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#i never really synthesized that time in life as a singular version of myself
a-little-bit-poss · 21 days
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sinceileftyoublog · 5 years
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One True Pairing Interview: A Glorious "Fuck You”
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Tom Fleming (formerly Wild Beasts); Photo by Jenna Foxton
BY JORDAN MAINZER
For Tom Fleming, the end of Wild Beasts represented the opportunity to start over. Just last month, he released his self-titled debut as One True Pairing, a name inspired by the concept of a perfect match between two fictional characters, but that Fleming co-opted to fit with the theme of romanticism for a better world. His touch-points? Combining the idealism of 80′s heartland rock with the grey-hued class frustration of discordant UK punk. But unlike fan fiction, Fleming was actually able to combine worlds, in real life. 
Much of One True Pairing was written on acoustic guitar and recorded on a 4-track with one microphone so Fleming could really isolate the feeling of the lyrics. “If I get straight on the computer, I mess around” with “stuff nobody cares about at that stage,” he told me over the phone last month. Once he had about 6-7 solid songs and was happy with his melodies, he worked with mixer and producer Ben Hillier until they were satisfied with the songs. But Fleming appreciated his time alone, previously used to being in a band constantly bouncing ideas off one another, this time able to reflect on his own creations.
Don’t get him wrong: Fleming is still in touch with his former band mates, calling Hayden Thorpe’s solo debut Diviner a “beautiful record.” And while he’s performed One True Pairing songs live as a duo, he’s open to the idea of putting a band together. But for the most part, he’s enjoying calling the shots. “To be on the road for 10-12 years is a difficult life,” he told me. “I wouldn’t berate anybody for not wanting to do that into your sixties.”
Read on below, as Fleming discusses various songs on the album and their sonic and lyrical influences, as well as consciously differentiating from Wild Beasts.
Since I Left You: How did you achieve a balance with your first solo record between making a personal, artistic statement and a politically timely one?
Tom Fleming: I was very aware of a solo record being some kind of secret ambition I’d always had--it was nothing like that. I had no idea what I was doing after Wild Beasts. I didn’t want it to feel like an indulgence. I wanted it to have a reason to exist other than my artistic vision. In terms of being timely, I was bothered by a lot of things--it wasn’t an attempt to make a quote-unquote political statement. It felt dishonest and weird and a bit creepy to not write about what was in front of me or at least in some refraction. There’s a reason people turn a blind eye in the UK in terms of economics. They like to think they’re “woke” and these things never come up until you implicate them...I wanted to make something that had a logic outside of itself. But I was very eager not to make a singer-songwriter record from a singular perspective.
SILY: The tie-in for a lot of people will be Wild Beasts. Did you consciously decide to make something that sounds separate from that?
TF: Some of it is a reaction--not necessarily for the audience’s benefit, but because I got tired of doing certain things. Wild Beasts records were very layered and quite delicate in places. I am trying to approach this as “I am a new artist.” I’m not sure I particularly care what the artists in bands are doing next unless it’s good. I don’t think it carries over.
SILY: Whenever you see a new moniker that’s also the name of an album and a song, it’s gotta mean something. Would you say that the song “One True Pairing” is emblematic of this new chapter for you?
TF: Yeah. The name just kind of stuck. There’s a hopefulness and romanticism. The words appealed to me. Not having my name gave me a bit more freedom and a role to play with.
SILY: What about the song “Zero Summer” made you want to open with it?
TF: Lyrically, and in terms of the sonics, it’s got that kind of aggression and slightly sarcastic nods to 80′s heartland rock that’s on the record. It’s also about the life of T.S. Eliot. There are a few puns to myself in it. [laughs]
SILY: I definitely got the 80′s vibes on “Blank Walls” and the guitars of “Dawn at the Factory”, because you still did an interesting synthesis of 80′s heartland rock, but the synthesizers are used differently than Springsteen, Henley, etc. did.
TF: Thanks, man. That’s kind of what I was going for. British music is a refraction of American music, so I wanted it to be that. There’s a romanticism to what I’m doing, and I wanted to do that but also make it a bit twisted and a bit askew and have the lyrics be a bit off-message. [laughs]
SILY: Some of the songs are a bit of a slower burn, like “Elite Companion” and “King of the Rats”, which is much more vocal-forward. How did it feel to be the only one singing on the record as compared to your past experiences?
TF: It’s different. I felt like I had to sing differently. I was ready for it, though. I wasn’t the lead vocalist before. I realize how much of it is delivery. The lyrics on the page don’t feel like how they sound, not only with pitch and accent but the type of attitude you sing it with. I sing a lot more aggressively, too. Un-decorative. I wanted it to sound a bit intimidating and a bit less pleasant to listen to. I wanted it to be unavoidable. You’re gonna hear every word here.
SILY: A couple songs stood out to me for their epic arrangements: “Alive in the Resplendent Flames” and especially “Weapons”, which has a loud-quiet-loud dynamic with an explosive chorus.
TF: That was a sort of like Joni Mitchell-y guitar tune with a stealth chorus that comes halfway through the measure. “Weapons” is a little darker in tone, but both those songs both have themes of escape from marination in violence and oppressive threats. There’s a line in “Zero Summer” about being doomed to repeat the same things over and over. I was very wary of making a white boy singer-songwriter record, which I think has been done infinitely, and much better than what I could probably do. [laughs]
SILY: A lot of the good examples of those singer-songwriters records have a sense of personal sharing, which you do communicate in terms of your interaction with the world around you, especially as it comes to contemporary society and politics. You kind of felt there was a lacking in people making art about the situation we’re in or addressing it head-on. Did you feel a responsibility to do it yourself?
TF: I’ve been quite fortunate to get where I got to. There are a lot of things I won’t escape from my economic background way back. In the UK, there’s a kind of fatalism to what you can and cannot be. There’s a dishonesty about how woke people tend to be. It’s very selective and public facing. It’s not really addressing their own role in it. I wanted to implicate the listener. I wanted them to go, “Oh God, that’s what I helped to create.” I’m not the only one doing something like that, but I’m trying to offer a point and counterpoint to it.
SILY: What about “Only God Can Judge Me” made you want to end the album with it?
TF: There’s a glorious “Fuck you” about that song. It’s like a gathering together. There’s a sort of a summation. That was the only one written in the studio. We were playing around on guitar and decided to add lyrics. The lyrics of that song and the way it feels are me wondering, “What does all this mean? What do I do now?” It felt right thematically to put there. There’s an almost sea shantiness to it, which appealed to me. 
SILY: Do you have a favorite song on the record?
TF: Oh man...hmm, good question. I come and go as to which one I like best. I think “King of the Rats” turned out well. It was written quite quickly. It was very much a feel thing. I like “Zero Summer” in that it begins the record with a “fuck you,” just like the end.
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SILY: What’s the inspiration behind the album art?
TF: I love Jandek. His portraits are so off-kilter. I wanted to do something like that. It was the inspiration for me being in water...I didn’t want it to be kitchen sink realism. 
SILY: How have the songs changed live?
TF: They’re more minimal, I guess. “Alive in the Resplendent Flames”, I’m doing a sit-down version of that, but for the most part they’re still full. This isn’t an acoustic show; this is a rock show.
Tour dates:
10/31: Paradiso, Amsterdam, Netherlands
11/4: King Tut’s Wah Wah Hut, Glasgow, UK
11/5: Yes, Manchester, UK
11/6: Belgrave Music Hall & Canteen, Leeds, UK
11/7: The Louisiana, Bristol, UK
11/8: The Grand Social, Dublin, Ireland
11/11: The Victoria, Dalston, London, UK
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thelastlansing · 5 years
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My Empire of Dirt | Self Para
Where do people go when they die?
A question that had haunted Kara since she was six years old. She thought she’d gotten the answer many times in her life. At sixteen. At twenty-one. At twenty-three. But it wasn’t until now that she realized her previous answers were wrong. It wasn’t heaven, hell, in the ground, or where she couldn’t follow. Because those were all lies. She’d been dead. She hadn’t gone to heaven or hell. She hadn’t been buried in the ground and she sure had followed in the footsteps of her former friends and self-proclaimed family. All her previous answers were lies fed to her to make death seem not so frightening. All Kara knew now was that death was inevitable. And if she’d seen it once, she would surely see it again.
In fact... She eagerly awaited it.
I hurt myself today To see if I still feel
It had been a few days since she’d been back from the dead. Nothing felt right anymore. Nothing felt safe anymore. She’d choked the hell out of Morgan and Cristina didn’t want anything to do with her. The mental punishment she’d given herself after they had all dispersed for the evening was intense. Kara had gripped her hands together tightly, shaking in an unbridled rage as she fought the desire to just tear the air from her own lungs from hurting someone she cared so deeply for. Her hands had balled into fists to the point where her fingernails had dug into her palms, leaving them bloody and red. Kara wanted answers. They all did. What was worse was that she couldn’t remember what had happened to her except for some very basic details. She knew who she’d have to go to... Who would be able to extract that information. She just didn’t know if she could. Maybe she’d do it. Or maybe she’d just let it lie.
I focus on the pain The only thing that's real
“Kara, its really you. I couldn’t believe it when they told me! I thought you were dead.” The voice made her blood run cold and she stopped still. It had been a month since she’d been back. A month since she’d crashed into her friends and families lives once more. Turning around, she took a deep breath as a man towered over her. He smiled warmly, moving to wrap her up in a hug. Kara stiffened, closing her eyes as she counted to ten. Her right hand twitched at her side as she struggled against choking this man out before relaxing immediately as he released the hug. His eyes saddened as he realized what he’d done. “I’m sorry. I forgot my place. I was just--”
Kara held up a hand to get him to stop. “Maddox. Now is not the time to get sentimental. That’s one of the main reasons why I can’t be around your sister for more than five minutes.” She teased him gently, the words sounding hollow more than anything unfortunately but as Sam Maddox stood in front of her, she watched him slowly grin. That helped her nerves relax just a bit more. “How are the kiddos and the wife? Is she still as attractive as the last time I saw her?”
Sam laughed loudly at that, pointing at the raised lounge chair in the middle of the room for her to sit in. As Kara sat down in it, he began to reply while putting her wrists in restraints as well as her ankles. “She’s gorgeous as always. And the kids are much bigger than the last time you saw them. And as for Brynn, well, she’s madly in love. Its kind of gross, actually.” His tone took on a more serious note as he held up a syringe with an unsettling colored liquid. “Are you sure you’re okay with me doing this? This won’t be out of your system for a while and we still don’t understand all the effects that can happen from it.”
The needle tears a hole The old familiar sting
Kara eyed the syringe, knowing exactly what was inside. It was what the hunters used to take away their magic. Only, now, certain methods had been taken to synthesize a version for subduing or extracting a witch or wizard that had gotten out of control. She knew that without that dose, she could injure or kill Sam in this room. And she really, really didn’t want that. “Just do it, Sam. I want to know what happened to me.” The man nodded, motioning for her to lay back. When she did, Kara felt the sting of a needle slipping into her vein, eyes going closed as she quickly felt something leave her body. She knew what it was, knew that her magic would be back. She desperately tried to concentrate on Sam’s voice as he began to guide her through what was about to be her own personal hell.
“You’re in a field.”
Kara’s eyes shot open. Levi, Emily, Jackie. All of them trying desperately to get away from the hunters as they stormed her unit. Andrew was leading them, gun in hand as he strode with a sly grin towards her. She tried to focus on him but he just seemed distorted, fragmented. It was like her vision was far too blurry to fully understand the scope of what was about to happen. Sam’s voice rang clearly through her subconscious though, reminding her of her path. Of what this was all supposed to lead to. Answers.
“You were shot.”
BANG.
Kara looked down at the blood seeping from the gunshot to her abdomen. As Kara lay on the reclined chair, her mouth moved as she spoke in her dream-like state. Sam could hear every word she said, watching her levels from some monitors in the corner. One of his workers were ready and waiting to type up notes onto a laptop if she were going to say anything. In fact, just as Sam was about to make sure the worker was paying attention, they began to frantically type as Kara spoke. “Andrew! What makes you so sure you’re going to get away with this?“
Andrew hovered over her as he smiled menacingly, turning on his heel as he saw the light begin to dim out of Kara’s eyes. His work was finished. Kara began to struggle against her restraints as soon as her mind began to replay what it was like to die. Again.
Try to kill it all away But I remember everything
“You died, Kara. But then you came back. How did you come back? Who pulled you out of that field? Who saved you?”
Kara squirmed against the restraints some more before visibly relaxing. “Mom?” Her voice sounded broken, Sam raising an eyebrow at this. Her mother had long since been dead and last he remembered, they hadn’t had a good relationship. “No, please don’t leave me again. Tess! Vivian! Let me come with you this time! Please!” Her voice was pleading as she struggled again, her wrists growing red from the thrashing she was doing. Sam debated whether or not to pull her out but decided that going against Kara’s wishes would probably result in a black eye and he’d rather not deal with that.
“Kara, please... Focus. Who saved you?”
What have I become My sweetest friend
Darkness enveloped her vision and then there was so much light. It wasn’t warm and it didn’t feel good on her skin. In fact, everything hurt. Two faces hovered over her. “She’s waking up! You said she wouldn’t be awake yet! Put her under, William. I said put her the bloody fuck under!” Kara struggled to focus on the two people that held various medical instruments over her. Their faces were covered by surgical masks and as she looked down, she saw a sight that if she weren’t so drugged, she surely would have thrown up. Her inner organs lay exposed, Kara immediately passing out once more. It wasn’t long before she was waking up again, this time in a bed with two people talking in hushed tones to each other, backs turned to her.
“She could be very valuable to us, Abby. She could be the key to stopping all of this. We could end him once and for all.” “I don’t know if this girl could even remotely help us destroy the--”
Kara tried to sit up, the bed creaking beneath her. Both people jumped, turning to face her. Before she could even begin to speak, her mind started stuttering. It felt like someone was crawling inside of her head and playing a wicked game of wack-a-mole. As her eyes fluttered shut the only thing she heard was the woman speaking again.
“We should have never saved one of them. We can’t let her leave, William. We have to make sure that his wishes remain in tact.”
Everyone I know Goes away in the end
“My name is Katrina Laehn. My family was killed by the Burned One. I am all that remains. I was found by William and Abby. I was brought back to life to serve them in their quest for vengeance. I am a loyal servant to the First.” Sam’s jaw dropped, looking in horror at Kara as she continued to speak. He didn’t know what to ask at this point because he had practically stopped getting anything of use up until this point. But this wasn’t even remotely helpful, it just brought to light even more questions.
Kara smiled at William and Abby, turning around as she held up her hair. She winced at the pain that started to emanate through the back of her neck. “How long will the tattoo take?” William chuckled at her as Abby continued to work on the back of her neck with the tattoo gun. “Not too much longer, Kat. Why don’t you tell me about your family some more?“ The brunette winced, this time not from the burning sensation on her neck. “I had a sister. She was...” It hurt to think about her. She never understood why it was so hard to remember her family. They’d told her about them but she could never seem to remember quite what they looked like or what their voices sounded like. “She was...” Kara tried to search for the right words, William looking at her curiously. Finally a singular word came to her. “Light.”
And you could have it all, my empire of dirt I will let you down, I will make you hurt
“Kara. Listen to me. How did you get back home? Why did whoever save you let you come back home?“ Sam tried again, desperately needing Kara to focus on this because they didn’t have much time before the serum wore off.
“Indoctrination didn’t work, Abby. She keeps remembering her bloody sister. We can erase her friends, her parents, even her lover. But we can’t get rid of that blasted Lauren. Why is Lauren so special to Kara Lansing?!” William all but exploded to the woman beside him, hands thrown up in frustration. Kara blinked in confusion, head cocking to the side as she walked into the home just in time to hear William’s rant. “Why do I know that name?” Her voice was shaky, different memories beginning to flood her, to break the mold that had been put in place by Abby. Memories of Lauren filtered through; each one causing her more and more panic. Lauren was her sister. She wasn’t... She wasn’t... “My name isn’t Katrina. It’s... It’s Kara.” She began to back up, quickly becoming disoriented. “Why am I here? Who are you? I was dead!”
The next thing she knew, the clawing in her brain started once more and Kara was falling to the ground, clutching at her head. She couldn’t open her eyes, couldn’t see them as they began to talk. “She has to go back. We can’t use her. Not like this. Not now. Erase what we’ve done.” William hissed at Abby, his tone frantic. A muffled noise occurred, something that sounded an awful lot like a slap to skin. “Pull yourself together, William. No one will even think to look back into her memory like this. She’ll be a shell of her former self. We will make her think that we were just some normal folk wanting to help her. We appeal to the people in her memories. I can see what they look like, how they act. I can tap into her memories and make this seamless. Kara Lansing won’t ever know about the First. Now let me finish. I have to... Huh. Seems like someone’s been in her mind before. No matter, we’ve got to get her home. She’s of no use to us anymore. At least.. Not now.”
Kara gasped awake on the chair, green eyes fearful as she struggled fully against her restraints. Her magic slowly started to return to her, gaze narrowing on Sam. “What did they do to me? What did they do to me?!” She cried out, gritting her teeth as she pulled at the restraint with such a force that it finally snapped. Her hand clutched at Sam’s throat, his eyes widening as she started to twirl her finger at him from where it still remained restrained.
“K-Kara. Kara!”
It was in that moment that someone burst into that room, none other than Brynn Maddox coming to bring her brother lunch. Before Sam could get a word out edgewise to try and stop his sister from acting rashly, Kara was falling to the floor unconscious. A chunk of the ground fell beside her, Sam falling to the floor holding his throat and coughing. As he struggled to get up, Brynn rushed over to him but he just pushed her off, quickly going to see if Kara was completely knocked out cold.
“My patient was panicking, Brynn! You can’t just bash someone’s head in without knowing the whole situation. What kind of Warden are you?”
After about fifteen minutes of Brynn apologizing profusely and Sam trying to help Kara regain consciousness, he finally managed to get her to wake up. Quickly he ushered Brynn from the room, giving her one last glare before shutting the door. As Kara came to, he cleared his throat and held up two pieces of paper. “One of these is a transcript of everything you said while you were under. The other is a chart of your levels. You spiked considerably at many different points. You were clearly in a lot of pain when you were taken. I think you still are. Kara, if you can just let one of us do a psych eval, I’m sure we can get whatever is going on in your head be put to some kind of eas--”
“Stop. Sam, just... Stop. Thank you for what you did. I’m sure I’ll need to see you again but for right now I just want to get home.” Without another word, Kara left Sam holding the papers and left to get back to Lauren and Zach’s home. A place she wished she wasn’t living in but Cristina could barely look at her. After what she’d just experienced... Maybe that was for the best. As she walked home, she had no idea that Sam was sending Lauren the information he’d tried to give Kara, telling her to bring it up when the time was right. Unluckily, the time wouldn’t be right for quite a while. Kara ended up moving back in with Cristina after a month and a half of being home. Lauren and Zach were busy with wedding preparations and Kara pretended to be fine.
She wasn’t fine. Not even remotely. She felt like a hollowed out shell of her former self. Everywhere she walked, she thought she saw William and Abby’s faces haunting her. Watching her. Cristina and her had barely spoken, much less had any kind of intimacy. As the weeks and months went by, Kara tried desperately to go back to normal. Dreams of her captors haunted her thoughts and visions of Andrew killing her made her sink further into herself. In May, Kara had gone back into work much to the shock of her family. When Andrew had seen her, he’d gone white as a sheet. She had relayed what had happened to her and to their unit, calling upon them to access her memories. Once they’d been reviewed, she had watched in satisfaction as a screaming Andrew was dragged off to some dark and cold cell.
It was now June. One month until her sister married the man of her dreams. One month and she’d be left to focus on something other than her sister’s happiness. Her own relationship was in shambles. Her work life felt obsolete. Her relationships felt as if they were encased in glass. Sam had tried reaching out to her, to go over her memories again. Once was enough. Kara would just find a way to heal on her own. Or at least... Heal until she didn’t need to be here anymore. It’s funny how much weight that one question carried.
Where do people go when they die?
Green eyes looked up at the ceiling, fingertips tracing over a tattoo that faintly glowed purple in the dark unbeknownst to Kara. Three words written in Latin lit up each corner of the triangle tattoo, the burning man in the center of the triangle remaining the one thing not glowing that faint purple. Three words.
Primis. Mors. Aeternum.
If I could start again, a million miles away I would keep myself, I would find a way
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