#i am not living la vida loca rn
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We talk about liminal spaces on here semi-regularly, and I'd like to add "airports at 5 am" to that list. Nothing feels quite like being somewhere that doesn't exist quite right at that hour like being the only person going through security and not seeing any other people until you reach your gate. Like the airport scene is still loading.
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i’m currently listening to a sad indie pop song that i haven’t heard since i was 12 years old, if there is a loving and merciful god he should prove his existence here and now by killing me where i stand
#my usual motto is ‘things are bad but at least it’s better than middle school’#but that doesn’t really apply right now#so mxmtoon it is#i am not living la vida loca rn#i maxed out my anxiety med dosage and i’m like 10 mg away from maxing out my prozac#so guess who’s gonna have to get a third pill probably#wheeeeeee
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just had one of the worst days of my life……. :))
#i am NOT living la vida loca rn#listening to new romantics on repeat bc ‘every day is like a battle’#i shouldn’t be awake rn it’s gonna have consequences#…. wtv they can’t do anything to me now i’ve already fucked up enough#and on that depressing note i’m actually going to bed (i’m gonna doomscroll instagram until i fall asleep or i develop an ed)#bye 👋🏽👋🏽#🐋.txt
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Im with DCA.
Dont drag me over to Glamrock Freddy with you smh
succumb.
#spacie splains#its okay ta simp for multiple animatronics it makes your life so magical#it makes you feel so free#i am living la vida loca rn there's whole new worlds of simp fanart that i can happily consume i am forever fed#i have this glamrock freddy simp animation i wanna do but its complicated and above my skill level#anyway i do wanna draw simp art for him
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#shut up cressie no one cares-#this fit of despair is bc (1) I want to beta read for tieressian but am busy asf bc I procrastinated in favor of Hinata's fic#(will I still wanna beta read? Yeah.)#and (2) because I am not thriving while others are#it's Saturday and I am not living la vida loca rn
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playing dnd and mY FAVORITE NPC FUCKING DIED and his daughter doesn’t know yet and she’s only 9. his last words were him telling Robyn (my character) to tell his daughter he’s sorry and that he loves her and asking him to take care of his kid for him bc his little sister and her would get along well. and he knows that they would because he died protecting his sister i am going to start profusely sobbing
#THEY JUST MET. THEY JUST MET AND ROBYN THANKED HIM ON HIS DEATHBED#literal direct quote after robyn profusely thanked him for saving his sister:#‘she’s a good kid. i promised her id let her meet corrine… make good on that promise for me will you?’#and. and then my guy is like sobbing and promising that he will and that he’ll make sure his kid is okay#and then davvish (the npc) goes ‘of course you will. you’re a good kid too. take care of em. make sure they smile.’#EATING. GRAVEL#bc. bc davvish protected raya (my guy’s little sister) for like a month bc they both got kidnapped by the bbeg#and they bonded and he heard so much abt robyn from raya#and. i’m just. ohhh fuck man i am Not living la vida loca rn. holy shitfuck man#he got me. the zesty middle aged single father of one got me.
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not being able to sleep and being very restless and on the verge of tears for literally no reason all while coming up with an entire video script in my head about a silly cartoon for a video style i know i don't have the time or motivation for all while having no clue how to actually articulate my thoughts and i don't even know what's going on rn
#i sure am living la vida loca rn /s#i do actually want to make that video though /gen#vent? ish?#i have no clue if it's even a vent but i'm on the verge of tears and i literally don't know why#having so much fun /s#landfill rambles#vent
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#the funniest part of meeting new people is realising that i'm not as amazing and talented as i thought#i'm painfully mediocre in everything i do#it's not that i used to be talented. it's just that the kids around me were dumb#yeah it's easy for your colours to pop whennthe background is faded!#and now i'm realising that there's literally NOTHING about me that's as cool and good as i thought#i'm so jealous#if i had to say which of the 7 deadly sins i am i'd be envy#i desire what others have and what i can't#mentally i'm flipping tables and punching walls rn (mentally because i live in europe and punching a wall would mean broken fingers)#i'm an adult man who feels like stomping my foot on the ground and rolling around#i'm so desperate i might even get a mullet at this point#as you can guess uni isn't going that great#and i was having a nice week!!! finally!!! but then my classmates had to start flexing their language knowledge#i used to think that i was good enough because i speak a few languages#turns out i'm actually cringe#+ my exams are approaching :)))) and i probably won't pass#anyway. livin' la vida loca in the worst way possible#vent tag#faceless#delate later
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I am not living la vida loca rn
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yes i cried over merlin s2ep9 and i will admit it bc i need to talk abt it to express just how much it was bc im so emotionally traumatized that there are only two things that will make me cry literally only two in very extreme amount but this shit right here did it for me anyway
i saw somebody a while ago say smth abt merlin definitely actually wanting to leave a few times freya being one of them bc hes been so repressed that just being allowed to be himself without hiding anything makes him fall in love with a girl in two days so much that hes gonna abandon his destiny and his friends to go live with her and be who he is, they are the ‘holy shit for the love of jesus christ our lord and savior get me the fuck out of here’ to each others ‘literally please im so lonely im surrounded by ppl but they all would want me dead if they knew’ and that is just beautiful it is a whole new level of crazy to someones crazy it is going insane to someones going insane and that is magnificent
also the part where she recognizes him while shes a beast tormenting the town that she runs away they need to save each other so bad that it can fuck up some old roach’s curse
AND THEN thats right im not done AND FUCKING THEN at the lake when merlins holding her and shes all like “oh u save me i am loved now i die good ehe” then she dies like that its so heartbreaking bc its like yeah she got saved bc she got to die with that but what abt him she just fucking left him like that to keep livin la vida loca (bad) with all the shit he almost managed to run away from
AND THEN (last one) when merlins doing stuff for arthur and he walks in and sits next to him to see whats up (literally beautiful that a prince would sit his royal ass on that floor next to his servant to make sure hes ok) and he has no idea abt freya so he treats it like a normal ass situation so merlin kinda acts different then falls into normal rhythm
(new paragraph it woulda been too long i have so much to say abt this) i was thinking abt how merlin handles certain situations bc like how is he not literally imploded rn then i realized the way id handle that shit is sit and think abt it but he doesnt do that, hes actually rly rly smart he just goes thru too much shit to actively and consistently be smart so he does like he did in this one and falls into a routine so that he doesnt think he just goes and keeps livin la vida loca and doesnt even worry abt it cuz hes not thinking abt it bc thats how he copes is not thinking abt it cuz hes smart
so i think arthur unconsciously knows this which is why he just comes in and fucks with merlin a lil bit then lists off the things to do so merlin definitely feels better bc it helps him not think but at the end when hes like deciding a facial expression hes thinking then and hes thinking “shit man im never getting out of here i gotta fuckin live like this goddamn that sucks ass” bc he knows its gonna be years till uther dies and years after that till arthur accepts magic and all that time he has to keep hunting his own kind and being an ally in the war literally against what he is and keep being praised for it (reference to s2ep8) and doesnt have a choice bc as hes recently learned fate will not let him run away with a girl and give up his destiny so he can live a good healthy life
#merlin#merthur#merlin bbc#whisky thinks things#literally fucking help me#i am so severely unhealthy obsessed with these little faggots and their little fruit cake activities#listening to bauhaus while writing this post all we ever wanted was everything is exactly what they are i swear
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i am not living la vida loca rn
#hahahaha#i'm dying#pls send help#meme#funny#lol#actually it's not funny i start college and everyone is two years older than me 🙃
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just....thinkin about napoleonic frook (ಥ_ʖಥ)
#fruk#hws england#hws france#hetalia#arthur kirkland#francis bonnefoy#historical hetalia#god theyre just hitting every single spot right now for what i lvoe in a fictional r/ship#hell yeah boys you kill each other at dawn and kiss at night thats it you get it#this was just a stress doodle.....i am NOT living la vida loca rn#my art
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trying to memorize a 10-page drug list in the 23 hours between the end of one exam and the start of another while running on two hours of sleep because my brain picked the worst imaginable night to refuse to fall asleep until 3 AM........ i’ll be honest besties i am NOT living la vida loca rn
#i'm legit gonna pop a melatonin at like 7 PM idc if i'm done studying or not. this class has a generous curve and i need SLEEP#personal post shut up
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i started thinking about that gay bastard oc of yours. platano. can u tell me about him
omg u wer thinkgin about platano..... mr banana man... mr 4011. i am obsessed with the banana code srry i just got back from work (it was good :-D)
any way. um. im going below the cut. he kidnaps people and he murders people and i hate him because he’s also a massive weeb so. hm
HISTORY OF PLATANO... yea his name is spanish for banana
his father, pablo, will probably get a name change someday but i literally never think of his father since the only thing he did in platano’s backstory was disappear
since platano’s world has characters based off like. fruits and vegetables (there aren’t really any limit to what the characters are based off of. it was in my lazy google translate name phase so we have like... a gay character named arcenciel who becomes dadlike through my powerful canon-changing touch. also arcenciel wears the colors of the rainbow as often as he can i haven’t figured out a good design for him since i’m not used to using more than 5 colors. he also owns a hat factory)
i think arcenciel and platano are friends they met when platano was like. 17 probably and arcenciel would be around uhhhhh ummmmmmm 21??? idk man but in canon he’s probably around 30 . yes i m saying “in canon” because i wrote a really dumb and horrible story back in 2018 arcenciel used to have HUGE internalized homophobia and i turned that into a running joke and i dislike that so that’s a reason why i’m not sharing the fun little story i wrote for my friends
(the best part of that story is when arcenciel threw his light-up rainbow heelies at platano, thus starting the boss fight which the main cast LOST.)
ok back to the topic at hand. platano.
i have a whole doc named platano where i just wrote drabbles about him so i’m going to summarize them
the first one was his friend, percisi (my only cishet oc he’s very short and very aggressive while also dressing in a soft-colored turtleneck since he’s based off of peaches) using a misunderstood form of satanism to summon satan. guess what percisi and platano summoned satan for. it was a manga update! wow
i won’t say the mangas name it was an inside joke
so platano was like “hey satan can i have this manga now please please” and satan went “sure just kill people for me”
that determined platanos job for the next 7 or so years <3 wonderful.
(it was basically me writing a backstory for a scene to happen in the main writing i wrote for my friends. he killed someone because someone else in the building was trying to summon satan. very confusing but okay i guess.)
i think right after that i wrote about platano meeting his boyfriend, sage, for the first time. i have horribly mixed feelings about their relationship since it’s very. Hm.
so platano kidnaps people to watch anime with him because all his friends left him and his best friend, mangue, is too busy being a dictator over the Land of the Fruits. i shit you not fruits oppressed the vegetables. i wrote that dynamic between the two because i was learning about the revolutionary war in US History. something like that at least
(the Land of the Fruits is not the official name)
on the topic of kidnapping people. guess who his favorite person was. sage. it was sage. so he tried to take sage often but they probably discussed Proper boundaries since everyone else tried to run away. hmm i am now going to write a bit right now
“Platano,” Sage started. “Why do you keep kidnapping me? It’s rude and I hate it.”
“What else am I supposed to do?” The yellow-haired fool leaned on his sword, digging the tip deeper into the ground.
“ASK ME IF I WANT TO HANG OUT??”
“I can do that?”
“You keep making my dads worried.” Sage looked around the area, fidgeting with his hands.
“Oh. Okay. Want to hang out? Watch some anime?” Platano paused for a moment, but managed to say “Maybe kiss?” before Sage got to answer.
“I- KISS??? We can watch anime together. We can go now.”
Sage ushered Platano through a portal as fast as he could.
His dads were never worried.
hmmm maybe that’s alright idk i’m a little tired so it’s probably a little out of character. sage probably isn’t that loud but i think it was trying to be the dynamic of “oh, we’re not dating” when they kiss every sunday at 5 pm by a romantic river scene
he’s a character who is, at his very core, horrible and bad. he is portrayed in a way i DESPISE but i’m too lazy to correct it. his interest in sage actually started with me going “hmm i think platano would draw sage like this” then sauce giving me fun facts about his oc, sage, yea sage is sauce’s oc <3 epic win . so sauce gave me fun facts about sage and i was like “time to doodle these in platanos ‘art style’” when in reality it’s just the mockery of people just getting into an anime art style, with the chin so pointy it could cut a cake
i might reread my old writing from 2018. i gotta agree with the judges for that year i did not write very well
it mightve actually been made in 2017 which would be FUCKIN CRAZY im gonna check rn
yea it was started in 2018. february 14th... huh . finished it completely in june of that year it was 41 pages total and it’s not even double spaced how did i write something without double spacing it
OH MY GOD BOB IS GOING TO HIJACK THIS RANT JUST FOR A LITTLE
so bob is a fluffy little anthro cloud with a grey top hat and bowtie. he is amazing. i love bob. bob is another one of sauce’s character and mangue (mentioned earlier) was made by my friend jamie
(you can always ask for their tumblrs but i’d ask them if its okay to share their tumblrs. i might just look at them and reblog their stuff cuz i like their art!!! maybe jamie posted a drawing she made recently on her blog but tbh i don’t think she would she’s more of a twitter user)
ok so im skimming thru UMG which is the story it stands for “Universe of Magic Gardens” and it was originally made for a prank on ponytown so people would go “what’s UMG” and my friends and i would be like “ur mom gay xDDDDDD” or something like that . horrible but i’m glad i’ve changed from . that.
here’s a bit i actually like AKLJFISJFIO
“What the actual FUCK, Ilkie?!” Arcenciel cringed in fear. “Put it back- it’s too ugly.” He pointed at Platano, whose arms were crossed.
why is it bolded. anyway.
i just saw a part where eau used y’all... water cowboy moments <333 i really need to make refs for all of those old characters. all of my umg-related characters have to be my oldest-living ocs.
i cant believe this is making me genuinely reread my old writing just to go “WJHFSIDAJKSFIOJ WTF????”
some of the lines on it sound like something you would hear on like. a school bus or somethin
looking at umg like “wtf how did i add so much Meat to this writing” bc most of my writing now is mostly quotations to progress the story (like the quickie i wrote earlier. i could add meat to it but im tired lol)
OK THIS IS MORE GENERAL BUT MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THIS WAS WRITING HAIKUS FOR PORTALS. after you visit a place enough times it’s kind of just an instinct to open a portal there so you don’t have to recite a haiku
uhh ok here’s another bit becuase im feeling like living la vida loca. ur biggest regret should be “can you tell me about him” by this point bc i’ve written too much to go back now
He landed on his face once he was outside of the hat. Meko quickly walked over to the guest room, opened the Portals for Dummies book, and flipped to a page. It looked devious.
“Banana, mango,
Each tasting amazingly.
A taste of evil.”
Meko did the dance on the page, it consisted of something that looks like it’s from an anime. A portal opened, the familiar scent of bananas and mangoes coming from it. With some hesitation, Meko stepped in. He quickly made it so only his head peeked in.
it wasnt bolded this time but i like it bolded. ok i understand how i added meat it was just shitty expired meat ALKFSJSHDAIUJKFEIODSJAK . it wasnt even that much meat DAMN. it just looked like more.
actually that’s all i will write. i could do more w platano but yea at his base he is a blonde twink who kills people because he wanted a manga but now he’s friends with a dictator. woo! wow. amazing character writing. i cant wait to get motivation to rewrite everything and make platano a good villain (he will still be very interested in anime sadly. idk why around that time i liked making characters who were obsessed with anime i didn’t even watch it much myself. i think it was because i wanted to put capes on them)
#I REALLY WENT SLIGHTLY OFF-TOPIC#like i went broader then refocused in at the end#so if you want the basics its just. right at the end#my brain's out of work mode now it's going into the deepfry machine#melon-official
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