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#i might start writing fic again idk
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i just randomly woke up a few days back and was on maiko brainrot so i made some very hurried doodles while simultaneously reading fanfic and listening to taylor swift trying to not freak out about the fact that midnights is five days away
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ghouljams · 5 months
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Ghost rides the tube when he gets back from deployment. Just sits in the train car and rides it back and forth for hours. Watches the sun come up, and go down. Watches people get on in the morning, get on in the evening. To and from work. Normal people with normal lives, riding the tube. Sometimes he switches lines and rides out to the far zones, staring out the window to see the city fly past. It's so ordinary. Uninteresting to the people that see it every day. He crosses his arms over his chest and closes his eyes in the safety of the mundane civilian crowds, listening to the conversations around him as he does. Mothers with babies, friends on their way to class, drunks on their way home from the pub. Living people.
He gives his seat to an older woman, feels her grateful smile like poking a bruise. Picks up a dropped toy for a child and doesn't let his eyes linger on the way their parent kisses their head. People he's never going to mean anything to, but they mean something to him. Something that sticks in his throat, and makes him snap at the recruit that asks where he's been all day when he gets back on base.
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blindmagdalena · 1 month
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phew! i'm done with the alphabet for tonight. i had a lot of fun, guys. thank you 🖤🖤🖤
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smilesrobotlover · 1 year
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Ok fic time! This is a draft and I might change things around (some paragraphs do not vibe with me) but some people wanted to read it so we’ll see what happens!
So warnings in order of the fic: blood, there’s no major character death but it comes reeeeally close so look out for that, accidental self harm, bad times. It’s pretty heavy so keep that in mind
This is written in the perspective of Legend with Warriors and a bit of Sky :) me and @skyward-floored we’re talking about Legend and she was this awesome headcanon that legend faints at the sight of blood, and tbh I haven’t stopped thinking about that convo we had so this fic was greatly inspired by all of it !
Heart of a Bunny
Legend charged at the moblin standing in front of him, stabbing it straight to the chest. He, Warriors, and Sky were investigating a kidnapping of someone’s dog, who was taken by monsters. When they followed the trail to rescue the dog, they were ambushed by moblins, and they were strong. Strengthened by hatred, malice, and black blooded nonsense. Though it was hard, they needed to eradicate the monsters, and fast. The group of moblins were brutal, and they could turn to attacking towns if they weren’t all dead (and obviously they needed to save the dog). Legend looked over to his friends, and while they fought with the strength of a thousand men, Legend knew that they were just as tired as he was. Warriors’s swings were getting sluggish and more slow and Sky was panting something awful. But they seemed to be holding out on their own well enough, so Legend focused on himself.
Black blood was everywhere, on his clothes, on his face, in his hair, the smell filling his nostrils, but he ignored it and pushed forward. In situations like this, he can’t care. He doesn’t have time. He lobbed off a moblin’s head when he heard a yell come from Warriors. He turned and gasped at what Warriors was yelling at. Two moblins were holding Sky down, one had a knife pressed to his throat.
“No! Let him go!” Legend yelled and ran forward, but Warriors stopped him.
“Don’t come any closer!” The moblin yelled back, pressing the knife harder against Sky, who let out a pained cry. Legend glared ahead, his heart pounding against his chest. These moblins were ruthless, he didn’t know what to do to get Sky out of that situation without him getting hurt.
“Let him go,” Warriors said before Legend could think of anything, putting his sword away.
“I said don’t come any closer!” The moblin screamed.
Warriors stopped moving and so did Legend. What could they do? He felt completely helpless. He was unable to fight Sky out of this, unable to talk Sky out of it, and Warriors was trying to help him, but any time he moved the moblins would freak out. They were too afraid to die, and that made them unpredictable.
“Please, let him go, we’ll do whatever you say,” Warriors lifted his hands to show that he was no threat, but he must’ve done it too quickly, and the moblins reacted.
Time seemed to slow down as the knife cut across Sky’s neck, blood immediately spilling out. Legend screamed out and Warriors was on the moblins in seconds, cutting them down. Legend ran to Sky who fell to the ground, grabbing his neck and sputtering as his blood poured out all over the ground. Legend tried to put pressure on his bleeding neck, but he didn’t know if he was choking Sky or if he was helping the bleeding. He needs a fairy or a potion, was the first thought he had, and with one hand, he grabbed his pack and started rummaging through it, desperate to find a red potion or a fairy or something. He dug through it frantically, his eyes growing blurry with tears, his throat dry from breathing so hard. But he felt nothing but empty bottles. He looked to Warriors in desperation.
“I don’t have a fairy!” He yelled, his voice cracking. Warriors turned to him and the situation dawned on him with Sky bleeding out. His face went from angry and determined to complete blankness as he killed the last moblin and dug through his own pack. He knelt at Sky’s side and silently searched, and searched, and searched.
Legend’s hand remained at Sky’s neck, trying so desperately to hold back the tears that threatened to pour out of his eyes. Warriors looked up from his pack, his expression more blank than ever, and Legend’s heart sank. They always have fairies on them, they always have red potions, how could they not have one when they needed one so desperately.
Sky made a gurgling noise and the two looked at him. It was almost silent as Sky bled out, Legend desperately trying to stop the bleeding. But Sky’s face paled, and he stopped breathing, his hands falling from his neck. Legend’s heart dropped to his stomach, and he got closer to his face, there was no air coming from his mouth, and he felt no pulse. No… no no please Hylia no…
“He-he’s—” Legend started, but was interrupted by a light. A fairy popped up out of nowhere and spun around Sky, followed by a gasp. Sky started coughing and sputtering, and Warriors immediately helped him up, making sure he was alright. Sky rubbed his bloody neck and took in a deep breath. There was no evidence of a slit throat save for the blood everywhere. He was alive.
A fairy… Sky had a fairy, and it saved his life. Legend felt dizzy from the relief and rested a hand on Sky’s shirt.
“I’m ok…” Sky gasped, “I’m ok… I’m ok…”
Warriors silently rubbed his back, a relieved smile on his previous blank expression. Legend rubbed his arm and tried to manage a smile, but he couldn’t. His heart was pounding, he felt heavy, and the memory of Sky bleeding out, them helpless to save him, kept flashing in his mind.
Bleeding out…
Legend glanced at the hand that was rubbing Sky’s arm, and noticed the blood he was smearing. He frowned and looked at his other hand that was clenched on his knees. That was covered in blood too, spreading it all over his bare legs.
Suddenly it hit him. The metallic smell of blood, Sky’s blood, filled his nostrils. The black blood all over his clothes, mixed in with the red blood from Sky. his pack was covered in it, his clothes, goddesses, it was everywhere. It was all over Sky, it was getting on Warriors…
Legend suddenly felt incredibly nauseous and dizzy. He pulled away from Sky and shut his eyes tight. Not now… not now in front of them, not now.
“Legend are you alright?” Warriors asked, his arms still around Sky.
He didn’t say anything. The blood was all over him and he needed it off. His hands started shaking as he stared at Sky’s blood. It was always someone else’s blood.
“Legend I’m ok,” Sky said softly, his voice sounding hoarse and shaky, but Legend barely heard him.
An unpleasant memory flooded his mind. His hands covered in someone else’s blood, the dying breaths of someone he loved, the disgusting smell, the stickiness on his fingers, his uncle’s dying words.
Legend let out a whimper and shot right up, trying to walk away despite his shaking legs.
“I’m gonna be right back,” he whispered, only for his vision to get covered in black spots, and he felt himself falling, miles and miles until he hit the ground.
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The water was cold against Legend’s hands as he scrubbed them with a rag, making sure every bit of it was clean. He took time scraping under his fingernails, scrubbing between his fingers, clearing out his cuticles, and rubbing his hands against the rag.
Around him was his scattered belongings. The things in his pack were thrown carelessly out, washed clean, his empty pack laid by his belt, also washed clean, his clothes were sopping wet, but at least they were clean. Now Legend just needed to be clean.
He scrubbed some more, staring at his hands after a moment, then going back to scrubbing. He couldn’t see anymore blood, but he still felt it. The memory of them covered in blood, the stickiness, the smell, it hasn’t gone away. So he kept scrubbing, and scrubbing, and scrubbing.
His hands hurt from the coarse rag, but it needed to be there to get the blood off. It had to. Until Legend noticed how dirty the rag was, and he noticed a hint of red in the fabric. He threw the rag at the forest and went back to scrubbing his hands without it. He now needed the rag’s filth off.
He pulled them out of the water and noticed his knuckles were spotty with blood. He was causing his hands to bleed, but he put them back in the water and went back to scrubbing. And scrubbing, and scrubbing, and scrubbing.
He pulled his hands out again and they were still bleeding. He put them back in the water and scrubbed some more. He pulled them back out and they continued to bleed. He put them back, a sob escaping him. He knew he was being ridiculous. He would stop bleeding if he stopped scrubbing, but it needed to be gone, he needed it to be gone.
He went back to scraping under his fingernails, letting out a hiss of pain when he cut too deep, causing under his fingernail to bleed.
More blood.
He didn’t notice the tears falling down his face as he went back to scrubbing. It had to be gone, it had to be gone.
“Legend.”
The veteran flinched and whipped his head to where the voice was. Warriors was standing there, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes had a hint of worry. Legend sucked in a shaky breath and rubbed his eyes with his shoulder.
“What do you want?” He asked in a low, shaky voice.
“You’ve been out here for a while, are you ok?”
“Yes. I’m fine. Now leave me alone,” he said, ignoring how cruel he’s being. He stared hard at his hands in the water, hoping that Warriors would leave, but he wouldn’t. He felt his gaze like the sun in the desert, and the pressure was starting to annoy him. He glanced at him, and Warriors hadn’t moved.
“What?”
“Look, we almost lost Sky. I can’t imagine that you’re feeling ‘fine’.”
Legend glared at him. He knew that he didn’t look fine. His hands were bleeding, his stuff was scattered all over the place, hot tears were streaming down his face, but he looked away and ignored him. It was humiliating enough for them to see him pass out over blood, they didn’t need to see him having a breakdown.
He heard footsteps come closer and he spun around and backed away.
“I’m fine captain! Leave me alone!”
“You’re not fine!”
“Yes I am!”
“Why won’t you just accept my help?”
“BECAUSE I’M FINE!” Legend screamed, he stood up and marched over to his stuff. He shivered harshly as a breeze blew by and Legend realized that he was freezing, with his hands numb from pain and from the cold water. He needed to warm them up, but they were still bleeding, he couldn’t put them anywhere without spreading more of the blood…
“Legend, it’s ok–”
“Where is Sky?” He cut him off, hoping to change the subject off of him. After all Sky was the one who almost died, he should be the one coddled, not Legend.
Warriors sucked in a frustrated breath. “He’s back at camp, the others found us, he’s fine. And so is the dog.”
Legend would’ve let out a laugh if he didn’t feel so awful. He felt a gentle hand rest on his shoulder and he flinched away.
“Legend please, let me help you.”
“I don’t need your help.”
“You’re bleeding and you’re cold.”
Legend ignored him again and walked closer to his stuff, pretending to be doing something.
“Legend, what’s wrong?”
The veteran started shaking again, the tears were completely uncontrollable, his breathing was fast, and he gripped his arms so tight, it might’ve drawn blood. Just what he needed, he thought bitterly
“Hey,” Warriors tried again, “You’re hurting yourself buddy… come on, let me help you.”
“No,” Legend whispered. “No, I don’t want you to see me like this…”
His voice didn’t have snark hidden within it this time, and there was silence except for Legend’s heavy breathing.
“Why do you not want me to see you like this?”
“Because!” His voice started to raise again, the moment of vulnerability gone. He turned and faced Warriors, “Look at me! I’m a mess! I’m the worst hero to ever live!”
“No you’re no–”
“YES I AM! Don’t lie to me to make me feel better because I am! I can’t handle anything! If something goes wrong I completely LOSE IT! I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!” He was screaming now, his hands gripping his hair. “I can’t handle anything difficult! I pass out at the sight of blood, what kind of a hero passes out because of blood? I just– I’m terrible! I’m terrible at protecting people and I’m not strong and I—” His breath hitched and he looked at Warriors who was sitting there, staring at him. His face was expressionless, and rage started to build up within Legend. “You don’t realize how good you have it captain,” he spat, venom dripping in every word.
Warriors eyebrows raised at that. “How do I have it good?”
“Nothing bothers you! Nothing ever bothers you! When Sky was dying, I was a mess! But you, you were collected! You were calm! You don’t let things like that bother you! And I wish I was like you for that! I wish I didn’t care like you!”
Grief suddenly gripped at his heart. He wished he didn’t care. He wished he didn’t care so damn much. He’s lost so many people in his life, he’s experienced so many hard things and it never made him stronger. It never made him tough, it was a flaw within him that he let so many things get to him but he just can’t help it. He let out a sob, vulnerability washing over him. He was wishing so desperately that he could hear his uncle’s voice again, wishing that he could hear Marin sing again, wishing that he didn’t feel this pain, wishing that Warriors wasn’t here to see how truly pathetic he is. He fell to the ground sobbing, wishing so desperately that he’d stop but he couldn’t. His hands were clenched against his chest, his heart in pain, his head pounding, his hands rubbed raw, tears pouring out of his eyes. He felt like he was falling to pieces.
“I wish I was like you,” he repeated, voice trembling.
He hiccuped and opened his eyes, surprised when Warriors silently sat in front of him. He slowly reached for Legend’s hands, and when Legend didn’t fight back, he observed them. Then without saying anything, he grabbed a bandage and started wrapping them up, slowly and gently. Legend’s crying slowed down as he watched Warriors. His face was almost expressionless, but a hint of pain laid within it as he tended to Legend’s self-inflicted injuries. He wrapped up his knuckles and quickly moved onto his bleeding finger, and though he hated being taken care of, Legend didn’t have the strength to stop him. He moved onto his bleeding arms and started to wrap those up as well.
“It’s funny,” he muttered, breaking the silence, “how you wish to be like me… When I wish to be like you.”
Legend’s breathing slowed and he stared back confused.
“I wish I cared like you Legend. I’ve seen so much death, so many friends die in front of me, and when we bury them… they deserve tears to be shed for them… but I can’t muster up anything. I feel like I fail them for that.”
Legend continued to stare at him, he’s never seen Warriors like this, so serious and open. The captain finished wrapping up one arm and went to the other one.
“I don’t feel anything when death is about to claim people I care about. It’s happened so much, and I wish that I didn’t feel so damn empty when it happens.”
His voice was soft, filled with regret and sorrow, and when he finished Legend’s other arm, he looked directly into his bloodshot eyes, a stern look on his face. Legend looked down where his hands laid, bandaged and held in Warrior’s hands. His breathing started to slow down as he contemplated Warrior’s words.
“Never stop feeling Legend, never stop crying for others. For people like me can’t do it ourselves.”
Legend looked up at Warriors, this time a pained look on the captain’s face. Warriors always annoyed him, he was so perfect all the time, so aloof, so bossy. He had everything Legend wanted… but he realizes now how much he had that Warrior’s didn’t have. He never realized that Warriors felt this way, and suddenly clarity entered within him. Remembering Warriors’s blank stare as Sky bled out in front of them, a somber but stone face as Twilight was slowly dying from the shadow’s curse, an empty look when he takes care of someone’s wounds. It was all because he’s been so hardened from the death he’s seen, to the point where he can’t bring himself to feel anymore when he should. That never happened to Legend. It’s only made him more emotional and soft.
“All bark and no bite?” Twilight’s words echoed in his mind, when he was turned into his stupid bunny form. It was humiliating, but it was a true reflection of his heart. He always saw it as his major flaw, and no matter how hard he tried, he always had the heart of a bunny. But now…
Legend pursed his lips and slowly rested his head against Warrior’s chest.
“I’m so sorry,” he muttered, and he felt Warriors wrap his arms around him. They sat there for a long time, Warriors holding Legend as he cried into his scarf. It felt nice… freely crying in front of someone. Because for the first time, he felt no shame in doing it.
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boxwinebaddie · 3 months
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wait omg.. ur fr not updating ur fanfics ever again?!? HEARTBREAKING... BUTT... does that possibly mean u can spoil everything (slowly ofc)
EXTREMELY LONG BUT IMPORTANT UPDATE:
so...i'm not going to say ~never~, my friend. i promised myself during my uncle nina self care era, that i would *justin bieber vc* never say never, because setting strict, set-in-stone regulations and rules for myself is why i am not writing anymore...which, yes, as much as i enjoy my fanfics/updating them, for the sake of both my physical and mental health, i think it is in my best interest to not update my fanfictions right now. i'll explain as much as i can down below.
so...this is going to be a very, very long post. i know that i had an anon on here that told me that they look forward to when i post long, indepth things, however, i am going to say that this isn't like a fun hc post or anything, this is just a lot of information...about my blog and my fanfictions, how i have been feeling and what i'm thinking about doing moving forward from this point. a lot of it is stuff that i've written about a lot ( stress, writing, etc. ) but i think it's important to read, mayhaps? just to keep you in the loop/informed on stuff.
long story short tho: i am not updating my fanfics rn, that's not to say i will not be writing/doing ncu stuff and it does...thank god...mean that i can now slowly spoil things...In A Controlled Manner.
to jog your re(memory), lmao, i was very unwell writing peppermint.
we know this...we don't love this.
what i did love was writing peppermint when i was but doing all that formatting, writing more in one update than some people write in entire fanfictions, forcing myself to be consistent...it was...at times very frightening how unwell i was. especially mentally. i just...i was not well equipped for the stress that came with having a moderately successful fanfic. being perceived at that level, with how severe my social anxiety is...it was not good for me. like it was fun because it was cool to see people so invested/get so much high praise for the things that i was writing but...idk. i am very introverted. ravenstan is me because i try to be really cool but i am a fake and a fraud lmaooo.
but yeah, too much upkeep and while 99.9% of the negativity around pep and myself was self inflicted...i will say...especially after 10, i did get some very...Intense...reactions to my fanfiction. like, very, very intense in a way that i was very offput by it and also worried about how the things i was writing were affecting your real lives. which, on top of how i was doing ( not well ) was not something i wanted to have constantly on my shoulders. please friends, remember, you are not responsible for how other people perceive your work, so long as you tag it accordingly, are authentic to yourself, and respectful to others. or so i believe, at least. idk. this is so long, i'm sorry.
speaking of peppermint tho...i am going to be so honest. i...do not think i'm gonna update it or keep writing it. i know that kind of sucks but the Peppermint Period of my life, i hope, will be over soon, lol. which i LOVE pep, but there is a lot of dark, negative energy associated with it, i tried to write it a million times and can't -- which, fun fact, the last stretch of peppermint is the stan self healing/self care arc ( which i love, i love u so bad pep!stan, my baby, my angel ) and the reason i could not write it...is because i was never in a positive enough headspace to write it.
like...i was not healed enough to write the healing arc. thats...oof.
i also just...don't feel super good about writing stuff about the boys in hs as an adult lady, like? they are 18 and all, but idk, it does not make me feel good things, its just not that relevant to me and the only reason that they were in hs in pep is because all of the relevant tiktok lore surrounding style was senior year hs stuff. but i really just prefer writing the boys in rm/in college/doing adult boy stuff. thats a lot more in my wheelhouse and i feel way better doing that tbh.
a final pep thing that ties into the last part of this ask is YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING YOU WANT ABOUT PEPPERMINT. i will spoil everything, like i'd prefer to do it in parts so if you want chapter 12 first i can tell you all about that. i don't have a ton of stuff written out in action...but i have...a fuck ton of dialogue. like nearly all of the dialogue for peppermint is written. ( if you want i can even take the dialogue and write it in sort of stage direction type formats with the actions to make it flow a little better -- i just can't write Chapters )
so yeah, ask me anything at all that you like about peppermint, but i can't spoil the entire fic in one ask...slow pace, please, haha.
okay, rm i do actually care a lot about. i also don't know if i in good concious can write chapter updates for it, but i can give you very detailed asks about it and give you what information i do have about it...also in small pieces. like someone asked me what happened to the ex-cd guitarist...and i can give you that information very soon.
i know it is kind of a bummer to not be able to get updates, but like, when i tell you i was seriously unwell...like it was really bad my real life was getting fucked up because of my online life which is whack.
but yeah! you can also ask me rm stuff! i kind of want to do it as sequencially as i can just so it flows a lot better like, idk, maybe start w/ ravesey hate stuff and move chapter to chapter, answering hc things in between? that feels right to me? but yeah!!! you can ask me what goes in the next chapter? if you want? or the next two/whatever is left of the hate...i don't have a ton of dialogue but i do have p much the whole situation blocked out? ish? lmao rip.
also!!! if i give you any scenario and you would like me to write in more detail or if you'd really like to see it in writing, you can totally leave me a request and if i feel up to it at some point, i will write it up. i also may just feel funky fresh and want to write it one day and randomly post it. lmao just be ready for anything tbh.
BUT YEAH!!! no i will totally give you rm spoilers and stuff!!! but again, i'm gonna try and not give you too much at once...v slow. in that way, ik its not the same as getting my full-fledged chapter updates, but it could hopefully still be exciting because you'd be waiting to get my content and it would come out quicker? which is still neat i think? my way to keep updating you without disappearing or like straining the shit out of my heart and brain.
okay, also, on ao3, as far as Big Writing goes...i'm not sure if i'm gonna post anything actually updatey on there again. it was just too stressful for me yall. i dont even want to make a seperate chapter post of explaination because i really don't want my fic to sit at the top of the tag for days and garner attention or like...wake to people waiting for pep or rm who think they're getting a new chapter, just to get told that i don't really feel safe updating them anymore. way too much attention which is what...drove me to this point tbh.
again, i like tumblr. i like the intimacy. i like that you guys can anonymously send me stuff and for the most part, i like that i can be sort of anonymous on here too...whilist you know, still being able to share stuff on here with you about my life. which...that's also a thing i was gonna mention at the end is, because i'm in education and kids are super nosy, if something happens, i will have to self destruct this blog and i'm sorry.
i am being so serious like if a kid finds my fanfiction tumblr, not only will it be embarrassing/unprofessional, like i am very worried that i could lose my job, slash not do the thing that i love the most in the world next to writing. :( i really do not want the thing i do in my free time to effect my outside life, which, again, is largely why i am doing this to protect myself lmao. like i am seriously considering like deleting anything that has to do with myself at all because of that. i tag my posts as accurately as i can to keep myself and all of you safe. please, please be mindful. please make good choices.
in vein of staying anonymousish ( tbh this is so much information that i ALMOST was going to post this as a voice message but i was not sure putting my human girl voice associated w/ this blog tbh ) i lowkey might nuke the twitter...i don't like it on there, lol. the cancel culture is frightening ( which is not to say don't cancel me if i'm being weird like please do that lol ) the people on there are really intense, i don't like the in fighting...i am on my tumblr because i feel safe here and i like all of you and i like answering your questions.
tbh, rp if you're reading this, the only reason i actually have the twitter is bc riley and i chat on there which, tbh, i might just bully her to use the dms on here or like licherally give you my personal phone number, lol. like we are internet married and talk constantly and i want to delete my twitter so bad it's not funny ESPECIALLY THE VIEW COUNTER LIKE THAT SHIT IS SO FUCKED UP I HATE IT.
kind of why i don't like ao3 either bc the hit count thing...really fucks w/ my mental health. the stress of being boxwinebaddie on there is also a lot so...okay...last segway...i do lowkey want to Actually write tkak...WHICH I KNOW NO ONE BUT ME CARES ABOUT BUT LOL THIS IS MY BLOG I DO WHAT I WANT BROTHER!!! its just funny bc this always happens where i can't write a fanfic i'm writing and then get excited abt some weird concept i have and start writing it and then stop again. so if i am writing tkak, please know it might not finish and i might just talk about it in ask memes.
orrrr write it in my google docs and link you or post screenshots. tbh i am very glad to be away from the ao3 layout like its so fucking ugly. the google docs are so much easier to read in my opinion.
for writing/future fanfics tho...as weird as it is, i don't think i'm gonna attach my name/user to my future fanfics. like you guys can know about them on here as long as we are chill about it. i just get too much anxiety about my association with my account and it getting too hectic again. so if i post tkak, i will probably do it on a different ao3 account ( you guys will know ofc ) and if i post one shot type stuff...i might do it also on a burner account or anonymously.
i actually ALMOST posted remember anonymously because of how stressed i was about it being negatively perceived/it being weird or people being mad at me for not updating pep. like i am very stoked you guys liked it but i seriously almost did not attach it to my name.
so if you see stuff that looks like its me floating around the style tag or in the other south park tags...its probably me. idk drop me a weird code word thats not too obvious and i'll send you one back, haha. i'm sorry i know this is complicated i just...i need to distance myself from this like, when i tell you i needed therapy for this...a mess.
but yeah! i hope that all makes sense! by all means ask me about pep ( literally anything abt pep but try to start small and build up ) and rm within reason and i will get back to you! it is extremely freeing for me to be able to talk about stuff because it sucked so bad to sit on all this info and just not be able to talk about it? like AAAA??? like thats why i was forcing myself to post stuff bc i wanted to tell yall stuff. and i would rather post you well thought out ask memes and dialogue that i feel happy abt then rush out terrible updates and grow to resent my fanfics like...no thank you.
i honestly feel like i have really fun ideas and am ( pretty ) good at coming up with complex lore/interesting hcs and shit, but i'm just not good at waiting, not good at keeping secrets and not good at being consistent...this is what i feel happiest doing, ig. hopefully this is rockin and rollin with you. i'm sorry this was a lot.
closing note is...i love you all very much. thank you so much to all of your for supporting as my identity as a writer has adapted, supporting my multiple works/promoting my personal health, advocating for me, being kind...i could not ask for better readers. again, i realize this is not the most fun information, but i have to take care of myself and this is the only way i know how. while also doing the thing i love, which is talking about my fanfics/writing/sharing my stories with all of you.
you are welcome to click off if you want, but if you are willing to ride the ride my friends, i promise to keep it cute on here. <3
thank you for everything, my darlings, and from whatever hurts or harms you, past, present and future
i hope you heal :),
uncle nina
p.s. if possible, if we could not distribute this post or rb it or anything like that i'd appreciate it. you can message me or write to me in the comments but i would like to maintain the liberty of deleting this post or editing it as i need to in case something happens. tysm.
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😌🌸 Well I might just disappear for another week after tonight but time to go through EVERYONE'S BLOGS and kiss all your little posts that I missed don't mind meeeee
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acaciapines · 7 months
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every so often i get a horrible little thought in my head that says but what if you DID adapt all of toh season one into your daemon au.
and every time i beat that god damned thought back with a stick. but do know there IS a section in my notes document that is me REALLY wanting to adapt a few s1 episodes dkjgdfg.
bc like. i made the right choice. the stuff i was/am still most excited to write is all s2 + s3 stuff--but like. agony of a witch? young blood old souls? the intruder?!
it would be me writing like 250k more words of entirely setup but that doesnt mean i dont think about it!
#chatter#theres actually a nonzero chance i write the intruder lol i think i wanted it to be a side story at one point#but as of now it obvi wouldnt fit anywhere into the plot. it might end up more as a flashback?#i just think of ALL the s1 episodes that one would change the most#since the route i took with the owl beast is uh. way different lol. for one shes seen king as her kid since the start <3#she and eda were just. very reluctant coparents at the start lol#actually back when this was just an idea and i hadnt started writing yet#i DID almost start off at agony of a witch instead of s2e1#again i think i made the right choice (showed the Big Important Moment from the s1 final episodes in my s2p1)#but STILL. i THINK ABOUT IT#woes of writing a fic series that will likely end at over 1 million words </3 why am i like this#also i guess technically i wrote a daemon au version of the library episode#but that was uhhh forever ago and before s2 came out (or at least before i watched it? idk when i wrote that one actually lol)#and ive made some MAJOR changes since then lol.#i guess technically my massive au is a reboot of that. but. different.#tho of course mari and alma return <3 its actually really funny theyre the only kids w unique daemons/palismen#since like flapjack clover ghost etc didnt exist yet but by the time i started writing Big Boy Au#they did! and i just poached them!#still think i got the vibes pretty close tho. especially stringbean i freaking NAILED luz's arc i absolutely called it <3
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orcelito · 5 days
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i miss akechi goro so much. maybe even enough to finally finish that ladue chapter 3
#speculation nation#ladue shit#listen hes such an asshole and i NEEEEEEED to channel his voice for a bit again#if this urge persists to tomorrow i'll crack open the fic again. for a little reread.#this will satisfy only approximately 53 people (the total subscribers to that fic)#which ok that's actually a good few people when i think about them as actual people#but it's the least amount of subscriptions i have out of most of my multichapters#EVEN STILL. it's a matter of pride and self-satisfaction.#and god fucking damn i have 18k for chapter 3 already written. i literally just need to close the damn scene up#it's been over a YEAR NOWWWWWWWWWW like holy fucking shit. i need this OUT ALREADYYYYYYYYYYY#ladue chapter 3 i will free you into the abyss. i cannot promise more than chapter 3 but i can promise a chapter 3 at least.#i had a whole plan for the fic but idk if i'll ever be able to write it#considering it's taken like. ... years. between chapters.#it took me 2 years to post chapter 2 and it's been a year now since then. ugh.#see the thing is chapter 3 closes the initial arc of them starting to date. and then there's more stuff.#maybe i'll keep it open just in case the urge strikes me to continue it eventually.#and if it never does. i might make a 4th chapter that outlines the eventual plans i had for the fic. so that people know at least.#ive seen that a Few times for discontinued fics.#....but the thing is i dont want to mark any of my fics discontinued!!!! theyre all my darlings!!! i want to go back to them all eventually#i'll just have to see. if a chapter 4 ends up taking several more years. well. maybe it'll be time to call it there. who fucking knows lol#i'll try to get chapter 3 finished sometime soon though. i really want to have it out already.
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theflyingfeeling · 9 months
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current level of boredom while being mildly poorly (=not poorly enough to just lie down doing nothing but poorly enough to not have the energy to do anything thought-consuming): tagging all my shippy asks/posts ✨💅
ps. if anyone knows how to use the mass post editor to actually mass-edit tags in a convenient way I'd appreciate the help 🙏 like, idk if it's even possible to find all the posts I have tagged as x and edit the tags of all those posts at once? 🤔 so far I only know you can find tagged posts on your own blog by adding /tagged/x at the end of your url and then editing the tags manually one post at a time 🥲
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thedemonscrawler · 2 years
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writing on Permission Slip and like
sooooo much of this fic is built around Moon.
which is kinda funny, because really he’s just Sun’s +1. Sun and Freddy (when we meet him) are here to help Gregory. Moon is being more or less dragged into this against his will.
but that’s the thing, is that things are literally built around Moon
we picked up some paperwork specifically worked out to allow for loopholes around his programming. the route we’re taking through the mall has to be picked, not based on security clearance, but by ambient light levels. i’ve got a timetable written up to make sure major events land more or less between patrol cycles.
like this guy is just an ongoing obstacle here smh
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wikiangela · 6 months
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making some progress on the cheating fic and might have something to share soon 👀
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neonganymede · 4 months
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when i saw that the rbb fic was going to be my 50th skk fic, i made the tiny joke to myself that it would be such a good fic to go out on. now that my writer's block is following me into the new year, i keep wondering if maybe i shouldn't have made that joke after all -_-
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t4tmetalsonic · 1 year
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📓Cause I can!
👁👁
Ok so if u follow my art blog u may have seen me talk about my eggson au. Well I'm not gonna be talking about that rn LOL
Another idea that's been festering for a while and I really actually want to write is smth I've dubbed "swap au" in my head. Basically due to some Eggman shenanigans, a future version of modern Shadow (34, married to Sonic) ends up swapping places with boom Shadow (19, tried to blow up the world a few months ago). No one is happy about this.
I don't have a concrete plot yet, but I just love the ideas of a Shadow who has mellowed out and knows his place in the world interacting with a younger Sonic who finds the publicity of being a hero uncomfortable, AND a Shadow who has never had the support of friends like Rouge and Omega discover that actually he has likeable qualities and his company can be enjoyable to others. I also have some ideas for boom Shadow's backstory, which is... very different to his game counterpart's fjfhddg
Also the two Shadows meeting the other versions of Tails and being like "haha how are you so small"/"YOU'RE SO TALL???" respectively... there's just a LOT of fun interactions this concept brings up and I rotate them in my mind daily
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elftwink · 2 years
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the one fun thing about writing something longer than 10k or so words is once you get really frustrated with the specific part you’re working on and start being like ‘im a fraud im a sham ive never written anything’ you can just take a breather and scroll around 1000 words forward and be like. actually i’m so talented and cool and hot and this is going to be the best thing ever. this libreoffice document contains multitudes
#good idea generator#fic writing tag tba#yes this is about that fake married au i post about once every 3 months or so but never actually finish#sir thats my emotional support fic i started in 2019 that i'm most of the way finished with#but cannot for the life of me polish off the last few thousand words#but that document is always open. every day it's me and caleb widogast against the world#actually its me against caleb widowgast. writing from that man's perspective feels like wringing water from a rock sometimes#i do feel bad posting about this wip because its been. multiple years. and i don't want to continually give the impression#that i might post it Tomorrow. Soon. idfk that yknow especially given how everything has been in the last few years#but like also at this point it is hard to understate the emotional attachment i have to working on this fic and talking about it 2 myself#this thing is a monster. it has like six documents. varying stages of draft saved. alternate scenes documents. alternate perspective bits#multiple outlines. a playlist. a poem that fits it#most of the random npcs who exist to move the plot along got full backstories to the point where i could play them as dnd pcs#it's the longest work of fiction ive ever written. bc ive been working on it on and off for so long a lot of milestones#were completed while writing this fic. idk its been so long its almost embarrassing to be like 'still working on it'#but i couldn't give it up if i tried. you know. this fic is like a lover to me. it is my everything#it's my mortal enemy it's my best friend it's my shoulder to cry on it's my fine china to throw against the wall#i escape to it. i need to escape from it. i'm tortured by it. its tortured by me. i bemoan it day in and day out#i wish id never started writing it. i wish i could experience writing it all again. i want to be done yesterday. i never want to finish#etc. you get the picture
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loumauve · 10 months
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#running face first straight into every single rejection sensitive wall atm and it's so frustrating#like. can we just not do this rn brain? I'm too tired to deal with this on top of everything else#all it does is make me alienate myself from people I care about and make me feel like shit afterwards#and it doesn't fix any of the underlying issues either. (like. I've been upset about ppl not doing what I do)#(as in read all of my fic like I try to read all my friends' fic usually. but like.. not everyone can and not everyone wants to)#(but it's one of those irrational things of 'if they cared about me wouldn't they also try' even tho that's not a fair ask)#(and like.. most people don't read random fic for fandoms they're not even in so this is entirely stupid to be upset about)#(but here we are anyway)#just.. me. raw to the very nerve and too tired to fix anything that might help alleviate it#I just want to feel normal again. and like I have control over my emotional state#but between 'dude fucked up bc of his borderline being triggered by grief and letting out all his frustrations on me for weeks'#and 'other dude grieving but not processing and not even taking a break to figure out where he's at emotionally..#..therefore dropping all of his unprocessed baggage and his part of the group work right on top of me' I'm just having a heck of a month#and idk. it would have been nice to talk to sb about my fic even if it's older now and not the best perhaps#(doesn't help when everybody you know writes really great fic and you're just outside the door scribbling some ideas into the sand)#idk. usually I do better in disconnecting self-worth and accomplishments and stop myself before the comparisons with others start#but rn it's all too much and I'm drained and exhausted and nothing feels good or helps much at all.#anyway.#it is what is I guess. and what it is is fucked and I doubt it's gonna change anytime soon.#that's not me being unrealistic or depression talking. it's based on how things have progressed thus far#there's another year and a half of this kind of stress which will likely get worse when our group grows from 18 to 31 in October#and then I'd have to start working proper again which I haven't in over two years bc of all the rehabilitation I've been going through#and it's terrifying and I'm already exhausted and worn down and worn out and I just don't know how normal is ever gonna be my life again
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jeonqkooks · 1 year
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Do whatever your heart tells you
that was so fast, that post was up for less than a minute i think asdfkgjk. thank you 🥺 i'll sprinkle some love onto my other babies that haven't experienced the spotlight in a while <3
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