day 57-58 // 100dop

monday: so this week is an intro to organic reactions and i am SO glad that organic chem is a notoriously difficult subject so you have LOTS of explanations available online and in particular, i'm loving @thecrashcourse's organic chemistry series (really, crash course puts me in the mood to study when nothing else can XD), and just bc I don't get the book or prof's explanations doesn't mean the prof is bad or the book is bad or that i'm an idiot, sometimes we just need a different way of explaining for us to get it and that's completely fine. 🙂

tuesday: i must've gone insane bc i just signed myself up to take 4 courses this fall...how am i already feeling overwhelmed XD the most i've taken in a semester is 3 courses and that was tough, i couldn't do anything else except study - idk, maybe i've smartened up in terms of study skills since then and i can take this load and get A+ in all of them (can you tell how bad my perfectionism is? 😖😅 ...yet i'm hesitant to let it go entirely bc i could also just not try and then not learn much of anything and then what am i spending this money for, going to university????)???? i highly doubt that my study skills have improved much tho 😅😅😅😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 one of those courses is calculus and i have NOT touched that since high school and i barely remember precalc so aaaaahhhhhhhh - i'm hoping to get through some khan academy videos/questions on the topic before September (taking calculus was kind of a last minute decision 😑), starting with "getting ready for precalculus" (i finished a few practice quizzes on polynomials today) because their ACTUAL precalculus section looks scary and unfamiliar (nggghhh how am i gonna do thisss?). also really confused about complex numbers and imaginary numbers and i found a video on it by 3b1b, i'm still watching it (it's an hour and 22 mins long) and i looove how calm i feel when being guided through a specific topic that's confusing me instead of just...feeling overwhelmed by the complexity and the immense info dump in my university courses... finished 2 sections of chem notes, got 2 more left to do...1 of them is really big but i was able to read through the rest of the chapter today (thank God they're not going THAT deep with organic reactions, else i would go crazy) and i seem to understand it, so that shouldn't be TOO much of a problem (i just have to read and think slower than i'd like with these things...)

update: i just counted the max number of hours per day i would spend studying based on the recommended hours per week for each course... that's 10 hours of focused studying. i don't think i've ever focused 100% for that long???? (in the past, I've always gone over...and i think it's bc my focus starts waning pretty quickly but I never realize it until I've snapped back to reality and start really studying again 🙄 smh, i gotta do better than that if i don't wanna have to drop)