Jesus fuck I really really really don't get all the hate that Avatar gets. Like yeah there are legit criticisms of the films (like the white saviorism & appropriation of Indigenous experiences for starters) but the haters never go for those. It's dumb shit like "it's so overblown/overrated" "lol no one cares about Avatar anyway bluuhhhh no one can even name a single character!!1!" (yes, people think both of those at the same time despite them contradicting each other it's so stupid) "the first one is just Pocahontas with blue people" (yeah and the Lion King is just Hamlet with lions wow sometimes people tell the same story a new way)

And like I understand not liking a thing. I don't like a lot of things! But when it gets to the point where people are shitting on it constantly and hoping it bombs and fans never get to see the story finished, like... do y'all not get tired having the thing you hate live rent free in your minds? It's not healthy, it's not a good look, and it gets exhausting to deal with.

Was tagged by @justaboot in a post with a lot of questions, let's do this!

how many fics do you have on ao3?

14

what's your total ao3 word count?

159,641 words. but let's be real, a good chunk of them are song lyrics.

what fandoms do you write for?

DuckTales (2017)

what are your top five fics by kudos?

Indi-Quack!

Rainbow Connections

Home for the Holidays!

Moon with a View!

Let's All Go to the Movies!

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

For the most part, yes. I try my best to get back to people's comments, especially if they have questions. But sometimes I just don't have the energy when I wish I did

what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'd say the ending to F.O.W.L. Play! from Indi-Quack! might be the angstiest. Nothing like ending a story where you go through the morning routine of one FOWL employee and finding out she keeps her sanity by getting high with another underpaid employee who works her ass off a minimum wage and is also not happy where she is in life

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hard to choose since I almost always go for the happy ending route. I think any of the stories for Home for the Holidays! could be the answer to this one cause those stories are nothing but holiday and winter fluff.

do you get hate on your fics?

it happens but not often. the first time I ever got hate was from a Della hater troll and they seem to be the only one who leaves hate on my fics

do you write smut?

no, but I've thought about it before. I don't mind sex in a story, but I don't know if I'm the right person to write that kind of stuff in a story. Honestly, the only reason why I wanna write smut is because I've plenty of jokes that I think are funny that would only work in a smut story

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've ever written?

kinda??? would you consider having characters from various Duck media that never appeared in DuckTales 2017 crossover stuff? Heck I've got a couple of Della Duck stories in the works where she interacts with Mickey and Friends and I don't know if that should be considered a crossover

have you ever had a fic stolen?

no. thanks guys!

have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but that'd be neat!

have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no, but that is something I wouldn't mind doing some day

what's your all time favorite ship?

Of all time!? I don’t know. I love love

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh so many: An Act of Murder!, Back in the Game!, F.O.W.L. Play!, The Iron Duck of Steel: The Gizmoduck Movie, Part I!, The Spear of Selene, and Thanks for the Memories!. I've just been working on these for so long that it feels like I'll never finish any of them

what are your writing strengths?

when I'm in the mood to write I can really write, I like to think my dialogue is interesting, characterization, and I'd say my rapid fire humor

what are your writing weaknesses?

I'm a terrible planner, I don't write stuff down, I keep stuff in my head like it's the best storage place, I underestimate how big some stuff will be, I don't allow myself to just write

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've mainly used Google Translate for other languages such as Jose and Panchito's dialogue in The Three Cabablleros (and Della)!. But for Let's All Go to the Movies! I got my buddy @tokuvivor to translate a conversation between Fenton and Gosalyn. Honestly, one of my favorite parts of that story and I think tokuvivor translating it himself adds to the joke. Both Lin-Manuel Miranda and Stephanie Beatriz both know Spanish, so having someone who can help me translate my dialogue so that it can sound natural and be a bonus to bilingual speakers just makes me happy beyond comprehension

I will say I did use Google Translate for that story, but for English! So for the Fight Fighters game I wanted to get that badly translated English feel for the dialogue so for pretty much every dialogue in the game was translated to Japanese and then back to English. Except the line "Now I will kill you until you die from it!", that comes from the movie Hot Shots! Part Deux

first fandom you wrote for?

...Sonic. it was a phase, i have no strong opinions about that blue hedgehog these days I mean I guess his games are...fine? The cast of characters are...pretty cool, I like Tails I guess.

favorite fic you've ever written?

hard to say, but I think I'd put Indi-Quack!, Rainbow Connections, Let's All go to the Movies! in the top spot

I choose to tag: @tokuvivor, @imjustusingthistolikeartists, if they choose to answer these questions

The Outlander «Deep Heart’s Core» reaction

Please, someone talk to me, I'm properly frustrated. I find this particular episode bitterly disappointing. For me it's the weakest one of the whole show (plot-wise). I do understand when show-runners have no other choice but to change the original material (if it's too complicated to put on screen unedited or too expensive to film). But with «Deep heart's core» (respective book chapters) it was entirely possible to keep considerable part of vital dialogs without exceeding episode's time limit, so everything would be fine. Nevertheless Starz chose to «reinvent the wheel». And look what's happened. 

We didn't get to see: a) How The Fraser's learnt their way to be a family. We jumped almost right into the domestic bliss instead. While the story could have become more believable if we had seen that it took actual time and effort to establish the relationship, even when everyone was willing.   

b) How Jamie ached to be a Father, but yet Brianna wasn't ready to meet his expectations. She genuinely tried to please Jamie, being fond of him, but at the same time she didn't want to betray Frank. At the start Jamie & Brianna didn't even communicate directly. Claire helped them. It would have been so sweet to see their small steps toward each other. 

c) How it was not Bree, who brought up Frank Randall a lot, but Jamie himself. Isn't it a more interesting angle? Fraser can't stop comparing himself to Randal, can't let him go. He sees that Frank had a huge impact on his women and this feeling bothers Jamie. It makes us see that JAMMF is just a man, and not an irreproachable being (as he's at least partly portrayed in the show). 

So «behind the scenes» of this episode contains huge chunk of small but important stuff that didn't make it to the screen. And I dare to say, for a lot of people the special magic of The Outlander is right in these tiny details described above. Why all of a sudden Starz decided to leave them out? They managed to get through 3 seasons without unnecessary alterations well enough. I can't remember any other episode violated so much (well, In fact I can, but as I said, if it's impossible to shoot, I'm totally ok with shortcuts and changes). 

What I really don't like about «Deep heart's core» it's how the first part of the episode is all about things going very wrong very fast (too wrong and too fast, if it comes to that) while the second part is awfully stuck in pointless «plastic» out-of-character conversations and behavior. 

They've even changed the way Jamie «found out» about Brianna's pregnancy. That is another miss. From Jamie's perspective his wife and daughter had betrayed him, keeping the rape a secret. He's boiling with rage, but also helpless, heartbroken, and devastated. Still he keeps all these unpleasant feelings in. No matter what. 'Cause he knows what it's like to be raped, and he needs to be there for his daughter. It took all his strength but he was as gentle with Brianna as it was possible. Read this, you'll enjoy the scene. And don’t forget to delete «Unwed-pregnant-daughter-can’t-be-what-you-hoped-for» bullshit from your memory. Such lame stuff belongs with cheap soap operas, which The Outlander is not. 

Also there's Claire, who's in deep distress. Torn between her love for Jamie and her motherly bond with Brianna. There's no peace between her and her husband. And that's the whole different level of the story, though let's not get into that. @holdhertightandsayhername wrote it better here

What I'm trying to say is that for me reading these pages was like playing Minesweeper (do you remember the game?). Every next move is harder to make, because it's more likely to cause an explosion. So by the time characters got into the huge «revelation fight» I felt like a tightly coiled spring myself. But watching this episode was nowhere near that. All we saw was Jamie's injured hand in a «wee accident», and literary just one phrase «Your mother told me what happened». Followed by tonnes of incoherent shouting.  

And why make such an idiot of Ian? Whether we remember it or not, Jamie was a man of 18th century. That added up to the existing tension. He naturally saw things not like Bree or Claire. Even made several intrusive efforts to arrange Brianna's future for her (including Ian's proposal), which gradually infuriated his daughter more and more. All good intentions notwithstanding. 

But that part was also left off-screen. As well as other dialogs that showed Jamie's perspective (his deep concern for Brianna's reputation — because public opinion was a huge thing in 1700s — his wish for another child of his blood, etc.). So when Brianna hit (!) her Da screaming «You are self-righteous bastard», it did seem to me a little bit too far-fetched. But not as over-the-top far-fetched as when a second later Jamie lost his shit, sounding almost panicked «I'll-make-it-up-to-you-please-just-don't-be-mad». Man, really, what could be more out of character?   

Finally, the last third of the episode in general, the heck was that? Fellow bookreaders, am I the only one who doesn't get it? And what all these long scenes with Roger walking nearly-dead with Indians were for? They could have cut it in half and still be able to make their point. The lad horribly suffered «for nothing» and was determined to escape. I want to hear more from Roger, but only when he really has something «to tell». Besides, dear Indians, why to buy a man only to exhaust him to death on the road? Doesn't make much sense. 

3 more episodes are totally enough to conclude the season. But it depends on how to tell the story. So haters gonna hate, lovers gonna love, readers gonna read, and I just gonna hope the narrative gets better. The Outlander is a truly amazing story. It deserves to be directed accordingly. 

P.S. Please, forgive my messed-up grammar and overdramatic way of describing things. English is not my native language, I've never written such a long text before.

Also all these pretty GIFs aren’t mine. I took them here. Please follow @outlander-online for more amazing content. 

1, 5, 6, 8, 12, 20, 23, 26, 27 sorry for the long list I just need to hear this SALT

Anything goes, but I think I’m going to stick with The Untamed, Word of Honor, Final Fantasy (specifically FFXIV), and Persona for these since since they’re the fandoms I’m most actively seeking out content for.

:readmore:

1: What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Obligatory disclaimer that if you (general you) like any of these, that’s totally fine; I’ve limited myself to ones that just make me go “Huh?” instead of ones I actively dislike. (I’m also going to censor ship names—even the ones I like—so I don’t clog up ship tags.)

For The Untamed: Pretty much any post-canon Jiang Cheng ship that isn’t Cheng//qing in a Wen Qing lives AU. (Though I’m intrigued by Cheng//ning or Jiang Cheng throupling it up with Wang//xian, depending on the circumstances.) I feel like there’s a general fandom desire to see Jiang Cheng in a relationship, but there just aren’t that many characters still alive and single by the end of the series, and I personally don’t see them as having the kind of automatic chemistry with JC that most of the fandom clearly sees.

Also most F/F Mianmian ships, because for some reason fandom has made Mianmian the patron saint of girl-kissing even though she doesn’t interact with most of the ladies she gets shipped with. (All while completely sleeping on other F/F ships like Madam Yu/Madam Jin, I might add.)

Word of Honor: …So I actually do get it, but I am mildly puzzled at just how popular Ye//xie has become. Like, it’s currently tied with one of the canon couples on AO3, and the only ships that outnumber it are THE main couple and RPF of the main couple’s actors. Not bad for a ship that has one canon interaction and seems to be mostly built on the idea of cucking Zhao Jing for great justice. XD (Though I might have to be the change I want to see in the world and create content for a Scorpion Sect/Bureau of the Unfaithful polycule.)

Final Fantasy: I’m not going to touch any of the single-player games with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole, as some of those ship wars have been raging so long they’re old enough to drink; I will instead kick the hornet’s nest that is FFXIV and say I do not understand the appeal of the cherry catboy. XD Specifically people trying to push him as the canon love interest for the WoL (player character).

Persona: Pretty much any Sumire ship besides her with Joker because P5R doesn’t do the best job of integrating her into the Phantom Thieves, but Sumi//taba in particular because it actually crops up as a side pairing in a lot of fics despite them barely interacting.

5: Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

Not ruined, per se, but…

The Untamed: So I do like Wang//xian, but I don’t follow many Wang//xian-focused blogs due to how many of them uphold the main pairing as the true arbiters of moral virtue and spend a good chunk of their time hating on my favorite characters.

Also most Wen Qing ships, because there’s a tendency among fans who ship her with characters besides Jiang Cheng to warp him into a pushy incel. And Cheng//su because the idea of it was cute at first, but I quickly discovered that some fans (especially the ones who added Nie Huaisang to the mix) were Jin Guangyao haters whose main draw to the pairing was seeing Jin Guangyao get cheated on.

Final Fantasy: I have become so thoroughly sick of every couple involved in FFVII’s Love Triangle Debate that even seeing one of them in passing causes me to roll my eyes. XD Also I still ship WoL/Emet-Selch to a certain extent, but I’ve been side-eyeing other shippers over their behavior post-EW. It’s like getting the slightest hint of official approval got to their heads, and they started pearl-clutching over other WoL/villain ships even though they were on the receiving end of that behavior not too long ago.

Persona: In a similar vein, Ake//shu; I still ship it, but I’m very picky about both characterization as well as the writer’s opinions on other morally ambiguous sadboys, as there was a wave of hypocritical moralizing from some Ake//shu shippers after P5R’s vindication. (Like, “If you own a Darth Vader Funko Pop, you should be put before a firing squad!” while happily stanning the pancake boy and saying he should have a little more murder, as a treat.) In particular, I truly loathe the widely-accepted fanon that turns one of my favorite new characters into a mustache-twirling cardboard cutout of a villain who only exists in their fics to create scenarios that one half of Ake//shu must rescue the other from.

6: Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

Not that I can think of, no.

8: Have you received anon hate? What about?

Nope, as I turned anon asks off back when I first made my blog all those years ago. XD

12: Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

Can’t think of any for The Untamed, Word of Honor, or Persona, but…

Final Fantasy: I’m going to be basic and say that ARR and SB both get way more hate than they deserve; ARR provides the setup for so much amazing payoff in ShB and EW that I’m flabbergasted at the people who still insist you should just skip it, and SB might split its attention too much, but it has a lot of standout moments. (Plus it properly introduces Zenos, and for that alone it deserves all the love.)

20: What is the purest ship in the fandom?

I don’t typically consider “pure” to be s as compliment, so I’ll interpret this one as which ship makes me go “D’aww!”

The Untamed: Honestly kind of hard to narrow down; I have a lot of ships, and most of them make me go “D’aww.” Jin Guangyao ships in particular often get that reaction out of me. (Which probably doesn’t fit the original “pure” definition, but meh.)

Word of Honor: Gu Xiang/Cao Weining. (What’s their ship name?) I’m rewatching WoH with my sister this time, and literally any time they interact we both go “D’aww!”

Final Fantasy: WoL/Haurchefant, I say through my tears. XD

Persona: From P3, I’d say FeMC with any of her love interests. (Except Ken.)

23: Unpopular character you love?

Oh, so very many. XD

The Untamed: Jiang Cheng, Jin Guangyao, and Su Minshan are the big ones; Su Minshan is probably the only one of those three who’s genuinely unpopular, as Jiang Cheng and Jin Guangyao do have their fair share of fans. (Their haters just tend to be uniquely unhinged; I almost added Xue Yang here, but at least his haters usually limit themselves to hating him for the crimes he actually committed in canon instead of making shit up.) Also Jiang Yanli doesn’t have tons of haters, but the ones she has can get weirdly intense about it?

Persona: Takuto Maruki did nothing wrong, actually. XD Yet another character who has done bad things, but the fandom seems determined to blame him for shit he didn’t do or ascribe motives to his actions that directly contradict canon.

26: Most shippable character?

The Untamed: Jin Guangyao, by a landslide. XD Most characters I can imagine one or two ships for, maybe three or four, but he gets a whole fucking armada.

Word of Honor: Maybe Liu Qianqiao? I think she’s the character who has the most “Ooh, maybe there could be something there?” moments with other characters. (Though it is a closer race than The Untamed, with Zhou Zishu and Xie’er not too far behind, if not tied.)

Persona: The protagonists. XD

27: Least shippable character?

Leaving aside characters obviously meant to be unlikeable, of course.

The Untamed: Nie Mingjue and Song Lan; I can’t quite put my finger on why, but I do find it kind of difficult to ship them outside of 3//zun and Song//xue//xiao, respectively. (And with the former, I can be very picky about 3/:zun characterization and dynamics, as I tend not to ship it in the sense of it being fully reciprocated on all three sides at the same time.) Jin Zixuan can also be kind of difficult to ship with people besides Jiang Yanli, but the reverse does not hold true for me.

Word of Honor: Zhang Chengling, mostly because there aren’t really any characters close to him in age besides his eventual, post-canon wife.

Persona: For P3, saying Ken is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel, so I’ll say Junpei because he’s in a relationship with Chidori but Atlus not being able to decide whether she’s canonically dead or alive kind of leaves him in limbo. (Though of the newer games, P3 seems to have the fewest bits of ship tease between the party members, with Yuka//mitsu being the one with the strongest backing.) For P4, probably Rise, because she’s pretty thoroughly focused on Yu, but if you decide not to romance her there isn’t really a default backup ship for her like Yuki//chie or Kan//nao. For P5, Sumire, as previously mentioned.

Story Links and Deep Thoughts

So just in case you haven’t seen it this summer, I started a new Dawsey fanfic and it’s actually going really well (UPDATE: Story is now complete!). I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback which has been so encouraging for me. That story is now completely done but I all ready have plans for another one to write in conjunction with the new CF season (if I’m not gonna get any good Dawsey on the show, then I sure as heck am gonna write some, both for myself and for the other fans) and I’m super excited about tackling that story. I’m going to post the links to both stories here and this Tumblr post will be pinned on my Twitter profile page.

You are the Reason: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12944940/1/You-Are-the-Reason-A-Dawsey-Fanfic

Luckiest Souls: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13065660/1/Luckiest-Souls

Hopefully you guys are interested in reading that second story because I cannot wait to start putting that one together! The outline for it is all ready over 3 pages long if that tells you how much thought and love is going into it, LOL ;)

I also need to post a rant about some things that have been bothering me this summer. This is gonna be long so bear with me while I try to put all my thoughts together. There are two parts to this rant and I apologize now if none of this makes any sense. I think I just need to get it all out of my system.

A.  Since when does everything happen in absolutes? This has been on my mind a lot lately as I continue to process the thought of watching CF without Gabby Dawson. There are so many people that seem to think she’s never coming back and I can’t quite figure out how they got there. I don’t live in that sort of absolute world and I know from being a fan of TV for a very long time that the TV world can be fluid and also very uncertain. This could turn out to be a rambling rant of unreadable garbage regarding CF but I need to get it all out (this is rant number one).

First off, here are just a few reasons that I came up with to completely dispute the theory that Monica is never coming back to CF (I seriously cannot figure out how people got there…)

1.    Monica didn’t leave on bad terms: We have absolutely no reason to believe that she hates the show, hates the network (heck, she’s on this big directing initiative thing with the SAME network so clearly she has no issues with them), or hates her coworkers. She’s been in touch with Derek off and on since she left and we saw her recently return to Chicago and attend a concert with some of the other One Chicago ladies. Why on earth would she not be receptive to coming back? That makes no sense to me. If she had cut everyone out of her life or something then I might believe it but she didn’t so that makes no sense.

2.    This Director’s Initiative is only for one year:  This director’s program is only for one TV season so it won’t keep her busy for longer than that and quite frankly, I feel like it could open the door more for her to come back in S8. She’s mentioned in the past how much she would love to direct an episode of CF and learning and working with another director for a solid year could give her a leg up on getting that opportunity with her old show. I’ve checked around and she doesn’t seem to have any other projects lined up during this gig either and usually when a person leaves a show for good, their project list starts filling up on IMDB and hers hasn’t done that. That’s public information that goes into that database so why wouldn’t she be lining up other things if she’s gone for good?

3.    The Storyline: Gabby and Matt are definitely in a rough place right now but I don’t see it as the final ending that other people seem to see (and honestly, I think the only people who see this as a final ending are the asshats who hate Gabby and just want her gone…they’re seeing what they want to see and not what’s actually happened). I can easily see Gabby needing time to process the news that she shouldn’t get pregnant because of the risk to her own life because that is a HUGE deal to women. She’s been yearning for a family with Matt since they lost their baby in S4 and now someone is basically taking that away from them. That is a freaking GIGANTIC blow to this little family. Heck, I’m in my early 40s right now and I’m constantly wondering if being a mom will ever be in my future (i.e. my age now makes it riskier to get pregnant, plus I’m not even dating anyone right now and I won’t have a baby without a husband). That isn’t something that’s easy for women to process and Gabby is such a strong willed and passionate person that being told she can’t or shouldn’t get pregnant is a hard pill to swallow. We saw how much she wanted to give Matt a baby, it’s the one thing he’s wanted his whole life, and how she didn’t care how risky it was….she was going to give that to him no matter what. She’s not seeing things beyond that and Matt isn’t seeing things beyond the possibility of losing her which IMO, has caused them to talk AT each other more than talk TO each other. Time apart is not a bad thing for these two to process the shock and sadness of that baby news and I would understand completely if it takes Gabby a while to come to grips with it because I haven’t come to grips with my own issues yet (and I don’t even have any female problems). If the writers thought that Monica was never going to come back, they would have killed Gabby off IMO because it would be the only way to get Matt to move on at some point. Keeping her alive, the fact that they’ve done research about long distance relationships, and having Matt still processing everything himself screams to me that they have a long term story that they still want to tell and are putting things on hold with the hope of getting her back someday to finish it right. Derek admitted recently that he knows he messed up her exit back in the spring….I can see him not wanting to give up on their story so easily and again, the fact that he’s spoken to her a few times since she left the show should give us hope that she wouldn’t be opposed to coming back to complete Dawsey’s story. And seriously, Monica is such a passionate, intelligent, and creative person herself…do you honestly think she would be okay with her character being left in such a bad place? This season will tell us more as it goes on because if they keep her and Matt together long distance for S7, then I will absolutely believe that she’s coming back sooner rather than later. We will have to wait and see on that one but she’s not dead guys…she’s just in PR. (I’ll refrain from going on my rant about how military families have to deal with long distance stuff all the time and how those couples don’t just give up on their marriages when they go through hard stuff or are apart for a while. There’s definitely a way they could tell a Dawsey story without having Monica around and I will be watching intently to see if they actually do this or not. The lazy story is to just end them and throw Matt into something else at some point but the challenging and more interesting story is to figure out this long distance thing and get Monica back at some point so my preference is for them to go that way. Again, we’ll have to wait and see though.)

4.    The fanbase is a little fragile right now: This might seem like a weird reason but bear with me for a moment. Dawsey fans are on edge because we don’t know the details of how they’re going to handle this whole story. Dawsey haters are all dancing because their most hated character isn’t there and they seem to think that Matt will just jump into another relationship like two weeks into the season. General CF fans are on edge because the writing was lazy at times in S6 and storylines are getting repetitive. The show’s ratings have been way down from what they were on Tuesday nights and now they’re the show that got sandwiched right between the other two Chicago shows for this upcoming season. I firmly believe that NBC did this on purpose because the fanbase is so fragile right now and they’re worried about ratings. You piss off the Dawsey fans and you’re gonna lose a giant chunk of your audience. You piss off the non Dawsey fans and you’re gonna lose a different chunk of your audience. If you keep telling the SAME stories in different ways over and over again, your audience is still going to shrink because the general fans that don’t really ship anyone will jump off the bandwagon and move on as well. This show cannot afford to lose more fans and I’ve seen a lot of posts on social media or online articles from both Dawsey fans and general show fans who all ready won’t be watching S7 for the two reasons I shared earlier in this paragraph. CF has to be really careful with how they tell their stories in S7 because from what all I can see, if they don’t pay attention to this sort of thing, then they’re gonna be in genuine danger of not getting a S8. BTW-The other thing I’m seeing from the fanbase is apathy which is the WORST thing that can happen to a show. When fans stop caring, they stop watching and CF is in danger of that too as people lose trust in the writers to create something worth watching. This will definitely be an interesting year for the show and as annoyed as I still am with that S6 finale, I don’t want the show to fail (I still genuinely like all the actors and people there) but I also won’t watch a show that doesn’t entertain me anymore. I’ve quit shows that were on my all-time favorites list before and I won’t hesitate to drop CF like a rock if they stop entertaining me this season.

5.    Monica’s note: “See you on the ice.” When I read the message she posted on Twitter earlier this summer, that phrase stuck out to me like a sore thumb because I had no clue what it meant. Well, it turns out it means something very interesting. From Urban Dictionary:

“Something you say when you know there is going to be a long period of time before seeing someone again however the intention is that day will come.”

Monica doesn’t just write or share things for no reason. She’s not stupid and maybe this is just my opinion, but I think that was her way of telling her fans that she doesn’t plan to be gone forever and that we will see her on the show again someday. I have no idea when that someday will come (I’m gonna be bold and predict that she comes back at the end of S7 so that Casey can actually have a good cliffhanger for once) but the proof of a possible return is right there on her note IMO and I choose to believe that she does have every intention of returning someday.

DISCLAIMER: I totally understand if there are people out there who don’t agree with all my thoughts here and that’s fine. This is all my opinion and the the last time I checked, I was allowed to have one without being ridiculed or being treated badly. This fanbase has had some bad apples out there treating people horribly simply because they don’t share the same opinion and boy does that need to stop. No one deserves to be treated badly simply because they have a different point of view than someone else. “Do undo others as you would have them do unto you.”

B. The other thing that’s been bothering me this summer is harder for me to talk about but I’m going to try to put my thoughts into words now. This will be rant number two but this is more of a confession than an actual rant.

I have been struggling hard to process this whole CF thing with Monica leaving and what that’s going to do with my OTP but that struggle has been more of a personal nature than anything else. That Dawsey fight and finding out about Monica leaving hit me deep in a place that I hadn’t felt since OUAT killed off Neal years ago. Normally I can deal with changes to my TV shows or when people come and go pretty well but this was literally my only OTP left and watching it fall apart in the finale was beyond difficult. I’m still struggling with it all these months later to be honest and that’s become a big concern for me.

Why does this affect me so much? Its a fictional TV show, with fictional people, and it just isn’t that important in the grand scheme of life. Yet I find myself thinking about it often and the emotional reaction I had to it actually woke up my creative side and now has me writing fanfic just so I can fix the mess that CF left behind (I do love writing but I hadn’t felt compelled to do it in nearly a decade so that caught me off guard even though I find myself enjoying it). It bothers me that I’m so affected by a stupid TV show and I have found myself wishing that I could turn my heart off so I can just forget about it and move on. That would make life so much easier (and I’m truly envious of people who are able to watch TV and just not care that much about anything that happens there). Unfortunately I can’t do that though and now, all these months later, I’m not sure I want to do that anymore.

Perspective is a funny thing and I’ve been getting a lot of lessons in that this summer from things that are happening to the lives in people I consider some of my best friends. One of my closest friends has basically been watching her mother die of pancreatic cancer for over five years (mom has been going through chemo and other sorts of treatments and this year has been particularly hard). Earlier this year they thought they were going to lose her and it was a scary and emotional time for all of us wondering about mom’s condition. They went on a family vacation in July and things seemed to be improving but about two weeks ago, mom ended up back in the hospital to get fluid taken off her heart again and she made the decision to stop all of her treatments. The doctors told them that she might have about two months left, if even that, so now the family has to deal with all these emotional choices and my friend is struggling because of all those decisions that they have to make now. I’m doing my best to support her but its hard because I’m such a passionate and emotional person so while trying to be strong, I’m also hurting for her and her family (I’ve known her mom for a while and she’s one of the sweetest and kindest people out there). In addition to that news, I also found out this week that another of my best friends is about to lose an uncle to cancer and not only is that hard because it’s her dad’s brother and it’s all happened so suddenly, it’s also rough on the rest of her family because of a bunch of drama going on with some other family members. Its really quite a mess and I just saw her tonight so I could see how much it’s taking out of her to be there for her dad while worrying about her uncle’s health. I also have a sister in my Christian women’s sorority who is dying of cancer (she’s in hospice right now) and that’s been emotionally breaking me since I’ve known that sweet lady since I was in college years ago. She is by far one of the most precious ladies I’ve ever known and seeing her struggle just hurts my heart along with all my other sisters hearts too. I don’t know how much longer she has but it’s very likely that we won’t see her at our national council next summer and that thought is hard for me to process since she’s been there ever since I joined the group. Real life has definitely been tough this summer and I’ve been stuck in this emotionally draining place going back and forth between processing things in my real life and in my TV fandom.

This brings me back to the CF mess and two questions that I’ve been asking myself all summer: 1. Why am I letting this fictional show mess me up so much when there are SOOOO many other more important things I should be concerned about, and 2. How do I get past this so I can truly be there for my friends and family that need me. I wish I had some answers but I don’t have any right now. I don’t think this is something I can get past in the blink of an eye. I can’t just turn off my heart because that wouldn’t allow me to be there for those who need me and I still haven’t come to grips with how the show is going to change so the struggle continues for me. As a person of faith, I know I should be lifting these things up in prayer but I find myself unable to put things into words. I know I’m not the only one trying to figure out how to move forward after getting so invested in a fictional story and that actually helps because I know it’s not just me. This probably sounds silly to those of you who are able to turn your hearts off and move forward (and I have no problem with that...more power to you) but it’s something I’ve been working through this summer and all I can hope now is that I find some peace at some point before the TV season starts.

I’m not sure what all I wanted to accomplish by posting all of this stuff but I really felt compelled to share it just in case anyone else is feeling the same way that I do. Please know you’re not alone in feeling a bit lost, emotional, confused, frustrated, and wishing for some peace and a happy ending regarding the CF mess and I hope you all know that you can reach out to me if you want to talk about anything. I’m just a message or a tweet away. Thanks as always for reading one of my epicly long posts! =)

/end rant (and more power to you if you actually read this entire post)

Dating!Hansol (Topp Dogg)

We all know how thirsty Hansol is for B-Joo, Hansol was going out for some snacks and B-Joo asked him to get him some ramyeon.

Hansol was like what a perfect opportunity to buy pepero and finally play pepero with B-Joo, because you know he’s still lowkey salty had had to play it with Kidoh.

While walking home from the convenience store he notices a new coffee shop, at least he assumes it’s new.

It’s not really new, but since your aunt took it over, it’s gotten a bit of a face lift.

He enters and is immediately overwhelmed by not only the look of the shop, but also the smell of the coffee, which smelled like heaven to him.

You’d be just about to go on break, as he walks to the counter, your coworker helping him while you walked around the counter holding a cookie you had to snack on.

You had hidden the last chocolate chunk cookie your aunt had made that day, just for your snack, since they always sold out so quickly.

Hansol was taking his cup from the person at the counter, just as you started walking towards the chairs, yet he turned just as you were walking by, causing your precious cookie to hit the floor. 

He rushed to apologize, feeling horrible about running into you, and he’d even apologize about the fate of your long awaited cookie.

He’s just so sweet you can’t stay angry at him, so you just tell him it’s alright and everything is fine, before cleaning up your broken cookie from the floor.

He invites you to spend your break with him, usually you would say no to spending your break with patrons, but this time was different, he was so sincere and sweet you said yes.

As you talked, you got to know each other, learning about likes and dislikes, you both just clicked.

While talking to you Hansol forgot all about his original plan to get B-Joo to play the pepero game with him, instead he wanted to play it with this enchanting girl he had just met.

As he had that thought, he removed the box of pepero from the bag he had entered with, offering you one as he took one himself.

“I’m still really sorry that I caused you to drop your food.” He’d remind you, but you’d just shrug and take a pepero.

“Forget about it, this pepero makes up for it.” You’d tell him, before also saying they happen to be your favorite flavor, which they also happen to be his favorite flavor also.

Your break ended too soon, yet, he promised to come back some other day so you two could do it again.

Some other day turned into every day you work, he not only got to know you but also your aunt.

Auntie noticed how much he likes you and just gives him the hours you work, since she lowkey wants to be a matchmaker.

You go from only seeing him at the coffee shop during your break to going to the park together, going to concerts together, and eventually he asks you out on a date.

You’d go out for coffee and then for a walk in the park, that ends in a picnic, it’s so comfortable you can’t help but start to fall for him.

From the first minute you two start dating, he’s all about that pda, whether it’s just holding pinkies or him having his hands in your hoodie pocket as he back hugs you, he loves it.

The members of Topp Dogg probably get tired of it quickly, constantly telling you two to quit making out when they are all trying to watch a movie. Except B-Joo, he’s happy Hansol’s thirst is no longer towards him.

He wants people to know you are his and that he is yours, but not in an over-possessive way, more in a hey look how cute and happy we are way.

He’d be doing an Instagram live and just go ‘hey look how cute and pretty my girlfriend is’, and then kiss you. 

He’d protect you from all hate, like fan comments that are rude or just rude comments in general. 

Like someone says you’re fat, he’s like no she’s not, she’s perfect. Someone says you’re ugly, he’s like no she’s not, she’s perfect. Someone says you aren’t a good match for him, he’s like no she’s not, she’s perfect.

He’d protect you from all the haters, like all the haters. They could bring up your race trying to start something, if you weren’t Asian, and he’d be like so what, I don’t care about the color of their skin, I fell in love with their everything not just their looks.

He’d probably admit he loves you in an Instagram live, it would be the first time either of you have admitted it, and he’s sad he couldn’t wait until the live was over, but he’s happy you feel the same way.

If you thought his prior pda was a lot, you ain’t ready for Hansol level two thousand just admitted I love you pda.

Couples items constantly, he’d be like babe I bought you this heather grey sweater, and oh look at that, I bought me the same exact one.

He’d make full couple outfits out of items you both own for if you were going out together, he’d be like but baby if I get lost you’ll just have to look for the person dressed just like you. You’d be against it to start with, but give in easily since he gets all cute and excited about it.

Hansol is the kind of boyfriend that would feel like he has to shower you with everything, love, gifts, food, until you get enough of it and you’re like you don’t have to keep buying me things, but he’ll still keep buying you things.

Constant back hugs, constant side hugs, constant hugs all the time. Like if he doesn’t pull you into his chest at least once an hour, you’re concerned.

Always taking selfies while back hugging you, claims it’s the best angle, but all your angles are the best angle to him.

He has a folder full of hundreds of photos of you and the both of you on his phone, won’t let you see it, but constantly taking photos to add. 

You both have matching phone cases and lock screens probably combine to make a cliche kissing photo, he is the one that encouraged this also.

Hansol would probably be a tease when it comes to kissing you, he’d make you think he’s gonna kiss you, just to kiss your forehead and then run away.

He’d have a thing for playing with your hair, stroking it, combing it, braiding it, he’d do it all. He’d notice if you changed shampoos or conditioners or styling products, he’d probably be great at doing hair, better than you are.

He’d remember little things, like that time you said you wish you could do a proper smokey eye, or that time you said you wish you could do a waterfall braid, he’d remember and leou arn how to do them.

He’d probably do your makeup for you one day and you’d be shocked since he’s better at doing your makeup than you are, but he’s been watching makeup tutorials for week so he could give you that one look you said you wished you could do.

He’d love seeing you wear his clothing, not just because of the sweaterpaws you have wearing his sweaters, but just because he finds it so cute how his clothing are huge on you. And if you happened to be bigger than him, then he’d buy even bigger clothing to fit you, because he just love the idea of you wearing something he owns.

The type of boyfriend to constantly remind you that you are beautiful, gorgeous, and perfect to him. 

He’d cuddle you all the time and just whisper how much he loves you in your ear, between kisses on your neck. It would be one pm, and you both woke up at ten am, but he’s not done making sure you know he loves you.

He’d pull you into his lap and have you lay your head against his chest, if you were having a bad day, which is something he could always tell. He’d stroke your back while letting you tell him what happened, but he wouldn’t force you to tell him, he’d just hold you in complete silence all night until you finally decided to tell him. 

He’d hate to see you sad, he’d constantly tell you that if you cry, he’ll cry, and he doesn’t want to cry. 

He’s supportive times ten, like if you are up for a promotion at work, he makes you breakfast in bed, hypes you up about your interview and tells you that you can do it. 

He’d be concerned constantly, expect hourly text from him asking if everything is alright, and at least three text a day asking if you ate.

Hansol would be the sweetest most supportive boyfriend anyone could ask for, and best of all, he is yours.

Crackdown 3 – Campaign Review

The past four months paint a bleak picture of the big-budget gaming scene as players had to endure a long series of major disappointments. Games that have been overstimulating our salivary glands for months – or even years – since their announcement only seemed to drive the wedge between publishers and us as consumers deeper and deeper. It was also no secret that long-time fans of Microsoft’s classic, Crackdown IP branded the third instalment as yet another game that missed the bar in terms of fan expectations.

It was therefore with a sense of wariness that I installed my review copy of Crackdown 3 since the current state of the AAA scene has been likened to a dumpster fire by many. Adding to my reluctance was the fact that I never played the previous games, which ruled out any sentimental attachment I might have had to the series as a whole. Ironically, Crackdown 3 turned out to be a game that I think was lambasted due to being a product of its context rather than a lack of quality.

“Quack, quack motherducker!” Apparently it is some sort of long-running gag in the series. Don’t ask me.

I am not saying that fans of this series have no reason to be upset; it has been nearly nine years since the previous game after all. However, as a player experiencing Crackdown 3 in isolation from its roots (and with curbed enthusiasm), I really had fun with it. It has no ambition to be original, nor does try to convey a compelling narrative, but what it can offer to players is a hearty sandbox experience that never tries to overreach itself.

Join the crew, Terry’s crew!

The game plays out in a world where super criminals have given rise to super mercenaries for hire thanks to an organisation simply called ‘The Agency.’ With the power of cybernetic and genetic enhancements, The Agency has ushered in a new age of peace keepers where a single ‘Agent’ can represent the military advantage of a one man army. As in the previous two games, The Agency has once again been summoned into a metropolis (called ‘New Providence’ this time round) where the power of corrupt bureaucrats has grown beyond the reach of the law.

This time the focal point of corruption lies within a super corporation named ‘Terra Nova,’ and it is up to Terry Crews… I mean Commander Jaxon and his squad to overthrow the establishment from within. In a style that is virtually identical to Middle Eath: Shadow or Mordor/War, the aim is not to kick down the front door and open fire on the person sitting behind the desk. Instead, Terra Nova must be destroyed using the one, true antidote for tyrants: Anarchy.

The leader of Terra Nova, Elizabeth Niemand. The final boss.

As such, the player will spend their time unleashing all kinds of hell on processing facilities, freeing the local resistance militia, and recapturing outposts all while mowing down masses of hired thugs. You do this until the commanders of each division get mad enough to face you head-on, at which point the opportunity presents itself to strike at the head of the snake. Once all of the lessor bosses have been blasted to kingdom come, the time will come to move against the leader of Terra Nova itself.

That weird feeling of Déjà vu

Shadow of Mordor/War is not the only book that Crackdown 3 has borrowed a few pages from. In fact, virtually all of the gameplay mechanics will feel extremely familiar to anyone that has so much as touched a sandbox or open-world game in the last ten years. Fans from Saint’s Row, Grand Theft Auto, Infamous and even Far Cry will all find something they instantly recognise within Crackdown 3’s gameplay mechanics.

Much like Shadow of War/Mordor you can even gather bits of intel on the bosses, and defeating one makes a path up to those in the higher hierarchies.

Still, the most obvious pedigree would have to be Just Cause 3 both in terms of how the game plays, and equally within the structure of the objectives. Crackdown 3 similarly puts you at the edge of the game’s world, and lets you tackle goals and activities in any order of your choosing. The player can spend an hour blowing up chemical plants manufacturing a green goop called Chimera, and then switch freely to liberating resistance soldiers who could offer additional support against the pesky local militia.

All that matters is results, and I never felt pressured to focus on one particular path. Yet, the thing is, I can list so many other games off the top of my head doing the very same thing, and this is perhaps Crackdown 3’s biggest weakness. Instead of being the stylish, next-gen, sci-fi epic that would be a more authentic continuation of 2010’s Crackdown 2, this game’s identity faces a real risk of disappearing beneath all of its more generic elements.

Why would you NOT want to play as Terry Crews!?!?!?

As I mentioned, there is not a whole lot going on in terms of the story which might make many of the tasks seem superficial, if not somewhat repetitive. The city of New Providence is small when compared to some of the dizzying, colossal sandboxes from modern entries in this genre. As such, you don’t exactly pick out an objective, stock up, and take a long trip to where you carry out your tactically-planned mission. You blow up one stronghold, before literally walking to the next one where you just rinse and repeat.

I can likewise agree with the haters that this game never fully realises its visual potential (without digressing into whether or not Crackdown 3 was visually downgraded). The world is characterised by that sterile feeling of a game engine more interested in keeping the frame rate up as opposed to depicting a lush, full environment. The developers, Sumo Digital, even removed those iconic, cel-shaded aesthetics that have always defined the visual identity of this series. This all adds up to a game that just does not have the eye-candy worthy of a nine-year wait.

I thought you said you liked it?

In spite of all this, Crackdown 3 really began to grow on me once I noticed several small, yet significant ways in which the game made an effort to keep things tight and polished. Even if the narrative fades into the background, and the gameplay never innovates beyond what is familiar to the genre, Crackdown 3 is still really good at what it does. The action is slick, volatile and it just works for a AAA title that you expect to have Terry Crews in the lead.

Good for crushing enemies or blowing up pumps!

Take the gun play for example. Here Crackdown 3 lays emphasis on the thrill of momentum and agility, so there is the option of an auto-lock on mechanic. Just bring anything into the gun’s sights, and the designated target will automatically remain locked on while you are free to jump and dash around the battlefield like a kangaroo on opioids.

It is not just purely for style though, since movement is a crucial defensive manoeuvre against the ruthless, hit-scanning AI. The game eagerly throws large numbers at the player once the fight begins, so those moves serve the purpose of making you an impossibly lively target to hit. Moreover, just one strike from the later bosses is enough to take a meaty chunk off your health bar, so getting good at dodging projectiles is anything but a wasted skill.

Agent + mining facility = flames.

The guns are also really fun even if the arsenal at the player’s disposal is not exactly vast. Each gun has been tailored for maximum efficiency towards a specific enemy type which prevents the player from just going in guns blazing. Chemical weapons are virtually useless against refinery workers in hazmat suits, but once you start bringing out the incendiary charges and explosive weapons, the fight suddenly shifts in your favour. This forms a welcome aspect of sub-strategy in addition to the already frenzy combat lighting up your screen.

On top of all this, just because I think Sumo Digital did not fully replicate the visual potential of this series does not mean the game is ugly. On the contrary, the environment is still unmistakably colourful and vibrant, and Crackdown 3’s physics engine is anything but shy when it comes to flashy, thunderous explosions. A distinctive visual style has also been worked into the vehicles and the architecture so, overall, the game is rather easy on the eyes.

Not much in the way of draw distance, but the game can be beautiful when it wants to.

Everything is more fun with friends… or not

Regrettably, I never got a chance to play the multiplayer so my apologies for not being able to comment on that. This is because, firstly, the upload speed of my shoddy internet will only end with me hurling my controller and, secondly, you need an Xbox Gold membership. Besides, in between Anthem and Apex Legends coming out within the same month, will anybody even be playing this?

It behooves me to mention that the multiplayer aspect of Crackdown 3 is called “Wrecking Zone” due to the physics-heavy gameplay mechanics. Much like Warmonger, which came out way back when PhysX cards were still a thing, the player is able to use super realistic, environmental destruction as an active advantage during gameplay. Feel like raising an entire building to the ground to flush your opponent out from hiding? Go for it. Feel like blasting a hole in the wall for a quick getaway? Sure!

Microsoft, however, does the physics calculations for you on the cloud, so you don’t have to stress about bringing the frame rate of your PC or Xbox One to its knees. Let me know how it is if you get a chance to play the multiplayer (or if you would REALLY like a review of it).

Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate

So the dissatisfaction of fans is not entirely misplaced, and I had a blast playing through the relatively short campaign, but where does that leave you making your way through this review? Well, my final opinion is that Crackdown 3 cannot be called a bad game in spite of a few superficial flaws. I am truly disappointed that they did not squeeze more of the sweet visual juices from the Unreal Engine 4, and Terry Crews was hopelessly underused as a leading character.

The agency car you can summon at any time. Once you earn some additional driving skill points it turns into a buggy.

Yet, I just ended up having so much fun because, again, this game just focuses on a near flawless execution of its core gameplay. The action and movement are based on an intuitive control scheme that will have you feeling like a total juggernaut in no time, and the environments make up for their lack in visual fidelity through the level of thought that has been put into their design. The more skilled I became at running and gunning, the more rewarding the overall experience became because the game had no trouble making me look like such a badass.

Crackdown 3 therefore makes for the perfect game to play over weekends when you just want to blow stuff up without having to sift through intricate narrative webs or plot twists. If you already have a Game Pass subscription, or you have a sweet tooth for the more anarchic flavour of sandbox games, play this as soon as possible. For avid fans of the first two entries and newcomers alike, perhaps waiting a bit until the price comes down would be best, but you might just end up liking it lot.

Fast and furious combat

Easy to master

Rewarding exploration

Collectable hunting

Voice acting and sound

Somewhat bland world

Limited story depth

Repetitive in moments

Mediocre graphics

        Playtime: 10 hours total. For the single player campaign

Computer Specs: Windows 10 64-bit computer using Nvidia GTX 1070, i5 4690K CPU, 16GB RAM – Played using an Xbox One Controller

Crackdown 3 – Campaign Review published first on https://touchgen.tumblr.com/