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oppressiveliberator · 5 years

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What are things Ghetsis likes to do in his spare time? Does he have anything in particular that he really enjoys doing that most wouldn’t know about? (Like. Knitting or some hobby type thing like that.)

Hobbies, huh. . . .

Ghetsis is a very goal-oriented person. Back when he was Plasma Boss and all, he wasn't really one for many hobbies--he certainly enjoyed doing things in his free time now and then, but by the time he'd adopted N, he was putting most of his free time into Plasma and advancing his goals and such.

But like I said, he did enjoy things now and then!

((snip snip unless you’re on mobile in which case as always I am sorry--maybe i should start putting these into multiple posts instead of singular big ones? lmao

Also brief mentions of I think abuse, Pokémon abuse, torture?? i don’t think there was anything else triggering in there but i’m also too lazy to reread it lmao))

Ghetsis loves to read. He most enjoys nonfiction--true crime, history, religion, culture, Pokémon, human psychology, science, world news; Ghetsis really loves just about anything that can teach him something new. He's all about doing lots and lots of research, too, and he's actually well versed in old languages, too, especially old Unovan. He made a cypher for translating(and even taught Zinzolin how to read it a bit! In fact, Zinzolin is the one who has the Old Unovan linguistic work he's done atm because he can't let go of his boyfriend's old things) But he also likes a good fiction novel--crime, historic, alternate history, adventure, thriller, horror. . .he's picky about fantasy and science fiction and romance, but he'll read them now and then too.

While he's not really that into it, he does watch a lot of TV lately. He has days where he's pretty much immobile, so something he can just lie down and watch is nice to at least keep him from just sleeping all day. His taste in TV and movies is pretty similar to his taste in books. However, he's not much of a TV person and it's more something he just kind of accepts as what he 'has to' do nowadays. Sometimes he just. Doesn't have the energy to turn pages in a book. But entertainment is always better than boredom.

In his current state, Ghetsis doesn't really do much daydreaming or quiet contemplation, because ultimately it leads to a heavy slew of negative thoughts and emotions and makes him feel terrible. But in the past, he spent much of his time thinking about the world, plotting, planning. Lately if he does anything it's daydream or dissociate but. The latter isn't really, y'know, a hobby or something he really wants to do.

Music! Is one of his highest interests!! The Harmonia family is a very musical and artistic one, so he was surrounded by music and taught to sing and play instruments since he was in diapers. He doesn't think of himself as being able to play instruments nowadays. . .even though he still played now and then when he lost most usage of his arm, so long as it obviously didn't really require both hands or a need for both could be worked around. At present he's more into listening to music than anything--and his tastes are far more variant than you'd expect, as he's able to find some enjoyment in most any genre. He's started to sing more lately, too, although since his voice is often poor, he hates to do it and have to hear how terrible he sounds. But after Bede told him not to be discouraged over it and that some practice would surely restore his voice to its former glory, he's been singing to himself a bit more in an attempt to get his vocal chords back in decent condition.

(The unexpected part of this is when you find him singing old pop songs. . . . . . . .)

Ghetsis is, despite being antisocial as far as his personality/mindset/comfort levels, actually quite outgoing and enjoys people's company and talking to them, watching them. He loves social events and crowds and being around people--although he also hates it because, well, everyone is below him and the world around them is usually disgusting. But he quite likes company, especially from interesting and intelligent people, and he's playfully flirtatious too. While he prefers to do the talking and teaching, he's not against listening if somebody catches his attention and, again, Ghetsis has an insatiable desire for knowledge. Oh and socializing doesn't always have to be positive, either! He l o v e s to harass his protags. He likes to disturb people and make them afraid and uncomfortable and upset. He'd probably be an internet troll now and then if he bothered with internet socializing.

(Also, Ghetsis fucks to survive is a hedonist. So having people around means getting laid when he wants to. And how can he say no to being attended to and having his body worshipped and pleasured? To the power that comes with controlling someone else's pleasure, making their whole body respond with a mere touch, sometimes even less?)

As of late he also quite enjoys taking walks when he can--and while he's still beginning to accept it, he has started taking his wheelchair out(though, not in the regular world, only in the magic plane he’s hiding on) if he can't do his own walking and just enjoying the world outside. He. . .misses it.

He actually is very well travelled and he loves travelling, visiting new places, learning new things in person, going on expeditions and to archaeological sites and ruins and historic places. . .! Up until BW he travelled a good amount and enjoyed the bounties and interests his the world had to offer, practical or not. He likes himself a good time and experiences. Of course it lessened when he acquired his kids, especially N. And nowadays he hardly even leaves the house, let alone the region, though with the way his magic hideaway works(rather, doesn't work) he can wind up travelling by accident simply because it isn't stable enough not to move around.

And, of course there's magic. Ghetsis habitually draws little magic circles and things here and there, little spells to store magic or discourage nightmares or encourage remembering things. If he's idly tracing something on a table that's probably why. If he's idly tracing something on a person, that's probably why--in particular, he'd 'bless' N with safety when he went outside, or put magic on him that would ideally 'lock' his mind somewhat so he wasn't influenced by the outside world and had his plans ruined. Ghetsis does rituals every now and then(there used to be some cultish stuff in Team Plasma. . .maybe. . .but rituals aren't necessarily cultish, just like regularly done things) and magical cleanses, protection for his own spaces, charging the crystals and things he has around, and practices little bits of magic here and there just so he knows he can still do it. Now and then he tries to learn or develop new magic, but he's really not in the best condition for good magic usage. It certainly doesn't stop him but, y'know, tries to keep playing with fire to a minimum lest he burn his house down.

Of course, these are mostly things he does at present. . .with the strokes and the weakness in his body and the problems with his cognition and mind in general. . .his options are lessened in his opinion. His depression and lessened will to live make it hard for him to do even those things--let alone some of the things he used to do.

Sports are among the things he'd done in the past--namely basketball(just kinda happens when you're over 6ft tall.) He gave his old ball to N to teach him to play, but back then he could still play, one arm or not. Nowadays he has trouble even sitting up let along standing, running, and he's still accepting that he needs a wheelchair now and then when he can't get around so easily himself, so wheelchair basketball isn't something he'd even consider trying. Playing basketball? Tennis? Hell, any sport? He can't even consider it. He hates watching sports now. Whereas he used to love to do so because he could watch Unovan teams VS other regions and feel proud and cheer for Unova and so on, but now he can't stand it because it makes him think of how he used to be.

One of the things he did a lot up until the end of BWB2W2, was, of course, train his Pokémon, care for them, sometimes even play with them. They needed exercise and enrichment, and keeping them in fighting and killing shape was a high priority, both for enjoyment/entertainment and for the sake of having strong Pokémon. But now his Pokémon are all gone. . .and he resents all Pokémon for it and his hostility towards them all has increased. If anything at present, he takes even greater delight in hurting Pokémon than he had in the past.

Public speaking, debating, evangelizing, convincing people of Plasma's ways, giving and writing speeches was also a hobby he enjoyed. Usually, however, he winged his speeches, simply spoke from his cunning heart. Of course, if he tried to do something like that today. . .well, someone would call interpol and it'd be a whole thing. . .he does talk to himself a even more than he used to now, but it's not the same.

Punishing and teaching Plasma's members and anyone they decided to. . .host for a while, so they could learn the truths and come to know Team Plasma's might and perspective. . .being able to torment captives, seeing the hope leave somebody's eyes, god. He misses power. He misses victims. He misses taking out his frustrations on somebody locked in his dungeons, beating them and spitting on them and showing them how above them he was, torturing them--. . .expressing his power, he never really gets to do it anymore. . . . Harming others. . .even less. . .and what power, authority, strength does he have to at present anyways. . . . .

Training members of Plasma and their Pokémon, using the Pokémon they'd liberated for various behind the scenes work like building the castle, abusing people and Pokémon alike, really he found such bliss in it. Yes, it was something he kept quite quiet about or explained away until Neo Plasma--after all, nobody knew of his plans and intentions until he was defeated--but that didn't mean he didn't enjoy it.

Unexpected things. . .hm. he's pretty adventurous so I'm sure he's tried lots of things, but ultimately discarded them as things to do often for one reason or another. Knitting he can't see himself doing, one hand and all.

When N was younger, he actually took care of the human dolls and toys he gave him, since n mostly cared about the pokémon ones and was neglectful towards the human ones. Which was what was intended! But it irked Ghetsis's sense of perfectionism to see them all messed up, so he'd do their hair and dress them and so on just so they were in order and not a messy pile in the corner.

Ghetsis liked visiting dig sites and such, but he also enjoyed personally going on expeditions now and then too! He'd been planning one to the Abyssal Ruins for some time, but it never came to fruition. . . .

Since he was so well researched and did lots of discovering things himself, he’s written academic papers and things of that nature too. Spreading his knowledge is always great.

Sciences piqued his interests sometimes, although that may not be a surprise. It's probably even less of a surprise that he was interested in experimentation on people and Pokémon--he was usually eager to let Colress do as he pleased as a result.

OH RIGHT ALSO! COLLECTING STUFF!! In particular things relating to or supposedly relating to legendary and mythical Pokémon and extinct ones too and history/legends and other unique things--stuff like feathers from legendary birds or orbs or gems said to strengthen or summon them and stuff like that. . .! He has a raw keystone, but he's not super aware of what it is since Mega Evos only really have recently come into common knowledge and he wasn’t in Kalos to learn about that in particular at the time, so he just thinks it's a cool kalosian rock with a strong life energy.

Tbh idk about any unexpected hobbies for him. . .tbf i also have like. No hobbies of my own. So this is kind of a hard question for me because doing things in your spare time??? I can't even bring myself to do things when o have to do them! Lmao.

He's abandoned a lot of his hobbies and interests. It kinda comes with being old and disabled and depressed and losing your will to live. He's feeling a bit better as of the start of the blog recent--so he's getting a bit active again, but. . .he's still not used to being "incapable" and it gets between him and doing anything for fun.

But hopefully this answer satisfied! And if not, if you're curious about anything in particular, send another ask my way!!

#long post #Anonymous | If It Hasn't Learned Your Name You'd Better Kill It Before They See It #Asks | The Truth Won’t Save You Now #History | Who’d Ever Dream A Child As Sweet As I Seemed Would Be The Source Of So Much Pain And Strife #Headcanon | The Horror That He Brings The Horror Of His Sting The Unholiest Of Kings #((thank you very much for the ask❣))

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riskeith · 3 years

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hii!

oh right! i forgot that you can see the ask while responding hehe. i wish that was the case for moi as well because i have all our convos screenshotted because of this.

(actually not really? like my appearance is super girly and i like ~girly~ things but i also love the dudebro culture.. it do be like that. wbu?) WHY DID THE TSUKISHIMA IS NOT A TR*MP SUPPORTER SEND ME.... now who the hell would even say that and be serious... some people man i’m telling you.

diluc 🤝 razor 🤝 fischl animals over their heads.

oo.. you sparked my attention.. will def check it out. i was too busy playing last night to read anything but Today I Will.

OH YEAH I’VE SEEN THOSE cyberpunk is such a messy game sndhdkdhfjsk. HOLY SHIT THAT TRAILER MADE ME SO EXCITED! sjshdkdjfjdk god this game is so amazing yet fucking huge... how the hell will it fit any phone if it keeps getting bigger and bigger..?

nooo don’t worry i’m having fun tbh. and i’m super motivated too so that might be the case. also i switched the dub to japanese just before venti’s story mission and i’m loving it so much. thankfully there isn’t too much battle yet to distract me but god i love all their voices so far. venti... hinata finally started to actual fly. i like diluc’s voice too! love his actually, super fitting for his character. 🥺

WOULD KEITH LOOK LIKE THIS IRL... he probably would 😭 greasy boy lived in the desert his hair is probably so bad 😭 what kind of mullet would you want though? like s1 keith or s7 keith? or do you have a specific kpop artist’s hair you wanna replicate? OOO.... rock star? 😳💢 what’s your clothing style if you had to describe it? also what are your thoughts about tattoos and piercings? since we’re on the topic of punk rock hdjdsksj.

idk why i find your beef with slow songs so funny aksjdhdjdhdjsk like i can just imagine you groaning bc a song doesn’t pick up the pace lol (omo...... where would we go? 😳)

treasure hoarders are fun to fight bc they just cuss you the fuck out sjdkdkshd. i like when they yell at you yet they’re so weak like fuck off dude. THE HILICHURLS ARE KIND OF CUTE YOU’RE RIGHT especially the ones that dance or sleep and you interrupt them... 🥺 personally i like fighting the slimes i think they’re adorable. they just bounce and their music isn’t too loud or annoying. you know what i fucking hate? goddamn ruin guards i can’t stand them and their aggressive music dhdjdkshs. their drop rates are shit but hilichurls are also the most common enemy, right?

after dinner? aww. same! it’s such a nice way to wind down; a cup of tea and some candle lights.. i love all of those flavors Except matcha, it just doesn’t work for me kdhddk i feel like green tea tastes like grass.. sometimes i drink it bc it’s healthy but i’m Not happy. otherwise i’m like you i drink practically everything. mostly black tea though because that’s what most common in my culture i suppose. djdkdj i used to be so good at drinking water but since i’ve been at home a lot it’s been getting worse... i do have a water bottle by my side always bc as much as i drink other things clean water is important too! are you good at drinking water?

do you know about the euphoria make up style though? it’s super colorful and lots of glitter and abstract shapes it’s so amazing and it would fit xiao so well. like imagine him in bold aqua and purple make up with lots of shimmer... 🥴

hehe, can’t wait to hear from you! <3 (and yeah! no i figure i’ll just keep it so you’ll at least know my name.. we’ve been talking since oct it’s only fair.. right?)

heya!!

ghdgkjdfg i do be taking up your photo gallery tho <33

(:o! i reckon i’m pretty much of a tomboy, tho i’m definitely stereotypically girly too.. but sometimes i have a hard time relating to other girls so hsfjdhfksd) FHSKFSD yeah ikr like.... sometimes it really aint that deep there are no other sides to it LOL

i hope you enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!! i sure did i reread it as well a few days ago ahaha

IKRRR I REWATCH THE TRAILER AGAIN EVERY NOW AND THEN JUST BC LIKE,,,, THE HYPE. that’s actually a good point tho lmao like??????? buys a phone/device JUST for genshin fhsdkjfhskdfs

nice!!! hope you enjoy the japanese dub hehehe. and omg that’s so cute 😭😭😭 he’s tobe flying now... and yasss diluc’s VA is really popular too his voice is 👌 sehr gut

FHDFKJSDHK EWWW. yikes i don’t remember his hair but i think s1?? it was shorter then right... “tidier” lol i feel like at s7 it was kinda outta control fhskfjds. and yeah!! https://twitter.com/worldsbestmulet/status/1186534890415644673 < he was my insp for a bit bc we’re both chinese so i think realistically i could look somewhat close if i tried fhskjfhds but also https://i.pinimg.com/originals/de/7b/fc/de7bfc8c52603abd7c69dc558c9c8bfe.jpg is what i showed my hairdresser when i wanted an undercut hfksdjfds. my clothing style is legit just: whatever’s comfortable. it’s pretty much all sports branded clothes fhskfjsd and i live in my hoodie + trackies lollllll. but last year w uni i wanted to step up my fashion game (rip) and i wanna buy more street style clothes!! they’re just... quite expensive lmaooo. what’s yours like?

and i like them!! when i was 14 i wanted to get a tongue piercing FKHDSHFKSDHFKSD but i never did lol. but i did get a double helix piercing in dec finally!!!!!!! i think i’m done now tbh (aside from that i only have my lobes pierced) but yeah it’s not a big desire of mine. i had a dream once tho where i was decked out in piercings and thought it was very Cool. as for tattoos, i’ve always wanted to get one! and last year i was lowkey toying around with the idea of getting a sleeve but realistically i cannot bc well. med. (if anyone reading this has a good stable well paying job for me that’ll allow me to quit uni... hmu FHSFHDSFKJSD) you??

FHSKDFHDS yeahhh it’s so awkward when people are recommending me songs and it’s slow bc im just like “mm yeah it’s nice.” and if it does actually pick up the pace then i’m like “i liked the fast parts” FHSDKFSD. (wherever you want to go baby 😉 wait omg..... read running on air that just have me.. roa vibes HFKJDSHFKSHFKSD)

yes!! i love those hilichurls sm... AHAHAHH i used to hate ruin guards too but now they’re actually one of my faves dhfdskj. you know what’s so annoying tho. dendro slimes when i don’t have any pyro users on me. or when i can’t find them and the music has just started up out of noweher hfdskjf. yeahhh i think they are but :(( you can’t tell me “dropped by lvl 60+ hilichurls” and not have them drop it for me..

ahaha that’s fair!! i adamantly did not try anything matcha until like 2018/19 and then wow. a whole new world opened up to me and now i only get matcha whenever i go places fhdskj. ooft... yeah i’m really good at drinkng water it’s the only thing i drink lol... and i’m always just drinking and refilling my cup and giving myself an excuse to leave my room fhskjds.

yeah i think i have an idea! mostly just zendaya in the song thumbnails fhskdfjs but i am picturing a lot of glitter!! that image wow...... his colour palette is so 🤩🤩

(omg since oct... has it been that long already 😳 but okay if that’s what you’re happy with!! i promise i won’t accidentally out you here ahaha. also! when you reach co-op send me your UID in a separate ask!! i’ll delete it after i add you im just paranoid about you sharing your uid anywhere public hfskdjfhsd)

babe.. this thread https://twitter.com/seungjinphobia/status/1349001013978533890?s=21 no thoughts head empty.

omg 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i cannot... their dynamic is literally xiao: someone’s gonna die >:( venti: of fun! :D JHFSKFHDSKJFSK i can’t take it someone stop them!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhdkjfhaofisdhliajdfhdsjkfhgsliudfhasdkjhdasjgadsj

hope your day has been wonderful so farrrrr OH ALSO I FINALLY MADE MY GENSHIN TWITTER FOR CHONGYUN... will share over co-op maybe.. i haven’t really set it up yet hfskdjds

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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theys-a-joke · 7 years

Text

Albert/Reader : In Sickness and In Health

Request: it’s just them alone at the lodging house because Race/Albert is sick and Reader doesn’t want to leave them alone???

Here it is! I had @lovethyfanperson look over this, amazing, I love her, 10/10, and she really seemed to like it so I decided to post it now! Be warned, it does delve into death, but only for a short bit.

Here’s the ao3 link!

It had been a pretty bad selling day. You and Albert had gotten caught in the rain while selling, and had to run back to the lodging house as quick as you could. You managed to run in between buildings keeping somewhat dry, but Albert ran straight back to the lodging house. By the time you got back, he was still soaked. A couple of the other boys were damp too.

“It smells like wet dog in here.” You stated as you entered the main room.

“Yeah and I bet you smells like flowers huh.” Albert said from across the room. He had changed into some drier clothes and was lying on the floor.

“Ise likes to think so. Ya know, I thinks that what this place needs.”

“What?”

“Flowers.”

“Ya really thinks so?” “Yeah, ‘specially on days like today, with everyone bein down n all cause o’ the rain.”

“If youse wanna pick ‘em go right ahead doll, but while youse is out, could you get me somethin to eat?” “You want I should get youse a seltzer too? And why is you lyin on the floor?”

“I ain’t feelin too good, and floor feels nice.”

“Oh. Maybe you shouldn’t sell papes tomorrow and get some help.”

“I don’t need help, alls I need is some rest.”

“Well, then maybe youse should get to your bed then, here, I’ll help ya.” You crouched down to help him up, putting his arm around your neck. His skin felt warm, though it could’ve been from the humidity. You helped, more-so dragged, Albert to his bed and he laid down.

“Thanks for helpin me out doll, though I’m not sure I needed it.” “Albert, I practically carried youse to your bed. I think the sickness is gettin to your head. Get some sleep.” You were leaving the room when he called out.

“Thanks for carin doll!” You laughed as you made your way to your bed, a couple guys shushing you along the way. You whispered an apology as you passed and got into your own bed. You hoped Albert would be alright tomorrow.

THE NEXT DAY

When you didn’t see Albert while you were getting ready, you knew something was up. You went to check up on him and suffice to say, he had gotten worse. He was paler than usual and his red hair was matted all over his face. He looked miserable. You slowly walked up to his bed so as not to startle him and spoke gently.

“Hey Albert, how ya feelin?” All you got in response was a groan.

“That bad huh?” You held his hand and rubbed circles on the back of it with your thumb. His skin was scorching.

“I’ll go tell the others youse is stayin in today, okay?” You got a muffled response that you determined to be an ‘okay.’ You went to the main room with all the boys about to leave.

“Hey guys, Albert ain’t feelin too hot today, poor guy, so he’s stayin back.”

“Youse gonna stay with him?” Specs asked.

“Somebody’s gotta take care of him.” You shrugged as you responded.

“Just don’t get into too much trouble while we’re gone eh?” Race said.

“Yeah sure.” You smiled, glad they understood, and headed back to Albert.

“Hey, I’m back, and I’m gonna be here all day if youse need anything alright?” “Thanks.” He managed to say. You pushed the hair out of his face and felt how hot his skin was again. You needed to do something about that.

“I’m gonna go get youse a cold cloth alright?” You left his bed to go get some rags and some water. You brought them both to Albert’s room and dabbed the wet cloth on his face. He sighed happily at the coolness. After a while, Albert seemed to have fallen asleep again. You left the cloth on his forehead in hopes of cooling him down a bit more, and decided to make yourself useful while he rested. You tidied up his room a bit, picking up and folding clothes, organizing some of the things the other guys had left, etc. Once you were done, you decided to go to Jacobi’s to get something for Albert.

“Good mornin Mr. Jacobi.” You greeted him politely.

“Ah, good morning (Y/N)! And what are you doin here? Shouldn’t you be out sellin papes?” He greeted you back, you were his favorite of the newsies, and was always glad to see you.

“Not today sir, Albert got sick from yesterday’s rain an’ Ise is staying behind to help him through it.” “Well aren’t youse a good friend. Did ya come for somethin to help ‘im feel better?” “As a matter of fact, I did. What sorta things do ya have?”

“Well, for what Albert mighta gotten, I’d suggest a good, warm soup.”

“Wonderful, I’ll take it, how much?”

“It’ll be 7 cents.”

“7 cents?! This better work some miracles. Oh, could I also get a seltzer?” You remembered what Albert had said last night about wanting a seltzer and decided to get him some. “Sure thing, that’ll be 9 cents.” “Here’s a dime. And do you mind if I take the bowl and glass? I promise to bring ‘em back.”

“Sure thing. Here you go,” He handed you your items and penny, “and tell Albert I hope he gets better.”

“I will Mr. Jacobi, thanks again!” You headed back towards the lodging house, careful not to spill the soup or seltzer. It was a challenge trying to open all the doors, but you managed. Albert was still sleeping when you got back. You put down the soup and seltzer and gently shook Albert to wake him up. While you were out, he seemed to have taken off his shirt, probably because of how hot he was feeling.

“Hey, I brought you something, could you sit up for me?” You helped him sit up, and brought over the soup.

“Whadya get me?” He asked, his voice still hoarse from waking up.

“I went to Jacobi’s and got you some soup. He said it’s supposed to help you feel better.” “Really?” “Supposedly, here,” You handed him the bowl and spoon, encouraging him to eat, “Do you want me to feed it to you?” That made him chuckle.

“Sure.” And so you fed him. About halfway through the bowl you remembered the seltzer.

“Oh! I got you something else!” You put the bowl off to the side, and dashed to get the seltzer, hopefully it was still bubbly.

“Here.”

“You got me a seltzer? How much money did you spend on all this?” He was happy that you had brought him something to eat and drink, but mad that you had probably spent a lot of the money you earned.

“Don’t worry about the price, just enjoy what I brought you.” He seemed to growl at your response, but kept quiet. You didn’t need him getting mad while he was sick. He needed to rest up.

“Thank you, (Y/N), for this. It means a lot.”

“Anytime Al! I care about you and wanna make sure you get better. Can’t have my partner dying on me now can I?” It was meant to be a joke, but after you said it you knew it was the wrong thing. Albert looked down, suddenly very interested in his blanket. The thought of Albert dying brought tears to your eyes and he looked up again.

“Hey, don’t cry. I ain’t ever leaving you, youse is stuck with me. Ya got that?” He pulled you closer to him and held you tightly.

“I got that.” You whispered from against his chest, your tears going as quickly as they came.

“Here, why don’t youse lie down with me for a while?”

“I’d like that.” The two of you lied down, Albert’s arms still around you, his skin cooler than before. You enjoyed being held in his arms, it was comforting. After a while, you realized how close to Albert you really were, and how defined his muscles were. You came to the realization that you had never seen Albert shirtless before. And looking at him up close, you had an urge to touch him. You gently traced the outline of his chest and abdomen with your finger, only stopping when you heard a laugh from Albert. You wondered if he was having a funny dream, or something similar, though you dismissed it and went back to tracing his muscles. The he laughed again, a bit more this time. Wait, was he ticklish? There’s was only one way to find out. You began to tickle Albert, gently at first, and then increasing in force. He was laughing so hard that he woke himself up and once he realized what was happening, he began to tickle you back.

“No, Albert, please!” You managed to get out between breaths. You were laughing so hard and trying to get away from Albert that you didn’t realize how close you were to the edge of the bed. You promptly rolled off in an attempt to remove yourself from Albert’s tickling, falling onto the floor. All the while you were still laughing.

“Woah, you okay doll?” Albert’s tone became concerned for a moment, as you had just rolled off the bed.

“I’m fine, I fell what, a foot? Nothin too bad. I’m more hurtin from laughin so much. Speakin o which…” You got up off of the floor and tickled Albert again, but only for a short while, and then ran away so you wouldn’t get tickled back.

“Ay (Y/N)! Get back here!” Albert shouted from his bed, he was already getting up to chase you.

“You gotta catch me!” You shouted back.

“Oh I will!” He saw you running from one room to another and set after you. The two of you played this game of cat and mouse for a good while, going through all the rooms and all the levels of the lodging house. He had nearly cornered you a few times, but you managed to just barely escape, tickling him and getting tickled in the process. Though he had gotten you eventually somehow by sneaking up behind you while you were in the main room.

“Gotcha!” He said as he scooped you up in his arms. You shrieked as he picked you up.

“Okay, okay, you win! Now can ya put me down?”

“Nope. Youse made me run around so now wese is gonna take a nap.” He shifted how he was holding you, so instead of by your waist, he was carrying you bridal style.

“Ugh. Fine. But no more tickling! I can’t take it.”

“I promise if you promise.” “I do. And I’d shake your hand but it looks like youse is carrying something.” You chuckled and curled up closer to Albert’s chest as he walked back to his bed. Soon enough you were back at his bed, but you weren’t laid down, oh no. He dropped you. What a guy.

“What a gentleman you are.” You remarked after being dropped.

“Ain’t I doll?” He climbed into bed next to you.

“You want I should tuck you in too?”

“Sure?” Albert tucking you in sounded suspicious, but you gave him the benefit of the doubt because he offered to tuck you in. Wrong choice. Instead of tucking you in, he just tossed the blanket over your face.

“Gee thanks Albert.” Your voice was muffled from the blanket, but the sarcasm was loud and clear.

“Anytime doll, now, you thinkin of sharing the blanket?”

“Nah.”

“I’m hurt! You wouldn’t share with me, your favorite person. Don’t you care if Ise is cold or not? What with my sickness an all?” “Albert, you just chased me throughout the lodging house, carried me to the bed, and threw the blanket on me, I think you’re fine. But because I’m so nice, I will share with you.”

“Aww, what a sweetheart.” You took the blanket and covered both you and Albert, though difficult, you did it. “But my favorite person is Crutchie, not you.” “That’s fair.” He pulled you closer and you closed your eyes, ready to take another nap.

“Goodnight (Y/N).” He said and kissed your forehead. You smiled into his chest, tempted to start tracing his muscles again, but deciding against it.

“Goodnight Albert.”

#newsies #newsies live!#albert #albert dasilva #albert/reader #albertxreader #albert dasilva/reader #albert dasilvaxreader #my writing #sky flaherty #fic

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kietamitai · 7 years

Text

An extremely long vent and personal thoughts post

I have to title it because it is what it is. And honestly, I’m going to explain everything that’s been going on with my personal feelings, mental/emotional state, and current situation.

I have somewhat vented/talked about this on twitter but making a long post on my blog seems to be much better. This is likely to be my last resort of anything. Nothing bad will happen but this is to tell you that I am currently not in a good mood.

All I ask is that if you read the post, just like the post. And maybe give it a few days before asking if I am alright. DO NOT REPLY TO THIS OR SEND ME A MESSAGE I BEG OF YOU (I am not saying it to be avoidant like I will end up sounding angry if you do).

Don’t read it if you’re not in the right mood to read it. It has some questionable bits but yeah.

OK so on the first and forefront of current situation cause it’s probably the shortest.

Personally speaking, nothing is happening at home, however, I am left with a vague sense of I have to do something because everyone in the family sees me as lazy and undisciplined.

I am worried that if I started to move, that everything is going to go pretty bad. This fear is completely normal on any standard, but the problem is that this feeling is immensely different from what people may think.

Since I had recently learned about people with ADHD having Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), everything I have experienced up until this point finally makes sense.

It is that fear of unwanted “rejection” and “negative response/feedback.”

Needless to say, some things have happened in the past that drastically shaped who I am today and my rather laid back personality, but this fear of failure came as a result. It can sometimes make me immobile.

When I get paranoid over whether or not I fuck something up, I LITERALLY FREAK OUT SOMETIMES OK?

But aside from this foreboding feeling about needing to do something (which will come in due time because I have a feeling that I’ll take that step out there sooner or later), here’s the more social part of the situation.

After what feels like I offended a friend and some what apologizing and owning up to my own reactions, I sorta ended getting slapped in the face with them implying that they don’t care. Like, I have a feeling that it’s not what they actually meant, but it’s also quite obvious that if I tried to ask for clarification, I will get yelled at for being stupid and I HATE THAT THE MOST CAUSE I GET THAT A LOT.

And this is just on the personal side of things— I dunno what their intentions or implications are. They just don’t seem to want to say that it is possibly their fault that it happened, even when I pointed it out that it is. And well, they seem to have misinterpreted the whole point of my message as well, but I just gave up on even trying to clarify myself any further cause I just woke up from a nap at the time and I almost didn’t even want to respond to that with the way they word it.

I’d rather not go into detail about that since it is an insanely minor thing, but with the way they sorta avoid me in general, it just feels like they’re scared of me or something. I’m not one to push on to make someone uncomfortable for answers so if they read this and recognize it’s them, good job I guess?

I’m probably not on their radar anyways cause they got their own shit to worry about, so really, I’d only be surprised if they ended up reading this pile of mess and then going up to my IM/ask and be like, “You fuck ass are u talking shit about me?”

On that, it is only complicated feelings coming from me. I’m not here to shit on someone for their circumstances, but in the meantime, I’m avoiding them cause like I feel like if I start talking again, I WILL FUCK UP REALLY BADLY or even worse, THEY WILL FLAT OUT JUST IGNORE ME.

My answer will most likely not be positive with them specifically if questioned in such a rude way.

And RSD likes to make things worse on the social side of things even if I simply just want to check up on them and ask if they’re doing alright. Similar situations has happened before, and when that happens, trust me, that’s when I know a friendship isn’t meant to be. I am not distant because I don’t know how to get close to people.

It’s happened too many times. Really, even if it hurts, I have to stop caring and let it go.

But on that regard, after talking to some more people, I end up getting this feeling of... isolation. I had read somewhere that ADHD may make it so that it ends up feeling like I can’t connect to people.

It sorta reels in the whole experience.

It isn’t like I want their kind of friendship, but in any friendship, I can tell that I don’t get a lot of attention. It’s like seeing a friend connect to another friend better than you can connect to either of them. I’ve always been left alone a lot so honestly, it’s nothing new.

I don’t like it when people are too too clingy to me but when they’re insanely distant, it makes me feel like my existence is just around for them to waste time.

In most cases, I just end up asking for people to say hi to me or something and get no response. Well, I know everyone has lives to run, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling insanely bitter or even bad to the point where I feel like I’ve been annoying and trying too hard and people are just FED UP with my antics and choosing to ignore me.

After a while, you get used to the feeling and you stop caring.

But in summary, if I had done a small mistake that warranted a negative response (or in a way I perceive it as negative) then I will remember that for a long time and my fear is that you’ll bring it up again cause by that time, you’ve already seen me in a different light and you’ll probably subconsciously remember it and maybe bring it up subtly where I’ll be like “o fuck did I fuck up again” and PARANOIA ENSUES.

Another summary is that I’ve been feeling like I’m lacking a sense of self again.

This isn’t an uncommon dilemma. I’ve never given it much thought as long as I can make it believable to an extent. I stopped caring because I’ve been disciplined a lot for smaller things and been compared.

Not to mention a big part of it happened when the grandma I live with decided to berate me one day. That was the day I felt like a stranger to my own family.

I’ve been living with constant less praise and more reprimanding. When people praise me, I am happy, but I am always left feeling that I am deceiving them.

People call me one thing but I dunno which am I. I have come to find out that it is who I am. I am probably like a chameleon lol

But really, I have a terrible sense of self and sometimes when I really think about it, I have no idea what really makes up me. I’ve been collecting and amassing different personalities and stuff like that.

Perhaps that knowledge is how I come to understand people fairly easily.

The more I try to find out more about myself, the more I end up losing a sense of who I am. The less I try, the more I end up feeling like nothing.

My feelings of being worthless isn’t because of any emotional reason, it is a fairly logical reason. I am simply not someone that resources should go to.

In fact, sometimes I wish I can suffer, but apparently, I can’t have that either. It takes too much time for me to just make myself suffer, it’s just easier to do nothing. I don’t even have the energy to make myself hated enough to want to be forgotten.

From drifting between being worthless and having my mistakes rebound on me, making it more than enough for me to want to stab myself, to feeling just slightly better about my day, it has been kinda tough.

Sometimes it’s not that I want to think about it and sometimes it just happens as a thought. But sometimes, something triggers my thoughts.

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts and well I’ve started to notice that it’s making me less likely to do stuff I wanted to do or just to do anything at all.

I am for once getting in to a unstable state of mind.

It could be that I am drained from watching my other grandma for the past month and a half, or that I feel like I’m being RUSHED to do something people expect me to do.

I don’t know if what I’m thinking about doing is the right choice.

I’m not sure if I’m important to people anymore. I feel like an expendable. Do people even care about me enough to understand how I feel? Do people know me enough to tell me, they know me? Do people really know who I am?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m joking about dying or not. It sometimes feels like it’d be better if I can somehow die and be forgotten.

None of these feelings are new, perhaps maybe thinking that death is a fiscally better and logical option might be something a little more new.

I don’t know any more at times. My feelings tend to fluctuate daily and I have days where I’m a little better off then most lol

It’s probably also this bad because jet lag and some stuff making me really anxious??

I dunno but since I was getting distracted, I have no idea what I wanted to type by the time I got to this point. But I’ll end off with something—

I’ve always felt pretty meh about life. Perhaps MAYBE due to ADHD, it may influence my own ability to stay emotionally attached/devoted for too long. It’s almost like feeling you’re both half full and half empty when I’m not feeling anything really. But I guess it was better than the me before I turned 20.

Perhaps that’s just me. I haven’t been feeling like... myself.

It’s a little hard to explain, but what else can I do than to wait it out?

I never experience a feeling for long anyways lol

My days have been feeling kinda dreadful and tiring. Idk if I can keep up with people in general anymore.

This is probably what I get for being who I am.

#teru's incessant mumbling #negativity/////

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