Inside

It was 4 am.

His laptop was on his bed, open to a new bright-white document. It sat untouched near his knee.

In his hand, his smartphone endured a furious swiping and tapping between apps and pages as he searched for meaningless answers to unrelated queries. He wouldn't look away.

Occasionally his unoccupied hand reached for coffee and slowly he accepted a sip, eyes glued to his screen. It's a skill he maybe perfected, but more practice couldn't hurt.

Every other second or so, her words came back to his mind. "Try your hand at writing again. I dare you!" They hadn't seen each other's faces in three weeks, but he imagined over and over again how she looked saying those words. Emphasis on "dare" and a wide grin with the exclamation point.

His swiping and scrolling became more vigorous. He had no more questions, just watched his Facebook feed fly by, not acknowledging any of the Christmas card families or half dozen recipes for pumpkin cookies.

Finally his finger slammed down on the hold button. He stared at the black screen, brooding, trying to think of anything else that could distract him from the blank page in his periphery. He sipped his coffee down to the dregs and stared at the opposite wall.

His legs had grown numb from sitting cross-legged on his bed, back against his pillow propped between him and the headwall. Easing his feet out from under him, he woke his phone up and stared at his options, waiting for his irritation at himself to die down. Pain tingled along his arteries as blood returned to his legs. He endured, concentrating on the colors in the Google trademark.

As the tingling faded, his eyes found the open document and allowed himself to search for opening words. Maybe if he started in the middle... He set his phone aside, not too far, and moved his computer to rest on his lap.

"You're a fool," he whispered, eyes clenched shut, "you're a darn fool."

His fingers flew across the keyboard. One by one and a dozen at a time came the words that filled first one line and then one page after another. He wrote what he should have written years ago. Should have gotten off his chest instead of using it all to construct an inner tower of loathing. Stone bricks of past regrets, parapet of personal disgust, he wrote into his prose the foundation of his hate and sorrow and long-lost hope.

"What are you living for?!" He bellowed into the stillness. He caught his breath and realized his heart had been racing. It was all there in the sterilized, black and white characters. He paused, gathered his thoughts, and wrote on.

Inside the tower now, he filled in the details of how the tapestries had come to be. Each threaded picture told the story of a different battle for his soul.

It was a small tower. It had no rooms, no floors, and no windows. But it rose high into the cloudy atmosphere, spiraling upwards as more and more bricks were laid into the precedent left by years of building and building.

It was a beautiful, sad tower. Entirely made of grey stones which had been carefully painted blue. On the inside, a new tapestry had begun to take form near the top of the tower. It would be very large by the end of its intricate process of sewing. In its fresh corner one could make out a sky of gradient orange and magenta making way for a red sun. That was all there was of the masterpiece thus far.

The young man let his hands fall away from the keys, having written himself out of words. This couldn't have been what she meant, but here he was with a story of stories about a lonely stone structure and the wars it had seen.

It's been a full week off. A nice up close and personal at having to be a stay at home with the kids. (It's not easy at all) but I did get to painting. And these three are where I'm at at this point. And clearly God was screaming His message for this week. Started with Welcome Home, the His Perspective, and now Faith with His alignment. So I challenge everyone look at these and ask themselves what does this mean for you and what He wants from you. #andrewcswanson #godisawesome #godisgreat #godisgood #jesuslovesyou #jesus #jesussaves #jesuschrist #god #faith #welcomehome #hisperspective

We live by grace ...GRACE of GOD . . And if by grace, then it cannot be based on works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace. Romans 11:6 . . CHOSEN BY GRACE♥️ #nomorepast #donttalkabout #grace #graceofgod #noworks #butgrace #jesusjesus #filledwithmercy #puregrace #matchless #holy #word #readbible #everymorning #scripture #rejection #heforeknew #chosenbygrace #godisgod #nothuman #hisperspective #morningwithjesus #mycomforter #morningroutine #morningmotivation #morethanafriend (at India) https://www.instagram.com/p/CBhlC2eD_ao/?igshid=1npd19sd9xcna

Six selfie challenge . Tagged by @swag-knight . Ima gone head & tag @itsteesmallzhoe @elledelor @hisperspectives @clarknokent @mslovelysoledad & @sillymilly84

I was tagged by the lovely @lovelustfategirls

RULES: Answer all the questions in a new post then tag 15 people.

5 things you’ll find in my bag: Pendulum, wallet, chocolate, joint, a mess of paper or random notes.

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom: A chest full of sex toys, sage and incense, vaporizer, glass jar full of girl scout cookie. 

5 things I always wanted to do: Write a book, release an album of some sort, create my own tarot deck, Travel outside of the US at some point, pet a dolphin in the wild. 

5 things that make me happy: My family, good weed, making others feel good, Hip Hop, solitude. 

5 things I’m currently into: Metaphysics, philosophy, martial arts, conspiracy theory, 

5 things on my to do list: Writing my step dad a letter, learning how to speed read, cleaning my basement (ugh), get some new shoes, find a reliable sketch artist to help with a project. 

I’m too lazy to think of 15 people, I’ll just look at my messenger and tag a couple of the homies.

@ladiosanegra @cruz52d @independenceli @iamaprettylittleprincess @empathicluna @blntqwn @commanderastacio @hisperspectives @redheadb4by 

Socks 6-2-16

It was May when she came back from what I thought was going to be a routine checkup. She got out of the car holding a few sheets of paper and a pair of the smallest socks I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen that face before. That look in her eyes. It’s what her face does when she has a big task to do, an important job, a purpose. It usually means I will have to give her space to spread her wings. She walked up to me…determined to fly. I stood up from my chair on the porch and watched her carefully as she crossed the street. She glared hard at me before ascending the porch stairs and then again after a moment of standing solemnly less than a foot from me. It was that look that said it all. I’ll never forget what she said to me. “David, there’s a life inside of me, and I’m going to protect it to my last breath.” I remember standing there like an idiot trying to figure out what she meant. She waited for me and then lifted the socks into my field of vision. Two baby blue scraps of knitted wool. I hit the floor. It was so real. There was a baby inside my wife. My wife was carrying around a tiny thumping heartbeat, tiny delicate hands, tiny little feet, all on a tiny precious baby. When I caught my breath, I looked straight at her. She smiled into my eyes and reached out for my hand. I lent it to her and she placed my hand on her belly. Tears came streaming out of my eyes. A laugh escaped me just as suddenly and she laughed too, and started crying, and we just stayed there for minutes, laughing and crying, holding on to the brand new life that was ours to care for and love and protect until our dying breaths.

Painted this last night. But I had to be reminded that when you're praying you should always take a perspective check. Because from the ground everything looks like Goliath but from Gods perspective it looks so much smaller. #andrewcswanson #godisawesome #godisgreat #godisgood #jesuslovesyou #jesussaves #jesuschrist #jesus #slaygoliath #hisperspective

Tagged by @-goldmedal- Rules: Answer 18 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you would like to get to know better Name: Trent Nickname: Grandpa Birthdate: September 3rd Height: 6'1.5 [don’t forget my half 😑] Ethnicity: Afro-American Orientation: Scrate Favorite Fruit: Pineapples & Mandarin Oranges Favorite Season: Winter. Favorite Book: Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban Favorite Flower: 🌹 Favorite Scent: Clean Linen or Dryer Sheets Favorite Animal: Dogs Favorite Beverage: Ocean Spray : Cran-Grape Average Hours of Sleep: Maybe like 4 or 5 hours Favorite Fictional Characters: Charles Boyle, Scully, & Hitchcock [Brooklyn-NineNine] Ron Weasley [HP], Patrick Star [SB], Number of Blankets: One Thick one Dream Trip: Amsterdam I aint taggin no 20 people @itsteesmallzhoe @sisithelyricist @miyuhpapayuh @evooob @hisperspectives @blck-brat @tamperedemotions @sillymilly84

That Day (his point of view)

Now before we broke up, before all the shit went down, I asked him to write about the day where we spent cuddling, playing, kissing, loving. See it in his perspectives. If people want to know my point of view message me and I will post mine up. But here it is.

That Day

This day was gonna be the days of days. It was that day that I would remember for the rest of my life (: I told my mom I was going to practice so I had about 3 hours to spend with her. When I saw her, I whispered under my breath, “damn I’m lucky”. We gave each other our morning kisses and with that It started off like as if I was in a dream. We went out to buy breakfast at timmy’s. One of our favorite places to go to and just like always the talk over there and back was as fun as always. We couldn’t stop smiling when we saw each others face and as the man, I needed to make her laugh :3. 1 word readers. “Beautiful” that’s what your gonna say when you see her smile. Whether its in the morning or at night. When we finished buying our food we went to her friends house. When we reached her friends house we first decided too cuddle in the couch. But just like always, she didn’t know how too :3 and like every single time she tried something new, she didn’t know what to do. I had to teach her. She just kept on moving and moving and didn’t even know where to go. Hahahaha it was so cute and funny that I just smiled and looked at her, but everytime I do that. I. just. can’t. resist. I kissed her, though I’m sure it was long it felt pretty short to me. So I kept on kissing her, and well from there, instinct took over and things got pree steamy preee quickly . This lasted about for a good hour or so. I won’t go into detail, because I don’t want to be the next author for the sequel series writer to 50 shades of grey. When I walked out of there I felt like the happiest man in the world, I was so proud to be the man beside her that day and I always will be. Though our week started off nasty I’m glad that I met her. She is mine. My world. My everything. Though I got in trouble when I got home, cause I took to long. I didn’t regret every moment I had there with her, my breath and her breath was breathing as one, each kiss, each touch, each smile, all of it in synchronization. And we never practiced it, it happened because of our hearts (: I lover her, and I can’t stand losing her. Though this could be the last thing I write to her. But I won’t give up so easily (:

I love you,