this. The other will probably only know of and feel my constant devotion and dedication to their life cause, be it whatever, by my continued and unwavering support, even while I am simultaneously disagreeing with their decisions. Why? Just because. Why do we stick around for our friends even when we don’t approve of their actions? Because we ARE their friends - or is it that WE are their friends? The difference goes far beyond syntax or semantics. Understanding the finer subtleties in human behavior is paramount if we are to be fulfilled in life. But pseudophilosophical ramblings aside, here goes.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. We were living fast, and rough? And by all accounts way larger than our means. For did we have any? Means that is. We were doing the opposite of all that we’d been taught. Cuz instead of working and saving up for our future, We took out a blank check and cashed it, In the name of our dreams. We were steady borrowing from our perceived greatness of tomorrow, To provide the strength we need to get through the never ending todays. Why? Because man, Just because. If we never made it through today, how would we see the beautiful other days we were assured of? The future we’d been promised since infancy would be epic. The modern day individualized land of the proverbial ‘milk and honey’ Our personal Utopia. And so we were. Stuck just getting by, Going in circles around the same days. Hopelessly monotonous and mundane days. That never seemed to change between instances. Why did we persist? Because, just because. We had been promised a Nirvana, And get to it we would. Our daily task was simply existence. Not experience, existence. What does it take to exist? To simply live and breathe without actively or actually doing anything? You’d be surprised. It takes effort. True and unadulterated effort, just to get by. Why, you might ask, do we still do it? Because… Actually no, not because, since. Since there is no other acceptable alternative. Or one that we know of. Life is no game where you can simply pause, stop or restart. You can’t turn the t.v off and set down the remote. If only it were that easy. To rewind time or redo levels of our lives. We’d be the epitomes of greatness. The embodiment of perfection, and perfect. We would transcend mediocrity. Negate the possibility of average. Humans par excellence! But wait, Would we still be human? Or would we invariably have lost our claim to any last vestiges of humanity by way of bettering ourselves. Would we have traded in that which we hold most dear in our quest for ‘otherness’ Like that blank check we cashed in just to get to the future we’d always hoped and dreamed of, Only to realize on getting there that there was nothing set aside for us. So we went in circles. On getting to our unsaved for tomorrow we saw it to be just the same as today, if not worse. Because instead of the savings we should have had to distinguish our futures from our present, we still found ourselves in a state of lack. A lack compounded by our expectations of plenty. Exponentially magnified to seem a thousand times worse than the past we had just left. We had worked so hard to improve ourselves only to become something totally removed from the ideal. So we had to work doubly hard to return to that which we detested in the first place. The dreaded 'square one’. Illustrating the hopelessness of our endeavors since the dawn of time. What am I saying? What’s the point in all the struggles we face? Surely it’s not to better ourselves in the literal or conventional manner. Could it be that we are innately wired to fight, Not for or against anything in particular, Or in general, for that matter, But because, Simply because.

I hope this helps. I’m not the world’s greatest sympathizer but I like to think I can empathize. I may be totally off on some things, or most things, but then again maybe I’m not. We wake up and try again day after day, not just or only because we have something to prove, or to prove ourselves to someone, but maybe also or just because that’s what we know how to do, or know to do. Passions and hobbies and interests are not chosen by their easiness or our ease of performing or partaking in them, in the same way lovers and partners are not chosen by the ease of loving them or being with them. Indeed, sometimes it’s the tension created from the very hardness of the endeavor that gives us satisfaction and makes it worth our while.

Or maybe I’m totally wrong and this is just something I tell myself to feel better anytime I start to feel down that my life has not yet gotten better, because we fundamentally associate betterness with easiness, and sometimes the two could not be more distinct.

I’m going back to bed now. Hope you feel better and are not being hard on yourself.