"Can't even dig a subway in Xi'an. If you dig too shallow you find artifacts from Tang dynasty. If you dig too deep you find artifacts from Han dynasty."

2024 China Grand Prix Race Analysis

Here is my full analysis of the 2024 Chinese Grand prix. I already covered the sprint in a separate post here.

The important thing to keep in mind about this weekend is that the Chinese track was a very unique surface. It caused a lot of unusual grip problems for many of the top teams. I think as a whole that this race saw some outlier results as far as car behavior goes.

Table of Contents Stake - Zhou - Valtteri Ferrari - Start - Charles: his race, vs Lando - Carlos - Data Analysis Mclaren - Lando - Oscar - Data Analysis Penalties - Logan - Kevin - Daniel - Lance VCARB Aston Martin Red Bull - Checo Final Thoughts

Stake

Zhou

I usually start these with Ferrari. However this is a special occasion. So we are starting the analysis by celebrating Zhou and his performance this weekend.

This was the first Chinese Grand Prix in Formula 1 history with a Chinese driver racing on track. Zhou Guanyu made history and considering the car he's in he gave a good performance for the home crowd. Between qualifying 10th in the sprint, making some pretty good overtakes during the race, and carrying his team after Valtteri's DNF it was a pretty good weekend all around.

It was so nice to see all of the home support for Zhou. He was given an honorary spot at parc fermé after the race, and I am so glad they did something special to highlight this moment for him and the country he is representing in F1.

Zhou driving this weekend really was the highlight. This was only ever going to happen once in F1. Glad I was here to see it.

Valtteri unfortunately suffered a power unit failure and had to retire from the race. No damage to the car. This did bring out the yellow flag and a VSC. And when the marshals were unable to roll the car off the track quickly enough it upgraded to a full safety car(don’t worry we will be coming back to this)

He was looking pretty good in the car until that point, actually getting close to the points. I think we might see Stake in the points this year if they ever get their pit stops under control.

Ferrari

Ferrari's race was probably the weakest for the team so far this season. It wasn't really a surprise though. The cooler temperatures and inconsistent track surface were not ideal for the SF24.

Charles started in P6 and finished P4, Carlos started P7 and finished P5.

I do consider this not to be indicative of any downward trend for Ferrari. It was pretty predictable and it did not reveal any issues in the SF-24 we weren't already aware of (tyre warming)

Ferrari did say that they sacrificed more in qualifying in favor of a better race setup. And I don't think this was necessarily a bad idea. It's impossible to say if a different setup might have put them higher and if they have been able to defend with that setup. Going for a more race focused setup and relying on the better tyre deg to be able to allow for overtaking is a pretty good plan, especially if they didn't think they could get much more out of qualifying.

This did mean that we got to see some proper overtakes in the SF-24 from Charles and that is something we just haven't seen a lot of this season so far. So seeing how it handles in that regard was good.

So the big question is, why did Ferrari suddenly end up behind a Mclaren when Ferrari have been easily beating them all season?

Well there are a few factors:

- Ferrari struggled this weekend with grip and failed to find the best balance in the car to maximize top speeds. They did sacrifice some downforce in favor of speed during the race but I don't think it was enough. It didn't do enough to help the top speeds and it sacrificed grip so we ended up a weird middle ground that didn't optimize either problem. This track surface really made it so hard to figure out the right direction for setup.

- Mclaren(Lando) were stronger than expected. Lando was really the one pulling performance out of that car.

I will point out some key areas on this in the data analysis section as well.

Race Start

The most notable thing about Ferrari’s race was the start, when Carlos compromised his and Charles’ start by attacking right into turn 1. This forced Charles to have to defend(something he should not have to do right off the race start from his own teammate who started behind) and this resulted in them both immediately losing a place to Russell. This was a place they both had to fight to make up.

Again, this kind of thing isn’t good when compromising the results for the whole team is the result.

Footage Analysis

Just so we are clear about who is responsible for the loss of placement I want to show the footage from this start. This is from Carlos' driver cam footage as it most clearly shows what happened.

Charles starts P6 with Carlos behind him in P7. George is behind them in P8.

Into turn 1 Charles has the inside line, very clearly. Carlos has the outside line into the turn, this is fine. Charles is also clearly ahead.

Carlos pushes inside more, putting pressure on Charles. Notice how much closer Carlos got and how much space he left on the outside(another vulnerability he left open)

Charles pushes Carlos back(to defend which he has to do if attacked especially into a crowded corner like that a the race start)

Charles then took full position in front of Carlos, and this allowed George to slip past both of them on the inside line.

Because Carlos forced Charles to defend George was able to take that inside line that Charles had and passed both of them, dropping Charles and Carlos down a place.

Charles cannot defend both the outside and inside line on his own. He defended against the car that put pressure on him first. His teammate should not be the main one he has to defend team track position against.

Carlos compromised Charles' ability to defend position against George(which is the priority, he's on a rival team that is more important than racing between teammates)

Again if he is attacked Charles has to defend, why would he give up the place to the teammate he was faster than? Nothing would have happened if Carlos hadn’t pulled this move. Charles would have kept George behind and they might have been able to overtake earlier in the race and gain one more position, because they lost a full position to George this early they had to take that back before they could make progress climbing further up the field.

Carlos

This was Carlos' weakest performance so far this year. He compromised the race start for himself and Ferrari causing them both to lose placement immediately. Then he was unable to overtake. The only real overtakes he's pulled off were on cars with seriously compromised brakes.

He struggled with grip and tyres more than Charles. They both had issues in this area but it was more noticeable in his performance.

Charles finished 10.36 seconds ahead of his teammate who was directly behind him in the final 13 laps this race. And that gap can be explained by the fact Carlos was stuck behind Fernando for more laps(as well as a pit stop), however once he got into clean air he did not make up any time at all, his pace didn’t gain on Charles at all with the clean air. A gap in pace that big between teammates is concerning(at least for Carlos) It may be due to his personal choice of setup, or tyre management, or grip in the track. Given that he had more issues with grip on this track I am thinking that was a factor. He lost most of his time on turns 1, 5, 7, 8, and 10.

Edit: also Carlos did pit under normal conditions while Charles pitted under the safety car, this saved Charles some time(aprox 7-8 seconds), however the main point stands that Carlos did not make any progress closing the gap between them.

Charles

Charles' overtakes climbing up the field really saved Ferrari's race. Starting off by losing a position he climbed up places pulling some really clean overtakes and also helping his teammate through.

It was great to see him doing some overtaking in this car, he hasn't been in the position to do much of that due to track position etc in previous races. SF-24 looked good on that front in his hands.

Charles mentioned the lack of speed on straights, and this is due to the fact he wasn't able to gain on Lando in those sections(when he should have) this is due to the less than optimal downforce balance Ferrari went with this weekend(again I don't this is anything terribly concerning, this was a hard track to get that right on)

Overall Charles ran a really good race, obviously not the results he wanted but he extremely optimistic about the upgrades and that they will address some of the current limitations of the SF-24.

Data Analysis

I want to compare Charles and Lando's pace to highlight where Mclaren had the edge on Ferrari in this race. Charles was the fastest Ferrari this weekend and Lando was the fastest Mclaren.

First here is a breakdown of the fastest lap both driver's set.

Lando's straight line speed was really a big factor in keeping him ahead. That plus the fact he was consistently strong in sector 2.

And here is a look at the overall race pace between the two.

Ignore the mess in the middle, that curve is just correcting a slope for the outlier laps due to yellow flag and safety car conditions. It's not important here.

Lando had the edge on Charles almost the entire race. Until the end on the old hards.

What is important is that Lando had the pace on the new hards. Charles didn’t have the time to catch Lando once he managed to gain the places. He probably would have without the yellow flags and if track placement was better. The point being that Ferrari’s pace was off this weekend but it wasn’t as bad as it looked on track, there were other factors at play.

I think this result was a combination of a sub-optimal setup for this track on Ferrari's part on top of the fact this wasn't Ferrari’s strongest track, and Mclaren getting things right for Lando. Also some fairly solid driving from Lando.

Now I want to compare Charles' and Carlos' fastest laps and pace. This was the biggest gap in performance we've seen so far this year between the two Ferraris. Some of that I will attribute to the fact this track was weird as far as track surface goes, but such a big difference between teammates like this means it wasn't just the car or the track surface. While both were not great with grip or setup this weekend one outperformed the other by a decent margin.

Here is a look at Charles' and Carlos' fastest laps.

Charles having better straight line speed consistently and putting in a strong sector three is what put him ahead of Carlos and kept him there for the entire race.

Now here is the full race pace.

Again remember to ignore the weird lines in the middle that is just the graphing tool not able to create a good slope for all the safety car laps.

But you can see that Charles' pace was better the entire race, on both the medium and the hard tyres.

I don't think there was a lot more to get out of this weekend for Ferrari. It's possible managing the pits a little differently would have gotten Charles up to third but with the yellow flag chaos It was really difficult to gauge in real time when the best time to pit was. I think the pit management was good. We can look back and go "oh we could have gained a place here" So I have no issues there.

Hopefully that clears up some questions about Ferrari's overall race and car performance this weekend.

Overall this was still decent points for the constructors’ and we saw some good racing from Charles. I do fully believe we will be seeing Ferrari come back stronger in Miami.

Mclaren

Why was Mclaren, specifically Lando, so strong this weekend?

Well it's unclear.

They have had the clear #3 car so far this season. So I think that it's a combination of this not being a strong track for Ferrari and some conditions that favored their car that put them ahead.

No one, not even Mclaren expected this so I really think it seems like it comes down to this track being better for them than expected and Lando specifically being tuned into the track. Like after practice Lando was not feeling confident(his words) and the team were also not making any promises. I don’t think they were sandbagging, I think this genuinely all came together for them. 

Now it’s clear that Lando would have finished P3 behind Checo if it were not for the luck/strategy(a little of both they timed that well, but also had to get lucky with Red Bull timing) with the pits. Red Bull lost track position to Lando when they pitted Checo and they were unable to take it back. If Red Bull had timed their stop better Lando would have been P3 because his pace was not going to catch Checo if he was ahead.

So the P2 is due to some good driving on Lando’s part and Red Bull giving up track position and failing to recover it.

Oscar struggled more on this track. However he wasn't far outside where we've seen him in other races and for Mclaren in general. So he wasn’t under-performing, Lando was over performing. I also want to note that Oscar was slightly damaged during the crash between Lance and Dani, Dani's front wing tapped the rear of his car and there may have been a small amount of damage, important to note as he may have been compromised on pace due to this.

Data Analysis

Comparison of Lando and Checo’s pace

The first half of the race isn’t as important, the graph is very odd in the middle due to all of the outlier laps caused by the yellow flags, so that is not important. What I want to point out is that Lando was on the same pace as Checo(or slightly better) for those first 6 laps after the race started again when all the yellow flags were done, but after that Checo was faster until the end of the race. Not enough to catch Lando, but enough that Lando would not have been able to pass him if he hadn’t had track position.

Now here is a quick look at Lando and Oscar's pace.

There isn't a ton to dissect here, Lando was faster the entire race, by a pretty big margin on the hards especially. Given that a lot of drivers this race had issues managing deg on the hards I think that second stint gap really came down to tyre management, an area where Oscar is still improving.

Here is a look at their fastest laps to really see where Lando was making those bigger gains and where Oscar was struggling.

One thing that I find interesting is that Oscar's fastest lap had a section of DRS, Lando's didn't and Lando was still a full second faster. Just a really solid lap from Lando all around. His strength in sector 2 is what really gave him an edge all race.

Overall this was Mclaren’s best finish, but their strongest weekend overall so far this season is still Australia(because both drivers had a strong finish not just one)

Penalties and Incidents

Welcome to the “everyone gets a penalty!” section of the analysis. This was a mess to unravel. After reviewing the footage and reading the stewards judgements as well as the driver and teams statements I have come to a lot of the same conclusions as the stewards. 

The middle of this race was a mess. One yellow flag had just ended before another had to be brought out again. 

There were two yellow flags this race, the first after Valtteri DNF'ed and the second due to multiple incidents right after the end of the first yellow flag. 

My biggest critique is that the VSC was deployed weirdly late. They seemed about 10 to 20 seconds off in calling for one, and that is concerning. A driver on the side of the track is at risk, so it’s important to make sure a race is slowed immediately.

Logan: overtook under safety car conditions after the VSC was enacted when Valtteri’s power unit failed. Nico was coming out of the pitlane as Logan was coming down the straight, Nico managed to barely exit in front of Logan, but Logan’s faster momentum into turn 1 put him ahead of Nico, and thus he overtook under a yellow flag. Time penalty and license points is an appropriate penalty. I have no idea why his team didn’t get him to slow down more. They said they missed Nico, which I really don't know how. Lack of track observation. This was a failure of the team as much as it was sloppy on Logan's part. I think he would have slowed more had the team actually noticed this sooner.

Kevin: Kevin made contact with Yuki going out of turn 6 right after the race restart. He broke late and made contact with Yuki’s rear wheel and this led to a tyre puncture. Yuki had to retire from the race. Kevin was clearly at fault here, he failed to brake when catching Yuki.

Daniel: Dani was penalized for overtaking under a yellow flag and a safety car. He did this deliberately because Nico took a place from him and he thought it was okay to take that spot back. However he should have waited for the race to resume under green light conditions before doing that. He knows better. What happened with Nico is a little murky as far as why he took a position and why he did not get penalized. I think it's because it was right before the safety car but the FIA reporting on that isn't clear.

Lance: At turn 14 Lance rear ended Daniel after the first safety car had ended they were waiting on Max to restart the race. Max was leading the race and setting the pace until proper racing speeds could resume. Lance is at fault here, it’s that simple. This was seriously negligent driving on his part. I really have no idea what he was doing but no competent driver does this. I will agree with Oscar in the sentiment that everyone was crowded together, only one person crashed into another car in that scenario. 

“Yes, but not everyone decided to crash into each other.” - Oscar 

Lance argued that it was the concertina effect, and said the stewards should account for that. This is a weak argument at best. The concertina effect is to describe car behavior on track, it isn’t an excuse. Going into a corner a driver who is supposedly one of the best in the world should know how to account for that effect. The fact is that he was going too fast into that corner and not paying attention to the car in front of him.  

Furthermore his lack of accountability and attempts to blame everyone but himself for the incident is not a good look. He is very clearly in the wrong here. I think that the penalty he received might be on the gentle side of things as well. Personally I would have liked to see a 20 second time penalty for that, or a grid penalty. 

I agree with Dani’s statement that Lance should have only been paying attention to the car in front of him. He clearly wasn’t doing that, or at least not well enough. He appears to be looking at Max and Oscar waiting for Max to restart the race. But that is not where he should have been looking. Additionally Dani pointed out that Lance’s speed there was too much, he put half his car under Dani, that’s not the concertina effect, that is going too fast. 

Dani of course is heated, and I feel that for him, he DNF'ed because of the carelessness of another driver through no real fault of his own. I don’t think continuing to argue is good on either side, but he has every right to be mad, especially when the offending driver refuses to admit his fault. Two DNFs in a row is hard for any driver. Lance really cost him a lot. 

This isn’t just sloppy driving on Lance’s part, it's outright negligent.

VCARB

Quick note about VCARB. Dani was on track for his best performance all year this weekend. Which makes the DNF all the more upsetting. Yuki struggled with this track all weekend, seems he was not feeling this track or that car. I will say his performance seems like an anomaly compared with the rest of his season so far so I don’t think it’s cause for concern for future races. 

VCARB as a team were obviously the worst off this weekend with both driver’s DNF'ing at no fault of their own.

Aston Martin

I already covered Lance, so I want to just quickly mention that Fernando was on fire this weekend. He was defending, and had that car in places it really had no business being. His recovery from the close spin, the defending, the overtakes. He really is just continuing to show his skill and experience, and he overall had one of the best drives of the entire race.

Red Bull

Max won the race, and it was a pretty clean race for him, which is amusing due to the utter chaos happening behind him. First time he has won at this track, so that is another track conquered by Max. Well done Max!

Sergio

Checo’s race wasn’t actually that bad. He was comfortably in P2 until Red Bull gave up track position and he wasn’t able to recover the place from Lando. I already compared the pace between those two. But I think it’s pretty clear that he would have been P2 were it not for the pits. If he has position he has the pace to keep the spot. However he does not have the same pace Max has in the RB20 to take lost positions back if the car ahead has similar pace. 

I also want to note here that there were a few corners where it was pointed out that Alpine and Williams were outperforming Ferrari on. However taking a look at the data it wasn’t just Ferrari. Pierre was literally faster than Max in that corner consistently. What this tells me is that something about the unusual grip of this track was not suited to any of the fastest cars. So it’s not a Ferrari problem, or a Red Bull problem, it’s just highlighting an unusual quirk of the track that no one really figured out this weekend.

Here is a fastest lap comparison of Pierre and Max. Obviously Max is the best driver in the best car, so I think this just highlights my point about certain corners especially turns 1, 2, and 3. There was something off there that gave the edge to some midfield cars are far as grip goes. All top cars struggled for speed on those turns and I think it was due to weird track surface conditions.

Final Thoughts

This was the most chaotic race of the season. Hopefully we have a penalty free race next time.

See you when I return with Miami GP analysis!

So, a little bit about the translations of the names and titles that we meet in the first episode, not including the legend at the beginning, haha.

These are the words that I think it was important to translate or not to translate. At least once, so that people like me get it better, lol.

So, the title of the series itself. 苍兰诀 Cāng Lán Jué I hate how they translated it. "Love Between Fairy and Devil". No, no and no. This translates as "Parting of the Fairy and Devil". Or "parting" can be replaced by the word "farewell". But the most interesting thing is that the translation doesn't include the full names of the characters. This includes the word "cang" dark blue; deep green; ash-gray from the name of Dongfang Qingcang. And also the word "lán", which translates as orchid. And jué as "to bid farewell, to say goodbye". This adds an additional meaning to the title, right? Dark blue orchid to bid farewell.

玉京 Yujing. If I had known right away that it translates as the Jade Capital, it would have been a little clearer to me why so much attention is paid to this stone in the series. Because its significance would be more obvious. I confess, I didn't know about the importance of jade in the Chinese mythology of this genre.

(also 玉京 Chinese words, meaning that the Taoists called Heaven where of Service; refers to the Fairy are; refers to Royal Park in)

水雲天 Shuiyuntian. Translates as "Water clouds". And again, if I had known about the presence of the word water in the name, it would be easier for me to understand why they have so many water pavilions and fountain palaces. So I think you need to familiarize yourself with the features of the genre to understand this better.

司命殿 Arbiter Hall. Oh God. That's what I clutch my head about now. How could it be translated like this?! It killed the whole meaning for me. A very important moment! Siming translates as the god of fate, the keeper of fate. This is the God in charge of human life. Yes, it can be translated as a proper name. But Siming is not just the name of the master, it's her role, position. Therefore, then the guys are surprised that the master is a woman, because Siming is usually a man.

And although it can be translated by many different ways: Master of Fate, Controller of Fate, Deified Judge of Life, Arbiter of Fate, Director of Alloted Life Spans, and Director of Destinies, it's always important to emphasize the word "fate". And not just leave the word "Arbiter".

I think it's better to translate it as "Keeper of Fate Palace" or even "Arbiter of Fate Hall" or something like this. Otherwise This greatly interfered with the correct perception of the story and confused.

仙 Immortals and 仙界 Fairy realm. This translation made a very big confusion for me, because it seemed that the Shuiyuntian's people are immortal, but at the same time we are told that the true immortal is only Dongfang, and the Moon Tribe seems doesn't belong to either mortals or immortals. And here again it's important to learn the history of the genre.

In this case, immortals can also be translated as celestial or divine. These are people who live on the ninth cloud or among the clouds. The Moon tribe are also immortal, but they have left the heavenly capital.

I believe that for a better understanding of the difference it's worth translating it as the heavenly world and the celestials. This would be less confusing and more understandable.

仙女 Fairy. It's important to understand the difference between the European image of fairies and the Asian one.

A little lecture.

Originated from Chinese mythology, to describe persons of high moral character, intelligence and extraordinary, healthy, elegant to behold, and with extraordinary abilities, immortality of the woman and the high status of God. In the context used to describe looks pretty good, dignified and beautiful, delightful woman. In many minds, also refers to the appearance is not beautiful, but the temperament of someone charisma of women.

Western fairy is a fairy tale or myths and Legends of one of the female spirits or elves, is often described as a supernatural or preternatural spirit thereof. Fairies are generally described as having a human outer body with magical power, which originated from the inability to research folklore. Although in modern culture, even though they are often depicted as young, sometimes winged, A diminutive humanoid creature, but they are with the initial human expression are completely different. The English word“Fairy”is sometimes also can be used as the elves, the dwarfs, the gnomes and goblins, and other various shape close to people or having supernatural creatures in General. In such a case, the "Fairy" will be translated into elves. (Sorry for the translation from Chinese without correction, huh).

More on my blog

i'm glad you enjoyed brandon F

little note about the uniform thing, the reason why he drags on a bit on that is cause he's a reenactor, 18th century uniforms are his insane obsession. he even jokes about it in the video i sent, saying "i'm finally back to my insufferable self!" when talking about the muskets

i don't blame him tbh, after watching his content for a while i had the realization that 18th century isn't like the romans, whose equipment we deduce through archeology, old sources and guess work.

like, the actual documents that standardized 18th century uniforms still exist and are not hard to access, i realized that after Brandon noted that his source was the fucking British Royal Library in London. ( i mean ffs there's literally photos of Napoleonic era vets heres a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npSru7xEzX8)

and i honestly think its relevant, because if a million dollar historical production didn't want to put in the effort to go to a library and get the official documents. then what else they weren't bothered to get right?

but Brandon doesn't just do historical reviews he also talks a lot about the history in general. like, why fight in lines? what were marines in the 18th century? the history of tactics. and what role did cavalry play in line warfare? for example

heavens bless people of utube that manage to get hyperfixated on one topic for basically their entire life and then proceed to make stuff about it for us to watch, right? it's a delight to listen to someone who actually enjoys the subject and their subject therefore basically guarantees the authencity of what they put out

oooh but yes, the concept itself of what we actually get to know about things in what manner is fascinating in on itself. so since i was small i had been very fascinated by chinese mythology and mythology somewhat comes along with other parts of the culture and so on. and you know how the chinese culture is one of the oldest in the world?

as a result i've somewhat grown accustomed to the numbers that are typical to the span of chinese history and now whenever i go look into the history of my own country i'm actually stumped over how recently certain things happened! then again you wouldn't believe how oppressed or manipulated slovaks had been across history. ain't that right -glares at hungary-

to what extent we know which culture's history is so wild. the ability for certain historical things to simply last is absolutely incredible (such as military uniform documents or musical pieces of 18th century). fun fact! there's still messages written in stone by the soldiers of the roman empire on slovakia's territory. right near Danube, i think, p sure i visited that

thank fuck for reliable sourcing and also thank u for that vid that's gon come in handy for clothing references at Some point, i can feel it

and you are absolutely correct, yes! it Is relevant! as mister Brandon has said, there's of course a certain leeway allowed when it comes to more kid oriented stuff, but i'll admit! i was surprised to learn that serious historical productions apparently put less effort into these kind of things than the sea beast did (i don't usually watch those kind of things, i'm very fantasy/sci-fi and cartoon focused)

this kind of muddling of history that may seem "insignificant" to money grabbing bastards really screws up the perception of the eras for people who don't really have the time or the drive to look into things themselves. it's annoying

oh while we are on this history stuff, i saw this originally in utube shorts, but Apparently they are making a netflix movie or smth about Cleopatra and they made her black?? which is weird, considering that Cleopatra was greek and all that stuff. like don't get me wrong, yes give silenced/less known cultures like black folk more space to present themselves and who they are but like don't do it in a way that heavily skews the history? why are you going out of your way to create misinformation that could heavily impact understanding of history by taking out an already famous (not poc) person instead of Actually making the space for historically important black people. like maybe why not make a movie about that one super rich king from the southwestern coast of Africa (i think) that crashed the egyptian economy twice by being just too damn generous. that would be SO much more helpful to black peeps' history than shoving a black person into the place of a white one

i swear films nowadays either lack soul, heart, spine or brain like 98% of time

Hey Celina, I have a question. I don't wanna be too negative but why do you think they bothered with restaged version for the 2022 Austrailia, especially when they decided to keep most of the original costumes as they are? Don't get me wrong. I'm super relieved that they didn't mess with the costumes as much as in the UK/US. But if so much of the Bjornson vision is kept, then why not just do full replica that people always loved? They could use the world tour set even. Thanks for reading.

Because Cameron Mackintosh just can't let go of his baby.

More seriously, at least one big reason is that when the Australian production was announced, the World Tour was still considered to be running. It wasn't actually performing at any locations, but I believe it was thought to be on a hiatus, not closed, which means that its sets could conceivably be used at any moment and therefore weren't available for the Australian tour. I suppose you could argue that it's available now, but likely by the time they knew that the World Tour wasn't coming back, it was too late to change. Plus, I would not be surprised if the World Tour sets are used for the upcoming Chinese production, since they'll be led by the same creative team.

I'd also question if they're really going back that much to the original Bjornson vision. Sure, some of the costumes are mostly back to normal, but some aren't - the Star Princess for one; really, most of 'Masquerade' is still the same as the other restaged tours, lots of ballgown-type dresses that no longer evoke a specific thing. And Bjornson was also set designer as well as costumes, and those certainly haven't returned; it's still the same restaged tour sets as was used in the UK and US.

Part of me also thinks that this isn't really the tour going back to (some of) the original designs because "oh let's go back because the original was superior, we were wrong y'all". It feels more like they made some superficial cosmetic changes designed to appease the fanbase, without changing the blocking and interpretation that is the source of the real problems with the tour (and from what I've heard from others, the blocking is very much the same). I suppose that makes me sound cynical, but I mean, that's what ALW and co. has been doing with Love Never Dies for the last decade: make a feel slapdash changes, hope it fixes stuff (it doesn't).

But I think the real reason is that the original version (a hard term to pin down, but let's assume the show as it was right before Hal Prince died) is difficult and expensive to tour, and that is the biggest factor in why we'll likely never see the original tour again. You can see it looking back over the history of the tours too. The last time the original version toured the UK was in 2000; after that, it was restaged and modified tours. The last time the original version toured the US was in 2010; after that, it was the restaged tour. The last time the World Tour was the original version was in 2016; the World Tour that came after, even though it was very similar to the original, still had some modifications made to it to make it more tourable.

So given the other reasons and seeing the quietly building trends in the touring productions, hopefully you might see why it's unlikely that the original would ever have been used in the Australian tour. Not saying it won't ever happen, but I'll be surprised to see the original make a return in a tour anytime soon.

Week4 in the US

It has been 1 month since I came here. Wow time flies very quickly.

Brief summary of my week

Fri/Sat/Sun I went to Park Forest for Unite UW program.

Mon-Fri Classes and midterm (I have only one midterm from French history class)

Got used to the life much more than last week here. Yen got so weak that I decided to convert most of yen I have to pay for the rent and food account of the coming quarter and the spring quarter. Also, I tried to find a part time job here. I talk to myself this is life but at the same time I feel a bit sad because I worked quite a lot to gain money for studying abroad and I was not planning to work here to focus on my study. However, considering I didn't get much amount of scholarship, I need to work to lessen my financial burden. Also. I think it is part of the valuable experience to work here using English. It was my dream to use English in a job. I think it might be a good opportunity to learn working culture here. I feel the way of thinking toward time is completely different from the U.S. and in Japan. I feel like in the State, managing time is one of the individual's responsibilities and it is not something that is controlled or supervised by someone or something. (schools, companies, other adults) I got surprised that in one of the classes, many students started to prepare to leave the class 3-4 minutes before the class will end even though the professor is still talking, and then when the buzzer goes off, almost all the students in the class stand and walk to the door together and make a traffic jam inside a classroom. I feel it is silly because if everyone starts to prepare at their own pace after the class end, they don't have to wait in front of the door to get out of the classroom. In Japan, at least in my opinion personally, listening to a prof or a lecturer to the end of his/her lecture is commonly practiced and it also means showing the respect of them. I do not say students here are rude, but I personally think here in the US, listening to the prof until they stop talking in their lecture is not considered as showing a respect of them. They are doing what they think it is natural that is why they start to prepare to go home so early.

-English

Still have difficulties to understand everything but I think my listening skills slowly but surely get improved. When I just arrive here, I could not understand fast English at all. It was like a chunk of magic spells. However, right now, I can detect the flow of fast English as a chain of the words. However, the thing is even though I can get the sentence as a combination of words, I often struggle with understanding what the chain of the words means as a whole. I think I cannot catch up the speed of fast English and I take too much time to process the words. However, words run on and on and on one after another so as a whole, I cannot completely get the meaning of the whole sentence. Therefore, listening to fast English put a heavy burden on my brain and my brain get short very easily. And then I got sleepy in the middle of the lecture, and I often lose my consciousness for 5-10 min. After I fully wake up, I always regret why I sleep during the lecture.

-Foods

The best food I ate this week is hot pot!! I got a huge discount and had all-you-can-eat kind of hot pot with Wednesday Unite UW members. I ate meat and vegies to the heart content. (Stomach content??lol) as I cannot eat them a lot in a daily basis, and I also ate fruits and cakes! They were super super delicious. Hot pot is similar to nabe in Japan, but I feel shabushabu is much more similar than nabe. Hot pot here is Chinese style and there are two separate areas in one hot pot. You can choose two kinds of soups and fill them into these areas. You can order meats, fish, vegetables and whichever sauce you like. Then, you will eat them together.

The worst food is mashed potato. I bought three packs of powdered mashed potato just because it looks delicious and cheap (only around 3 dollar/each pack) The way to make it is very simple. You pour hot water in it and stir it with spoon. The taste was not very bad but kinda artificial. Even though the package says garlic, it doesn't taste like garlic. I mixed it with some creamy dressing and ate it with baby spinach.

-What I am thinking

I really want to do whatever I cannot do outside of the state. When I am fighting with a large amount of homework (most of the time, reading) and looking up for the words that I don't know, I often get a bit irritated and get bored of it because I can do these things in Japan as well :( I think working, chatting with friends, discussing with classmates, visiting many places here and experiencing what I have not experienced yet are very valuable and I am happy to do these things to enrich my life. It would be better to concentrate on doing homework in a short amount of time and try to make time to spare for valuable activities listed above. I should measure how long it takes for me to complete homework haha. I want to use time wisely and efficiently!

-P.S.

My grandparents sent me a package from Japan. :-: There are lots of foods that I like. Thank you, grandparents. This package is my savoir!

Terror Time 2023!: Days 1 thru 6

Alright! Meant to start a few days ago, but got busy. Here we go!

Dracula: Pages from a Virgin Diary Sometimes, I like starting my annual marathon with one of the many adaptations of Dracula. I was considering the Coppola movie from 1992, but the more I thought about how much I don't like the actual story changes from the book in that one, despite the title. (Mostly how it treats the female characters), I switched it with this one. Turns out those themes were here too, but unlike with the other movie, at least it was made by a director who admits he's doing something different with Dracula, and not claiming he's doing the definitive version only to not do so. That was interpretation. This is almost a parody, what with the opening montage nailing the uncomfortable themes of the original, and the Count literally seducing people with all his (stolen) money!

If any horror story lends itself to ballet, Dracula naturally makes the most sense. I'm only surprised to not hear at least a little nod to Swan Lake in there. I don't know if it's a rights thing or it would've been distracting, but oh well.

Telling the story out of order like this is pretty interesting. Introduces the vampirism more gradually and saves Transylvania, arguably the best part of the story, for the middle. Bit of a shock that this version rushes through that, but I guess you couldn't justify dancing while looking over legal documents.

But yeah, surprisingly this does make a better argument for why Dracula might be the real good guy better then Coppola's did. Maybe because the light dialogue leaves a lot more open, but it can be argued what's done with Mina and Lucy is either more consensual or more due to the normal men's biased outlook. They only think their nightmares are over by the end. But history can show it has only begun. Once you've had a taste of Chinese ballet dancing Dracula, you can't really go back.

Body Bags (1993) This theming on this one's a bit weird. Stories one and three are about serial killers, and two and three are about surgical implants gone wrong. You would think that if these themes weren't there, or one was present in all three (besides of course, at least one person has to die to fit the framing device). I mean, at least the nature of the horror is a bit different each one. First one's a slasher, second one is sci-fi with aliens it turns out, and the third is supernatural in the form of possession. But, from what heard is right, these segments really were the only one's from this rejected TV show that worked. the framing device is fun, even though it's surreal to see John Carpenter on screen for once. as for the stories themselves;

The Gas Station these places are scary enough to be at for long amount of times even without the crazed killer. I relate too much to that whole bit with the keys. Last note is slasher settings usually are one of two types; either the character is invading area the slasher is more familiar with or vice versa. Kudos to this one for making us think it's the second one while it's more of the former. Also, yay Sam Raimi cameo!

Hair Easily the least effective, but it at least makes me feel better about losing my own hair. Though that jazz music is really out of place. Just does not work.

Eye I think I saw this remade in the second V/H/S movie. But at least why it's scary is a bit different each time. Also, the inciting incident makes me like to pretend it's Dr. Strange's origin gone even more horribly wrong. I get why it's making him see visions of the dead killer's life, but does it possess by infecting his bloodstream or something? I feel bad for his wife and I also feel bad he ever got to play one last time when he felt like he had hope again. I guess they didn't have enough money to film at an actual baseball stadium.

The Blackcoat's Daughter The slowest burn of a horror movie I think I've ever seen since the Invitation. I didn't have any clue as to what the threat was until she called that nun the c-word. That kinda gave away the whole game, especially funny considering what I rewatched a few days later, as you can see. But yeah, once you see exactly where it's been leading up to, it sticks with you. The second part does too. Like the darkest possible Exorcist sequel you could've gotten without including a demon. Just goes to show rehabilitation and therapy are just as, if not more, crucial to get right as the actual saving.

Night of the Living Dead 1990 I haven't seen the original in about 14 years, so I can't do much to compare the two. Most of what it does different is cool, especially where the first zombie comes from. Other parts were making them more consistent with established zombie lore, but I'll still miss that trowel kill. There's still not as many zombies as most films that came after this one, but these are actually some of the scariest looking zombies I've seen in a while. I would've liked if just a little bit more of it was set at night, though.

How it changes the characters is a bit of a mixed bag. Yes, it's cool to Barbara a lot more competent. And I even liked how her arc to be tougher and less of a "helpless woman" has just led her to a world filled with toxic masculinity. That bit actually aged well. Less so what happened to Ben, though that's not Tony Todd's fault. Mostly how they changed his death. Sure, it meant they shifted his original death to Cooper who deserves it more, but sadly the original still resonates more in our world.

So yeah, an effective update of the story for the 80s/90s. But not too much for now.

The Exorcist I'm still on the fence over whether I'm going to see the new one. Luckily, this anniversary screening can tide me over.

Watching this now, I think a big reason why it's easy to consider this the greatest horror movie of all time (not the scariest movie of all time. That's different), is that most of it's scenes feel like a film rather than a movie. That might seem like a weird distinction, but it's the best to describe it. Friedkin pretty much directed every Regan-less scene so realistically and down to earth, more so then even in the most mature and sophisticated horror films made today. I know that sounds like an insult, but it's because those films go heavy on the atmosphere. Here there is none for the most part. Only character.

Of course, that changes with Pazuzu itself. I get the feeling most films, back and then or today, horror or otherwise, would either make it more ambiguous or more arthouse. This kind of performance you expect to see in more campy horror movies that aim for the cheap seats, but it's here in a movie with very down to earth 1970s filmmaking. Sure, it's laughed at now because we're all familiar at it or we're just in shock. (Or there are actually a lot of non-possessed kids who act like this), but I think that juxtaposition is why it's still leaves as big as an impact as it does.

You do it all subdued, people just look at the film as art. You do it like cheap shockfest, no one but the established horror fans will pay attention to it. But here, the world actually feels normal, and Pazuzu is made as urgent a threat as humanly possible to it. Hell, you can argue Linda Blair's, and Mercedes McCambridge performances being cranked up to 11 compared to everyone else works so well, because it's literally a different species pretty much.

Sure, a lot of horror is about the nasty surprises the world turned out to have had all along. But the first part of that is a clear idea of what we thought the real world is before it's upended like this. A lot of horror movies play like we feel like we're observing theses events from outside. That can be played with brilliantly, but I do feel the best one's are the ones who place as close to the level the characters are when experiencing. The Exorcist is one of the best films to have done that, so that's why I think it has landed as so many lists of the best Horror films of all time.

I leave what it says about faith, demons, and the belief in god to those more knowledgable in such subjects then I am.

Crimes of the Future Not really a horror movie, at least not to the extent The Fly, VideoDrome, or even the Dead Zone is. But it's definitely a Cronenberg movie.

I missed the bioengineered technology, even though no company today would make such things. But outside of that, I was expecting more of this to make me feel sick or at least wince. But most of the gross stuff is biopsies or body piercings taken to the next level. Not exactly Jeff Goldblum losing body parts one at a time, but considering what I think the point of this story is, I think it's intentional.

I relate so much to Saul at the start of this, considering I came down with some really bad acid reflux earlier this year. I'm not sure his solution is right for me, metaphorically speaking. But maybe I need to apply it to something else in me. Cronenberg for so long made films about the worse things that can happen to the human body. Maybe the reason he took a break from that until now, is he got a lot of time and step back, think, reflect, and maybe made peace with a subject that is still very much considered his oeuvre. The moral of the story; learn to get comfortable in your own skin. Or accept what makes it different from what society tells you it should be. Learn to live and make peace, even if it means you won't fit in.

Extra point here; I think I understood why Disney timed it so the Ahsoka season finale came out in October. It's the episode where they're fighting space witches controlling ZOMBIE STORM TROOPERS! Rad!

Until next time...

Hello and yay for this blog!!! I have a question :D. If a certain Chinese star were to wear jeans that say "my cock is gluten free" and "pull me down and fuck me," do you think his stylist would have chosen this knowingly, or do you think it's possible they just were like "hmm english words looks good" and didn't bother to look up the meaning? If they did know the meaning, would they have likely informed the star? Very desperate for the thought process behind this Choice hehehe. Thank you!

Ah, I was wondering hoping if I would get asked about those infamous jeans and here you are!

First and foremost; the following is all speculation from my experiences in the business and is wholly subjective. 

It isn’t impossible that they weren’t aware of what was written on the jeans, but it also isn’t all that likely either. When you pull up these jeans on the Dsquared2 site there’s a listing of what is doodled and written on the jeans and it’s not something that would be overlooked by neither stylist nor client. 

That said, Yibo does know some English and while he may not have known these words exactly, there’s more than enough ways of discerning their meaning. I would also bet half a year of my salary that his stylist would have known what was written here, or any number of personnel that works with them for that matter. I would also take into consideration that even if the jeans had slipped by all these people that may or may not have had the ability to see what was all over them, some of Yibo’s fellow idols should have (looking at you specifically, Seungyoun).

Setting this aside for a moment, I’ll go into who I think is responsible for the jeans being worn to begin with - Wang Yibo himself is the likely culprit. 

Why do I think this? There’s many reasons but most are inconsequential while two points frame the scene as I see it. 

This is markedly not a choice a stylist would make. Stylists, at the end of it all, are employees and therefore it shouldn’t be too surprising to know we have rules in place we must abide no matter if we are working outside the purview of the company we are housed under. Even when we work exclusively with a client, we are still taking the name of our company as well as our own with us and are operating as an extension of the brand the company promotes and promises. I don’t know of any company here (and I live in rather free faring place which welcomes eccentricities, mind) that would allow these jeans to be submitted as part of a pitch to either buy or borrow unless they were very specifically in line with a client’s public image and style. Technically these jeans would classify as offensive and profane which means they would invite trouble and cause a stir. While stylists are not associated much with the PR side of things we are still essentially a team playing for the same client - this selection, if gone badly, would be like asking for lightning to strike twice in one place at the same time. If a scandal amounted from them PR would have to handle it and that means the stylist would come under fire for making such a bold and risky choice, most especially with a younger client that thus far didn’t have the sort of image one would think to associate with jeans such as these. 

The second reason is that, from what I can tell, this is in line with Yibo’s personality. He’s very serious about style and engages with it as he does most things; by overtaking it completely and rebranding it to suit him to the point that it makes one wonder if the style wasn’t designed with him in mind. He makes full use of what fashion is all about at it’s core; expression. These jeans in particular would have suited the Yibo of the time he wore them (2018, if I remember right?) as he was trying to break away from the image he held as a pretty boy with demure and soft looks which held the shock value of being in such contrast with his dancing and rapping. He’s mentioned before that he doesn’t really like being “cute/sy” and having to do things in the way of that since it’s not true to who he feels he is. Which, honestly, a lot of idols and stars go through this experience where they no longer wish to be constrained by the persona they play for the public and one of the most impactful means of going about it is to address the styling since it is the focal point of public image. 

The Dsquared2 jeans don’t only say “my cock is gluten free,” there’s actually quite a lot to them and I think it would help if more were aware of it so here’s the description of them on the website: 

D Squared Limited Edition Jeans. Sexy Twist Printed Low Rise. Fun, Evil Boy, Love Sucks, Pull Me Down, Open Me, Unzip, Buttons, Wine Is My Water, Tic Tac Toe, Dean & Dan, Sex, Gluten Free Cock, Hot Patches

The jeans actually say “pull me down and fuck me” right there on the ass, but naturally they can’t list the expletives in the marketing. Not strictly important to this post, but still worth mentioning given the hushed treatment of what the placement of such words could easily imply and the effect that could have had. 

Anyway, the bit that is very telling in my opinion is that “evil boy” tag. I’m not terribly certain due to having never been fortunate enough to work with these jeans myself and the internet only has so many pictures from so many angles, but “evil boy” is either written somewhere (which I think is the case since there’s devil horns present as well) or they’re being promoted as such for aesthetic value. Regardless, I am fairly certain this would be the feature which caught Yibo’s eye. It’s on brand for someone seeking to shatter the conceptual ideal of being naive, innocent, youthful, or soft.

The jeans as a whole fit with Yibo’s sense of humor, as I’ve seen it at least. He lost his mind and fell into full laughter and hysterics over a dick joke, not even minding that he was being filmed or anything. He was still laughing about it even after the other hosts had moved beyond it, making them circle back around to it and in turn making it all the more hilarious for him to enjoy. You can see it clearly in the bts footage from the CQL set that he enjoys being mischievous and stirring things up and having a good time. 

This is who he is, I believe, and it makes a lot of sense for him to have made this stylistic choice and then either convince his stylist to let him run with it or change out at the last second. Both of these are possible, though one of them is less probable than the other given how tricky it actually would be to sneak a wardrobe alteration past the many people that make up the staffing roster for any events, and then to be able to change in the limited time frame available between exiting the dressing room to being in the public sphere would be one in a thousand. Much simpler to goad your stylist into being lenient enough to give you free reign over your own styling - we can only hold out and say no when the grounds for it are met, which this wouldn’t have done in all likelihood - and most of the time we build up a good enough relationship and rapport with clients that we end up doting on them a bit and heed their requests when we can.

That’s all from me on this token moment in Yibo’s very stacked fashion history. Thanks for asking!

Furthermore, there’s the third possibility that this wasn’t a styling choice whatsoever. Or at least not one that involved the stylist in any real regard. It is very plausible that this was just Yibo in his own clothes, having dressed down after the main events wound down. I’ve never actually watched to see what that night looked like overall, but from the videos I have seen it looked to me like the actual do had passed and they were all just goofing around and having their own dance competitions and such when he was wearing them. I can’t say for sure that he did or did not have them on for the whole thing or if they were his own self packed casual wear. In which case it would fall back to his studio to tend to since stylists generally don’t hold authority over personal clothing choices and only ever have a hand in it when it is expressly stated in contracts or temporary clauses, and it just isn’t too common anymore. 

Worth a quick mention for means of distinction, here in the US this choice wouldn't have raised many eyebrows no matter if it was chosen by an artist or a stylist. The only reason I feel it necessary to say this is simply because this is not so in China and that alone lends context to the controversy of these jeans. In the scope of conservatism these jeans are outrageous and I think that a stylist would steer clear of utilizing them at all if they value their job. This is why I don't consider it likely at all that Yibo and his stylist collaborated to make use of these jeans as a way to shake away the remnants of his pretty boy aesthetic.

Phoenix Lazar Nobleworth Silverwood

Below is a lengthy history of his parents, their involvement with dragons, and how he lost them.

Ps: I tried adding some Scottish dialect in the dialogue, but I'm not the best at it considering all I have as reference is my love for James McAvoy and Outlander. Forgive me in advance for any atrocities lol. Also, diverging from canon especially in relation to Veela powers and physical descriptions.

Phoenix's father, Emilian, was sorted into Gryffindor and with pride, he was a Gryffindor by the book, adventurous, brave, often reckless, fun, with a strong sense of protection over his friends, someone who valued courage and honor.

Emilian didn't know how he and Palmer Silverwood - Slytherin, pureblood, much more popular than him, and one of the best duelists in their year - became friends, he also didn't know how Palmer found an about to hatch dragon egg in the forbidden forest, or how he even got into the forbidden forest to begin with, but being who he was, Emilian wasn't much surprised.

The biggest surprise was that Palmer even knew who he was.

Emilian takes a peek into Palmer's robes where the egg is hidden. "So? You're the dragon laddie, Nobleworth."

"Yeah, it's a dragon egg. Common Welsh Green this one." He looks up. "And is that what people call me?"

"Are ye really surprised? You talk about them all the time, yer the best in Care of Magical Creatures, and ye have a dragon painted at the back of yer bloody robes."

"Only fair. McGonagall hates it."

Palmer laughs. "Will ye help me?"

"Aye. But what ye want me to do?"

"I dinna ken. I just don't want the wee dragon to die. The poor creature wasn't warm when I found it so it's probably motherless. I mean... they fire up their eggs, don't they?"

Emilian smiles. "You're not as unknowledgeable as you think, Silverwood. Let's go somewhere more private."

In the humid and dusty air of the artifact room, they hide. "Hand me the egg."

Palmer hands him the egg delicately as if the creature inside it wasn't one that could eat them both in a bite when grown. And for a moment Palmer wonders what he'll do, but Emilian just stands there holding the egg. And as he's about to question him, he sees Emilian's fingers get bright red.

"Mate? What's wrong with yer hands?"

Emilian snickers. "I have a secret, can you keep it?" Palmer nods eyes fixated on the egg whose cracks were very slowly growing. "I'm half Veela and whilst I can't throw balls of fire from my hands... I can heat it up to... oven temperature."

"Oven temperature?"

Emilian smirks. "Ah dinnae have exact numbers, but if ye want to give a touch."

Palmer looks at his hands again. "Nae. They're as bright as molten glass, lad."

Emilian raises his eyebrows. "Oh, I felt it move."

"Ooohh, it's gonna set this tiny room on fire."

"Let me hide it this time. I ken a place we can go. The person ye should've gone to in the first place."

Palmer widens his eyes. "Kettleburn, nae."

"Silverwood, ye cannae keep the dragon. It'll set you on fire before completing one year."

Palmer puffs as they walk out of the artifact room. "If the dragon enthusiast dinnae want to keep a real dragon, why would I?"

"A dragon lover is the same as a bee lover. You can appreciate the honey, the lovely stripes, but if ye hold it in yer hand, it'll sting you. Dragons were made to live outside, flying, spitting fire. A wee dragon is cute, but once is grown..."

"Yer a curious lad, Nobleworth." Emilian gives an awkward half smile. "I like you."

Their friendship was as unexpected to them as it was for the bystanders, but one that sustained for their last two years in Hogwarts - including Palmer's girlfriend, Clarin, an uptight but curious Ravenclaw, who despite her best instincts followed behind on the boys' adventures.

When Emilian announced he would be leaving England for the Dragon Sanctuary in Romania a couple of years later, as much as Palmer and Clarin expected that to happen, it still came with the bittersweetness of watching one of their best friends go.

Years go by, but still, their bond sustains time and distance. Every opportunity they had, the SIlverwoods would travel to Romania to visit their friend who in a lighting in a bottle chance found himself a wife of "his kind".

Full Veela, Antonia Lazar, practically raised herself as her father left her mother, a temperamental full Veela woman, to deal with Tonia herself, a task she delegated to her equally careless family members, closely involved with the Dragon Sanctuary in times the place was still informally managed.

When Emilian meets her, barely wearing rags over her body, barefoot on the grass, pearl blonde hair unruly, looking as if she was raised by wild house elves, he couldn't help his heart hammering in his chest. Female Veela beauty wasn't something he was unused to, considering his mother and aunts were ones as well, but when Antonia was before him he thought of himself before a goddess.

Emilian tries not to spill the water in the heavy buckets while Antonia doesn't seem to be struggling at all. He wouldn't have a need to even carry them if he hadn't forgotten his wand, but at least he got to be alone with her.

"Why is it that ye dinnae like us?"

"You English think you run the place just because you read about dragons in a book, think you know more than us who grew with hundreds of them." She shoots him firey eyes. "Know when I first rode a dragon? I was five years old!"

"I never say I doubted yer capacities. And I'm not English, I'm Scottish." She glares at him again. "I'm kidding."

"Don't get me angry, you won't like it me angry. Trust me."

"I would actually. I wonder what color yer feathers would be."

"I'm sorry?"

"I ken a Veela when I see one. Especially cause I'm half one."

Her expression soothes a little. She puts the bucket down and grips his hand. "Go, do your magic."

While his hand goes as hot as they can, his eyes slowly change hues to match her, never breaking eye contact. "It's nice touching a girl who doesn't mind a more... ardent touch."

She gives a small smile. "You're pathetic."

"I'd love to fly on a dragon's back with someone who understands about them. I promise I'm not here to mock or doubt you. I love those creatures more than anyone I know."

She lets go of his hand and with a smirk picks up the bucket. "Well, now you know me."

Their relationship quickly becomes stronger as they spend day after day together. The work at the Sanctuary is as rewarding as it is tiring, so at the end of long days, they would sit together and exchange stories, her of her buckwild childhood and him of his years in Hogwarts. In each other's company that they find an air of normality and peace.

After recognizing and accepting her strong feelings for Emilian - something hard considering how men had treated her before, seeking what she had to offer them more than considering her needs - and finding out he felt the same for the longest time, they decided to marry, her seeing in him a sense of stability for the first time in her life.

It doesn't take long until Antonia is pregnant with their first child, and in the pool of genes and possibilities, their first-born boy is a full Veela like his mother, something uncommon for boys. Not considering what would be 'formal' or well accepted, Antonia decides to name him Phoenix for encompassing what being a Veela means to her, a bird of elegance and fire and perseverance.

And as if it was pre-destined, just a couple months prior, Clarin and Palmer had given birth to a girl of name just as uncommon, little Indigo Silverwood, who is but three months old when they come to Romania to meet little Phoenix.

To this day, the Silverwoods wonder if their timing was the best or worst it could've been.

As in the same week they came to visit, an attack happens with the intent of capturing as many dragons as they could from the reserve, something that had happened times before but this time much better planned and heavily armed with the best wizards they could get.

They start picking up their wands in haste while seeking the fire protection potion they had brewed specially for this trip back at home. "What do they need dragons for? Can't they breed their own." Clarin asks.

"Is not like is legal or easy to do so." Antonia has her eyes soaked with tears. "They don't care about the creatures, they want money. Oh, they use their blood to make spot removers. Oven cleaners! How can you take a marvelous creature and turn it into such a pathetic thing? Then they use their hearts in you wizards stupid wands and their skin into gloves!"

"Somebody must have heard about the new Chinese Fireball," Emilian says, "People seek the gold in their horns and eggs, but if you pull them out, they die."

"Not to mention the baby Romanians. Put your goddamn boots on already, Emilian!"

"What 'bout the bairns?" Palmer asks anxiously.

"There's no time. They probably ain't getting all the way up here, but in all cases." Emilian grabs the potion from Clarin's hands turning over Jacob's and baby Indigo's mouth, knowing the fire wouldn't do harm to Phoenix. He places something in Jacob's little hand. "Jacob, if any mean person comes trying to hurt ye, throw this at their feet and run. Alright?" Jacob nods, eyes wide with fear and excitement of a five-year-old.

"What is it?" Palmer asks.

"A vial of Peruvian's Vipertooth venom, extremely deadly and volatile. Don't ask me why I have it."

Palmer looks at Jacob. "Stay quiet and protect the babies, right, love?"

Antonia kisses Phoenix on the forehead one last time then turns to the others. "Let's go, please!"

And if they knew, she would've held him a little longer, Emilian would've stopped time for a couple of seconds to look at their boy for a lingering moment more. But they didn't and time never reversed.

They weren't the only lives lost, but side by side they fought and won and lost and lost and lost. They managed to protect all but two of the dragons at the end, blood of dark wizards - and innocent ones - soaked the grounds. Dragons loose on the sky overhead, blood spilt from both sides, burnt buildings, scars that would never heal, the body of a friend devoided of life, a mother of dragons and children never to wake up again, children crying in a cabin kilometers away.

When Antonia's mother refused to watch over her own grandson, Clarin felt as if it was her own son the woman refused and it was that soon the decision to keep him came. She was still breastfeeding and no ordinary family would know how to raise him right, at least that's what both her and Palmer told themselves. Emilian's parents, both devastated by the news of their son's death were quick to agree with the Silverwoods' proposal.

And it's like this that Phoenix and Indigo are practically raised as twins, still young when he notices he doesn't look like the rest of them - a pale and blonde boy in a family of tanned brunettes - not only for his looks but by the fact that sinking his hand into a pot of boiling water doesn't hurt or the fact his anger makes his body react differently from the others or that people got mesmerized by his looks enough to do whatever he asked them to.

But the Silverwoods learn the painful way that raising a Veela child is not easy work. Not only easily irritable but also dangerous when transformed, not much to others while still young, but to himself due to painful and harmful transformation, taking hours until he could retain his human form. Meditating and thought exercises became pivotal from an early age. As not make their treatment towards him different from Indigo, they become tougher with both, demanding an altruistic, patient, and empathetic behavior from both.

This leads Phoenix to grown into a level-headed, sweet and compassionate boy who eventually got sorted into Hufflepuff without the sorting hat having to consider long.

As much as he wishes he had grown with his biological parents, he's grateful to have grown in the family he did and doesn't consider himself any less part of it, he loves his siblings dearly and considers and reslects his parents as if it was from their blood and cells he was made of.

---

This is my attempt at a concise history of Phoenix, mostly his parents who I dream of drawing someday. I'll make something in the future for his romantic life as it is its own ride. I ship him with Ismelda and boy oh boy I have some to say about that.

If you wanna more info on Phoenix, I made him an OC profile :)

Bea & Fraze

Bea: they're getting chinese for tea if you want in Fraze: Alright cheers Bea: your dad says where are you Bea: probably wants you to pick it up Fraze: Tell him he don't need to Fraze: & to stop being so fucking embarrassing like Bea: meant the food idiot 😂 Bea: like he cba to go out Bea: your mums sleeping Fraze: Sounds more legit Fraze: I'll get it then, won't I Bea: 👍 Bea: girls said make sure you get fortune cookies 🙄 Fraze: Fuck's sake Bea: mhmm Bea: who's out then Fraze: Everyone Fraze: Where are you? Bea: got that big project for history Fraze: Yeah me too Fraze: So? Bea: so Bea: I wanna get a good grade don't I 😜 Fraze: You will anyway Fraze: Could do it the night before & still would, like Bea: True Fraze: I'm just gonna tell Miss to stop flirting with me if she keeps asking about homework 😉 Fraze: Unless you wanna do mine too Bea: ha fuck off do I Bea: get you points with your new girlfriend at least, even if you fail Fraze: Didn't reckon you could handle two, stresshead that you are Fraze: Worth a shot though Fraze: The kid I pay only does Maths & English Bea: Reverse psychology is a bit first school Bea: if you put half this effort into your work, Frazier 😉 Fraze: Just 'cause my ma's asleep don't mean you gotta take over Fraze: & it worked on Tanisha so I can do worse than a low effort, high reward strategy, can't I Bea: I ain't either of the women in your life, if you ain't noticed Fraze: You don't do enough shouting for one or hair flipping for the other Bea: gives your friend with the Bieber hair a run for his money Fraze: 😂 Fraze: Come out Fraze: You can tell him Fraze: Tell her to go easy on the gloss an' all before we get stuck together Bea: I'm good Bea: let your lack of tact work in your favour for once Fraze: Bullshit would you rather do homework than have a drink with me Fraze: Come on Bea: don't fancy sharing with you Bea: gloss, who knows what else, like Fraze: Then don't Fraze: You can have your own Bea: Generous Bea: where'd you get it this time Fraze: Better for you if you don't know Bea: 🙄 Bea: Whatever Fraze: Help me get rid & it's done Fraze: No evidence Bea: shouldn't you be telling your friends to piss off now, get some alone time Bea: not invite more people Fraze: Not fruity enough for her to handle, is it Bea: ha Bea: how shaming Fraze: You coming or not Bea: You're meant to be coming back with food, remember Bea: no point Fraze: After then Bea: who else is there Bea: i don't want to watch you suck face tah Fraze: She's gone in Fraze: You know what her ma's like Bea: not really Bea: not that interested, like Bea: but fine Fraze: Long story short, she don't like me Fraze: One of them McKenna's ain't I Bea: 💔 Fraze: Already smacked her brother for saying it Bea: Only got yourself to blame then Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: I finished it, didn't start it Bea: Can't act surprised Bea: what did you think would happen Fraze: I controlled what would happen Fraze: End of Bea: One way to put it Fraze: What are you being such a bitch for? Bea: What you being such a pussy for? Fraze: I ain't Bea: Sound like one Fraze: Fuck you Fraze: I don't Bea: Yeah you do Bea: what you wanna get invited 'round for tea for so bad Fraze: 'Course not Fraze: Get what I want off her already Bea: Shut up bitching to me that her mammy don't like you then if you don't care Bea: 'cos I deffo don't Fraze: What you need an A so bad you can't talk to me now Fraze: That's proper desperate Bea: talk about something more interesting than this dry project and maybe I'd wanna Fraze: I invited you to something more interesting Bea: I said I'd come out Fraze: They said I'm banned from the Chinese but I'm still going in Fraze: Don't mean shit Bea: When did that happen Fraze: Last week Bea: You're ridiculous Fraze: They are Fraze: Barely kicked off Bea: Yeah okay Bea: such a conspiracy that Fraze: Nah, don't wind me up & I won't react, simple as Bea: I don't know the last time someone told you but world don't revolve around you Fraze: Who then? My life I'm living, babe Bea: The rest of us ain't living ours to keep you happy Fraze: More fool you Fraze: You'd have it easier that way Bea: 🙄 Fraze: Da's gonna have to come get this shit they won't give it me Fraze: Pass it on Bea: fuck sake Bea: alright Bea: [time] Bea: Joe's on his way Fraze: & I got one foot in the door near enough Fraze: You coming for a 🚬 or can you only accept one invite a night now, like Bea: If you're offering one of yours then obviously Bea: be down now Fraze: Don't keep me waiting, Princess Bea: Or what, dickhead Fraze: There'll be fuck all left for you Bea: 😂 Bea: Idiot Bea: [comes out and takes it] Fraze: [control your heart eyes boy for the love of god, keep it 😏] Bea: [when you're trying to pretend you ain't arsed but you're obvs lowkey 😒 'cos can't control that] Fraze: [pulls on her sleeve to get her attention cos throwback to when they were kids and therefore forever something he'd do even as an adult] Bea: [has to be like what 'cos cannot ignore a throwback] Fraze: [asking her what's wrong via a look] Bea: ['hungry' when we know she weren't having no chinese] Fraze: [shakes his head but not gonna push that too hard because we do know, gives her a lemon sherbet from his pocket cos on a throwback roll goodbye] Bea: [smiles a bit and takes it, 'where's the drink you promised, then?] Fraze: ['you wanna go get started now then, yeah?' A loooooooook stop flirting boy but don't] Bea: [returning looks forever, 'ain't your girlfriend' meaning not a weak-ass bitch but also we know] Fraze: [intense eye contact that goes on too long for the win. 'So come on' starts walking & doesn't wait for her to follow cos knows she will] Bea: [raises her eyebrows like 'really' but does 'cos why wouldn't she] Fraze: [takes her to wherever he's stashed it nearby] Bea: [holds out hand like gimme] Fraze: [hands it over with a little lol] Bea: [looks at him like you drunk already but smiles and takes massive swig like ick, thanks creepy old dudes 'cos casual pro already] Fraze: [smiles back because casually always impressed and not gonna pretend he ain't, but does his own to prove he can hang obvs] Bea: ['least she'll be cheap to get pissed'] Fraze: ['shut up' cos he ain't like that and don't want her to think he is for obvious creepy old dude related reasons] Bea: [shrugs like what it's true then smirks at him 'cute'] Fraze: [his turn to be 😒 'don't'] Bea: ['who knew you were so chivalrous? so adorable' loling] Fraze: ['you, unless you've repressed more shit than you let on' because that's a throwback to them being little in itself he'd be so protective of her bye] Bea: [is like oh but fronts it all smirky like 'you wish, boy'] Fraze: [his turn to shrug cos it's true & they both know it but also return the smirk cos always & steal her words from earlier. 'not really' which is a lie] Bea: [shakes her head, drinks some more] Fraze: [likewise] Bea: ['think your brother's got a little girlfriend too'] Fraze: [laughs and gives a look like which one] Bea: [rolls eyes 'keep up, Tommy's had one for ages, Joe'] Fraze: ['Had money on Rocky before him'] Bea: ['Rude, he's cute.' Pausing for that dramatic effect 'cos evil 'least Kayleigh Macguire from year above him thinks so' older womens always] Fraze: [If I was being rude I'd have said he looks like a fucking girl & called her a Lezza but I ain't.' Pauses himself to give her a pisstaking look. 'That's what this mood is then, you didn't get to ask him out yourself. Unlucky like.'] Bea: ['Jealous 'cos he's pretty than yours? Sad times, Sherlock.'] Fraze: ['Fuck off. You're jealous 'cause she's got tits and you ain't, don't take it out on me'] Bea: [Laughs 'yeah I'm so devvo I'm not fat'] Fraze: ['Nah, gutted that Joe ain't tripping over himself for you though.'] Bea: [Flicking her cigarette away and stamping it out as she turns to go 'You're such an idiot'] Fraze: ['If you want him you're gonna have to make a move, cunt's got none of his own.'] Bea: [Exasperated 'I clearly don't'] Fraze: ['Clear that you're full of compliments for him' Shoves the bottle at her cos so angry always 'Offer him a drink, be his best mate. On the house along with the tip.'] Bea: ['Excuse me, just because I don't need to slag him off don't mean I'm in love with him, Jesus, what's wrong with you?'] Fraze: [just gives her a look like who's side are you on because dramatic af forever we know] Bea: ['Ridiculous, I already said.' Drinking 'cos she's got it now, like] Fraze: [turns to go himself because king of throwing a strop] Bea: ['You done with this then?' shakes the bottle like hello? 'good then' and goes to walk inside with it like a bad bitch ain't scared] Fraze: [pulls her back by her sleeve but like harder than he meant to because emotions be high so then has to take the bottle back and neck loads of it cos cant look at her] Bea: [grabbing the bottle and smashing it, wasteful but necessary] Fraze: ['what the fuck'] Bea: ['Don't fucking grab me'] Fraze: [bringing the eye contact back because he has to, you did wrong there boy & we all know it you included. 'I'm sorry.'] Bea: [Shrugs like okay then but won't meet his eyes stubbornly] Fraze: [rubs his eyes & puts his head in hands because fuck he did not mean for this. 'Go home, Bea' is now the time to tell her what to do even if it is softly & with feeling, no boy but god bless] Bea: [when you're not dignifying that with a response] Fraze: ['fuck's sake' but mostly to & at himself lbr] Bea: [starts walking away but not in 'cos like I said a bitch ain't eating so] Fraze: [stubbornly doesn't follow her though he obviously wants to] Bea: [where are you going, who knows, but you committed now] Fraze: Where are you going? Bea: What's it matter? Fraze: I said go home not go fucking missing Bea: Dramatic Bea: not missing, am I Bea: just gonna go see where everyone is Fraze: They're having dinner like Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: everyone in town Bea: alright Bea: I'll find someone, don't worry Fraze: Don't say that to me Fraze: I clearly am Bea: what, you wanna be your mum now Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: I said sorry Fraze: Come back Bea: I don't want to Fraze: I don't want you wandering the fucking streets Bea: oh my god Bea: you invited me out earlier so don't lie Fraze: With me Bea: I can look after myself Fraze: I know Fraze: Jesus Bea: Then don't worry Bea: go eat Fraze: Stop saying that Fraze: Christ's sake Fraze: I don't wanna go eat Bea: Do what you want then Bea: I am Fraze: Tell me where you are then Fraze: I will Bea: [probably a park or something] Fraze: [finds her because obviously] Bea: [love a swing moment] Fraze: [pushes her on the swing because what are you gonna say boy] Bea: [is all 'I'm not a child' but not really aggressive more like done but doesn't try to get off or anything] Fraze: ['Stop having a tantrum then' um excuse you boy, hypocrite much] Bea: [digs her heels in but literally lol 'cos fuck you will always do the opposite] Fraze: [goes & sits on the swing next to her] Bea: ['why are you so annoying sometimes?'] Fraze: [gives her a look like bitch me, why are you] Bea: ['see'] Fraze: ['All I see is you giving me grief, babe.'] Bea: [makes a pah noise, 'oh you're so grown now, get enough of that from her is it?'] Fraze: [lights another 🚬 & shrugs] Bea: [says something like 'actually such a child' under her breath] Fraze: ['if you've got something to say to me, be braver and just fucking say it'] Bea: [says it louder like happy now] Fraze: ['what's up with you today, fucking hell'] Bea: ['I dunno, why don't you ask me if I'm on next, seeing as that's as mature as you can manage'] Fraze: [makes a noise of frustration not in a sexy way lol he's so mad] Bea: ['what's the matter with you?'] Fraze: ['You used to be a laugh'] Bea: [just looking at him like what do you want me to say to that] Fraze: ['Do you not wanna be mates any more?'] Bea: ['Well you obviously don't so'] Fraze: ['Don't put words in my mouth'] Bea: ['Why would you wanna be friends with someone who ain't a laugh? You said it, don't try and backtrack now'] Fraze: ['Cut the bullshit is what I'm saying. Stop being such a bitch.'] Bea: ['Don't talk to me like that, I'm not doing anything! You came here'] Fraze: [gets up like he's gonna walk off 'And I dunno why I fucking bothered'] Bea: ['No one asked you to, did they'] Fraze: ['you don't have to ask me to make sure you're alright. Jesus. Why can't I give a shit about you anymore?'] Bea: ['Why are you so dramatic when I'm just tryna go out and have fun too, only you're allowed now?'] Fraze: ['Bullshit is this fun for you'] Bea: ['You didn't give me chance, that's why'] Fraze: [walks away like well here's your chance then] Bea: [waves dramatically like 'see you at home'] Fraze: [if you can walk angrily he's doing it & you know he's gonna hit something when he gets chance] Bea: [dread to think who you gon find you better get home miss thing also skip] Fraze: Get home now, I ain't doing this on my fucking own Bea: um Bea: ? Fraze: You ain't forgotten that we gotta watch this kid Fraze: You wish Bea: Ah Bea: shit Bea: really Fraze: Yeah really Bea: isn't Joe there too Bea: you can't Bea: take it in turns or something Fraze: Nah he ain't Fraze: It's meant to be me & you Fraze: He's got some music shit, I dunno or care Bea: alright Bea: hang on then Bea: 10 to finish up 'bout the same to get back Fraze: Where the fuck are you? Fraze: He's bawling already, like Bea: He's a baby, that's one of 4 options so try the other ones out or ignore him Bea: coming fast as I can Bea: if anyone had reminded me maybe I'd be there Fraze: Not your fucking keeper, made that clear Bea: then don't complain Bea: or need to know where I'm at Fraze: Don't start Bea: Whatever Bea: let's just get this done Fraze: I am Fraze: You're the one who ain't here Bea: Why do you always start conversations when it's too late Bea: you like being pissed off that much Bea: I can't leave any faster so stop having a go Fraze: Why do you act like such a superior, responsible bitch when you ain't Fraze: You owe me 20 minutes Bea: Whatever Bea: you can go take a dump or crywank when I get there then Bea: like it's hard Bea: he can't go anywhere Fraze: I didn't say it was hard Fraze: Don't mean I wanna be here, doing it Bea: I ain't the one who had him Bea: take it up with your mum if you fancy it Fraze: Yeah 'cause I really fancy a slap Fraze: Shut up Bea: Coulda fooled me, boy Fraze: You couldn't if you wanted to Fraze: Come back with a ladder, like Bea: 😑 Fraze: Did you eat? Fraze: Wherever the fuck you are Bea: Nah Bea: no time Fraze: I'll go for chips when you're back then Bea: Alright Bea: tah Fraze: Whatever Bea: Gracious Fraze: I'm hungry Fraze: One of us is growing still Bea: Better not Bea: you won't fit in normal people places soon Fraze: 😂 Bea: and your ma ain't gonna get you a new uniform Fraze: Have to stop going to school then Fraze: Shame Bea: 💔 Bea: Poor boy Fraze: Was gonna ask you to help me with writing up that chemistry experiment bullshit but fuck it now Bea: We may as well Bea: actually Bea: considering you'll definitely just have to go Bea: you're a boy, no one is distracted by your ankles Fraze: Alright Bea: Don't worry Bea: not asking for enthusiasm Fraze: You can ask Fraze: Don't mean I'm giving it to you Bea: Gutted Bea: 🙄 Fraze: I know Fraze: You and the teachers both Bea: Soooo cool Bea: work on your boyfriends maybe Fraze: Fuck off Bea: 😂 Fraze: Keep walking, Princess Bea: Who says I need to Bea: 👑 Fraze: Being carried home, yeah? Fraze: Who's the unlucky cunt doing the heavy liifting Bea: Come on Bea: trying to be funny but still got to be accurate Fraze: Who says? Fraze: Ain't started the Chemistry yet, like Bea: 'cos it ain't funny if it's blatantly untrue Bea: 🤷 Fraze: Who says I'm trying to be funny Bea: So you just wanna call me fat to be a dick Bea: Alright Bea: Have fun Fraze: Always putting words in my mouth Bea: heavy liifting Bea: there it is Fraze: I'm calling your boyfriend weak, not you fat Bea: 🙄 Fraze: Anyone who ain't a pussy could pick you up easy Bea: Why would he need to Bea: got a bike6 Fraze: 👑 Bea: you said it Fraze: I stand by it Bea: Idiot Fraze: You're the one caught in the rain, babe Bea: least he got a spare helmet Bea: could be worse Fraze: Depends who he is Bea: Doubt you know Fraze: Could be better then Bea: 'cos all your friends are peak? Fraze: 'Cause if you're trying to keep him anon he ain't shit Bea: I ain't Bea: you want a selfie or something Fraze: Not while he's driving Bea: Safety first Fraze: Don't give a fuck about anything else Fraze: Like I said, I ain't doing this on my own Fraze: So get here in one piece, like Bea: Chill out Bea: he ain't just passed Fraze: Don't mean shit Fraze: I'm a better driver & I ain't Bea: You're funny Bea: feel free to tell him when we get here Bea: wouldn't be weird at all Fraze: What do I wanna talk to that cunt for? Bea: idk Bea: you seem interested Fraze: He ain't coming in & I ain't waiting on the doorstep for you Bea: not in this rain Bea: with the kid Fraze: Yeah 'cause that's the reason Bea: mhmm Bea: deny it 😜 Fraze: I just fucking did Bea: 😂 Fraze: [goes offline because dealing with Baby Rocky and not well lbr] Bea: [let us get there in that time girl so you can come help] Fraze: [throws a towel and one of his sweatshirts at her when she comes in because really raining and he's a gentleman lol] Bea: [checking her face hoping there isn't mascara everywhere] Fraze: [starts putting his coat and shoes on cos he said he'd get her chips and he meant it even though we know he doesn't have to go right this second he just don't know how to be around her rn] Bea: [just like okay and looking at Rocky like what's up with him eh, 'have you fed him yet?'] Fraze: ['yeah' isn't looking at her or anything like its not this much of a task to get ready boy we see you] Bea: [looking at the clock working out how long they gotta keep him entertained before bath and bed 'cos not gonna be that long, 'cool, you got money from your 'rents for dinner or you wanna halvesies it?'] Fraze: ['I'm good' & then goes out without saying bye or anything how rude] Bea: don't even ask me what I want, like? Fraze: like I need to Bea: Hm okay but still Fraze: What? Bea: stop being funny with me yeah Fraze: We ain't mates anymore Bea: Oh Bea: thanks for admitting it then Fraze: You admitted you didn't wanna be first Fraze: I'm just keeping up Bea: Did not Bea: You Fraze: Nah Bea: I remember Bea: you were already on it you were probably drunk Fraze: Yeah well I remember inviting you out 'cause I wanted to hang out with you & you throwing it back in my face Bea: I told you why Bea: it wasn't about you Fraze: You didn't tell me shit Fraze: You never do any more Bea: You don't listen Bea: I don't like her alright Fraze: You think you're too fucking good, just like him Fraze: It ain't about her, she weren't there Bea: Too good for who? Fraze: To hang about with me Bea: Don't be stupid Bea: when have I ever said that Fraze: Like I said, you don't say shit Bea: You mean you want me to say I am so you've got an excuse Bea: stop being a wimp and just do it Fraze: I don't need excuses, I ain't your pussy of a boyfriend Bea: I don't have a boyfriend Fraze: Don't bullshit me Bea: I don't Bea: I'm not trying to be tied down or tie down Bea: Tah Fraze: Whatever you wanna call him then Fraze: Give a fuck Bea: A random Fraze: Don't tell me that Fraze: It don't make it better Bea: What Bea: I just got a lift because it was pissing it down Fraze: You know what Bea: No Bea: I don't Fraze: Yeah you do Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: It isn't a big deal Bea: he's harmless Fraze: Jesus, Bea Bea: How can I make it any clearer it's nothing to be worried about Fraze: How can I make it any clearer that you wind me the fuck up Fraze: Forget about it Bea: well it's mutual Fraze: Yeah Bea: could've just said no Fraze: You could've said no to the lad on the bike Bea: why Bea: you said i had to be back Bea: it would've taken me ten times as long Fraze: [Comes back looking fresh to the death with that popped collar & wet look hi] Bea: [control yo 😍] Fraze: [swaps a baby for chips casually lol] Bea: [putting something baby hypnotizing on the tv and getting drinks] Fraze: [gives her look like you could literally put the godfather on what does he know but then eating cos growing boy fr] Bea: [shrugs like anything for an easy life boy] Fraze: [shrugs back] Bea: [awkward chip eating] Fraze: [at least he'd eat fast even if he's also on his phone cos popular] Bea: [Rocky grizzling 'cos getting sleepy so looking at him like ready 'cos she's not gonna be eating loads] Fraze: [okay but Fraze telling the bab a story that Joe told him when they were little during the bad times TM] Bea: [just being quiet 'cos nice moment] Fraze: [then Fraze takes him up to bed cos sleepy lil baby being uncharacteristically soft cos we know he loves them all so much really] Bea: [doing some clean up downstairs 'cos don't wanna intrude but wants to be helpful] Fraze: [comes back down and throws all his school shit on the now clean kitchen table cos chemistry calls] Bea: ['have you done any yet?] Fraze: [shakes his head cos obvious he don't know what to fucking do but gotta style it out like he don't care obvs] Bea: [sitting down and looking through it like okay let's do this] Fraze: [sneaking a look at her while she's looking at the work cos wants to] Bea: [explaining it like okay this won't take us long 'cos not a bad teacher] Fraze: [trying to listen but distracted shamelessly by the fact she's wearing his sweatshirt looking cute & they are sitting closer together than need to technically] Bea: [is like oh no I must have shit on my face like casually touching her face tryna check lowkey] Fraze: [has to look away cos trying not to smile at how fucking cute she is] Bea: [after a while doing that little exasperated laugh like 'what?'] Fraze: [a look before he can stop himself] Bea: [returning it] Fraze: [needs to look away but never will] Bea: ['I-' starts to say something but then doesn't, trying to get on with the work when so distracted] Fraze: [was casually leaning in but stops when she does] Bea: [is like i'm gonna go check on the baby like don't need to but gotta run] Fraze: [gets up to go before she can because likewise can't fucking sit here or will die] Bea: [when you have to raid the bar soz mcvickers] Fraze: [literally is up there like doing the cliche leaning against the closed bathroom door & hitting the mirror not hard enough to break it obvs but as like a why are you such a fucking idiot cos mood] Bea: he okay? Fraze: Yeah Fraze: [comes down & outside like he can just 🚬 in the pissing down rain like I know you ain't put your coat back on boy calm down] Bea: [comes out and gives him another LOOK] Fraze: [is trying to light the 🚬 but it won't obvs so he throws his lighter across the garden & swears about it because mature response and of course looks back at her even though he shouldn't] Bea: [when you just mean to pull him back inside but then you're pulling him into you and yeah] Fraze: [when you've wanted to kiss for the longest time and you finally do and its everything and you can't stop] Bea: [how overwhelming goodbye] Fraze: [literally though we might need to have mcvickers come home because no chill otherwise] Bea: [fr fr also you need to be inside in case Rocky wakes up so at least get yourself to the kitchen, when you're literally drenched #mood] Fraze: [they can kiss their way inside cos almost parallel to when they did it in the other convo to their garage room. When you shivering but it ain't cos you are cold also #mood] Bea: [taking the jumper off 'cos you know soaked to the bone but does that thing where you don't stop kissing somehow] Fraze: [lowkey sitting her on the edge of the table soz homework you gonna get wet because the height difference is real when they both standing up and can't get as close as they want but still not stopping the kissing at any point ever] Bea: [the levels of fuck you don't give even as babies we really gonna have to interrupt this 'cos no chill in telling him she wants him] Fraze: [like maybe Rocky is crying but ignoring cos priorities sorry baby boy but then they hear the car pull up and can't ignore that but also waiting until the last possible moment to stop because like you said no fucks given or chill] Bea: [when you gotta shoot upstairs 'cos you don't wanna be the one who has to explain why tf you soaked soz boy godspeed, deal with that baby gurl] Fraze: [when you're trying to clean up the blatant puddles on the floor but there's also the state of the table & no time so wtf can you do lowkey other than sweep that wet homework into your bag to worry about later and just face out the blatant state of the kitchen floor] Fraze: [at least he can blag he's soaked because he went to get chips because not a lie] Bea: [seriously sort yourself out girl 'cos no need to be that obvious] Bea: 🍀 Fraze: [Tess @ Fraze like why didn't you wear a coat you little idiot literally go upstairs & get dry so he does but you know he's just gonna go upstairs and hope they cross paths cos not scared of the danger] Fraze: Where are you? Bea: My room Fraze: [quickest put on of dry clothes in the world so he can come to her because only one with her own room we know] Bea: [just sat on her bed like hey] Fraze: [leaves the door open so he can hear if mcvickers are lurking & no shame in just picking up where they left off like boy you gotta chill] Bea: [fixing his hair which is too short to need fixing 'cos you just wanna] Fraze: [pulling her even closer to him like that's not a dangerous game, I can't even deal with either of you] Bea: [peppering in 'we should stop's with all the encouragement like okay bitch] Fraze: [he's as bad because you know he's just like on top of her on her bed right now kissing her like that's fine and they couldn't get caught any second] Bea: [again where are all the other kids, did they have a club, parents evening, who knows but don't interrupt] Fraze: [Let's say Joe comes back at least because can't be out all night like it'd make sense if Ro & Ali were like at at sleepover with ginger bitch cos creepy trio at that point & Tommy could likewise have some dance thing with Meena cos baby partners] Bea: [when you hear someone coming up the stairs and you have to jump apart like the guiltiest hoes in the world but it's just Joe going to his room so you're like do we or don't we] Fraze: [Blatantly are gonna continue but let's force a stop by having Tess calling one of them for some reason, probably Fraze for some shit he's done lol] Bea: [how to life now] Fraze: [Honestly, just imagine omg] Fraze: I don't have a girlfriend Bea: Okay Bea: what is she Fraze: If you hear her say she is, it's bullshit, like Fraze: She kissed me but I didn't Bea: Alright Bea: I believe you over her so Fraze: You have to Fraze: I don't want her Bea: fucking promise Fraze: I swear Fraze: I'll tell her Fraze: I'll tell everyone Fraze: & I'll show you Bea: I believe you Bea: you want me Bea: don't you Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Bunk off with me tomorrow Bea: Yeah Bea: alright Fraze: Alright Bea: nothing happened Bea: with that lad Fraze: I believe you Fraze: I still wanna fuck him up though Bea: He's irrelevant Bea: you know what I was doing anyway Fraze: Same I was Bea: Yeah? Fraze: I don't like her but I liked that you were jealous of her Bea: Dick Fraze: You'd love it if I beat up bike boy Fraze: Come on Bea: Bet you couldn't anyway Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: You know I can Bea: Maybe Fraze: Nah Bea: well you don't need to Bea: focus on me Fraze: I can do both Fraze: Not gonna take long to fight him Bea: Come on Fraze: What? Bea: already pissed off everyone came and stopped us Bea: don't wanna waste time Fraze: I'm not gonna go find him now, like Fraze: Or tomorrow Fraze: That's a full day of no other cunts about, just me & you Bea: feels like ages since we did that Fraze: 'Cause it has been Bea: Yeah Bea: we've gotta be careful Fraze: You can still get top marks if you don't have perfect attendance, babe Bea: 😏 not what I meant Fraze: I know Fraze: But we ain't that fucking stupid Bea: nah Bea: I'm glad we're talking again Bea: properly Fraze: Me too Fraze: I didn't mean all the cunty shit I said Fraze: You know that, yeah? Bea: I know Bea: it don't matter Bea: we were both as bad Fraze: Yeah but we gotta clear the air Fraze: I ain't wanted you this long to let it get fucked up Bea: It won't Bea: but alright Bea: what do you wanna say Bea: or know Bea: idk Fraze: Just that I'm sorry Fraze: Not just Bea: you're allowed to get with other girls Bea: if you want Bea: but I can't not be jealous Fraze: I don't Bea: You know there's nothing they can do that I can't do better yeah Fraze: Yeah I know you're better than them Fraze: Not only like that though Bea: Don't need to sweet-talk me Fraze: It's not Fraze: You don't need me to tell you that you're smart & still are a laugh & not full of shit Fraze: But you asked me what I wanted to say Bea: I wish tomorrow was now Fraze: If you can stay up I'll come back when everyone's asleep Fraze: It'll be late enough to count as tomorrow Bea: what happened to being careful then Fraze: Who don't you trust, me or you? Bea: 😏 Bea: shut up Bea: I'll be awake Fraze: & I'll be careful Bea: Fraze Fraze: Yeah? Bea: Have you got things for tomorrow Bea: condoms Fraze: 'Course Fraze: School's always chucking 'em at us Fraze: Cheers Da for not making us go Catholic Bea: 😂 Bea: Good Fraze: Anything else you want? Fraze: Got a whole day to kill, like Bea: Just you Fraze: Bea Bea: Yeah? Fraze: You have me now Bea: I've wanted to hear that for a long time Fraze: I've wanted it to be true for a long time Bea: I can't stop thinking about you Fraze: Don't Fraze: 'Cause I think about you all the time Bea: It's so Bea: distracting Fraze: I ain't saying sorry Bea: I don't want you to Bea: I want you to be missing me as much as I miss you right now though Fraze: Tell me how much Fraze: I'll give it my best shot Bea: I don't know what to do with myself now Bea: I can't sleep but I can't do anything productive Fraze: Keep thinking about me Fraze: That'll be well productive Bea: One word for it Bea: you want me to Fraze: I don't want you to stop thinking about me, like ever Bea: Give it my best shot Bea: 😜 Fraze: Good Bea: You know I think about you Fraze: Yeah but thinking I'm an idiot don't count Bea: That's only like Bea: half the time Fraze: 😂 Fraze: I reckon I can change those figures Fraze: Decent odds at it now Bea: Not gonna say no if you think you're up to the challenge Fraze: What challenge? Fraze: You want me, you told me Bea: Alright, rude Bea: can change my mind, you know Fraze: You won't Fraze: I want you & I'll show you, like I said Bea: have you done it before Fraze: With who? I already told you, you're better than them Bea: I just wanted to know Fraze: You heard when a girl kissed me but you reckon you'd not know that Bea: I don't know Bea: doesn't bode well for how sneaky you can be Bea: does it Fraze: Weren't trying to be then Bea: Yeah you were trying to make me jealous Bea: 😒 Fraze: Exactly Bea: Did you really have to do that Fraze: Would you have kissed me if she didn't? Bea: Maybe not today Fraze: Then I did have to Bea: I just remembered how it was when we were little Bea: if I got in shit then Fraze: I ain't forgotten Fraze: We'll be careful Bea: Where we gonna go Bea: you're mum will be in won't she Fraze: Yeah but Shane's ma ain't & I know where the spare key is Fraze: We can go to his Bea: Good idea Bea: glad he's got some use Fraze: 😂 Bea: not gonna have a thank you note or anything but Fraze: You don't like any of my mates, do you? Bea: Well Bea: they're alright Bea: some of 'em Fraze: Gimme a list of the alright ones & I'll keep you away from 'em before I get jealous Bea: 😂 Bea: Cute Fraze: Don't take the piss Bea: I ain't Bea: not my fault you're so fucking cute Fraze: 😏 Bea: Come be cute here soon okay Bea: you're taking the piss not me Fraze: It ain't my fault Joe won't go the fuck to sleep Fraze: He's taking the piss, not me Bea: He'll be up half the night probably Bea: 😒 Fraze: Fuck that Fraze: I'll batter him Bea: Least that ain't out of character Bea: no one's gonna question that like Fraze: Come downstairs Fraze: Nobody can question us getting a drink at the same time Bea: [does, probably looking cute in PJs] Fraze: [likewise cos you know he's topless but rocking them pj bottoms #mood] Bea: [we all know] Fraze: [puts her on the counter instead of the table this time because gotta just make mems everywhere] Bea: [shh kiddos] Fraze: [casual stealth kissing] Bea: [one of yous is gonna have to find chill] Fraze: [let's have Rocky cry for a throwback & to remind them that Mcvickers exist lol] Bea: [smiling bit sad like well that's the end of that then, 'you go up first'] Fraze: [gives her the best final kiss first because that bitch but then yeah you gotta go boy] Bea: [when the curse of wanting to say ily is back with a vengeance lmao] Bea: You're good at that Bea: don't waste it on anyone else yeah Fraze: I won't Fraze: You're not gonna either, are you? Bea: No Bea: why would I Fraze: I dunno Fraze: 'Cause you could Fraze: You're fucking hot, you know Bea: So are you Bea: I'm not interested in anyone else right now Fraze: Me either Bea: 👍 Fraze: 😂 Fraze: You speechless, yeah? Bea: You wish Fraze: Nah Fraze: Like we said, I'm glad we're talking again Bea: Good Bea: it's hard to ignore you Bea: not just 'cos we live in the same house Fraze: It was hard to ignore you when we didn't Fraze: You know, like Fraze: That shit from when we were kids Fraze: It weren't your fault Bea: Whatever Bea: don't matter Fraze: Yeah it does Fraze: I didn't even like girls & I liked you Bea: so special yeah Fraze: Maybe Bea: don't chat shit Fraze: Alright then yeah Fraze: I wanna be with you, don't I? Fraze: Not none of the rest Bea: we don't need to talk about it Bea: or put a label on it Bea: can't tell anyone anyway yeah Fraze: You mean you don't wanna Fraze: You already said you ain't looking to be tied down or tie down Bea: no Bea: I mean what I said Bea: you know that Fraze: Whatever Bea: Don't be moody Bea: I still want you too Fraze: I ain't Bea: Sure? Fraze: If you want me to be in a mood, keep going Bea: Come on Bea: be my friend 😉 Fraze: Be mine Bea: I am Bea: your best friend Fraze: Yeah Bea: You're mine too Fraze: Keep it like that Fraze: You don't need any new friends even if you reckon you need a lift Bea: He ain't my friend Fraze: Good Bea: Fraze Fraze: What? Bea: it's really hard to stop Fraze: What do you mean? Bea: I mean Bea: I just want more Fraze: Well, that ain't no problem Bea: It can be Fraze: Nah, not for us Bea: yeah Bea: okay then Bea: you do want to Bea: I didn't ask Bea: I just Fraze: 'Cause you don't need to ask Fraze: Why wouldn't I? Bea: idk Bea: you might not be ready to go all the way Fraze: Don't get dramatic Fraze: It's not a big deal, like Bea: Can be Bea: some people Bea: but alright then Fraze: I'm not a fucking girl Bea: didn't say you were Bea: not only girls care about this shit Fraze: Lads don't Bea: says who Fraze: Everyone Bea: I bet most of your mates are still virgins so Fraze: 'Cause they can't talk any girls into it Bea: you think that's what's happened here Fraze: I'm not talking about them, not us Bea: I'll see you later Fraze: Don't Bea: I just don't wanna chat about this Fraze: You started it Fraze: What you wanna talk me out of it for? Bea: I was making sure Bea: it's what you're meant to do Fraze: You know I am Bea: then there's nothing else that needs saying Fraze: I ain't scared of anything Fraze: There's that, if you've forgotten Bea: you don't have to prove shit to me Fraze: No I fucking don't Bea: Why are you angry at me Fraze: Why are you treating me like some kind of pussy all of a sudden? Bea: I ain't Bea: that's how you've decided to take it Bea: which is more ridiculous Fraze: How else am I meant to take it? Bea: that I give a shit about how you feel Bea: won't bother from now on though Fraze: Then listen to me Fraze: Jesus Bea: I have Bea: fucking hell Fraze: Do you not want to Fraze: 'Cause that's how it's starting to sound Bea: No Bea: I told you I do Fraze: Alright Fraze: Then stop trying to have a domestic with me Bea: I said shut up Bea: just come when he's asleep Fraze: I am Bea: 👍 Fraze: Don't fall asleep before he does Bea: 😑 I'm not gonna am I Bea: wake me up anyway Fraze: Knowing you, you'll start doing your homework or some shit Bea: meant to be doing yours Bea: actually Fraze: Fucked until it dries out though Bea: you're so devvo, I'm sure 😏 Fraze: 'Course Bea: Maybe I'll make you do it tomorrow Bea: 😂 Fraze: Maybe I'll make you forget you said that Fraze: Fucking hope so Bea: Ha Bea: me too Fraze: These days you're such a swot though Fraze: Only so much I can do Bea: Piss off Bea: just 'cos I'm smart Fraze: Exactly why you don't need to be such a fucking stresshead about it Bea: just 'cos I get my work done don't mean I stress Fraze: When you won't come out 'cause you've got work that's stressing Bea: I wouldn't come out 'cos she was there, stupid Fraze: That ain't the only time you've said no Bea: Well Bea: gotta do it some time Bea: I thought you just wanted to be with your mates too Fraze: You're my mate Fraze: Best, so you said Bea: I am Fraze: Then why wouldn't I wanna hang around with you? Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: Alright Bea: maybe they don't Fraze: Give a shit Fraze: They can fuck off Bea: 😂 Fraze: 😂 Bea: we can do whatever we want tomorrow Fraze: Yeah Fraze: & any other day, like Fraze: You're the one who gives a shit about school Bea: well gotta go in sometimes Fraze: Nah, the teachers love it when I ain't there Bea: Your mum wouldn't though Fraze: She's got her hands full with the new one Fraze: Can do what I want Bea: test that theory Fraze: I'm about to Bea: Yeah? Bea: Better be coming here or rude Fraze: [Finally shows up fucks sake Joe also how low key triggering to have someone creep into your room in the middle of the night soz Bea] Bea: [but it's cool 'cos you been impatiently waiting so you very ready and here for it] Fraze: [Dread to think what time it is, Joe you cockblock] Bea: [whispering obvs 'you were ages'] Fraze: ['Give Joe a beating in the morning if you like'] Bea: ['Maybe I will...Or you could save him and make me feel better now'] Fraze: [kisses her like its been a thousand years since he last did instead of however long] Bea: [just pushing him down on the bed like that ain't a dangerous game] Fraze: [At least he's quiet unlike his future son so one less thing to worry about] Bea: ['I can't wait for tomorrow..it's been so long coming'] Fraze: [Nods cos ain't that the truth but despite what you said you are lowkey nervous cos the love is real & you want it to be good] Bea: [tilts his head for eye contact and gives him a softer-starting kiss] Fraze: [When you're ruined by the softness so you gotta go harder because who is he if not someone who hides behind being a cocky little shit] Bea: [goes with it] Fraze: [When you've never touched a girl in a sexy way before but enthusiasm and bravado are your friends] Bea: [do what feels good lads] Fraze: [Thank god he was friends with much older lads as a tiny boy, inappropriate as that was 'cause heard & saw some shit that'll help him now] Fraze: [All those times at the playground with the teens, oh god bless baby baze] Bea: [when you know a lot but trying to tone it down for all the reasons] Fraze: [Yeah making him feel awkward isn't a good idea even though it's okay you're a virgin boy you're young af, lowkey am gonna have to help him though cos he don't know as much as he thinks he knows lbr] Bea: [moving him where he needs to be and making the right noises of encouragement, quietly though please] Fraze: [Very tactful babe, well played, you've earned yourself a turned on gasp from him for your efforts] Bea: [looking at him like 'good, I know'] Fraze: [some good eye contact] Bea: ['Fuck'] Fraze: [is 😏] Bea: [tries to say 'shut up' but you know don't clearly] Fraze: [kisses her cos they obvs both need to be quiet even if they don't wanna] Bea: [when you gotta bite your lip really hard] Fraze: [when bae looks really hot doing that so you're just like damn] Bea: [up in his ear like 'tomorrow we can be as loud as we want'] Fraze: [his turn to say fuck] Bea: [puts her finger to his lips like shh] Fraze: [such a look because stop being so hot thank you but also don't] Bea: [bringing out some of your knowledge 'cos not tryna be a dead fish either tah] Fraze: [Least some good can come out of how sad that makes me to think about, excuse me Bea: [ily curse] Fraze: [literally same though, you know I ain't gonna be able to stop him for long] Bea: [when you have to stop 'cos hear someone on the landing like hold up] Fraze: [hold your breath and freeze lads] Bea: [try not to be too frustrated and fail] Fraze: [the way he'd be looking at her wouldn't help soz babe] Bea: [just moving slowly like this'll be fine] Fraze: [when you should give a shit but you clearly don't, oh you two never change] Fraze: [okay but giving her little kisses because they are soft and don't make a sound goodbye] Bea: [being like oh 'cos intimacy what] Fraze: [literally nearly said it shhh] Bea: ['you're so'] Fraze: [looks at her like finish that sentence thank you] Bea: [teases him longer than necessary like 😏] Fraze: [When you lowkey forget that you have to be quiet because you're going hard so that she'll tell you/give you another compliment/make a sound thats so hot you don't mind that she didn't finish her sentence] Bea: [When his back is gonna be scratched to fuck 'cos you gotta hold in how loud you need to be, 'good, you're so fucking good'] Fraze: [When you can't even be smug cos so into all of this rn that how to do life tbh] Bea: [when you start going some 'cos how much more can either of you take lbr] Fraze: [seriously though] Bea: [hope whoever has gone back to bed bye] Fraze: [I'm loling because this is day 1 like how long are you gonna keep this under wraps for lads] Bea: [when you keep kissing 'cos you don't want him to go but gotta] Fraze: [when you wanna stay but you don't know how to be like yeah let's just fall asleep together snuggling bye so you're just kissing her back and holding onto her nbd] Bea: [when you have to stop eventually or you're just gonna start again so you're just looking up at him] Fraze: [When this is the one time you have to look away first because you're gonna fucking say it if you don't so its like the slowest and most ridiculous song and dance of almost leaving ever like boy you ain't gonna put on shoes and a coat we can't string this out forever] Bea: [just there with nothing to do casually like get your PJs back on properly, fix your hair, 'night, Fraze'] Fraze: [off he goes without saying anything how rude but we know its cos he dare not] Bea: I know it was good Bea: don't try and pretend Fraze: I ain't pretending nothing Bea: you didn't say nothing Fraze: Being quiet weren't I Bea: I managed still Fraze: Yeah alright Bea: just don't be weird Fraze: I ain't being anything Bea: alright Fraze: Not gonna be like 'well cheers then' am I, that'd be weird Bea: obviously not 🙄 weirdo Bea: gave you an easy out why didn't you just say night back Fraze: 'Cause I don't wanna say goodnight Bea: okay then Fraze: I don't wanna just go to sleep like that didn't happen Bea: what do you wanna do Fraze: Come & have a 🚬 with me, yeah? Bea: Alright Bea: you got 1? Bea: I might have but only emergency 1 Fraze: Got loads for tomorrow Fraze: Today now, like Bea: Can use 'em to count Bea: See you out there Bea: I need to freshen up Fraze: Don't be ages Bea: not gonna put on a full face of makeup Bea: just sort this mess slightly tah Fraze: You don't look a mess Bea: Well, a bit Bea: but that's your fault Fraze: I'm in a worse state but you don't hear me saying anything Fraze: Come on Fraze: It looks like it's gonna piss down again Bea: Yeah, that was my point 😜 Bea: you better have put a top on Fraze: I've put my dressing gown on, so you can stop swooning over me, like Bea: 😂 oh shut up Fraze: Make me, babe Fraze: If you ever get enough of a move on Bea: You wish we could Bea: I'm coming, bloody hell Bea: so impatient Fraze: You've had all my patience before now Fraze: & it didn't get me what I wanted Bea: so that's that fucked forever is it Bea: good to know Fraze: I'm waiting on you now, ain't I? Bea: You're cute Fraze: You made it obvious you reckon so Bea: Know you ain't mad about it Fraze: Didn't say I was Bea: Be an idiot if you was Bea: [comes down] Fraze: [intense eye contact ftw & forever but this time over the 🚬 as he puts it in her mouth & lights it, so intimate excuse you boy] Bea: [dying so you just gotta smoke and nod your thanks like] Fraze: [When you shrug but the look of love you're giving her betrays you as not casual lol] Bea: [giving it back so we're all good, going to sit down on whatever patio furniture they're rocking but it's cold and wet so mistake] Fraze: [Lols cos she's so cute sorry bout it] Bea: [when you're pouty but not mad mad 'what happened to being quiet then?'] Fraze: [Picks her up and does the thing where she's also wrapped in the dressing gown so they both are because she's smol and shameless excuse to do a hug obvs and also not answer because did not mean to break the silence especially not first] Bea: [Snuggle pause] Fraze: [When you don't ever wanna put her down or let her go so you give her kisses so you don't have to] Bea: [just enjoy it you cute kids] Fraze: [just making out with the love of your life in the garden in the middle of the night nbd] Bea: [only stopping to give him the cigarette like don't forget but 😏 'cos you both know that ain't why you're out there] Fraze: [When you end up lowkey fucking the bae with your clothes on because that's why you ain't gone in yet shamelessly but because you ain't you can't be taking your clothes off here & now even though that's all you wanna do. At least PJs aren't a total cockblock unlike if you were both wearing jeans or some nonsense which would just be frustrating instead of good] Bea: [yay for getting to be a bit louder 'cos you should all be in bed neighbours] Fraze: [still not as loud as you want but you're welcome girl] Bea: ['How did you-' when you'd be used to the stamina of old creeps and lbr that's the only blessing there] Fraze: [Telling her how hot she is etc because that's true and a nicer answer than being like well I'm young af I only need a minute] Bea: [leaving it there like okay] Fraze: [Literally wanna say ILY what can I say instead send help] Bea: ['I'll miss you' talking about going to bed obvs] Fraze: ['You don't have to' when you feeling brave enough to hint that you wanna stay RIP] Bea: ['you know you'd have to get up in a few hours now, the baby wakes them up at the crack of dawn so' sad shrug] Fraze: [Gives her a look like yeah and what cos living that life rn where he believes there ain't nothing he can't do, bless you bab. 'If you want me to, I will' see what you did there boy acting like its not what you want haha] Bea: [thinking, 'not like either of us is getting much sleep now, still have to pretend to go to school so' more shrugging] Fraze: [shrugs back because oh so casual obvs lol] Bea: ['if you wanna, like'] Fraze: [when you smile before you can stop yourself/realise you have cos you just happy about it] Bea: [smiles back like sorted then] Fraze: [does the handshake from when they were little, remember when] Bea: [but finishes it with a smooch 'cos] Fraze: [Leads her back inside by the sleeve because girl you better have some kind of coat or jacket on my dad would be screaming] Bea: [cuteness ensues] Fraze: [Imagine how unreal this would all feel though like] Bea: [just touching him all the time like you're really there] Fraze: [couldn't get any closer to her if he tried though so its okay] Bea: ['do you feel any different or do you reckon that's just bollocks?'] Fraze: [When you wanna say you feel happier but you're such a stereotypical teenage lad how can you talk about your feelings like that so you just shrug] Bea: [looks at him like lol good chat babe and turns to get comfy] Fraze: [snuggles her because that's the real communication here] Bea: [let's just appreciate for a sec] Fraze: [it's soft time & I'm here for it thank you] Bea: [gonna be so knackered lmao] Fraze: [gonna have to drink so much shit instant coffee tomorrow, not a mood] Fraze: [At least they ain't going to school they'd actually be falling asleep] Bea: [you know she'd wake up before him and be ready even though could probably have another hour or two of sleep once he's back in his own room 'cos Rocky be up at about 5 and it's not like you need to start getting ready for School 'til like 7/8 tbh 'cos she's just that put together bitch, nudging him like hey sleepyhead] Fraze: [Let's not think about how cute he'd look half asleep goodbye] Bea: ['you gotta run'] Fraze: [Does because even sleepy he's not stupid and not trying to get caught but before he goes a little peck goodbye like the cliche when a dude is going to work and kisses his missus because seen that and copying it] Bea: You're a nerd Fraze: Bet you're doing homework as you try and take the piss out of me Bea: You're still a loser 😘 Fraze: And you're still impressed by me, babe Bea: Impressed isn't the word I'd go for Fraze: Should be Bea: Oh really Fraze: Yeah Bea: Hmm Bea: well keep trying Fraze: Fuck off, I don't need to try Bea: 🤷 Bea: Go back to sleep then, can get at least an hour or 2 Fraze: Alright Fraze: Don't miss me too much, like Bea: Do my best Fraze: Good Bea: 😏 Bea: you did look cute though Fraze: Don't be watching me sleep Bea: Shut up Bea: like you'd know Bea: constant audience Bea: you know you like me more than both of 'em Fraze: I like you more than anyone Fraze: It don't mean you can take liberties Bea: Don't worry, I'm not planning on it Bea: might get distracted by Joe like Fraze: Shut up Bea: You Fraze: You ain't allowed to like him Bea: Why not Fraze: Loads of reasons Fraze: So don't Bea: I don't Bea: but I could if I wanted to Fraze: [Doesn't answer because fuming about this] Bea: You fallen asleep? Fraze: Yeah Bea: 👍 Bea: Alright Fraze: See you at breakfast, like Bea: yep Fraze: Alright Fraze: Good morning then Bea: Don't say it Fraze: What? Bea: you didn't wanna say it last night Bea: so don't say it now Fraze: Whatever Bea: Fine Bea: Bye Fraze: Just forget I said it Bea: why Fraze: 'Cause I didn't mean to Bea: Yeah you did you're in a mood Fraze: Don't Bea: You don't Fraze: Fuck's sake Bea: I told you I don't fancy Joe, don't be ridiculous Fraze: & I said shut up Bea: I've not said anything wrong Bea: but fine Fraze: I ain't talking about him no more Bea: not like he's my favourite topic of conversation Fraze: Stop fucking bringing him up then Bea: this is fucking ridiculous Fraze: You started it Bea: How am I meant to ignore him he lives here too Fraze: Do what you want Bea: not if you're gonna be mad with me about it Fraze: I'm not mad at you Bea: who then Fraze: Me Fraze: I just can't think about you with anyone else Bea: I told you I don't want anyone else Bea: it was just a stupid joke Fraze: I fucking know that Bea: I'm sorry Bea: alright Fraze: Don't Bea: What, I can't say sorry Bea: it was dumb Fraze: Not for this shit Fraze: I got wound up, that's on me Bea: we alright? Fraze: Are you gonna forgive me for being such a cunt? Bea: You ain't Bea: and you aren't Bea: so yeah Fraze: You know it's 'cause I like you, yeah? Bea: I like you too Fraze: I'll make it up to you Fraze: I swear Bea: I like you Bea: cunt or nah Bea: remember Fraze: I ain't forgotten Fraze: Point is, I wanna keep it like that Fraze: & have a good time Fraze: Not a day you're dreading, like Bea: I'm not Bea: swear, not gonna make it weird Bea: just have fun Fraze: Fuck it then Fraze: I'm getting coffee Fraze: You want a cup? Bea: Yeah please Fraze: Meet me in the kitchen for a trial run of acting like you hate me or whatever Fraze: Loads of past experience to draw from Bea: 😂 Bea: it was never hate, drama queen Bea: but yeah, I've got this Fraze: I know that but this family don't Bea: I'm not gonna come down and kiss you, it's fine Fraze: Shame Fraze: But alright Bea: Take it up with the fam, not me Fraze: Wouldn't be the first time I kicked off before breakfast Bea: If you can think of a decent excuse you're less tired than me Fraze: I don't need one Fraze: I'm a McKenna, end of Bea: 🙄😏 Bea: can't say it doesn't work Fraze: I've never had a bad idea, babe Fraze: Come on Bea: ha Bea: you've had plenty but I always sve your ass from trouble Fraze: See? Have to keep hold of you Fraze: Need you, don't I? Bea: Yeah, you do Fraze: You're smart, think of a reason we've gotta go to school early, yeah? Bea: Alright Bea: coffee me first Bea: [comes down] Fraze: [gives her the mug with a kiss because nobody about yet even though you know they could appear at any point, like] Bea: [obvs kisses back and is happy but then does a fake 'fuck you' look 'cos practising] Fraze: [gives her a look back obvs but then kisses her again cos no fucks given about the danger] Bea: [when you sit ON the table to be like remember when with that eyebrow raise and sipping your coffee] Fraze: [gives her a very different look but because I'm evil before he can do anything Tess Vickers TM comes in with baby Rocky but like is lowkey so sleep deprived she don't even notice them straight away and gotta do that mum double take like oh] Bea: [hop off that table bitch and start explaining your excuses for why you gotta go school early, she knows Tess ain't gonna be #invested so as long as it's boring and semi-believable, probably like helping with some breakfast club, her for looking good on a uni app, him 'cos gotta for detention vibe maybe] Fraze: [when you already annoyed cos your ma cockblocked your table moment and then she shoves your baby brother at you for a sec cos you say that's the reason you're awake #believable gang & then she makes a joke about coffee stunting your growth cos toll boy & such a mum haha but then you cheer up cos the bae comes through with a good lie, not that you're gonna show it] Bea: [when you're just smirky 'cos heheh got away with it] Fraze: Either that coffee kicked in proper quick or you didn't really need it Bea: You can tell me how smart I am on here Bea: no one will know Fraze: [Baby in one hand, phone in the other, what a mood & a look lol] Fraze: Maybe I wanna say it to your face Bea: Won't have to wait too long Bea: thanks to my genius 😜 Fraze: It's still gonna feel like ages Bea: just be thankful the little ones aren't here Bea: be even worse Fraze: Believe me, I fucking am Bea: Shame that one's not old enough to ship off either but you know Bea: [comes over and squishes baby Rocky's cheeks] Fraze: It's alright, he won't say shit Fraze: [Kisses her again like see and also because any second alone is a chance he's gonna take shamelessly] Bea: [just looking at him like you're crazy boy] Fraze: Get back on the table, I'll be like less than a minute Fraze: [Takes Rocky away like you don't need to see this bab] Bea: Aw, don't do yourself down like that, babe Fraze: Shut up, not what I meant Fraze: [Comes back & gives her a look like obviously what I meant thank you] Bea: [when you can't argue with that look] Fraze: [the sneaky tabletop make out we all deserve] Bea: ['when's the earliest we can leave, realistically?'] Fraze: ['Fuck it, I'll get ready & let's just go' cos he shamelessly has just been fucking around this whole time like sort your shit boy] Bea: [nods like alright, 'sadly I can't come with so, be quick, yeah?'] Fraze: [I love that she felt the need to say that cos we all know he's a boy that takes ages normally lol so gonna take that on board slightly but still gonna take a while cos that bitch. At least they won't be leaving suspiciously early by the time he's done fucking around] Bea: how do you even take so long Bea: you've not got hair to style, you don't wear make up Fraze: Do you want me to look good for you or nah? Bea: You always look good Fraze: You're only telling me that 'cause you want me to hurry the fuck up Bea: So negative Bea: Usually happy to take a compliment Fraze: Give me one when you ain't waiting on me & I'll have it Bea: Babe Fraze: Yeah? Bea: it's so impressive how you can turn anything and everything into a fight Bea: how's that for a real compliment Fraze: Cheers Fraze: Do my best Bea: Well you're the best at it Bea: no doubt about that Fraze: Like I said, everything's a fight Fraze: Gotta be ready for it Bea: Then I shouldn't even bother being nice to you Fraze: I told you, do what you want Bea: Well I might wanna be nice to you Bea: but if you don't believe that then Fraze: If you wanna then do it, that's literally what I'm saying Bea: Lord Bea: I'll be outside Fraze: Babe Fraze: Don't be mad about it Bea: I ain't Bea: I just Bea: nah, idk Fraze: Tell me Bea: You don't have to be like that with me Bea: I thought you knew that Fraze: I do Fraze: But there's not a switch for it, like Bea: Yeah Bea: that makes sense Fraze: I'm sorry, you know Bea: Forget I said it, but actually Bea: not passive aggressive bullshit Bea: nothing's that easy, I know that Fraze: I don't wanna Fraze: I want it to be that easy Bea: I know Bea: just know that Bea: I'm never going to fight you for real Bea: because I could never hate you Fraze: You should know that you do make me feel different Fraze: No bullshit Bea: we've got each other's backs Bea: yeah Bea: always have, it's not got to be weird or new just 'cos Fraze: Exactly Fraze: Nothing's changed Fraze: I meant what I said, I liked you before I even gave a shit about other girls Fraze: & I ain't gonna be a better person 'cause I can't that's bullshit, but I don't have to be the same cunt I am with everybody else Fraze: 'Cause you're better than them, I already said it Bea: I know Bea: we aren't just doing this because Bea: all the reasons people can think of that we shouldn't Bea: I wanted to be with you then, I still do but more Bea: and I don't want you to be a better person Bea: We're fucked up together yeah Fraze: I ain't never shared my lunch with any other fucker Fraze: I made my mind up then so people can think what they want Fraze: Nobody's taking you away from me Fraze: It's always been me & you Bea: Yeah Bea: I feel it too Fraze: [Finally appears and makes a come on gesture] Bea: [when your 😍 are huge like 'scuse me fam nothing to see here] Fraze: [when you basically running so you can be out of sight of everyone not soz bye fam] Bea: [when you basically have to jump him to initiate a kiss as soon as you can] Fraze: [when you literally don't give a fuck that any of the neighbours might see you because nobody else exists rn again not soz] Bea: [when you keep saying 'me and you' between kisses 'cos basically ily but not] Fraze: [adding the always in because real & such a declaration but one he can get away with] Bea: [hope it ain't raining today 'cos you got time to kill 'fore you can shamelessly use your friend's house, not that they care lbr] Fraze: [Let's imagine one of the neighbour's fences has a loose panel that they can fit through that he obvs knows about cos sneaky bitch who's been in there before so they can have a bit of privacy until they have somewhere to go] Bea: [just joking like 'this is where you bring all your bitches, yeah?'] Fraze: [is 😏] Bea: [cuffs his head but she'd really have to reach lmao] Fraze: [lols and picks her up like if you wanna have another go] Bea: [aggressive kissing] Fraze: [obvs into it] Bea: [when you debating on giving him hickeys but probs not so stick to biting his lips like] Fraze: [like you can as long as he don't give you any as well lol 'cause not subtle] Bea: [when you're insatiable] Fraze: [Can't even shade because I can't even imagine wanting something for as long as they have and yet still being so young and dramatic] Bea: [we know how this day gonna go can probably leave 'em to it Fraze: [True cos we all know what's up and this is gonna be long anyway]

The Four (Thousand, New) Questions

When I was growing up, I didn't really have to think too much about what it meant to be a Jewish American. A large part of that was living in New Jersey, where being a member of the tribe isn’t exactly an anomaly. In Newark, pretty much all of my friends were Jewish or Black, until I spent 2nd grade in Catholic School. You’d think that might make it weird, but even then, it wasn’t. All my new friends just had Irish and Italian names, and I got to sit in the back during mass and read, which is the dream of every second grader. And when we moved to the suburbs, things became, if anything, more Jewy. We joined Temple Israel and actually tried going to services every once in a while, and I went to Hebrew school on Saturdays. At my suburban public grade school, I learned the term “Jappy” something my friends and I called other girls that we considered spoiled, regardless of whether or not they were Jewish, and in junior high, the school bus that came from the most wealthy, Jewish neighborhood in town was sometimes referred to as “The Jew Canoe.” Who did we learn these terms from? Other Jews. We were the ones trading in the laughable stereotypes, because that’s American Jewish culture all over: we joke because we can. It’s never been in doubt in my lifetime that we belong here, to the degree that we are comfortable poking fun at ourselves, enough that while we are very aware that we aren’t and will never be the majority — and if you forget that, you always have the 30 to 60 days of Christmas to remind you — we are perfectly okay with that; and enough to feel safe in the knowledge that the past is the past, because in the Tri-State Area in the 1970s and 80s, anti-Semitism was about as real to me as Star Wars: something that existed long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away. The same thing with Nazis. Nazis were the movie villains nobody got upset about. Nobody ever said, “Why do the Nazis always have to be the bad guys?” Why? Because they were the bad guys. 

That doesn’t mean that my Jewish identity was 100% uncomplicated, mostly because I was raised to figure stuff out for myself. Mine were the kind of parents who took us to fancy restaurants and said, “Want to order the escargot? Have at it!”, perhaps not realizing that they’d end up with a seven-year-old who liked to try every appetizer on the menu but had a stomach the size of a golfball – which led to my parents gaining weight in the 70s, which led to their joining the exercise craze in the 80s...See how history happens? Being able to make my own decisions meant I could quit Hebrew school after one year (I was already a well-practiced quitter of stuff I didn't like, such as wearing dresses and learning the violin). I felt a little guilty about it, so I was definitely Jewish in that way, but one of the reasons I couldn’t get behind religious school was the fact that Judaism was supposedly my religion, but – go figure – our family was not religious. My parents don’t agree on which type of not-religious they are, since my mother describes herself as an atheist and my father calls himself an agnostic, but that’s only if you push them, since neither of them cares enough about it either way. They still identify as Jewish, and therein lay the confusion for me: Judaism is kind of an ethnic identity as well as a religion, but in a weird way, because you can convert to it, which you can’t do with, say, Slavic, and because it’s not one where we all come from one specific place, since Jews were basically driven out of everywhere. Sure, my family were all driven out of one country, Poland, but that didn’t exactly make them feel Polish. No, we were definitely Jews, just the secular kind, which is actually a thing — although I didn’t know anyone else like that in high school, the result being that in my group of friends, a mix of Jews and non-Jews, I was in my own category of Jewish, But Doesn’t Know When Any of the Holidays Are.

When I went to college on the West Coast, where I was meeting new people all the time, it was common for people tell me I didn’t “look Jewish,” which seemed to just fit right in with every other confusing part of my Jewish identity. You might think that, as a stealth Jew, I’d finally be privy to negativity about us, but that never happened. That was around the time of the rise of the religious right, and there were a lot of born-again Christians at Stanford, my freshman dorm was full of them. But while they may have believed I was going to hell, most of them still seemed happy to hang with me while we were alive – one of them even took me out for fro yo once (that’s short for “frozen yogurt,” and eating it together at Stanford in 1987 was called “dating”). If anything, being Jewish around them was an advantage, because they never tried to rebirth me the way they did other Christians, like my poor freshman roommate – I would come back to our room to find her surrounded by a group of them, looking uncomfortable, like she was getting hit on by Jesus. Mind you, I know now that my school was a liberal bubble inside the liberal bubble that was Northern California, and that protected me from a lot of things. But while we were definitely dealing with racism and sexism on campus at the time, anti-Semitism? That just wasn’t a thing.

Neither was being a Jewish person who didn’t support Israel. I didn’t know all that much about Israel growing up. I knew that it was the Jewish state, where I had once had some relatives, and that my cousins and eventually my brother — who finished Hebrew school — went to visit because they felt like it was an important way to learn about who they were. I didn’t. But when, in college, I had my first conversation with someone who’d lived in Israel about the way that Israelis felt this constant existential threat to their existence that justified their defensive posture when it came to negotiating peace with the Palestinians, even though they clearly had vast military superiority, I didn’t necessarily agree, but I got it. I understood why Israelis felt that, in a visceral, six-million-dead-just-because-they-were-like-you way that I think most non-Jews can’t. 

That was probably as much of a surprise to me as it was to anyone: that, on some level, in spite of not looking Jewish, or being able to speak Hebrew, or knowing what Sukkot was (if it wasn’t about eating or presents, it didn’t make it into the Nagler Canon of Holidays), I actually still somehow just was Jewish. And that part of my identity might never have really sunk in if I hadn’t become a New Yorker. Moving here didn’t just mean that I discovered Zabars, or that I was a bagel snob, or that I would be able to have lox at catering pretty much every day (and occasionally take some home if it was really good), although those things did indeed happen. New York was able to absorb and assimilate Jewish culture in a way that allowed it to flourish as one distinct flavor of the whole that is this city of many flavors. New York is a Jewish city – in same way that it’s also Italian, Irish, African-American, Puerto Rican, Chinese, Russian, Indian, Dominican, Pakistani, Caribbean, Mexican, and the list goes on depending on who’s arrived recently and who’s coming next. And so, from the way I relate to food, to my sense of humor, to my analytical and intellectual side, to how forthright/tactless I can be, to my overall worldview: living here enabled me to recognize that I just wouldn’t be this way if I weren’t Jewish.

Everything feels different in 2019 in so many, surreal ways, but what exactly it means to be Jewish in America is definitely a big one. I’ve felt some vulnerability and uncertainty as a woman for most of my life, as you do, but I’ve never felt that way about being a Jew until now. To the point that I can’t call myself “a Jew” any more, because suddenly, that’s an epithet. How the hell did that happen? When did we allow them to take that word away? Then there’s the realization of, Wait, we can’t make those jokes any more because there are people who actually still think that shit about us? And they’re telling other people? Fucking internet. Add to that the fault lines within the American Jewish community over Israel and the ground really starts to feel like it’s swaying under your feet. How much we should continue to support this country that seems increasingly unrecognizable to me, that is so racked by fear and sectarianism that it appears to have given up on peace and democracy, that votes for a leader who has demonstrated time and again that he is both racist and corrupt? Well, now that I’ve put it like that, okay, maybe this is something that Israel and the United States have in common right now, but that doesn’t make it any better for those of use who are trying to stay on the sane side of it all. I’m lucky that most of my family is in agreement with me on these issues, but my mother has some cousins with whom she is close that she had to ask to stop sending her political emails, because their conservative views about Israel seemed to have somehow spread to abortion and immigration, despite that fact that they live in San Francisco. Jewish Trump supporters? From the Bay Area? What the hell is the going on?! Come on, this can’t be us. When an audience at the Republican Jewish Coalition cheers when Trump says “Our country’s full. You can’t come in,” don’t they hear the eerie echos of what the American government said to the boats full of Jews they sent back to be slaughtered in the holocaust? Don’t they know that we are supposed to be sharp, and educated, and fucking liberals? Oh, wait, is “liberal” now a bad word not just among conservatives but for some on the left too, as in the “liberal elite who control everything” that they’re always talking about? But, double wait, wasn’t that just another way anti-Semites used to say “the Jews” without saying “the Jews”? But triple wait, aren’t Bernie Sanders and Glenn Greenwald Jewish? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Of course, this about when all of your older Jewish relatives shake their heads at all of this and say, “See? This is exactly the shit always happens to us. Somehow, when things go bad in the world, and people start believing crazy conspiracy shit, that always turns back on the Jews.” I never believed that before, so to see it sort of happening right before my eyes is really something. But at the same time, I’m sure as hell not going to let that make me just silo up. Yeah, there are the swastikas, and the Tree of Life synagogue shooting, and “Jews will not replace us,” but can we honestly say we have it worse than everyone else who’s under attack in this country right now? What’s the point of joining a grievance competition that just gives the people who are trying to divide the left exactly what they want? It’s how, when the new questions that confuse and divide us just keep coming — What do we say or not say about Ilhan Omar? What about the schism in the Women’s March? What about the Senate bill that would allow state and local governments to withhold contracts from those who boycott Israel that Chuck Schumer supported? — they just get us to go after each other.

Let’s not do that. Sure, maybe this is just another case of me getting older and less able to accept how the world is changing — sort of a, “Damn Nazis, get off my lawn!” type of thing – and maybe I should just go along with this new normal. But that's one thing I know is definitely not me. MoTs like to talk shit out, sometimes too much, but eh. Let’s bring that tradition of analysis and argument — and I mean the kind where you’re forthright and emotional, but you still know how to listen — to bear on the questions we’re having both on the left and in the Jewish community about how we move forward, instead of fleeing back into our fears from the past.

Michael's Song

HSS Michael x MC (Jordan) in Midnight Sun AU

*Disclaimer: Most of the lines and scenes I got from the movie the Midnight Sun and all rights belongs to the creators and writers, as well as the characters from PB. This is merely a converted fan fiction*

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Part Four

"My God, Jordan..."

That notebook was like where Jordan writes her songs. She can't have lost it, right? Maria knows the girl would be devastated.

"Can you please go get it for me?" Jordan takes her hands, staring into her eyes. God, those green eyes are amazing. "Maria, you know it's so important. Please."

Her eyes blinked, "You know, I would, but there's, like, um... A few other hamster funerals that I was gonna hit today--"

The blonde grabbed a pillow and hit her playfully. They fell back, giggling as Maria tried to shield herself.After a minute or two, they sighed breathlessly and sits back. Jordan gave her that irresistible pout that Uncle Scott always warned her about. "Please, Maria?"

Ughhh, oh no, She groans. My poor weak heart.

Two hours later, Maria walks into the train station with her hands inside the pocket of her long coat.There is a slight drizzle in the air, making it chilly. She weaves her way through the crowd of commuters and headed to the spot where she knew Jordan always sits to play. She scans the stations carefully, then she find him.

Michael Harrison stands leaning against the wall on the corner, obviously waiting. Probably for a girl that would less likely to show up under the bright sky of the day. His fingers drumming a tune on the familiar notebook in his hands.

Maria was surprised. She didn't expect Michael to care to return something if he even found it. Yet there he is. She approached him carefully, they attended the same school and there is always the possibility he wouldn't even recognize her. "Hi. My friend's been looking for that."

Michael looks up. "You know her? "

Maria nods curtly.

"Wait, Maria Flores, right?" He gave her a slight smirk. "Student body president? We had English class together. I'm Michael--"

"Harrison, of course. I know. And it was actually a History class. And Geometry and chemistry last year. Not English."

"Whatever." Michael rolls his eyes. "But how do you know her? Did she just move here?"

Maria holds out her hand, her palm up. "Notebook first."

The guy narrows his eyes at her, not at all intimidated and stood his ground. "Or you could just tell me where she lives and I could drop it off."

Nope, not gonna happen. Maria glared at him then sighs. She doesn't really have time for this and it looks like he will only bug her if she doesn't say anything. "You know what, I have a better idea."

▪️▪️▪️

Her phone beeps, indicating a new message from Maria.

Got the notebook, but had to run to the shop. I left it at the station ticket booth.

Jordan smiles and sent a bunch of cute emojis back to Maria to express her thanks then went to bed, turning off her bedside lamp to call it a night. Or a morning. Whatever it is.

She wakes up that night just in time for dinner. After putting on her fabulous outfit of the day-- a baggy gray shirt, black sweatpants and old sneakers-- Jordan joins her father on the dinner table. Featuring Chinese take-outs.

"Hey, Dad," She looks up at the man, almost finished with her food. "I need to go to the train station to pick up my notebook. Fred has it."

"Okay, text me when you get there." Scott mumbled in between mouthfuls. "And be careful!"

Jordan gave him two thumbs up, then rush down the hall and to the evening streets. She should have called Maria first to ask if they can hang, but her best friend must be looking after the night shift of their family business, the local ice cream shop called Cedar Creamery.

So she went on her own anyway.

The town doesn't look as festive as yesterday. Few people can be seen on the streets as she walks the familiar path to the train station.

The station as well looks half empty. Half a dozen people lounging on the waiting area probably... Well, waiting. Their faces blank and bored. Jordan passed by and went directly to the ticket booth but the station officer was nowhere in sight.

"Fred?" She called, frowning. No Fred?

Jordan kept walking until she reaches the corner and spots a familiar figure leaning against the wall by the shadow. One of his hands inside the pocket of his signature green jacket and on his other hand, a blue hardbound notebook.

"Holy...pregnant...cow," She turns around and hides behind the corner she came from. "Oh. My. God! My God, my God..." Jordan retreats back to the other side of the ticket booth and pressed herself against the wall, hoping Michael hadn't seen her.

What the hell is he doing here??! Maria said she got the notebook already! Why is he-- Maria! She gotta call Maria!

On the other side of town, the ice cream shop was just recovering from the last rush hour of the day and only a few customers are around and hanging out.

"Thank you!" Maria forced out a cheerful voice and a friendly smile, then turned back from the take -out booth to let their service crew do their work.

She had been wearing this colorful apron since that afternoon and honestly, her face is already hurting for smiling too much. Maria should have been home, finishing her book but her Dad Stephen is at the police station solving his cases while his Dad Jose wasn't really feeling well so she was left to handle the ice cream shop.The telephone behind her starts ringing and with a heavy sigh, Maria picked it up and speaks. "Cedar Creamery, how may I--"

"Maria." Jordan's familiar voice cut her off, sound tensed and nervous.

"Oh, hey." She couldn't help but smile. If her calculations are correct, her best friend must be at the train station and sees her hopeless Prince Not-So-Charming waiting for her already. "How's your second date?"

"How could you do this to me?" The blonde whispers urgently. "My goodness! I'm in sweatpants. My hair, it's-- it's a mess. It's tied, messily tied! Uggghh... I look like an idiot!"

"Oh, please, Jordan." Maria chuckles and sits down on her father's office chair, the telephone wire stretching across the space. Sometimes, it make her wonder if Jordan even know how beautiful she is. The girl is too innocent for this world. She sighs and shakes her head, smiling like a fool. "You're super freakin' gorgeous, okay? I can't even see you right now and I can tell you look so beautiful."

"Hi, excuse me." A customer waves at her impatiently outside the take-out counter. "Can I just get a large--"

Maria holds up a finger to stop him, shooting the guy a look. "Can you not see I'm on the phone?"

She gestured for the crew to hurry why their doing and attend to the inpatient guy. As if she would drop her call with Jordan. Maria returns to the conversation. "Look, he really likes you, okay? I can tell. Just try to be yourself. Don't ramble too much. And call me afterwards."

"Ugh, bye." Jordan mumbled from the other line.

"Good luck, honey!"With that, Maria turns back to help the crew.

Jordan, meanwhile, stares at the phone for a few seconds in disbelief before putting it down. She looks to her side and realized the walls of the ticket booth is made in glass and totally see-through. From the other side of the booth, Michael catches sight of her and stands.

"Oh, my..." She gasped, turning her back to him and pressing face first against the wall hoping it swallows her and take her back to her room.

It feels suddenly hot. Why is she sweating? Jordan fans her face. Okay, Jordan. She whispers. This is real. He is here and he won't be going away any time soon unless you come face him. Take a deep breath... Jordan takes more than a few breaths then steels herself as she walks to his direction. She looks down to check if sweatpants is properly tied then performs a few warm up jumps.

"You exist." Michael Harrison's unmistakably smooth voice speaks. He stands there obviously been waiting for her to come out. A meaningful smile on his handsome face. "I thought I was dreaming last night or something."

Keep your cool. Jordan reminds in her head. Remember what Maria said, act normal. Don't ramble too much.Her mind goes completely blank when she meets his deep grayish eyes. Jordan speaks the first thing that came out of her head. "Were you in the REM stage of sleep?"

"What?" Michael looks confused.

"That's when most dreams happen, actually." Jordan explains. "Yeah! Your brain activity is super high and functioning and your eyes are just going nuts behind your eyelids. It looks super weird." You sound super weird, her subconscious snides. You gotta stop rambling, you idiot. She ignores it. "It's like a typewriter or something--um, anyway, thank you for--"

"Wait. I--" Michael steps back just as she reaches out to take the notebook from him. "I still don't know your name."

"Oh." Right. Jordan nods absentmindedly. "It's Jordan."

"Jordan." The gray-eyed guy repeats the name, as if practicing how to say it. The corners of his lips curved. "I'm Michael."

Of course, it is. "Wow... That's a weird name." Jordan avoids his gaze. He shouldn't know that she already knew his name. Like for ten years. "Thank God you told me it 'cause... I wouldn't have known it otherwise. T-Thank you." She grabbed the notebook from him and turns.

"Wait, what..."

"You didn't..." Jordan stops in her tracks as the thought hits her. She looks at Michael suspiciously. "You didn't read through it, did you?"

"Just a little, I--"

"What?!"

"What?" Michael blinks. Apparently, all she has ever done is confuse him all the way.

"Are you serious?" Her eyes widen. "You read through my journal?"

"Look, I--"

"This could have been a diary. I-- I mean, it is, kind of."

"Um, I'm... I'm really sorry." Michael looks down, frowning. Did he just said sorry? I never say sorry, he thought. He looks at Jordan who has a cute defensive look on her face. "You left really quick the other night, and I really had no idea who it belonged to, so I just looked through it quickly. But I like that you still handwrite things. It's... it's cool. It's old school."

He watches her eyebrows carefully. Michael finds it easier to read her through the movement of her eyebrows which he find quite amusing. They were frowning one second, then slowly smooths over, followed by a little smile.

"Thanks..." Jordan says quietly. "For finding it."

"Yeah."

Michael realized the notebook must be of something important. It looks old, but the stuffs written inside were recently written. Just a few random quotes, but Michael caught sight of a couple pages containing a drawn sheet music.

He figured she would definitely look for it. Like the way he would look if he accidentally lose his grandpa's old motorcycle. In a way, he do understand.

Jordan once again used the moment of silence to walk away.

"Wait!" Michael called after her. Fortunately, she looks back. "What, another hamster died? You have to..."

They both chuckle. Jordan has some dorky chuckles. "Um... I... I had to... I... I'm... I'm walking home."

"Can I walk with you?"

"Um, yeah."

Michael returns her sweet smile, gesturing for her to lead the way. They walk in silence down the empty road for a few minutes before he decided to break the ice. Something that doesn't happen all the time. "So, you were home-schooled? Man, that must have been wild."

"Actually, it was the exact opposite of wild." Jordan hugs the notebook to her chest. "My dad's pretty protective."

"He's not, like, watching us right now, is he?" He looks at the buildings they pass by.

"Yeah. He has his phone tapped into every camera." She rolls her eyes, making them both laugh. "So, um, what did you think of the songs you read? Without my permission, I may add."

"I honestly don't know." Michael shrugs. It was the truth. He won't just lie to impress someone. "I mean, you can't really read a song, right?"

"True."

He noticed the downcast look in her eyes. "I guess I'd have to hear you sing them."

Jordan blushes. "Um, so anyway... I'm right up there." She pointed to a house just down the street. "So you don't have to walk me."

"Wait. You live up there?" They stopped walking and stared at the two story family house ahead. Michael couldn't believe his eyes. "I... I don't understand how we've never met. I've probably skated by your house. Like, everyday on the way to practice."

"It's a..." Jordan makes a funny face then shakes her head. "Funny coincidence. Um, thanks."

She walks towards the house and Michael stayed on his spot, shoving his hands into his pockets. An idea crossed his mind. "Hey, you wouldn't wanna do something sometime, would you?"

"Uh... Together?"

"Yes, us together. Hang out."

"Well, you should put your number in here then." She flips through the pages of her notebook looking for a space but on one page, a number is already written on it. Signed by Michael.

"I'm old school too." He admitted, this time a genuine little smile on his face.

"Smooth. Thank you."

They stared at each other for a few moments, standing in the middle of the road before Jordan makes a awkward You rock! gesture that caused them to laugh then she sprints towards the gates of her house and disappeared.

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Note: Thanks! Have a nice day. Or night. 🤣🤣