Summary: Ingo has a bad day, but Emmet brings home dinner.

This is one of the silliest titles I have ever given something

Hi Levy. I can't remember if I sent this already last night, so I apologize if this is a double. For a suggestion, could you please do some comfort headcanons for Shanks/Beckman (poly) and Hongo (separate) where they take care of an exhausted, stressed gn reader? I'm having trouble taking care of myself with everything going on and would really appreciate the warm support of these sweet boys. Thank you for considering!

*nervous chuckle* i hope this is not too late . I am so sorry it took so long, on the other hand, i tried to make it as fluffy as i could.

I hope these three warm, sweet boys will help you at least a lil bit. 

°Characters & reader pronouns: Shanks/Benn Beckman; Hongo& GN reader

°Synopsis: These three lovely men tries to help their stressed out s/o as much they can.

°A/N: When I wrote Hongo's part I was riding on a wave of Film Red... Don't worry no spoilers.

HONGO

He is a doctor AND your boyfriend, so the moment he catches a whim that you are stressed for a longer period of time, he orders a rest

He might not be the captain, so he can't take your workload off, but any captain who doesn't listen to their ship doctor is a fool. He will go straight to either Beckman or Shanks to let them know, that you need some breather.

Once he gets the nod from Shanks, he brings you to your bed so you can sleep. And will try to cuddle with you at least until you will fall asleep.

Will ask Roux to make you your comfort food.

He is super busy, being the doctor on the ship full of menchildren, but will steal some time to run you a bath and maybe even join you in it.

Gives amazing massages.

From the medicinal side, he will give you an option of some vitamin, which helps with recovery, etc.

9/10, a super attentive boyfriend who will make sure your body will get plenty of time to rest. The only minus is, that he is usually busy and also a doctor so… He might mother hen you from the medicinal side. He means well tho.

SHANKS/BECKMAN

The first one who catches on to your stressed self is Beckman. Despite his constantly busy schedule, he is incredibly attuned to your well-being. It's like a super sensitive radar, that catches even the slightest sign of a bad mood etc.

He will observe you for a while and then go to Shanks about it.

Then the next step would be a conversation with you - they want to make sure they understand, what it is that actually stresses you out and makes you miserable. If it's a workload, personal problem, or something else. 

Once the reason is found, actions can be made.

Be prepared for Shanks´s bear hugs and Beckman´s loving caresses.

Beckman gives amazing scalp massages. 

They each take different roles in your resting plan - Shanks will make sure you will take plenty of naps; have some fun, which recharges you, and overall transformers into a cozy, lazy bear. 

Beckman on the other hand takes the reign in terms of your actual health - will make sure you eat enough and well (again, get ready to be pampered by Roux culinary skills); will ask Hongo for vitamins and some tips.

Beckman is actually the one, who will want to have a talk with you about what both you and them can do better next time to help you not stress much. He knows some stress is inevitable, but he wants to check in with you about what usually stresses you out and how they, your partners, could assist you better. Of course, he will bring this up only once you will feel better again.

Beckman would also read to you out loud, his smooth voice calming you. It's not unusual that Shanks would barge in in these calm moments and suddenly there are two bodies curled up around the first mate.

11/10, they are two, so they will make sure there is at least either of them with you all the time - unless you would prefer some alone time. They are both very busy men, but the numbers are in their favor.

"Healing is a small and ordinary and very burnt thing. And it's one thing and one thing only: it's doing what you have to do." -Cheryl Strayed

This is a very rambling sort of thing, but it’s a thing I’ve wanted to write, and as I’ve been having spectacular trouble writing anything lately I decided to go with it. Thanks to @katrani for sponsoring! Takes place in MaS. 

The sun rose in Paris. 

It had probably also, Michiru reasoned, risen in Tokyo, but she had not been able to see these things. Tokyo was where Haruka had been, and then wasn’t, and for that reason she found the entire place completely unforgivable. It is a strange thing, to have a human being own an entire sprawling city, and yet in Michiru’s heart, Haruka did. 

Tokyo. Michiru would never have stayed there but for Haruka’s love. It had belonged to her brother before it had belonged to Haruka, and oh how delightful to discover that it had been meant for someone else all along! How could Michiru have been so foolish as to imagine the bustling noodle shops with rich, thick broth and 1000 yen specials had been built for him? How could the cherry blossoms, pink as her cheeks when she blushed, be meant for a man whose soul was without beauty? He could could walk carelessly through the food halls, but Haruka prickled with delight at every booth, because they were meant for her. The sneaking alleys full of bars in Shinjuku, the kaleidoscope of lights and sounds as tourists and locals alike passed in Shibuya, even the lined streets of her own childhood district, all had been built for the pleasure of one Haruka Tenoh. 

It was a dead place, now, signifying nothing. A place where the forest had burnt to ash, and her heart was the same. 

She had left Tokyo because she had to. She could not survive it. This might have sounded cruel, considering her children, but her children were not of Tokyo so much as they lived there. Her children were of her own heart, and she could see any city in the world and be reminded of them. But Haruka was of Tokyo, and so Michiru had to leave it before the ghosts of Haruka’s love suffocated her. 

MIchiru had been here for three weeks. Haruka had always hated Paris, even before she had to attempt to navigate it in a wheelchair, and so it had always uniquely belonged to Michiru. She brought her girls here every year, to practice and shop and sip in the wine bars. It was her sharing something of herself with them, in a way she could not quite define. Perhaps she would live here forever. Perhaps she could never bear the pain of returning. 

It was impossible. She could not, she knew, so long as she was as bound to Haruka as Haruka to Tokyo. One or the other would have to uncouple in order to allow her back. But how could Tokyo, and how could she, belong to more than one person, ever? Especially that person being Haruka, who she had loved since she was a child? 

She laughed, a little. She had thought of herself as a woman in those days, like a fool. 

And so, because Tokyo had belonged to Haruka, she had to leave it. You cannot rebuild in a house that is on fire, Michiru had reasoned. She could no more stay where they had raised their children then she could wade into the into Tokyo Bay and hope to come out on the other side. There were things a human body could not bear. 

Her daughters had understood, at the least. Tokyo was burned for her, and so she had to try and grow something elsewhere, and the run rose in Paris. The sun rose, and the flower sellers painted the side streets with bright washes of color and rich perfumes in the air, and for a moment Michiru knew what it was to be a girl again, the excitement of walking the bridges and getting ice cream on the Ile Saint-Louis, hearing the tolling of the Notre Dame bells. 

Paris bubbled like champagne at her nose, the poetry of French filling her ears.

“Japanese is not much of a sea language.” She stood, wrapping herself warmly in a cashmere cape against the chill of the evening, “It is, I think, the language of a cliff face.”

“Uh,” Haruka’s face furrowed in confusion, “It’s...babe, Japan is surrounded by the ocean.” 

Michiru laughed as she passed the wine bar she frequented, Haruka’s young face clearly in her mind, allowing the pain that accompanied it, and waving it off like smoke in the darkness. 

She laughed then, too. 

“No, of course my love, what I mean to say is, Japanese is so very brisk, and sharp. It is ice, maybe, and rocks, and,” She looking dreamily out at the ocean, “defined. The sea is undulous and constantly sliding one bit into the next. It is watercolor and wave. Perhaps like French. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been happy there.” 

“I dunno if I want to give the ocean to France, just saying.” She pulled her knees up on the rock where they sat, and shrugged, “I like Japanese.” 

Michiru would have laughed, then, and told her she had experience with nothing else, but she knew even as early as it was that would hurt her, make her feel less-than, that she would tell herself she was stupid. It was true, that Haruka had never understood, even as she struggled to try and make a real show of learning English. The soul of a language, the art of the way it fell in the air, each language had a different sort of style, and to know many was to move from one museum room to the next. 

Immersing herself in the warm bath of French was like slipping into the Mediterranean sea, so different from where she had been and yet a place she always knew she would come back to. There was nothing sharp on the ear, no ending that reminded her of a certain social position or moment, nothing that echoed back the perfect syllables of Haruka’s name. 

She had divorced herself from the idea so entirely that when a pair of Japanese tourists had asked for directions, she had pretended not to understand. Rei would have snorted and called her petty, more than likely, and perhaps she would not be wrong, but it was Michiru’s life to live, in any case. To live. She had the right to go on. She had the right to do whatever it took to breathe again. 

She should write Rei. She certainly intended to. Michiru had left Tokyo so quickly, and though she had told everyone where she was going, and though she spoke to her children, always in French, which they were polite enough to make little comment of, it was simply too much to pick up the phone when Rei called. 

It was more than just Tokyo. It was more than just Japan. It was that so many years after everything had happened, Michiru sometimes still looked to her right hand, now weakened, and wondered if she’d lost the ring. A teal aquamarine, framed by the delicate swirl of silver water. Rei’s had almost seemed to belong to a queen, lacking the delicacy of Michiru’s. It had changed on their hand. It knew them. It bound them together. 

She could think of nothing else, when she spoke to Rei. She did not blame the moon for Haruka’s death, not even Michiru could be that silly, but she had been angry forevermore that she had the moon to thank for the gift of Haruka. Rei reminded her of that gift, wrapped herself by the moon and delivered in friendship to Michiru’s hands. 

But she should write her. A postcard, if nothing else. To tell her that she was doing well, that her apartment was quite lovely, and she had taken to eating at a small brasserie nearby for most of her dinners. That she had taken care to drink something other than wine, most nights. That the view of the city charmed. 

She had even purchased a postcard, some silly thing for one euro that had a filter-toned view down a small street, flowers and the red door of a bakery laid perfectly against the grey of the ancient stone. She’d purchased it two days ago, and imagined, since then, what she would say. A postcard is, of course, the most gracious of correspondence in such times, leaving you little room to have to say all the things people would like. Two sentences, perhaps. 

Still, she could not say them. She opened the door to her apartment, and scolded herself once again. When had she ever balked from confrontation? Confrontation, she laughed. Rei was her friend. She certainly wouldn’t be pleased that she hadn’t heard from Michiru for weeks, but it was ridiculous of her to assume Rei would wish to fight with her. 

Thus resolved, Michiru sat down to her small desk near the bar cart, and set the postcard in front of her. The pen was heavy and cool in her hand, stone and metal waiting to express itself on the page. 

I am well. Paris is lovely. 

She discarded the idea before she ever wrote it out. It was such a nicety as to nearly be dishonesty. She and Rei hardly had such a surface relationship, and it was an unkindness to treat it as such. She pulled a dram of gin and lillet from the bar cart. That was the entire purpose in having it there, after all. Really, it should be chilled, but if one cannot drink lukewarm gin as a recent widow swanning about a Parisian apartment, when could one? 

Paris is ever so lovely this time of year, and I have plenty of room if ever you would like to visit. 

Michiru shook her head, laughing at herself again, the foolish and selfish child she always was inside of her. She did not want Rei to visit. She had no desire to take Rei to the little cafes and shops near her apartment, to lie with her by the river and eat a baguette with some cheese. She didn’t want to take a train to London for the weekend, the two of them holed up in the Ritz, lunching with oysters and champagne. She loved Rei, and Rei was a reminder of an entire life that now cut with furious line through her, and both of these things could be true and terrible. 

Haruka has been dead for six weeks, and I cannot bear to be reminded of her. 

Michiru had meant not to write that, either, and she certainly hadn’t meant to write it in Japanese, the characters of Haruka’s name stark against the cream of the postcard, the black ink already drying, impossible to remove. She turned the postcard over with irritation, only to see that she had written so hard those characters poked through the Parisian alleyway, nestling in next to the flowers. 

She downed the gin and lillet--it wanted for a bit of citrus, but needs must--in one sharp quaff, and looked out the glass door to her balcony. It was spring, and yet still here in Paris the winter clung on at the corners, the sun lowering in the sky even in the late afternoon, slipping below the parapets of stone. Michiru touched her hand to the raised flowers, and then snatched up the postcard, flicking a match and setting fire to the edge of it before she quite knew what she was doing. She dropped the match on the desk, extinguishing it, but continued to stare at the burning card, Haruka’s name beginning to meld with the blackness of what had gone through the flame. 

She tossed it into her metal wastebin, atop the others she had failed to send. 

The sun set in Paris too, the red of it catching the city on fire, that burnt thing that would help her to rise.

manifestation and religion

disclaimer: im going to write my opinions on religion and if you consider yourself a believer - dont get offended as we all have different experiences and beliefs. also, i will be mentioning some stuff that most people find weird and unusual so please keep your mind open and leave your judgment somewhere else.

i wrote quite a bit and then my clumsy ass accidentally closed all tabs and everything was gone so this time ill write my intro in short version. so we all heard the saying ‘’be careful what you wish for it may come true’’. well it does come true and it has proved to me so many times, and before i get to the basics of law of attraction and manifestation I am going to say a bit of background how i got to it all.

as most of my country i was raised christian and had to practice the religion until i was 14/15 and got my holy confirmation so after that i was finally happy that i did not have to go to church if i did not want to. my family is not super religious, we do follow the holiday traditions and such as its normal in our country, but personally i dont give them much meaning. two of my family members are religious and i am grateful because in a place as my hometown our parents gave us free will when i came to religion (after our confirmation only :P) .

 with all my experience and research i came to realise that christianity is most rotten, corrupted, vile and disgusting religion there is. there are exceptions that were better than rest, that is a small number unfortunately. i always considered myself agnostic, there is no defined god but there is something bigger than humankind and its still unknown. and you look at all the religions you will find that mostly all of them have same stories, people and facts, just bit amended  to their culture.  so to explain a bit, here is internet definition of agnosticism # Agnosticism is the view that the existence of God, of the divine or the supernatural is unknown or unknowable. Another definition provided is the view that "human reason is incapable of providing sufficient rational grounds to justify either the belief that God exists or the belief that God does not exist."  and no, atheist is not the same. heres couple of pictures giving some insights 

so now that we have that sorted out i would like to stress out that i never had anything against people who believe in god or dont believe in god, i have friends who are strong believers and friends who are atheist, its just called being adult and accepting people as they are. not enough people can do that. 

so i did lots of research on religions and i do like polytheism  ( Polytheism is the worship of or belief in multiple deities, which are usually assembled into a pantheon of gods and goddesses, along with their own religions and rituals) so i always had huge interest in roman and Greek deities, Egyptian as well and for a while was reading about Hinduism. of course i read a lot about all other older civilizations and most of them are based on polytheism. 

during my exploring i came across a doctrine about paganism (havent fully finished all the books and here is a link if anyone would be interested in buying https://despot-infinitus.com/proizvod/paganizam-u-teoriji-i-praksi-doktrina-paganizma/) and i really liked the whole idea of it and i am still actively considering of becoming a white witch/wicca and reading those books inspired adding bit more on my pentagram tattoo, which is actually representing five elements so with added moons it represents triple goddess symbol.

many people ask me is that devils sign and am i a satanist, and that is ridiculous assumption based on only one symbol. and as a matter of fact i have been  reading about satanism itself as well (of course i have) and its quite surprisingly peaceful religion and makes more sense than christianity does. to read more about their rules (which are way better than 10 commandments) click here - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LaVeyan_Satanism#Basic_tenets

those who know me a bit better know that i love paranormal stuff and that i have strong connection with it and that caused a lot of paranormal experiences in my life (i bring all the ghosts to your yard aaayyy) so i recently also discovered demonology ( Demonology is the study of demons or beliefs about demons. They may be human, or nonhuman, separable souls, or discarnate spirits which have never inhabited a body.) and that you can actually learn how to practice it and cant lie that also interests me as well as you contact demons and entities and you work together to learn about world and history and you give them chance to peacefully experience the world (they literally posses you and that way they get to taste food and emotions etc)

yes this is quite informative post as well. and yes, you will all probably deem me insane after reading all this. and what i noticed is that all of them mentioned above work on the principle of cooperation, you have to give to receive. and i dont mean like you have to make blood sacrifices to get your wishes, i mean you have to put in some effort in it and show good intentions and most important of all  - you have to show some respect.

so to finally get to the reason why you are all here. manifestation and law of attraction.

there were loads of instances in my life where i noticed small details that most of people wouldnt notice and after googling them one word kept coming up - universe. so automatically when you start look into that law of attraction and manifestation  come up as well, they all g hand in hand like little happy family.

So law of attraction is something you all definitely had experience with. Basically its what you put out to the world is what you get. Simple change of mindset can change everything in your life. Have you noticed when you are happy and spreading happiness everything around you seems nicer, people are nicer to you, nice things happen and then when you are in bad mood everything is going bad.

Sounds familiar? That is law of attraction for you people. you’re releasing/giving good vibes to the atmosphere and people around you so universe makes sure to give good things back. notice that give and take relationship here? Dont be fooled tho, its not always as simple as it sounds. it is especially hard when you get into that deep hole of feeling bad a and depressed. it is really hard to change your train of thoughts and get yourself to think positive. universe wont award you for one good thought, it has to be series of it and you really need to feel them. you truly need to be in a good moment to get something back from universe.

say thank you to people serving you, ask people how are they, show that you care, pick up a paper from street and throw it in a bin, smile to everyone, pet a random animal on a street, anything counts. and dont do it just because you expect something huge from universe as most of the time universe will give back with good things as well, someone will help you, smeone will compliment you, you’ll get free cup of coffee, just random things like that. you will be surprised that good things will come to you in a moment you need. it also makes you more grateful for everything in your life and makes your everyday nicer and more positive.

then we come to manifestation. 

thiiiiiis my people is bit more complicated than just law of attraction, but one without other does not go. there is no definition of the manifestation, but it is a fact that if you want something really bad universe will give it to you. i had universe manifest so many of my things that i wanted, just took a bit of time. maybe it has happened for you too. sit and think how many things did you wish for and you have them now? there are certainly more than few things that come to your mind. i can easily name at least 10 things that universe manifested for me without even realizing that was it.

there are many ways to manifest something and it is impossible for me to write everything about it in this post as it is bit more complicated than law of attraction, but i will try to outline some things and believe me when you google manifestation you will find loads of examples and you can read for days about it. 

every single wish you want to manifest you can, it just requires some work and that is the hardest part. there are many ways of manifesting something, scribbling, drawing, visualizing, meditating and many more - you need to find something that works the best for you. you need to have clear vision of what you want (general idea wont work), you have to want it really strongly and you need to start working towards it, even little steps - remember when i said you have to give to receive, same with universe. it wont just drop it in your lap because you decided it would be beneficial for you. 

and have in mind very important thing universe will always provide and it will give you what you deserve when you are ready for it.

so yes, it means it can take waaaay longer than you expect it, it may not be hours, days it may be years, it just means that you are not ready for it yet but that doesnt mean universe is not working on bringing it to you. all the work you put into it will definitely be worth it.

for example i fell in love in marketing in university and always wanted a job in that field. it did not get easy to me at all. i spent long five years applying for the jobs and either getting rejections or no answer. and believe me that could put me in such bad mood sometimes that i just wanted to give up on everything. add to that anxiety struggles and that makes it even harder. and as mentioned in the last year i worked on myself mentally, my anxiety has been on lower levels for a while and it does spike up now and then and it messes things up, but i’ve been happier mentally then i ever was in last 5 years and towards end of the last year more and more good things started to come my way and then i finally got that long awaited job.

i am still looking a proper way to thank universe for making it happen for me as that is also important thing for manifestation.

going to use myself as example - being a cheerleader, moving to another country, going to enrique iglesias concerts, visiting loch ness and Neuschwanstein Castle and many more were just big wishes at one point and so far they all came true and i couldnt be happier. it can be small things as well, once i tried to test it and i wanted to manifest a drink date. so i kept thinking how i will go for a drink with someone next week. and it happened, next week i went for a drink with a guy i just met, completely unexpectedly. i didnt specify anything else other than gooing for a drink at that was the only thing that happened.

once wished for more money (also nothing specific stupid me haha) and after two days i found €5 on the floor. not much but universe did provide what i wanted :D

as i’ve said, manifestation is more complicated than law attraction and requires strong mind and strong will, so not only that you get what you wish and work for - it makes you a better person as well! To end this i am going to leave couple of links you can visit and see more about them, or if you’re more adventurous just google manifestation and enjoy your journey :) https://medium.com/thrive-global/9-principles-of-conscious-manifestation-3d2df7a4a87

https://elysesantilli.com/what-is-manifestation/

https://blog.mindvalley.com/manifestation/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZNFXNnKOLdA5ZD7Sn2p5aQ/videos

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvptCAXYmDZMOffniGRfomQ/videos

Get To Know Me Tag!

It me - time for me to answer some questions!

1. what is your full name?: Emily (that’s all I’m gon’ share :D) 2. what are your nicknames?: Em 3. birthday?: november 2nd 4. what is your favorite book series?: A Court of Thorns and Roses series 5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?: ghosts kinda sorta maybe? 6. who is your favorite author?: Sarah J Maas for ever and ever 7. what is your favorite radio station?: i don’t listen to the radio ha 8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?: Mint - spearmint, peppermint anything is yummmm 9. what word would you often use to describe something great or wonderful?: noice 10. what is your current favorite song?: the entire les miserables 10th anniversary dreamcast soundtrack 11. what is your favorite word?: yeet 12. what was the last song you listened to?: Prologue from Les Mis 10th Anniversary dreamcast soundtrack 13. what tv show would you recommend for everyone to watch?: Brooklyn Nine Nine and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt 14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?: Barbie movies (don’t judge me pls) 15. do you play video games?: yes 16. what is your biggest fear?: losing someone I love 17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?: uh, I’m optimistic? 18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?: Perfectionism. 19. do you like cats or dogs better?: Don’t make me pick (but dogs probs) 20. what’s your favorite season?: summer 21. are you in a relationship?: nope. 22. what is something you miss from your childhood?: Being little enough to sit on my dad’s shoulders 23. who is your best friend?: One girl from my dance class - we’re both huuuuge theatre nerds 24. what is your eye color?: blue 25. what is your hair color?: reddish brown 26. who is someone you love? My ma 27. who is someone you trust?: see 26 28. who is someone you think about often?: see 26 29. are you currently excited about/for something?: I get to move interstate for university in a few weeks and I’m v excited 30. what is your biggest obsession?: Musical Theatre 31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?: Hi-5 32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?: My dad, I guess 33. are you superstitious?: A bit 34. do you have any unusual phobias?: what counts as unusual tho, idk probably not. Spiders are a pretty normal phobia? 35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?: in front of the camera 36. what is your favorite hobby?: singin’ 37. what was the last book you read?: Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare 38. what was the last movie you watched?: Moonraker - James Bond 39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?: Piano, Violin, Guitar and Voice 40. what is your favorite animal?: Llamas (duh) 41. what are your top 5 tumblr blogs that you follow?: @gerbits @allieice @darlingimmafangirl @lemonywaffles​ @suddenlycowplants 42. what superpower do you wish you had?: The ability to manipulate rainbows 43. when and where do you feel most at peace?: On a holiday I went on recently to Indonesia, watching the sun set on a beach 44. what makes you smile?: The Trixie and Katya Show 45. what sports do you play, if any?: I dance :) 46. what is your favorite drink?: fruit smoothies 47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?: this morning - had to remind my brother to check his phone ‘cause I went out while he was still asleep 48. are you afraid of heights?: I’m not afraid of being up high, but I’m afraid of falling 49. what is your biggest pet peeve?: PEOPLE THAT USE INCORRECT GRAMMAR 50. have you ever been to a concert?: yes 51. are you vegan/vegetarian?: I’m like...a selective vegetarian. 52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?: A pop star, just like Hannah Montana 53. what fictional world would you like to live in?: Either Prythian from ACoTaR, or the Overwatch universe.  54. what is something you worry about?: EVERYTHING 55. are you scared of the dark?: yes 56. do you like to sing?: I do indeedy 57. have you ever skipped school?: Never by choice - but doctors and dentists love scheduling appointments in the middle of the school day grr grr 58. what is your favorite place on the planet?: in a theatre 59. where would you like to live?: Melbourne, or LA (I know it sounds cliche, but like kinda) 60. do you have any pets?: I used to have a fat goldfish but he died, aged 11 years old ;-; 61. are you more of an early bird or night owl?: night owl 62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?: sunset 63. do you know how to drive?: Well I can legally and physically drive a car, but uh - I’ve been too busy in life to take my test, so I guess I’ll be on my Learner’s forever -_- 64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?: depends on my mood 65. have you ever had braces?: yeaaaah, back in middle school 66. what is your favorite genre of music?: MUSICAL THEATRE 67. who is your hero?: my mum 68. do you read comic books?: no 69. what makes you the most angry?: PEOPLE USING BAD GRAMMAR 70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or a real book?: real book 71. what is your favorite subject in school?: music, or the school musical 72. do you have any siblings?: yeh, one younger brother 73. what was the last thing you bought?: Online: a phone case that says ‘oh honey’ on the back (Trixie Mattel where u @ gurlllll) IRL: Oats 74. how tall are you?: 5′7 75. can you cook?: not to save my life, but I need to learn before i move away fml 76. what are three things that you love?: musical theatre, RuPaul’s Drag Race and Overwatch 77. what are three things that you hate?: stress, homophobia, the fact that they cancelled Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt after 4 seasons ;-; 78. do you have more female friends or male friends?: female 79. what is your sexual orientation?: straight/heterosexual 80. where do you currently live?: Australiaaaaaa 81. who was the last person you texted?: My group of theatre nerd friends 82. when was the last night you cried?: like a week ago when I went to a production of Les Mis starring heaps of my friends and I was so proud I cried 83. who is your favorite youtuber?: vixella/heyimbee 84. do you like to take selfies?: yeah! 85. what is your favorite app?: snapchat, youtube or netflix, can’t pick. 86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?: my mom is the best, and so is my dad! 87. what is your favorite foreign accent?: American, but that’s cause I have to use one for just about every musical I’m in 88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but want to visit?: HARRY POTTER WORLD IN LA 89. what is your favorite number?: 8 90. can you juggle?: kinda, but not well enough to brag 91. are you religious?: idk at this point, kinda but not fully idk 92. do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting?: ocean - space scares me 93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?: fuck no 94. are you allergic to anything?: dust 95. can you curl your tongue?: mhm! 96. can you wiggle your ears?: no 97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?: I should more often than I do 98. do you prefer the forest or beach?: beach 99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?: You do you, girl. 100. are you a good liar?: I think I am, but my friends disagree 101. what is your hogwarts house?: Ravenclaw 102. do you talk to yourself?: yep 103. are you an introvert or extrovert?: ambivert 104. do you keep a journal/diary?: i’ve had one since I was 7, but I only write in it like once every 2 years 105. do you believe in second chances?: depends 106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?:  turn it in 107. do you believe people are capable of change?: yes 108. are you ticklish?: absolutely, but don’t do it 109. have you ever been on a plane?: yeah 110. do you have any piercings?: my ears are pierced 111. what fictional character do you wish was real?: RHYSAND FROM ACOTAR, GIMME GIMME 112. do you have any tattoos?: no, and don’t plan on getting any 113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?: moving dance schools 114. do you believe in karma?: yes 115. do you wear glasses/contacts?: no 116. do you want children?: haven’t decided, probably tho 117. who is the smartest person you know?: my teachers 118. what is your most embarrassing memory?: tripping up the stairs onto a stage on my way to receive an award 119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?: no 120. what color are most of your clothes?: navy blue, burgundy, black 121. do you like adventures?: sometimes 122. have you ever been on tv?: i’ve appeared on the news in advertisments for musicals I’m in, but I’ve never been interviewed ;-; 123. how old are you?: 18 124. what is your favorite quote?: “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times...you’re a fucking idiot, change off widowmaker, I don’t wanna be sniped anymore.” - Muselk 125. do you prefer sweet or savory foods?: savoury

Interview with Hazeleyedleto

Your URL:

Hazeleyedleto: https://hazeleyedleto.tumblr.com

Echelon Fiction (fanfic account): https://echelonfiction.tumblr.com

Your name: Monique

Link to your Masterlist: https://echelonfiction.tumblr.com/mystores What was your first experience with 30 Seconds to Mars? The Kill, when I was an 18-year-old, how amazing was your first time seeing the Kill? Your Favorite Mars song? Attack Has anything ever happened to you solely because of being a 30STM fan? I met my best friend <3 What is your favorite thing about the fandom? Your least favorite? Fav: no matter what I know there is always going to be a place where I fit in, I’ve never had that before Least: The bitches who think they're better than other bitches, and the daddy kink Is there any advice you would give to someone who is new to the fandom? We’re obsessive, protective but not all that bad, the bad eggs are few and far between but they are loud, try to ignore them How long have you been writing? 18 years. Why did you start writing? (Either in general or for Mars specifically) When I was 12, I had so much stationary that I didn’t know what to do with so I started one story. . . then another then another. Still, have too much stationary but am a writer so its okay Do you write for other fandoms? If so, which ones? Depends, I Like writing the Linkin Park guys and Bucky Barnes, but whatever inspires me really Do you share everything you write? If not, is there a reason why? Hmm, no. I only really share mars stuff, my non- fanfic stuff will be turned in to novels and my non-mars related stuff I don’t really have a platform to do so on. Have you written things that aren't fanfic? If so, could you tell us about those works? Many, my writing is 50/50 fanfic vs Fiction. My latest novel that I finished a couple of weeks ago ended about 85k words is about angels and demons and a prophecy that will either unite or destroy them all Of all your works, which is your favorite and why? Iridescent – (mentioned in above question) because it’s the novel that took over my whole life and kept me hostage until I wrote it from beginning to end rendering me with Stockholm syndrome to the point that I still miss them Stand Tall, They’ll Break Your Heart – first novel I ever finished. and Bright Lights – I’ve never had such a positive response from anything I’ve ever written and get yelled at because I don’t update often enough Is there one that was particularly difficult to write? Why? They’re all difficult to write. I write very emotionally driven novels, they can be draining as I take on the characters at such a personal level that I live what they tell me in a way, I’m crazy, ignore me. What is the ideal writing environment for you? At your desk? Quiet? Music? Anywhere anytime, I usually write sitting on my bed, but can literally write anywhere in any environment. Prefer loud music and a comfy place for my butt What type of fanfic are you most comfortable writing (drama, fluff, angst, drabbles, series, etc.) Mushy series filled with drama What is your favorite fanfic trope? I don’t know what that is but I THINK my answer is dramatic chicks being involved with music or rock bands Is there any trope or subject that you won't write? Daddy kink? Are there any special tools that you use when creating or writing your story? My fingers!? My stories are often inspired by songs or video clips or something like that J Do you write your story in order or do you jump around and then string it together at the end? Sometimes, especially with fanfictions. Like with Bright Lights (my biggest Mars fanfic) I have four future versions, but the reason I do that is to better understand them in the ‘bright lights’ version. Do you outline, or do a great deal of prep work or do you 'fly by the seat of your pants'? Up until my novels Attack and Iridescent I ALWAYS prided myself about being a pantser, but I really enjoyed being a planner for those two novels. How do you usually get your inspiration? Music and Video clips, sometimes dreams and other places. Do you have ideas on the drawing board or in progress currently that you haven't shared yet? Yeah, Beautiful Disaster, my bff would kill me if I wrote it though, but I have another one in the holster I am thinking about starting April 1st If you have an unpublished work in progress, please pick two to three sentences and share them without context. “Armani,” Stephanie smiled, “I trust you are well?” Mike looked between the two Angels as the embraced in a slight hug and a kiss in the cheek. Stephanie stepping back between him and Chester. “Of course,” Armani smiled. “I’m betting this isn’t a social call?” the other angel asked. “No, Armani, this is Chester and Mike,” she said pointing to the demon who owned the names. “I’ve come to make a request,” Stephanie said looking to Armani from under her eyebrows, trying to gauge her reaction. Her face was poised, it always was, but the mood in the room changed, it was now tension filled. Armani was no fool, she knew this angel was standing before her with two demons. “You will need to-” “I am a direct crown descendant ” Stephanie said. “You are also standing her with two demons,” “And you are breaking the rules,” “yeah but” “If I was willing I could turn you into ash, right now,” Stephanie pointed out. “and I would be in the right,” she told. Armani held her gaze. “now, are you going to follow the rules and grant me my appearance for request, or am I going to have to take care of things another way?” Stephanie’s lips curl upward Armani’s lip curled downward as she turned slightly. Do you like requests? Would you like more or less of them? I haven’t had any, but would be happy to take them. Is there an upcoming project from you that you are excited about? Why, and what can you share about it? I can’t wait to edit and Publish Iridescent The best piece of writing advice you've ever received? Can never pick just one Put your butt in a chair and your hands on the keyboard and something will happiness. Writer's block is just an excuse, write anything even the crap, it can always be changed later And, Aim to write every day, even just for 15mins per day, get in that habit and you will find you self-finding 5 mins or 10 mins slots more often then you realise The worst piece of writing advice you've ever received? I don’t know. Wasn’t important, was it? What piece of advice would you give to someone just starting to write fanfic? Give it ago, see how if feels, you don’t have to share it, just try. Three (stories, series, scenes, etc) written by others that you really like or that inspire you? Closer – partcually Tomo in this story, even though the whole story is fucking amazing and Black Fuel and Bikes @fyeahproudglambert Provihitofics had a story about camping, it was great she doesn’t fic no more tho

Are any of your characters closer to being “you” than others? Any reason in particular? Hmmmmm, yes I guess. The characters are all like different parts of me, Phoebe is an angry psycho which is a part I never get to express often, but there are parts of her that are not like me. Same with Helena being independent to some extent.

One thing about me is I like to find things I have in common with people, if I look hard enough, it could become obsessive.

Are any of your characters based on someone you know? Hmm a lot of my male characters look like rock stars if that counts. Are any of your plots based on something that happened to you? No, but one day Favorite font for writing? Don’t have one Do you have a 'day job'? If so, what? I am a student studying Bachelor of Social Science (psychology) with hopes to get good enough scores to get into Psychology. I am Also an Author and a qualified Mental health peer worker. Do you consider yourself a reader outside of fanfic? Yup, Your favorite book? Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson Your favorite things to do when you're not writing? What does ‘not writing’ mean? .  . . nah I like to watch Safari live, see my niece and nephew, explore the wild and hate on frogs The strangest thing you've ever eaten? My brothers used to make me eat grass stalks, oh oh CAVIAR I got told it wasn’t Caviar, it was freaking caviar Looks at @Fyeahproudglambert Two truths and a lie? I hate frogs, I’ve never met my best friend, I love the feel of fallen out hair Five albums you'd want if stranded on a desert island? Cant I just take my Spotify? I actually don’t think I can answer this? I don’t just listen to albums all the way through, . .  . This is war (plus attack and the kill) LLFD Breakaway kelly Clarkson Hybrid theory A thousand suns Something surprising about you? I have a really good memory And I usually come off as pretentious and up myself, because I am highly critical of things and probably way too opinionated, but I am actually a really nice, loyal and caring person who just wants to do good and help as many people as I can Favorite food to enjoy while watching Netflix? Anything, maybe a packet of sea salt chippies. Favorite way to spend a Saturday night? Writing Blankets Tucked or Untucked? Right side untucked, left side tucked Do you have any pets? Would you like to tell us about them? Dog, Ella - She shares my birthday, Sasha – not my dog, my brother's dog but I grew up with her and am temporarily looking after her, Cats: Ollie, Angel, Sully. I got Ollie first (After my cat Joel died) and then my brother got Angel (she was being mistreated somewhere else) Ollie and Angel bonded n such a human love type way, and we decided they could not be separated, so I got Angel too, guess what though, 9 month old cats can have babies, Angel had three Kittens, Lucky, Sully and Heat, my brother kept heat, I kept sully and Lucky went to a loving home J Musicals, yes or no? If yes, what movie/show would you like to see made into a musical? No, thank you Tell us a joke. Mars fans who hate and bitch on everything the band does Are there any particular battles or struggles in your life you'd like to tell us about? Hmm, I mean I am an open book with the things I have been through, and am happy to talk about them at any time, there are many things from abuse, abandonment, isolation, major depression, self-harm, suicidal ideology, my brother was recently in a coma ,my mother’s cancer journey, my heart issues, social phobia, PTSD, horderism and crippling self-doubt and anxiety, to tell the short story. While some things still plague me, I find all of it also drives me to make my life better, and t do the best I can every day. Life struggles are hard, but they also enrich me to not only help people in my ‘day job’ but to help me write richer stories. Anything you'd like to add? You guys are doing a great job. When I started Echelon fiction, this is kinda what I wanted it to be but I never had the drive to pull it off, I love how innovative you guys are being and changing things up getting your followers involved, its really cool! Good job, keep going

(2017)

Escritos que encontre del año 2017 . Y conversaciones conmigo desde el año 2020 ([]).

____________________________ AAAHGH IM SO FUCKING SAD. I cant help but feel that im rotting. I dont want pity; people helping; people empathizing. FUCK YOU. I can do better than you. I DO. In fact. I havent been blinded, and hate everything around me as an excuse for giving my life away for what it was supposed to be. [this could be missunderstod since i was clearly angry 4 something i dont recall, I was refering to people in general, how they put themselves above the others, how they always wanna get "there" first, how they talk trash about their relationships, the anger, the hate that breeds out of them when they are wronged(even if there`s no purpose or whatsoever to cause them, specifically, any troubles), the screaming, the violence, that kind of hate..]

I dont want to just 'be happy' because I have to; so I reject happiness. But I want to feel it like something real and not made up.. does that makes sense? Thats a paradox i cant escape lately. [thats deep man, fortunately we figured that out. Have we figured that out? Happiness now is closed for manteinance ^-^ ]

I cant find pleasure in anything.. I destroyed everything..[you had to start somewhere, right?] I cant find meaning in anything.

I just need someone, i just need not to be alone. But I am; Even surrounded by everyone. I know I am. I know you are too.. I hope you are strong enough to endure it.

[hablabas de otro tipo de soledad, lo se, pero vos todavia no lo sabias, o si?]

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Sometimes I feel like I forgot an important part of being alive. I remember a different version of myself from a few years back. I feel like I'm just existing; nothing pushes my happy button. And when I'm not strong enough to think that it's fine; that I don't need that.. I will just panic questioning myself why, the reason for me not belonging. I know it's fine; I know I can just spend the rest of my..50years left? just doing this; living this eternal circling hell. You might say it's a choice.. That I don't put that much effort into it. That I'm just playing this part. Complaining my ass off. And to that.. I can only say I'm sorry.. I'm doing the best I can. [I know you were.. truly; and u did a great job never letting me down] _________________________________________

Why are we even here right.. What powers you? You wake up, work or study, ingest food, sleep. Repeat. To finish your career and become something.. To earn enough money to become someone.. Be better in what you're doing or you'll be out. You'll be useless. You'll be garbage. We[the system] won't need you.. And then we have to be happy about it.. We have to function collectively happy and there's no room for the outcasts.. And IM to blame for it.. I could be happy like all of them.. But I'm just sitting my ass here thinking what else I can sabotage, in order to understand why it's unnecessary and wish to be also capable of that... Just capable maybe of.. not be weird; not be me.. And sometimes thats all that matters. That Im me.. And I love not being a part of them. I just can never get a hold of that moment and make it last.. I will feel alone just a moment after. [Im so glad we worked our loneliness, I mean, we have such fine moments in silence..]

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Aah... I was just given advice by a hot girl on tinder about how should I type, express and resume myself so the person on the other side of the screen won't stop replying thinking I'm an idiot.. She basically said :- "hey, you're an idiot but maybe a cute one. Here's human help. Just stop being you and people will like you" Y'know what? that's bullshit... It makes me so anxious that it happens all the time. There's always someone judgin. Not only online; real life is the worst. I just don't fit in here I guess. I'll keep talking with the tinder girl, maybe and get emptynessly laid, why not? But I think I hate this.. I hate that everything craves for a definition and people just won't LOOK; Im hidden among them... God how I wish to know who's there ravaging their brains with questions while walking in that empty crowd. I wish I could find you and ask just what you were thinking there. At that unique moment. You are not alone... But if you feel like I do; I wonder if you also wonder. I wonder if we're just very far away from each other.. I wonder if it`s true that there can only be one of us by this cosmic rule that goes: only one 'you/me' for every thousand people. Or.. maybe it's just me. Too old to be an idiot... Too idiot to fully be himself around smart well adjusted people. I guess it's a matter of perspective. isn't it pretty much all? Have a good night stranger.. [Not so stranger.. my dude.. U didn't get laid btw, you couldn't pull through with that. And then you promised you wouldn't lie about who you are.. You wouldn't ever play another role other than the one you are. Well, it was more like a statement than a promise, to yourself. I was there.. Best decision you ever made. You mutated loneliness into a condition, a simple symptom of your choice of living; instead of a disease on itself.. Very clever.]

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You don't have to read but if you wanna unload please write it down. Everything u hate.. or love; This I wrote on my personal account but it makes me anxious to open myself to judgy people, so I erased it.. We live to judge because we love fixing things that didn't go right with us. Never understanding each perspective is unique. Well Im gonna paste it here because I don't want to lose it.. I don't want something I really meant to be just a deleted thing..(even if it is)

Have u ever felt like you're unique or different?   But then just analyzing, we all just walk towards and objective. We don't do things just because. You don't get up every day to just go to work.. to just have breakfast or go shopping, idk; people set goals. We follow patterns. We repeat the same exact thing to strangers of the streets. The same exact things other strangers reply to us.. We are the same NPCs to others. And then realizing this I just wanna scream PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS. Please look at me! I don't want this. I don't want to be aware of this.. I don't want to feel I'm just to you what you guess I am. What's the point of everything? How do I get to know who I am if I'm always this self-centered stupid attempt of somebody? Nobody wants that. Sometimes I am glad to be "awake". To be different from the other people in their bubbles... But most of the time I'd give EVERYTHING to be exactly like that. Because I feel lonely. Because I have so many friends, but we can't communicate. Because I've lost the ideal of love because at a certain point I was scared of being a problem and it hurts so fucking much. I don't think I am special.. or more intelligent or cultural, I just feel I have a different degree of "profoundness" than most other people. It's not something I talk about or show, most of the time i pretend to fit in, but I don't. I can fool myself for periods, I've fooled myself for so many years now, but in the end it always comes back, I can't hide it forever. it hurts so much. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse and I feel like a fucking show-off that just wants attention..

[I felt that.. dude. You write beautifully..]

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Hi person reading this. Be nice, life is full of shitty people. Make a tiny difference; someday we're all gonna die so its cool. Dont hold grudges ^^ . [^^]

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We are all just internet jesters shitposting to fill the void Even if you're just taking selfies and being beautiful while loving life, smiling to nothing and eating healthy shit while showing off the new place you just visited to a bunch of strangers that doesn't give a fuck about you .. (actually those are the worsts) yeah.. (Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad. I do that too ! we like showing ourselves to others..) Screaming... I exist. Notice me sempai. We just are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

________________________________________________ *draw of myself* [couldnt find it anywhere, where did u put it D: . i remember the sad expression] I know It has a lot of imperfections but so do I. I guess this is how I see myself.. Maybe I just wanted it to be like that. To express something to myself. I still feel like a little kid sometimes even tho I'm 25; "I just can't play with the other kids because I feel different and they make me feel different." Now I can't play with the adults, they're too adults. They make me feel too adult; i need to act up every move to become like them. And then alone, I can be at peace being who I wanna be; But it gets lonely from time to time; Not being able to understand who are you really; where are you really above the necessity of impersonating this other dude to get laid, get the job, get the money. And for what?.. Just to keep doing it because there is really no other choice.. How sad. But anyway. Ever tried to draw yourself? To see what's the image of you that you hold in your head.. if u truly do it; it doesn't matter if you know or not how to proyect yourself.. Every trace you make on that paper is a creation this world has never seen.. your chance to make a difference; it doesn't have to be trendy or impact in mankind. I suppose that's what I call art. And that's why art is everywhere.. Everything that can never be repeated.. Anything that comes from you; or life itself. A random amount of dirt.. Sunlight getting through the leaves of a tree.. Pieces of a broken cup and the stain of coffee in the carpet.. I'm not an artist myself tho; never considered myself even close to one.. I haven't drawn in years.. This is my first one in a long time; I just felt like it.

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Ali & Ro

Ali: Soooooo Ali: How'd your date go? Ro: I'm not sure who you meant to send this too, but perhaps try again? Ro: You can't mean me Ali: Coy, that's how you're playing it, I see Ali: Solid choice 😉 Ali: You and Drew musta been agonising over coffee options then Ro: What are you talking about, Ali? Ro: It was just a coffee stop for everyone, rehearsal fuel Ro: You know full well I've never been on a date Ali: I know full well that was just a ploy for some alone time with you Ali: and not yet but it is so clearly on the cards! Ali: I'd start dropping hints now, otherwise who knows where you'll end up Ro: Don't be ridiculous? Drew isn't remotely interested in me like that Ro: Why would he be? He has his pick of girls at school, and beyond the gates, too I'm sure Ali: Because you're you and he should be so lucky Ali: A bombshell with brains to boot Ali: Yeah, he's got a rep but he's being uncharacteristically sweet with you so, taking him at face value Ali: Anyway Ali: What do YOU think of him? More importantly Ro: Oh no no, this isn't a transformation story whereby I take off my glasses or get my braces taken off finally and am suddenly considered good enough for the protagonist Ro: Besides, I'm not even smart, just a hard worker Ro: Most importantly, he's always sweet with Meena so it's hardly uncharacteristic Ro: Other than knowing him as her kind older brother and Caleb's friend I really don't, know him that is Ali: Oh hush ignoring the fact that art is always a poor imitation of life and not the other way 'round Ali: He's love interest #1 at best, potential to be more if he sticks to his lines Ali: You're the loveable protagonist, silly Ali: Hmpf, fine. Would you like to know him better then? Ro: Of course, like I said, he's kind and sweet and Caleb's proven himself to be a good judge of character Ro: I just fail to see why he'd be interested in getting to know me, beyond being civil to me for the aforementioned reasons of mutual connections with important people Ro: He's Drew Goldsmith and I'm me Ro: We're incompatible given even the little we are both aware of concerning each other Ali: Well, I dunno about that, I think he's a fool and my evil plan is working 😏😂 Ali: Because he fancies you Ali: Potentially Ali: This stuff can defy usual logic, for better or worse, opposites CAN attract or repel in the case of humans Ali: But he wants to find out, I know this practically for a fact (of course, I haven't asked, don't worry) so its up to you to decide if you do too Ro: I have no idea what you believe you possess in terms of knowledge about his attractions or intentions but I highly doubt you're right in so far as him fancying me Ro: Sorry to say Ro: He may look like Connla of the Golden Hair but I am by no means a fairy maiden Ro: If only I could be noble born, never grow old or indeed never die Ali: Have you forgotten what happened to the last person to question my omniscience, sister? 🤔🍄💀😉 Ali: And have you also forgotten who and what you are, 'just because they told us too Ali: Cannot believe what I'm hearing here, I refuse to! Ro: of course I haven't Ro: but perhaps I should try and grow up, or at least be more realistic, when it comes to this Ali: Never! We do live in those green and pleasant hills after-all Ali: Won't stroke his ego as hard as to say UNLIMITED pleasures await but Ali: Everyone is positively like a silly child when it comes to love Ro: It isn't love though and therein lies the issue Ro: Simply a silly crush on my part and polite interest on his Ali: It rarely is at first sight Ali: and there's nothing polite about how keen he is Ali: See where it takes you, that's all Ali: he's clearly going to be hanging 'round jam seshs' and the like as long as you're about so whatever it will be, its inevitable Ro: I thought it would be, the whole charade of fireworks when our eyes collide and butterflies in my stomach. Everything clear and definite Ro: I'm afraid of whatever this is Ali: That's just horniness Ali: You just have better restraint than romance novel writers, is all Ali: Its aright to be afraid, its new and unknown Ali: Here be monsters Ro: Well that is comforting, especially if it ensures I won't fall as hard and fast as those heroines do Ro: particularly if I'm destined to do so alone Ro: Okay...but what if the monster is revealed to be me, in his eyes anyway, what if he gets to know me and doesn't like what he discovers Ali: Sure it was the corsets, poor girls could barely breathe, makes swooning all the more likely, those dastardly dandies! Ali: Then he's as bad, and ignorant (and MORE scared of the unknown than you feel right now), as every explorer who wrote natives off as savages Ali: You are far from a monster in every sensible definition Ali: Misunderstanding maketh monsters Ali: So that'd be on him, can't control other's perceptions but he isn't going to think you are, there's just no reason to Ro: I know you're right but Ro: I just suppose I wish I could control something Ali: I know Ali: Well, one thing you can control is your yay or nay to whatever he's offering up Ali: Not suggesting you have to make the first move, or put it all out on the line, 'cos he definitely will Ali: #gentleman Ro: That much is definite Ro: We should call another rehearsal, allow you to guide my vision to where yours currently reside so I'm not blindsided Ro: because I'm just not seeing what he wants with me Ali: Absolutely Ali: I'm really feeling the whole band thing too Ali: Are you enjoying it? Ro: Unexpectedly so, yes Ali: Right? I think everyone is Ali: Its something Ro: I've never played in front of that many people outside of a recital setting, I thought I'd mess up but it wasn't like that at all Ro: And everyone there seemed really into it Ro: Who knew there was so much respective talent surrounding us? Ali: Mess ups are more than welcome but you're flawless Ali: Me me me! 😊 Ali: Toying around with the idea of doing some local performances Ro: Flawless was you and Caleb Ro: I've never heard your voice so complimentary in a duet before, don't tell Marlene Ro: Oh? I think the others would be into that Ali: 💕 Ali: Might get her so raging she'd have to join us to prove you wrong Ali: I know it probably sounds a bit soon but like you said, performances are so different to practice and whatnot Ali: People would vibe Ali: There's all the places I've done solo, they'd be chill, and you know Suggs? Left School this year gone Ali: He's having a big Bday party for his gf and he's asked if I could do something Ro: Terrifying as it'd be to make a possible enemy of her, she's a very good bassist Ro: Very true, and too much practice can make it sound too rehearsed which clearly isn't what you're going for with this Ro: I heard Caleb talking to Drew about potentially performing at the restaurant so he'd be excited for sure Ro: Hm...I'm not certain I know who you mean but a gig's a gig Ro: Would he be alright with you bowing out as a soloist? Ali: She is Ali: She's gonna come around on her own tho, I know her Ali: She's just pouting Ali: Understandably, I'm not being as glib as I sound, just, we weren't right Ali: Exactly! That would be chill, you've gotta come thru with me just to get food, it's delicious and its beautiful Ali: Yeah, of course, one person can only rock out so hard solo Ali: Even if that one person is me Ali: Like, Bowie had a band, ya feel? Ro: I trust you and your intuition Ro: When's the party? Ro: I need to mentally prepare Ali: ✌ Ali: we've got 2 weeks to prep, assuming he doesn't get his arse dumped Ali: awkies, want us to play you out honey? 😂 Ro: Funeral march for his ego Ro: If the stars are good to me I'll make 2 weeks of wishes Ro: Should suffice Ali: Brilliant Ali: I'll check our charts Ali: Pull out some eyelashes if necessary Ali: The stars will fall and align for us Ro: I have faith Ro: Have you told the others yet? Ali: I haven't actually, I'll drop it in the group chat later Ali: Seeing Caleb tonight so I'll discuss the finer points with him then Ro: Good idea Ro: Oh yes, I'd forgotten it's your date night! Ali: As long as he hasn't we'll be fine 😋 Ro: Have you done his chart? If not he has perfect eyelashes to steal Ali: Not yet Ali: Been getting quizzed myself by his Ma Ali: Fair 'nuff but no time to sneak in so hey Ms Cavante, where was Caleb born and at what time exactly? #witchgirlproblems Ro: How very unfair Ro: Tonight could be the night Ro: I've already got the cards out here, questioning myself Ro: The spread's favorable for the party to go well for us as performers Ro: [Sends her a picture of the tarot] Ali: Knew we'd ace it but with the fates on our side we CANNOT fail Ali: are you asking about the Drew sitch? Ro: Perhaps Ali: I got you Ali: Keep it between you and the universe 💖 Ro: OH what are we going to wear for our first performance? Ali: THE BEST BIT Ali: We need to plan! Ali: Maybe shop! Ali: I think the party is a masquerade ball (how sweet for a hapless stoner, right?) Ali: We could run with that Ro: Well now I'm enthused Ro: Pencil me into your diary please Ali: Absolutely Ali: I think we could make better masks than we could ever find Ali: or makeup looks Ali: we will workshop this Ro: Agreed, you could create something amazing overnight Ali: We could go out and forage fresh flowers for it Ali: that would look beautiful Ro: Yes! Oh my god, we have to Ali: Perfection Ali: I'll see what the others want too Ali: Maybe we could go a galaxy glitter/paint moment on the guys but I feel like Meena would fosho want in on this floral faerie moment Ro: If you need me to start pressing any of the flowers let me know Ro: I'll make time Ali: You're an 👼 Ali: We can do it over lunch Ali: in between practicing Ali: Such busy 🐝s Ro: I don't mind I like to stay busy Ro: Do you think Drew will come to the party? Ali: Same tbh Ali: I bet he will Ali: And not to show off his musical prowess, bless him Ro: Do we need a name to perform under if we don't just want to be called 'Ali's band' by the host? Ali: Fantastic point, I don't want to be THAT lead singer Ali: So much to think on, oosh! We'll have to put the feelers out in the group chat Ali: should be something we all vibe Ro: I bet the boys will have some interesting ideas Ro: You should speak to Tommy as well, he's learn so much stage stuff at school Ro: If we're going to do this might as well make it look professional I think Ali: Agreed Ali: As long as he doesn't want to choreograph a whole girl group dance routine for us Ro: Imagine! Ro: I'd have to hide behind the piano Ali: Shy yet sultry keyboard girl prerogative Ali: I'll crowd surf my way outta there Ro: How long of a set are we going to play? Ro: There's so many potential covers not to mention the originals you and Caleb both have written Ali: Oh man Ali: we could do 20 like an opener but we are the main act, as it were, but its not that hardcore Ali: I think we could put together a 60 Ro: I hope we can all agree between us Ali: we will Ali: oh, could you cover for me with Ma tonight? Ali: she's not my bestie rn Ro: Of course Ro: I have a rare night free of any babysitting duties so it'll be simple Ali: Good, you deserve a break from the little demons Ali: I hope a book and a bubble bath are on the cards after you calm down the dragon Ro: They are indeed Ro: Perhaps I can suggest the same for her Ali: Perhaps I'm just giving myself away as twisted but that is a hilarious mental image Ali: Her grumpy face peeking out of a bubble beard Ro: Ali don't that's going to stay with me when I do get in the tub Ro: Oh no Ali: 🙊🙈 Ali: I can only apologize Ro: Cleansing that from my thoughts immediately Ro: Are you coming home at all or just straight out to see Caleb? Ali: If I do, catch me creeping up the stairs Ali: She's not been this pissy since Lachlan Ali: She's so SURE Caleb is like that and its just Ali: hilarious Ali: imagine Ro: Once she gets to know him better she'll change her mind Ro: She has to Ali: She SHOULD but will she? Ali: Stubborn old goat 😂 Ali: He's not going anywhere any time soon so if she wants to pine for Marlene that's on her but Ali: 🤷 Ro: I'll start counting cars to wish on just for her (and you), hold my breath, dig out my baby teeth, everything Ro: She just doesn't want to be a grandmother yet is all, it's no slight on Caleb personally I don't believe Ali: My vagina my choice, Mama Ali: Bless her Ali: It'd be fine if she threw out the same level of concern at...oh, idk Ali: Bea and Fraze Ali: 🙄 Ro: If she could secure us all same sex relationships she would, undoubtedly Ro: Likewise, if there was any feasible way to show Bea concern that she'd allow it'd be done Ali: When your kids don't have the good grace to be gay #gutted Ali: Yeah Ali: I need lessons on how to be a bad bitch, clearly Ro: Please don't take any lessons from Bea Ali: Its okay, I don't think she'd be willing to teach me Ro: Very true Ali: Best kept secrets and all that Ro: Speaking of, I've just received a text and must go Ali: Say no more Ali: run baby run 💚 Ro: Have fun tonight Ro: Bluebeard and I will try not to miss you too much Ali: Aww, I'll be home for snuggles lads Ali: wouldn't wanna get pregnant Ali: Laterz Ro: See you soon xx

シドファンに50の質問 // 50 questions for SID fans

I also left the questions in the original Japanese because there is a high chance of translation mistakes.

1.ハンドルネーム（ライブネーム）とその由来は？ Nickname and its origin Reila Mimegumi, because I thought Reila sounded pretty when I saw it on the GazettE's song (I don't like the song, tho) and Mimegumi because of Aki.

2.自分のサイトはある？ Do you have a website? 　　（ある方はサイト名とURLとどんなサイトか紹介して下さい）  (in case you do, paste the link and explain what kind of site it is) Yeah, a blog on tumblr (this one) and an instagram

3.シドファンになったきっかけは？ How did you become a SID fan? A friend of mine watched Kuroshitsuji and wrote the title of the opening song on her MSN status. When I saw the video, I didn't like the song, but I thought the guys were good looking and I kept watching XD

4.初めて聴いた曲は？ Which was the first song you listened to? Monochrome no kiss

5.一番好きな曲は？ Which is your favorite song? Dear Tokyo

6.その曲に対する思い入れをどうぞ！ Show your passion for that song! I showed it by shouting it with all my heart at the 一人フェス

7.メンバーは誰のファン？全員でも可。 Which member are you a fan of? Aki ♥♥♥♥

8.メンバーをなんと呼んでいますか？ How do you call each member? Mao - Mao Shinji - Shinji Aki - Bollito (little bun, because in Spanish we say that people with big cheeks or round-shaped faces have "bun faces" lol) Yuuya - Yuuya

9.ライブは行ったことある？ Haver you ever been to a live? Not SID's, but I've seen AKi.

10.フリはする？それは何の曲で？ Do you do furi? Which song? I don't know the furi of any song, but I've tried (and possibly failed)

11.印象に残っているMCはある？どんなMCでした？ Was there a MC that left an impression on you? What did they say? I don't understand what they say on MCs, but it was funny when Aki saw at Osaka a fan that was bald and asked him if he was a fan of Tappa lol

12.吉開では調教されちゃう人？ Are you familiar with Yoshikai? Yeah, I have the MiniDisc (in fact, I had to specifically buy a MiniDisc player to listen to it)

13.ライブでおいしい思いをしたことがある？それはどんな？ Was there something that you liked at a live? What was it? I liked being able to spend some time with Aki during the meet&greet.

14.逆に辛かったことってある？それはどんな？ On the contrary, was there something that was painful at a live? What was it? I felt really sad on Aki's last live at Osaka, because I thought I wouldn't be able to see him anymore for a long time.

15.これは貴重だろうって思う物を持ってる？それは何？ Do you have something that you consider valuable? What is it? The cheki with Aki.

16.シドに出会って自分が変わったなって思うことはある？ Do you think you've changed since you've known SID? I'm sure I have, as 12 years have passed lol

17.ロリータ限定ライブがあったら行く？（行く人は何ロリで？） Would you go to a lolita limited live? Yeah, and I would dress as one if necessary.

18.バンギャ歴は何年？なったキッカケは？ For how long have you been a bangya? How did it happen? If we are talking about starting to support the band finantially, it was 8 years ago, since my parents wouldn't let me buy stuff on the internet before.

19.今の髪の毛の色、髪型は？ What's your current hair color and hair style? My hair is dark brown with blue tips. It's now shoulder-length, more or less.

20.メイクはバンギャっぽい感じ？（アイライン太めとか） Do you use bangya-like make up? (like thick eyeliner) I don't use make up, I don't know how to do it. If someone is doing it for me, I like smoky eyes, but I'm okay with anything.

21.オススメのコスメはある？ Do you recommend any make up product? I use Nyx cosmetics because  they are cheap and last long enough (special mention to the long lasting eyeliner, which did in fact last for a day and a half on my eyes)

22.シド以外で好きなバンドは？ Which are your favorite bands apart from SID? AKi (lol), BVCCI HAYNES, Miyavi, thE GazettE, An Cafe, MUCC, Plastic Tree, Gackt... Although I've been very focused on SID and AKi for the past years.

23.声・曲・歌詞・ルックス、一番重視するのは？ Voice, songs, lyrics, look, which is the most important? Songs.

24.携帯の会社、機種、着メロ、待受け画像はなに？ Which is your phone provider, model, ringtone and wallpaper? My phone is a Pixel 3 and the provider is Movistar. I don't know my own ringtone because I always have it on silent mode. My wallpaper is the photo I took with Aki. 

25.普段はどんな服装をしてる？（系統、ブランド等） What kind of clothes do you usually wear? (style, brand) I have random clothes from different brands (Demonia, New Rock, I am Gia, Abercrombie, Diesel, Kingly Mask, Eins Himmel, Forever 21, Club Exx, Widow...). Generally speaking, I like things with glittler, lights or stuff that shines/sparkles (but I don't like sequins, I find them ugly). 

26.ライブに行く時の服装は？（系統、ブランド等） What kind of clothes do you wear to lives? (style, brand) I try to wear cooler clothes than usual. To the last live I went to, I wore black ripped jeans, a black top with sheer sleeves and heart-shaped neck and my blue glitter boots. I don't remember the brand (and I'm too lazy to get up and check).

27.よく買う音楽雑誌は？ Which music magazine do you usually buy? I have quite a lot Fool's mate and Shoxx, but actually I buy anything that has SID in it.

28.月にどのくらいバンドにお金を使う？ How much money do you spend on the band each month? I prefer not to know lol 

29.出待ち、入待ちはする？ Do you do irimachi or demachi? I did irimachi by accident twice (in Osaka, because I wanted to check if I could leave my stuff in the lockers and the band was arriving then, and at Otsu because I arrived early to the hotel and I saw Yousay and Shun). I always do demachi.

30.メンバーさんに手���やプレゼントを渡したことがある？ Have you ever written a letter or given a gift to a member? When I was in high school I sent Aki a letter with a drawing, but I don't remember what I wrote. I also gave him a present for his birthday trip.

31.好きなメンバーさんへのプレゼント、上限はいくら？ What's the biggest gift you've given to your favorite member? 　　（誕生日やバレンタインなどイベント日含む） (including events such as birthdays and Valentine's) For now, a wallet and Spanish food (I would have brought wine, but I couldn't carry it in my hand lugagge lol)

32.コスプレはしてる？（している方は誰の？） Do you do cosplay? (Of whom?) No. 

33.「こんなバンギャはムカつく！」と思うのは？ What kind of person would make you think "this bangya is annoying"? The crazy girls from Tanuki critizing me because I'm using a fan.

34.顔ファンをどう思う？ What do you think of the fans that only care about the looks? I don't care, they can do what they want. 

35.ぶっちゃけシドのライブにいるロリータさんをどう思う？ Being honest, what do you think of the lolitas that go to SID's lives? I don't care, they can dress the way they want. 

36.最近どうしても耳から離れてくれない曲は？ Which song can't you get out of your head lately? Maybe "Fuck the world" by AKi. 

37.自分的にテーマソングだと思うのは？ Which is your theme song? Missing by AKi, maybe?

38.落ち込んでる時に聴く曲は？ Which song do you listen to when you are sad? I don't listen to music when I'm sad. 

39.思わず泣いてしまった曲は？ Which song made you unexpectedly cry? I don't know if I cried, but the lyrics of Café de Bossa are really sweet. 

40.元気づけられる曲は？ Which song cheers you up? Yell, for example. 

41.一日限定でシドのメンバーになれるとしたら何をしたい？ What would you do if you could be a SID member for a day? I'm not sure if I would like to be Aki so I can get to know more about his daily life or if I would want to be another member to be able to spend time with Aki lol

42.友達にするなら誰？ Who would be your friend? Yuuya

43.恋人にするなら誰？ Who would be your boyfriend? Aki

44.アタシの王子様（ハァト）、は誰？ Who would be your prince? Aki is already my prince.

45.一緒にロリしてもいいなと思うのは誰？ Who would you dress up as a lolita with? With Aki, because he looks gorgeous when he dresses up as a woman lol Although now with all those tattoos and his big arms maybe it fits Mao better (and also he can taste some of his own medicine lol)

46.マオさんに一言。 Some words for Mao. You are an example of passion for what you do, but it's okay if you take it easier from time to time. Take care.

47.明希さんに一言。 Some words for Aki. You know very well you are an ikemen, stop saying when don't say it to you.

48.しんぢさんに一言。 Some words for Shinji. I want you to cook ramen for me.

49.ゆうやさんに一言。 Some words for Yuuya. Hire someone to write subtitles on your YouTube videos, so I can understand lol

50.お疲れ様でした。最期に思いっきり咲いて下さい。笑 Good job. Please, give it your all at the end lol YOU ARE THE BAND OF MY LIFE. PLUS, I LOVE YOU, MY PRETTY BOLLO.