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#i should just write everything down
hailsatanacab · 5 months
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Family Dinners - dpxdc
"Holy shit, you're Bruce Wayne!" Danny gaped, jabbing a finger at the man sitting at the head of the table.
The bustling dining room goes silent as everyone turns to look at him.
"Danny, who did you think was going to be here?" Tim asks, disbelief plain in his voice and Danny feels his face flush red.
"Sorry, I, uh, I guess I just never put it together. Tim Drake-Wayne. Wayne Manor. It, uh, makes sense now." He laughs sheepishly and scrubs at his neck before slumping back down into his chair.
"Well," Tim says with an indulgent sigh, "at least I know you're not just friends with me for my connections."
"Yeah, I'm really sorry, I just never thought about it, I guess."
Danny sinks lower as everyone around him laughs. Come to dinner, he said, the food is the best, he said, ignore the family, he said. Danny really wishes he'd listened to Tim and just ignored them—almost as much as he's regretting accepting the offer in the first place—but... he's having dinner with Batman.
Ancients, that's so weird!
The last time he saw Batman was in the future and, suffice it to say, it was not going well. There hadn't really been time for family dinners there.
Wait. Family dinners?
He peers around the table, openly gawking at everyone as it all clicks into place.
"Everything alright, Danny? Now realising who everyone else is?" Tim asks with a roll of his eyes.
"Uh... something like that..." Danny mumbles as everyone laughs again.
From further down the table, the smallest Wayne scoffs and clicks his tongue.
"I thought you said he was smart, Drake?"
"So, you all do it, too, then?" he asks, ignoring the jibe. Danny's only a little bit jealous as he thinks of how much easier they must have it, how much easier it'd be if his family had been on his side, too. "You all work together?"
"Nah," Dick says from across the table with a brilliant grin. "Tim's the only one that works with Bruce, we all have different jobs. I'm a police officer in Bludhaven."
"Disgusting." Danny blurts out without thinking—because seriously, what kind of self-respecting vigilante would also be a police officer?—before clapping a hand over his mouth. "Sorry."
The whole table laughs again, the loudest being the blonde girl a few spaces down from Dick. Look, Danny wasn't really paying attention to names when they were all paraded in front of him. Dick only gets remembered because his name is a joke.
Come on, Danny, recover!
"That's, uh, not what I meant, though."
"Oh?" Dick asks, cocking his head slightly to the side. Is it Danny's imagination or does his smile tense slightly?
"Yeah, I mean like, you know, in costume. It must make it so much easier to have everyone together like this."
"Costume? What do you mean?"
Yeah, Danny's not imagining it, everyone tenses up at that. It's really only now that he's realising that this probably isn't how he should bring up that he knows about their... night time activities. In fact, he probably shouldn't be bringing it up at all.
"Uuhhh..." Danny looks wildly around the table as he continues making his stupid noise. Think, think, think! There must be a way out of this!
"Danny?" Tim asks, looking concerned.
"Oh, Ancients, this isn't how I wanted it to go at all," he mutters, slipping even further into his chair. He's almost on the floor now and he so, so wishes it could just swallow him up.
His real first meeting with Batman was meant to be cool! He had planned to be Phantom, maybe save them from a tight spot, prove his worth as a mysterious and powerful ally as thanks for the help Batman gave him in the future.
"Danny, what are you talking about?" Tim starts tugging on his sleeve in an attempt to pull him back up from his pit of despair.
Eventually, Danny relents and sits up straighter, hiding his face in his hands and whining all the while.
"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect him to be here and it threw me off so now I look stupid and it's so embarrassing!" he wails, flailing his arms wide. "Why wouldn't you warn me that Batman was your adopted dad, Tim? Couldn't you have let me know?"
"I'm sorry, what? Danny are you alright? There's no way Bruce can be Batman, look at him!"
"Yeah," the blonde girl laughs from the bottom of the table, "look at him! That's a wet noodle of a man! Batman can actually do things, B is incapable of pretty much everything."
"Thank you, Stephanie," Bruce sighs, massaging his forehead.
It's... Those are the first words Danny's heard Batman say since everything went down and it's enough to knock him out of his embarrassment.
It's really good to hear his voice again. Especially now, when it's strong and healthy and full of personality—even if that personality is little more than a tired father right now—far better than how it had been, at the end.
Danny sits up, back straight, and grins. He's got this. He remembers it perfectly. Some people count sheep to fall asleep, Danny repeats his mantra to be certain that he'll never forget it.
"Gamma alpha upsilon tau iota mu epsilon, 42, 63, 28, 1 colon 65 dash 9."
Once again, the whole table falls into silence.
"Holy shit..." breathes the other D name (Duke? Danny's pretty sure he's Signal) from opposite Stephanie. "Isn't that...?"
"The time travelling code." The littlest Wayne says stiffly. "We have met in the future?"
"That's not just the time travelling code, Dami." Dick says, looking between Danny and Bruce. "That's the family time travelling code."
Danny's grin freezes in place.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"1 colon 65 dash 9." Dick explains, still flicking between him and Bruce. "It means you've been adopted into the family and we should all treat you as such, no questions asked."
"Tell you what, I'm about to ask a question." Danny says, dumbstruck. "You just told me it was a code to identify time travellers, not anything about being adopted! What the hell, B?"
Bruce looks about as shellshocked as Danny feels.
"We must have been close," he says finally, after opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water a few times.
"No! Not that close!" Danny reels back, taking a deep breath ready to refute it all, but... "Well, I mean, you found me when I first got stuck, and you helped me get better despite being... And then we fought together against the, uh, bad guy, before he, um, he... before you couldn't."
An uncomfortable beat passes while they all pick up on what Danny tried so hard not to say.
"So, you're not from the future, then, you travelled there and came back?" Tim asks, breaking the tension and leaning forward with a glint in his eye.
"Yeah, it was a whole end of the world thing, but don't worry about it," Danny says with a hand wave, "It's all kosher now, won't ever happen."
"What did happen?"
"Seriously, don't worry about it, we cool."
"How long in the future was it?"
"About ten years? You were pretty spry for an old man, B," Danny laughs, wishing they'd get off the topic of what happened and get back to the adoption bit.
Everyone shares degrees of a cautious smile as they relax out of the shock, and Dick—whose grin is the biggest—says, "No wonder you got the family code, you're already riffing on him like one of us. How long were you there for?"
"A week, before I managed to get back to my present and stop him then."
"A week? Jeez, B, that has to set some kind of record, seriously."
"Oh!" Danny says, sitting bolt upright and blinking in surprise before pointing at Dick and bouncing in his seat. "You're Nightwing!"
"What?"
"That's exactly what Nightwing said when Batman told me the code! Makes so much more sense now."
Dick laughs and claps his hands, delighted.
"You were not formally adopted?" The grumpy small one—Dami?—asks, his face pinched.
"I didn't even know I was informally adopted."
"And your parents? Are they alive or dead?"
"Damian, stop—"
"They were dead in the future, but they're alive now." Danny says, looking down. He fiddles with the tablecloth, twisting the fabric around his fingers as he fights down the pang of sadness that he always feels when he thinks of them now. He forces a bright smile on his face and hopes it doesn’t look too strained. "I just, uh, can't talk to them much, anymore."
"Damian," Dick warns, "1 colon 65 dash 9. Treat them as family, no questions asked."
"This is Damian treating him as family, the little turd has no manners." Tim scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he gently bumps shoulders with Danny to knock him out of his funk. Danny can't help but send him a watery smile.
"I have the most exemplary manners, Drake, unlike some people." Damian spits, crossing his arms with a pout. "I was merely ascertaining his status to see how he could possibly fit into the family."
"I know this is all a bit sudden, Danny," Bruce smiles, ignoring Damian and reaching out to lay a warm hand on his arm, "for all of us. But if I felt strongly enough to give you that code after spending a week with you in the future, then you are more than welcome in this family, if you so choose it. I think I can speak for all of us when I say we'd like to get to know you a bit more."
"I know a threat when I hear it, Bruce." Danny snorts. "But, yeah, I get it. I'm sorry this is all so weird, it really wasn't how I wanted to find you again, but... I'm glad I did."
"So are we, Danny." Dick says, with a warm smile. "And formally or not, 1 colon 65 dash 9 means you're family. Welcome to the fun house! No take backs or refunds, sorry. You're stuck with us."
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minty364 · 5 months
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DPXDC Prompt #94
Danny falls through a portal to the DC world from a natural portal that opened up while he was in mid fight with Skulker a fight that began at Vlads where the creep put a collar on Danny that kept him in ghost form, Vlad thought he’d force Danny to reveal his secret to his parents by taking away his human form. Looking around he’s in a dark city with dark smog colored skies. Unfortunately he’s stuck here as the portal closed leaving him trapped. He tried to find help but no one can see him in his ghost form. He starts tailing the vigilantes of this world and eventually follows one onto this space station through this tube (possessing inanimate objects sure comes in handy). He wasn’t expecting for the random British guy in a trench coat to see him.
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stuckinapril · 2 months
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the neurologist i shadow is so funny bc she has a valley girl accent and yet she's the smartest person in the room. this woman was casually doing case consenus ab a man w frontotemporal dementia in the highest girliest voice imaginable. i want to be her i think
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piratekane · 1 year
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Their phones go off at the same time, a tiny ding that echoes across their apartment. Mary frowns at Shannon’s phone, Shannon frowns at Mary’s, and they both reach at the same time.
“Beatrice,” Mary reads off Shannon’s phone.
Shannon turns Mary’s phone right side up and purses her lips. “Ava.”
Mary groans and lets her head fall back against the couch. “What did they get themselves into this time?”
Shannon pats her leg gently before she steals a chip right out of the bag Mary is still clutching. She throws one back, mouth puckering at the salt and vinegar taste. “Between the two of them? It could be anything.”
Mary blindly thumbs her passcode out and the screen brightens. Shannon opens her messages app. 
Their larger group message - F is for friends who do things together - sits towards the top of Shannon’s messages list, just below the other group message that lists her, Lilith, and Beatrice as its only members. 
Mary’s messages also has a group message named lilith stop changing the group name back to something boring between her, Ava, and Lilith.
“On three?”
They both open their individual messages at the same time. Mary hums something unintelligible. Shannon frowns.
“Ava went-”
“-on a date.”
Shannon leans over to read Mary’s screen.
Ava (8:41 PM): halp i went on a date
Bea (8:41 PM): Ava went on a date last week.
“Did you-”
“-know Ava was seeing someone?” Mary shakes her head. “Did you-”
“-know Ava was interested in seeing anyone?” Shannon shakes her head this time.
Mary hums again, interest piqued. She abandons the bag of chips, brushing her hand off on her dark jeans. Shannon absently reaches over and brushes the crumbs onto the floor. They can vacuum later. When Mary cradles her phone and sinks back against the couch again, Shannon follows her, pulling her legs up under herself as she leans into Mary’s side.
“What are you going to say?”
Mary regards her. “What are you going to say?”
Shannon shrugs. “I’m going to ask Beatrice who the date was with.”
“I’m going to ask Ava that too.”
It’s a race to see who can text back first, and Mary beats Shannon by a few strikes of her thumb against the glass screen. Shannon pulls Mary’s phone over so she can read it.
Mary (8:43 PM): who?
“Who?” she reads. “That’s all you said?”
Mary shrugs, unbothered. “What did you say?”
Shannon (8:43 PM): Who did she go out with?
“I used a full sentence.”
“It’s texting, babe. Full sentences are for-” Mary stops when Shannon arches an eyebrow in a challenge. She smiles, all teeth. “Full sentences are for losers.”
“This loser makes your dinner,” Shannon reminds her.
Mary is still grinning. “I can dial a phone, you know. A whole world of food, right at my fingertips. Besides, don’t pretend like I don’t make a mean chili.” She nods knowingly when Shannon rolls her eyes. “That’s half the reason you’re in love with me, admit it.”
“Yeah, the other half is because of your humility.” Shannon doesn’t bother softening it and Mary laughs. “So humble.”
Mary’s next words are swallowed up by the ding of her phone, Shannon’s phone is half a second behind.
“Who is JC?” Mary asks.
“Someone in Ava’s biology class,” Shannon answers, reading off her phone. “At least, I’m assuming? Bea said Ava went out with someone from her biology class.”
Mary snorts. “Figures that if Ava isn’t giving me all the pieces, Bea is giving the rest to you.”
Shannon smacks Mary’s knee gently. “Don’t be mean. She’s trying.”
“Who, Bea?”
“Ava.”
Mary shakes her head, hiding the smile on her face. “She’s something, that’s for sure.”
Shannon snorts. “Don’t pretend like that kid isn’t one of your favorite people. You have a terrible poker face.” 
Mary’s smile sours into a meaningless scowl. “No, I don’t.” She pulls her phone away from Shannon and thinks for a minute.
Mary (8:44 PM): scale of 1 to 10.
“That’s what you’re going with?” Shannon’s fingers hover over the phone, thinking. “A hotness scale?” 
Mary shrugs. “What’re you going to say?”
“Well I’m not going to ask if he’s cute.”
Mary shrugs again. “Of course not. Bea doesn’t care if he’s hot or not.” She nods at Shannon’s phone. “What’ve you got, Masters?”
“I’ve got a girl in love with her best friend at the other end of these messages. So I need to be… delicate.” 
Mary softens when Shannon looks back at her. “I know.” 
She watches as Shannon turns back to her phone, forehead wrinkling in thought.
Shannon (8:44 PM): How do you think that went?
Satisfied, Shannon sinks further into Mary’s side, warm and soft. Mary smiles, her hand curling around Shannon’s knee, pressing gently against a scar left behind after an ACL tear when she was younger.
They’ve always slotted together so perfectly. They knew it from the moment they met, two terrified freshmen on a large campus with no friends. The study sessions, the lunch breaks between classes. When Shannon finally leaned in, finally curled her fingers around Mary’s jaw and closed her eyes, they each felt something click. A world opened up. Study sessions turned into makeout sessions. Lunch breaks that felt like dates became actual dates. 
Mary had been looking for a home for years. She finally knew what it was like to have one.
Shannon walks her fingers over Mary’s knee. “Do you think they realize we’re sitting right next to each other? I feel like they don’t—otherwise they wouldn’t be talking to us about this.”
Mary shrugs. “It’s Tuesday. You usually work on Tuesday nights. So I’m sure Bea thinks you’re just killing time on your shift, and Ava assumes I’m looking for some kind of entertainment.” 
“Is this entertaining for you?”
Mary grins. “Like you wouldn’t believe.”
Their phones beep almost simultaneously.
Ava (8:44 PM): mid-8 nice smile
Bea (8:44 PM): She said it wasn’t groundbreaking.
“Groundbreaking,” Mary repeats. “Ava said it wasn’t groundbreaking?”
“You would know, wouldn’t you?” Shannon shrugs and reaches for the bag of chips again. She doesn’t like salt and vinegar, but she’s also committed to not getting up for anything short of an apocalypse. “Beatrice doesn’t usually misquote people, though.”
Mary makes a face. “Kid surprises me every day.” She hums quietly.
Mary (8:45 PM): and it took you this long to tell me?
Ava (8:45 PM): okay in my defense Ava (8:45 PM): no i’ve got nothing
Mary (8:46 PM): what happened?
She knows Ava. Something had to have happened for her to bring this up. Because she probably buried a terrible date, said forget about it, and focused on other things. Like her next iced coffee. Or Bea.
Ava (8:46 PM): we ran into JC at dinner tonight Ava (8:46 PM): it was weird Ava (8:46 PM): bea has been idk  Ava (8:46 PM): quiet 
Mary snorts. “No shit,” she says out loud. But her brow wrinkles in concern.
Mary (8:46 PM): was he a dick?
Ava (8:47 PM): no, definitely not he’s really nice
Mary nods to herself. Good. Because she’s been short on gym sessions this week, and she could go a few rounds with someone to make up for the difference. Shannon nudges her, catching her attention. “Right. Okay.”
Mary (8:47 PM): going out again?
Shannon rolls her eyes. “You’re so verbose.”
“Don’t be using those million dollar words on me. We’re not all in school for this kind of stuff.”
“Ha.” Shannon elbows Mary gently, soothing the sting of it with a quick press of her lips to Mary’s shoulder. “This kind of stuff is just talking to people, Mary. It’s not limited to just future social workers.”
“Maybe I’m not good at that.”
“I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit.”
“Well I think-” Mary cuts off when Shannon’s elbow digs into her side again. She huffs. “Fine. We’re both incredible. I can already see the headlines when you win social worker of the year.”
“That’s not actually a thing,” Shannon points out.
Mary’s face softens, her eyes going somewhere far away for a moment. “It should be. Could have used someone like you when I was in the system.” Shannon’s hand spreads out against Mary’s thigh, warm and weighted. Mary meets Shannon’s eyes, a hesitant smile on her face. “But I know you’ll make sure they’ve got it better than I did.”
“Of course,” Shannon promises quietly.
For a long moment, the air stills between them. Shannon can picture Mary in her freshman year - hard-headed and brash and walls pulled up to her chin. She’s still hard-headed, still brash. But the walls are knee-height now and crumbling every day as Mary lets herself breathe, surrounded by their friends. 
Mary finally smiles and squeezes Shannon’s knee, pouring a thousand unsaid words into her touch. She wants Shannon to know that she saved her life, but sometimes the words don’t come out the right way. So she puts it into touch and hopes that Shannon gets it.
Bea (8:48 PM): Shannon? You still there?
Shannon blinks, the world rushing back in on her. Ava, Bea. Their back and forth high wire act where each of them are afraid to fall - even if Ava doesn’t know that yet.
Shannon (8:48 PM): Sorry, just needed a moment. Shannon (8:48 PM): Does a date need to be groundbreaking?
Bea (8:48 PM) According to Ava, it’s a requirement.
“Want takeout tonight?” Mary asks as they wait. She opens her mouth but the words are cut off as her phone goes off.
Ava (8:48 PM): no, no more dates for me. he’s nice but it’s not groundbreaking
Mary holds up her phone. “Guess Bea wasn’t kidding.”
“Told you,” Shannon says, preening only a little bit. 
Mary (8:49 PM): that’s a lot of expectation going into a first date
Ava (8:49 PM): can’t i have a great romance?
Mary pauses. Of course Ava deserves a great romance. But what is that, exactly? Because she’s sat through movie nights with Ava, people-watched with Ava. She knows Ava thinks The Notebook is romantic and that’s toxic as hell. She knows Ava thinks the two guys who sit under the tree at the quad and share a single iced coffee is romantic, and that’s just gross. 
She knows Ava thinks what she has with Shannon is romantic, and she’s not wrong about that.
“Ask Bea what Ava thinks is ‘groundbreaking’,” she instructs Shannon. She’s curious what the rating system is here.
Shannon (8:49 PM): What does Ava think is groundbreaking? 
Bea (8:49 PM): Leaving the orphanage. Meeting us.
Mary shakes her head. “No way Ava didn’t actually say ‘meeting Beatrice.”
Shannon (8:50 PM): Are you sure she didn’t mean meeting you?
Mary raises an eyebrow in surprise. “Nice and direct there, Masters. I thought you were being delicate.” 
Shannon shrugs and waits patiently for Bea’s response. Sometimes Bea reminds her of the fawn she came across once as a child. Skittish, awkward limbs everywhere as it tried to find its footing and run. But when Shannon approached it, hand out and open, it let her get close. It took a few minutes, Shannon suspended in the middle of the woods. But it slowly approached her and let her touch it, nuzzling into her hand. Beatrice can be like that: skittish, but seeking out comforting touches.
She always thought that it was the best way to approach Bea: slowly, hand open. Ava proved her wrong, crash-landing into Bea’s life with a gracelessness that was endearing from the very beginning. Maybe Bea just needed the right person to cut through her trepidation and bring her out of her shell.
“You can be delicate and still be direct. It just has to be a precision hit,” she replies.
“Hammer vs scalpel,” Mary says nodding. It’s just funny because she and Shannon are always so careful around Bea, whereas Ava always seems to need more of a blunt punch of truth. 
Speaking of which. Okay, so if that’s what Ava thinks…Mary cycles through things in her mind. How does she go about this? If meeting Bea was groundbreaking, then a great romance has to be the same thing. Synonymous, like Mary and Shannon. Her eyes flutter closed as she thinks. Maybe Shannon has a point on blending her approach. 
Ava always thought that mopey girl meeting the vampire was a great romance. And she knows this, but Ava has terrible taste in movies. She really needs to watch something of substance. Like Love and Basketball. But she can work with this.
Mary (8:50 PM): thought great romances were reserved for your vampire book
Mary has a plan. She’s easing Ava into a conversation. Because Mary knows that Ava wants a great romance. More importantly, she deserves it. She just might not know that she wants - and deserves it - with Beatrice.
Their phones ding in double time, the replies chasing after each other. 
Bea (8:51 PM): I’m sure she meant ‘us’ and not me.
Ava (8:51 PM): bella isn’t the only one who deserves a sparkly love interest
Mary puts her phone down for a moment. “How are we doing this?”
Shannon thinks about it for a minute. “I’m not sure,” she admits.
Mary sighs. “Ava can be as dense as that meatloaf you made once and - hey! It was!” She ducks the hand Shannon sends towards her shoulder. “I just mean, she’s either sitting behind a huge wall named Denial, or she really doesn’t get it. So we need to, like, be smart about this.” She sighs. “Why are we doing this?”
“Because Lilith would do a horrible job at it?”
Mary snorts. “You got that right.”
At least Ava knows she deserves happiness. Kid hasn’t had a lot of love in her life, with the raw deal she got growing up. Mary knows something about that. So maybe Ava doesn’t need a delicate touch, but a little positive reinforcement and reassurance that she does deserve love from someone who gets it doesn’t hurt.
Mary (8:53 PM) no kid, you do too
“Bea is just as bad.” Shannon holds up her phone. “I know for a fact that Ava said Bea and not us, but she’s going to pretend like that isn’t true because that means she has to face a reality where Ava feels the same way about her as she does about Ava.”
“Maybe you should have gone into psychology.”
Shannon makes a face. “Absolutely not.” 
Shannon (8:53 PM): Bea. Even if she didn’t say you, you’re allowed to want her to have.  Shannon (8:53 PM): And if she did, you’re allowed to acknowledge what that means.
Bea (8:54 PM): I’m not sure what it means.
Shannon groans as she reads Bea’s response. She takes a deep, steadying breath. She loves Beatrice. She’s loved her from the minute they crossed paths in their English seminar - a sophomore level class that Bea tested into. But for someone so smart, she sometimes tends to miss signs right in front of her face. 
No, Shannon thinks. She can read the signs. But the years with her parents… Maybe she just doesn’t want to see them. Maybe she doesn’t trust them. Maybe she just needs a little nudge.
Shannon (8:55 PM): I think you know what it means.
Mary breaks her concentration as she reads Ava’s text out loud, forehead pinched in thought. 
Ava (8:55 PM): i just don’t know if i’ll get it.
Mary sighs. “Are we sure Lilith can’t do this?” She goes to text back, but three grey dots pop up before she can, so she waits.
Ava (8:55 PM): but i think Ava (8:55 PM): i think i realized something
She shoves her phone under Shannon’s nose, all thoughts of Lilith taking over flying out of her mind. “Babe.”
Shannon’s reply is swallowed up by Bea’s next message. 
Bea (8:56 PM): Correction: I don’t think I’m allowed to want it to mean what I think it means.
Shannon sighs. “Oh, Bea.”
Mary doesn’t hear her, too wrapped up as she frantically types, backspaces, types, and backspaces again. “Do I play dumb?” she asks herself. “Or do I just say finally?” She types something out and erases it one more time before she sends something.
Mary (8:56 PM): what’s that?
Shannon (8:57 PM): And in a perfect world, what do you want it to mean?”
Three grey dots pop up on Mary’s screen and linger there long enough that Mary puts her phone down and picks through her bag of chips until she finds one big enough that when she fits the whole thing in her mouth, she has to blow out her cheeks to keep it in there. Shannon makes a noise of mild disgust.
Shannon’s phone beeps first. 
Bea (8:58 PM): I think you know.
Shannon (8:58 PM) Lightning won’t strike you down if you say it.
“Might,” Mary mumbles through a mouthful of chips. Shannon’s eyes cut to her. “What? You know Bea is thinking it.” 
Shannon can’t really argue with that, so she doesn’t try. She just waits for Bea’s response, which comes quicker than she thought it might. 
Bea (8:59 PM): I want her to mean that I’m groundbreaking.
“Atta girl,” Shannon whispers to herself.
Shannon (8:59 PM): You are.
Mary’s phone finally beeps. 
Ava (8:59 PM): i was thinking about it and Ava (8:59 PM): bea is groundbreaking, you know?
Mary (9:00 PM): obviously
It’s a gut reaction, but Mary texts back before she can stop herself. She almost follows it up with something softer to cut the edge off it. 
But she’s been watching Ava trip over herself the last few months and honestly, it’s a bit exhausting to not want to sit her down and bop her over the head with a printed book of all the texts Ava has sent her talking about how Bea looks today, or what Bea said today, or how she wants to do something, but has to check with Bea first.
The book would cost her an insane amount of money to print and it would be bigger than the Shakespeare text she uses as a door stopper since she spilled orange juice on it and can’t sell it back.
Ava (9:00 PM): what do you mean obviously?! Ava (9:00 PM): mary Ava (9:00 PM): mARY Ava (9:00 PM): what does THAT mean?!
Mary stifles a laugh, lets a sigh slip through, and closes her phone. She lets her head fall to the back of the couch and takes a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Mary’s phone goes off again, beep after beep after beep after beep. She doesn’t dare pick it up. 
Shannon picks up Mary’s phone, types in the passcode, and chuckles as she catches up on Ava’s messages. “You really shouldn’t have.”
Then her own phone dings, catching her attention.
Bea (9:02 PM) But I’m not sure she really feels that way. Surely, she would say something.
“Do you ever want to wrap them up in, like, the world’s tightest hug?” Shannon asks.
“Sometimes I want to wrap them to a post and leave them there until they figure their shit out.”
Mary’s phone goes off again and she picks it up this time, opening her messages.
Ava (9:02 PM): there’s nothing OBVIOUS about it Ava (9:02 PM): it’s rude actually Ava (9:02 PM): to say something like that and just NOT ANSWER UR MESSAGES Ava (9:02 PM): Mary pick up your phone. Ava (9:01 PM): at least when i told bea it wasn’t groundbreaking she didn’t go RADIO SILENT Ava (9:01 PM): in fact we went out for coffee because i got bea one but Ava (9:01 PM): wait
Mary smiles slowly. There it is.
Shannon glances at Mary, most of her attention still on her conversation with Bea. She’s making headway, she can feel it. Bea at least admitting that Ava could maybe feel the same way about her is step one. Step two is getting Bea to just say it out loud.
Shannon (9:03 PM): She can’t say something if she doesn’t know.
Bea (9:03 PM): I certainly can’t tell her.
Mary reads over her shoulder. “She certainly should. Because it would save all of us a lot of trouble.”
Ava (9:04 PM): Mary.
Mary (9:04 PM): Ava
“How do you tell someone that the person they’re hopelessly in love with is hopelessly in love with them? Asking for a friend.”
Shannon ignores her.
Shannon (9:05 PM): Bea, you don’t need to tell her right now. Shannon (9:05 PM): But you should think about it.
“What do you think the odds are that they’re sitting next to each other on the couch right now?”
Shannon snorts. “That sounds exactly like something they would do.”
“Picture it,” Mary continues. “Sitting on opposite ends of the couch but you know Ava’s got her feet all over Bea which is disgusting. And they’re probably having a charged conversation where they talk about the weather being nice, but Ava is really talking about Bea’s eyes or whatever. And they’re just… texting us about each other.”
Shannon laughs this time. “How did we end up like this? Mom-ing two helplessly in-love-with-each-other - and I say this affectionately - idiots?”
“I must have really pissed someone off in a past life.” 
Ava (9:05 PM): bea IS groundbreaking
Mary (9:05 PM): you’re repeating yourself
Ava (9:05 PM): i’ve always thought so
Mary (9:06 PM): i’m not going to argue with you
Mary leans into Shannon’s side. “Be honest. They would benefit from some professional help, wouldn’t they?” She dodges Shannon’s hand again. “Or at least someone like Camila. If Ava wants to go for a drink or throw some darts or fix an engine, I can do that.”
“Okay dad,” Shannon snorts.
Bea (9:07 PM): I can’t think about it. Because if I think about it, I’m going to tell her. And if I tell her and she doesn’t say it back, I don’t know what I’ll do.
Shannon (9:07 PM): You’ll do what you always do. Persevere.  Shannon (9:07 PM): But I don’t think you’ll need to.
Mary’s screen lights up with a text that she thinks about ignoring. She shouldn’t have opened this box, shouldn’t have pried at the lock that held back this little revelation. She should have just said it was nice that Ava went on a date and left it at this JC guy being an 8. She should have put down her phone and focused on wowing Shannon with the pico de gallo she managed to make earlier.
Ava (9:07 PM): she’s my favorite person, full offense
Mary (9:08 PM): like that’s going to offend me. i’m shannon’s
Ava (9:08 PM): do you think i’m bea’s
Mary drops her phone. “Nope. I’m not doing this.”
“Don’t be dramatic.” Shannon picks up the abandoned phone and scrolls back a few messages, eyes tracking the conversation. She laughs at Ava’s last message, before handing the phone back to Mary. “Ava loves fishing for compliments, doesn’t she?”
“She’s fishing in the wrong pond,” Mary retorts, punching out a quick response. 
Mary (9:09 PM): focus, silva
“She should try the other side of her couch.”
Shannon glances at her own phone and considers what the person sitting on the other side of Ava’s couch is thinking at this very moment. A minute stretches on with nothing from Bea. Shannon starts to worry her bottom lip between her teeth. 
She’s not trying to push. But Bea deserves something amazing to happen to her. And they can all - even Mary - admit that Ava is the most amazing thing that’s happened to Beatrice.  A needed respite for all the ways the world has let Bea down in the past. She nearly drops her phone in relief when it goes off.
Bea (9:11 PM): I’m not ready.
Shannon (9:11 PM): No one is ever ready for love.
Bea (9:12 PM): What if I never am?
There’s a fluttering in Shannon’s chest where her heart skips a beat at Bea’s text. Bea is so much more ready than she thinks she is, Shannon knows it. But she also knows that Bea’s parents run deep in her mind and that’s hard to overcome. It doesn’t matter, though. If she knows anything about Ava, she knows that her patience with Bea is neverending.
Shannon (9:13 PM): Someone who loves you won’t worry about that. Someone who loves you will want you to take your time, if that’s what you need. Love isn’t linear, Bea.
Three dots appear on her screen for a long moment before they disappear. Shannon takes a deep breath and hopes she hasn’t pushed it. 
Needing something else to do, she peers at Mary’s phone. “Are you-” 
A beep cuts her off.
Ava (9:13 PM): right. but if SHE’S groundbreaking that means…
“She’s going to be the death of me,” Mary groans.
Mary (9:13 PM): that means…
Ava (9:14 PM): hypothetical question Ava (9:14 PM): how do you know if you’re in love with your best friend or not?
“Finally!!”
“Mary,” Shannon scolds.
Mary (9:14 PM) i’m sure there’s a buzzfeed quiz for that
“Mary.”
Ava (9:15 PM): mary 
Mary (9:15 PM): ava 
Ava (9:15 PM): i’m serious
Mary (9:16 PM) so am i  Mary (9:17 PM): but if you don’t want to dig through the internet to find one Mary (9:17 PM): let me tell you what your results would be Mary (9:17 PM): you are
Shannon’s phone goes off and she mistypes her passcode twice before she manages to get it open. Mary leans over, hooking her chin on Shannon’s shoulder to read the message with her.
Bea (9:18 PM): She deserves someone who isn’t afraid to be in love with her.
“That’s not fair,” Mary says quietly. “That’s not fair to her.”
Shannon frowns. “To Ava?”
“To Bea.”
Shannon (9:19 PM): You’re not afraid to be in love with her. You’re afraid of the world around your love. Your parents did a number on you, Bea. That takes time to get over.
Their phones go quiet for a while. So long that Mary gets up and puts away the chips, and Shannon tidies up the kitchen. They decide on getting Thai for dinner because Ava sent them a Snapchat of her leftovers this morning with Bea in the background wearing a disapproving face. Ava had captioned it: she doesn’t like it when i eat over the sink.
By the time she finishes setting out the plates for dinner, Mary is just about to give up on her conversation with Ava. It’s stalled out. Ava will swing by before her class tomorrow for pancakes at the student cafeteria, and they’ll talk about whatever Ava is obsessed with this week - last week it was the manatees she saw in a video when she was supposed to be studying for an exam. They’ll pretend like this never happened, like Ava didn’t come to some big revelation on a Tuesday night in the middle of February while Mary is in her socks with the little handcuffs on them.
She likes that idea. That works best for her. But just as she thinks it, her phone beeps.
Ava (9:31 PM): i am?
Mary (9:31 PM): do you not know that?
“Shannon, help me,” Mary groans, even as she starts texting back. 
Ava (9:32 PM): there’s a lot i’m realizing i don’t know right now
“Go fucking figure,” she mutters. Her fingers fly over the keyboard.
Mary (9:32 PM): let me break it down for you. you went out with this guy last week?
Ava (9:32 PM): tuesday yeah
Mary (9:33 PM): and it was okay Mary (9:33 PM): it wasn’t groundbreaking or earth-shattering or anything that totally rocked your world Mary (9:33 PM): but your best friend is someone who checks all those boxes?
There’s another long pause, another minute of three gray dots dancing on her screen before Ava’s text pops up in its place.
Ava (9:35 PM): you’ve met her
Mary (9:36 PM): but i don’t think the sun shines out of her ass Mary (9:36 PM): and she’s one of my best friends, but i don’t know if i’d call her earth-shaking or whatever  Mary (9:37 PM): because i’m not in love with her.  Mary (9:37 PM): i don’t spend every moment talking to her or about her or wishing i could do those things Mary (9:38 PM): but you…
Mary glances at Shannon but she’s too busy, bent over her phone. She doesn’t even notice the eye roll that Mary sends her phone. Or the tongue she sticks out. Or that she immediately goes to her internet browser, finds the picture she’s looking for, and saves Ava’s new contact image as a clown.
Across the room, Shannon sits back on the couch and stares intently at her screen, willing a message to come through even as it remains blank. She sends out a quiet prayer to whoever is listening that Beatrice allows herself to give into this feeling, to let herself feel like she deserves this kind of love. 
Finally, a bubble pops up.
Beatrice (9:39 PM): I should be over it.
Shannon frowns.
Shannon (9:39 PM): Show me the person who says you should be over it.
Beatrice (9:39 PM): I’m afraid I’d be looking in a mirror.
“Oh, Bea,” Shannon breathes. She has to take a minute. She has to breathe in slowly and count to 7 before she exhales and counts to 11, and in between those spaces she feels her heart break just a little bit.
Shannon (9: 40 PM): Then cover your mirrors and come talk to me instead.
Satisfied with her clown selection, Mary plops down next to Shannon and switches back to her conversation with Ava. She realizes she’s just dropping bomb after bomb right now, throwing them like firecrackers and imagining Ava dance around them. She can practically see them exploding in Ava’s eyes as Mary’s words rearrange what Ava had thought before this conversation.
This is big. This is Mary holding up a mirror to Ava’s face and telling her to look at the truth. Part of her knows she’s going to regret this. If Ava didn’t shut up about Bea before, now that Mary has said something, has opened the proverbial door… God, she’s going to be so annoying.
Ava (9:41 PM): there’s so much to say about her though Ava (9:41 PM): she’s funny and she’s insanely intelligent Ava (9:41 PM): and she’s the first person i want to talk to when something good happens Ava (9:42 PM): or something bad Ava (9:42 PM): or something funny  Ava (9:42 PM): oh. Ava (9:42 PM): shit. 
Something occurs to Mary, and she closes her messages, opening her phone’s calendar. She scrolls back a week and her eyes widen as she reads the date.
Mary (9:43 PM): girl, i just checked the calendar. you went out with this guy on valentine’s day?!
Ava (9:43 PM): i didn’t notice!
Mary (9:43 PM): and THEN you went home and took BEA out for coffee?
Ava (9:44 PM): which wasn’t a date
Mary (9:44 PM): from the sounds of it, coulda fooled me
Mary nearly throws her phone but the only place for it to go is over Shannon’s legs onto the other couch cushion. 
And Shannon has that look on her face like she wants to cry or scream or do both, so Mary’s priorities shift. She puts the phone down on the table and turns, sliding one arm across Shannon’s shoulders and rubs her fingers against the bone there.
“Hey,” she murmurs. “You okay?”
“I don’t know why she’s so hard on herself.” Shannon sighs. “I mean, I know why she is. And if I ever meet her parents-”
“There’s a line, I know.”
“And I’m at the front of it.”
Mary smiles humorlessly. “I think you might be second.”
“Good,” Shannon murmurs. “Bea needs as many people in her life as she can get.”
“Who she has is a good place to start.” Mary rubs at Shannon’s shoulder again and leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head.
Bea (9:46 PM): Ava says that sometimes, she wishes she could fight my mind for me.
Shannon (9:46 PM): I think you should let her.
Bea (9:47 PM): I think she would win.
Shannon (9:47 PM): Good Shannon (9:47 PM): It’s because she loves you, Beatrice.
Bea (9: 48 PM): I’m worried that, if she ever did, that feeling would be long gone before I was ready.
Mary shifts away as Shannon focuses on her phone, tongue poked out between her teeth as she starts a long message. It’s been a minute since Ava texted her back. A long time for Ava, who fires off texts as quickly as her thoughts come. But this whole conversation has been filled with pauses. It’s a different side of Ava.
It’s an Ava who had the world shift and is now dealing with the fallout. Mary gets it.
But she wonders, is deciding to be in a relationship so hard for other people? 
Because it wasn’t hard for her. It was probably one of the easiest things she’s ever done in her life. It happened so naturally, so - what’s the word Camila says? Organically. She’s so in love with Shannon, even if she shrugs it off when people poke fun at her for it. She’s not above telling anyone how much Shannon means to her, but she is better at showing it. 
Acts of service, Camila told her, when they did some stupid quiz where they asked about love languages. She hadn’t even known there were so many of them. She always thought she was just kind of okay at loving Shannon. Turns out, she was doing better than she thought, giving Shannon what it seemed like she wanted and needed. And once she figured it out, it happened as naturally as their relationship did. Maybe they just got lucky to have it so easy. 
Her phone beeps and Mary rolls her eyes at Ava’s message. Or maybe she and Shannon were just smart enough to use their damn words.
Ava (9:48 PM): do you think she’d want to go out with me?
Mary (9:48 PM): i don’t get paid enough for this conversation.
Ava (9:49 PM): my friendship is payment enough
Shannon hears Mary huff, feels the air across her shoulder. But she’s too busy to turn and give her the attention, too focused to hear about whatever thing Ava said that made Mary feel like she needed to pretend to be annoyed. Because she’s trying to come up with something to make Bea understand that she is worth all the praise people bestow on her. She’s so brave, so committed to healing the wounds her parents etched into her.
Bea needs to know that despite them, she is coming into who she deserves to be. And she’s got someone she deserves to love within her reach.
Shannon (9:51 PM): Anyone who is worth your time will understand and hold that space for you until you’re ready for something so big. You ARE making progress, Bea. I remember you as a freshman, so afraid of your own shadow. And now you’re bold and strong. You’ve come so far. And Ava has been a big part of that. She’s brought out this part of you that everyone knew you had, but you were too afraid to show. Shannon (9:52 PM): She’s good for you.
And before Bea can say anything, Shannon texts her again.
Shannon (9:52 PM): I know you’d be good for her too.
Shannon bites her lip and thinks before she types out, “You should tell her how you feel. She won’t say no.” But she stops and erases it. Maybe it’s too much for Bea to handle right now. Maybe she needs to slow down.
But another part of her, a voice that whispers excitedly in her ear and sounds just like her mother before she gives away a particularly juicy bit of gossip, says, “You could say it.” 
She could. She could be the little push that gets the cart rolling. She could be the one at their wedding telling this story. She can see it in her mind: Bea, flushed with embarrassment. Ava, smiling fondly and teasing Bea for having a crush on her. She can hear the glasses clinking as people call for a kiss and feel the claps on her shoulder when people thank her for helping them take that first step.
Mary sinks further back into the couch and stretches her legs out on the coffee table. Shannon doesn’t even notice. She’s working something over in her mind, and she has this look on her face. Mary can see the wheels turning, recognizes exactly where she’s seen that look before, and she doesn’t like where they’re going.
“We’re not playing matchmaker,” she warns.
Shannon’s cheeks pinken slightly. “Did I say we were going to play matchmakers?”
“You didn’t have to. I can see it written all over your face.” Mary shakes her head when Shannon opens her mouth to argue, resolutely. “I’m not getting in the middle of this.”
“We’re already in the middle of this,” Shannon points out.
“Fine. We’re not getting more in the middle of this.” Mary says it firmly. “These two idiots need to figure the rest out on their own. They don’t need hand-holding.”
“I think that this conversation has proven they need hand-holding,” Shannon argues. 
Mary can’t tell her that’s not true, because it is. Ava is coming to a lot of realizations tonight, and she wouldn’t have gotten there without Mary sticking herself into the middle of it. She knows it. Shannon knows it. And that infuriatingly addictive smile slowly stretching across her face, transforming into a full blown grin means Shannon knows she knows it too. 
“No,” she warns. She opens her mouth to say more when her phone goes off again.
Ava (9:53 PM): mary, i can’t not think about this now
Mary (9: 54 PM): could you talk to me about it a little less?
Ava (9:55 PM): but you’re the only one who knows!
Mary snorts. “I don’t think you’re that slick, kid.”
Shannon laughs as she reads it. “No, the only one who doesn’t know is Bea.” Her head tilts to the side, a knowing look crossing her face. “You still think they don’t need a little nudge?” 
Mary sighs, surrendering to Shannon’s logic and gives in.
Mary (9:56 PM): listen, baby girl. don’t just think about it. do something about it! 
Ava (9:56 PM): i don’t want to do something she doesn’t want to do Ava (9:56 PM): this isn’t trying jamaican food from the burrito place Ava (9:56 PM): this is our friendship
This means the world to me, Mary reads between the lines. She can’t help but smile. Mary talks a lot of shit most days, grunts her way through conversations that require a bit more finesse than she’s comfortable with, but she’s got a soft spot for her friends. A softer spot for Ava.
Ava (9:57 PM): i don’t wanna fuck this up
Ava has a lot of them wrapped around her finger. Even Lilith, who would never admit it, even under penalty of death. But it’s there. It’s real. They’d all go to the ends of the Earth for Ava Silva. Beatrice would be leading the charge.
Mary (9:57 PM): then just hold onto it for now. you don’t have to say anything yet Mary (9:58 PM): but you should think about it Mary (9:58 PM): because i think you’d be good together.  Mary (9:59 PM): and you’re right. you deserve a sparkly love interest. and bea is miles better looking than that edward guy
Ava (9:59): i knew you were paying attention last weekend
Mary (9:59 PM): you don’t know shit
Ava sends back an emoji with its tongue hanging out and its eyes rolling around its head. Mary closes her phone. That’s enough for tonight.
Shannon opens her phone one last time. Bea probably won’t text her back tonight, but that’s okay. She doesn’t open herself up a lot, doesn’t always tell Shannon what she’s thinking. She hopes Bea does that with Ava. She hopes Bea lets Ava see all the parts of herself that she hides away from everyone else, afraid to look those parts of herself in the eyes. 
Because Bea deserves it. Bea, in Ava’s words, deserves her own great romance.
She deserves it with someone who loves her as much as Ava seems like she does.
And Ava might not have known it. Ava may have just figured it out tonight, pieces she didn’t notice independently coming together into a whole picture. But Ava does now. And Ava will continue to love Bea the way she deserves to be loved. Shannon knows it just by looking at the two of them together. The way they fit so easily, the way she fits with Mary.
Shannon (10:00 PM): Be honest. Be direct. Tell her how you feel. If you never say anything, you’ll never know and you might just miss your chance. Shannon (10:00 PM): Just use your words, Beatrice. You’ll be surprised what happens when you do.
She sighs, sinking down into the cushion and dropping her head down on Mary’s shoulder. “We’re totally the parents of the friend group.”
“I hate that.”
Shannon smiles as she turns her head, pressing it into Mary’s soft shirt and breathing in the smell of sandalwood and their laundry detergent. This is her favorite place to be in the world, tucked into Mary’s side like there’s no one else around. 
Her mind goes to Bea. Is that what she feels like when she’s with Ava? She hopes so. Everyone deserves to have this feeling at one point in their lives. For all of their life, if they’re lucky. 
“Think they’ll take our advice?” Mary asks quietly.
Shannon thinks about it. “In time. They’ll figure it out when they’re ready.”
“Lord help me, it better be before we graduate.” Mary shimmies down a little, catching the television remote with her foot and kicking it towards Shannon’s hand. “Because if they haven’t gotten it together by graduation night, I’m going to sic Lilith on them.”
Shannon laughs and presses the power button on the remote. “No you won’t.”
“No, I won’t,” Mary mumbles. “But I’ll want to.”
Shannon pats her knee gently. “I know, babe.”
Mary turns, presses her lips to the crown of Shannon’s head. “I love you.”
Something soft in Shannon’s chest melts even further. “I love you too.”
She feels Mary smile against her hair and then turn her attention back to the television. They’re done talking about feelings for the night and that’s okay. Mary will make her tea before bed and pull down her side of the comforter and leave the bathroom light on for her when she’s done brushing her teeth. And in the morning she’ll make Shannon breakfast even though she’s going to go eat with Ava, and she’ll say I love you a hundred different ways that aren’t those three little words.
Sometimes, that’s enough. But sometimes, Shannon likes to hear the way they sound coming out of Mary’s mouth. 
And she knows Ava will like the way they sound coming out of Bea’s mouth too. 
You can do it, Beatrice, she thinks to herself. Just be brave.
(more forever roomates)
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uncanny-tranny · 6 months
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At this point, gender nonconformity is about what the person says their experience is.
If a woman with a beard or a man with lipstick and a mustache says they're gender nonconforming, then they are! If a woman with short hair or a man with long hair says they aren't, they aren't! And that's not even getting into the awesome nonbinary, abinary, genderqueer, intersex, and general genderfuckery that may both be and not be conforming.
So much of what is even considered gender conforming or gender nonconforming is based on a world of exclusion. When we start defining one's conformity with whether they fit into white cishetero perisex standards or not, we play into the idea that there's only a very narrow window of what is considered worthy of time and thought.
#gender nonconformity#gnc#queer#like. for instance a native man who keeps long hair might be considered GNC by white standards but for him it's absolutely not nonconformit#there's an aspect of white supremacy that silences everything else while saying that other culture's silence is indicative of whiteness...#...being 'correct' or 'moral' or 'neutral'#and as somebody who's trans and last i checked white i have my own thoughts from my own experiences#like how i don't consider myself to really be a GNC man. i'm just. man+#i'm a weird concoction of weird soup that tastes like a man but if it were Wrong#and i just don't see that as not conforming to manhood like it is seperate. i see it as irrevocably linked TO manhood#it is others who have excluded and exiled me from manhood because of *their* understanding of me and how i 'fit in' in cissexism#while i will never ever say i know what it's like to not be white i will say these conversations that PoC have started have been INVALUABLE#i am forever grateful to have been extended the patience and faith to listen in on the experiences of people...#...who are racialized in terms of gender and how they do/don't 'fit in' with often white supremacist views on gender/dynamics#may have made a post like this years back but. eh. arrest me officer i will not back down#i've been more and more 'gnc' as i go into my transition and i don't see it as nonconformity but as an outlet for my masculinity#which is why i'm not insecure about my crafts and creations. because it is coming from a male whether or not it's considered 'manly'#i have little to *no place* in cissexist society so why should i put any stakes into if they ~accept~ me#made this post while jamming out to skyrim's tavern OST (paused my game to write this)#why the HELL does the skyrim tavern music have to go SO HARD. i NEED to slam down BARRELS of mead while listening to this istg#i don't even LIKE honey so i haven't tried mead but. for skyrim i would.
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stil-lindigo · 7 months
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emily carroll has once again permanently changed my brain chemistry
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uhohdad · 7 months
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two things you’re never going to see from me is complaints on the portrayal of konig’s character (or anyone else, really) and “rules” on how to write your COD fanfiction.
idk about y’all but when i write it’s incredibly self indulgent. i write about what i want to write to satisfy my own sexual creative needs and i think y’all should do the same. you’re not gonna see me throw a fit if i don’t agree with your portrayal of a fictional man with 3 pieces of confirmed lore. if i disagree that much i just won’t read it? i’m not going to rain on your parade and tell you that you should stop doing your creative outlet and sharing your stories bc i don’t agree with how you want to write his character or bc you don’t follow canon.
you wanna portray him as a stone cold and ruthless killer who thirsts for the blood of his enemies? as the big soft uwu boy everyone hates so much? you want him to be 20y/o, 45 y/o, 60y/o? mean, kind, confident, anxious, smart, himbo, reserved, persistent, wholesome, a pervert? you want to strip this man of everything you know totally OOC and just borrow his appearance for a coffee shop AU? it’s okay! chances are there’s other people out there who were craving just the thing you’re cooking.
no one is doing this for a living, we’re all writing fanfiction about our imaginary boyfriends in CALL OF DUTY as a hobby. it’s just not that serious. this goes for all creative fandom works, too.
i’m personally very picky about my fanfiction, but who’s silly little problem is that? that’s my silly little problem. i’m here for the grind, the chase, the dig. too weak to handle scrolling back 100 pages on ao3 just to find the perfect strangers to enemies to friends to lovers 100k word porn with plot with accurate character potrayal you were looking for? you might be in the wrong business if you can’t handle the hunt, my friend.
y’all are making free content for us to consume. that’s more than enough, and the priority at all times should be to make sure you’re having fun writing. I’d rather you all share your OOC goofy little fics that you felt motivated and inspired to write than a canon friendly story you had to force yourself to get through for our sake.
anyway i’ll go to bat for fic writers any day of the week. tldr; don’t ever let anyone dictate how you express yourself creatively, give yourself permission to go nuts like a 6 yo old with paste, glitter, and elbow macaroni. free yourself from the weight of the chains of creative stifling and see how close to the sun you can girlboss. let us seethe at the hands of your raw muse.
and as always, thank you for sharing your art with the world.
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synonymroll648 · 1 year
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from a vibes perspective, i totally understand why so many people look at keefe and go ‘this guy would be the male equivalent of a wine aunt when he’s older’. 
but. but. 
taking lore into consideration, in my heart, he’s terrified of alcohol (even if he tries really hard to hide it). because. like. his first exposure is almost guaranteed to be through cassius, and cassius canonically threw a glass extremely close to him at least once when he was, like, 8. maybe cassius wasn’t always extra nasty when he was drunk, but there’s gotta be a correlation in keefe’s brain between risking getting seriously hurt (emotionally or physically) and alcohol consumption that’s really hard for him to shake. 
#tw alcohol#tw child abuse mentions#lmk if there's more trigger warnings i should put#i have a thing for hurt/comfort lmao#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#this is brought to you by:#that one fic my brain started writing internally where it's sophie's 21st bday and she's like man i#have saved the world so many times we've all lost count. i want a fucking drink#and keefe's internally like OH GOD OH FUCK in a bad way but externally he's like yeah babe whatever you want!!#and then she's like. i don't wanna do anything super stupid though. and drinking alone is super stupid when you've never drank before#will you stay w/ me? please?#and keefe's like. i cannot say no to that face#so he spends the night doing an increasingly bad job of hiding how bad he's freaking out#because sophie is a safe space and alcohol is not safe and he doesn't know how to deal w/ the two colliding#ESPECIALLY since sophie's just getting dorkier and sweeter as her filter goes down instead of throwing insults or objects at him#(i feel like sophie would be the kind of drunk that's very impulsive and says EVERYTHING that comes to the forefront of her mind#and stellarlune was more than enough to prove that she sees keefe and a lot of the time her brain just goes hnnngh soft little tortured#artist. MY soft little tortured artist.)#yeah but even intoxicated sophie can tell something's wrong even before he flinches super obviously at an empty glass falling over w/o#breaking. and so she's like nah man it's hurt/comfort time and he's like BUT YOUR BIRTHDAY and she's like do you really think i'm#gonna just let go of the fact that i know you're stressed? i'm not a dickhead keefe#so yeah it ends in cuddles. because of course it does#keefe sencen#annnnd out of the drafts this goes. post!
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kaldurcalm · 15 hours
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Someone shared a post about the pear of anguish, saying it was used to torture slaves, and I thought its design was interesting but something felt slightly off, so I looked it up.
The first thing you see when you look this thing up is that its usage is disputed.
Apparently the mechanism doesn't seem to work the way it's said to work? It's said that people would slowly enlarge the opening in order to spread an orifice wider and wider, and that it could even break jaws.
The thing is, this device does not seem to open in this way. It seems to spring open. The screw mechanism is for closing it.
I relayed this information, thinking this was someone who would actually care about fact checking. "It might not actually have worked in this way. Its usage is disputed."
For some fucking dadblamed reason, they took this as me... questioning the existence of racism? And denying the suffering of black people?
I do a little more digging, and it's basically the same thing over and over. One guy insists that it's totally a torture device, because why else would it be in torture chamber museums?
I don't know, buddy, maybe because people like to make up stories and scare others.
That's one running theory for the existence of this thing: people wanted a good story. They wanted to be able to sell that story in order to make money. So they made elaborate devices and charged people to see them, or displayed them in order to scare their guests.
This part of the speculation, by the way, is from medieval times. There are no modern accounts of this item's usage.
We have so many accounts of slavery. We have so many ways to spread information. We're still able to converse with some of the children of the people who are still alive. We can still see the documents they left during that time.
Why would they leave this out? If it were actually in use, why would they relay the whippings, the confinement, the rape, the starvation, the harsh working conditions, the lynchings, the forced assimilation, and just... not mention this part?
Their friend piled on. I told him my statement was based on the way the device functions, and not "white people wouldn't do that." I told them that I didn't expect better from him, because I didn't know him, but I did expect better from them.
Apparently this was me making assumptions.
Gonna be honest, I didn't read the entirety of their responses, because this sort of thing is maddeningly upsetting to me. I thought I was safe to say something because, when I accidentally sent them a video by Alexis Nelson, they called it funny and informative. I know that doesn't seem like much, but... honestly, Alexis isn't going to be up everyone's alley, and sometimes that's due to bigotry. So I thought they would actually care, and not be mad about being checked. I've been in that situation plenty of times, and I normally don't say anything if I don't think I'm going to get through. I only say something if I have hope for that person.
I thought I might actually have a potential friend, and said person responded to "Hey this information might not be accurate" with... honestly, I can barely even parse the way they worded things? Something about slavery happening whether it was disputed or not.
I just wanted to fact check an unsourced facebook post.
#this has contributed to me feeling like no one wants to listen to anything i have to say and every relationship i have is doomed to fail!!#which I recognize is unhealthy!!#fellas is it splitting to get mad and unfriend someone for this nonsense#hm. maybe not what splitting is.#it's just so frustrating when someone is self righteous about their victim mentality#and every additional 'I'm not attacking you actually!' statement is perceived as an additional attack#I know I've done that but I'm WORKING ON IT#so it's frustrating to encounter in the wild and it sends me into the stratosphere#the fuck do you MEAN 'slavery happened even if it was disputed' i meant the SPECIFIC DEVICE YOU'RE MAKING CLAIMS ABOUT#I'm wildly oversimplifying. it was one hell of a sentence.#WHY DO YOU WANT MORE PAIN#THERE'S ENOUGH AS IT IS#WHY IS BAD IF I SAY THIS MIGHT NOT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN USED TO HURT PEOPLE#WHY AM I THE ENEMY#WHY AM I THE ONE MAKING ASSUMPTIONS#I THOUGHT WE COULD BE FRIENDS#sorry I'll go try to forget about this now#between this and someone saying she needs ai because commissions are too expensive and free images aren't good enough i just...#don't feel like saying anything to anyone anymore#and I missed my window for productivity today. I should have sat down to write and I didn't#and now I'm tired and frustrated because bg3 glitched wyll's cape away and i don't know which save to load to get it back#or if it's my compute#it already ate my opportunity to get everything from dammon#i might need to reinstall#personal#why did i even try. i was shaking so bad. why does it hurt this much.#torture device
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ghosts-cyphera · 7 months
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No questions or comments, jus wanted to say that I love your pornstar ghost! Plz don't ever stop writing <33
this is one hundred percent one of those comments that I’m tempted to print out and keep for the rest of my wee life because 💕🥹 aah, thank you !!
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seariii · 2 months
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*getting out of bed stumbling* let's send the last couple gifts... (< Can barely open her eyes)
Also... I always forget how pretty it feels to gift things to others... Some have big reactions, some have smaller ones, but... Most of the time you get to see them happy, a small smile, a warm feeling.... That's beautiful... So beautiful
And Im still not used to the receiving gifts jajajaja and it's... So pretty... It's such a warm and gentle feeling but so so strong... "This was made for me, thinking about me" "this was chosen for me".... I'm... Heh...
Giving and receiving gifts is always so beautiful.... This is why I love Christmas, Valentine's, birthdays.... I'd love to actually bake everyone brownies... To give them little cards...
Also valentine's is so pretty because it's all about love! And at least where I live is literally called The Love and Friendship Day!!!! So I've always seen valentine's as a good day to show appreciation for friends ... *Happy sigh* I love Love
Jijiji as I was writing the notes, my brother knocked on my door and gave me a small cinnamoroll notepad and it's so cute... Such a cute day
Alr, now let's send those gifts
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puppyeared · 9 months
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footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia
#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain#way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right#but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion#this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me#how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk#I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it#but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid#theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some#universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice#source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING#THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific#than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍#nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I#really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk#the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will#understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿#Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best#but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment#im rambling the short version is I have adhd#yapping
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rustchild · 5 months
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i'm so close to finishing this rough draft i can taste it. however i can also see the ways in which it will be bad. pray for me
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brookheimer · 1 year
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do i post my long explanation of empathy vs sympathy re: roman tonight or is that just excessive
#like warning it is Long. will cut it down some bc i wrote it in a mad frenzy at 3 am in my notes app last night but still#tl;dr: roman is intensely empathetic and entirely devoid of sympathy. the seemingly contradictory displays of compassion vs disregard/#cruelty are not contradictory at all and make complete sense if you understand the actual definitions of empathy and sympathy. i’d argue#that while rome’s capacity for empathy stands out in a show a#of people who are not prone to empathy his complete and total void of sympathy is much more unique in terms of humanity at large. it’s just#a show filled w cruel people so it’s less noticeable that the forms of cruelty he displays are rooted in empathy/lack of sympathy rather#than sympathy/lack of empathy like kendall and shiv (and just most people more generally)#sympathy is predicated upon difference distance and logical dissection of emotion while empathy is rooted in identification intimacy and#visceral experiences of emotion#you guys just literally do not know what these words mean. but that’s fine ! most people do not ! they are frequently confused and conflated#! that just doesn’t mean they SHOULD be. so . maybe i can help w that#also for further reading edmund burke is an absolutely fascinating figure to read esp his writings on british imperialism#although the term he uses is sympathy mehta & other later thinkers who have talked ab him have concluded that his cosmopolitanism of#sentiments/sympathy is much more like the modern definition of empathy (the words have shifted meaning slightly over the course of history)#or rather that the sentiment is empathy but the push to action is sympathy and combining together u get the cosmo. of sentiments#but basically burke is the founder of modern conservative thought basically. he is also the only british thinker who at the time of british#occupation of india actually spoke out against imperialism. this is because he viewed others not from a lens of sympathy/pity (feeling bad#for their plight) but empathy (identifying with their circumstances and placing himself within them)#love burke bc i find it so fascinating how someone i disagree with so frequently also holds a mindset that i value greatly and is anti-#imperialism despite everything else about him#kind of like rome in that sense. except rome’s sense of empathy is slightly broken because a) he doesn’t have any sympathy to supplement it#with and b) his visceral/emotion/gut instinct leading way of viewing the world + the way obscene wealth makes the rest of reality feel#fungible = inability to feel anything towards that which he does not identify#and unlike burke rome is too skewed by wealth and his upbringing to see resemblance in the masses and empathize w them#the other sibs function using sympathy and feel bad for the poor without having to relate to or understand them#but roman doesn’t do sympathy. he doesn’t feel FOR people he feels what people are feeling instead#but only so long as they’re seen as people. sympathy requires hierarchy so not viewing others as ppl v much allows for sympathy.#empathy requires some level of perceived horizontality so rome cannot empathize w that which is not horizontal to him#me: should i post this long thing? also me: posts another long thing in the tags that’s a long short summary of the much longer actual post#anyways. ahem. back to work
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fatmaclover · 54 minutes
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going through loops and loops of "i got sick thinking about macdennis. i wanna write joymac" and then "thinking about joymac is making me so sad. i wanna go back to writing macden" and then it keeps repeating and i never actually write anything because i think about the characters too much and feel like a fuckin grouper with all my babys in my mouth. like oh my God dude. holy shit. can this show stop being so tragic
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seoafin · 1 year
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Mc and sukuna meeting in modern day: well, well, well.. if it isn’t the consequences of my actions. God that would be so awkward for mc and so enlightening for sukuna 😭 to know that that little wierdo who flung obscure memes at a curse was a time traveler.
it's horrible and absolutely horrifying 😭 but also at first sukuna is suspiciously quiet around her and even yuuji points out that sukuna leaves him alone when he's around her. mc thinks she's in the clear. he totally forgot about her in the hundreds of years since she left!!!! nope. sukuna knows and he is biding his time. he also remembers every single lie she told him about the future 💀
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