can't help myself. another dps wip begun <3

"This book cover is from a 1960s pulp Burmese novel. The Burmese title A Htoo Kate Sa translates as Special Assignment. The author is Tha Khin Mya Than, who before 1947 was an independence fighter and a member of the Do Ba Mar Association.The artwork is by Maung Sin, a famous cartoonist at the time." Via:

Yagon in Hebrew translates to a feeling of: grief and sorrow however it also refers to over dramatic movie as well as entertaining writing/dramatic music style found in the early 50's,60's though the 70's. Retro Yahon is a movement that keeps appearing time to time to bring this content to the mainstream mostly in Japan. "Hollywood" would need to buy into this and the producer and director who does could become a cult classic almost instantly if done well in my opinion.

This is our lane.

1. 

This week.

Tarps: 1, Monsoon: 0.

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Why Burmese is

Maung Kyaw’s favorite subject.

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Some anniversaries are hard. But there is hope.

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2.

Gap.

A space or interval; a break in continuity. Also known as the time of uncertainty between conflict erupting and large-scale help arriving. Exactly when you showed up for the people of Ukraine. The lane we know best. Thank you for going with us.

3.

Before / After.

What this doesn’t show you is the relief Mawjur and his 6 family members now feel every time the rain begins to fall in their village in Sittwe, Myanmar. Because of our local partners and you.

4. 

Reporting season.

Sounds like a chore? It’s not. Because these reports detail the story of your incredible impact so far this year, like for Saw Ree Htoo and two of his children, who attend a nursery school Partners supports in Karen State, Myanmar:

"I can tell that my children are growing and learning a lot in school. They can read, write, sing, dance, and play games. I am so glad to see my children grow up and receive an education…I really would like to say thank you to everyone who supports our nursery school and develops our children through education. God bless you all."

Drop us an email if you'd like to read the full report.

5. 

On the ground.

An update from Brad, Iraq Country Manager.

"This week our team in Iraq has been spread out working on a few different things. In Sinjar, a newly reconstructed school has nearly been completed in the town of Dohoola, and before long it will be filled with kids returning to school. This build has been long and arduous with much ground-up construction, and its imminent completion is cause for encouragement and celebration. At our trauma care program, also in Sinjar, our local partners (Inhalation of Hope) threw a party for the kids at the center, with music, dancing, snacks, and more. Meanwhile in the camps around Duhok in Kurdistan, our team has been continuing on with trainings for women and lessons for children participating in the Empower ME project, while in Erbil we await the final permissions for moving into our new office!"

Thanks for staying with us. Your friends at Partners HQ.

Franny’s 30 Day Cover Challenge

Playlist

Franny’s 30 Day Cover Song Challenge: (categories are mostly from here, and here, with some from here, and a couple I made) in September 2020 one of her musician friends challenged her to do the thing and she was like “It seems like a fun way to show everyone what kind of music has influenced me as a musician, singer, songwriter, and just like, person. So I’m going to do it.”

In reality, she recorded most of them in 1-2 days to distract her from how sad she is because Wilbur hates her and he’s sad lmao

It helped a little.

(If you want me to drop the playlist she mentions in #24 let me know, I have it started I can finish it)

TW: mentions of Franny’s political beliefs so tw: politics, an allusion to suicide though the word isn’t directly used, mention of 9/11 and the subsequent invasions...nothing graphic with any of these triggers but worth a forewarning

Day 01 - A song that makes you happy

Honey Spiders by The Parlotones

“The Parlotones are this fantastic indie rock band out of South Africa. And I actually thought about doing their song, uh, Stars Fall Down for day sixteen, but I’m going with Honey Spiders for day 1. There were lots of Parlotones songs, I mean. Push Me to The Floor, We Call This Dancing, Should We Fight Back...but ah, Honey Spiders always puts me in a good mood.”

Day 02 - A song that helps you clear your head

Light of a Clear Blue Morning by Dolly Parton

“I grew up on Dolly, and it’s funny because for the longest time this song wasn’t really on my radar as much as it is now. But when I was twenty-two I was going through something really difficult, and my then-fiance now husband was abroad for work, so I was alone in our apartment and just. Really, profoundly sad and lonely. So I put on a Dolly Parton record and just laid on the bed and Light Of A Clear Blue Morning played and I had a good long cry and felt so much better after that. When I need to think about how to solve a difficult problem, or I feel overwhelmed, I just listen to that song.”

Day 03 - Song you love from a band/artist you hate

Should’ve Been A Cowboy by Toby Keith

“Honestly, he’s called me a nasty lady to my face and I’ve called him a facist enabling pig to his, so I have no qualms openly saying I hate Toby Keith. That being said, Should’ve Been A Cowboy is one of the best country songs of the 90s, undeniably. I loved that song when it came out when I was thirteen, and I still love it.”

Day 04 - A song about drugs or alcohol

Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss

“This is probably cheating, because my lovely best friend Daniel and I cover this a lot at Dara & Danny shows. But today look who I have! My friend Max from Seoul Hanoi’d! Max the Korean Scot who can’t hide his accent to save his life, so let’s see how it sounds in a Scottish accent.”

Day 05 - A protest song

Talking Vietnam Blues by Phil Ochs /// and Here’s to The State of Mississippi by Phil Ochs

“This one was hard because I. Fucking. Love. Protest music. I could have done a whole 30 days of protest music - wow, let me know if I should do that and give my husband a heart attack with all the twitter threats I’ll invite. Huh. Right, so I was going to do Your Flag Decal Won’t Get You Into Heaven by John Prine. But I decided to do two Phil Ochs songs because I don’t think Phil Ochs is talked about enough. It’s a shame we lost him so young. Ochs’ sardonic humor and honesty in his writing has influenced me as a songwriter deeply. When I write political songs, I don’t hold back, and it’s because of Phil Ochs’ writing that I have that courage. I’ve been singing Love Me, I’m A Liberal since I was in college with constantly updating lyrics. It was so hard to even choose which songs of his to do because for his fairly short career his songbook is lengthy and full of gems. I’m Going to Say It Now, Draft Dodger Rag, Spanish Civil War Song, I Ain’t Marching Anymore...I couldn’t pick one so I’m cheating and recording two.”

Day 06 - A song you wish you wrote

When I Think About Cheatin’ by Gretchen Wilson

“I will forever be pissed off that I didn’t write this song. I’m absolute trash for my husband, so it’s never -- I’ve never had to be in a situation to ever consider -- but this song gets me every time. It feels like I could have written it. Because we do spend a lot of time apart travelling for our work. And the sentiment expressed in the song is a little too real.”

Day 07 - A song in a language you don’t speak

Khattar by Khine Htoo

“This will either be a charming attempt to sing in Burmese or I’m about to offend a lot of people. Which, being a politically outspoken woman on the internet, I’m used to anyway. So. 1, 2, 3, okay here goes.”

Day 08 - A song by an artist no longer living

Phop Samnang by Sinn Sisamouth (inspiration)

“Haha, you thought I’d see the name of this category and not do a Sinn Sisamouth song? You were wrong.”

Day 09 - A song you want to dance to at your wedding

Devoted To You by The Everly Brothers

“I’m already married, so this was actually our first dance song at our wedding. Day three of our wedding, like the more Westernized wedding ceremony day. We had a three day long traditional Cambodian wedding and I felt like a princess. An-y-way!”

Day 10 - A song that makes you cry

Borrowed Rooms and Old Wood Floor by Emily Scott Robinson

“Unfortunately, Emily Scott Robinson and I aren’t related. Sad, I know, because she’s so talented. Almost her entire album Traveling Mercies is...sad as hell. The record reminded me of early Dolly Parton, and my second solo album. You know, all those sad-ass songs. The Dress is honestly the song that makes me the saddest but I can’t even listen to it without crying so.”

Day 11 - A song that you love hearing live

Prove My Love  by Violent Femmes

“There is nobody I have seen in concert more than Dolly Parton, but Violent Femmes and George Strait come incredibly close. The Cranberries, the amount of times I saw them in the 90s and early 2000s...close fourth. Probably. The very first concert I dragged my husband to was a Violent Femmes concert, he was not prepared for how hard college me went.”

Day 12 - A song from before 1960 

There Ain’t No Sweet Man That’s Worth The Salt of My Tears by Libby Holman

“This song is from 1928. I came across it when I was in grad school and it’s, as the kids say, a bop.”

Day 13 - A song you think everybody should listen to

White Man’s World by Jason Isbell

“I think perspectives of people of color should of course take precedence in these conversations. But I find this song to be a good faith attempt of a white man coming to terms with the institutional racism and sexism in the world around him. And I think this song can be a useful tool to explain certain concepts of racial justice to ignorant but well-meaning folks. As a woman of color I think Jason Isbell did a great job not centering himself even though it was from his perspective. This song is great musically and necessary socially.”

Day 14 - A song from the 1970s

You’re No Good by Linda Ronstadt

“Linda Ronstadt is grossly underrated, that’s all I have to say here.”

 Day 15 - A song people wouldn’t expect you to like

Racists by Anti-flag

“I mean, I’ve talked about how much I like punk in the past, and I remember a video of Seoul Hanoi’d doing Spanish Bombs at a San Antonio show made the rounds, but I don’t think I’ve talked about how much I like Anti-flag. People don’t expect me to like punk for some reason. But I agree with...everything punk music is all about.”

Day 16 - A song that holds a lot of meaning to you

Blue by LeAnn Rimes

“It’s silly, but I won a county fair singing competition with this song in high school and it really fueled my passion for music, that win. It’s also the first song Cornelius heard me go full Georgia on, with the yodels and all, at the little bar in my hometown on his first trip meeting my parents. The song doesn’t cut to my very soul ot anythin’, but it’s special to me.”

Day 17 - A song attached to a memory

Supernova by Liz Phair

“I remember buying Liz Phair’s Whip-smart album when I was eleven. And in college, when I was getting ready for dates with Cornelius in my dorm room, I would dance around to a CD I burned and wrote on it with a sharpie, ‘Pre-date Movie Scene Music.’ God, what was even on there? I’m about to expose myself as the most basic 1999-2001 bitch. I remember Head Over Feet, I mean, Alanis Morisette? I was a young woman in 2000, obviously I loved her. Mm, Dreams by The Cranberries...oh, Kiss Me, Sixpence None The Richer...yeah, anyway, Supernova was on there.”

Day 18 - A song from the year you were born

Call Me by Blondie

“...I can’t believe Call Me is as old as I am.”

Day 19 - A song that reminds you of someone you miss

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing (yes, of course she does a cover with banjo)

“This was my late best friend Molly’s favorite hymn. And I sang it at her funeral at her husband’s request. Molly and I grew up together in the small town of Payne Lake, Georgia and Molly was the most devout Christian...but she was also the first person I came out to as bisexual when I was a teenager, and she said that Jesus taught her that love was the greatest commandment and that meant I was automatically twice as good at it as her. Her faith guided her every action but she never talked down on her two best friends - Dan(iel Maitland) and I for not sharing it. Molly was doing the whole emulate Jesus thing beautifully. I miss her every day and it’s been seven years. If you ever think that people won’t miss you...you’re wrong. All right, let’s see if I can get through this without crying.”

Day 20 - A song by an artist you discovered this year

Hello, Anxiety by Phum Viphurit

“I just discovered this quirky Thai-Kiwi singer and not to be dramatic, but he’s my favorite thing in the world right now.”

Day 21 - A song with a city or country in the title

Oh! Phnom Penh (track 20)

“This song was written after the fall of the Khmer Rouge, and after people began to make their way to what was left of their homes, alone, or with what was left of their families. If you want to learn more about what that was like to actually live it, my cousin Reena Boran has a video interviewing her parents and paternal grandfather and uncle about it. Reena is a journalism student currently studying in London but she lives in Cambodia. Her mother is my aunt Malisruot, my mother’s youngest sister. The video is English subtitled on her channel, I’ll link it in the description box below.”

Day 22 - A song from the 1960s

To Sir, With Love by Lulu

“I didn’t actually discover this song until I heard it covered at a 10,000 Maniacs concert in the 90s. My friend Allison was standing next to me and I just started crying and she’s like ‘are you okay?’ and all I just blubbered out ‘My dad!’ For the uninitiated, my dad married my mom, who’d raised me alone until then, when I was six and he adopted me when I was eight. My dad didn’t have to adopt me, he didn’t have to call me his daughter, he could have just been like half of my friends’ stepdads and give me a place to live and nothing else. But my dad was my biggest supporter from day one. He convinced my mom to let me join the dance team and show choir instead of science club, he was the one that talked my mom down from probably killing me when they found out I was only studying music and not music and political science at NYU. I am who I am today because he is my dad. And this song just says everything I’ve always thought about him.”

Day 23 - A song from your childhood

Una Lacrima Sul Viso by Bobby Solo

“But Franny, aren’t you a Cambodian raised in the US? Yes, but you were fooled. My very white father is also an immigrant. He is from Switzerland and while he didn’t teach me to speak Italian and German growing up, he played German, Italian, and French records all the time. My parents often spoke to each other in French and I picked up some French but properly studied it starting in high school, and I didn’t study Italian until college -- and my German is still …. [points to a spot on the screen where she later inserted a card linking to a video on her cousin Köbi Framagucci’s YouTube channel titled ‘Can My American Cousin Speak German?’ where he tests her Standard and Swiss German speaking and comprehension]. But hell if I couldn’t sing every one of the songs from my father’s French, German, and Italian record before I knew what the words even meant.”

Day 24 - A song that gives you chill vibes

Glorify by Ivan & Alyosha

“Dan(iel Maitland) and I actually have an entire playlist on my Spotify accounts of songs to listen to to get us out of writers’ block. And one that I often will put on repeat and just absorb through my headphones with my eyes closed is a song called Glorify by Ivan & Alyosha. I think it touches on a lot of the themes I include in my songwriting. Christian mythology, the darker side of humanity, it often reminds me of what I love about songwriting. If you say please I might drop a link to that playlist.”

Day 25 - A song that’s your signature song

Long Gone Lonesome Blues by Hank Williams“Right, so I chose this instead of a Kitty Wells song or I Get A Kick Out of You (her being

featured on a 2005

recording propelled her career majorly) because if you’re familiar with me you might have seen a video that went around in like….2017? 2016? of Dan(iel Maitland) and I doin’ the song at our hometown bar in 2014. I posted it in response to some tweets because hoes mad when a WOC calls out racism and sexism in the Nashville music industry. ‘Bet she don’t even know Hank’, really? You think I wouldn’t know the history of one of the two music industries I work in? Please. Anyway, she knows Hank and nails the incredibly technical yodel -- the

most difficult

one in Hank’s songbook - in Long Gone Lonesome Blues. Mm...Lovesick Blues though, that also strikes fear into my heart. Anyway stay mad I guess?”

Day 26 - A song by your favorite band

Gun Shy by 10,000 Maniacs

“10,000 Maniacs was one of my favorite bands when I was in like 5th grade through 10th. I listened to them for a little while after Natalie Merchant left for a solo career, but the Natalie Merchant era was really what resonated with me the most. Gun Shy was a bit too advanced for my little 5th, 7th grade ears to really appreciate when I first discovered the album In My Tribe. Merchant’s voice -- because like, I don’t have a very conventional voice either, so her and Dolores O’Riordan really changed my entire perspective on what a woman’s voice can sound like in rock music. Um, yeah, so her voice more than the lyrics just wowed me. And as I got closer to graduating high school and especially in college I actually understood what What’s The Matter Here, Hey Jack Kerouac, and Gun Shy were talking about. Gun Shy...really became a significant song to me because...being born in 1980 I grew up in a relatively peaceful time. The Cold War was all but thawed by my tenth birthday. But I was getting ready to leave my then-boyfriend-now-husband’s apartment for class at NYU on the morning of 9/11. We stood in line for hours to donate blood. And then my government invaded two completely unrelated countries and jingoism and terrifying, fervent nationalism, and xenophobia just smacked me in the face. And friends of mine from high school were convicted to drop out of college and join the Army, and died, for an unjust, imperialist war, and suddenly Phil Ochs, John Prine, and Bob Dylan lyrics hit a lot different, and I understood what Gun Shy was really about.”

Day 27 - A song you hate by an artist you love

Mrs.Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel 

“Paul Simon is one of my favorite songwriters ever, um, and I actually used to like Mrs. Robinson….until I got married and everyone sang it at me. It’s kind of my fault, I did choose to take my husband’s last name. And I leaned into it by making my social media handles all Mrs. Robinson...but still. Only play the song around me if you want to die.”

Day 28 - A song that a younger you would have loved

Mean by Taylor Swift

“I’m so genuinely glad that I am older than Taylor Swift. Middle school Franny did not need Taylor Swift to enable me and fuel my ego. Some of her singles, while not really 35 and 40 year old Franny’s cup of tea, young me would have played until my mother hid the record or cassette from me. Although - fuck if Tim McGraw didn’t immediately give my happily married ass flashbacks to my first love and make me bawl like a baby? Right, so when Speak Now came out and I listened to it, Mean, while not a song that adult me has listened to maybe more like ten times, I immediately thought ‘wow, I needed this song when I was in middle and high school.’ I could literally picture 7th grade me with my little guitar and my little cowboy boots my dad bought for me singing this at the talent show making eye contact with the kids who bullied me as if it was some kind of own when it’s not. I could still, almost thirty years later, name them if I really wanted. So, for 7th grade me, Mean by Taylor Swift.”

Day  29- A song that reminds you of your partner/spouse

ផាត់ជាយបណ្តូលចិត្ / Phat Cheay Bon'dol Chet by Sinn Sisamuth (translation) (female singer covering it) (modern, studio recording of a male and female singer dueting it) (a cool violin cover) (another female singer) (cool guitar cover)

Feat. some members of Seoul Hanoi’d. Andy Chaiyaporn (violin), Max Cho (piano), Jodie Batbayar (cello), Aisulu Niyazova-Li (percussion) and Franny has her guitar

“The song, lyrically, only reminds me of my husband a little bit. But Phat Cheay Bondol Chet has several memories with my husband attached to it. The first time he heard me sing in Khmer was at my mother’s house in Atlanta when I had him visit the first time to meet my parents. My mom had a little dinner party at our house to show him off, like Asian moms do when they think their daughter snags a good one, and I was hand washing the dishes while my mom and the other Cambodian parents were listening to Sinn Sisamuth records. I’ve always loved the song I’ll be showing y’all today, like I’ve always just stopped what I was doing and -- so it came on and I just started singing along without really being aware of it. And then at a different diaspora get together that summer, that song came on and I just kinda. Pulled him aside to the side yard of that person’s house to look at the stars with him and translated the song. It’s one of the Khmer songs he instantly recognizes now, so it’s special.”

Franny did NOT say in the video that college her 100% had him sit in the grass with her outside that person’s house, where nobody could see, so she could makeout with him 

 Day 30- A song by one of your favorite songwriters

Reincarnation by Roger Miller

Feat. Seoul Hanoi’d, done more in the style of the Cake cover 

Also instead of singing the lyric “you’re a girl, I’m a boy” she goes “you’re a girl, so am I” because she doesn’t ever change pronouns, she just makes it gay because she is a bi-con

“Roger Miller, to me, is as important as Dolly Parton, Paul Simon, Bob Dylan, in the American songbook. He’s not as talked about which is a shame because his discography is iconic. Getting to be a part of King of The Road was one of the highlights of my career.”

Talking About Asians, Why Does No-One Remember Their Immigrant Mass Murders?—107 Deaths In 20 Years

After Chai Soua Vang, a Hmong immigrant, slaughtered six white men in Wisconsin, the late Sam Francis wrote an article here called Why Immigrants Kill.

Sam was writing about the phenomenon we call "Immigrant Mass Murder", and he wrote

The link between immigration and violence is that the aliens lack roots in the society and civilization into which they import themselves. The people they see aren't their people, and their moral and social norms aren't theirs either. Being strangers in a strange land, they feel little obligation to it or its members.

This, by they way, is what anti-colonialists used to say about white men in Asia. Whenever a member of a minority or immigrant community commits a heinous crime, especially one that could be considered typical of their culture, white Americans are told not to Notice, and the MSM runs stories about "fears of backlash". (We file these under MSM Backlash Libel.) There was a backlash story from AP in 2002.

When Seung-Hui Cho killed 32 mostly white students at Virginia Tech, the Asian-American Journalists Association wanted no mention made of either Cho's race or immigration status.

Below, the Virginia Tech victims:

As RamZPaul points out:

While many of the killers below are within-race killers, killing family members or associates, many of the mass murderers targeted whites specifically.

From our FAQ, a list of  Immigrant Mass Murders committed by Asians.

2019 Chi Dinh Ta, Vietnam, killed 4 in-laws, apparently because of "visa jealousy".

2018 Albert Wong, Chinese-American. Killed 3 white women.

2017 Nengmy Vang, Hmong gunman, kills 4 whites in Wisconsin. (The second such incident in Wisconsin, the previous one was in 2002.)

2015 Eh Lar Doh Htoo,Burma 18-year-old refugee stabbed to death 3 young boys, also Burmese

2012 Bin Thai Luc, Vietnam—killed 5 Blunt force trauma—I.E. no guns

2012 One Goh, Korea—killed 7 Oikos University Shooting

2011 Dr. Louis Chen, —gay Taiwanese immigrant, killed 2: white partner, 2 year-old surrogate born child

2011 Tan Do, Vietnam—killed 5 (Familicide)

2010 Chhouy Harm, Cambodia—killed 3, wounded 1 (Familicide)

2009 John Chong, Korea—killed 1, wounded 3 Korean Retreat Center Shooting

2009 Jiverly Voong Vietnam—killed 13, wounded 4 Binghamton Massacre

2008 Lam Luong, Vietnam—killed his 4 children by throwing them off an Alabama bridge

2008 Jing Hua Wu.—killed 3in Workplace

2007 Seung-Hui Cho, Korea—killed 32, wounded 25 Virginia Tech Murder School shooting

2004 Chai Vang Cambodia—killed 6, wounded 2 Hmong Hunting Murders

1999 Kao Xiong Cambodia—killed 5 (Familicide)

1992 Wayne Lo Taiwan—killed 2, wounded 4 School shooting at Simon's Rock College of Bard

1991 Gang Lu China—killed 5, wounded 1 School shooting at the University of Iowa

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I'm Nothing If I'm Not Honest

I made a Tumblr today. It's January but I've been thinking about summer in May. Is that this May or last May? Searching for direction, is it this way or that way? Another outlet to express myself. If I've got a problem, the pen can help. Writing my emotions is conducive to my mental health. The state of depression I'm in has got me pressing the pen. Don't want to jinx it, but I think I've gotten better again. Riding with the seat back so I can stretch in the Benz. My thoughts rising, what a clever ascent. Shaun's writing, the letters I sent seemed to lessen my friends. But I guess I've learned a lesson from them. Be careful who you give your all to. I gave my heart but they weren't as thoughtful. But hey, I've got more bars than law school. Fighting demons while writing entire verses of punchlines. Searching for just one sign. Mom trying to remove the darkness, she just wants to see her son shine. Depression and the pressure got me feeling like it's crunch time. I know that I've got what it takes, yet I'm unsigned. You can't rush time, I watched and learned. This food for thought will be the death of me, pots and urns. I was patiently waiting, it was not my turn. But almost everything I once loved has not returned. So now I'm hungry as hell. Time to show my mother her son can excel. And grace the cover of a double XL. I can't afford to buy a dream and I've got nothing to sell. Literally broke as a joke, my money's funny as hell. My conscience saying you should keep your love to yourself. Those people don't need you, they just wanted your help. Once they didn't need Shaun, they didn't want to see Shaun. I've been trapped behind these bars, now I'm yelling free Shaun. It's so hard to focus, I'm writing another three songs. Writing raps in freeform, can't another speak for him. Problem? Address me, Shaun. You know I never mean harm. It's my story I write, how can it ever be wrong? I wrote a 16 at 4:00, Military time. Currently brandishing my lyrical artillery in lines. I'm on a mission so sometimes I get biblical in rhymes. These verses tell a story, these words can tell it for me They're coming from the heart and it hurts They're kinda gory. The game needed life, I'm giving it blood. See my drive? I'm an organ donor, I'm giving out love. No shoulders to spare but I can give you a hug. I'm overprepared, there isn't much I didn't discuss. In an effort to stand for others, I fell victim to trust. So many people switching it sucks. So many thoughts running through my head that racing to get them written is tough. It's taking way longer to finish writing this thing than it's supposed to but my head is just in too many places. People turning their back showing me too many faces. Broken trust got me feeling like the truth isn't sacred. Depression's a feeling I'm getting used to explaining. It overtakes my writing, I don't try to do this, it's draining. But even tragedy is art, the proof's in these paintings. Nothing's the same and that sucks when you aren't choosing to change things. Too much in my head so I'll just let it out. To Whom It May Concern, I'm writing letters now. Been writing for a while, I'm getting better now. Signs of life in my smile, I keep my head up now. But no one ever sees that in my head I frown. I never said a sound. Toes, ten are down. I once had a close knit circle, they haven't been around. I guess I'm the villain now. Might seem like I'm dwelling now. But I'm in pain, writing's what keeps the swelling down. I know he'll never switch up so I'm never letting Brendon down. I'm writing trying to keep up, these rhymes tend to spin my head around. Trying to clean my tweets up, I'm followed by my professor now. Word to Lil Dicky I'm trying to be professional. I'm pretty sure I'm lost on a tangent but I can't let up now. Mind is being sped up now. Rhyming as you read the sounds. Time has really stressed me out. Trying not to stretch this out. So much pain and punchlines I cried in what you read about. Writing just to let it out. Punchlines, my pen can pound. Touch lines, tennis fouls. Serving food for thought in a lunch line, I'm fed up now. Thank God for grilled cheese, I'm trying to get my bread up now. I've been lost in my head, take a look at what the pen has found. I understand, the pressure's on my mind too. Deviate from the mean, never let em define you. Keep your head up and don't let them break you down because they'll try to. Limit extrinsic experiences' effect on what's inside you. Lyrics so poetic that you read them as a haiku. Wavy as typhoons Spitting flames but my ride cool Painting in haiku A timely 16, there's 8 up on the shot clock. Now I'm spitting flames straight up out the hotbox. This 16 is an AR Here comes another great bar If you pull the trigger it'll break your wrist, JR. Kickback, step to me. We can trade bars. But don't call it a battle, cause we ain't dealt with the same scars. You ever felt like you had the light until it became dark? Ever felt like you had to fight the pairofsights in your brain off? Ever been unemployed and still searching for a day off? To lose yourself in a moment in hopes of making the pain stop. We ain't dealt with the same scars. I fell in love with a girl like you, I've got the same heart. So many people changed up on me, it didn't change Shaun. So much stress you worked 20 hours and quit your day job. And plenty looking from outside in thinking you're way off. A couple people feel you yet even they don't know the half of it. Christmas just passed, what God gave me was this rapping gift. But I ain't have no gifts to wrap. Not much left to give in fact. But I've got these words and my heart, I can give you that. But I've gotta be careful. I know it's a handful. Cause I fell in love before. But that's over, it's cancelled. Viciously descriptive, I'll show an example. She did me dirty as the sole of her sandals. I once thought her soul was enchanted now there's no second chances. So excuse me if I'm a pensive romantic. Pictures I paint are depressingly candid. 10 toes down as I step to my canvas. To elevate my point of view from elegant stances. Shorty turned into a witch, I should've left it in Kansas. Or maybe Kansas City, I'm mired in Misery. A State of depression that's trying to kill the kid in me. But I'll do it differently. Eight nine in Tennessee. I'm in the field trying to be a Titan of industry. Let me Cook, rhyming so endlessly, lose my mind in my memories. Devil trying to finish me. Asking God to replenish me. Writing these rhymes repentantly. Trying to find what's meant for me. Ayo, here's a message B. Something you may never C. You were a special friend to me, I'ma just skip the letter D. Your switch up has got my head on E. You "love" me but don't remember me. I've been feeling down and that's effed up, you switched your enerGy. I'll skip the HtoO, won't even talk about the tears. Am I talking to "my girl?" Or am I talking to my peers? I'm just talking to the world, so I let everybody hear. Now I've learned my largest lesson. Don't think anybody cares. You left me at a time I needed everybody near. Facing feelings of abandonment, depression, and my fears. I went from feeling prophetic here to feeling pathetic here. I loved my creating writing class because my professor cared. These writtens are my therapy. You switched up and it's clear to see that you're no longer there for me. I guess it's my fault for thinking that you cared for me. Picking up the pieces to my heart, so now I use it carefully. Cause when you're not theirs anymore They're not there anymore And that makes it crystal that they do not care anymore. Told you about a couple scars, there's plenty more. This verse is the one I didn't think that I was ready for. You ever look back at a bond you shared and just be sad it's changing? But when it boils down to it, it's clear it's evaporating. When your brother crosses the stage and you aren't there for graduation. And he's starting his career, but you can't congratulate him. It's not the same, it's clear that it ain't. Ever been threatened on a mom when you shed tears at her wake? I didn't think so. So don't tell me how to handle my pain. I never canceled or changed. 10 toes down, I stand and remain. Thank The Lord that God's never got his hands full, I'm praying. I feel the demons trying to get their hands on my brain. I've been living under a dark cloud, I ran through the rain. I've been stuck in depression, but I'm nearing a change. I just write the things that I don't care to explain when someone asks what's wrong with me. Been trying to be strong for weeks. In person I say I'm fine, but truthfully in these songs I speak. Battle scars, in these lyrics I've been fighting. Rhymes so real I shiver as I write this. A week ago I was ready to give up on this life shit. So much pressure was in my head that I wanted to pull my mind out. Not suicidal but I was thinking "do I wanna die now?" So many I can't call anymore, who do I dial now? Who can really handle the thoughts that I couldn't write down? I called Maiya and cried my eyes out. And she told me to take a timeout. My eyes are dry now. She figuratively talked me off the ledge, speaking softly as she said the things I didn't know I needed to hear. That was last week, even last year. And I've been feeling better since. Loading up these weapon clips. I've got enough bars to send the messages I never sent. It's effortless, that's evident. Sentimental sentences. Shouldn't ever mention this. You're sleeping on me, that meaning has been twirled. I miss when it meant me running my fingers through your curls. Now I only speak to you when I'm speaking to the world. Now it's pretty clear I'm speaking to "my girl". At least that's what she used to be. I guess she just got used to me. She don't see what she used to see. Now that she don't need a retweet, she doesn't have a use for me. I'm just speaking truthfully, sharing my heart profusely. I gave my heart to so many people, now they're reducing me. But it's all good cause I'm bred thorough, I'm a newer breed. I'll repeat it for you to read. I'm the shit, I'm manure breed. This wordplay is child's play. Wrote this for two days, Thursday and Friday. Flow so sick that some would say it's toxic. Painted pictures of my pain, suffering as an artist. Talked about so much I don't even know what to call this. Told you everything, I'm nothing if I'm not honest. - Swaggy T http://cash.me/$ShaunGeddes

tfw you take your eyes off your homework for one second and suddenly you're seven pages deep into the anderperry italian renaissance au you promised yourself you'd never write

(it's a oneshot, so it's fine! right? right?)

god. this anderperry renaissance au is knocking me around some kind of way

the anderperry fair folk au is going well <- (guy who just wrote 500 words' worth of description about a travelling outfit)

more anderperry fic brainrot under the cut:

context for this scene is honestly just: Sentient Swords. these swords are Old. these swords are Autonomous. these swords Do Not Recognise A Master.

now - this is an aside but i promise i AM working on this fic, just very slowly, and it's developing new themes all the time under my nose which is always fun. one of which being wartime and the lack thereof - neil is the first generation of fair folk to be born after wartime, and so this shows in the differences between how he and his father act, especially in response to the inexorable forces of nature: kill vs. preserve. (there's also for neil a fun bit of internalised guilt over not facing the same hardships as his ancestors that rears its ugly head (tl;dr, being from a country under military coup never leaves your mind), but that's neither here nor there and i haven't yet fleshed it out anyway.) and the swords represent that generational gap of violence vs. peace even though they're as close as family! (also, this excerpt ONE HUNDRED PERCENT comes back to bite everyone in the arse during final confrontation.)

note on the names of the swords, which are by no means set in stone*; Díoltach is apparently "the retaliator" belonging to Mannan mac Ler, although i've found a grand total of one (1) source that says this so like. take it with several thousand pinches of salt. "the retaliator" is fun because, y'know. retaliating with peace. cool shit. also Díoltach i think has some connection to Fragarach, the sword of Nuada, which has its own relevance to the story because [GUNSHOTS] (that's a spoiler)!

Claíomh Ocrais is just "the sword of hunger", mostly because i ran out of imagination and partly because i used to be obsessed with the idea of a Claíomh Solais when i was nine. although - considering changing Ocrais to Confadh, although that apparently means rabies more than anything else. but i'm looking for a word that really conveys ravenous hunger, specifically. like a mad dog. i don't know, i do not speak or know irish gaelic!

*insert mandatory Excalibur pun here.

(also, @ndotknees - this is the fic i spent like half an hour talking your ear off about a few weeks ago 😭)

Losing mind at the thought of Neil and Todd's pets being super friendly with each other's owners. Like, Neil has an absolute mountain of a Bernese called some sort of all-American dog name like Rover or Bear, but who also answers to Ajax after that Homeric phase last year, and Rover/Bear/Ajax is obsessed with Todd. He walks him to class. He follows him to poetry recitals and sits politely by a table with his tail wagging like mad. Half of his doggy heart has devoted itself entirely to Todd.

Todd has a sleek grey Abyssinian who is both his ESA and quite possibly considers herself his guardian. Probably she has some very ridiculous fancy name like Mme. Delacroix III but Mme. has a graceful bearing and suits her name very well. Throughout the whole time Todd has had her they have come to an agreement that Mme. will consent to companiable silence and the odd head scritch but will NOT, under any circumstances, cuddle. And then the first time she meets Neil - oops! Lap cat now! In the first month Neil and Todd live together, he hears her purr more than the rest of her life put together. Mme. is unrepentant.

("He has good taste," Neil concedes, gesturing at where Todd is sitting, pinned to the chair by fifty kilograms of sleepy dog. "And I can't blame him. But - really? Five years of brotherhood, Ajax? Abandoned?" Ajax cracks one eye open, huffs at him, and closes it again.

"Yes," says Todd, "I think so."

"I'm disowning him," Neil declares. "It's just - unfair, that's what it is!"

Todd makes discreet eye contact with Mademoiselle, who, in royal fashion, has prodded gently at Neil's arm until he lifted it, and settled herself in his lap with the poise of a diplomat. He is giving her scritches. He does not seem to be aware he is doing so.

"Perhaps I'm just cooler than you," he says, instead of reminding him.)

when the intrigue starts intriguing (fic snippet under the cut because what do you know. sharing my writing still gives me the Horrors)

(so i have a lot of thoughts about Cameron as a betrayer even though he is one in this fic, because he's seriously just looking for a reason, ANY reason, to not betray anyone at all. he's desperately trying to find the tiniest of ways to excuse himself into doing the right thing, and Neil WILL NOT GIVE IT TO HIM. not even out of malice, he just wears his heart sewn to his sleeve like it's fucking applique. this plays into a bunch of dynamics re: fic that essentially end up as "jesus CHRIST, this guy isn't suited for politics", but i think it's summed up well here - Cameron asking Neil for a reason to make him stay, to stop him from reporting back to Neil's father, and being met with mockery, because in Neil's view, what's the point of befriending a traitor? they remain a traitor anyway. and then from Cameron's view this is the final straw on the back of the camel.)

i have this half-formed idea of a university (or college - when in Rome...) au of Neil, who plays in the ice hockey team or something as an outlet, since it's one of the only things his dad will let him do outside of his medicine course. and Todd is the anonymous T. A. who's the sports columnist for the college newspaper - and he will NOT stop writing these scathing but annoyingly prescient articles about the ice hockey team, who admittedly have not been doing very well for the last half a decade, so Neil starts writing in to the newspaper to complain. (T.A.'s articles aren't exactly INACCURATE, per se, but team morale isn't exactly growing under this onslaught either.) thus begins a war of words (that couldn't blossom into anything more, could it...?)

(and at the same time; there's been a whole bunch of sudden and violent snowfall* in the past few days, so the dead poets start sneaking out of their dorms every night for impromptu snowball fights. here, they meet a bunch of other students who have had the same idea, including a shy English major called Todd, who Neil thinks he'd like to know a little better... Shakespearean-style mistaken-identity hijinks ensue. happy endings for all. Neil quits his medicine course!)

*it feels pessimistic to say that Lots Of Snow is the reason for why it's an alternate universe, but... well.

highlights from the planning for the anderperry fff (Fair Folk Fic):

(writing fic planning docs is the ultimate form of humiliation because it makes you abruptly realise the kind of humour that you were exposed to as a child, which then imprinted itself on you forevermore.)

extracts from the much ado about nothing! au