for the ask game: naybe an AU where LXC is not on the stairs at thaf JGY/NMJ confrontatiom but baxia Got Attached so she refuses to be like. Slammed down?? And nieyao js now awkwarsly staring at each other, because whay is happening

hmmmmm you propose an interesting scenario.... i guess this could fit into the More Sentient Baxia AU that Woob and i have fever-dreamed up? in that case, five headcanons of what would happen if baxia got Attached:

baxia does not want to kill the Searching-Wanting-Waiting-Watching Human. she likes him, he gives nice skritches. and he always surrounds himself with a delicious aura of almost-evil that she just itches to sink her teeth into and rip away from him... Plus, her master clearly likes him too, he just needs her to show him!

baxia has seen into her human's heart and decided that he needs to get laid, immediately. She will take the necessary steps to make this happen, because she is a Good Sabre! now that she's saved the Searching-Wanting-Waiting-Watching Human, she only needs to find a way to make her intentions clear to the Floating-Calming-Softly-Quietly Human... her best course of action is clearly to start hovering in his peripheral vision from what she is sure is her most seductive angle.

Misunderstandings! Misunderstandings everywhere! naturally, because they are grown adults, mingjue and meng yao cannot possibly have a conversation about this. they will continue to Agonise separately and entirely unproductively while Xichen looks on and sighs. All the while everyone is being terrorised by baxia. Eventually someone breaks (my bet is on xichen) and demands to know exactly what is going on?! and if you think the resulting argument anything is but a sarcastic word-duel you'd be wrong! again, because nieyao are mature, grown-ass adults about this who can totally handle their feelings.

"are you upset you couldn't follow through, da-ge?" "I swear this has never happened before! I usually perform just fine!" "that's alright, mingjue-xiong, maybe you were just stressed?" "yes, there's no reason to be embarassed, da-ge." "a-yao is right, i'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time...?" "well did it ever happen to either of you?!" "...no." "whatever! let's try again then, i'm sure i'll manage this time!" <- this conversation will be overheard by an outside character of your choosing (nhs perhaps?) to Maximum Comedic Effect.

When the Issues Are Being Resolved, mingjue is faced with the absolutely mortifying ordeal of explaining to his increasingly incredulous sworn brothers that yes, nie sabres do in fact sometimes talk to their masters, of course this is normal what are you talking about, and also his magical bloodthirsty weapon has decided that he really really needs a romantic relationship and picked xichen and meng yao. yes she's been tormenting him. they can try a relationship he supposes, just to satisfy the Magical Bloodthirsty Weapon of course, no feelings will arise surely, and if nothing comes of it she will back off. this is entirely unaided by huaisang, who keeps orchestrating bed shortages and feeding the three of them aphrodisiacs because he is convinced that his brother is suffering from erectile dysfunction.

I'm not very good at making coherent plots or headcanons as you can see, but i thrive in crack treated seriously, and so this is what this will be.