#i dont really have much time to read lately
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Sacred realm update! so I'm back!
Hi all!
Hope your doing well! :D
Only a few days late, Exam season man, what can you do?
This update shows link and Time Escaping. And time having... a Time....
Alright, now for the important stuff! Sacred realm belongs to @zelda-the-sacred-realm, and all art from the comics belongs to the comic artist. I've got their permission to do these! I love the comic so much its so good and so well done!
The link to the update can be found here! You should go reblog it, it's great, give it some love, please? :D
Let's do this, grab your popcorn and your water. Let's go! :D
Cinnamon roll Link strikes again, Clearly, the big purple guy just wants a hug!
oh no...
Panic!
Time's little superhero slide here.
Also, it must be said he's doing all this while carrying an adult. (Or close enough.) I know he's a spirit and all but that's VERY impressive!
You know when you're reading and you can hear the atmosphere, you can hear the moment that a breath is held. And time stands still.
This. The moment in a movie when everything stops before the action picks up in another way.
The talent it takes to get it from still images. I just am in awe.
Pure fear from Link.
Props to Time here for remaining calm while he's got the cinnamon roll here just scared out of his mind.
Time... Being reassuring?
Wow.
This is important I think for these two's relationship. The need to protect someone only comes to people who dont really hate someone. Before this, I'm pretty sure Link doesn't think Time cares too much about him.
Why would he right? Time's been nothing but cold to him.
(More on this later)
Link getting cocooned in Time's cloak is just, everything to me. It's such a caring more from him. (Even if it is a you can't die thing)
Ouch, that's gotta hurt
Oh man, this man is like... low-key gripping onto him.
Excuse me while I cry a little?
Twilightttttt ;-;
DIRECT FAMILY CONNECTION
EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRY MORE? ;-;-;-;
TIME? OH YOU POOR MAN
This reaction gives me father-son vibes but with time and Link, it's giving me life because oh my god these two.
Link is a cinnamon roll and must be protected.
PFFFFFFTTTT
Rip
This made me laugh I won't lie. Damit Time I was rooting for some Dad Time in this world.
Says the 'Small cinnamon roll with scared of everything issues.'
I love him but ohhhh man Time is gonna kill you
SEE
RUN LINK
RUN
Link, poor guy. Man needs help okay.
This map is interesting, I reckon is a list of the first three heroes we meet.
That top one is Skyloft. With Hylia and the floating island. - For Sky. who we met first.
The middle one has someone holding The double helix sword... That's the fierce deity on the middle level. We know Time has a connection to the Fierce deity mask. And in turn the deity himself. So this middle level is Time.
And that lower one.
If im right, This is the Twilight realm, and we will find ourselves there soon. The people look similar to the 'Link' we see on the land level to an extent while still holding a semblance of individuality.
Its almost, inverted? Like the twilight people were. Rather than looking different different.
I'm excited to see where this goes.
Also
Hi it's later
So I'm a sucker for visual storytelling in backgrounds and I think this might be more than an exploration into the depths beneath the ice.
Starting with this.
I think this, is Time being vulnerable.
The break from a cold icy exterior to something a little more personal.
Funny how when Time begins to see more personal stuff, he has more visions of the past.
The trigger has him almost scared, just look at him.
Why would Time be scared, if he didn't care?
Time appears to carry a lot of guilt around Twilight.
And when Link calls him out on it, he returns to that icy exterior, not allowing himself the opportunity to be vulnerable again.
And I wonder if that has to be explored before he can take his place within the medallion. Trials by fire, as they are so suitably called, can be for the spirits as much as Link.
Just a thought tho.
That's all from me! Hope you have a great day! :D
#comic analysis with major#ramble corner with major#zelda sacred realm#zeldathesacredrealm#sacred realm#sr twilight#loz sr#sr realms#sr time#i love this comic#Writing these brings me almost as much joy as Sky does#And that's saying something#because in every iteration dear god does he bring me joy#ztsr#hero of time#hero of realms#sacred realm analysis#this comic brings me so much joy
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Thoughts on batman: white knight and batman: beyond the white knight? (Ps: your super super cool and amazing! 馃挆馃挆)
I havent read them yet! but from what Ive seen, the art is amazing!
And joker's design?? omg... hes so pretty?? his heterochromia(?) is so cool and i love that he has a bat in his eyes!!
he's so beautiful and his hair?? I want to get a physical copy so I can have this artwork with me...
#i dont really have much time to read lately#but i wanna read white knight atleast once#anyways#ty for askin!#bepou talks#this is style envy for sure#and thank you anon 馃ズ馃#can you tell i really like joker
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doodles of my fav sillies
anton belongs to @poicyss
#my brain is a barbie dreamhouse and theyre all just living in it#im especially fond of the second one because my mom used to hold me like that all the time <3#im drawing them a lot lately because im being crushed by the horrors and have to compensate for it somehow#homemade comfort blorbos......#watch me draw anton inconsistently bc i can never decide if i wanna draw him close to how he actually looks#or yassify him and give him soft fluffy hair and kind eyes and defined features. head in my hands#i dont really have a lot of drawing ideas for them bc they dont have like. a canon storyline or anything methinks#its just stuff me and bow toss around and giggle abt thru messages lol. maybe ill draw infant vincent one of these days#i just come up with stuff and draw them doing it. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside#cuz like anton works for lobocorp as an abnormality BUT hes super duper chill and cute and does his funny little tasks so its fine#AND hes unkillable. auggie is an oc ive had since like 6th grade and i smushed them together. and vincent was for fun but i got attached#i dont have much of a read on anton either bc i think hes meant to be more of an insert character??? if im using that right#on one hand i dont think too hard abt anything being ooc since im not taking it seriously. on the other hand i just hold them in my hands#and stare into space until i can come up with something to draw since i dont have much to go off of. but its fun to build on small tidbits!#i think bow called it an au so i guess??? its an au????? im not really sure. bow if youre reading this im just willy nilly#the only thing i know for sure is that they boink like rabbits. im talking gomez and morticia levels of boinking#maybe ill go back and look at my old doodles for them and redraw em lol#myart#my art#my oc#oc#friend oc#augusta#anton#vincent#sillies family#doodles
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"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.."
MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi the suckening#arthur bennett#HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT#this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT#ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH#WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME#DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER#HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW#AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE#I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game#but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping#DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds#I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors#what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE#while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs#THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN#WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS#the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band#EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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Can I ask for your thoughts on Cicero? I've always had a soft spot for him but his comment on the actress in Pro Plancio makes me want to punch his teeth out
I think he's compelling, but I also dont really "like him," per say. I find him a little offputting? all I previously knew about Cicero is that he made all my classics friends emotional from his correspondences with Atticus and his appearances in Plutarch's Brutus bio so. the executions were a fun surprise!
unfortunately I read about All Of That wrt to the executions without trial while I was doing some research for something else and the overlap betweem the two subjects made me go 馃槹馃槵
he sure was a guy who did a lot of stuff and wrote a lot of letters! never a dull moment reading about him for sure. what鈥檚 the meme. love him or hate him, he鈥檚 on your mind or something like that. That鈥檚 truly the Cicero experience.
#sometimrs when real life overlaps with dead romans you end up with a crassus situation#(he took over my life) and other times you get the opposite of that. which is where i start nervously laughing#hes a really interesting pinpoint for the late republic#and i have a fondness for his correspondence that is equal to the kind of#Dont Like That. sensation i get when i read about his role in other things#ask tag#I have historically held much stronger feelings on him but I am attempting to find a medium ground lmao#since this is tumblr and not 1am discord calls where I start saying shit
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who up sinning their fest
#one of my worst recent hyperfixations i'll admit#and i dont even have an excuse like ohhh i used to read this back in the late 2000s before all the terf shit#no i got into it in late 2023 this school year cause i stumbled across the tvtropes page#and i was like 'sinfest'? isnt that the name of that terf Twitter comic? but the cover image showed a sick ass artstyle so i read it#and im just obsessed with it now its such a strange spectacle. its like a political cartoon and a newspaper comic at the same time#my fav era has gotta be late 2000s maybe early 2010s sinfest... hell maybe even mid 2010s sinfest if i ignore the sisterhood#now every strip is just about jewish people or calling trans women groomers#and almost every once-likable character is now canonically a terf and/or racist and/or antivaxxer etc#or theyre just not in the comic at all anymore like my dear criminy and fuschia#i hope we never get another appearance from them godbless#cause last time we saw criminy he was helping squig and slick break a terf out of she/her penitentiary. with fuschia's permission#theyre definitely the best part of 2010s sinfest. a bygone era#the best part of 2000s sinfest is the sharp artstyle and lil e just being evil#and the best part of 2020s sinfest seems to be. um. laughing at how ridiculous it is? its kind of hard to enjoy though.#i intend to stay updated on it because i like being able to say i've read all of sinfest start to finish#but man i gotta get an adblocker soon cause i read it on the official website cause idk how else to read it online and the ads are constant#really funny when ur reading a strip criticizing the prevalence of ads in our day to day life#not as funny when you remember tatsuya is probably making money off of them. so yeah im gonna install ublock#but the problem is i usually read it on my school computer to pass time. and that technically isnt my computer so i cant download ublock#anyways. i could ramble on about how much i love and hate and am obsessed w sinfest all day but heres some fanart of the characters.#id like to make my own headcanon version of sinfest aka sinfest if it was good#but headcanons arent enough... i need to kill tatsuya ishida#sinfest#squigley sinfest#monique sinfest#lil e sinfest#the devil sinfest#tangerine sinfest#images that are horrid to see and look at#mspaint
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....idk how to say this w/o sounding concerning, but I just wanna say that I'm truly truly Truly glad I've come to know you.
I'm glad I've come to know the 'silly little gay ppl' on my phone, to put it in a silly way (...that sounds dumb now that i tyoe that jdjhxjdj). I'm glad I've come to know such wonderful people who care, in big ways and small ways, who care so much.
I'm glad I've come to know you, to be able to laugh with you, to create with you. I'm glad I've come to know you.
I'm truly glad.
#tbd#the worlds been...not so great as of late#but it has not been so cruel that ppl have stopped caring#ppl are still fighting praying reaching out however they can to help#ppl still care about each other#and i care about you#(nothing personal happened. just trying to put into words the good things.)#(and i could go on for hours abt the good)#as much as i (and many others fjjdxj) may not like tumblr im glad i came here#bcuz i got to meet such wonderful ppl#even if we dont talk a lot. im happy that i get to parallel play w/ you#(damien and the best boy that is gus. crow and their delightfully creepy and strange ocs)#(roach and the wonderful world that is promethea that im delight to see grow)#(tai and their fascination w/ sphinxes that always delights me. mau and mew's always warm and inviting art)#(n and his written work that encaptures me every time i read)#(im truly glad ive come to know you all. i really really am)
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WAIT WHERES MIM?!?! PLEASE TELL ME YOU鈥橪L RELEASE THAT ONE AGAIN PLEASE
I need you guys to understand that the reason I took down my stuff was for my own peace of mind because they're my stories and i started feeling unsafe having them out because of how they - and I - were being treated.
absolutely nothing is wrong with mim and I love that fic and I care so much about it which is why - for my peace of mind - i want it to belong to only me rn. I know the fic was only out a month after i finished it and that really upsets me about taking it down. i want to reupload it because i know people like the fic and i love sharing my stuff but also there's that level of how much the fic matters to me and how much more devastating it makes it when people are cruel. and how much it hurts when I, as the creator of something, am treated like I don't matter at all and that my stuff can so easily be stolen or copied. like, it's an extension of me, yknow? You can't separate content and creator in such a small and intimate sphere as fandom. like, you guys all use my first name when referring to me, yknow?? there's that sense of connection. and since it's such an intimate space, having that trust be betrayed or disrespected is so much more potent than if we were in a large fandom with a lot of creators.
the fear of having MiM copied is really immense and real for me rn and i know that's potentially me being overly paranoid but considering the Amount of times this has started to happen - and how blatantly rude and nasty and entitled readers have been getting with me and other creators over the last year - it's definitely not out of the realm of possibility.
MiM wasn't written for readers, it was written for me. and i shared it because i wanted to and that was wonderful. but to have any of my stuff stepped on so much just doesn't make me feel very safe in this fandom space rn and makes it hard to let people have access to something that matters so much to me.
I'm not saying MiM has been deleted forever, I'm just saying i want some more time for it to be mine.
#like i thought about not uploading scene 14 too especially bc she HAS been stolen verbatim before but.#at this point it just feels too late bc so many people have already read it#yeah i have a lot of conflicting feelings and im not saying i'll never repost mim but i just need some more time with her yknow????#like she matters a *lot* to me. and im allowed to be a little finicky with her#and this has been just so. immensely hurtful lately#like i spent most of the weekend crying my eyes out over this stuff because it's just so. hard. to consistently share things#and *have* consistently shared things for three years#and to actively *see* the change that's been occuring in this fandom where people just started treating content like it was consumable#and dispensable. and then started just *expecting* things from me and demanding fics or being pointblank rude and like...#i just dont have time for it yknow??#this stuff is supposed to be *fun*. i do it in my free time and share it with strangers for free bc i want to share the fun with others#and when people start disrespecting that. it makes it hard#like ive had so much more fun in the last week writing fic solely for myself and *not* sharing it than i have in. like. the last month#bc whenever i share fic publicly now. i know im going to have to deal with people potentially stealing it.#or not giving a shit about it and just asking when the next thing is coming. or going on twitter and ? talking about me publicly#where i cant even see it#like it's just been *so* many things lately. and it's hard when this is something i should only be doing to make me happy.#and it's been causing me sm stress instead.#and the fact that i took a week off tumblr and like. i got several pretty?? shitty asks?? that really undermined my feelings on everything.#and made it about themselves like#i dont know how to explain to you guys that we're all people and the whole point of fandom is to *share* with each other#not take.#so yeah i want to be able to share my stuff again and feel comfortable doing that but right now i just dont#and im gonna. get off my soapbox now ok <3#the biggest thing is that. people act so overly familiar with me by calling me jess in asks and comments and acting like they know me#and then somehow. they are also so mean and devaluing of me? i cant really make sense of it.#ok enough of me. talking about myself. and venting#pigeon#anon
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A hiatus, or semi-hiatus, of sorts.
Trigger warnings for cancer and parental death.
#My mother is dying.#Shes been in pain for quite a while#but everythings come to a head in the last few months because of developing cancer that we were completely blindsided by#and now its almost entirely too late#I dont know how much time I have with her. theres still that slim possibility that she could bounce back but it isnt looking that way.#what does this mean for me on here? well im not sure yet.#If youve been following for a really REALLY long time you'd know that i was around here when my father died back in 2017.#I cope with grief by distracting myself with outside stimuli and drawing.#because of the circumstances: this time is different#im not sure if i'll be on here at all or if ill be on here too much to not think about it. but eventually something will happen#and I'll need to give my attention to my family#im not posting this out to get pity or sympathy. I dont like to hear things like that. im posting this because there are#some people who i only talk to on tumblr#and I dont want to make people worry about me if I'm suddenly gone for months at a time (if this comes to pass)#if you've read this far. thank you.#personal
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me: i love good conflicts in fictional stories
me when there is a big conflict in a fictional story: I don't like this I want them to tell jokes
#i've been thinking about this so much lately i'm SUCH a baby with really big conflicts in cartoons/movies. i just don't have fun anymore#(a completely personal opinion. not a criticism)#dont get me wrong!! i LOVE good conflicts i love sad stuff with a happy ending i love angst with comfort#but i never like when conflicts just feel... too big. too hopeless#even when it ends well at the end! i just dont have fun anymore i get incredibly overwhelmed and tired#good example: people critize the zombots arc of the sonic comics a lot already but#my main problem is that it's way too sad and hopeless all the time and i dont have fun reading it#and i know many people love high stakes!! i totally understand#i do too sometimes. i think it all just depends on what piece of fictional media i'm watching and how it's handled#sometimes it's cool other times it's just... overwhelming#i dont know. i never really see anyone talk about this so i wanted to share my thoughts!#again. it's just a personal opinion not a criticism on any story#anyway. this is why i really love comedy cartoons
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wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it
#personal#i just want to make things so bad#it hurts to even look at something anyones made bc im not doing it#i started so late and its still so hard. i got months without doing anything bc im just exhausted from daily life#if i spend more time with my girlfriends i feel like im closer to them but then i have no time for art#if im making something im spending less time with them#and i like my job so much. i really do. i even considered just saying fuck it and going into library sciences#but i still come home barely able or willing to talk sometimes. and i dont know how to fix that#and i feel so unfulfilled and extremely lonely even tho i have friends#but i can barely get myself to draw or write even when i have so many ideas#i feel so uncomfortable in my body and so tired of trying with therapists and doctors#all of it makes me so anxious i feel sick#so Frustrated i feel dizzy. and then i still cant do anything!!!!#i dont want to live here anymore i just want to be with everyone else. but everyone is moving away or planning to. us included#but no one in the same place. it makes me so sad#i dont know what to do or how to do it when i dont have motivation to do the bare minimum#maybe i just like torturing myself by thinking i can do the things i want instead of aceepting i cant. :/ cringes#for anyone that has somehow read this far ill be ok in like 20 minutes im just having a moment dw. im fine. will handle it like an adult#and not spend to much time thinking about this
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messing around a bit
#delete later#man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird#trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg#shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me#should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 馃様#still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess#just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made.#im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough.#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony#well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole#even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw#actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself#but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate#hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week#man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay#hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini#masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh#ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini#aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr#me when i have to do my job at work#i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower#sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit
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so stressed about school i feel like im going to throw up but at least im not having another derealisation attack so theres that
#its not even over anything bad#just the smallest things will send me anxiety spiralling#like my chest is so clamped up right now and all it was because i accidentally submitted the wrong file for an assignment and now its late#and i have to ask my teacher to let me submit the proper file but i know that accidentally making it late makes more work for her and idont#want her to be upset/mad at me even though shes a great teacher and the worst i would get would probably be a stern reminder to submit the#proper file next time or an exasperated sigh#but do i care so much BECAUSE shes a fantastic + fun + kind teacher?? would it be easier having a bad tecaher#SEE IM SPIRALLING THIS IS WHY I WAS HOMESCHOOLED FOR TWO YEARS#i guess i am still homeschooled mostly kind of#its more like i just dont go to school half the week#im so stressed i think because this is my vet course and i cant miss any classes and i really like it and dont want to fail#you know what im gonna go have a hot bath and read some fanfiction and take my mind off homework i cant function like this#yeen rambles
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im just gonna tmi-medication share in the tags real quick
#tales from diana#i want to preface this with i've been prescribed adderall as-needed for adhd for a fullllll decade now#don't come at me with anti-adderall or anti-adhd-medication bullshit im not here for it!!#but my health problems have been so bad and ive been getting the worst sleep of my life lately no matter WHAT i do#i can do everything right#and btw i do not take adderall every day. which is implied by as-needed but i want to stress again I DONT NEED IT EVERY DAY#only when i do like. work. which ive been doing less and less bc of health problems!#but even though i havent been able to physically work so much i still have been taking half-doses a couple times a week just to like. read.#just to have a brain to do ANYTHING when everything is so awful and my brain is so foggy#ive always *sometimes* cut my doses in half if im not doing so much. just to save it y'know.#and ive always also *occasionally* gotten worse or even a really bad night's sleep after taking adderall#most commonly i'll wake up absurdly early the next morning and not be able to fall back asleep#rationing sleep is always something ive been in the habit of doing anyway as a person w adhd.#sleeping 4-6 hours during the week and 10-12 hours on weekends. just to make up for the deprivation y'know.#but even lately cutting my regular dose in half. it's still too much.#my current dose btw is already half of what it was in high school! i decreased my dose already years ago#but yesterday i finally got the nerve to take. a damn quarter of my own pill#and i took the smaller quarter of the half i cut in half.#i was def taking less than 5mg of my damn medication#and i actually didnt sleep like complete shit! and i was also worried#it might not be so effective.#but it actually worked quite well. i had enough focus to read for several hours#i had energy throughout the day too#i sometimes try to do caffeine on days i cant/dont wanna take adderall but caffeine just does not do the addy things so effectively. iykyk.#i cant believe i have to be so skimpy w my own life-sustaining mental health medications just bc my physical health is so bad#but whatever. whatever!#im gonna take another quarter-dose today and finish pericles prince of tyre. have a great day everyone
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idk whats going on or why my anxiety is so bad but i had to keep myself from physically leaving the room during class today and the only reason i didnt was bc there was stuff in front of the door. so.
#like. i cant think of much that would be making it this bad again#im working pretty hard on school but thats not really a massive source of anxiety for me? at least not recently#but its bad lately and i cant figure out why#levi.txt#im also not getting tired as much as i should and im feeling the paranoia kind of creeping in again at the edges#a lot more of the 'my friends secretly hate me' than usual#i just wish i knew Why so i could try to make it better! it feels like its kind of coming out of nowhere#i dont feel like im headed towards burnout bc im very familiar w that feeling. i can identify that pretty well by now#but smth is not good#i think maybe i need to try to do my hobbies more. normally i would write little shitty short stories and such throughout the semester#or draw in my notes or smth#but i havent really even been reading for fun bc. i just dont have time#idk how to find time for it. im already skipping some readings to make room for the work i already have
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