#i anticipated some amount of this uhh feeling gutted and empty after break up au was over | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jaynovz · 1 year

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According to my mood tracking app, the longest I have gone without writing since I started up again in Jan 2021 was ten days in a row, which was when I was in GA for xmas during the last two weeks of Dec 2021...

The overall effect on my mood when including the writing activity is pretty high, in a positive way, based on the data.

All of that to say that my current depressive slump as a result of facing the fact that I may have finally hit a hard wall of burn out, after two years of intense output?

...well, it makes sense lol.

#thoughts #personal #depression #mental health #i desperately need a break i know i do my brain is spinning out ans having difficulty even starting on concepts/stories #but also... writing is the center tower of my support structure it's what I do to unwind and make myself happy #i anticipated some amount of this uhh feeling gutted and empty after break up au was over #but i didn't anticipate this fucking weird limbo inbtw of being burnt out and unable to write but ALSO unable to find joy in other things??#my brain doesn't want to read it doesn't want to play video games or do art or pursue a different hobby #it's not latching onto any non pirate things despite me pspspssing ans throwing other content in front of it #like I'm TRYING #with 1899 with Sunder with Disco Elysium etc #it feels like shit frankly #and also a lot of the pirate ppl i started this journey with have also gotten tired or moved on completely #i just am absolutely CONFOUNDED that my brain is finding zero joy in even rotisserie chickening pirate stuff #who am i?#god i hope it's just a little slump and I snap out of it #cuz i am thrashing like a fish in a net trying to figure out how to make ny brain happy #what's the magic formula #and the brain fog is still here so like i would LOVE more distraction from IRL shit #i can use my friends to produce joy to some extent right now but it's limited #bc im also Still Tired so doing the Jay Thing of trying to fill needs and thus feel useful has a hard limit #reminds myself im not just an endless battery #anyway im desperately trying to find heathy coping and not ooze all over everybody but it's fucking hard #venting #i find it hard to talk to my therapist about this which maybe means i need a new one #just another Thing to do

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