#hitman ray
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Between looking up houses in LA on zillow for a fanfic and researching how US medical debt works for that same fic, I have concluded that Ray Molina is a hit man.
#julie and the phantoms#ray molina#there is no way they afforded a house that big on a photographer and music-teacher's salary#never mind kept it after whatever killed rose#my other theory is that jatp is a brighter timeline because they didn't have the pandemic#but seriously#Julie looks at the pictures Ray made of their house and says 'these are good' sounding vaguely surprised#Ray looks so happy she thinks so#it's because it's like the third time he used his DSLR for realsies and not for stakeouts for his target or as cover#(also yes I have started writing a new fic before finishing my long fics shut up)#(also YES it may technically be classed as a third foster care au between the Little Dragon universe and the official foster care au)#hitman ray
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I've been playing a bunch of hitman 3 lately and I just had the funniest idea this morning
What if you took 47 to like a supermarket or something and just fucking. Scanned the barcode on the back of his head
What item would he come up as
#ray speaks#hitman 3#agent 47#im sure plenty of other people have also had this idea but it only just occurred to me LMAO
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so uhm... hitman au came up in a chat this morning...
👉👈 would you... would you happen to have more in that incredible mind of yours for us?
Can I just tell you I did NOT tag any of this damn au properly so I spent like an hour trying to find it before giving up and googling my own damn tumblr with HITMAN RAY. (Yes I did go back and tag it now, fuck the blog search function.)
Okay but once Ray knows about the ghosts Julie is like... wow he caved really easily about the whole keeping secrets thing. And Reggie is like: yeah well we know his secrets.
Julie: please tell me it's not something gross.
The boys: AAAAHMN
Alex: your dad is secretly into the Great British Bake Off.
But they find out a way to communicate with Ray and tell him his secret is safe. And somehow, maybe through Willie, people in the ghost community who were murdered by people and want revenge get in contact with Ray and suddenly he's like, hitman slash vigilante justice guy. And he's like: boys, I know you're trying to help but also I still need to afford the mortgage... OH MY GOD WHERE DID ALL THIS MONEY COME FROM.
Willie: Not Elon Musk's wallet, secret safe, safety deposit box, evil underground bunker, and couch cushions over the course of 2 months.
And Ray is like: eh, good enough. So anyway you said her husband was a cop and that's why it was never investigated???
#hitman ray#julie and the phantoms#willie finds the ghosts and helps them do Ghost Heists to get the money#or sometimes he and alex go on ghost heist dates#then Reggie communicates with Ray for them#it's a perfect side hustle#listen I'm not saying that Ray finds out a way to shoot ghosts and quietly takes care of Caleb for Julie and the boys#but I'm also NOT not saying that
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uhm... 👉👈 Ray hitman AU? maybe? if you were up for it? pretty pretty please? 🙏
-For those who don't know I made a shitpost about Ray being a hitman because I looked up housing prices in Los Feliz (and how medical debt works) and SIR HOW THE HELL DO YOU AFFORD THAT HOUSE ON A PHOTOGRAPHER'S SALARY.
-It starts when one of the Petal Pushers has a very abusive, stalker ex. She had tried everything, but even with a restraining order, it isn't enough. Law enforcement just shrugs and suggests she moves (again) after 'someone' breaks into her house, ransacks it and kills her cat.
-It's not like Rose and Ray meant to kill him. But it's what happens. They manage to make it look like an accident. They never tell Violet, but deep down she knows.
-Somehow word gets around and they suddenly have a booming side hustle of taking out abusive spouses, partners, exes, stalkers, etc.
-Ray starts to take on the most of the wet work, with Rose doing the research and being his alibi.
-He's always been a great shot. He won Rose so many stuffed animals at carnival shooting games that they had to start donating them to shelters.
-They do have very strict rules on who they work with and who their targets are. Ray gets very good at stalking people with a giant long distance tele-lens. Both the people who hire them (to make sure they're telling the truth) and the targets.
-The prices they charge vary, and they even have perfected the scheme of 'take out life insurance on him and we get half of the pay out' for people who are in a bad financial situation. Those are trickier because he has to make the deaths look like an accident.
-Listen I'm not saying a few of the plants in Rose's Plant Wall in the studio are toxic. Of course they aren't, they have children running around in there.
-The ones under the grow-light in the attic though....
-He tells everyone he's a photographer but really, he only knows how to work the tele-lens. Rose jokes he could become the world's greatest paparazzi if he wanted to.
-Rarely does he get up close and personal with the targets, but he did made an exception once when 'My Ex Is An Abusive Scumbag number 87' really, really wanted Ray to know the client was right by going after his kid from his first marriage, because his favourite target (their client) wasn't there to take his rage out on.
-He starts hitting the gym after that because it was a liiiiittle too close for comfort.
-As spoken by @floating-in-the-blue: THAT'S WHY HE'S SO FIRM.
-They buy a big house and have money to send the kids to summer camp and fancy music school and the likes. When people ask he just smiles and shrugs and said he signed an NDA so he can't talk about most of his Big Photography Clients.
-Carlos and Julie think their dad is the biggest goober and he totally is. He forgets where he put his phone because he's too busy with the 700 other details of his job. He can tell if any of the parts of his work-toolbox have been moved even a millimeter.
-Just imagine Reggie like: wow Ray really does a lot of research about his photography clients, I wonder if it's like an engagement shoot or something.
-IT WAS NOT AN ENGAGEMENT SHOOT. There was a shooting, though.
-He's a little shell-shocked but still follows Ray down to where he meets the client to promise her it's done, and she cries and tells him thank you and mentions some of the awful things the guy has done or threatened to do, and then he gets it.
-They stage it to look like a break-in gone wrong. Reggie helps knock some shit over when they're distracted like: he's a ghost there are no finger prints. He stays after Ray leaves and watches the woman 'come home' and call the cops. She's either a really good actress, or the tears are just more tears of relief.
-He's really, really glad the abusive guy didn't come back as a ghost though, that would have been so awkward.
-Reggie decides that Julie can never, ever know.
#julie and the phantoms#not!fic#I wrote a thing#ray molina#rose molina#reggie peters#Reggie is the best little ghost accomplice#he's been a distraction from people who might have noticed Ray 'working'#he's calmed down pets and kept them out of the way#(nobody noticed the little cat toy floating in the living room while Ray finished the job in the bedroom after the guy 'OD'ed')#has he haunted a few people Ray's been researching so they have a few awful days before they die mysteriously? Perhaps#he's also alerted Ray about stuff that either meant the potential client was lying or all was not as it seemed#or if things were even worse than they seemed#did he spend the day curled up under a pile of Luke and Alex#because he had to subtley tell Ray there was a WOMAN CHAINED UP IN THE BASEMENT?#he doesn't wanna talk about it#hitman ray
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i can't remember if you've already told us (i don't think so?) but... what role does caleb play in hitman ray au?
I mean, since the boys are ghosts, he'd probably be his fabulous evil self.
-Can you imagine, like... Caleb steals souls, right? It's super heavily implied all the lifers give up their souls to be there.
-It is also implied that Caleb is essentially, sparkly gay jazzhands as he may be, Middle Management. ("He said Covington, I've got an offer that you can't refuse...")
-Caleb failing to meet his quota and trying to hire Ray to kill off some of his Lifers so he can collect his souls. He hates it. Sure he can make himself be seen by Lifers but he has to act like a Normal Modern Person so Ray will take the job which means he can't even wear his cape and tophat.
-Ray and Rose doing their usual research, finding this Lifer did nothing wrong, and being like: fuck no. They try their usual 'threaten Caleb with the fear of God and Ray Molina's Many Guns' and find out that's a little hard to do on a ghost that doesn't exist. They can't find him.
-Rose's theory is that Ray was being tested by some kind of shady government agency and he failed for having morals. Ray thinks Caleb was the Mob. They shore up their security just in case.
-Caleb annoyingly now has to send his underlings to spy on lifers for Dirt On Them, and then send another one of his underlings to ask Ray and Rose to murder them.
-Can you imagine Willie's first time being sent to spy on a lifer and being like: yeah sure he embezzles money but also he was rude to the maid. That's true evil.
-Willie does not get sent out again until he sits through the Annual Powerpoint Presentation On Reasons To Hire The Hitman On Lifers.
-Yes there's a song and dance portion of this presentation.
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Reborn Every Single Arc: Tsuna, the real battle's about to begin
Tsuna:
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Mukuro is like that one friend you have who went to prison on various charges but he also smuggled in a cell phone somehow so he's still in the group chat and up on all the gossip.
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Tsuna: *is 14, has had and is currently having a kind of terrible childhood, and didn't ask for any of this*
Everyone Else: Yeah he's a little bit of a bitch, he hates fighting, he's a coward, etc etc, but we're putting all our hopes on him
Tsuna:
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KHR: These flames represent your will to live
Timoteo: I'm gonna seal away a 5-year-old's blossoming power
Tsuna: *grows up to be an anxiety-ridden, bullied mess of a child*
Me:
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Tsuna: My friends treat me like God.
Mukuro: How?
Tsuna: They ignore my existence and only talk to me when they need something.
Tsuna: Except for Gokudera who is high-key obsessed with me and keeps doing things in my name that I don't want or ask him to do
Tsuna:
Tsuna: wait
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Tsuna's Hyper Intuition supercharged by his paranoia and anxiety must really be something in the future. Boy is like 'all possibilities are accounted for' and his opponent's like 'how can this be? Are you precognizant?' and Tsuna's like 'no I have super anxiety'
Enemy: How did you account for all of our plans!?! Are you psychic!?!
Tsuna: *a man who hasn't had a decent night's sleep in over a decade* Ohoh I fucking wish, my guy
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I do respect Tsuna for doing all that, winning the Ring Battles, and then immediately being like "no, fuck y'all, I still don't want to be in the Mafia. I just refused to let him win."
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Xanxus: I'm supposed to be Vongola X because I've got 2 Xs in my name!! It's fate!!! Destiny!!
Tsuna: I'm gonna unleash a technique so absolutely traumatizing for you specifically
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Nana fantasizing and fawning over Iemitsu who never comes home and is generally unpleasant/emotionally absent like there's not an intense, widower sushi chef living right down the road. Girl Tsuyoshi is a good father, a business owner, and can do things with a sword that would make you blush. Raise your standards and divorce your husband.
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