okay so it's been nearly a month since the p!atd concert and the london trip and i've had time to process and i feel like writing it down

first off i'd almost forgotten what it's like to have a mutual obsession with someone. my sister and i discussed the album and the songs and their various meanings to death and enjoyed every second of it.

my sis, before the concert, out of the blue realised what "maggie" meant and suddenly everything made sense. the whole album. it was fucking agonizing actually. sad clown especially. and don't let the light go out. we had seats in the seated portion of the audience but stood up for the entire performance because we wanted increase the percentage of people who stood up for the viva las vengeance songs. and not only because of that, but because the songds are fucking bangers. it fucking hurt my heart to see how few people actually knew those songs. the chick next to me was on her instagram the whole show up to "i write sins", when she took her phone out and filmed the show, then left immediately after. it made me so sad.

besides that the experience was. otherwordly. i sort of left my body there for a minute. i write sins not tragedies felt surreal. i cried so hard i felt i couldn't breathe. and i was in my dad's office, downloading the song on my mp3 player and actually paying for it cause i loved it so much, and arguing about my music taste with him; and i was in the back of the car that is now mine, leaving the big city far away from home, peeling the plastic off the record i'd been trying to find everywhere, and waiting for my turn on the remaining working portable cd player, reading the cover leaflet and feeling carsick but not minding it because there were songs on the album i'd never heard; and i was sitting on my childhood bedroom floor crafting something with my sister and trying to get her to like my new favourite band and failing because i was singing over all my favourite bits; and yet i was there at the O2 arena finding it really difficult to dissociate to THAT song, oscillating between the moment where I was maniacally happy and screaming every word in sync with the crowd and also sobbing and shaking, and visiting the past, while brendon told us he loved us, seeming like he really meant it and it really made him happy (the songs on the album and the music videos say this is what happens and that this is what he loves and craves, but needs to let go of for his own sake), and my sister was there behind me and put her hand on my shoulder as the tears poured down my cheeks and my shoulders shook. just before then brendon had sang nine in the afternoon, which is the equivalent song in meaning to my sister. we were both crying and singing and smiling and happy. i was fucking ecstatic, and close to hyperventilating. it was unbelievably meaningful to me and i'm tearing up just thinking about it.

i went to the second to last panic! at the disco concert ever. i'd been dreaming of that since i was like 12 years old. my sister and i had that mutual dream and we'd never made it a reality until now. and if we'd made it a reality before now it wouldn't have been as special. it would have been fangirling and worshipping at the altar of brendon and now it was. catharsis and like. personal fulfillment. it was a lifelong dream come true at the best possible moment.

willie🥺 i feel like u always write bakugo as the more strict parent, saying out teeth are gonna rot and making sure his kid is polite... what do u think he's lax about? if anything? cuz i don't want to be judged all the time by him LOL

hmm hmm ! i'm not sure ! i—didn't realize i was writing him to be too strict if i'm honest LOL i think...there are things he's very particular about as a parent—like his kiddos' dental hygiene and their manners—but i guess i didn't consider his take strict bc....those are things i think he has to be firm about, when it comes to being a responsible parent ??

like, he's letting the kiddos have their candy or letting them drink juice with dinner or eat a donut for breakfast...but, yes, there is no negotiation on brushing their teeth afterward. okay, if they wanna have a fit and be mad, that's normal kid shit, but it’s no excuse to be disrespectful to anyone. they can be mad about being made to eat a few veggies off their plate, but they're not gonna huff and puff and hmm! in their mommy's face, you know ???

idk !! in my opinion, him giving a sort of gentle reminder of minding their manners and taking care of their toys and being nice to their siblings—that is him being lax ??? sort of quietly nudging them, giving them a look from the corner of his eye that they understand without question; there's no screaming or hollering, no raised voices, no real anger taken out on them. i don't think any of it comes from a judgy place, he just sees it as his responsibility as a parent to not let a little gremlin loose in society, like he was LMAO

idk !! maybe i have a different perspective on what exactly is strict parenting !! which is normal, considering we all came from different households and families and walks of life 🩷

The springs were so fun but I lost the ball to one of my favorite septum rings ☹️

This week was another long week and I'm just. Exhausted. Sad. Frustrated. Burnt out and tired and. Done.

I freaking love this video!

The only question I have is kissing Daycare Attendant's teeth.... Or Peepaw's Teeth?

ohhh thats a good question. tbh it depends. if springtrap washes his stupid mug i would b all over those chompers. im tellin ya i would sprint and smash my face inta his at the smallest inkling that hes clean. but if he doesnt he gets no kiss kiss. that will hafta go 2 the dca

i had to do things that don't align with my beliefs (wear makeup), I apologize to the spirit of Andrea Dworkin

I'm still not over h2woah they're so funny to me. Especially the octoling, they rly managed to make the whitest ass character in the entire splatoon universe, I hope they explode <3

trying to do laundry after dinner snafu 5 dead 16 injured

I’ve had this thought at the back of my mind for a little while but a conversation with a friend brought it to the forefront of my mind, I really don’t enjoy writing for the hetalia fandom that much anymore for a number of reasons that I will not get into but regardless, it’s put me at a crossroad where I could either continue as I am, which I don’t think is best for my mental health, or gradually step back from writing for this fandom (or abandon everything and start afresh, but I won’t do that because there’s a few loose ends I wanna tie up first)

I’m probably not gonna completely stop writing for hetalia because it’s still a creative outlet for me but my plan currently is to slowly but surely finish some of my current projects and WIPs that interest me and maybe a few particular ideas I’ve wanted to write for a while and to gradually move towards more original stuff

also speaking of animal crossing i love that my houses bathroom is built like how children think things should work. why is there a spider crab in the corner? well duh shes guarding the bathroom from intruders! why do you have a tv right next to the tub? well so that you can watch tv while bathing. there's also a warp pipe for easy exit/entrance :)

hygiene is smth i rly struggle w bc of Issues (tm) so far from me the hypocrisy of judging ppl who don't wash/brush daily but. not changing your underwear? 50% of men and 30% of women???? huh???? you mean only twice max right??? beyond that you are asking for a yeast infection. do they at least pass a rag on their armpits and crotch area on the no-wash days? i mean you have to do at least SMTH daily? Right??? if it's not mental illness then what is your excuse

hello,, pls send me izzy asks to wake up to. gimme ur softest most tender izzy scenarios. ur dumbest funny shit. ur stupid thirstposting. tiny pieces of fic. silly doodle ideas. I don’t care just pls spam me.

Managed to neatly bridge the gaps in chapter 2 by saying “it’s three o’clock” and “Bugger off Vimes, we know someone just tried to kill the patrician but we’ve got everything under control here and anyway it’s your day off, go home”.

So that’s nice :)

*dusts off blog* haha hiii what’s up

Having severe burnout is so fun bc I can be like SOBBING for an hour straight, want to die so bad, and then suddenly stop, feel better emotionally, and want a nap

The nap won't help as much as the sobbing for an hour straight, but I'll take what I can get I guess