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maliciousmalfeasance · 2 months

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If I typed a live review of my spotify discover would you read it? Too late- (Indie-rock/pop, punk, ???, mid-west emo, math-rock,etc Be warned I am a hater about some petty shit lmao)

Carousel- CJ the X

This song is beautifully produced, the melody of “everything will be alright” sounding just slightly off kilter and perfectly fits the teetering vibes of the song. I love the carnival vibe- lyrics flow so effortlessly. The RUNS BRO. Really perfect window into a probably fucked up breakdown. Hope things got better CJ <3 “I don’t blame anybody but me/ You’re too kind, I am a disease!” oof.

A big brown dog named bagel- Nep

“I kind of wanted to bite-” I love the incorporation of bossa grooves into this indie rock, gay as hell love song. “I feel like we’re gonna marry way too quickly” This feeling. Really cute. Vocals are so sweet- you just kind of want to scoop the vocalist up and hug her.

PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN - QUEEF JERKY, ethan is online

The best of the worst or the worst of the best? The beat switch up had me actually grooving- good shit. "Go to the zoo and see some fish."

Spirit Week- happy trendy

So cozy, comfy, fuzzy. Whenever I hear fuzzy vocals it feels like my ears are being hugged idk why. Sad but in a kind of melancholy optimist way? If that makes sense. Chords got a little tired by the end but I forgive all sins for fuzzzzzzzz

Glow- Alice Phoebe lou

Aussie vocals perhaps? "When you were dreaming, I looked in. I saw everything." What a sweet, dizzy tune. Sounds like getting drunk in a carpeted room that looks like it’s from the 70s. “I’m a lover, just never knew how” Relatable. Vocalist has this really nice vibrato that reminds me of judy garland or ella fitzgerald, such a nice warm tone. Lots of hug songs in here. I’m a lover of this one. C:

Wasteland- wooded fang

Surf rock type of vibe? Feels like something I’d listen to as the sun sets on a long car trip- about to have a delirious few hours outside of time. I cannot fathom my man’s lyrics but he’s got such a relaxed delivery it’s real fun. Good vibe. "dododododododododo"

Feelin down- primrose

Drum good. Fr the production/recording on these drums is so nice. I feel like im sitting in the drummers lap but in a comfy way- like the rest of the song is absolutely great also but man.. I appreciate the work that went into getting these drums so nice. Also love the moments where the band stops. Love a stop. Satisfying. Ngl the vocals are nice but I wish he’d put a lil more OOmf in it y’know? Just like SEND IT.

I Fade Away- Tulips Ballad, M.E, CAT DAD

The high vocals really made this for me, just came in and I was like aaah yeah. Then together?? Lovely. Such nice harmonies. Only wish there was a little less repetition but Idk that might just be me listening too hard rn lmao. I like the more subtle production bits but like, the main guitar loop doesn’t have much movement and it left me a lil like… what if you did more? Bass good. I like the piano but what if.. different chord?

Grade A- Spill Tab, JAWNY

I… might be getting fatigued from listening to all this stuff but these chords at the end feel like the same as the last song bro I’m a lil disappointed. It’s just so quick and so… clean? In a bad way? Lmao I think it feels overproduced to me. So many production decisions that don’t feel like they serve the song and only a couple that really feel earned. (cheated and gave it a second listen because I felt kind of bad about having mostly negative comments. Both the vocalists are great and the quality of production is real nice, I just think the producer needed to pull back a bit and let the vocalists do their thing, y'know?)

Only At Your Convenience- Graham Kartna

Big Jack Stauber energy.. Perhaps… too much Jack Stauber energy? I can’t tell if this was a deliberate attempt to emulate the style as an experiment or not. The drowned chords, the vocals that jump down suddenly, all the little cartoon samples. OK I had a look and he’s def got a voice and a sound this song just happens to REALLY sound like it’s going for a Jack Stauber vibe, most of his other stuff is similarly drowned and sample heavy but like… distinct enough that I wouldn’t think to associate the two- it’s literally just this song so he is forgiven in my eyes. Peace and love on planet earth. Honestly I’d forgive him emulating Jack really hard too I mean fuck it man do what satisfies ya. (gave this a second listen and idk why I thought it was so close actually this is good and fine.)

easy - waveform*

Oh! I’ve def heard this one before, love the big warm acoustic guitar+sad vocal. Gay and cute. “I’m on the stairs in a beautiful gown, and you look so stupid your teeth on the ground.” Love the imagery in these lyrics.

Diane- Dad feels, Yelle

Holy fuck I hate this man. I haven’t listened to the song yet I’m just like- before I make any comment you have to know I’m severely biased against him lmao He sucks he makes me incredibly uncomfortable to watch. ANYWAY presses play hm. Ok. wow. BAD. First song of his I’ve ever listened to and holy fuck. Worse than I thought. Nothing to like about this. It's so low effort. I’m just trying desperately to tune this trash out while I wait for the next song. Holy fuck. OH THANK GOD

Kill your radio- Heartsrevolution

Cute! Feels like something that would play in a scene while a stereotypical girly character beats the shit out of someone. Is that insane? Idk man. maybe I’m just thinking about violence because of dad. It’s fuzzy. The guitars and vocals got that sweet high fuzz on them. This toes the line for me of being like slightly over produced also but I think it’s just my taste.

Becky- Be Your Own Pet

I’ve heard this one too! It’s just such an edgy teenage hatred song. Just real petty and fun to yell along to. Love the story and the little moments where the band all yells BECKY AAAAA. Good shit.

Dark matter- Little Big League

Oh such a sweet sleepy vocal with nostalgic guitars. Love the way the main vocal kind of leans around the notes, feels so effortless. The slight edge in the tone is used so sparingly but so well, such a cool voice. Oh man!! Sorry band you’re great too I just love these vocals!!! I want more growls but I’m feral for growls- the way that tone is used so sparingly to great effect is lovely.

Better Go- Mel blum

Familiar with this one too. Just a really catchy, chill tune. Love the stops and little rhythm guitar moments. “Guess I ain’t using my body anyway.” Yeah. Solid tune fr. Love the floaty vibe of the vocals.

Random Firl -Late Of The Pier

Glanced at the band bio and apparently the band formed when they were 16/17 which is cute. They haven’t released anything in a long while but I wanna believe they’re all still friends. Feels like a song I’d have played on repeat in 2015 when I was in a Smallpools phase. The vocal harmonies are very sweet, such a nice wall of sound. Left me wanting more!! AA

You Make me smile- Mamalarky

This squishy bass is fun. Another soft, floaty voice- I guess Spotify is recommending all of these because I listened to so much Stella Donnelly last year. Really like the structure of this song, the way that the synths swell and fall again to make room for the guitar and piano… Just really cool vibes. Love that blending of synth and ‘real’ instrument. Yeah. Just kind of vibing here. Adding this one to my likes for sure. I feel like what sets this apart from some of the others is that the instrumentation is interesting and thick without drowning or outshining the vocals which is hard as heck to do right!!

IDC- carpetgarden

First few lines are like. Damn. Yeah. Lyrics are heavy but in a fuck this kind of way. Their vocals are so sweet and yet kind of bored sounding? Genuinely really like the vibes. There’s a great energy to the guitars that makes you wanna dance around, real sad but happy at the same time. Kind of song I’d listen to while on the way somewhere to get myself in a good mood lmao. “Worms in my brain and my eyes are full of daisies, My body’s melting and it feels a-fuckin’-mazing”

Wicca Kids- Pacific Purgatory

This song is underwater! Pull it out!! AAA! Fr tho it’s so muffled it feels like I’m listening through a wall. Kind of a vibe? I do kind of want it a little less muddy tho. I really like the vocals- feels like they’re hiding I wanna drag them out to the front of the mix. This is prob intentional. It is nice, I’m just making grabby hands at all the high frequencies rn. Baby come back.

Vampire- Lupin

The shades in that title and song name. Chefs kiss. These vocals are great, confident and straight shooting. They cut through really well. Oh no wonder I like this, he’s the vocalist from hippo campus. Solid song. Not super my current taste but it’s definitely hitting every ball it’s trying to hit… if you get me. Knows what it’s about.

You’re Terrific - LoudFoxCult

I love the way the two vocals play off each other. This came out in 2018, real cute highschool indie rock vibe and yet- like way better than you’d expect from a highschool indie band so like.. Yeah. Terrific, even.

Scott Pilgrim- Plumtree

Omg I love Plumtree. Punk girls from the 90s kickin ass. I love this band. This is a great song, I like In The Sink better tho. The main lick is super catchy though I can see why this is their most listened to. “I’ve liked you for a thousand years” Repeated over and over and over because yeah dude I’ve liked you FOREVER.

WasteUrTime- Kevin Walkman

Bassline hits. Licking my fingers baby this shit tastes GOOOOOD am I going insane? Idk man this song just has a really satisfying groove going, vocalist has a great laidback tone. Feels perfect for the vibe of the lyrics. Horny songs gotta have a goood bass line and y’know. This one did it.

brittle (wake up)- Meltycannon

I know this band but can't place them. Really love the grunge/hiphop vibes??

When You Are Not Around- The Band Ice Cream

Breakup song if ever I heard one, “I like you more, when you are not around.” Angry and mean in a satisfying way, feels like a diary entry I wrote about an ex. Just like- raw and unfair amounts of bitterness, you know? Kind of shit you’d never actually say. Well idk maybe you would. I’m only mean in my diary tho. Mostly. Cough. “I don’t fucking care if it hurts you”

How Could You Ever Think I Hated You?- Cloning

HAHA opposite vibes completely and holy shit a band from perth!!! The aussie accent feels so comfy to me in music mwa. Feels lik the accent is almost going american in parts- maybe that’s just the Perth accent tho idk any perthians. Jumpscared by the stop in the middle of the song lmao i was like NOO. Guitars are lovely, feels like a real lived-in sound. Love the vibe

Meet me in Montauk- Retirement Party

“Had a head so big it sank into the ground.” The noodles in the guitar always make my heart happy- very midwest emo. Just a very cozy angsty song. This is the type of music that turns my brain to like nostalgic goo. “I’m not sure if i don’t believe in a God or if he doesn’t believe in me” - something my 11 year old self would cry about fr. I love how raw and unornamented the vocals are- it’s a mark of the genre for sure but it just makes the lyrics hit even harder.

I Dropped Out- And The Kids

Feels like I’ve heard this one a thousand times and yet it’s not in my likes. The vocals are swimmin' in reverb and they’re just- asufghdsuigifih I Love The Dreamy-ness. The “I went to graduation" line coming back with altered timing/tone always hits so good idk it’s such a simple thing but with the force of the band crescendo behind it- it’s like. Fuck yeah, you did!

Been thinking- Fishing In japan

SO laid back, these lyrics flow so naturally- the vocals sound half asleep in the best way. Solid band. Nothing really stands out to me more than the silly sleepy vocals which are a very good vibe, kind of wish the guitars were played a little less straight to emphasise the drag of the vocals. It’d be different song. Better? Maybe? But this song is nice too.

And that’s all wowweeeee

#music review #ish?#Idk if I will make a habit of these but I think about doing more writing about music a lot so this rambling technically counts

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peroxideprinces · 2 years

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hiii bestfriend do you have. blorbo stories :pensive: i’m feelin a little bit off tn jdksjfjw and i like hearin u talk <33 hru

ooooooohohohoh !!!!!!

hmmmm i could talk ab shawn hunter from boy meets world !! i have him on the brain rn <33

BASICALLY so cory matthews is the main char n shawn is his best friend n they get into shenanigans n whatnot n its all lighthearted BUT in season 2 shawns mother leaves w the trailer he lives in n then his dad goes after her so he has to live w cory n his family n his older brother eric doesnt like him much n hes gettin on everyones nerves n then shawns dad calls n is like "heyyy tell my son i cant b back for a while" n corys parents r like "we Cannot take care of him anymore" n shawns like !!! fuck this !!! n peaces out . anyway from then on his lives w his english teacher mr turner . UNTIL HIS DAD COMES BACK :O !!!!! then he joins a cult accidentally n then mr turner gets into a motorcycle accident (then is written off the show) !!! oh also hes def some kinda trans . like hes gotta b . also bisexual . the writers were supposedly goin back n forth ab whether to make cory n shawn date or not !!! anyway shawns dad dies when shawn goes to college also theres one ep where cory n shawn were underage drinkin n alan matthews got pissed n blamed shawn n jus ughghhgh i have sososo many thought ab him also hes really cute w his gf angela i hate how she was written off the show like that anyway shawn n angela best bmw couple fr

#rowe tag #question mark

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elysianslove · 3 years

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sv🤎 here

I’m feelin kinda soft rn. I’m always thinking about like cute dates or just relaxing w/ the haikyuu guys( and gurls((kiyoko + Alisa hmu👅)))

-Gaming cuddles with Kenma. Sitting on his lap koala style as he plays on his switch☺️Imagine it's like snowing outside, candle got the room smelling sweet like gingerbread or relaxing like eucalyptus rain. He's playing a calming game like just doing some fishing in ACNH🍃 or he's teaching you how to play a game🙇🏾‍♀️

-Cooking together with Osamu. Making cookies or a cake together, tasting it off each other's fingers and other😏 body par-wait this is just fluff. Flour fights and cleaning up and having a relaxing bath. Imma get rich so I can have a big bathroom with a TV and nice tub. So just sitting in a warm bath with Samu, watching cartoons cause it's just a fun night. It smells nice, y'all almost end up calling asleep in the tub, so you dry each other off and just cuddle in bed

-Dancing in the rain with Tendou. You both get sick but it's work it. It's like 2am and your playing Disney channel movie songs or some shit like it( like teen beach movie and your doing the dances too💃🏾) bonus points if it's a poly relationship with ushiwaka. Like I said your both sick and he takes care of y'all. He wants to be mad but your just too cute to be mad at. Eating soup and crackers while watching TV and Ushiwaka forehead kisses have y'all up and running again in two days✨

-Fort movie day+night with Bokuto. Both of your days off and have movie marathons all day. You order a lot of food(Olympic Volleyball Player got shmoney💰💰💰). A lot of wings or pizza or both and dessert too like a cookie/brookie pizza (im making myself hungry rn😭). Falling asleep in the fort in a food coma and even though there's blankets all around you, he's so warm that you don't even need one

-Morning Cuddles with Aran. Sleeping in and waking up to his pretty face. Your either on him or he's your weighted blanket, there's no in-between. Trying to getup for breakfast but he just pulls you back down. Late breakfast of strawberry waffles with bacon with lazy syrup kisses after on the couch 🧇🍓🥓

Okay I wrote too much; here’s some twt p0rn that I want with omi -sv🤎

THIS IS. THIS IS. THIS— babe you spoil me fr <//3 this is so cute omg :,)

AND THE OMI VIDEO HELP HEBSJDJD I DIED HEHJEJ

#sal’s fluff tag <3 #tw p*rn #— vip <3 sv 🤎

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rudolphsboyfriend · 3 years

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3,32,84 i would ask 57 but 😌😌😌😌

3- fav part of my body

My eyes!! I'm north east indian so i have amazingly small n sophisticated looking eyes lol also dark brown eyes deserve more rep in media cuz they're AMAZING

also i never get dark circles?? I wouldn't mind having them cuz i genuinely think theres nothing wrong w them and we should normalise having them but yeah it's just not a thing that happens to me lol

32- how u feelin rn

I just ate biriyani fr dinner so I'm feelin pretty good 😌

84- to twirl or to be twirled, that is the question

Hmmmm probably "to be twirled" most of the time w a lil bit of "to twirl" cuz what is life without variety ;)

57- what would u say if someone you liked kissed someone else

SIS. MISS MADAM GURL. YOU DID NOT NEED TO ATTACK ME LIKE THAT TONIGHT. U ALREADY KNOW THIS.

U r using ur advantage of knowing me irl for evil purposes i see :)

I don't mind its fine i overshare on the internet anyway so here's my tragic love story

So I'm very bisexual right? Now in feb of last year, i had a girl best friend whom I'd been on and off crushing on for a few years,,, and i also had a guy best friend whom i had been crushing on fr a while,,,

And then,,, GUESS WHICH TWO OF MY BEST FRIENDS START DATING

YEP. THE TWO BEST FRIENDS I LIKED. THE ONLY TWO PPL I'VE EVER HAD A CRUSH ON. STARTED DATING.

And like, i was the only mutual friend so i was dragged along for alot of things and the no of times i had to sit and watch them kiss was 😩😩😩 painful to say the least,,,

They eventually broke up a few months lockdown began,, and they never had to meet irl and they're on good terms so my mutual friendship was not awkward and i am still best friends w them both (seperately this time thank god)

Sooo yeah that's the story of possibly the worst few months of my life :") we all good now so it's fine lol

#ask response #blue answers #@catsandcrabs #get urself a nickname girl #thx #lysm #bestie

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jaxcns · 5 years

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y’all know this mans? yuh.. really gets ya thinkin that men might deserve rights after all huh? i mean they dont but it makes ya think! anyway.. i’m urayai ( uri for short ), eighteen, she/her, and from bumfuck nowhere usa over in the est timezone. we livin in a winter wonderland over here rn issa nightmare :) if ya feelin the vibe now then check out my statistics page yuh maybe i went the extra mile MXDDDN! anyway if ya poppin ya p*ssi to nct, love wastin time playin the sims, or are prayin for both taes scalps then smash that heart! we need validation in order to live in this economy laid ease!

basic details

( wong yukhei, cismale, he/him ) — meet jaxon wu, the nineteen year old sophomore at washington state university. i heard that the hedonist is a literature major who spends most of their time either practicing on the soccer field or interning at dorrance publishing two days a week. if you ask around, you’ll find out that the scorpio was born on october 28th, that the last song they listened to was uncomfortable by chase atlantic, and that they currently live in the kappa zeta nu fraternity house. ever since the death of carter hayes though, the only thing anyone can seem to recall when it comes to them is that they used to share a room with him at the frat house.

+ smoke-filled lungs, constellations in his eyes, denim jackets, disappearing acts that rival houdini, heart-shaped boxes, thumb rings, lazy grins, broken promises, and rainy mornings.

full sleeve on his right arm plus a chest piece in progress

ears and nose pierced but he doesnt always rock the nose

emotionally stable? no. financially stable? also no.

on an athletic scholarship for soccer but he loves hockey more so its #emohours

plays soccer, hockey, and baseball

loves the finer things in life but can barely afford the free breadsticks at olive garden ja feel

hes a snake who loves that 5 finger discount

selfish but also too invested in people he cares for

impatient as hell like.. chile

middle child ya he was dealt only the best cards in life

loves space and conspiracy theories #wow so original amirite

gets super obsessive over projects hes def a perfectionist

bisexual / bitter / bilingual

mom is a bank tell and dad is a professor at boston u

not very close to his older brother since hes off gettin his doctorates degree

very close to his little sister tho they’ve always been best friends

enjoys goin on hikes to clear his head

other than writing he also enjoys all other things creative like painting, drawing, sculpting, photography, etc

he attends a weekly art class in the city

he def dabbles in drugs so if ya lookin he can probs hook ya up

he was carters roommate

ADAMANT — stubborn as shitttttt like fr. once he sets his mind on sumn and believes hes completely right cant be wrong then theres no changin his mind! at all! even if he realizes later that he was wrong he’d rather lower himself into the grave than admit it. he’ll also argue with you til the ends of the earth until the bitch literally dont have vocal chords anymore!

CONFIDENT — if i could’ve picked an alternate label for him then it woulda been the bellwether. he always carries himself with confidence which he gets from wearin nice clothes and accessories plus always bein well groomed ig? like his hair is always done, you’ll never find a speck of dirt on his shoes, that type of shit. even when his hair is messy it was done that way he would never go outside lookin like a wreck so jot that down!

IMPETUOUS — this bitch reckless af! he does things to benefit himself and only himself most of the time without taking into consideration other peoples feelings or how it might impact them. thats not to say that he doesnt regret it after the fact but lbr he normally? doesnt? see: selfish. hes just tryna get ahead tryna get dat coin tryna get him sum gucci slides!

PETULANT — sulky, bad-tempered, etc is jax thru and thru! and he aint afraid to take everyone down with him either. hes def the type to stir up drama ngl but he’ll back it up too and he aint afraid to throw hands! hes been in his fair share of fights and with his shiny new fake id y’all been knew hes been in more than one bar fight with more to come i’m sure!

plot ideas

MUSE — pretty self explanatory i think? this person just ignites fuckin inspiration for him whether it be thru takin pictures of them, writing about them, filmin them, drawin them, etc etc. jax always knows that when hes in a slump he can find them and that shit will come back as quick as flippin on a light switch!

RIDE OR DIE(S) — y’all already know wtf it is! we love those friends who just talk shit with each other, those that’ll go to bat for one another, but also arent afraid to be like “yo step back ur gettin a lil outta line” ja feel? literally gimme all that!

ANGST — i live for anything angsty tbh like im one of those bitches that gets bored when things are goin too well for my chara so i need someone to fuck that shit up fam!

RELATIONSHIPS — im here for it all! im talkin enemies, friends, rommates, party buddies, smokin buddies, fwb, exes, partners in crime, etc etc! im here and ready to snatch em all up!

TEAMMATES — jax plays hockey, soccer, and baseball so if ur chara does too then? uhhhh we def gotta plot cause we could go any way with the teammates thing like imagine teammates who hate each other and purposely try to hurt one another durin practices.. ugh we love pettiness!

ADVENTURE BUDDIES — hiking, goin to abandoned / haunted places, spontaneous road trips, etc! need someone or multiple people who’re down to just drop everything and go. doesnt even matter where tbh they’re just always up for a lil adventure.

SEESAW — lemme be basic for a sec ok just hol on! i rlly want a plot based off of yoongis song seesaw where maybe the two of them were together and at first it was great but then they just fell out for wtvr reason and obvs didnt wanna be together anymore. neither of them wanted to let go tho maybe it was like a comfort thing? so they just kept repeatin their same old shit and actin like everything was cool until one of them finally took the step and ended it just.. ik there’d be angst ik it and i need it!

PARADISE — the new song by chase atlantic! bitch! i felt it in my soul maybe i cried? jax dabbles in literally everything hes truly a mess so havin someone who just checks on him would rip my soul in half? someone who gives him a call randomly in the middle of a sunday night and is just like “hey ya been ok? not fallin back on bad habits are u?” shit like that. it would def be a thing where he falls a lil bit in love with them because its smth hes not used to tho that def doesnt mean at all that they feel that way about him! it can unrequited i dont rlly care tbh.

ik i forgot sum shit and ik this is a damn m e s s but if ya wanna plot then just lms and i’ll hit ya up! we can brainstorm or pick from one of our wcs idc just give this h*e sum plots i’ll literally die without em? im def the type whos down to prettymuch™ fill anything so if ya got a plot that ur rlly wantin but no one seems to be takin then give it to me i’ll 100% take it lmao! ya im desperate what about it?

#ehqs:intro #yuh ik this aint showin in the tags #but im taggin it anyway #╰ ღ —— ┊ filed under : out of character. ❞

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yeehawkins · 5 years

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1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30 for the music ask?

“Heh”

am not gonna copy paste every one so heres the post w the questions (a lot of my answers are depeche mode answers aa a a a sorry)

I think my friend answered the same but I Feel You from SOFAD hella got me. In Chains from Sounds Of The Universe was pretty damn good too

Jump - Van Halen

Master of Puppets - Metallica

idk why but Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty comes to mind jkldglh (fall is my fave season)

Ballad of Mona Lisa - Panic! At The Disco

hmmm I think it’s a toss up between The Weight of The Wind and I’ve Been Losing You (both by a-ha)

Electric Love - BØRNS

wow edgy hmmm honestly dont really know, suppose ima go w this one. Wrong - Depeche Mode

We’re Looking For The Whales - A-ha

had to look this up but apparentlY The Beatles did one ig so uh. Kansas City/Hey, Hey, Hey - The Beatles

Come With Me Now - KONGOS

ik i’m gonna be reusing this song for number 30 buT. Never Let Me Down Again - Depeche Mode

ok i’m gonna count covers. Rocket Man - Ninja Sex Party

LA Devotee - Panic! At The Disco

ok kind of a weird choice but the music from the Sunshine Airport course on Mario Kart 8 Deluxe

Irreplaceable - Beyonce

fuckn. Throwback Galaxy - Super Mario Galaxy 2

How Soon Is Now - The Smiths. no specific bad time but definitely a song i listen to when im feelin r e a l bad

Taylor Swift jklsdfhjklf

prob Danny Don’t You Know - Ninja Sex Party tbh

bruh i forget Kansas City even exists most the time i got nothing

i, really do not k n o w. my music taste has basically totally changed from when i was younger with the exception of a few bands but any song i relate to is basically the same reasons jskldlfgjkljklgdf, sorry

i don’T know current music that good (fr looked up top 100 songs rn, luckily i knew One n like it) but B)). Happier - Marshmello & Bastille

The Internet is For Porn - Avenue Q. jsdfghjfgd (still haven’t fully finished that musical but omf this song)

Leave It - Yes. has been hella stuck in my head for the past like 2 days

lowkey never really learned much from a song but this one prob gives a good message i should really take to heart more. Peace - Depeche Mode

Headstar - Depeche Mode

hmm I never really skip songs, but this one I do skip a lot but it’s actually hella good. Sister of Night - Depeche Mode

o m f don’t make me pick. ig, if i must (i love tf outta most of their album closers tho). Clean - Depeche Mode

aa a aA A A this is v hard but my usual go-to is. Never Let Me Down Again - Depeche Mode

#emeracco #long post #sorrY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO ANSWER #had to do big think on this

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sadstonershawty · 3 years

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this shit just like really sucks

me and kaleb have plenty of time where we’re good, but the bad is definitely starting to outweigh the good.

tonight we got into it lowkey (couldn’t even tell u abt what tbh) and you said “[don’t even worry abt going to aiden’s football game tomorrow] *i don’t need you*.” and then a couple seconds later told me to “grow the fuck up”. it’s just like ....what a nasty thing to say to someone lol. mainly the i don’t need u comment. i think that’s really shitty tbh. the grow tf up thing def hurt my feelings too but in less of a deeply cut way like the other comment did. i’m nit saying i handled shit the best or i didn’t make any mistakes. i make mistakes all the fucking time and i know it lol. i’m painfully aware of it hahaha. but that comment on top of him telling me the other day that i “don’t understand how detrimental what i did to the relationship” was. idek abt what either lol.

that’s the thing is it’s always these fucking petty ass little fights and it’s just like i love him so much. i want to be with him so much. but unless we have a really hard conversation in a concrete way abt what needs to happen , our relationship will fail. 100%. it won’t be a matter of “if”, it’ll be “when”. these patterns aren’t gonna stop by us ignoring them.

and a very real possibility that i’ve become increasingly aware of, is that maybe, the changes we both need to make we won’t be capable of . kaleb is allowed to have his grievances . of course. but so am i. and tbh i’m not too sure he’s ready to hear what i have to say. or maybe it’s more that he can’t emotionally handle it. i wanna believe that we could really sit down and just tell each other how we feel straight up without it becoming a thing. but i just do not know that’s possible. i hope it is. i really really really fucking do. all i can do is mentally prepare myself and make sure i do my part to not allow my ego to interfere with the things he feels towards me.

i jus be feelin like he don’t even wanna be w me . for a lot of reasons i feel. like all the girls he be friending on fb be fucjing white trash bitches w kids lmao. i’m not that. i’m a 22 yr old w no kids and not a lot of real life experience. and as much as kaleb says he doesn’t hold that against me, i don’t know that’s the truth. i think that’s what he wants to think he feels. but he doesn’t act that way. or at least when he’s upset e me he doesn’t act that way lol. then it becomes a thing of him bringing up everything i do wrong bc i’m so young blah blah blah. obviously that’s my biased opinion but.

i want our relationship to work so bad. i really fucking do dude. but at the end of the day i think it’s a very real possibility that we’re too insecure to do this rn. sometimes it’s a strength that we have experience in diff things . and i think it could be a thing we always use to our advantage. but we’re both stubborn. too stubborn to see each other’s side a lot of times. we’ve both been hurt and used so much that we can’t fr open up to each other. which is almost weird bc i feel like w some other ppl in the past that’s ALL we had; was a deep connection. like i’ve connected w other guys in a way i have yet to connect w kaleb on.

i don’t think it’s just me and it’s not just him. i have a lot of things causing issues in our relationship as well as him. we both play our part. i don’t want future zoe reading this and being like damn he was so terrible to me all the time. bc i’m not perfect either and this is all from my standpoint.

ultimately tho i think he wants to believe he’s ready for this long term commitment marriage and kids shit . but i think that’s bc he has a lot of external shit figured out. i’m not sure he realizes how much work he actually has to do before he’s genuinely ready for that as well.

i’m scared that maybe we’re doomed tho. i’m afraid this is another example of a time i ignored red flags and no matter how hard we try we’re gonna keep going thru these cycles. i’m glad we didn’t meet earlier but i wish we’d met even later than this tbh. when we both didn’t have these issues so prevalently. i think there’s some issues u can figure out while in a relationship. but i suppose we’ll just have to see if this is one of them.

i just want things to be okay. i’m trying so fucjing hard to hold on. but i really don’t have much more strength left. i really don’t. i thought i was at my wits end before. but this is is ; i’m coming closer and closer. my threshold wasn’t as small as i thought it was but it’s not a whole lot bigger than where i’m at now. maybe that’s not the case tho. idk , at any rate i don’t want to and moreover i shouldn’t stay ina relationship where we’re both secretly unhappy. and that’s what i’m so scared is happening. i’m scared he’s pushing me away bc he subconsciously doesn’t wanna be in this either. not that i don’t. i do. just not like this. not like this.

i think we could be so great. i know he thinks that as well. but time is running up for dhit to change. on both ends i think.

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voidwizerd-archive · 7 years

Text

BONDING EXPERIENCES?? ==>

[[ logs with @carnivalsorphans, our muses keep bonding in very confusing ways, what the fuck are these two ]]

voidwizerd okay first off please dont bring this up w Kankri bc th last thing i can handle rn is anythin resemblin a moral talk im too pissed

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd do you ever like get a super specific urge to just beat a body senseless does this happen to you

carnivalsorphans often enough that the thought some people don't kinda baffles

voidwizerd i cant get at who i wanna get at theyre all universes away n maybe DEAD which sure would be fuckin convenient fr them huh i just

carnivalsorphans hahaha yeah fuckin relatable

voidwizerd wanna find some shitty person n whale on em until theyre only sorta recognizable

carnivalsorphans hmmm

voidwizerd teeth aint that necessary anyhow ugh

carnivalsorphans hahahaha do you actually want me ta find ya someone shitty ta fuck up or we just talkin hypotheticals and feelings?

voidwizerd i honestly dont even know i just wanted to confirm someone else experiences this too

voidwizerd i figured if anyone does itd be you

carnivalsorphans aight, just feelings yeah, you bet sib a lot. and it's hard. just kinda.... keepin that real tight inside it winds ya up a bit warps you and makes ya feel all weird til ya can do somethin ta make it stop i used ta bleed myself and then paint with it, but wicked said that's bad, so i'm tryinna figure somethin else out

carnivalsorphans i felt that way bout anyone i actually give a fuck about, where any time they talk on their old shit it just makes me tense up and start this fuckin rumble

carnivalsorphans usually stop it afore it gets loud though kankri says he don't feel that way at all, but i bet there's somethin that'd wind him up that bad somethin for everyone that just makes em wanna beat someone bloody

voidwizerd yeah it just its like wrappin your insides up tighter n tighter n tighter n it feels like itll rip n spill everythin out

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd so fuck, if its gonna tear eventually why not choose myself how that happens???

carnivalsorphans yeah and i'd think at least no one was gettin hurt but me and i like pain anyhow

carnivalsorphans and it spills out nice and slow and i get somethin pretty at the end of it but ... ya gotta pick ya poison, sometimes

voidwizerd i guess i did that last one kinda fr different reasons n a bit more extreme but ha ha ........i fuckin hate copin

carnivalsorphans yeah, it's hard i got a lot ta cope with

carnivalsorphans used ta think i was better than addiction, but i ... dunno. feel like an addict sometimes. wicked says i might be one, even. instead of the bottom of a bottle, i just got my claws

voidwizerd just bout anythin can be addicted to i used to run until my body gave out only way my mind would go quiet i miss th quiet

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd but Kankri would worry

carnivalsorphans fuck havin connections ta people hahaha

voidwizerd right its terrible but also i wouldnt know what happy is like either

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd th loneliness was killin me ha like literally lmaooooo

carnivalsorphans yeah i can feel that

voidwizerd well no okay technically i was doin that my own damn self

carnivalsorphans you wouldn't think, surrounded by church who loves me

carnivalsorphans but ya know. lonely at the top

voidwizerd fuckin pussy i was broke in less than two sweeps. whoop whoop yeah yeah i bet lonely is terrible, fuck that shit

carnivalsorphans used ta be worse but used ta be, i didn't care .... way way fuckin back when saw people bein all close to eachother and it seemed like a waste a fuckin time and energy and like they was a bit away from stabbin eachother in the back

carnivalsorphans .... fuckin ignorance was bliss

voidwizerd ha wouldnt it be so much easier just to not

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd not need that not fuckin CLING to affection like a goddamn lifeline bc its either that n bein treated like garbage or bein treated like nothin at all

carnivalsorphans yeah, fuck that

voidwizerd hurt or isolation take your pick trick question they both hurt and they both make you feel isolated

carnivalsorphans yeah hahahahaha

carnivalsorphans rather have real hurt though. makes shit hard ta focus on .... sometimes, at least

voidwizerd mmn

carnivalsorphans > Try not to think of Artemi. > Try /really hard/

voidwizerd do i like pain fr kinky reasons or do i like it bc i just want someone to beat me to shit

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd these are th questions

carnivalsorphans just assume it's a little a both

carnivalsorphans nothin's ever so black and white sometimes a lil more of one, sometimes a lil more of another

voidwizerd fuckin

carnivalsorphans and sometimes it fades away so much ya almost forget it's there

voidwizerd hate that shit

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd wish it could be simple shouldnt knowin yourself be simple but nah

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd other ppl know me better than me

carnivalsorphans depends on how fuckin much you want to know

voidwizerd aint that just th fuckin way

carnivalsorphans i've tried real hard not ta let anyone know me fuckin hate bein /known/ bein... able ta pin down predict

voidwizerd sure is a thing its scary

voidwizerd scarier than anythin

carnivalsorphans .... yeah and not just cuz i'm scared for my church not just cuz i'm scared a how people will take it just... 's

voidwizerd if i didnt trust Kankri so much id prolly just. go outta my fuckin mind of terror. ha

carnivalsorphans yeah every time me and wicked have a real talk, i get a bit.... tense. all tensed up for him ta fuckin recoil or use shit against me or probably ain't the best way ta feel with ya rail, but

voidwizerd no i i get that fuck dude i literally couldnt tell you how often Jane n Dirk did that to me but my stupid ass kept confidin in em anyway

carnivalsorphans hahaha i never risked it sometimes i'd tell shit to people i was

voidwizerd only reason i didnt confide w Jake at all was cause he never paid attention to anythin that wasnt bout him

carnivalsorphans hurtin. i ain't ever had enough trust in fuckers to do that sorta shit too often

voidwizerd shit dude if ur only confidantes are th ppl ur torturin you just might need to get out more

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha yeah

carnivalsorphans i kinda went a bit nuts after i fell got better though

voidwizerd good on you shoulder pat for success

carnivalsorphans there's a lotta things i miss bout that time. probably more than i should. one more addiction ta add onto the pile

voidwizerd ha careful dude dont wanna be breakin records here

carnivalsorphans hahahaha i've lived a long time, i set all the records

voidwizerd my point is to get better rather than worse knucklehead though ha tbh this is one of those lights i doubt thats really a possible thing

carnivalsorphans hahaha how bout we just try for not gettin worse tolight? wanna come over? for the sake a not bein alone

voidwizerd i .....yeah thanks

carnivalsorphans fuck knows i ain't gonna be good for bein alone tonight neither. .... but i don't really wanna worry wicked over me bein all whatever i am right now

voidwizerd "whatever" is a good word fr feelins tonight "whatever" with a side of "sad n violent"

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd apparently not a regular or good thing to feel .. is it bad fr me to be so relieved you get this way too

carnivalsorphans naw 's normal ta feel relieved that ya ain't alone in ya experiences

carnivalsorphans fuck, that's sorta why i hang around sugary and vel and wicked

voidwizerd oh huh i guess i like. well i didnt even know i was angry until well

carnivalsorphans until you was burnin

voidwizerd yeah

carnivalsorphans i think vel sorta gets like that

voidwizerd i guess i been mad a long time but

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd long as i ignored it things never happened

carnivalsorphans people tend ta forget angry is somethin they is allowed ta be

voidwizerd until that naggin suspicion got confirmed, that i was treated no better than shit on someones heel, n i just welp there goes th neighborhood

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd anger is its big

carnivalsorphans anger is born out of sorrow a lot sorrow at fuckin... lack at bein wronged

voidwizerd .....yeah

carnivalsorphans at missed opportunities and bein taken advantage of

voidwizerd at at knowin i did nothin to get hurt n did *everythin* to win approval thats just

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd seventeen goddamn years of waste right there

carnivalsorphans yeah sweeps of lack of what ya deserved

voidwizerd i didnt deserve that

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd *they* deserved my goddamn fists i wish id fought back

carnivalsorphans it's aight to be angry bout that shit. people always say it's aight to mourn, but sometimes mournin involves gettin fuckin pissed

voidwizerd i wish id listened to my instincts

carnivalsorphans you did what ya knew ta do and that's... somethin

carnivalsorphans may not always feel good

voidwizerd i loved em too much was th problem id let anythin slide cause they was my whole world

carnivalsorphans ain't nothin wrong with lovin maybe a bit wrong with bein blinded by it, but there ain't nothin to be done about that except learn from it

voidwizerd yeah took

carnivalsorphans and fuckin... bein tempered hurts, but it does make ya stronger

voidwizerd fuckin 21 years but i learned

carnivalsorphans .... cmere?

voidwizerd yeah

voidwizerd yeah ill be there

carnivalsorphans > Probably help to send coords. > And then time to snug a friend

voidwizerd > Friend will cry and rant a lot but appreciate much. > Mostly cry.

carnivalsorphans > Pet the friend. Kiss their head and wipe away tears sometimes and comfort and offer inappropriate jokes when tears seem to be letting up.

voidwizerd > Jokes get a smile and then even more crying because what the fuck is an appropriate response to people caring about them.

carnivalsorphans > More kisses because how do you deal with people crying Normally anyway?

voidwizerd > Kisses back a little because that seems to help and not kissing back was starting to feel Weird.

carnivalsorphans > Prr? Wipe away tears, focus more on wiz than your own shit.

voidwizerd > Pr... Still feeling terrible, and thinking about bad gunk, but at least not alone. And good to be with someone who kinda gets it. "We're sorta fucked up huh."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah. But we make it work."

voidwizerd "Fuck dude we sure do. By the skin of our fuckin teeth but we're doin it."

carnivalsorphans "I think we're doin better than some people."

voidwizerd "That's optimistic." > Weak laugh.

carnivalsorphans "Naw, we ain't still stuck in our old shit. I think that's better off. Some people never get that far."

voidwizerd "...That's true." > Snuggle up more after decaptchaing more blankets. Feeling more vulnerable to Ringleader's chilliness.

carnivalsorphans > Oh, good. A layer between you and the warmth. ... Give the bundled wiz a squish. "There's somethin to be said for bein proud of how far we've come, at least. Even if we ain't where we wanna be yet." > .... Where does he want to be though?

voidwizerd "Where we even tryin to get to, though?" > Squish is good. Quiet purr.

carnivalsorphans > A snort. "Ya know, I was thinkin the exact same thing." > Loud purring.

voidwizerd "Don't that just figure. Tolight we're real fulla questions that don't got proper answers, huh."

carnivalsorphans "I dunno that we gotta know where we're goin ta be glad we're not where we were."

voidwizerd > Now you snort. "That's some deep shit."

carnivalsorphans "That's me. Deep as fuck. ya know my real secret now.

voidwizerd "I'm honored!" > Quiet laugh. Moody staring at nothing for a while. "Think I'm done cryin now. Got that hollow sense settlin in nice an blegh.”

carnivalsorphans “Yeah, fuck that. I only appreciate that shit when i’m needin to think after bein pissed. And even then, it ain’t the same as true calm.”

voidwizerd "Mmh. Better than feelin I'm about to like... break into a million billion pieces. Like takin a sledgehammer to a window. Ha." > Blink slow. Slower. You're not moving so much.

carnivalsorphans > Squish. You ain't their rail, it's not your responsibility to make sure they're all... In tact. .... But still, you're a bit concerned. A tiny bit. "Anythin I can be doin ta help?"

voidwizerd "'unno. Feelin's gone for now." > Whoops, that there is a yawn. You rub your face, trying to stay awake. "What about you?"

carnivalsorphans "Feel.... Warm." Soft purring. "Probably about time ta pass out."

voidwizerd "Mmh." Sprawl out a bit. "Thanks for bein my comrade in shittiness."

carnivalsorphans "Misery demands company and all that. Plus i like hangin around you."

voidwizerd "Gay."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah." Forehead kiss.

voidwizerd > Mumble a barely comprehensible "suuuuper gay" before nodding off. > RL's a good friend.

carnivalsorphans > Pet Wiz a little longer before going to sleep yourself.

#logs #carnivalsorphans #[[ okay they talk about a lotta junk so here goes ]]#violence //#addiction //#alcoholism //#alcohol //#self harm //#abuse //#torture //#ask to tag //

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