Genuinely want to go scream in the woods.

Freelancing job opportunity had tech issues and said I could navigate away from the assessment screen to check their emails for help. That was a lie, and they cut my test early as a result before I could even fix the fucking tech issue. I now cannot tell if they will still consider me, and they’ve not replied to my tech help ticket explaining what happened.

The online radio job lied and claimed a base pay that doesn’t exist at all. I’m considering it still only bc I would like a foot in the door in that area of things, and there’s commission pay for the advertisers that would be involved, but I’d have to help find leads. But it would be money, maybe.

And this tumblr shit. and ongoing fandom shit that I know shouldn’t bug me, but I have my own experiences with it that to me, show there’s such a-nope. Not gonna type it out bc that’s just gonna get me angry anons! And I don’t want any more! Pls and thanks! But at the same time, this is my fucking blog, I should feel safe to post an untagged, in theory difficult to stumble upon then, personal opinion about harassment I’ve received since like fucking late spring/early summer of last year.

And I know everyone reading this is gonna be like ‘shut the fuck up and stop vagueing abt it’ I WOULD LOVE TO BUT I DON’T FEEL SAFE ENOUGH ON MY OWN BLOG TO DO SO, I HATE THIS ALSO, SORRY FOR SHOUTING BUT I’M INCREDIBLY FUCKING FRUSTRATED AND FEEL VERY ALONE IN THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE SO...EMOTIONS!

Like. I’m trying. At everything. To find a job and do well for them, to try and build bridges in the fandoms I’m in rn so that I can maybe make new friends and we can enjoy talking abt the characters together and bounce ideas for fic/art/etc off each other!!

And none of it works! Am I the inefficient factor here, or is it a combination of me and everything else? Who knows?

Not me, apparently, or I’d be doing better by now I think.

I’m gonna sit for a minute and figure out if I dare try to write/finish a WIP rn or if I should just force myself to take a nap, even tho I only woke up by noonish thanks to a PTSD Moment last night (the guy shouting was probably outside, but he sounded Inside, and I swore I heard him fumble with our doorknob. In related news, when I am employed again, I’m buying a good solid metal bat to have in my room. Sorry to my therapist, but if she isn’t going to help me address this better, then I guess I’m doing this so I at least feel like I’ll have Tried to survive if anything fucked up happens lmaoooo.)