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tofumedic · 3 years

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Brothers + Diavolo w/ a selectively mute GN!MC

summary: how well the brothers would be able to deal with you being selectively mute and how they respond to you talking to them !

Lucifer

Other than Diavolo, he may be the only one to know beforehand as helping in the organization of the RAD program, however it may only be overlooked if it is not present in any kind of record like schooling or medical.

When you first come into Devildom, your D.D.D. may be used as a sort of translation object between you and those present.

He is a little peeved in the beginning before you are able to explain it, he would regain his calm but would see it as a small setback to how he expected orientation to go.

Other than that he quickly learns about you and how you work so that he can work with you while trying not to dote on you!

The one that would gift you small portable whiteboards and markers if you had a preference over it for typing, professional though only dark blue and black inked markers <//3

Your first words to him are probably about answering a question or a summons, he does a lot of both but don't call him out for being clingy okay

Anyways

If this man is standing or getting up to greet you expect him to stumble, just slightly catching himself on the edge of his office desk or resting a hand against the wall

When he meets your eyes you can see there's a pinch of panic of "you did not just see that please tell no one" that melts back into "oh my god???????"

He's quick to relax back into what he wanted to talk to you about, not wanting you too feel anxious or guilty for however long it took for you guys to have a mutual trust and safety net.

For the rest of the day his face remains in this pleasant smile and everyone except Asmo and Beel are suspicious, Mammon being especially on edge.

If they call him out on what has him so happy today he will brush them off for being nosy about what isn't their worries but the small blush that rises to his face as he crosses his arms does not help his case.

Mammon

He is all of your noise

He gets forgetful and will try to have conversations across the house by yelling at you only to barge into your room in his petty fake anger just to see your face either amused at him or completely deadpan and he just ....🧍‍♂️

He gets anxious about leaving anywhere without his D.D.D. now what if his human needs him while he's not "bothering" you

Takes extreme pride in helping you order food when you go out places whether with his brothers or just alone, he loves it. Not only does he get an excuse to sit by your side and lean into your shoulder to see what menu item you're pointing at but it means he also has less worry about, he likes being close by to help you just in general.

Your first words are probably involving some drama he was mourning over earlier that day, probably with Lucifer or being the butt of the joke with another brother.

If Lucifer would stumble, expect this man to fully fall. God forbid you two are walking down the stairs instead of him rolling off the edge of your bed or just plopping on the carpet.

He would be so excited, his cheeks are burning even though you may have not even complimented him those words are gonna be ingrained to his memory maybe even written down in his notes app.

But he will downplay how happy he is that out of all of them he was the first you talked to, because of course it would be him the great Mammon and your first man it just made sense.

He's over the moon he won't flex it unless you start being verbal with more of his brothers he doesn't want them to pressure you into speaking no matter how much the urge bubbles up while Asmo is talking about how you would rather match outfits with him that others

Leviathan

He doesn't mind that much, at the beginning of your relationship he is very shy and doesn't really start talking unless something reminded him of one of his shows or games

Will gain a habit of just texting you instead of asking you a question outloud, just because he thinks its more polite and understands as in sometimes it's too much energy to open his mouth to speak

Teaches you phrases from his games, basically call outs, as an extra layer of code to let you know if you're camping out in his room that he is gonna leave for a package (going to spawn camp) or food (healing) etc

He does get jealous saying it's unfair about Mammon helping you order stuff in the "irl" while absolutely being too nervous to do it for himself as well

You two have your own codes for entering each others room, knocking to the tune of a popular sound effect from a game you play together for the ease but he enjoys when you try to do the beginning of an ost or girl group song and he tries to guess it

Your first words for him are probably you entering his room with some snacks or having picked up a package for him from his door, his response to you entering would be asking you to hold on this match or episode was almost done

So when you give out hum and either let him know you're staying or you're signing off (leaving) it's an insta-death, his attention is caught so fast

His posture extremely straight from his hunched focus as he speedquits his match closing every tab back to desktop before standing up on his wobbly legs and giving you the most affection he can handle of having that without warning

He gives you a small headbutt, pushing his forehead into your shoulder as he controls his breathing. He can't handle it that's like finale love interest marrying the protag and you hit him with it so lightly.

He wouldn't change his preference of texting you questions as it's something he's still comfortable with and you speaking to him makes him feel like he's reached masters rank without losing any matches

Satan

He is your best bet for knowing sign language, he finds it interesting that there are so many regional variations has tucked his knowledge of them into his big ol head

His movements would be hesitant as he's mentally dusting off the memory of practice but he is very good at it, though he wouldn't be more than only a pinch disappointed if you didn't prefer that way.

He be more interested in you in the beginning before learning about your magical presence and the pact hunt, it's unusual to him and he likes the study

Picks up small things that are unnoticeable to everyone but you about small habits and things that barely make it easier, like remembering to rebuke Mammon when he goes to order but forgets you don't like a certain ingredient and asks for it to be removed himself.

Would ask if you would like to learn Devildom's concept of sign language, maybe just quick easy signs for going about RAD tasks and classes

Your first words are probably said to him in the safety of his study, surrounded by books or even your homework while he reads

MC i love you very much but i feel like it would be something really stupid or cursed along the lines of

"I'm tired of people making Frankenstein's creature ugly he's literally written to be sexy" or "Why are people so attracted to Dracula he's supposed to ugly af >:/"

He would be.. very nonchalant about the fact it was you speaking to him and acting like he was talking to one of his brothers and going against you in the argument until he picks up those books to prove his side to be like "oh."

He needs a moment after such a not so public embarrassment so it would be later while you're both laying in your respective rooms and he's going over it in his head and then it hits him. It also hits that it was perhaps the most unromantic way it could have gone but it makes him smile into his pillow.

He has it as a secret weapon against Lucifer but he likes knowing something his brother doesn't

He can't look at you for too long the next day but will use the two figures of your mock argument to lightly bully you being soft on you in the comfort he wanted you to know was returned

"In case of argument, you would make a very good creation made in such a pleasing image"

Asmodeus

He is willing to fill up space for conversations for you also, he has a lot to say but will still ask you questions and for your input so you're included

He thinks the whiteboard concept is very cute! He would be the one to get you little accessories like a bag just for that and your markers or a strap for it. He would also be the one to get you more marker colors, you having just black and dark blue is unforgivable

Enjoys asking you how you're feeling, in a way that's easier if you didn't want to write or type it all out is giving him a number between 1-10. 10 is for your absolute worst like if you are having a day that you can't get out of bed or 1 where you're feeling really good like nothing can hurt you.

Doesn't force you to go out and party with him in case it's bad for your nerves or there's a worry demons will rude about "their advances being ignored."

Likes being close to you, so you can write in a notes app or use some other alternative other than texting where he might not see it getting buried by other messages.

Asmo would enjoy either holding hands or wrapping his arm around yours of your non dominant side, he makes good by staying on that side when he's going for affection or just to be in your bubble.

You talking to him for the first time would probably being during an outfit review or ordering new face masks off of Akuzon.

And he would melt, pelting you with kisses smothering every empty inch of your forehead, your cheeks, the bridge of your nose he's so happy

Whatever you were doing or looking at becomes his favorite, a fit he wears when he feels down to keep him happy, or using a specific brand of nail polish or face mask specifically due to the memory

Would find any lisp or rasp overwhelmingly adorable, of course it fits his angel you sound undeniably perfect. Loves how conversations sound with your two voices mixing together.

Beelzebub

He wouldn't completely understand but he isn't rude about it, his actions remaining normal to how he usually acts

If you wanted to learn their version of sign language he would try with you no matter if it was a struggle to fit into his schedule between the gym and spending time with Belphie and RAD and anything else but wouldn't want you to do it alone

He would keep you safe from anyone who had a problem with it, he's used to Belphie not wanting to talk to people other than him so he would be able to handle it especially if you two had similar gestures you used

Beel is also quite quiet in his own other from rumblings or dislike about being yelled at, he's good at still talking and holding his ground in arguments too but affection with him would be extra quiet compared to extra brothers

Your silence other than shuffles or small laughs, it's comforting like a sense of calm. It makes him think of your human dream catchers always quiet yet supposedly helpful and healing

You may verbally ask for a treat or some of his snack he brought for you two instead of a small gesture if your arms are trapped in the cuddle position you've been stuck in and any food he was eating would pause. Giving him a second he would easily give you all that was left

"Not hungry anymore" he would say his eyes warm before closing with his warm smile, he melts more into you like a jacket to let you feel how warm his heart was.

You were always special even if as an agent of chaos with some of the phrases you would drop, and he would adopt into his vocabulary and even further speaking for you in situations you couldn't

Belphegor

Belphie when you first met would give you a different gaze, in a slight squint almost breaking his image of being a helpless human but he would override it, continuing on like normal

At the beginning he may have even less belief in you getting pacts with his brothers but you still prove you're capable and things are normal for how he would treat you, not really changing just like Beel.

For a man (demon) to say actions are stronger than words, he certainly strains his ears just in case you answer his question in that way not that you would know and i certainly did not let you know ok??? cool cool

Other than that he really doesn't mind!!! You and Beel are really his top two people he has interest in being with and you being mute wouldn't change anything ! He may seek you more for naps outside of his room or the attic you don't move as much as Beel does as long as he doesn't curl up over your arms

In the privacy of one of your rooms- whether Asmo and Mammon are out on the town or in his while Beel is at the gym or somewhere else- is your first words spoken as softly as you can to him

Him laying across you with his head resting with his mouth close to your collarbone and ear resting almost on your neck he can feel the vibration in your vocal cords, you were probably asking him to move

Which you probably thought he was doing but any movement was so he could be closer to that feeling of your words if you spoke again, his knees tucking up while his toes curl

You wouldn't be able to fully process just how important that action was to him, you trusted him and felt safe and could let words out to him, after everything that was real forgiveness.

Diavolo

Him just looking over and encouraging you being chosen by Lucifer, he probably would not know unless again it was strongly present in your transcripts

He would find it interesting, it was your first surprise to him and filled him with mirth at the concept of seeing Lucifer tense in confusion his feathers absolutely ruffled

Though while you were already human which meant your interactions were sure to be interesting to him, the way you interacted was also completely different from Solomon, he would love giving you his time no matter how Barbatos would sigh already seeing it before it went into motion

It may mean a little extra work for Lucifer but he wouldn't complain he did a good job picking you for Diavolo to enjoy your company so much even if he was slightly worried on your influence on him

For doting only predict help with fixing the RAD program and making your class experience more accessible, if he tries to help too much someone would certainly have a word with him

He's known being compassionate, he just wants it to be easy for you as it is probably hard enough on you between the brothers, school, and being selectively mute

He barely uses his D.D.D. but if you prefer using that it's no problem though do give him awhile to type out his long messaged questions instead of asking them on call

First words with him may be said on a trip out to explore or in his castle during a private moment in the retreat or in his office

No matter the context it would be a mood booster, he would compliment you you're voice is perfect to him it matches the image you've shown so far

It's a delight, you never fail to surprise him he may repeat your words in his own voice laugh resting on his breath. He'd ask you to stay a little longer if he can get away with it, and if he can't he surely will try

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eorzeasntm · 5 years

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ENTM Tumblr Cycle 11

Round Six: Fairy Tales, Folk Tales, and Legends from Around the World

Whew, that title is a mouthful, but we wanted to ensure that everyone had a chance to pick a story that had meaning to them. We had a tale from Japan, legends from England and Nicaragua, and a whole passel of Grimm’s tales to bring us full circle. The judges and the community all agreed that this week’s best fairy tale cosplay was:

Ni’ko Shae for Puss in Boots

The decision to go with a vertical shot showed off those long kitty legs to perfection, and the choice of an action shot in a dungeon (since this round was free style) let the story fully come to life. Congratulations!

Our guest judge this week was Momoko, the co-host of ENTM Instagram Cycle 2. Thanks Momoko! We did a full on judge swap so you can also check out my critiques for IG Cycle 2, Round Two on our Discord channel!

For the Tumblr models, your critiques for this week are below if you keep on reading.

Judge Momoko

Kota: I love your glam for this!! It really feels like a Hollywood take on what Little Red Riding hood would wear. It’s also very very easy to tell which fairy tale you’re showcasing, so big props to you!! The apples in the opposite corner to you help to add a couple more pops of red to the overall pic and help balance it.

Yomu: I hadn’t heard of this legend before, so first off, I wanna say thank you for teaching me something!! I thought your use of the Nanamo minion was so incredibly cute and creative!! I think the lighting was just a hair harsh on her, though, and we sort of lost all of the cute pink colors on her, but I also thought how you framed the upper half of the pic with bamboo was both a clever way to stay true to the legend and keep it from having too much empty space!!(It might take me a bit to send them all out today, ‘cause I’m at work, but I promise they’ll be sent today

Haila: This was such a fun entry!! I’d never heard of La Mocuana and had to read about it, but I loooooove monster girls and creepy folklore in general, so I’m so happy you went with it!! After reading about it, I think you fit the story to a T!! I love the expression and how it’s half-hidden, and the colors/filter really tell that you’re by yourself in a dark cave. I will say that your hair blended in a little too well with the background, but other than that, yours was so creative and fun!!

Peaceful: How creative!! I never would of thought of doing King Arthur, but you really nailed it!! It’s extremely easy to tell which legend you’re replicating. Your picture’s colors are a little dull and faded, which halfway lends to it, but it also makes it a little muddy. However, I think you adding that soft back lighting over your shoulders easily draws the viewer’s attention back to you, which was really clever!!

Adam: I think your choice in legend was really interesting!! There’s all sorts of aquatic-based stories, and I feel like Sinbad would be a little more difficult to convey, so props to you for choosing something challenging!! I wish I could’ve seen a more dynamic pose/more of the boat you’re standing on, but the soft muted colors in the background are such a nice combination with the yellow pop of your glam!!

Bria: Beauty and the Beast is my favorite story!! I really liked your glams and how the colors complimented each other. However, it is a little difficult to tell exactly which fairy tale you’re emulating without the title, and it’s hard to see who the specific model in the picture is. But I also thought that your garden courtyard background was a cute way to imply that you’re at a fairy tale castle!!

Luma: Your choice for your story was way too cute!! I never would’ve thought of doing Jack and the Beanstalk, but I’m so glad that you did!! I think that your choice of environment was super cute, creative, and resourceful!! My biggest thing was that I couldn’t see your face, and your glam colors blended a little too well with your background, but I also liked how unbalanced your picture was; it really helped showcase how giant that beanstalk was!!

Ni’ko- Yours was my most favorite picture!! Your glam was so cute (going for that monotone look to match your hair and tail was a really clever way to make yourself look like a cute tabby), and the boots!! THE BOOTS!! The way that you zoomed out the camera to help elongate your legs was such a clever way to bring focus to the main part of your legend in an almost cartoony way, which I’m a big fan of. I think that your weapon choice and overall color palette is extremely well-done, too!!

Judge Ona

Haila: I learned about this folktale when I took Spanish in High School. Our teacher was pretty twisted, but that’s why everyone loved Senora. I was super excited when Kat told the judges that you did this tale, and genuinely LOVE how you captured it! She hides her face and wanders the forests driven mad by betrayal. If you aren’t the vision of mad, I don’t know what is!

I love the color palette here. Sticking with blues, and only a hint of pinks, you create an eerie vibe. With the filter appearing almost translucent over you, it creates an illusion that you are actually the translucent one. The glamour choice is phenomenal. In the story it says she is dressed in silks, and this is extraordinarily flowy.

My only real critique is that I cannot see your entire body, and although the filter gives a spooky feel, I wish you could have found a cave entrance or a body of water or something to add to the background. Regardless of this, this shot totally encapsulates La Mocuana, and I am so glad you picked something from Nicaraguan culture.

Ni’ko: If you keep changing Ni’ko’s color I will never know who I am looking at.

However, Ni’ko, I love the choice here! I love how you did a non-human fairytale, where your race could be used to your advantage. I love how you are being showy with your pose, as Puss and Boots most definitely was. Sword up, foot pointed forward toward the front of the image and back hand outstretched as if you’re saying “is that all?”. I also LOVE that your glam looks like the humanoid version of the character we all know; it was an excellent choice to do a big jumpsuit instead of flashy armor.

The lighting is well placed, bringing the viewers eye to your face and the rapier, and the decision to battle such a big enemy was an excellent choice so as its size does not compete with you, because much of it lies just off screen from you.

My only real critique here, is that I wish you maybe had a smirk on your face instead of the blank expression here. A smirk would have conveyed that you are about to kick this monster’s behind, and you are a feline, not a knight. I still love this image and genuinely believe it is one of your strongest yet.

Peaceful: I love your choice of story. Sword in the stone, King Arthur before he was king! It’s a well-known tale, and it’s a strong story to try and cosplay. Unfortunately, you took a big chance and it didn’t quite pan out how maybe you envisioned. However, this image has many strong characteristics, and I would like to go over those for you.

First, your use of this emote or action, shows movement in your character. Bracing yourself to pull the impossible sword from solid stone. You have determination on your face and are focused on the sword. The choice of location lends to the story and is the perfect choice. I would try to avoid the large amount of deadspace in the upper right corner. I know you wanted to get Merlin in the shot, but I think you could have done without him, and closed further in on yourself.

Try next time to place a light on your face instead of the rock in the front, make sure to avoid dead space in the image, change the angle of the image so that its not an upskirt shot which often makes the physics of the clothes act funny, and be mindful of the background (that weird little purple light is very out of place. I think you have some very strong elements, and some weaker ones that you can work on for next week! Remember, you can ask Kat for advice and feedback before submitting.

Yomu: Yomu finds a tiny human in a tree and immediately believes that he may have had too much to drink.

The facial expression had me in tears. You are genuinely freaked out by what you have just found. Your emote here shows excellent action and I can feel the same startling feeling that this woodcutter is feeling! I am pretty sure anyone would feel immediate concern and confusion if they were in this situation.

I love the glamour here, as the story is Japanese in origin, the use of a Japanese style robe helps to place the story’s origin. I am a little concerned about the physics of the robe, however, as it falls slightly unnaturally. The spotlight on your minion is perfect, as the story talks of a shining girl 3 inches tall. Also, excellent choice of filter with particle. I do wish, however, there was a bit more blur to the minion, as this close of a shot lends to distortion and pixelization.

Overall this is a strong image and you do a wonderful job telling the story of the woodcutter. I would loved to have seen more of this story. Try to take into account depth of field, and physics next week. Thank you for also thinking outside of the box and giving us a story from Japan!

Judge Wulf

Bria, you and your costar’s outfits are very well color coordinated! Your location choice is also very appropriate, I feel, since that area of Idylshire gives off a very regal and proper feel. I am a bit concerned that you hair blocks your face! You’re the star of this photo, so make sure you’re the one we see the most of! Always remember: when working with a costar, make sure that they are there to support you and make you look good! That being said, I adore the chemistry between the two of you. Can’t wait to see next week’s shot!

Luma, I admire the lighting in this shot. I am a major fan of bright colors, and you’ve really made the greens, browns, and yellows all come together in this forest scene to make it look both awesome and welcoming all at once. Going with a vertical shot was also a very good choice, I believe, because it makes the “beanstalk” look much more large and imposing, and by contrast you come across much smaller! My main note is this: Since you’re kneeling down and facing away from the camera, you do kind of look a little cloaked in darkness upon first glance. This is a simple fix, though! Just make sure to light up your character a bit more! Once again, I’m really impressed by your concept this week!

Ni’ko, the story of Puss in Boots is one of those that I read over and over again as a kid, and I think you’ve captured a very nice look using the equipment and colors in game! The monster looming over you is also an amazing touch, as it makes you look small, and even more true to the tale! I’m very impressed with your shot this week, but if I had to nitpick, I’d say that it’s only a little off that you aren’t looking at the boss’s face, instead looking through them. Like I said, that’s only a small note though! Very good job this week!

Peaceful, I instantly knew this was the story of King Arthur! Using iconic imagery to give out key details of what you’re cosplaying in a very important part of any cosplay picture, and I’m glad you’re doing that here! The picture is...very dark though. It may be just my computer monitor, but I find it pretty difficult to see your face or other details about the picture. Could this be an issue with the filter? I’ll tell you where all the darkness does work, though: in the forest behind you. The darkness gives the forest a very spooky vibe, and I’m honestly a little unnerved! For the next week, make sure your character is well lit and visible. Good luck!

Judge Terrini

Adam: I feel underwhelmed by this shot. You're glamour does nicely call to an Arabic pirate, and there's the boat and water and distant shore but it doesn't really draw on the charm of the Legend of Sinbad. He was one of the early Swashbuckling archetypes and you seem very mellow in this pose. A more dynamic pose and angle would have been nice to see here, something swinging your sword or at least looking away from the camera would have been better to capture the sense of something more. This is a myth, a legend, so you want to capture people's imaginations like the story you're drawing from. Also watch your background composition when you go for something scenic like this. The weather condition colors everything to be rather samey and the sea and sky are both similarly rippled and plain so they come across as uninteresting to the eye. Play with angles and don't be afraid to drop things from your concept for the sake of better composition. Play with it.

Bria: This shot is very playful, and I do like the use of colors (love them blues and purples) as well as the fountain backdrop, but as a depiction of Beauty and the Beast it comes across as a reskin mashup of the Disney movie. It might have been nice if you had your guy wearing an ifrit mask or lion mask or something to up the beast factor, or perhaps went for a different scene from the story. When a competition is fierce, you've gotta push creativity to the limit and really be memorable.

Haila: I'm not familiar with the fairy tale you're spinning here, but still, I'm entranced. The effects and colors you've chosen with this pose tug at my heart, like you're despairing inside a storm of magic, struggling and pushing onwards. This must certainly have been a moving fable, and your depiction here makes me want to know more.

Kota: I love the colors captured in this shot, and your glamour is so cute! It's really spot on! Taking the picture by the Apple Trees in North Shroud was great to bring that touch of red into your background as well. The angle of the ground is a bit off-putting and it might be nice to have something more to the image on the ground to enhance the theme with more of a "path". There are some fences in that area too that you might have made use of to that effect. Overall, still a lovely shot.

Judge Nadede

Kota Tumet: This is a pretty good image from you this week. I knew right off the bat that you were Red Riding Hood without looking at the caption, so glamour and your setting did it’s job. I like the lighting that you have and very nice use of depth of field that you have going on there. Your composition I felt was nicely put together as well. I do find myself kinda wishing you were able to incorporate the wolf somewhere within your image as it seems like the only thing missing to make this feel truly complete. So far though, to me, this is your strongest image so far. Keep up the good work.

Yomu Kazul: I have to admit, yours was one of two stories I actually had to look up and read. After reading “Tale of the Bamboo Cutter,” I felt that you did a good job portraying the scene of the little girl popping out from the bamboo. The composition is nicely done and having the “little girl” looking at you helped at least guide my eye up to you and then back to her with you looking right at her. I thought it was a nice touch using Nanamo minion for the little girl instead of a lala as, if I remember reading right, the little girl was just a few inches or so tall when she pops out of the bamboo. So I applaud attention to detail there. My qualm however is when zooming out to get an overall view of the image, your foreground is a bit on the bright side and going back to where your face is in the image, it’s a bit on the dark side. I would suggest try to make the light to where it is a bit brighter towards you and not so bright closer to the audience. Overall, nice work.

Luma Lee: Luma, while I like the composition of your shot this week, the bottom part where you are at was hard for me to make out. I wouldn’t have thought Jack and the Beanstalk at all just from looking at your image because it was a bit muddled. After reading the description that you had chosen “Jack and the Beanstalk,” it made a bit more sense as to why there is an emphasis on the tree. What I’m having a problem with is that your lighting could use work, especially around your character. With you in the shadows and your outfit is the same color as your background, you blend in a bit too much. I also think a different filter would have worked in your favor as well. So far this is your best shot compositionally for me, just work on the lighting a bit more. Good job.

Adam Evershot: While this is a nice shot for you Adam, I felt like you could have done more with the story of Sinbad. I find myself wishing that perhaps you could’ve brought in extras to help you with a “crew” of some sort or brought some part of the story to life. I do find the atmospheric lighting of your image nice, I do wish that you could have done a bit more with the lighting on your character to bring you out just a bit more. Just remember when doing a cosplay type shot to find a way to bring out the story of that character more. Overall good work.

#ffxiv #ffxiv screenshots #entm #eorzea's neo talent management

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crescendo-system · 7 years

Text

Did a memory walk as Eridan Captor.

-the memory opened up with me in my room I think, I was pacing nervously while talking to fef, who was sitting nearby. I was trying to amp myself up to confess to Karkat Maryam I guess, who was my biggest flush crush.

“I’m worried Fef, what if he says no?” I was pretty anxious, my voice wavered a lot even at this point.

“Eridan it’s ok, you know he likes you,” Feferi reassured me fairly confidently, listening to me pace (she couldn’t see me, she was blinded by this point.)

“yeah as a friend, but what if he doesn’t like me like that?” I countered, stopping to turn and face her. She just sort of frowned and sighed - she wasn’t mad or annoyed, but I think she wished I could learn how to relax for just once in my life.

“Eridan he’s not gonna hate you if you tell him. You know him well enough to know that.” Which, was also true. Karkat Maryam was one of the nicest trolls around aside from Fef, and he was not the type to get mad or hold grudges over things like that.

“yeah ii- i know fef,” I started, feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Almost instinctively, I dropped into a crouching position and held my head under my hands. I felt my eyes spark for a moment, like my psionics were about to go off, and I waited until I was sure it was done.

“I’m just… scared,” I admitted to her, still looking at the floor. I heard her say hey or something, to grab my attention so she could reassure me, but when I looked up at her my eyes just... focused on her own scarred and blinded ones, behind her red glasses. I felt a terrible pang of guilt looking her in the eyes like that, and despite myself I couldn’t help mumbling an apology to her in regards to her blindness.

“…… im sorry.”

(I’m pretty sure I inadvertently blinded her with my powers, which would explain my sudden stop and drop as well.)

-my memory switched around then to a karkat maryam conversation snippet. I feel like it was the same location as the one where we were when he was bandaging my hand and lecturing me over whatever I had done to it at the time. This time we were standing/walking around the hive, this was definitely his place, and we were admiring the plants he tended to that grew around the hive. Well, he was. I was too busy admiring him to really focus.

"And you know how this bush here has certain properties..." He was trying to tell me, lifting one of the fat leaves of the bush in demonstration (well I say bush but it was very succulent like so I might be wrong but hey I wasn’t paying attention what can I say). I already tuned out though, as my eyes studied him.

I was thinking to myself something along the lines of "god he's cute. He's so cute, just look at him, look at the way his hair curls and the way he talks and the sound of his voice and uh oh he's looking at me i haven’t been listening."

"eridan are you hearing anything I've saying? Is something bothering you?"

"It's nothing," I deflected, flushing and struggling to maintain eye contact with him (I failed). He squinted at me with this really adorable pout, his front teeth kind of sticking out over his lower lip. Already I had gotten lost in staring at him again.

-The next memory switched to in my respiteblock. I explored a little - i had video game consoles in my room and a computer i think. Definitely a tv monitor for games. Room was darker, muted colors, pretty sure blue was part of the color scheme. I had a carpet in that room too. I had posters on the walls but I didn’t get a good look at them. I assumed they were movie posters. I wandered over to check out the recuperacoon. The outer husk was actually rough to the touch, with a raised, unevenly bumpy texture. I stuck a couple of my fingers into the sopor slime so I could get a sense of the texture, sliding them into it and pulling them back out, rubbing my fingertips together as I processed the texture. The slime was sorta sticky and gooey, but slick enough it can slide off the skin alright. That's why being naked in it isn't an issue bc it cleans off the body nicely. Fabric is probably another story though.

-I moved on from this tactile exploration to my computer, and pestered someone on trollian while in my room. They had indigo text so I'm guessing they were the zahhak swap. I was also fairly certain whoever it was, they were one of the male trolls.

"Hey, it's eridan," I typed, and the response was quick and to the point.

"i know its you eridan" the text read back, and the voice I read it in was monotone, low on patience, a deeper voice. I faltered, and made a nervous noise in my throat, kind of like a laugh, as I responded. Of course he knew it was me, everyone knew each other’s trollhandles and my text color gave it away anyways.

"oh right. Anyways i was wondering if I could ask a favor," I stated. I can’t remember what the favor was supposed to be, but the words came out naturally so I had something I wanted to ask.

"what" the response was even shorter and felt more terse, and I began to panic a little.

I’m not sure if this was actually how the memory played out, or if this was my conscious self deciding I wanted to change focus memorywise, but what I typed next was along the lines of the following;

"oh you know what never mind it's not that important anyways".

and before they could respond I pushed my chair back and stood up away from the computer, turning away so I couldn’t see their reply.

- whoever the indigo text was, they freaked me out and their responses always seemed fairly emotionless or lacking. I think I was quite intimidated by them.

Based on the swaps I already remembered, I guessed later that if it was a Zahhak swap and male, that it was probably Gamzee, which also was fitting for the vibes I was getting from him.

-I decided to take a break since I was so unnerved, and chose to look at my shirt- a yellow longsleeve/turtleneck. The symbol... looked like the gemini one instead of Aquarius? Unsure. Hands were sorta thin/gangly, and my nails were a bit long. I realized a few of my more tactile memories, such as resting my hand on the recuperacoon or while typing, a part of my brain registered having to navigate around things because my nails would get in the way, so the way I moved my hands accommodated that, or else the tips of my nails would catch on raised surfaces and textures.

- Pestered fef next, the memory skipped to shortly after she got blinded.

"Hey fef" I sent, and was a little surprised when she responded back cheerfully.

"hey eridan!"

"How are your eyes?" I asked, remembering how last time I saw her she had bandages over them.

"They're a lot better than before! I still can't see but my lusus is teaching me a way to sense colors!!"

"Oh, is that what you're doing now?" I asked (since I was somewhat understandably confused about how she was talking to me)

"No, im not that good at it yet. I need help for things like this still!" (I don’t know what she was referring to specifically, but I remember thinking about how someone specifically was helping her. I guess I’d known she had someone acting as seeing eye troll but didn’t realize it’d include this as well. I don’t know who it was though.)

"... oh." I felt a fresh pang of guilt at this point, knowing it was my fault she needed this help in the first place. Fef of course caught on quickly, and sent me a heartfelt reassurance.

".... hey eridan? It's okay. "

".....thanks fef"

I knew it was ok as far as she was concerned. She was struggling, but she didn’t blame me at all, and seemed pretty optimistic about the outcome. It didn’t help me feel bad for doing this to her though. I think in some ways it was worse because I wanted her to get mad, or even complain about her circumstances. But even this early on she was making sure not to, not around me at least.

- I switched focus, and tried to remember my dreamself - i wore yellow and my room was bright, suggesting i was a prospit kid. I tried to picture derse robes but it didn’t sit right. I tried focusing on my classpect one more time, picturing my godrobes - I saw dark green colors for that. Also had long sleeves? or something covering my arms at least, that’s what I saw when I looked down at myself.

-still felt like the troll with purple blood who got flung by the black king was Nepeta. Whoever they were they were pretty small framewise. they were wearing purple And looked like a knight, so knight of rage? I didn't see their wings though. Could have just been their normal high blood attire too.

#memory walk #grumblememories #grumbles #I took this memory walk June 2nd #kin.txt

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