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#i just wanna put cyril in my pocket
beedoes-stuff · 7 months
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DOVE? DOVE IS THE NICKNAME? OH MY GOD????
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the-6th-harbringer · 5 months
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PLEASE READ
Hey. So. It's been a. while.
trigger warning: referenced suicide
So, if you haven't noticed, I literally evaporated for two weeks straight without any clarification on why or sign of actually being alive, unlike my last two week disappearance. Unfortunately, this unexpected evaporation does not come with a big "ooh more trauma more lore and angst for scara" thing.
This just happens to be my goodbye post.
I know, it's weird and kind of rude for me to dip for two weeks and then reappear like "hey fuckers im QUITTING hAHaA". Buuuut not only was my dad being annoying and hogging my laptop, I also barely have had time to myself for the past weeks. New family members have been introduced into my life, so now I have double the amount of little siblings to look after. (from 3 to 6. dont ask "how" thats a personal thing). juggling that with school, social stuff, fucking exams which are coming up in 3 months of my gOD, and other even more personal demons that I've been battling, its been. a lot.
SO, to make sure I do not pull the same move as Scaramouche did on the last day of his sakurarealm torture(iykyk), I'm taking a leave from tumblr. Don't know how long I'll be gone, don't know if I'll ever be back, but I didn't just wanna quit without at least telling you guys so you don't think I've been murdered or something.
On a more serious note, thank you all for all of the support and love you've given Scara and all my other blogs. While some of you are a handful, the majority of you are actually the sweetest and silliest community of people I've ever known. I hope you all have excellent lives.
Now, as for what happens to Scara, we're shoving him in another coma. which is entirely at the mercy of Wanderer's mod, because they're my friend outside of tumblr too and i trust that they'll use this as a major angst moment. Put an F for Cyrille and Scara guys
NOW: a few honorable mentions and thank yous:
@wandering-hat-guy : im not writing a goodbye type thing for you because i will literally talk to you tomorrow, but thank you for being an awesome brother-sibling figure. you are the wanderer to my scara :]
@an-active-rabbit : Thank you for being an extremely fun person to rp with. The puppets and the heart is a rp that wont leave my mind for a while yet. Many hugs for you! And I wont be forgetting Mikaven anytime soon >:3
@cyrille-leclair-de-fontaine : AUGH budddyyy im sorry to do this to you. But thank you for creating Cyrille in the first place. Cyscara my beloveds, they will always hold a place in my heart. Maybe one day they'll actually get somewhere. Im also willing to be your friend outside of tumblr if you wish because you're cool >:D
@dishonxsty : For also being a goofy little goober. My favorite rp with you was definitely the ouppy's and scara, and also kudos to you for making like 17 bajillion blogs and being able to manage them all at once somehow like???? go king go
Annnd @monsieur-neuvillette , who seems random because I havent rped with them in literally a century, but thank you for being the one to indirectly help me get over my fears of starting a rp blog AND being the inspo for me to start rping on tumblr in the first place. hugs for you too
Well, alls said that's been said, so I think I'll just end it off here, because it's been like 10 minutes since I started typing this and I am eepy.
Goodbye everyone except wandermod, and thank you for sticking with me through Scara's really out of pocket journey.
(PS: Rest in peace @the-tainted-blossom . I miss you everyday.)
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ghost-kitty-cat · 6 months
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Cyril Headcanons (finally time to ramble about one of the actual characters and not a listener or side characters..)
First Headcanon, Cyril totally gives me the vibes of someone who clicks their pen while thinking or to keep themselves focus (though I imagine he wouldn't do that with the pen that he got from Rival/Dove because thats a special pen... speaking of which..)
Second Headcanon, After Rival/Dove gave Cyril the fountain pen (I think that's the correct name..) I imagine Cyril clipped the pen onto the small front pocket of his work shirt and he just takes it everywhere with him (and he only uses it on special occasions...)
Third Headcanon, I don't know if because of the stereotypes for "nerdy" characters (or it could be because I myself wear glasses but) I imagine Cyril (and possibly Rival/Dove) wears glasses, I don't know if they're reading glasses or not, I just always imagined him with glasses...
Fourth Headcanon, (technically this is also a Rival/Dove headcanon but) I imagine Cyril will occasionally let Rival/Dove either style his hair or play with it (again this could be because I myself stim and fidget a lot but I imagine Rival/Dove will typically fidget with something while trying to focus like how I imagine Cyril fidgets with a pen.... and occasionally Cyril will let them play with his hair since at certain times it doesn't really bug him... speaking of which...)
Fifth Headcanon, I don't know why.. this is just how I picture him but my mind always imagines Cyril with slightly long hair like not too long but it's long enough that he can put it in a small ponytail..
Sixth Headcanon, (This is slightly a Roman Headcanon as well but) I've always imagined Cyril and Roman having the sort of friendship that likes siblings but not actually siblings, just the way they act around each other gives sibling vibes I don't know why it just does... (I imagine Cyril might think that but I doubt he would *ever* say that to Roman's face, that's something he would take to his grave...)
Seventh Headcanon, (this is slightly based off how he was when he first explained to Pip when they first arrived at the institute (I think that's the right word)) but Cyril definitely gives off the vibes of someone who doesn't know anything about comfort even if it hit him in the face, that's definitely something I imagine Rival/Dove (and possibly Ellis) taught him about..
Eighth Headcanon, (this is slightly based off how he reacted to hugs but) I imagine Cyril has like this imaginary bubble/shield around him, keeping people at a certain distance so they can't touch him, so far only Ellis and Rival/Dove (and possibly Cyril's dads) have broken through the bubble/shield while people like Roman still haven't... and Cyril would rather it stayed like that... (I imagine Cyril strongly dislikes physical touch... do we know why? Nope... he just dislikes it, he's still getting used to Ellis and Rival/Dove hugging him.. it probably be quite a bit before the bubble/shield is completely gone... geez this got slightly depressing... let's move on! Quick before i cry my eyes out!)
Ninth Headcanon, Cyril is totally the type of person where if you annoy him too much, he just randomly start saying stuff in a different language while having this cold sorta death stare (it definitely scared Rival/Dove in the beginning but now they're used to it...somewhat...)
Tenth Headcanon, (this is sorta a Rival/Dove headcanon as well but..) I like to imagine there was a time where Cyril went over to Rival/Dove's place and hung out (possibly watched a movie or read some new books) and Rival/Dove ended up falling asleep while like leaning on him and he decided not to move them... (I imagine it was one of the first times he let someone (besides Ellis and possibly Cyril's dads) through his little imaginary bubble/shield.... (oh just great, good going me! Now I wanna go cry my eyes out ;-;)
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thecosmicsen · 2 years
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to: Min Inhye ████ ██ ███ letter from █████ prison
Inés,
well done.  you must be so proud of yourself for this one,  huh ?  how does it feel to receive a letter from me,  knowing that you put me behind bars ?  you think you won this fight.  in some ways,  you have.  you flexed your limitless black cards,  your billionaire status,  the corruption of our system with the amount of officers in your pocket.  I recognise that you fucking roll around in a bed of infinite money.  I used to look at you in awe for your ambition and this still can make me look at you in awe.  this time,  I am also grossed out that you would go this low.  it shouldn’t come to no surprise to me considering what you are.  for some reason,  I still had some hope left in you that you wouldn’t do such a thing to me.
but I’ll happily return back the intensity darling.  just because you got me in solitary confinement doesn’t mean shit.  wanna guess how I acquired this pen and paper.  guess how I bribed a guard to deliver this to you on my behalf  ?  I have my ways.  you aren’t the only one with ambition.
yet you made a stupid move.  a petty move.  I’ll tell you why. 
but first,  thank you.  I have sunken in countless reflections.  you make me think a lot,  just as it has been like since the day I first met you.  but since you have put me behind prison bars,  I have had a lot of time to think.  sit.  reflect.  I thank you for that because it has brought me to a lot of realisations.  
number one,  I realise that all this amount of hate in my body towards you and Cyril means my ambition to be stupid and petty like you is on the same level as your demonic nature.  
number two,  this level of hate I have in my body right now means I can go above and beyond my capabilities right now.  but guess what  ?  you have taught me the art of patience.  I am controlling my inhibitions right now.  all it takes is one spark from me to fly and I’ll have the entire prison block fucking crumbling down from a whirlwind.  but I won’t do that.  
that leads me to number three,  I am going to wait this out on my own time.  I love persevering.  I haven’t forgotten how much you used to love wrestling with me,  attempting to pin me in place but only to be pushed right back down where I wanted you.  I’ll use that similar patience to wait out and fight you on this stupid war that you have started now,  with all my hate in my body to serve as my motivational asset.  
so you know what.  enjoy your days Min Inhye.  because those days will be up soon.  I won’t mention when but the day could come any time.  all thanks to the intense amount of hate that you have instilled in me,  I’ll break free from this pitiful attempt of imprisonment after humouring you for a good amount of time.  so go on with your life,  play with my children.  look into the eyes of our baby boys,  kiss their cute chubby round cheeks and remember what you did to their father.  and how their father is going to come back to them when the time right. 
did you notice earlier that I used Cyril’s name  ?  it is a testament to my patience,  the slow burn of my revenge that I will be reenacting at my own will and pace.  I’ll use the demon scum’s name.  the only fantasies that get me through these periods of boredom is how I am going to dig my fingers in his fucking wing scars and fucking tear through every single god damn bud he has in his back.  that will before I take a knife to tear the rest of his fucking body to shreds.  there will be nothing left for you to look at because I’ll make sure to burn every single piece of his rotten demon scum ash after watching him scream as I use the purest of my silver collection on his sluiced up body.  I’ll smash his face in against a broken mirror too and make sure to embed all those crushed shards deep in his cheeks before beating his face in till all his fucking white teeth drop out.  
I’ll use this time to patiently plot out my extensive revenge for him and you both in great detail with nobody to disturb me.  once I’m ready,  I’ll break free.  I’d partially be your good boy,  I’ll stay locked inside for a good amount of time.  I’ll just be breaking out on my own terms.  
and it’ll be a fucking piece of cake.  it’s cute that you tried putting me in the highest security level prison.  but you forget the man I used to be,  I still remember all my tactical and combat skills from my time spent alive.  I haven’t been able to utilise them much recently since my only goal was to murder any filthy piece of scum you touch.  it’s called fucking strategic prioritisation.  now after spending time in reflection and exercising self-restraint,  I will come back bigger and better than ever.  getting out of here will be a fucking breeze,  no matter how much money you put into this.  my renewed hate will override it all.  
this is the first and last time you’ll be able to have some kind of physical peace from me.  I’m coming for your dreams,  every single second for the rest of your goddamn freak immortality mortal life.  I will haunt you,  hunt you down no matter what corner of earth you try fleeing to.  pool all your fucking billionaire resources and finances to try to keep me out.  but then watch and remember how I burn through it all,  based purely on my hatred alone.  I am the force that you can never seem to get rid of,  we are as natural as orbits and gravity.  you can keep trying to propel away from me but I’ll always bring you back in my realm.  
you can never get rid of me,  this is set for life.  now you will face a new type of presence from me,  one that is more calculating in his approach to bid his time for the sweetest revenge.  as I reflected and reflected over what you have done to me,  I have no doubts about my path anymore.  I was destined to be with you no matter what the circumstances.  and that I will prove to you shortly.  
nothing can save you from me now.
Ahn Jaewoo
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Queen of Masks ~ Alfie Solomons
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Life as a woman, in any country really, isn’t the best, unless you score a jackpot with the most gentle, sweetest man and you become his housewife and agree to be some kind of baby factory and a maid, should he not have enough to provide for one, and a chef, nonetheless.
However, there are enough ambitious women who have enough spite in their veins to trample over anyone standing in their path of success, and would spit on graves and crush cadavers under their heeled boots that they wear with much pride and conviction.
That is exactly the case of Y/N, a gorgeous woman who won against all odds and became a Veterinary Physician in London, Camden, to be precise, and had to work under an older man who had a clinic - But it was fine, she got to learn loads, and interacting with animals on a daily basis was enough to keep her going and not to answer to any provocation from her male colleague who was far inferior to her, intellectually and intuitively speaking.
And one day, after tending to a gorgeous black race stallion, a tall and broad man walked in with a Bullmastiff boy who, upon seeing her, managed to snatch away his chain leash and jumped on her, trampling her to the ground and licking her all over her face.
The man jumped in shock, trying to pry away his pet from the poor woman, only to notice she was laughing and that he face was bright like the sun, as she tried to wipe away all the slobber from her face.
“I’m so sorry, aye, he’s never done somethin’ like this before. Here, let me help you up, right.” the man extended his hand for her to take, helping raise her up, then reprimanded his dog. “Don’t worry, mister, it’s quite alright. I kinda like when animals act so affectionate, it makes it feel as if I’m doing something right. What’s your name, darling? Let’s get you up on the table...Arghh...What a heavy baby...You’re gonna break every bone in my body...” the woman sweet talked the dog, struggling to hold him in her arms like a baby so she could put in on the table to examine. “He’s name’s Cyril, I got him last year. ‘S just a routine check up, but I think there’s a bump on his neck, yeah, right here.” the man explained, letting the girl palpate his dog and continuing to sweet talk him to calm him down. “Thyroid Carcinoma.” the male doctor spoke, which made the girl whip her head to him with a disturbed look. “Thyroid Cancer? Surely, you must be joking. Have you even been to Vet school?!” Y/N protested, shaking her head in protest at his sudden diagnosis. “What else could a bump in the thyroid area mean? Don’t play smart, just be humble and accept when you’re wrong.” the man rolled his eyes, not lifting his head from his papers. “First of all, even if it IS a tumour, it doesn’t HAVE to be cancer, it can still be completely harmless, thus, benign. Secondly, out of all tumours a dog can have, thyroid cancer is the least common one, the percentage going to maximum 2%. Therefore, NOT cancer! Besides, it could be hyperthyroidism, if you want to go over the top, but again, it could just be something the owner felt because something got stuck in his neck and-....Oh.” the girl then carefully touched the neck area, and smiled widely, looking down, nodding to herself. “What? You shut up ‘cause you finally realised I was right, despite your useless statistics?” the doctor grumbled in annoyance, not caring, obviously. “Wanna bet 100 pounds that it’s not cancer?” she asked, kissing Cyril’s head and playing with his floppy ears, action which made the dog bark playfully. “Ah, sorry, mister, I didn’t ask for your name and whether you find it insensitive or not for us to bet on a diagnosis.” she smiled awkwardly, extending her hand towards the bearded man who was watching the interaction carefully. “Alfie Solomons, lass, but call me just Alfie, right? So, yeah, ‘s fine, bet all you want, just make my boy better, eh?” Alfie shook the girl’s hand, seeing her cunningly going to the other doctor and spitting in her hand to shake and make the bet go through.  “Okay, Alfie, you might want to step to the side a bit...If you value your shoes, that it. They look pretty new.” she chuckled softly, signing him with her head to move to the side, and so he did, as she made the dog vomit, and thus, revealing a small ball. “Oi, I can’t believe it! You stupid dog, Cyril, aye, how could you manage to swallow your own toy, yeah?!” Alfie gasped, his brows furrowing from shock. “Weirdly enough, dogs, especially big ones, are prone to swallowing little things, just like human babies are. It was small enough to just make him cough, but it’s a good thing you got him here in time.” the girl started quickly cleaning up the floor as she explained everything, as the Jew was still staring in shock at the idiocy of some animals. “Well, lass, thank you for solving the mystery, yeah, of whatever the hell this was, right. So, then, tell me how much I have to pay you for this consult, aye.” Alfie asked, which made her snap her head upwards, looking up at him, her eyes wide in shock. “No, God, no, nothing, it’s on me! I mean, if it weren’t for you...” Y/N smirked, reminding Alfie of a vixen, as she twirled around and went to snatch away the hundred pounds banknotes from her employer’s hand, who was looking at her with anger and bitterness. “I wouldn’t have been paid more than I’m paid in 3 months in just one day! It’s the least I can do to thank you...And to also see Cyril again, because I think it’s a connection. Right, Cyril? You’re such a sweet baby boy-....ARGH, GODS, NO-...!” but before the girl could compose herself, Cyril jumped on her torso, knocking her down again, coating her face in yet another sleek coat of drool from the lickings. “Damn it, Cyril, you’re impossible! Let the poor lass live, eh? I know, I know, she’s pretty, but leave her alone, alright?” after he finally managed to pry away the canine, he helped the girl up, who, once again, was laughing. “Let me make it up to you, yeah, for all the trouble this prankster’s been giving you, right. I’ve this bakery, y’know, the one nearby, so, anything you want, yeah, anything, you ask for it, you say my name, right, you say Alfie owes you a favour, and it’s all on the house, eh. How’s that.” he spoke, and he could see that her overly confident and extra demeanour shattered in an instant, making her look down, her beautiful, long hair hiding her features, as she was most likely blushing and smiling. “O-Oh, then, if that’s your bakery, means I’ve heard of you, you’re THE Alfie Solomons. Yeah, I’d love that, if you’d have me, but I told you, you don’t have to. I used you to get money worth of about 3 months, or more, so really, I should be thanking you somehow, but I don’t really have anything else to offer, other than to pay for the consult myself.” her serious, boastful voice turned very soft and shy, as fast as the flick of her fingers, as she walked him out of the clinic, so only he would hear. “Your boss there...He seemed kinda...Angry, eh. Are you gonna be fine dealing with him, lass?” he asked, bending down a bit, speaking to her tone level. “I guess. What’s the worst he can do, anyway. Besides, I care more about this conversation right now, and...About this.” she smirked softly, showing off the rolled pounds from her coat’s chest pocket. “So, Mr. Gangster, is there any specific time you’d be okay with me coming by the bakery? Maybe...Under the pretext of yet another regular check up on Cyril? Or...The smell of freshly baked cookies just captured me enough to find myself senselessly walking into the place?” she asked, diving her hands into her pockets, waiting for an answer, too timid to look him in the eye. “Ahhh, I see you’ve heard of me. Well, lass, I guess I can’t pretend to be some ordinary man, right, but maybe we can still enjoy a nice chat once in a while, eh, it would be nice, right?” the corner of Alfie’s mouth turned upwards, extending his hand for her to shake. “Y/N L/N, it’s great meeting you, Alfie. And yeah, it would be great. I’ll be seeing you around, alright? Hope I’ll see you soon and maybe we can have a nice cup of tea and anything that you’ve baked. I’m looking forward to that.” she shook his hand, smiling brightly at him, gesture which he turned. “And I’ll be seeing you as well, sweetheart.” with that, she kissed Cyril’s head once again, before waving Alfie goodbye and walking back into the clinic. “And I’ll be seeing you too...Y/N.” the gangster muttered, grinning at his dog and praising him with a few pats on his head. “Cyril, my boy, you’re my lucky charm.”
A week passed, and Y/N walked into the bakery - However, it wasn’t the front up, the bakery shop that smelled heavenly - It meant the gangster warehouse where Alfie would usually conduct his business meetings. And, of course, it was shocking to him when heard the click of heels and saw a beautiful, slender woman, dressed in high-waisted pants, with a black turtleneck tucked in her pants, beautiful brown leather boots with heels and a black trench coat that elegantly, yet imposingly hung from her shoulders, as if she was some kind of mafia Queen - Elegant, but deadly.
“Hello, Alfie. I heard you have a job around this place. Not sure what it is...Medic? Secretary? Dog-walker? Maybe you could fill me in.” she asked, her hands in her pants, fidgeting in her spot. “Where’ve you heard about this...Supposed job, eh, lass? And why’d you quit your job from the clinic, eh?” he asked, his fingers intertwining as he leaned forward, elbows rested on his desk. “Ah, well...Y’know...I got my medical license pulled, so I need a way to make money, and you’re the only one that I trusted not to treat me like garbage, so here I am. I know there’s no job, but I had to try my luck and be comedic in a way. It’s probably about the only thing I’m good at, sort of. It’s fine if you don’t want to give me a job, I mean, you can’t trust me with your business info after just speaking to me once, I can imagine, and - “ she kept on ranting, until Alfie raised both his hands in the air to calm her down and stop her speaking, before he raised to his feet, getting in front of the desk and leaning back on it. “Well, I did owe you a favour, right, so, sure, you’re hired, right, I’ll find you something. While we’re at it, can you, yeah, can you fire a gun?” he asked, with a mix of seriousness and playfulness in his voice. “Is it...In the job requirements?” she asked, looking around the place with a fake kind of curiosity. “There’s no job seeking, yeah, so, therefore, no job requirements. I was just being curious, alright, y’know, I have to know what everyone around is capable of, okay.” he explained, which made her smirk and turn on her heel to look at him. “That’s only fair. After all, now that you know that I’m particularly incapable of defending myself against people in general, you’ll just have to be extra careful to keep me safe, right, Alfie? We wouldn’t want Cyril to grieve over me, would we?” she chuckled, extending her arms to her side in a dramatic manner. “Haha, yes, lass, I s’ppose you’re right. Can you handle more than one job, eh? I can hire you as a physician, right, but we don’t always have wounded men, yeah, so, you’re a smart woman, alright, I’m sure you are very capable of reading, writing, doing calculus and other stuff that involves using your head, right, so, I don’t know what name will this job have, but, maybe an assistant of sort, eh? Ollie here helps me out a lot, yeah, but he can’t do everything, he ain’t some God, y’know.” Alfie gesticulated, pointing towards Ollie, then tried to explain to her that things are serious, and not to be taken lightly. “Guess this is gonna be the thrill of my life, huh? I’m in, Alfie. At least I can get along with you without fearing having my license pulled-...Oh, wait, I have nothing to fear about anymore.” she chuckled in a self-deprecating way, making Alfie cross his arms to his chest. “You never told me what happened. Go on, tell me. I’m sure you didn’t kill a dog, or somethin’, you’re too smart a doctor to fuck up.” his curiosity got the better of him, as he saw her turning to look at him, her eyes wide, her mouth slightly agape, and he could almost see her brain gears moving, trying to think of a witty answer. “Didn’t you say something about freshly baked goodies and tea? I bet that’s gonna be a much more...Hospitable way of chatting with your new employee, wouldn’t it? Or better said, friendlier? I mean, this place is so...Ugly and humid...Only good for gangster business. The echo here, if you shout, can intimidate anyone, I’m sure. Come on, show me the actual bakery...And you better have a gramophone. I like music.” she smiled up at him, hooking her arm to his, pulling him in a random direction to urge him to guide her to the bakery, where the beautiful smell of bread and cookies mesmerised her, and she playfully swooned in her chair. “I see you’re enjoying this place very much, eh. Well, can’t say I expected you coming today, so I didn’t bake them myself, yeah, but I’ll make it up to you. Sure you want tea and not rum or somethin’?” Alfie asked, a bit awkward staying at the cute little table, with a cute, little cup of tea in his bear-like hands. “Yes, I’m quite sure, Alfie. But it’s fine, you don’t have to drink what I’m drinking, I won’t think of you any differently. In your home, you do as you please.” she chuckled at him, watching as he nodded solemnly, only to down that tea in one go, small droplets of liquid embedding themselves in his beard. “Right, right, I understand, y’er a people pleaser, you want everyone to like you, unless it goes against whatever scheme you have. You’re smart, alright. Very smart, and you’ve sharp eyes, and are cunning. I need someone like you around, yeah. But tell me, how’d you manage to lose your dream job in a week?” Alfie asked, extending his hand to gently grab her chin, pulling it so he could peer right into her gorgeous, vixen-like eyes. “Remember the bet I did when you came around with Cyril? Well, apparently that jerk got mad at me for, to quote, steal his money, so he filed a malpractice lawsuit to get his money back, 5 times more, and pulled away my license, to get revenge on me for humiliating him in front of a customer...Allegedly. Very petty, I know, but, as they say...C’est la vie. Not much to do about it, really. Now I’m seen as a con-artist thief who kills animals, so I have no way of getting a job anywhere anymore, hence why I’m here. Lovely, innit?” she snorted as she took a bit of the cookie, closing her eyes to savour it’s flavour. “And now, I think I died and went to heaven, ‘cause this is the best thing I’ve eaten in my life.” “You’re so hired, lass. Did ya pay the 500 pounds?” he asked, propping his jaw on his hand. “Yeah, thankfully. And by that, I mean I to sell my apartment so now I’m using my saving to stay at a cheap hotel, but, y’know, life’s life. At least I know I won and I was right. Maybe if I had the right connections, I could have won 10 times what I lost...But what do I know. I don’t really know how non-legal things go by.” she chuckled softly, scratching the back of her head in a playfully guilty manner. “Y’know, Y/N...I think we can solve that fairly quick, yeah. Tell me the name, and I’ll make sure things are sold. In the meantime, I’ve a nice, warm room where you can stay, right, and surely, Cyril’s gonna love your company.” Alfie smiled at her, signaling for her to follow him.
At that time, she had no idea this was actually his home, but when she did find out, she was more than grateful, if not, a bit awkward, for  having to rely so much on his kindness. However, just as he promised, Alfie managed to get that jerk of a doctor to pay her 10 times the money she paid him, and thus, she would have been able to get a very modern and luxurious place, only for herself, and even buy a dog, a cat, or hell, more of them.
But she refused, and asked to continue staying with him, if she wasn’t too much of a burden, since she really enjoyed spending time with him, and she had no idea, other than working 200% of her capabilities for her job, whatever that was, at the moment, and, of course, she would have missed Cyril too much.
It didn’t take long for Alfie’s people to realise the obvious chemistry between the two, and Ollie kept trying to convince him to ask her out, but things are always so difficult, aren’t they? Business and logics are much easier than subjective emotions.
It became sort of a routine for everyone around to see their boss writing and reading documents at his desk, while Y/N would sit on the desk, her legs resting on his chair’s back rest, as she would write on her clipboard whatever relevant things she thought were worth noting down, and would occasionally express her opinions regarding ideas that Alfie had, or some businesses that he was dealing with at the moment - All that, with, of course, the frequent witty comments they would exchange - And it was never anything hurtful, or reproachful jabs, only playful and domestic comments that always made her laugh.
“You never told me why you always look down when you interact with people, y’know, and by that, I don’t mean when you’re being some dramatic Queen, but when you’re being yourself. I mean, I haven’t seen women who let their hair so long these days, right, so I was curious about you. You do things much differently than most people, y’know that, don’t you?” Alfie asked, raising his head to look up at her, only to see, once again, trying to think of how to explain things that don’t rely on rational and objective behaviours. “Ah...Well...Uh...Y’know...I’m...My face is very expressive, y’know. So, like...I get embarrassed easily, or...Uhm...When I lie, or something, I tend to grin or laugh. I’m a messy failure who can’t do a pokerface, like, ever, so, since most people are taller than me, if I let my hair cover my face, they won’t see the truth. Or, well, y’know, at least that’s what I hope. I can’t look at them while hiding, so I’ve no way of telling whether it works or not. Contrary to me being flashy and dramatic, I’m kinda shy and terrible around people.” she chuckled awkwardly, looking away from him, bringing up her clipboard to cover half of her face. “Ahhh, I see, I see, so you go to real great lengths, yeah, to get what you want, and so far, you’ve done really well, eh. Is there anything you can’t do, lass? You’ve been doing this job for over a year, and business has improved with...Uh...Lemme see, how much did you say...Ah, yes, here, it says 23%.” he had his glasses on as his eyes scanned the documents on his desk. “I...Can’t socialise, I guess. And I can’t relax. I don’t know how to have fun. Uhm...I can’t human, I guess? I don’t know what to call it, but I think you get what I’m saying. Anyway, we have business work now, so read this paragraph here, I think we have to talk threaten Sabini a bit, he’s over his head now with power, someone has to humble him, give us a better percentage of his business, and -” Y/N tried to quickly redirect the conversation, hating when she had to talk about herself, but obviously, she couldn’t say no to the man who was always so kind and sweet with her, could she? “Nahhh, it’s fine, Y/N, let’s take a little break, right? We’ve been working since early morning, it’s evening now. Ollie, go make tea and bring those treats made today, eh. Now, lass, why don’t you tell me how did you get around to practicing medicine? I’ve always been curious by that, you know, you don’t see many women unafraid of stuff like that, yeah.” he pointed out, letting himself fall down on his chair’s seat, looking up at her. “Y’know, Y/N, you say you can hide your emotions when you hide your face from people taller than you, yeah? But what happens when they look at you from below? Gotta say, Y/N, sometimes, your worried face is rather pretty...Better now, let me look at you when you speak, yeah, we’re equals, when you go all meek on me, you make me feel like some kind o’ merciless boss or somethin’.” he chuckled, raising a bit to put her hair behind her ears, revealing a soft blush coating her cheeks, and god damn, he could feel his heart beating a bit faster. “Uhm...Okay, fine, sure, I owe you that much. Uhm...My dad was a medic too, so it became a family business for a while. And, uhm...Dad was recruited as a war medic, and went with my brother, while I and mum continued to take care of the people and animals from our city. When it was all over, I decided to get to London to practice properly, get more money and provide for my family better. They’re getting old and they need someone to take care of them, somehow.” she explained, but her eyes were darting around, and he could feel she was still hiding something because of her hesitance, but he wasn’t sure what exactly was it that she was trying to hide.
But before either of them could say anything about it anymore, a loud bang echoed through the warehouse, somewhere from the entrance, which made the girl jump in her place with a mouse-like squeak, slapping her hands over her ears.
It’s true, any person would get frightened by a gunshot that resounded so loudly through that place - And yet, this one looked like a panicked, scared fawn in the headlights - And Alfie, of course, noticed that and came to a few conclusions for himself.
However, before he could say anything, a man entered their field of vision, and he could feel Y/N tensing up, her face showing shock and disgust at the person who she clearly recognise. She turned her head to look at Alfie, and with pleading eyes, mouthing a few simple words that may or may not have shocked him.
“Let me kill him” she tried to say, but this mystery man spoke out faster than expected, and it was clear she was getting more and more angry and embarrassed by the moment. “Y/N, darling, what are you doing here? Whoring around with other men, getting into illicit business, thinking you’re superior to men just because you have some over the top ambitions that are completely unreachable, and now you think you can get rich by staying around wealthy old men, huh?” the man kept speaking, igniting an infernal fire into her eyes. “Alfie, I pride myself with my never ending patience, but I swear to God, if you don’t let me kill him...I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Y/N muttered between her gritted teeth, shocking Alfie since he never saw her as the violent type. “I’m not doing any business with him, alright, do what you feel like doing, Y/N, he’s all yours.” Alfie sat back in his chair, his fingers intertwined over his stomach, watching with interest whatever she was going to do.
Y/N jumped off the desk and slowly prowled around it, her head hanging low, before she snapped it up, glaring lightnings at the man.
“Fuck off. Now. Or you’re dead. Do you understand this simple language, or do I need to put it in words that even a monkey would understand?” she crossed her arms, spitting poison at him. “What, can’t I be angry at my own girlfriend for being a bitch and leaving me alone? I mean, you really fucked up, y’know? You left me when I needed you the most, how tragic is that?!” he yelled at her, but she only rolled her eyes, scoffing. “Yeah, I left you ‘cause you were abusing me. The way I see it, you’re the one who sucks, not me. Now get the hell out of here. Before I do something you will regret.” her voice went an octave lower, threatening him the same way she learnt from Alfie over the time of business making. “Woaw, Y/N, woaw, that’s pathetic, even for you. You’ve never been able to even raise your voice at anyone. You were nothing more than a crybaby who couldn’t step up to anyone, and then you went to war, and what, you think you changed? You didn’t! Underneath this dumb, tough facade that you’re trying to pull in front of everyone else, you’re nothing more than the frightened little girl who needed to have everything in control and grasp a bit of power to feel superior to others after you got beaten up and had a gun pointed at your head by the Germa-” but he couldn’t continue speaking for, in the blink of an eye, she pulled out a gun for her trench coat and shot him in the head, his blood and brains shooting everywhere, all over her, on the walls and floor. “Well...Ask me anything and I will provide you with an answer that is completely honest this time. But, uhm...Take of your shirt, will you?” she had a solemn, pissed off expression as she threw off her coat before hurriedly taking off her shirt, nonchalantly cleaning up her face, then pulling it into a ball, throwing it on the cadaver, then stepped in front of a very shocked, yet impressed Alfie. “Go on, take off your shirt, will you? It’s clean. You promised I’ll never have to shoot a gun, and yet, I did, therefore I need a clean top, right? So, while I tell you the truth, don’t let me stay like this in front of you, okay?” extending her hand in front of her, while her other arm was over her chest, trying to cover her pretty white laced bra, it took a mirthful laugh out of the Jew for him to finally take off his shirt and put it around her, not caring that he was the topless one now. “Will you ever stop impressing and surprising me, lass?” Alfie asked, petting her head as a way to say she did well. “Once I stop shocking myself, sure. Until then...I believe you want to say something, don’t you?” she asked, slowly stepping in front of him, looking up at him as she properly put on his shirt that looked like a dress on her. “Yeah, lass, I think I did.”
With a gentle smile, he cupped her face, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on her lips, one hand stroking his fingers through her beautiful long hair, while the other caressed her soft visage. The tender look in his blue-green eyes felt like the safest, warmest haven she ever felt, and with an impulse decision that her heart made, she leaned forward, her arms slowly snaking around his torso, her head resting on his shoulder, and closing her eyes, she could finally feel her heart calming, for the first time in her life.
“It was you who went to war, wasn’t it?” Alfie muttered in her hair, holding her tightly. “Yeah. I don’t have a brother. It was me who went with my father to war, but he died, so I had to be the backbone of the troops. When I got home, my mum was devastated and she died of grief. I left that place to get rid of memories...And get rid of that fuckass. War left me with traumas, but it also made me strong enough to face up to who I am and stop taking everyone’s shit just because they think I’m lesser than them. Sometimes...When you talk about your time as a captain...I remember my time there...And...I realise how much I respect you...And also, how different you are from all the people I had contact with there.” she explained, her grip tightening around him, her heart quivering from the deep emotions she was feeling. “You’ve been through quite a lot in your life, haven’t you, lass? And you managed to make a life all for yourself, from the scratch, right, so, I think you’ve been doing great. France?” he asked, guiding her to a more private room, much warmer and cozier, while Ollie was to find him another shirt. “Yeah, France. Thing is...You went through all that, and it was worse for you, since you were a Captain, and you must have felt responsible for every death from your troops...And yet...Ever since we met, you’ve been sweeter than anyone has ever been, and that includes my own family. Don’t get me wrong, I loved them, but maybe...Maybe I’m just a bit softer than I let others think. And you managed to hit the right spot, in the good way, I mean. War changes everyone, and yet, you’re...I have no fitting word to describe how much I appreciate you, Alfie, but here...This thing here feels it, and I think you can feel what I’m feeling too.” she explained, resting her head on his shoulder once they sat down on the sofa, as he pulled her closer to his side, kissing her temple lovingly. “You know, Y/N...You’re not wrong. I tried not to think about my time there and the horrors I’ve seen, yeah, so, maybe it doesn’t come off as anything fantastic, and I still don’t think that being a decent person, right, to people who are close to me, is a big deal. But maybe sometimes we take things for granted, don’t we, so, maybe, you’re right. But that guy has no excuse for being a bastard. You’re safe now, Y/N, and when some day, when we’re done with this gangster mess...We can go to Margate and live a normal life there, eh. You, me and Cyril, and the sandy beach and the waves, right, and maybe, if we get bored, we can shoot those damned seagulls, yeah? They’re so annoying, I’m telling ya!” Alfie chuckled, which, in turn, made her grin at him lovingly. “I’d love to go to Margate with you, Alfie, and have seagull shooting contests together, and run barefoot on the shore, and if it’s enough light from the moon, we can swim a bit. Sounds like the perfect life if you ask me.” Y/N kissed his cheek, lovingly caressing his face before hugging his side. “That’s what I like to hear, lass. I’m sure Cyril would bark like a mad dog from happiness if he was hear, right. S’gonna be fun when we get home, eh.”
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agarthanguide · 5 years
Note
i'm obsessed with klimt!jester and byzantine!molly, my gosh. what wonderful ideas you had for all of them! how long did it take you to settle on each inspiration, and what other ideas did you almost go with?
This is a fun question.  Here’s how it went (behind the cut because this got so very long)-
Caleb happened first, and without any intention of doing a whole set. I wanted to try to do Van Gogh’s coloring thing, and Caleb seemed like a really good target.  It was deeply fun.
Beau- Hey, I like this Caleb piece!  What if I do art stuff for all of the M9? I wanna try those long inky LIchtenstein lines!  And what could go wrong?  Surely this won’t extend to two months of extensive research and work!
Molly- As soon as I decided to draw Beau, I knew I wanted Molly to be some highly iconographic thing with glorioles and gold leaf and things.  I have a longstanding fascination with Catholic and Orthodox iconography and gosh do I love messing with gold leaf.  Early concepts included some Fra Angelico action (he does this thing where you texture the gold leaf to create patterns in the frame, which i find absolutely stunning.  This is also a Big Look in 17th Century Spanish polychrome sculpture, which I obviously couldn’t pastiche directly, but wanted to reference, if the opportunity came up)-
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I also considered going a bit Russian.  Russian iconography has probably the most opportunities for adding layers of symbolism (it just occurred to me that I probably would have needed to find someone who understood cyrillic to make it work)-
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In the end, I was paging through a book of decorative motifs and was reminded of the Byzantine mosaics in Ravenna, which are probably the most iconic of the form outside of the Hagia Sophia. I decided that I’d probably have lots of other opportunities to paint, and I wanted to try my hand at a realistic tile look.
Caduceus- I thought of Mucha straight away, but I really didn’t want to do it, because I had already seen it done several times, and I thought those other artists had done really well, and that the concept was a closed book.  The other big concept was Picasso’s Old Guitarist-
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It’s got the lankiness and the stylization and I love the pose, but in the end I just really thought that Caduceus was more Art Nouveau than expressionist.  Also my brother was really voting against any pose that included a profile, because I had never drawn Cad in anything other than profile.  So that cinched it.
Jester- I never considered anything else but Klimt. I tried hard to think of something else, because my last two brain cells have just enough self awareness to know that Klimt is way, way above me in terms of pattern and texture and motif, and I was pretty sure it was gonna be too difficult for me.  It was, by the way.  I stopped long before I wanted to and didn’t include a lot of what I had dreamed of adding.
Matt- Following my fascination with iconography, I still wanted to do the heavily painted, loaded with symbolism and rich color portrait that Molly wasn’t.  I looked at artists like Ghirlandaio, Castagno, and Jan van Eyck (I never considered Da Vinci, his sensitivity is way outside my orbit), but in the end I kept coming back to Holbein, who really raises the bar on color choice and symbolism. I love that all his portraits seem to be set in plain or dark spaces, but are somehow glowing and mysterious. I didn’t have the guts to put in a deep, perspective-y background, but omg I wish- 
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I mean I’m not a fucking wizard.  But holy shit look at that.  The notes and crap hanging off the wall all look like clues.  Like Sherlock Holmes would be able to write the whole life story of this guy.  It’s almost trompe l’oeil.
Yasha- First concept for Yasha was a Minoan fresco from Knossos-
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If I was designing Yasha’s tribe, I think I’d go for a melange of Mongolian and Minoan, throwing in some Tibetan textile patterns.  I just think this looks so much like her, and also some other Minoan frescoes include insane levels of ritualized badassery, like Bull Leaping and young girls offering saffron to incarnate goddesses.  I just love it. In the end, I was worried that the relative clean-ness and simplicity of the lines in the Minoan style would make it look like I was giving Yasha short shrift.  This feels a little ridiculous to me now, but I had just come off three in a row that took more than ten hours. My next thought was the Book of Hours of Joanna of Castile.  The thought here was that some of the pages actually look like Yasha’s book of pressed flowers-
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This felt like a totally winning direction to me.  As I researched illuminated books more, though, my concept started to broaden and get more stylized, and I just went with it.  I think it turned out okay.
Fjord- Fjord is handsome and iconic, so the ideas flowed easily for him.  The first and most obvious was a Fabio-era (read- 80s to early 90s) romance novel cover-
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I didn’t go with it because the Tusk Love thing meant that a lot of other artists had tried it already, and many of them had done a damn fine job, and I didn’t think that I had anything to add. The next concept was David’s Napoleon-
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Very solid concept, but two issues- 1. Most portraits of Napoleon are pretty standard, in the mold of, say, Holbein, which I had already done.  2. The horse portrait is awesome, but I think Fjord had only been on horses circumstantially.  I couldn’t picture him on a horse. He’s not iconically horsey, he’s iconically sailor-y.  I can’t confirm whether or not he had a moorbounde when I painted this, but I know I hadn’t seen any of those episodes, yet.  So. All of this dithering kept going until the DAY I STARTED PAINTING.  And suddenly pulp cover fell out. I love pulp art.  This is the second fandom I’ve done pulp art covers for.
Nott- Full credit to @essayofthoughts, who came up with the playing card thing right at the get go.  I wasn’t sold, though, and floated two other concepts. First was a Mughal Miniature-
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The thing about these is that they are very often like little comics.  On one side of the painting, you can have the main character at a lake, picking daisies or being drowned or whatever, and then on the other side that same character can be picking pockets in a crowded bar.  There’s loads of opportunity for detail and symbols and fun stuff like that.  On the other hand- I’m not a goddam genius.  I could not have taken in the style and substance of Mughal storytelling and then just spit it out in a few short weeks and done it any justice. Nope, that concept was just too difficult and too far above me.My other concept was Millais’ Ophelia-
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This one might have been amazing, but the second half of the 19th century was getting very crowded indeed, with Caleb, Caduceus, and Jester all having concepts from that era.  That and I wanted something more graphic artsy than painty to round out the series.  Beau was starting to feel like an outlier and I wanted to loop her in closer to the bunch, if you know what I mean.
Okay that was a lot, but I apparently had a lot to share.  I hope you found the unused concepts interesting, at least.  What would you have done, were you me? I would love to hear outtakes from alternative universes.
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yukiwrites · 4 years
Text
The Flow of Time
Thanks for the support as always, @breeachuu! Here’s to Wolfie’s triumphant return!!.... :’D
Summary: After so many tribulations under such a short time, Wolfie finally felt like he was fitting in the Blue Lions, to the point of wanting to make a friendship jewel with Dimitri and everything. But when the Flame Emperor attacked and war broke out, Wolfram had to follow his Destiny’s Call.
Commission info HERE and HERE!
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Wolfram barely noticed how fast time passed while he was talking to Dorothea -- he had so much to talk about Caspar it felt as though he simply blinked and suddenly dusk had fallen all around the monastery.
Since he had spent quite a few hours indulging himself in tasty treats and wonderful teas (Dorothea served him two full pots! They really were having a blast in there), Wolfie didn't feel hungry enough -- or hungry at all for that matter -- to go to the Dining Hall, so he simply took a right after leaving Dorothea's room towards the stairs to the second floor. Smiling foolishly, the half-manakete went up the steps, enjoying how the walls of the corridor echoed the sound, surprisingly unbothered by being apparently all alone in the entire dormitory.
Well, since it was dinner time just about then, most of the students were gathering downstairs to share a table at the Dining Hall -- and usually Wolfram would be amongst them if only to have more company; but, for some reason, the boy's heart felt so full at the moment that he needed some time to digest all that had happened.
Never had talking about someone else made Wolfram feel that way -- he felt like he was shining like the sun while his smile was plastered on his face like a buffoon. However, the moment his eyes glanced at one of the nameplates of a room, he stopped in his tracks, widening his eyes.
It was Dimitri's room.
"Oh yeah, I wonder if I should ask him about 'that' now..." He mused, a frown burrowing his face as his thin eyes looked down to the floor. Putting one hand over his chin in deep thought, Wolfram's warm aura from his talk with Dorothea directed itself towards his first friend instead.
They had shared a wonderful friendship in such a short amount of time that Wolfram actually felt awkward to bring up the subject -- since he had always been around acquaintances and friends of the family, he never truly thought about forming such a deep bond with someone else on his own. Clutching his chest, the boy placed his head by Dimitri's nameplate, remembering the lessons his Mother and siblings had given him about the jewel-making.
Perhaps even for a human's standard, this friendship of theirs was a fast-paced one; Wolfram couldn't tell. He had always been surrounded by old friends and what not, so he couldn't say for sure how to determine the exact point where an acquaintance turned into a friend and when a friend turned into an ally close to one's heart. But the half-manakete knew one thing: he felt that way towards Dimitri.
He had been the target of Dimitri's consideration, kindness and open-mindedness so many times it made the boy's heart feel like bursting. He even witnessed the glimpse of darkness that took hold of the Prince's heart, though he kept on believing that he would keep by the light.
Wolfram was sure, however: he truly did want to craft the friendship jewel and give it to Dimitri. So, should he 'strike while the iron's hot' like some humans in Ylisse used to say, or what? There he was, standing ducks right in front of the room of the next King of Faerghus, so why not just come out with it and ask?
Yeah! That's what he was going to do, yep!
... What Wolfram didn't notice, however, was that he went through the thought process of a manakete to reach that conclusion -- meaning he didn't notice how long he had actually been standing in front of Dimitri's room. Which was a really long time, to be honest.
Most of the noble students had been wandering around the halls, stealing glances at the bold, tall boy who stood still with his head on the Prince's door like it was a normal thing to do, only when a polite, deep voice brought him back from his thoughts, right when he had come into a conclusion.
"Wolfram? Is something the matter? Do forgive me for not arriving sooner, have you been waiting long?" Dimitri walked at hurried steps towards his own room, his gaze meeting Wolfram's, making the half-manakete jump out of his own skin.
"Di-Dimitri!" Wolfram stuttered, gulping as he suddenly felt very nervous. There was heat rising on his cheeks, since he didn't know how to actually convey what he wanted to without sounding like he had lost his mind. "I, um, I-"
Catching on quickly, Dimitri glanced at their bustling surroundings before placing one hand on Wolfie's back while the other turned the handle of his door. "Is it something you'd rather say in private? Come, no one shall hear us in my room," he whispered, guiding the tall boy in before closing the door behind them. "Did something happen? You're sweating -- have you eaten properly? I - ah, we were sharing a meal with the Professor at the Dining Hall and we didn't see you there..."
"Oh no, I'm not hungry at all, thank you! I'm, um, I actually wanted to ask something, but now that I'm here, I don't know how to say it, nyahaha..." Wolfram scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, looking down at his feet.
"Of course, you can ask me anything. If it's within my power, I'm willing to help." Dimitri guided Wolfie to sit by the secretary while Dimitri himself pulled a stool to sit on, holding Wolfie's hand on his own. "What has happened, friend?"
"Friend..." Wolfram gulped, brushing his thumbs over the Prince's hands, squeezing it softly as he took a short breath. "What I want to ask is actually related to that," he glanced at Dimitri's clear blue eyes once before looking back to sustain the gaze. "It's, ah, somewhat of a custom back home-- and I mean in my family and the manaketes in general -- to craft something called a 'friendship jewel' out of own scales and a few strands of hair..."
"Huh..." Dimitri nodded as if he understood, though confusion was apparent in his eyes, which made Wolfie's smile grow.
"So I was kinda wondering if you could give me a few strands of your hair? T-that way I could make us a pair of friendship jewels..." his voice died down as he spoke, heat once again rising to his cheeks.
"Oh!" Dimitri also blushed slightly, somewhat delighted and embarrassed to be held in such high regard by someone other than his deceased family. "Of course, Wolfram. How much should I give you?" He gripped at his scalp, meaning to pull a handful of hair from the root, not realizing that would make a really large bald spot on his golden locks.
"W-wai-wait, don't pull that much!" Wolfie held Dimitri's hand back, picking a thin lock on the side of his head instead. "Just this much is fine... Don't get bald on my account, please!" He giggled heartily, stealing a chuckle from the Prince.
"Ahah, very well, then." Dimitri nodded as he pulled the lock of hair out, placing it in Wolfram's hand. "I shall look forward to seeing how this wonderful jewel will look like, then, Wolfram. I do thank you for thinking of me with such fondness -- are you also making one for Caspar? I figure I'm not the first one you propose this to, since the two of you get along so well."
Blinking, Wolfie stopped midway to placing Dimitri's hair into his chest pocket. "Uh, no, I didn't do one for him, actually. This is my very first time doing this, so I obviously thought of you."
"Oh," Dimitri tried to conceal a smile by lowering his head, but his red ears gave his elation away. "Truly? That's- I do not know how to react to this, truthfully."
"Heehee," Wolfie placed the hair safely into his pocket, then took Dimitri's hands again. "You're really special to me, Dimitri; that's why you're getting this friendship jewel. I mean, Caspar is special to me too, but it's a bit different?" he tilted his head to the side in slight confusion, "I don't know how to explain it, but the kinds of like I feel for you and for him aaaare different, I think? I feel it that way, but..."
Chuckling, it was Dimitri's turn to squeeze Wolfie's hands slightly. "I am sure you will be able to figure it out, Wolfram. As I said before, I will be looking forward to the jewel -- perhaps you could tell me how it will be made later?"
"Oh, for sure! I still gotta wait for the right time, so I kinda wanna prepare first before saying anything; but thanks for the hair, I'll treasure it!"
"Anytime, my friend. If you need more, there are a lot from where that one came from, ahah!" He scratched the spot he had pulled the lock from, which was a bit itchy from being forcefully ripped.
Laughing, Wolfie nudged his friend's shoulder, feeling all warm all over again.
Wolfram had to keep close watch on the moon to check for its cycles since there was little information about the precise dates for when a full moon would occur -- which meant that although he could simply check it when the moon rose in the sky, he chose to stay up 'til later to check the positions of the moon and also stretched his wings more often in search of a good place with lots of moonlight for the crafting.
After one such night of staying up late, before he even sneaked out of Caspar's room, a hurried knock on the door made Wolfram gulp a soundless scream as he ran to open it, not wanting to wake up his snoring friend.
"Y-yes? Ah, Cyril, hello there." He whispered, crouching to be able to stay on the boy's point of view. "It's really late, why are you here?"
"Lady Rhea said she wants to talk to you, so I'm here to take you to her."
Wolfram froze in place.
"Lady-"
"Lady Rhea."
"She wants to-"
"Talk to you, yes, yes. Can we go now? I need to wake up early tomorrow so I'd 'preciate if you could come quickly."
"O-oh, um," his heart thumping inside his chest, Wolfie glanced back at the sleeping Caspar before pressing his lips into a thin line, clutching his locket with all he had. "L-let me just change out of my pajamas, real quick." He apologized with his hands, closing the door after Cyril replied with a sleepy 'okay'.
"Oh my Naga, oh my Naga, Naga!" Wolfram muttered under his shaky breath, walking around in circles as he held his head between his hands. "She- she did say she would want to talk to me later, but what- why now? D-did anyone see me while I flew around this week? I've been careless once when Dimitri found me out, but ever since then I've been doing so well!" He took deep breaths so as not to freak out, not noticing how he was actually changing out of his clothes.
Caspar let out a loud snore, then muttered something intelligible and turned on his side as he scratched his belly -- action of which made Wolfram turn white as a sheet of paper and hold his breath in surprise. After a few seconds too long, when his face was starting to get purple from lack of oxygen, Wolfram gasped for breath when Caspar went back to snoring loudly.
"Okay, okay, okay, okay... I just gotta go, right? I just- I gotta..." He whimpered, making sure to wear his father's pocket watch, right beside the locket into which he kept his dragonstone. He was still so terrified of Rhea.
So, so, terrified.
She was a dragon whose power was always just barely in control that he was scared that she might just go berserk and destroy everything around her. Wolfram remembered well of the stories of how Tiki -- the only known manakete to be older than his mother Nidra -- had to be sealed for centuries because her power was so strong she could destroy the world if she lost control of it.
What if Rhea was the same? She did seem to be pretty old -- he meant that in the best way possible -- for a manakete- er, a Child of the Goddess as they were called in Fódlan, so what if after so many years she started to lose control of her power? What if their dragonstones were corrupted? What if, what if-
"Hey, are you done there? You said you'd come quickly." Cyril knocked on the door again, making Wolfram jump one meter off the ground in surprise, quickly putting on his boots to leave the room.
"S-sorry, I couldn't find my socks." He adjusted the bandana on his head, biting his lower lip when the young boy simply shrugged and guided the half-manakete out of the dorms.
They walked towards the main building of the monastery, then up the stairs towards Rhea's office -- towards the presence Wolfram had been running away from ever since the first time he came in contact with it.
"Alright, she's in there, so go on and be respectful to her, you hear me?" The young boy poked on Wolfram's belly with a precision fit for an assassin, reaching right on his solar plexus, making Wolfram bend down in surprise. "I'm going to bed now."
"O-huff... Okay- thanks for bringing me all the way here, Cyril!" Wolfram said as he caught his breath, waving to the disappearing young boy as he went down the same stairs they had just used. "Okay, Wolfie, you got this. You got-" he started trembling. "You don't got this," he whined, clutching locket and watch alike as he slowly, ever so slowly made his way to Rhea's office.
The door was ajar, so he simply had to put a hand over it for it to creak open, though Rhea's eyes were focused on a pile of documents to see him entering.
"Um-"
"Make yourself comfortable, child." She said in a calm voice, gesturing vaguely to the two chairs in front of her desk. "I will be done in a second."
"O-okay," Wolfram could barely hear his own voice under his ever growing anxiety, the power Rhea leaked even while she was doing paperwork enough to make the boy dizzy. His back was already drenched in sweat, as were his hands -- which he kept drying constantly over his pants.
A few minutes passed inside the silent room -- the only sound being Rhea's continuous scribbles over the documents. After another couple of moments passed, Wolfram exhaled slowly, not wanting the sound of his breath to be the thing that made her pay attention to him rather than her work.
"How do you see me, child?" She asked as she signed one of the last papers.
"UWAH?!" Wolfram jumped on his seat, holding his chest in surprise with the suddenness of Rhea's explosive voice. She spoke barely over a whisper, honestly, but the power leaking out of her mouth as well as the large presence of her beast right there, towering behind her, made the experience seem a thousand times scarier to the half-manakete. "S-sorry, um, I don't understand the question...?" he cleared his throat, finding that he was having trouble breathing.
Rhea placed the quill back on its spot, closing the inkpot before placing her clear green eyes on Wolfram, making the boy freeze on the spot. "To me, you feel like a kit," she placed her chin over her intertwined fingers. "A young, weak child with such a faint Presence," she stressed the word in such a way that only those of the Blood would understand, "that you feel like the others."
She let that sink in for a moment, never taking her eyes off of Wolfie's, noticing how much he trembled under her power.
"But you are not, are you? You can also feel us just as we can feel you."
Wolfram knew it! He knew she felt him too! But then, why did she keep quiet all that time? Why did she tolerate it? What was going to happen to him now? He could barely move from his chair, let alone open his mouth to speak.
"Ah, um- I-"
To speak anything coherent, that is.
"That means you can also feel how special Byleth is, can you not?" The moment Rhea mentioned Byleth's name, a vast darkness seemed to appear inside her clear eyes, as though encroaching her in something... mad. "She is the key, young one. Finally, finally the key to the salvation of our kind is so close -- just within my reach." She extended her hand to nowhere in particular, though still in Wolfie's direction, and clutched it as though he had caught something she would never let go of again.
Wolfram's body started shaking even more, his heart beating so fast his vision started to blur. He started seeing everything going dark, nauseous under the barely contained madness of the large, growling beast of Rhea's, right behind her.
As if she hadn't noticed or didn't care about Wolfram's situation, Rhea brought her hand back to where it was, intertwining her fingers again so she could place her chin over them. "I know not how you have managed to hide yourself after all this time -- or perhaps your family managed to mingle with the others so much it has weakened your blood, but it matters not, child. What matters is that you and your class will bear witness to the miracle that will change the course of our lives -- of our people's and the others we have taught over the eras."
Feeling cold sweat contrasting with how fast his heart was beating, Wolfram felt himself lift his finger as though wanting to ask a question in the middle of class, his mind swirling around in a way that made him want to throw up. "I- I don't understand... Lady Rhea-" he huffed, blinking so slowly he didn't know how long had passed since he had last done so.
Rhea slowly got up of her chair, circling the desk so as to place one hand over Wolfram's cheek. "Shhh, fret not, child. You will soon understand." She said in a low voice, her smile growing so large Wolfram thought he saw it actually reaching both ends of her face in a display of mad joy before consciousness evaded him completely.
Rhea patted the boy's head as she watched his eyes roll back in nausea, finally passing out.
Wolfram slept a dreamless sleep, waking up with a startle. "Wah!" He huffed, sitting up with a jump, his eyes as wide as they could get.
"What th- you scared me half to death, man!" Cyril threw the clothes he had been folding overhead in his surprise. "What IS up with you? I just finished folding these, sheesh..." the boy complained, getting up from his bed to pick up the scattered clothes.
"H-huh? Cyril?" Wolfram carefully checked his bandana -- sighing in relief when he noticed he still had it over his ears -- before looking around the small room.
He was sitting on the couch with a blanket over him while the young boy had been sitting on the bed, folding what seemed to be a mountain of clothes.
"Whoa, you did this all by yourself? That's amazing-"
The young boy shrugged. "Not really; it's the usual stuff. Anyway, are you feeling alright? It's the middle of the day by now, so I was getting worried you wouldn't get up anymore."
"MIDDL-" Wolfram widened his eyes, jumping out of the sofa. "Middle of the day?! Oh my Naga, what? How did I end up here in the first place? I just remember being- being... Oh..." he flopped back on the couch, deflating as the terrifying memories of the previous night held him by the neck.
"I dunno what happened, but a little while after I left you there, Lady Rhea walked in carrying you in her arms and telling me to let you stay over for the night. Were you really SO sleepy you had to fall asleep on Lady Rhea? 'Cause if so, that was really rude, you know. But if you were actually feeling bad then I'm sorry for saying mean stuff."
"No, I- um, thank you for worrying about me, Cyril, I think? Um, I'm feeling fine now so I'll be going..." he said so, but he didn't move to get up, his gaze lingering on the young boy. "Say, Cyril, you're pretty protective over Lady Rhea, right? Is she special to you?"
"Well, she saved me when no one else would, so I kind of owe my life to her. So yeah, she's special to me and I'll protect her until I can repay the debt -- by dying for her." The young lips said heavy words as though they were morning greetings, without even taking his eyes off of the clothes he was folding.
Wolfram reached for his chest to grasp at the locket and watch, carefully squeezing them in his hold. "Aren't you, um, scared of her sometimes?"
"Scared? Nah." Cyril raised his gaze to the ceiling in thought. "She takes a lot of hard decisions for the sake of the people and for them to follow the goddess' teachings, so I don't think she's scary, no. She's resolute, firm and kind."
Wolfram could see the sparkle in the young boy's eyes, wondering if he'd ever be able to see the woman who housed such a massive beast inside her the same way Cyril did. "I see... Thanks for answering, Cyril. And for letting me stay over, too. I hope I didn't make any weird noises."
"Eh, it's cool. You're a real quiet sleeper, did you know? I couldn't even hear you breathing sometimes."
"Heehee, really? I wonder why," Wolfram scratched his temple with a soft smile, his head still wrapped around what had happened to properly convey a convincing expression.
Rhea was the scariest person Wolfram had ever met in his life -- even though she was somewhat of the same species as him, she made him feel the heebie jeebies just by her presence alone, so he always made sure to avoid her.
And yet, although she was terrifying, she carried a boy almost an entire foot taller than her down the stairs towards a safe place so he could sleep peacefully. She also saved countless children and delivered judgement to the wicked in accordance to what their goddess had taught them.
Was she a terrible or a good person? Wolfram couldn't tell.
But after that night, even if his impression of her changed, he still would rather stay away from her... at least until she regained proper control.
Once Wolfram came back to the dorms, he was received by all sorts of worried classmates -- especially his roommate Caspar, who jumped on him to lock him in a shoulder lock and dishevel his hair for making him worry so much.
Under laughter, Wolfram apologized to his classmates, slowly recovering the warmth he felt he had left the moment he entered Rhea's office.
Soon it would be time for the month's mission -- for the time Rhea had said that they would witness the miracle of the era.
It was with such thoughts that Wolfram followed the Blue Lions closely once the day came for them to go down to the Holy Tomb. Rhea led the way with a serene-looking smile, but Wolfram felt the shadow of her dragon swaying around as though about to break away from its leash, which made him lock arms with both Dimitri and Caspar as they marched right behind Byleth.
"You alright, buddy? You're really scaredy for someone of your size, right?" Caspar snorted loudly, the sound echoing in the eerie-looking walls that glowed without any apparent trigger.
"Ha-haha," Wolfram shivered, feeling the Old Energy oozing out of the stone -- it felt much stronger and somehow more right than the one back at the abandoned shrine Solon trapped Byleth in last month. He gripped on both Dimitri's and Caspar's hands, alternating his gaze from Byleth to Rhea, not knowing who to watch.
Ultimately he decided to look at Byleth, since she was his mission, but that proved to be harder and harder as they advanced towards a stone throne etched on the wall -- because Rhea's presence seemed to engulf the entire underground, caressing all of their cheeks in a cold and controlling way.
"Go on, Professor. Sit upon the throne to receive the goddess' message! You recognize it, do you not?"
Byleth was silent as she gazed upon the throne, nodding a "I do," before going up the stairs under the gazes of the students.
Rhea clasped her hands together in anticipation, widening her eyes more and more the closer Byleth got to the throne, a large smile covering the Archbishop's face once the Professor sat on the old stone.
One moment passed.
Another breath shook.
Three heads looked around.
It was then that Wolfram felt something with his heightened senses. "What...?" He whispered more to himself than to the Prince whose hand he still held as he looked around with a growing suspicion. "It feels like... there's someone else here other than us..."
Dimitri's brow quivered as he tilted his body to Wolfie. "Is that true, Wolfram? I do not feel anything out of the ordinary..."
"Hmm," the half manakete narrowed his eyes, looking around at the faraway walls, "I can't quite pinpoint it, but I think we should... get ready for something." He let go of Dimitri's hand to reach out for the tome he always carried with him, gripping harder on Caspar's hold.
"What, what's going on?" The shorter boy asked in a normal voice, looking around since he was bored of watching Lady Rhea say that something was wrong while Byleth was just sitting up there doing nothing.
"I think it's-"
"Halt! Who goes there?!" Dimitri jumped to the rear of the group, yelling to a place that was seemingly empty.
Then, as though reality distorted itself, the concealing magic worn off, revealing dozens of Imperial Soldiers circling around the Holy Tomb.
And at their center, there lay the Flame Emperor.
"At long last- you reveal yourself, fiend!" Dimitri roared, unsheathing his sword. "I shall have my revenge!"
Rhea and Byleth started barking orders for the students, making them take strategic places around the sarcophagi to protect the ancient Crests Stones from being looted by the enemies.
His heightened senses screaming, Wolfram felt a rush of adrenaline flow around his body, allowing him to carry out Byleth's commands faster and with more precision. The moment the enemies were almost routed, Byleth took Dimitri's side to strike at the Flame Emperor from afar with her long-reaching blade.
The moment his mask fell, however...
Wolfram felt a chill go up in his back, widening his eyes to the point of actually showing them open. "Edelg-" he choked as the imperial princess' white locks flew from inside the Flame Emperor's helmet.
Dimitri's shoulders trembled slightly as his head hung down in shock -- or so it seemed. A faint laughter started to rise from the Prince's throat, evolving into a mad cackle. "IS THIS SOME KIND OF TWISTED JOKE?" He roared, running ahead like a mindless animal, trampling over the fresh bodies he made with his bare hands. "I am going to take your head from your shoulders and HANG IT FROM THE GATES OF ENBARR!" He threw his weapon with so much strength towards Edelgard that the column it landed it exploded in fine dust.
The moment he was about to grab the princess from her neck, however, Hubert appeared behind her, teleporting her out of his mad reach.
Panting, Dimitri looked at the empty space Edelgard had left, his eyes shaking as his body. "Hahh... hahh... AAAAAGH!" He yelled atop of his lungs, the sound echoing a thousand fold in the old halls, sending shivers down Wolfie's spine.
"Dimitri...!" The half-manakete choked a sob. "Don't lose...!" He whispered under his teeth.
As Byleth escorted the students after Dimitri hurried left ahead (followed by Dedue), Wolfram gripped at the Professor's coat like a lost child.
"Byleth, I- um, Professor-"
"You can call me whatever you want, Wolfram," Byleth patted the boy's arm, her face somber.
"Okay, thanks, Byleth. But- what did all of that mean? What's gonna happen?"
Byleth looked ahead, pressing her lips into a line. "It's war."
Honestly, Wolfram had such a high of adrenaline, everything happened so fast and so slow at the same time it made him dizzy. He could barely remember how he and Caspar got back to their room so quickly.
"Oh man, oh man," Caspar scratched the back of his head. "I'm screwed, this is messed up! How could Edelgard just do that, man." he grumbled, sat down and immediately got up. "But I just hope that, dammit, I hope I don't gotta face my dad in battle..."
"Oh... Oh, yeah, I didn't really think of that, but you're not uh, going home to fight your country's war?"
"No way in hell, man! I'm staying here and fighting with everyone. I was born in the Empire, sure, but it's not like I gotta die there, you know. I wanna fight for what I believe in."
Wolfram let out the breath he didn't know he was holding, approaching his short friend and covering him with a hug.
"Wha-hey, what was that for?" Caspar patted Wolfie's back. "You getting scared again? Don't worry, I got your back." He smiled proudly, resting his head on Wolfie's chest.
"Mhm, I'm a bit scared, yeah, but I thought you'd need the hug more than me... you were just saying you were screwed."
"MAN YOU REMINDED ME OF IT, dammit... Dad's a monster on the battlefield, Wolf, you wouldn't believe it. I hope he's not on the front lines... man I'd rather fight three demonic beasts all at once!"
Wolfram giggled, amazed that he could do so under such circumstances -- the turmoil that Naga had predicted was unfolding right before his eyes, after all. There was so much to think about, but, in the end, he would only do one thing, and one thing only.
He would stay by Byleth's side until the end.
The preparations for the battle were hasty, especially because the Imperial Army had a head start and would arrive much sooner than the Monastery could get ready for it. Some students hurriedly packed and left while others helped with the evacuation of the citizens... but soon battle was upon them.
Wolfie barely had time to speak with Dimitri, finding that the Prince was avoiding any and all contact, his eyes tainted in a dark glow as the pain of the past took over his entire demeanor. The half-manakete watched the full moon come and go, sad that he wouldn't be able to make the jewel for Dimitri as soon as he thought he would.
But once this was all over, he would. Surely he would be able to make it and convey his feelings to his troubled friend.
Surely.
...
... Yet, it was hard to maintain such train of thought during the rages of battle; under a thick layer of falling ash and the nauseating scent of burning flesh and woods; between magical explosions and roars of demonic beasts; amidst the screams of the townspeople who still couldn't mobilize themselves; under his classmates' sweat and blood as each and all of them took turns to protect one another...
Amidst it all, Wolfram started to feel the flow of battle change -- as did something in the Presences around him.
Rhea distanced herself, a loud, deafening roar the prelude to the largest dragon Wolfram had ever seen in his life (he never visited Plegia to see the bones of Grima, though). She spoke in a deep and far-reaching voice, telling the people to flee while she took care of the enemy's reinforcements.
Suddenly, the madness Wolfram had always felt coming from her felt more controlled than ever -- as though putting her life at risk for someone else was the trigger to make her feel humane again. However, the half-manakete had barely any time to dwell in such thoughts, even during the fierce battle he was fighting atop Aquilo.
He saw Byleth look over to the students, then to the dragon.
Their eyes met and he knew it.
He knew she was going to help Rhea.
"Byleth-" He reached out, so far from the Professor his voice wouldn't be heard no matter how loud he screamed. "Don't- Byleth, don't!" He warned, whipping Aquilo's reins. "Come on, boy, don't lose sight of her!"
Aquilo did its best to pick up the pace as he avoided the flaming turrets, columns of smoke and stray arrows, Wolfie's eyes entirely focused on the Professor.
The ground shook and the already too-loud battlefield was covered in a deafening roar.
One, two, five, ten- dozens of demonic beasts started to raze the ground, trampling on foes and allies alike as they all locked on their target -- the Immaculate One.
"Watch out!" Byleth whipped her Sword of the Creator on one beast's eyes, making it let go of Rhea, who was soon overrun by beasts. "I'm coming, Rhea, don't give up!"
"Why have you-" Rhea tried to ask under the pressure of over twenty beasts, widening her eyes when she felt someone charging magic towards them. "EVADE IT-"
"What-" Byleth turned around just in time to dodge the blow, but the ground started to give out.
"Byleth!!!" Wolfram roared, whipping Aquilo's reins. "Go on boy, faster, fast- NO!!" He reached out once he saw the rock crumbling under Byleth's feet. "No, no, NO!" He jumped out of Aquilo's back, pulling out his own wings so he could cut through the wind towards the Professor. "BYLETH!"
"Wolfram-" The Professor widened her eyes as she fell, seeing the foreign horns, wings and tail rip the boy's uniform up. "WOLFRAM!" She reached out her hand, her entire body curling itself up in anticipation for the painful landing.
"I won't let you fall, I won't, I won't! C'mon wings, faster, faster!" Wolfie gasped for breath, diving into the cliff with a speed he never thought he'd be able to reach, feeling his veins pop up under his struggle. "Byleth!!" He reached out to her, brushing his fingers on hers. "I got you!" He smiled, though Byleth's wide eyes made him look back a second too late -- the ground up there gave up and many rocks fell upon them by the hundreds.
The boy was hit on the back, shoulders, head, legs and wings, but he never stopped reaching out for Byleth, burning tears flowing up as he did his best to go down to her.
Once their hands finally touched, Wolfram hugged Byleth and twirled himself to cushion her fall -- but then, darkness.
He didn't even had had the time to confirm if he managed to save her before consciousness ebbed away from him through his wounds.
I stayed by her, Naga... The Heart of Immortals. He remembered thinking before it all went dark, fading away into the flow of time.
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Note
1 & 19 for Lannah, Eriss, Adrien, Cyrille, and Theens (bc I meant all those beans too whoops sorry shoulda specified (and your newest beans if you wanna))
Long answer so read more again~
Alannah:
1-What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering?
It was absolutely her hair. I just really wanted someone with purple hair because I was replaying A Link Between Worlds at the time, and I am such big love for Princess Hilda, and it kinda just went from there.
19-What is your favorite fact about your OC?
Probably that she has a lot of chronic pain from very poorly healed scarring on her back that requires very strong medication to control. I don’t know why that’s one of my favorite things about her but It just makes her more -human- and I like that.
but a less angsty one would be that she can draw but only does it in her note books bc she will obsessively note the differences and variations in different creatures so that she is always prepared for what she might face. She’s really all work and no play, someone help her ya’ll.
Eriss:
1-What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering?
Oof. probably her name. I always knew Alannah had a sister so yeah i’d say her name, or her age actually. one of the two.
19-What is your favorite fact about your OC?
She owns her own home in Lunaris! She’s been there since she got out of hunter school (so for about three years) and has a small v cozy home, and is obsessed with pillows and blankets.
Adrien:
1-What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering?
His hair and eye color. I’m a real sucker for blonde hair and green eyes apparently.
19-What is your favorite fact about your OC?
Adrien actually designed both his and Alannahs weapons, and is one of the most intelligent people you’ll ever meet, he just prefers to act like he’s not so people continue to underestimate him and he can show off when he wants to.
Cyrille:
1-What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering?
i’d say his personality I knew i wanted Cyrille to be similar but also very different from his sibling. Where Cyrille is quiet and tends to hide himself away, Adrien is loud and loves to put himself out there. etc etc.
19-What is your favorite fact about your OC?
He carries a pocket watch with him everywhere that belonged to Adrien but when Adrien ran away from home, he gave it to Cyrille and told him to return it when they saw each other next.
Also that he too owns a house in Lunaris and it is very fitting for his fancy french boy self.
Athena:
1-What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering?
Her name for sure, followed closely by her personality, because i just wanted her to be super sweet and bubbly.
19-What is your favorite fact about your OC?
Probably that despite her bubbly and sweet personality, Athena doesn’t take shit from anyone and refuses to be walked over, or that she is very protective of her shop even if she doesn’t remember why it is so important to her, so she will throw hands if you mess with anything in her shop.
Nyx:
1-What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering?
Her magic actually! I really wanted someone with a more unique kind of magic, and one that was more witch like as well, and i came up with Nyx’s magic and based it around darkness but not actual -Dark- Magic, and how it is always stronger at night, and that the tattoo across her back of the moon phases will glow each time she uses her magic.
19-What is your favorite fact about your OC?
Her familiar is a fat raccoon named Erebus who is an absolute force of chaos, and steals food right out of people’s hands constantly, and he only will listen to Nyx, and knows better than to take food out of her hand. He is the light of both her life and mine.
Adelaide:
1-What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering?
hmmmm. I think the very first thing that came to me was her appearance. Like i just instantly thought of super dark brown hair, high necked white shirt, and ankle length skirt.
19-What is your favorite fact about your OC?
Probably that when she was alive, she had a son and he was the love of her life, and shes got a small doll that he used to play with every single day stored in a box to preserve it, since it is -very- old. It’s the only thing she has from when she was alive, and it’s the only thing she wanted to keep from then.
Maeve:
1-What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering?
Her personality, i wanted her to contrast Clara completely, so where Clara is quiet and serious, Maeve is obnoxious and playful.
19-What is your favorite fact about your OC?
She was a hunter when she was alive, and despite what she says, she was actually a decent one. She just got unlucky and was overrun by demons.
Clara:
1-What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering?
I’d say her personality as well. I wanted her to seem outwardly very friendly and sweet, but in reality she is very introverted and covering up a lot of pain with pretty smiles.
19-What is your favorite fact about your OC?
Clara loves to write, and has wrote a lot of novels in her 400 years, because i mean what else does she have to do with her time.
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hardyimagines · 6 years
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Severed
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Can you write an imagine with Alfie? Maybe angst, where he looses his child in an accident at the distillery and him and his wife grow apart? — ?
Word count: 5.6k
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The air had been sucked from your constricted lungs as you sat on the wooden swing that decorated the dark porch. Your aching head was buried in the sweaty palms of your hands, unable to catch a break from the never-ending sadness. No amount of screaming, fighting, hitting, or violence brought you any relief. There was an anchor on your chest and it restricted you from breathing. No air in and no air out. The cold wind blew harshly, hitting you like a slap in the face, but you didn’t budge. You couldn’t feel your skin anymore. You couldn’t feel anything anymore. Time seemed to stand still. Everything was moving in slow motion and then, it hit again, the blinding anger. Hot tears poured from your eyes and you couldn’t stop them. In your lap, a baby blue shirt that belonged to your son laid. You dropped your hand and clutched on to the fabric. He was only four when he was taken from you. He was just a baby. Your head tilted back and the block in your throat grew stronger.
The door to your left opened quietly and when you turned your head to briefly eye your husband, there was no emotion other than hatred and betrayal, floating in your broken gaze. You looked away from him. The trees leaves rubbed together frantically, creating a loud rustling noise, and also showing just how freezing it was outside. Alfie rubbed his teeth together, unsure what to say or do in order to get you to come back inside. He’d tried. For the last three hours. Nothing he said eased your mind and you hadn’t let him touch you in two days. “This is your fault.” You whispered. Your voice was weighed down like your heart. It was low and raspy, but Alfie assumed it was from your endless crying. He hadn’t slept since the accident and he couldn’t sleep without you beside him so his nights were restless. He tossed and turned before spending the evening by the window, staring down at the porch, watching you. You never came in. Maybe once your body burned, you’d come in for some coffee, maybe to sit by the fire, but then your little boy’s voice would ring out, drowning you, and you had to go outside again. Alfie let you hurt him. Your words with laced with venom and he knew, he’d known, the second that you looked at him that day, you wished it would’ve been him the machine had crushed instead of your boy. “This is your fault.” You said again, rising. You wanted to rile him up. You wanted him to shout back. You wanted him to fight you back when you swung defeatedly at him. But he just stood there, taking every single poisonous word and jab at him you made. He deserved it. He blamed himself. You were so suffocated with sadness, you didn’t see the guilt he swam in. “Our boy is gone,” you whispered. “And you could’ve prevented it.” Your shoulder hit his roughly as you stepped past him and moved inside.
Alfie stuck his hands in his pockets, stroking the wedding ring you’d thrown at him yesterday. Things were falling apart. The moon illuminated Alfie’s watery eyes, but he played it off smoothly, rubbing his face down as if he were tired. He was, but he was more sad and he felt pain more than exhaustion.
The sofa wasn’t comfortable, but it was your new bed. You hated the guest room. It was so dark and gloomy and that was the last thing you needed. You didn’t want to sleep beside Alfie either, too much of your anger was directed toward him. Deep down, a part of you, a very small part, knew this wasn’t Alfie’s fault, but a much larger part of you needed to use him as an excuse. You needed to blame him. You hadn’t been there when the accident happened so you weren’t positive it could’ve been prevented. Not knowing killed you more than knowing would’ve. Alfie hadn’t told you what had happened,not fully, everytime he started to, you’d break down and or lash out. You dug your face into the pillow beneath you, staining the cloth with your tears. You could hear the heavy thud of Alfie’s boots and your body subconsciously waited to hear the little pattern of your son’s feet, racing along behind his father and then the slap of Cyril’s big paws, chasing after his little brother. Another wave of sadness ran through you and you cried out into the pillow. Alfie didn’t know what to do. A small touch made you flinch away from him. He hated it. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he didn’t think.
“Pet?” He spoke softly, trying to silence your muffled cries. “Pet. I want to talk about what happened.” His voice was so quiet and so desperate. You needed to be there for him like he was trying to be there for you. Your red face turned toward him and he felt as if someone had rammed a knife into his chest. He hated seeing you so.. broken. It was the only word that suited your current state. Your small hands lifted to your face and you rubbed it down. “Everytime you try and tell me, Alfie, I just get so mad.” You whispered. “You weren’t there.” He growled quietly. “You didn’t see what happened, I did.” The cup of water on the floor beside your foot was knocked over as you sprang upward. “You could’ve held his hand, Alfie! You could’ve held him! Why were you letting him roam! He was four! Not fourteen- I told you! I fucking said, I told you this wasn’t a good idea. He was too little to go!” Every word you shouted ended with a crack in your voice. He could tell you were swallowing down your sobs. “Tell me why you didn’t keep a closer eye on him.” The spilled water was the last thing on your mind as you stomped toward your husband. You glared up at him, eyes pleading for some sort of answer.
“I was holding him.” He whispered quietly. “I hadn’t put him down the entire time he was with me.” You straightened before lifting your hand to wipe at your runny nose. “You were?” You asked quietly, a small hiccup joining your question. “Course I was.” He cleared his throat before lifting his hands to the sides in a shrug almost. “I can still feel the weight of him, squirming to get free and I told him-“ Alfie had to stop when his voice cracked. The man looked away from you, but you slowly reached up and pulled his face back toward your own. He was allowed to cry and you knew he wasn’t letting himself. “Told him what?” The question was urging and Alfie shook his head. He couldn’t talk or he’d break down and he would never allow himself to. You, nor anyone else, had ever seen him cry and you felt the anger in your chest swept away slightly. This was your husband and instead of consoling him as he tried to do you, you were blaming him. Hurting him. Projecting your pain on to him, letting him soak up all the suffering and damage done.
Alfie’s lips parted before he slowly began to speak again. “I told him he couldn’t get down, yeah, I did say that, pet, I told him it was too dangerous and there was too many men around, working and doing dangerous stuff, right and.. I took him up to my office with Ollie. Said Tommy Shelby was downstairs for a surprise visit and I didn’t wanna bring him along, did I?” You knew it wasn’t a question, so you waited for him to continue. “I locked my office, told Ollie to just stay put with him and I wouldn’t be long. Ollie said he needed to use the bathroom.. so he opened the door and..” You didn’t cry. You couldn’t. Every tear in your body that had been produced was gone. There were no more. Or maybe you were just so tired your body was giving up. You shrank back, but it wasn’t toward the sofa. You were inches away from falling on the coffee table, so Alfie took your hand in his own. “It wasn’t anybody’s fault what happened.” He drew you back toward him gently, into the safety of his arms. The small touch sent a spark of electricity throughout your body and in seconds, you were buried against his chest.
You shut your eyes tightly, trying to practically disappear inside Alfie. “He opened the door right as they were lowering the crane.” You didn’t need to know anymore. Your son had been crushed for reasons that would never make sense to you. The men had lowered the machinery into the wrong spot anyway and Alfie had practically ripped each one to shreds. He feasted on the men’s fear and nobody had ever seen Alfie Solomons so angry. The men had seen many sides of Alfie, but a man who’d just lost his son.. they’d never seen a man so.. bloodthirsty. He looked as if he could kill anyone in his way. You closed your eyes tighter, trying not to think about that day, but it was stained in your mind. The death of your child, alongside the birth of him.
—————
The door to the bakery was open that day. It was unusual so you knew Alfie must’ve had lots of business going on. It felt wrong. Something did, but you weren’t sure what. Inside, you could hear the shouting of Alfie. Only Alfie. His voice bounced off the walls. He was begging. You couldn’t tell why or about what, but his voice was so pleading. There was a crowd of men gathered at the top of the stairs in front of Alfie’s office, but you couldn’t see anything aside from the crane, hanging above the door. “Alfie!” Your voice filled the corridor. Every man craned their neck toward the door where you stood. It was silent. Nobody was moving and you sensed something terrible had happened. Men stepped out of the way and it was then that you saw Alfie, his shoulders squared and his body rigid. He was at the foot of the stairs, surrounded by men who tried their best to calm him down. He didn’t move toward you, though his eyes met your own and said all you needed to know. The basket of goodies in your hands fell to the floor, muffins rolling this way and that. “Where’s Oliver?” You whispered, your heels the only sound present in the bakery. “Where. Is. Oliver?” You asked again, your movements steady and threatening as you approached your husband. Everyone tried to distance themselves. Seeing a father and a mother who’d lost a child was surely going to be the most heartbreaking thing any of them had ever seen. Alfie lifted his hands to grip on to your arms, attempting to still your movements, but the second you caught sight of your child, your baby, laying, lifeless on the floor beside all of the men, you screamed. “Oliver!” The strength you possessed only became apparent when you shoved past Alfie. Ducking beneath every man that tried to stop you, you were inches from touching him when Alfie hauled you back in one swift movement and lifted you. “Put me down!” You bellowed, needing to get to your son, but Alfie wouldn’t let you. He knew it would kill you to see the unrecognizable face that belonged to Oliver. “Please- please.” You begged, wiggling in his strong arms. Your fighting was desperate and strong, but he was much much stronger. “I’m sorry, pet, i cant.”
—————
You burrowed yourself in Alfie’s chest further, exhaling loudly. “I’m sorry, Alfie. I don’t mean to blame you, I just,“ you pulled your face back so you could stare up at his worn features. He looked so tired. “I’m so sorry.” Alfie shook his head at your apology before looping his arms around your waist more securely. “There’s no need to apologize, is there, right, this is just..” Your small hands lifted to his cheeks, holding them. You’d already lost Oliver. You couldn’t lose Alfie. Pulling his warm lips to your own, you kissed him softly, apologetically, allowing your lips to linger as you silenced him. Though you were still beyond sad, it helped to distract yourself for just a second. “We both need rest.” You whispered as soon as the kiss ended. Your small hand locked around his and you gently led him toward the creaky stairs.
Alfie didn’t deserve what you’d put him through the last few days. Talking down on him and making him feel like he was at fault. He wasn’t. The hallway was decorated with several photos of Oliver so you kept your eyes low, avoiding the photographs at all costs. Your bare feet, finally warm, pressed into the carpeted floor in your bedroom as you approached the bed. You’d been wearing the same dress for the last two days so Alfie offered you one of his shirts, grateful when you accepted the fabric. Nights would never ever be the same. Oliver wouldn’t sneak into the room and slide between your inseparable bodies anymore. He wouldn’t hover in the doorway in the mornings with his yellow blanket clutched in his hand as he whimpered for you to wake up because he was hungry. There would be no more brushing his curly hair out of his face at night. No more nose kisses or sweet words of how you hoped he got a good night’s sleep. Alfie wouldn’t ask the little boy what he wanted to be when he grew up. Oliver would never grow up. Your eyes were watering again and when Alfie noticed, he had you in his large arms, embracing you. There were no words that could erase the pain you two had to go through, but the affection he had to give helped a little. You squeezed him thankfully before slowly drawing back so you could lay down on the bed. “Things are never going to be the same are they?” You whispered, pushing your face into your pillow. “One day..” he muttered as he slid on to the bed. His added weight shook the mattress lazily before he spooned you cautiously. “One day in a while. Coping takes time.” He whispered against your ear. He was so much stronger externally. You knew internally he must’ve been choking, but he remained so tough to those around him. You nodded to his words before shuffling a little bit closer. “Goodnight, Alfie.” You should’ve stayed up just a while longer. You should’ve talked to your husband. You shouldn’t have let the sadness consume you, but as you fell asleep that night, it’s exactly what you did.
Day after day dragged on. Monday rolled to Tuesday and Tuesday rolled to Sunday. One week later felt like a day. Time was moving by so slow for you and yet, it was flying by for everyone else apart from Alfie. Month after month passed and you found that life wasn’t the same as it use to be. Breakfast was non existent. Alfie didn’t come home until you were fast asleep. Oliver’s room was cleaned out and his things were put in storage. It was too painful, passing by the closed door everyday, only to peer into the dark room. Vacant. It had been three months since the death of your son and the death of your marriage. You wore the wedding ring, after Alfie had given the band back, but it held no meaning anymore. In what way were you still a married couple? You hadn’t kissed him in 62 days. You slept beside him for maybe two hours a night and there was an invisible barrier between your bodies, keeping you apart. He said maybe a word a day to you and on rare nights where he made it home at a reasonable time, the two of you sat awkwardly in the living room, unsure of what to say or do around each other. You’d considered asking him if he wanted to try for another baby six weeks ago, but the mere thought of going through this heartbreak again made you hesitate. You hadn’t asked.
The clock in the corner struck eight. You were in bed, ankles rubbing together as Alfie moved around the room. He was home tonight. Very early. It was Valentine’s Day and he’d allowed all the workers to go home to their loved ones so he could do the same. Though there was tension and strained love, he wanted to be around you. The man grumbled beneath his breath before sliding on to the bed beside you, fully clothed. You lifted your gaze away from the crossword puzzle on your lap, glasses sliding down the bridge of your nose. “You’re going to bed?” You asked simply, watching the way he lowered himself down and flat on the mattress. “I..” He looked at you in confusion. “Didn’t think you’d want to do anything for Valentine’s Day.” He whispered. You nodded once, eyes falling away from him to instead roam the tan page beneath the tip of your pen. Alfie had hope that you’d request he stay up a little while longer, but when you began to fill in the little squares, solving the puzzle, the hope vanished. “Pet.” He grunted before slowly moving his hand to your knee. You almost winced at the touch. Shuffling your feet, you knocked his hand off discreetly before sliding your legs beneath the duvet and turning away from him. “Why the hell are you so distant?” He frowned, body following after your own. “I’m not distant, Alfie.” You whispered, not bothering to look at him.
You were trying to keep your attention on the book in your hands. “Yeah, you fucking are. Right, come here. It’s Valentine’s Day.” You rolled your eyes before turning your head so you could peer at him over your shoulder. “What’s the point? We’re not the same anymore. You’ll shower me with affection on this ‘holiday’ and then tomorrow will come and things will go back to normal.” You muttered before turning away again. “Today is just another day.” You fixed the frame of your glasses, shuffling once more to get comfy. Alfie rolled over and on to his back, staring blankly up at the ceiling. “Do you still love me?” His deep voice filled the room and his blunt question nearly made you drop your pen.
Your heart skipped a beat as your recently painted nails grazed the soft skin of your cheek before you adjusted the gray legs of your glasses. Tucking your hair back and behind your ear, you cleared your throat before slowly rolling back over to face him. “I’m sorry?” You pressed. “What was the question?” The book you’d initially been very invested in fell off the side of the bed and landed with a dull thud on the wood floor. Alfie’s head lulled toward you, brown eyes glistening beneath the dim light. Were those tears? “Do you love me?” He repeated, allowing his orbs to flicker along your beautiful features. So you hadn’t just imagined that question. Slipping your glasses off, you pushed them on to the top of your head before leaning up on your arm. “That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever asked me.” You moved to climb off the bed, but his large hand smoothly laced through your own. A burst of warmth filled your belly at the long lost touch, but you didn’t weaken visibly. Looking toward him in confusion, your brows furrowed. “I don’t care, yeah, I need to hear the fucking answer. You haven’t told me, right, if you do or dont in a month and I-.” The gentle sigh you let free was enough to silence him. “Of course I love you.” You muttered, moving your small hand away from his and instead to his arm. “Why would I ever stop?” The man moved his hand to his face and rubbed down the stressed expression that was plastered on it. “You haven’t kissed me in a very long time.” He whispered, to which you replied instantly. “You haven’t kissed me either.” The both of you looked to each other, wanting desperately to blame the other, but you shared the fault. You’d distanced slowly. Each day you were pulled further and further apart. Alfie was silent, no doubt pondering the last two months, wondering if he’d tried, so you spoke up again. “Why are you waiting until today? Until Valentine’s Day to bring this up. I’m your wife, this shouldn’t be the only day you want to love on me.” Alfie growled lowly. “If you think, for one fucking second, yeah, that this is the only time I’ve tried you’ve lost your fucking mind.” Alfie had tried. Every week. He tried to compliment you, to touch you, to kiss you, talk to you, but you were so closed off. Had you not realized how much you were pushing him away?
Alfie rolled toward you, dragging you back down fully. “I love you and I hate how things are right now.” You sighed gently, head sinking into the comfortable pillow as the man adjusted himself. He hovered over you, lips rubbing together as he stared down at you. For the first time in a long time, you felt playful. Your head rolled to the side, breaths quiet. “Where’s my gift?” You whispered playfully before slowly turning your head back toward his own. “Or- are you my gift?” Alfie grunted softly, eyes slipping between your own. He didn’t usually celebrate this holiday, but, for the last eight years of being married to you, he had and each one had been filled with chocolate coated kisses and mind blowing sex. He didn’t mind celebrating it again. “Yeah, pet, i’m the gift.” He whispered.
Your head lifted off of the pillow and your arm slowly looped around his wide shoulders. “So I can do whatever I want to you?” Alfie licked his lips, unable to hide the smirk that played on his mouth. It had been so long since he’d gotten any sort of reaction out of you. “Anything.” He nodded in agreement. The overwhelming want to kiss him hit you, but you didn’t. “I want you to hold me.” You whispered. “And.. I want you to,” There was a lengthy pause. Alfie watched the color in your cheeks heat the warm skin. “Kiss me.” You whispered shyly. Alfie didn’t budge from his spot. “You don’t have to tell me to kiss you, you know, yeah, you’re allowed to kiss me anytime you want.” The color in your cheeks darkened, hands lifting to cup your face. “I know, it’s just been a while and I’m nervous.” You muttered before heaving a lazy sigh. “I want an actual gift, Alfie, I want.. I want us to work on us and I want us to talk about Oliver. I can’t keep living the way we have been.” The man nodded softly, studying you. “Right.” Downstairs on the mantle above the lit fireplace, a red bag resided, filled with various gifts for you, but he figured you could have that later. “Okay, which gift do you want first?” The question initiated your actions. You crawled toward him, small hands pressing into the warm skin of his shoulders as you lowered yourself down and on to his lap. “Hold me.” The words weren’t needed for he was already embracing you. The room was silent as you embraced each other, refusing to part for the longes time. Your cheek rested against his and your fingers roamed the back of his hair, caressing his locks lazily. “Tell me..” you whispered as you closed your eyes. “what Oliver thought about the bakery..”
The question sent a sharp pain to Alfie’s heart, but he knew talking about his son would help the both of you. Oliver was treated like such a taboo subject. That needed to change. “He loved it, pet. He really did. Wouldn’t be still though, kept bouncing in my arms.”
—————
Oliver ran ahead of his father as they moved down the road. The rain was falling slowly, tapping the cement quietly as it fell. Oliver’s hair was longer than Alfie would’ve liked, but the curls reminded him of you and he didn’t complain more than necessary. He wanted the boy to have shorter hair, but you’d insisted during the cold weather that the longer hair would keep him warm. Alfie growled softly. “Oliver, I’ve told you multiple times, yeah, hold my hand and don’t run ahead, right? There’s a lot of dangerous people out there in the world and your mother would kill me if anyone hurt you.” In one swift movement, Alfie had hoisted the child up and into his arms, cradling the four year old protectively. “Mummy didn’t really want you coming along today, you know, so you’ve got to be on your best behavior, yeah, so you can come back again.” The boy nodded happily, his small arms locked together around his dad’s neck. “Mum didn’t wanna come?” The child asked his father. Alfie’s coat swayed in the harsh wind hand lifting to adjust his tophat before he stopped in front of the distillery. “She’s making some lunch, yeah, she’ll come up here in a little while to see you.” Alfie kissed the boy’s head before hauling the door open to the distillery. Oliver crinkled his nose at the strong smell before looking around at all the men. He waved to every single one. His hand wiggled wildly, smile vibrant and beaming as he greeted every person he passed. “I’ve got to carry you, yeah?” He told his son when he began to squirm. “You can’t walk, lad, I’m sorry, it’s too dangerous.”
Every man tipped his head toward the boy, waving and smiling happily, before resuming their work. Only the main corridor and the room where they kept the bread were safe enough to show Oliver, every other place had too much danger. In the center of the building, a large crane had been brought in to pick up and drop off some barrels of liquor. The heavy metal was hovering at the bottom of the stairs. “Right, put those barrels over there.” Alfie pointed toward the door. “All of em, I can move them myself in a while.” Ollie came rushing down the hall, eyes briefly meeting Oliver before he cleared his throat. “Sorry to interrupt, but Thomas Shelby is here.” Alfie grunted, curious eyes slipping to the door, propped open wide, revealing his friend. “Right, Ollie, you’re in charge of my boy.” The door to his office was nudged open the second the gangster reached the top of the stairs and Alfie, not aware of the events that would soon take place, handed his son over to Ollie, not bothering to coo or kiss or love on him as much as he would’ve liked to. He just needed to ensure his little boy was safely tucked away so he could handle some business. He shut the door and twisted the lock before descending the stairs with a loud, ‘don’t let him out of there!’, before making his way toward Tommy. The loud whirring from the crane filled the room and Alfie scrunched his face up in annoyance, eyes rolling at the irritating sound before he extended his arm toward Thomas. The rest was a blur. It happened so fast. One minute he’s discussing the difference in a sweet drink and a bland one and the next moment there was a loud cry. Then yelling. So much yelling.
—————
Your eyes were wide and watery as you listened to Alfie. Though no tears escaped, you were very alert. Smoothing your hair out of your face, you sighed breathily before lowering your eyes to the necklace that hung around Alfie’s neck. It was beaded. A gift from Oliver when he had been three. Attempting to change the subject to happier memories, you leaned in further, small fingers lifting to trace the colored beads. Your fingertip brushed over the blue, then red, then green, yellow, and finally orange bead. Smiling lazily, your eyes flickered up toward your husbands. “Do you remember when he gave this to you?” You whispered quietly. Alfie nodded gently, tipping his head south so he could view the necklace more intently. “Such a kind-hearted boy.” He muttered before leaning back and against the headboard. “Most obedient kid I ever knew.” You pulled your lips in before gnawing on the pink skin lazily, lost in your thoughts before you pressed your hand against his belly and leaned toward him, still settled on his lap. “Alfie?” Your voice was so breathless, he almost hadn’t heard you. A deep hum in question left his throat before he fixed you with a stare that said you had his attention. “Um.. would you ever want to try for another baby?” The question was almost inaudible, but Alfie figured you were going to speak quietly due to the way you’d said his name so he was listening very intently. His brown eyes flickered briefly with heartbreak before drifting away and you could no longer read the emotions that floated in his soft eyes. “Right now?” The twitch of his lips, you assumed, would fall downward if he hadn’t have prevented them from moving. “No. In a year or so, when it’s not so hard to talk about Oliver.” Alfie pursed his lips before lifting his hand to his chin to scratch it. “Right, dove, we hardly talk or kiss or spend time with each other anymore, yeah, what’s gonna happen, right, when this year goes by and then, yeah, you don’t fucking love me no more?” There would be no baby if there was no love.
The room was silent for a few moments, eerily quiet before the mattress broke the quiet area and creaked when you crawled further toward him. “No matter what, Alfie Solomons, I will always love you.” You whispered. “We just have to find our way back to each other.” It has been 62 days since you’d last communicated like this and you wouldn’t lie, you had asked yourself the question Alfie just had, but then, looking over how quickly the two of you had fallen back into a chemistry filled rhythm, you didn’t worry about the answer to the question. You knew it. There was no ‘falling out of love’ with him. He was your everything. Your small hand lifted to his warm cheek and for the first time in 89,280 minutes, you kissed him. And he didn’t hesitate to kiss back. Your mouths molded together in a lost connection, tongues eagerly escaping their homes to venture out and mingle. They danced their familiar dance and Alfie, never a patient man, flipped you over and pinned you to the silver sheet. His body was like a blanket, surrounding your own so easily. You released little whimpers of enjoyment, ensuring Alfie knew just how good it felt to kiss him. Your legs spread slowly, fingers hooking in the belt loops on his trousers, tugging on them gently so his body was forced to press against your own. The long lost feeling of being pressed against him like this, and kissing him like this, made you feel lightheaded. Your eyes fluttered visibly. As you laid, slumped beneath your husband, all you could do was think about how you couldn’t bear to ever part with him. Things had been bad and they could’ve grown to be a lot worse. The man pulled back sooner than you would’ve liked, leaving you a heavily breathing mess beneath him. He smiled and you instantly mirrored his expression. “I love you more than anything.” You mumbled quietly. The man nodded gently in understanding. “And I love you,” his voice was airy and light, but dripping with emotion. “So fucking much.”
The man lowered himself back down on top of you so his chest was mashed against yours and his face was buried in the nape of your neck. It was hot and your skin was on fire, but you didn’t budge, nor did you ask him to move. You didn’t want to be anywhere else except for squished beneath his heavy form. A small smile graced your lips, arms wounding around him protectively and posessively. You let your hand lazily glide along his back, breaths quiet and voice breathy when you spoke. “I want things to be normal between us.” The man nodded gently. “Me too.” His head lifted, peering at you under his hooded eyes. Your hand lifted to the back of his head, tracing his locks lazily. “No more distancing from each other.. we’re all we’ve got.” He nodded slowly before lowering his head once more. “I do.. uh, want to try again for a baby, yeah, whenever you want.” He whispered quietly, his hot breaths wafting over the smooth skin of your shoulder. “You do?” You questioned, brows lifting. You felt his head bob against your chest as he nodded. A small smile pulled at your lips, a fond one. Though Oliver was no longer here, he would still very much like a little brother or sister, you knew that. Your small hand fell to Alfie’s beaded necklace, tracing the length of it slowly. Things would get better, overtime. It just took patience, some grief, but overall, it took teamwork. You and Alfie would get through this together and in the end you would be okay. Your mouth pressed against his head, snuggling into his hair as best as you could. You’d definitely, eventually, be okay.
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Stunned because this took me two days to write and I’m very EH about it. 🤨🙍🏼‍♀️ But I hope you guys enjoyed it and I hope the person who requested this enjoys it, I feel like I didn’t do it justice, but I wanted to give it a shot and just UGH. 😊❤️ But feel free to leave me some feedback. I think I read somewhere that Jewish people don’t really celebrate Valentine’s Day so I tried to make it where he’s celebrating it simply because the reader does and he partakes in it strictly for that reason!! Anyways, love you guys and I’m sorry i haven’t responded to new requests! I’ll get around to it!
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The Axe.
Axel Hans Ziegler. Fifty old. Birthplace, Berlin Germany. He obtained the scar on his face in a knife fight with a man that was trying to rob his home. He came over to the United States when he was seventeen years old to find work and send money back to his dying mother. She died two years after he came there, so with nothing left, he stayed. Hired by a man named Ezio Lazarus 30 years ago, it didn’t take him long to see what kind of man he was. He almost fled again, but when Ezio brought his child into the business, he knew he had to stay. He remembered so clearly watching over the child for years. Seeing what his father put him through. Part of him felt like he owed the boy his life, especially after Mr. Lazarus’ death. Maybe that’s why he never felt bad about rigging a fight so that he could piss off one of the Boston ring’s biggest clients and get the man arrested, in hopes that his son would have a better life. He never expected the boy to be affected by what he’d done, nonetheless, he followed them to Sloane, the town of many curses, to keep a better eye on him. Now here he was, sitting in the corner of a hospital room, making sure no one came back to finish the job. It had been rough on him, the past couple days, but he kept that feeling from surfacing so that he didn’t overshadow Cyril’s family. Now he was here, refusing to leave the room. Cyril had just received a rather bizarre text message from his sister, one that verified the suspicion he’d been having all day, and he wasn’t about to let him leave while he was in this condition. “I’ll take care of it,” He said to the boy, watching as his emerald hues fell upon him, “I’ll go to her office and see what’s going on. Bring her back here.” For a moment Cyril’s expression fell, his hands gripping his brand new phone, the one Osiris had bought for him after his old one took a bullet. It looked like he wanted so badly to get out of bed and deal with this himself, but he was in no condition too. Axel really didn’t wanna leave him alone, but he had to. If that psycho from the charity wanted to come to finish what he’d started, he would have by now. “In and out, I’ll be back soon.” He said, hesitantly grabbing his coat and keys, making his exit. An hour later… Outside of Juliet’s office, something told Axel that he needed a plan before making his entrance. Something wasn’t right. He couldn’t ignore Cyril’s frantic text messages much longer though. If he did, the boy might have a heart attack right in his hospital bed. Glancing at his phone one last time, the German shoved it into his pocket and stepped from the car, sure to shut the door quietly. No need to draw attention if something was wrong. He made his way up the stairs that lead to Juliet’s office. Once to the door, he pressed his ear to it, listening in closely. At first, there was nothing but silence behind the wood. He pressed his ear harder to the surface, one hand on his gun. Then he heard it. The screaming. From a man? Yes. Definitely a man. He couldn’t make out what he was saying, not at first at least, but soon it stopped. Footsteps, going back and forth. The sound of something being dragged across the floor. Axel’s heart raced as he went over the different scenarios that could unfold in his head if he went in now. What was he here for? Why was he risking his life? Why was he about to try to save Juliet? Because protecting Cyril meant protecting everything he cared about too. He took several large steps back, lifting his leg high and smashing his foot into the door. It went flying off its hinges with ease, and as the near seven-foot man barged into the office, he was met with the shocked face of a strange man and a battered twin sister on the floor. Before the man could react, Axel had his large hand wrapped around his throat, smashing him into the wall several times before throwing him to the floor. “Don’t like it very much, do you?” He said, foot meeting the strangers stomach over and over again, “You feel so big and bad when you hurt someone smaller than you? You messed with the wrong family.” The man was begging on the floor now, bloodied to a pulp and trying to pull himself up. Axel pressed his heavy foot into his back and pressed down, smashing him into the floor. “You will stay down,” He said, “I won’t be killing you tonight. I’m leaving that to Mr. Lazarus.” Pulling his gun free, he brought it down onto the man’s head, knocking him out cold. After tying him up he made his way out into the darkness of the night with the unconscious bastard, tossing him into the trunk of his car, before returning to where Juliet lie. He’d really done a number on her, it reminded him of how his father used to beat his mother and left her lying on the living room floor. That was until he killed his sperm donor and dumped his body in the river, made it look like he fell off the bridge when he was drunk and hit a few rocks on the way down. Cyril would be livid. Axel even had half the mind to go put a bullet in the asshole’s head right now. “Easy now, Miss Juliet,” the brute of a man said as he gently lifted the much smaller girl into his arms, “I’m going to take you to the hospital. You’re safe from that monster now.” He was so conflicted. So angry at how battered this woman was. She’d clearly been drugged and probably had no idea what was happening. What would have happened had he been too late? Would he of walked into a murder scene? He shook the thought, carefully placing her in his backseat, pulling a blanket from off the floor and placing it over her. In no time they were back at the hospital where Cyril still was. As he walked in, cradling the bloodied woman, nurses rushed to put her onto a gurney. “Her ex did this,” He said, swallowing a knot in his throat, “he vanished before I got there. Please call the police so that they will find him.” They wouldn’t find him. Until Cyril was released, he would be kept alive, locked in a hole where no one would hear him screaming. The man would suffer and when Axel’s boss got his hands on him for what he’d done to his sister, he would make sure it wasn’t a quick and painless death. When he found his way back to Lazarus’ room, the first thing the man lying in the hospital bed saw was the blood on his shirt. Before he could react, the German raised a finger. “She is… alive,” He said, taking a deep breath, “I’m positive it was her ex your cousin mentioned her having earlier. Daniel. I roughed him up and tossed him in my trunk.” Cyril was generally dead on about his gut feelings, and when he felt like something was off about his sister’s post, he got to work on figuring out this vast puzzle. It especially felt weird to Axel when Juliet wasn’t at the hospital the first night he was brought in. His cousin, Osiris, began to investigate and dig up some stuff about the twin sister, uncovering a dark truth about a former lover, and that’s when deja vu kicked in. His feeling was confirmed when Veronica flashed a picture of Daniel to Cyril, and he swore up and down he’d seen him around a few times. It was no coincidence. “She’s been admitted here, and they’re cleaning her up,” Axel continued, “he… beat her up pretty badly.” Cyril’s face twist in anger, his heart monitor picking up just slightly. His fist clenched and his teeth dug into the inside of his cheek. He was angry, rightfully so, and from the look in his eyes, the large man could tell he was already planning the things he was gonna do to Daniel when he got out. “Thank you,” He finally said, taking a deep breath, “I owe you, for saving my sister. When I’m out of here, I’ll take care of him. You know what to do until then.” Axel nodded, he definitely knew what he had to do. For the next couple of days, he could do whatever he wanted to Daniel, so long as he kept him alive. On the brink of death sounded good. It was all for him.
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radialarch · 7 years
Text
so i was reorganizing my gdocs, and came across 3k of post-catws fic that i’d apparently written in august 2014 and just never -- posted anywhere? i’m really not sure what happened. but it looks more or less complete and it is, predictably, about memory & identity, and also pining, so i’m just gonna stash it here for the time being until i figure out if i wanna do anything with it.
------
“I’m not a neurologist.” Bruce looks apologetic. “I mean, physics isn’t even the same branch as — I’m not sure how much I could help.”
“Please,” Steve says. “Could you just take a look?”
The Kiev file had contained all sorts of information, mixed up in no particular order. Steve had dug through the Cyrillic to separate out the medical scans, scrawled lab notes — anything that might tell him about the state of Bucky’s brain.
Bruce sighs. “I’ll try my best,” he says, and takes the papers.
He calls Steve two days later. “My Russian’s rusty,” he says, “but look here.” He’s thrown a scan up on a light box. “They were stimulating his hippocampus. It’s the area of the brain involved with creating new memories,” he adds when Steve opens his mouth.
“What does that mean?”
“The brain’s...complicated.” Bruce frowns. “But it looks like what they wanted to do was boost his short-term memory.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Not necessarily.” He taps at the scan. “Everything about biology is a compromise. Short-term memory requires a bit of flexibility, which isn’t conducive for long-term memory retention—”
“Bruce.”
“His brain’s been traumatized over and over again.” Bruce looks a little sick as he says it. “It’s possible his memories have just been — lost.”
“Traumatized.” Steve grabs onto the word. “But he has the serum — he can heal.”
Bruce rubs at his face. “Well, yes,” he admits. “But healing may just mean leaving behind a blank slate. His memories might not be there for him to recover.”
“I see.” Steve takes a breath, and then another. “Thank you, Bruce.”
------
Bucky’s been hitting Hydra bases, leaving them smoking and empty. Steve and Sam track him down in Germany, sitting calmly at a table while a body bleeds out behind him.
Bucky looks at Steve with his head tipped thoughtfully. Steve’s shield arm is raised but there’s no tension in Bucky’s body, no sign that he’s about to fight them. “So they say you’re my best friend.”
That’s not what Steve’s been expecting. “What do you say?” he asks carefully, lowering his arm a fraction.
“Steve,” Sam says, low. A warning.
Bucky shrugs. The action sits oddly on him, the metal plates of his left arm sliding past each other with a dull noise. “I think I knew you,” he says. “I don’t know you now.”
Steve lets out a breath and thinks about what Bruce had said about the damage to Bucky’s brain. He looks at this Bucky in front of him, who fits but imperfectly into the shapes in Steve’s memories. “Do you want to?”
Bucky’s hair is ragged as if he’d taken a knife to it himself. Steve stares at the bit of hair nearly falling into Bucky’s eyes and wills himself not to shake.
Bucky says, “Yes.”
------
Steve’s D.C. apartment is still strewn with glass and he doesn’t want Bucky there, anyway, with the specter of the Winter Soldier burned into the city.
“There’s no way you’re taking him to Brooklyn by yourself,” Sam says. “Are you crazy?”
“Why not?” Steve looks at Bucky, leaning against the wall pretending he can’t hear them talk. “He grew up there. Might help him remember.”
“First of all, you don’t even know if he can remember.” Sam crosses his arms, not cruel but not willing to soften his words, either. “Second, you are asking the world’s best assassin to—what, move in with you? This doesn’t strike you as a little nuts?”
“We won’t know until we try.” Steve gives Sam his best grin. “and I can handle myself.”
“Yeah, like you handled yourself right into the Potomac.” Sam doesn’t quite stop himself from glancing at Bucky, then. Steve presses the advantage.
“You don’t think it’s hopeless, either,” Steve says, more softly. “Give him a chance, Sam.”
------
On the flight home, Steve makes Bucky take the window seat so he can put himself between Bucky and the rest of the plane in case anything happens. Bucky gives him a faint grin; he probably knows exactly what Steve’s thinking. He doesn’t say anything about it, though, so Steve doesn’t, either.
Steve pages through the airmall catalog he finds in the seat pocket, wincing at the prices, so he doesn’t notice that Bucky’s fallen asleep until Bucky’s head slides onto his shoulder. He makes himself stay still and turns just his head to look. Bucky’s forehead is smooth, and his lashes are dark against his cheek, his mouth curved faintly upward.
In sleep Steve can see Bucky as he used to be: something of the grinning boy remains still, in the sweep of his cheekbones and the set of his jaw. Steve wonders if he’ll ever be able to see that face when Bucky’s awake; if he’s still in Bucky’s head, buried under layers of blankness.
Bucky makes a soft noise in his throat. Steve hopes Bucky’s dreaming of something good, something removed from Hydra, the war, everything.
------
Steve had put Bucky up on the sofa and then fallen asleep with his clothes on. When he wakes up the next morning the sun’s already up. It takes him a moment to remember last night and then he rushes into the living room, heart pounding.
Bucky’s cross-legged on the sofa with an oversized hoodie hiding his arm, his bare feet tucked underneath his calves. His hair is sleep-mussed, sticking to the side of his face. Steve stops at the doorway — stares at him, at the lines of Bucky’s face, and feels a great surge of affection in his chest that makes him unable to speak for a moment.
“Hi,” Bucky says. He doesn’t sound at all self-conscious about himself, half-lit by the sun with all his edges softened.
“Morning.” Steve clears his throat and walks into the kitchen. “Breakfast?”
Steve makes toast, light and warm with curls of butter melting into the bread; scrambled eggs, pale yellow and fluffy. When he turns around, he finds Bucky leaning against the refrigerator. Steve hands him a plate, and he hesitates before taking it and saying, “Thank you,” quiet.
Steve’s heart drops. He doesn’t want polite and distant from Bucky. He wants, selfishly, the unguarded smiles and easy touches of the past, when Bucky’s friendship had been steady and certain. He’d never thought about how fragile and precious a thing that was until he lost it.
“Let’s just eat,” Steve says, forcing a smile onto his face. They don’t say anything after that.
------
“So what do you know?” Steve asks one night. Bucky’s leaning against one arm of the sofa and he slides onto the other end, feels too much the space between them that wouldn’t have been, before.
“A lot you wouldn’t want to hear about, I think.” Bucky gives him a thin grin. “Unless the books are wrong about you.”
“Well, they’re probably—” Steve waves. “They did a lot of research, I’m sure.”
Bucky lets out a sharp bark of a laugh. “They say you were practically the patron saint of lost causes, when you were young,” he says. “Guess you haven’t changed.”
“I don’t—you’re not a lost cause,” Steve says, a little helplessly. “Do you think you are?”
Bucky looks at him steadily. “What are you going to do if I never remember?” he asks, sitting up. The movement brings him a little closer to Steve.
“Never’s a long time.” Steve looks at his knees, because it’s easier than looking at Bucky. “I can wait.”
Bucky makes a thoughtful sound. When Steve finally looks up, he’s drawn even closer — close enough to touch.
“Well, then,” Bucky says. “Tell me about me, why don’t you.”
------
Steve gets used to the sight of Bucky padding barefoot around the apartment. He gets used to the way Bucky slides his sleeve over his left hand, the dip in the sofa where Bucky habitually curls up. It’s nothing like how they used to know each other before, but there’s an intimacy to it just the same, Bucky quietly sliding into Steve’s life without any fuss.
The first time Bucky touches Steve comes as a surprise. Bucky doesn’t seem to realize he’s done anything new, just a tap to the elbow as Steve’s making dinner. It’s gone before Steve can react, and he tries to shrug it off as an accident.
But it keeps happening: Bucky’s fingers on the back of his neck, light touches to his shoulder. Steve doesn’t know what it means, when Bucky still doesn’t remember, still talks about himself like an experiment instead of a person.
At night Steve lies in bed and thinks he can still feel Bucky’s touches on his skin: all along his torso, marking his softest, weakest spots, like he might break open if Bucky touches him again.
------
Bucky reads. There are books about Captain America stacked by the coffee table, a biography of the Howlies left on the bathroom counter. Sometimes he reads passages out loud, lifting up the book from his knee and glancing at Steve as if to ask, “Is this real?”
“Yeah,” Steve says then, grinning a little at the memory of it. “Dernier wired up the bomb, complaining in French the entire time — Gabe nearly gave us away, he was laughing so hard.”
Bucky gives him a smile back, but it’s distant. “I think I would have liked them,” he says reflectively. “Your Commandos.”
“They’re not—you did,” Steve says, feeling the grin drop from his lips. “You did like them, Buck.”
Bucky puts the book down on his thigh. “Sorry,” he says. He’s looking at Steve, mouth thinned into a line.
“Don’t be,” Steve says. He wants to touch the corner of Bucky’s mouth; he presses his hand underneath his thigh instead. “It’s not your fault.”
And it’s moments like these that are the worst. Sometimes Steve can’t stand the unfairness of it, the huge looming shape of all that Bucky’s lost. He’d gladly trade places, if he could; he’d give up his own memories, his entire life, for Bucky to be himself again.
------
“The books talk about us.” Bucky finds Steve coming out of the bathroom, toweling his hair dry.
“Yeah,” Steve says, uncomprehending. “You’ve been reading ‘em, Buck.”
“No, I mean,” and Bucky shakes his head, “us. You and me, together, like—” He gestures at Steve’s chest, and then at his own.
“Oh,” Steve says. He should’ve known, because they were always asking him questions about that, interviews and letters. “Yeah, they do,” he says, for the lack of anything else to say.
He’s not prepared for Bucky to ask, “Were we?”
“No,” he says, dropping his towel, stumbling over his words like he’s fourteen again. “You — you liked girls.”
“Really,” Bucky says, and steps closer, crowding him against the bathroom door. “Was that the only problem? Because it’s not really a problem.” Then he looks away, his face going blank. “Of course,” he says, “you had Agent Carter. The books talk about her, too.”
“Bucky—” Steve says, at a loss for words. As far back as he can remember, their lives had been inextricably tangled — he only knows that he’s needed Bucky all his life, and Bucky had, bafflingly, needed him back. He’d loved Peggy Carter but he’d loved Bucky, too, and in the same way: people he’d trust at his back, at the end of the earth.
He doesn’t know how to explain any of that. He’s never needed to.
He presses a hand onto Bucky’s shoulder, pushes him back gently. “We just...weren’t,” he says, and crouches down to pick up the towel.
------
After that, it feels like Bucky’s touches get more deliberate, lingering on Steve’s skin. Steve tries to ignore it, but he can’t — it’s like Bucky wants to erase the distance between them, and isn’t that what he wants, too?
Bucky taps him on the arm when he’s laughing and slides against his back to take a forkful of lasagna before it’s cooled, and that feels like having Bucky back, whole. And Steve knows that things are different, knows that he shouldn’t be thinking this way, but it’s hard to remember that when Bucky’s skin is warm against his and Bucky’s smiling at him like nothing’s ever happened.
------
They’re watching a movie, the lights low, and Bucky’s a warm weight against Steve’s shoulder. When the credits roll he expects Bucky to pull back, but instead Bucky stretches and seems to lean against Steve even further, nearly sprawled on top of him.
“So tell me,” Bucky says, twisting his head to look up at Steve. “How long’s it gonna take before you take the hint?”
“What?”
“I keep doing this,” he says, putting a hand on Steve’s thigh. “You don’t say no, but you don’t say yes, either. I gotta say, it’s a little confusing.”
“I—” Steve looks at Bucky, and then slides Bucky’s hand off of him. It leaves behind a warmth on his skin he can’t shake off as easily. “We can’t.”
“Sure we can,” Bucky says. “It’d be easy, Steve,” and the Steve comes off his tongue slowly, carefully, “Just let me—”
“Bucky,” Steve says. “You’re not — you don’t remember much, it wouldn’t—”
“So that’s the way it’s gonna be,” Bucky says, pushing himself up. Something in his face has shuttered closed. “I gotta remember.”
“You gotta be yourself,” Steve says. “It wouldn’t be right, otherwise.”
“Right,” Bucky says. He smiles, but it’s not the same easy smile Steve’s grown used to seeing on his face. “Good to know.”
------
It takes a week. A week of Bucky skirting around Steve, carefully not-touching him; and Steve misses it already, those touches that still haven’t lost their strangeness.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he says over lunch. “I just can’t, not when you’re not...you, yet.”
And Bucky puts his glass down and looks at Steve. Laughs, even though there’s no trace of humor in it.
“I’m not less of a person because I’ve got gaps in my memory,” he says. “I’m sitting right here, Rogers.”
His last name, coming from Bucky’s mouth — it’s a shock. Steve pulls back.
“It doesn’t matter, what happened to me,” Bucky says, his hand in his hair. “I’m still me.”
“They took your memories,” Steve says. “Bucky—”
“You want me to be your Bucky so bad you can’t even see it.” Bucky goes on, savage. “But I know who I am.
“You want me to remember? You want something only Bucky would know? I loved you. I was so in love with you I couldn’t even breathe, and you didn’t even know it.” He laughs again, the sound hollow. “Guess the history books knew me better than you did.”
Bucky stands up. The chair drags on the floor as he walks away.
Steve looks down at his plate. Looks at his shaking hands.
------
I was so in love with you I couldn’t even breathe, and you didn’t even know it
Steve hadn’t known, because he hadn’t looked — because he’d been afraid to look, wondering if his face would betray what he wanted so much.
He wants to go back, suddenly, fiercely. He wants the chance to fix this one thing, even if he could change nothing else — even if Bucky still fell from the train, even if he crashed the plane into the arctic with only Peggy’s voice crackling through the radio — he wants to be able to touch Bucky’s face, tell him, “It’s not just you.”
Bucky finds him hours later, face in his hands. He’s still shaking, can’t stop, and Bucky settles next to him on the bed, says, gently, “Steve.”
“The world’s changed, everything’s changed,” Steve says in fragments. “How can we even tell what’s real anymore?”
And Bucky puts his arms around Steve. “I’m real,” he says, pressing Steve against his chest. “Let me be real for you, this once.”
So Steve lets himself lean into the heat of Bucky’s body; lets his world shrink to just him and Bucky, right here, while Bucky presses a hand to his head and murmurs senseless syllables.
------
Sometimes Steve wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into the living room. The streetlight outside the window casts enough of a glow into the room that he can see Bucky’s sleeping shape on the sofa.
Bucky goes through nightmares quietly. The fingers of his left hand will twitch, but the rest of him doesn’t move at all, curled into a compact form. Steve used to try to wake him up, but he’d only murmur “nyet” and his breaths would get shallower, quicker; Steve doesn’t try to do that anymore.
But tonight Bucky wakes up, his hair slicked down with sweat, and says, waveringly, “Steve?”
“Yeah,” Steve says, at Bucky’s side in an instant. He reaches out with a hand and then pulls back, uncertain. “Yeah, I’m here.”
“Steve,” he says again, and pulls Steve down onto the sofa. Steve goes willingly, his body lined up against Bucky’s in the narrow space.
“I thought I’d die,” Bucky says, panting a little. “But you came for me.”
“Yeah, of course I did,” Steve says, soothing. “I’d never let you die.”
Bucky keeps going, like he’s not hearing Steve at all. “You were bigger,” he says, “taller, but your voice was the same.”
And Steve realizes— “Oh,” he says, as Bucky squeezes at his fingers. His breath catches in his throat; he can’t speak.
“Stay,” Bucky says, and Steve does.
------
In the morning, Bucky says in a sleep-softened rasp, “Is one memory enough for you?”
“Bucky,” Steve says. He presses his forehead to Bucky’s shoulder, breathes in and out. “You’re enough for me.”
“I might not remember everything,” Bucky says, like an apology. “I’ve tried, Steve, I have.”
“I know,” Steve says, and puts his arm around Bucky. “It’s okay.”
And it is. Steve doesn’t need Bucky to remember all the moments of their past — he can do that for the both of them.
When Bucky kisses him, it feels normal, inevitable; Steve feels like he’s whole for the first time since he woke up off the ice.
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