#i guess i'm kinda sorta posting here again lol
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A Theory on the Kayanos' Murders
CW Violent murder, blood, mention of dismemberment
Hello members of the jury! I'm currently writing a few posts regarding the prisoners' murders and forgiveness and all that, so I decided I would explain my full theory on what the Kayanos' murders are, since while it's nothing out of the norm (I think), my exact interpretation gets a bit specific. And thus, I want to put all the evidence I have for my claims in one post so I don't sound insane when discussing these two.
(Yes despite what my previous posts may imply I actually believe Twokoto now lol. I still think Trikoto is perfectly fine, I just think Twokoto makes a bit more sense currently)
Again, it's nothing too wild; I believe Mikoto killed someone on the side of the road, the trauma from that caused John to be 'born', and then John killed at least two other people because he knew they were causing Mikoto trouble.
Claim 1: John killed people
A big part of this post is going to rely on the windows in Double. In case you're not aware, it's generally agreed that white windows are related to Mikoto while black windows are related to John. It's easy to tell from the first chorus, the start of the second verse, and the second chorus. Mikoto to the left, John to the right.
Additionally, when the windows are white, the train seems to be moving to Mikoto's left to the right (perspective from the first chorus), while when the windows are dark it moves from John's right to his left. This gives the impression that Mikoto and John are sitting across from each other, with Mikoto on the left side of the train and John on the right side. Here, I made a graph to help with the perspective because it is a bit mindfucky.
(Clarification: when I say "Mikoto's perspective" I actually mean our perspective while looking at Mikoto. Same with John. Apologies for the confusion)
Of course, that's assuming they actually are on the same train, going in the same direction, but I don't think that's too wild an assumption to make.
It's important to note this doesn't have anything to do with the window colors, which are exclusively used to differentiate alters, with the exception of the very end where John is seen with white windows long story. Rather, this perspective thing is a surprise tool which will help us later.
Anyways, now that we know the window thing, it's not hard to see how John has killed at least one person.
I mean, yeah. He sure do be killing in that shot. Black windows, so this is John. There's also this:
Although the kill itself has white windows in the background, the train compartment it happens in has dark windows.
Plus there's the whole "I saved you, right?" in the past tense. It can't be referring to John taking the fall for Mikoto's murder (we'll get there), since Mikoto hasn't been saved from that yet. Instead, it sorta has to be about John previously killing people that were stressing Mikoto out. Especially when looking at other lines like:
[Double]
You’re overdoing it, you’re already broken
But if you persist, I guess it’s my job to keep things on an even keel
Me, the other you
I’ll take it all on
The use of present tense in "you're overdoing it" implies this is being sung at a time when Mikoto is overworking, and it's now that John will "keep things on an even keel." Combined with him picking up the metal bat here, it seems he's talking about killing to ease Mikoto's issues.
Which, speaking of, I should probably say why John would kill anyone.
Claim 2: John's Motivations
[Neoplasm]
Es: Can I ask… why you killed them?
John: They annoyed me.
Es: Who did you kill?
John: Just someone who was walking around nearby.
Es: … How many did you kill?
John: Can't remember. I was first born back then, you know. It's kinda fuzzy.
Now, these claims aren't the most trust-worthy, but we'll get there when we get there. For now, all we have as a stated motive is "they annoyed [me]" (no pronoun used, it's ambiguous who they actually annoyed) and "to save Mikoto." The good news is that we actually did sorta see a situation where John tried to kill someone, meaning we can get an idea of what his modus operandi is.
I'm referring to the point in John Doe where John attacks Es.
[John Doe]
Mikoto: I became a murderer… without even knowing it…?
There's no way, no way…
Es: Let's give it some time. The threads of your memory might untangle themselves eventually.
Mikoto:*Gasping*
Es: A murderer without memory of killing… in which case, how should I think of you…
Hey, Mikoto–
John: AAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!
Es does absolutely nothing between the time John starts fronting and when John attacks them. And if you look further, Es doesn't do much else. That means either John has some idea of what was going on before he started fronting, or he can feel Mikoto's resentment even though he isn't the one fronting.
This is where I acknowledge I am not an expert in DID, I'm not a system, and because of that there is a high chance I get stuff wrong, please correct me if I say anything stupid!
Although I unfortunately can't find any better sources for this than some Reddit threads, from what I understand it's possible for one alter to feel the emotions of a different alter who isn't fronting. This means John could have known Mikoto was getting really frustrated with Es, and decided Es had to die for that. However, it's unclear how much John knew about the situation, since he never says anything too specific.
As a result, it's possible John is willing to attack people because he can feel Mikoto hates them, even if he isn't fully sure why Mikoto might be frustrated at them. On the other hand, perhaps John does retain memory of what Mikoto goes through even when Mikoto is fronting. Again, I can't find good sources on how this works, but from what I've seen some systems do have alters which can share memories to an extent. I really hope I'm not saying anything horrendously stupid lol.
Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that regardless of how it happens, John's desire to kill his victim(s) comes from Mikoto's frustrations with those people.
[Neoplasm]
John: …! … I think… I might be the person Mikoto wishes he was.
The person who stubbornly stands his ground, who doesn't cry himself to sleep from stress, who gives people their payback.
The fact he's represented by the Devil card, which is associated with people's darkest desires, supports the idea his actions are an extension of Mikoto's wishes.
This can also be inferred from the "neuron" scene in Double. You know the one, the one that goes "Doesn't matter if you didn't wish for it, can't get rid of me now". I interpret those silver star things to be representative of neurons, and it's animated in the way it is to represent Mikoto's thoughts (the words in blue) reaching John's conscious at the bottom (the red). I hope that makes sense.
So in short, I believe John found out Mikoto was getting bothered by certain people, and that's why he killed them.
Claim 3: Mikoto killed a guy
Alright so now the harder one to prove. Let me add up all the evidence.
Point #1: Mikoto is the Milgram prisoner, not John
This one is pretty straightforward. Since Milgram doesn't gather every single murderer in the world, John not being a prisoner doesn't mean he didn't kill. But the inverse is potentially true; if Mikoto is a prisoner, then he must have killed someone. Unless there's more alters and one of them is the prisoner, this makes some sense.
The counter-argument is that Milgram is very clearly not designed for systems, so it's possible Mikoto is only the prisoner because he's the host and no other reason. Still, it's worth keeping in mind.
Point #2: A murder on light windows
Take a look at this scene from Double.
As you can see, the way this is framed, it looks as if Mikoto is running away from John. Down to the horror movie motifs of "victim running - persecutor walking." This time, the windows on both sides of Mikoto are white, while the windows on both sides of John are black, instead of there being white and black across from each other.
Looking at the scene, which I can't really show you with still images and will need you to confirm yourself, is that John and Mikoto are moving in the same direction as the train. You can tell based on the relative speed of the objects outside. And yet, there's body parts outside of the train, which move from the front to the back. On the white windows. Which represent Mikoto. And there's an entire window between the left of the screen (where for all we know the windows could change) and where the blood appears. Here's a diagram.
So, uh, Mikoto? Who the hell killed that guy? It certainly wasn't John, especially because the body parts are outside. John was the one who got onto the train (see: cigarette), so I would argue a murder outside could imply it was performed by Mikoto, who notably doesn't usually ride trains. Although I'm not sure that reasoning makes sense to anyone but me.
However, the body being outside presents a much bigger issue for Mikoto's innocence. When John swings, and apparently causes something similar to happen, he's inside. We don't see the mannequin he supposedly hits, and God knows how the pieces ended up outside. Not to mention he for some reason swings at where the legs would be, instead of at the head like all the other attacks we see.
My point here is that this murder makes very little sense if John is supposed to have caused it. Because of all that, to me, this represents John taking the fall for Mikoto's one kill. Unlike the other John murders, which show the "victim" and make physical sense, this one doesn't show the victim and has inconsistencies because John didn't do it. The murder was originally in the white windows, and John is scrambling to make it look like it happened on the black windows, even though that doesn't really work as shown by the diagram above.
Am I taking these scenes too literally? Maybe, but even symbolically, what does it mean if blood appears when the windows are white? Surely there's at least a chance it's Mikoto doing this murder.
Point #3: 3rd Anniversary artwork
Let's first establish what the 3rd anniversary art usually represents. It's been pointed out by many before me that these pieces are closely connected to the prisoners' murders. This is clearest with Muu, Amane and Kotoko.
Muu is wearing her school outfit, but she has a shoe off, just like she did when she killed Rei.
Amane is wearing her Magic outfit, but she's holding her thunder wand, which places this image near her murder. Specifically right before her murder, as she's still wearing her black bow tie instead of her cloud medal thing.
Kotoko is holding her Jacques Roulet cap, a hat she usually only uses alongside her blue and yellow jacket. The only exception is during her murder, where she's wearing the outfit we see in the anniversary artwork while the cap rests on the floor.
The others all hold up with this hypothesis. Yuno is wearing her yellow shirt, the one she's wearing in Tear Drop near the end when she lets out a tear, presumably representative of her murder. Fuuta is wearing the hoodie and mask he wears throughout Bring it On, and he's holding his phone, which does fit doxxing Killcheroy even though it's more generic. Kazui and Mahiru are wearing the outfits they wear in the scenes of their respective lovers' death. Haruka wears his Weakness plain white outfit, which could point to any moment of his narrative, including the murder. And the only times we see Shidou physically kill (cutting off flowers), he's wearing the floral jacket he wears in the artwork.
I want to be clear. For most of them, the relation to the murder could just be because they don't have many outfits in their MVs. However, Muu's, Amane's and Kotoko's feel extremely intentional, and the fact none of the other ones contradict this trend makes it feel like it could be universal.
Which gets us to Mikoto's artwork. And in his artwork, he's holding (what looks to be) a vape pen. John smokes cigarettes, so that's definitely Mikoto. In the murder artwork. So, uh. Yeah. That certainly feels like he must have killed at least one person.
The only small contradiction is that his beanie is nowhere to be found, which is why I don't consider this definitive. However, the fact they specifically chose to make Mikoto hold a vape pen when every other prisoner can easily be connected to the murder feels... intentional.
Point #4: Swing and a hit
More Double screenshots.
So a few weird things. For starters, let's get something straight: there's two murders depicted here. Notice how the first image shows a Kayano swinging with a right-handed swing, then the second shows John (black windows) doing a left-handed swing. The important thing isn't the type of swing, but the fact they're different.
(I know I made some posts at one point about dominant hands, but as my beloved and extremely smart mutual accirax pointed out a lot of the time Milgram characters switch hands because it looks better for the animation, so they're sorta ambidextrous by default lol)
It's not hard to realize if you try to follow the motion yourself. The only way this works is if he swings one way, then the other, which doesn't fit the fact all mannequins are usually destroyed after just one hit. And it's not like it's an animation issue: you can literally fix this by flipping the image.
... Okay it does look a bit awkward but I think it works well enough. It's less weird than the swing changing mid-way through.
To me, this is similar to what I talked about before with the white window murder. John's subconscious trying to convince itself this was John by thinking back to a different murder that has nothing to do with this one. I have no idea if that makes sense.
And then there's the fact the background in the first image is pure white. This doesn't have to mean the one fronting is Mikoto, but why leave it ambiguous if it would have worked perfectly fine with black windows in the background?
Hell, actually, who says we're on the train? This is the only scene in the entirety of Double (apart from the mom phone call) where it's unclear whether we're on the train or not. And as we established, if there is a murder outside the train, it would probably be Mikoto murdering.
And don't get me started on the blood, the eye, and the noise in the background.
First, the background noise in this scene famously has baby crying noises. Could it be we're witnessing John's "birth"? Because if that's the case, then either John was born during the phone call with the mother, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense if you think about it, or John was born during or after the murder on screen.
This actually fits with the close-up of the eye. Despite the fact that "right-hand swing Kayano" seems pretty chill as he attacks the mannequin, right as the scene end, his pupils become smaller as if he's surprised by something. But what would he be surprised about? To me, it feels like "right-hand swing Kayano" was perhaps dissociating (I think that's the right term, please correct me if I'm wrong), and then John is born. Naturally, John gets surprised by the fact the first thing he sees is a dead person, explaining the odd reaction.
Funnily enough, this is actually supported by the very strange blood behavior. It's hard to describe, so bear with me. You see how there's one big orb at the center of the screen? And it starts with one small drop, which enters the orb, and then three small droplets come out the other side? Uh... Diagram?
This isn't normal blood behavior, of course (<- not that I know what normal blood behavior actually is, but I know how liquids work and this ain't it). It's imagery of something splitting, which in the context of alters, fits alongside the baby noises and the weird reaction to murder. Although I fully acknowledge the blood thing falls into the territory of "am I reading too much into this or is Milgram just insane?", so you know. Take it with a few metric tons of salt.
(Funnily enough, it does split into three things. Trikoto win? It doesn't convince me, but the interpretation is valid)
To recap, we have a strange murder with a white background, possible misdirection by showing a completely unrelated murder performed by John, baby noises, imagery of something splitting, and a reaction to the murder which could support an alter being born in that very moment. All of this could imply this "right-hand swing murder" is the moment John is born, which would mean the actual murderer is Mikoto.
Point #5: The tarot spreads in MeMe
This one is very abstract, but it can definitely point to Mikoto murdering someone. Take a look at the two different spreads we see in the first chorus (the first one flashes twice but it's the same).
These things are really complicated, and I should probably do a post about them at some point, but I'm gonna focus on the main things, that being the changes between the two spreads.
For starters, we see that the "querent" card, the one in the middle of The Wheel, is the reversed Hanged Man. Since this is the portrait besides The Fool in the water world thing, it can be assumed the reversed Hanged Man represents Mikoto. Thus, these are his spreads.
Then, the Outcome card of the first spread is the Devil. Since the Devil card on its own also flashes after the second spread, it can be assumed the Devil is also the Outcome of the second spread, as that's the only card which is not visible. Then, as stated before, the Devil card is related to John. This means the Outcome of the situation depicted in these spreads is John. In other words, this is the situation which led to John appearing.
Now we have to establish how we're supposed to read these things. I've explained it in another post, but basically, the only way we can tell how we're supposed to read the cards in The Wheel is by knowing the order they're drawn, so we can determine if the meaning is based on position or draw order (long story). We can do this by looking at the final spread, where it appears the cards are drawn Bottom->Right->Left->Top. This doesn't exactly fit any common way of drawing them, so we read based on position. Aditionally, since this is Japanese media and the card to the right is drawn before the card on the left, middle row of The Wheel is Future<-Present<;-Past. And based on the way the upright Page of Pentacles is placed in the final spread, if the name of the card is to the left the horizontal card is upright, if not it's reversed. If that doesn't make any sense to you, don't worry too much about it, I'll walk you through the important parts. You want a diagram? No? Well, you're gonna get one so-
After clarifying that, we can see that in these two spreads, while most of everything remains consistent, the Future and the Conscious change, the Challenge flips, and the Attitude is revealed. Let's take it one step at a time.
Let's start with the first spread. In the Challenge position (horizontal middle), we have the upright Queen of Swords. This card can represent anything you want tarot reading is so annoying a couple of things, including an authority figure. In the Challenge position, it could indicate there is a lack of communication, that the querent is being too "cold", in the sense they're not expressing their emotions correctly.
Then, in the Conscious position, the thing Mikoto is actively working towards, we have the Ace of Cups. This card can represent new beginnings, new relationships, good fortune, basically "good new things are coming your way." However, there is a slight change between MeMe's Ace of Cups and the IRL version, which could change the meaning a bit.
(No I don't know why MeMe calls it "Cup of Ace" that's just wrong lol)
As you can see, the IRL version has the water from the cup spilling on its own, while the MeMe version has the cup being intentionally spilt on top of a few mannequins. What I think this could mean: if you take the water spilling as a good thing (which is how it's usually interpreted, the idea is that spirituality is overflowing or something like that), the IRL version shows that new good things are coming no matter what, while the MeMe version has the water spilling intentionally because Mikoto is actively trying to cause new, good developments, such as new relationships (we'll get there). That's also why it's in the Conscious position, Mikoto is consciously trying to build a good new relationship.
After that, in the Future position, we have the reversed Wheel of Fortune. This can mean a lot of things, but it mainly has to do with a negative cycle in someone's life. In the Future position, then, this could mean a perpetuation of a negative cycle in Mikoto's life. Thus, in the first spread, if things continue as they are in that moment, the cycle of abuse Mikoto suffers at work will continue.
The Attitude card is obscured. I should note that this card can actually be read in a few different ways, but I think "Attitude" fits best here.
I'll also note the Subconscious card at the bottom of the Wheel ("so below") is the reversed Ten of Wands, which can represent Mikoto is feeling overburdened. Which we know certainly applies to his work.
Let's see here. Mikoto has a problem, possibly with someone in a position of authority, and feels overburdened. This could point to the Queen of Swords being a boss or a manager or something like that. It's upright because Mikoto isn't being direct enough in his desires; he's trying to 'play nice' and build up his relationship with the "Queen", that's what the Ace of Cups could represent. Not like I think his situation would actually improve if he told this "Queen" that he felt overworked, but still, the idea that Mikoto is bottling up his emotions definitely fits what we see of him. If he keeps it up, the cycle of (workplace) abuse will continue, represented by the reversed Wheel of Fortune. This would lead to Mikoto's darkest desires exploding; the Devil is the Outcome.
Let's move to the second spread. The Challenge is still the Queen of Swords, but reversed. This could imply the person giving Mikoto problems is still the same, but now the issue is that Mikoto is being too emotional. Again, there are a lot of ways to read these things, but I think that works.
The Conscious card is now the reversed Wheel of Fortune, which could mean Mikoto is actively aware of and possibly trying to break the negative cycle he's in.
The Future is now the Ace of Cups, which could imply there is a new relationship in Mikoto's future. This is where we acknowledge that the water can also represent consciousness, and in the MeMe version, it is being spilt over mannequins. And...
*sigh* The Ace of Cups can be associated with pregnancy, which fits the whole "newborn" thing John's got going on.
Indeed, I believe the new relationship in Mikoto's future is John, a "mannequin" receiving "consciousness." There is no other thing this could really allude to besides Milgram, which I don't think these spreads reference. However, if this really is about John, that would mean this spread is showing a situation before John's birth.
The Attitude card, which (according to most sources, there are conflicting reports on what the first card of The Wand is) represents how the querent is trying to achieve their Conscious goal, is the reversed King of Cups. This is most often associated with emotional repression, but it can also be connected to violence. Which is very interesting, because John has the same Attitude card in his spread. And we know how he approaches his issues (violence).
So all in all, Mikoto is having issues with an authority figure, and he's (possibly) being emotional about it. He's trying to break out of a negative cycle, and he's doing this either by repressing his emotions or by pulling a John (violence). In the future, this will lead to John's birth, which is why the Outcome is still implied to be the Devil.
This, by itself, doesn't necessarily imply murder. Again, the Attitude could be emotional repression and not violence. The weird thing is that the spread changed. And that means something had to happen to get the Future to change. The change can't have been John being born; that's still in the Future. And the thing we know happened is that the Conscious goal Mikoto was working towards changed, from wanting a prosperous new beginning or relationship to destroying an existing cycle.
Because of that, to me, it feels like the change between the first spread and the second is that Mikoto decided to let his emotions take over (reversing the Queen of Swords) and killed (reversed King of Cups) the authority figure who was causing him trouble, and this caused John to be born.
The final thing to note is that John's Past card is the Wheel of Fortune (upright). This could be read to mean the situation leading up to John's current situation is the destruction of a cycle, which fits the idea that Mikoto tried to destroy it before John was born.
Is this definitive evidence? Hell no! Tarot readings are so ambiguous that I'm pretty sure you can read these to mean whatever the hell you want them to mean. This is just my take on it, I don't even necessarily consider it good evidence because again, if you just take different meanings from the cards you can get whatever. But it's still something.
Point #6: John's insistence
Let's see what John says about the murders again.
[Neoplasm]
Es: Can I ask… why you killed them?
John: They annoyed me.
Es: Who did you kill?
John: Just someone who was walking around nearby.
Es: … How many did you kill?
John: Can't remember. I was first born back then, you know. It's kinda fuzzy.
So, as stated, John may have killed people without fully knowing why Mikoto was angry at them, but that doesn't mean this makes perfect sense. We know their victims weren't just "someone who was walking around nearby". Unless Mikoto regularly carries around a metal baseball bat for some god-forsaken reason, there must have been some kind of premeditation at play. John has to at least be hiding the real reasons for the murders, possibly because Mikoto might consider them shameful (more on that in a bit). This opens the door to the possibility he's hiding more than just that, and that makes a lot of his other claims seem a bit... desperate.
[Neoplasm]
John: From [Mikoto's] point of view, he's being blamed for a crime he can't even remember.
Es: If that's the truth, then… you're the one who committed the murder?
John: Yeah, it's me. I killed them off.
Es: …
John: So Mikoto really didn't do it.
Es: Is this really something that works that conveniently?
John: Just put yourself in Mikoto's shoes for a moment!
He was bottling up all his stress! He kept dealing with it all by himself the whole time, until it exploded!
It's not like he just decided that he wanted to hurt somebody!
Es: …
John: He's not the type of person who could do stuff like that! He always looks out for others, always reads the room, always tries to get along with people around him! He can't do stuff like that… He was on the verge of exploding!
That's why I was born. It's terrible, isn't it? My other self didn't do anything!
Es: Even if that's true… Even if it wasn't what Mikoto wanted – someone's life was still lost.
[...]
John: I'm the one who did it! Mikoto didn't do it! You know that because of MILGRAM! I don't care about the law, I want to know what you think!
Es: …
John: Please… forgive Mikoto. I'm the one who did it.
The amount of times John tries to take the fall for every single murder is so insane it makes it sound suspicious. Why does he say it so much?
Still, I'll be honest, this might just be confirmation bias, as a lot of these lines can still absolutely be read with the interpretation that John is the only killer.
John: If I, the "John" personality, hadn't been born, I'm sure Mikoto would have reached his limit and fallen apart.
Es: John… you…
John: It's true that I was the one who wanted to destroy everything… and the weakness of Mikoto, who couldn't stand up for himself all alone, might have been the origin of that.
But… that's all there is to it. Is that a sin?
So I don't consider this evidence at all, frankly. In fact, Neoplasm is one of the things which make me doubt the Mikoto-killer theory a bit, but I don't think it outright deconfirms it or anything. I'm just including this because I know some people think he's extremely suspicious here.
Point #7: Small visual stuff
1- The first time we see victims in Double, John's bat doesn't have any blood on it, which could imply the one who killed the mannequin(s) beside him was Mikoto.
2- The mannequin standing in for Death in the Death card is blue, a color most associated with Mikoto.
This one isn't great because you can read it more symbolically, with Mikoto being the main force of change in the system's life instead of someone who brings death. Though I'd argue the mace thing sort of implies something more violent.
3- At the start of Double, we see this:
The guy is shown as a blue and red mannequin, but what's interesting is that the blue part has a skull and the red part has a map thing. I don't consider this very important, but the blue with the skull could be indication of Mikoto having killed someone.
4- In Double, Mikoto is represented by antlers (I think that's what they are) in the same way John is represented by a crown of thorns ("savior", etc).
Antlers mainly represent strength, which feels a bit weird for Mikoto. I'm gonna be honest, I'm not confident on what these represent. But one possible interpretation comes from the fact they are always paired with the lyric (written on screen) "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right?". The connection of the antlers with Mikoto's dream could imply Mikoto tried to use strength to fulfill a dream, which could imply he murdered someone to achieve something. Additionally...
*sigh* Antlers fall off after mating season, which could be connected to Mikoto "losing his antlers" after John is born, since Mikoto doesn't have to kill anymore.
I'm sure there are other interpretations, but I don't think this one is too bad.
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So, all of this, is it conclusive evidence of anything? I wouldn't say so, it's all still pretty vague. However, I believe all of it together points to Mikoto having killed one person, and this is what explains all this in the best way. Thus, I presume Mikoto did kill someone.
Claim #4: Mikoto's Motivations
CW for this section: potential stalking
I've sorta alluded to it in the tarot section, but I believe Mikoto killed someone in a position of authority over him as a result of workplace abuse. In particular, Mikoto was heavily overworked, possibly to the point this authority figure was somehow monitoring his home life and possibly even stalking him.
Let's start by the workplace abuse thing. This is an extremely important point in Mikoto's narrative; it's referenced in his Undercover silhouette shot, it's shown in the messages from "Chief" at the start of Double, the neuron scene from Double, his interrogation questions, etc. Mikoto is being overworked, to the point his boss/manager/whatever talks to him about work past midnight. It would be very strange, narratively speaking, if all of this didn't have anything to do with the murder. Also the whole "Queen of Swords is the Challenge/problem" could allude to an authority figure, which also fits this idea.
So then, what about the monitoring/stalking? Well, there's a lot of camera imagery in MeMe, for one. Most notably in the scene when Mikoto comes home and leaves his bag to the side as he breaks down, relating his stress to the idea of being watched. There's also an abundance of eye imagery in Double, especially in relation to Mikoto. This is also included in the MVs version of the Hanged Man card, which has a bunch of eyes around the mannequin. This alludes to some form of judgement or pressure, (<- Fuuta reference?) which could be connected to either societal pressure or, what I find a bit more likely, the judgement of Mikoto's higher-up(s) in his workplace.
Because of this, I believe one of Mikoto's higher-ups was heavily monitoring Mikoto's life even outside of work, which drove him to the point he felt he had to get rid of them. All he did was dream... of a better life.
This could also be why John hides the reasons for the murders. Even if he is actually aware of the full situation, he could be trying to hide that Mikoto felt tired from work, because in a way it's possible Mikoto would consider that shameful. I hope that makes sense.
Claim #5: Which is Mikoto's kill?
Assuming Mikoto only killed one person before John started taking over murder duties-
(I think that's a fair assumption, I think it would be weird if John only split after like three murders. Like, oh the first two weren't stressful enough to cause a split, but the third one is too much? What? There's something else that makes me think John split after just the first one, we'll get there)
-that begs the question: which one was Mikoto's? Well, since Double isn't exactly reliable for what the murders looked like, I'll only take MeMe's versions into account. There are at least three murders in MeMe: the Subway Murder, the Streetside Murder, and the Trash Bag Murder.
We know the Trash Bag Murder is different from the other two because the murderer isn't wearing a hoodie in that one, a fact which took me an embarrassing amount of time to notice. Unless he went home, changed, went back to dispose of evidence and still had the beanie for some reason (since he throws it away), it has to be different. And probably on a different day, too. Because of that, I'll henceforth call it the No Hoodie Murder.
Let's run through what we have. We see the Subway murder almost in full at the beginning of MeMe, where Kayano swings around his bat flippantly before killing a blonde dude with a simple overhead swing. However, right in the middle of that scene, we quickly cut to the Streetside murder, where we see Kayano hitting the victim with a right-handed swing.
After that we have a scene of John (because at this point it would be John) coming home and taking off his shirt. Since there is a Fool card portrait in the background, I'll call this the Fool Portrait scene. Notably, we never see John take off a hoodie or a beanie, meaning this is probably related to the No Hoodie Murder.
Then we have Kayano doing... something to the Streetside victim. It's unclear exactly what that is; I've seen some people say he's burying the victim, but to me that always looked like he's dismembering them to put them in trash bags. It's not too important, though.
An important fact is that in this scene we see his left cheek is blood-stained. This is consistent with the following bath scene, where we see John brushing his teeth with blood trailing down from his left cheek.
In the middle of those scenes, we see the clean-up for the No Hoodie murder. Trash bags and the beanie are disposed of in an illegal dumping ground.
Finally there's the bathtub scene, but frankly it's not very relevant to this discussion.
So, which one is Mikoto's? I'll start by ruling out the No Hoodie murder. There is an argument for it, though. It's definitely the most hidden of the murders, which makes it suspicious. Since the Fool represents new beginnings, you could argue the Fool Portrait scene shows John's "beginning". And since I said it's probably related to this murder, you could argue that means the No Hoodie murder is the first one.
However, that doesn't really convince me. Unless the Kayanos have multiple beanies (which is possible, but I'd find it weird narratively speaking), this would have to be the last murder in the sequence, while Mikoto's would have to be the first. The fact it was done without a hoodie also contradicts the 3rd Anniversary artwork reasoning, since Mikoto wears a hoodie there, but to be fair the lack of beanie makes the outfit somewhat inconsistent anyways.
Meanwhile, you could argue there's a symbolic implication that John and Mikoto have already split by the time the Subway murder happens, in the way the towers close and behind Kayano have lighting split down the middle between red and blue light.
(Yes this is one of the reasons I'm keeping the red and blue color scheme despite no longer believing RGBkoto)
No, I believe the Streetside murder is Mikoto's. It's technically the first one we see, but more importantly, the location matches Mikoto's prisoner card image, and the swing fits the Undercover kill-shot.
Since Mikoto is the Milgram prisoner, these two things would probably be related to his murder, not Johns'.
Funnily enough, you can also argue that this murder is too expressionless for John. Which sounds odd, considering John is usually the less expressive of the two, but funnily enough, the only times we see John express emotion is when he goes to do a violence, either because he's frustrated at the person who hurt Mikoto or because he's happy to protect him.
[John Doe]
John: SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!
Es: *Gasp*
John: YOU KEEP BLABBERING ON AND ON...
I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
*John continues to beat Es*
John: GOING ON, AND ON, AND ON...
ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY... LIKE YOU AREN'T JUST A KID!
SERVES YOU FUCKING RIGHT!
Es: …emember…
John: HUH-!? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
YOU'RE NO MORE THAN JUST A KID. YOU UNIMPORTANT BRAT!
Es: .........I'll remember you… you murderer…!
John: HUH?! *Laughter*
YOU PREFER IT WHEN IT HURTS MORE, HUH?
Es: ......!
John: THAT'S FINE... I'LL CRUSH YOUR FUCKING FACE.
Es: Go ahead… and try…
John: YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME TWICE! *Screams*
[...]
Kotoko: His technique is definitely that of an amateur…
John: SHUDDUP!!!
Kotoko: ...! *Sighs* I can't imagine that power from his muscle mass.
John: ANNOYING... YOU'RE ANNOYING...! ARGH...!
This even fits the lackadaisical twirling of the bat in the Subway murder. It's one of the reasons I believe that one's John's.
Meanwhile, the one time we see a Kayano swing a bat without emotion on his face is the right-hand swing in Double, which as we established is probably Mikoto. Thus, the idea that John shows more expression than Mikoto when it comes to murdering holds up. The punch at the end of MeMe doesn't count because that's John attacking Mikoto, which is only metaphorical.
Still, this isn't exactly great evidence of anything, since John is still usually less expressive than Mikoto in general.
Anyways, which murder is Mikoto's isn't too important anyways, this section was more to satisfy curiosity than anything else.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And that's it! Again, this is just my interpretation and theories, it's perfectly fine if you believe something else. I know it isn't anything new, but I wanted to put it all in one place so I can reference back to it if, say, I'm answering an ask about whether or not I forgive the prisoners' murders (I swear I'm working on it lol). Anyways, take care!
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Hey there, its me again, the favorite anon (it seems weird for me to call myself that, i have to find another way to make it known its me) and i just wanted to give a simple answer, felt like i left you hanging about the art thing so sorry. I’ll try to be brief with my answer, about the whole thing that happened that day, i didn’t really get it all just came in and saw there was some weirdness going on, we all make mistakes we’re human after all so its good you apologized, i think.
I’m really invested in how Daryl and Birdie’s relationship will develop, i just knew he was gonna be the biggest helicopter parent lol, bet he’ll be the kind of dad that freaks out after the kid sneezes just once and i’m here for it, i did note that Daryl didn’t really have any suggestions even when reader commented about the name thing way back when he was sick, but didn’t really think it would come into play, i thought it was more of him being sort of insecure haha but i knew it would be Bird related, come on, Bird blanket and her dad is Always wearing a vest with wings? To me, thats cinema.
Also i forgot to comment on the last ask, but Daryl knowing all this stuff from his books but not knowing about the placenta??, its so funny to me, come on man it was too good to be true, most realistic moment for me honestly, men just operate on a different frequency i swear.
And about Lori, well i did note that Daryl joked about her on the first ep of season 3, wasn’t really malicious tho i think Daryl just kinda secretly likes to gossip, like that time he told everybody Merle had the clap for no reason lmao, the idea of Daryl secretly being a gossiper is hilarious. And more Lori? I’LL BE EATING IT UP I KNOW IT, and getting to see more of her and Rick?? Might as well be christmas for me, i’m curious to know what advice she has, i’ll be waiting eagerly for the moment where she just goes ‘’Y/N can you watch Carl for me?’’ that’ll be the moment we know their relationship has peaked. Alright i’m just joking, i love her so much in this fic.
Carol is the gift that keeps on giving, i love how she immediately knew she had to save birdie from these fools, poor kid doesn’t deserve to suffer with a messed up diaper on her first day on this Earth, i’m guessing she’ll be Birdie’s Godmother, if that’s a thing to them anyway, i have a feeling her bond with Birdie will also be very special and just motivate her to be even more of a badass.
Alright about the art, its totally fine, you know its out there sorta like a message in a bottle, it now belongs to the world not me haha i want to keep practicing with these characters when i have more time, this one was made on a tight schedule but who knows, i’m already thinking of what else to make plotting like a supervillain in my lair, but for now i only have a few hours, if you want to post that one its totally cool with me.
Thanks for being so sweet, i hope you are taking care of yourself and taking your time to write, its very important, and yeaaaah 600 words thats me being ‘’brief’’ somebody needs to take this keyboard away from me.
Bye bye <3
My favorite Anon! You just let me know what you want me to call you and I will! 🩵
Don't worry about not answering right away on the art. I just wanted to make sure it was okay before I showed it off. :) I was worried all that shit had chased you off. I felt/feel horrible about it but it's done and in the past now. I'm sorry if it affected you in any way.
I have just started chapter 31 and bless these two. A newborn on the road is really going to test everyone. He's going to be talking about the name a little in this and why he chose it.
Bless him, he didn't get that far in the books. He kept telling her he hadn't had time to read and how he felt bad about it. He really wanted to know everything but when it came down to reading or providing/protecting or reading, he of course chose the first. I just could not have him being like what?! when she pushed it out.
Daryl being a gossiper! LOL YES.
Reader is definitely going to need help. Lori will play a pivotal role, along with Carol, of course. I want there to be a real bond with Lori, something that will tie reader to Carl and Judith after that day. Daryl loves Judith, we already know that but I want there to be this real bond with reader and the kids.
I still have a while to explore before we even get to the prison, so buckle up! :)
Thank you for always sending these. They seriously make me smile! 🩵🩵🩵
#favorite anon#favorite anon🩵#anon#blood ties#murda writes#daryl dixon#the walking dead#daryl dixon x reader#daryl dixon fanfiction
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Camp cretaceous campers Birthdays Thougths/Headcanons:
Vibes but also actual thoughts and analysis because guess what? He made me overthink things. I'm predicting this is going to get long
[Sammy]
Ben
Foolish of me to think this was going to be easy, in my soul it was but alas my soul was wrong I guess. I initially though for him to share my birthmonth cause the vibes where there, but also I have to be coherent with what I said in Darius post and taking into account all informations avaible so... that soon had to be scrapped. Now I do not know what you feel and I'm in no way an expert or that much into astrology but for me he has to be a water sign in sun with probably some weird combination in rising or moon signs (just like me apparently). So our possibilities and time periods here are:
Pisces - 20th February to 20th March
Cancer- 22sd June to 22sd July
Scorpio - 23rd October 22sd November.
Now as I dig around, some sources claim that Mitch and Tiff reach Nublar around mid-March. Now not thinking of the implication that if this is true boy was Alone for 3 months on dinosaur killer island, this means that if I gave him his birthday in the first time frame we would have a matching problem with official information, like honestly I don't have the brain power to figure it out. Either he turns 15 in the middle of the season 2 time-skip between episode 2 and 3 Or he Just turned 14 but that would not make sense at all simply. SO I just take March out of the equations (No matching birthdays for us).
Let's skip ahead a little bit and let's talk about Scorpio. Gotta be honest this could work, specially thinking of s3 here. Also making an unintended connection, other than the liking fire, with the Scorpio Rex lol (really I haven't seen this used enough guys) plus the opposite sign to Scorpio is Taurus, Toro. Gotta be honest it would be a well thought out thing if this ends up being the truth. But I have already put Sammy's birthday in October and *check notes* November is taken too. So despite it kinda being perfect,I've gotta cross it out.
So this leaves us with Cancer and the June-July months, again I gotta say, I'm not big into this stuff, but one of my friends is, so when I do these sorta things I get their help, I suggest something and they look up the zodiac stuff and the little bits that they sent me for this do kind of work, tho they also agree that a lot of work is probably done by some other sign in rising/moon/other planets. Having is birthday on June, Pride Month, would probably be a bit on the nose. Sure he is like a bowl full of fruit for how fruity he is no matter the headcanon you have for him, but maybe that is a bit much, plus how actually more funny would it be if it was Just short of Pride? Yeah. Exactly. Also I just really have put too many birthdays in the final end of months so there is that too, I have to put some on the first half of a month.
This said, I will for now put his birthday in the first half of July. But Idk tell me if end of June would also be nice.
This does actively contradict the idea of him being the younger one between him and Sammy that most of the fandom and I personally also agreed with but, oh well. I don't know, If I find another month that gives me the same orange vibes I'll change Sammy's one and maybe move Ben in October.
Now watch Netflix/Dreamworks/Universal come out and release official birthdays once I'm done with all of them and him being either a Scorpio or something else entirely.
--
[Yaz]
#ben pincus#jwcc#camp cretaceous#jurassic world: camp cretaceous#camp cretaceous headcanons#jwcc birthday headcanons#he is so me. just a little fruity feral guy#jungle boy#ben pincus of the jungle#ben 'let's feed them both to the mosasaurus' pincus#ben 'i defeated toro' pincus#ben 'forget the distraction i'll blow something up' pincus#he makes my brain go and shut off at the same time. i wanna squish hug him. I wanna kiss him.#he is me he is tricking me into self love#it's not like I lay awake at night thinking about him and his ocean eyes#oh wait#i do#i admit i partly thought about other signs too. like fire ones. but ultimately water ones just spoke better to me#this got longer than i thought and yet I knew he was going to be the longest post#can i also just say i love his eyebrows#blue eyes and chunky eyebrown just take my hearth in a second#ask the beyblade people
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Biggest changes I would make to wof arc "1"
Pt 2 - History + Evolution I guess (mainly evolution)
(once again haven't read arc 1 in years)
So 1st things first history is not the same as in the books. I don't really like how the scorching was set up, I first headcanoned it to have nothing really to do with humans or dragons to an extent. Rather it was a meteor. ┐(´ー｀)┌
I also really like the Icewing invasion theory, and I thought it would be fun if that had something to do with the scorching, or was a reaction to it or whatever.
Also I'm not averse to human empires, but they probably won't be a major plot line for the dragons, probably. Like maybe dragon-human war & then meteor happens and the dragons come out on top? Idk. (Will reblog post when I figure it out tho)
Evolution below cut 👇
Sea - land
Land - Ice | Fire | Venom
Ice - Night
Venom - Mud | Dew (Beetle)
Fire - Sky | Sand
Dew - Rain | Leaf | Silk
Silk + night - root (hive)
(Yes I changed the name of hivewings & beetle wings, because the rest of the names have nature not animal vibes so beetle doesn't fit, and I wanted to use hive to refer to both Hivewings and Silkwings for symbolism. (To be explained later))
So to start we have seawings, or an early ancestor. They are amphibious, and are regularly on and off land. That's gonna change and so we get a more land based species. Also this seawing ancestor has electrical shock abilities, they will lose it, but the landwings won't.
Anyway onto land, we get 3 different evolutions. 1 species loses electricity, other 2 dragon species start using electricity & gas to start fires (Early ice + fire). Now hold on a minute why is ice here? Well if you didn't know you can make freezing fire:
youtube
Anyway Ice doesn't evolve ice breath right away, only after they split between pole and pyrrhia. The Icewings who stay on pyrrhia become nightwings. (Mainly because I wanted Icewings and Nightwings to be the 2 dragons that have feathers. Icewings because it's cold & Nightwings for relative silence sorta like owls.)
The other dragon species fire, just has normal electricity generated fire. That species eventually evolved into sandwings & skywings. Though it takes a bit longer then night v ice because sky & sand are separated for a while. Sand also evolves tail venom because???
The last dragon group are venom dragons, & they evolved... venom, or in the mudwings convergent evolution kinda case flammable liquid that needs to already be warm to ignite. The other, Dewwings, developed venom.
Ok so the Icewing invasion kicks in and Dewwings have to flee, the ones left behind become rainwings, the ones that leave become Silk & Leafwings. (The ecology of pantala is very different -dangerous- & I'm leaning into leafspeak heavily.) Leafwings settled on the interior of pantalla (because leafspeak) while the Silkwings settled on the exterior and the islands between the 2 continents. Anyways I've known I wanted rainwings to be related to Leafwings because rainwings use the sun to recharge, like leaves!
Finally we get Hive aka Rootwings. They aren't really a separate species from Silkwings but are fairly noticably different. I don't want to call them a subspecies that seems to different but I also don't want to call them a breed that has icky connotations for a sentient race. Anyway Rootwings are the result of not just clearsight but a bunch of Nightwing refugees as well. So clearsight is not starting a species nor is she having like 1,000,000 babies.
Alright so a few people might be thinking, all these dragon species seem so unrelated, how would hybrids exist?
Gods + mortals + love + animus magic, obvs lol! Which will be the next post 👐.
#Wings of fire#wof#rewrite ideas#YouTube video#Icewing invasion theory#evolution#sorta#im not an evolutionary scientist i just study Wikipedia taxonomic pages when im bored.#wof headcanon
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yoo could i ask for a playlist for a tallulah qsmp fictive mayhaps? she has an insatiable hunger for music it's frightening (/silly) ,, she likes soundtracks (child of light is her current fav), stuff like the oh hellos/cavetown/bears in trees, and generally cozy sorta feeling songs, plus anything lullaby-ey if that makes sense :] hope u guys are well! sorry this is a tad long or vague hhaha -–🔉🌠
hello! Admittedly I rushed this a bit I’m not as sure about these as I was about 🌾🪶 Phil’s but I took a swing we’ll see if I missed later I guess. I tried to include as many artists as possible so you have plenty of people to look through since you said she was a bit insatiable when it came to music! I did phone in the last few songs like the lullaby-eque ones. yeah again this was a bit of a mess on my end. Though I have been writing down songs for this for a while I didn't have an easy time narrowing down things as to what I wanted to include so at this point I've just thrown my hands in the air and declared it done now. Sorry if the playlist is messy or unsatisfactory.
Art used is by @/sallomezz on tumblr and can be found here!
Hope you find something to enjoy on the playlist or in my bonus ramblings below! -phil
okay so I kinda cheated my self imposed rule of one song per artist but in my defense I couldn’t choose between Moonlight and Paperwork… They’re my two favorite Fish in a Birdcage songs and I thought both were kinda fitting so oh well both of them are there.
Anywho I could go on and on and on about how I was this close to fighting myself to the death (<- hyperbolic) over this. Let's just get to other recommendations I didn't put on for one reason or another.
Starting with musicians I put on there but didn't include a song from for whatever reason:
Myxrite! My personal favorite song Now and Again doesn't look like its on Spotify at all so uh yeah I'm linking it here because I like it a lot.
Bug Hunter is on there too but he's currently in the top ten of my favorite musicians so yeah here's more suggestions! Go With The Flow and Listen to Your Mom pretty high up there in terms of my favorite songs. Making Up Words is one of my favorites lyrically (though I must say that Disco in the Panic Room is up there too), and of course I have to mention Try My Best and Slow Burn because I keep using lyrics from them to inspire drawings (that I'll never post anywhere online). Okay fuck I need to move on before I link literally every single one of his songs lol
Same as Bug Hunter, The Narcissist Cookbook is up there in terms of my favorite musician + he put the MOTH album (one of his old ones that wasn't on on youtube yet) on youtube recently so he's been in my head a lot. Ghost Stories and UNWELCOME GUESTS (warning: unwelcome guests starts with a phone ringing noise idk my friends always get surprised by it so I'm just gonna mention it in case) are rahgjagh they are so good they exist in my head rent free
Madilyn Mei has been on loop in my head cause a friend of mine. Anyway Six Legs (tippy tappy toes) and Sleeping in the Kitchen. just live in my brain now because of them lol
The actual recommendations that aren't just more songs from folk on the playlist already:
I Fight Dragons! I fucking love them! Their music tends to have techy/8-bit noises and they're a bit more on the rock side of things but their stuff is really good! Good Morning Sunlight and Oh The Places You'll Go... They are the most <3 to me forever... Sunny Afternoon too... God I love IFD I need to make my friends listen to them with me more
If you like IFD you may also like Jonathan Coulton or the portal song guy as my friends know him lol. Nobody Loves You Like Me or Now I Am an Arsonist or really anything from the Artificial Heart Album is always my go to for showing people besides the songs from Portal (Still Alive and Want You Gone) that my friends know.
Similar to IFD, a lot of Going Spaceward's songs have techy noise in the like proper releases, but his youtube has a lot of acoustic versions of his songs that don't have those. His covers are good but really most of his music is just funky. Uh since I will absolutely not narrow this down in any timely fashion I'm just going to link the entire Can You Hear It Album and uh Count Past 23.
Joseph Dubay is a musician I only got into like a few months ago but I really like his stuff, kinda similar vibes to what i was going for with this playlist but a lot of his songs just didnt fit the vibe so I didn't feel like adding them. That being said I am obliged to tell absolutely everyone I talk about music with to listen to Pastel Goth and 4evr so yeah.
Completely different vibe but San Fermin may be of interest to y'all! Astronaut and The Woods are the ones I listen to most from them but everything about their music just scratches the brain itch for me. Their stuff is indie rock which is kinda in the genres of the bands you mentioned!
A bit of a different suggestion but since you mentioned her liking soundtracks AZALI might be a cool youtube channel to check out! They make short songs in FL Studio and idk I'll be honest I don't listen to soundtracks or things like you mentioned in that part of your ask but I do listen to every upload AZALI makes and I think they're all pretty neat. The songs are all like a minute or two long but I like to just put them on loop when I'm writing. Truth, Violence, Warmth is my go to for writing for this specific project, but Mechanical God was how I found their channel and I'm just fond of City of Shattered Glass so there those three are my suggestions.
#phil posts#sbi asks#playlists#qsmp fictive#tallulah fictive#🔉🌠 anon#somethings might be a bit messed up wrote this while half asleep haha#if anything is messed up I'll fix it when I wake up -phil
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News:
EU has condemned Poland's recent judicial reforms, as have a good number of Poles. I'm hopeful but knocking on wood that we'll start to see the lessening of this backslide.
Ukraine launched "offensive actions" in Donetsk. I thought that meant the beginning of the offensive as a whole, and it may be, but it apparently may be just minor attacks. the Ukrainians have gotten really damn good at fake-outs lol. this is the third time I've thought offensive has begun and I'm still not sure it has. of course secrecy is kinda key here atm.
Putin had a 600yro Orthodox icon moved from its place in Moscow's Tretyakov Gallery to be displayed in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior. apparently the icon is extremely fragile and the museum restorers are "categorically against this" as it could result in major damage. I'm just. Sigh. Russia, this is why we can't have nice things.
The PRC is back on its bullshit. apparently they've been buzzing US ships and cutting them off and generally being reckless, aggressive dicks. nothing new there except the sudden frequency.
Haiti's death toll from the recent flood has gone up to 42. please consider donating to any of the groups on my pinned post if you're able.
GodDAMMIT ERDOGAN WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM
I guess the US must be thinking the same thing because apparently Greece is going to get its F-35 sooner than expected. speculation is that Greece got bumped up in line and has taken what was previously Turkey's spot and ftr I am laughing my ass off about it. congrats, Erdogan, on spending $1.4 billion so that Greece could get F-35s sooner lmaooo
Iran is going to reopen its embassy in Saudi Arabia. also the US and UK are accusing Iran of bullying merchant ships again. also-also, the UN's nuclear watchdog group apparently ended their investigation re: Marivan, Iran. naturally, Netanyahu is screaming his head off but tbh I got really distracted by this picture of Director General Rafael Grossi of the IAEA and what the fuck is that face--
?????
Canada is very literally on fire but like much more and worse than usual.
More NATO peacekeepers have arrived in Kosovo. This particular unit is from Turkey, which I am... not sure about the wisdom of that decision tbh? hm. we shall see. no news on the elections. well, some news in that Albin Kurti is back and so is the US's headache. but at least he was fairly elected...
Macron is being super fucking French about NATO again. he opposes a NATO office with Japan because Reasons. It might make NATO "lose focus" on the North Atlantic ie Europe. this is days after Macron sorta-semi supported Ukraine's ascension to NATO (but not right now) and walked back his 2019 "NATO is braindead" thing. I'm so tired of Macron's bullshit that I can't even mock him. Why can't you just be normal
Some rare domestic news:
Robert Hanssen is dead lmaoooo
It's been confirmed that the plane that crashed yesterday had no survivors, and that the passengers onboard were family members of the pilot. between this and one of the F-16 pilots describing the pilot as "out cold," the current assumption is that something (hypoxia?) incapacitated him and the plane's bizarre path was caused by the autopilot. so, the F-16s apparently did not shoot them down.
Pence announced his campaign for the primary. no one cares.
Trump's lawyers were seen at the DC's DoJ headquarters earlier today and now Trump is throwing an apocalyptic fit on his Twitter ripoff so it looks like we'll see charges against him soon regarding the classified documents. I can't believe I have to specify which legal case against him that I'm talking about but that's Trump for you.
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time to engage in some Speculation*
*seriously, don't pretend i have secret insider info
**i could be booboo the fool here
***thats why im posting this here (no one reads this really) and not on twitter and im already beginning to have second thoughts abt keeping it up so we'll see i guess
i'm not gonna say that aaron's blog post today isn't pr-washed, it totally is (wouldn't get published otherwise). i didn't expect to see any blame laid at the foot of corporate mismanagement. but what i did expect (and did see) is creative mismanagement i've (and others) suspected for a hot minute.
team 4 originally thinking of themselves as an 'mmo team' post-ow launch, with their ultimate goal being the rebuilding of project titan, explains so many strange creative decisions kaplan and the old leadership made prior to his departure. they never really saw ow as we saw ow. we saw it as a fun competitive shooter. they saw it as a stepping stone on the way to creating this massive mmofps.
early in ow's history there were so many weird balancing decisions (example: trying to make each hero equally viable in all situations, balancing around quick play). before the closed beta, im pretty sure they only wanted ow to be playable in dedicated teams of 6. meaning no solo queue. which seems like a REALLY weird decision for a competitive fps, right?
well, now it makes sense. they saw ow as this small part into building this big mmo. chasing that white whale that was project titan. and yeah, in hindsight, easy to think "well they couldn't make it work once, why did they think they could the next time?" well they probably didn't expect ow to be a big runaway success, either. they might've felt like they had the right idea, wrong approach.
it also explains (although i think budgets fall into this as well) why they didn't want to just build a new team for ow2's endgame pve. they saw team 4 as the team that did "everything." that handled the whole franchise.
ironically, we probably wouldn't have gotten archives or (in august) ow2's story missions if it wasn't for that creative vision. we know from former ow producer tracy kennedy that kaplan was thinking of a sequel before ow1 even shipped. that was ow2 and its pve, and eventually... ow3?? the mmo?? so it was something they'd prolly planned to start exploring early in ow1's life cycle.
this also explains why the original ow2 announcement in 2019 was so controversial (thats ignoring the whole blitzchung stuff, which i have zero desire to talk about). i remember kaplan being... kinda hostile in some interviews. like, he was interviewed by nathan grayson during blizzcon 2019 for kotaku. in the published version, grayson expressed frustration that ow1's development had been put on ice for a sequel he didn't really want or expect. kaplan mentioned this first interview in a second interview later (although grayson wasn't mentioned by name). like, he was being professional abt it i guess, but he was clearly upset grayson did not understand the vision and sorta accused him of insulting his team (which i don't think grayson was trying to do, either).
but also--how were we supposed to react? we had no idea the goal was to make titan again. we just assumed ow would function like lol or dota. i guess i can't help but be a little angry. i think the team meant nothing but the best, but a lot of fandom angst could've been avoided if we were told abt what ow1 was (a stepping stone to a larger project) instead of what we thought it was (an always supported online game).
this of course ignores all the corporate mismanagement, which i suspect Jason The Video Game Reporter Guy will cover in the next few weeks. i hold no love for kotick and his goons. but if what aaron is saying is at least marginally true, then the old vision was also a problem. its very easy to lay all the blame at abk corporate and a lot should be, but someone had to pull the creative plug earlier i feel.
at the very least, we now have leadership that's willing to make the tough choices, i guess? i'm certain the mentality of many will be "well they should've done this years ago" but hindsight is 20/20. i'd rather focus on rebuilding now (which is what i think the goal is). and while i have issues w ow2 in it's current state, there's also quite a bit of things i like, and quite a lot of goodwill their narrative team has fostered with me (it helps that the lore/characters/story are my favorite thing perhaps).
i also don't really "blame" aaron or jared. it sucks they've become the face of this when it was a different team, with different members, different structure, different makeup. yes aaron was there but he also wasn't director or ep. jared's been at blizz for like 6 months. i'm not saying trust them wholeheartedly but also... don't treat them inhumanly either.
#laurencedottxt#anyways gamedev is insanely hard#devs on the ground usually mean well#directors... its more complicated
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MY RETURN TO J-DORAMALAND… HOPEFULLY?
The 2011 Summer Season line-up is.. INTERESTING? NO! AWESOOOME! hahaha. (yes, i think i'm fangirling again. :P)
(c) Ninomiya Tomoko, Nodame Cantabile, Fuji TV, japanesedrama.tumblr.com
Anyway. I might go and check out the following dramas. HAHA. Tell me whatcha think of them, and if I should watch something that is not on this list. :)
1. Zenkai Girl.
Initially, because I saw that Aragaki Yui and Nishikido Ryo stars in this. I mean, I love Gakky. And almost ALL the dramas that Ryo appears in proves to be worth watching for me. Anyhow, aside from this, reading the synopsis.. well. It seems like those feel-good drama things. So. To combat stress brought on by school, WHY NOT? [Started: 7/11/11]
2. Hi wa Mata Noboru.
It's a police drama, in a way.. I guess. So that's a plus. Then there's Miura Haruma so that's awesome. Then there's also Narimiya Hiroki. LOL. I LOVE it when those two work together. hahahaha. In Akibahara@Deep and Bloody Monday I and II. LOL. Then, it's one of those feel-good storylines too. And, this might be the Miura Haruma's first.. "negative" role.. maaah, you know what I mean. hahaha. So, let's go see this!
3. Meitantei Conan.
Come on. Who hasn't heard of Detective Conan? hahaha. yes, it should be obvious by now that I like police dramas. hahahaa. Anyway, Mizobata Junpei stars here! He's one of those actors I wanna see evolve into great ones. So.. him in the leading role this time might be worth watching. I liked him in Hana Kimi, BOSS, Buzzer Beat, and Seito Shokun! Maybe I'll like him as Conan too. (But before that, I have to watch the 3rd special starting him as well. lol. Heard it was released around April 2011. :P)
4. Ikemen desu ne
Hmm. I dunno. I saw Minami Shineyo. I liked it, but I thought it was too... shallow. Maybe with a Japanese rendition it will be deeper? I mean, Jdoramas are often less shallower than Kdramas anyway. So. Maybe. I'll take a chance. Hn. Cast-wise. Well, there are Johnnys present. So. Maybe, let's see. Yaotome Hikaru was pretty good in Orthros no Inu. So. Let's see.
5. Jiu
Series about investigators! Which means, this is of the mystery genre!! :D :D :D Plus, Kuroki Meisa + Tabe Mikako. That would be an interesting pair, wouldn't it? And I think Shirota Yu is on this one too. I never really liked him, but he's "okay." hahaha XD
6. Ouran High School Host Club.
Need I say more? HAHAHA. I'm sorta familiar with most of the cast. BUT. Ryusei Ryo as NEKOZAWA? WHAT? hahahaha. That will be interesting. XD
7. Tempest
A jidaigeki in 10eps? That's unusual. Plus, it's a gender bender starring Nakama Yukie. So. Let's try. haha.
8. Hana Kimi.
A remake not even 5 years later? Weird. >.< But, that akb48 girl in Q10 stars as Ashiya. Hmm. Let's see. (I probably won't go through with this though. So why is this even on this list? LOL)
So. A list of 8 dramas. I probably won't watch all. Considering I'm currently busy with school work (4th year college, thesis and all..) also I'm kinda watching/catching-up with some Kdramas. LOL. But we'll see. Maybe. Just maybe. :}
PS. This blog was originally posted on LiveJournal—
#J-dorama#jdrama#japanese drama#asiandramaland#Asian drama#fandom#livejournal#aragaki yui#nishikido ryo#zenkai girl#miura haruma#narimiya hiroki#mizobata junpei#ouran#ouran high school host club#live action
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*sigh*
Guess who's brainrotting over the Kareedom proposal again-
(I'm writing the chapter for it in my Karamatsu journal and now I'm ascending, so please deal with me for a minute here)
...
It's just... that damn proposal is such a perfect summary of their relationship, isn't it?
Like, I kinda had that thought going into it; it overall represented that despite the hardships and piss-poor luck the universe threw at them, they still persevered, & in a way it only strengthened their love.
But like... there's so much more to it. Like, completely accidentally. I did NOT mean for any more symbolism, but it's just so perfect.
In general, their relationship defies the status-quo; they're painfully poetic and cheesy, and the things they find sentimental or deep don't always correspond with the... I don't know... stereotypical idea of it all.
Case in point, the original plan for the proposal was a classic proposing-in-the-middle-of-a-restaurant shtick; Kara thought it'd be super romantic and cute and he'd be able to show Freedom off to everybody! But that didn't work; Totty reminded him that public attention wasn't Freedom's style. So Kara had to change his plan. And really, if Karamatsu went through with it anyway, would it really have worked in his favor? Like even if Freedom was cool with being in the spotlight? Knowing his luck, a customer would've yelled at him to be quiet, or literally everybody would've ignored him when he tried to announce it. A fucking light could've fallen on him right when he was about to pop the question, and then the credits for that skit would've started rolling.
...I think you get the idea. I should be the last person giving ideas on how the universe can torment my husband BHSFAS
The important thing is that Kara didn't propose at the restuarant; he still took her there, but that wasn't where the question was proposed. You know where he did propose though? At some ordinary, sketchy bridge. By any other standard, it is just some random ass bridge, but to the couple, it was their bridge. They were chilling on this bridge during a cold, rainy day, and yet that's STILL where they had the most fun. They got to engage in their cheesy banter freely, they got to use the inconvenient weather as essentially romantic atmosphere, they got to really shine as themselves. They twisted this ordinary, dare I say negative atmosphere into their perfect romantic playground!
It's not like the two don't genuinely enjoy the normal romantic stuff, right? I mean Kara's whole shtick is him trying to be suave in some sort of a stereotypical sense, and Freedom's an artsy type so of course she appreciates the "normalized" expressions of love. But their personalities also warp the normalized expressions of love and turn it into, like, a sub-breed of it, if that makes any sense? Karamatsu's attempts at being stereotypical romantic turns into him bastardizing the stereotype, and Freedom's artsyness makes her see aspects of love/romance/romanticism in things that aren't normally associated with them, or perhaps even shouldn't be! (I mean, I think this entire post can be a slight example of that, lmao-)
...Man, I could've swore this felt more coherent in my head SAJKAGIAU
Anyways, there's also the minor aspect of subverting expectations? Mainly just with the weather, I guess. Ya know, the standard "rain is used to hint at tragedy in media" sorta shit, except that was a lie and it actually worked out! Hell, it's like a positive mirroring of Jyushi's confession to Homura.
I think I at least sort of got my point out. But oh well; I gotta get back to finishing this chapter lol.
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Can you tell about your future Rise Tmnt fic? The crossover one? Is Raph with Jak and Daxter?
Oh!! Yeah I can do that! I'll never write the thing so I don't mind talking about it lol
So it is very much a self-indulgent, "everybody lives" kinda thing. The file for it is saved as "Mikey Saves Everyone But Loses Them in the Multiverse". The plot is thus:
After Splinter dies in the Bad Future, Mikey's like "Nope, no, not losing anyone again." and starts making his own plans. Little by little he starts sorta dripping his own mystic energy into his family with only one order: take them somewhere safe, somewhere far away from the Krang, away from the apocalypse, somewhere they could all be happy and safe. Anywhere but that version of Earth.
And it works!
The second Mikey's body is ripped apart opening the time gate, his own mystic powers snatch up the pieces of him and whisk him away. Yeah, reforming kinda...sucks. But hey! He's alive! And in a city! With no sign of the Krang! But then the processing of being ripped apart and put back together again kind of catches up with him and he passes out. Right as somebody else finds him.
Mikey wakes up in the sewers. In the lair of another group of turtles. His mystic powers have thrown him through dimensions and he's ended up in the lair of the 2007 turtles [because they are my boys and I love them very much and they get no attention]. There's some tension and confusion and probably some nickname shenanigans; I thought it'd be cute if the 07 guys started calling Mikey "Sunny" idk. But anyway, Mikey searches for the energy of his family only to find...they're not in this world. He reaches farther.....and farther.....and farther still. They're scattered. They've been thrown into a bunch of different dimensions. Mikey probably should have been a bit more specific with his mystic energy. But he knows they're alive!
So now it's just a matter of going to get them. And jumping dimensions is going to take a lot of energy and Mikey can't do it all at once. 07 Splinter and the boys say Mikey's more than welcome to use their lair as a place to come back to, since he doesn't have a home. And once Mikey's recovered enough, he reaches towards his first family member and makes his first leap.
I never thought up a specific order for these events to go in, but it would be Mikey storing up enough energy to hop into a dimension, find his family member, and jump back with them to the 07 world. For sure I knew he was going to save his brothers and April, but I wasn't certain about him being able to rescue Cassandra and Draxum? That's a lot of work,,,
Maybe Draxum sensed what Mikey was doing and told him not to. Maybe Cass heard them arguing and Draxum told her what was going on and she told Mikey to focus on saving Casey Jr instead. I dunno, I didn't plan that far ahead.
I didn't actually figure out where April ended up either :/ There's just too many fun places to put her where she could be so cool and kickass!
Anyway!
Yeah, since this is an excuse for a big crossover with multiple media, I'm not going to take the time to explain all the plots of the other media in detail. So if you're confused uh...wiki? I guess?
Also, I figured the way Mikey's powers worked was when his family members died, his mystic powers snatched them up and threw them into a safe place.
So Raph lands in Haven City, from the Jak and Daxter video games. And you might be saying, "But Sage! Haven City isn't safe! Why would the mystic energy put Raph there!?"
Ah, but what if this is post-Jak 3? Far enough along that the Metalheads have been driven out, the walls repaired, and the city is rebuilding.
So Raph crash lands in Haven and there's some kerfuffle about this big guy covered in scars and looking like he just climbed out of a war zone. Which he did. And he's spooked and the Freedom Guard are spooked and everyone's yelling and poor Raph is just "whoa, hang on, idk what's happening??? who are you??? how did i get here?? ....where is here???"
I really just liked thinking about Raph helping Haven rebuild and feeling good about doing something peaceful. Jak and Daxter probably tell Raph about the history of Haven and at some point I think Raph should get to go to the Wastelands and run loose and punch some Metalheads and throw a car.
I can also see him sorta bonding with Torn. They're both veterans, in a way, and probably closer in age. But Raph probably looks at Jak and Daxter and is reminded of his little brothers somehow and he's definitely picked Jak up and walked off with him like "nope, we're done, shut up". He and Torn probably talk about what they're supposed to do without a war going on, if they're not soldiers than what are they, and heavy stuff like that. Raph's not sure if he'll ever see his family again, he's not sure what happened to him or how he ended up in Haven. He's just trying to make the best of a confusing situation.
He's over the moon when Mikey finally shows up. He's so excited to introduce Mikey to his new friends. I never decided if there was a time gap kinda thing; like if for Mikey had lost Raph five years ago, then Raph would have to wait five years in Haven for Mikey to come get him. Or maybe what was five years for Mikey was only six months for Raph or something. Maybe every Hamato spawned in a new universe at the same time. I dunno, never decided.
But either way you know there's going to be lots of hugging and crying and shouting. Mikey filling Raph in on everything he's missed. Raph asking about their family. Mikey explaining how he got to Haven and everything. And then probably some tearful goodbyes because it's doubtful that Raph will ever get to see Haven or the friends he's made there ever again.
Leo ends up in Japan, between the Edo and Meiji periods.
Pros: he knows some Japanese well enough to get by. Cons: anyone who sees him thinks he's a demon and either runs screaming or tries to stab him. Yeah, he's not too keen on that. So he hides and sneaks around and steals or hunts for what he needs. But people are aware of his presence and they don't want him near their village.
So they call a Mushi Master.
Yeah, Leonardo gets to meet Ginko, from Mushi-shi. ("But Sage, Mushi-shi isn't safe! The mushi--" "Shut up!!! It's my comfort anime and it is calm and beautiful and chill and this is my au I do what I want!")
So Ginko comes to talk to this "demon" (that he's thinking is probably just some mushi or someone who's messed with things they shouldn't). And he finds a bipedal turtle with a sword who's missing an arm and speaks some really janky, broken Japanese.
The two of them fumble their way through a conversation until Ginko is able to put together that Leo is not a demon or a mushi and he's from somewhere else and just wants to find his brothers. And they end up traveling together, with Leo heavily disguised and usually hanging back when Ginko gets up to his mushi business. Which, lo and behold, Leo can see mushi too! He thinks they're funny. Ginko smacks him when Leo tries to taste one. ("I've eaten worse." "I don't doubt you, but DO NOT.")
Leo traveling around with Ginko kind of gives him a lot of time to think. He's able to slow down and process things and he actually really mellows out. Spending time with someone like Ginko, just wandering around and taking in the sights, learning about nature and the world, just experiencing it, does wonders for Leo. He's still a traumatized war vet, but just living like he does when he's with Ginko is very healing for him.
He still explodes into tears when Mikey comes to get him. Because he thought he'd killed his baby brother and here's Mikey, running to him with open arms, with no malice in him whatsoever over what happened. And Ginko gets to be like "oh lord there's more of them". And maybe Mikey sticks around for a while at Leo's prompting because he knows Mikey would LOVE this mushi stuff. But they do have to leave eventually, they've got a family to get back to. So Mikey probably gives Ginko a hug and thanks him for taking care of Leo and hopes maybe they can meet again someday.
Donnie lands smack dab in the middle of the Motherlobe. Psychonauts HQ. Psychic central. It's...a bit of a rocky welcome.
He's panicked, the Psychonauts are panicked, everyone's freaking out and ready for a fight. Not really sure how they resolved that, to be honest, but they probably eventually figure out that Donnie doesn't actually mean anyone any harm, he's just lost and confused and displaced from his home dimension.
Truman and Hollis likely don't want Donnie leaving the Quarry or the Questionable Area, because they're not sure how he wound up in the Motherlobe or how people would react if they saw him. He's a bit pissy about essentially being under house arrest, but there's not much he can do when they've assigned one of the best Junior Agents to keep an eye on him.
Donnie probably spends some time trying to shake Razputin but Raz is also a middle child and he's a top tier Psychonaut and he's a stubborn little shit. So eventually Donnie has to concede that he's not going to be able to get rid of Raz and bemoans his fate as Raz follows him literally everywhere.
But he doesn't get to mope for long because there's a lot of interesting things for him to poke his snoot into.
The Questionable Area alone is bizarre as hell but then Donnie meets Otto and Sasha and then there's THREE mad scientists in a room and it all goes to hell. In a very spectacular manner, probably. Donnie's infinitely curious about psychic powers and he definitely keeps himself busy, both out of curiosity and because he probably wants to know if these powers can get him home.
There's probably some shenanigans with the Brain Tumbler and how people shouldn't try to read Donnie's mind and Milla acting motherly towards Donnie even though they're almost the same age and it makes him feel so small and young and he might sit with her for a while and meditate. They probably talk about losing people. Donnie gets weirdly attached to Raz and then meets Lili and learns she can talk to plants and his botany enthusiasm just goes NUTS.
He does genuinely invest time in trying to find his family, maybe build a portal home. But he's extremely wary about actually building anything; he's worried about it going wrong or, even worse, unleashing the Krang on this unsuspecting world.
So he's relieved when Mikey comes for him and gets all huffy when Mikey immediately makes friends with Raz. But he's happy to see his brother again and he does not cry fuck you Mike.
Donnie's probably a little reluctant to let the mysteries he hasn't solved with the Psychonauts go but Mikey just laughs at him and says they can try to come back some day.
And then the whole family gets to reunite! They're all together again! Without war, without the Krang, just with each other! I didn't really have an ending planned for this--maybe they stay with the 07 turtles, maybe they jump between worlds looking for a new home, I dunno.
It's just a silly, self-indulgent au that I will never write but amuses me to think about. Because I think they deserve a happy ending.
I did start replying to this last night but then it was like 10.30 and i needed to sleep lol
Sorry about the long post,,,
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hi so I kinda wanted to make this post earlier in the month but things have been really hectic and annoying so I didn't get to but I still wanna talk a lil bit before the month ends soooo
here's my ~*pride*~ post
so it's been a lil over a year now since I first like. realized I was trans y'know? I don't wanna say came out bc I sorta haven't - at least not to anyone in my day to day life. I'm not really worried about reactions - mostly - or anything but it's just like. I do not wanna deal with all it might entail even if it'd be positive, tho I guess I do view it as a coming out given I did it to a uh....a few thousand people (and porn bots)
anyway....
even just sort of realizing that the way I'd felt way back when, during the times I'd spent alone in kindergarten wondering and worrying that I'd been born in the wrong body (genuinely worded as I'd felt back then) and the moments where I'd stay looking in the mirror a lil too long convinced my face wasn't of the gender I'd been carrying myself as, that something didn't quite fit, all that, that it wasn't just some weird fear, that it was a valid thought, it's kinda done wonders for my mental health (even if other things ain't lol) and while I sometimes worry I'm somehow doing this wrong or badly or w/e, I've found myself more confident than I used to be, much more assured and happy
I like my reflection more, even with my imperfections and divots and dings. I'm kinda gentler about my body even if it doesn't look how I think it should, and in a weird way just accepting the way my brain's wired made me more accepting of my own body despite it not yet being what I wanna see, yanno? maybe not quite outgoing like I wanna be, but I don't feel as....nervous anymore, of my voice or appearance
I've also taken some steps in getting myself to uh....present in a manner I feel a lil more fitting? I've grown my nails out - which has the added benefits of stopping my bad biting habit and making some gunpla stuff easier! - and fashioned my face more like I'd want, I dress more openly in attire I feel is more fitting and comfortable too even if it's often like, beneath a jacket or w/e and talk in a way that feels truest to myself too
it's not a lot and I certainly wouldn't like, pass or anything, at least I don't think I would, but the little things have sorta helped all the same
and I do have some hopes for how things may go should my situation ever change and improve. I openly fantasize about going on hrt lol, while being able to wear more fitting clothing even just around my house is something of a dream for me. again my situation is thankfully way more accepting of things but there's just some stuff I don't wanna deal with if that makes sense - not to mention the cost, a big bump in the road for a poor gal like me lmao
so while maybe I doubt myself here and there and haven't been too outward with it just yet, and maybe it'll take me a while before I get to be - and longer still to start the processes of truly looking as I feel, I know I'll get there one day and in the meantime, I'm still happy I took the time to accept myself, to let myself be how I truly wanna be, even if it's kinda stifled right now and ultimately, either way
'm still pretty happy to be me
now I'm gonna go buy a gay witch shirt and catch up on ml
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Aye aye aye
So this is my first post here, name's mimi and i've just been casually writting stories for a very long time. Used to rp all the time yet havent in a few years. Recently my muse in dystopian has risen again and im very excited to publish what ive got. Won't promise it's any good lol havent been using tumblr in a very long time either and everything is so different so pls bare w me, english is not my first nor second lenguage so kidness its thanked. I'm just messing around with it, trying to enjoy myself and hopefully you like, it if not.. well, i'd like it. Wasn't even gonna post this whole thing into the tags but i figured it's always helpful to build up of each others energy (if anyone interacts w it, again no pressure this is mostly for me). My first story will be divergent au kinda sorta aka before the events of the movie, set in dauntless and w eric bc we love a bad boy. Also want to focus on building the characters as we got them presented in the book and the society status but once again, dont make no promises.
Here are some of my thoughts during my first writting session (im halfway through)
• i think my biggest mission in this story other than finishing it is to not kill y/n at the end to explain eric's extreme assholness&cold heart bc lol isn't what we all think will happen? i mean wouldnt it be a dystopian story if the main/fav character didnt get killed off riGHT VERONICA but also predictable idk we'll see
• also always wanted to write stories of four and eric initative times and fights HC but i gotta warm up to the characters tbh and fight scenes bc there's a lot and i need to explore the world first, make it my own in a way even though i own nothing bc im not veronica roth but you get what im saying
• refer to previous point, am i fully knowloadged of the world? The factions? The OG story? No, so i'm sure i'll ramble through and adapt it to my own mind, hope thats not off putting. I'll try my best but you know how things turn out sometimes.
• i do have a small bullet point and inspo fcs for the characters presented in the story & i want to make like a post for them but also too much work and im still getting to know them myself so im sure they will grow a lot but probs will post them just so we are @ same page w them??
• also finish writting chapt 1 would be a nice i guess lol
• fyi story is written as second person prespective refering to you all the time, character y/n and our main character is literally just us, thinks dauntless is hella cool but doesnt believe shes cool enough to be, she'll work her way up and eventually fall in love w eric and probs figure out some shit going on in chicago
#ooc#bts!ffy#divergent#divergent series#divergent imagine#eric coulter#divergent fanfiction#fanfiction#dystopian fiction
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Sorta personal log but it's nothing grim, don't worry. ♥️ I'm just having thoughts and emotions and I'm feeling comfortable to be open today, but I'm cutting out grisly details because this is an optimistic post.
As 2022 draws to a close I feel really strange. It's been a mixed bag of a year. On one hand I've made positive changes, on the other hand my luck is still kinda bad and there's a few things I could have done without, but whatever, you know?
2021 broke me. IYKYK. I don't even remember a lot of it that clearly because it was so stressful I think my brain just kinda purged it lol. The bad luck was unrelenting and it left me emotionally numb and tired by the end. I barely had the energy for people and when I forced myself to be around them, I was just kind of frustrated all the time, so I became distant. I don't even like thinking about the year so I'm gonna cut it off there. Again, anyone who knows me knows... it was *bad.* Hell Year lmao
Start of 2022 I tried to fight back for my optimism again, because some... of the things I was dealing with in 2021 came to an end alongside the year. (IYKYK.) There was a huge-ass shift in my personality that happened around the end of 2021 that makes me feel like a different person. I was dealing with so much bottled up stress and anger, and this year after the shift, it's... hard for me to feel things like anger much anymore. I just dealt with so much that year it forced a change I guess. Pessimism is exhausting and I hate it, and apathy is shitty and empty, so I started doing stuff to fix myself. Went back to therapy to figure out what my growing issues were (and I did get my answer), saw an eye doctor and figured out I do in fact need glasses and was just in denial, started eating and sleeping better, became more mentally stable and capable, you know, healing shit. (Therapy has helped greatly btw. I dissociate way less often these days and I still feel shitty sometimes, but it's not as overwhelming.) The year hasn't been perfect or kind necessarily, but... like, it'll be ok in the end. Always is.
In other words, I'm tired of going ape shitt, I just wanna be nice. I don't have the time or energy to feel stuff like hatred or pettiness anymore, when I feel anger it never lasts all that long (anger is a parasitic emotion to me and I hate it because it makes me feel tired and disgusting), and I've kinda rediscovered my love of humans.
Like holy shit, I'm surrounded by love and wonderful people and that's actually so cool. I have really bad luck and it's something I've kinda gotten used to, I have really bad trust issues because I've dealt with a lot of people who hurt me and damaged me badly (I'm easy to manipulate, but I'm fixing that!), but the people here and around me now, I'm grateful for them. I want to tell the voice of my trust issues in my head to fuck off and let me enjoy them. It's hard to do that but I'm trying. It's hard for me to express these feelings because anyone who knows me knows I'm simply not good at showing my feelings in the ways most humans do, but those who really are close to me respect me and understand that about me. And I love them for it. I want to reconnect with people and strengthen and maintain the connections I have, even if social things are difficult for me.
I'm so thankful to have the people who just like me for me. Who *actually* respect me, who *actually* treat me as a person. Life can suck but these people make it worth it, I'm enjoying experiencing hope again.
Humanity is so cool. I'm not going to let a few outliers trick me into thinking it's not.
Sorry if this is out of the blue and disorganized, I just want to gush a bit.
#personal entry#wildemusings#idk i just feel weird... and among my weird feelings are nice ones#i like focusing on the nice ones
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I LIVE!
i was so ready to leave genshin behind (bc you know i am a self-respecting brown asian person) but a friend insisted that i play through the archon quest bc they have thoughts and stuff to say and they needed someone to discuss them with.
surprisingly, i liked Act 2. and i liked Nahida. and some characters, i guess, but i was really scared for Nahida's characterization and the writer of Act 2 exceeded my expectations (granted, my expectations were in hell).
UNTIL ACT 3 OF COURSE SHAT ALL OVER THE BUILD-UP AND CHARACTERIZATION DONE IN ACT 2! OF FUCKING COURSE!
i, too, have so many thoughts and stuff to say and I'll probably post them here. so watch out for that. i'd probably start posting (yeah it will be a series of posts bc goddamn) this weekend.
if you have been following me for a while now, i did a kinda sorta beta-read of the Inazuma Act 3 last year. and i thought why not do that again for the Sumeru Arc too? so don't worry! the posts won't be about how white Sumeru is. a lot of people have already talked about that. i will be talking about the arc as a writer and editor.
also, i loved the Golden Slumber World Quest, man. I loved it. except for this one instance wc i will also talk about sometime.
in contrast, i hated the Aranyaka World Quest :D i'm still thinking about if i wanna be executed for hating on it. but man was that world quest so poorly paced. both in gameplay and story. also, it is useless in my eyes. the bit about the Abyss twin should have been an intermission chapter for the main storyline instead.
what should have been the main world quest for forest Sumeru, you ask? it should have focused more on the Akademiya. they should have humanized the scholars instead of making them cartoonishly evil (ANOTHER ONE? I KNOW!) bc listen man. smear campaigns and censorship are real things that real people do.
tbh this^ is my fave part about the Golden Slumber. Tirzad was a good way to see the product of the Akademiya's propaganda. BUT MAN WAS HE SO UNLIKEABLE.
imagine if we had that but instead we have someone who is likable and relatable? it will show the audience that sometimes, even though people are likable, they still can also be misguided.
ANYWAYS!
in another news:
i have updated the role-reversal zhongchi au! go check that out LOL imma do a different promo post for that but yeah
yeah that's about it. see you next time :D
#genshin impact#genshin world quests#genshin archon quests#genshin quests#genshin analysis#sumeru#genshin sumeru#sumeru archon quest#sumeru arc
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I'm great actually! These past few weeks have felt like a dream and I really can't get enough of it :)
Oh no D: I'm sorry to hear that! That all sounds draining and shitty in general tbh
Ah same, I hate summer with a passion simply because of the heat. I can't stand it so I'm stoked that summer is ending as well! I've always loved thunderstorms, so that actually sounds super dope. I'm still in Michigan (I think I told you? I'm not sure either lol) but it rains a lot here and I always enjoy it :)
I'm a little sad to see Lost In Assistance go if I'm being honest, I think I grew so attached to them that it's hard to see them go.. They better get their happy ending because they deserve it after all they've been through 😭
I read your Nat fic and it was lovely! R being drunk added a bit of lightheartedness to it which was fun. The angst? Chef's kiss, you nailed it. Think my favorite part of it was when R wanted Wanda to "fix her" up, it made me laugh and the banter was soo good, it felt v real :) I see you have another one coming soon n I'm looking forward to it!
Okay, now for your dark Wanda fic. This one was a TRIP to say the least. Obviously when you go into dark fics, you know to expect wild stuff, but this was something. The build-up was enjoyable, then Chad's dumbass being brought along for the ride (his last😭) was just crazy, then to tie it all off with Wanda messing with your memories was good. I liked it a lot.. which probably sounds a bit insane but oh well
I write for all three actually, though I technically haven't posted anything for Nat yet, I'm hoping to change that soon (er or later with the way this writer's block is going 🙃)
I know this response is kinda sorta late (time moves very fast) and I do apologize! I plan on talking to you more often from now on! I hope life has been treating you decently as of late despite everything that's happened :>
- 🗿 <3
Hiiii you!
How are you and how is everything with you?
I'm so glad to hear back from you! Sorry for the delayed but I'm excited to answer your ask!
I'm so glad to hear that you are great. Oh what happened these past few weeks? Can I guess? You sound like you are in love and just got into a relationship. :D just a wild guess. But pls do tell me what happened the past few weeks to you? I would love to hear your happy story too, if you are comfortable with it.
Yes, at that time was pretty bad for me. I was emotionally drained but when I felt better, I got covid. It was one after another but I'm okay now even though I still feel something funny with my throat and cough a bit.
I know, right? Summer is draining. especially if it has high humidity. I heard that winter here even if it's snowy, we still have chances of tornadoes. It's crazy. It says that it can get really cold here. So i'm looking forward to it, even though it might be too cold for me but it's still better than summer. lol
I start to like Oklahoma more though. I once went back to California, it was good for food wise and met families / friends again but if I compared to this small country-ish city where I live now, I like it better than California. It's because after I live here for few months, the hectic vibe, crowd and traffic felt worse. haha. So I see the silver line from moving to Oklahoma. I think I'm sensitive with situation that has too many people or too much noise. It gives me anxiety. Especially if it's too many people/crowd, it makes me feel trapped and claustrophobic. n it gets worse when there is too much noise.
Does sound or noise can gives you headache/anxiety too? I will explain more in the next ask, after you. :)
Also, I think I forgot to share you the news that 3 months ago, I got my U.S citizenship! Yaay!
About Lost In Assistance, yes it is sad for me too that it's almost over and on the last chapter. I'm working on it but too be honest it is so hard to jump back in writing ch.65 . I don't know why, maybe subconsciously I don't want it to end? Not sure. But I gotta get it done. About the ending, hmmm I'm not gonna give you spoiler. lol. Do they get happy ending? We'll see.. hahaha. :D also thank you for being attached to that story. I appreciate it.
Yaaaay, I'm glad you read my first Nat fic and you enjoyed it. It was fun writing it. I was actually nervous if people would love it or not but so far it gets pretty good responds and I appreciate every single of it. It was my first Nat fic and it felt a little weird in a good way also interesting to write Wanda as R's best friend because I have always write her as R's love interest.
And yes, I actually have 2 more Nat fics coming. I hope you will like them as well.
Oh, my first dark Wanda fic, It is actually one of fics that I'm really proud writing it. I love that fic because it was my original idea and the "darkness" of it came out as how I wanted / pictured it. Haha don't worry, I don't think it's insane if you like it a lot. I'm thinking it is more insane that I enjoyed writing it. lol. I have 2 dark Wanda dark fics and also another one that's my original idea as well.
Oh, that's good that you write for 3 of them. I'm sorry you have a writer block. I really wish I could help. Brainstorming is fun.
Don't worry about replying me late, I understand. I sometimes reply late too. I'm looking forward to talk with you more often and will reply faster. I'm doing okay, still have ups and downs in my days. Today I had a situation with one weird cringey follower in Wattpad that I have to talk a little harder for her to stop messaging me and I had to block her. Other than that, everything is okay. Same shit different days. lol
Talk soon!
Cheerio!
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Allow me to (re)introduce myself.
Hello world of Tumblr,
I am kinda sorta possibly using this blog again for the first time in years, so I figured I could give a little update. Lowkey considering just making a whole new blog maybe because some of the memories tied to this one are a bit... cringe. But I also have a massive amount of good, not-so-cringey memories here too, so I don't want to leave it. I might just totally revamp... hmmm...
Uhhh, where to start. Hi, I'm Ana (or SakuraFairy in most other corners of the internet)
This used to be a mostly k-pop blog? But I've really fallen out of that whole fandom for a lot of reasons; however, I still keep up with my old faves occasionally, and I still listen to K-pop every now and then when I'm working or something, but for the most part, I am not a hardcore fan like I used to be lol
I mostly just play (more like obsess over) video games now, a majority of them "cozy" games like Stardew and My Time at Sandrock (my biggest obsessions currently), Minecraft, Sims, those types of games. I've been playing video games since I came outta the womb, but I don't remember if I posted much about that before... Either way, there's probably gonna be a lot of game related stuff here from now lol
I'm also super into art and different forms of creative media, which is the biggest reason I fell back into Tumblr since a lot of artists post on here. I'm not an artist myself, but I could look at someone's art blog for literal hourssss. Any kind of art too - OCs, fanart, classical/historical, pottery, paintings, digital drawings, short comics, poetry-- literally any kind of art at all. So there might be a bit of that here as well.
Speaking of art, I really like manga/anime as well, although I'm mostly into josei and shojo titles. (Fruits Basket, my beloved) Occasionally, I go through a phase where I'm obsessed with Demon Slayer, so don't be alarmed if I suddenly post nothing but Demon Slayer when the new season comes out lmao
Oooh also, I really like cartoons. Like Steven Universe, The Owl House, Avatar the Last Airbender, Bob's Burgers... probably a few other ones I'm missing, but those are like the main ones.
Uhhhm, other than that, I can't think of anything else off the top of my head? So, I guess...
Nice to meet you (again) （＾∀＾）ﾉｼ
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