#i have a lot of feelings in general
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spike spiegel wants to die soooooooo bad but fate keeps saying NO you are going to LIVE you are going to carry your burdens WITH YOU you are going to learn how to keep walking even when all you want to do is find a ditch to die in. you are going to learn how to care about people again, holding your bloody broken heart inside of your gaping chest with your own two hands. and spike spiegel says nooooooo and once again tries to throw himself at the nearest dangerous person in the hopes that this one will finally kill him
#that was nonsense sorry im just experiencing the bebop emotions#extanttalks#cowboy bebop#spike spiegel#i have a lot of feelings in general#well. only occasionally. but right NOW i have a lot of feelings
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I know low - extreme ride intensity is all pretty subjective so just answer however related to however you feel about it! 🎢
(And feel free to put your number and additional thoughts in the tags if you're curious about your mutuals' amusement park thoughts 👀)
#amusement park#roller coasters#thrill rides#I was thinking about this with fam and curious what people's preferences tend to lean toward!#I have been working at Canada's Wonderland for the halloween haunt this year and staring at coasters a lot#I know this isn't a perfectly comprehensive scale but!#feel free to clarify in the tags too if u wanna#I am at a 3#But I would generally consider myself an amusement park coward#The drop zone is so scary#but i like being spun around in a centrifuge#🎢
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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Felt a bit nostalgic watching RT shut down…Here are the og faves again for old times sake 💙
#rvb#agent washington#agent Carolina#lavernius tucker#michael j caboose#epsilon#my art rvb#ahhh a lot of feelings…of course I stepped away from rt as a company a long time ago#but RvB is special to me!! it was my first fandom experience ever#and the community here on tumblr specifically was so instrumental to me growing up#I really could not have asked for a better community of artists and writers to grow up in. I know it sounds like platitudes when I say#that everyone was super nice and talented but REALLY. People were so kind to me and somehow I became well known despite#my art and writing and me in general still being immature and hashtag cringe#I found my creative legs and#people would respond to my stuff with walls and walls of support in the tags and we would do exchanges and events every year#I made my first lyric comic and it’s still doing extremely well on YouTube even today!! my dad who passed away recently always loved it#and my favorite RvB writer came out of hibernation to write me a bunch of text wall asks about it#I’ve never had another fandom experience quite like RvB#I still keep in touch with many of my friends from that time period even though we’ve all moved on the other things#these guys will always always have a place in my heart#so long reds and blues….
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day 1421
#uh just a heads up if you expand the tags to see all there's. a lot. very long#amphibian#frog#poison dart frog#based on my most popular frog to date (day 651)#inspired by everyone pointing out what they think it looks like#here's a fun secret fact the original guy is actually a phantasmal poison dart frog (Epipedobates tricolor)#(according to the original artists title of the drawing)#not Anthony's poison arrow frog (Epipedobates anthonyi)#i feel too awkward to really point it out though because they look the exact same. i cannot tell if there is a difference#im half convinced the same frog was just discovered and named twice#its very curious btw if you go on the (english) wikipedia page for either species it doesn't mention the other#while hereptiles.info (no idea if this is a trustworthy site) lists both names as common names for the same frog (incorrectly??)#while inaturalist lists them as two different frogs. curiously with tricolor having wayyyyy fewer photos#ok anyway that's my rant i went on a whole journey trying to figure out if these are the same frog or not and i have no answer#i did some more 'research' and i am more confused. some sources seem to imply they are now considered the same species ( e. tricolor)#i think my conclusion is i am willing to agree the drawing looks more like e. anthonyi. it seems like tricolor is generally less vibrant re#and the white is darker and more green?#i feel like thumblr should stop me from typing more in the tags at this point this is a whole essay#at this point i am failry convinced this is specifically the Santa Isabel frog. isthat the real subspecies or morph or whatever#or just the name pet sites are using to sell it??#i even found some sources (frog selling websites) refering to it as “Epipedobates Anthonyi 'Santa Isabel' Phantasmal Poison Dart Frog” lol#Anyways if you read this far hi. species are confusing. i am not a frog scientist#the first few tags are like an hour old now i just kept trying to figure it out and adding more tags
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i love love love the way you paint back lighting!! do you have any tips/ a step by step for the way you do it?
ended up making a whole painting just to break it down and explain my general process for subjects lit from behind so heres that + a timelapse!
main thing for drawing anything with a strong light source behind is to make the main subject Darker and more desaturated to convey that the light is behind them rather than to their sides (face cant be properly lit if the light is behind). Also making the Main highlight the brightest hue in the image helps to intensify it. I tend to use teeth/eyes as a good comparison point
some people have a tendency to make the sclera white out of habit but darkening that+ the rest of the whites helps the image read as Darker compared to the brighter highlight
#art help#i wont make this any longer than this already ended up being but if u have any more questions please feel free to ask!#ive been doing a lot of these breakdowns recently#the sclera thing also applies to how i pick colors in general! establishing whats supposed to read as 'white' in art makes picking#the colors surrounding it easier#also careful of how dark u make an image it can strain ur eyes to work on something like that for a long time
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OC Askbox Game
I'm avoiding writing and you probably are too, so let's at least think about our characters while we do it.
You know the drill- send me a number (ONE number, you can come back for more) and I'll answer for an OC of your choice (if you know their name) or my choice (if you don't know their name). Feel free to name some of your OCs in the tags of your reblog, if you want to be asked about them.
How did you choose their name?
Were they created for the story, or was the story created for them?
Do they have a love interest, and was that their choice or yours?
Do they have a best friend? If so, how did they meet? If not, have they ever/why never?
Did they have a pet as a child?
What catalyzed their introduction to the plot?
What attribute of them (some facet of their personality, their history, their look, or whatever etc) would you find most important to somehow preserve if they were transplanted to an AU fanfic?
If your character's financial situation were to suddenly flip (someone poor becoming rich, someone rich becoming poor, etc), how well would they handle it? What would be the first thing they would do?
If your character could have handed their role in the plot to someone else, would they have?
Free Space #1: Which of your OCs would be most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse? Which would die immediately?
Does your character have a pet peeve?
Has your character committed any crimes (per their universe's laws)? If not, which crime would your character most likely commit?
Who is your character's closest (by relation, fondness, or distance) blood relative?
How does your character feel about riding horses (or your world's closest approximation of a horse if it lacks horses)?
Is your character's first instinct fight or flight? Is there something that could force them to do the opposite?
What is your character's favorite leisure activity?
Is your character holding any grudges? Are they likely to stop?
If your character were trapped on a deserted island, what three things would they want to have with them? Which person would they absolutely hate to be trapped there with? Which person would they enjoy being trapped there with?
Does your character having any health issues, whether they're aware of them or not?
Free Space #2: Which of your OCs would you most like to meet in person, if they could become real (or you could visit them) for a day?
Final Question: Ask me your own question about my OC
Remember: play nice! Send an ask to the person you reblogged this from, and try to send a few to folks that reblog from you!
#Writing#writing games#askbox games#fic prompts#as for me I'll name a few of my OCs but feel free to ask for others if you know them#From Flight's End: Sark'an Kedreeva Cazaes Malik Aislynn Valiss Kalstralev Khelios Alyria Ciara Damalis#From The Final Pack: Osker Steve Dalton Charlie Jasper Penny Scarlet Abigail Marcus#From Korvhan's story: Korvhan Rouchelle Davis Marie#I've seen so many of these but most of them are fairly generic#I want weird answers to weird questions#Maybe I'll make another one if this one goes over well#I have a lot of weird questions
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The realest thing Oliver said in that final bit of the monologue was not what he said so much as how he said it: By God, I loved him.
The way he says that gives up the whole: Wasn't in love with him. When you hear him say it like that, coming from his entrails, from his very soul--almost pleading to a higher power because of that love--you know he lies when he says he wasn't in love. He lies when he says he hated Felix.
He doesn't truly hate Felix. He hates what Felix made him feel. How he lost his mind about him. How he felt like he had no other choice but to kill Felix because it was preferable to being banished from his presence. He hates that he has to scramble for any piece of Felix there is left: stones, graves, houses, anything.
But, by God does he love him. By God, is he in love with him. Enough that he blows his picture a kiss. Enough that it's the stone with his name on it that he touches last. Enough that he's a mad king of a castle with no metaphorical queen. Enough that it's been 15 years and he still sees Felix in the prettiest of lights despite everything.
#saltburn#cattonquick#oliver quick#felix catton#i just have a lot of feelings#barry made a choice in how he said that by god#and it was the choice of a generation
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Cultivator and Lawyer, Elle Woods (& Her spiritual dog Bruiser)!
Part 2 (soon)
#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#legally blonde#elle woods#In honour of Elle woods being canon to the PD-MDZS universe I *had* to make a legally blonde crossover#Elle Woods is a mythic figure. To me. Don't think about the lore of how she would exist in a Wuxia setting. This is for goofs.#Part 2 tomorrow ! Though its mostly silly doodles of the MDZS crew.#Lawyers and MDZS crossover *so* well. Legally blonde is a bit too specific of a story though. More on that in the next post.#Legally Blonde in general is a movie that means a lot to me (esp the musical). Your mileage may vary but I think it has a lot to say!#The feeling of being chronically underestimated and boxed into a role based on other people's perception of you really got to me!#(and the fact that the person who introduced me to MDZS turned out to...not be a good friend.#But I found a huge passion for something because of it! Yippee! I'm having more fun without you bringing me down!)#Drawing brusier made me realize I need to draw more dogs before dogust ends....
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I am so normal about act 5
#caluuart#genshin impact#genshin#art#digital art#neuvillette#focalors#although I personally prefer their relationship to be more on the platonic/familial side;#feel free to tag as ship if you want as I do not mind#now with that outta the way....#MANNNNNNN the whole part of the aq is so good. nothing makes me as emotional as the whole part#neuvi and furi are such WELL WRITTEN characters and I love them sm#at first; furina were on the ''she's interesting but she slightly annoyed me''#and now shes up there on my faves honestly#but generally tho. i loved act 5. i think it was good. i enjoyed it a lot#from the ost to the little dialogue....#I have a lot more to say but for the sake of the tumblr tags on here; I'll stop for now#4.2 spoilers#toodle-loo
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last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.
#she said it like a law. its just momentum.#also she told me to get a therapist and start archery ASAP bc i need to get it together#and also she said even granting that this person u were in love w was So Special . as in hot motorcycle-riding iranian masc lesbian in ldn#they arent the only one on earth and that once i start my proper adult life outside of studies etc etc i will probably no longer live in th#UK. she said most non straight iranians u would like have left the country anyway . where do you think they went? theyre out there#and also she asked me to imagine how many hot gay iranians there may be in italy or amsterdam or smth and i was like ok points 😭 maybe#ur right. anyway i was having a feeling of dread bc crying into the arms of ur strict asian mother while buzzed usually results in#death chaos destruction etc in the next few days but actually i think maybe she has genuinely changed as a person and the fear is#unwarranted#anyway i need to eat breakfast and study w the date person i met yesterday#they are so nice ??? genuinely so so sweet i dont feel attracted to them at all omg i genuinely think i have a thing for hot evil ppl 😭#but we could b besties . theyre a lot more romantic than the ex situationship person too like generally . ugh they should be perfect but#alas it appears i am shallow as fuck or potentially a lesbian actually#OH THEY MIGHT ALSO BE POTENTIALLY A LESBIAN BTW#i think i just tend to not date cis ppl entirely by accident#....feel free to rb if u want btw sorry for the rant
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I think I'm going to make a temperature blanket this year
#generally people would plan for this earlier. but. I only JUST thought of it last night#I'm considering like a mood blanket / mental health blanket or whatev instead. one of those alternate concepts#but I FEEL LIKE categorizing my mood / mental health day by day would do something to me#and I don't really want to tell on myself that hard. showing off the finished blanket and ppl going oohh... there's a lot of this color!#what mood are these two colors for!#and i'm gonna have to crumple up my color key chart and eat it before they can find out#idk maybe I'll still try that way. but temperature just feels more like. yeaahahhhhh go with the flow buddy#I bought a ton of yarn recently bc there was a black friday sale and I was grabbin skeins for $2 so I shouldn't really need to do shopping#maybe pick up another color or two. but I can probably just bust out my own stash I already have#sergle.txt#crochetposting
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are ppl ever gonna realize that tagging me in posts purely for the sake of visibility/boosting isn’t gonna work most of the time? i’m a person not a clout machine
#not a car id#like i know a lot of those are someone being like ‘if i hit x notes i’ll do this good thing for myself’#which i have mixed feelings about in general#but like a lot of the time by the time i see it they’ve already hit whatever arbitrary number they were looking for#and also i just feel really weird having the responsibility of a stranger on the internet’s well being dumped on me
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original thief series basso & garrett :)
ngl, it's about quality over quantity for me. an npc can have a total of three minutes of screen time, but if they have a cool name, they can live rent free in my head and I'll spend several hours trying to decipher drawable features from a blurry screenshot of pixels
there is a vague hint of a story here, and that's because every time I try to play thi4f, I get incredibly frustrated with how Not Fun the game play is. like, is the story good? well. but it has a PLAGUE. that should've given it instant 'I'll replay this once a year' status in my heart, but the game play sucks so bad that I've never finished it. I can't believe Not Fun gameplay beat out my obsession with narrative plagues.
anyway, the idea is basically if the original era had a game with a plague centric narrative and some other stuff I liked out of thi4f thrown into a narrative blender, with a heavy dash of horror thrown in because some parts of the thief games were scarier to me than entire dedicated horror genre games.
⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app
#if i had a laptop and the skillset i would attempt a story mod because the thief modders who create whole mission stories#are GENIUS and also somewhat terrifying. love them! xoxox#anyway im actually kind of obsessed with parts of thi4f but its also like. not at that sweet spot of almost good enough to be fun#to talk about. which. for the record. has not stopped me from talking about it at length to people#the city itself actually fucking fascinates me. its almost alive and im SO mad that not a single part of that game is actually terrifying#it should be gnarlier and instead it feels a bit like it doesn't quite want to be trapped in the story it has to tell?#but between the level that has the bodies on the meathooks#and the scene with the bodies hanging from the rafters or whatever that was and garrett living in a clock tower#because the game is very much ALMOST about changing times and authoritarian violence and capitalism#(like. by virtue of how the story sort of spins out i think it misses it's mark on a lot of stuff here#in the sense that i dont feel like it actually wants to tell that story. it wants to. go in a different direction. or at least walk on top#of those themes instead of through it)#ANYWAY between all of those things. it does kind of live in my head rent free. they did create a compelling setting#SHAME THEY DIDNT WANT TO ACTUALLY EAT ANY OF IT#unrelated but i would've given thi4f a 10/10 if they kept garrett's fucking nail polish from the concept art. cowards. unforgivable#thief the dark project#i still have no idea how to tag the game series as a whole RIP#sorry for the dedicated dark project fans. if you know what the general series tag is. please let me know#garrett thief#basso thief
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some quick snowbaz sketches for the soul :)
and also this lmfao
#been trying some new things lately#usually i do baz's hair up in a front middle part#bc ive always found it kinda fun and cartoony looking#but it was making his face look really fucking weird here so i tried drawing it down and back#+ parted to the side of his widow's peak instead#and i think i like it a lot better this way#ive also been trying to add more texture to his and simon's hair#to help make things a bit easier when im colouring#and i feel really fuckin good about how that turned out#like i have such a hard time drawing simon's fringe but i really like how it looks here#im also trying to overcome my fear of eyelashes lmfao#(and my general lack of confidence with drawing characters touching/interacting)#so yeah lots of fun new things happening here at the ''god i want to get better at art so bad'' club#n e way ->#carry on#simon snow#baz pitch#snowbaz#sketchbook apocalypse
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[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]
Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.
And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.
Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#the prison dimension is horrifying on its own#add in a monstrous being that towers over you and has vowed to ensure your suffering?#god I can’t imagine how scary that is#Mikey opening the portal was a miracle because if he hadn’t managed it there#it’s really up in the air what could have become of Leo#personally I subscribe by the theory that you straight up can’t die in the prison dimension#so it’s a prison in all ways#but the thought of a Leo who manages anyway who adapts and continues to have hope despite it all…#Leo saying he’s nothing without his family is a double edged sword really#because the thought of his family alone is all he needs to live. to hope.#to smile#nothing without them…but they’re EVERYTHING to him#and maybe he doesn’t realize it but…the feeling is mutual#one thing too is that hope that comforts Leo so much is not just that#should he think his family needs help - that hope can turn into determination#I’m unwell about this family#actually on my point of their powers - I truly do think the abilities tie in not only to their personalities#but to their relationship to family and love in general#kinda like love languages in a way#Mikey with his chains and time abilities values being around his family the most - he wants them to experience living in the moment togethe#Donnie is someone who is 100% a gift giver to show his love - his constructs are exactly that aren’t they? gifts of his mind#Raph is someone who willingly bears the weight of the shield - he protects his family like the best big brother possible#and Leo - he goes off on his own a lot but his mind is constantly on his family anyway#like a sailor at sea no matter how far he travels the compass always point in one direction - and for him that compass points home#even if he can’t make it back - it’s still there#and that’s enough
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