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sunqyu · 4 years

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~ First kiss with Treasure pt. 1 (Hyunsuk, Jihoon, Yoshi, Junkyu, Mashiho and Jaehyuk)

Request: “ First kiss with treasure? (reaction something like that) love your blog, you ARE the cutie 💞💞 “ - Anon

OHH THANK YOUUU. That means a lot to my beginner-writers-heart. This request is also absolutely adorable so thank you for sending it in! Hope you enjoooy. Since it’s a little longer (I got carried away with Hyunsuk and then wanted to give all the boys some detail which got me carried away even more so aye, there’s that) it’s two parts, the second one is here - Nova

Hyunsuk

the type to really wait for the exact right time

wants it to be a memorable moment for you two to look back on later

which might lead to some frustration for you

because before he actually goes for it there have been a lot of moments where you might’ve thought ‘THIS IS IT. IT’S HAPPENING.’

but no, to Hyunsuk it still needed a little extra

for some reason I feel like it would be when you are both a little sleepy

after a long day together that was filled with fun things

but also a few less fun things

maybe you got lost somewhere or took the wrong train back

one of those days that would’ve been quite exhausting and frustrating if it hadn’t been with you

finally home he’d turn on your favorite show and you’d just lay on the couch together, exhausted but content

with that feeling in your legs you get after walking all day and finally laying down, all warm

you were talking about something which the show reminded you of but he’s just lost in thought, a little snoozy

thinking about how happy he’s actually been since he met you

‘Hey-.. look at me.’ soft drowsy voice

he’d stay still for a second when you look up from laying on his chest

just taking in the way you look and feel so warm against him

before you can ask what’s up he’d slowly close the distance

it would be a slow but simple kiss, lingering a little before he pulls back with the same admiring look on his face

‘I’m sorry- what were you saying?’

Jihoon

might be quite fast and random actually

because he likes surprising you out of nowhere

it’s the confused look on your face that makes it so much fun for him

especially if it makes you blush

‘cause god that makes you look cute

that also means it would probably be on impulse

so not necessarily at end of the date

maybe even at the beginning (damn, imagine)

he’d pick you up at your place and you’re still grabbing your stuff

the idea would pop up in his head only a few seconds before

but the execution has to be perfect ofcourse

so he leans against the doorpost all casually while pretending to do something on his phone

when he’s really just swiping side to side on his homescreen

even though he’s trying to look unbothered, on the inside he’s SCREAMING

already feels his ears getting red when he hears your footsteps coming closer

ready? action.

looks up with the most nonchalant look he can muster

‘Oh, you’re ready to go? Cool.’

the moment you stand close enough he’d put his free hand on your cheek

moving way quicker than he had planned

the kiss would be meaningful and last a few seconds so you could process what was happening before it was over

he would grab your hand while turning around right away to start walking

trying not to show the big grin on his face right away but you’d still hear it in his voice

‘Let’s goo-.’

Yoshi

such a wholesome bean

would definitely want it to be outside

with some nice scenery

the whole simplistic romance-sh’bang

preferably cold weather, maybe in the evening when it’s just starting to get dark

nearing the end of a date but not aaall the way at the end

maybe you two went out to eat at a new place he wanted to show you

and since he never gets tired of spending time with you he suggested to get hot cocoa and walk around the city after

you finished the hot cocoa over an hour ago but your conversations were endless so you just kept walking without a destination

these were the moments he loved most

just you and him connecting over little things and sharing memories that have shaped you to be who you are now

no nonsense, no chaos, just your presence and nothing to distract him from it

eventually you had walked so far that the busy city streets were now gravel paths, trees lined up on both sides

since the sun had almost set entirely it was getting colder too

he had already given you his jacket the moment you walked out of the restaurant (that BAPE one from treasure map ep 4 and 5, iconic)

but he could tell it would be smart to start heading home

who knows how far that is at this point

he’d stop and turn to you

‘Maybe we should head home, don’t you think? I don’t want you to get sick.’

seeing you nod as you look up at him all snuggly in his jacket

it would be the first actual moment of silence after hours of soft and meaningful conversations

he’d think to himself how there’s only one thing that could make this moment even better

talking slowly but clearly since, no matter the big moment, he’d still feel at ease

‘Can I kiss you?’

the big smile that lit up your face would be enough as an answer

he’d close the distance rather quickly, cupping your face in his hands

which he purposefully held in his pockets the moment he decided he was going to ask so they wouldn’t be cold

you’d be able to feel him smile slightly

and as cliché as it may sound, in that moment it really felt like nothing else mattered

‘Let’s get you home now.’

just one more quick kiss before you’d walk in the other direction

conversation continuing where you left off

Junkyu

I do think he’d try to have something planned

I know that’s not reaaally like him but since it’s the very first kiss he’s definitely thought about it in advance

at the end of your previous date he’d be laying bed thinking, ‘Next time. Yes, next time I’m going to kiss her. I have to.’

trying to hype himself up

before the date itself he’d also say it in the mirror ‘You got this. Today’s the day.’

would be acting a bit weird throughout the date because of it

zoning out from time to time, trying to think of a way to make it happen all natural and smooth

a few hours pass by

the pressure is rising

he wasn’t really planning on making it a classic goodnight’s kiss

but here you are, standing in front of your door with you telling him how much fun you had

‘I’m sorry- what did you say?’

come on brain, work with him now

he’s focusing so hard without even knowing what he’s focusing on

you waving your hand in front of his face to make him come back to earth worked as a trigger

without realizing it he takes a step closer and just goes for it

naturally reaching out to hold your hand in his, the other catching up later and gently landing on your waist

all the weight is lifted from his shoulders when he feels you kiss him back

might even sigh softly before kissing you again

that second one would last a little longer, simply because he’s so happy he finally did it

breaks the kiss shortly, staying close to you

‘If only you knew how long I’ve wanted to do that.’

Mashiho

might be the most confident out of them all

still sees it as a big moment but is aware of the fact that stressing about it won’t make it any better

also knows that there will be loads more kisses to come which makes him happy ‘n giddy

even though he’s confident I still think he’d wait a little while

he wants to be 100% sure that you are ready and he’s not rushing you

the phase at the beginning of dating where you’re both still kind of figuring each other out is also very meaningful to him, likes taking things slow

he’d plan a date at home when the rest of the boys aren’t there

a movie-date but make it EXTRA

candles, pillows and blankets on the floor (far away from the fire because safety hazard)

instead of just opening a bag of chips you’d make something together

preparing nacho’s with all the toppings he could think of

maybe even a cheese platter (HOT DAMN FANCY MAN)

just loads of very strong and obvious upgrades to your usual evenings at home

after putting the nacho’s in the oven you’d ask him ‘now what?’

the urge to say he knows something to do would be so big but he doesn’t want to ruin the moment with too much cheesiness (ha, get it? nachos?) so instead he just says

‘well- I was going to wait until later but then again, why should I?’

you’d look at him confused

‘I’m going to kiss you, dummy.’

he’d snicker softly as your expression changed

still paying attention to how you reacted as he took a step closer

noticing you weren’t moving away at all he’d gently kiss you

a few seconds pass before he deepens the kiss, confidence increasing as he could tell you were leaning in just as much

the rest of the evening would be filled with lots of cute quick kisses

so happy he didn’t wait until later

Jaehyuk

a gentleman (but make it uwu)

reaaally takes his time

thinks he’s doing great and treating you right when in reality you’re so close to just going for it yourself

also seems quite traditional so I think he’d do it when he brings you home after a date

but unlike Junkyu he planned it that way

after you two went shopping together and he offered to buy you literally every single thing you said was even remotely nice-looking

you took loads of pictures together that day too

in one he pretends to kiss your cheek (like from a few cm away) to see your reaction

when you didn’t seem to mind it gave him a little more confidence for later on

on the walk to your house he’d let go of your hand to grab his phone and send you the pictures

you taking the initiative to grab his hand again after he put his phone away was like the icing on top of his confidencecake

once you reach your frontdoor he would feel that this is it, this is the moment he’s been preparing himself for

‘I really enjoyed spending time with you today. Every time we hang out I just have so much fun. I really reaally enjoyed it.’

nods along to emphasize some of his words

‘You already mean so much to me. I can’t wait for all the other memories we are going to make together.’

he’d take time to listen to you too, feeling his heart swell with all the sweet comments

‘Can I-?’

and lets be real you’ve waited for this so long that he doesn’t even have to finish his sentence before you start nodding

it would be so sweet, his hand featherlike on your cheek from how gentle he was

only after you kiss back he’d hold you a little tighter, still careful as if you’re made of glass

‘Could you be anymore perfect?’

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years

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No Matter What

CW: Hungover whumpee – headache, nausea, etc all mentioned. Alcohol use referenced. References to throwing up, nothing graphic or descriptive. References to conditioning, past noncon and its effect on a whumpee and their view of themselves years later, trauma responses, and trauma recovery. VERY brief transphobia reference. References to domestic violence and child abuse, including verbal abuse and abandonment.

I… promise I was going for fluff.

Set post this drabble where Chris is drinking and this one where Laken gets him back to Jake’s house.

Tagging: @burtlederp, @finder-of-rings, @endless-whump, @whumpfigure, @stxckfxck, @slaintetowhump, @astrobly, @newandfiguringitout, @doveotions

Oh, he hurts.

His head is one giant throbbing ache, like someone wrapped a hammer in wool and smacked around his brain until it bounced against his skull. The worst pain is just behind his eyes and he can barely crack them open before he has to squinch them shut again, pulling a pillow over his head with a groan to hide from the hint of morning sunlight cutting lines through the blinds.

He knows enough to know he’s in his own room at home, not his dorm, but he’s not entirely sure how he got here and why he’d come here, anyway.

One hand presses the pillow down - the pressure against the top of his head feels so good, cool from the pillowcase but firm, soothing some of the ache - and the other moves to find the feather around his neck, rubbing at the little carved vanes in the gray plastic. Did he take the feather last night? He must have, but he can’t remember anything past throwing up Sir’s favorite martini in the bar’s bathroom, rinsing his mouth out, drinking water straight from the bathroom sink and then going back out to order a gin and tonic and do it all again.

He hurts.

Did the bartender refuse to give him the gin and tonic? He might have, he knows Kauri, all the ones who know Kauri - and it feels like every bar in town knows Kauri and half the men in them - seem to know who Chris is, too, the second he walks in the door.

He hopes the bartender refused him.

He hopes he didn’t offer the bartender anything more than money.

There’s a shifting weight in the bed next to him and Chris freezes, for just a second the breath catches in his throat, but then he relaxes with the knowledge that it can only be Jake or Antoni, there aren’t anymore silk sheets, there aren’t anymore nights with his hands gripping the headboard to hold back the scream inside his head, there won’t ever be again.

Dead in the ground, rotting away, his Sir can’t hurt him anymore.

Chris swallows - there’s a pain in his throat, too, probably from throwing up, and his mouth tastes awful, his tongue is a dry dead weight - and dares peek out from under the pillow.

Laken lays next to him in the bed on their stomach, naked except for their underwear, a pair of black boxer briefs that look like bike shorts, lying on their stomach and Chris would love the way the light hits their shoulder blades if he wasn’t hurting too badly to focus his eyes.

Their hair is a riot of thick black curls across the pillow their head rests on, lips curled in the slightest half-smile. Chris just watches their back rise and fall as they breathe for a few seconds, wondering what happened after his last memory - stumbling out of the bathroom at the bar, shoving Will away, going back to the bar for another drink.

Hating himself for being glad his Sir is gone, hating his Sir for what he had done to Chris’s life, loving his Sir for all the times he was the only good thing in the world, loving him so much he couldn’t bear the loss.

Laken is beautiful, their mouth slightly open, parted just enough to show a hint of the bottom of their top teeth, maybe the slightest bit of pink tongue. Black eyelashes lay so lightly along their skin, eyeliner from the night before still there with the little swoop at the ends smudged into something closer to smoke than kohl.

Laken is a lightning bolt that walks the earth near him, and Chris is a bit of copper tarnished, turning green, a penny rubbed to shiny nothingness with all the hands that have touched him when he had no voice to refuse their attention.

Laken is worth everything there is, and Chris feels like money no one will take because too many hands have already held it.

Chris’s fumbles blindly off the bed, searching for the side table he knows is right there, finding his phone facedown next to the lamp and pulling it under the pillow with him. The lockscreen is a photo of he and Laken together down by the campus lake, Laken in their usual black-and-slightly-less-black with a slight knowing smile and Chris laughing at whatever Dill was saying when he took the picture. He winces at the brightness, the light and the looks on their faces, and unlocks it with the pincode, 5-2-5-3.

The homescreen is he and Jake and Antoni standing outside the house the day it belonged to Jake for real, Jake holding the deed in one hand and his arm around Chris’s shoulders, all of them smiling. Chris kind of hates that photo, too, right now.

He scrolls through text messages, wincing as he sees his own words garbled, letters switched, eventually nearly nonsensical. He wants to sink into the ground and disappear when he sees seven calls, three to Laken, two to Jake, one to Antoni, a final call to Laken again. He must have called them to come get him, but he can’t remember any of these calls, not one.

There’s a soft sound from near the door and Chris pulls the pillow off his head, wincing as the pounding headache suddenly worsens, making him close his eyes against it and whimper, lowin his throat. Oh, last night was a mistake. Through his eventual hesitant squint, he can see Jake framed in the open doorway, holding two steaming mugs of coffee, with the white childproof cap to a bottle of tylenol visible just above the rounded shape of the pill bottle stuck in his front pocket.

Chris blinks at him - once, twice, three times - and then slowly nods, watching Jake come in. He’s so tall, full of muscle and there’s so much to him. Jake is sunlight and a warm touch and Chris should have known Jake would be the second thing he saw when he woke up here, that he would have coffee ready.

Jake’s eyes flicker to where Laken is still sleeping, then back to Chris, and he carefully gestures at them with his coffee. It takes Chris’s hurting, slow-moving brain a minute to realize Jake wants him to cover Laken up more, give them some privacy so Jake can’t see their back, see them topless, see them without the ever-present binder that Chris pictures even when he thinks of Laken naked.

Laken seems so vulnerable, without it. Lightning brought lower, closer to earth. Chris pulls the covers up on their side until only their head and hair is showing and then slowly pushes himself up to seated, rubbing at his forehead, swallowing over and over even though his mouth is dry.

“G-... g’mornin’, Jake,” He whispers. His throat hurts. How much did he throw up last night? Did he throw up here, too, not just in the bar?

“Hey, kiddo.” The scrape of the ceramic against the side table as Jake sets down the mugs is so loud. Chris whines and drops his head back down, looking pitiful and he knows it. His hair is a dirty blue mess around his head, from sweating and dancing and holding it back with one hand as he bent over a barroom toilet, crying all his grief out.

He wants to cut all his hair off, suddenly. Shave it short, as short as the hair on the sides of Laken’s head. Let it grow in strawberry blond all over again, back how he used to be, when his hair was the thing Sir loved most about him. Would sit and rub it between thumb and forefinger while Chris hid under his desk, perfectly still and silent, statue boy to decorate a man’s days nd nights.

Laken shifts but doesn’t wake, and Chris is too dirty, too gross to be anywhere near someone so good and clean and without all the things Chris has had to learn, to do. Did he and Laken talk last night? He has memories, he thinks, of taking his shirt off - of Laken leaning over him - of maybe saying things he knows he should regret, but he can’t remember what exactly he said.

The pain and the cotton-brain want him to stay lying down but the feeling of how dirty he is, inside and out, drives Chris up. The grime on his skin, left by his handler and his Sir and everything that hurt him inside and out, pulls him out of the bed to stand on trembling legs in just his boxers - when had his pants come off? How had his pants come off? Laken maybe? He picks up one of the coffees and leaves the other for if Laken wakes up and moves, one hand holding the feather bumping against his bare chest, the other clutching the coffee as a lifeline.

It’s not until they’re in the hallway with the door closed behind them that Jake says, in a low voice, “How you feeling?”

“Like I, I, I-I-I ate a live ostrich and, and threw it back up and then ate another one,” Chris mutters, and Jake’s lips twitch in a smile he tries to hide underneath genuine sympathy.

“I’m sorry, man.” Jake pushes a bit of hair out of his eyes for him as Chris takes a sip, and the coffee doesn’t taste like anything but hot but that’s still better than the taste that was in his mouth before.

“Sorry for, for, for what?”

“That I forgot the day. I’ve been really busy with work shit and I let it slip that it was going to be the anniversary yesterday. I should’ve called you, been there for you, and I wasn’t. I knew it would be hard.” Jake’s blue eyes are full of utter sincere regret, and Chris moves to him with all the instinctive trust and need he’s always had for his big brother to fold his arms around him, hold him, chase away the lingering need to be good.

Some of the pain fades, in Jake’s arms, like it always has.

“You don’t have to, to… to babysit me just because he’s dead a year,” Chris mumbles against the fabric of Jake’s t-shirt. Same smell as always - same laundry detergent, same Jake-skin, same deodorant, same same same. The smell of safe. “I, I shouldn’t have gone out, anyway.”

“Yeah, well, we’ve all gone out and gotten blackout over stupid shit before, in this house,” Jake says gently, resting his chin lightly on Chris’s head. “I once got drunk and called an ex-boyfriend and cried about how much I missed him when I was the one who dumped him. For cheating on me. Six times. So… no judgement here. Recovery’s a process, not a straight line, man.”

“You, you, you you you sound like Nat.”

“Yeah, well, my whole career plan is to turn into her, isn’t it? Might as well start there.”

There’s a silence for a second, and Chris sighs, keeping his eyes closed, not willing to face the light and the pain in his head again just yet. “I think I, I, I said something stupid to Laken last night.”

“Couldn’t have been too stupid, they came downstairs after you fell asleep talking about how great you are.” Jake shrugs, the movement shifting him where he holds Chris.

“They did not.” Chris feels blood rush to his face, the flush in his cheeks making him dizzy. His stomach lurches and spins with nausea but sipping the coffee, held so carefully between his body and Jake’s, helps. “They, they, they they-they did not.”

“Yep. They got you to bed around 2 and we were up ‘til almost 4 just talking about how fucking great you are. Accept it, kiddo, you’re stuck with both of us even on your bad nights.”

Chris is quiet for a long moment and then whispers, “He didn’t even-... even have me that, that, that-that that… that long.”

It takes Jake a second to change gears when Chris does, and then he takes in a breath. “It’s not about time, Chris. This shit doesn’t work that way.”

“I, I didn’t want to be good, Jake. I always… I, I always wanted to scream.”

“I know, man.” Jake presses a kiss to dirty blue hair, without hesitating, without caring what Chris looks like, how everything about him feels gross now. Layered over with what was taken away, what he can’t get back. “I know you did.”

“I… think I tried, to, to get Laken to… have sex with me last night.” The words tremble, they’re miserable. He’s ashamed of himself for trying to make something happen he didn’t even want, just because it would have felt familiar. Reliving the memories he has, forgetting for a while about the ones he wasn’t allowed to keep.

“They wouldn’t have,” Jake says. There’s a pause, and then he adds, “And I’d slaughter them myself if they did. Just… I could probably google how to hide a body, right?”

Chris can’t help the way he shakes in silent laughter, but it makes his head hurt worse and he buries himself back against Jake’s collarbone, sipping the coffee in the safety of Jake’s arms. “Probably, sh-... shouldn’t. Get on a, a, a list.”

“Oh, Chris. I’ve been on a government fucking watchlist since I got arrested at my first pet lib protest. I like being on all their lists. Makes me feel important. C’mon, let’s go downstairs, I’ll make some eggs and hash browns to soak up all that alcohol you poisoned yourself with.” Jake moves, and Chris goes with him, secure in the arm that stays around his shoulders, in the slight rattle of the painkillers in Jake’s pocket as they head down the hall. He can hear Antoni’s light snoring from behind his bedroom door and smiles, just a little. It’s nice, having Laken come here, be part of the other half of his life, the one where he can be safely known.

Jake gets him settled at the table, keeping the lights off and the kitchen dim, pulling the curtains closed. In the slightly surreal half-light Chris feels more relaxed, pulls his feet up to sit cross-legged on the kitchen chair, feeling at the feather hanging around his neck, letting the shift of air through the kitchen make his skin feel less sticky and gross, less dirtied by last night and the years before.

“More coffee?”

Somehow Chris had had the whole cup. He frowns down into it and then looks back up at Jake. “Is, is, is is is it okay for me to have, um, more?”

“More caffeine? Yeah, Chris. Trust me, everyone in this house needs more sleep than what we got last night. Three cups of coffee’ll knock you right out, and here we are at two.” Jake pours him more, even adds milk and sugar for him, and Chris hums and takes more sips, finally tasting the coffee’s flavor and not just its temperature. Something in him soothes, as his thumb rubs at the rough ridges in the feather necklace again and again and again.

“I, I… I think I should, uh, break up with Laken.”

Jake stills, at the cutting board where he’s grating potatoes for the hashbrowns. He doesn’t look back at Chris, but there’s a tension in his shoulders when he asks, “Now why would you need to do that?”

Chris swallows another mouthful of coffee, and answers in a low voice. “They shouldn’t have to, to, to-to deal with this, Jake. With…” He pauses, and the words bottleneck in his mind, three separate tracks of thought colliding in a terrible wreck of with someone this dirty with someone who was used like this with someone who misses the man who hurt them with someone like me

with someone like me

“Chris… I’m the last person to lecture on trust issues, or pushing people away, but…” Jake takes a breath and looks over at him. Chris’s lower lip trembles, just a little, at the wealth of love in his eyes. “Have you considered that it’s Laken’s decision to make? That they’ve already had the chance to say it’s too much - when they found out what you had to heal from - and instead they chose to stay?”

“But-”

“Ask them if they want to handle it, but I know that if you were my boyfriend, I’d want to stay.” Jake goes back to grating the potatoes, his hand moving in sure strokes to press the flat-cut end of the rounded potato and Chris watches the thin grated bits create a small pile under the grater, like a rounded pyramid.

“Even though-”

“Even though.” Jake says it firmly, strong as every stone they pulled out of the backyard to make the new garden and moved to the front to look like landscaping. “I talked to your partner for two hours last night, Chris, and all they talked about that whole time was how great you are and how much they fucking love you.”

There are tears in Chris’s eyes that run down his face when he ducks his chin to hide them. His stomach roils, his throat aches, his head throbs and the coffee is only barely holding off the bad taste in his mouth. He doesn’t know what he said or did after the bar bathroom except he kind of thinks he came on to Laken in ways he didn’t want to, because lying in the bed screaming in his mind underneath someone who didn’t care had felt, for just a while, like it might be closer to who he really is than all the things he’d worked so hard to build after.

“When you love somebody,” Jake says, talking as though he doesn’t know that Chris is sniffling but really he does and he’s giving him the space to calm. Chris feels gratitude cut him apart into ribbons for the moments Jake will give him to breathe. “You do what you have to do. Sometimes that means being there when they fall apart.” Jake pauses, staring into space, then starts grating the next potato. “Sometimes it means… other things, going with them or letting them go or forgiving them for stupid shit they did a long time ago-”

Chris smiles, wondering what Nat’s up to today, anyway.

“-but last night Laken saw you fall to pieces and said, that one, that’s the one I want, that boy who lived through hell and came out smiling, that’s the Chris for me. Let that count, man. Let that mean something. They fucking love you. Shit run of luck and all.”

“I… I know.”

“Bigger than that, they think you deserve the love, just like Ant and I think you deserve it. Just like Nat thinks so, just like Kauri, just like everybody loves you, Chris, even on the days you don’t love yourself. I know everybody in this house absolutely fucking sucks at remembering to care as much for ourselves as we do for other people, but…”

Jake sighs and steps over to the table, opens up the painkiller bottle, lays two small blue pills in front of Chris. Chris fights back the residual fear and takes them, swallowing them dry. He’s never lost the ability to take pills whenever they are given to him, only lost the requirement.

“These will help your hangover. I can’t give you anything to fix feeling down on yourself except tell you that we’re all here, and I’m sorry, again, for forgetting about yesterday.”

“It’s b-been… it’s been almost f-five years since you saved me. I sh-shouldn’t… shouldn’t ever-... I shouldn’t, um, shouldn’t care any, anymore, right?”

Jake spreads the potatoes out on a baking pan, shakes salt and pepper over the top, slides them into the oven and sets the timer. A faint blast of heat from the oven hits Chris just before the door closes again.

Jake pours himself a cup of coffee, then, and sits across the table from Chris, holding the cup in both hands and looking him right in the eyes.

“My dad sent me fucking packing when I was fourteen years old,” Jake says, quietly, holding Chris’s gaze with his own. “With a black eye and my backpack still packed. The last thing my dad ever said to me was that I wasn’t worth loving, wasn’t his son anymore, my mom’s life and his would’ve been better if I never existed. The very last thing he said before I got on that bus was Jacob Collins Stanton, you are the worst mistake I wish I never made.”

His voice never wavers as he speaks, and Chris stares at him, his hangover forgotten in the wake of the horrified cold that washes through him at how casually Jake speaks, describing abandonment in the same tones he might talk about his least favorite topping for pizza.

“I haven’t seen him since then. I’m almost thirty, Chris. I haven’t seen my dad for half my fucking life and sometimes I still hear his voice in my head, telling me that shit. You were a mistake, no one’s going to love you, all that shit. It still makes it hard for me to trust anyone because if I couldn’t-...” Jake’s voice hitches only slightly then, but his face is impassive, hard to read.

His face tells Chris nothing, and the simple act of removing his usual open expressions tells Chris everything, too.

“-... if I couldn’t be good enough for the people who made me, who can I be good enough for? More than half my life, man, and I still… still live the way I do because of what that asshole tried to make me believe about myself and my mom. It built my whole life, that last conversation, because I thought to myself that I was going to be a better person than he was in every fucking way. And... here we are. So… yeah, it’s been five years, but you also do a lot of not letting yourself think about it, and… I think it caught up with you, man. The way it catches up with me sometimes, too.”

Chris keeps his hands curved around his coffee mug, then, and says softly, “I love you.”

“Yeah, I know. I love you, too.” Jake takes a drink of his coffee, gives Chris a half-smile. “It’s normal to have stuff come back like this. Especially when you do so much pretending it’s not there. Trust me, I know. Next time, though… call us before you need a ride home from a bar, huh? I’d rather be the one that goes with you, and I know Laken would have gone with you last night, too, if you’d asked. We… everyone in this house right now, including Laken… knows what it means to be told you’re too fucked up to deserve the love that you should never have been denied. But it’s a fucking lie.”

“The love?”

“The idea that you don’t deserve it. You deserved the life you had before they took it from you, you deserve the life you’re living now. You deserve Laken, and more importantly - Laken wants to be here. They’re choosing you, every time. Let them choose you. You’re not dirtied, I’m not a mistake, Antoni’s not responsible for all the pain he went through. Promise to remember that, if I do?”

Chris pauses, then reaches his hand out across the table for Jake to take, closing his eyes at the feeling of Jake’s thumb rubbing back and forth across his knuckles. “Promise. I, I, I’m not dirty.”

“I’m not a mistake.”

“An, Antoni isn’t a, um, a a a a bad person.”

“Laken’s a fucking deity and no asshole hiding behind his bigotry gets to tell them whether or not they’re worth loving unconditionally.”

Chris snorts laughter and opens his eyes to see Jake grinning at him, head tilted, coffee mug in hand. “You really did talk to them last night.”

“Yeah, I probably know more about their life story than you do by now. We bonded over shitty dads.”

Chris hesitates, then says again, “I’m, I’m not… dirty.”

Jake holds his eyes. “I’m not a mistake.”

“I’m good… good enough for Laken to, to, to-to love me. Even when, when I’m drunk and, and do stupid things.”

“Even when you’re drunk and do stupid things.”

“Even though I used to be-... to do-...” He can’t finish the sentence. He lets the silence hang between them, full of all the words he won’t say.

“Even then.” Jake squeezes his hand, and Chris squeezes back. “You can’t do anything, or have anything done to you, that takes away what you deserve. We love you, Chris, whether you like it or not. You’re stuck with a couple of fucked-up brothers and Laken, too. We’re all choosing you.”

Chris feels the tears again, barely holds them off, and smiles through blurry vision at Jake, who won’t let him fall too far into the cold horror of the light, who always pulls him back to the dark.

Upstairs, Laken sleeps, another person in this house who saw Chris fall apart and still said that one, that’s my Chris, the boy who went to hell and back, that’s the one I won’t let go of.

No matter what.

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cactus-bun · 3 years

Note

you don’t have to answer this if it’s too personal of a question- but what makes you like the two characters you draw so much? i don’t even know them unfortunately because the PMMM app got closed here in the US, so i wanted to know if there was some story that appealed to you but if this is too intrusive of a question feel free to not answer it! i am sorry if that is the case also

Oh, no, it's fine... the thing is I'm not really sure either? I have a LOT of thoughts on those two and my opinion on them tends to change every 5 hours or so, like a rotation... but anyway! I'll try my best to answer this. Please be aware of spoilers, and also general incoherent emotional vomit on my part… I’ll put my answer under a readmore because it got kinda long.

So first off the bat: Yes, there was/is a story that particularly appealed to me: the event that came with their release as playable characters (I can't say debut event because they did have earlier appearances, Ryouko even made it into ENreco lmao.)

I'll Keep Waving At You (I call it Waving for short since there are a bunch of different translations) is one of my favourite events in Magireco, which... admittedly may not be saying much, since I'm relatively neutral towards most events… but anyway. The event isn't translated into English yet but it is in Chinese, both fan-translated and official (on the TW version), so I can read it without having to rely on a Japanese dictionary. At the time of release, the event pretty much sold me on their relationship even though I couldn’t understand it fully due to the language barrier. Without going into it too much, the gist is that they meet by coincidence in a witch barrier, Ryouko solves a large problem that’s been deteriorating Sakuya’s wellbeing by being very nosy, they get along for half a day and then break off their relationship temporarily after agreeing to really become friends once the Arc 2 war is over. It’s all very fast-paced. There are a lot of great moments in the event but my favourite is probably this little internal monologue from Ryouko near the end of the event, right before they break up:

南津涼子: この時あたしは決めたんだ決めたというか…目標？

Ryouko: It was at this moment that I made up my mind. Or perhaps I should say… set a goal?

南津涼子: あたしはいつも「世の中のため」なんてめちゃくちゃ大袈裟な理由で戦ってる

Ryouko: I’d always been fighting for nonsensical and exaggerated reasons like “for the good of the world”.

南津涼子: それに比べたらめちゃくちゃ個人的で小さな目標だけど

Ryouko: Even though this is just an extremely personal and small goal compared to that

南津涼子: でも同じくらいの強い決心だ

Ryouko: my resolution is just as strong.

南津涼子: …さくやを縛るものから解放する

Ryouko: … I will release Sakuya from her binds.

南津涼子: そう、決めたんだ

Ryouko: That was what I decided.

shitty translation cause i did it but the gist is there. she cares so much i lose it every time i read this part. man. there’s just something about the way their characters mesh… oh also i should mention that one of ryouko’s overarching themes, the way i see it at least, seems to be “greater good vs personal desires”. the reason i say this is because ryouko’s a good buddhist, yeah? raised in a temple by her strict grandfather, being in the tokime clan, which fights for the good of japan, fighting for the good of the world, etc. but there are also a lot of times when her personal desires arise, like when she feels sakuya’s thighs up during their first meeting, her never actually cooking buddhist cuisine for the tokimes despite her being a buddhist and their Kamihama base being a buddhist temple with monks in it because she doesn’t like how bland buddhist cuisine is, and some of her voicelines:

hidden homescreen tap:

お前さん、意外といい体してんなぁ…！触っていいか？

“You (the player) have an unexpectedly nice body…! May I touch it?”

MSS select:

いっ…行かん！ついつい煩悩が…！

“It’s… It’s no good! Against my better judgement my worldly desires are…!”

doppel voiceline:

世界の平和か、あたしの幸せか？

“World peace, or my happiness?”

like that. yeah. so how that’s relevant… yeah i actually might’ve gotten a little sidetracked. originally their relationship was more like a romeo and juliet kind of thing, since they’re keeping each other in mind despite being in enemy factions, but since sakuya’s recently been out there doing some pretty outrageous stuff under PB, maybe it’s now more like the “falling for the wrong crowd” sorta trope. but i still want them to be able to resolve their issues. but i also have very low expectations on that cause 1) they’re minor characters and 2) i am not a fan of how the main story is written (this is an understatement) and i highly doubt anything will be resolved properly, if at all. but it’s fine. i’ve mostly made peace with it (i haven’t, it’s more of a resigned acceptance) and i also think that their relationship can be interpreted in different ways and still be interesting.

anyway not sure if anyone can tell but my feelings towards these two and their relationship are, as i said, very volatile. heck i think they may have changed at least 3 times while i was writing this. but i really want them to be able to work towards a proper resolution together…… (dead fish eye)

aaaaaaand i ended up answering nothing. but yeah. it was one specific story that drew me to them because they never got any event appearances after that except maybe the tsuruno/felicia pre-christmas event, but those technically aren’t actually them (i ended up overanalyzing that segment anyway.) out of all the magireco ships there are of course i end up obsessing over the one that breaks up so hard it becomes a 4* memoria LMAO

but anyway! thank you for the ask. pardon the incoherence but this was a pretty great opportunity to sort out my thoughts!

#ask #thanks for the ask!

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buckyodinson · 4 years

Note

✨ 21st century au with Javi? I just- Is this precious angel a disaster with technology?? Does he type with two fingers?? Does he hate snapchat? sO mAnY qUeSTioNs 🥺😬💕

✨ 21st century AU with Javier

if you thought Javi was a bit of a grump back in the 90s

imagine him when the WiFi on his laptop gives up and he loses all his work

stress TM

I think he’d be one of those people who are reluctant about technology, but is fairly decent at it regardless

he does have a smartphone, but he’d be happy with a flip phone

he doesn’t really do much on his phone other than text or call, and check his emails

you’ve downloaded a few other apps on there for him but he only ever uses them if you send him something in the app

I love the idea of him being a two-finger typer, maybe on his phone I could see it, but probably not on an actual computer, since he’s typing reports all the time at work, and I think he’d be a little fucked if he only used his pointer fingers

while he’s not the biggest fan of social media or anything like that, he’s not opposed to the little pictures you send him throughout the day

though snapchat does get on his nerves a bit, because he gets mad that the pictures disappear after a few seconds unless he’s quick enough to screenshot them

and he’s notoriously bad about being quick enough for it

he does especially like the ones with the stupid filters on, since they provide a little chuckle in the stress of the job

though, he does like the convenience of the camera on his phone, and he’ll often take candid photos of you when he thinks you look pretty (which is all the time)

and I guess having you as his lockscreen would be like the modern equivalent of having your photo in his wallet

I reckon he’d have a cute photo of the pair of you all dressed up as his lockscreen

and then his homescreen is a cute candid of you

I think Javi would still rock the same kinda look these days

except maybe the suits for work - less of those tan suits, and more navy or grey numbers

and a pretty decent black suit for especially formal situations

the leather jacket is still a staple piece in his wardrobe

but he doesn’t care much for modern fashion trends, he sticks mostly to his button ups and jeans (he doesn’t really care much for the super skinny jeans most guys tend to rock these days)

a fair few of his shirts are fairly bright colours, and he doesn’t really give a shit when guys at work make comments about the pink or purple hues

you particularly love the few plaid shirts he wears when you’re out and about

especially when he’s got the first few buttons undone

to relax from work, Javi enjoys going to the movies or to bars

I reckon Javi loves concerts as well, and if there’s ever some small gigs around, he’d want to go

but he also loves just hanging around your apartment watching Netflix with you

random but I could see Javi loving a show like Brooklyn Nine-Nine because he says some of the nonsense he sees at the DEA is very similar to the shenanigans on the show

I also think he’d like to watch conspiracy and crime documentaries with you on the weekend, and make his own theories about things

Send in a headcanon ask for one of Pedro’s boys!

Masterlist

Permanent taglist: @castieltrash1 @fioccodineveautunnale @mrsparknuts @fleurdemiel145

Javier taglist: @hillarymurray4

(please message or ask if you want to be added to or removed from a taglist!)

#javier pena x reader #javier peña x reader #pedro pascal x reader #javier pena headcanons

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crimsoncityhq · 4 years

Photo

The patrons clear out with the darkness, clicking their seatbelts into place as night creeps in on the long stretch of road that brings them home. Ariela Leon, Genevieve Bisset, Jessika Delmonica, Leo Vasile, Tyson Kane, Olivia Madden, Cassidy Faust, Edie James, Holden Mercer, Mathias Attano, Nadia James, Barnaby Eaton, Emma Bartlett, Joey O’Shea, Lorenzo De Luca, Oliver Faust, Anton Volkov, Forest Duncan, Juno Song, Lucian Faust, Rosalia Leon, and Alexander "Alexis" Delaney, who spent a cozy night in their respective cells, are released by dawn to the dismay of the courageous officers who arrested them. Those who evaded their grasp—thus evading the stark, red rings around their wrists courtesy of a pair of too-tight cuffs—breathe their sighs of relief, whether they are innocent or sly contributors to the crossfire.

Peace, though, is something you won’t find in Chicago no matter your optimism, and while those who cried guilty to their crimes get to sleep peacefully the next night, those who maintained their resolve are now the targets.

Everyone who didn’t finish their drunken evening of behind bars hears that distinct ding, and a text notification pops up on their homescreens. The faces of their loved ones—friends, family, maybe a pet; whatever tacky thing they have plastered on their phones—hide beneath the blurb of an unknown number. At first, it seems like nonsense, like some sort of prank by someone countries away behind a computer screen, but it becomes evident this is no accident.

It’s time to make a choice.

The End of Summer event has officially concluded ! If you do not have your submit open, PLEASE OPEN IT NOW. Characters who were arrested will not be receiving a text.

#crimson.event

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pixeldreqms · 4 years

Photo

september 2018

there's an estimated forty days left of filming and already, ian's dreading the end. he's been trying harder to enjoy the little moments, and not just be miserable because he knows they won't last forever. it's hard, but he's trying. he's almost never as happy as he is when he's with these people, his fellow losers, and he doesn't want to waste the time he has left with them.

forty days.

probably closer to thirty nine now since it's past midnight. one more day down. but that's something he's not letting himself linger on. instead, his eyes settle on kennedy who is getting his ass kicked in a video game but is still laughing so loud that the sound is filling the entire basement of the rented house. he focuses on that sound and can't help but smile. he focuses on it and he swears every sad thought in his head floats away, just like that.

he accepted earlier in the summer that his feelings for kenny weren't as platonic as he had originally thought. but in his defense, he was only twelve when they first met. he had a lot of figuring out to do.

he's figured it out now.

he loves all his friends, strongly and deeply, and he's a little co-dependent with more than a couple of them. if he goes a day without talking to evan, he genuinely misses him. he goes out of his way to visit the burgess' at every given chance. each member of the cast has expressed annoyance with the way he spams the group chat while they're all asleep. he's entirely convinced he needs june to survive. and he feels all that with kenny, too, so it took him some time to realize just how much more he felt. and how he felt things for him that went well beyond the things he felt for everyone else he loved.

he doesn't get an overwhelming urge to lean in and kiss any of his other friends when they get too close, for starters. that was a big tip off for ian.

kenny jokingly winked at him once and he felt like someone had lit him on fire.

he constantly found himself shoving others aside just to stand by him in group photos or to sit by him on a couch during a movie.

his own behavior should have been a giveaway right away, but he's not exactly very experienced in that area. not in just dating, but even with liking people. he's only really had one real crush before, and he'd been twelve. and he'd never liked one of his guy friends before either - but he'd accepted that fact easily. given how many male tv characters he'd been infatuated with over the years, and his long-standing secret harry styles obsession that started back when he was ten years old, he'd always suspected he wasn't totally straight. he still hasn't slapped a label on himself yet, but he doesn't think he needs to know for sure what he is to know that he definitely has feelings for kenny.

feelings that are so intense that sometimes he can't even think about anything else. feelings that are so all-consuming that all he wants to talk about 24/7 is kenny and he has to force himself, multiple times a day, to shut up about him or else he'll give himself away or let too much slip. and he knows better than to say anything, to kenny, or to anyone.

but god he wants to.

he's kept this feeling bottled up for months now, though it feels like so much longer, and sometimes he feel like he's gonna burst from how bad he wants to talk about it. his journal only has so many pages he can wax poetic about kenny onto, and he's sure even the inanimate object is sick of hearing about his crush. he needs a pair of real ears. and maybe someone to tell him he's not stupid or crazy for falling for his best friend. because boy oh boy does he feel like he is sometimes.

evan's loud hooping and hollering covers up the sound of kenny's laughter, and ian rolls his eyes but can't help but grin in amusement. his victory had been predicted since mid-game, but evan was still celebrating like he'd done something impressive.

in an attempt to show kenny support, ian raises his arm and gives evan and his win a thumbs down. "booooooo."

he gets two middle fingers raised at him for his efforts. he thinks that's all he's getting in return for voicing his disapproval, until evan drops the controller and comes flying past the gaming area, past the couch, and leaping onto ian where he's sprawled across a huge bean bag chair.

"hey, i wanted to play the winner!" jeremy shouts from the couch in front of the tv, where the other four teenagers had been sat, partially watching the game, partially on their phones, mostly having their own conversations.

ian easily could have squeezed in with them, but he couldn't resist a good bean bag. plus, he was closer to the little mini bar area that this place had. the bar itself wasn't stocked with alcohol, not that ian cares or jeremy's mom would have let them drink anyway, but she kept the shelves and mini fridge stocked. ian likes being close to the snacks.

"well i'm over here now!" evan yells back. the loud volume right in ian's ear makes him wince. "play the loser. kenny, that's you. you're the loser."

ian shoves evan off of him and onto the floor. "dick."

"no," evan says, rejecting his removal from the chair. "move your ass."

"no." but he does it anyway. he can't move much or else he'd be on the floor, because yes it's a big seat, but they're both months away from being sixteen and are not the same small twelve year olds they'd been when they first met. they've hit massive growth spurts since then. sharing small spaces isn't as easy as it once was, but it doesn't stop them from trying. evan ends up with one of his legs completely over ian's and their shoulders pressed together. ian lets it happen, but he's still mildly annoyed about it. "wow, this is so comfortable. i'm so glad you came all the way over here to dig your elbow into my stomach. feels great."

"are you saying you don't want to sit with me, you a**hole?" evan asks.

evan's elbow digs deeper into his side and ian's pretty sure it's on purpose. he grimaces and shifts as much as he can but still doesn't move out of the seat.

"that's literally exactly what i'm saying, yeah. you stink."

the bickering continues, because it never really ends with them. there's an almost constant flow of jokes and jabs between them. but for as much as they give each other sh*t, him and evan have definitely had their fair share of genuine moments between them. anytime ian has an anxiety attack in a group setting, evan's one of a few who knows how to calm him. ian's called him crying about his family or about wanting to go home more than once. there was also the time on set during their first movie together where after an intense, emotional scene, they'd both cried and hugged each other until they got it out of their system. sometimes his relationship with evan reminds him of his relationship with his sister, and the way they can pick and pick at each other, but at the end of the day, they'd die for one another.

it's just really fun to insult each other, so they do it often.

eventually, after evan shouts at ian to eat an ass, they're informed they're being too loud.

anna, the only girl in a group of boys, shushes them with so much aggression that it terrifies ian a little. she puts up with so much nonsense every time she hangs out with them, he's just waiting for the day she finally snaps. he knows he doesn't want it to be his fault, so he does as he's told and shushes.

"they're all haters," evan mutters.

ian nods. "they wanna be us so bad."

and just like that, they're on the same team again.

ian feels a vibration against his leg and realizes his phone's fallen under his thigh. as he digs it out, he sees evan's own attention has momentarily returned to the game on the tv just as the loading screen transitions back into gameplay, so he feels less bad about checking it. reading kenny's name on his screen, he visibly lights up, grinning at the text.

'if he's being a dick, come escape and play me next,' kenny has written.

ian quickly types back. 'he's not, but i might anyway. wanna be next to kick your ass.'

he glances across the room, but he can't see kenny at all where he's sitting on the floor in front of the couch, so he has no idea if he's grinning as big as ian is just from seeing a new text from him. he can't imagine he is, but it's still a nice thought. as soon as the round on the tv ends and the loading screen is back up, kenny starts typing.

'I THINK I'M WINNING THIS TIME.'

ian's smile widens, his cheeks sore from it, but he doesn't get a chance to start replying before -

"is it a meme?" evan asks, neck craning to look. ian clicks back to his homescreen quickly.

"is what a meme?"

evan slumps back a little once ian drops his phone to his lap. "whatever you were staring at like that."

"no, or - yeah." he answers, then changes his answer when he realizes he can't tell him what he was actually grinning at.

he wasn't as subtle as he had hoped.

"you lookin' at something nasty?" evan asks. "you fvcking freak?"

ian blinks, then deadpans, "yes. i'm looking at something nasty while surrounded by my friends. with you practically in my lap. you caught me."

"thought so. looking like a blushing school girl over here." that one's a little too close to home considering he feels like a smitten school girl every time he sees or talks to kenny, so ian shoves evan for it. he almost rolls over the edge of the seat but gets a palm on the ground to steady himself. "come on. seriously. what was it? what's so secret?"

"fvck, you're nosy."

"invested in your life," evan corrects him.

"nosy," ian insists.

evan gives him a look, a raised brow and a silent dude, come on, tell me, and ian takes a breath.

he reminds himself there's a reason he's kept this secret so under wraps. as much as he wants to scream from the rooftop how much he likes kenny, the risk of him finding out isn't worth it. he'd ruin not only their friendship, but probably the entire group. they'd never be able to all be together. not with kenny inevitably being weirded out by ian's crush, and ian being too mortified to be around him anymore. the rest of filming would be a nightmare. getting through press and the promotion would be torture. he'd lose his favorite person.

nothing good could possibly come from people knowing.

then, he reminds himself this is evan. they may thrive off of giving each other sh*t, but he can trust him. he's never let him down before. not when it mattered. if there's anyone he can tell and trust they won't screw him over by letting it slip, he feels like it's evan.

if for no other reason than he'd suffer, too. not just because ian would never forgive him, but he'd hate it if the group dynamic was thrown out of wack, too.

evan feels like a safe place to finally be honest.

so he exhales, and speaks.

"it was a - i was looking at something from - it's a someone."

a bit of a rocky start, but he got where he was trying to go after a few attempts.

"you have a someone?" evan asks, seeming mildly offended that this isn't information he was already privy to. "someone i don't know about?"

"i don't really have someone," ian tells him. "i just... want to. i want to be with them."

"who is she?"

"it's..." ian's voice is barely a whisper at this point. "it's not a girl..."

the silence that follows is the longest, most anxiety inducing silence ian has ever experienced. it can't be more than twenty seconds, probably not even that long, before evan speaks again but it feels like a lifetime. he doesn't know why he's so nervous about the reaction to this. he knows evan well enough to know he won't care, but people can be surprising in the worst ways sometimes. and he's never done this before. he's pretty sure his sister has an inkling, but he's never come out and admitted it to her. this is the first time he's having the actual conversation and god it's fvcking terrifying. he kind of wants to cry suddenly but he's really holding himself together.

even while fearing and preparing himself for the worst, he mostly expects evan to react with some generic but kind sentiment. a that's okay with me, dude or an i love and accept you, pal.

that's not what he gets.

after a moment, evan's brow furrows, his head tilts just slightly, and he asks, as sincere as can be, "man, is it me?"

it's just what ian needs to hear to ease his tension. he throws his head back and lets out a cackle. the ache in his stomach is no longer due to nerves, but from how hard he's laughing. "absolutely fvcking -" he has to stop, pausing as he got through another fit of laughter. "oh, absolutely fvcking not."

a tear rolls down his cheek and he flicks it away as he finally starts to calm down. then he gets a good look at how unamused evan looks and it sets him off again.

"okay, it's not me, i got it!" evan says in a hushed whisper, just loud enough to be heard over the sound of ian's own laughter. "who is it then?"

the nerves are back, suddenly. and again, he doesn't even know why. he wants this. he wants to be able to talk to someone about his feelings. he wants evan to know. but his palms are still sweating.

"you can't tell him," ian says softly. "i'll literally strangle you. you have to swear."

"i swear," he assures him. "so it's someone i know?"

he's pretty sure evan knows everyone ian knows. even his few remaining guy friends from back home, evan's met. but he doesn't remind him of that now, just nods and confirms. "yeah. it's someone you know."

"who? i'm not gonna tell, ian."

nervously, he glances towards the couch, just to make sure the game was still being played and their entire group of friends hadn't turned around to stare and listen to his confession. all he sees are the backs of heads, and he can hear everyone's laughter mixed with anna's muffled trash talk as she has a go at the game. no one's paying attention to him except for evan.

for some reason, he's having a hard time looking at him. the hardest part is already over, he tells himself, just spit his name out. but he's also telling himself that it's not too late and he can keep this secret to himself. evan would be annoyed about the cliffhanger, but ian could deal with that easier than he could deal with other possible outcomes of telling him.

no. he's doing this.

suck it the fvck up.

with his eyes on the back of the couch, in the smallest voice possible, he admits, "kenny."

he doesn't know what evan's initial reaction is, because it takes a few seconds for him to finally meet his eyes again, but when he does look at him again, his face isn't easy to read. he doesn't look shocked, exactly - and really, given that ian is arguably closest to kenny and evan out of everyone, it probably wasn't the most surprising name he could have said. if anything, he looks... confused?

"you're not gonna tell him, are you?" ian asks, misreading the look as inner turmoil about not wanting to keep a secret from their other best friend.

that's not at all what it is.

"no, i said i'm not," evan huffs. "but, why the fvck is it not me?"

"i'm - i'm sorry?" ian says, because what else does he say to that? "are you offended that i don't have a crush on you?"

"am i not cute?"

"evan, this isn't how people are supposed to react to sh*t like this -"

"i just can't believe out of everyone - kenny." he whispers it, at least. "and not me? really?"

"i'd love it if you weren't so fvcking weird about this."

"i'm not being weird! it being me just would have made sense, is all i'm saying."

ian squints. "and it being kenny doesn't make sense?"

evan sighs, falling back into the chair a little. "yeah, i guess it does. it does."

"just to make sure - " ian says, putting a hand up. "you don't - i mean, you're not upset because you like - "

"ew, don't even say it. i don't like you."

it's ian's turn to sigh and lean back into the seat. "okay, cool. you're just... fvcking weird. that's good to know."

there's a moment of silence and ian just breathes. he did it. he did it and nothing's changed, nothing world shattering happened. he feels like a weight's been lifted, just by telling one person. it feels really good. even if it didn't go how he'd have imagined it to. still good.

"knew it couldn't have been a meme you were looking at," evan says a minute later. "the memes you send are never that funny."

ian scoffs. "fvck you. i send the funniest memes."

"willow sends the funniest memes."

"you're gonna go to hell for saying sh*t like that. lying is a fcking sin."

"is it?"

ian pauses.

"... i'm not sure. i think so. did neither of us go to church growing up? that kind of explains a lot."

there's an angry cry from the front of the room that draws their attention. anna curses, followed by kenny laughing. once again, ian smiles at the sound.

the laughter, not the cursing.

"did kenny actually win?!" evan shouts over to the rest of the group.

kenny and anna stand up as the other three perk up on the couch to look over at the two in the bean bag.

"i've been winning!" kenny calls back.

jeremy chimes in. "he's on a winning streak!"

"more like a cheating streak," anna mumbles.

"he's beaten everyone except evan," jeremy says.

"ahem!" evan waves a hand, gesturing to ian. "not everyone except evan. let ian at him."

ian tries to suppress his grin. he'd been so worried about the bad outcomes of telling evan, but he hadn't considered all the good reasons. like evan helping him get closer to kenny. even just in little ways, like playing video games. maybe this was a better idea than he thought.

he meets kenny's eyes and when kenny smiles at him, he can't hide his own anymore.

"ian?" kenny asks. "you want the winner?"

evan nudges ian in the side, winking at him as they make eye contact and calling out to kenny, "yeah, he does."

on second thought, he might end up regretting it.

#◦ ` ･ writing : all the glamour and the trauma and the fucking melodrama #◦ ` ･ writing : hold me closer tiny bastard #◦ ` ･ writing #◦ ` ･ mine

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droneseco · 5 years

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PuppyCube Review: Turn Any Surface Into an Interactive Touchscreen

Our verdict of the PuppyCube Projector: The hardware is straight out of a sci-fi movie, and the touchscreen projection actually works. Unfortunately, with dodgy third party app stores and a host of compatibility issues, the OS is unusable at the moment. 410

PuppyCube is an ultra-short throw projector with a built-in camera to detect touch gestures, from a company called Puppy Robot. It turns any surface into a 23″ touchscreen; and when flipped on its back, acts as a regular projector too. Having recently finished crowdfunding, it’ll be shipping shortly on Amazon for a cool $1000 price tag. We’ve got our hands on one of the final devices, so read on to find out what we thought of it. At the end of this review, we’ll be giving our test unit to one lucky reader, so keep reading to find out how to win it!

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PuppyCube Specs

Ultra-short-throw projector @ 1280 x 720p, featuring auto-focus and auto-keystone

300 ANSI lumens brightness from 0.3-inch DLP

23-inch tabletop projection; limited by ambient light in regular projector mode

Battery: 2.5 hour

Connectivity: Bluetooth 4.0, Wi-Fi b/g/n

Input: External HDMI input (though you lose touch capabilities), USB OTG port

Output: 3.5mm Stereo Audio out

CPU: MStar 6A938 quad-core ARM

GPU: Mali T820

RAM: 4GB

Storage: 32GB

Extras: Remote control, mains charger

Inside the box, you’ll find the PuppyCube projector itself, an AC charger, microUSB cable, and remote control. The PuppyCube is a simple looking box, measuring 5.2 x 3.4 x 8.1 inches, and weighing around 3.5lbs. The entire front of the device is glass, protecting the camera and mirror lens.

A back panel slides off to reveal the ports, while a speaker grill on either side hides the dual 5W speakers. They’re not bad speakers, but they’re not great either–functional enough for use on the tabletop, but you’ll find them lacking for movies. You can of course plug external speakers into the 3.5mm stereo out, or use Bluetooth.

The hardware design is sleek and elegant. The back panel slides off to reveal the ports, but can also be placed back without cables obstructing it.

In terms of raw power, it’s a little disappointing. The processor is underpowered and backed by a paltry amount of RAM and only 32GB storage. Antutu scores the device at just over 88,000.

As a Magical Touch Surface

We’ve seen projected touch surfaces before, mainly in the form of virtual keyboards, but this feels almost magical. Out of the box, it just works. Turn it on, and the system automatically resizes, adjusts focus, and the touch system requires no configuration. As with any projected image, you’ll get the best visual quality when using it on a white or grey surface.

Typing works surprisingly well.

It is still functional on other surfaces, but not as visible. My kitchen worksurface is a somewhat glossy oak, and even on an overcast day, I had trouble viewing anything when it placed right next to the window.

Not really visible next to a window, even on a dark and gloomy British day. Also, notice the scaling issues in the browser.

Away from the windows, it worked fine. 300 lumens seems like a good brightness at this size.

Unfortunately, you can’t increase the size of the image by raising the device up. I tried placing it on a shelf about 4 inches above the surface, and apart from projecting an image far too big to even fit on the work surface, it lost the touch features.

Still, in terms of hardware, the PuppyCube is one of the most intriguing, unique and innovative devices I’ve seen lately, and that’s saying something.

I Hope You Like That Homescreen

A custom UI is built on top of Android 6.0 (yes, you did read that correctly), and seems to consist of two screens of apps, neither of which is user configurable. The first screen presents you with Twitter, Netflix, Facebook, and Firefox.

The PuppyCube home screen. I hope you like it.

The second screen has a selection of games that demonstrate the system capabilities nicely, but again, can’t be changed. The games are demos, some with in-app purchases, and some with “watch a video to get more coins” nonsense, which I find a little disgusting in anything aimed so obviously at kids. They’re fun for a short time though and demonstrate the multitouch capabilities through the use of split-screen multiplayer mini-games.

To access other apps, tap the small nine dot icon for the full app list. This will be your primary navigation if you’re not interested in the home screen apps.

How’s The Projection?

Rated at only 300 ANSI lumens, you’ll have trouble seeing anything in daylight when used as a projector.

Don’t expect daytime usage at 300 lumens

However, if you accept this limitation and only use it in darkness, the ultra-short-throw ratio is simply stunning. To give you an idea, my downstairs corridor is barely wide enough to sit down at 2.5 feet wide. Yet even in such a tight space, the PuppyCube was able to project a 50 to 60-inch image onto the wall.

Granted, it’s only 720p, so things look a bit fuzzy at a certain point, but that sort of throw ratio is simply unrivaled.

However, regardless of how technically impressive that is, I’m not sure I could think of a use-case for it. If your child is kept in a cupboard under the stairs, like Harry Potter, I suppose they could at least enjoy a big screen TV experience. At 720p and 300 lumens, it won’t replace even a budget-friendly $300 home cinema projector. Consider the wall projection a bonus, rather than a main feature of the PuppyCube.

In order to use the device in projection mode, you’ll need to set up the Bluetooth-based remote control. Unfortunately, this didn’t work out of the box, and needed to be paired first. I’d be lying if I said this was easy. You’ll need to delve into the settings menu, wake up the remote by ensuring it’s fully charged then pressing some buttons, hope the gods are favoring you today, then add a new remote control in a different settings menu before the remote goes to sleep again. It took me about 3 attempts of the process before it finally worked.

UpToDown and SlideMe

Your only options for getting more apps are through the two third-party app stores included on the system. UpToDown initially appears competent enough and essentially a Google Play clone, but I experienced numerous issues with actually getting anything installed, and cannot speak to how trustworthy the APK sources are. The install process isn’t as seamless either; you need to navigate to downloads and open the APK yourself. A number of packages I tried were corrupted. Even the “working” ones were stuck endlessly on the Installation screen (though did seemingly install once I force closed the UpToDown store). Even after registering an account, SlideMe refused to actually download anything; the app descriptions were all broken too.

Not compatible with Google Play, Play Services, or YouTube

I’ll let that sink in for a moment. Apart from the obvious security implications of being forced to use an unofficial third-party app store, the lack of Play Services support means the most popular video app won’t run. Both Google Play and Play Services can be downloaded and installed from UpToDown, but you’ll immediately be bombarded by the dreaded “Unfortunately Play Service has stopped working error”. I reached out to the PuppyCube team, who confirmed that neither is actually compatible. I managed to get YouTube for Android TV to run, but none of the videos actually played. YouTube in the browser works, sometimes, but only minimized–you can’t make it full screen.

Other app experiences weren’t ideal, either. Plex is my preferred video client. In projector mode, using the included remote control, it worked fine and videos played smoothly. In tabletop mode, it got stuck in a loop of insisting I switch to mobile mode because I had a touch interface, while the Puppy OS seemed to force it into TV mode. Conversely, BBC iPlayer worked fine in tabletop mode, but was useless when projected onto the wall due to the lack of pointer. The remote control didn’t allow me to actually select anything; I could only scroll up and down. On other Android TV-like interfaces, the remote controls have had a pointer mode precisely for cases like this. Yes, these issues are all software specific and not really the fault of PuppyCube, but they’re infuriating none the less and not something I’ve faced on other systems.

Unfortunately, the web browsing experience wasn’t much better, either. Scaling felt wrong, and pages were generally sluggish. Click targets were frequently incorrect (not something I experienced elsewhere I should note, only in the Firefox browser). I wanted to test in Chrome to see if that was any better, but it refused to install.

The Worst Android Experience Possible

The PuppyCube software exemplifies everything that was wrong with the Android ecosystem five years ago. A custom UI, running on an outdated OS, with unreliable third-party app stores that are barely functional, and app incompatibilities. I just thought we were beyond this sort of sheer incompetency with Android software, but apparently not. And it’s such a shame because the hardware is really lovely. Hopefully, they stick to their promise of updating the core OS version, but there’s more that needs fixing.

Our rep at Puppy Robot told us the next generation model would be available in August, and would, in fact, be compatible with Google Play. Unfortunately, that doesn’t bode well for the hope of any updates to this model. If you are interested in the concept, I’d strongly suggest waiting until the issues are ironed out, or the new version is released. The concept is solid, the hardware is proven, but the software just isn’t there yet.

Enter the Competition!

PuppyCube All-in-One Interactive Projector Giveaway

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