#i said i wouldn't do this. not today. but sy forced me (/j) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saintchaser · 1 year

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"happy birthday to me..."

sirius drew a cake on the cold floor of azkaban's dusty, old cells. everything was cold, so cold, and with a dry chuckle, sirius realized it resembled him; lonely. he looked up to the sky, its moon so full, so beautiful; sirius had never had the time to appreciate the moon's beauty, because his eyes weren't for her, but for the boy tied to her.

"happy birthday to me..."

how could one know everything at eighteen, so bright and full of live and willing to fight for what was right, and nothing at twenty-two? alone, all alone. his recklessness was going to kill him, one day. and his immeasurable loyalty to those he loved. one day, he'd try to save them; remus, hari. but not himself. they came first, they always would.

"happy birthday, sirius..."

he had broken his promise to james and lily. james, his name left a bitter taste on his tongue, a man he had loved beyond what he had felt for anyone else, the man he loved more than as a brother. and lily, bittersweet, fierceness drained out of her in the last minutes.

and he had broken his promise to hari, too. to the little bundle of joy he had gotten to hold in his arms, so tiny, so fragile, so utterly beautiful. and that morning, sirius had whispered in a small ear, his godson's: "whatever happens, i will take care of you." what a liar.

he thought of remus, too. his moon, his lover. they called a lunatic, the man who fell in love with the moon.

"happy birthday to me..."

but why would he care, when the moon rose for him, warm and cold at the same time, sirius' love for remus, his downfall, in the end. or maybe it had been his love for james. maybe it had been his recklessness, or his faith in those around him, imagining how they'd be there forever, how they'd never betray him, because he wouldn't. he'd never betray his friends.

he had the chance to, once. he'd be spared, they'd be dead. but he wouldn't give them up, he couldn't. they were his anchor in the storm, what kept the world alive. lily, so warm. hari, so young, so unaware. remus, with beautiful eyes of amber, the moon's son. james, the sky's sun.

and now, the world was silent, and the sky had fallen.

#i said i wouldn't do this. not today. but sy forced me (/j)#they said they wanted to see it and today is another episode of queerdeadwizards has no self control so here you guys go xx <333 #also i havne't mentioned sirius thoughts about peter because he'd just be like. that little bitch. that slimy ratty motherfucker.#that traitorous bastard. that. that dick #sirius my love hbd <33 you're enjoying this one in the veil alone <333 i'll cry out one for you brotha <3333 /j #lily evans #peter pettigrew #james potter #sirius black angst #sirius black #my writing

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