i've had people suggest i use mindfulness whenever i'm having a cptsd episode. but I don't think it works that way. they want me to realize that i'm not in the past experiencing the past traumas I dealt with. but the problem is, i'm STILL dealing with all these same traumas! they keep piling up on top themsleves and get thicker and heavier as time goes on.

being autistic in an allistic world, with severe sensory issues and really bad communication issues, it never stops. it's ongoing. my problems with people, communicating with them, being misunderstood, losing friends, etc, that's not a past thing. that's a real thing that always happens.

if I feel like friends are about to hurt me or trun their back on me like ones in the past have done, i've had people suggest mindfulness to me, saying I must be imagining it. saying i'm applying past experiences and being insecure and anxious and there's probably nothing wrong. so i'll let my guard down and try, act like everything is fine. then i'm suddenly blindsided by the thing I thought would happen and wasn't prepared anymore! that makes the past trauma load flood in again and makes the current situation worse!

also, when mindfulness involves being aware of everything around you in that moment, but you're autistic with sensory issues, so you are already painfully aware of literally every thing around you...why would you want to focus on that stuff even more?! i'm already exhausted and easily burnt out because of it. doing so will cause a meltdown and i'll definitely lose those friends I was worried about by accidentally lashing out at them if i hit that point lmao

i'm tired of people suggesting this to me. it is not a thing that will help me. if I was being paranoid for no reason, sure! I can see how it would help. but when i'm seeing real patterns repeat themsleves and every single time my predictions come true, I don't see how i'm simply being paranoid and mindfulness will stop it. when people already decided they don't like me but are hiding it, it won't do anything. when i'm already "living in the moment" because the moment is so suffocating and I can't ignore anything around me and need breaks from it, it's not going to help me.

mindfulness may work on wrongfully perceived anxieties and worries, but when they are real and actually happen, especially if it's a constant or recurring thing that you are better off being prepared for, I don't see how it helps.