bleh my doctor is switching me from gel to shots im not excited abt that

ofc im happy af to be on t but rahhhhdhegsghdjrkt i hate the sight of needles in my skin!!!!!! yucky

Persistence and Consistency Wins the Race

I would like to start this post off by being a little selfish. It may not seem huge to many, but I have been making positive steps in my battle with Trichotillomania. If you are new to reading my posts, TTM is a behavioral disorder that is characterized by the pulling of one’s hair. If you want to read more about what TTM is and my experience with it, check out my post Breaking the Habit. To give a brief summary, I have struggled with picking the hair from my scalp, eyebrows, and eyelids for over a decade now. In later years, the interest in the hair on my scalp seemed to nearly disappear as the focus on my eyebrows and eyelids amped up. Even now, in the last 2 to 5 years, the focus has become more centered on my eyelashes. When I would over pick my eyebrows, I always had the option to fill them in and try to save myself some embarrassment. When it comes to over-picking my lashes, I do not have the same cover up options. Even now, it is something that I am extremely self-conscious about. But my good news is, that I have made some major strides with my picking and I want to share how!

The main reason my picking is so hard to stop is because a good bit of it tends to be done subconsciously. When I am stressed or going through an anxious time period, it seems like my eyelids contain some kind of magnet that my fingers cannot resist! I tend to pair it with other mindless activities, like scrolling through my newsfeed. The times when I am subconsciously picking are my hardest to deal with. What I am doing to try and combat that is to allow myself to do an activity that gives my idle hand(s) something to occupy them.  As I mentioned in my previous post on TTM, my fidget spinner and Chinese stress balls have been two of my biggest tools in fighting urges. Something else I have started to incorporate more is the use of my adult coloring book. That’s right people. If you have not already heard, there are hundreds of stress-relieving adult coloring books out there. Those anxious feelings that lead to picking can sometimes be subdued with the simplest of tasks.

I have also started to make it harder for myself to get a grip on my eyelashes. I try to fix my nails in a manner that makes it hard for me to grip any hair. Fake nails tend to be the best method, but if you prefer your real nails, I have found that gel polish helps me. Gel polish tends to be thicker (and lasts longer) than regular polish. I try to form a seal on the edge of my nails so it will be blunt. Not being able to grab the hair discourages the picking as a mindless habit. I think that is one of the best ways to break a ritual like this. We tend to be creatures of habit and have a hard time breaking that. Take away the means of enforcing the ritual and watch the routine begin to crack.

I do not have any hidden secrets or magical solutions to controlling my picking impulses. I just have acceptance of my illness, the willingness to change it, and consistency to keep at it. There are not many things that can transform over night when it comes to behavioral and mental issues. It takes awareness, education, and motivation, just to name a few. If you are a TTM sufferer reading this post, whether you deal with it on a more or less severe level, know that it can be controlled. Just 7 or 8 months ago, I was looking in the mirror, disappointed with myself for stripping my beautiful eyelashes away. 3 days ago, I put on mascara for the first time in nearly a year. Hope is always alive. That’s all for now. So long, farewell, until we meet again.

-Frannie