#i used to do gta roleplay and could script easier because i had an idea of what my character would do and say and could follow it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autisticlee · 9 months

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trying to stream on twitch when you are an autistic person who struggles to talk is so hard. you can't make it on there at all if you don't talk constantly, if you don't talk enough or say the right things, if you can't multitasking and converse well with your chat, cant hold conversation with your viewers, etc. normies hate "awkward silences" and will leave your stream if you are quiet for more than a few seconds.

i try to talk but mostly repeat the same scripted things like "oh no" "oops" "don't touch me" "ouch" while playing games. or I do a kind of disjointed narration of what i'm doing like "jump!" "swimming" "aim and shoot"

when people say hi in chat I say the typical scripted "hi how are you" and then struggle to respond to anything else after that, which makes people leave as quickly as they came. I can't improvise talk about things or tell stories like other streamers. I can't have a conversation with chatters.

if I did try to talk about a thing I prescripted (I'll write down things I want to say/talk about and then read them) I have to stop playing my game to talk. people also don't like that. and it takes me like 10 tries to tell the thing even if I read what I wrote down because I mess it up and have to repeat myself.

I prefer to do co-op games in discord calls so other people can talk for me and be entertaining and talk to my chat. but struggling to talk means no one will invite me to play games or accept my invites 😭

then a while back I saw this:

twitch is apparently going to be inconsiderate to disabled streamers. we can't be "consistent" because of bad health days or even months. some of us can't "engage" enough because words and talking hard. ever since I saw this, I haven't streamed. I don't know know if they actually implemented this or are going to but 😬

I might try to stream again when I have time/stop feeling sick. I was streaming genshin impact weekly and daily stuff which might not be most people's interest. I want to stream some art and 3d printed figure painting. I can't talk while doing art stuff so I can play some nice music. but it'll be boring streams 😭 I don't know how to be entertaining and make myself talk a lot 😭

#autistic #autism #actually autistic #speech problems #disabled streamer #twitch streamer #yeah i called allistics normies because i forgot the word allistic and ill keep it because its funny to me #i used to do gta roleplay and could script easier because i had an idea of what my character would do and say and could follow it #if it dodnt make sense then that was because hes not smart and everyone knew that and went along with it #everyone was more accommodating for my rp character than me. i miss doing rp streams. they were easier #acting and not being me is easier apparently #and my character is one that lived in my head since i was a kid. the way he comes out reminds me of how people with DID describe #their switches in their systems. its like he just switches consciousness with me. sometimes he still tries even though i dont rp now 😅#not saying its the same. its probably not right? idk what it is or how to explain it. it was like that with characters in my head as a kid.#he was one of them after all. the main one that came out was called lilly. now i have a friend named lilly. silly coincidence #what am.i rambling about. got off topic #lee rambles

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