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greennct · 5 years

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lab partner from hell | park jisung

badboy!jisung fuck yeaaaaaa!!! okay so basically i posted this about 100 followers ago as a sneak peak and got too busy to finish it - but here she is now!! I'm v happy w how it turned out!! absolutely cheesy and classic maybe thats why i love it so much you’ll never know. (also if no one knows who jiwoo is, she's also known as chuu from loona.)

fluff, enemies to lovers, hopefully some humour, 5.3k words

song rec: conversation by catfish and the bottlemen

Starting a new school was scary for most people, however, by now, you were pretty much used to doing so on more or less a biannual basis. Your parents worked for a company which required them to move around extremely frequently, and subsequently your childhood and adolescence had been spent trying to keep up with an endless stream of names and faces. Apart from your immediate family, there were no constants in your life because of how frequently it was turned upside down.

Having friends was not an option, as far as you were concerned. After the first few years of tearful goodbyes that seemed to break your heart a little more each time you had to leave, you decided that wasting your time and emotions on people who, no matter how nice they might be, would leave you sooner or later, was pointless and exhausting. Therefore, you made sure to be polite, outgoing and perfectly friendly for the months that you were there, ensuring that you at least had people to sit with at lunch, however, made sure to keep your distance so that no one ever really got attached.

Straightening your rented uniform in front of the mirror by your front door, you smiled wryly at your reflection. Compared to other blazers that you had worn in previous years, this one wasn’t too bad in comparison in terms of style, however the thick wool felt itchy and unnatural on your skin. Oh well, you thought, I only have to wear it for a few months anyway.

Your dad drove you to school, a tiny yet longstanding tradition that the two of you sustained each and every time you had to endure the tedious admin of your first day. However, this custom did not always work in your favour, as this morning you ended up being late due to the copious amount of traffic blocking the roads.

You jumped out of the car just as another vehicle pulled up to the now empty parking lot. It was a huge minibus, with tinted-out black windows all over it. You suppressed a scoff at the display of extravagance, preparing yourself for a month of sucking up to entitled heiresses, until you watched a skinny, scruffy boy stumble out. Not bothering to wave at the driver, he simply shrugged a faded backpack over his shoulder and started loping towards the school building.

Snapped out of your trance by your realisation that the boy was walking away from you quicker and quicker, you startled yourself into an awkward half-jog, as you called after him.

“Hey! You!” You tried, however he kept marching along without so much as a glance backwards.

Now flat-out running, you almost fell over your own feet as you came to an abrupt stop just by the boys shoulder. You tapped it, and he turned around slowly, removing an airpod hidden under his shaggy haircut from his right ear.

Panting more heavily than you cared to admit, you introduced yourself between gasping breaths. Met with radio silence from the boy, you took his reluctance to introduce himself as confusion, so you tried to explain what you were actually doing.

“I’m new here. I’m supposed to find the headmaster’s office, and then my classroom, it’s 49B, on the fifth floor I thi-”

You interrupted yourself, stopping your sentence short as you stood with your mouth open at the boy’s behaviour.

He had listened to you babble on for a while, shrugged and rolled his eyes, before slouching off, headphone already back in his ear.

You scoffed in disbelief. Moving from place to place to frequently had also equipped you with more than sufficient skills to deal with all types of people. You had fought back against bullies, brought spoilt brats down more than a peg or two, however, you had never encountered someone who had been so rude in such a casual way. He didn’t know you, and there was no one around to impress with this show, however, he decided to be mean anyway. His indifference towards your request for help shocked you so much that you forgot to be angry.

Instead of plotting your revenge against this newfound enemy, you found yourself instead wondering what you had done to upset him so much. You felt bad for disrupting him. There was something about how frankly he had rejected your friendship that made you wonder whether or not you had done something wrong.

About half an hour later, you found yourself standing in front of your new form room class. Most people had politely pretended to be at least mildly interested when you had walked in, but before you had even introduced yourself, one certain student, tucked right into the back left corner of the room on a table all to himself, let out a groan so obvious when you walked in, he had your cheeks burning.

“Something to say, Mr. Park?” The teacher reprimanded, as the class tittered with gossip about the disruption. Met with silence, he continued.

“Thought not. In fact, why don’t you welcome your new classmate to share your desk with you, since you seem to eager to get to know them.”

He shot you a friendly smile as you trudged over to your new assigned seat. He probably thought that she was doing you a favour. If only he knew how wrong he was.

The entire first hour of lessons you spent in silence, determinedly focused on meticulous note-taking and nothing else, so that you would have as little interaction with whoever this ‘Park’ boy was as possible. Daring to sneak a glance at him whilst your maths teacher wrestled with the projector, you discovered that he in the midst of all of your pedantic studying, he had fallen asleep. Scanning his face properly for the first time, you took in his now peaceful expression, his chest rising and falling softly. You noticed the way his shaggy fringe was covering practically all of his eyes. It was much too long, he seriously needed a haircu-

“Quit staring at me.” The boy drawled, without opening an eye.

“I- I wasn’t!” You protested, your voice at a noticeably higher pitch than usual.

“Denying the fact only makes you look more creepy, you know.” He replied, still without moving his position at all.

“Well... You drool when you sleep, so...” You trailed off, embarrassed with your weak comeback.

To your surprise, he sat up sharply, wiping furiously at his now bright red cheek with the sleeve of his blazer. “No I don’t.” He muttered.

“You know, denying the fact only makes you look more creepy.” You smirked, satisfied with how well you’d managed to shut him up.

“Psst!” Practically the minute that the bell rang to signify that class was over, you were yanked into the corridor by a flash of auburn hair.

“How do you know Jisung?” A pair of wide, shining eyes blinked at you from behind rounded glasses.

“How do I know who?” You asked, frowning slightly.

“Park Jisung! You know, the guy you’ve been flirting with the whole of the last lesson!” She replied earnestly.

“What?!” You spluttered. “I have certainly not been flirting with anyone, let alone him, I-”

“But don't you guys know each other?”

Okay, now you were seriously getting confused. “I met him about an hour and a half ago.”

“Seriously?” The girl blew her fringe out of her eyes exaggeratedly. “Wow. He must really like you, huh.”

You tried not to scoff. “Listen, I don’t think you’ve got the right-”

“That’s Park Jisung. He’s the maknae of NCT Dream!” The girl’s eyes were so big now, you wouldn’t be surprised if they popped out of her head.

You searched her face for some sort of clue, puzzled. She let out a gasp at your cluelessness. “How do you not know NCT?! SM’s latest boy group? The ones that are basically taking Korea by storm? Pretty much the most sought-after set of teenagers in Asia?!”

“Sorry.” You replied, smiling awkwardly. “My last school was in the countryside. Everyone loved BTS there.”

Ignoring your response, she ploughed on. “I don't think you understand. Jisung’s so busy with his schedules he only comes into school, like, once a month. He talks to literally no one, and sits and eats and studies all alone. You’re the first person he’s ever talked to since enrolling here. And you’re telling me you’ve known him for ever less time than we have?! Woah. You must be magic or something.”

You struggled to form a reply to this girl, partially because you were trying to absorb all of this new information, but also because at that moment, Jisung barged out of the classroom, sending students scattering right and left as he strode down the corridor.

“See what I mean?” The girl continued. “He’s ice cold.”

“I don’t know...” You sighed, watching his towering figure disappear down the corridor. “Maybe he's just lonely.”

As the week passed by, you spent your break times swapping homework answers and the latest gossip with the red-haired girl, who you later learned was called Jiwoo. Your new friend was bubbly, vivacious, and completely obsessed with Kpop. Spending the majority of your time with her, you couldn't help but learn the names and faces of all 21 members of NCT. You tried to stay completely impartial to the group, yet no matter how hard you tried, you still caught yourself humming along to their title tracks. You felt embarrassed every time. After all, wasn’t it a little creepy to know every single intimate detail of your desk-mate’s life? Besides, you still couldn’t stand the boy, each week he became more infuriating than last time. His label must’ve said something to him, because instead of gracing the school with his presence once a month, he was now sitting next to your for almost two days a week. And every time, he found a new way to make your life a living hell.

“Hey, new kid.” He whispered, poking your side with a pair of tongs. “What does this do?”

You supressed the urge to roll your eyes as you turned towards your lab partner. Unfortunately for you, your chemistry practicals were all carried out with your deskmate, so you couldn’t escape Jisung, even in a science lab. Instead, you were forced to make desperate eye contact with Jiwoo across the room whilst Jisung berated you with questions you were certain he already knew the answers to.

“You know my name, Park, stop calling me new kid.” You hissed, glancing over at where the teacher sat, almost falling asleep over grading papers. You caught sight of the chemical he was holding, and gasped, immediately tried to snatch it from his grasp. “Jisung, that’s hydrochloric acid! Where did you even get that?”

He laughed at you, simply raising his arm, and the acid, far from your reach. “Prof’s desk. Why’d you ask?”

“If it touches our magnesium, it’ll burst into flames! Exactly what she told us not to do!”

“Relax, nerd-”

“I’m not relaxing until you put that fucking acid back! I’m not losing my A in chemistry just because you suddenly have a psychopathic tendency for arson. I’m serious, Jisu-”

You didn’t finish your sentence. It was too late. You saw the acid hit the metal in slow motion, the flames spring up in technicolour vision. As the teacher ran for the fire extinguisher, and the students hurtled out of the laboratory, all you could see was the stupid, know-it-all grin on Jisung’s face when he first tipped the conical flask.

That infuriating expression was still burned into your vision half an hour later, when you found yourself in the principal’s office.

“What were you two thinking?!” She reprimanded. “Putting not only yourselves, but your fellow classmates in danger?”

“With all due respect, Miss,” You interjected. “I told Jisung not to pour the acid, I was against the idea from the beginni-”

“Not true!” He interrupted.

“What do you mean?!” You turned to him, raising your voice. “What part of ‘Don’t pour the acid, Jisung, it’ll catch on fire,’ did you not understand, huh?”

“It’s not my fault you’re so infuria-”

“Both of you, calm down!” The principal’s voice rose above your clamour. She let the silence sit for a few moments, whilst the two of you squirmed in your seats.

“You're behaving like children! I don’t care whose fault it is, or what happened, the point is that you almost set the school on fire! Now, I have some very concerned parents on the line, and an absolutely fuming Chemistry teacher beating down my door. She wants to fail you both, you know.”

You couldn’t help but try to save your academic career. “Miss, please, I can’t fail chemistry, you don’t understand, I-”

“Please don’t interrupt me.” She chided, sighing and rubbing her temples. “Look, I know you're both good kids. It’s almost impossible to have such perfect track records as you two these days.”

Huh. You had never really pegged Jisung as the studious type. Whenever you were in lessons together, all he did was ask you annoying questions.

“Guys, I don't want to fail you. So, I have a proposition. It’s clear that this accident occurred because the two of you couldn’t communicate properly. So, I’m going to give you one last chance to save your chemistry grade. An extra-credit project. A paired project.” She continued over your groans. “If the two of you can't work together properly, then how can I trust you to be safe in the labs? This is for your own good.”

You tried again. “But-”

“No buts! You two will present a project on a famous pair of scientists, and how their teamwork led them to success. I want it ready to show your chemistry class in two weeks. Now, get out of my office.”

Returning to your form room, you ran into Jiwoo’s waiting arms.

“Are you expelled?” She asked.

“Worse,” You moaned. “I have to present a project with him. Correction, I have do an entire project by myself, while he takes all the credit. I mean seriously-”

“Um-”

“-who does he think he is? It’s like he thinks he can-”

“Maybe you should-”

“-walk all over me?! This is ridiculo-”

“Turn around!” Jiwoo almost yelled.

You did, and came eye-to-eye with the very person you had just been complaining about.

Shit.

“Are you free on Saturday night?” Jisung asked.

“What?”

“I said,” he leaned a little closer to you, slowing his pace. “Are you free on Saturday night?”

“Uhh...” You were malfunctioning. You thought Jisung hated you, why would he ask you-

“For the project.” He continued. “I don’t want to fail chemistry.”

“Oh, right.” You tried to hide the flush that had crept onto your face. “Well-”

“Hang on a second,” Jisung crowed. “You weren’t seriously thinking I was asking you on a da-”

You shoved your hand onto his mouth. “Shut up!” You hissed. “No, I wasn’t, that’s so typical of you, thinking the whole world...” You trailed off. It was clear from the mirthful expression on your deskmate’s face there would be no convincing him that wasn’t the case. Especially when you weren't entirely sure yourself.

Moving your hand out of his face awkwardly, you tried to subtly wipe it on your jeans. “I’m not free on Saturday, anyway. I have plans.”

“What, a different date?” Jisung immediately replied. “Who is it? Joshua from philosophy? I see you looking at him sometimes. Or Changbin from maths? He likes-”

“What?” You finally collected your thoughts enough to answer him. “No! I'm hanging out with Jiwoo.”

“Oh. Right.”

A pause.

“Can you do Thursday evening?” You tried to brush over the discomfort.

“Um... I have music bank in the afternoon, but I think I could do after seven?”

You tried to ignore Jiwoo stiffening beside you at such a casual mention of such a well-known show, and nodded. “Sounds good. My house?”

“Um, I actually can’t leave my dorm without a manager, so is it okay if you just come over?” Jisung sounded sheepish. You simply nodded again, not trusting yourself to speak and avoiding eye contact as he walked back over to your desk.

You barely opened your mouth to speak, when Jiwoo had dragged you into the deserted corridor.

“Oh my god!” She squealed. “Did you see that?”

“See what?” You frowned.

“He’s clearly head-over-heels for you!”

“What?!” You laughed. “Have you been paying attention this entire term? He hates my guts!”

“Have you been paying attention throughout that entire conversation?” She shot back. “He went crazy when he thought you were going out with someone.”

“So? That doesn't mean anything.”

“I see the way he stares at you, when you’re not looking. Like you're the only person on Earth.”

“I don't know what you’re talking about.” You shrugged her off, heading to the nearest bathroom.

You tried to disregard everything Jiwoo had said, you were sure it was nonsense. However, you had to admit, it had been weird. Jisung had been... almost nice. It made you uncomfortable.

Despite Jiwoo’s words crossing your mind every so often throughout the week, you tried to dismiss it, especially on Thursday. However, you couldn’t help but change after school into a nicer outfit before you went over to Jisung’s. Giving yourself a once-over in the mirror before you walked out the door, you sighed. A week ago, spending time with Jisung for a project would’ve been tedious and annoying, but nothing get worried about, let alone primp yourself for. Why were you suddenly so concerned about your appearance?

You had exchanged numbers earlier on in the week, but aside from texting you his address a few days ago and confirming a time, there had been radio silence. You had to stop yourself from sending him a message just to confirm you had indeed gotten the right day - it was written right there in front of you. Besides, you didn't want to sound eager to spend time with him.

Ringing on his apartment doorbell, you were buzzed up almost instantly. However, you stood outside his actual front door for a good few minutes, trying not to listen to the shouting you could hear. Unfortunately, you couldn’t really help yourself.

“They’re not meant to be here yet!” Your ears perked up at Jisung’s voice. Immediately, you went bright red.

“Let me answer it then, while you get ready!” Someone roared back.

You were turning around, ready to just wait it out for another hour in some café nearby, when the door flew open. You turned, and gasped.

It was Jisung, but - different. He looked - the only way you could think to describe it was ethereal. His hair was suddenly a candyfloss pink, and his eyes were a baby blue. His skin, usually adorned with a pimple or two, was flawless, glistening. Your eyes travelled downwards, and immediately flew back up. He was in some kind of blazer, with no shirt underneath, a lower neckline than you had ever seen a boy in before. Slightly out of breath, his chest was rising and falling rapidly, and you struggled to find something on him to focus on that didn’t make you want to run away.

“Um, hi.” He rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed.

“Hi.” You breathed.

No wonder he was so cocky all the time, if he looked like this.

“Sorry about- all this,” he gestured awkwardly to his outfit. “I thought you were coming for 7:30.”

“You texted me 6:30?” You brandish your phone wildly at his face, your nervousness at talking to this new Jisung rendering you unable to reply with a snarky comment.

“Shit, you're so right. I can’t believe I fucked this up, I’m so-”

“It’s fine.” You clipped, now wanting to get this entire ordeal over as quickly as possible.

“Do you mind just waiting here while I shower?” He asked.

“Oh, don't worry, I’ll just find somewhere to sit. I think I saw a convenience store down the road, so-”

“Don’t be stupid.” He interrupted. There was the Jisung you knew. “Do you really think I’m that mean? Just sit in the living room.”

He turned, walking back into the apartment, and was halfway down the corridor before you even had the chance to formulate a response.

“Are you coming, or what?”

His rude tone snapped you into motion. Shoving your shoes by the ridiculous amount of pairs already piled up by the door, you followed him in.

Entering the living room, you were met by five pairs of curious eyes spread out across the room. You had not expected any of NCT Dream to be home, let alone all of them lounging on various sofas. You tried not to stare too hard. All of them, except a slightly older boy with big brown eyes were wearing outfits that matched Jisung’s to a varying degree. You both stopped in your tracks.

“Mark?! What are you doing here?”

“It’s movie night.” The brown-eyed boy replied.

“No, that’s Sundays, Mark.” Jisung used the exact same tone you were used to hearing when insulting you.

“Oh. Must’ve got confused. Oh well, might as well stay. And since I’m here, why don’t you introduce me to-”

Mark said the first syllable of your name before stopping himself. “I mean, your friend here. That you've never mentioned before.”

One of the boys (with brilliant orange hair you thought might be Chenle), sniggered.

Jisung groaned. “We’re working in the kitchen tonight. If I catch any of you trying to bother us, I’m going to call up your mothers myself.”

“Why don’t you stay with us and watch something while Jisung showers?” Jaemin (You thought?) asked.

“Oh, um, I have other homework I should probably do instead while I wait.” More like panic text Jiwoo you thought. “But thanks.”

Jisung seemed to be satisfied with your answer, so grabbed your wrist and dragged you into his kitchen. The skin he had come into contact with seemed to retain the warmth of his fingers long after he had pointed out the snack drawer and disappeared down the corridor.

Too scared to investigate, you sat at the tiny table tucked into the corner and opened your laptop. After opening a word document, to at least give the illusion that you were actually attempting homework, you pulled out your phone and started spamming Jiwoo.

You were halfway through an in-depth description of the precise shade of blue Jisung’s coloured contacts had been, when you heard his voice at your shoulder.

“The packet said aquamarine, rather than azure, if that helps your friend out.” He quipped.

You almost threw your phone across the room in your haste to shove it into your bag.

“Don't read people’s texts, that’s rude.” You blustered. “I wasn’t even talking about you.”

“Sure.” Was all he replied, sitting down opposite you. You almost sighed in relief. This Jisung you were used to. The candyfloss pink hair was still damp, now a dusty rose. The makeup was all off, and the contacts were out, but you were mostly relieved about the worn grey hoodie he had on, dwarfing his frame and covering any previously exposed skin. However, you still weren’t completely safe - he smelt ridiculously good, even from across the table. What was wrong with you?

Clearing your throat awkwardly, you opened the powerpoint slides you had already worked on. “So, all the scientific pairs I could find were couples, so instead I think we should just do two people who were significant contributors to one topic, for example-”

“Why can't we do couples?”

You stopped short. “What?”

“What's wrong with doing couples? They have good teamwork. Marie and Pierre Curie, Jerome and Isabella Karle, loads of others.”

“Well, I just- I thought you wouldn’t want to talk about like, romance, and stuff, I guess?” You suddenly felt extremely foolish. Making such a big deal out of not doing couples had suddenly created the exact drama you had tried to avoid.

“I think we should do couples.”

“But I’ve already done, like, five slides!”

"So? That won’t matter if we still get zero. The point of the project was teamwork, not actual science.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before I did half the project then?”

“I didn’t ask you to do half the project.”

“You’re- you’re infuriating!”

“Well, you’re a know-it-all!”

“Park Jisung, you are, hands down, the rudest person I have ever-”

You were cut off, because Jisung grabbed your face with both his hands and kissed you.

You froze for a few seconds, but surprised yourself by starting to kiss him back. You broke apart to catch your breath, just staring at each other. Jisung opened his mouth to say something, but you just leaned in again to kiss him once more. The two of you edged closer to one another, you tangled your hands in Jisung’s hair, and he pulled you to sit side-saddle on his lap. You were about to wrap your arms around his chest when the door opened.

“Woah, there!” You shot around to face Haechan in the doorway to the kitchen. “What’s going on here?”

Your heart suddenly returned to your chest with a thud from where it had been floating somewhere in the night sky above you. What were you doing? Sitting on the lap of the the most sought-after celebrity in East Asia, who you were pretty sure you hated about half an hour ago, making out with him, on a school night, no less. Even worse, you had really enjoyed it.

“I think I should go.” You blurted out. “This- this was a mistake.” You shoved your laptop into your backpack, ploughing past the boy in the corridor. Jisung followed you, trapping over his own feet as you practically ran down out of his apartment,

“Wait, don’t-”

Jisung’s plea was cut off by your door slam.

Sitting on the bus on your way home, you cradled your head in your hands. Shit. What had you done? How were you supposed to pass chemistry now? Why, despite your grade on the line, were you more worried about Jisung?

The following two weeks were the most probably stressful of your entire life so far. Jisung did not show up to school. He did not answer your calls or texts. He essentially disappeared off the face of the Earth. And your project due date was looming closer and closer. Even worse, was the realisation that you had made a huge mistake.

Sure, Jisung had annoyed you to no end, but he had always made you laugh, even if you hated to admit it. It only took him literally grabbing and kissing you for you to realise that those butterflies that appeared in your stomach every time you saw him were manifestations of love rather than hate. It turned out, the time you spent obsessively wondering where he was, and what he was doing was not in order to protect yourself from future insults, but instead because you genuinely cared. And of course, every time you thought of Jisung now, all you could picture was the expression on his face when you had told him you thought his kiss was a mistake.

That was even worse than the prospect of failing chemistry.

Jiwoo kept berating you to simply show up at his apartment, but to be honest, you were too scared. What if Jisung wasn’t in and you had to try and explain yourself to his group mates? What if he was, and he wouldn’t forgive you? You had never liked anyone as much as you liked Jisung, but you had never hurt anyone as much either.

The morning your presentation was due, you paced the hallway outside your chemistry lab. You had nothing. You had been unable to think of anything to do with couples, and your project was therefore nonexistent. You had no Plan A, let alone Plan B.

You walked up to the front desk, with a blank mind. There was no way you were going to be able to save yourself.

“I see your partner has decided not to grace us with your presence today.” You chemistry teacher remarked, already making a note on your mark sheet. “He will not be graded. What do you have for us today?”

“Um- well, Miss- Please don't fail Jisung, it’s my-”

“Sorry I was late, Miss, traffic on the way.” You almost cried when you caught sight of Jisung sauntering into the classroom. “I’ve got our project right here.” He held up his phone, already plugging it into your computer before you unfroze yourself.

“Hi.” You whispered.

Jisung ignored you. Your felt your heart crack slightly.

“What are we doing?” You tried again. He handed you a stack of cue cards. You glanced over them. He had written you lines. He had highlighted them.

You still had a chance.

To be honest, you barely remembered your presentation. You kept staring at Jisung, who kept staring determinedly at the audience in front of him. You answered questions, and the bell rang for morning break. You turned to pack up, but had barely switched off your computer when you looked up to see his figure leaving the door.

“Jisung, wait!” Abandoning your belongings, you started to sprint after him, however your endeavours were completely blocked by the entire student body filling up the hallways to enjoy their break time.

“Excuse me- Sorry- Can I just-” You weaved in and out of cliques, trying desperately to keep Jisung in sight. however you only managed to reach him in the parking lot. The irony dawned on you, that this was where you had met hi in the first place, tapping his shoulder on your very first day of school. It was pouring with rain, he was hurrying to his waiting minivan, but you couldn’t give up, not when you were so close.

“Jisung!” You yelled, and he finally stopped.

“Please, just leave me alone.” He didn't bother turning around. Your ears just caught him muttering “Don’t make any more mistakes.”

“Don’t you get it?!” You shouted, desperate. “Haven't you read my texts or listened to my voicemails? I panicked! I got scared! I don’t get close to people, Jisung. I’ve spent my whole life moving from place to place. When you kissed me, I-” Your voice broke, “I realised you're the only person I’ve ever met whose made me fell like more than just ‘the new kid.’ I’ve always been scared of trusting people, of opening up to those I know I’m going to have to leave behind eventually. You’re the one person who would ever make me stay. I want to give my heart to you, but I need to know. Will you forgive me? Will you keep it safe, forever? Please, Jisung. I’m so sorry.”

You stood in that parking lot, dripping with rain as you despaired. You couldn’t believe that after pouring your heart out to him, to showing him how earnestly you wanted him, he would just... walk away.

“I can’t believe you.” Came the reply at last. “You arrive at my school, the prettiest person I’ve ever seen, you make me come in twice as much as I used to, just to see your face, even if you hated me. I finally get you alone, I finally kiss you, and you tell me it was a mistake, you run away. You call me incessantly, I never open the messages, I can’t bear talking about the project with you, I’m still so fucking whipped I do it anyway,” He turned around to face you slowly. “And you’re telling me if I had just picked up a god damn call I could’ve had you in my arms weeks ago?”

You let out a sob. You couldn't help it. You ran towards him, smashing into his chest and just holding him in the rain.

“I’m so sorry,” You murmured, again and again.

He simply rocked you from side to side, shushing you. “Don’t be sorry, baby.” He grinned. “This never would’ve happened if I had known how to talk to my crushes in the first place.”

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kxlebcross · 4 years

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hippity hoppity here goes the long ass rant about my cousin

for context - i was a kid when i started liking kpop, like 13-14 yrs old? i was still collecting plushies, reading magazines for young teens, enjoying some music and playing sims. yes, i may have had my emo episode back then with some heavy music too, and that never went well with my mum’s older sister and her heavily religious husband, but oh boi, the worst was my cousin. she is 6 yrs older than me and that was around the time she started picking out an university to go to, so the focus HAD to be on her, the important future student and her boyfriend and this and that... she was always going on about going to art school and she was really fucking talented so she had all chances to be a really great artist, getting married to her boyfriend, wanting a family and all her future, while i was just a middle school kid dressing in all black, who suddenly started enjoying some fun kpop song on their otherwise heavy metal/rock music playlist.

when she find out, she was GIVING ME HELL for it. do you remember 2013 kpop? adtoy by 2pm, ringa linga by gd & taeyang, gentleman by psy or fantastic baby by bigbang? i fucking loved those songs. i was a kid in a really bad place in life after moving 2 countries away from the place where i was born, from all my friends, my school, my life... listen, it’s 10 years hitting this year since my mother decided about moving and i’m still not over it, so just imagine, how bad i must’ve felt back then, when it wasn’t even a year after the move? i was a devastated little kid who found a little joy in some fun, jumpy kpop tones in contrast to the usual heavy music i was listening to usually (do you remember the oldest bring me the horizon songs, all the screaming and anger? think of it as my regular playlist, my mother hated it haha). i was never a diehard fan, never had posters of idols on my walls, i only have like 2 merch pieces (and those aren’t even original cuz we were poor and could never afford it, so i looked up the merch online and my mum had a similar thing done in a local, cheaper workshop for my birthday one time, please don’t judge me for that) and it was just music for me, as well as the english, american, japanese, polish and hungarian music was just music too.

and i got terrible shit for it from my cousin, who pretty much criticized everything about me: my clothes (we were poor, i was mostly dressing out of second hand shops and surprise - her hand-me-downs), my shitty phone (and old samsung model i got for my 9th or 10th bday), my taste in books (i really REALLY loved king’s books to which one of my classmates introduced me back then), my inability to perfectly speak the language (though i was raised in a bilingual household, the main language in my house was hungarian, and i was a stubborn kid who rarely ever wanted to speak polish at home, so when we moved i could barely speak the language, had to take extra classes every day in school for almost the entire first school year i spent here because i had to learn to write and speak properly), but the biggest shit i always got for kpop, that it’s garbage, that i don’t even understand it, it’s just shitty party music with extra steps... i resented her for that A LOT, which probably had smth to do with the age difference too, but hey, whatever. i always closed up when we visited them and my mum was understanding about it, she pretty much allowed me to just hang around the place and listen to my music, play on my phone or just read a book, and my aunt hated it - but it was at least peaceful, i occasionally got the kpop jab from my cousin which i shrugged off, but that was it... until one time i spoke up.

i can’t remember what it was about - but we were all having lunch and it was easter or christmas maybe, and at a certain point i got called out for something, maybe using my phone under the table? anyway, i spoke up about treating me like shit because i was already 15 by that and i had a big fucking mouth and no tolerance for their bullshit after listening to it for two years, which ended in my mother almost going into a shock after hearing my vicious remark, my aunt’s husband going into a raging fit and my aunt telling my mum that she’s a terrible mother and raised a terrible kid. we left after that and i didn’t return to them in the following years - i just heard from the grapevine that my cousin ended up dropping out of college because “it was just too tiring and too much”, broke up with her boyfriend and then was just sleeping around with some random dudes, and generally just misrailed her life and had to move back in with her parents who were devastated after all their hopes about my cousin went to hell.

i haven’t seen them for years - we sort of reconciled a few years later when my mother forced me to do it; my cousin probably forgot by then whatever shit she was giving me earlier and we hanged out a bit, caught up and shit... i’m pretty sure it was only because she was to get married to her boyfriend and wanted the whole family there? not important.

the boyfriend is a pretty awful person imo tbh - he has some nationalist tendencies, not once spoke up in a very homophobic and derogatory way about all kind of lgbtq+ people, which in the end resulted in me removing him from all my social medias, because miss me with that nationalism babe. anyway, they got married and moved into their own place and into the family spotlight again, while i finished school and then years after their wedding my mum announced very proudly that i finished school with good grades and got into university - which immediately stirred the shit in the old shit bucket our relations were. my own fucking aunt dared saying that i’ll never succeed in life and will drop out than her own daughter would because i’m not made for a successful life. she never said it to my face - said it to my mother, who gave up a job she loved just so she could send me half a country away from my home so i could study where i wanted. i mean, i have my own issues with my mother too but i can’t not admire her sacrifices she made for me - so that sort off hit it off again with me and i once again burned bridges with them when moving out 3 years ago. seen them maybe two times since then? i mean, i never tried reaching out to them - they only ever got some happy birthdays and merry christmases on facebook, because my mother insisted i do that. they never called or wrote back, not for my birthday, not for christmas, not for anything else. i only found out in the last few months that on that christmas 2 yrs ago, which i spent alone, they were asked by my mum to please invite me over at least for a coffee. they never even called and my mum was heartbroken over it, because she was literal thousands of kilometres away, working and counted on her sister to invite me... my mum’s friends, basically strangers, ended up inviting me over for a christmas dinner in the end. i spent a family holiday with people i’ve literally seen five times in my life and they were more than joyful to have me in their company and they even got me a present, while my technically closes family couldn’t even spare a phone call.

now i’m 23 and my cousin is closing on 30 - and she’s suddenly overcome with that kpop obsession she has, spamming both instagram and facebook with mv links, fantaken photos, band-related posts and news articles, all heart emojis and “OmG i LoVe ThEm” kind of bullshit captions, she’s intensely drooling over certain members she’s posting a lot about, i’m seeing at least 15 posts daily about her bad drawings of members of the band.... listen.... if an artist doesn’t practice for 7+ yrs, the skills they had just start to fade away even if they were really talented (trust me, i know it from my own experiences, i used to know how to draw, sing and play a few instruments when i was young but then i stopped practicing and now the most i can draw in a stickman, i can’t play any instruments for shit and i’m a low average in singing too), but she thinks she’s some motherfucking superstar of drawing portraits (trust me, shes NOT) and keeps spamming all those pics and posts and shit.... and just seeing that sort of brought the memories back, of her treating me like shit over a thing she’s now obsessed with and i’m just sitting here like.... gag.

i could absolutely understand being a fan and being a group stan but there is a certain limit after which being a fan turns into that gross, twisted thing. do you know all those memes that go along the lines of “i don’t hate kpop because of the music, i hate kpop over the r*tarded fans it has”? that’s a whole ass mood. i’m sure that everyone who’s at least interested in kpop heard of the insane psychofan part of the fanbase.... and she’s turning into it. she’s fucking drooling over some famous strangers while she’s like... 30. and has a husband. would it be so hard for her to “keep it in her pants”? i’m super NOT interested in seeing all that crazy fan shit she’s pulling and honestly she’s grossing me out and you know people like her are the reason i can’t even fucking enjoy kpop anymore the way i did earlier - because it’s being fucking pushed down my god damned throat every-fucking-where i look. just calm the very fuck down, please. behave like a god fucking damned adult.

#kush speaks #rant #personal #listen... im not gonna name the band #lets just say its not a rookie band so its not like shes a paedo drooling over literal children #its just mainly about the crazy fan behavior shes presenting #from what i know she started being a fan in january #and she went batshit crazy in like 3 months??? cuz ive been seeing those posts since march i think??#or april? smth like that #i earlier didnt pay much attention tbh #but now that were in lockdown she probs has way too much time on her hands #and shes spending it being a psychofan lol #and its just making me uncomfortable #REALLY uncomfortable #supporters of that behavior pls do not interact #cousin hate tag

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missjjang · 7 years

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Hey Inspirits, can we talk about INFINITE’s contract renewal?

So I woke up kind of emotional today, and I really want/need to know other peoples opinions about this to maybe calm myself down? Try to cope with it? Idk

Since 2017 started I’ve been on edge about INFINITE disbanding, considering that their 7 year contract with Woollim ends in June. I’ve been an Inspirit since their debut in 2010, and they’ve helped me so much thus far in my life, and seeing the prospect of them disbanding this year just makes my heart break in a million pieces and show how unready I am to let go of them. So, I’ve been trying to think about motives on why they would or wouldn’t disband, and I can’t make up my mind, so I wanna know what the rest of the fandom thinks, if any of you want to talk about it.

So shall we discuss? :3 (like really, if anyone wants to talk about it, let’s talk ;;)

1) They’ll renew their contract and continue on: I don’t doubt for a second that the boys all have amazing relationships between themselves and that they like each other a lot, which is one of the motives some groups disband when the opportunity shows up.

I also think that for a group that has been 7 years into the game all the boys have pretty strong individual activities, and none of them feels ridiculously mistreated by their company or left behind, which is another pretty strong reason why groups disband (4minute aka Hyuna and the others) or some members leave the group (L.joe wanting to act and have a solo but TOP Media only concentrating on Niel’s solo career) - Sunggyu has his musical actor career, his solo career and his mc career; Woohyun has his subunit career (you never know, we might get a Toheart comeback, who knows), his solo career and his acting career (he hasn’t done much and some movies he did were cancelled but it’s not like Woollim hasn’t ever got him work on that field, and I believe he can pursue that if he wants); Dongwoo has his subunit career (quite popular at that) and his musical actor career; Howon has his subunit career (again, quite popular) and his acting career (that is doing really well); Sungyeol has his subunit career and his acting career (he could get more projects nowadays, I agree, but I’m sure that can be arrenged, he has acted in quite some dramas in the past); Myungsoo has his subunit career, his acting career (we all know how we don’t have to worry about this one) and even a kind of photography career? With the little projects and photo albums he has released; and Sungjong has his subunit career and his somewhat variety show career (you know, when he went to Real Men and the jungle and all that; he is the one that worries me the most about being unsatisfied with his solo management alongside Sungyeol, but he’s the maknae, he’s still quite young and has a long time to strive for other things).

They’ve showed how much they love being together as INFINITE inumerous times already and how they seem to enjoy what they do. The most recently one was in INFINITE Rally 3 where they extended the whole thing by like 2 hours (or that’s what the fanaccounts that I read talked about). They also work really hard as a team, not really going more than 6 months of hiatus as an entire group - they’re always either in Korea, in Japan or doing showcases and concerts around Asia or around the world. If you look at their discography, there isn’t a single year they haven’t released a new CD in Korea since 2010, and that’s quite difficult to find, be it new groups, old groups, popular groups, flopped groups. Which also shows how Woollim puts effort in managing them. They’ve also had a pretty fair amount of reality shows of their own (Sesame Player, Birth of a Family, Ranking King, This is Infinite, Infinite Showtime) and special episodes in established TV programs (Weekly Idol, Beatles Code and all of that). And considering they’re a group that is older than a lot of groups still active in the industry nowadays, they’re always either coming together or individually on V app every now and then, and their V app channel is only behind some pretty strong groups’ channels like Big Bang (the kings nowadays), EXO and BTS (the fever of the moment, as we all know), GOT7 iKON and TWICE (the new generation’s sweethearts that everyone loves), company v apps SM Town and YG Family (which is not fair to compare because those two channels are made of lots of groups?) and APINK (they’re the only ones that are not company v apps or the fever/the new blood of kpop that is on top of INFINITE channel so way to go APINK!!!).

Also, considering they’ve 1 to 2 years more until they all start having to go to the military service, and they’ve only 3 years until their 10th anniversary mark, one might think they would at least want to stick around as a group for that amount of time? Especially considering that if they want to concentrate more on individual aspects of their careers, they can do that when this military period starts, because it’s going to take some years until all of them are discharged from it and back again as 7.

And last but not least, they’ve been consistent for the past 7 years, and that’s not something to take lightly. They’re always winning awards each year, they always manage to get wins on music programs, their albums and concerts sell well and their solo/subunit adventures are quite successful. And I like to think that, as they say, you don’t change a winning team. I keep asking myself: why would they disband when they still like each other, they each have solo activities and no one feels really left behind, their group is still going strong and being sucessfull and the fandom supports them a lot?

But here comes the second option:

2) They’ll not renew their contract and go their separate ways: Now, why would they do that if it’ll not be because the members don’t get along or because they’re completely unsatisfied with their management?

Well, recently I’ve been through the follow situation: I was in a job in which I hated some aspects of it and it made me really stressed and unhappy, but at the same time there were lots of awesome things about it that made me want to keep doing it for a long time, alongside some great coworkers and lots of things to learn. My contract with this job was going to be expired in January, and I kept thinking: should I renew the contract and see up to where I can still handle the stress and unhappiness or should I take this opportunity, not renew my contract and try going to a different path (my boss had already offered the renewal to me)? I thought about all the things that I learned, all the happy moments I had as well as what else was there to learn, the stressful moments I had and reached the following decision: I didn’t not renew my contract and left my job. And that’s exactly what I think might happen to INFINITE.

They’ve been together for 7 years, which is a really long time. Think about yourself 7 years back. How much have you changed? How much has your life changed? Have you done the same thing for the past 7 years? Do you think you could handle doing something for more than 7 years? So yeah, INFINITE has been together for quite some time and they’ve learned and enjoyed a lot together. But all of them are already in their mid/late 20s, and maybe they want a change of pace. maybe they want to concentrate in individual activities and other dreams more, and the group being active would kind of get in the way of that. It’s not that they wouldn’t enjoy still being together, but maybe their priorities have changed with time, or they know want to give other priorities more attention. That’s a normal part of life, you know. And as much as I’ve said earlier that they can concentrate on their individual paths once their military period starts, since they’ll all probably go at different times and it’s going to take some years before they’re back again as 7, maybe they don’t want to way until then. As I’ve learned with my job experience, sometimes there comes a time when you know you can still profit and be happy in a certain situation for a little while longer, but you don’t wait for that time to expire. You just want to jump to new beginnings and new prospects, without fully draining all you can from your previous situation.

Which also reminds me how different the boys are and how they’ve had different things in mind even before debuting. The biggest example of that is Sunggyu - he wanted to be a main vocal for a rock band, not exactly a singer for a boygroup. Also, he has said a couple of times that he doesn’t like dancing too much. So I’ve been thinking he might want to leave the whole dancing-idol thing aside after 7 years of it. I don’t want to think like that, but it’s a possibility. Also, I feel like the members want to explore other things that they haven’t been to as a group (because of Woollim or not), like being more active in composing and having a more heavily saying in the production of their albums. Howon has already mentioned how they aren’t as integrated in the album making as they would like to be (Dongwoo did write to rap part of One Day from their last mini album Infinite Only as we could see in the behind the scenes footeage and all that, and Woohyun did compose “Together” for their Grow movie, but that’s only a little part of the whole process), and I believe that as time passes, that keeps adding more weight to their decisions.

Another thing that kinda scares me and gives me the vibes that they might be disbanding is the whole contract renewal announcement. We’re only 3 months away from the expire date and no one has said anything about them talking to Woollim about renewing or anything (although there hasn’t been news of any of the boys talking to other companies on their own, that I know of). Lots of groups don’t wait for their contract to get so close to the expire date before they renew (like CNBLUE, TEEN TOP and Girl’s Day did). So I keep thinking: what are they waiting for??? Are some of them still unsure about renewing so they’re waiting for each other to make a decision? Are they waiting for something to happen before they decide??

And one last thing: I was beyond happy when they announced they would be having a comeback in May. It’s one of my greatest joys to know that one of my favorites groups ever is confirmed for a comeback, and so soon too (and on my birthday month!). But then I saw a post saying how this might be their goodbye stage and I automatically thought: holy shit, they could do that. I totally see them doing that, it’s their style. They wouldn’t suddenly leave us. They would give us one last gift more parting on good terms. And May is the month before June, when their contract ends. Shit guys, I’m really scared about it.

(Oh! There’s also the possibility that they won’t renew with Woollim, but will all move together to another company like Block B and BEAST/HIGHLIGHT did; I think the boys like Woollim and their CEO a lot, but there’s always a possibility. But in this case I don’t really care tbh lol As long as they’re happy and together as INFINITE, I don’t care to which label they’re signed; and if they do go to different paths I’ll support all of them, of course, but not having INFINITE as a whole making music is going to break my heart ;;).

I’m sorry that this was such a huge ass post, but I really needed to get all this off my chest and I really want to discuss it with other fellow Inspirits and see what you all think. :3

#my post #infinite #inspirit #sunggyu #dongwoo #woohyun #hoya #sungyeol #myungsoo #sungjong

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