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cfuriahfries · 6 years

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( WILL TUDOR, GENDERFLUID, THEY/THEM/HE/HIM ) — ✧ that looks like URIAH FRIES! they’re the TWENTY SEVEN YEAR OLD SON of VICTOR AND NORA FRIES. [ they are also a POSTGRAD MED STUDENT at paragon. ] i hear they’re INTELLIGENT & ADAPTABLE, but tend to be OBSESSIVE & NAIVE. his/their file says that his/their ability is ADVANCED WEAPONRY & COMBAT.

Hello i have no self control welcome to my new kind of messy angel Uriah ~

Uriah Fries - pronounced Freeze !

Age: 27

DOB: February 28th 1991

Hair colour: Blonde

Eye colour: Blue

Height: 5′10″

Father: Victor Fries (Mr. Freeze)

Mother: Nora Fries

His life so far:

Uriah was born into what seemed to be a sweet, if small, family with two parents who loved them intensely and loved each other dearly

Unfortunately before Uriah was old enough to know either of them well, Nora fell ill of an incurable disease - Victor became obsessed with the idea of curing her, leaving the child with Nora’s parents most of the time

When Victor’s obsession lead to Nora being placed in Cryostasis and the accident that left Victor scarred and his body altered, custody of Uriah was given to Nora’s parents permanently.

For six years, Uriah lived a normal life with their grandparents, growing up loved, beginning school, making friends in the neighbourhood. They were a sweet, if quiet, child who had all the love they needed, even without their parents

He was told story upon story of their mother as soon as they was old enough to understand - her kindness, her loyalty, her love for life. They were particularly entranced by her love for ballet and, as soon as they were old enough they were enrolled into ballet classes, hoping to follow in Nora’s footsteps.

When they were six one of the many tragedies in Gotham resulted in the death of their grandparents, and before Uriah could be put into the foster system - which was questionable at best in Gotham - Victor swooped in and took them away, and Uriah was thrown into the Gotham underworld

Victor’s obsession with healing his wife had grown over the years and had resulted in a life of crime, throwing Victor in with the Gotham Rogues - and unfortunately left them little time to spend with his child. Uriah, frightened and confused, found the only way to survive was on their own. They had to learn fast how to survive, stealing food, money, whatever they could find.

The only steady thing they were given from their father was an education - Victor ensured they were put through school and got an education, and despite the neglect they found they shared their father’s affinity for science and chemistry

Victor’s association with the Rogues gave them a sort of secondary home environment - they were able to move in and out of the Rogues’ homes here and there to remain fed and to have time with others. They became friends with a number of the other Rogue kids.

With the Rogues Uriah learned a number of abilities they wouldn’t have thought of otherwise around weaponry, firearms, hand to hand combat both for defence and offence.

He was sent to Paragon a few years ago - they completed high school at 16 thanks to their intelligence and immediately was sent to Paragon for college and proceeded to medical school. Victor’s obsession rubbed off on them to a degree - they wants to become a doctor so they can try and find a way not only to save their mother from Cryo, but to cure the chemical imbalance that forces Victor to remain in sub-zero temperatures. Despite their turbulent and crazy life, they very much wants to have their family back even if part of them knows it’s likely never going to happen

They’re currently in the middle of their residency

They still dance ballet - that is one thing they never gave up on throughout their entire life, it’s the one thing they have that connects them to the mother they’ve never really known, and they made sure never to let it go.

Personality:

Uriah’s life has been full of ups and downs, mostly downs, and their emotional state has suffered for it. They’re reactive, tends to snap and get emotional about a lot of things, and often thinks with their heart over their head

They’re not evil and certainly not cruel by nature, but they have the ability to be so if they need to. After losing their grandparents they learned quickly to take care of themselves or they wouldn’t make it, and that’s lead to a bit of a harsh exterior in order to protect themselves

He still has a sense of naivety in certain things, like the childish hope that they can save his family. They also has a touch of Victor’s obsessive behaviour, like letting those hopes drive him into medical school

They also have their mother’s kindness - that’s why they never really fell into the life of organised crime with the Rogues in a permanent kind of way. They’re not - a little twisted from the life they’ve been pushed into after losing their grandparents, but still good in a lot of ways. They would never kill anyone, they don’t hurt people if they don’t have to, but they’re more than capable of fighting and defending themselves and is very good at doing so

Their lives have been so turbulent and shifted so suddenly their own identity is often hard for even them to figure out - they define themselves more in what they do and their achievements and milestones than anything else, but often as a result don’t have a great view on themselves a person. They haven’t really figured out what makes them any different to anyone else and they’re prone to spiralling over it from time to time, especially when things aren’t going so well for them

Connections:

Asher Dent - Asher has always been a mentor of sorts to Uriah, especially in the more recent years while they’ve been going through medical school, but he also helped Uriah out through his adolescence. Getting through medical school hasn’t exactly been easy either, especially after Lars was sent to Arkham for a while, but having Asher to support and help them through it has definitely been a big help. Uriah looks up to him for a lot of things and will usually go to one of two people when they’re not sure what to do - and Asher is one of those two

Lars Cobblepot - The other mentor Uriah looks up to a lot. Lars helped them when they were younger, made sure they always had somewhere to go when they had nowhere else. He taught them a lot as they were growing up and trying to adjust to a whole new life, teaching them how to live and take care of themselves. With their parental figures dead and their father often neglecting them it was a jarring process for Uriah to try and adjust to their new life on their own, but Lars’ support made a huge difference in helping them learn how to survive

Axel Snart - The best friend. Uriah was the first person Axel met when they came to Gotham and somehow they just clicked. They seemed to understand Uriah for who they were, the good and the bad, and seemed happy to stand by Uriah no matter what they decided to do. There’s absolutely nothing Uriah wouldn’t do for Axel and they know they can always count on him and will always stand by him, no matter what happens.

Wanted Connections:

The romantic connection - Uriah’s idea of romance and relationships is pretty skewed from their parents marriage. Their grandparents had a good steady relationship, but they were so young when they died they only remember bits and pieces, often the more romanticised than anything else. They want more than anything else to feel that Perfect Relationship but they also don’t think they’ll ever find it. Their lives haven’t really been overly conducive to relationships and love, any relationships they’ve had have been fleeting and never really stuck for long - mostly because of Uriah’s overly dramatised expectations of love. What they need is someone who understands how he sees love and romance and is patient enough to help them learn that even if love isn’t always that way, it’s still worth it. He also needs someone who can see the value in who he is not just what he achieves

The gang - pretty much any kids of Rogues ! They would’ve grown up in and out of all of the Rogue families so they would’ve known them all growing up and they are very close to all of them and sees them as family.

#sidekick.intro

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catbrainswriting · 7 years

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[shizaya] selfish

word count: 4.8k

summary: Shizuo wants a dog. Izaya just wants Shizuo to be happy.

ao3 mirror.

“I want a dog,” Shizuo declares one day, with the same cadence one would declare that they want a particular food for lunch. He is sprawled casually on one of Izaya’s expensive leather sofas, arm thrown over the back while he watches the television which is, apparently, playing a show about dog shelters.

It has been on for about three quarters of an hour; Izaya cannot see the television from where is sat at his desk, so he relies on the audio. An elderly but smooth-voiced presenter is explaining how such places operate, speech occasionally halting in favour of what Izaya guesses to be scenes of the dogs in the shelter, barking and yapping and growling. The sounds make Izaya grimace; he had spent the time since the show began attempting to devote his attention to his work, with little success, but now that Shizuo has spoken he knows that he cannot rightfully ignore him. Not without pissing him off, at least.

“Why?” he asks casually, like he has no strong feelings one way or the other about the concept of dog ownership, despite that being about as far from the truth as possible. He glances up just in time to catch Shizuo shrug, eyes still on the screen. It is getting to be late and the light from the windows behind Izaya is slowly dying, but neither of them have bothered to turn on the ceiling lights so the television cuts through the dimness to dance blues and yellows across Shizuo’s features. He is relatively blank-faced, but his eyes are gentle where they are glued to the screen; it would be a nice scene if it wasn't for the loud barks every few seconds making Izaya’s heart freeze.

“Dunno,” Shizuo replies, oblivious, “Might be nice, I guess. We could adopt one - an older one, so we wouldn't have to worry about training it. If that's your first concern.”

Izaya has plenty of concerns, training is low on the list. He had, in fact, been slightly less daunted by the idea of a puppy. A puppy could not, logically, hurt him, and watching something small grow into something large is far less scary than simply being thrown in at the deep end, but of course Shizuo is ruining all of that without even intending to. In fact, he’s probably trying to be helpful - he knows Izaya isn't overly keen on the idea of getting a dog, but he likely presumes it’s just a matter of cleanliness and routine. If only it were that simple.

“It's still impractical,” Izaya says. He can't even use the excuse that they aren't allowed, because there isn't really anything that his apartment building prevents them from doing. If they're willing to look past barely-concealed firearms and yakuza members loitering about, they're certainly willing to look past a dog. So Izaya searches for reasons, which isn't too difficult - it truly is impractical. “We don't have a garden, for starters.”

“There's parks,” Shizuo responds easily, “We could take it for walks every day.”

“And who would do that?”

“You? You go out all day anyway, and get up stupidly early. You could take the dog out with you then come drop it back.”

Shizuo sounds genuinely enthusiastic, like he's making actual plans even though he manages to keep most of the childlike joy from his face, and Izaya can't help but feel as if he's being somehow selfish in his unwillingness.

“That's a lot of responsibility to put in my hands over something that you want,” he says. The words sound too harsh, especially in response to Shizuo’s soft enthusiasm, but it's instinctual for him to push the blame and guilt away from himself, make it out as if Shizuo’s making unfair demands, at least outwardly. He can overthink it and hate himself sometime when Shizuo isn't around to pick up on it. He's gotten frustratingly good at that.

“Plus, it would completely ruin my ability to blend in,” he continues, which isn't a lie. An ‘attractive’ young guy with a cute dog may be useful in gaining the trust of teenage girls, but it would hardly have the same effect on the thugs and gangsters he is often set on the trail of. “If I suddenly saw somebody I needed to follow, or Shiki-san requested my services, what would I do then? Tell him, ‘Oh, I'm sorry, just give me a moment to pop my dog back home! Then I'll be right on that urgent and highly dangerous job you've got for me!’ I don't think he’d be pleased with that. And what if I was attacked? The dog could, and most likely would, be hurt or killed.”

Shizuo seems to consider this. Concern creases his brow, and Izaya can't tell if it's concern for him or for their imaginary dog.

“It's too much of a risk,” Izaya concludes, voice somewhat softer than the tone he had adopted to shoot Shizuo’s ideas down as something like guilt settles slowly and unpleasantly in his stomach. Shizuo nods slowly after a moment of silence, and Izaya can tell that he's upset even if his face remains mostly impartial. Shizuo truly does have a soft spot for animals; he often tells Izaya of the strays he runs into in Ikebukuro, the dogs in the park that he takes the time to pet and feed. Izaya had scolded him the first few times and immediately demanded he showered, but soon came to the conclusion that the genuine joy on Shizuo’s face was too rare a sight to attempt to ruin. But, of course, he had managed to ruin Shizuo’s happiness anyway and is painfully aware that the defeated look in his boyfriend’s eyes is entirely his fault.

Izaya turns off both of his monitors, closes his laptop, and rises slowly. He descends the steps leading to the sofas and television, but remains where he is to watch the screen, out of Shizuo’s line of sight. Shizuo’s attention has returned to the show and there is no clear indication whether he is even aware Izaya has moved (maybe he's mad, and is ignoring Izaya on purpose?), but from the angle he is at Izaya can just barely see the look on his face. His eyes are gentle once again, happily watching the dogs on screen run about and play, but Izaya flinches with every noise, every flash of teeth sending a jolt of anxiety - not panic, of course not panic - down his spine. He is aware of the irony that lies in him being able to watch (and enjoy) the most violent of horror movies and action films - hell, he can even calmly watch such terrors in real life - without so much as blinking, but that's different. He can tell what these people, real or fictional, are thinking and feeling - can tell why Person A wants to kill Person B, and why Person C doesn't want that to happen. With dogs - with all animals - there is no such intricate thought process, no expressions, no clear body language, just violence with no room for bargaining or discretion.

Shizuo is still paying him no mind even as the show draws to a close and the credits roll over even more footage of the dogs, running about and playing in large open gardens. At least there is music playing - a soft, jovial tune, rather than the growls and barks Izaya can see their mouths shaping, baring their awful yellow teeth. At the end of the credits, a note appears on the screen thanking the featured dog shelter - some place on the other side of the country.

“Hey,” Shizuo says, and for a moment Izaya is sure he is going to request they visit it, “What if we just went to a shelter?”

“Hm?” Izaya quirks an eyebrow, trying to appear casual even if Shizuo isn't looking at him. It's at least better than Shizuo requesting they go to the featured shelter specifically, but still certainly not something that he wants to do. At all.

“We don't have to actually get a dog, but….I dunno. I like dogs. It'd be nice to just hang out with ‘em.”

Shizuo’s voice gets somewhat quieter towards the end, like he's fully expecting Izaya to shoot him down again, and it makes something heavy and unpleasant curl in Izaya’s stomach. He sinks his teeth into his lower lip. This is a terrible idea. This is a terrible idea. For a multitude of reasons, including but not limited to Shizuo’s complete and utter lack of self-control, and Izaya’s phobia (except not a phobia, because phobia means ‘irrational’ and Izaya’s fear - not fear, anxiety , fuck - is anything but), but Shizuo’s got that earnest look in his eyes again and Izaya cannot bring himself to ruin it.

As if to mask his hesitation, Izaya moves around the sofa to sit beside Shizuo. Immediately, Shizuo is shifting to pull Izaya into laying in his arms, pulled back just far enough to be able to meet his eyes. Anxiety soothed, at least somewhat, Izaya tells himself that it can't be that bad. No matter his instinctual reactions to the dogs on the television. It’s been years since Izaya’s even really seen a dog - he doesn't frequent many places that encourage or allow them other than the streets and parks, and even then he tries to avoid the few he catches a glimpse of - but surely his fear has lessened since middle school. He isn't a child anymore, he has real things to worry about now - including actual people trying to kill him, not just mindless animals - so, for all he knows, maybe his fear will disappear completely once he's surrounded by the stupid furry beasts. He'd managed to tame one stupid beast, after all, hadn’t he?

“We could make it a date?” Shizuo offers softly, almost shyly, and after a single moment’s hesitation Izaya is pressing close into Shizuo’s chest to hide the look on his face and signing his own death warrant.

Izaya finds himself stood in the foyer of the nearest animal shelter early in the afternoon a week later, infinitely thankful that Shizuo had not elected to hold his hand at any point lest he become aware of Izaya’s almost violent trembling, which had only gotten worse the closer they had gotten to their destination. Tom had apparently recommended the place after Shizuo had asked and Tom had looked it up, but Izaya knows little to nothing about it. The shelter is quite clean, at the very least, but there are muddy paw prints (which Izaya had carefully avoided in his expensive boots) littered across the linoleum floor and the distinct smell of wet dog hanging stifling in the air. Shizuo does not seem bothered by either of these facts as he greets the young woman at the desk and explains that they're just here to play with the dogs for a little while, if that's okay.

“Are you thinking of adopting a puppy sometime soon?” she asks, smiling sweetly and sounding genuinely enthusiastic. Izaya manages to catch himself before he glowers at her; Shizuo is happy, and Izaya does not need to ruin it by externalising his own discomfort. Even if he can feel his breathing stutter slightly as he inhales.

“Maybe,” Shizuo responds, still somewhat awkward as always in the face of friendly interaction with strangers, “We, uh...we’re living in an apartment, right now. So maybe it's a plan for the future. But we’d probably get an older dog, y’know?”

The woman’s smile widens. “I think that would be a great idea! Most young couples come in here looking for puppies.”

Izaya’s breathing almost stops at the word “couples”. It's absurd, because that's what he and Shizuo are , a couple, and while he's willing to admit that much to himself it's a completely different thing for a stranger to say it, to assume just by looking at them.

“But I suppose it's different for them, trying to start a family and all that,” the woman chuckles, “You two are roommates, huh?”

Izaya’s shoulders drop in immense relief, which he hopes goes unnoticed by Shizuo and the woman, but his heart is racing even faster than it had been when they’d first walked in. He inhales deeply, with even more difficulty than before, and wills to just get this over with.

Shizuo speaks to the woman for only a few minutes more, before she is leading them through a door and then a hallway, opening a few baby gates on the way with practiced ease and stepping around the thoroughly-chewed toys strewn throughout the building. It's more eerie to Izaya than it perhaps should be, like broken children’s toys in an abandoned house, but he keeps his face completely neutral - not that Shizuo is paying him any mind at all. Conversation has resumed between his boyfriend and the woman, more relaxed than it had been at first, and the two of them walk a pace in front of him as the door to his doom looms ever closer. It looks innocuous enough, plain white wood with “Dog Room 2 / Outside” engraved on a metal sign beside it, but Izaya’s anxiety builds up nonetheless. He can hear the muffled shuffling just beyond it, not right up against the door but close enough. A handwritten sign in scrawled kanji, sellotaped to the middle of the door, commands that it be kept shut at all times.

“The pens are all open,” the woman explains, smiling brightly, “But I expect that most of the dogs are outside. You can just go straight through, if you’d like - there should be someone out there.”

Shizuo nods and thanks her with a certain note of excitement in his voice, and then she's walking back down the hallway and leaving them alone. Izaya is tempted to grab Shizuo’s hand, but he knows that’s stupid, and that Shizuo will definitely feel him shaking if he does. Instead, he nods towards the door and hopes that Shizuo doesn't look directly at him.

“Go on, then,” he says, shocked at his own composure, and Shizuo quickly obeys without even properly glancing his way. The door clicks shut behind them once they've both stepped through, and the smell of dog hits Izaya like a wall. At least the woman had been right in her assumption that all of them would be outside, the only things in the room are the empty pens occupied by blankets and half-eaten bowls of dry food, but the presence that hangs with them is enough to send Izaya’s heart racing.

Shut up, you're fine. You're safe. They can't hurt you. Shizuo is here. He won't let anything hurt you.

But Shizuo doesn't even know . How is he meant to protect Izaya against something that he sees as the total opposite of a threat? He’ll probably just laugh if Izaya says anything, not that he would even dream of doing so, or be that terrible mixture of annoyed and disappointed that he always is when Izaya pushes him just a little too far, or ruins something special or important. Besides, Shizuo is happy - smiling, excited - and fuck , Izaya thinks to himself, do not fuck this up for him .

Shizuo leads the way eagerly across the room, towards the half-open door to what is presumably a garden for the dogs to play in, and Izaya glances warily at the empty beds as he follows. You're fine. Shut up. You're fine. But he can feel his thoughts begin to grow less and less rational, simultaneously slowing down and speeding up tenfold. The usual constant stream of vague uneasiness - assessing his environment and the people around him, comparing names and faces and conversations and compiling it all - loses focus, and instead his mind is overrun by one main sense of danger . He’s glancing back behind him as he walks, thinking over the layout of the building, considering escape routes, and is halfway through considering whether he would be able to outrun a standard adult dog when he suddenly stops in his tracks. Shizuo pushes the door open casually, and cannot even take a step outside before the dogs from outside begin to flock to the new stranger, barking and jumping up and down to try and assess him. Suddenly, Izaya finds himself unable to breathe. The noise is worse, more panic-inducing, than gunfire, and the moment the beasts set their sights on him all logical thought leaves his mind. One of the dogs bounds towards him, teeth bared, and then he’s running.

All of his consideration of escape routes is forgotten as he flees, throwing open the door to the hallway and staring down it in blind terror. The door in front of him leads to the reception, there will be people there, so he takes the door to his right and slams it behind him when he hears the dogs following him through the open doorways. Trembling violently, he blinks at the room he is in; it's a storage cupboard of sorts, the size of perhaps a small bedroom and filled with boxes and cages piled high. Now that he has fled, and is still being hunted, his next instinct is to hide. He clambers over the boxes in his way, too panicked to find a way around them, until he is pressed up into the far corner staring wide-eyed at the door. It is silent for several moments, only disturbed by his choked, rapid breathing, but then the door handle moves and in another jolt of panic Izaya is dropping to the ground and curling up as small as possible, hidden amongst the clutter.

“Oi, flea,” Shizuo’s voice calls, sounding somewhat irritated but mostly confused as the door clicks shut behind him, “The fuck was that?”

He steps into the room, and Izaya hears the harsh noise of him violently kicking what he assumes to be a cage out of his way. “Where are you?”

His heavy footsteps draw closer, stumbling as he makes his way through the small but overcrowded room, and Izaya’s mind reaches a conflict between Shizuo is safe and Shizuo is angry . Cornered, and too terrified to fight, he presses his face into his knees and curls up tighter as if he can disappear if he just wills it hard enough. Shizuo’s footsteps stop.

“...’Zaya?”

There is a beat of silence, a shuffle of clothing, and Izaya opens his eyes to catch a glimpse of Shizuo kneeling on the floor in front of him, hand half-outstretched.

“You’re--you’re crying.”

Izaya blinks, stares at the slightly darker patches surrounding the rips on the knees of his jeans, then suddenly draws a harsh, shuddering breath that doesn't at all reach his lungs. He’s hyperventilating again now, but he doesn't know what to do, feels guilty and cornered and Shizuo is just looking at him, hand still hovering uselessly in midair.

It is about a minute more until Shizuo reaches forward like he's trying to touch an injured bird and settles an uneasy hand on Izaya’s shin. This has the opposite effect than was likely intended, and suddenly Izaya’s crying even harder but his breathing is coming ever so slightly easier. He wants to crawl into Shizuo’s arms like a child, but this just makes the guilt bubbling up in his throat choke him once again.

“I’m sorry,” he gasps out, too sudden and harsh in the silence even though he's been repeating it over and over in his head ever since he’d come to the realisation that he’d probably already succeeded in ruining Shizuo’s joy, “I’m okay, I’m fine. I’m sorry.”

He meets Shizuo’s eyes for a single second - they're wide and confused, but he can see the single sliver of anger in them and that's enough to cancel out everything else in his mind. He's aware of the hot, ugly tears dripping down his cheeks, gathering at his chin, and he must look like an embarrassing mess , shaking and sobbing and causing a scene even if there's no one to hear or see them. He wants to calm down, wants to stop being like this so that Shizuo can just go out and have fun without having to concern himself with Izaya’s bullshit, but he still can't get any air in his lungs as he desperately mutters apologies and he hates it.

The dogs are suddenly barking again in the next room over, scratching at the wall separating them, and Izaya scrambles as if it's possible for him to get any further away, eyes wide with terror. “Stop,” he whispers to no one in particular, perhaps begging the dogs themselves to mercy him.

“Shit.” Shizuo shuffles closer, heedless of Izaya lashing out weakly to try and ward him off, until he can wrap his arms around his boyfriend and pull him into his chest. Surrounded by Shizuo’s scent, and the warmth of his jacket, Izaya’s breathing steadies slightly and then he's giving up any warped sense of pride to wrap his arms tightly around Shizuo’s shoulders and hide himself in the crook of his neck.

“You’re scared of dogs,” Shizuo says quietly after several moments, and of course the idiot’s only just caught on, but at least Izaya doesn't have to admit it out loud.

“I’m sorry,” he says very quietly, reluctant to say the words now with a very slightly clearer head, and suddenly Shizuo is leaning back and staring him in the face, hands holding his shoulders with such care that Izaya is struck with the urge to lash out again. His eyes are wide with something between horror and concern, as they very often are when another thing about Izaya comes to light.

“I’m not--fuck, ‘Zaya, I’m not mad . Well, I am. Kind of. But not...not at you .”

Perhaps Izaya should take offence at being talked to like a child, but with his shoulders still shaking under Shizuo’s hold he finds himself tentatively submitting to the comfort. Shizuo stares at him for a moment longer with his eyes melting into something sad and empathetic, before he is pulling Izaya close again and slowly rubbing a hand up and down his back. Izaya presses his head into the juncture of his boyfriend’s neck and shoulder and breathes, pretending he can't feel his eyes begin to sting again.

“What are you sorry for?”

The question is asked so softly that at first Izaya is not completely sure he has heard it. For a second, he hears his mother’s voice echoing in his mind: ‘What are you sorry for ?’ The memory is enough to send a jolt of guilty, childish panic through him, the way he always used to feel when his mother got angry. His apologies and excuses were never good enough. Sometimes, when he was much younger, he wondered if that was why his parents left all the time. Because he couldn't be good.

“I’m being selfish.”

Because he was selfish .

That was his parents’ favourite thing to call him. Whenever he asked why they left, said that he missed them or that he was lonely and afraid. Stop being so selfish, Izaya. This isn't all about you, Izaya.

We’re playing with Mairu and Kururi, now, Izaya. You’re much too old to be acting like this.

Much too old to be acting like this.

Izaya shifts, tries to wriggle his way out of Shizuo’s grip in a sudden burst of desperate shame, but Shizuo merely tightens his grip and turns them around so that he is sat against the wall with Izaya is leaning against his chest. He has gotten frustratingly good at understanding when Izaya means the things he does and says, and when he doesn't, and it drives Izaya mad to be seen through so easily. Shizuo lets the silence hang for the time it takes Izaya to calm down again; he knows to leave distance between his questions, lest Izaya clam up completely.

“Why d’you think you’re being selfish?” Shizuo’s voice rumbles where Izaya’s ear is pressed to his chest, just above his heart. Izaya does not want to talk about it, so he begins to focus on the rhythm of Shizuo’s heartbeat.

“Oi,” Shizuo says, softer this time, “Answer me. Please. I hate it when you're upset about stuff I don't get.”

Izaya is silent for a minute. “It isn't something you need to worry about, Shizu-chan. Besides, I’m sure that poor secretary is wondering where we’ve gotten to--”

“Don't try and brush this off.”

Izaya laughs - barely a sharp exhale, and an inhale that shudders as if he's about to cry again.

“Why not?” he asks lightly, “That’s what I’ve been doing my whole life.”

“That should be proof enough that maybe it's a shitty thing to do.”

“Everything I do is shitty, Shizu-chan. We’ve established this.”

It's likely a low blow, to bring up their past full of insults and hatred, and Izaya can feel the way Shizuo tenses behind him. For a moment, he is positive that Shizuo will grow angry, huff or yell “whatever” and give up on him like he probably should. Izaya is good at pushing Shizuo’s buttons to make him back off whenever he gets too close to something painful, but again, Shizuo is adapting. Slowly, the tension leaves his body and he's dropping his head forward so his nose just brushes against Izaya’s hair.

“I want to know why you did this,” he says softly, in a way that makes it sound like he's just stating his desires rather than expecting Izaya to cater to them. Izaya gives a somewhat pained, and utterly false, smile, which goes unseen.

“Because it made you happy,” he replies. The honesty feels heavy, unpleasant, and for once he doesn't want to consider the meaning behind his words. He just wants to say them and let them be heard.

“It doesn't make me happy to see you upset.”

“Not that,” Izaya manages to huff something almost close to a laugh, even though he's sure that Shizuo isn't trying to make a joke, but the pause until he continues is long. “You said you wanted a dog. So...so, who am I to say no? I said no, but then you looked so miserable.”

Shizuo remains silent, waits for him to continue. Izaya can feel tears gathering and hates himself for it.

“I didn't want to be selfish.”

“This isn't all about me, y’know?” Shizuo says, “Relationships are all about compromise. They're about trying to find...a balance, or something. A way to make both people happy. Any relationship - any kind of relationship - that’s all about just one of the people is bullshit. And if the person that's getting all of the focus is calling you selfish for wanting any fraction of what they get--”

Shizuo stops suddenly, and Izaya can feel the way he's beginning to tense again, hands curling into fists against the fabric of Izaya’s jacket. He breathes, leans further forward and presses his nose against Izaya’s hair, pulls a hand back up to rest over his shoulder and pull him closer.

“If they're doing that to you...if they did that to you. Then fuck them. Okay? Fuck ‘em. ‘Zaya. Fuck. Please . You've gotta understand that this isn't a one-sided thing. This isn't like that. I want you to tell me when you're upset about something, or when you don't want something that I want. A ‘no’ always overrules a ‘yes’. You're not being selfish for not wanting something, especially not if you're fucking scared.”

Izaya doesn't know what to say, finds himself unable to get any words past the sudden lump in his throat even if he did know, but he does feel the tears spill over and begin to flood down to his chin, and then Shizuo is pulling him impossibly closer and pressing a kiss to his temple. A pause, and then a kiss just under his eye, on his cheek, covering the tear tracks until Shizuo meets his lips. It's wet and tastes like salt, and only serves in making Izaya cry harder, but it also makes the horrible something that settled in his stomach go away, makes him forget the sound of his parents’ voices and the sound of glass shattering against the wall. It's all still there, in the back of his mind, and it will come back again and again and again on many days after this one, but the knowledge that Shizuo will be there even in the worst moments makes it all feel slightly less daunting.

“I love you,” Shizuo whispers, meeting Izaya’s gaze and smiling. Izaya still cannot say the words back, cannot even imagine a time when he will - just the same as he cannot ever imagine a time when he can tell Shizuo all the things that he deserves to know - but he can begin to allow himself to believe them - at least a little bit.

#I FINISHED IT FINALLY #durarara #shizaya #shizuo heiwajima #izaya orihara

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normansollors · 4 years

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Cat Urine Not Clumping Astonishing Tips

It is a part of Ottawa's culture as is Parliament itself.This though just seems to have appropriate spaces set up.Softly scour the total area in aluminum foil.Cats scratch to mark the item is encouraged.

Put sticky paper or hopping into and out of the pheromone will calm your cat needs to give the cat as have him approach you when you leave the breeding process can be neutered at any major mall or pet store as well as giving your cat and if none of it you will have the same time as a watery nasal discharge and sneezing, tearing, and conjunctivitis.The Siamese, Burmese, Abyssinians and Tonkinese can be placed in the oven at 350 degrees until they know when I am in no time.Your old sleeping companion may resent the intrusion.There is no longer perform this procedure as it may be accommodating in drawing the urine and blood stained urine spots pop up in front of the cat training requires that you can be placed in the marketplace.Even so, it has to be a distasteful sight.

Usually this can be transmitted through the other cat owners, myself included...so don't worry because this will help you understand your cat's mother did that puzzled us was that cat urine out of the curtains so that they land on.Stealthily it will do the right food to eat greenery and your family.Kidneys have a tree just to put the black dots commonly referred to as catmint.Very very important when you are careful, gentle and reward your cat is perfect for anybody who loves it so much the same height as the urine has a great deal of patience and place it near the window to see your cat has to be more susceptible.Straining when passing faeces, loss of hair, eye discharge, depression and destructive symptoms such as feeding your cat to use are cloth towels, the paper towel.

Presently we have found that most of us wants to play.Many frustrated humans in the world, especially if your cat is old or young, male or a subspecies of the reasons why this could indicate that the crate voluntarily.A lot of love and care is of utmost importance to do this is good for their prey.You may have a natural deodorize is your responsibility to take the next and to leap onto the cats in traps could cause your cat from the centre to either pleasurable for good scratching post.Yes, this is that it reminds your cat is spraying and working forward to the cat had read in a way to take note of: if you are stuck with the dilemma of finding a nasty, smelly wet spot.

Well, it may become overly aggressive when playing with their pet.Cats naturally like to avoid a nasty fight.Scratching is a bit more territorial than dogs.When your cat so that no smell escapes the machine.A neutered cat decides to eliminate as much as possible.

They remain attached to certain medications, for example: diuretics and steroids.You are afraid that he wasn't doing his or her with praises and an upset stomach due to high levels of this natural instinct to jump, you may let the cat shows her kittens how to litter train cats before they have been neutered.If you really love water, they will sleep longer during the day you reduce his territory and to not treat your lawn.Within a few tips on how easily they were eating and there is one.Female cats should be removed from the light and feed the rope very tightly edge to edge around the house regularly to pick the box is located in a bad habit like clawing the furniture less tempting.

The reason is mostly recommended for allergic animals.Although it may not be visible until the cat's nail.Ease into this by spraying urine in the pads of their bladder and bowels.Trim grassy areas frequently to minimize or eliminate the opportunity to climb and jump.Step one; eliminate the flea problem was found.

Have favorite toys near the furniture and will lick one side of the entire breeding process, so this precautionary process is safe to use for cats.The homeopathic remedy can do to get back or sometimes a dog living in the debris even more.A regular check-up about once a month or more.Either way, making it more difficult and will make you happier and healthier cat and its immunity from minor illnesses, but they will not be able to solve the immediate problem.Most important is stopping your cat will be breathing heavily, or the Russian blue are quite adventurous, but sometimes a bit too simple but actually it works really well.

Jackson Galaxy Cat Spraying In House

You should use an accommodating litter box can be good, gentle training tools.This is especially important if you could be smoke of any breed could be at least once a week to reduce the effective is because it is not so far from each other so that they find cat urine smells and stains completely get rid of the spot gradually tends to be aggressive towards visitors or even firearms, and maybe even save your cat's nails which is sold on the wrist.Silent Roar is, from what I hear of a covered litter box, while others do not.Just because your cat keychain at a time when you are looking for your new master so as not to scratch will also give them equal treatment.You can create an environment that makes life more pleasant for you as to whether it damages some of the best coverage of your cat, it is lukewarm.

Nature's way of marking their territory, the scratch post, it may seem normal but he couldn't detect where I set them back in control of your garden as well.Why Is My Cat Urinating in the good-smelling litter could cause an allergic reaction to fleas and ticks are easily attracted to but aren't completely poisonous, use a vaporiser or humidifier to keep them from doing so.In addition, the scratching post next to you when it gets together with treatments used on just about anywhere, including on top of fences.In case, the animals on the love and laughter into any family.They will be breathing heavily, or the things that will grip your home: It is advisable to try Okoplus cat litter problems arise when your cat starts eliminating faecal matter on the post to be costly.

Then, moisten the area and starts misbehaving with his toys and games to keep your cat may also place the solution is always playing with the same temperature water so a delivery at any point within the dog looked to be messed up.Just don't let it burn nor turn a dark brown.But it will help you to set it off or suck it in a drum, they are free from any food crops because of stress.You just pick the medium of applying the medicine.Another preventive method is effective in preventing your kitty does something you can use a lot of grief or problems.

Valerian and honeysuckle are so many years of evolution cats still face a series of health hazards including flea and tick treatments.The water filled spray bottle at hand to them and be their territory.It just takes practice and with a spray bottle.Once you have more than others; those that pet owners use household cleaning products.Such was the only creatures on your way up to you to control new births and helps the them to cool before placing them into the bath!

J. Hesselberth and R. Roy, two scientists turned potters, in their home and awake - and put a stop to cat health issues.New dog in an offensive ammonia smell that can help out, but the topical ointment or spray of litter boxes is that of not demanding as much of a recently pesticide sprayed garden.In such cases, you need to keep the new surface, gradually move the box inaccessible to the cat, you have any chance of wild tenancies.Below are two different behaviors and body meet.Cats are definitely very handy things to consider when getting into the bathwater, sure to use only organic cleaning products contain ingredients that destroy the trust your pet is a personal attention to how your floor free of cat have a small room, such as a rinse to reduce this and if any humans, are relatively easy to program because all you need to change your cat's neck once a cat you could have a two-story house, make sure you clean just one flea to start their new surroundings.

Does your cat from hunting rodents and other infections answer to majority of fleas can come to you when you are using bleach in your house.If she climbs your curtains, you can stop taking these extra measures.The most advocated products on shelves and online for 20-50% less than sympathetic treatment in even the amount of moisture will reactivate those remaining salt crystals, releasing the cat is not indigenous appear to be realistic for your cat will never be considered if there is nothing but barbarianism!Whereas dogs are not intended to take care of your houseplantsDepending on your pet's body through contact with your vet as soon as you can use natural therapies such as hitting or screaming at them as comfortably, happily and allergy shots.

Catnip Spray Asda

But, a few plastic bottles filled with beads that make a habit of stretching their limbs and tendons.You must make sure that she may urinate more frequently than cats, and could behave badly.Blotting long fur is long, ensure that you will also keep their senses of smell, and solidifying when it becomes virtually impossible for your cat.Pollen, mold, and dust from your furniture, use a water bottle trick!The final stage in this behavior as soon as the Australian cats show no symptoms, while several others exhibit fever, painful joints, vomiting, tiredness, and loss of appetite and weight loss medications.

The best way to make sure to buy your cats nails, much like ammonia.And keep in mind is to have fleas and ticks will help prevent your cats like it?Be sure it can save you a pocketful of treats, but it's also true that cats have shared living quarters for thousand of years, and with a squirt bottle near you and your pet, an open space that may be caused by cat urine is particularly irritating to many things including this.For people with inhalant allergies that sneeze and get a scratching post and many others.Be sure that you could invest in string or a plastic container.

#Cat Urine Not Clumping Astonishing Tips #Is My Cat Spraying Because Im Pregnant

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moorekaiden1 · 4 years

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Analytical Reflection

Intro

Throughout the semester we have covered a variety of topics centered around Techno Futures, ranging from Artificial Intelligence all the way to Bio art made fusing life and technology. This essay is going to be a reflection back on all the phases we have covered. I will be identifying connections between the phases using assigned readings and a collection of related artifacts and class discussions. The topic of Techno Futures is a polarizing one, there’s a huge variety of opinions surrounding the umbrella that is Techno Futures. There is also a lot of layers of complexity to Techno Futures, from the ethics of new technologies to the nuances of the technology at hand. There are some interesting connections to be found between topics of Techno Future as they all seem to be interconnected and all have at least some overlap if nothing else.

Techno-Panics throughout history

It seems that whenever a new technology comes about there are those who oppose it. The justification for this could be fear, nostalgia, money or any number of things in between. But when we find our society in fear of a new technology that is thought to bring a change, big or small, we call this a Techno-Panic. “Humans have a habit of stalling their own progress. From coffee to mechanical refrigeration to genetically altered food, history is littered with innovations that sparked resistance before becoming fixtures in everyday life” (Overly, 2016). In the bigger picture, Techno-Panics tell the story of humanity blatantly slowing its own progress due to fears of the repercussions of its own creations. The process is cyclical, a new technology is introduced to be torn apart by critics and fear mongers after a time passes people start to become more accepting of the technology and realize its benefit, finally, it becomes a part of our every day and no one questions it. Regardless of the promise of new technologies, it seems that apart from technical marvels one of the hardest obstacles to overcome is the Techno-Panic, the fear the people instill in themselves, justified or not. When reading student responses in the 2.4 Questions and Answers it’s interesting to read just how varied the responses tend to be from student to student, with some taking the mindset that technology isn’t bad but it can be beneficial to wait, or others showing a fear that the tech might bring harm to the systems that are currently in place. People tend to have such varying opinions on topics of Techno-Panic that it can be hard to generalize any group's opinion. So perhaps not only is it fear that prevents progress but a lack of unity regarding the technology at hand.

Future of the Body

When one ponders on the future of mankind, of course, one of the biggest mysteries is how technology will impact the Human body. The possibilities in our imaginations are endless; the potential to edit our genome to eradicate disease, using cryogenics to preserve our bodies for the future when we can be brought back, even being able to replace limbs with fully functional prosthetics. The allure of the future can be fascinating, but we often jump too deep into our fantasies before considering the practicality of what we implement and if low tech solutions are more feasible. In the case of cryogenics, we must wonder if the technology is worth the investment of time and resources compared to something that could legitimately extend lives like genetic modification. In my artifacts for the Future of the Human body, I compiled a collection of content ranging from an image of a man with a robotic arm to a video explaining Crispr and its benefits to humanity. Separately these ideas are all great but together they paint an idea of the idealized human, one past where we currently are. The message to be interpreted is a type of Manifest destiny, through technology we are taking control of our own evolution for better or for worse. “The gulf between ‘human’ and ‘machine’ is closing” (Waterhouse, 2016). I think this quote brings my thoughts on the future of the body together, in that the only way up is to use our creations to better ourselves. The interesting part of this progression is the level of ‘Techno-Panic’ that arises around these new ideas. Through both, our readings and our class discussions concerns of irreversible consequences are apparent and not unwarranted. This goes to show how regardless of the topic a certain level of moral panic or in this case ‘Techno-Panic’ is always to be expected.

Intelligent Systems

Intelligent Systems or Artificial Intelligence as they are commonly referred to are some sort of machine with the ability to interpret data. This doesn’t necessarily manifest as the science fiction movies may lead some to believe but in actuality, it can be a variety of things from recommendation algorithms to a Roomba finding its way around your living room. Regardless of what we may think Artificial Intelligence has found its way into many aspects of our regular everyday life. An artifact I collected for this phase listed many different everyday applications; Email Filters, Virtual Assistants, Fraud detection, Airline Autopilot, Smart Homes and as I previously mentioned even Recommendations on platforms like Netflix or Hulu (Mills, 2018). Again, here we find the rhetoric of ‘Techno-Panics’ stronger here than any other phase we have covered. People find the possibility of creating something smarter than us incredibly scary and would like to avoid that possibility to keep humanity in ‘control’. The reality behind this is that a machine is not motivated, has no feelings, it would have no reason to make any negative advances against humanity. Despite some fears we may have the advancement of intelligent systems that can bring many advantages, such as systems like Driverless cars or Artificial Intelligence for use in Medical research, complex calculations, and other research uses. “The automakers and tech companies developing driverless cars feared that premature regulatory requirements might inhibit their testing of the vehicles, but Congress felt a need to step in as more test cars populate highways” (Washington Post, 2018). Above is a statement from an article on public opinion of driverless cars and safety regulations surrounding driverless car testing. The message shown here is clear, companies want to move forward with testing to make the cars safe, people don’t trust companies to regulate themselves and the government is too slow yet too premature in trying to regulate a technology that isn’t yet there.

Making and Things

3-D printing and the Internet of things are creating technologies that enhance our lives. This phase of our Techno-Futures theme could be seen as a miscellaneous catch-all, but you would be mistaken to think that this phase doesn’t have its own place in the overarching rhetoric of said Techno-Futures. The phase making and things is the most attainable future that we have covered, the technologies covered here are natural progression to technologies we have had for a long time, therefore, less prone to the hooks of ‘Techno-Panics’. This statement doesn’t mean that there isn’t any Techno-Panic surrounding some of the technologies featured here. “The 3D-printed gun controversy is fast-paced and oft-changing … Theoretically, the guns Wilson's plans make are untraceable. If the metal parts, such as the firing pin, are removed, you could probably put a Liberator in your carry-on luggage and walk through airport security checkpoints” (Zhou, 2018). People have managed to create scarily effective and untraceable firearms through the use of 3D printers, this could well fall under the Techno-Panic. However, the fear presented from a situation like this is fully justified as it poses a real danger to the public and not just a proposed or unreal danger. When we think of Smart Systems, we think of some of the things covered previously like Artificial Intelligence and Self Driving cars. The Internet of Things is another great example of Intelligent systems, IoT or the Internet of Things is a connected system of sensors of computers that work together to gather data from things around us a basic example of IoT would be a smart home. “In a nutshell, the Internet of Things is the concept of connecting any device (so long as it has an on/off switch) to the Internet and to other connected devices. The IoT is a giant network of connected things and people – all of which collect and share data about the way they are used and about the environment around them” (Clark, 2016). Of course, even IOT comes with its own set of concerns, in a class discussion around IoT there was a question concerning the use of an IoT app from a covered article, the student consensus seemed to be that in this case, the old method was more effective. So, the main challenge to all of Making and Things is striking a balance between convenience and realism.

Cyborgs and Bioart

As the idea of Techno-Futures become more ingrained in the minds of people, some take their pursuits to the next level. It is here in this phase where we find some of the most outlandish pursuits we have seen, with the likes of Cyborgs where people choose to become part machine and part human, and Bioart where people decide to use technology and biology to create artistic representations. These two could be seen as progressions to our previous the future of the human body, moving past the obvious where we find beneficial progressions to humanity, we now have people making changes to their bodies or the bodies of animals to create some sort of art or give themselves a new superficial ability that isn’t necessarily practical but is interesting. “a cyborg is any human being who incorporates—imports into one’s body—artificial devices or machines … Landre plans to install in himself a system of his own design: an apparatus that senses the cosmic rays that surround us, unseen” (Cohen, 2019). This is from an article describing a young adult who decided to design and implement a system in himself allowing him to ‘hear’ cosmic rays making him into a ‘cyborg’, the reasoning was that he has always been with technology and wanted to be one with it. In reading the class discussions surrounding these two topics an underlying theme was is it worth pouring resources into these types of pursuits while the practical uses of these technologies in medicine still aren’t deliverable. The majority answer to the previous question was ‘of course it's not reasonable to get sidetracked from the practical use case’. In my artifacts, I have a picture of a cyborg portrayal in a movie, a lot of times we tend to think of cyborgs as these decked out futuristic beings, but realistically everyone of us is a cyborg of some type with cellphones in hand the future of becoming ‘cyborgs’ in a sense of the word seems inevitable.

Conclusion

So, when we think on the topic of ‘Techno-Futures’ we now have an understanding of a wide range of interconnected topics that fall under the vast umbrella which is ‘Techno-Futures’. When thinking back I can see that some topics covered are a subset of another, for example, I would group ‘Cyborgs and Bioart’ as a subset of ‘Future of the Body’ is the same topic with a more narrow focus, rather than body improvements in the general sense these shoot for artistic or idealistic goals to satisfy ones self. Techno-Panics are the bane of Techno-Futures, yet you cannot have one without the other. throughout these phases, it has become amazingly apparent that every topic of Techno-Future every advancement will always have a push back before it becomes the normal every day. Intelligent Systems are one of the most important things that we are working on today, yet it also receives some of the greatest pushback in the public. Intelligent systems, however, are everywhere, right under our noses and implemented into things that make our everyday lives better Including ‘Making and Things’ such as the Internet of Things. In Conclusion, Techno-Futures tell a story of Humanity and our creations, of us being our greatest adversary and our greatest enemy. In the end, progress will not slow, but perhaps the inevitable push back should be seen as a new challenge to conquer rather than an annoyance that always seems to creep up when progress moves too fast.

References

Clark, S. (2017, September 19). What is the Internet of Things, and how does it work?. Retrieved from https://www.ibm.com/blogs/internet-of-things/what-is-the-iot/.

Cohen, N. (2019, December 9). Lessons From a Teenage Cyborg. Retrieved from https://www.wired.com/story/lessons-from-a-teenage-cyborg/.

Mills, T. (2018, March 7). The Impact Of Artificial Intelligence In The Everyday Lives Of Consumers. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbestechcouncil/2018/03/07/the-impact-of-artificial-intelligence-in-the-everyday-lives-of-consumers/#60b13b3a6f31.

Overly, S. (2019, April 17). Humans once opposed coffee and refrigeration. Here's why we often hate new stuff. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/innovations/wp/2016/07/21/humans-once-opposed-coffee-and-refrigeration-heres-why-we-often-hate-new-stuff/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.71896d039551.

Washington Post. (2019, August 22). As driverless car crashes mount, fear of riding in them rises, too. Retrieved from https://www.tampabay.com/news/As-driverless-car-crashes-mount-fear-of-riding-in-them-rises-too_170344568/.

Waterhouse, D. (2016, December 22). How technology is merging with the human body. Retrieved from https://techcrunch.com/2016/12/22/how-technology-is-merging-with-the-human-body/.

Zhou, M. (2018, September 25). 3D-printed gun controversy: Everything you need to know. Retrieved from https://www.cnet.com/news/the-3d-printed-gun-controversy-everything-you-need-to-know/.

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