#i dont give a shit im here to be kind and get my job done
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#krakens croaks#i got so mad yesterday at my boss i actually had to walk from behind the counter to hide my anger#because a lady came in and told us she suffered from covid and when she left my boss said 'maybe it taught her a lesson' because#shes a known 'karen' type#how cruel do you have to be#and he constantly makes fun of the 'redneck' people here and peoples appearances and their weight and stuff#and it makes me so. pissed.#'im suprised he can even read' he cant. the boy cant read. he needed my help to sigj his name on his card#youre gonna make fun of a boy who is college age who cant read?#and then preach to me about how much youre mistreated at work? maybe people are mean to you because youre so. idk cruel on the inside??#i can never tell with him. hes so nice and kind on the outside but theres NO love#he got angry with me for telling a very mean lady to have a nice day#i dont give a shit im here to be kind and get my job done#delete later#its SO much easier to complaim about people but ive TRAINED myself NOT to hate people. get some self respect and respect others.#all good work youve done flies out the window the instant you talk shit about the person you helped#its 5 hours of hearing this every damn day#its so hard not to be that way. but you must#shout out to the lady who called me a bitch the other day. i dont care. its my job to help. ill help you#and im not high and mighty. i dont like you. but thats what we are called to do. because ill love you even if you hate me for no reason.#its so hard working in an environment without other christians lol
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vale valeee 🫣
so, i was thinking, you know how when we get mad, we speak our native tongue? so like, i wanted to request monster trio + law getting yelled at by reader in spanish
(you know how moms be like “ve hacer tal cosa” and we either forget and do it wrong or forget to do it at all?? bueno, reader tells them to help them out with something y como no lo hicieron, reader starts complaining and yelling about “yo hago todo aqui” 🤭)
les da miedito pero la verdd les gusta el matrato 😫
(mentira 👀) idk if that makes sense pero if it doesn’t i can elaborate more ☺️
a/n: OMFG YESSS!!! and I wrote like a slight Drabble for it! On sanjis nickname post oml
˗ˏˋ꒰🍓꒱ yelling at monster trio + law in spanish
˗ˏˋ꒰🍓꒱ Luffy
- if he’s not being serious, or something which is all the damn time
- Consider it’s your job to be like a certain mother figure besides his amor
- first it was the gentle parenting technique,
- “Luffy, can you please move your feet im trying to scrub the deck ?” Y/n is looking over at him, trying to be patient
-“sorry y/n can’t talk rn! Maybe later!!” Luffy will then mess up your whole cleaning
-you didn’t mind it.
-But the then there’s him trying to help you, when you don’t need help.
- “Luffy did you and ussop take out the trash like sanji asked y’all too?” You ask him as you’re trying to make some
-he’s nowhere to be found when you ask him this. but then after
-“ah ah ah! ¡Lávate las manos, Cabron!!” You’ll slap Luffys hands and speak in a semi- stern tone but in a calm manner when he tries to eat the carnitas you have.
-“come on just a little bite babeeee!!!/——“
-“NO!” You’ll explode and the whole ship hears you. You’re so angry and tired of trying from being stressed out.
-“I have to do everything around here god damn it! Please just help me with shit if you want to be a good boyfriend por favor!!” Y/n is just thankful to have some shit being done.
-“NOW HELP ME OR YOURE NOT GETTING MY PORTIONS OF FOOD!!” Then he IMMEDIATELY STARTS TO UNINTENTIONALLY CLEAN THE DECK AND HELP SORT OUT HIS LAUNDRY… let’s be honest luffy never does his laundry
˗ˏˋ꒰🍓꒱ zoro
-will instantly yell back at you
- “y/n why are you mad at me!?”
- “YOU BROKE THE LAUNDRY BASKET!”
-“IT WAS IN THE WAY WHEN I WAS TRAINING!!”
- you slap him and groan mumbling you have to do shit. You’re not even going to complain with him right now
- that is until a couple of hours later some random ass bitch at the bar y’all were at, was literally trying to pick a fight with zoro. And talk shit. And you were sober the whole time.
-“HIJOLE a chingada wey!! Nobody talks shit about my man but me!!” You slap the guy with a chancla aiming like a super Latina mom. And literally defend your moss head novio whose found a nice sleeping place, sitting down.
-“NOW YOU YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO WIPE AMD CLEAN THE TOILET BEFORE YOU FLUSH MR!”
-“Y/n you’re embarrassing me!-“
-“I DONT GIVE A RATS ASS IF IM EMBARRASSING YOU! I ONLY ASK YOU TO DO ONE THING ONE THING!! AND YOU BARELY DO”
-he’s picking you up and you’re kicking his chest to put him down.
˗ˏˋ꒰🍓꒱ sanji
- “Y PUTA ALA MADRE WEY!!” You’ll be storming out angry. if sanji sees you angry it’s best for him to not try and ask…
- he’s learned the hard way.
-“VINSMOKE SANJI!!” You know when a Hispanic woman yells your government legal name, you’re fucked
-“Yes Mon amour??” He’d asked you in a kind manner
-“why isn’t the FLOOR MOPPED!?”
-MALE WIFE.EXE ACTIVATED
- the last time he talked back to you he cried, and begged for forgiveness like down on his knees and holding your legs.
-“Aye cabron get off!!! i forgive you i’m just telling you next time to use fabuloso.”
- he finds it adorable when you’re mad and punched your cheeks
-you’ll bite his finger and he’s gonna be like. “OW!!”
-“beloved what’s wrong?”
-silent treatment and he has to start guessing and do everything around the house. but really it’s because she’ll only yell at him without her goodbye kiss. or her love letters on the napkin with her liquado (smoothie en español de tex-mex)
˗ˏˋ꒰🍓꒱ Law
-oh hell no
-he forgets what he signed up for.
- “CALLATE WEY!!!” The minute you throw a chancla at his head he’s not even pissed he’s just laughing because you got him good
- “shut up for one minute will you y/n-ya.” He regrets it. You start causing a scene and then embarrass him, if his crew steps in. They’re not gonna like it they just say out of it.
-last time penguin almost lost a finger. While doing the chores. Doing the laundry’s and cooking.
-“ NO YOU LISTEN TO ME GOD DAMN IT!!!! MOTHER FUCKER WHO HATES IT WHEN HIS FOOD IS TOUCHING BY A SMIDGE!”- you grab him by the ear. “Ugh I have to do everything for him.”
-“oh really?” Law would reply out of frustration, and throwing you over his shoulders just to fuck some sense into you. Because you got mad you needed dick in his office. Now you’re still complaining, because his room office is a mess.
#monster trio x reader#law x y/n#law x latina! reader#monster trio x Hispanic! reader#˗ˏˋ꒰🐄 ꒱ one piece x reader#˗ˏˋ꒰🐄꒱ one piece imagines#˗ˏˋ꒰ 👹 ꒱ monster trio#˗ˏˋ꒰🕊️ ꒱ sanji#˗ˏˋ꒰🗡️ ꒱ zoro#˗ˏˋ꒰☠️ ꒱ luffy#˗ˏˋ꒰🩺 ꒱ law#monster trio x hispanic reader#༊*·˚ ositas master list#one piece x latina! reader#ੈ♡˳ one piece x latina reader
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ello mera,
I wanted to ask how you post your comics online because i was thinking about making my own web comic series but i dont know where to start hehe
I think the website you used for IBWR was called Hiveworks but im not to sure how it works...
Also if you have any other tips when it comes to making comics like time management, planning, or even how draw those gorgeous backgrounds, it would be much appreciated :D
Thank you for your time ヾ(•ω•`)o ✧.*
Sure thing buckaroo, get in the backseat and let's hit the comic road!
ヾ(•`ω´•)o ✧.*
this is all from my perspective though, some stuff may not work for you, but hey - no knowledge is bad knowledge.
Hiveworks is a... Publisher! of sorts! Kind of. They're not like webtoons or Tapas when it comes to comic hosting, you have to be invited to Hiveworks (like me!) or apply to join them! :)
They also have Hivemill which is a place where they sell merch for the comics. Either Hiveworks helped making the merch, or the artists themselves made the stuff and Hiveworks helps distribute it (I THINK, don't quote me on that. I haven't made or sold merch with them before. But it's what I understand. They have explained it to me, I'm just kinda dumb).
However! Comic control, of which Hiveworks uses to make the websites are free for anyone to use! :) So if you want your own website, go ahead and make one!
I'd still recommend you buy the URL you'll use in that case though. I pay a yearly fee on GoDaddy.com for mine. It's affordable and honestly worth it as a precaution, lest a dirtbag buy it just to ruin my day and give me distress for a year(s).
But my recommendation is that you mirror your comic in as many places as possible.
Now, my website has ads on it, so if you switch off ad-block when visiting IBWR, I can get ad rev from it! :D (thanks to Hiveworks, that is, they added the ad stuff on there. Idk how it works but it's nice passive income that I really need. It pays for my food).
That means I will prioritize the website over the secondary mirrored places. So that's the place I always link to first. So if people REALLY want to get the next page sooner, they can always check there first.
However, mirroring is great because it is very difficult to get people to read the story you've put so much love into. I want people to enjoy my story as much as I do. The more places you update it to, the more people will discover you.
I've noticed that people like to follow the artist/author on social media for update announcements and general news of what's going on for the comic - so know where your presence on socmed is at! If it's instagram, well, then prioritize instagram but don't forget bluesky or tumblr too! Just know where you're at.
BUT!! And I cannot stress (lol) this enough - but don't stress (lol) about it. which is easier said than done.
It can feel super overwhelming to constantly make each update of a page feel like a check list of "okay, posted announcement to insta, tumblr, twitter, I have scheduled a mirrored post to comicfury and tumblr, I have added all the links in the author section, uuuh, I gotta add a cropped panel sneak-peak in each and I gotta--" that shit gets tiring quick.
Work smart not hard.
I copy paste from a document and I print-screen crop a panel from my comic on my phone kind of flimsily and that works. Nobody cares if it's fancy. It's just extra energy on my part that I can't be arsed to worry about.
Like Webtoons require that you to always have a preview icon for each update. That's as complicated as I'm willing to get tbh. If it requires more than that from me I'm gonna hate it. But that's just me.
you want to be able to do something consistently.
Which brings me to..
MANAGEMENT
bro, it's a job. It takes work. Work is not always fun, but you gotta show up for it. you're the only worker here. If you don't show up, it doesn't get done.
And people are not going to read it until there's at least pages enough for them to catch on to a story. If you're here for recognition right away, stop. You'll hurt yourself. I know we live in a time of quick-positive feedback through likes and shares, etc. But that's just not reality most of the time when starting up.
So, you got to want to tell the story more than whatever you are expecting to get out of this.
Which will also help you with managing your feelings if your reader count grows or declines. Just remind yourself of why you even want to tell your stories. It's easier said than done, but I found it to be a helpful philosophy to try stick by.
Everything I gain from sharing my story is just a plus. Not the reason.
What I did, also, was to just post whenever I finished a page. I had no readers, only commitment to myself and the comic. That's it. You'll find it easier if you don't force yourself at first, at least I did. And then as you gain your own momentum and work-pace, you'll be able to be like "Oh yeah, sunday works for me. I'll aim for that."
Aim for it, don't promise. But show up.
You're not a machine, shit happens, life comes in. If you have a deadline that makes you feel guilty, you might start avoiding it etc. So maybe just cut yourself some slack and go "whenever I'm done with a page is a good day."
You are your own boss. You make your own rules.
Yes, there is an algorithm to it all - when's the best time to post, getting new readers through memes or what have you. You might discover that the best way for you to get readers is to make funny videoclips on instagram or tiktok - there is no wrong way.
However, it shouldn't feel like too much of a chore. You should enjoy it at least a little bit. Like, maybe you kinda like making goofy vids of your comic, or draw memes, whatever, right? But you should enjoy some of it. If you hate making vids, but you know it is a good pond to fish in.. well, like... I'm sorry but you're gonna get frustrated with it.
I like posting THANK YOU FOR READING doodles of my characters on instagram stories! :D <3 I like that! That's not too much trouble for me.
BE CRINGE, BE FREE.
who gives a shit.
enjoy yourself you goofy ass little comic artist. Blast your story everywhere, be proud, have fun. People enjoy having fun, they usually want to join in with the fun.
If you have fun, others have fun being with you.
DRAWING COMICS
dawg I wish I had any better tips than... Fuck it, poke at it however you want.
I usually have ten pages flimsily sketched out with speech-dialogues so I know what's gonna happen in the next pages, so I can pace the scene somewhat.
I say that, like I'm some kinda professional, but I jump between pages. Whichever page seems a little more fun. Sometimes I stare myself blind on a page and gotta draw on something else.
Some pages are super well sketched, others are just bald stickfigures making faces at other bald stickfigures.
BACKGROUNDS
Get references. Either look at photographs or take the yourself. Start getting into looking at buildings in real life. I, myself, spend quite a lot of time looking at different windows and brick buildings going "Dang, so that's a widow huh? Architects sure just make windows like BAM ENJOY THIS ONE huh?"
Basically, start appreciating the world around you. There's art everywhere. Someone has put thought - however big or small - into that sidewalk.
Is it a shitty sidewalk? Well, that's really grounding isn't it? Someone, at some point, looked at this space, sighed and thought "fuck man I just wanna go home. That's good enough." and that really grounds you visually into that this world is a place where people have been before you.
Sometimes I get lazy and at the same time in a mood to challenge my memory, and I'll start inventing what the heck a building or street looks like. And you can probably easily tell in a page when I, too, am going "fuck man I just wanna get this page done with, that's good enough."
AND THAT'S FINE!!!
Not everything have to be an awestriking master page! Damn, the pressure I'd be under if that's the only thing I had to produce asdfghj! if anything, great pages look better because some pages are shite.
It's okay.
It doesn't have to be perfect every time. Learn what didn't work, what worked. Post it. Move on. You can't sit on this forever or the story will never be told. Just post it, it's fine.
THERE IS NO PERFECT TIME TO POST YOUR STORY.
Post it in chunks or page by page. It doesn't really matter - new readers are going to read it all in one sitting anyway.
-------
I think that's all I can think of for now??
Hope that helped!
Oh also I have this side blog I've been neglecting a bit, but feel free to check that out: @comicartistcentral
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how naive i was to assume not having a job/no college for 7 years after highschool graduation would give me enough freedom to feel inspired, live life and pursue my creative endeavors
it's made me the complete opposite
lazy, uninspired to take action, sleepy, not mentally stimulated...
im here wondering why my life's been so stagnant, why i missed out on having "core experiences" in my early 20s (having irl friends/a job/house/etc, going out to travel, etc), feeling like the world's spinning and its leaving me behind, like its already too late for me to do anything to enjoy life
I have creative projects i just..... sat on, let them live in my head and imagination for years, that I haven't acted on yet because i..... idek the reason, its like this:
i have all the mental energy to get hyped about my projects, freely imagine them in my head, seeing a future for those ideas- but in terms of actually doing it??? im just unable to have the physical drive to pursue those.
so when ppl tell me to "get up and just do it already- dont think, just do or else you'll never make progress"..... it doesn't motivate me, neither does it actually get me excited to do it
if you were to tell me "hey vinyl, u graduated hs now time to go to college!!" in the years immediately after graduation, id fucking cringe and just lock myself in the room.. hs was a hellscape that socially negatively affected my mental health, so my introverted ass going thru another academia experience with social anxiety & being around the same kind of energy was the last thing on my mind
but now that I've wasted my early 20s doing nothing with my life, I finally realize what i need to do to make it out
and after 7 years missing out life, when i think about doing (online) college, i actually get fucking excited??? in a good way?????? i cant wait to fuckin flip thru textbooks and take notes bro, to (for the first time in my life) set myself a schedule and actually take academics seriously, to have fully online asynchronous courses so i could learn at my own pace
to finally give my life that work/play balance. because 7 years of my life's been nothing but 100% play (ex: doing hobbies, gaming, lazing around, sleeping, etc), and i have no one but myself to blame for that
(i know i mentioned me finally choosing to go to a community college weeks ago, i still haven't applied yet but i will before the year ends lmao- i just dont wanna rush into it, i wanna prepare)
....but then idk,, to say 7 years of my life was a complete and utter joke/huge waste isn't entirely true... im constantly learning about myself and those years definitely played a big part in my self-discovery and just see how my beliefs have changed thru time
uhhh yeah
tl;dr- as a 25-year-old artist with 7+ years of a no work/no school life + living w/ my parents my whole life, I've gotten absolutely zero shit done on creative projects and no forward progress in my life in general, so im going into my college/work era
the position I've been in for those years helped me grow as a person internally, but this era i was in has already served its purpose so its time for me to start a new chapter or smthn
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I gotta get this off my chest and it’s not tecnically syscourse but here we go
Ive been faking my plurality for a few years
Been faking to everyone, online, my gf, even in therapy. Been diagnosed with DID by a real professional and she doesnt know Im faking
Idk why Ive been doing this. Ive always been so fucked up and alone my whole life, no real interests, no hobies or passions, no friends, estranged fam, working a job that I hate which hardly pays the bills. There is something srsly wrong with me. A few years ago I learned about plurality online and decided to psych myself out about it and Im now in treatment for it, been in treatment for a couple years now
I got some real mental problems but DID probably aint one of them. I pretend Im plural cuz it helps me feel less alone I guess. “Recovering” from trauma I dont have gives me something to hold on to and focus on
Been making up shit to say in therapy but idk its so easy for me to convince myself that shit that never happened actually happened. Ive always been prone to psyching myself out about shit and convincing myself of things that arent true for some reason. So its literally been feeling like Im actually doing trauma work in therapy and connecting with parts and shit when Im not even traumatised at all
This shit is exausting but at this point its all I have and Im in to deep. Coming clean now will destroy my already super small support system. So guess Im just gonna keep up this charade fiorever
I just wanted to tell someone, anyone. I know what Ive done is horrible. Im literally the guy fakeclaimers warn about and it eats away at me but at the same time Im used to living like this and even tho it sucks I kind of like it. Its like a fake answer to my problems that I gave myself and explains why Im such a failure ha ha
DISCLAIMER: Posts may or may not reflect accurate information. More info here: https://www.tumblr.com/syscourse-confessions/728819621058232320/disclaimer-treat-posts-here-like-you-would-any
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actually i was going to save this for when i made All Grown Up Now designs for the human kids in sgt frog but idk if/when im actually gonna do that so heres jusyt my random thoughts about what some of them r doing as adults and also maybe some au/oc stuff
transfem fuyuki is SO real to me tbh. when she moved out of the hinata house keroro came with her bc theyre all time best friends and keroro deciding being with fuyuki was more important than staying w the secret base or anything like that. fuyuki lives in like a normal apartment with a convenience store job or smth like just the most average life but she also makes youtube videos where she talks abt the occult, goes over conspiracy theories & even debunks them if smth is really stupid, makes vlogs going to places that r supposed to be haunted or have been visited by aliens or whatever other supernatural thing u can think of. also talks casually in her videos abt having lived with an alien since she was 12 but obviously everyone watching just thinks that’s a running gag. she also miiiiigjt be roommates with mois? bc i think mois would want to go wherever keroro goes but i also dont know how fuyuki would feel about that. i dont know if mois can get a job to help with rent. i think that 10 years in the future mois would still be basically 13 years old.
also fuyuki is a lesbian and has a better chance of figuring out that she likes momoka now that shes got herself figured out more but she has NOT figured out that she likes momoka yet bc fuyuki is dense
transmasc natsumi, also, is so real to me. he becomes both a model and an athlete, bc tbh? i do believe in natsumi’s rights to just kind of be Good At Everything. when he moved out he was like Man! It’s so great to not have to deal with the stupid frog all the time! and then felt like everything was weird and too quiet without keroro around obviously but he is still relieved to not have to deal with shit like. oh all the curtains in the house have been turned into pudding. or whatever. that does still happen sometimes sometimes keroro comes to visit and it can go well or it can go horribly. Dating koyuki, obviously, who is the girlboy of all time and also probably still lives in the same house w dororo and hasnt changed significantly so i dont have anything else to say about him.
I haven’t been able to decide what giroro & kururu do after the hinata kids & keroro move out? Bc it feels kind of weird for them to still just kind of be there at the house when it’s just aki and a no-longer-used secret base. and omiyo i guess. But also what else are they gonna do. If kururu wanted to live w saburo they wouldve done that from the beginning so idk. Maybe giroro does just stay in his tent and kururu stays in her lab.
Some time after anime canon the keroro platoon ends up OFFICIALLY resigning from the keron army or giving up on their mission in a way they can’t go back on or Something to that effect where they’re very up front about not planning to invade instead of lying their way around it. I like to think that keroro becomes like a Space Actor and giroro gets to be a train conductor like he wants but that might be a little while away for them still. However this also means that inevitably a while after THAT keron sends in a NEW earth invasion team because theyve been trying (and failing) to take control of this planet for millions of years they’re not gonna fucking give up NOW. & the new platoon doesn’t necessarily HAVE to take any drastic moves against the keroro platoon but they should make sure the kplatoon doesn’t do anything to interfere…..
I wuz gonna design a whole platoon to be that ^ replacement platoon but i didnt get around to most of them </3 maybe someday. Anyway obviously they all have a power of friendship arc and come around to the side of NOT invading planets. except the leader.
I dont know what momoka & saburo would be doing as adults either </3 Momoka doesnt really have to do anything. shes rich. its not like she needs to take up a career or anything. Actually she probably becomes a martial artist or something? Goes into the business of kicking ass like her mom. Saburo MIGHT keep up the radio show but I think they’d get bored of that but maybe stay in a similar vein, entertainment of some sort. Oh I guess there’s art lmao. I dont know. Saburo has a tumblr blog where they post slightly overdone musings on life and nature and shit.
#basilposting#keroro 10yrs#actually i am going to maintag this whatever.#keroro fandom come get ur food unless this isnt ur type of food in which case sorry#keroro gunso
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Hey, I know you're a Projmoon fan, I guess I'm curious because I'm at an impasse on what to do rn, did you play through the entirety of Lobotomy Corporation, did you just skip it entirely for Ruina, or did you read a summary/watch a cutscene compilation or let's play/something else? And what would you recommend as an approach? I've tried playing through Lobcorp but it's just extremely tedious and I'm considering skipping it to get to something I think I'll like more (Ruina)
oh!! ok my answer is a little bit complicated tbh; bc i havent. played any of the series at all. WAHAHA
what i personally did was um. attempt to watch an incomplete lobcorp lp ==> couple months radio silence ==> watched one (1) day of gameplay from a friend (for one boss fight specifically) ==> got recc'd summaries i slowly watched thru ==> couple months radio silence. ==> watched someone else's (actually complete) lp ==> (rabbit hole'd) summaries again.
um. dont do that. JSNBGKHDBK
im not gonna act like i Know how t tackle a series like this (since it took me like 4 circles around to Actually Commit to it (and also im kind of. new. here)) BUT from my personal opinion of the series and how it carries itself, i CAN recc at least Some order of something.
TRY to play Lobcorp! which i can kinda see is already done on your end. its something i Super want to try but absolutely know i wont finish SKJFNKDJF;; the main draw of PLAYING lobcorp is the struggle. it Sucks! its Long and Tedious and the game HATES you... and that's the point! it's plot relevant. it's an experience i didnt get to feel, but can so painfully just Understand by merit of watching someone else do it, only skipping about occasionally.
tl;dr: the game loop is Telling A Story, Dragging You In-- THAT is the draw in insisting folks play it. it genuinely makes the... everything... hit that much harder. Once youve given it your best, dont feel ashamed to look for someone who's Done It! (i hear a lot of folks havent completed lobcorp themselves, so ✌)
DONT UM . SKIP IT COMPLETELY THOUGH ruina is literally a Direct Sequel to it. i think it does a good enough job at introducing the setting on its own, but i am GRABBING YOU this shit will hit fucking DIFFERENT if you Understand. also its a lovely game worth looking at and appreciating bc GOD what a fucking experience those last few days are. i do not cry that easily to stuff like this but OUGH. AUGH. H
Wonderlab??? its a webcomic thats heavily reccommended you read through, but due to um. circumstances . it doesnt seem t be feasible atm. however, there IS a synopsis up thats pretty darn good! wonderlab, iirc, isn't directly plot relevant, but DOES introduce certain important concepts for ruina. however, it's not Mandatory, as ruina Also explains these things. as far as i know, its just a fun lil kickass story in the universe taking place between series you can look at if you want :)
Play Ruina! or watch, i guess. again, i watched an lp and it kicked the shit out of me emotionally (affectionate) so honestly do what you will here, i suppose.
honestly though, these are both super fucking long-ass and ridiculously heavy games so you're probably gonna be here a while. it took me like two weeks of committed watch time t look into Properly, and that was even when i started skipping straight to cutscenes at the latter half. embrace that! i cant stop you, but id heavily reccommend at the very least watching through the gameplay loop for a good chunk of the time-- giving the story that space really hammers home the... Everything. heavily heavily recc letting it Have that space.
for ruina specifically though, definitely at least watch through the beginning and ending legs of every fight-- and at least a solid chunk of every boss fight. if you're intent on skipping round gameplay loops like i did, imean. watch the boss fights watch the boss fights these fuckers do NOT play around. i cannot applaud these games' soundtracks enough and i wont say anything but trust me trust me trust me.
ANYWAY. here's the stuff that was recc'd to me, personally! if you wanna give watching through the series a go! :]
Lobcorp LP: [x] (Commentated+Completed! I couldn't find any no-commentary ones that were finished, but honestly for its gameplay loop it Helps. Blind on his end, but he does genuinely really like the series so i give it a thumbs up ✌)
Ruina LP: [x] (Same guy :] also completed!)
Lobcorp SUMMARY: [x] (Brief, but a good opener+summary!)
Wonderlab SUMMARY: [x] (It Sure Is Wonderlab!!)
Ruina SUMMARY: [x] [x] (Actually incomplete, but goes pretty well in depth and is easy to watch+absorb.)
Alt SUMMARY: [x] (Consists of both parts of the duology! I haven't actually watched it in a while so i don't exactly remember much t say about it, but it sure is on my list!)
#TAG ESSAY BUT ITS IMPORTANT ACTUALLY HI <33#pikasks#long post#speaking only what i know and feel from th short amount i can speak for!!!!!!#VERY VERY good game series though when it hits it fucking HITS.#its just 'im in hell im in hell im in hell im in hell-- OH FUCK.'#transitioning to a slightly more jaded 'ah. hell. --OH FUCK.'#ANYWAY. for lobcorp; abnormality lore isnt PLOT IMPORTANT but it IS very very fun storytelling so if you like fun spooky stuff. nods.#again-- do what you will and what you think is most fun-- this is just what i think would have th most impact!#for me tho watching the summaries THEN the gameplay helped a lot bc i do Not retain info well at ALL#. i also get really stressed when characters are in danger and i dont know what will happen to them so that helped there too KSJNFKJD#again. heavy heavy series but if its your speed its SO worth it.#ALLSO THERES CONTENT WARNINGS HI YEAH theres an image available but tbh most of it isnt that bad.#EXCEPT ONE INSTANCE. if you dont wanna know when dont read ahead BUT#REALLY HEAVY BODY HORROR AND GORE WARNING for one specific part of ruina-- nothing good happens on trains. <3#it builds up to it very well so you can see it coming p easy-- no jumpscares-- but YEA THAT BODY SURE CAN HORROR.#THATS ALL. OK. HAVE FUN <33
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Honey, I know you're scared but you're lucky you have people outside the abusive circle who love you. I had nobody. Maybe you need to take a leap of faith and ask them for help, truly. You can't keep living like this. Just now it's a kind of awful stop gap but don't let it become permanent. I know you have to be careful rn but this is no way to be living. I know you want to protect those who love you because you love them but something has to give. You're going to have keep your wits about you and figure out your next move, but I know this is easier said than done. But please don't give up. Your mom is a monster. Don't let her win. That's why she's doing this because by leaving you managed to gain the upper hand and as bullies don't like this, she's upping the ante. She is a sick fuck and a coward. If you have somebody or people who may be prepared to help you, who are aware of the situation and possible danger presented by your mom, who are prepared to get you out of there PROPERLY and on your feet and give you that time to get cleaning job or whatever - you seem very hardworking etc - then take your chance, sweetheart.
I'm sorry for the long letter but I had no help and it nearly killed me. But I got out by skin of my teeth because I knew I was doomed anyways if I stayed. But you have your safety and others safety to consider I know. I just hope and will you to get out for good, to not give up.
i am lucky, this is true
the people who love me have changed my life for the better in ways i cant even put into words. i can say honestly that enduring this long has been worth it just for the warmth from my loved ones, who feel so much more like family than blood-family
there are limits to what you can do for someone when you live oceans away. there are limits to what you can do, when you are struggling yourself. there are limits to what you can do with regards to money, energy, time, level of risk taken on. if my loved ones could have scooped me up out of here a la prince on a white horse im completely certain they would have done so already
i cant go back to the place i lived before even knowing the favorable circumstance w/ regards to that. my mother was completely confident about coming to take me back, she knows the address, itd be a repeat of the same - probably not even waiting for an excuse if im very unlucky.
i can't afford to take a leap of faith
the worst that can happen is not that someone would say no - it's that someone would decide for me that the way to go is to involve the authorities, which isnt safe for me so long as i am here with nowhere else i can go, at a moment's notice or otherwise. it is hours to the nearest shelter.
even if i were out of here, even if i decide i dont give a goddamn if they get into trouble for their own evil choices, i cant afford to take anyone to court, and even if everyone believed me and i didnt end up as yet another villainized abuse victim, it still wouldnt make me any more secure in having a place to live, and it isnt a means to gaining housing.
not only that, there's more to take into account: what happens when my mother who is pretending to be not evil is no longer constantly watching what the workers who care for my sibling do to someone who the authorities will never believe?
if that doesnt make sense for being too vague, i can say what i mean more clearly by tying it to something else: opportunistic predatory adults outside my home took advantage of me every time i let it slip that nobody gave a shit what happens to me. it's important to maintain the illusion of having people who care about what happens to you if you dont want people to take advantage of the easiest target in clear view. unless i can personally be someone who they know to fear consequences from, breathing down their necks, there will be consequences for unraveling my mother's webs of lies. they already don't treat my sibling as they should.
it's not only my own safety i risk with every mistake. even if i decide to say fuck it, seek the help of others even though i know wherever i go if my family finds me they will do their best to do more harm, including to people who help me, it's not just the weight of guilt for that - but for my siblings, only one of which has escaped completely and isnt in any danger from family anymore, the other is totally and completely still at their mercy despite physically not living in the same house anymore, and nobody counts his words for anything because he's intellectually disabled - even when the authorities get involved, which they have been too many times for me to even count anymore, nobody believes him or me or maybe they just didnt care, either way, the outcome is the same.
even if i tossed all that aside and shirked my sense of morality that i know is all tied up in misplaced blame and living under the gaslight since birth, i dont have room for mistakes for my own sake either. im already physically so fucked up from just under a month of not even the worst theyve done, if it escalates further, i dont know. ive managed to just walk off tons of blood loss before, but that was a miracle, and i was more well-fed then. there's nowhere for me to go if i fuck up and don't have another place to go lined up.
my work went up in flames, i have no income right now and have to figure that out running on less than empty, and i have the option of trying to raise funds for escape again but again, it's more than money constraints, i have to figure out so many things and none of these decisions are small
ive promised my loved ones repeatedly im not going to give up, and i dont feel like breaking it at all. im going to keep trying. but it's really, really, really not a matter of willpower. i have that in spades.
im glad that you got out and i hope that you remain safe for the rest of your life and never ever have to endure abuse again. i know that everything you say comes from the heart and from a good place, of wanting me to be well, and of rooting for someone whose struggle you see your own in - i dont want to discount that by talking about how impossible everything looks right now for me, at all!!
i wish i could come up with a better reply. i dont want to go "so true, will do!!" when i know all the reasons i cant do, you taking the time to encourage me is so meaningful to me that i want to be nothing but sincere.
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HI DARK ITS PRICE ANON AGAIN (as I humbly baptized myself in a river ... ) SINCE ALL GRAVES SIMPS R (rightfully ) in the sin bin for the foreeseable future, I am free to roam With Little prices over all Of you *Shaking him like a bottle Of soda *
YKNOW I WAS THINKIN, PRICE IN YOUR FICS ... i just imagine him bein' a father figure to birdy BUT ONE SIDED, bc birdy is not on good terms w him n we know that i just imagine john Lookin at könig n doing the V eye sign like "Im watching you, son... Im watching you ..." He would also research abt PTSD but he wouldnt talk directly w birdy He would just pop up next to ghost, arms crossed, n be like "... ahem... so you know.. I HAPPENED to cross some information ..."
now with sunshine, THEY ARE FATHER AND CHILD THERES NO OTHER OPTION, i imagine sunshine sparring with ghost n going right in his throat for the kill n simon Lookin at price like "YOU SEEIN THIS ???" and he'll be like " GO SUNSHINE 👍👍👍👍 * Doin dumb dad poses
now to the more .. HOT HCS (so you can have a good night, or day depending on which time you gremlins r reading this(
SO, PRICE HAS THE<<< DAD BOD but even hotter cus hes in military after all, hes in good form, hes athletic (kinda ) BUT HE STILL HAS ALL THE TRAITS THAT MAKE A HOT DAD BOD HOT
hes also the type to not let you get off bed early than him "oh, but hes a captain he has respon- NO !!!! hes Lazy And he likes cuddles YOU GUYS DONT UNDERSTAND HIM AS I DO !! But you know, ill give him some credit, he'll also make breakfast on the days hes not lazy (Please dont mention to him anything you like, HE'LL ONLY DO THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFES, if you mention pancakes, you can wait for atleast 20 packages of those in your kitchen the very next day )
welp, my job here is done *gets him by The neck and puts him on my pocket* It is time for me to go, fellas.. goodbye
This was THE most chaotic shit that I've ever read and I absolutely fucking loved it Hahawjkwiwow I'm fucking cackling.
Okay okay so Birdy most definitely has a father child relationship with Price but I reckon Sunshine is like that rebellious child. Yknow doing the whole "You're not my dad, we're in rhe fucking special forces, get it together) kind of Shebang (shame on you Sunshine)
But then peepaw price grows on everyone
So eventually
Sunshine and peepaw become father and child and I think Sunshine will take their place in the 141 family.
SECONDLY LISTEN
PEEPAW IS GETTING TO GROW ON ME COS I NEVER REALLY LOOKED QT HIM SIDEWYS BEFORE COS HES KIND OF GOT A WEIRD FACE BUT IDK NOW IM LIKE HEY I LIKE WEIRD.
You MIGHT BE ONTO SOMETHING HERE ANON
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wwait please do tell ur issues with omori if u feel like it. as a somewhat omori enjoyer (<omocat sucks) i wanna see others' opinions as well
ok on my puter here u go. im not gonna write out like. an essay im just gonna list things out in bullet points because thats easier for me so sorry if this is hard to read/understand. quick side note i've played this game around 3 times because i love showing it to people so they can get mad about it with me. i feel like this is important because ive like. actually played the game and not pulling all of this out of a cut down letsplay (also just so no one gets mad at me i pirated it) but also my memory is awful. i am planning to play it again and actively take notes so i can write something more coherent. also putting it under a read more because i didnt realize how much i had to say about this
the story sucks tbh. like its an interesting concept that could have been done in an extremely impactful way but i felt nothing. like i didnt care about mari and i didnt care about sunny because he had like. no personality outside of "silent main character everyone likes". like if you dont care about mari the whole story falls apart. it relies very heavily on you caring about the two of them which is FINE but they do a really bad job of making me actually give a shit.
hero got like fucking nothing in the story and that bothers me like. outside of sunny we should have seen how mari's death impacted him the most because. you know. THEY WERE DATING? but we never get to spend time with hero. like all he is is "the nice one" i wish we got to see. anything with him but i swear they just weren't allowed to have him express emotions that werent extremely mild or something. actually now that i think about it it feels like hero was an after thought in like. everything. his dream word ability is barely used and when it is it feels like anyone could have done it. have it literally just be that he can flip switches is stupid. you could remove hero from the game and it would impact nothing.
AUBREYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY the church confrontation scene was like. GENUINELY GOOD? and then after that they just forget to do anything with her. like it pisses me off how that scene was actually good and the only part that genuinely got me to feel anything and then she just gets nothing. like her "bully" scenes are pretty good and i genuinely sympathized with her but it kind of felt like. you werent supposed to? idk if that makes sense because you totally WERE supposed to feel bad for aubrey but having the kel high fives directly after multiple scene where you make her cry felt so. fucking weird. maybe that was the point idk. aubrey's my favorite character i wish omocat knew how to write
SPEAKING OF KEL. I REALLY REALLY DONT LIKE HOW THE GAME TREATS HIM. he's supposed to be the comic relief but like. EVERY joke is either "kel is gross/stupid" or "aubrey is mean to him for no fucking reason" and it gets old really fast because he's just a kid??? like him and aubrey are just mean to each other thats their whole thing which is FINE i GUESS but its not funny?? its just incredibly mean spirited and not fair to him as a character. why couldnt he have just been silly without the game seemingly hating him for trying to have fun. like most of his moveset is based around being annoying its. its weird man idk.
also the fact this is a fucking item in the game
when i got this for the first time i put my head in my fucking hands man this sucks.
Basil. basil could have been an EXTREMELY interesting character but hes just so. whiny. it gets old really fast. the final fight with him was pretty good i guess. i dont have much to say about him sadly because i just like. dont remember. nothing with him stuck with me. OH WAIT the black space bit where you repeatedly kill him in extremely gruesome ways was. kind of fucking weird. because hes 10. it was unnecessary like if you REALLY wanted the fact that sunny is trying so hard to repress anything that reminds him of what he did to be represented through basil dying you could have just done it a couple times idk. weird scene.
ok moving on from characters the art is. a lot. its very hard to tell the dream world party members apart because omocat just has really bad same fact syndrome, it doesnt help that they all have the same color palettes. speaking of color palettes why do the overworld sprites white wash kel and hero. its less noticeable with hero but like. come on man its not hard to color pick your own art
still on the art the fact everything moves is fun in concept but REALLY distracting in execution. theres been multiple fights (specifically sweetheart, the king crawler and humphrey) where i've gotten awful headaches and had to take a break because i felt sick from all the movement lol. also the animation for releasing energy does NOT help who thought making the screen shake that much was a good idea dear god. like seriously this game needs to have some kind of warning
using sweetheart as an excuse to talk about how the dream world its such a fucking slog. i UNDERSTAND the point is that sunny is doing everything in his power to not reach the truth so he creates roadblocks but oh my goddddddd its so annoying to constantly have the plot take a backseat so we can go to a wedding or go to a casino or GO IN THAT STUPID FUCKING WHALE. the fact that there is a fucking mod that removes the humphrey segment should say enough. like that part in particular was soooooo fucking bad. its so boring. the humphrey fight has THREE FUCKING PHASES. I DONT KNOW WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA BUT THEY SHOULD BE KILLED. ITS AN AWFUL EXPERIENCE
the emotion system is an interesting idea but i wish they did more with it. once you figure out that everyone has one theyre best with you stop playing with them. it stopped being fun to battle because its just make aubrey angry -> make sunny sad -> make kel happy -> have hero do fucking nothing -> hit them. idk maybe they could have had like. special emotions for boss fights?? im not sure how that'd work but i wish they added little twists every now and then to keep all the battles from feeling the same.
the real world isnt much better honestly. all the aubrey shit made me angry and the battles are so weirdly unfair its just not fun. like it doesnt penalize you for losing real world battles but its like. idk they suck. also the fact it doesnt tell you food doesnt heal you in the real world fucked me up when i first played because i was so used to the dream world i spent all my money on soda and then spent the entirety of the real world on like 1 hp
i cant add spoilers on tumblr so animal harm/death and suicide warning for this next part. if you dont want to read that theres nothing else after it so youre good to just stop reading now
i dont like the black space. like i briefly went over it in the basil segment but it left such a bad taste in my mouth. especially the part where you are seemingly "forced" to cut your fucking cat open as it begs you to free it and the only way to not hurt it is to kill yourself?? ok.
speaking of which the fact the only way to leave the dream world and wake up is to kill yourself complete with a little sound effect is weird to me. idk man omori is 10 im not exactly keen on watching a child kill himself several times.
honestly the games handling of suicide is gross to me. obviously i dont think you should never talk about suicide i think its a very important topic but they way its handled in omori is almost. glorified? idk if that the right word. omori/sunny can kill himself so many times in this game and i just found that a little weird. also basil can kill himself and you can see his body just. sitting there.
ok im running out of writing steam if i think of anything else i'll make another post or you have any follow up questions let me know im gonna go watch scott the woz
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self-recs 💫
prompt was: post your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. thank you @urban-sith @nightimedreamersworld @you-remind-me-of-the-babe for tagging me! i feel like im late so idk who has done this already but i tag @starwarned @seducing-a-vampire @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @prettylightsbigcity @sillyunicorn
i'm only gonna do snowbaz, and also these are just in order of how recent they are bc i dont know how to rank them lol
1. Something's Gotta Give Now (T), 7k
this is my most recent snowbaz fic and i really really liked writing it. it's an au, and i don't really want to give too much away because part of what i like about this fic is the way the backstory unravels. but the gist is: baz plays a sexy, angsty vampire on a popular tv show, and simon is very bitter and very funny about it.
i did this after not writing snowbaz for a while, so i feel like i was able to return to the characters with fresh eyes and some broken bad habits. the third person is nice too -- i definitely write more cleanly in third. it's definitely not crack (which was my original intention lmfao, it's technically my crackfest entry), but im not really mad about it. i gave up on my ability to not to take it seriously about 500 words in. also, there's a second chapter that it just unhinged shit lmfao.
2. The Places We Build (T), 4k
this fic plays with the idea of: what if simon and baz decided in their first year at watford that they didn't want to hate each other? what if everything was the same, except nothing was the same, because they were friends? i like it because i feel like it has a strong heartbeat. i love to see how much of a world i can create in the least amount of words, and there's a looooot of history packed into these 4k words. very tender. very cuddly :)
3. love means slowly using losing your mind (E), 8k
this one was so fun to write. another au -- baz is a wedding planner, simon is penny/sheps best man (yes, both of them). it's loosely based on THAT scene from the movie 27 Dresses (iykyk) but it stands on its own. i like how i leaned into the setting here -- it feels like a very accessible world to me, like you could close your eyes and see the pub. and also i really just like to put my blorbos in a situation where they get drunk and have fun hahaha. as always, shit gets kind of real and snowbaz are their usual intense selves. also there's awkward car sex, which was hilarious to write.
4. Jump Up, Chosen One! (T), 8k
dude. what the FUCK was i on here..... this is perhaps the most plot-driven thing i've ever written, while also being one of the WEIRDEST things ive ever written. the premise is: simon goes off, trapping him, niall, dev, and baz in a Super Mario Bros game. and like. it's silly, yeah. but when i read back through im always like -- oh, ok, there's a lot of heart in this! good job rory! more reasons to love: lots of fun niall & dev screen time, simon solving problems thru the power of Being Determined, a tender moment that i interrupt several times by reminding you that simon and baz do indeed look like mario characters, penny solving problems thru the power of Being Clever, and a surprise tonal shift at the end lmfao. idk man. there's a lot going on here and i think it's p sweet.
5. In black ink my love may still shine bright (M), 5k
even though i hate that i used a fuckin long ass shakespeare quote as a title (lmao. like it fits and i love that sonnet but still. tacky !), this fic is great. @starwarned and i talk a lot about the power of The Slutty M-Rated Fic, and this is my best work in that regard. post-awtwb, date night -- they get ice cream and go to a bar and... shenanigans ensue. it's sweet and happy and nothing bad happens. NICE. the e-rated sequel is the first smut i ever wrote. i was so nervous about it. look at me now.... our resident blood slut LMAO.
honorable mentions, because im a dirty cheater. these probably belong in top 5 but ive been talking about them already recently so i didnt want to be repetitive.
closer to the sun (E), 6k: simpard taken seriously. investigations and road trips and finding purpose and... dragon-fucking.
Nothing Equals The Splendor (T), 52k: my longest fic! gbbo au. a labor of love.
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Okay, been at least 24 hours since the chapter release now but still stop reading if you dont want spoilers for One Piece Chapter 1060!
First, what everyone is talking about basically- can we PLEASE stop getting Sabo caught up in explosions?? Please?? Seriously?? The mans been through ENOUGH of these, how much explosion trauma from the world government until theyre satisfied!! He just keeps dying and its time to stop this madness, give him a break and an entire bottle of champagne!!
but surprisingly im not all THAT worried about Sabo.. theres a part of me that just KNOWS theres something going on there. Sabo made it out and got away, but got away from WHAT is my question?? At first when the spoilers came out, between the new pacifistas and the supposed thundering I started freaking out because I thought Enel was coming back. But now after seeing the chapter.. it looks a lot MORE like an ancient weapon?? I always thought the WG had uranus on their side, though I didnt know HOW to solidify that in my head since all the ancient weapons are supposed to be PEOPLE. Does that mean Imu is Uranus?? Or someone else all together, WHAT is going on here?? Especially since ancient weapons so FAR have had control over some kind of creatures: Podeidon -> sea kings
Pluton -> Zunesha/giant elephants (? Unconfirmed)
Uranus -> ????
Yet, throughout all this, this chapter was SUCH a wild ride that my mind hadnt even been occupied by these by the time I finished it!! No, i was LOSING my fucking SHIT over Luffys dream!! Like YOUNG MAN what do you MEAN youve had another dream BESIDES being the pirate king and becoming the freest man in the world?!? MY BRAIN had been in SHAMBLES trying to figure OUT what the hell is going on!! But my panicking lasted a good 30min before I remembered.. WAIT, right, I still havent looked it up to confirm because lazy but wasnt Joy Boys dream something about uniting all of the races?? Which is why he tried so hard to bring the fishmen to the sun?? Thinking about that, it would make sense if Luffys devil fruit, not long after Luffy had eaten it, sort of confessed that dream subconsciously to his mind only for Luffy to take it on and decide to make it come TRUE. And it makes SENSE, because imagine this seven year old telling you with such DETERMINATION that they wanted to hold a party with EVERYONE in the world??? Shanks would definitely laugh himself to tears over that, it sounds CRAZY but its so luffy and him being HIM.. Luffy could do it. Unite all the races and encourage a party- who knows, maybe the reveal of that dream is WHY Uta was now introduced, as someone who can also unite people through song. These are my thoughts and predictions so far, ALTHOUGH.. Zoro also bringing up not underestimating vivi like Luffy had done for Ace like. BRO
ONE, Ace was WAAYYY stronger than Luffy at the time he wouldve just dragged his older brother DOWN big time
And TWO, even WITHOUT that, look at how WELL that went in the FIRST PLACE?? The mans traumatized!! Of course he would want to help vivi, and not ONLY that, as much as I adore vivi and want to put MAD respect on her strength, it IS the job of a pirate captain to GO to their crew whenever they are in danger!! Let him go you stupid mossman im supposed to love!! Jajwkahsgsjwkjwksjshdaagdjee
Ive been SCREAMING and my minds going to keep screaming until the next chapter comes!!
#one piece#op#op spoilers#one piece spoilers#spoilers#vivi#luffy#ODA I LOVE YOU#YOURE DOING FANTASTIC#sabo#one piece 1060
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for no reasons at all (bored in class) im going to finally disclose in more clear detail what caused my great summer 22 breakdown
for this to work i need to set the scene a little. on excavations its very easy to get really close with people really quick. First because you work together. But then when youre done with the 8ish hours of work, you all live together in the same place so you essentially work eat and sleep together, also often in very spartan places so the spaces are Very shared.
For This excavation we were there 4 weeks. We were staying in an old kindergarten. 15/20 young adults (from 20 to 30 year more or less). The professor did Not stay with us (he was barely there on the work itself).
detail. he was close friends with another girl. Lets say shes A. they worked together before and they were on the same wavelength. me and her never worked in the same area, we got along but she wasnt in my closest circle lets say. That being said. we've had a..variety of moments. I liked her but i didnt have any projects to try anything Romantic for a lot of reasons. But she was..fond? of me. so we were kinda in this treshold.
The first 2 weeks i worked at the tower where the guy in question, lets call him C, also worked. I did not like him at all first impression he seemed like the worst type of guy you can find on excavations: obsessed, full of himself, generally weird not in the fun sense. im not above being superficial and saying that i didnt like him bc he was blond also....god forbid.
He actually turned out to be great! He was not full of himself and his obsession most of the time was genuine passion for the job, that he was very happy to share and i love people who can talk your ear off about topics, especially since it was my first medieval excavation so i didnt really know shit abt it. He had a variety of hobbies, most interestingly he worked with metals, in true medievalhead fashion he could do from jewelry to swords all by himself. All this being said i generally liked the guy (even if he was a workaholic and im. not. so we often argued on the job) but i didnt much of it. We share some interests in the sense that i can, obviously, talk about history and literature and poetry so we would often discuss also archeology obv (not by ourselves often with the others obviously you are Rarely alone with only one unless you like shower together and even then ive had showers with other 4 ppl so). But you have to understand again that i could say equally interesting and praising things about most of the people working with me: you just get to know eachother very quickly and very deeply!
SO. last night of the excavation. We did a big celebration dinner we ate and drank a lot and had a lot of fun generally. on this dinner we also talked a lot and its when i talked for 20 minutes with her abt literature (C was next to us too and at one point he lit my cigarette very homosexually like with his own sorry this is random i was. intoxicated so i remember bits and pieces from here).
At one point we go back to the school where we slept. We kept drinking and playing there and obviously started smoking weed at one point bc we are university students. From now on my recollection is kind of sparce because usually i hold my ground pretty well but with the food and the alcohol and Everything i got. Very high. Also it was like 4am and i hadnt slept. We finish smoking and the energy is winding down by now. We were in one of the shared rooms (not the one where i slept) on A's matress. Dont ask. I was very chill just laying there being silly.
I Cant...explain why i knew what it was supposed to be. Probably exactly why he chose to give me something like this. We did talk about christian literature and the gospels but not Specifically you know. To this day i cant say how he nailed it so well. So im like. Stopping him. C. are these supposed to be judas' pieces of silver? The ones he sold jesus for? And hes like. Yeah.
After a couple minutes C gets up and asks if he can talk to me. AGAIN i was Very chill, in general and with him too, so i didnt think much of it. This is a huge L for me tbh i considered myself good at understanding when men are interested in me and in damage control but alas.
We go out back, theres a little garden facing the hills so its very dark. I crack a joke i dont remember what but by his response i understand somethings is About To Go Down. Im in disbelief. He puts something in my hand, i feel fabric and the sound of metal clinking together but i cant see what it is. The situation is so surreal i keep being sarcastic. I feel around the little bag and im like: is there. Beer caps in here? Hes obviously very anxious despite also being very intoxicated. He starts explaining me how he worked on the gift. He collected beer caps and flattened them and put them in some solution to get the plastic color and logos off. he also made the satchel but i dont remember where he took the scraps fabric from. i dont remember probably bc as he was saying this i opened the bag and tried to look at the caps and as soon as i saw them i knew.
I dont remember how i got myself out of the tension i probably laughed hysterically because like. Come On. He started talking again and he was very obviously confessing. He complimented me, not my looks but my wits, how thoughtful i was despite initially coming off as abrasive. It was a very sweet and honest speech and to this day it haunts me in virtue of being one of the few confessions that did not mention my looks in any way. I immediately ruined it by being too high to have any tact and answering with, now infamous among my friends: ahah its because im a scorpio!
Curtains drawn, no applause. I think at that point one of the girls who slept in my room came looking for me and called me to bed. I thanked him profusely bc i was genuinely grateful but then i just went to my room. I didnt sleep. 5 minutes later it hit me: the coins, the garden. He wanted it to end in a judas' kiss. I was positively in a nervous fit by now and the only thing that helped was that everyone else in the room was Out but i definitely stayed up bent in half by guilt and anxiety all night. I heard him and A talk in the kitchen (it connected my room to theirs) but i couldn't make out the words.
Next morning we are closing site so we still Have to work. I try to distract myself and i wait for a moment where i can be with him alone because i wanted to apologize for my lack of tact in what was essentially a rejection. Hes very much avoiding me. Understandable. But im still very upset. I try to talk to A. I'm like. Im so sorry, but im not...into men? (i had talked abt being interested in women the weeks before so it wasnt a secret. its just not my style to come out as a lesbian formally). A was like "well it cant be helped then. He was kinda expecting the rejection dont worry. But im a little sad..i think you would have been great for him" WHATEVER? i was just so defeated at that point i was like.....alright. This girl i swear i was so smitten for her i just wasnt thinking straight because after all this she was like. Are you coming to my house with the others after we close today? We are going to a medieval fair tonight and you can all sleep over at my house my family isnt home. And i was like. Of Course im driving 2 hours to your fucking house and staying another day with this group where the boy i rejected also is!
I was just. Completely out of it by this point. I was on 2 hours of sleep still reeling from the night and with the exhaustion of 4 weeks of physical labour on my mind i was just. Out of touch. We close and i drive to her house. We were a smaller group at this point obv so we were like 8 ppl or smth. I will Not. Start with all the moments me and her had while i was at her house. Its just pathetic honestly. Me and C still were avoiding to be alone. I had too much on my mind.
We went to the fair. I managed to have fun, i was actually very excited to be there it was good. We ate there. I remember a moment of lucidity when we were sitting at the table (drinking again. I had to drive too idk what i was doing) and i was sitting between A and C and I was just like. There is no way this is happening. I fell off the excavation hill and im dying and my synapses are firing off. Understand i was at a medieval fair in this castle town with everyone dressed in period clothing and playing pretend. This requires more lore of my mindset but its not that hard to See Why i thought it was all a fabrication of my mind like im don chisciotte and ive read one epic too many.
We go back to her house. I dont remember much from the evening. I wake up the next day and finally get C alone. I apologize, i remember my frustration in trying to make him understand how i was feeling. He seemed ok enough.
We said our goodbyes and i had to drive all the way back home. Long story short i had a breakdown over not having enough gas to get home despite it being a completely solvable problem and i called my mom in tears crying how i was stupid and shitty and she was just like. Anna just fill the damn tank at a gas station. She witnessed the best of me that month.
#a lot of details are omitted bc i dont like disclosing everything. for me and for the others too#im sorry theres not a fun ending!! i was very upset! but i think theres an inherent universal irony to this. it makes me giggle now#if i dont think abt it too long#a#maybe i will make a post abt Whatever The Fuck was going on with A but it'll get me cyberbullied. rightfully
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1633.
What is your favorite genre of music?
im an rnb gal. but i love everything else.
Do you believe in ghosts?
kinda. id shit myself if i ever saw one so i just choose not to think about it.
What colors are the walls in your room?
one feature wall is turquoise and the rest of the walls are a light grey
What is your favorite kind of cookies?
subway white choc macadamia cookies, yum
What are your thoughts on euthanasia?
im assuming for humans? im all for it but only if the person has a terminal illness and decides to do it for themselves
Who did you last speak to on the phone?
my colleague zeke
Do you scare easily?
yep lol
What was your first car?
mitsubishi magna. it was a trash car that ran well with a done up stereo system. my dad got it for me knowing that id probably bang it up a bit (false) but i didnt have it for too long
What was the last book you read?
i forgot haha. i always start books and forget about them
Do you like Gatorade?
i do! i just dont drink it too often
What is your dream career?
im too old to have career aspirations anymore. i was never really career focused anyway. im a manager for my work now but i sorta think thats it for me lol
Favorite time of day?
any time on weekends except sunday night lol
Have you ever lived somewhere that has a fireplace?
no. fireplaces arent really a thing here
Have you ever donated to charity?
yes
What size mattress do you sleep on?
queen
Do you exercise?
hardly
Do you believe in any old wives tales?
not at all lol
Have you ever lived in an apartment?
yes, i lived in one for the first 2-3 years of my life
What color are your bed sheets?
dark blue
Are you afraid of the dark?
kinda. definitely in unfamiliar places
What is your favorite kind of juice?
cloudy apple or pulpy oj
What is your favorite pair of shoes?
my winter boots :)
Have you ever written daily in a journal?
yes! i did in 2018 i think
Do you prefer jeans or sweatpants?
sweatpants of course. comfort over style for me
Are you a night person or a day person?
hmm... night person as long as im home by midnight haha
Have you ever had any surgeries?
no
Would you rather write the story or read it?
read
Do you currently owe anyone money?
my bank for my mortgage
Do you like to give people jump scares?
haha sometimes!
Do you believe horoscopes are real?
no
How old were you when you got your license, if you do have it?
16. i dont think i have it anymore :( i still have my second drivers licence tho
Do you want to get married someday?
yes
What is your favorite fruit?
banana and rockmelon
Do you like romantic movies? If so, what is your favorite?
i just finished watching the high note. so cute!
What are your favorite qualities in a S.O.?
kindness and loyalty
What is your favorite meal to cook?
hmm i dont have a specialty :( i guess my fancy ramen
What is your favorite fast food place?
hungry jacks
Did you have a lot of friends in school?
yes i did actually. i dont speak w anyone anymore tho
Are you good at wrapping gifts?
im not great but im def not bad
Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?
ive only ever been in one serious relationship and i dont think we’re toxic
What website could you not live without?
google!
What would you do if you won 1 million dollars?
pay off the house, pay off our wedding and buy myself a car and save the little amount left haha
Do you like to do crafts?
not really
Are any of your grandparents still alive?
no :(
How many windows are in your room?
one long one
What is your favorite animal?
pandas
What weather is your favorite?
a sunny winter day where i can sit in the sun without feeling hot
Have you ever read a book of poetry?
nope
Do you have any nicknames?
plenty!
What is your natural hair color?
dark brown
Did you ever get detention in school?
i dont think so
Do you consider yourself a pessimist?
not really. im more of a realist
Do people come to you often for advice?
yes, all the time. its basically my job
Have you ever had a board game night?
ive had many! im long overdue tho
Do you enjoy going grocery shopping?
yeah i do haha. i need to make a list otherwise ill go overboard
What is your favorite kind of candy?
im not a candy kind of person. if anything, i like liquid centre things like starburst
Have you ever been to the zoo?
yes
What was the best vacation you’ve ever been on?
two come to mind - going to disneyworld when i was 10 and traveling w my fiance for the first time when we were 21 to san fran, la and vegas.
Have you ever traveled out of the country?
yes
What are your top three favorite holidays?
christmas, valentines and new year
Do you have a difficult time falling asleep?
nah, i fall asleep pretty easily these days
Who is the most attractive actor, in your opinion?
every time i get asked this question i can never think of anyone until afterwards
Have you ever slept nude?
i tried once but i just felt weird about it
What is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?
blair witch project scared me as a kid
When was the last time you went outside?
earlier today
Did you have over-protective parents?
i sorta did growing up. they were strict but i respected them so i didnt feel like i ever rebelled. they were pretty fair i guess
How many stories tall is your dream house?
id rather a large single storey
What is your favorite thing about yourself physically?
my skin atm
What does the last text you received say?
'ye’ thats it lol
Do you consider yourself to be promiscuous?
not at all
Are you close to your family members?
yes
Do you consider yourself a flirt?
haha hell no
What emotion are you currently feeling?
rundown
What was the last thing you ate?
a blondie, apparently the white choc version of a brownie haha
Who do you have the most in common with?
weirdly enough, my fiance
What is your favorite form of art?
visual shit, mostly paintings
Have you ever had sex in a public place?
yes
What is your biggest pet peeve?
disrespectful people
Do you consider yourself a sarcastic person?
not really. my workmates called me sarcastic once and i was appalled. maybe i do it without thinking
Do you have any obscure pets?
nope
Do you think you’re an attractive person?
with some makeup i sometimes clean up well
Have you ever had a blog?
yes haha
Do you consider yourself politically correct?
yes
What is your wifi password?
its just numbers and i can never remember it even tho its been the same for years
Who was the last family member you spoke to?
my sister
Have you ever won money on a scratch off ticket?
yeah but small amounts only
Do you like Disney movies?
of course!
Are there any candles burning in your home right now?
no
Where is the person you love the most?
out watching a spots game
Have you ever grown any plants or flowers?
yup! i went thru a mad green thumb phase during lockdown and my plants are mostly pretty happy!
Do you consider yourself a smart person?
yes
What is your favorite flavor of candy?
red - strawberry, raspberry etc
Have you ever tried to follow a painting tutorial?
kinda
Are you good at working on cars?
im good at basic shit and thats where it ends
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worst week of the year
hey blog
theres so much i want to tell you and would rather be feeling right now e.g. my truth about being nonbinary and graduating and moving and finishing college and new music and new inspirations and volunteering and all those thoughts about the world and cooking-- but right now i just feel like shiiiiiit.
nothing profound, barely edited stream of consciousness, about:
insecurity
it's so hitting sometimes. and i try to come up with why and i figure a couple things: stress. not sleeping great. hormones (follicular phase). the weather (gloomy). anxiety (but that's the same thing as insecurity). not eating great. negative reinforcement. negative reinforcement. negative reinforcement. reading into things. losing the male gaze. needing so badly different clothes.
it's the worst when it manifests socially like this. like the most negative voice in your head narrating-- why? i know it's just as easy to switch to another. so why do i have these tendencies to slip into the worst of it? just wired that way? why do the low moods have such a moving character? maybe its not that big of a deal. but for days i have felt awful. and i cant even communicate that properly to the people that love me because its too much- its really just too much to launch into. and so i need a long chat before i can move any of this weight off me. so im here. <3
i know i dont suck. but sometimes i guess i do. or i could. so i worry about being lost-- about other people losing me, in a concerned-for-myself way. and i think about how utterly pointless this post is because girl, you're not saying anything that hasn't already been sai across the world.
that's nice. this shit isn't unique. but whe no one talks about it it kinda feels like everything is fine for everybody. and when i'm doing fine i see that that's true in a sense. everyone's lives are so cool even when theyre bad. no need to compare because we're really on the same page. just need to remember that. the equalness. the sameness of the value of all of our lives, of my life in particular. it is not less it is not less. dear reader i can only say in plain words and ask you to believe me that the "but"s come up so strong there. "it is not less" does not sit without protest, and riot again. i don't want to lie, so opens up the possibility that "it is not less" is not true... you may see how the facilitation of this dialogue weighs on me.
judging myself for all that i don't do. so much love so little do, i think. but then i dont have time. because im a student. and that kills me. been slowly killing me for years. once i decided i wouldnt die the killing only got slower, subtler. what a drain on the spirit. you ask anyone, hopefully, they will tell you, college has not been for me. but in college i have found pieces of life that could be, that would be. i feel closest to them now. but what if ive been lying? what if my lines i repeat against this fucking institution have just been An Excuse? for not living... that's terrifying. that i'm a phony. that im really just a loser !! we'll see i guess. what a pressure. what a chance.
feeling so limited in so many ways . in the gender fashion way (and with those two words im done speaking on this). in the free time way, of course. my friends inspire me when they do things that are simply joyful. smart. so smart. can't afford to give myself those pleasures right now. i want to soon. i so, so want to. and i hope that when this all goes away i wasn't lying and i can. the kind of thing that you cant test or experiment on without replicating exact conditions, so the kind of thing you can't really ever know until you're there: if life gets better.
i think there are things about me that i need to fix. first: stop using i/me/mine. unpack that. i dont think its actually like that. like probably shut the fuck up and stop THINKING!! about yourself. but also---- this is important---- think about yourself more and do a much better job upon reflection, please. tweak. and edit. and abolish. yesss, yes. then you'll get it.
at least i am so far from my potential. like, that's a good thing. there are so many things i can do. thats empowering an i think about that a lot because its part of my self therapy prompt. i think ive talked about it on here before but in case i didnt/as a refresher, when i journal for efficacy it usually starts with "i'm feeling [fill in blank.] i can do something about this!" literally. like i make myself write that sentence every time. kind of geen, would recommend. works. having agency rules. having a tendency to forget i have agency sucks. something to work on something to build.
and of course ive come a long way. for the worst week of my 2024 its not that bad of a week, like woah. really puts it into perspective. things could suck so much badder. thank Fucking god. im really fine. its really fine. phew. the future is chilling, honest, if only because i have so much knowledge er wisdom about how to be happy. and cuz of logistics. we good. i love my people and they love me and like its fiiiine and im cool. the present aint bad i just need to do my homework, that's all, really. i just need to do it and now that i've typed all of this out i feel a bit better like i can. in pavement. rn. bagel sandwich on mom. gift card from christmas/my bday, cool. iced vanilla latte matching the classic vibe. i am but a collection of past selves, my life built upon other versions, wearing these fuckass old clothes in a new body is kind of the human condition. changing and having to catch up to it. we're in that gap of time where things havent updated or refreshed. the part in second puberty where its not actually done yet. theres actually more to come and youre in that transitional phase. thats what this is. another one of those. things just arent figured out or settled or that comfortable because im too busy to make them better or good and thats just what it is right now and thats fine because there is definitely an end to this. 2 weeks, whatever. i can make it two weeks at not-my-best. which is wild to say because i was literally feeling my best like a week ago, so, what? that's what this fucking blog is all about. kateworld changes so fast. its all temporary.
catch you on the upswing
Kate
<3
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Have i fucking ever given you a reason to think im a scumbag, think real fucking hard. After everything we went through, all the support, all the "love" and appreciation for eachother. I have been nothing but there for you. I have done nothing but try to be understanding towards you and patient. Sometimes we didnt communicate and it made things difficult, but was i a scumbag? Did i ever do anything to you or anyone to make you think i didnt try my best to be there or helpful or a good fucking person. I dont like drama, i dont hate anyone, i dont want to see anyone upset or angry, especially you. You deserve the fucking world, everyone does. So what the fuck happened man, what makes you think i was actually talking shit about you. Whos twisting my words or your mind and why was it so easy for you to disregard all ive been towards you over the past year. Best manager ive ever had and one of my best friends, you got me my job and ive been slowly recovering and pleased to be there. Now what, you think im so much of an asshole you guys banned me from the stores and were ready to press charges over something i said? What did i say, fucking call me and tell me. Cuz i dont fucking know. If you think i drunk talked to people i havent. I havent been drunk at work since you told me to never do it again, and that was when i was working for you. Drunk now? Drunk texting people at my job now? No, and no. Im about to go to work and be anxious about how everyone there probably thinks im a scumbag now, whole town probably lowkey thinks it because thats the kind of place it is. All regulars, lots of drama. If i wanted to make your life hell i couldve told everyone we fucking slept together, an obvious lie and we both know it but everyone else would question and talk about it. That would be a scumbag move. Would i? No, never, even now being as pissed off as i am. I respected your requests. The "dont text back, delete those posts, etc". I lied to him about kissing you, all of it to help try and keep your mental state okay while mine fucking broke. Ive only ever spoken highly of you at my job. Ive lied so much to the people asking why i quit working for you to save your image because i still fucking care about you. "I left because i didnt enjoy some of the people i worked with and it was just a stressful environment to work in, or just needed to feel like i was moving up in the world or needed a change of pace". You dont think im important anymore or am not a good person? Who are you. What the fuck happened to you man. We were good friends and you were so quick to toss me aside fucking multiple time. Getting past the "relationship" was a good reason to toss me aside. It def helped us both give up on that, but tossing aside our friendship like we didnt have one. Tossing me aside now, thinking ive just became an asshole in the past few weeks and am trying to shit on your life? Are you just saying all this to try and get past me or what idk man, if you are and care about me at all anymore then please fucking stop because youre hurting me even more. Like what the fuck man. Im so pissed off at you right now, and i should hate you but i just fucking cant and thats pissing me off even more. Forgive all my swearing to any christians reading this if anyone reads this at all, but i try to be a man of God and you know that too. So i forgive you for thinking im some cunt now. I forgive you for the emotional rollercoaster waiting for you to change was. You said you ruined my life, you didnt. You damaged me and broke me but i forgive you, im repairable. I still have my whole life ahead of me. I wasnt it, i wasnt enough, i wasnt the one, i wasnt important, everything you said i was, wasnt, even though you said you meant everything you say to me. Its all very clear to me now thank you. I forgive you. Youve really pissed me tf off though. Youve always wondered/wanted to see me get pissed off, well here it is, congrats you did it.
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