why does no one talk aboiy how scary wisdom teeth surgery is like guys wgat the gelll…..

Hidupkan hal baik!

Zalam zuper!

Hello hai, this is my first post by the way. Berusaha menghidupkan kembali semangat menulis seperti dulu. Dimana recehan twitter lalu pindah recehan facebook, dan kemudian pindah posting panjangan dikit di multiply dan digusur 😢😢😢 that was sad. Really. Ilang semua isinya.

But hey, im not gonna talk about it today.

I'm welcoming myself to tumblr 😂 welcome to "writing world" again. Finally.

I hoppe tumblr will have a long last life, and never ever ever closed.

Let's start!

Menghidupkan hal baik.

Barusaaaan aja, saya ngasi makan ikan didepan rumah. Very rare view by the way. Karena kebetulan diminta bebersih halaman dan ngasi makan ikan. Lalu tiba-tiba ada dua bapak-bapak (jujur mukanya kereng dimanis2in tapi teteup keliatan nyeremin gitu loh gaes) minta sodakohan karena becaknya pecah ban posisinya jauh (dia bilang posisinya sekitar 1km dari situ) gila kan?

Sumpah deg2an paraboid, saya sendirian dirumah, harus ambil duit dulu kedalem. And i dont even open the door. Lalu segera ambil duit sambil telepon orang online.

Paranoid banget takut kenapa2 sendirian dirumah. 😥😥😥😥😥

..."ih segitu amat paranoidnya sih".....

Well hey lambe nyinyir, coba ente di posisi saya pasti gitu juga kan? Deg2an takut. Itu serius mereka kaya bukan mau minta sodakoh, kaya mau minta nyawa bro, seremm.

Well thats it, satu momen yang bisa bikin finally saya pengen nulis lagi, dan sekarang nongol di tumblr.

Menghidupkan hal baik

Inget nggak jaman dulu ketika SD kita diajakrkan pelajaran PPKn. Pelajaran budi pekerti. Pelajaran tata krama. A lesson to be a nice and helpful person.

Dan dijaman dulu rasanya mudah sekali untuk berbuat baik tanpa punya pikiran di kepala orang yang kita bantu itu bisa saja tersembunyi otak perampok, psikopat atau pemerkosa.

The point of helping people is, we are spreading happiness kan? Menyebarkan kebahagiaan yang akhirnya kita juga happy. Dan sekarang rasanya semua itu memudar.

Ketika seseorang membukakan pintu rumah sembarangan kemudian tiba tiba dirampok atau dijahatin. Ketika seseorang membantu orang dijalan yang kecelakaan atau menerima kemalangan kemudian justru dipidanakan. Ketika kita berniat baik dan justru terkena imbas yang tidak enak.

Hillang semua esensi kebaikan. Sehingga kadang orang melakukan kebaikan disaat mereka mau disaat mereka tau yg ditolong pasti membutuhkan saja. Nggak lagi menolong random dan mendapat resiko dijahatin.

Tapi mari hidupkan hal baik, mulai dari diri sendiri, mulai dari hal kecil dan mulai dari sekarang. Sambil mengharap ridho Alloh tentunya. Saya agak menyesal memperlakukan bapak2 tadi seperti itu, i dont even open the door and thats rude. But i dont have any choice 😥

Seperti aku menghidupkan hal baik dengan menulis, semoga hal hal baik lain bisa hidup dengan upaya kita sambil pasrah mengharap ridha Alloh.

uaaaaa vent warning. mentions extreme dysphoria, pregnancy, violence, su//icide, r////a//pe, and nausea/vomit mentions. please don t worry about me, making vents help me feel better/cope.

hhhhh i was looking through my science book and later in the semester were gonna learn about the human reproductive system and im just getting sick thinking about having to learn about pregnancy i keep having nightmares about pregnancy goddddd why do people think "women" (in this case i mean afab people, trans men r men and trans women are women Thanks) are worth nothing more than giving birth. i never want to. the thought of it makes me want to vomit. and theyre probably going to separate boys and girls since its a stereotypical christian school and thatll fuck with my dysphoria EVEN MORE god i dont know?? how much longer i can deal with this??? i keep having terrifying nightmares and they wont stop. the least bad ones are about my hair growing uncontrollably long, the inbetween are the ones about pregnancy, and the ones that are by far the worst are about r/////a////pe. i feel so awful admitting this because im not a victim of sexual assault but im so paraboid and keep having so many nightmares about this which freak me out on two separate levels (generally and dysphorically) and i want them to stop SO BAD???? also i hate being 13 and closeted. my body is changing and i cant stop it from doing this and its so nauseating. im going through the wrong puberty in the wrong body and it makes me want to rip my flesh off???? im being tortured by watching my estrogen levels rise and becoming more and more feminine and all i can do is watch and sob!! its literal torture!!! i would never wish this on my worst enemy??? AND I CANT STOP IT??? MY BODY IS CHANGING IN THE WRONG WAY AND I AM POWERLESS!!! and since im trans ill probably be attacked and murdered by im 30, or ill pretend to be cis and commit suicide by 30. im fucking doomed. i hate this flesh i despise this body i want to see it rot without me in it!!!!