ancient magus' bride ch 98 spoilers

i don't think torrey was talking to rian here

so I watched all three finales with my roommate and here are my thoughts.

Med

Honestly the only thing I came out of Med thinking was that something must have forced NBC’s hands to release the news about the departure of Yaya and Torrey. Especially Torrey. We all know these two talented ladies have projects on the books already, maybe one or both of them was going to make a casting announcement and NBC wanted to get out ahead of it. Either way, it kinda killed their ‘cliffhanger.’ Which is a shame.

Fire

My roommate is asleep and can’t hit me for posting this so here we go: What the HELL was an entire squad doing going on a water rescue with at best half filled tanks? Like, seriously what the fuck!?! Those, to me, looked like 85cf dive tanks, that’s like an hours worth of air and they’re empty in 20? Check you’re fucking equipment! Ok professional rant over. It’s a pretty solid cliffhanger, especially because we know at least that Taylor is still in negotiations, I don’t know about Joe or the others. I did see something going around about how you can’t lose any of them because they’re all suffering from the same thing and...no. I’m sorry that’s not how it works. Like not at all. I’m not saying one of them WILL die, that’s not how any of that works.

Any way we all know Stella is gonna kick Severide‘s ass when they’re rescued. Doubley so if he dies.

PD

Oh do I have so many thoughts

-first and most importantly, if there was anyone out there in any doubt that Kim Burgess is a mother fucking BAD ASS this episode will have fixed this egregious oversight. I think it’s overlooked because she is so kind, compassionate, and sometimes even naive, especially in early seasons, but she has also always been tough as hell. She is in every way a survivor.

-I need a better resolution between Adam and Kevin. I need it. I really hope this was not a non-apology, times were tough, hey we’re good, thing. Put aside in that moment to focus on Kim, yes. Dropping it, please no. Things were said that need to be addressed.

-Honestly I have so many thoughts about what went down with Hailey and Voight that my head isn’t fully wrapped around them all yet.

-I love Upstead, I have few ideas of where I could (and may) take that proposal. and I’m not even going to say too soon, I am going to say wrong reasons. I mean Do I think it’s something Hailey wants? Yes. Do I think that that’s what’s she’s really thinking about in asking, no. I’ve seen spousal privilege brought up by @justanoffalygirl and others, and while I don’t think it’s that exactly, (because it can be waived by the witness-spouse which is what Jay would be), I think thats in the ball park.

-A+++++ acting across the board! Absolute top tuer by all of them. An amazing display of talent by everyone but especially Marina, Tracy, and Paddy.

mid-year book freakout tag

I was tagged by @flitwickslittlebrotha – thanks!! 💖 (sorry it took me so long to see this in my mentions 😓)

Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2021      The Knockout Queen by Rufi Thorpe; it was the first new book I read this year and I think it ruined me – I havent had another 5 star read since :// Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2021:      #murderfunding by Gretchen McNeil was some good, campy fun, and far surpassed the previous book. Honorable mention to The Heart Forger by Rin Chupeco, bc I really haven’t read many sequels. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To:      All Kinds of Other by James Sie. But I also don’t pay all that much attention to new releases, so I can list them all lol: Tell No Tales by Sam Maggs & Kendra Wells, The Captain (Tales of the Wendy #3) by Erin Michelle Sky & Steven Brown, and Peaces by Helen Oyeyemi. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2021:      Out of Character by Annabeth Albert – it comes out July 6th, and since I’m typing this in the wee hours of July 5th, it qualifies :P Biggest Disappointment:      On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers; I bought this book back when potc4 came out and finally got around to it and it was NOT worth waiting 10+yrs for lmao. Honorable mention to The 2000s Made Me Gay by Grace Perry, which is a good book, but didn’t meet my (high) expectations. Biggest Surpise:      Again, The Knockout Queen, but runner up is Squared Away by Annabeth Albert; I’ve read most of this romance series, so I thought I knew exactly what to expect, but then a demisexual main character threw me for the biggest loop in the best way. Favorite New Author:      Rin Chupeco is the only new author I’ve read multiple books (2) by, and I do love her writing. Rufi Thorpe and Torrey Peters are gonna be faves soon, but I’ve only read one from each of them so far. Newest Fictional Crush:      Kate Kane (Iron & Velvet), Jas Singh (Girl Gone Viral), Kalen & Khalad, (The Bone Witch trilogy), and don’t @ me about this – James Hook (Tales of the Wendy trilogy)      [me: i don’t crush on characters anymore      also me: no no, they could get it] Newest Favorite Character:      Maybe it’s just because I read it so recently, but Reese, Katrina, and Ames from Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters really stuck with me. They felt so real and complex and true, like they were neighbors I could go visit. Book That Made You Cry This Year:      The Knockout Queen (again) and Detransition, Baby (again). Normally, I cry all the time – happy, sad, overwhelmed, etc, but I do think The Knockout Queen truly ruined me. After I finished it, I closed the ebook and just wept in the dark for a solid half hour. The only thing that’s come close since was Detransition, Baby, which was more overemotional/‘choked up’ than actual tears. Book That Made You Happy This Year:      The Wendy by Erin Michelle Sky and Steven Brown exceeded my expectations and was a fun adventure story, and again, Squared Away giving me a demi character in a romance novel made me practically giddy lol Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year:      Does The Irregulars on netflix count? I don’t think I’ve seen any this year. Inversely, I’m reading The Princess Bride by WIlliam Goldman and enjoying it just as much as the movie. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year:      Shocker: The Knockout Queen. But I’m also gonna be salty bc I think I’m better at writing 1 star reviews, so I’m also partial to my review of The Wishsong of Shannara by Terry Brooks and The Loch by Steve Alten. Most Beautiful Book You Bought So Far This Year:      Radio Silence by Alice Oseman; I haven’t rly bought any books this year and when I have theyre either gifts or ones I’ve already read. This I bought w a xmas gift card lol What Books Do You Need To Read By the End of the Year:      Starsight by Brandon Sanderson (I’ve borrowed a copy I should eventually return lol), and aside from the stuff i’m in the middle of, I’d like to get around to Wicked by Gregory Maguire, Radio Silence by Alice Oseman, and Maurice by EM Forester. Those are soft goals though, I think I’ve actually gotten through most of the books I’d wanted to read this year.

damn that got long lol. uhhm who reads? I’m tagging @sp-aced-out, @alianvna, @waynedrake, @kimabutch, and @sunflowremoji (feel free to sit out if you don’t wanna!) And anyone else, if you see this and wanna participate, do it & tag me! I’d love to talk more books!

Heyo! I know you said you weren't writing one Chicago requests at the moment, which is fine this can just sit in your drafts until you are, no pressure. Anyway the request is Erin wants to date the reader, and the reader is adamant she won't date anyone, but Erin keeps doing really sweet things and it slowly chips away at the readers emotional walls until she says something which makes the reader blush and the reader finds themselves head over heels for her and then reader confess. Ty :)

Heyya anon, sorry this has been chilling in my inbox for a bit, but I just got my first exam out of the way and am now burying myself more into One Chicago, especially with Yaya and Torrey (who play April and Nat in Chicago Med) leaving, I am reflecting on all the characters and actors/actresses who left the show and Erin is one of those characters... so yeah, I’m working on this, I’m just struggling to come up with sweet things that aren’t too much of a cliche, y’know? Work in progress, thank you so much for the request :)

August 4, 2021

Wednesday

9:45 AM. Post 12-hr shift. Torrey Pines Beach

Today I feel anxious

I also feel sad

Today I feel nervous

But it really isn’t that bad.

Or is it?

I fear the uncertainty, I fear the outcome of our current state. We are currently drowning and asked for each other’s space, but what if we never overcome this? What if this is it? I feel like the longer we don’t solve this, Im afraid that the disconnect becomes permanent.

I have so many thoughts running through my mind, it’s quite overwhelming actually. I was holding my tears throughout my 12 hour shift and when I finally clocked out and reached my car, I broke down. I couldn’t stop crying. I wanted to let it all out. To shake this chaos off my soul. As my tears fog up my glasses, snot dripping down my nose, I realized that I can’t go home looking like this. I drove to the beach, removed my socks, and immediately walked through the stoney sands itching to reach the water. I don’t know what it is about this beach that immediately calms my nerves. It is true what they say. You have to walk barefoot to connect with mother nature in order to ground yourself as a way of recharging. I felt it. As if the soothing cool water was swiftly washing away my overwhelming emotions, exiting through the soles of my feet. After awhile I sat down on the sand. It was partially wet but I didn’t really care. At that moment I was grateful to have feet with sensations fully intact because I have patients with severe diabetes that have loss sensations to their feet. I can’t imagine missing out on feeling the mini waves in between my toes. I’m thankful to be able to walk. I must’ve walked miles back and forth along the shore attempting to stay in the moment while I swift through the mini files of issues I have tucked behind my brain. For awhile the waves were soaking my scrub pants and I found myself shuffling quickly to the dry area. But why was I afraid to get wet? I glanced at this seemingly homeless man walking in front of me, carrying loads of grocery bags, backpacks. He was fully clothed in jeans and tennis shoes and was walking along the shore, with waves of water wetting his jeans up to his knees. And he didn’t care. It feels like he was soaking everything in. A little water shouldn’t hurt anyone.

I don’t know what the point of this story is. Or maybe I’m just afraid to really lose you, to lose us. I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. All I know is, if we can weather this, we can face anything. Just know that my feelings for you are real and still are. I cannot even begin to tell you how deeply sorry I am that I started this fight. If I only hadn’t taken things personally, it wouldn’t have led to this. God I miss you so much. I feel like I’m slowly losing you, that you’re slowly breaking up with me. I asked the universe and God for guidance. I’ll leave it up to them. Whatever happens, happens.

I love you more than you’ll ever know, Jazmin. You will always have my heart. No one else but you. Through it all, I’m thankful for you and our 4 months together. 💙

1 –

Black Buck

By Mateo Askaripour

I’m not sure if anticipated is the right word because this one came out on January 5 of this year, but the reviews of Black Buck are coming back strong.

This book tells the story of Darren, a Starbucks manager content with his simple, if uninspired, life. That is, of course, until he meets the CEO of a tech startup. One thing leads to another and the CEO offers Darren a job, where he becomes the only black person at the company.

Darren creates for himself an alter ego, Buck, an aggressive salesman type. As Buck finds success at work, it begins to elude him at home. To find a more livable balance, Buck hatches a plan to guide other people of color into America’s sales force.  If you enjoyed the 2018 film Sorry to Bother You, you will definitely want to check out Black Buck.  

2 –

Outlawed

By Anna North

Outlawed is another book that came out January 5th, just waiting for you to pick it up. And jeez louise, you really should.

Outlawed is an alternative dystopian history novel set in the year 1894. In this world, women who don’t have children are captured by members of their community and hanged as witches. When, after a year of marriage, Ada still hasn’t conceived, she goes on the lam, joining the outlaw Hole in the Wall gang.

What follows is a swashbuckling adventure across a reimagined Old West, with a message rooted deeply in modern feminism and the consequences of narrow-minded thinking.

3 –

Detransition, Baby

By Torrey Peters

Torrey Peters’ stunning novel about trans lives, cis lives, and all the lives in between came out January 12th of this year, and it’s earning well-deserved buzz.

Reese and Amy seem to have it all, the apartment, the job, the dream relationship. Unfortunately, that’s more than most trans women can say. But when Amy makes the decision to detransition and becomes Ames, everything falls apart.

Reese, lonely and hurt turns to sleeping with married men, while Ames accidentally impregnates his boss. And while his boss isn’t sure if she wants to keep the baby, Ames begins to wonder whether the baby is what he needs to get Reese, the only family he’s got, back into his life.

4 –

Fake Accounts

By Lauren Oyler

Lauren Oyler’s novel tells the story of a young woman who, upon looking through her boyfriend’s phone, discovers he is a popular right-wing conspiracy theorist. Surprising? Maybe, but it’s not exactly a shocking revelation.

She makes a plan to break up with her beau just after she gets back from the Women’s March in Washington DC, but things take a bizarre turn as the lies unfolding in cyberspace begin to have an effect on the reality of her world.  Fake Accounts was released this month, so you can dig into this one now.  

5 –

While Justice Sleeps

By Stacey Abrams

How? How in the world did Stacey Abrams have time to write a political thriller while at the same time organizing for what would become one of the biggest political upsets in modern history – the clean blue sweep of Georgia?

Yeah, I don’t know either, but on May 11, 2021, Abrams’ novel is set to be released.

This novel follows Avery Keene, a law clerk for a Supreme Court Justice. It’s all going well, despite the challenge of the job and the long hours, but things are upended when Avery’s legendary boss slips into a coma and his instructions call for Avery to be made power of attorney.

That’s when things heat up for Avery, as in the midst of the political angst she discovers her boss was on course to unravel a conspiracy involving two companies in a high-profile merger that was already before the court.

6 –

The Removed

By Brandon Hobson

Released on February 2nd, The Removed follows the Cherokee Echota family. The family is no stranger to struggles. Son Ray-Ray was killed during a police incident. Daughter Sonja has become something of a recluse, prone to wild romantic flings, and son Edgar hasn’t been seen by the family in years because of his problems with drug addiction. Add to this the fact that the Echota father is suffering from Alzheimer’s, and it becomes clear the family is facing a number of challenges.

As a Cherokee National Holiday approaches, and with it the anniversary of Ray-Ray’s death, Maria, the Echota family mother, attempts to gather everyone together to talk about Ray-Ray’s memory. As the day approaches, each family member feels their grip on reality blurring ever more into the spiritual, and each attempts to understand and rationalize this in their own way.

7 –

W-3

By Bette Howland

Bette Howland’s memoir about her time in Chicago’s psychiatric ward after a suicide attempt in 1968 is a visceral, moving portrait of lives on the brink.

This memoir was first released in 1974, and it was reissued this year on January 12th. After reading it, I can honestly say it feels more poignant and relevant than ever.

8 –

The Prophets

By Robert Jones Jr.

Released on January 5th, The Prophets became an instant bestseller.

A piece of historical fiction, The Prophets is a story about Isaiah and Samuel, slaves who are in love. At first, the other slaves acknowledge their love and respect it as a thing of simple beauty. But when another slave adopts the religion of the plantation owners and begins to preach, Isaiah and Samuel’s love is called into question.

This beautiful, touching, shattering story wrestles with the problems inherited by slaves and their owners. And the way past, and future generations have battled with that same sense of inheritance.

9 –

Filthy Animals

By Brandon Taylor

Brandon Taylor used to be a scientist. It’s true. He turned to fiction with 2020’s Real Life, an astonishing coming-of-age tale.

He’s back in 2021 (June 22nd to be exact) with Filthy Animals, a collection of connected short stories about creatives in the midwest.

The collection deals with open relationships, devastating diseases, loneliness, and harrowing tales of babysitting. It’s sure to be one of the best of the year.

These NFL teams are ready for the season to be over. BIG MOOD

Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports

Zero judgment for starting your vacation early, teams.

It’s Week 15 in the NFL and it felt like some teams couldn’t even. Not that I necessarily blame players for phoning it in when there’s no hope of a postseason, 10 days removed from Christmas and with almost nothing left to play for it outside of draft placing, which rewards mediocrity.

I get it. But this week there was some organizational-level incompetency that was utterly mind-blowing.

Of the 14 games played on Sunday, there were a solid seven teams that just couldn’t handle being on the field in any capacity. Today we will celebrate this septuplet of mediocrity for heading to vacation early.

Cincinnati Bengals.

Hate to start it off with a showstopper, but man this was great. The Bengals got off to a hot start thanks to what I can only describe delicately as ... LOL THE PATRIOTS SPOTTED THE BENGALS 13 POINTS TO TRY AND BE ALL LIKE, “SEEEEEEEEE FILMING THEM DID NOOOOTHING!”

Sorry, got away from myself there. Anyway, yeah — I loved this so much. It was just enough of a tantalizing taste that you’d check the score now and then and say, “the Bengals might really do this!” Then halftime happened, Andy Dalton threw a whole bunch of interceptions, and the Patriots cruised to another easy win.

Perhaps the best part of all this was that the Bengals’ collapse started as soon as a few children got steamrolled by mascots at halftime.

pic.twitter.com/UVbpGbMCw9

— Zack Cox (@ZackCoxNESN) December 15, 2019

Carolina Panthers.

I almost respect the fact there’s zero pretense behind “we have no special interest in winning.” If that’s not the point, then why Kyle Allen is still the quarterback in Carolina is beyond me.

Quarterback purists might say, “well, it’s unfair to throw Will Grier to the wolves in games that don’t matter,” to which I remind them that Grier was selected WITH A THIRD-ROUND PICK and at this point nobody in Carolina is going to hold some bad garbage-time starts against Grier, should his games go poorly.

I mean, you can’t expect Panthers fans to overreact to a few bad games, just as they couldn’t possibly anoint a new franchise QB after three good starts ... right?

Miami Dolphins.

Entering Sunday, Eli Manning was 4-18 in games where he threw three interceptions or more. The Dolphins became No. 5.

Checking out the box score is like one of those Magic Eye paintings of suck. At a quick glance, everything looks relatively fine. Then you stare at it more and you see the horror.

The Dolphins, like a lot of teams this week, decided to just take the second half off. They allowed 29 second-half points and for Manning to likely finish his Giants career at a perfect .500 record. I mean not perfect, but that’s perfectly Eli.

Denver Broncos.

I refuse to believe there’s a logical through line where the Broncos can obliterate the Texans, then only score three points against the Chiefs. Therefore we must believe they simply took the afternoon off.

I feel really badly for Drew Lock. I don’t know what it is about this season but the second you say something good about a quarterback, everything comes tumbling down. It happened to Ryan Tannehill, it happened to Kyle Allen, it happened to Daniel Jones. Now it’s Lock’s turn as the rookie played, well, like a rookie. Still though, 40 attempts for 208 yards is history worthy.

Lock’s performance was one of 14 this season when a quarterback attempted 40+ passes and finish with a yards per attempt of below 5.5. He joins such luminaries as Kyler Murray, Tom Brady, and Mitchell Trubisky (three times).

Los Angeles Chargers.

Anthony Lynn at the start of his press conference. “Seven turnovers. We got our asses kicked in all three phases. Any questions?” pic.twitter.com/VgIkARzkAp

— Eric Williams (@eric_d_williams) December 16, 2019

Any questions?

Los Angeles Rams.

It’s profoundly sad to see the Rams’ season end up here. There was so much hope after the Super Bow. Now the realization they are THIRD best in the NFC West has to be absolutely soul-crushing.

Todd Gurley ran the ball 11 times for 20 yards against the Cowboys, lol.

Detroit Lions.

David Bloughs.

Now, let’s go around the league.

This is the funniest video of the year.

FOX SPORTS EXCLUSIVE: @JayGlazer reveals footage of Patriots filming Bengals. pic.twitter.com/C7U7mopaEm

— FOX Sports (@FOXSports) December 15, 2019

I am so far past being angry at the Patriots for cheating, because it’s an expected quantity at this point. Instead, what I really appreciate is that they’ve just decided to be brazen about it. It suits them much better than trying to be sneaky.

Listen to this videographer try and talk his way out of being caught. It’s so bad his name might as well be Shifty McCrimesman. Every single answer he has is met with more questions, and each time he keeps digging deeper and deeper. Then he has the audacity to say, “I’m being honest with you” about claiming there’s no conceivable way the footage could be be retrieved — as if any decent cameraperson worth their salt isn’t backing everything up to an external drive on the regular.

I’m here for the desperate-ass Patriots trying to cheat each week. I want this to be a recurring theme for the rest of the season while we all hunt for them, Carmen Sandiego-style.

And this is the funniest scenario of the year.

Wow. Dak Prescott didn’t say “defer” so Rams will get ball to start game AND to start 2nd half. First time in NFL history. pic.twitter.com/R1lXB8x3MH

— Rudy Gersten (@DCBarno) December 15, 2019

OK, so let me break this one down so it makes sense. According to the NFL rulebook on coin tosses, a winning team must select one of two “privileges” when it wins:

The opportunity to receive the kickoff, or to kick off.

The choice of goal his team will defend.

But the team also have a third option, which is to defer its choice until the start of the second half. According to the rules, it merely requires the coin toss winner to inform referees of the decisions PRIOR to the second half commencing, and the rules say this is binding.

Here’s how this played out:

Dak Prescott wins the coin toss.

He fumbles through some words, but tells officials he wants the Cowboys to kick, but also that he defers.

The official doesn’t hear Dak defer, so he takes is as the Cowboys are kicking off to start the first half.

This means the Rams would get their pick at the start of the second half, which would have been receiving a second kickoff.

This would have been the first time in NFL history a team received the kickoff to start the game and after halftime. After some deliberation, officials decided at halftime that Prescott did indicate well enough that he intended to defer the pick, so the Rams were forced to kick.

Still one of the weirdest moments of the weekend.

PLEASE STOP SHOOTING LASERS!

“Please stop shooting lasers!” pic.twitter.com/naxoIGoF2A

— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) December 15, 2019

It’s just common decency, Oakland. Leave the lasers at home.

But that wasn’t all ...

Oakland descended into anarchy at the close of the final home game. A loss to the Jaguars put the Raiders’ playoff chances on life support, and fans, already upset they’re losing their team to Las Vegas, had enough.

Black hole tosses garbage onto the field as Raiders lose their last game in Oakland in the final minute. pic.twitter.com/mhv4gRr1LG

— Torrey Hart (@torreyhart) December 16, 2019

Things are descending into chaos in Oakland. Media has been asked to leave the field as security engaged in full-on brawl with a fan. Another woman gushed blood from her forehead, appearing as if she had been hit by trash heading for the field. pic.twitter.com/zOlImU7hEh

— Torrey Hart (@torreyhart) December 16, 2019

Oakland fans took one last opportunity to boo Derek Carr as he left the field. (via @StanfordVoice) pic.twitter.com/RrcO4lFDnq

— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) December 16, 2019

I’m sorry Oakland, but at least this was an on-brand ending to your final game in the Bay Area.

A  Very INformative Forum at Camas Ridge - don’t let status quo continue to reign at 4j!

It has been pointed out to me that it is not responsible to drop “local politicos don’t know formative assessment from a hole in the ground” without any context.  It’s not professional, not polite, etc.  So here it is:

Last week, while sitting around a first grade-size table in grown-up sized chairs, feeling cute, in a simply wonderful classroom at a local elementary school, there was a question from the audience (paraphrasing):  “Children are spending 15 days a year doing testing.  How many days do you think are appropriate?”  

The moderator, the always lovely and diplomatic Maya Rabasa, said, (paraphrasing again): “I think the purpose of the question is not to argue over the accuracy of the number 15, but to hear from the candidates your ideas about what is and isn’t appropriate in terms of student assessment.” 

Each candidate had one minute to respond. I went first, so I held on to the FM unit mike for a few seconds thinking about how much I really do think is ok.  “Two days,” I said. “Every three years. Maximum.” 

I am sorry to say I don’t remember Martina’s response because I was not able to “stay in the moment” because I was having a little internal panic / impostor syndrome attack.  (Like, “Wow that was so decisive, do I have the authority to say that? Can I just make something like that up? How come no one is asking me to cite my source?”) But then it occurred to me:  I know my stuff.  I can absolutely speak with authority about these things.  Not gonna say that that’s the last word and if elected that would be the first thing I would implement without any input from anyone, but ... yeah.  I am an expert on this.  

Phew.  OK, so I came back in time to hear Jim Torrey going on for his one minute trying to sound like some kind of anti-testing radical! He’s never been a fan he says of Smarter Balanced (who knew?!) and would like to limit the amount of testing (whaaaaa?).  But my favorite part was him talking about how he would like to see us move away from summative testing to more “informative” testing.  Because the summative testing doesn’t tell the teacher what’s going on until the following fall when it’s too late (sort of true) and the “informative” testing INFORMS the teacher about what the student knows and doesn’t know etc.  Mary Walston followed suit with her non-answer about how testing should be limited but some standardized tests are necessary and (my favorite) “Anyway, it’s the law, it’s not like we can just ‘opt out’ of it.  ...although parents can opt out for their own kids.”

This was an important moment for me in this campaign. These people not only do not know about the issues surrounding testing, they have never, NOT ONCE asked us (the expert team at CAPE) for more information about it. We have appeared before them countless times over the last several years, as supplicants to the pantheon of emotionless board members, using our 3 minutes to BEG them to take some kind of stand (a stand for our children one might say) against this regime of educational violence against our students.  They have ignored us and dismissed us over and over again.

So, yeah, I am the expert on this one, and yes, I do want to get on this board because, YES! It only makes sense that a SCHOOL board should have AT LEAST one teacher/educator on it. 

Why God Used D.L. Moody: 4) A Humble Man

The fourth reason why God continuously, through so many years, used D. L. Moody was because he was a humble man. I think D. L. Moody was the humblest man I ever knew in all my life. He loved to quote the words of another; “Faith gets the most; love works the most; but humility keeps the most.”

He really believed that God would use other men in a larger measure than he had been used. Mr. Moody loved to keep himself in the background. At his conventions at Northfield, or anywhere else, he would push the other men to the front and, if he could, have them do all the preaching—McGregor, Campbell Morgan, Andrew Murray, and the rest of them. The only way we could get him to take any part in the program was to get up in the convention and move that we hear D. L. Moody at the next meeting. He continually put himself out of sight.

I remember a man with whom I was closely associated in a great movement in this country. We were having a most successful convention in Buffalo, and he was greatly elated. As we walked down the street together to one of the meetings one day, he said to me: “Torrey, you and I are the most important men in Christian work in this country,” or words to that effect. I replied: “John, I am sorry to hear you say that; for as I read my Bible I find man after man who had accomplished great things whom God had to set aside because of his sense of his own importance.” And God set that man aside also from that time. I think he is still living, but no one ever hears of him, or has heard of him for years.

God used D. L. Moody, I think, beyond any man of his day; but it made no difference how much God used him, he never was puffed up. One day, speaking to me of a great New York preacher, now dead, Mr. Moody said: “He once did a very foolish thing, the most foolish thing that I ever knew a man, ordinarily so wise as he was, to do. He came up to me at the close of a little talk I had given and said: ‘Young man, you have made a great address tonight.’” Then Mr. Moody continued: “How foolish of him to have said that! It almost turned my head.” But, thank God, it did not turn his head, and even when pretty much all the ministers in England, Scotland and Ireland, and many of the English bishops were ready to follow D. L. Moody wherever he led, even then it never turned his head one bit. He would get down on his face before God, knowing he was human, and ask God to empty him of all self-sufficiency. And God did.

Oh, men and women! especially young men and young women, perhaps God is beginning to use you; very likely people are saying: “What a wonderful gift he has as a Bible teacher, what power he has as a preacher, for such a young man!” Listen: get down upon your face before God. I believe here lies one of the most dangerous snares of the Devil. When the Devil cannot discourage a man, he approaches him on another tack, which he knows is far worse in its results; he puffs him up by whispering in his ear: “You are the leading evangelist of the day. You are the man who will sweep everything before you. You are the coming man. You are the D. L. Moody of the day”; and if you listen to him, he will ruin you. The entire shore of the history of Christian workers is strewn with the wrecks of gallant vessels that were full of promise a few years ago, but these men became puffed up and were driven on the rocks by the wild winds of their own raging self-esteem.

This is from R.A. Torrey’s Why God Used D.L. Moody.

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Double Sided

I spent the summer of 2001 working (unpaid) for a small artists’ venture called St. Jayne’s Theatre Company. The company was founded by a girl I knew from college, who I would have described as a “frenemy” if we had that word back then.  She was passionate and driven and was dying to produce good theatre.  But she could also be vain, obstinate, and a bit of a drama queen.  I was concerned when she asked me to be on her board of directors because I didn’t trust her leadership and I was worried the project would end badly. I also wanted to be making theatre and there were a number of other people on the board I respected, so I said yes. I thought there was a good chance we would pull it off.

I was wrong, though. It didn’t end badly. It started badly. It got worse as it went along. And then it ended in tears, accusatory phone calls, and terminated friendships. What I hadn't counted on – what I didn’t realize at the time – was that I could also be vain, obstinate, and a bit of a drama queen. And the two of us together, my frenemy and I, twisted our vain obstinate energy into a vortex of destruction and bitchery. But somewhere in the middle of all of that, we put on a play.

I’m glad that I did it, though. I learned a lot. We overcame some serious obstacles to persevere and I am still proud of the production.  The play was SubUrbia, and there are two things that I remember most about it.  Both require a little bit of explanation. The first one is the sound wall.

We were doing the play outdoors at a music venue called Kilby Court, which is in the center of a block in an industrial area of Salt Lake. It made sense because the play takes place in the parking lot of a Kwiky Mart-type convenience store, but if a band was playing on the stage across the alley, it was too loud to hear the actors. So the board decided that we would need to get a contract from the owner of Kilby Court that stated that we had exclusive performing rights on the nights of the show and we tasked the founder of the company, my afore described frenemy, to get the contract signed.

I asked about the contract during rehearsals and my frenemy responded by saying vaguely, “yeah yeah, it’s fine… it’s taken care of.” In fact, she had approached the owner with the contract and he refused to sign it because he couldn’t afford to lose the profit from the bands and take the risk that we would be able to deliver a similar amount. It was smart, and I understood where he was coming from. We never drew in the same sized crowds as the bands. But she was afraid to tell us what happened, so she just… didn’t. We didn’t find out until the weekend before the show opened that the owner of Kilby Court had booked bands in his other space for every single night we were performing.

That night we were sitting on the deck trying to figure out how we could possibly make it work. We talked for hours and a plan began to form.  Twenty four inventive hours later, we stood in the alley of Kilby Court looking up at our brand new, functional sound wall. That day, we rented two stories of scaffolding from a construction site, assembled it ourselves, and filled it with a ton of hay that we bought off a local farmer. Then we covered it with tarps. It wasn’t beautiful, but it worked. The show could go on!.

The second thing I remember most about SubUrbia is the giant purple dildo.

The main female character in SubUrbia is a twenty-something girl named Suze who is planning to move to New York to become an artist. In her first scene on stage, Suze presents the performance art piece that she has been developing.

The monologue is a fuming estrogen-angst filled rant that is desperate to be shocking, but comes off as a poor knock-off of Ani DiFranco lyrics from the early 90s. We wanted it to be a parody of clichéd performance art. We had a trunk full of props. We put her in a body suit that she could paint on as she wore it.  And best of all, we got The Blue Boutique to donate a large double-sided dildo in exchange for advertising in our program. Every night, Suze ended her monologue by swinging the dildo over her head and then letting it go, making it thwhack the brick wall behind her and fall down behind her feet with a thud.

The only problem was that people actually lived at Kilby Court and there were a couple apartment windows that ran along the wall that we were using as our Kwiky Mart. So we were really careful to choreograph the dildo-throw to make sure that it always hit the bricks and only the bricks.

I was elated when closing night arrived. After a series of ugly arguments, my relationship with my frenemy had devolved to fit under the less complicated “enemy” category. We were a handful of livid phone calls away from never speaking to one another again. The audience turn-out was a less than half of what we had hoped for. Everyone involved in the company was losing money, and I couldn’t take the stress much longer.

I was sitting in the audience, thinking “all I have  to do is get through this performance, unload a ton of rain-sopped hay, disassemble two stories of scaffolding, return it to the construction company, and I will be done with Saint Jayne’s and I’ll never have to do theatre again…” when, something went wrong with Suze’s dildo-throw. For some reason, after weeks of perfect executions, the throw went wild and the dildo sailed through the air and disappeared through one of the darkened apartment windows with a slap and the tinkle of shattered glass. The audience must have known that wasn’t the plan, because that was the only night we didn’t get a big laugh. There was some laughter but it was mostly uncomfortable.

“Oh my God, ohmigod, ohmahGAWD!” I was thinking, as I snuck out of the audience by squeezing through a gap in the hay. “We’ve killed someone. We’ve killed someone. At the very least, we’ve killed someone’s cat…”

I I pictured a leathery old man – recently homeless, reentering society through the devalued rental property of Kilby Court – sitting in a rocking chair and reading a tattered paperback copy of Keats poems. When suddenly, without warning, there was a crashing sound and… “wisht, wisht, wisht…” something long and purple spinning through the air, and then, “BAM!” right to the forehead, knocking him backward, over, and out of the rocking chair! And then, SILENCE. Death by dildo…

I found one of the managers at Kilby – a really nice guy named Mike – and I told him what had happened. He told me not to worry about it. He said he knew the guy pretty well, and he would talk to him. I snuck back into the audience and watched the rest of the play, which unfolded without further incident, but I was distracted. We were going to be sued; I was sure of it. I was twenty-four, unemployed, and done with theatre. And, at that moment, I was quite certain that I was going to have to go into some sort of indentured servitude to pay for the ex-homeless man’s funeral and a new window for Kilby Court. At that point in my life, I would have had to go into indentured servitude just to buy the man a new cat.

But after the show, I found Mike again to see what he found out and he told me the man wasn’t home. “Whew. That’s a relief,” I said.

“Trust me; it’s fine. I’ll talk to him when he gets home.”

I expected to hear more, but I never did. I wasn’t even contacted about paying for the new window, which I thought was the least that would happen. About half of the cast showed up to help me return the scaffolding to the construction company, and a friend with a truck was kind enough to come and take all the hay out of Kilby. I was done with the show and I promised myself that I would never use my degree in theatre again, and I have mostly kept that promise.

Then, ten years later, I spent a weekend this fall at a writer’s retreat in southern Utah. I was one of six other writers staying on a small ranch outside the desert town of Torrey. We were all from Salt Lake City and we spent the days writing and the evenings talking about writing and making one another laugh.

One of the writers was a musician named Jeremy Chatelain. Jeremy has toured with a bunch of east coast bands over the years, but he has also been in a lot of bands here in Utah. Another writer remembered him from a band called Iceburn Collective and the two of them started talking about these old local Utah bands that I’ve never heard of. In fact, I was basically tuning out of the conversation until he mentioned that he had been in a band with a guy named Gentry.

I interjected then and said, “Wait, Gentry Densley?”

And Jeremy said, “No way, you know Gentry?”

And I said, “No, not at all. But I remember that his band played at a fundraiser for a theatre company I worked for a decade ago called Saint Jayne’s. He was great.”

Another one of the writers named Adam said, “I remember Saint Jayne’s.”

“That’s not possible,” I said. “We lasted one summer and no one came to our shows.”

“Oh no, I remember. I was living in an apartment at Kilby Court that summer. And they were doing a play called Suburbia. And I remember that I came home from a late shift at the hospital one night to find broken glass everywhere and I giant purple dildo in my bed. And this guy, Mike, who was running things at Kilby, came running in and was like ‘oh dude, I was hoping to catch you before you got home… I wanted to try to explain…’ But I was like, ‘Dude!? How? How could you ever explain THIS?”

And I said, “Oh my God… I’ve spent the last ten years wanting to ask you if you were okay! I remember watching it go through the window and thinking, ‘oh Christ what have we done?’ So let me just finally officially say to you, I am very very sorry about that.”

I didn’t think we would ever stop laughing. I was relieved to find that he wasn’t angry. He was just disappointed that they didn’t let him keep the dildo.

“I was going to frame it and hang it on the wall so I could point to it when I told the story.” Then he pointed at a random spot on the wall and said, in an old man voice, “And that thar is the very same dildo that came through my window that night…”

“Really?” I said. “Because we didn’t get it back!  I would have let you keep it, for sure. Mike would have known you shouldn’t use it after it’s been in contact with broken glass, right?”

The next morning we told the rest of the writers the story and Adam said, “I’ve been telling that story for so long now, as an example of the texture of Kilby Court and what it was like to live there. Who knew I would come down to Boulder Utah and meet the person from the other end of that dildo?”

��U

GENERAL WOMANHOOD:

i ANSWERED THE QUESTIONS IN 1 HOUR AND 19 MINUTES... 

1. Do you like the color pink? No I do Not 2. Did you play with Barbie dolls as a child? YES, I LOVED MY BARBIES 3. How easily do you cry? SEMI EASY 4. What is the silliest thing you’ve ever cried over? FEAR. WHEN I AM REALLY NERVOUS I CRY OVER THE SILLIEST THINGS AND NOT SAYING THAT FEAR IS SILLY BUT IT’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO BECAUSE IF YOU COULD CHANGE IT THEN YOU WOULDN’T BE AFRAID IN THE FIRST PLACE. 5. What food do you eat the most of when you’re sad? I DON’T EAT 6. How moody are you when you are you are on your period? I AM NOT SURE I HAVEN’T HAD A PERIOD IN 5 YEARS DUE TO MY MIRINA. 7. Have you ever thought you were pregnant because your period was late? YES, WITH TORREY I THOUGHT I WAS PREGNANT TWICE AND I WOULD OF PROUDLY HAD AN ABORTION BECAUSE I KNOW HE WOULDN’T HAVE WANTED IT. HE TOLD ME. 8. Have you ever been on the pill? YES I HATED IT. MADE ME FEEL SICK EVERY MORNING 9. Would you ever want to have children someday? YESSSSS, NOW THAT I HAVE THE ONE I LOVE THE MOST. SHE WANTS CHILDREN AND I WANT CHILDREN. MY BIGGEST FEAR WAS THAT I WOULD BRING CHILDREN IN THIS WORLD AND MY SPOUSE WOULD LEAVE ME, CHEAT ON ME, OR SOMETHING STUPID AND HONESTLY!!!! I CAN’T HANDLE THAT AND IT’S NOT FAIR TO THE KIDS. I WAS  A VICTIM OF A BROKEN HOME AND IT BROKE A LOT OF ME… 10. Have you ever given birth? If not, would you ever want to? NO I HAVEN’T BUT I WOULDN’T MIND IT. I PROBABLY WILL CRY THE WHOLE TIME AND HOLLER AND SCREAM I AM NOT SURE LOL. ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WILL BE VERY SCARED.. 11. How good of a cook do you consider yourself? TO BE 22 I HAVEN’T MADE ANYTHING THAT I COULDN’T COOK. 12. What is your favorite thing to cook? SPAGHETTI 13. Can you sew? NO THAT’S WHAT I  HAVE MY DAD FOR AND MY GRANDMA 14. Do you consider yourself a feminist? YES VERY!!! I CAN’T STAND MEN WHO FEEL LIKE WOMEN AREN’T EQUAL TO THEM AND I CAN’T STAND WOMEN WHO FEEL BELOW A MAN… EFF THEM 15. How do you define “girl power?” IF WE PUT OUR MINDS TO IT WE CAN DO ANYTHING A MAN CAN DO. CUT GRASS HELL YEA I CAN GET A TAN WHILE DOING IT, PLANT FLOWERS, COOK, CLEAN, CHANGE A DAMN DIAPER, EVERYTHING. I ALSO BELIEVE A WOMEN WITH POWER IS A WOMEN OF CLASS AND CONFIDENCE. IF YOU LACK EITHER ONE OF THEM YOU DON’T HAVE POWER BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOMEONE ELSE RUNNING YOUR LIFE, YOU ARE LIVING THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE INSTEAD OF YOUR OWN. IF YOU ARE CONFIDENT BECAUSE OF THE CLOTHES ON YORU BACK OR BECAUSE YOUR “MAN” GIVE YOU MONEY WHEN HE WANTS AND LETS YOU DO STUFF WHEN HE TELLS YOU CAN THEN THAT’S NOT POWER. POWER IS WHEN 2 ADULTS CAN MAKE EXECUTIVE DECISIONS IN 1 HOUSEHOLD, POWER IS WHEN A MOTHER CAN RAISE 5 KIDS ON HER OWN JUST LIKE A MAN SHOULD BE ABLE TOO, POWER IS YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO SLEEP WITH A GUY TO FEEL ACCOMPLISHED YOU SHOULD BEABLE TO GET OFF BY YOURSELF. THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS TOWARD POWER BUT MOST OF ALL MY FIANCE AND I ARE EQUAL IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AND I BELIEVE THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT SO HEALTHY. 16. Have you ever wished you were born a male? – HELL NO. 17. Breastfeeding or formula? TRY BREASTFEEDING BUT I WILL NOT ONLY NURSE. THEY WILL ALWAYS RECEIVE BREAST MILK UNTIL THEY ARE A YEAR AND A HALF YEARS YOUNG. BUT, THEY WILL BE OFF THE TIT AT 3 MONTHS CONSISTANTLY MEANING IF I AM HOME AND THE FAMILY ISN’T DOING MUCH I WILL NURSE BUT IF WE ARE VISITING FAMILY ETC THEN I WILL PUMP BOTTLES FOR THE MUNCHKIN TO BE FED BY OTHER PEOPLE. AT 6- 9 MONTHS I WILL ONLY NURSE TWICE A DAY AND THE REST WILL BE FROM BOTTLES. I WILL NURSE THEM IN THE MORNING WHEN THEY ARE WAKING UP, AND AT NIGHT BEFORE BED. I PLAN TO STORE MILK (AS MUCH AS I CAN) FOR OUR NEXT BABY WHICH WILL BE IN 2-3 YEARS SO I WILL KEEP IT IN A DEEP FREEZER SO I DON’T HAVE TO PUT MY BREAST THROUGH SO MUCH. 9-18 MONTHS THEY WILL BE NURSED AT NIGHT ONLY AND THEY WILL HAVE A SIPPY CUP OF BREAST MILK FOR BREAKFAST AND FOR LUNCH. SO THAT’S WHAT I PLAN TO DO FOR OUR LITTLE KIDDOS. MY WIFE WILL PROBABLY BE DIFFEERNT. 18. What is your opinion of equal pay? – HELL YEAH WE BOTH WORK EQUALLY SO I SHOULD GET PAID THE SAME WAY AS JOHN DOE 19. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? PRO CHOICE. IF YOU ARE A WHORE AND CONSTANTLY GETTING ABORATIONS THEN YOU NEED TO HAVE A RESTRITION BECAUSE 1. IT’S NOT FAIR TO YOUR SPOUSE ONE DAY WHEN THEY WANT A FAMILY BUT CAN’T HAVE ONE BECAUSE YOU WERE LOVING THE CREW. 2. TO EVERY CHOICE IN LIFE THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES AND SOME GIRLS LIVE BY OH PLEASE DON’T LET ME GET PREGO NOT BITCH YOU NEED TO BE SAYING PLEASE DON’T LET ME GET A STD. PREGO PEOPLE USUALLY IS GOD’S WAY OF SAVING YOU AND TRYING TO GET YOU TO CALM DOWN. BUT, IF YOU ARE SICK AND YOU KNOW YOUR BABY WILL BE RETARDED OR DUE TO YOUR ILLNESS IT WILL BE HARMFUL FOR YOUR BABY THEN YOU SHOULD ABORED IT I AM SORRY BUT HEALTH COMES FIRST AND YOU CAN ALWAYS RETRY. SO TO ME IT’S CHOICE BUT ALSO BASED ON CIRCUMSTANCES. 20. Have you ever experienced any sexism? If so, please explain. – Have I? OH YES I GET IT ALL THE TIME. I LEFT MY LAST JOB BECAUSE OF A MAN RUBBING HIS PENISE WHILE LOOKING AT ME DURING MEETING. LIKE UHHHHHH IT PISSES ME OFF SO PLEASE KNOW I HAVE. HE TOLD ME YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN MY HOUSE BITCH SINCE YOU ARE BIRACIAL AND HE SAID HE WOULD SLEEP WITH ME EVERY SINGLE NIGHT UNTIL I GAVE HIM BROWN BABIES AND ONCE I WOULD DELIVERY HE WOULD EJACULATE IN ME AGAIN. UM NO SIR. THANK’S THOUGH. 21. What is one thing about women you think most men don’t know? HOW EMOTIONALL FUCKED UP THEY ARE… HE’S SO SAD BECAUSE GUYS DON’T UNDERSTAND BUT I BELIEVE THEY DON’T UNDER BECAUSE THEY HONESLTY DON’T KNOW. 22. Complete this phrase: I’m so glad I’m a woman because I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM FULL, I AM FREE, AND BECAUSE I AM HAPPY. LIFE EXPERIENCES: 23. Have you ever been a Girl Scout? –MY MOM LIVED BY GIRL SCOUTS 24. Have you ever been a ballerina?YES I DANCED FOR 19 YEARS AND 16 OUT OF THE 19 YEARS I WAS A COMPETITOR. IT WAS REQUIRED TO DO BALLE WHILE COMPETING. 25. Have you ever been a cheerleader?YES THROUGH COLLEGE, THE BEST EXPERIENCE. 26. Were you ever voted as a homecoming or prom queen? –HOMECOMING I WAS NOMINATED TWICE BUT NEVER GOT IT. I WENT TO A MONEY HUNGRY HIGH SCHOOL SO IF YOU DIDN’T COME FROM MONEY THEN YOU DIDN’T WIN ANYTHING. I ALSO COMPETITED IN PAGEANTS THROUGH MY LIFE AND I WOULD WIN LIKE MISS. SOUTH CAROLINA ETC BUT WHEN I COMPETED IN HIGH SCHOOL I NEVER WON BECAUSE EMMA WEBB’S PARENTS WERE IN THE PTA AND THEY WOULD BUY HER OUT SO SHE COULD WIN. I SWEAR I HATE POOR LOOSERS. HOW DO I KNOW THIS STUFF? UMM I WAS GREAT FRIENDS WITH 1 OF THE JUDGES AND THEY SHOWED ME MY SCORES AND THEY WERE 5 POINTS HIGHER THEN EMMAS. 27. Have you ever hosted a sleepover?MATTER OF FACT I AM HOSTING ONE TONIGHT AND TOMORROW NIGHT. UH I AM GOING TO BE TIRED. BUT IT WILL BE FUN 28. Do you belong to a sorority?HELL NO, I AM NOT PARTICIPATED IN A GROUP OF GIRLS WHO I HAVE TO PAY TO BE MY FRIEND 29. Have you ever kept a diary or a journal?YES I STILL DO CURRENTLY INSTEAD OF IT BEING MY JOURNAL IT’S MY PERSONAL GROWTH DIARY 30. American ladies: did you vote for Hillary Clinton?YES I DID BUT IT’S NOT BECAUSE SHE WAS A WOMEN. I DIDN’T WANT D. TRUMP TO BE PRESIDENT BUT WE DON’T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT. PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: 31. What is the longest your hair has ever been? –THE LENGTH IT IS RIGHT NOW. PAST MY BRA. I AM GOING TO SEE HOW LONG IT GETS BY THANKSGIVING AND THEN MY BIRTHDAY AND IF IT’S LONG ENOUGH I AM GOING TO GET LAYERS PUT IN IT. 32. Have you ever cut your hair super short?THE SHORTEST I HAVE EVER CUT MY HAIR, IS TO MY SHOULDERS AND I CUT 7 INCHES OFF OF MY HAIR. 33. What hairstyle do you wear the most? –CURLY I WEAR IT UP IN A BUN IF IT’S STRAIGHT I WEAR IT DOWN 34. Have you ever dyed your hair? –NOPE MY HAIR NATURALLY CHANGES COLORS DUE TO THE WEATHER. WINTER IT’S DARK DARK BROWN, FALL IT’S SANDY BLONDISH BROWN, SUMMER IT’S REALLY LIGHT BROWN LIKE REALLY LIGHT, AND SPRING IT’S SANDY BLONDISH BROWN. SO THERE’S NO NEED FOR DYE. 35. What is the heaviest you have ever weighed?WHAT I WEIGH NOW 148. UHHH I AM GOING TO START RUNNING AGAIN. BACK TO THE GYM I GO NEXT WEEK. 36. How muscular are you? –I HAVE FORM IN MY ARMS AND LEGS. I HAVE 21% BODY FAT WHICH THEY SAY IS GOOD. 37. Are your ears pierced? -YES 38. Do you have any piercings anywhere besides your ears?YES BELLY BUTTON 39. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? –NOPE – IDK IF I WANT ANY EITHER 40. How often do you wear lipstick or lipgloss? –ABOUT 2- 3 TIMES A WEEK DEPENDS ON HOW BUSY MY WEEK IS 41. How often do you paint your nails? –Never! I get my nails done once a month 42. Have you ever worn any fake eyelashes or fake nails? –FAKE EYELASHES YES BUT THEY ARE A PAIN SO I HATE WEARING THEM. FAKE NAILS NOPE! I GET POWDER OVER THE TOP OF MY REAL NAILS AND THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL. 43. How often do you shave/wax your legs? –ONCE A WEEK – SHAVE I DO NOT WAX BECAUSE I AM NOT THAT HAIRY 44. How white are your teeth? –SEMI WHITE I NEED TO BLEACH THEM THIS WEEKEND 45. What do you think is your best physical feature? –MY CURVY BODY AND MY LIPS 46. What do you think is your worst physical feature? –I STRONGLY DISLIKE MY THIGHS 47. Do you have a “look” (i.e. a mad/annoyed/upset stare)? –YES I HAVE A MAD LOOK 48. How good are you at communicating through facial expressions? – THAT’S ALL I DO FASHION STYLE: 49. What is your favorite fashion brand? –ANYTHING JESSICA SIMPSON OR JENNIFER LOPEZ 50. Do you wear skirts and dresses at all? If so, how often? –YES ABOUT ONCE A WEEK 51. What is your dress size? -4 52. Do you wear any high heels or stilettos at all? If so, how often?2-3 TIMES A WEEK 53. Have you ever worn high heels casually? YES LOVE IT 54. How often do you wear a bra?EVERYWHERE 55. Does it matter if your bra and panties match or not?NOPE UNLESS I AM GETTING BUSY 56. Which are you more likely to go without: a bra or panties?PANTIES 57. How much of your underwear is white?ABOUT ½ I LOVE WHITE 58. Have you ever worn a skirt or a dress without any panties underneath?NOPE 59. What is the shortest length of skirts and dresses you are comfortable wearing? –Mid thigh 60. How expensive was your prom dress? –CHEAPEST DRESS I’VE EVER OWNED. 61. What clothing item do you own the most of (if shirts, be specific to what kind)?MISS ME JEANS 62. How much jewelry do you typically wear? –WATCH, 3 PANDORA BRACELTS, 1 DECORATIVE NECKLACE, MY CROSS NECKLACE & MY ENGAGEMENT RING 63. How much makeup do you typically wear? –EYE SHADOW, BRONZER, AND MASCARA WITH LIPSTICK 64. Do you like eyeshadow?  -NAKED BABY 65. Do you carry a purse? -YES 66. What is your preferred way to carry a purse: In your hand, on your elbow, or on your elbow?ELBOW OR SHOULDER 67. How big is your closet? –ROOM SIZE 68. Have you ever looked through your closet an thought “I have nothing to wear”?ALL THE TIME 69. Have you ever worn the same outfit more than once? –DON’T LIKE TO BUT I BELIEVE I HAVE 70. One-piece swimsuits or bikinis? –I LIKE BOTH 71. Have you ever worn a mismatched bikini?YES 72. Do you like tube and halter tops-YES 73. Do you like crop tops? -NOPE 74. Are you comfortable showing off a little cleavage?HELL YES THAT’S SEXY WEDDING CRAZE: 75. Have you ever been a bridesmaid?NOPE 76. Would you ever want to get married?YES AFTER I AM 25 77. For how long have you thought about your wedding?NOW 3 MONTHS 78. How much of your wedding do you already have planned out?COLORS, USHERS, BRIDESMEN, LOCATION STATE, A LOT OF IT. 79. Indoor or outdoor wedding?OUTDOORS 80. Would you want to have a lot of bridesmaids or just a couple?A LOT DATING & RELATIONSHIPS: 81. What is your current relationship status?ENGAGED 82. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic?NO I DON’T 83. Are you a virgin? If not, which gender did you lose your virginity to?NOPE – TECHNICALLY I LOST IT TO BOTH GENDERS. A MAN AND A WOMEN A FEW YEARS LATER. 84. What personality trait are you most attracted to?CONFIDENT, JOCK, BUT FUN 85. Have you ever been on a blind date?NO I THINK IT WOULD BE FUN 86. Has anyone ever tried to set you up on a date?YES AND IT DIDN’T WORK I AM TYPE A PERSONALITY 87. Do you kiss on a first date?NOPE 88. How often do guys hit on you?ALL THE TIME 89. Have you ever kissed another woman? If so, did you like it?JUST SHELBY 90. Have you ever dated another woman?JUST SHELBY 91. Is sex before marriage wrong?NOT IN MY OPINION. 92. After how long would you start to consider a relationship to be serious?FROM DAY 1, BUT PROBABLY MOVING TOWARD THE NEXT STEP SUCH AS LIVING TOGETHER AT THE 2 YEAR MARK. 93. Would you rather your lover give you chocolate or flowers?NEITHER ENTERTAINMENT: 94. What celebrity do you most admire?JENNIFER LOPEZ. 95. Do you like romantic comedies? Any favorites? -NOPE 96. Do you have a favorite romantic movie? –YES PRETTY WOMEN 97. Who is your favorite Disney princess? –BELLE FROM BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 98. What is your favorite Disney song? –BEUATY AND THE BEAST SOUND TRACK 99. Do you watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette? –I SHOULD 100. Have you ever watched Sex & The City? –OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW – MY FAVORITE SHOW/ MOVIES 101. Have you ever watched any shows such as Project Runway or America’s Next Top Model?NOPE 102. Do you read romantic novels? If so, do you have any recommendations?NICKOLAS SPARKS 103. Beyonce or Taylor Swift? –I LIKE BOTH BUT I WOULD GO WITH BEYONCE 104. Oprah Winfrey or Ellen DeGeneres? –ELLEN ALL DAY….. A PILE OF RANDOMNESS: 105. Are you named after anyone?NOPE 106. How many male friends do you have?USE TO HAVE LIKE 15 NOW I HAVE NONE 107. Have you ever called your female friends your girlfriends? -1 108. Have you ever called a non-lover a term such as honey, dear, babe, or darling?YES 109. Have you ever dotted your I’s with a heart or a smiley face?WHEN I WAS YOUNGER 110. How many items do you own that are of a floral print design?HARDLY ANY 111. Name five things you always have in your purse.DEBIT CARD, CREDIT CARD, LOTION, HAND SANITIZER, LIP BALM, & A HAIR TIE 112. Have you ever lost anything inside your purse?LOOSE MONEY 113. Have you ever carried a spare pair of underwear with you in your purse?NO 114. What is the most amount of money you’ve ever spent in one single shopping trip?$1000 115. Do you consider shopping a sport?I DO BECAUSE I SWEAT, RACE, AND COMPETE FOR THE BEST SALES 116. Have you ever used your cleavage or a bra as a purse? -NO 117. Coffee or tea?I EQUALLY LIKE BOTH BUT TEA PLEASE UNLESS IT’S STARBUCKS THEN COFFEE 118. Can you do the splits?YES- LEFT RIGHT AND MIDDLE 119. Do you do any yoga?YES ONCE A WEEK 120. Have you ever been told that to have cute handwriting?ALL THE TIME 121. How well can you write in cursive?SEMI GOOD 122. Have you ever successfully been on a diet?NOPE BC THEY ARE UNHEALTHY FOR YOU. I EAT CLEAN ALL THE TIME 123. Do you or have you ever belonged to a book club?YES 124. Have you ever talked yourself out of a driving ticket by using your looks?NOPE 125. Have you ever drank a non-alcoholic beverage out of a wine glass?WELCHES GRAPE JUICE IS THE BEST THAT WAY 126. Showers or baths?BUBBLE BATH 127. Have you ever tried using a toilet while standing up? YES I HAVE GREAT AIM 128. Have you ever been considered the mother of your group of friends?ALL THE TIME 129. Do you own any sex toys?YES ABOUT 20 RATINGS: 130. From 1-10, how feminine do you consider yourself?8 131. From 1-10, how much are you like your mother?8 132. From 1-10, how much do you look like your mother?9 133. From 1-10, how much are you like your father? 8 134. From 1-10, how polite are you?10 135. From 1-10, how cute do you consider your laugh?1 136. From 1-10, how strict are you about manners?9.5 137. From 1-10, how much of a neat freak are you?6 138. From 1-10, how much of a hopeless romantic are you?4.5 139. From 1- 10, how healthy do you eat?8.8 140. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays?10

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@gorgeousperfectionpersonified                                    

 Torrey

The reason everyone is trying to see if you are ok is actually because we love you .how could you not tell anyone and block us  we thought you were abducted and dead. We have been completely heartbroken and sick- everyone !!!! We were all there that fast because of that. If you want to be on your own, fine. You are 20. But please explain why you can’t do that AND have a family????? I truly believed up until this second, you were in danger. I actually still do. I am really hoping you did not cause such pain on purpose. This is exactly the stuff that happens with human trafficking. Your “boyfriend”  ? ok Michael doesn’t know that. And then changed to complicated. That’s how they make you look alive and well.  They also will write on social media things like your sick of everyone, so when everyone becomes suspicious and go to police, they say you probably just left on your own.  I am your mother and I adore you and cannot stop trying to find you until we know you are ok - how could i just walk away if my baby is hurt or scared ? Ummm.  Never!!!Just FaceTime someone in the family and talk to them then everything will stop we can send your stuff. It all stops if this is real and you just want to be on your own. I love you enough to stop as soon as I know you are ok, I’m shocked. This is a lot of drama over nothing if you really are ok. Very hurtful  every family member left work. You are loved. Do your thing if you want - but shutting us out of your life is cruel. Savvy and Emmy are a mess too. My biggest wish is for you to be happy. This though ,is heartless. How could you hate me so much??? I truly am sorry you feel that way. FaceTime someone please I beg you.  And you are always welcome home if it doesn’t work out. Love you always and forever, no matter what you think or have been told  even what you do can’t change that ever. No matter what you say about me, nothing… please put an end to this and FaceTime somebody. We can’t take this! And I don’t know why you would choose this method. You are twenty. This was unnecessary and you could have used your mouth. Or even left a note for god sake. We are not your enemy, we are your family. And everyone has to learn it on their own I guess but blood really IS thicker than water xoxoxo thinking of you and loving you, Mom

Ps. And just so you know , what I read here doesn’t prove you wrote that. It proves someone wants people to think you are ok and have reason to just vanish- I love you too much to believe you wrote that without proof of a FaceTime or I will never give up looking for you.   Also some words you used are not usual for you or spelled that way usually in your slang  I will never believe that and walk away in case you are hurt and not safe- never- I love you too much.  Also everyone was there and no one saw what that cop woman saw…. this is heartbreaking