#i know this because I READ THE NEWS BEYOND SOCIAL FUCKING MEDIA
Note
I find it frustrating that you assume I’m seeking attention and refuse to earnestly engage with my feelings when I say I don’t wanna vote for the guy who is actively helping Israel commit genocide. Also, as a disabled person like me, why aren’t you mad at him for pretending the pandemic is over and removing all covid mitigations and making society unsafe for us?
if you're voting for Cornel West, you're voting for whoever Harlan Crow wants you to vote for. If you're voting for Jill Stein, you're voting for whoever Vladimir Putin wants you to vote for. Either way, it's nonsensical and useless. My first election was 2000, go read the wikipedia article about Florida and Ralph Nader, it's not my fucking job to educate you on the meaning of a third party candidate in an electoral system that is a Single Member District Plurality.
As a disabled person on Social Security and living in the bottom quintile of this economy, the Biden Administration has made my life MARKEDLY better. Medicare improvements alone have been a revelation. I now have so much more money in my pocket, no copays on my medications or any of my doctor visits ever, my food stamps have gone up. We are the only major economy in the west that is experiencing economy growth.
Biden has been dealing with a 50-50 Senate and has accomplished more than Obama did with a Supermajority in 8 years. I'm sorry that you probably learned about foreign policy three months ago, but if you think literally anyone else who has a snowball's chance in fucking hell will be better for Palestine, you are delulu as all fuck. Biden is not helping commit genocide, you are spouting internet catchphrases. Biden is not even on speaking terms with Netanyahu at the moment. Blinken has been repeatedly pressuring Israel to pause the fighting because Americans are being held hostage in Gaza. You speak like someone who learns literally all of their information from social media.
You're disabled like me, why are you giving away your country to fascism for one foreign policy issue you probably barely understand and literally no other viable candidate will be to the left of Biden on? Do you think Trump, who your vote will actively assist, will be any better? The guy who literally moved the American embassy in Israel to Palestine in a move designed to be deliberately provocative to Palestine? That Donald Trump?
Assume Biden literally told Netanyahu to stop. Netanyahu would not stop. It would not happen. We have not approved any aid to Israel, even, because guess what: Congress hasn't approved anything whatsoever.
And that is more words than I have been willing to give to anyone who responds to this post because in 2016 I gave a lot of words to people who ended up being Russian psyops agents, and I am tired.
But hey, vote for Jill Stein. Women dying in Texas of miscarriages going septic clearly mean fucking nothing to you, as long as you can keep your Internet Moral Purity Fad Of The Moment.
edit: re Covid that was a global loss and it sucks and I have no Immune B cells and I don't go out anymore but that is hardly uniquely American. Everywhere is pretending it's over. no one cares about sick people anywhere. anyway grow up and realize the world is complicated and if you're a single issue voter like this you are cutting off your nose to spite your face
#christ why do i bother#i have compassion for the palestinians but guess what?#the political realities are what they are#and no joe biden isn't doing shit#except repeatedly pressuring Bibi to fucking cool it#i know this because I READ THE NEWS BEYOND SOCIAL FUCKING MEDIA
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Following Custom Content I shared the other day, here is EyeTree Head Set that contain a EyeTree head and Eyes of Tree Accessory for all ages. Hope you enjoy this one! 💗
Short brief when this post is published: I'm currently without pc because it's being repaired since it was failing me, so I leave you this publication that I left prepared. Until I have it back, it's possible that I won't be much on my social medias. When I return I'll answer to your lovely asks and replies. @lea-heartscxiv will probably lend me his, but it will only be for occasional times like posting things we've worked on together or new CC if pc takes too long to repair. Thank you for your patience with me ❤
They look at you, they judge you, they discriminate against you.
From a planet far away from Sixam, called Lerighett, reside these tree-headed beings with eyes. They're said to be of many varieties and species, though residents of the hidden lands of Heyadee are one of the most frowned upon for being so perceptive and judgmental. If they have more eyes around them, they may be even more judgmental for being able to see beyond your soul. 👁️🌳
Download under keep reading ↓
If you download my CC it means your agree with my T.O.U (English/Español/日本語).
EyeTree Head
General Info:
13 swatches
Base game compatible
Located on Detail Skin, Forehead
all ages
disable for werewolves (don't show good on them)
all LOD's
All Maps (Diffuse, Normal, Specular)
Mesh and texture made from scratch by me
Custom Thumbnails
Compatible with higher and lower game sliders
Known problems: Some parts of the trunk may go deeper into the skin. Since is placed in Skin Details, Forehead, both packages are shown, no matter the gender, but they're written as Male Frame and Female Frame on thumbnail so that they can be easily recognized. Try to use them properly so they don't look bad unless that is the result you want to achieve.
LOD Information: LOD0: 7232 poly | LOD1: 3615 poly | LOD2: 1806 poly | LOD3: 903 poly
IF YOU LIKE MY WORK PLEASE CONSIDER BECOME A PATREON OR TIP ON KO-FI. ANY HELP IS ALWAYS WELCOMED BUT ALWAYS OPTIONAL. YOU CAN ALSO COMMISSION ME HERE OR FROM TUMBLR, IF YOU WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING SPECIFIC FOR YOU. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
※Choose download the one/ones you want the most or only download Merged: "_T-E_Merged" or "_AllMerged" where all the files are together.※
✨DOWNLOAD LINK✨ (Patreon ~ Always free, no adfly) [Same link]
✨DOWNLOAD LINK✨ (SFS ~ Always free, no adfly)
Photo in CAS and in-game photo without shaders:
~⭐️~
Eyes of Tree Accessory
General Info:
1 swatch, since use eye texture
Base game compatible
Located on Detail Skin, Crease
all ages
all LOD's
Mesh made from scratch by me
Custom Thumbnails
LOD Information: LOD0: 2880 poly | LOD1: 1440 poly | LOD2: 720 poly | LOD3: 360 poly
Do you want to know what else I'll be releasing this month and on what day? You can support me on Patreon or Ko-Fi and find out in this posts, here (Patreon) and here (Ko-Fi).
※Choose download the one/ones you want the most or only download Merged: "_T-E_Merged" or "_AllMerged" where all the files are together.※
✨DOWNLOAD LINK✨ (Patreon ~ Always free, no adfly) [Same link]
✨DOWNLOAD LINK✨ (SFS ~ Always free, no adfly)
Photo in CAS:
Compatible with LightHead/EyeHead and without LightHead:
~⭐️~
Btw, do you saw my last CC post? ⬇️
HERE
This CC is made in part in honor of the fucking eyes (the big one and the little ones) of Arc the Lad the Twilight of Spirits, who gave me and Lea a hard time many many years ago to defeat them. They aren't the same, but every time I was doing it I was thinking about them. Has anyone else played this game? I loved it and I love it!
Let me know if you find any problem. 🙏❣️ Also if you use this or any of my CC, feel free to tag me so I can see your sims, it will make me very happy to see it!
👀👉MORE DOWNLOADS
Happy simming! 🍀
💛
🛹 You can find me also on Patreon | Pinterest | Ko-Fi | Blogger (Shared with Lea) | Instagram | X (Twitter) | My F.A.Q. | My T.O.U. | MORE DOWNLOADS 🛹
#sims 4 cc#ts4cc#ts4 cc#sims4cc#type: head replacement#type: detail skin#frame: unisex#age: all ages#theme: alien#theme: horror#theme: cute horror#game pack: base compatible#Cute Horror x The Sims 4#VanS4CC#Van-YangYin#always free cc#tw horror body#tw head replacement#tw eyes#tw: horror body#tw: head replacement#tw: eyes#tw just in case
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the man who was murdered on the subway was actually a client at the outreach program which i currently work for. i never personally met him, but the proximity is still jarring. the main thing i’ve learned from this job is not real nursing experience, but that navigating social services in any capacity is fucking atrocious, and the system is beyond broken, which most likely already know.
it also got me thinking about the balance needed when engaging with news media and content. it’s so easy now to go down a full-on rabbit hole on any number of things, and i’m still figuring out what level of engagement is “healthy.” there was definitely a time when i was in complete get-me-out-of-this-world mode, which manifested itself in drug use and also major disconnection with reality. i believe that it’s extremely important to be plugged into current events and to be informed, but there also has to be an awareness by the individual of what degree of knowledge is appropriate. because reading article after article discovering worse and worse details about this, or a million other topics, primarily serves to fill me with an infuriation that feels entirely impotent, and being overcome with that form of hopelessness and resignation does not benefit me. at the same time, possibly not knowing the full story is an issue in + of itself.
⚖️
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so average-mako-enjoyer made this post about Shepard being forced to have a social media account for morale and only posting hamster pictures and like
I read that and immediately had four different Shepards yelling at me in my head (I blame @shadoedseptmbr's Aedan tags) 🤣🤣🤣
*
Weaver would in fact include hamster pictures, but they'd be macro pictures of like, whiskers and toes only.
The whole account would all only be macro photos. No tags, no comments, no explanations, no definitions. No time stamps or metadata, all expertly wiped, no location cues beyond maybe the quality of the light... which isn't that hard to manipulate after all, if you've got an omnitool and some good flashlight/spotlight blueprints.
It's all just exquisite close-ups of pieces of gravel and seeds and leaves and pollen or fractions of circuit boards and weird screws or clamps or the odd pattern of wear on a [redacted but clearly the Mako for those in the know] tire.
She and Aeden would clearly get along great.
*
Ngaio would flat out refuse. (She would've done it if she'd met Traynor sooner, because she can refuse Traynor nothing, but that was too late, on several levels.)
*
Ella would be asked to make an account after she gets her N7 status and starts showing up in the news periodically; she's told to try and soften the public image of the infamous Butcher of Torfan.
She does set something up, posts some generic pretty Alliance Training Stock Photos, the kind you get in a recruiters office, but that's it for ages.
And then she posts five separate in-depth tutorials in a row, three on astronomy and two on France of all things, one specifically about the language, one about cooking.
Then nothing again.
And then a three-part series on astral navigation, and how different species figured out the math for measuring where the fuck they were in space.
Then a thing on baking with chocolate, including how to convert levo recipes to dextro (and vice versa) and which things were more likely to translate into something that might still taste good.
She never shows herself however, so it does fuck all to counter all the pics and videos of her stalking around heavily armed and armored in full gear, occasionally with a bit of a blue halo from biotics usage, generally glaring or scowling as she avoids reporters trying to get a comment.
Most people don't connect her socials to the Butcher of Torfan at all, and those that do assume someone else is running the account in her name in a failed Alliance PR stunt.
After the Battle of the Citadel, there are enough recordings of her helping with clean-up efforts and being polite at formal ceremonies to make it clear that the Butcher and the Shepard-who-goes-on-weird-tangents-on-social-media are actually the same person, who is also POSSIBLY a galactic hero, so the whispers about Torfan finally start to fade out a little...
And then she dies.
*
Ward would be some terrifying (but delightful once you got past the scowl) combination of Adam Savage and Mercury Stardust because he would legit show people how to take things apart and upgrade and fix them (and which bits are 'legal-ish' depending on whether they technically own them or not) but also things probably explode sometimes (or at the very least spark A Lot™️) and Tali guests wearing glorious (flame-retardant) Turian fashions and ALSO sometimes PROPRIETARY TECH THAT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE and no one ever bleeps ANY of Jack's swearing and sometimes the three of them are gleefully trying to make something that probably shouldn't exist and some poor Alliance PR officer cries in their office sometimes because they are actually spectacular PR and GREAT for morale and also they break so many TOS's but it's Commander Fucking Shepard so who's gonna tell him to stop?
#mass effect#me ot#OC BBs#weaver shepard#ngaio shepard#ella shepard#ward shepard#did I have a random meta/headcanon tag?#I cannot remember#whatever the fuck
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Build A Bear | Black Noir x GN!Reader
yo so last week or smth i went to build a bear with my little relatives and when i saw chubby cubby (look it up you wont be disappointed) i fell in love, then i was struck with inspiration. so my chonky teddy bear and i hope you enjoy this lmao
warnings: heavy cursing, SPOILERS FROM S2 but not too specific in the bulleted fic? still be warned. other than that pretty mild, fluffy? yeah fluffy and probably ooc for black noir but whatevs
VAGUE (but still) SPOILER AUTHOR'S NOTE AT BOTTOM OF POST!!!!!!!!! DO NOT READ BEYOND THE ###
when news spread of Black Noir being in critical condition, a lot of internal questions were raised at Vought: who did this? was it an accident? was it on purpose? was it another supe? how can we market off this? etc
once crisis control handled the public nightmare that was social media and news outlets (special thanks to Cameron!), did the flood gates open
in the first few days, there were countless cards and money chip-ins for charity donations that Black Noir advocated for
i mean you could not take a shit without someone thrusting a card in your face and saying, "Wanna write something sweet to Noir so he gets better soon?"
hence came the little lie, "oh, i already got him something with a card. thanks tho"
you worked in the crime analysis department, so you did not have a close relationship with Black Noir personally
but that didn't mean you felt bad; i mean, critical condition? you had to give him something
and people at Vought would easily find out you lied and who knows what would happen then?
there are definitely some snakes in the grass if you know what i mean
but what would you get him? everyone else was giving cards and flowers and balloons. no doubt his hospital room is flooded with all those things
so while you're agonizing over what to get him because god forbid snakes figure out your "white" lie, you're stuck on babysitting duty for a friend's eight-year-old kid one day
while you're not too hip on what eight-year-old kids do in their spare time nowadays, you decide to take them to the ol' reliable of your childhood: the mall
as you both are walking around bored out of your minds do you see the answer to your agony: the holy golden glow of build-a-bear workshop
you have to drag the kid you're babysitting inside, but they dont put up a fight for long when they see a stuffed animal they like
unfortunately, you dont see anything you like, but you buy the kid your babysitting his bear (a frog dressed like Obi-Wan)
At the check out do you see another saving grace: "exclusive customizable bears online! order one today!!"
so the second you drop the kid off and you're at home, you immediately go incognito on your browser
you buy a stuffed (animal of your choice) and dress it up like Black Noir because build a bear is in an obvious partnership with Vought for younger consumer marketability
for the extra hell of it, you buy a "get well soon" shirt bc you thought how cute it would be to put it over the Black Noir getup
for the customization, on all 4 paws do you write: Black (front right) Noir (front left) For (back right) Ever! (back left)
you buy expedited shipping and when it finally arrives, you put on the get well soon shirt over the black noir outfit, but you stop from putting on the black noir helmet
why you didnt put on the helm was beyond you. maybe because you thought the sentimentality was stronger since you're recognizing he's still human beneath the suit??
who the fuck knows, anyway
you ask Ashley to give it to Noir (which took a lot of convincing, and a pricey meal for lunch).
funnily enough, you dont leave a card or any sign the gift was from you
you doubted yourself and regretted your decision because why not
but as long as you got him something with a little more personalization (and therefore make your lie true), you'd live with it
and forget about it eventually lol
fast forward like a few months
Black Noir recovered and had just finished his tour across the country selling his bullet-proof backpacks
you indeed forgot about the bear as time went on
one day you're at work and fucking around on the company computer to pass time when you feel a very warm and very heavy hand on your shoulder
the entire crime analysis department goes gravely silent
*sweatinglikeJordanPeelememe*
you slowly turn in your creaking office chair, and stare into the bottomless abyss that was Black Noir's goggles
he gestures for you talk outside privately (a secondary location? aw hell naw) but you oblige
as you both walk out of the department, the looks your co-workers give you... one of them even salutes you off
oh jeez oh fuck oh jeez oh fuck x100
when you're both outside in the back where there's literally not a single soul in sight, do you apologize
because its Black Noir, and of course he knew that was your gift
"ah jeez, Mr. Noir, sir, im sorry if you didn't like the bear. I didn't mean to offend you, please dont--"
and then the most confusing fucking thing happens
he pulls out a motherfuckin build-a-bear which was your favorite animal (how did he know?) wearing a freakin "thanks a bunch" shirt
*confusedwhiteguyblink*
he holds it out to you; you're quick to snap out of whatever fucking dream this was and gingerly take it from him
then you start giggling, relieved and so bewildered because what the fuck???
"hey...thank you," because of course you would say thank you for a thank you gift
and as if the day couldnt get any fucking weirder
Black Noir pulls you into a hug
like, a minute-long hug
while you're not as quick as earlier, you still reciprocate the hug—you even gently (read: awkwardly) pat his back!!
and then he removes himself from the hug, stares at you, then fucks off doing Black Noir shit
for a place of honor, you keep the toy right next to your monitor and look at it whenever you're feeling not like yourself
also, coincidentally, when Black Noir needs something from your department, he goes right to you and only you!!
#
i get the vibe that no one really cares about Black Noir at Vought; so i personally headcanon that except for the kiss-ass usual gifts, he got jack shit while at the hospital, if any at all. that's why i headcanon? imagine? that the second someone puts some thought into a get well soon gift like reader does, he's over the moon. my boy needs positive attention!! 😭😭😭
#the boys amazon#black noir the boys#black noir#black noir x reader#the boys tv#the boys headcanons#black noir imagine#black noir headcanon
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I know you get a lot of questions about writing and how to write fast and how to produce as much content as you. My question is sort of related. How do you stay motivated to continue fics when it’s been a while since updating? I have multiple WIPs and want to finish them all but I feel like a different person now than I was when I started them and don’t feel the same energy for the ideas either. I know it’s an option to abandon them but I hate the idea of that. I know passion is one corner of your triangle for the Az method, but how do you keep it alive and not burn yourself out by writing so much? Do you ever force yourself to finish stuff? Idk if my question makes sense. I hope it does. Thank you!
Ahh, this is an amazingly important question and you sent it AGES ago and I couldn't reply until now because I was SNOWED UNDER WITH MULTIPLE WIPS and didn't have a clear answer for you, beyond "hang in there babe😭" until now!
My advice is:
a) anyone reading this, don't write more than 2 things at the same time. If you have two and you're thinking of a third, don't do it. Trust me. Finish the others first.
b) if you find yourself in the ✨WIP SEA✨ you need to choose ONE island to swim to and one only. Get to your biggest project and set up shop there. Forget the others, immerse yourself again in the vibe, the story, the magic. Make a playlist, plan a themed tattoo, make a mood board, but get back into why you fell in love with the story in the first place and STAY THERE. You have to finish the biggest project first. The others will fall like dominos after that.
c) keeping passion alive is REALLY fucking hard sometimes and it takes very little to snuff it out, so my advice there is to remove yourself from what can dampen your spirits. Take a social media break (always radiant advice), make a new desk area, hype yourself up for THAT SCENE you have in mind, and if nothing else is working for the story, do something drastic. Write a dialogue only chapter. Do a POV switch.
d) Change your font to one of these: Comic Sans, More Sugar Thin, Jessica Antique or Beryllium Ink. These fuckers work MIRACLES for the neurodivergent brain. Switch the font, just start writing SOMETHING and watch the magic happen.
e) Know when to cut bait. I have never abandoned a fic in my life, but I have abandoned stories before I published them, including professional publishing ones and I have deleted MASSIVE amounts of text because it just wasn't working for me and I can confidently tell when to move on, start fresh and shift gears. If these are fics that are published and WIP, then the pressure to complete them definitely is higher, I know from experience. My advice is to either work on the biggest one and complete that first OR find one that would take very little to complete and smash it out.
f) Don't lose your momentum. This is CRITICAL and I want to talk more about this because creative momentum is powerful and important. The more you write, the more you can WRITE. Write every day, keep it doing. When you complete something, use that boost of pride and joy to fuel yourself. There will be days where you don't physically write of course but writing is a cyclical process and the more you map it to your energy (especially if you have a moon cycle VS sun cycle) the more you'll realise there are specific weeks where you'll have high, clear energy and other weeks with lower energy, so you can adjust your output to prevent burn out.
g) Don't let it get you down. The longest gap between update and completion I ever had was 6 years for my Twilight fic. 6 fucking years and in the end I had to end it with them writing letters to each other, back and forth because I was a completely different writer to who I was before and everything would have been different, so I took a risk and wrote it differently and it paid off.
h) Know that you CAN do it, you just have to decide to. "I just decided to..." is one of the most powerful sentences we can ever say aloud. Just look at yourself in the mirror and DECIDE to do it. That's it. Maybe it won't be great to start off with but that's why we edit. Just get the ball rolling again. The first push after a long period being stationary is ALWAYS hard but keep it going and it'll get easier with every passing word.
I hope this was helpful, apologies again for the delay.
P.S- Finishing Touched changed EVERYTHING for me. I really do recommend ticking off the biggest one first. 💜💜💜
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We Are Watching a Genocide on Social Media & We Are Scrolling On BY ELENA M. I. DURAN
23 OCT 2023
I saw a dead baby today
While I was sitting on the toilet
When a colleague sees me later and asks how I am
I’ll tell her fine, and I’ll smile.
I saw a dead baby today I saw a dead baby today I saw a dead baby today
The words scratch across the backs of my teeth and pinch at the flesh behind my eyes, emblazoned to my tongue and my mind
“I saw a dead baby today.”
I’ll have to say it out loud, for fear that if I don’t, he’ll be buried inside me forever.
“What?” she’ll ask
“A baby,” I’ll say, “A dead one. I saw him while I was peeing…
He was so, so tiny, and not just because he was a baby, but because he was on my tiny screen
He had ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes but no eyes,
no nose
no face at all, really
And not just because he was a baby on my screen, a baby I didn’t know, just another faceless baby
But because where his little mouth and eyes and nose should’ve been, there was only
blood
He didn’t look like the babies I’m used to
His skin was covered in powder and dust and he was too, too
still
He didn’t look like the babies I’m used to because his mother and father spoke in a language I don’t understand,
no not because I don’t speak Arabic
but because the cries of a grief that deep cannot be known by me,
the girl who saw a dead baby that wasn’t hers, on her screen,
while sitting on the toilet.”
“Oh my god,” she’ll say,
“That’s why I just can’t look at the news. It’s too disturbing.”
But me? I can’t look away.
While I walk to my car full of gasoline, sip my fresh iced water, lay on my bed in a house with walls and a ceiling
While I use the toilet
I am refreshing refreshing refreshing
I saw a dead baby today
And I thought to myself -
How fucking irreverent?
How ludicrous?
That I, freshly showered and well fed and safe, am watching parents grieve their murdered, mutilated, utterly perfect baby child
On my screen, from the bathroom?
They deserve better
They deserve not to be mourning at all, and least of all to be mourning with me, a stranger who cannot comprehend their pain through a screen from thousands of miles away,
but who feels some infinitesimal amount of it so deeply in the core of her bones that she cannot look away,
cannot bear to look at the world and smiling faces around her that just keep spinning and spinning
despite the fact that if they just stopped and looked, even just for a moment, even during their snack break or parking lot walk
or while taking a piss, goddammit,
they might also see the Dead Baby, see the mourning parents, see the thousands more just like them
and realize
that the world exists beyond their own line of sight
and what happens to Them is part of Us
and they might realize that they have to STOP poking at their computer keys
and mourn the baby, the Dead one,
who is just on their screen but who is so, so real and not out of reach if we all just came together and rose up to demand that this end…
I saw a dead baby today
And somewhere, on someone else’s screen
They will see him too,
and the headline will read “Well folks, we did it! You might think you are looking at a dead baby here, but no, this is simply a sacrifice in the name of war, and c’mon, not a baby at all really, that right there is a future terrorist for christssake, and we are shouting victory!”
I saw a dead baby today
And across the ocean someone else’s eyes have seen a hundred or more in the last two days alone
They are filling ice cream trucks with dead babies and young fathers and old women
As explosives rain down from the sky and the streets run
with rivers of blood
I saw a dead baby today
From my bathroom window that looks out on a view ten thousand miles away and
they want me to go back to work to pay my taxes
so that more and more blood will be on my hands,
and yours, too.
How is it, that we are checking the news, shaking our heads like “what a shame” and continuing on with our silly, little, meaningless days while the world is ending for someone just like us?
How many dead babies will it take, piled up in Gaza,
before we can pay attention to
nothing else
and beg and fight for it to stop?
I saw a dead baby today
And it was the least I could do
to not look away
To bear witness to unspeakable pain
I’ll never know his name, but I will mourn him just the same
I saw a dead baby from Gaza today
If you saw him too, would you want to fight for change?
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The mind boggles.
Just read a really insane critical Fallout TV show post here that was so full of white saviour complex /social justice warrior purity bull-shittery I almost responded to it.
I was going to post -
Let's ignore they are obviously butt hurt that their precious New Vegas story has now changed in the future the game is set in.
They went on about stuff like-
It's racist as a black person is portrayed as evil. - Of course! Black people can't be evil ever in media. *sarcasm*
The BOS brand a black squire -yeah they brand ALL the Squires...and the BOS are not good guys. They are a quasi-religious technocratic military order, that rarely plays the good guys - see Fallout3.
The guy that defects from the enclave and brings cold fusion to the wasteland has a name that is the same as a real life holocaust survivor - so that's antisemitic. Because...same name?
Consensual sex is obviously rape because....well I couldn't figure out why. Funny thing- Society in the 3 vaults is fucked up (beyond what we find out later!). In 33, they consider incest as fine as long as no one gets pregnant because for ages that small community is all there is. That's why they do the vault exchange! The exchange is for a breeder-to prevent inbreeding! Lucy has been brought up in that society and thinks it's fine. But she isn't dumb. She wants to get married. In fact her marriage is similar to many cultures arranged marriages (are they racist too?). When she goes back to her new home with her husband she is more than willing to fuck her husband. She even instigates the act once he strips.
The other points in the post make it ridiculously clear they have no fucking clue about the game lore beyond what they see. Oh no a secret cabal are the evil ones not the government so that's so anti...i'm not sure. My dear they are one and the same in the game if you didn't know.
They wail about factions that are not in the show. It's the first season. They are not going to shoehorn all your favourite factions into that season.
Fallout is a dark fucking series. Always has been.
Was about to post this as a reply... then as a friend pointed out-
These kinds of people want that response to their post. Because then they can claim anyone who disagrees with them is brainwashed.
So I'm posting it here because I need to get this shit off my chest.
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You were in Marketing, so tell me, do you think Jensen agreed to Atomic Heart without realizing that there would be a bit of a shit storm, or do you think he and his promo team were good with the shit storm, because bottom line, it's a worldwide game and it gave him huge publicity? I mean, even the haters blaming him for the entire war really doesn't matter, as 99% of people know that is just stupid. Also, controversy about what nationality a dev is, is not going to stop gamers from buying a game. I just can't figure if Jensen stepped into this unaware, or brilliantly chose this to widen his name appeal?
I think Jensen has far better sense of bearing on media than all the people pretending to be upset off of a well known exaggerated review that intentionally warped it.
I think Jensen is fully aware that media everywhere boils down to about one of three money sources, behind just as many proxy screens. I think Jensen is aware you guys read things funded by Russia and PIF every day, or watch shows with them, or networks funded by them every day.
It's that this is all hilarious noise of people with miscellaneous agendas, and other people reacting to them inflating their importance.
Jensen is fully aware, just like every other actor in the history of ever, he's going to work down the money pipe of one of several major influencing political forces, if not multiple or all of them at the same time, and that's just how it fucking works, and this fandom really needs to wrap their head around it.
It's xenophobia, fam. Someone saw "Russian" and went digging immediately for "dirty money." And if you dig in media enough you will always find it. This is actually more "media welfare" dogwhistling, in Russian font. breaking news, game developer uses locally available funding systems to create game, more at 11.
Jensen knew that people would react to agendas and dogwhistles and that it wouldn't matter a goddamn thing or negatively impact his career, just that narcissists would waste energy yelling about it feeling like they're doing something.
Listen, I support Ukraine, but you're a fucking goof if you think this is about Ukraine. Even if you're Ukrainian, I'm sorry. Half your fucking TV still is probably Russian funded. Stop picking and choosing things to pretend to be mad about when there's a shiny actor's face attached to fight about. If you're gonna be pissed about this shit, fix it at the root, don't attack the small developers that have the sin of Existing In A Country.
I think Jensen was happy to be a shooter bicon rebelling in silent LGBTQ undertones to lead more Russians to his content, and that everyone fucked up the developer happy to do that, and made them give away all their profits.
The game dev giving all their profits to Ukraine should have ended this. You guys aren't here for truth or social justice or even Ukraine, you guys are here to argue about shit until the horse has been beaten into glue. People WANT this studio to die for NO good reason beyond the fact that some idiot convinced them it needs to, and they will not stop beating this fucking horse until they get what they convinced themselves is right.
If you are still talking about this thinking it has any meaningful bearing, I regret to inform you, you as a person are extremely succeptible to propaganda.
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Is there anything more to read into the many TikTok being banned scares beyond them all being just massive fucking nothingburgers of ‘news stories’? Because I’ve now been hearing for years about how it’s going to be banned any day now, and it’s still. . . .the exact opposite of that. I don’t even know how such a ban would even be enforceable if one ever actually WAS passed through.
There is nothing that will ever be done because doing something to TikTok would set a precedent for every other social media app as they’re all very similar and none of the people who run those will let that happen.
TikTok is the easy one that people jump at because it’s owned and operated by a Chinese corporation and not an American one, so conservatives can spin any social media problem that’s happening internet wide as a psyop from “those people” to easily duped gen xers and boomers who don’t know what TikTok is but know their kids use it.
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If you had any advice for someone new to posting fics, what would it be?
I am absolutely jaw dropped, crying on the floor in love with your writing, and it’s inspired me to start writing again. I’m sure you hear that all the time, lol.
But I’m so anxious about putting work out there, and the idea that it may not be liked, or even seen. Which, like, is hard because I know no one owes me anything! and there are so many incredible writers out there! I guess what I’m trying to say is - what is the best way to become a part of the community, and not the creeper breathing breath on the glass window looking into the party?
You’re genuinely so kind to all of your followers and readers, I would just love to pick your brain a little!
Thank you for everything you give to us. 🫶🏻
FIRST - get over here and tuck yourself under my arm ❤ feel the squeeze I am giving you, in both welcome and reassurance! ❤
This ask couldn't be better timed because I was literally just having a conversation with @astroboots today about how I feel like tumblr is a safe space for sharing my writing, but I am absolutely petrified about sharing it any other place. The thought of even talking about my writing out loud makes me want to curl up and hide my face, and even on this platform, I still get anxious sometimes. The Dinner, recently, was a good example of that - I was beyond nervous to post that one.
All this to say: you are not alone ❤
This fandom can be utterly terrifying because of the 1) sheer amount of talent but more so, 2) the sheer amount of content. It's being constantly created, even more with Pedro becoming bigger these days and it's so fucking intimidating even thinking about tossing your fic into the literal OCEAN that exists.
On one hand, an argument could be made that it's actually easier to post because of those reasons, but it's also legit anxiety producing in many, many ways.
The thing that I always say about writing is: find your people. Reach out to people you admire through reblogs, send them asks, pop into their DMs. Share and spread their work, their art, their gifs. Find one or two or ten that seem like they would vibe with you and connect! Because once you have your people in your corner, cheering you on, it becomes fun to post thinking about them reading it.
Instead of thinking of this place like the ocean, think of your curated corner like a little tide pool and your mutuals like little cheerleading starfishes. It's so much easier to share things when you know they will be accepted and supported by people, so start there! You're right in that no one owes you anything, but I am a HUGE supporter of not only writing for yourself, but writing for the seven (7) targeted people you love the most. The ones you know are going to scream in your DMs about it, the ones who helped you brainstorm, the ones who beta read and held you on their shoulders for a lap of victory after you hit post. THOSE people are who you post for (in addition to yourself.)
I (frequently) get pretty freaked out about the size of this fandom and get anxiety when it comes to the rapid upload of content - if you've ever seen me put on my "Out of Office", that's usually why...but thinking of this place as a condensed little bubble can really help ❤
That's exactly how I did it, and how I continue to do it! When I posted my first piece of writing EVER three years ago, I had 8 followers and one serious friend on here. ONE. But that ONE person gave me all the hype I needed to share, and even though my hands were shaking when I hit post, I was.....okay, because I knew they were there with open arms, ready to receive it. ❤
Second, we are ALL the creeper breathing on the glass, looking into the party - every single one of us. I can go on and on (and on and on, seriously, I have so many thoughts on this) about how this is a social media site and how that affects you psychologically for hours, but I don't want to bore you, lol. The best part about there being so many of us though is that...there are so many of us! You are bound to find your people. ❤
If you are scared, DM me. I would love nothing more than to cheer you on. This place has been such a safe haven for me, the only way I can even begin to pay that back is to pass it on.
OH - and EXCUSE YOU, I do not have people telling me that all the time! Holy shit?? I wish you could have been the soft ass look on my face when I got this ask, because that's just about the nicest thing someone has ever said to me, literally. I could kiss you on the mouth. Me? Inspiring you? I am BLUSHING.
Squeezing you EVEN TIGHTER AS I TALKED - do you feel the love, nonnie? 😍❤🥰 Congrats on beginning writing again - I am so FUCKING proud of you and WELCOME!!
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🌿for the writers truth or dare!
Thank you for the ask!
Ask game
🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity
Cradling your face in my hands
YOUR BODY IS NOT A MACHINE. NEITHER IS YOUR MIND.
Idk about you anon in particular, but I've found that I often have writers blocks the most when I push myself too much. I'm currently in a writing low, which is normal because I'm right off a really really big project and I need to replenish my energy. I also had a really big writing block when I came crashing down from 2021 when I wrote a truly dumb number of fics for me. This one happened because I got caught up in the fandom craze and tried to pump out a lot of high quality fics fast, because that is what fandom demands from writers and artists these days. Fast and quality. This of course wasted a lot of mental and emotional energy which couldn't be compensated by the at the time abysmal comment frequency (Recently I've been getting a lot more comments and I hope everyone else is too. It would feel nice to be out of this dark feedback era).
So to reiterate.
Your body is not a machine.
Think about what is happening around you in life. Are you stressed about school, college, work? Are you having social problems? Are you spending too much time online? Do you feel like you constantly have to be pumping out projects or people will stop paying attention?
From my experience, writing block is very rarely about the inability to write itself. Inability to write is a side effect of something else. A big project, complicated outside factors, external pressure, or just the fact that you got a new game and you are using all your time to play your game and not doing anything else (person who is not obsessed with BG3 atm). Usually when these are dealt with and you renew energy after them, writing will come back on its own.
You need to be kind to yourself.
I find this to be the best advice in many situations.
Pushing yourself to do what you can't do at the moment will only result in further frustration. Yes, it's good to have a writing habit, but I advocate for that to be a low goal one. My goal is 200 words a day. Sometimes I don't manage to do this because life is complicated but 6 days out of 7 I do. This keeps you on track, doesn't let your brain stale, but also isn't just torturing you.
If you are lacking in creativity you need to EXPERIENCE THINGS. Read that book you've been putting off, start a new manga, watch a movie, beyond that, take a daily walk, go to a museum, discuss ideas with your friends. I hate the phrase media consumption but I do like eating imagery and your brain NEEDS to eat. It needs to experience different art forms to be able to produce ideas of its own. Fanfiction is fine too, but unless you know a really amazing writer who brings a lot of new things into their work, I wouldn't recommend it, because in the end fanfiction is just exploration of a familiar thing. Thing you are stuck on. DON'T function only on fanfiction.
Let your material REST. If you are stuck on the fic, shove it in a folder and don't look at it for a week. Try not to think about it too much, do some of the things above and let your work rest. After a week you'll forget the finer details of it and will be able to look at it more objectively, which might help you resolve the thing you were stuck on. Also sometimes when you read your own fic a fresh you get those 'I´m a fucking genius' moments which is always great.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF.
Don't create on anyone's schedule but your own. I know how incredibly hard it is, I've felt it too, with fandom today which is overly picky, overly judgy and not very grateful. With a fandom that seems to more and more treat its creators as content machines instead of people sharing their passion projects. DON'T WRITE FOR THOSE PEOPLE. It's hard but don't write for the comments in your inbox. Don't set a schedule you can't meet. I've been writing a 17 chapter fic for almost 3 years now because I want a weekly release schedule but I don't want a weekly writing schedule. If your fic takes 6 months, a year or 10, let it take that times, don't shove it out before you feel ready.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!!!!!!
Realize that sometimes writing just won't go, no matter what you do. Realize that you aren't a failure or a fraud for this, that it means nothing when it comes to your skill and ability, that the greatest writers ever had struggled with the same thing. Some days you don't have time to write, some days you aren't in the mood to even do the bare minimum. These days will exist and be kind to yourself on them. Your writing won't escape anywhere. Come to terms with being human and come back to it tomorrow.
Hope any of that rant helps hzbjhvh!!!
#anon#answered#ask game#feeling strongly about exhausting yourself in fight against the writers block#LETS YOUR BODY HAVE A WINTER PERIOD
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So shit like this, shows me how inept people that vote blue are. You all think, "Well this thing is called "x" so it must be so". It's literally this meme in a nutshell:
Then there was the, "Inflation Reduction Act" which itself did almost nothing to reduce inflation and the only projected loss of inflation would be by a % and only by 2027. Trump was a New York Democrat. And he explained why he didn't run as one several times. And the reasoning was because the Dems would not have let him win. The same way they didn't let Bernie win. And policy wise, Trump and Bernie were not super far off. It's why when Bernie got gutted during the primaries, a lot of Bernie voters went Trump.
And just because Trump doesn't align with the new socialists doesn't mean he's not still a Dem at heart. Just means the modern Dem party keeps moving further and further left. Which if you want tyranny then keep voting for them. You'll get it soon enough. Oh and the prospect that I am "Only critical of Dems" and I "Promote Reps" is fucking stupid. I'm far less critical of Reps because I KNOW they are mostly stupid. But I will let the right criticize their own, and when Reps do something I'm very much slighted by I talk about it. Like when I complain about Abbott. And the only Reps that I promote are more libertarian party members while only being republican in name. And that's both Rand Paul and Ron Paul. Also Tulsi is a Dem I like. But I guess she's not Commie enough for your tastes. Because she's anti war and the modern dem party is extremely pro war.
Fact is. I only like Trump in so far as he protected our borders, pushed the Abraham Accords, and did his best with LYING generals at his side to pull us out of wars and bring our troops home. Of which I am ALL for because I'm a prior. Get my brothers and sisters out of these pointless wars. And out of these dangerous war torn countries that never stop fighting. Trump is a crass man who's self important to a fault. I'd never deny that. He has done some not great things in his past. But did he fly to Epstein's island dozens of times? Not according to flight logs. Bill Clinton on the other hand took several trips to said island. Bill Gates took several trips to his properties and I believe the island once or twice.
If you are going to come at me saying, "TRUMP'S RUNNING AS A REPUBLICAN SO HE"S NEVER BEEN A DEMOCRAT!", Well sorry just proves you can't parse words. Just because you don't see him as one doesn't mean he isn't one. He's not currently threatening to ban abortion. Most Reps would be. He's not threatening to ban Gay Marriage. Some Reps would be. Hence you miss the point. IE: You miss the forest for the trees. Reps are voting for Trump because the economy was good under him and he didn't want communism or socialism. And if you believe that there was no election meddling going on, you clearly didn't read Time Magazines, "The shadow campaign to save the election". In which they outline a number of things they did behind the scenes to make sure Trump could not win.
Many of which would be LEGALLY considered election meddling. Like IDK. Hiding the Biden laptop under "Misinformation". Which is funny because most modern "Misinformation" as reported by Dems and Mainstream Media just means, "4-6 months until proven true". Like the machines that DID flip votes. But the "Fact check" websites will tell you, "Well yes it did happen but we caught it and fixed it". Ok.......so it happened, meaning it could have happened to other machines, and no investigation was allowed to happen on those machines beyond, "Here you can look at it physically sitting on a pallet in shrink wrap and that's it". Yeah that's "Investigating" surely.
Yeah, if that had happened to Dems you'd still be shrieking to this day about a stolen election. But because you won, any and all funny business is reasonable and fine and shouldn't be investigated. Which tells me you don't care about fair elections you care about power. Because if you did care about fair elections, you'd have voted against policy changes that were against constitutional law. But unlike me (not a rep) you don't have morals. So long as you win and wield power like a weapon you don't care how you get there. And if that's the Democrat party I want nothing to do with it ever. Real things happened in 2020 that never got investigated. You don't give a fuck. Trumps voted blue most of his life. But in no true scotsman fashion, he's "Not a Democrat because he's not aligned with my idea of modern Dems". Spare me.
All communists should be purged. You aren't people so much as I'm concerned. You're a cancer on this earth. And modern Dems are basically Communists. Certainly not all. But far too many.
Oh and "Our enemies are trying to get Reps elected. Oh so Reps like Bernie Sander and Jill Stein?
And this is only one report. Several others actually claim that Hillary was in fact aided by Russia herself. Sadly the MSM doesn't care about it and buries it because it's damaging to their narrative of "Trump is Super Hitler". Get over yourselves. Your party is currently flooding the US with illegals and putting US citizens on the back burner.
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Actually, if tumblr does vanish overnight, I'm not sure what social media I'll bother with (I'm not counting Ao3 or neocities as social media since they don't have that same 'newsfeed' feel that I associate with the socials). I'm in the habit of looking at reddit, but this is rarely a fun experience... And, as bad as it sounds, I tend to use it to get a diluted form of the news. (The regular news is all DOOM, HORRORS, etc. but at least reddit has the occasional piece of wholesome content mixed in.)
I can't see myself going cold turkey on social media completely, because I seem to need it in order to decompress. It feels like I need to spend some time in a way that's 'unproductive', and weirdly, hobbies like reading and writing don't register as 'unproductive'. Even gaming requires a certain amount of concentration and commitment. And social media is something you can pick up and put down quickly, so it's handy if I need a quick distraction because I've been staring at something for too long while doing my day job.
I might try replacing 'scroll through social media to decompress' with 'just DO SOME FUCKING STRETCHES to decompress, because doing gentle stretches occasionally has a massive effect on your quality of life.
I don't know, though: there will always be a part of me that wants to peep out and see what's going on in the world. And, beyond my regular 5 senses, I tend to get 'what's going on in the world' from THE NEWS CYCLE, which is absolutely a prime example of 'the map is not the territory' because the news cycle is a deluge of problems problems problems and too much info is presented in a way that's not objective.
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Title-come a little closer.
Drummer bakugo! X lead singer ! reader (fem pronouns )
Non quirk AU! , Band Au!
A/N-(surprisingly this isn’t a yandere fic 😨 I’ve been reading band Au’s for mha and I wanted too make one 👴🏽 even tho this isn’t a yandere fic , it’ll still be a lil dark just like my soul 😀)
TW!!!!!⚠️(cussing , mentions of weed , alcohol use , some depressing topics, bakugo literally hating reader at first but eventually falling madly in love with her 🤓,toxic relationships )
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“I fucking quit!” Tera screams in bakugos face , “your a piece of shit bakugo! You and this god awful band! , with out me y’all are literally trash “ she says pointing at his chest , “and above all , you need me . With out me , your a nobody, you’ll be lonely! , your such a idiot katsuki bakugo.” She says then walking out the door, all of bakugo’s thoughts are racing. He hasn’t even reacted , he’s not mad , or sad , or happy, he can’t feel anything. ‘Maybe she’s right .. your definitely gonna be lonely. And your a piece shit .’ A voice says in his head , eventually he walks out pulling his hood up , walking too the nearest bar too drink his feelings away .
Eventually 3 months later , you came . Bakugo hated you for it . He didn’t want you taking the lead singer position. He wants Tera too come back . Too sing . And love him. He’s been trying too keep that position open for her . But she never came back . The whole reason she left was because she wasn’t nice too the band or bakugo . She would manipulate him , and bully the rest of the band . The fame hit her too hard . She would treat the band like she was all the talent and they were a bunch of nobody’s.She doesn’t care about nobody but her self . Deep down bakugo hoped she cared for him . “Oi!” Bakugo says aggressively walking up too you , “who the fuck are you ?” He says getting up in your face , before you could respond kirishma responds for you , “bakubro she’s the new lead singer !” He smiles at him , bakugo literally felt like it was the end of the world . You replaced Tera’s spot. She supposed too come back . She supposed too come back and love him . And never leave him . “Hell she is ! , listen here dumb ass your not apart of the band so get lost you -“ you cut him off , “listen dude you need too chill, I’m here too stay . “ you say as you shrug your shoulders, he doesn’t even reply he simply walks away mumbling curse words .
Eventually the band went on tour and you guys did your newest song in Japan and the crowd went wild . They loved you !, even people said you were better then Tera , seeing that all over social media pissed bakugo off so bad . Yeah you were a okay singer but your not better then tera, it pissed him off so much , he literally barged into your hotel room , “what the hell is this ?” He says as he holds your phone in-front of your face , you take a hit off the bong before replying, “look dude , I don’t -“ you cough trying too clear the smoke out of your chest , eventually you respond “as I was saying, I don’t control the media, if they say I’m better then this ‘tera’? , then that’s their opinion, I don’t even know her “ you say before taking another hit of your bong , then eventually speaking again, “so who is Tera , is she a singer or something.” You say looking at a fuming bakugo , “your such a dumb ass . And yeah she’s a singer , used too be our singer before you took her spot .” He says annoyed , “dude what?, kiri said the old singer was kicked out . And she wasn’t nice too y’all , or you . She sounds like a bitch . In my opinion, look I ain’t trying too piss you off bro , but if someone you love isn’t treating you or your friends respect , then they gotta go .” You say shrugging your shoulders , bakugo thinks about it for a little bit , I mean he always knew it wasn’t right . But he needed someone too tell him how fucked up it was . And it had too come from you . He was beyond mad that you said that, but also felt a bit comfortable with you since you said that . Before he could respond you hold out the bong too him , “you want a hit ?” You say looking at him smirking. Gosh your so cute, no ! What is he thinking , he’s supposed too be hating you for taking Teras spot . But he can’t turn down some weed . “Fine dumb ass” he responds taking the bong .
And since that you guys talked all night , talking about your past , your goals , where you see yourself in the future, if aliens are real , you know some high talk . Too the point where you and bakugo are laying on the floor together looking at the ceiling listening too what ever band is playing. He eventually looks at you . How could you be this beautiful. Your a great person . Your laid back . You tell it how it is . Your not snobby. Or spoiled . You care for other peoples emotions. Your selfless. He wanted you . Eventually you turn your head too look at him , “what ya looking at ?” You say smiling, “n-nothing dumbass!” He responds looking away , “so um , if Tera was so bad , why didn’t y’all kick her out earlier. ?” You ask confused looking at him , he eventually looks at you before responding, “I didn’t want her too leave. I would convince the band too just ignore her and stay out her way . Until they did the right thing and kicked her out , well she wanted too make it like she quit but she got kicked out. I didn’t want her too leave me . I hate feeling lonely .” He says looking into your eyes , “well , you know what bakugo your a great person. I mean your a little mean . But your a cool person and even tho you made a mistake by convincing your friends too stay quiet. What matters is what you do too make up for it . And you didn’t deserve what she did too you . She’s the shitty person not you .” You say staring into his eyes . Eventually you both kiss , you pull back , “oh bakugo, I didn’t think you liked me like that “ you say giggling, “sh-shut up.” He says shyly but still aggressive, eventually you pull him into another kiss . Maybe you weren’t a dumb ass overall .
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A/N- ( YOOO YALL WANT THIS AS A SERIES?🤨LMK CAUSE ILL DO IT FR 😭)
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Too Far Gone - Part Forty Six
Series Masterlist
Warnings: Not a whole lot, angst and fluff, maybe some swear words
Word Count: 7000
Tia thought she would be nervous or anxious seeing her dad. She wasn’t. She thought she would be angry or upset having to remember everything he did. She wasn’t. She thought she would be flustered or start spiraling thinking of all the things she wanted to say. She wasn’t.
When she walked into the restaurant and said Paul’s name to the host, she felt confident.
He was already waiting at a table tucked towards the back, wearing khakis and a button up polo shirt. His light hair had even more grey mixed in than she remembered, the heavy bags under his hazel eyes told a story of their own. He stood up and gave her a hug, then tucked her chair in behind.
“Hi,” he beams at her. “How have you been?” Paul’s voice is soft but riddled with anxiety.
“Good.” Tia replies with a nod. “I’m waiting for exam marks, but I can’t finish any of my classes with a grade lower than 77%. I stopped working at the club and got a job at a local clothing store. The owner is also a designer, and she is very supportive of me, giving me pointers all the time. I go to therapy once a week. Taylour just turned three and had a Paw Patrol themed birthday party. But you knew all that didn’t you?” She holds him under a firm glare atop the menu, then drops it into her lap and releases an exhale.
It’s no secret that Paul has been keeping tabs on Tia. He’s offered money multiple times, came to Toronto and tried to meet with her. Beyond that, there were phone calls she never returned, a letter she didn’t bother to read, messages on social media that were ignored. Despite her attempts to keep him at bay, she always knew he was there giving her space, all while keeping a watchful eye. In all honesty she thought once she started working at the Brass Rail he was going to show up and drag her out by her hair, but even then he stayed back.
Paul shifts slightly in his seat and clears his throat. “Tia, I wish I could go back and undo it all,” he tells her, sincerity dripping off his words. “But that isn’t an option.”
“No. It’s not.” She sternly replies, anger riddling her voice as she glares at him. “But you had three years to tell me, instead you waited for Auston to question you on it.”
“I know and I –“
Paul moves to speak but Tia cuts in. “You were a single parent. You know how fucking hard it is to raise a child alone. The only difference is you had to do it alone, I didn’t. Auston would have been involved if he had the opportunity.” Only anger comes across because the alternative is pain, and that is something she is trying to avoid. “It was hell being a young mother alone in a new city, thinking the father wanted nothing to do with me, not having a single person to support me.”
The silence that follows her words is intense, awkward even, thick and suffocating as her eyes burn into him. Her intention in coming wasn’t to yell at him. Her and Heidi spoke about Tia’s goals, what questions she hoped to have answered and where she saw their relationship going.
She wants to have a real conversation with him, probably one of the only honest conversations they have ever had but seeing him triggered something in her. And before she can move towards a future relationship, Tia needs to get everything out in the open.
“You didn’t actually do it alone, not entirely. In Minnesota you had Grandma and once we moved some of the bases had subsidized daycare, there were tons of families who would help out if you were gone at night.” The more Tia speaks, the more anger and vitriol comes out. Each word burns her tongue more than the one before, but she can’t stop. “You had people everywhere we went! I literally showed up in a country with no job, no apartment, no friends. And within a month of me arriving, Auston was in Toronto signing his contract, practicing with the team. He was so fucking close, and I had no idea.” Tia tries to keep her composure but every time she thinks about how there were only a few kilometers separating them it tears her apart. A lump forms in her throat and tears brim in her eyes, her first sign of weakness since sitting down. “Did you know?”
“Hi folks, I’m Dan and I’ll be looking after you today,” the waiter dressed in all black interrupts. “Can I get you started with drinks?”
There is a delay, and maybe if it was longer he could have picked up on the tension. Dan might have seen the way Tia’s tears stung Paul more than anything else in his entire life, but only because those tears are for him, because of him. But to save the young man from being another casualty of his errors, Paul turns and fakes a smile.
“Uhm,” Paul clears the hoarseness in his throat. “Can I get a diet coke?”
“Of course,” he replies with a nod, and turns to Tia. “And for you.”
Tia’s fight or flight instinct was never to run. She didn’t in fourth grade when Molly Cauvinsky made fun of her for the hairstyle Paul spent over an hour on for class pictures. She didn’t in eighth grade when Kelti and Justine (the mean girls of her grade) were bullying her after moving to Belgium. She always fought back and stood up for herself (literally with Kelti), but that version of her has slowly faded with time. At this point Tia doesn’t think she has any fight left. She just wants to leave.
“Tia?” Paul prompts her.
“Sorry.” Tia shakes her head with a sniffle. “I’ll have the same.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
“Thank you.” Paul replies as Dan makes his exit.
“Did you know Auston was here?” Tia repeats the question, looking through her lashes, feeling the hot tears sting her eyes as she tries to blink them away.
“Yes,” Paul sighs and looks away. “I did. The fact you didn’t is shocking. Everyone in Arizona, Zurich and Toronto were talking about it.”
“So, it’s my fault?” Tia snaps, her face scrunching with disgust. “After you made me think he abandoned me I should have googled him? Kept tabs on the ex that I believed wanted nothing to do with me or his child?”
“N…no,” Paul stammers out awkwardly. “Not at all. None of this is your fault. I fucked up, so many times. The first when I made an assumption about the type of person he is, second when I broke into your accounts, third when…I mean the list goes on,” he sighs again and drops his shoulders at the weight of it all. “I did try to tell you. Every time I came to town you wouldn’t see me, or you’d hang up the second you heard my voice…I…I wanted to tell you I just never had the chance.”
“And that’s my fault?” There is venom in her voice.
His hazel eyes flash with pain, but Tia doesn’t care. She doesn’t care if hearing of her struggles upsets him or makes him uncomfortable, he deserves to take back some of the burden she has had to bear for the last four years. He deserves to feel guilty.
“No sweetie, not at all.” He emphatically shakes his head, unable to meet her piercing glare. “It’s all on me. I should have been a better parent,” he can barely whisper.
Tia looks him dead in the eye, trying to find any indication he isn’t being truthful, a hint of insincerity. Something to make her second guess (or quadruple guess at this point) her decision to come. She almost wants it to be there, because it would be easier to accept he hadn’t changed. But there isn’t any. Paul is being genuine, and in spite of her reservations, Tia believes every word he says. So, she takes a deep breath, and then another, trying to steady her beating heart.
“Something we agree on,” she mutters bitterly.
“Here we are.” Dan pops in at the best possible time with their drinks. He sets them down on the table and pulls out his notebook and pen. “Are we ready to order?”
“Can I get the portobello mushroom sandwich, with a Greek salad?”
“Excellent choice, the aioli is very good,” he smiles, scribbling down Paul’s order.
Tia hesitates and contemplates leaving yet again. The conversation thus far has spun in circles and maybe she isn’t ready to hear him out. On top of that, Tia barely glanced at the menu. She read the names of the dishes and looked at a couple pictures, then found herself re-reading it when she didn’t process anything, and then gave up on looking all together.
“Can I have the same please?” Tia requests because that seems easier.
“Nice and easy,” the waiter reaches down to collect the menus. “I’ll be back shortly.
“Thank you,” Tia forces a smile and lump in her throat.
“Every parent makes mistakes,” Paul speaks as soon as Dan leaves. “Mine just happened to be catastrophic. I genuinely thought Auston was a terrible match for you, that he’d do irreparable damage to your heart…I now realize it was me who did that,” he adds in after a pause. “If I could go back to the day he left Zurich, or that first date when you came home six hours late and give him a chance, I would. But I can’t. I can only accept my faults, try to move past them and hope you can forgive me.”
“That’s awfully wise,” Tia cocks a brow, and brings the glass to her lips to take a sip.
“Those would be the words of Dr. Fischer, the therapist I’ve been seeing in Berlin for the last nineteen months,” he explains.
“And what does Dr. Fischer think of you following me and my life over the last three years?” Tia probes.
“He told me I needed to find the true cause for my actions. And it wasn’t fair for me to keep forcing myself into your life if I wasn’t going to be honest with both me and you.”
Tia can hear a raw vulnerability in his voice, something else she never experienced with him. Apart from frustration over her poor dating choices, and disappointment when she lied or broke curfew, Paul rarely showed any emotion.
It always stung as a child when she asked about her mother and Paul brushed it off as if she meant nothing to him, she now understands and reciprocates that sentiment. But as an eight-year-old girl it baffled her why her dad was unphased talking about her “death” as this was supposed to be someone he loved and cared for. She often felt guilty showing emotion when her father didn’t, so to not only see his emotion, but feel it, Tia is a little unsure how to handle the situation.
“He told me I should leave you alone and wait for you to come to me, if you ever did. I listened to his advice for four months or so, then the article came out. That was kind of hard to ignore.”
“Right,” Tia nods, halfheartedly smiling as she lets out an uneasy exhale.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Paul offers.
The thing is, the first few days after the article, when Tia was at her lowest, a part of her wanted to call him - he is her dad after all. He had a hard time admitting his faults or when he was wrong, but the two of them became very close over the years. They had to, every time they moved to a new city he was the only person she’d know.
When she turned twelve he went to a bookstore and bought five different ‘how to talk to your daughter’ books on various topics such as dating, puberty and her period. He bought different types of products and sat her down, trying to explain everything that was going to happen one day.
He was the one who taught her to throw the right hook that led to her two-day suspension after Tia clocked Kelti in the jaw. And with weeks until the start of her senior year when Paul was relocated and Tia was left devastated, Paul was once again there to console her.
He went to every one of her dance recitals, and always gifted her a large bouquet of flowers afterwards. He stayed up until 3am trying to make cookies for the school bake sale, before finally conceding his skills were subpar and tried to play off bakery cookies as his own. He wasn’t just her only parent, whenever they would relocate to a new city he would become her only friend.
“No.” Tia shakes her head and looks him dead in the eyes. “Not with you.”
He’s just not that person to her anymore.
“Alright,” Dan pops in beside the table, holding two plates. He sets one in front of Tia and the other in front of Paul. “Do we need anything else?” He queries with a smile.
“No,” Tia turns to face him. “I think we’re good.”
“Great. Well enjoy.”
Tia picks up her cutlery and starts to eat. Neither one says anything, and Tia doesn’t really know if there is anything left to say. What is she supposed to say? It’s okay. I accept your apology and what you did. Your actions didn’t cause this trickle-down effect on my life that led to me being a stripper, who at times could barely face the reflection in the mirror.
Paul’s face twists in confusion, noticeably baffled by his daughter. He knew she was going to have walls, massive and almost unclimbable walls, but he hoped she was going to start letting them fall. Why else would she invite him to lunch across the Atlantic?
After watching Tia take a few bites of food and rinse it down, unable to bring her gaze up, unable to speak or do anything other than eat, Paul sighs and starts to eat his lunch.
“So,” he prompts her, breaking the bubble of silence that builds around them. “Tell me about Made With Grace.”
“Oh my god,” she almost laughs. Of course, he would know about her fashion line before a single picture or post has been made about it. “What’s there to tell? You know it all.”
“I know you made a second Instagram account with the name Made With Grace. I assume,” he emphasizes for effect, “it’s for a fashion line, but you haven’t posted anything, it’s hard to know for sure.”
“Yes,” she groans, shaking her head. “That is the name of my fashion line. I have made a few pieces, but I don’t know if I’m going to start it now or wait until I graduate, it’s a lot of work and I think I’m starting to hate everything I made.”
“I didn’t raise you to doubt yourself,” Paul asserts.
Tia sets down her fork and wipes at the edge of her lips. “Maybe I’ve changed.”
“No.” Paul shakes his head. It’s clear she isn’t being truthful to either one of them, not that he really blames her. “Circumstance has you scared. The fans and media haven’t been kind to you, and now you are constantly in fear of what will be said about you. You are so focused on how everyone else perceives you that you no longer know who you are.”
“You’re probably right,” Tia finally concedes after contemplating his words.
“Unless you live your days in a hole, people are going to talk. You had a baby with Auston Matthews, it’s obviously very hot gossip.” Tia almost snorts up her diet coke at his sarcasm. “They are always going to talk about you, why don’t you change the narrative?”
Tia stays silent for a moment, as if she is fighting over what to say next. “Might be the first useful thing you’ve said all lunch,” Tia retorts. Paul’s eyes go wide along with his jaw at her bluntness, but when he sees the faintest of smirks on her face, he sighs.
“Can I see?” Paul grins.
Tia smiles at him and grabs her phone from the purse that dangles off the chair. Unlocking the device, she opens the gallery and selects the album full of pictures of her clothes. Some on mannequins, others being modelled by her friends, even a few selfies of herself in them and slides it over the table to him.
Paul takes his time looking at every picture, zooming in, flipping to one from a different angle and back to the other. He asks questions about her inspiration behind each one, the various colours and fabric types she chose, but he didn’t have to do a lot because once Tia started talking it all came rambling out.
She tells him about her decision to start on social media and not use a store – even though she probably could have space at Celestes’. She explains how it will keep her start-up and product costs down if she produces every item herself, opposed to using a manufacturer and needing a markup. She tells him about the price point she was considering, and how Celeste told her it was too low, and that she is weighing the decision to raise it before her first sale.
“You’ve put a lot of work into this,” he tells her. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks Dad,” Tia genuinely smiles.
“So, when did you and Auston get back together?” Diet Coke once again almost spews from her nostrils. “I know it was after that banker kid, who, if we’re being honest, stuck around for far too long.”
“Will you stop stalking me?” Her eyes go wide, and she shakes her head in disbelief.
“Send me a text every once in a while and I will,” Paul replies, somewhat jokingly. “But seriously, I just want you to be happy, and if that’s with Auston –“
“We’re not together,” Tia quickly informs him, stabbing her fork through a piece of spinach.
“Tia, can we just skip the part where you lie to me?” Paul grins softly.
“I’m not lying. Auston and I…” There is a slight hesitation that if Paul didn’t know her so well he may have missed, but he does know her. He sees the way her shoulders fall and the way her eyes coat white with fear as she grapples with the admission. “We’re not together,” she finally admits, voice void of all confidence. “Things with Thomas – the banker kid - weren’t good. Not just with him, but a bunch of other stuff was going on and I sort of used him as a crutch to forget it all. That’s why I’ve been in therapy, working through it all, learning to love myself again.”
“I’m glad you’re doing better.” Tia can see the panic in his eyes he is trying to disguise as she speaks of a person long ago forgotten. “And I’m sorry things got to that point.”
“It’s not your fault,” she softly smiles to him. Falling silent for a minute, Tia lets out an exhale, picks up her glass and swirls the ice. For the first time since sitting down, the silence isn’t heavy and full of resentment, it’s almost peaceful, easy.
“Are you sure you’re not dating him?” Paul doesn’t accept her answer. He sets his cutlery on the now empty plate and pushes it to the side. Scooching his chair closer, he pulls his phone out and begins to scroll until he finds what he needs. “This?” he probes, showing her a picture taken of them at the park, sitting side by side with his arm over her shoulder. “Or this?” he scrolls to the next picture, one of them at dinner after she told him of her new job. “And what about this one?” Paul shows her the last picture, one where Auston is holding open the door to her building, Taylour is on his hip and Tia is beaming widely, happily laughing over something one of them said.
“What are you, TMZ?” She scoffs dryly, rolling her eyes.
“These are literally pictures he was tagged in on Instagram or Twitter. The entire world has access to them, blogs are speculating that you two are back together, these pictures are causing a shit storm online. I get notified when your name pops up on Reddit, it’s how I found these.”
“We’re just friends dad, nothing more.”
“I don’t look at my friends like this,” he pulls up the restaurant picture, that must have been taken after he said something funny or ridiculous. Tia has a slight blush on her cheeks and one hand on his thigh, while the edge of her lips are beginning to curl upwards, where Auston is full on smiling at her with a twinkle in his eye.
“Are you done?” She exhales heavily. “Why are you suddenly on the Auston train?”
Paul chuckles. “I trust you and your judge of character.”
“Oh, the wise words of Dr. Fischer,” Tia deflects, not wanting to talk about this anymore, and especially not with him.
“He might be the one who said it first, but I know it’s true.” Paul echoes. “Just like I know you have feelings for him.”
“Dad,” Tia warns, her voice firm enough for him to pick up on. He throws his hands up in defeat while cracking a smile, one that hits her face too.
Tia continues to pick away at her lunch while Paul peppers her with a million questions. Tia answers all the ones she felt comfortable with. She still has reservations about him and rightfully so. She shows him pictures and a few videos from Taylour’s birthday, and even heard a soft sniffle over the screaming children as he watched his grandson dancing with Marshall and Chase.
Dan cleared their plates and Paul ordered coffee and dessert. He didn’t even ask Tia if she wanted to stay, just assumed, but she doesn’t mind – Taylour did get his love of cake from somewhere after all. She knew the real reason was he wants to extend their time together; she doesn’t mind that either.
The decadent dessert was almost gone when Paul was rambling about Cherrie, a woman he had been dating for the last six weeks. He had a sweet smile on his face the entire time as he gushed about her and shared stories of their recent camping trip.
“She sounds amazing dad,” Tia says when he finally stops rambling. “I’m happy you’re happy.”
“Thanks,” Paul replies with a soft squeeze to the hand. “I haven’t been this happy with someone since –“ Paul’s face whitens, and Tia can practically feel the shiver erupt up his spine.
“Since Kylie?” Tia hesitantly questions, letting her gaze drop while she shifts in her seat.
“Yeah. I don’t know how you feel, but I personally try to not talk about her.” Paul explains, his face scrunching up in the process.
“Heidi makes me talk about her,” Tia says awkwardly. “A lot.”
“Luckily Dr. Fischer doesn’t anymore,” Paul replies.
“Well, I went to see her, probably why she still pushes it,” Tia mutters as the fork scrapes the plate to collect the final piece. Almost as if she is contemplating taking the bite, she stares at the fork, centimeters from her lips for a moment, before finally sighing and setting it back on the plate.
“You spoke with Kylie?” Paul sends his full attention to her.
“No,” she lets out a long sigh. “She wasn’t there but I did get to meet her new husband,” she adds softly, but Paul can sense the pain in her words.
“Ah,” Paul nods and clicks his teeth, attempting to hide his own displeasure. He picks up his glass and takes a sip of the drink, that is mostly melted ice with the faintest taste of diet Coke and follows it up by clearing his throat. Tia can feel his discomfort, almost more than her own. “You want to talk about it? About her?”
Tia leans back in her seat. “No,” she answers with confidence.
“If you ever do… or you have questions about her…I know I never really talked about her –“ he barely manages to stutter out.
“Why would I want to find out about a woman who abandoned me, abandoned us?” Tia’s tone is harsh. “The only question I may want answered is why she left, only she can answer that, but right now I just don’t care.”
“I get that, I used to care, spent years constantly wondering what I could have done for her to leave.”
“Dad,” Tia is quick in her response, the assertiveness catching them both off guard. Taking a breath to compose herself, she leans forward in her chair and grabs his hand. When she opens her mouth to speak again, her words are soft, barely louder than a whisper. Using the full weight of it seems too frightening right now. “You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not your fault she left.”
“No, I know that now. It took me a bit, longer than it should have, but eventually I realized and stopped caring. It’s probably why I never told you the truth about her.”
Tia sighs. “You don’t have to justify how you handled that. For two years I thought Auston abandoned me and I dreaded the day Taylour started to ask why he wasn’t around, because I had no idea what I would have said. It’s not an easy topic to handle.”
Paul brings his other hand over hers and gives it a soft squeeze for reassurance. When he releases a shaky breath, followed by a sniffle, Tia realizes he is crying. Wood scraping on the floor is heard and she shifts to be closer to him.
“I’m so sorry I put you through that,” he whispers through jagged breaths, letting Tia hear all the pain he has been harbouring for years.
“Dad,” her voice cracks, but she has no more words. Instinct is to say something along the lines of “it’s okay” but she can’t say that. What he did is not okay, and as of right now she doesn’t forgive him, she is just open to the idea of maybe forgiving him one day. But, even if at some point she forgives him, what he did will never be okay.
**
Tia didn’t know how or why she planned her day this way. If lunch wasn’t going to be enough of an emotional roller coaster, or if she wanted to add some more excitement to her day, but after lunch she was venturing across town to Scotiabank Arena for a friends and family skate. It didn’t make sense for her to be there, given she isn’t a family member or dating a player, but there she was, with curls bouncing under the Leafs toque Auston had provided her, dredging through the slush covered parking lot. By the time she reached Auston who was lingering at the door, the bottom two inches of her suede boots were soaked, and fresh snowflakes littered her hat and shoulders.
“Hey,” Auston smiles and brings her in for a hug. “How’s it going? How was lunch?” Tia can hear sincerity in his question even though she knows his opinion of Paul and her decision to see him.
She steps into the warmth radiating off his body, her arms sliding around his waist. “It was…okay.” The truth is lunch wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad. It was emotional, stressful and at times challenging, but she wouldn’t classify it as good nor bad.
He pulls back to scan over her face. She doesn’t look like she is fighting emotional turmoil or the tears that often accompany that, but she doesn’t look excited either. There is something about her that is off. Whether that is the result of seeing Paul, the regret in agreeing to come or a combination of the two, something is bothering her. Auston just knows.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” she nods, further burying her face against his chest.
“You sure?” He probes while quirking an eyebrow, unconvinced by her.
“I will be.” She nods again, this time tilting her head back to flick her eyes along his. Warm, reminiscent of home.
“Want to talk about it?” He offers, tightening his grip around her waist.
“Maybe later.”
“Okay.” His lips gently kiss her forehead. He knew she wouldn’t talk about it here, but he had to try. “Let’s get going.”. His arms linger a little longer than they probably should before letting them fall to her sides. “You excited?” He asks, opening the door for her.
“I guess,” Tia snickers, “haven’t been on skates in four years.”
“Every Minnesotan is ashamed of you,” he teases, casually strolling down the hall.
“Every Minnesotan is offended by your stereotype,” she claps back, taking her gloves off and shoving them in her purse.
“Fair enough,” he chuckles. “Don’t worry, a lot of the women can’t skate, you’ll fit right in.”
“It’s not my skating abilities I’m worried about,” she mutters under her breath.
Tia reaches for the handle of the dressing room but Auston having heard not only what she said, but the dread in her voice, grabs her wrist and pulls her to the side. “Don’t worry about them.” He tries to comfort her, “I’m going to be with you all afternoon. Same with Taylour.”
The truth is, Auston wants Tia to have a good time, not just with him, Taylour and the few teammates she has met on occasion. He wants her to get along with the women. He isn’t expecting her to become friends with them or even get along with all of them, but a couple might be nice for the few games she will attend.
Tia shoots him a soft smile, one that she hopes will tell him she was okay. It must have worked, because he smiles back and reaches around her, yanking the dressing room door open.
Tia instantly remembers the thing she hates most about hockey locker rooms, the smell. No amount of cleaning product or aerosol spray could mask the scent trapped in every orifice. The room is loud, multiple overlapping conversations, big broad-shouldered men and beautiful women sitting beside them, even a few kids mixed in. There has to be twenty different conversations ongoing, two babies are crying, its absolute mayhem, another thing Tia remembers.
“Mommy!” Taylour calls out when they step in, drawing the gaze of a few people in the room. Stepping over the bags and around the shoes that scatter the floor, she takes the seat opposite Taylour, and Auston sits beside her.
“You ready to skate?” Tia asks, bending down to undo her laces.
“Mhm,” Taylour nods with a smile carved into his face. “I just need my helmet.”
“Got that right here.” William, who is sitting on the other side of Taylour reaches in to the small Maple Leafs duffle bag and pulls out a blue helmet. Adjusting it on his head, he begins to snap the buckles in place. “And your gloves,” he holds out each hand and lets Taylour slide his fingers inside. Knocking on his helmet, Will smiles at him, “now you’re ready.”
“Can I skate now Daddy?” Taylour pushes off the bench and wobbles on his blades.
“In a sec, I only have one skate on.” Auston starts tugging on the laces to begin the process of tightening the second one as Tia slides her feet into her skates. A perfect fit – as if she should expect something else.
“I got him,” Will offers. Standing up in his booth, he runs a hand through his shimmering gold locks and flips them through the air almost in slow motion, like a perfectly placed shampoo commercial.
Grabbing Taylour’s hand, Will helps him maneuver the mess of items on the floor. With Taylour gone Tia returns to the task hand, tying her skates, something Auston used to do because she could never make it tight enough.
“Need some help?” Auston offers after watching her work on the same section of laces, never getting them any tighter.
“I –“ Tia always found him tying her skates to be such an intimate act. She never quite understood why, they were always in smelly locker rooms, or on a crowded bench at an outdoor rink surrounded by strangers. Two of the least romantic places she could think of, but the act of him doing it for her always felt so personal, private.
When Auston asked, it wasn’t a literal question, he was more so informing Tia that he would be tying her skates. He always let her try, sometimes even waited until she was finished only to shake his head and grin over how loose they were and redo them himself. Tying skates is such a normal facet of everyday life for Auston he never felt any hidden meaning. But, there is a small part of him that enjoys tying Tia’s.
Grabbing the sides of her right skate, he lifts it up in the air and slots the blade between his thighs then hunches over. Working his way up from the bottom he yanks on the lace tightening it a little bit more each time. As he passes the ankle, he pulls his gaze to hers and asks, “is it too tight?” to which she smiles and softly replies no.
Becks told her that stepping onto the ice after four years would be like riding a bike. She lied. Becks was a figure skater for eight years, so maybe for her skating was like riding a bike, but that wasn’t the case for Tia. With two feet barely on the ice she started to wobble and reach out for the boards when Auston’s strong grip found her elbow.
“Did you forget everything I taught you?” he teases once she steadies.
“You forgot everything I taught you about fashion,” she retorts playfully.
With a very dramatic eye roll, Auston spins in front of her and puts his hands on her shoulders. “Legs should be shoulder width apart.” He stops and waits for Tia to adjust, “good,” he nods. “Now you want to bend your knees a bit, until they are just past the toe-caps.” Tia once again follows his instructions. “Chest and head up, looking at the ice is how you kiss it.”
Once Tia was standing in the correct position and ready to start skating, Auston gave her a few more pointers. Tia did as she was told, and soon she was slowly gliding down the ice while Auston remained in front of her, holding her hands while skating backwards. Every time she looked down at her feet, he would lift her chin, and every time she began to wobble he would slow down to keep her upright, sometimes by putting his hands to her hips.
“Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy!” Taylour’s small, joyful voice radiates as he skates by.
“Wow, look at you, such a good skater,” she encourages him, feeling a sense of pride watching him maneuver around the freshly cleaned ice.
“Mhm, I have to go get Fweddie.”
Continuing to push out with his feet, Tia watches him slowly skate further and further away, trying to close the gap on Fred and Jessica who are waiting on the blue line. As he pushes faster and faster, his little legs begin to wobble.
“Oh!” Tia exclaims when he falls forward and lands on his chest. “He fell.”
“I see,” Auston spins to be beside Tia, and puts an arm under hers for support, not making an attempt to get to Taylour.
“Auston, he fell,” Tia repeats, firmer this time, panic becoming evident.
“Just watch.” Nodding towards centre ice, Tia watches as he positions himself on one knee, and uses his two hands to push off the ice and onto two feet. “It’s crazy what a good teacher can do,” he adds when Taylour resumes skating towards Fred.
“I wouldn’t know, my instructor had a tendency to get…distracted.”
Auston tries to hide his smile, really tries, but Tia’s playful tone makes his cheeks warm and pink. “Let’s go,” Auston slips his fingers into hers and ignores her teasing, however true it may have been.
True to his word, for the next fifteen minutes Auston was close by with that large smile still pressed to his lips. He just couldn’t shake it. During the first three seasons there were countless friends and family skates, and Auston often attended them alone. Sometimes his family was in town and would join in, but more often than not he felt alone while surrounded by others. Every time he saw Mitch kiss Steph or the Marleau’s holding hands, he found himself wishing Tia was there with him, and now she is. And it will take a lot to pull that smile from his face.
“Taylour come here,” Auston beckons him to centre ice by curling his index finger.
“Daddy, Fwed said I can shoot on him.” Taylour beams as he makes his way with a stick in hand, but it’s obvious he isn’t coming to see them and instead is heading towards the net.
“In a minute, come here for a second,” Auston tells him.
“Daddy,” Taylour whines, throwing his head up in annoyance.
“You can wait one minute.” Leaving Tia standing alone, he takes three strides and picks up Taylour, who starts to giggle as Auston tickles his side.
Auston half expected to find Tia on her ass after he left, but she was in the exact same spot, arms spread wide to help with balance. Fred skates over holding his stick, gloves and blocker and stops inches from Auston, sweeping snow over his ankles.
“Take a picture of us.” Auston shoves his phone into Fred’s chest, the two of them sharing a playful smirk.
With Taylour on his left hip, legs dangling on either side of his thigh, Auston throws his right arm over Tia’s shoulder. Her arm snakes behind his back, and he shifts to be closer as she leans into him. Her other hand finds its way to his chest and he holds them both, close, smiling while Fred snaps pictures of them.
“No more,” Taylour throws his head back dramatically.
“No more?” Tia brings her hand off Auston and gently runs them over Taylour’s chin. Uninterested in anything other than skating he turns away and lets out a deep huff. Auston and Tia share a brief glance, both of them silently saying ‘he’s your kid’ then he sets Taylour on the ice and retrieves his phone from Fred.
“Daddy, come play too!” Taylour grips his hand and tries to pull him over.
“I have to make sure Mommy doesn’t fall and break her leg.” Auston says somewhat sarcastically with a devious grin.
“Go play with him,” Tia shrugs his arm off her shoulder, attempting to act annoyed but the smirk says she is anything but.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Tia stays put for a second and watches Auston skate away, scooping Taylour up along the way. She watches Jason skate up with Anna and Julia, his two youngest daughters and the three kids practice shooting on Fred who makes dramatic attempts at every save.
Jason coaches them on how to properly hold the stick while Auston snatches the puck from Taylour’s stick and dangles around all three kids as they attempt to take it back. The laughter that echoes off the ice is contagious, euphoric, and Tia feels like her heart could explode just by watching.
As she takes it all in, she can feel her balance beginning to dwindle and decides to venture over to the bench before she falls. Tia tries to remember what Auston taught her and positions her left leg to point away from her body, and her right towards the bench where she can see Jessica sitting alone. Bringing her arms out horizontal to the ice, Tia pushes off with her left leg and slowly meanders away. Feeling her feet wobble under her body, Tia’s arms start to spin in large circles to help with balance and her eyes drop down to see what her feet are doing.
Almost instantly she hears the familiar teasing, yet stern voice of Auston, then feels him enter her personal space. “Head up Adams’.”
“How do I know what my feet are doing if I don’t look at them.” Her entire body starts to lean forward, the ice getting closer, but his hands are quickly on her hips, holding her upright.
“You just do,” his lips hover inches from her ear as he stabilizes her and helps guide her to the bench.
“Very inciteful,” she replies dryly.
“I know.”
Auston leans down and his lips press against her cheek. A short and sweet kiss that he didn’t even think about. It just came naturally and felt normal, like most things between them as of late.
For a while now, Tia had been feeling herself mold more and more into Auston’s life. In the past this aspect of Auston’s life scared her and as a result Taylour was largely kept out of it. Tia didn’t know how to keep Taylour involved but herself out, then it hit her, she can’t. She has to be involved otherwise Taylour won’t be. While that concept used to scare her, she didn’t feel that once while out on the ice. She felt like she was exactly where she needed to be.
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#Too Far Gone#Auston Matthews#Auston Matthews fic#Auston Matthews smut#NHL Smut#Too Far Gone Fic#too far gone#auston matthews imagine#hockey fic#hockey smut#nhl imagine#hockey imagine#toronto maple leafs#toronto maple leafs fic#toronto maple leafs smut#toronto maple leafs imagine#Auston Matthews OC#TFG#hockey fanfiction#auston matthews!dad fic#hockey fanfic#nhl fic
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