#i think im entitled to demand a level of care that involves looking up all the english since he doesnt speak a word of it and also looking | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

phantom-of-the-keurig · 3 years

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idk why u act like being a brown person frustrated that some media that im a fan of implied that having lighter skin is superior is me walking around angry all the time. u minimizing the feelings of poc just shows how privileged u are to not constantly be assaulted by the message of how we're inferior for our race. youre insensitive, entitled, and just an unsympathetic person towards issues of race when it involves things u like. why do u not care about poc? 🤔 or do u just care when it doesnt inconvenience u

Ooo, my first angry anon in this fandom. How nice. I’m going to try and go through this line by line so I don’t miss anything, stick with me.

idk why u act like being a brown person frustrated that some media that im a fan of implied that having lighter skin is superior is me walking around angry all the time.

Sorry, but I don’t recall saying that? From day one I have agreed the whitewashing of the bad batch isn’t cool, and it should be heavily criticized for how it stomps on POC representation within Star Wars. I did say, however, that people trying to make Galaxy Brain takes about the bad batch (ex. This show is bad because it tweaked how one specific scene in a comic went down, or this show is terrible because it makes the chipped clones seem like droids) is stupid and people should calm down a little bit. I also said that it’s okay to enjoy something while also pointing out its valid flaws, and you don’t need to strain yourself trying to reach for any petty criticism you can find when there are actual legit, real flaws we can talk about. Trying to make everything an issue takes away from the real issues (like whitewashing) and shifts the focuses from what we should be discussing / criticizing.

u minimizing the feelings of poc just shows how privileged u are to not constantly be assaulted by the message of how we're inferior for our race.

I’m trying to figure out how to answer this one without giving too much away about myself and typing too much out. I guess I’ll put it like this; please do not assume that I do not know what it is like to have my race thrown in my face and been made to feel inferior. I am indeed privileged over the rest of my family in that I’m white passing, but at the end of the day I am mixed race. I know, shocking, right?

My Mother is Mexican, her first language is Spanish, and her parents (my grandparents) were migrant workers that traveled up and down the west coast picking crops and doing labor jobs. I spoke Spanish growing up, and i used to be brown as hell when I was younger. Oh, and my first name? Yeah it ain’t white sounding at all, its Spanish as hell and I’ve never in my life met another person with my name.

With this in mind, you think when i moved to the Bible Belt as a kid I didn’t have that shit thrown in my face? You think I didn’t constantly have other kids, and their parents, make comments about my name, or ask if my Mom could speak English? You think I didn’t have to hear the teacher mumble about “that dirty beaner” under her breath? I’m super pale now because I never freaking go outside for one reason or another (depression, its hot and humid here in cornfield hell, etc.) and haven’t for over a decade but I still get shit about my name constantly. My Mom, sister, and brother are all a hell of a lot darker than me, in fact I look like the adopted white kid when I’m around them, but my mom and i sure as shit still get followed around by loss prevention when we go shopping.

Just last year I had a lawyer keep getting more and more aggressive as he demanded to know if my grandparents needed a translator, and he refused to believe me when i told him no, they could speak English just fine. Hell, there’s a client at work that only refers to me as “that little Spanish girl” and if that isn’t a little slap in the face idk what is.

So yeah my dude, I’m white passing and there is without a doubt a level of privilege that goes with that, but please do not assume to know my life, my experiences, or the experiences of my family.

youre insensitive, entitled, and just an unsympathetic person towards issues of race when it involves things u like

Now I don’t know about that friend, that’s assuming quite a lot about me? Especially when I am 100% firmly of the mindset that whitewashing and overall POC representation in Star Wars is a major problem. This is an absolutely valid criticism of Star Wars and should continue to be discussed until the creators start making an effort.

why do u not care about poc?

Again, a pretty bold assumption and one I really don’t appreciate. But I guess I’ll go let my Mom and Grandma know I no longer care about them. May as well call all my Tias and Tios and tell them to fuck off too, since tumblr said I don’t care about POC. (This is sarcasm, by the way. Just wanted to make that clear.)

or do u just care when it doesnt inconvenience u

No, I’d say I care all the time actually. Especially when they inconvenience me, because if I’m bothered by something I can’t imagine how hard it is for someone it has a real impact on.

Anyway to sum this all up, I find people getting up in arms about stupid stuff (minor changes in canon, crosshair’s chip working, etc.) is ridiculous. However, I do think it is absolutely okay to call out media for its legit flaws (whitewashing, POC representation) while still enjoying the good parts.

#I hope this clears things up anon #reply #sw salt #the bad batch

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letspurpletogether · 5 years

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Out of the Void || BTS

↳ Summary: The one where the boys stumble upon that one fic and they all end up reading. (This is a crack fic inspired by @btssavedmylifeblr’s Void, because my own words are not enough to describe how an amazing story Void it is, and what a outstanding writer Bee is).

⇢ Warnings: BEWARE OF SPOILERS!! This things should be full of them so I suggest you to read all of Void before reading this just in case. Also, for those entitled rude anons: stop demanding updates from the fan fiction writers like they owe you shit, cause they don’t! And stop coming at them to complain about their publishing schedule. This is done for fun and for free, if you can’t be patient and respect their creative process then fuck off!

A/N: Also, I had so much fun writing this. I wanted to keep adding and adding stuff. However, since english is not my mother language i had some trouble describing the scenes the way I pictured them in my head. Therefore, I decided to leave it like this for now.

(TT-TT) Im sorry, Bee! I did try my best, I know it doesn’t do Void justice. But I still wanted to write it for you because Void is such an amazing story!

That’s it! Please,enjoy!

→ 01

[...]

He shouldn’t be doing this.

Hoseok checked over his shoulder again before turning back to the phone in his hands. It wasn’t like if someone were to come into his studio right now and catch him watching porn.

Hell, this was so much worse.

Especially considering how he was supposed to be working on the rap arrangement for the new song, and not checking out a piece of fan-fiction... If Namjoon were to catch him he was going to give him hell for days.

He had strictly advised the six of them against it several times, but to be honest Hoseok was to eager to find out what happened next to actually acknowledge the suggestion. Besides, he was he eldest of the two and it wasn’t like he had to listen to his band member. Joon was only the leader when the cameras were out. Inside their dorms he couldn’t even remember to wash the dishes when he was supposed to or take the clothes out of the dryer so they wouldn’t end up a crumble mess the next morning.

Also, it was all Jimin’s fault.

His dongsaeng had sent him the link without any explanation last week. It was a silly thing they did to each other trying to make the other cringe with whatever weird-ass story they could find, mostly on Twitter. It was all for the laughs but they had stopped doing it when Hoseok had accidentally send Seokjin a rather explicit piece that involved Jimin and Yoongi in a threesome with some kind of catgirl trying to get her pregnant. It was meant for the young boy, of course and that slip of hand had resulted in a hysteric Seokjin exposing them right in front of the others.

Hoseok has been so embarrassed after that he couldn’t even look at Yoongi in the face for a whole ass week. Even though his hyung had said it was fine. It didn’t help that Taehyung and Jungkook wouldn’t let the topic die either. Those rascals, he made sure to make them wore their asses off in the following dance practices.

But anyways, he and Jimin had agreed to stop.

So it was a surprise to receive a new link from him after a couple months. He’d ignored it at first, being too busy with practice and rehearsals to bother with checking it up. But yesterday while waiting for his appointment with the cupping therapist, he’d absentmindedly opened it and was actually surprised with what he’d found. Written in English, it was a space story... and they were astronauts!

At that moment he been too oblivious to care and read the warnings or summary on top of the post. For a moment of innocent wonder he actually got caught up in the first scene. He was a scientist in space, it couldn’t get any cooler than that! But of course, he had soon realized what type of story it was.

The problem was that it didn’t start right off with the porn part like most stories he’s found while browsing the darkest depths of the ARMY’s fandom. He’d read some weird shit himself, demons, half-animal people, male pregnancyㅡHell! even tentacles once. The kind of things his fans could come up with was exhilarating, and it blew his mind that the weirdest and kinkiest were for some reason the best well-written of allㅡ.

But this story was different.

It had a storyline, an actual estructure, inciting incident, clear stakes, the whole pack. Years listening to his father reviewing novels and short-stories had resulted in him developing an appetite for well-written stories. And even though the main character was that Y/N type their fans where so keen about, she wasn’t plain at all. She struggled, and that was nice to read. Besides, all that astronaut stuff sounded so legit that he almost consider the possibility of the author being an astronaut herself. He’d always been a fan of fantasy and sci-fi since he was child and his father brought him the entire collection of Jules Verne’s novels for his eleventh birthday. Stories about voyages to far and unknown places were his guilty pleasure, so of course he got hooked up with this piece faster than he’d ever with any other he’d read so far.

But he couldn’t finished the chapter that time because the masseur was already calling his name. The scrolling bar told him he wasn’t even half way through it, so he’d copied the link for later and went to the therapist office. So now there he was resuming his reading with renewed eagerness.

The main character had just arrived at a green house inside the ship. And there was Yoongi.

Hoseok huffed and raised an eyebrow when he realized this scene focused all on his elder. Wasn’t he supposed to be the main character here? Not that he complained, though. Yoongi’s fingers where indeed nice after all and wouldn’t blame the girl for obsess over them. But in most stories he’d read there was always a lead, and he assumed by the first scene it was going to be himself. Maybe this was a threesome?

He quickly scrolled back up to the story information, searching for the pairing section where he knew his questions would be answered. /OT7 x reader/

He flinched.

“All of us? What...?”. Did that mean everyone was a love interest? Or that the main character was supposed to screw all of them at once? How was that supposed to work if there was just one woman in the whole crew?

Oh wait...

The realization hit him. Of course, that was the whole plot. Seven guys and one girl, and they had to fight for her love? It was something like that for sure, wasn’t it? She would pick one of them and then they’d have sex. He kept reading—

«Your deepest darkest fantasies- the ones you always turned to on your most stressed and anxious nights - were the ones involving the entire crew. The idea of them finding out what a slut you were for them and passing you between them filled you with an embarrassing level of arousal. You would imagine them taking turns filling you until all your thoughts of loneliness and emptiness had been fucked out of you. And you would sleep like a baby.»

—or not...

He scratched his chin, a little confused now. Was this actually going to be gangbang? Or more importantly, was he actually going to read this till the end? He did like threesomes, not that he’d been in one... Yet. Their schedules hardly ever allowed them to properly date someone, and hooking up with a random stranger was way too risky with the level of fame they’d reached at this point. But the idea of threesomes was very appealing, although he’d never actually consider having a gangbang with all his members. However... he wasn’t going to cross off reading about one just yet.

Just as he was about to resume his reading, the door flew open and Jimin‘s face appeared. “Hyung!”

Hoseok jumped in his seat, his phone fell on his lap.

“Shit...!”, he took a deep breath and glared at his band member. “You almost gave me a heart attack, Jimin!”

A sly grin appeared on the youngest face.

“Why? What were you doing?”

Hoseok cleared his throat. Had he been discovered?

“Nothing”, he lied so poorly he wanted to smack himself on the face.

“You were totally reading it, weren’t you?”, Jimin chuckled. “Did you get to the video part already?”

“No, what video part?”

Jimin raised both palms.

“Sorry, not going to give you any spoilers”

Hoseok rolled his eyes. “Anyway... Why did you send it?” He asked, retrieving his phone and unlocking the screen again. “I thought we agreed on not doing that anymore”

“Yeah, but Taehyung send it to me”

“What?” Hoseok frowned, and turned around in his chair to face the boy. That was a surprise. “Why would he...?” He shook his head, sometimes Taehyung needn’t a reason to do the most random things.

Jimin simply shrugged.

“He also sent it to Jungkook and Namjoon-hyung”, Jimin ran his hand through his hair and giggled. “I think everyone is reading it now”

“Wait- What?!” Hoseok chuckled and raised an eyebrow. “Are you for real?”

“Haven’t you checked the group chat?”

“No, I was...” Hoseok pressed his tongue against his cheek. “-reading”.

“Huh”Jimin wiggled his eyebrows. “Is cool isn’t it?”

“Well, it’s ... interesting”, he conceded. Jimin let himself in and plopped down on the spare chair he kept in his studio in case he needed to work with the senior producers.

“Who do you think she’ll choose?”

“For what?”

“Come on, hyung.” Jimin snickered, “You know what I mean”

“Are you sure she is supposed to choose one of us?”

“What-? Obviously...”, Jimin shifted on the sofa, his face stared confused at Hoseok for a moment. But then he gasped, suddenly realizing what he mean. “Do you mean-? All of us?!”

“Why not?” Hoseok shrugged. “It’s just a story, anyways. You know some of our fans like kinky stuff and there’s nothing wrong with that”

“I mean! I know that! Its not-”. Jimin’s face turned a bright shade of red. “W-we shouldn’t be reading about that. What if they get... ideas!” He brought a hand to his forehead and looked back at him with a worried expression. Hoseok spluttered in a laugh, but it soon dwindled when he realized Jimin was actually serious about his concern.

“Jimin...”

“Goddamnit...!” Hoseok observed as his younger member stood up and facepalmed himself “I’m an idiot! I bet that was Taehyung’s plan all along”

“Taehyung’s plan was to have us... read fan-fiction?”

“About a gangbang!”

Hoseok rolled his eyes.

“It’s just fan fiction, Jimin. Not a proposition”, he said, but Jimin wasn’t paying attention to him anymore.

“The others can’t read that. I have to stop them”, and he was about to storm out the door, but Hoseok had to stop him.

“Hey, hey!”, he grabbed him by the elbow. “Now you’re just exaggerating”

“No, I’m not”, Hoseok couldn’t comprehend why Jimin was so scandalized. “We can’t have a gangbang, hyung!”

“No, no, no!”, he “First of all, no one is having a gangbang. Second of all, why does it bother you so much?”

“It doesn’t!”

“Really?”

“I just don’t want to be... I don’t want to share a partner with the six of you”

“Why, you’re worried she might like it too much and dump you?” Hoseok teased. However, upon seeing Jimin getting all self-conscious, the smile was erased from his face.

“Jimin, come on. You don’t really think that would happen”

“I don’t know, you are all good looking and mature, and more talented that-“

“Stop it. You are not less than us, stop beating yourself so much specially over a fictional situation. Do you forget who has the third largest fan base among us?”

“It because ARMY likes when I act all cute and pretty, and want to baby me like a child. I’m the cutie, the tiny one...”, his voiced turned into an almost whisper at the end. “I’m never the big... manly man...”

“Jimin...”

“What?”

“This isn’t about the story, is it?”

“No... yes- well, not this one...”, he paused, looking at his feet, bashfully. “It’s just the other stories...”

“What other stories?”, Hoseok asked, but Jimin just shrugged. “I don’t get it...”

“Ugh- hyung it’s nothing really”, he was quick to reply, standing up again. “You are right, I’m so over-reacting... it’s just a story”

“Okay...”, Hoseok leaned back in his chair and looked again at Jimin who was standing next to the door. Hands behind his back, like a child waiting to be scolded. “You sure that’s all?”

“Yep”, that extra ‘p’ sound at the end was enough evidence that he was lying. But he was also aware of Jimin’s uneasiness so it was probably better to let him off the hook for now.

“Well, then...”, Hoseok rubbed his neck. “I really should get back to work then”

Jimin gave him a short smile and left without saying another word. Hoseok turned around in his chair to face his computer and actually get some work before the day was over.

But maybe...ㅡHe glanced at his phone next to the mouseㅡ, just maybe... one more chapter wouldn’t hurt either.

[...]

It was past three am when he arrived back at the dorm. He usually wasn’t the one to stay overnight at the studio like Joonie and Yoongi-hyung. But time flew from his grasp like an oiled rope after he finished the first chapter and he had to stay late to finish his assignments. He didn’t want Pdogg-hyung to yell at him in their next briefing. However, the pull of the story was too strong for him to resist.

He had gone to sleep right away, and with the first light the next day he was already reaching for his cellphone and logging into the Tumblr account he had created just for this. He needed to know what happened next, story-Jimin had to be out of his mind to give the main character a video of him masturbating. It was a risky move, he wouldn’t think Jimin was capable of it in real life... Maybe Seokjin-hyung was shameless enough to pull that one out, and Taehyung...

“Yeah, probably Taehyung...”, he mused to himself as he propped himself down on his elbows.

“Probably Taehyung what?”, Jimin’s sleepy voice asked from his side of the room.

“Oh! Jiminie, did I wake you?”, Jimin shook his head and asked again what he meant by ‘probably Taehyung’. Hoseok sat on his bed and stretched his arms. “Nothing, it’s just this story...”

“Why do you keep reading it, hyung?”, Jimin groaned and covered his face with both palms in exhaustion. Hoseok simply chuckled, Jimin’s concerns where silly. Plus, he wasn’t going to deny himself the pleasure of a good story just because his roommate thought his best friend was trying to get them to have an orgy.

“We are not having a gangbang, just relax”

Jimin huffed but didn’t argue further.

A sudden nasal shriek shattered the morning’s quietness and reached their ears through the door. Hoseok almost jumped off his bed to Jimin’s, what on earth was that? It sounded like some kind of hysteric bird .

“First you send me that porn thing and then you wanna talk about gangbangs?! Gangbangs!!”

Okay, that hysteric bird sounded like Seokjin now. And by the volume of it, it was coming from the kitchen.

“It’s not like that, hyung! You don’t even listen!” And that was definitely Joon’s.

Hoseok exchanged confused glances with Jimin that soon turned into curious ones. As if on cue, both of them got up their beds and ran into the kitchen to check on their band members.

Namjoon was leaning on the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in one hand, the other scratching his forehead. Meanwhile Seokjin was beating some eggs in a plastic bowl, ranting about how much porn was acceptable in a household.

“It’s not porn! It’s basically literature!” Namjoon sounded as much fed up as he looked embarrassed. Seokjin let out a sarcastic chuckle.

“It’s porn! And you are a pervert!”

Namjoon rolled his eyes.

“If you could just read it-!”

“I have enough with the viruses that keep popping on the computer because of you shady search historial!” It was hilarious just listening to them arguing back and forth like and old married couple. But Hoseok was more curious about whether they were talking about what he though they were.

“Is this about the space story?”, he chimed in, resting his elbows on the marble island across Seokjin’s cooking station. Jimin climbed on a stool next to him.

“You too, now?”, Seokjin huffed, giving him and Jimin disgusted look. “Not that I’m surprised, considering your fascination with breeding cats”

“It was a cat-girl! And that was a mistake!” Hoseok’s ears suddenly burned. “But whatever...”

“Wait- So did you read it, or not?”, this time Namjoon was the one to speak.

“I am reading it, I’m on chapter two”, he replied and Jimin nodded along.

“Did you get to the video part right?”, Joon asked and before Hoseok had a chance to speak, Seokjin’s loud huff cut him off.

“Can I cook in peace without having to hear about how much you want a gangbang, pleaaaaase?”

“Com’on, hyung! I never said I wanted a gangbang!” Namjoon shot him a glare before turning back to Hoseok. His hands came to fondle with the fruit bowl in front of him. “What I was trying to explain to this hyung is that I do think it’s an interesting guessing exercise for figuring out the extends of human behaviour in such adverse conditions”

“But you said you wanted to do it!”

“No! I said to explore it as in talk about it! WITH WORDS!”, Namjoon glared at their hyung, as a faint blush covered his cheeks. It was clear that “If you could’ve just listened for a moment instead of acting like a scandalized prude!”

“Yeah, hyung. It’s just a story, you are over reacting”, said Jimin, taking Hoseok by surprise considering all he had to say about it last night.

“Well, forgive me for not wanting a gangbang!”

“No one’s having a gangbang, for God’s sake!”

“I wouldn’t mind”, a fifth voice joined the conversation out of the blue and all the heads turned in the direction of the hallway.

Yoongi-hyung was leaning against the wall, arms crossed and messy bed hair. A slight frown hardening his features. He’d most likely woken up because all of the noise.

Seokjin let out a sarcastic chuckle.

“You too, Yoongi?”

“How long have you been standing there?”, Jimin asked. Yoongi shrugged off a yawn and walked over to grab an apple from the bowl Namjoon was holding.

“It’s hard to keep sleeping with this hyung nagging so loud this early in the morning”, he pointed to his eldest and bit on the fruit.

“You know what?!”, Seokjin scoffed, and put aside all his cooking implements. “Y’all can make your own breakfast! Seriously...”

And walked away.

“So noisy...”, Yoongi mumbled as he munched on his apple.

“You read it too, hyung?”, Namjoon asked. Yoongi turned to him, leaning on his elbows. Hoseok’s eyes betrayed him as they followed Yoongi’s movements and the way he arched his back, lifting his ass in the air so subtly.

“Since Tae shared it in the group chat I figured I should give it a try”, he shrugged seemingly desinterestedm, but Hoseok knew him better than that. Yoongi liked to pretende he didn’t care about stuff other that making music, but it was clear to him by the way he was behaving, that the older rapper had enjoyed the story a little bit too much. “It was good”.

“You’re only saying that because you are not the main character”, said Jimin.

“At least I’m not the character that gave the girl a video of me jerking off”

“First of all, she asked! and second, you messed up big time keeping that memory card, hyung!”

Yoongi sneered at the younger boy.

“I got her off, you didn’t”

“Wait, what are you-?”

Jimin’s face turned a bright red, his nosetrils flared. Namjoon just chocked a laugh, almost knocking off the fruit bowl. For a moment, Hoseok only stared in confussion at them. He couldn’t recall something like that happening in the story yet and he realized they were probably far ahead of him.

“Hey! Don’t give me any spoilers! I haven’t reached that part yet”.

But Yoongi and Jimin just ignored him, continuing their teasing banter.

“I don’t think she’ll forgive you. EVER!”

“She was thinking of me while fucking you”

“At least I got to- to... be with her!”

“You can’t even say fuck without blushing. Space-Jimin is lightyears ahead of you”, a smug grin appeared in Yoongi’s face, clearly pleased with his joke and Jimin’s fuming face.

“That’s a bit rich coming from you, hyung”, Namjoon said with a smirk. “I mean, last time I checked you couldn’t even look at Halsey in her training clothes without turning red as a beetroot”

“That’s-!”, Yoongi coughed, a bite of the apple going the wrong way. Suddenly matching Jimin with his red cheeks. “That’s different!”

“Neither one of you would ever dare to act like the way the author portraits you. Just admit it”, Namjoon snickered. “You don’t have what it takes”.

“Oh, and you do?”

“I’m just saying if the seven of us where trapped in a spaceship and there’s just one woman for miles and miles...”, He crossed his arms, chin raised proudly. “I’m guessing you’d be too shy to get her attention”.

“It’s not a competition, anyway. It’s a story and it has already been written”, argued Yoongi. “And I was her first choice”.

“Technically it was Hobi”, Jimin pointed out. “She was so ready to throw herself over him in that lab scene”.

“Well Hobi doesn’t count here because he did nothing”

“Excuse me?”, Hoseok scoffed. “Clearly I’m the best character, unlike others I’m actually being professional”.

“Yeah, right. Professional until Yoongi-hyung tells you he screwed the main character”, Taehyung popped up from behind him making Hoseok shriek in surprise, followed closely by a sleepy-faced Jungkook.

“You little-! You almost killed me!”, Taehyung only laughed, joining the his chuckling hyungs.

“And he didn’t screw anything- anyone!”, said Jimin.

“Well, his fingers did”.

“Stop talking!”, Hoseok shoved Taehyung aside and shook his head. “You’ve already spoiled the story for me enough as it is! At least let me finish the chapters before we talk about this”.

“Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t talk about it before breakfast”, Namjoon scratched his chin. “Gguk, go tell Jin-hyung he can come back now”.

“Why, was he here?” asked Jungkook.

“He left because he didn’t what to have a gangbang”, Yoongi answered, almost offended, like he was telling Jungkook his hyung had turned down some fishing trip.

Jungkook’s eyes where suddendly wide open.

“What-?!”

“It’s the story, nevermind!”, Jimin waved a hand in the air in dismissal.

“Wait, so we can’t have a gangbang?”

“Are you serious right now, hyung?”, Jimin gave Yoongi the side eye. His hyung response was simply shrugging.

“I like to keep my options open”.

“Yeah, maybe one thing you shouldn’t keep open is your mouth”.

The group erupted in laughter at Jimin’s witty comeback. Yoongi raised the hand that held half an apple and pretended to throw it at Jimin’s head, only to join the laughter when the dancer fell from his chair by his motion.

Hoseok chuckled and shook his head.

What a way to start the day.

. . . .

#void #btssavedmylifeblr #space au #bts reaction #bts scenarios #jung hoseok #pov #bangtan smut #crack fic #bts crack #fic inside fic #fanfiction #bts fanfiction #bts reacts to fanfiction #yoongi #bts smut

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urikang-blog1 · 5 years

Text

Happy Birthday

Dear KP, I dont know if at this point, we are already in good terms with each other or if we are still apart and that we have decided to be apart, but I just want to greet you Happy 28th Birthday! Another year. Another gift of life and I do hope, na happy ka today. I am writing this on May 20. Second day since we broke up. I am crushed. When you left last Saturday after our fight and after we have decided to break up I felt like the door echoed and I felt the door shut like it shattered my heart to pieces. I sat there for I think an hour and sent you messages of what I felt. To be honest I was really sad to see you take it that easily. Without even asking to talk and to work things out. Just saying okay and leaving. Like it was nothing. For me that is the saddest part na okay ka na. Na okay na sayo na wala nalang tayo. Na yung 3 years na pinagsamahan naten sumuko ka na rin. You didnt even leave a message saying your thoughts or saying sorry. Napagod ka na siguro talaga. But you know, I realized na tama ka. na di si Chenee yung may kasalanan. Tayo and when I say tayo, that involves me as well. Ako. So I am really sorry. I am sorry for being an awful partner to you for the past few months especially nung LDR tayo. Im sorry na minura kita ng ganun. Kung pinaramdam ko na di kita kailangan. I feel like nagsuffer ka ng sobra given na wala ako tapos ganun tayo tapos mdami kang issues na naglabasan while wala ako. Which you have communicated to me and I knew but still inimpose ko parin sayo na ayusin tayo . Kahit sobrang kailangan mo ng support ko. Sorry if I failed at doing that. Sorry if I pushed you away by insisting that we fix things and that we dwell on our issues. I was waiting for you na amuhin ako. To make me feel like you want me and that you are sorry. A gesture of some sort para makabawi ka sa kasalanan mo sa mga masakit mong sinabi at sa ginawa mo. Pero ako di ko inisip na may mali rin ako pero ikaw di ka nagaantay ng gesture from me na bumawi. Gusto mo lang maging okay. Gusto mong maging normal. Para makabangon tayo. para maging maayos. Na alam mo siguro kung gnawa ko siguro hindi tayo umabot sa kung nasan tayo ngayon. Hindi ka siguro naghanap ng comfort ng iba. Kasi nandto ako as your partner para makausap mo. Sorry if I havent been a partner to you. Sorry na pinairal ko yung ego ko yung selfishness ko and for demanding na may gawin ka gaya ng lage mong gnagawa. I cant deny it hinahanap ko talaga yung efforts mo. Dati kasi pag nagaway tayo I will find you sa bahay at the end of the day to patch things up so we can talk or if not you are already up to something at gumising ka pa ng mas maaga sakin para maghanap ng bulaklak at pumunta ng dangwa o magisip ng kung anong pakulo maamo lang ako. Hinanap ko yun. I cried last night kasi akala ko, nasa side ka ng bed ko gaya ng away natin dati. I was hoping na sana totoo. Sana andun ka wanting na maging okay yung mga bagay. I dont know what happened what made you stop. Was it that you got tired? naubusan ka na ba ng fuel? Dont you feel like Im worthy of that? or na di mo nalang talaga ako mahal gaya ng dati? pero gaya ng sabi ko sayo I am equally responsible for that. You got tired because of me. Because I feel entitled. Because I felt like you have to prove that I am special because you had to always prove something and I understand that is tiring. thinking about it probably it felt like a chore given that you have already established that certain expectation vs siguro na dati freely mo syang gnagawa which is because gusto mo not because gusto ko. Nakakalungkot isipin yung fact na ayaw mo na na gawin yun pero I do understand na oo nakakapagod nga sya. Now regarding Chenee. When I was back tracking your messages I saw that your conversations started yung day na nagaway tayo dahil minessage ko sya. I dont know if you were trying to patch things up/compensate hence you started to message her. na akala ko, sa undertsanding ko di mo gagawin. So that again, I am responsible too. I pushed you to do that. I pushed you to talk to her. And I pushed you to hide it from me by talking somewhere else. It broke my heart when you told her na nasa slack ka lang sa phone. That she can reach you somewhere na wala akong visbility. Like you intended to do that. I dont know if naplant ba sa isip mo na may interest sya sayo so you took the chance? pero to me I felt like she was a threat and I made her a threat and now she is. I have let my insecurities take over me. and so yeah. I pushed you towards her. And now, may ganto na. Nagsinungaling ka na. Tinago mo na. Na kung iisipin mo siguro kung hanyaan ko lang. Siguro walang ganto. Siguro. Pero I wouldnt accept siguro na wala lang sya. Na wala ka lang pake sa kanya kasi obviously sa chats nyo may level of concern ka. na ang hirap tanggapin. and you even defended her. Pero wala na akong magagawa dun. anjan na at Im responsible din. So I do apologize for all of these. For the half ass relationship weve had for almost 3 months now. But I do want you to know na I do care for your happiness. Sorry if I have been really selfish. And youre right you dont just break off things like that like it was nothing. I have loved you for 3 years more than 3 years and I just ended it with a snap of the finger. I have been vile. I have said mean things and for that I am sorry. And if were not okay at this point, I totally understand. Because you didnt deserve that. Namanhid ka kasi naimmune ka sa dami ng away naten kaya wala nalang kaya natitiis mo nalang. Ang hirap tanggapin pero yun na yung nangyari. But I want you to know that I have loved you and that I am still loving you despite all of this. Despite the pain and the hurt and the chaos and the mess and the conflict. Im sorry If I have treated you like crap and for not giving you the respect you deserved. I am an awful partner and for that I am sorry. I really think that you deserved better. Not a crazy, toxic partner like me. And if Chenee is like that, and if you wanted to pursue her, I wouldnt blame you and its okay. This is me letting go of you and all of the hate and looking back at the memories and the moments that weve had. Everything that you have done for me and the people I love. For being my partner and my bestfriend. For being a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, for being my home. for being my world for almost 4 years. I feel bittersweet as I am writing this, because I am in pain and I really miss you. I really miss the old us. I miss the happy us. The crazy about each other us. Ngayon kasi we just drive each other crazy. I really felt like we got tested kasi nga diba smooth seas dont make good sailors. If we didnt survive it then there is a reason. Baka I was in your life and you were in my life to be a lesson. Ang sakit isipin tho na yung 3 years and yung amount ng love all for a lesson. A hard lesson. That relationships are hardwork. Being a relationship is a decision and a choice you make, every single day. No matter how difficult. No matter how hard. No matter how tough. But I do hope that you know that I really loved you more than I loved anyone else and I really wish na maging happy ka. Wala akong pinagsisihan sa pinagsamahan naten. It was picture perfect specially nung nasa bubble tayo. We were a good team. I know we could have been really good parents. I know youre going to be a really great dad and a good husband and anyone you will love will be really happy and I am glad kasi even for a short while naranasan ko na mahalin ng ganun. Mahalin ng walang reservations. Mahalin ng extra mile. Salamat, baby ko. Salamat mahal ko. Salamat. Ang sakit sakit na sa sulat na to nagpapaalam ako sayo kasi feeling ko nasa cross roads tayo. Climax ba. Yung point na di alam yung kasunod. Pero isa lang ang alam ko mahal kita at sana sa panahong nakasama kita, hindi man sa latter part ng relasyon naten naparamdam ko kung gano kita kamahal at kung gano ka kahalaga sakin. Kung wala na talagang tayo at this point sana matupad mo lahat ng gusto mo. Too bad wala ako to celebrate today or to celebrate the next milestones of your life. You are a good person with a really really beautiful heart and I thank you for the love and know that you deserve the best things in life. Thank you for the years that you have shared with me and for loving me and giving your all to the point na wala ka nang mabigay. I am letting you go and I am hoping you would come back but I wouldnt impose. Kung bumalik ka man gusto ko na kusa at na gusto mo talaga hindi dahil sinabi ko or na nirequire ko. Gusto ko na bumalik ka kasi narealize mo na gaya ko hindi mo rin kaya na wala ako sa buhay mo at na gusto mong ayusin at gusto mo na tayo parin sa dulo.

If we are still together, know that these are my thoughts and my realizations while we are apart and you know what I wish I could turn back time so we can relive those days na di tayo okay o na nagtitiisan tayo. I am sorry for this phase. I really am.

Mahal na mahal kita. I love you Uri

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